Saying NO is saying yes to yourself, put yourself first and your best interests. It may be hard when we feel we are disappointing others, but by saying yes, you are only disappointing yourself !! We can't please everyone...!
@@juliakristinamah lol I was sitting down After 10 mile walk they said go check the menu my mom. Told me I said NOPE YOU GOT YOURE OWN LEGS LOL I LOVEVMY epilepsy rage 🤣
I’m finally learning that I don’t have to give lengthy explanations for why I can’t or don’t want to commit to something. I have FINALLY learned I can only handle so many things at a time especially as I get older. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy.
its hard to get someone off your back. Its not just as easy as saying No, cause there are complications to consider. Saying No doesnt necessarily get people off your back. I say, "I simply cannot" when I get push back.
I have been manipulated as I am an empathetic person. Same people putting me on the spot and asking for favours. I am now setting boundaries and learning to decline requests. I refuse to suffer from BENEVOLENCE FATIGUE any longer.
This is favorite concise way to be turned down, “No, but thank you for thinking of me.” Another option, especially if people are rushed or in a chaotic/confused moment, is- “I will give that some thought, but if you are on a time crunch or you don’t hear back from me soon enough then my answer will have to be no.”
I started crying watching this. I have had a few “friends” for many, MANY years, and over those years, they turned bad. I’m so afraid of saying no to them because they get very mad and heartbroken and leave me. But they are just about the only friends I have left right now
I know it's hard, but change is very important if they're not the right bet. I belive in you, choose the time alone to grow and accept yourself. Alone doesn't mean lonely, by the way.
Sometimes when you tell people no, they get upset about it. It's usually because of their egos. They got it in their heads that you have to say yes in spite of the evidence to the contrary. Healthy boundaries means knowing that you can say no when you have to. I suggest that people should use this to their advantage. Whenever I hear "What do you mean no?" part of me wants to laugh in spite of how annoying this is. What else would I mean?
Omg it’s sooo hard 🤣 like texting someone no is still easier, bc I can give myself time to think about my answer. But when they’re face to face I START Sweating 💀
As a yoga instructor, a family member asked if I would teach them a (free) yoga class weekly. In the past, I would have just said yes. BUT I'm proud of myself for saying, "Let's start with one class, and see how it goes." No more locking myself down and getting super overwhelmed. My time is important and I have many things I'm working toward on my own time!
Wow I realize that I need to say no without feeling guilty. The part about being kind resonated with me. I can be abrupt. I will keep these tips in mind. Often I just don’t reply back and then need to eventually tell the person no.
There's nothing wrong with saying no! And letting ourselves do it in a way that feels right for us is really empowering and will also help us feel more confident overall.
It took me the last few years to say no. The people we bring into our lives or our family can be the 1st people to cause the worst destruction in our lives. Those people who ask favors don't feel guilty! They get mad when we say no. They'll find someone else and they usually have a list.
Jeez when you say yes they are happy they are going to be more spoiled and they get rude when you say No! People say no to me but when they ask me I say yes I did this 10 times then when she said No to me the next day she ask me *can I borrow your pen or rubber or your doll or your things* When you say yes you get sad and they broke your things so the next she said can I borrow something I said NO GET OUT OF MY FACE SPOILED BRAT! and this how it ends happy
Love is not love if there is no choice. That is why God created humans with free will. (just elaborating on "generosity is not generosity without boundaries.")
I needed this so much. Most of the time I find myself swamped with other's activities and feel so drained. And then I isolate and stay away from everything so much that I end up on extremes. I don't to be this stress ball anymore.
I needed this today. I’m a breadwinner. Oldest among 5 siblings. I’ve worked for more than 10 years as a provider, but was never appreciated. They act like it was my obligation to always provide. From today onwards I’ll say No whenever they ask for money. I’ve had enough. I’ll say YES for myself from now on.
I needed this talk this week. I set some boundaries with my coworkers last week - granted the execution wasn't the best, but I should be able to say no and not feel like I'm going to get shamed or talked down to. Keeping this as a guide as someone who is a people pleaser, it's going to be massively helpful for my mental health and wellbeing. I've never gained the skills to really say "no" in a way that has been productive. Thank you!
Some of us would come from a workplace where dating a coworker is not even allowed. So if you were in my shoes, you would have to make staying at work as your 1st priority over dating. If you come from a workplace where dating a coworker is not allowed, you get to use that an a good excuse to reject your coworker. You will get to say sorry I don't date coworkers since there is a policy stating that dating coworkers is not allowed. If policies were written like that, your coworkers do not earn the right to show entitlement. Your coworkers would have to choose to either quit the job or just be grateful for having a job.
I used to feel bad about not doing things for people, but I had to put my foot down to stop myself from being overburdened!! ❤️ I’m always super excited for your insight, your videos are always a highlight of my day.
Hi, I’m a super empath, and my favorite word is No. By saying no to someone you’re making yourself fell very proud, and will also make you smile or laugh and grow into a happier human. PS, if your with a narcissist say No to that relationship quickly!!
A tip that I particularly like to share with my clients is to make the decision to say, "no" in advance. It’s can be super helpful to decide these things in advance so that you’re not trying to make decisions on the fly in a situation where you feel pressured to make somebody else happy.
Heartfelt and warm thank you for this video. Today I was drained at all levels and very frustrated seeing my vacation days slip away from me only because I’m saying yes to everyone who wants to hang out with me and I did not want to upset them and felt guilty if I said no. I took this vacation to stay solo , focus on myself, reading, relaxing, and just be alone to be ready to start my next phase of my life. But because I struggle with saying no, I found myself halfway on my vacation without doing what I really want to do. Instead I am pleasing everyone else and forgetting myself. Thank you and I will listen to this video over and over again to start applying what came on it. ♥️♥️
fillaa I hope you see this and understand, it's not mean to put yourself first, it's not wrong to choose yourself first before others, it's your time, you deserve it and you have the right to say NO
I struggled and hard time with saying No and having healthy boundaries when I was younger but ever since I got older and became mentally emotionally and spiritually enlightened, awakened, and had self control , resilience, and maturity, Saying No and having Healthy Boundaries takes alot of maturity and courage sometimes and I know the Important of it now , Thank You Kristina
This video was so helpful. I’m 46 years old and I’ve never set boundaries before. That’s probably why I feel so overwhelmed all the time. Thank you. This was very great information.
really great advices! I'm tired of being a people pleaser, oftentime I don't even mean it. but some people is just very shameless; even I've said no to them very clearly and directly, it looks like they think there's still hope that they could convince / force me into doing something i dont like; just keep persuading and insisting, and it just becoming even more annoying. And if I show them that I'm annoyed and raised my tone a little to tell them 'NO' again, they would think I'm rude and disrespectful, especially towards relatives or family. This is very tiring, sometimes i just wish to completely disconnect and cut ties with my relatives.
Natasha Mudford I do this 🤐😓.. I believe I do this because I want to avoid hurting their feelings, or make them feel some type of way like I’m selfish.. when actually it annoys them even more when I don’t respond. What would you prefer for your friend to do?
@@BeLykeWatersofNunLoveLepus I used to do that. But, that's totally inconsiderate. Saying "No" might disappoint people momentarily but making them keep waiting for your reply is disrespectful. I think we should say "No" immediately if we're unable to do something (and we're sure about it) so, that they can make other arrangements instead of wasting time in waiting for our response which is not coming.
Omg I so needed this, especially at 8:41 when it’s mentioned that it’s ok to say no even if your commitment is staying at home and twiddling your thumbs. I work per Diem in healthcare and have been working a lot lately to the point of feeling burned out again and even having memory loss form stress. This week I’m off to relax but I get a text from a person I just covered last week to see if I could cover her again. Her family member is sick and wants to visit her but I said no because physically and mentally I’m just too exhausted. I know she is too but you know that’s why I don’t work full time I can’t it’s too much for me. But I’ve been wracked with guilt saying no to her. I hope she finds someone to cover for her.
Try to advocate for yourself at least as much as you advocate for others! I like this sentence. We always think of others, not ourselves.. very wrong sometimes
I'm in total shock right now... When you got to the part about childhood I suddenly had a massive headache and I had to lay down. You hit the nail on the head. Okay, taking a deep breath... I'm ready for this next step. TYSM ❤️
I'm new to this channel, and so far this is my 3rd video I've watched. I feel so much more confident already in my ability to set boundaries in relationships, and especially with my family. Thank you so much Julia for making these videos accessible to the public, I can't wait to work my way through the rest of your uploads.
I absolutely needed this video, I am the worst at saying no especially at work. To often lately has my work been like can you work this day this day and this day and I'm like yes yes yes then next thing I know I'm working 50-70 hours a week working 8-12 hour days with one day off a week if I'm lucky. And while the pay is good when I'm away from work I find myself so exhausted and burned out that even deciding to not spend my entire day off in bed takes to much effort and after work when friends are like you wanna hang out I'm like no I'm just gonna lay down and die about something else. I just feel so bad saying no to people especially work cause I feel like I'm the only one especially at work who will say yes. Even when I'm at work I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated from being exhausted and burned out that people often tell me your doing to much you need a break. But I just can't!!!
found you last week and been watching everyday! thank you. I was feeling guilty for ending a friendship but this video is helpful too. I felt like I could just be civil and be her friend but I don't want to.
You are doing great good with these videos Julia! Keep them coming😀. I appreciate all the effort you put into them. I would suggest that you do a video on guilt as that might help alot of people who might messed up in their past, but do not want to keep stuck in it.
Hello, I'm suffering from this problem since a long time I've watched so many videos to learn but again and again i do same mistakes and still I'm not able to change myself properly and I'm so tired of my this habit 🥺
Saying less (not listing your reasons to decline) is so much KINDER! It's a compliment to be asked to do something, so when you vomit out a list of whys, you are actually insulting the person who thought so much of you to ask you to participate.
It's powerful yet frustrating and freeing..to know. I've been the cause of my overwhelmed stressful life. When just the word no, that I am so afraid of..was the antidote ..THE WHOLE TIME. At this moment, I feel the word NO .. is the true beginning of ADULTHOOD😂. For me at least.
I made the mistake of saying yes when I meant to say no. Now I have to go back to the person and decline. 😔 Kinda freaking out but this video is helping😊
I did the same today,said yes ...then I went to the house n I was like HELL NO... called her n told her,look this is how it is....NO... to be honest that felt damn good n now I am happy.
The example at the end was eloquent: there's a world of difference between the kind and empathic way you explained your NO to your sibling, and the unexplained and the (3 separate times reinforced) NO I got from a member of my extended family that was supposedly "a close friend"...
Thank you for this video. Honestly, saying "No" without feeling guilty is very hard. I always struggled with that. I think I can't have enough of it. Clear, concise and nice.....great! That I can even practice today.
@@juliakristinamah my cousin is getting married in Pakistan. She wants me to attend the wedding. Of course, I can't go at this time of year. I apologized and refused as lovingly as possible. She understood. I thanked her for understanding and really tried to communicate that it was such an honor to be invited. I m so touched but, I can't make it.
I have a 'friend' who is expecting right now, and I just had my son about a year ago. So I have a big spot in my heart for babies.. so I find myself helping this friend with as much as she asks for. Because I want that baby to have what she needs. So if she needs a ride to pick baby items up, needs help getting food, etc. I always end up saying I can help. But she asks almost every day for a ride somewhere... And with my son and home life, it's alot. I want to cut her out of my life or atleast say no more, but I feel like id be betraying her and her baby. But she doesn't do anything for herself. And I love helping too much, that I help more than I can handle. I've said no a few times and she always begs or uses pity to get me to help. I'm just so done though, I want her and her baby to be healthy and happy, but it can't be all up to me. Ughh..
You can't give and forget about individuality at the same time. That's not possible to live healthily and sustainably well in any relationship - be it with others or the wider community, otherwise we live in a totalitarian way and that is not the way to live. It's self-destructive and malevolent towards everyone, to the oppressors and oppressed alike. We've seen this before in history and it almost wiped all of us out. So no... look after yourself first because that's the cornerstone to one's own wellness, and then it is much more sustainable and healthier to help others and thus the decision is easier to make (to say yes or no) because you'll be able to afford to with managed self-care or better gage yourself in that manner at a given time. Whilst others can chime in and support, ultimately no one is responsible for that apart from the individual themselves. I think a good indicator is that if you're struggling to help yourself, even in the seemingly trivial ways such as organising your routine and your room for example, then you're in no way of shape to be able to take on a bigger task such as helping someone's problems or the wider community/society. It'll seriously destroy you, damage your psyche and confuse your moral compass; it's no joke. Instead - and when you can healthily afford to and are capable of doing so - a more responsible, lasting, peaceful and fulfilling solution is this old saying of "give a man a fish - you feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish and he (ie. You help the man) feeds himself for a lifetime". In other words, teach others how to look after themselves instead of constantly giving them your expendable resources (physical and metaphysical), teach the person to develop their own. That is true and genuine helping in my opinion. That way, you are bothered much less in the future and reduces codependency whilst increasing responsibility. So, unless it's a life-and-death emergency situation, if you're being guilt-tripped for saying no to a request - that is oppression imposed upon you and that is irresponsible by the "demander" and morally unacceptable. And that can explain your feelings in why it's difficult to say no - as your autonomy was taken and misused many times throughout your life and usually without being aware of it.
This video has changed my mind, I have a partner who I can't say no to especially when he ask me for money, even if I have plans for the money and if I say no he becomes angry and saying that am selfish
Awesome Mike! And, just as an aside, people aren't actually toxic - it's our lack of assertiveness and lack of healthy boundaries that makes them hard for us to be around. No one can poison you unless you drink what they put in front of you.
Julia Kristina Oh yes there are toxic people. The world is gagging on them. They are nasty, demanding, aggressive, destructive and just plain evil and they are literally EVERYWHERE. Just read about them and educate yourself about narcissists and you’ll see them. Also-children have no choice but to drink that poison put in front of them.
I’m afraid to say no to my family members because I don’t like some of the things they invite me to do with them. When that happens I can’t think of anything else, stressing out, feels like I’m carrying a lot of weight especially in my chest. I’m still working on saying no, but the video helped a lot especially now I’m not the only who has this problem.
Hi, I was watching this video because I will be meeting a person who made me a job offer in the next 2 days, and I was freaking out about having to say no, I'm a total yes person, and I always say yes at the expense of my own sanity and happiness, and I'm 35 now and I feel if I don't learn self respect now, I never will.The offer I was made initially sounded super exciting and definitely something I can envision myself doing with passion and achieving great results.Since then, the way things seem to go, is in completely different direction, but the assumption on that persons side is still the same, is that I'm interested in the position.I am still nervous, but I'm going to say NO and be grateful and nice about it.I'll let ya'll know how it went :) Thank you Julia, I feel i'm not alone in it
I recently accepted a role at my university as an executive member of a club. However, sleeping on it I decided it does nothing for me. So I want to quit. But I didn't know-how. Until I watched this video. I will call my advisor and tell him that since I have a lot on my plate its impossible for me to commit to another club and my teammates deserve someone who will commit 100% Thank you Julia you helped a lot
thank you, this video helped me say no and stick to the decision despite intense and repetitive emotional pressure that was put on me. And to feel ok with this :)
It’s the fact that I say “I don’t think I can go on a bike ride today” because we go everyday and she goes “why”. Like she literally spams my phone every day saying “hello? You there? When can you go? I’m coming down”
Ughhh.. i need so much help... How'd i get so far behind... Mental breakdown in 2015 has not been easy. Oh well... im trying anyways. Great video. Thank you for all your videos.
Thank you for your content, however none of this works with most of my family or some friends!! Even after politely explainning when necessary! For years it always ended with them badgering me to get their way because they are self-centered and only think of themselves. The whole conversation ends up being an arguement. An older friend who is like a mother to me said, I have to just say, " Out of respect for my husband let me run that by him first to see if he's made plans," Now none of them questions my "No" because they know they are not going to question him as to why not or try and get him to change his mind. Yes I know in their eyes I may look weak with that response. I don't care what they think because truthfully I am the one that makes the decisions on everything!
On the other side, i kept inviting someone to things, helping them with stuff, tried talking with them. All i ever got was "No" if it was something they didnt like. No explanation what the "no" was directed at, no reason why. I was left guessing what "No" was about, which only led me on to keep trying over 1.5 years until i finally got tired of it all. You might be busy, but the other person probably are too...
I wish it was really that easy. Some people like to ask even when you give them brief explanation. My friends and family always ask why and what’s the reason etc.. they always want to know in details. A friend was already upset at me for canceling out on her for her birthday since she told me ahead of time. I was very nice about it and had told her that I had just realized that those are my family’s busy month and we have a lot going on and I have to be there with my family. I even apologize. This is nothing new.. my friends them know those busy months with my family so it’s really shouldn’t be any surprise to them. These friends always gets upset if you don’t come and hangout with them and some even thinks you act like you’re too good to hangout with them. Smh. To be honest, I say what I say and I can’t control how they think and feel so I only do my part by saying what I got to say. Afterwards, I let them be. It’s fine if the speak bad about me. I’m tire of it and I just try not to let the bs effect me. I can’t expect them to understand when they don’t or can’t understand and respect me or my explanation.
For some of a lot of other people, well you see it's just that the thing of the matter of that is just that another reason happens to be that it's also because they just don't want to offend anyone and I've also been in the shoes of both peoples and both persons such as having to be the one to actually say no and also be the one to be said no too...But depending on the reason or reasons for why the person or one particular individual just happened to say no to you either in front of other people or away from them on the other end of the hallways or anywhere in the building or community communitywise, well depending up on the situation or issue itself uhumm some people can actually be either Confusing, Inconsiderate, and/or-even just be a bunch of worldclass jerks and may actually show Favouritism and can even Disrespect you in front others and other people doesn't even matter if you're a person like myself with mild but not severe autism visiting your mom or other parent's workplace and sometimes they may even compliment others but not yourself both when and while you're actually dressed up similarly to them which is outrageous and it also isn't neccessarily always even a matter of actually being bipolar...At least I'm able to actually express myself which some of my cousins who aren't like myself such as autistic at all can't, I have a cousin who suffers from anxiety and a another one who suffers from severe depression while me have had mild ones before but generally tends to listen to music videos through youtube when and whenever that I get the chance too but I also use social media such as my facebook profile wall and youtube video comment section for getting everything out there...I've actually been treated poorly by certain individuals and people before in the past and some of these people were people who I once used to know while some of these people happen to be my mom's colleagues when after asking so Innoccently to get a picture with them just for not only fun to also make a special memory with them...Some things are actually worth saying yes too and can actually for once have a heart while other things you guys and gals can actually be just a little bit more specific and explain the reason behind it rather than just randomly saying no so rudely even if it was done in a calm mannered way which isn't even an excuse, the fact that we're even Expressing ourselves openly and liberally here through TH-cam not just through Facebook is exactly what makes us stronger and only makes the abusers weaker but we're also capable of saying no too...If guilt and shame is what you're really actually feeling and struggling with emotionally and physchologically, well then Please feel Psychologically and Emotionally Free to actually openly reach out and open up to a personal local community councelor for counseling like yourself there Julia Kristina or ask a Police or FireFighter Colleague to give a personal business card of a Trauma Therapist.!!! This really truly isn't much of a hard thing to actually do and text them alsoo too if you'd also would wish and like too actually, I mean common there guys we all know keeping quite about this isn't all that great nor at all helping, very True.
I've learned to say no to new requests, but I've also encountered commitments I need to step back from, and I don't know how to do that (these are volunteer things or recreational activities).
We moved four hours away from our families in retirement, so visits now involve people staying overnight for at least two days, which is much more difficult and involved than a single day get-together. This is adding another whole level of difficulty to setting boundaries and saying, “No”.
I looked this up because I had a pretty severe problem with saying no, and I kind of avoided people in general because I was worried about saying no without sounding mean. Unfortunately, that especially didn't help me when it came to "nice guys". Twice I was stalked and received a series of unwanted advances. Now, it wasn't my first (and I doubt last) time getting hit on. But what made these two cases frustrating was that both took advantage of the fact I thought of them as friends, would not take a hint, tried to manipulate me (and people around me), and worst of all, some friends and family actually sympathized with them. I had accusations of "leading them on" or "being mean" to them. One guy got caught lurking around my house and another actually went door to door in my neighborhood to find me. Also, one of them actually spread rumors he and I were dating despite me rejecting him for years. I looked back on thise times and realize despite saying no, I wasn't firm enough because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause drama. This wasn't helped by the many people that always treated me like I was the bad guy. So when one of these guys started to act like a douche to me, the few people who knew the truth actually reminded me how toxic he was as a "friend". The other guy, he was way *older* than me and took advantage of a sensitive time (personal issues) to repeatedly flirt with me. Keep in mind, I was underaged and my own mental health was in a shitshow. So, I honestly refuse to feel guilty next time or let anyone make me feel that way. But I still have much to learn so that's why I'm here.
Yes I will commit you've helped me so much, I really touchy subject I'm going through I try and say I really don't want to do this with explanation but still the other person doesn't respect what I say at the same time I give in I am trying not to be a people-pleaser no more
My dad's girlfriend put me on the spot when she asked me last minute if her daughter could come with me to the movies. I didn't feel comfortable taking her with me because I don't know her and I've never met her. This is the third time that I've had some form of conflict with my dad's girlfriend. I'm always getting negative reactions from her just for being myself. I'm not going to let another one of my dad's girlfriends make me feel bad for being myself in my own home. Being around her is exhausting emotionally. I let my dad know how I feel about her treating me this way and he just says I'm overreacting.
It's good to say no I have so much peace and energy and am happier I help others but if I notice a pattern that the person is only wanting me to dump there issues on me every time I set boundaries. If they are receprical Im willing to help.
What if people start arguing with me when I say no, and even when I explain myself they still try to convince me to say "yes"? I get angry at them, but they do not seem to care about how I feel, but only about the fact if they manage to convince me. What to do? What to say? How to deal with people who are unsatisfied with my explanations, and keep inventing solutions for me on how I should arrange my time, my way of living, my thoughts? I get really lost. :(
This is focussing on task related requests. It’s time management. What about non task related requests where “thanks for the offer” (there isn’t one) “I’ve got commitments” isn’t an appropriate answer. Where “no” results in disappointment or even sulking - being nice doesn’t help here.
Saying NO is saying yes to yourself, put yourself first and your best interests. It may be hard when we feel we are disappointing others, but by saying yes, you are only disappointing yourself !! We can't please everyone...!
We definitely can't please everyone ;-)
@@juliakristinamah nooo ♡
Thanks so much Erika, I have pasted your comment on to a sticky note on my laptop every day to remind myself to say no to something ;)
#staysafe
Amen!
@@juliakristinamah lol I was sitting down After 10 mile walk they said go check the menu my mom. Told me I said NOPE YOU GOT YOURE OWN LEGS LOL I LOVEVMY epilepsy rage 🤣
When time is so precious, NO is the most powerful tool you have
It definitely can be.
I’m finally learning that I don’t have to give lengthy explanations for why I can’t or don’t want to commit to something. I have FINALLY learned I can only handle so many things at a time especially as I get older. Sometimes I just don’t have the energy.
Yes, yes, YES!!! This is so good.
This is so on point.
its hard to get someone off your back. Its not just as easy as saying No, cause there are complications to consider. Saying No doesnt necessarily get people off your back. I say, "I simply cannot" when I get push back.
@@emfblockinghatsbyalana I've learned to say, "Because I just can't."
I have been manipulated as I am an empathetic person. Same people putting me on the spot and asking for favours. I am now setting boundaries and learning to decline requests. I refuse to suffer from BENEVOLENCE FATIGUE any longer.
This is favorite concise way to be turned down, “No, but thank you for thinking of me.” Another option, especially if people are rushed or in a chaotic/confused moment, is- “I will give that some thought, but if you are on a time crunch or you don’t hear back from me soon enough then my answer will have to be no.”
Those work great!
I started crying watching this. I have had a few “friends” for many, MANY years, and over those years, they turned bad. I’m so afraid of saying no to them because they get very mad and heartbroken and leave me. But they are just about the only friends I have left right now
It’s okay to be alone it gives you time to focus on your development
Create a new village. They're out there. Ppl sometimes are for a season or 2 or more. We grown and evolve.
Its better to learn to be alone and love our own company love your self first
I know it's hard, but change is very important if they're not the right bet. I belive in you, choose the time alone to grow and accept yourself. Alone doesn't mean lonely, by the way.
Sometimes when you tell people no, they get upset about it. It's usually because of their egos. They got it in their heads that you have to say yes in spite of the evidence to the contrary. Healthy boundaries means knowing that you can say no when you have to. I suggest that people should use this to their advantage. Whenever I hear "What do you mean no?" part of me wants to laugh in spite of how annoying this is. What else would I mean?
Omg it’s sooo hard 🤣 like texting someone no is still easier, bc I can give myself time to think about my answer. But when they’re face to face I START Sweating 💀
Yes that is my problem too
me too. Take a deep breath and say, "Ill get back to you about that"
As a yoga instructor, a family member asked if I would teach them a (free) yoga class weekly. In the past, I would have just said yes. BUT I'm proud of myself for saying, "Let's start with one class, and see how it goes." No more locking myself down and getting super overwhelmed. My time is important and I have many things I'm working toward on my own time!
Wow I realize that I need to say no without feeling guilty. The part about being kind resonated with me. I can be abrupt. I will keep these tips in mind. Often I just don’t reply back and then need to eventually tell the person no.
There's nothing wrong with saying no! And letting ourselves do it in a way that feels right for us is really empowering and will also help us feel more confident overall.
It took me the last few years to say no. The people we bring into our lives or our family can be the 1st people to cause the worst destruction in our lives. Those people who ask favors don't feel guilty! They get mad when we say no. They'll find someone else and they usually have a list.
Jeez when you say yes they are happy they are going to be more spoiled and they get rude when you say No! People say no to me but when they ask me I say yes I did this 10 times then when she said No to me the next day she ask me *can I borrow
your pen or rubber or your doll or your things*
When you say yes you get sad and they broke your things so the next she said can I borrow something I said NO GET OUT OF MY FACE SPOILED BRAT! and this how it ends happy
Love is not love if there is no choice. That is why God created humans with free will.
(just elaborating on "generosity is not generosity without boundaries.")
I totally agree.
Generosity is not generosity without boundaries!❣ specifical lesson
I needed this so much. Most of the time I find myself swamped with other's activities and feel so drained. And then I isolate and stay away from everything so much that I end up on extremes. I don't to be this stress ball anymore.
I needed this today. I’m a breadwinner. Oldest among 5 siblings. I’ve worked for more than 10 years as a provider, but was never appreciated. They act like it was my obligation to always provide. From today onwards I’ll say No whenever they ask for money. I’ve had enough. I’ll say YES for myself from now on.
I needed this talk this week. I set some boundaries with my coworkers last week - granted the execution wasn't the best, but I should be able to say no and not feel like I'm going to get shamed or talked down to. Keeping this as a guide as someone who is a people pleaser, it's going to be massively helpful for my mental health and wellbeing. I've never gained the skills to really say "no" in a way that has been productive. Thank you!
Some of us would come from a workplace where dating a coworker is not even allowed. So if you were in my shoes, you would have to make staying at work as your 1st priority over dating. If you come from a workplace where dating a coworker is not allowed, you get to use that an a good excuse to reject your coworker. You will get to say sorry I don't date coworkers since there is a policy stating that dating coworkers is not allowed. If policies were written like that, your coworkers do not earn the right to show entitlement. Your coworkers would have to choose to either quit the job or just be grateful for having a job.
I used to feel bad about not doing things for people, but I had to put my foot down to stop myself from being overburdened!! ❤️ I’m always super excited for your insight, your videos are always a highlight of my day.
Really so glad this connected Admir - and thank you for your kind words.
Julia Kristina Counselling You’re very welcome! ☺️ I’m incredibly grateful for your channel and the thoughtful messages you communicate in each video.
I really have difficulty to say no ,but its time to learn 😌
Saying no and meaning no without an individual asking you why or having a long discussion. When I say NO I want people to respect it.
Hi, I’m a super empath, and my favorite word is No. By saying no to someone you’re making yourself fell very proud, and will also make you smile or laugh and grow into a happier human. PS, if your with a narcissist say No to that relationship quickly!!
A tip that I particularly like to share with my clients is to make the decision to say, "no" in advance. It’s can be super helpful to decide these things in advance so that you’re not trying to make decisions on the fly in a situation where you feel pressured to make somebody else happy.
Heartfelt and warm thank you for this video. Today I was drained at all levels and very frustrated seeing my vacation days slip away from me only because I’m saying yes to everyone who wants to hang out with me and I did not want to upset them and felt guilty if I said no. I took this vacation to stay solo , focus on myself, reading, relaxing, and just be alone to be ready to start my next phase of my life. But because I struggle with saying no, I found myself halfway on my vacation without doing what I really want to do. Instead I am pleasing everyone else and forgetting myself.
Thank you and I will listen to this video over and over again to start applying what came on it. ♥️♥️
fillaa I hope you see this and understand, it's not mean to put yourself first, it's not wrong to choose yourself first before others, it's your time, you deserve it and you have the right to say NO
The people that ask you for so much are usually not willing to return the favors back to you!
I struggled and hard time with saying No and having healthy boundaries when I was younger but ever since I got older and became mentally emotionally and spiritually enlightened, awakened, and had self control , resilience, and maturity, Saying No and having Healthy Boundaries takes alot of maturity and courage sometimes and I know the Important of it now , Thank You Kristina
Thank you Julia Kristina this is powerful I know it now
This video was so helpful. I’m 46 years old and I’ve never set boundaries before. That’s probably why I feel so overwhelmed all the time. Thank you. This was very great information.
So glad I found you! I'm going to be direct and clear and nice. "No, but thanks for asking!!" Yay
really great advices! I'm tired of being a people pleaser, oftentime I don't even mean it. but some people is just very shameless; even I've said no to them very clearly and directly, it looks like they think there's still hope that they could convince / force me into doing something i dont like; just keep persuading and insisting, and it just becoming even more annoying. And if I show them that I'm annoyed and raised my tone a little to tell them 'NO' again, they would think I'm rude and disrespectful, especially towards relatives or family. This is very tiring, sometimes i just wish to completely disconnect and cut ties with my relatives.
I like the term over functioning. I've heard of low functioning and high functioning but never over functioning. Very interesting and helpful video!
The key is to come out with respect and honesty. Lovely explanation. Thank you
I have a friend who simply doesn't reply, instead of saying "no."
Natasha Mudford I do this 🤐😓.. I believe I do this because I want to avoid hurting their feelings, or make them feel some type of way like I’m selfish.. when actually it annoys them even more when I don’t respond. What would you prefer for your friend to do?
I don't like that. If you allow yourself to be firm and clear and kind with your no, there's no reason to avoid.
That's me 🙄
@bu2ful 1 I think all the more important to stand our ground and assert ourselves with people treating us in ways we don't like.
@@BeLykeWatersofNunLoveLepus I used to do that. But, that's totally inconsiderate. Saying "No" might disappoint people momentarily but making them keep waiting for your reply is disrespectful. I think we should say "No" immediately if we're unable to do something (and we're sure about it) so, that they can make other arrangements instead of wasting time in waiting for our response which is not coming.
Love to play you through my car and listen while I drive. 💜 Thanks for another great video.
Hope you had a great commute! Thanks for letting me be in the car with you ;-)
You are soooooo good Julia Kristina. Best information out there! Soooo well spoken and I have gained a ton from your videos! Thank you!
This is something that I have struggled with for years and I am so glad I watching this
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request." Captain Barbossa--Pirates of the Caribbean
Love it!
I love that line!
Omg I so needed this, especially at 8:41 when it’s mentioned that it’s ok to say no even if your commitment is staying at home and twiddling your thumbs. I work per Diem in healthcare and have been working a lot lately to the point of feeling burned out again and even having memory loss form stress. This week I’m off to relax but I get a text from a person I just covered last week to see if I could cover her again. Her family member is sick and wants to visit her but I said no because physically and mentally I’m just too exhausted. I know she is too but you know that’s why I don’t work full time I can’t it’s too much for me. But I’ve been wracked with guilt saying no to her. I hope she finds someone to cover for her.
Try to advocate for yourself at least as much as you advocate for others! I like this sentence. We always think of others, not ourselves.. very wrong sometimes
Thank you for making this video! I needed this video, and can't wait to start saying NO without feeling bad about it!
I'm in total shock right now... When you got to the part about childhood I suddenly had a massive headache and I had to lay down. You hit the nail on the head. Okay, taking a deep breath... I'm ready for this next step. TYSM ❤️
I'm new to this channel, and so far this is my 3rd video I've watched.
I feel so much more confident already in my ability to set boundaries in relationships, and especially with my family.
Thank you so much Julia for making these videos accessible to the public, I can't wait to work my way through the rest of your uploads.
I absolutely needed this video, I am the worst at saying no especially at work. To often lately has my work been like can you work this day this day and this day and I'm like yes yes yes then next thing I know I'm working 50-70 hours a week working 8-12 hour days with one day off a week if I'm lucky. And while the pay is good when I'm away from work I find myself so exhausted and burned out that even deciding to not spend my entire day off in bed takes to much effort and after work when friends are like you wanna hang out I'm like no I'm just gonna lay down and die about something else. I just feel so bad saying no to people especially work cause I feel like I'm the only one especially at work who will say yes. Even when I'm at work I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated from being exhausted and burned out that people often tell me your doing to much you need a break. But I just can't!!!
found you last week and been watching everyday! thank you. I was feeling guilty for ending a friendship but this video is helpful too. I felt like I could just be civil and be her friend but I don't want to.
You are doing great good with these videos Julia! Keep them coming😀. I appreciate all the effort you put into them. I would suggest that you do a video on guilt as that might help alot of people who might messed up in their past, but do not want to keep stuck in it.
Thank you, Julia! These are all reasonable and doable!!
Excellent! Really glad it connected
Thank you for the booster. Every now and then I revert to becoming the "yes" woman and I need reassurance.👍🏾
Very helpful... Especially around the Holidays 😉🙏😀
Yes! Listening to and taking care of ourselves around the holidays - and everyday - is important.
“Clear, concise, and nice”❤️❤️❤️
Hello, I'm suffering from this problem since a long time I've watched so many videos to learn but again and again i do same mistakes and still I'm not able to change myself properly and I'm so tired of my this habit 🥺
Saying less (not listing your reasons to decline) is so much KINDER! It's a compliment to be asked to do something, so when you vomit out a list of whys, you are actually insulting the person who thought so much of you to ask you to participate.
It's powerful yet frustrating and freeing..to know. I've been the cause of my overwhelmed stressful life. When just the word no, that I am so afraid of..was the antidote ..THE WHOLE TIME. At this moment, I feel the word NO .. is the true beginning of ADULTHOOD😂. For me at least.
Excellent advice. I can use your tips to say no more often now. Somehow the volume of your clip seems to soften after 12:30 mins. Thanks
I made the mistake of saying yes when I meant to say no. Now I have to go back to the person and decline. 😔 Kinda freaking out but this video is helping😊
So glad it's helping - and that freaking out thing is normal - it means you're growing. Good for you sis!
I did the same today,said yes ...then I went to the house n I was like HELL NO... called her n told her,look this is how it is....NO... to be honest that felt damn good n now I am happy.
Amber Wilson man
The example at the end was eloquent: there's a world of difference between the kind and empathic way you explained your NO to your sibling, and the unexplained and the (3 separate times reinforced) NO I got from a member of my extended family that was supposedly "a close friend"...
Thank you for this video. Honestly, saying "No" without feeling guilty is very hard. I always struggled with that. I think I can't have enough of it.
Clear, concise and nice.....great! That I can even practice today.
Let us know how it goes!
@@juliakristinamah my cousin is getting married in Pakistan. She wants me to attend the wedding. Of course, I can't go at this time of year. I apologized and refused as lovingly as possible. She understood. I thanked her for understanding and really tried to communicate that it was such an honor to be invited. I m so touched but, I can't make it.
I have a 'friend' who is expecting right now, and I just had my son about a year ago. So I have a big spot in my heart for babies.. so I find myself helping this friend with as much as she asks for. Because I want that baby to have what she needs. So if she needs a ride to pick baby items up, needs help getting food, etc. I always end up saying I can help. But she asks almost every day for a ride somewhere... And with my son and home life, it's alot. I want to cut her out of my life or atleast say no more, but I feel like id be betraying her and her baby. But she doesn't do anything for herself. And I love helping too much, that I help more than I can handle. I've said no a few times and she always begs or uses pity to get me to help. I'm just so done though, I want her and her baby to be healthy and happy, but it can't be all up to me. Ughh..
Jesus said, " Let your yes be yes and your no be no.... Really like you. You have good things to say.
You can't give and forget about individuality at the same time. That's not possible to live healthily and sustainably well in any relationship - be it with others or the wider community, otherwise we live in a totalitarian way and that is not the way to live. It's self-destructive and malevolent towards everyone, to the oppressors and oppressed alike. We've seen this before in history and it almost wiped all of us out. So no... look after yourself first because that's the cornerstone to one's own wellness, and then it is much more sustainable and healthier to help others and thus the decision is easier to make (to say yes or no) because you'll be able to afford to with managed self-care or better gage yourself in that manner at a given time. Whilst others can chime in and support, ultimately no one is responsible for that apart from the individual themselves. I think a good indicator is that if you're struggling to help yourself, even in the seemingly trivial ways such as organising your routine and your room for example, then you're in no way of shape to be able to take on a bigger task such as helping someone's problems or the wider community/society. It'll seriously destroy you, damage your psyche and confuse your moral compass; it's no joke. Instead - and when you can healthily afford to and are capable of doing so - a more responsible, lasting, peaceful and fulfilling solution is this old saying of "give a man a fish - you feed him for a day, teach a man how to fish and he (ie. You help the man) feeds himself for a lifetime". In other words, teach others how to look after themselves instead of constantly giving them your expendable resources (physical and metaphysical), teach the person to develop their own. That is true and genuine helping in my opinion. That way, you are bothered much less in the future and reduces codependency whilst increasing responsibility. So, unless it's a life-and-death emergency situation, if you're being guilt-tripped for saying no to a request - that is oppression imposed upon you and that is irresponsible by the "demander" and morally unacceptable. And that can explain your feelings in why it's difficult to say no - as your autonomy was taken and misused many times throughout your life and usually without being aware of it.
Excellent way of explanation.
This video has changed my mind, I have a partner who I can't say no to especially when he ask me for money, even if I have plans for the money and if I say no he becomes angry and saying that am selfish
Thank you for this video still learning how to set better boundaries with toxic people without feeling guilty .
Awesome Mike! And, just as an aside, people aren't actually toxic - it's our lack of assertiveness and lack of healthy boundaries that makes them hard for us to be around. No one can poison you unless you drink what they put in front of you.
Julia Kristina
Oh yes there are toxic people. The world is gagging on them. They are nasty, demanding, aggressive, destructive and just plain evil and they are literally EVERYWHERE. Just read about them and educate yourself about narcissists and you’ll see them.
Also-children have no choice but to drink that poison put in front of them.
@@juliakristinamah Thanks still learning love your channel btw !
Nice explanation. I appreciate your suggestions were relatable and concise.
I’m afraid to say no to my family members because I don’t like some of the things they invite me to do with them. When that happens I can’t think of anything else, stressing out, feels like I’m carrying a lot of weight especially in my chest. I’m still working on saying no, but the video helped a lot especially now I’m not the only who has this problem.
Thank you, I’ve never said no. I always thought I would sound rude. So i appreciate it
Hi, I was watching this video because I will be meeting a person who made me a job offer in the next 2 days, and I was freaking out about having to say no, I'm a total yes person, and I always say yes at the expense of my own sanity and happiness, and I'm 35 now and I feel if I don't learn self respect now, I never will.The offer I was made initially sounded super exciting and definitely something I can envision myself doing with passion and achieving great results.Since then, the way things seem to go, is in completely different direction, but the assumption on that persons side is still the same, is that I'm interested in the position.I am still nervous, but I'm going to say NO and be grateful and nice about it.I'll let ya'll know how it went :) Thank you Julia, I feel i'm not alone in it
I really enjoyed the whole process that you explained in the video
I recently accepted a role at my university as an executive member of a club. However, sleeping on it I decided it does nothing for me. So I want to quit. But I didn't know-how. Until I watched this video. I will call my advisor and tell him that since I have a lot on my plate its impossible for me to commit to another club and my teammates deserve someone who will commit 100% Thank you Julia you helped a lot
Yes!!!! so Happy this video came out now! doubly shared! resonates wholly right now :)
Thanks sister! So glad it connected.
@@juliakristinamah I am so truly blessed by the light you give! Thank you
Julia. Wonderful class. I say:yes,yes,yes,yes. Yes. I am exploited because of carrying junk.
I am so glad I found your videos just started watching you this morning and you hit alot of key points
thank you, this video helped me say no and stick to the decision despite intense and repetitive emotional pressure that was put on me. And to feel ok with this :)
Video starts at 01:33
It’s the fact that I say “I don’t think I can go on a bike ride today” because we go everyday and she goes “why”. Like she literally spams my phone every day saying “hello? You there? When can you go? I’m coming down”
This is awesome! I appreciate these keen insights.
Thanks so much for this! It's crazy I'll be going something in life i go to TH-cam and you make a video on what i need! It's like your a mind reader 💗
Ughhh.. i need so much help...
How'd i get so far behind...
Mental breakdown in 2015 has not been easy.
Oh well... im trying anyways.
Great video.
Thank you for all your videos.
Really glad it connected Edward. And you're not far behind - you are exactly where you're supposed to be - and investing in yourself - that's huge.
I'm here because today I sayd yes when I should sayd no. I know I disappointed my self but I have learned. I swear!
listened to your u tube & I like the clear, calm, kind ways to say no. We all need to know when to put up the SOS.
thank you 4 your help.
Thank you for your content, however none of this works with most of my family or some friends!! Even after politely explainning when necessary! For years it always ended with them badgering me to get their way because they are self-centered and only think of themselves. The whole conversation ends up being an arguement. An older friend who is like a mother to me said, I have to just say, " Out of respect for my husband let me run that by him first to see if he's made plans," Now none of them questions my "No" because they know they are not going to question him as to why not or try and get him to change his mind. Yes I know in their eyes I may look weak with that response. I don't care what they think because truthfully I am the one that makes the decisions on everything!
On the other side, i kept inviting someone to things, helping them with stuff, tried talking with them. All i ever got was "No" if it was something they didnt like. No explanation what the "no" was directed at, no reason why. I was left guessing what "No" was about, which only led me on to keep trying over 1.5 years until i finally got tired of it all. You might be busy, but the other person probably are too...
I wish it was really that easy. Some people like to ask even when you give them brief explanation. My friends and family always ask why and what’s the reason etc.. they always want to know in details. A friend was already upset at me for canceling out on her for her birthday since she told me ahead of time. I was very nice about it and had told her that I had just realized that those are my family’s busy month and we have a lot going on and I have to be there with my family. I even apologize. This is nothing new.. my friends them know those busy months with my family so it’s really shouldn’t be any surprise to them. These friends always gets upset if you don’t come and hangout with them and some even thinks you act like you’re too good to hangout with them. Smh. To be honest, I say what I say and I can’t control how they think and feel so I only do my part by saying what I got to say. Afterwards, I let them be. It’s fine if the speak bad about me. I’m tire of it and I just try not to let the bs effect me. I can’t expect them to understand when they don’t or can’t understand and respect me or my explanation.
14:00 people canceling plans is the best thing ever, suddenly you have a whole day free to watch television
For some of a lot of other people, well you see it's just that the thing of the matter of that is just that another reason happens to be that it's also because they just don't want to offend anyone and I've also been in the shoes of both peoples and both persons such as having to be the one to actually say no and also be the one to be said no too...But depending on the reason or reasons for why the person or one particular individual just happened to say no to you either in front of other people or away from them on the other end of the hallways or anywhere in the building or community communitywise, well depending up on the situation or issue itself uhumm some people can actually be either Confusing, Inconsiderate, and/or-even just be a bunch of worldclass jerks and may actually show Favouritism and can even Disrespect you in front others and other people doesn't even matter if you're a person like myself with mild but not severe autism visiting your mom or other parent's workplace and sometimes they may even compliment others but not yourself both when and while you're actually dressed up similarly to them which is outrageous and it also isn't neccessarily always even a matter of actually being bipolar...At least I'm able to actually express myself which some of my cousins who aren't like myself such as autistic at all can't, I have a cousin who suffers from anxiety and a another one who suffers from severe depression while me have had mild ones before but generally tends to listen to music videos through youtube when and whenever that I get the chance too but I also use social media such as my facebook profile wall and youtube video comment section for getting everything out there...I've actually been treated poorly by certain individuals and people before in the past and some of these people were people who I once used to know while some of these people happen to be my mom's colleagues when after asking so Innoccently to get a picture with them just for not only fun to also make a special memory with them...Some things are actually worth saying yes too and can actually for once have a heart while other things you guys and gals can actually be just a little bit more specific and explain the reason behind it rather than just randomly saying no so rudely even if it was done in a calm mannered way which isn't even an excuse, the fact that we're even Expressing ourselves openly and liberally here through TH-cam not just through Facebook is exactly what makes us stronger and only makes the abusers weaker but we're also capable of saying no too...If guilt and shame is what you're really actually feeling and struggling with emotionally and physchologically, well then Please feel Psychologically and Emotionally Free to actually openly reach out and open up to a personal local community councelor for counseling like yourself there Julia Kristina or ask a Police or FireFighter Colleague to give a personal business card of a Trauma Therapist.!!! This really truly isn't much of a hard thing to actually do and text them alsoo too if you'd also would wish and like too actually, I mean common there guys we all know keeping quite about this isn't all that great nor at all helping, very True.
I've learned to say no to new requests, but I've also encountered commitments I need to step back from, and I don't know how to do that (these are volunteer things or recreational activities).
Just what I needed to Hear!
Signed, self acknowledged people pleaser.😬
Thank you I really struggle with this and have reached a breaking point
This is helpful
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We moved four hours away from our families in retirement, so visits now involve people staying overnight for at least two days, which is much more difficult and involved than a single day get-together. This is adding another whole level of difficulty to setting boundaries and saying, “No”.
This is what I needed right now!
I looked this up because I had a pretty severe problem with saying no, and I kind of avoided people in general because I was worried about saying no without sounding mean. Unfortunately, that especially didn't help me when it came to "nice guys". Twice I was stalked and received a series of unwanted advances. Now, it wasn't my first (and I doubt last) time getting hit on. But what made these two cases frustrating was that both took advantage of the fact I thought of them as friends, would not take a hint, tried to manipulate me (and people around me), and worst of all, some friends and family actually sympathized with them. I had accusations of "leading them on" or "being mean" to them. One guy got caught lurking around my house and another actually went door to door in my neighborhood to find me. Also, one of them actually spread rumors he and I were dating despite me rejecting him for years. I looked back on thise times and realize despite saying no, I wasn't firm enough because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or cause drama. This wasn't helped by the many people that always treated me like I was the bad guy. So when one of these guys started to act like a douche to me, the few people who knew the truth actually reminded me how toxic he was as a "friend". The other guy, he was way *older* than me and took advantage of a sensitive time (personal issues) to repeatedly flirt with me. Keep in mind, I was underaged and my own mental health was in a shitshow. So, I honestly refuse to feel guilty next time or let anyone make me feel that way. But I still have much to learn so that's why I'm here.
Everyone needs to learn to stand up for themselves
Yes I will commit you've helped me so much, I really touchy subject I'm going through I try and say I really don't want to do this with explanation but still the other person doesn't respect what I say at the same time I give in I am trying not to be a people-pleaser no more
What microphone are u using the clarity coming from your voice to my speakers in the UK is so increadible. Thanx for your advice now .
You're amazing, it feels like you're a support so thank you x
I hope you have children so they can demonstrate to the rest of the world how people should act in society and know their worth 🤞👍
Thank you for the video. I found it conditioning, I.e a tolerance builder. Good work.
Clear, concise, and nice. Thank you very much!
My dad's girlfriend put me on the spot when she asked me last minute if her daughter could come with me to the movies. I didn't feel comfortable taking her with me because I don't know her and I've never met her. This is the third time that I've had some form of conflict with my dad's girlfriend. I'm always getting negative reactions from her just for being myself. I'm not going to let another one of my dad's girlfriends make me feel bad for being myself in my own home. Being around her is exhausting emotionally. I let my dad know how I feel about her treating me this way and he just says I'm overreacting.
You’re dad is gaslighting u
It's good to say no I have so much peace and energy and am happier I help others but if I notice a pattern that the person is only wanting me to dump there issues on me every time I set boundaries. If they are receprical Im willing to help.
What if people start arguing with me when I say no, and even when I explain myself they still try to convince me to say "yes"? I get angry at them, but they do not seem to care about how I feel, but only about the fact if they manage to convince me. What to do? What to say? How to deal with people who are unsatisfied with my explanations, and keep inventing solutions for me on how I should arrange my time, my way of living, my thoughts? I get really lost. :(
Exactly!
How about " for the sake of my health I need to say no. Please respect my decision. I do not want to discuss this further "
This is focussing on task related requests. It’s time management. What about non task related requests where “thanks for the offer” (there isn’t one) “I’ve got commitments” isn’t an appropriate answer. Where “no” results in disappointment or even sulking - being nice doesn’t help here.
Was it Right for me to say Yes when it comes to righting And signing an agreement tipe form maid out of lined paper from my spirol note book?