Fearful Avoidant Ex - No Contact And When To Reach Out
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- Fearful Avoidant Ex | When to apply the no contact rule after breakup? Will that help you to get your ex back with a fearful avoidant attachment partner? If you want to know how to get your ex back(or finally move on) and stop the anxious avoidant dance once and for all then this video is for you. I’ll tell you when to do no contact after an anxious avoidant breakup and when it’s time to reach out and how to get out of the anxious avoidant trap.
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I've never had any of these issues with my dog & am happily bonded
It’s nice to have a securely attached furry friend. 😆
Haha. Yep, very true.
Dogs are great for finding you romantic partners.
😂yep
So you just quit anything difficult. typical millennial
FAs are the absolute worst types of people to be emotionally involved with. Insane experiences that have no logic. They are emotionally immature and their lives are roller coasters and they try to strap you in for the ride then unfasten your seatbelt when you’re at the top of the hill.
True insanity
I am an FA that has worked really hard on her healing. I agree for immature FAs who don’t want to do the work, play the victim and play chaotic games, it’s better to stay away
That's a good summary of what I lived. The sentiments are there, though. 😢
That was the perfect analogy for FA,they feel inner turmoil when the relationship is making progress,don’t mention anything,puts together an exit plan then act extra lovey dovey with you since they’re about to leave and poof they’re gone.
I felt like the guy Gerald Butler kicked into the hole from the movie 300 😳
@@zebrastripes3786same here, happened interestingly over 2 weeks, with some days her being her vulnerable, feeling (guess anxious self) self, aka the person that love bombed me and saw in me perfection walking even though i always said i am not perfect, still the person I fell for - but then suddenly turning back on her cold, distant persona, which in the end took the lead. She asked me friday mid day if Id like to come by but told her if my best friend has no time tmrw instead of this eveninng, I wont come. I did not come but facetimed with her one last time, over the course of which she started inuslting me from a smaller scale to really harsh insult at the end, during which she mentioned she is avoidant (did not know about any of attachment styles until that point) with an amountof pure hate in her eyes, which ive never seen before. From than on it was done, wrote her couple days later via whatsapp offering. her to explain herself but she obviously played victim and asked why I would write that to hurt her. Obviously did not insultor hurt her in the message, after which she blocked me on social media. but she still has expensive stuff that i will get back. but wont become one of her boyband of men / men with whom she had interactions as thats typical for avoidangx to get her ego push. will not take her back if she is not going to therapy
Yes. It hurts when you fall for them and are unaware of how to deal with them. I had no clue about attachment styles or FAs and was absolutely blindsided by one...
Update: she came back 2 weeks later, we dated for another 4 months, made a ton of progress, everything was going great because I knew how to navigate a FA, she initiated the "official" discussion and having me meet her parents via video chat, THEN she broke up with over a joke that triggered all of the same reasons she gave on why we broke up the first time. Absolute chaos...
I am not contacting her.
That's her job now.
I will not fix it.
I am sick and tired of fixing things.
When should you go no contact with a fearful avoidant? As soon as you find out they're a fearful avoidant.
Hahahaha
Lmao facts
I agree. Lol. Never again.
I'm beginning to think this is the way.
Yes, permanently.
Basically don’t text until you are in a place where you don’t care if they reply or not. If they don’t reply the leave it alone until they do.
When no contract is manipulative rather than an act to preserve peace there can be no peace. Love is peace ❤ ✌️ ☮️
Her: you want to end no contact within 30 to 90 days
Me: alright let me just mark it on the calendar real quick
Her: this is not something you end on a calendar date
Me: sits back down*
🤣
Lmao. 😂
Hell no, don’t EVER contact someone who threw you away like trash, & make it clear to them to never contact you again unless they are willing to work things out bcuz you’re not gonna be strung along, be a backup option or play their mind games. Plus it just makes you look pathetic to them bcuz they know they still have you bcuz you keep reaching out. Suggesting to contact your dumper is ridiculous
Yup, that's what I did. I told him to delete my number or even block me so we won't talk ever again
💯
I'm just laughing silently to myself when I watch this video... I mean it's good and it definitely makes me able to feel that my fear is justified. But what happens when my ex broke up with me the previous weekend, moved out, and started reaching out to me the very next day? I mean it's just laughable, but also so tiresome at the same time. I don't like mind games.
Listen to her. She knows what she's talking about.
Well thanks! That’s very kind of you.
This is so incredibly powerful - thank you. I am in so much pain right now as a slightly AP just broken up with by an FA, and I look forward to taking the next several months to finally focus on myself, become as mentally and physically strong as possible, so that I can “see” our relationship clearly, if and when my FA reaches out again, or if I do. But yes, has to be on “my terms.” Thank you.
You’re so welcome. Glad the video impacted you. 🙏
I got a hope you’re well email (blocked phone) after 5 months.
I replied in kind.
Back to no contact immediately.
Totally like the lady but realized it was time to self protect.
Thanks for the memories 🎵
update?
@@user-zs3cr5wo7enew girlfriend… never heard from the other one again. I am cultivating detachment 😊
Thank you Katya. I'm slightly a better person each time I view one of your videos 🤗. Thank your parents/grandparents or anyone of your past mentors for the person you've become and are still becoming.... self actualization.
Thank you Ravi! Your comments always brighten my day. I'm happy to hear that my videos help you grow as a person.
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
+1914
206
Loved this video! my FA, broke up with me a year ago we tried being friends but I couldn't stand seeing her with other men. We stopped being friends 2 weeks ago, as I was simply not healing. I was always jealous, treating her like a gf still and just not moving on, while she had moved on. I didn't ever want to be friends, she begged to stay friends. I'm a lot more level headed now I think, but stil don't want to reach out to her. This video made me feel better. I want to heal, and not look in the mirror and feel the way I do.
Glad it resonated! Sounds like you drew an important boundary with her. Kudos to you.
It takes time but it gets easier. Reach out if you’d like support.
How are you doing now? Did she ever regret her decision?
@@mariana4095 I think she has moments she regrets it. I think overall she's too prideful to really come out and say it. I've gotten a rollercoaster from here ever since. I got a text message of her basically having a mental break down, then i get ignored. It's back n forth. She reached out asking if i'd pay for masters degree and I guess she thought I would..
Overall i hope we're both doing better. She's way more serious about the new guy than me.. She changed him to a profile picture while I was never one. She's got her dream job. The only thing she's lost is me paying for her stuff. Rumor mill is she's struggling to pay her debts. an new guy isn't helping.
I on the other hand am doing alright. Still alone, I've went through a few women and haven't found a LTR yet. However I'm getting to the point of where I can retire and go live life. :/ So, hopefully we're okay. I hope i answered your questions.
@@norraptor .Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
I’m an AP who was dumped by her FA 42 days ago. I sent a couples of messages after being totally blocked. No answer. I was always the one trying to fix things. I cried for 40 days straight. Then I decided it’s enough and I don’t care anymore. His loss. I’m my number one priority now and despite I still have feelings for him, knowing that he could fix things and don’t do it, boost my self esteem even more than ever. I don’t want to be the fixer anymore.
i feel you ... sorry. i got ditched July 14th. then I made it horrible by begging I cried like a baby. i was humbled but now I feel stronger than ever....... i feel dangerous to say the least.
My fearful avoidant ex girlfriend broke up with me on Valentine’s Day over ridiculous reasons. we were together for three months and it was a very intense three months. I thought that we had a really great relationship, but apparently not to her lol she always told me from the beginning that she had fears that she would fight, that she had a history of finding flaws in men and then running for the hills. I thought it was strange the few times that she had just told me out of the blue “ I don’t want to hurt you Scott“ or “I don’t want to hurt you because you’re such a great man“. Well.....she did it anyways. She knew deep down what she was capable of doing and that really upsets me because she was so adamant about making sure that she reassured me that she was not going to let her fears come between us. She should’ve just walked out or better yet sought counseling to help her through her issues.
She never really gave the relationship a chance. I was a great man and a true gentleman to her and she even told me that I was the best man that she had ever been with. I think that scared the crap out of her. She basically sabotaged the relationship. She began nitpicking and trying to find flaws in me and when she couldn’t find any, she would create them in her mind.
I went no contact but then 10 days out, I decided to email her a long email pointing out where she went wrong in the relationship. I felt that she needed to know where she went wrong since she was so quick to point out my flaws, exaggerated them or made them up.
I told her at the end of the email not to respond because I wanted to finish healing. She hasn’t heard from me since and she’s not going to. I did nothing wrong and I refuse to reach out because of that.
I should’ve paid attention to the red flags and I take responsibility for that. I’m the type of person that I always try to see the good in people and not judge them by their past. But I must remember in the future that our past is what shapes us as adults.
The no contact rule is good for you to distance yourself from the dumper, reflect back on the relationship and start the healing process. But I do not believe in the dumpee reaching back out to somebody that dumped you if it wasn’t justified and I refuse to contact someone that broke up with me when I did nothing wrong. To me that’s just enabling them.
Thanks for commenting and sharing. It sounds like you're resolute and I agree with your logic for not reaching out.
I understand you so well. I had a very similar situation with my avoidant bf. He had a history of an abusive relationship that didn’t end well. I was the first person he dated after that. He told me I was everything he ever dreamed of. I am not perfect and I sure did make a slight mistake here and there. But I know I am a high quality woman. By slight mistake I mean some things that triggered him and brought bad memories back. At first I owned up to it every time, apologized profusely, changed my behaviour to make him feel comfortable. But then it slowly turned into a nightmare. The more accommodating I was to his trauma responses and wishes - the more he tried to pick on me and find new flaws. And where there were no flaws - just like you said, he’d create them in his head and outright accuse me. All I did was try to prove myself innocent while he’d rather have me guilty. At some point it felt like the real me didn’t exist anymore. He’d picture me as some flawed creature and then fight with this image of his own creation. All I could do was just observe it. I didn’t even try to reason and defend myself anymore. Sometimes I just resorted to begging and pleading. Begging to please see me for who I really am
and not constantly fight with some imaginary person that I have nothing to do with. It all ended with me trying to have a conversation with him about my feelings. I tried to tell him how hurt I had been lately. How I didn’t deserve the mistreatment. How I wanted to stick around and help him heal, but may be he could show some mercy as well. That conversation didn’t go well. All my points were dismissed, I was dumped after a week of silence. No explanation. I waited 2 months. Reached out again. I was told that the reason I’d been dumped was because I made demands (that’s how he called my plea to respect at least some of my boundaries). I was told he was just trying to protect himself from his past. And that my behaviour was too much like his past. Which leads me to two possible conclusions: either he’s completely delusional and really did see his ex wife instead of seeing me, or... his past abusive relationship was abusive because HE was the abuser. At least that’s what I got to experience with him - emotional abuse. And if that’s how his past was... Oh my...
@@smartiewill9526 geez I’m so sorry that you went through all that how long has it been since you’ve heard from him? Has he reached out to you at all?
I still haven’t heard from my ex GF and she definitely will not hear from me. She screwed up (though I’m sure she sees things differently in her own mind). I’m thinking she will never reach out but honestly, it’s for the best for me. She is toxic and not good for anyone until she gets help for her issues.
My girlfriend is FA and just broke up with me because she said “you deserve better” and she told me “ I don’t feel worthy of your love”. We were at 1 and 1/2 years everything was amazing till after our 1-year anniversary. She started acting out being cold looking for things to get mad at me about self sabotaging the relationship. She realized it last Nov and asked for space and time to work on herself. I gave it to her told her I wouldn’t be available like I was before we planned a 30-day break she started texting “I miss you” a week later. But just this past month her patterns started to repeat. I told her I love her and was willing to work thru this with her. But she said she needs to be alone and do the work herself. I said good bye. I kinda hope she will come back but kinda don’t. Idk it all really sucks. She did try to tell me we could still talk and stay friends but I said no, that’s like taking a bandage of really slowly.
@@kicksalot9943 man I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I know it sucks. I felt like the world collapsed around me. Although our relationship was only 3 months long, we both put ALOT into it. More than some people put into a one year relationship. It was pretty intense but in a good way. But then it was intense toward the end in bad ways lol You had a lot more invested in it than I did. I feel for ya.
I am just now getting to the acceptance stage. My stages have been like this: Denial but that lasted about 2-3 days. Then I went through the depression and anxiety stage which I’ve oscillated back and forth through this whole process in between the other stages. I have had small bouts of anger here and there because of what she put me through and how she mislead me. I did NOT deserve this!!
I treated her better than any man ever did according to her. But that’s what I think really freaked her out. She didn’t know how to handle a good man. I’ve been going through the depression stage more than anything for sure. Some days it’s been REALLY tough but I’m at the tail end of that now and moving into the acceptance stage. I never once went through a “bargaining” stage because I’m not going to bargain with anyone who breaks up with me for absolutely no reason and knowing how good I was to her. That was her job, not mine. She broke up because of HER issues, not because of something I did.
I have self worth issues and I always have but not to the extent that I’m going to stoop to a level of contacting someone back that ripped my heart out. I’m better than that. I do think about her constantly and Part of me secretly wishes that she’d wake up and reach out to me but most of me knows that it’ll do no good because if I were to get back with her, all this mess would repeat all over again.
I have been keeping my thoughts on a realistic level. She needs serious help and that’s something I can’t do for her. The sabotaging, the flaw finding, her lashing out at me 3 times for no reason whatsoever, her being way too sensitive is just too much for someone to handle.
I’m 50 years old and I don’t have the time to waste on people like this. I know that without a lot of serious therapy, she would never be able to give me the commitment that I want from a woman and I’m certainly not going to wait for her to fix herself. But yeah...I’m slowly coming out of the depression stage and moving into the acceptance stage thank goodness. It’s been 6 weeks since I’ve heard from her. I joined a dating website that she just happens to be on and about a week and a half ago after I joined it she viewed my profile for whatever reason. Oh well....all I can say about people like this is that they are a waste of time if you truly want a commitment out of them because you’ll never get it. One thing is true....good guys ALWAYS get screwed over by damaged women. Damaged women are lethal to good men.
Don't bother to reach out......the relationship is over.
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
I don't have to bait nobody 😂 I never had to bait my first husband of 14yrs& then the 2ns one at least married me . I am willing to wait for this guy but with boundaries and do it right and respectfully
In the first three months I thought she’d be my wife. It was beautiful. Then the pull away started happening and she said she’d never want more than friendship. I shut the door and blocked her so she sends an email to my work that she’s terrified about not having me and my son in her life. I work with her too. I’m quitting my job and my AP heart is crushed. I’m forcing her out of my life because that was her self fulfilling prophecy. This dynamic is madness. It hurts horrifically and I want her like a drug but I’m keeping my foot on the gas and walking away.
I can introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who was able to reunite me and my ex back together and it works very fast, he can help you to get back With your specific person
i am a living testimony of Dr Effiong love manifestation that completely manifested my partner to love me unconditionally.
You can connect with hlm on what'aspp
@@maryabuokwen8751 stop this scam! What kind of human being are you? You are scamming people with a real problem for your own benefits! Disgusting!
It has worked before and back then I didn’t even know about all the psychology about it . I do believe she’ll be back, but I have plenty to keep myself busy in the meantime. Workaholism is my cope.
Indeed, better yourself in the meantime!
My interest is plummeting after a couple weeks. Really feels ridiculous someone i want to like me needs no contact. Its like what am i doing here? I want a person that needs a break to like me? Pffff
He wanted the break up so I calmly said okay and went NC
I reached out after about 60 days of no contact after a 4 year relationship. She was in and out quite a bit. It’ was very difficult but I do love her. When I reached out I was blocked. I know I was blocked on social media bc I understand it hurts to see or feel drawn to watch but being blocked for now feel rotten. Like I meant nothing and my kids mean nothing after 4 years.
Really sorry to hear that ☹️
Closure though
How is it today?
Katya: Thank you for this video. What if the FA reaches out to you during NC?
I'd like to hear the answer to this too.
I'm a FA and this all sounds insane! I have never left a relationship and NO contact is seriously damaging to me!
Hi Cheryl, it sounds like this video may not apply to you, then. This video is speaking to the people who are in relationships with partners who run hot and cold and leave the relationship impulsively.
@@KatyaMorozova This sounds like My DA boyfriend.
He would disappear and block me when he felt vulnerable. I had to let him go because I want him to be happy. He's more relaxed with his wife ( estranged when we were together) because she's familiar. Yet, she's so abusive to him.
I'd have stayed with him forever. Maybe we'll try again..
One day.
If so, this video is useless for you
It doesn't sound like you're an FA at all.
With FAs it's not a matter of IF they'll leave the relationship, it's WHEN they'll leave the relationship.
Thank you Katia. A great video. You clarified my situation...I went for no contact for 3 months and then reached out, but it was a huge mistake
Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you found the video helpful.
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
+1914
206
What if the dumper is a fearful avoidant and THEY asked for no contact after being together for 7 years? They asked because they needed to be in a "healing space" despite no issues in our relationship...
Thanks Nick! Well, I would always respect someone's request for "no contact" because ultimately it's their choice.
Did they tell you what their issue was and why they wanted no contact?
Hey bro how r u now?
@@KatyaMorozova Exact same thing happened to me in a relationship of 6 years. They said they were scared of me, but couldn't put their finger on why. I couldn't get any more information, since they stonewall.
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
No closure is a form of torture and I hate that, instead of being clear and told me what he thinks I am here to find an answer..
When to reach out - NEVER
Purpose of no contact - TO WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
Yes, but my brain is still deceiving me.
What if I only have 3 more weeks left before I leave our city? I want to see him. He’s been ignoring me for a week.
Your videos are helpful and full of insight, Katya. I have questions about the FA ex whom I fell hard for. Do you provide one-to-one coaching?
Thanks Mary! I’m glad you find my videos helpful.
I do provide one on one coaching. You can book a session here>> www.katyamorozova.me/services-2/
An excellent exposition, clear and direct.
Thank you!
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
Thank you for the video Katya. I've been in no contact for a month, but he was living with me and he left his stuff here. I'm waiting for his contact to come and pick up his stuff, and it's making me crazy not knowing wether he's gonna text tomorrow or six months from now. Should I text him to take his things?
Another excellent video and solid advice!
Thanks Danielle!
Hi Katya,
What would you recommend when I'm the dumper who initiated breakup during the anxiety attack on a whim? However, i know it was a super busy period for him but I also feel like he was sabotaging it from his side lately. I even not sure what version to believe anymore. It has been a month of no contact and I miss him.
I feel that I would like to reach out to him, but in my last message to him back then I indicated that I didn't want us to break up, but I need a break. It feels like some stupid ego game.
He unfollowed me.
Should I continue with no contact or try to reconnect knowing he is a fa?
Thank you for your videos!
Any update?
He blocked me after telling me that he loves me too... Wtf? Why?!! What is happening? Will we ever see each other...?? Should I just leav it?
Did you see him after that?
@@elenan1217 yes and i said "hi" but he kinda felt ashamed and turn his head away/looked the other way... XD
Omg this was soooooooooooooo helpful
I was the one who broke up , I told him to don’t reach out , to don’t call me to don’t text me because I need time alone because I’m toxic too ... I left him every week in our relationship so I had also my mistakes . Now with 3 weeks no contact I show that he need to heal and Is not my job to heal him , I feel finally that I don’t need a boyfriend and I had a trauma bond with him is not love , because of his cold hot behavior. When he gave me all the validation I felt like I don’t like him that much . I don’t wanna hurt him and hurt myself . So I let him go . I had a dream with him today ... but is not love . I wanna love myself , I choose myself ☺️ thank you for your videos !
You're so welcome! Thank you for commenting. Happy to hear that you're choosing yourself.
@@KatyaMorozova thankyou ! I have a question , when he pulled away from me was from fear to get attached or because he lose just interest ? I don’t need his validation anymore but I will love to know the answer. He was so workaholic...
@@weedlady9851 You're welcome! It's hard to know when I don't know your ex and your relationship.
If you'd like me to better assess your unique situation and relationship then I recommend booking a session with me >> www.katyamorozova.me/services-2/
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
My ex is an FA has said she has lost feelings because of things said and her messages lately are wishing me a good life and very final. These are killing me and thought of losing her is making no contact so difficult.
How are you now?
@@RickySpanish12344 with a lot of patience and work we are together again.
@@droflivelife Good luck :)
@@RickySpanish12344 thank you for checking in. It's been a difficult journey.
@@droflivelife Is it worth it? Like are you glad you two got back together? How long did he go without talking to you in no contact?
Yes great video! Very helpful :)
Why thank you!
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Text him on WhatsApp
†19142064085⏭⏭... ^^^
Hi Katya, my DA ex said we should take time re-examine things and that we weren’t breaking up. But she’s since ignored my follow up text from that discussion (1 month later) and seems to following 20 new guys on Instagram. She never said a word, not even to say we’re breaking up. May I ask if this characteristic of a DA? To break up without a word? Nothing bad happened between us. Thank you:(
Hey Lukas, thanks for the question. It's hard to say in this situation, whether it's an issue of maturity or attachment style - Ie it's unclear if this is DA thing or just a lack of maturity. Also, it sounds like there was a lack of clear communication between the two of you at the end.
@@KatyaMorozova Hi Katya, thank you for your kind reply :) Yes, that’s right. There was a simple misunderstanding that we never got to follow up on. She never offered the chance to follow up and talk things out. The issue was followed by 2 weeks of talking as if nothing had happened, but after taking space she has since seemingly abandoned me at my most vulnerable without a word, and I can’t believe it. I feel absolutely betrayed that she wouldn’t offer the chance to talk after being together for 2 years. It’s very sad! I am thinking of sending a letter to her regardless if it pushed away because at this stage she has hurt me gravely with her actions. Thanks again for all your kind help, you’re very kind!
You're welcome Lukas!
I think it's great that you're thinking of sending the letter and that it's more "for you".
Hi. My DA boyfriend did the same. He called me mad for requesting few of his friends in social media.and said bye. any updates on your relationship ??
Hey! if you want help to get your ex, crush or sp, I got mine within 48 hours by the help of Mr oboh. I’m highly recommend you to him today because he can also help you bring back your ex and put a smile on your face.
Great content❤
Thank you! I appreciate the feedback.
Would enlightening the FA with the attachment style theory be a good or bad idea? (So after the breakup) She has always wondered why she kept breaking up with me (has never heard of attachment styles) and I feel it could mean the difference between her giving it another shot or not, as this time we’d have found the root cause. (I would be breaking 50 days of no contact to explain this to her in a letter.) I just feel this might be our only true hope.
It all depends on how open and receptive this person is to suggestions. I'd say that her curiosity would have to be bigger than her fear. I'll say this, I had a client who passively mailed a book on attachment to their ex and it opened up a door for them over time.
@@KatyaMorozova Thanks so much for responding, Katya. The thing is, this time she broke up during couples counseling and asked me not to contact her, so I’m respecting her wishes (it’s been 60 days now). However, after past breakups (and historically having been triggered by something insignificant and breaking up on a whim) she seemed just as decided, but when I DID respectfully reach out after a few weeks, it made her come around (So she’s been receptive in the past). Would sending a respectful and minimal message addressing the attachment theory, be violating her boundaries? She’s still seeing the same couples counselor, and I’m a little concerned about it being framed by her as harassment - this counselor seemed biased and was both her individual counselor, as well as our couples counselor (and they had an individual session the day before our last couples session, during which they teamed up and prepared the breakup.) So would it be a bad idea to reach out, you think? (So even if I’d be passively mailing a book, like in your example?)
@@andrewsmith3768 did you ever end up reaching out? I've had the same idea as you, because I didn't really know she was a fearful avoidant at the time. Thinking maybe reaching out to tell her how I understand her might make her rethink things. No contact hasn't been long enough for me yet
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Hi Katya - I need to go no contact with my FA (ex?) I don't even know what we are... The hard part is we have a 3 yr old daughter. How do you do no contact with someone you share a child with? I've tried on the past, but he is always able to use her "as a door" if you will.
It the dumper how has to reach out the dumpy never reach out no contact has no time
Could you please answer my question?
What if the FA broke up to be free and single? Would reaching out around the 60-day sweet spot be a really bad idea and probably backfire?
It really depends where they’re at mentally and emotionally if they’re free and single. Are they having a ball or are they hating life? It’s hard to answer that question unless you actually know where they’re at.
@@KatyaMorozova Thanks 🙏🏼 Im pretty sure she’s having a ball - and quite possibly in a rebound relationship.
@@NouLachenZeg any update? In the same situation
@@Jaxson8157 same. Updates guys
I don't know if she is FA, but she meets a lot of the criteria. She left me after 6 months saying she didn't have feelings for me. When should I reach out? Never is what I think. One way relationships are unhealthy.
I have been in no contact with my fearful avoidant ex for a month now. I did text her at 2 and a half weeks though just to check on her before I learned about attachment theory. She blocked me on everything there is so I have no way to reach out to her now to tell her I understand why she suddenly broken things off after things seemed to be fine. What are the chances she will reach out at some point if she said she only wanted a break the last time I saw her and said she didn’t want it to be permanent? We hugged and kissed each other goodbye so I had hope we would just spend some time apart and grow as individuals during our time apart. I believe I was secure but over time some of the stress of the hot and cold made me become anxious and I started showing more affection and overcorrected and pushed her away. During the break up I seemed to be blamed for a lot of what happened and stuff that didn’t even happen or were unreasonable and unlike something she would have said before without taking some responsibility for the situation.
Any update?
Any update?
That is exactly what happened to me. Even though I did the blocking, I unblocked her and requested her back, but she has not accepted it. When we started out, another lady was chasing me, and she knew her. The issue is, I wanted her and no one else, so I had to tell the other lady, "Sorry, I can't do this." She had to quit her ex, and then we started our relationship.
I have never been so love-bombed. It was pure heaven every single day. We went on adventure after adventure, talked about having babies, and discussed the house we were going to buy next year. I finally started making some money in the stock market and was highly motivated. Then, after eight weeks, we had our first argument. Three weeks later, we had a second one. Before long, my anxiety was at an all-time high. I snapped and asked what was going on. She said she wanted to be single again.
Let's just say, I begged this lady not to leave. I cried like a child. The pain was unbearable. I could not believe this was happening. As of today i feel better getting stronger. i may not fall in love like that again ever. if she was not the one then i don't know who is. It fucking sucks but it is what it is.
My FA broke 2 months of dating with me for not being ready for a relationship. After a week of NC we spoke and he said we can still try to rekindle things, let’s see how life will happen, he is still here in town, i am too, if we wanna hang out we can, if i wanna see him i should tell him and he will do the same. This was 4 days ago and haven’t heard from him since, despite of saying goodbye with kisses and hugs. What should i do? I know i shouldn’t be wantig a guy who threw me away and especially one who clearly doesn’t give a damn, but i miss him so bad!!! :( please someone help me!
How is it today?
What if you have already contacted them over 5 times in 2 months and are planning to go no contact now?
Please respond
My ex FA monkey branched to his new love. I'm in no contact. For me, no contact in this case means forever. I'm done.
I’m gonna level with you for a second.
The zombie apocalypse is in progress 🎉phantom limbs begone
What are the credentials of this person that they are a "coach" on this topic?
Took forever to present the points. Skip this introduction, it just makes people click away.
I’m sure this goes without saying, but if my FA has entered a rebound relationship immediately after our break up, no contact should remain in place, regardless of the time line?
I’m certain this relationship is destined for failure, but all of the research I’ve done say that it needs to run its course, regardless. Are you of the same mind set?
I’d say I’m of the same mindset. Especially if you know for a fact they’re in a new relationship. I think reaching out would be setting yourself up for rejection.
@@KatyaMorozova Thank you. I've been lead to understand that unlike Anxious Preoccupied's (like myself) that feel the loss and pain of a breakup nearly immediately. Avoidants (Fearful or Dismissive) generally feel a sense of relief after a relationship has ended and tend "push down" their feelings only to have them resurface a later time to be dealt with?
Is it safe to say that being in a rebound relationship (and a toxic one at that) immediately afterwards could exacerbate this further and increase the length of time it might take for these feelings to resurface? Or could it have the opposite effect as the initial "honeymoon stage" of the relationship wears off?
I know it's premature, but I'm going on my 7th week of no contact with my FA and have been finding it quite difficult. Our issues stemmed almost entirely around problems in communication (which I admit were mostly my fault) and the end result was her feeling "unsafe", followed by deactivation and ultimately losing emotional attraction for me.
I have been putting in a tremendous amount of work (which actually began a couple of months prior to our split) trying to recognize and understand the various attachment styles to get a better handle on where I was falling short on her needs. Thanks a lot in part to your video's, I have come a long way in my growth and understanding in these last few months. I have also recently signed up for CBT sessions in order to further recognize my own issues and attempt help bring myself back to center.
The hardest part is putting in the work without knowing if I'll ever get another chance with her again. I of course realize this time is designed to be spend on my own healing and correcting my attachment issues....but I would be lying if I didn't say that she was my light at the end of the tunnel.
Apologize for the long winded rant. I find myself oversharing with anyone who will listen lately. I suppose its all part of the healing process?
@@alfrede.neuman8611 any update on your progress? I’m in the exact same position, how this this work out for you? Did she come back?
@@marisongs1 She and I reconnected back in October. She expressed to me how much she regretted the way things ended and that we didn't communicate more. She was seeing an ex for a while after our break up, but he hadn't put in the work to make any changes to his life and before long, it fell apart again. She had since ended things with him and vowed never to go back.
Her and I have been seeing one and other a little, but its a slow process. Even though she technically didn't cheat, it still feels like a betrayal and the "what if" thoughts still ruminate in my mind. So, I've been keeping a bit of distance, as well as dating other people. If after time, I feel as though she's proven herself, I may let her back in...but for the time being, this is where I'm comfortable.
@@alfrede.neuman8611 thank you for getting back, I’m glad she came back but more importantly that you are moving at your own pace. My ex said the same about feeling ‘unsafe’ after minor disagreements and then deactivated, the ended things after I attempted to communicate the issues. I’ve been suspecting that he was talking to a mutual friend before we were broken up. The only difference is that he has reached out to check in but not since, that was two weeks ago, I then messaged him a week ago, we had a short exchange then that was it. I feel stuck and not knowing what to do, trying to decipher if he will be back for good, or was just checking in to appease his guilt for replacing me (possibly) I have often thought on how I would feel if my suspicions were true, and if I would be able to forgive him if he came back, I think your approach is good. Have you expressed that feeling to her, that you felt betrayed? I hope you guys can work it out if it’s what you want.
What do I do if my ex who’s a FA said to not contact them or they’ll file a police report?
Hahahaha leave them!!
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I understand we need no contact and reach around 1 months later but I got in no contact by saying "let's cut the contact completely, I don't want someone like you around me" with some other heavy things because she decided to get seperated in a really bad situation when i got an accident and I was angry, heartbroken. I don't know if no contact will work for me because I didn't give her any space to write me back or she likely won't answer 1 months later 😥 should I reach before and make it up at least for like I was angry, coming from a pain kinda words then no contact or what? She is a fearful avoidant. Thank you all
If you can, move on. In my experience waiting for FA is a waste of time and it just bring prolonged pain to you.
@@johnton6488 You replying to a comment that was posted 1 year ago. I am sure he has moved on by now.
Your intro is like 3 minutes wth
Exactly what I needed to hear Caucasian Lady.
60 days lol 😂
How about no contact for two years
Not sure what your question is...
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†19142064085⏭⏭^^^^
I'm sorry, this woman does not know what she's talking about . I've been on both spectrums. This is a false coach
What would you disagree with?
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†19142064085⏭⏭.. ^^^^
Elaborate.
Thank you so much ❤
You’re so welcome! 😊