Fearful Avoidant Ex - How To Reach Out Without Being NEEDY
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- How do you reach out to a fearful avoidant ex without being needy? Or falling back into the anxious avoidant trap? If you have recently been through a breakup with a fearful avoidant attachment style then this video is for you. Ready to reach after anxiou avoidant no contact? I’ll talk about how to reach out after no contact, and especially if you are anxious attachment in relationships.
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I think it’s so unrealistic to spark up a casual conversation if the last time you communicated was a break up
The key is to ease into it; first say you wanna keep the door open and grow as a person. Then after that the 2nd message should be light hearted small talk, 3rd small talk flirt a little see if they're ready to meet, etc
I can tell I’m needy because I’ve been watching these videos back to back nonstop for 3 weeks
this is so funny hahahaha
@@JeffreydelosSantosINFP now that I’m further out, looking back…. Yeah it is a bit funny 😂
@@dannycolwell8028did u get the ex back?
Same! But for longer! 😳
Same.. How's it going for you lately?
....... it's a bad idea. If they're not working on themselves in terms of personal growth, next.
@ Chris Hatcher........you are absolutely right. It's not our job to fix a broken person.
Exactly!
100℅ this!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
Alot of work and energy for someone who really doesn't want you; I think it's best to be realistic and move on. I've had issues with an F/A and it really is impossible... I wish I was wrong...
It’s not impossible. You just might not have found the right tools to heal just yet
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Whatzapp him now....
Thank you for these tips! 2:10 Identify why you want to approach them. Being intentional is critical.
3:12 #2 set a reasonable intention. Do not ask to get back together. Know how they're feeling and want.
4:20 You put yourself in a vulnerable place if you ask to return right away.
4:45 #2 Open a dialogue. Your FA will be more open & responsive. It also protects you from being too vulnerable before it's time to do so, especially if your FA is not ready.
5:20 #3 do a neediness check. Do not be needy. It is a vibe. FA can read that neediness vibe.
6:45 Define the need. What do you need from your ex? Do they need to say or do something for you about the relationship or tell you the truth?
9:26 Have multiple experiences with your FA ex that are neutral positive. Do not bring past conversation or past relationship. Try to have a good time together. It's important both parties feel comfortable and safe. Neutrality.
or better yet - move on and never talk to them!
@@rrboss3721Yup. If I need to follow a million rules to keep someone from running away and deflecting the blame onto me for being “needy” when I’m really just being direct and vulnerable, then they’re much more work than they’re worth.
I feel like who cares if i come off needy. I am not. Vulnerability is so easy i dont care either. After a couple of weeks its like do i really want someone this delusional and scared back? So much unconscious baggage they have. Feel for the rocky road she has ahead of her. No contact kills all feelings for me.
Agreed.
Wanting someone to reconsider the relationship is nothing to do with "need".
I WANT to be in the relationship.
I understand the sentiment, that the FA has a weakness to this discussion, and will simply leave or shut-down, but that does not give their labelling of a rational adult facing an issue head on as "needy".
They are unstable.
The fault is theirs.
However, her point stands.
If you want to be with them, you have to navigate their processing faults.
Expecting any normal sense of respect for boundaries or good behavior in a relationship will be seen as “needy” by these people
So grateful for your videos. Luckily I reconnected with my FA after 20 years. He was defensive and scared at first so I kept it casual, talking about what we’ve both been doing ie, travel, work, family, etc. He rang me recently and he was a much more relaxed. Trust me people this is the best approach. Feel your way first. His vibes you can also pick up and let the conversation flow according to where he’s at. This video confirmed that I did the right thing and feel good about. Hank you Katya.
People can tell when we are being genuine or just putting on a show or being dramatic
Very true!
i reconnected in a casual way and she ghosted me 😂😂 “hope all is well!” after 30 days
My ex reached out previously and we met up. She started the conversation with basically saying that I could say what I wanted/needed to her to get it off my chest. I told her I didn't want to do that. This was for two reasons. Firstly, as I told her, I'd had to process what had happened and I had on my own. The second reason was that I was trying to avoid discussing previous events. It was hard to do because she kind of drew me into that conversation. However, this helped clear the air on a lot of things and we left that meeting in a positive place at the time.
I need them to not be a robot that is completely controlled by their emotional triggers
It's so relieving that i couldn't help crying at some point. Didn't even understand how much i needed someone to tell me it's okay to feel this way and to wanna reach out because of these feelings. Have been thinking the whole time that there is something wrong with me, or with her, had a lot of doubt if she even had feelings to me. It was such a great discovery to me, that this anxious-avoidant situation is such a common pattern in relationships, thank you so much for giving this crucial information!
i am a living testimony of Dr Effiong love manifestation that completely manifested my partner to love me unconditionally.
You can connect with hlm on what'aspp
Thank you for this video... This absolutely worked for me to reach out to the FA in my life. I did wait 2 weeks after the fall-out to let her work through the emotions first.
Hey that’s great to hear! 🙌
If you don't mind, can you tell us more details about how you went about it? I'm planning on reaching out in a few more weeks too
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Whatzapp him now....
I wanted empowerment & deeper understanding of myself, & validation of my needs... Which I was able to clarify better thanks to your articulated guidance 🙏
That’s a very nice compliment. Thank you. So glad that’s what you got.
Hey Katya,
Thank you for all your work.
I think a new scenario you can speak to:
A Man confident about his romantic prospects.
He presently realizes the challenge of moving on from his (ex) Woman who has been exhibiting fearful avoidant tendanciels for several years.
Difficult because moving on and meeting someone new will certainly be the end for him and her.
Simply put, he is excited and confident about his future. But difficult to move on because that will end the story with his present woman who he loves, her love and what they could have in life.
Don't do it. It's a trap. A very high percentage haven't done the work needed to get into another relationship. They'll just continue to mess up your life.
Could you do a video of how an FA FEELS when they are in love ?
So that the secure among us can understand how afraid they actually are .....
thanks for commenting! I'll definitely add it to my list.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Whatzapp him now....
Hopeful but scared!
Hi Katya,
Thank you 😊 for this eye 👀 opening video. Your explanations in this and previous videos have been extremely professional and I appreciate how you present your ideas in very nuanced and specific ways.
In particular, the point you made at 3:30 resonated with me. I'm debating whether I want to get back together with a previous emotionally unavailable partner as I need time for my spirit to heal. I spent the 2019 holiday season 🎄 by myself as I was perplexed then why my "avoidant" partner was cycling between being hot/cold. Long story short, she finally confessed to me early this year in 2020 as to why....due to two of her marriage breakups and feeling unsafe and not being able to trust in general. FYI... She's the mother of two teenage boys.
If anything else, your information and insights have helped me to diagnose my interactions with her and given me the coping skills to navigate what's been going on, in addition to the support/advice I've received from my sister who's also a therapist.
In answer to your question at the end of your video, ways of genuinely/authentically approaching a woman of interest to initiate a dialogue and make her feel safe and asking her out on a date would be appreciated. Also, knowing how to recognize (major) red flags of someone who is either emotionally unavailable or immature to have a relationship would also be helpful so someone like me doesn't expend/invest too many emotional/mental health assets on someone and knowing when to move on.
I'm a confident, emotionally and spiritually secure healthcare professional man in my early 50s wanting to have a relationship and am shocked at how many women my age are "still" rediscovering themselves, not knowing what they want. Yikes 😬.
Thank you ☺️ Katya, be well and we all look forward to your next video 👌,
Ravi
Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself Ravi! I'm glad that my videos have helped you understand your last relationship.
I like your video request. That sounds like a fun video to make.
Thanks again for your continued support! Happy holidays to you!
Katya
How to tell if the FA breakup is real or do they want you to chase them?
As a 42% FA, 50% secure, you never know which it is, but you shouldn’t have to chase us. Just tell yours that you are ready to talk when they are.
If I need to follow this many rules to have a conversation with someone, then they’re either a total baby who needs to grow up or just far more work than they’re worth. Likely both.
But what if she blocked me and told me to never contact her?
Aaaand that connection will lead to a friendship only.. The difficult part will be to stay aware it's just going to be like that and cannot be a romantic relationship again. The DA might want to have a honey moon period again but not with you this time around, maybe someone else, someone new, while you who tried to connect and is there by their side, remains only as a good friend, so sucking up those feelings for that person hurt like hell while the DA forgot ever had other feelings for you..
im knew but you have explained so much. this subject is complex but you make it easier to understand than simply reading it. id be interested to know how you got started in this effort to help others?
Glad you found the video helpful! Thanks for asking... I first got into coaching through a workshop called The Landmark Forum... and then it's a bit of windy journey.
@@KatyaMorozova i have just in last 6 months got into special relationship with a fearful avoidant? its taken time but i have found your site to help. its deff harder than a regular relationship but she was beaten as a child and it would appear that the way she behaves is some coping mechanism? your videos have really helped her and myself. thank so much. we watch when she is manic then try to be more ready when depressed? thanks again.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now......
It kind of doesn't make sense to say i want to clear the air with you but then be told to not talk about the relationship
Katya: if it was overall a good and loving relationship, do FA ex's miss you during no contact and consider reaching out?
Mine did. Breakup was a couple months ago and she reached out about a month ago. We're not back together, still kind of slowly re-establishing communication, but things seem to be slowly getting better. Just giving her a lot of space right now.
@@ryanmccarter9859 Were you NC since the breakup?
@@ryanmccarter9859 Ah thanks for sharing. do you think she'll reach out to want to get back together?
@@ryanmccarter9859 Thanks for sharing. In desperation, I am basically searching for any hope to cling on to and it's not healthy. Mine has only reached out once or twice since b/u. It's been 6 or 7 weeks since our last contact. I haven't initiated since then. I feel like I might initiate something if I don't hear from her for another 6 weeks or so as a last ditch effort. I am hopelessly in love with her still. I pray that if she truly loved me too then she'll come back and want to make it work.
@@SirValeousupdate?
Become Secure in your style first. If they run when you approach - move on. They aren’t ready to handle a relationship.
you dont.
Blocked everywhere
Same
@@bobbydigital9371 I was punched in the face Thursday evening by my boyfriends ex his friend for no reason and he still don’t speak could loss my job I haven’t spoken for months on end now they came in my work place
@@lucywood4988 I am sorry to hear that. That is terrible. I would file charges with the police.
@@bobbydigital9371 it has done but I’ve lost my job over it now today because ex boyfriend:(
@@lucywood4988 why did you lose your job if they are the ones who did it? Because it happened at work?
I’m doing 30 days no contact . It’s over in a few days. How do I go about this
We were in deep love till last Nov since 2022 with ups & down , push-pull. He is a FA. What if he is in a rebound since Dec for a misunderstanding happend (for rejection loss pain + anger) after he reached to me after our 2nd breakup?
Usually he comes back within a month or less. He knows I love him so much, he never wanted to lose me. But now its 8 weeks for his rebound :(
will this rebound fail, will he come back as usual?
Now he knows he took a impulsive decision after msgn him. I love him, need him, I dont like when he is with a rebound for so long. I started NC from Feb only.
In your discussions of FA ex's you never mention no contact. If there were a few messages exchanged in the first two weeks after the breakup. I tried to set up meeting but was rejected. Will they still go through the process you talk about or did I make it worse?
I tried to talk casually and offered no pressure opportunities for meeting up several times last fall after nc since a year ago now. She always had an excuse. Some valid, some weak, like even saying I dont want to meet anyone in a pandemic, wear a mask, sheesh. Anytime I left it open for her, she said sure, but never contacted me. Then, I said I still have your hoodie, I want to give it back so you wont be cold, and she still didn't want to see me. I had to drop ot off at her work! I was tired of being rejected after working so hard on myself, by the person who used to think the world of me. Such a difference! Maybe a wrong time, maybe she was seeing someone, and didn't want to hurt me, but dang, so frustrating!
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......
Whatzapp him now....
Do FA exes reach out if the broke up the relationship out of their own fears of being abandoned even if their partner said they love and choose them?
This is exactly what happened to me. One of the issues anyway.
It's possible that an FA can reach out after they broke up for this reason. Especially if they realize that they were using self-protective strategies.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
Whatzapp him now.....
†13609219711⏭⏯????????
What if your SP runs away everytime when we are very close. Wat to do to make them more secure ?
I can introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who was able to reunite me and my ex back together and it works very fast, he can help you to get back With your specific person
i am a living testimony of Dr Effiong love manifestation that completely manifested my partner to love me unconditionally.
You can connect with hlm on what'aspp
Any specific reason captions are turned off?
Hi. I didn’t turn the captions off on any or my videos. That said, I haven’t added any captions in all of my videos and most are autogenerated. I’ve read that sometimes TH-cam has a glitch when showing captions on some videos so that might be worth looking into.
So my FA ex reached out with a video of her son "talking to me" on his play phone. I replied with a funny response and she didn't reply. Should I reach out and try and set a date ?
No. Wait until she contacts you / responds and then ask when she is available to meet up. Don’t call it a date. Just make it something fun that can lead to good times
The biggest detractors from your videos are, you are way too handsy. And the second one is you are a fast talker and fast talkers tend to throw a lot of BS out there and need the fastness to cover up.
I can introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who was able to reunite me and my ex back together and it works very fast, he can help you to get back With your specific person
i am a living testimony of Dr Effiong love manifestation that completely manifested my partner to love me unconditionally.
You can connect with hlm on what'aspp
Just move on from these master manipulators