I have been diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder and I definitely have it. BUT I DO NOT have low self-esteem! On the contrary, I have high self-esteem. And no, I'm not afraid of social interactions!! I don't have social anxiety! THE THING IS DIFFERENT. I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE FROM AROUND, SINCERELY. I have no motivation to get close to anyone because it's not interesting and I sincerely don't want it. When I talk to someone, I don't feel fear, but boredom. I have little social skills, but I'm proud of it because when I don't like a person I can say it straight in their face, I allow myself to be very rude, I allow myself to sit with a poker face while everyone laughs. I don’t get attached to anyone, even if we’ve been communicating for a year, I can easily cut any person out of my life, and it will be painless, even pleasant. 95% of the time I am alone. But if I do have to communicate, I feel safe because I always talk through a thick barrier. People around me have no chance of hurting me because they don't know me, even if they talk to me.
Happiness is an illusion meant to keep you going and breeding. Truth is happiness can and will be fleeting. Wjat most of us want is the ability to stick out the rough majority so that those sweet moments dont feel like nothing. A schizoid just doesn't work like that. @@SuzieNewzie
I also have schizoid. My esteem fluctuates. Sometimes it’s too high that I experience extreme inner grandiosity, then flips to low esteem, then healthy balance if I’m in a state of true self awareness. It really flips around a lot. Could also be a result of dissociation perhaps
@@vadim.watchme yeah the worst feeling for me is when I test someone by letting them in a little bit, and they start using the things I tell them in conversation. Most times it's just bringing it up cause it's relevant. Other times they think they are trying to help me. And more times than I thought was possible, they use it against me. Often to discredit me. I look at it like this. humans often hide their own intentions behind ambiguity. Funny enough it works. That's hard for me, cause I usually don't carry other motives behind my words. I tell you directly if I have a problem. This could not be further from the truth for them.
@@wil3630 my self esteem fluctuates too, I keep myself in check by knowing that esteem is a perception thing. Reality makes all of us a lot more even. Esp when you consider the psyche
It is interesting because I have been diagnosed as having a mild case of SPD. What I find is that I manage danger and crises very well: while everyone is emotional, I shut off, analyse the situation and take the appropriate action. Then, later, when I am on my own, I might get angry or feel the fear I should have felt earlier. When I was in military service when I was younger, sergeants seemed to be drawn to me like flies to sh*t. They would shout and scream at me like my father did but I would mentally separate myself from it, as I did as a child. I would look back at them eye to eye - more screaming and shouting, push-ups etc. I would continue to look straight back into their eyes, appearing unaffected, wondering what kind of mental health problem they obviously had - for some strange reason, some appeared more scared of me than I was of them. It took its toll on me though: I developed a nervous twitch which stayed for years after leaving service; I never felt a part of it, I was just a civilian with a costume on: an observer rather than a participant. Always found relationships difficult, whether they be working or romantic, probably for the same reason. I don't seem to resonate with people: what they find funny, I usually don't to the same extend. What they find exciting, I usually don't to the same extent. What they find sad, I usually don't to the same extent. I don't get very excited, I don't get depressed, just remain the same. People find me odd and strange but I think the same of them. After all, with all these unnecessary wars and power struggles, the world is obviously a crazy place. The scary thing is that in an insane world, the insane appear NORMAL! And you, the psychologists, help people adapt to the insanity for the sake of their mental health!!! Yes, schizoids do look at the world in a different way. Have a nice day everyone.
@@lapislazulis2378 The trouble is that when trauma happens very early in childhood, it integrates into the psyche and becomes a part of that person's personality. It is a very major problem. I am not saying it is incurable, but extremely difficult to remedy.Don't forget that the person's whole outlook on life has been formed from the basis of a distrust of others, leading to a level of paranoia and disconnection.
@@StevenWJRichards I was asking because my partner is schizoïd himself AND a psychologist (with psychodynamic prospective). He truly has faith for his patient, was nihilist and became humanist, and has been in psychoanalytical treatment for a long time. We sometimes have trouble adjusting, I am facing trust issues myself due to complex trauma and I respect a lot his privacy (being autistic sure helps!). Our relationship is based on respect of our own timings. The only thing that bothers me is his white lies that worsen my trust issues but I know he acts like this to protect himself from shame feelings. It's not all dark. I'm grateful to have him in my life. I am so sorry that he experienced that many trauma, like I did in my own childhood.
@@lapislazulis2378 I am not a psychologist, however, as I understand it, this form of trauma started in very early childhood. The schizoid may not even remember it. After the trauma, the schizoid develops a means of relating to the world by distancing himself from it mentally, observing rather than participating. By the time he is an adult, it has become ingrained as a part of his personality - something which is very difficult to change. It is like asking John to be Jack or Jane to be Jill.
Thank god there's a way to sort of "get rid" of this schizoid tendencies. There's nothing that I wish more than having friends, date, go to parties and just do stuff with other human beings (that's honesty beautiful). My therapyst told be that eventually I'll get there but I doubted it (although I made amazing and beyond expectated progress). Now that I see someone that conquered it I feel way more relaxed, thank you, thank you, thank you
this is very helpful. For decades I have been called names by my family and shut out. My mom never could be a mom. She left me to be baby sat by my resentful sisters and brothers. She manipulated people, mainly me to be her caretaker. THANKS
I honestly was about 90% sure i was a sociopath... because I can socialize incredibly well in character... but where that character ends... i panic. Example: I am selling goods. I have a searies of lines that I toss out. I engage in the exact same way every time... i have maybe 200 routines... whichbis extensive. But it is performance. A conversation with a person is extremely exhausting... I have friends who have never seen me out of character. Don't get me started on boyfriends. I can recreate a person in my mind and never have to contact the real one again. My college boyfriend died 6 years ago but... ya we talk. I know it's not him. But its my pretend him. But its a problem because i have unreciprecated affection for people who only exist in my mind... and... sometimes i forget.
Hi. What I like about your tips is that fact that they come from a place of having already understood and respected other people's challenges with regard to socializing. You don't expect someone with schizoid and avoidant tendencies to suddenly become like the extraverted ideal that society values so much. I would imagine your approach is informed by your own personal struggles and life experiences with regard to socializing. Your tips show you have empathy for who you are communicating with in this video. Interesting reframe of how we can socialize nonverbally while around a group of people. I never thought of it like that, but my parents were oldschool, like you mentioned, and felt that children should be seen and not heard. I wonder if your parents were like that as well. I think your video is very encouraging in the sense that it aims to find a place in the social world for people who may not have been able to see that happening for themselves. Thank you!
I’ve been dealing with this for most of my life and didn’t even know there was a name for it until now. I’m a big guy who, at first glance, most people perceive as mean or scary. Your video damn near had me in tears as I learned that I am not alone. Thank you so much.
Safety soothing, routine and exposure to shared interests esp online are such practical tips thanks. Your personal insights are a real gift of context that helps so much.
I liked that you mentioned finding your boundaries and expressing them clearly in order to find fitting and meaningful relationships. I have never had a good overview of what's been bugging me, and even if I did notice something then I would not express it. Going out alone into social environments is a good idea. I have thought about going out to the beach or a park and just sit there and watch nature while being surrounded by other humans. I have not done much of that yet. I guess I have come to the same conclusions as you, but I have not acted upon them. I think this video contained good ideas that now require personal effort to be used. Also highlighting superficial relationships and how useless they are to someone like a schizoid is confirming and helps believe in it more. I find that I struggled for a while with understanding that all these seemingly fun relationships that I saw don't have much substance to them. Since those were the relationships that everyone sought it was very confusing growing up.
I am really starting to enjoy myself more as I am working with Tary ❤️ I was one of the people who thought I really was meant for a different lifetime or a different reality.
I completely relate with the total exhaustion from socialising and needing to remove myself from reality. However, after watching this video im going to keep pushing, even if i start to feel nothingness and my body feels numb. Ill try so that i can better.
Thank you so much. Many children of abuse struggle with the aftermath of what was done to us in our everyday lives. It can be tough but we will make it through and THRIVE!!! Much God! God bless you sister!
I basically tell people the equivalent of me of them being my "friend" is me not ignoring them as a person. So.ehow I have multiple people who treat me as a mentor and want to follow me through multiple job changes and associate me as someone who cares about their job progression or can help them advance... I'm never sure how to deal with people who seem to attach themselves to me for no reason.
It's hard, because you can't shake them off. The best policy would be to discourage any attachment from the moment you meet them, but honesty, I haven't found a way that "gets through" to people who just won't leave you alone that doesn't include hurting them in some way. And in then end, you'll ALWAYS be the bad guy.
It's not an issue of being "afraid" of social interactions, it's about getting 1) dragged into an activity that you are bored out of your mind doing and don't want to do all while 2) knowing that eventually you'll be pinned in some kind of a corner where you're "damned if you do and damned if you don't" if you provide the "socially acceptable" answer (or reaction or whatever) to the coming inevitably intrusive question whose only real honest answer is going to be offensive to the exact socialite who insists on knowing what is going on in your head. If you set boundaries and aren't interested then you're the AH, if you set boundaries and deflect you're the AH, if you set boundaries and stay silent you're the AH, if you answer then you're the AH... you can't ever just be left the heck alone. Everything you get dragged into opens another can of worms and your life becomes infinitely complicated about s*** you never cared about in the first place.
I have always either been trapped within the realm of the intellectual personified ego front. "At least if I can understand how covalently and ionically bonded molecules chemically react." This song sums up exactly how I feel about things in our society and people's relationships in general: th-cam.com/video/UjvcgfYB6T0/w-d-xo.html - Can’t Catch Me Now (Lyric Video from The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes Then someone else understood molecular chemistry more than me and that's when I started to realize that I was utilizing academics as a defense mechanism and coping strategy against feeling exposed or invaded by others who I felt would try to have control over me right? Because I can have perfected control over the world of the intellect, but up to a limited extent with exerted effort. I would study philosophy, physics, world history, etc... The other defense mechanism and coping strategy was holing up inside of the house into a fantasy world and never leave. This is the current mechanism. Runaway escapisms, whether that was. 1. Interfaith spiritual escapism into alternative spiritual realm-based states: Something like self-identifying as an Atman or Parabrahmin, spirit of the father in Christianity, and the mother Goddess in Paganism, imagining myself with rainbow and galactic based skin colors and textures, if I were born a different man or as a woman instead, being different nationalities, etc. 2. Hyper-reality based cyberworld escapism, overwriting self-identity category-based escapism (literally imagining being born into a different cultural and historical reference frame, feeling born into the wrong body), transporting my mind and psyche into different places without ever actually visiting that country, video gaming, virtual reality, movies and TV show binging, etc... 3. Fictional literature-based concepts taken out of fantasy and science fiction novels, whether a medieval world or futuristic outer space sagas filled with talking to interesting characters and scenarios from Japanese Anime or Marvel based comic books and cartoons. Now I am done with all that, I hope. I can finally start to look at the realities of my present circumstances and go out to socialize with others. It's still not great and awkward as hell, but much better than nothing. Instead, I want to join with some of the following groups to get back into body intelligence and socializing and less into the merely intellectually abstract theory based or highbrow fantasy-based thinking ritualistic patterns. 1. Joining a Gym and a Martial Arts Dojo. There is one down the street that does Brazilian Jui Jitsu and Kickboxing. I have seen that when I work out and eat healthier, that my mental health and mood also receive a decent boost and martial arts is a much more fun way to do just that other than running on the treadmill at a gym and just leaving. You can also try to learn and grow with others who are also just beginners and take advice from experts about proper techniques. 2. Nature trail hiking: I have always enjoyed a peaceful time walking in nature, whether that be a forested path, the beach ocean, or just a park green space within the city. Of course, sometimes this does become another escapism, but eventually perhaps I could join a group that shares intersecting interests in the artistic, cultural, and spiritual aspects of the nature world in addition to the ecological or evolutionary aspects. 3. Being a part of a social dancing group: Taking salsa or tango class lessons allows you to engage with others in a fun creative way to get back in touch with expressing yourself and learning dance move techniques as yet another form of self-mastery other than just academic achievements. 4. Painting and learning Acoustic Guitar: Joining a painter's group that loves to learn how to paint landscapes, still life, and portraits or simply doing abstracts and patterned designs on blank canvas and picking up guitar tab chords or melodic picking. 5. Lastly for me would be a book club: Each of us reads a specific book or book series, then discusses the ideas about the plot, setting, characters, and themes contained within the stories for that day of the week. We can trade and swap books at our leisure. I also want to learn how to cook and bake various recipes and different cuisine dishes, primarily Mediterranean and Asian foods. Not not sure about doing that as a group, because I did not have a positive experience with the cooking class and would accidentally bump into people or objects. Lol. So, Cooking and Baking recipes may be a solo affair. Mind you this is because I have all the time in the world in my hands now. It's just a matter of organizing each week around such hobbies and eventually I will meet people now that I'm retired at 36. th-cam.com/video/UjvcgfYB6T0/w-d-xo.html - Can’t Catch Me Now (Lyric Video from The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
Sounds like a lot of great ideas there, if you're motivated to do them. I would say that Meetup has a lot of groups around different interests. If you can find events in your area, it can be a relatively low pressure way to meet people and socialize.
Thank you so much. It's so inspiring to see someone like me since there are so few examples. I was putting way too high of expectations on myself and this really helped me understand what is more realistic for myself.
Please make a video about the different types of SzPD! Personally, I am an affectless Schizoid. I'm not anxious around other people and I am able to go to work. Relationships feel suffocating to me when they are in real life, so I am in a long distance relationship, which is a bit better. I have trouble with intimacy and with feeling emotions, which makes me careless and indifferent. Luckily I do not suffer from Depersonalization.
To me that derealization was kind of awesome. It was like bullet time in the matrix. I could see clearly but it was so unreal. I wish i could get into that state on demand.
Achei o seu canal pesquisando por recursos sobre personalidade e adorei o vídeo, muito obrigado! Tenho pesquisado bastante sobre esse tema porque sinto que descreve muito bem a minha trajetória de vida (pais superprotetores e narcisistas, isolamento na adolescência, alienação das outras pessoas, dissociação, loneliness). Sou sortudo hoje por ter um pequeno grupo de amigos com quem posso me abrir um pouco, mas ainda esbarro em muitos problemas tentando me relacionar (particularmente relacionamentos românticos onde eu não consigo dizer 'não' e acabo me sentindo preso e/ou invadido). A parte em que você falou sobre se relacionar através da internet me chamou muito a atenção porque tenho muita dificuldade de dar o 'tom' certo às mensagens de texto e fico paralizado em ansiedade imaginando as possíveis interpretações que podem dar à minha mensagem. Uso Tinder para satisfazer uma certa curiosidade mas é totalmente impossível entrar em uma conversa sincera e chega a ser perigoso porque já disse "sim" demais e acabei me envolvendo com pessoas que não me interessavam. Sinto muita dificuldade em escolher entre fazer o que sinto (vontade de ficar na minha zona de conforto por exemplo) e me forçar a "fazer mais" e por isso com frequência fico preso em relacionamentos ruins. Com certeza vou ver seus outros vídeos, muito obrigado por tudo!
Where do you find people that would actually respect the fact you might not be able to just be fully present or stay the entire time at an event like that
O don't know if there's a specific place to find such people, but I've found that just voicing my needs in a matter-of-fact way is mostly sufficient for people to just say: "oh, ok then!"
I have a problem myself that I wish I could have an answer to; I do believe I am inadequate, and I do believe thag sure I could learn if I tried, thing is... I don't want to try. I don't think social relationships are worth the effort so I don't actually want to change, I want to stay in my comfort zone because I don't have any interest on going out nor do I think it's of any gain to me. Thing is I do feel judged for not wanting to change, I mean it depresses me people are constantly telling me I should, I wish they would just mind their own business and let me be. However I don't work, I don't do anything but live in my fantasy world, and it's simply because I know that I have to socialize to make a living and I don't want to; I am not scared of people per se, in fact, I can interact just fine most of time, the problem comes when I feel they want to be in any way "intimate", I don't want intimacy, and intimacy to me is as little as asking me what I've been up to, I mean; what do you care? That's non of your business. It's really hard to keep relationships shallow actually, there's always someone trying to be your friend, and I don't want any friends, so I rather just avoid so much drama and keep myself alone. I am a narcisist, I am also aware, however I just can't help to ask myself; why is it so bad to be narcisist anyway?
You are not a narcissist... Narcissists need constant validation. You are more likely turned/looking inward and keeping your time/energy/cares/resources to yourself as a survival mechanism.
Thank you so much for this. Great tips! I haven't been officially diagnosed with anything but it's been clear to me for a while now that I have both schizoid and avoidant traits, especially avoidant. I've improved a lot but still am struggling. It gets harder with age. I'm 33...
57. Just discovered the descriptions that explain my life about a year ago. I have found that every stone life throws at me becomes part of a taller, thicker wall. Yes, it does get more difficult with age. Therefore, take advantage of youth, and get help with this while you're young, your older self will thank us both.
On top of these two I also have borderline & dependent traits as well as the hollow self thing (due to adult trauma / fear / a lifetime’s of painful losses). Its so tiring being me, like I just can’t win. Maybe I’ll start with affirmations or something that I can meet people again and try, I just can’t make myself go to any groups & I’m really isolated
but how do you balance the need to be authentic and preserve yourself with the need to comply with social rules and etiquette? sometimes it feels too hard to even smile at people
For me it helped to create some sort of alter ego. Not a mask, but more a sort of super version of who I’d like to be. It created some distance from internalizing failure and made me feel more safe to try things.
There is nothing more agonizing than social rules and etiquette, and I don't think you can "balance" it- if you are like me, it cuts across every grain of your being. Either you dig deep to find a reason why following social rules and etiquette is important in a moment, or you do yourself a favor and tell everyone to F off. You can't give yourself a thousand paper cuts for the sake of being polite- it will kill you just as well as cutting off your hand, but you'll be more angry and resentful on your way to the grave.
I wish I had a parent like you, one of my parent was schizophrenic and the other abusive, very authoritarian. Everytime I try to socialize a bit I end up getting rude and abusive people and so I get misanthropic feelings and my schizoid part is like 'see I told you it was gonna end like this'. Another issue is that I'm into philosophy and I have many idiosyncratic beliefs and so end up pissing people both from the right and from the left, both religious and atheist.
Devoted "Heretic" myself, so I relate to pissing off everybody on all "sides", it just confirms my position of the pointlessness of adopting a side. For me, philosophy is about questioning the answers, to understand perspectives as well as to challenge prejudicial assumptions, not adopting someone else's opinions or imposing my own. Unfortunately that's a rare mindset, and the vast majority would rather have mutually assured conflict than examine their own dogma- so, keep inflicting your insanity on each other people, I have my own world to improve, peace out.
My voice tells me not that I'm unworthy but that those around me are. I got that grandiose narcissism. Socially isolating feels safe because I'm afraid people will gang up on me if I cut lose and really be myself. I understand social norms i just think they're trash.
Nossa, sua experiência com a Priscila foi muito similar a que eu tive com meu amigo. Eu costumava sempre precisar que iniciem a conversa e que venham atrás de mim, (recentemente melhorei, mas ainda precisam que me deem algum tipo de abertura) quando fazem parte de mim sempre acha um saco, mas depois quando estabeleço uma amizade dou graças a Deus que a pessoa insistiu 😅 é necessário uma pessoa muito extrovertida, porque a maioria interpreta como rejeição e não retorna a falar com você. Ai forma esse contraste que pode te fazer sentir mais inadequada, mas também pode te ensinar como uma pessoa "normal" funciona. É muito interessante
Very helpful. I think my BF of 1.5yrs Is schizoid. For the first time he said to me....you know I am not capable of missing you and all that or certain emotions. I assume since he does make an effort he does love me. And he does things for me. Hell ask and try and solve my life issues...work, money etc... Lol sometimes too much. But I think I annoy him with random messages and calls. We get into it like if I called at the "wrong" time. I feel ignored often. When we are together in person I know he loves me. I also think I am avoidant myself and maybe that's why I attracted him. He's not the first type like this. Seem to end up with Avoidants. Going out for us is hard for him. I like to go out and explore restaurants and activities. Not sure if this will work long-term. 😔
Well my own understanding of how I am feeling can be complicated around somone I care for.. particularly if they are demanding to know how i feel.. my theory. Since im also like this.. is it takes more time apart than is possible in a relationship to determine that he would in fact miss you.. he would miss you.. but schizoid specifically dissociate from this need for attachment.. so he just wouldn't realize it for longer time period than you actually spend apart.. if you broke up he might never realize it.. since you would have proven yourself a threat to his vulnerable core I rarely miss anyone.. I never miss acquaintances.. Only a primary partner.. and it took me a good number of years to realize I could feel that way at all 😢
This is a pretty old post, so I don't know if you'll even see this reply, but I figured I'd throw this into the surf in hopes that it does reach you, or someone in a similar relationship, and that you're still together with your A'zoidant partner. I'm one of that alien race myself, and I had a wonderful long-term relationship and marriage for nearly 23 years, so it CAN happen, but it will look a bit different from what's "expected". If you yourself have an Avoidant attachment style, that should make it easier to understand his underlying motivations if you truly understand your own, and should be less likely to introduce "threatening" expectations into the delicate balance - I would recommend Adam Lane Smith's content on Avoidant attachment for a truer picture of what makes 'em tick, as most perspectives are just too superficial and emotionally focused (produced for the benefit of the Anxious, who still mostly don't really seem to get it). The thing to understand about us 'zoids is that our true selves are locked away inside our heads: our views about the world, the things that are important to us, our true interests are all kept from view (often even our own) behind automatic defenses like dissociation and a drive for autonomy because we learned early that we couldn't rely on the stability, support, or understanding of others to validate or ensure our existence and developed deep distrust of sharing our genuine selves with others due to an aversion to "drama" and conflict. The "self" we present to the world is usually an extremely edited two-dimensional projection of a very sensitive but somewhat fragmented inner one, and some of us (the covert ones) can present a sociable demeanor to function in the world more "safely", but is often focused on transactional relationships and mutual interests. Some of us claim not to experience emotions at all, and we that do almost unanimously report difficulty processing them "normally", relying on mentalization and abstraction to "decode" them into concepts we can understand and act on cognitively. This might explain the efforts and offers to help solve your problems, as a "distilled" form of expression of care, one that I recognize quite well as one of my primary means of offering connection. Avoidants seek allies and weigh the "cost of investment" against "return on investment" and risk of failure or betrayal - for 'zoids the stakes are even higher, the potential for being engulfed by another and self-abandoning is terrifying, even if we are aware of wanting intimate connection. My wife was pretty independent and emotionally self-sufficient, but we enjoyed each others' companionship and physical intimacy, had many similar interests, and enjoyed our capacity to discuss our perspectives on a wide range of topics. We both were aware and accepting of the transactional components of our relationship and often expressed our satisfaction in terms of making each others' life better and each expressing the feeling that we "got better than we gave", a "win-win" collaborative effort centered around using our complementary skills and interests to build a more secure and comfortable life, to solve problems together, to explore novelty, to encourage each other. Our mutual interest in architecture and my building skills resulted in our building a unique home together; her love of cooking and plants combined with my growing distrust of the economic system (2007, just prior to the "collapse") resulted in our taking up organic gardening, which soon became a significant source of very high quality meals, increased self-sufficiency, and more time spent together doing something we both valued. If this relationship sounds sterile and platonic, I assure you it was not; she was more sensually and emotionally expressive but never held it against me that I was not, but found novel ways of drawing me out of myself and making me feel wanted and appreciated and presenting me with opportunities to reciprocate in ways that helped her feel secure and loved, which she assured me of often. The stability of our relationship also provided me a solid footing to make connections with others, which became the vehicle for building and growing a construction and remodeling business. After she passed away I found a piece of poetry she had written tucked away in the binder she used for organizing the bills, that included the line "Do not worry over words not spoken, they were heard and felt..." She was the only person I ever fully trusted or felt truly loved by, and the only one I have ever truly felt free to love. I hope this serves to illustrate that with patience and the right kind of encouragement at least some of us 'zoids can become dedicated partners, which might surprise even ourselves; and I hope the advice and examples I gave here help you find a way to get invited into the inner world of your 'zoid and build a lasting connection you can both trust and find contentment in. Small steps, be patient, don't push, and show your ability to be an asset to help solve the problems of finding security in a mad world.
@@Tulsaistalking You nailed it... sometimes it seems so clear until you are put in the spotlight like that. I've been there several times- bending over backwards to help people and take care of them, but as soon as they ask how I feel about them I get the ick so bad I can't get away fast enough. It's like... "I liked you a lot until you asked. Now I hate you."
Taryana you are a beautiful soul thank you for your video. Derealisation is like being a fish in a fish-bowl. Was very informative especially useful the coping skill on using ritual & routine with cultivating social interaction and on protecting positive energy by knowing your limits when overwhelmed.
I'd love to know more about the treatment for the schitzoid personality disorder beacuse ive been suffering from this disorder since i was in high school
For me talking is like trying to play a song you know really well with an instrument you don't know how to play. Other people around you will be playing their part of the song perfectly with their own instruments, knowing exactly what to play and when to play it because they've practiced this song with their instrument their whole life. They will even know how to improvise. But when you try to join in you completely mess up and ruin the song because you don't know how to play, and when you play nothing at all to avoid screwing up the song feels incomplete and it's specially eery when the other instruments leave room for your "solo" or put you in the spotlight and there's simply nothing there from your part. Then after the song is over and you reflect on it alone in your home you realize how good it would have sounded if you played this and that, you know exactly how your part was supposed to be played in retrospect but you simply didn't have the proper thought/feeling to sentence to body connection at the time. That's why you feel as if people will kick you out of the band and replace you with someone who can actually play your part, that's why people people avoid putting you in the spotlight and that's also why people want you in the spotlight, that's why you avoid putting yourself on stage or with other people who're playing a song, you don't actually hate that song or playing music or the other players or even yourself or your own instrument, just hate your incompetence and you seek for excuses to not feel like you get in the way of a good song. So just screw up the song, who cares? They'll be fine. There's nothing at stake. They've played plenty of good songs with people who know how to play, they do not get physically hurt when you mess up the song, and neither will you. Next time someone asks you how you've been or how're you doing just start beatboxing, and then tell them.
I am surprised to hear the term maladaptive daydreaming for the first time. I have always daydreamed excessively, it just intermingled with real life. Nowadays I do it less, cause I feel time is limited and want to spend it well. But this is within my own safe space where I have more control. Outside I do it more. Probably to cope and as a way to escape. But most of all because it really feels normal to me, a part of who I am. I long for connection but as you mentioned, I also fear I lose myself when I start engaging in social life. It does feel like a sacrifice. There are a few people I can have deep conversations with, but I don't see them often- due to my own lack of initiative. Still, I want to try harder. That is why I found this video, to look for tips for someone with my tendencies and symptoms.
her's what you do make it into a game analyse ppl and see if you can make them "move" pushing buttons b4 you know it you'll be a full fleched psychopath ps also mix in method acting and be a chameleon
There is so much misinformation about schizoid personality disorder 😕 im almost 47 and ive been adapting most my life and i "mask" well but always choose to isolate. The whole waiting to die thing! How funny
I know that I am beyond Fucked up and I have 8,500+ hours of Psychology attempting to transgress my problems with almost no improvement so I don't have any interest in anything that anyone can offer me. In almost ready to go back home to where I belong because i have alot of life experience that has taught me i never belonged here in life. Im invisible to all American Women because I have lived in poverty my entire life. I don't have anything left to offer anyone else that would want or need from me other than financial or expensive shit. So i will not acknowledge anything from anyone as i honestly don't care about them
I have been diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder and I definitely have it. BUT I DO NOT have low self-esteem! On the contrary, I have high self-esteem. And no, I'm not afraid of social interactions!! I don't have social anxiety! THE THING IS DIFFERENT. I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE FROM AROUND, SINCERELY. I have no motivation to get close to anyone because it's not interesting and I sincerely don't want it. When I talk to someone, I don't feel fear, but boredom. I have little social skills, but I'm proud of it because when I don't like a person I can say it straight in their face, I allow myself to be very rude, I allow myself to sit with a poker face while everyone laughs. I don’t get attached to anyone, even if we’ve been communicating for a year, I can easily cut any person out of my life, and it will be painless, even pleasant.
95% of the time I am alone. But if I do have to communicate, I feel safe because I always talk through a thick barrier. People around me have no chance of hurting me because they don't know me, even if they talk to me.
I feel so sorry for you. Shame you will never experience true happiness 😢
Happiness is an illusion meant to keep you going and breeding. Truth is happiness can and will be fleeting. Wjat most of us want is the ability to stick out the rough majority so that those sweet moments dont feel like nothing. A schizoid just doesn't work like that. @@SuzieNewzie
I also have schizoid. My esteem fluctuates. Sometimes it’s too high that I experience extreme inner grandiosity, then flips to low esteem, then healthy balance if I’m in a state of true self awareness. It really flips around a lot. Could also be a result of dissociation perhaps
@@vadim.watchme yeah the worst feeling for me is when I test someone by letting them in a little bit, and they start using the things I tell them in conversation. Most times it's just bringing it up cause it's relevant. Other times they think they are trying to help me. And more times than I thought was possible, they use it against me. Often to discredit me. I look at it like this. humans often hide their own intentions behind ambiguity. Funny enough it works. That's hard for me, cause I usually don't carry other motives behind my words. I tell you directly if I have a problem. This could not be further from the truth for them.
@@wil3630 my self esteem fluctuates too, I keep myself in check by knowing that esteem is a perception thing. Reality makes all of us a lot more even. Esp when you consider the psyche
It is interesting because I have been diagnosed as having a mild case of SPD. What I find is that I manage danger and crises very well: while everyone is emotional, I shut off, analyse the situation and take the appropriate action. Then, later, when I am on my own, I might get angry or feel the fear I should have felt earlier. When I was in military service when I was younger, sergeants seemed to be drawn to me like flies to sh*t. They would shout and scream at me like my father did but I would mentally separate myself from it, as I did as a child. I would look back at them eye to eye - more screaming and shouting, push-ups etc. I would continue to look straight back into their eyes, appearing unaffected, wondering what kind of mental health problem they obviously had - for some strange reason, some appeared more scared of me than I was of them. It took its toll on me though: I developed a nervous twitch which stayed for years after leaving service; I never felt a part of it, I was just a civilian with a costume on: an observer rather than a participant. Always found relationships difficult, whether they be working or romantic, probably for the same reason. I don't seem to resonate with people: what they find funny, I usually don't to the same extend. What they find exciting, I usually don't to the same extent. What they find sad, I usually don't to the same extent. I don't get very excited, I don't get depressed, just remain the same. People find me odd and strange but I think the same of them. After all, with all these unnecessary wars and power struggles, the world is obviously a crazy place. The scary thing is that in an insane world, the insane appear NORMAL! And you, the psychologists, help people adapt to the insanity for the sake of their mental health!!! Yes, schizoids do look at the world in a different way. Have a nice day everyone.
Your words resonate with me, story of my life
What about really wanting to give a safe place to express someone's world vision/filter and try to heal the consequences of trauma they came through?
@@lapislazulis2378 The trouble is that when trauma happens very early in childhood, it integrates into the psyche and becomes a part of that person's personality. It is a very major problem. I am not saying it is incurable, but extremely difficult to remedy.Don't forget that the person's whole outlook on life has been formed from the basis of a distrust of others, leading to a level of paranoia and disconnection.
@@StevenWJRichards I was asking because my partner is schizoïd himself AND a psychologist (with psychodynamic prospective). He truly has faith for his patient, was nihilist and became humanist, and has been in psychoanalytical treatment for a long time. We sometimes have trouble adjusting, I am facing trust issues myself due to complex trauma and I respect a lot his privacy (being autistic sure helps!). Our relationship is based on respect of our own timings. The only thing that bothers me is his white lies that worsen my trust issues but I know he acts like this to protect himself from shame feelings.
It's not all dark. I'm grateful to have him in my life. I am so sorry that he experienced that many trauma, like I did in my own childhood.
@@lapislazulis2378 I am not a psychologist, however, as I understand it, this form of trauma started in very early childhood. The schizoid may not even remember it. After the trauma, the schizoid develops a means of relating to the world by distancing himself from it mentally, observing rather than participating. By the time he is an adult, it has become ingrained as a part of his personality - something which is very difficult to change. It is like asking John to be Jack or Jane to be Jill.
Thank god there's a way to sort of "get rid" of this schizoid tendencies. There's nothing that I wish more than having friends, date, go to parties and just do stuff with other human beings (that's honesty beautiful).
My therapyst told be that eventually I'll get there but I doubted it (although I made amazing and beyond expectated progress). Now that I see someone that conquered it I feel way more relaxed, thank you, thank you, thank you
this is very helpful. For decades I have been called names by my family and shut out. My mom never could be a mom. She left me to be baby sat by my resentful sisters and brothers. She manipulated people, mainly me to be her caretaker. THANKS
I always felt like a living enigma. Passionate but yet Detached🥶.
Thought it was just me living in NY -- turns out...it's not!
Thanks for the tips, it's hard to find improvement infomration for schizoid personality
I honestly was about 90% sure i was a sociopath... because I can socialize incredibly well in character... but where that character ends... i panic.
Example: I am selling goods. I have a searies of lines that I toss out. I engage in the exact same way every time... i have maybe 200 routines... whichbis extensive. But it is performance.
A conversation with a person is extremely exhausting...
I have friends who have never seen me out of character.
Don't get me started on boyfriends. I can recreate a person in my mind and never have to contact the real one again. My college boyfriend died 6 years ago but... ya we talk. I know it's not him. But its my pretend him. But its a problem because i have unreciprecated affection for people who only exist in my mind... and... sometimes i forget.
Hi. What I like about your tips is that fact that they come from a place of having already understood and respected other people's challenges with regard to socializing. You don't expect someone with schizoid and avoidant tendencies to suddenly become like the extraverted ideal that society values so much. I would imagine your approach is informed by your own personal struggles and life experiences with regard to socializing. Your tips show you have empathy for who you are communicating with in this video. Interesting reframe of how we can socialize nonverbally while around a group of people. I never thought of it like that, but my parents were oldschool, like you mentioned, and felt that children should be seen and not heard. I wonder if your parents were like that as well. I think your video is very encouraging in the sense that it aims to find a place in the social world for people who may not have been able to see that happening for themselves. Thank you!
I’ve been dealing with this for most of my life and didn’t even know there was a name for it until now. I’m a big guy who, at first glance, most people perceive as mean or scary. Your video damn near had me in tears as I learned that I am not alone. Thank you so much.
You're welcome, you're certainly not alone.🙏
It's extremely encouraging to know that you went through this yourself and that is confidence inspiring. Thanks for the wise words.
The group of people I'd like to find would be the ones who would help me turn my maladaptive dreams into reality.
Safety soothing, routine and exposure to shared interests esp online are such practical tips thanks. Your personal insights are a real gift of context that helps so much.
I liked that you mentioned finding your boundaries and expressing them clearly in order to find fitting and meaningful relationships. I have never had a good overview of what's been bugging me, and even if I did notice something then I would not express it. Going out alone into social environments is a good idea. I have thought about going out to the beach or a park and just sit there and watch nature while being surrounded by other humans. I have not done much of that yet. I guess I have come to the same conclusions as you, but I have not acted upon them. I think this video contained good ideas that now require personal effort to be used. Also highlighting superficial relationships and how useless they are to someone like a schizoid is confirming and helps believe in it more. I find that I struggled for a while with understanding that all these seemingly fun relationships that I saw don't have much substance to them. Since those were the relationships that everyone sought it was very confusing growing up.
I am really starting to enjoy myself more as I am working with Tary ❤️ I was one of the people who thought I really was meant for a different lifetime or a different reality.
That's beautiful! ❤️💋❣️💕
I completely relate with the total exhaustion from socialising and needing to remove myself from reality. However, after watching this video im going to keep pushing, even if i start to feel nothingness and my body feels numb. Ill try so that i can better.
I was abused and neglected by my BPD mother this is how I became Schizoid.
You really get it. I think this'll be really helpful. Many thanks & much love.
Thank you so much. Many children of abuse struggle with the aftermath of what was done to us in our everyday lives. It can be tough but we will make it through and THRIVE!!! Much God! God bless you sister!
One of the most precious videos on TH-cam 👍
I'm glad I to help!
I basically tell people the equivalent of me of them being my "friend" is me not ignoring them as a person. So.ehow I have multiple people who treat me as a mentor and want to follow me through multiple job changes and associate me as someone who cares about their job progression or can help them advance... I'm never sure how to deal with people who seem to attach themselves to me for no reason.
It's hard, because you can't shake them off. The best policy would be to discourage any attachment from the moment you meet them, but honesty, I haven't found a way that "gets through" to people who just won't leave you alone that doesn't include hurting them in some way. And in then end, you'll ALWAYS be the bad guy.
It's not an issue of being "afraid" of social interactions, it's about getting 1) dragged into an activity that you are bored out of your mind doing and don't want to do all while 2) knowing that eventually you'll be pinned in some kind of a corner where you're "damned if you do and damned if you don't" if you provide the "socially acceptable" answer (or reaction or whatever) to the coming inevitably intrusive question whose only real honest answer is going to be offensive to the exact socialite who insists on knowing what is going on in your head.
If you set boundaries and aren't interested then you're the AH, if you set boundaries and deflect you're the AH, if you set boundaries and stay silent you're the AH, if you answer then you're the AH... you can't ever just be left the heck alone. Everything you get dragged into opens another can of worms and your life becomes infinitely complicated about s*** you never cared about in the first place.
I have always either been trapped within the realm of the intellectual personified ego front. "At least if I can understand how covalently and ionically bonded molecules chemically react."
This song sums up exactly how I feel about things in our society and people's relationships in general:
th-cam.com/video/UjvcgfYB6T0/w-d-xo.html - Can’t Catch Me Now (Lyric Video from The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
Then someone else understood molecular chemistry more than me and that's when I started to realize that I was utilizing academics as a defense mechanism and coping strategy against feeling exposed or invaded by others who I felt would try to have control over me right?
Because I can have perfected control over the world of the intellect, but up to a limited extent with exerted effort. I would study philosophy, physics, world history, etc...
The other defense mechanism and coping strategy was holing up inside of the house into a fantasy world and never leave.
This is the current mechanism. Runaway escapisms, whether that was.
1. Interfaith spiritual escapism into alternative spiritual realm-based states: Something like self-identifying as an Atman or Parabrahmin, spirit of the father in Christianity, and the mother Goddess in Paganism, imagining myself with rainbow and galactic based skin colors and textures, if I were born a different man or as a woman instead, being different nationalities, etc.
2. Hyper-reality based cyberworld escapism, overwriting self-identity category-based escapism (literally imagining being born into a different cultural and historical reference frame, feeling born into the wrong body), transporting my mind and psyche into different places without ever actually visiting that country, video gaming, virtual reality, movies and TV show binging, etc...
3. Fictional literature-based concepts taken out of fantasy and science fiction novels, whether a medieval world or futuristic outer space sagas filled with talking to interesting characters and scenarios from Japanese Anime or Marvel based comic books and cartoons.
Now I am done with all that, I hope. I can finally start to look at the realities of my present circumstances and go out to socialize with others.
It's still not great and awkward as hell, but much better than nothing. Instead, I want to join with some of the following groups to get back into body intelligence and socializing and less into the merely intellectually abstract theory based or highbrow fantasy-based thinking ritualistic patterns.
1. Joining a Gym and a Martial Arts Dojo. There is one down the street that does Brazilian Jui Jitsu and Kickboxing.
I have seen that when I work out and eat healthier, that my mental health and mood also receive a decent boost and martial arts is a much more fun way to do just that other than running on the treadmill at a gym and just leaving. You can also try to learn and grow with others who are also just beginners and take advice from experts about proper techniques.
2. Nature trail hiking: I have always enjoyed a peaceful time walking in nature, whether that be a forested path, the beach ocean, or just a park green space within the city.
Of course, sometimes this does become another escapism, but eventually perhaps I could join a group that shares intersecting interests in the artistic, cultural, and spiritual aspects of the nature world in addition to the ecological or evolutionary aspects.
3. Being a part of a social dancing group: Taking salsa or tango class lessons allows you to engage with others in a fun creative way to get back in touch with expressing yourself and learning dance move techniques as yet another form of self-mastery other than just academic achievements.
4. Painting and learning Acoustic Guitar: Joining a painter's group that loves to learn how to paint landscapes, still life, and portraits or simply doing abstracts and patterned designs on blank canvas and picking up guitar tab chords or melodic picking.
5. Lastly for me would be a book club: Each of us reads a specific book or book series, then discusses the ideas about the plot, setting, characters, and themes contained within the stories for that day of the week. We can trade and swap books at our leisure.
I also want to learn how to cook and bake various recipes and different cuisine dishes, primarily Mediterranean and Asian foods. Not not sure about doing that as a group, because I did not have a positive experience with the cooking class and would accidentally bump into people or objects. Lol.
So, Cooking and Baking recipes may be a solo affair.
Mind you this is because I have all the time in the world in my hands now.
It's just a matter of organizing each week around such hobbies and eventually I will meet people now that I'm retired at 36.
th-cam.com/video/UjvcgfYB6T0/w-d-xo.html - Can’t Catch Me Now (Lyric Video from The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
Sounds like a lot of great ideas there, if you're motivated to do them. I would say that Meetup has a lot of groups around different interests. If you can find events in your area, it can be a relatively low pressure way to meet people and socialize.
Thank you! I was recently pre-diagnosed with SPD. Your videos are really helpful and helping me to understand myself.
Thank you so much. It's so inspiring to see someone like me since there are so few examples. I was putting way too high of expectations on myself and this really helped me understand what is more realistic for myself.
Please make a video about the different types of SzPD!
Personally, I am an affectless Schizoid. I'm not anxious around other people and I am able to go to work. Relationships feel suffocating to me when they are in real life, so I am in a long distance relationship, which is a bit better. I have trouble with intimacy and with feeling emotions, which makes me careless and indifferent. Luckily I do not suffer from Depersonalization.
To me that derealization was kind of awesome. It was like bullet time in the matrix. I could see clearly but it was so unreal.
I wish i could get into that state on demand.
Achei o seu canal pesquisando por recursos sobre personalidade e adorei o vídeo, muito obrigado! Tenho pesquisado bastante sobre esse tema porque sinto que descreve muito bem a minha trajetória de vida (pais superprotetores e narcisistas, isolamento na adolescência, alienação das outras pessoas, dissociação, loneliness).
Sou sortudo hoje por ter um pequeno grupo de amigos com quem posso me abrir um pouco, mas ainda esbarro em muitos problemas tentando me relacionar (particularmente relacionamentos românticos onde eu não consigo dizer 'não' e acabo me sentindo preso e/ou invadido).
A parte em que você falou sobre se relacionar através da internet me chamou muito a atenção porque tenho muita dificuldade de dar o 'tom' certo às mensagens de texto e fico paralizado em ansiedade imaginando as possíveis interpretações que podem dar à minha mensagem. Uso Tinder para satisfazer uma certa curiosidade mas é totalmente impossível entrar em uma conversa sincera e chega a ser perigoso porque já disse "sim" demais e acabei me envolvendo com pessoas que não me interessavam. Sinto muita dificuldade em escolher entre fazer o que sinto (vontade de ficar na minha zona de conforto por exemplo) e me forçar a "fazer mais" e por isso com frequência fico preso em relacionamentos ruins.
Com certeza vou ver seus outros vídeos, muito obrigado por tudo!
Where do you find people that would actually respect the fact you might not be able to just be fully present or stay the entire time at an event like that
O don't know if there's a specific place to find such people, but I've found that just voicing my needs in a matter-of-fact way is mostly sufficient for people to just say: "oh, ok then!"
So much great advice packed into one video. Thank you.
You are changing my LIFE.
I have a problem myself that I wish I could have an answer to; I do believe I am inadequate, and I do believe thag sure I could learn if I tried, thing is... I don't want to try. I don't think social relationships are worth the effort so I don't actually want to change, I want to stay in my comfort zone because I don't have any interest on going out nor do I think it's of any gain to me. Thing is I do feel judged for not wanting to change, I mean it depresses me people are constantly telling me I should, I wish they would just mind their own business and let me be. However I don't work, I don't do anything but live in my fantasy world, and it's simply because I know that I have to socialize to make a living and I don't want to; I am not scared of people per se, in fact, I can interact just fine most of time, the problem comes when I feel they want to be in any way "intimate", I don't want intimacy, and intimacy to me is as little as asking me what I've been up to, I mean; what do you care? That's non of your business. It's really hard to keep relationships shallow actually, there's always someone trying to be your friend, and I don't want any friends, so I rather just avoid so much drama and keep myself alone. I am a narcisist, I am also aware, however I just can't help to ask myself; why is it so bad to be narcisist anyway?
You are not a narcissist... Narcissists need constant validation. You are more likely turned/looking inward and keeping your time/energy/cares/resources to yourself as a survival mechanism.
Thank you so much for this. Great tips! I haven't been officially diagnosed with anything but it's been clear to me for a while now that I have both schizoid and avoidant traits, especially avoidant. I've improved a lot but still am struggling. It gets harder with age. I'm 33...
same here
It does get harder with age.
57. Just discovered the descriptions that explain my life about a year ago. I have found that every stone life throws at me becomes part of a taller, thicker wall. Yes, it does get more difficult with age. Therefore, take advantage of youth, and get help with this while you're young, your older self will thank us both.
Oh my God this is spot on material.
To me it doesn’t really ever feel like the juice is worth the squeeze.
On top of these two I also have borderline & dependent traits as well as the hollow self thing (due to adult trauma / fear / a lifetime’s of painful losses). Its so tiring being me, like I just can’t win. Maybe I’ll start with affirmations or something that I can meet people again and try, I just can’t make myself go to any groups & I’m really isolated
Thank you
I fought this reality my whole life
but how do you balance the need to be authentic and preserve yourself with the need to comply with social rules and etiquette? sometimes it feels too hard to even smile at people
For me it helped to create some sort of alter ego. Not a mask, but more a sort of super version of who I’d like to be. It created some distance from internalizing failure and made me feel more safe to try things.
There is nothing more agonizing than social rules and etiquette, and I don't think you can "balance" it- if you are like me, it cuts across every grain of your being. Either you dig deep to find a reason why following social rules and etiquette is important in a moment, or you do yourself a favor and tell everyone to F off. You can't give yourself a thousand paper cuts for the sake of being polite- it will kill you just as well as cutting off your hand, but you'll be more angry and resentful on your way to the grave.
I wish I had a parent like you, one of my parent was schizophrenic and the other abusive, very authoritarian.
Everytime I try to socialize a bit I end up getting rude and abusive people and so I get misanthropic feelings and my schizoid part is like 'see I told you it was gonna end like this'.
Another issue is that I'm into philosophy and I have many idiosyncratic beliefs and so end up pissing people both from the right and from the left, both religious and atheist.
Devoted "Heretic" myself, so I relate to pissing off everybody on all "sides", it just confirms my position of the pointlessness of adopting a side. For me, philosophy is about questioning the answers, to understand perspectives as well as to challenge prejudicial assumptions, not adopting someone else's opinions or imposing my own. Unfortunately that's a rare mindset, and the vast majority would rather have mutually assured conflict than examine their own dogma- so, keep inflicting your insanity on each other people, I have my own world to improve, peace out.
My voice tells me not that I'm unworthy but that those around me are. I got that grandiose narcissism. Socially isolating feels safe because I'm afraid people will gang up on me if I cut lose and really be myself. I understand social norms i just think they're trash.
Thank you for making these videos, i can relate alot and very informative
As a schizoid I definitely agree that in isolation you can lose touch with reality.
Thank you for a great presentation. Please get rid of the barking dog!
Thank you! Please tell us the tips how to raise children's as a parent with this disorder?
Nossa, sua experiência com a Priscila foi muito similar a que eu tive com meu amigo. Eu costumava sempre precisar que iniciem a conversa e que venham atrás de mim, (recentemente melhorei, mas ainda precisam que me deem algum tipo de abertura) quando fazem parte de mim sempre acha um saco, mas depois quando estabeleço uma amizade dou graças a Deus que a pessoa insistiu 😅 é necessário uma pessoa muito extrovertida, porque a maioria interpreta como rejeição e não retorna a falar com você. Ai forma esse contraste que pode te fazer sentir mais inadequada, mas também pode te ensinar como uma pessoa "normal" funciona. É muito interessante
Very helpful. I think my BF of 1.5yrs Is schizoid. For the first time he said to me....you know I am not capable of missing you and all that or certain emotions. I assume since he does make an effort he does love me. And he does things for me. Hell ask and try and solve my life issues...work, money etc... Lol sometimes too much. But I think I annoy him with random messages and calls. We get into it like if I called at the "wrong" time. I feel ignored often. When we are together in person I know he loves me. I also think I am avoidant myself and maybe that's why I attracted him. He's not the first type like this. Seem to end up with Avoidants. Going out for us is hard for him. I like to go out and explore restaurants and activities. Not sure if this will work long-term. 😔
Well my own understanding of how I am feeling can be complicated around somone I care for.. particularly if they are demanding to know how i feel..
my theory. Since im also like this.. is it takes more time apart than is possible in a relationship to determine that he would in fact miss you..
he would miss you.. but schizoid specifically dissociate from this need for attachment.. so he just wouldn't realize it for longer time period than you actually spend apart.. if you broke up he might never realize it.. since you would have proven yourself a threat to his vulnerable core
I rarely miss anyone.. I never miss acquaintances..
Only a primary partner.. and it took me a good number of years to realize I could feel that way at all 😢
This is a pretty old post, so I don't know if you'll even see this reply, but I figured I'd throw this into the surf in hopes that it does reach you, or someone in a similar relationship, and that you're still together with your A'zoidant partner. I'm one of that alien race myself, and I had a wonderful long-term relationship and marriage for nearly 23 years, so it CAN happen, but it will look a bit different from what's "expected". If you yourself have an Avoidant attachment style, that should make it easier to understand his underlying motivations if you truly understand your own, and should be less likely to introduce "threatening" expectations into the delicate balance - I would recommend Adam Lane Smith's content on Avoidant attachment for a truer picture of what makes 'em tick, as most perspectives are just too superficial and emotionally focused (produced for the benefit of the Anxious, who still mostly don't really seem to get it).
The thing to understand about us 'zoids is that our true selves are locked away inside our heads: our views about the world, the things that are important to us, our true interests are all kept from view (often even our own) behind automatic defenses like dissociation and a drive for autonomy because we learned early that we couldn't rely on the stability, support, or understanding of others to validate or ensure our existence and developed deep distrust of sharing our genuine selves with others due to an aversion to "drama" and conflict. The "self" we present to the world is usually an extremely edited two-dimensional projection of a very sensitive but somewhat fragmented inner one, and some of us (the covert ones) can present a sociable demeanor to function in the world more "safely", but is often focused on transactional relationships and mutual interests. Some of us claim not to experience emotions at all, and we that do almost unanimously report difficulty processing them "normally", relying on mentalization and abstraction to "decode" them into concepts we can understand and act on cognitively. This might explain the efforts and offers to help solve your problems, as a "distilled" form of expression of care, one that I recognize quite well as one of my primary means of offering connection. Avoidants seek allies and weigh the "cost of investment" against "return on investment" and risk of failure or betrayal - for 'zoids the stakes are even higher, the potential for being engulfed by another and self-abandoning is terrifying, even if we are aware of wanting intimate connection.
My wife was pretty independent and emotionally self-sufficient, but we enjoyed each others' companionship and physical intimacy, had many similar interests, and enjoyed our capacity to discuss our perspectives on a wide range of topics. We both were aware and accepting of the transactional components of our relationship and often expressed our satisfaction in terms of making each others' life better and each expressing the feeling that we "got better than we gave", a "win-win" collaborative effort centered around using our complementary skills and interests to build a more secure and comfortable life, to solve problems together, to explore novelty, to encourage each other. Our mutual interest in architecture and my building skills resulted in our building a unique home together; her love of cooking and plants combined with my growing distrust of the economic system (2007, just prior to the "collapse") resulted in our taking up organic gardening, which soon became a significant source of very high quality meals, increased self-sufficiency, and more time spent together doing something we both valued. If this relationship sounds sterile and platonic, I assure you it was not; she was more sensually and emotionally expressive but never held it against me that I was not, but found novel ways of drawing me out of myself and making me feel wanted and appreciated and presenting me with opportunities to reciprocate in ways that helped her feel secure and loved, which she assured me of often. The stability of our relationship also provided me a solid footing to make connections with others, which became the vehicle for building and growing a construction and remodeling business. After she passed away I found a piece of poetry she had written tucked away in the binder she used for organizing the bills, that included the line "Do not worry over words not spoken, they were heard and felt..." She was the only person I ever fully trusted or felt truly loved by, and the only one I have ever truly felt free to love.
I hope this serves to illustrate that with patience and the right kind of encouragement at least some of us 'zoids can become dedicated partners, which might surprise even ourselves; and I hope the advice and examples I gave here help you find a way to get invited into the inner world of your 'zoid and build a lasting connection you can both trust and find contentment in. Small steps, be patient, don't push, and show your ability to be an asset to help solve the problems of finding security in a mad world.
@@Tulsaistalking You nailed it... sometimes it seems so clear until you are put in the spotlight like that. I've been there several times- bending over backwards to help people and take care of them, but as soon as they ask how I feel about them I get the ick so bad I can't get away fast enough. It's like... "I liked you a lot until you asked. Now I hate you."
Taryana you are a beautiful soul thank you for your video. Derealisation is like being a fish in a fish-bowl. Was very informative especially useful the coping skill on using ritual & routine with cultivating social interaction and on protecting positive energy by knowing your limits when overwhelmed.
I have found my close friend about 5 years ago because she's just never left
I'd love to know more about the treatment for the schitzoid personality disorder beacuse ive been suffering from this disorder since i was in high school
For me talking is like trying to play a song you know really well with an instrument you don't know how to play.
Other people around you will be playing their part of the song perfectly with their own instruments, knowing exactly what to play and when to play it because they've practiced this song with their instrument their whole life. They will even know how to improvise.
But when you try to join in you completely mess up and ruin the song because you don't know how to play, and when you play nothing at all to avoid screwing up the song feels incomplete and it's specially eery when the other instruments leave room for your "solo" or put you in the spotlight and there's simply nothing there from your part.
Then after the song is over and you reflect on it alone in your home you realize how good it would have sounded if you played this and that, you know exactly how your part was supposed to be played in retrospect but you simply didn't have the proper thought/feeling to sentence to body connection at the time.
That's why you feel as if people will kick you out of the band and replace you with someone who can actually play your part, that's why people people avoid putting you in the spotlight and that's also why people want you in the spotlight, that's why you avoid putting yourself on stage or with other people who're playing a song, you don't actually hate that song or playing music or the other players or even yourself or your own instrument, just hate your incompetence and you seek for excuses to not feel like you get in the way of a good song.
So just screw up the song, who cares? They'll be fine. There's nothing at stake. They've played plenty of good songs with people who know how to play, they do not get physically hurt when you mess up the song, and neither will you.
Next time someone asks you how you've been or how're you doing just start beatboxing, and then tell them.
It's such a useful information, thanks!
Esses videos sobre esquizoides me ajudam bastante.
Thank you Taryana :)
Thank you, can you do more videos in English
youtube can auto translate some of her non english
I am surprised to hear the term maladaptive daydreaming for the first time. I have always daydreamed excessively, it just intermingled with real life. Nowadays I do it less, cause I feel time is limited and want to spend it well. But this is within my own safe space where I have more control. Outside I do it more. Probably to cope and as a way to escape. But most of all because it really feels normal to me, a part of who I am.
I long for connection but as you mentioned, I also fear I lose myself when I start engaging in social life. It does feel like a sacrifice. There are a few people I can have deep conversations with, but I don't see them often- due to my own lack of initiative. Still, I want to try harder. That is why I found this video, to look for tips for someone with my tendencies and symptoms.
her's what you do
make it into a game
analyse ppl and see if you can make them "move" pushing buttons
b4 you know it you'll be a full fleched psychopath
ps also mix in method acting and be a chameleon
How can a schizoid type person get rid of perceived arrogance?
Bravo
Thank you for this.
good content
Nice vid
There is so much misinformation about schizoid personality disorder 😕 im almost 47 and ive been adapting most my life and i "mask" well but always choose to isolate. The whole waiting to die thing! How funny
Emptying yourself of yourself......oh no not again.
Schizoid or schizotypal?
Yodel Rekishi Schizoid and avoidant personality disorders, says so in the title
@@AbolishTheATF The fantasy description reminded me of schizotypal
Yodel Rekishi yeah, she was referring to dissociation which is common with any of the cluster A personality disorders
Trying to remove judgment, then judging white girls...
No, no no!😑
Bom dia bb
LOL
I know that I am beyond Fucked up and I have 8,500+ hours of Psychology attempting to transgress my problems with almost no improvement so I don't have any interest in anything that anyone can offer me. In almost ready to go back home to where I belong because i have alot of life experience that has taught me i never belonged here in life. Im invisible to all American Women because I have lived in poverty my entire life. I don't have anything left to offer anyone else that would want or need from me other than financial or expensive shit. So i will not acknowledge anything from anyone as i honestly don't care about them
Ultra Sensing/Feeling (Se,Fe) INFJ-T Male.
Cia