how my extreme 'self care' became self sabotage | Get ready for bed with me | Tarek Ali
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ต.ค. 2024
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business contact ➭ tarekali.contact@gmail.com
F A Q
what’s your name? Tarek Ali (Tuh-reek Ali)
are you muslim? no but kind of? I'm omnist/perennialist
what’s your instagram? @itstarekali on everything
how old are you? 24 ( birthday 11/11/97)
What's your sign? Scorpio (virgo rising, aries moon)
how tall are you? 6'1"
what’s your ethnicity? African-American
where are you from? childhood in 757, middle school years in Richmond/Chesterfield, high school in PG Maryland (DC area)
what equipment do you use to film?
~if there is a blurry background and close up
➭ camera: amzn.to/3cMGWjf
➭ lens: amzn.to/2TCGEUK
~if it's a wide-angle and 4K
➭ camera: amzn.to/2CE2xgz
➭ lens: amzn.to/3eO3AYp
➭ mic: amzn.to/2TSbSpK
➭ more/all equipment: www.amazon.com...
➭ editing: final cut pro
This is literally what im going through, finding myself, taking care of me and then actually meeting someone that has been treating me like a queen. I havent healed from my trauma so i self sabotage because i feel as if i don’t deserve the love he gives me. I’m always the person to take care of everyone and when it comes to me i am left with nothing, no energy. Its a process, im going to therapy and thank you for your videos because everytime im going through something or in my head you post and i feel like god is like just watch this. Thank you
Literally. I feel like I don’t deserve so gotta work hard for the ppl around me who works hard for me😊I shouldn’t love myself this much & gotta get out from my over-self caring zone to get something in life; for the lovely peeps around me🥂 Tnx 4 sharing!
@@did_i_ask_btchDO_i_look_i_care thank you for sharing as well ❤️
@@jadebeamon7175 🥰🥰☺️💜
9:38 "healing is understanding what you feeling and then building on that. if you don't feel, you wont have anything to build off of"
wow
i resonate so much with this. literally realized today that its been 5 months since my breakup. i feel like ive been pouring into myself so much with affirmations every morning & listening to 500 podcasts a week 😭 yet i still feel empty. my heart still hurts as if it just happened. this video just help me realized that its time to sit in this and truly reflect.
Someone advised me to feel all my emotions. I cried a lot when the wound was still fresh…even when it wasn’t tbh I just let myself cry. I’m not sure why we don’t want to cry about these things maybe we get frustrated and honestly don’t want to be phased. But letting your emotions out really helps. I pray the best for you sweets you’ll be fine in the end !
@@walkwithaissata i agree, but i think sometimes we reach a point where we’re just sick of crying & wallowing in it. the process overall is super exhausting but thank you so much! 💕💕 i pray for the same outcome
Wow, you are me almost 2 years ago… I became a “spiritual” being to get over my break up. I was manifesting and pampering myself and everything under the sun trying to escape the pain of my breakup. And I ended up in therapy 8 months later in the exact same state and in shambles and my therapist told me that instead of escaping my pain, I need to analyze why I’m feeling the way that I feel, what is the depth behind it, and give myself enough love, grace, and support to allow it. My whole life totally transformed (very slowly with time), not only in terms of feeling better, but also in the way that I handle myself in any situation. Self care isn’t about positive affirmations and buying yourself things, and eating what you want. Self care is about truly getting to know yourself and what you need, and giving yourself the space and love to go through what you’re going through. Self care can be to let yourself hurt badly in the moment, so that true healing comes a year from now. It took me nearly 2 years to get over my breakup bc it was wrapped in so much prior trauma and self hatred, and though it was the most painful time of my life, I came out the other side at true peace in my spirit. I used to bounce to a new rebound again and again and that would temporarily ease my pain, but me giving myself the space and time to heal has allowed me to mend so much of the pain that I carried with me for YEARS and now I know it will never return. It’s been handled but me in 2021, who was stronger than I could have imagined. I’m so glad that you discovered this and I PROMISE that however bad it hurts now, trust me I know it can get real bad, just hang in there, because it truly gets better. When you look back a few years from now, you’ll remember the pain w fondness bc it helped you to get to who you are in the moment: truly healed and thriving.
Something i’ve noticed about myself recently is i’ve only ever seen my present self as a transitional self, that the future me can only benefit from and that’s what a lot of my “self care” revolved around. So I’m doing all of these things with myself, & to myself with the intent of self care but I’ve never actually just “been” with myself or allowed myself to just be.
Idk if that makes since, but I’m shook you posted this video when this is something I’ve been over analyzing all week, lol.
You just described what I’ve been feeling but haven’t been putting it into words!
When I had my first breakup I wanted to talk to friends about it all the time, becuase trough the relationship I didnt talk to anybody beacause of shame. And talk about was a way of healing. Its been prolly 1 year now since the breakup and I still think about it sometimes, reminiscing the bad situations that I was in, and it makes me sad that I allowed myself to be treated that way.
I really needed this. I broke up with my ex 2 months ago and at first I thought I was fine I didn’t wanna be too sad about it but recently I just realized that im really really hurt because I still love her. I never allow myself to feel anything I need to feel. I think im scared it’ll will take me too long to stop feeling that way :/
I loveeeee thisss! Growing up as the middle child and being giving titles ( peacemaker, hope, the perfect one) I was expected to be peaceful and not cause any problems or if I did try to speak up or just be a kid it was like don’t try to be like your brother and sister who were labeled too loud or too arrogant! So I wasn’t allowed to talk about my problems or feel the opposite of always happy! And I was also taught to put on a happy face and pray through it! What that taught me was that we are totally disregarding the most important human emotions and placing it with emotions that isn’t even our own to try to people please and not feeling what’s really true to ourselves! In addition that doesn’t teach how to really listen to ourselves but others!
This is very inspirational. More people need to acknowledge their emotions and stop with the toxic positivity.
This sounds like me 😩 I’ve Learned to heal myself through my writing
Whenever i moved passed my feelings i always end up revisiting them in the most painful way. It hurts to heal in retrospect, especially if the healing involes someone else
When you said that black boys aren’t allowed to cry thing, that hit. Thank you 🙏🏾
I felt every ounce of that! I was in a 10 year relationship (we broke up over 3 years ago), and before I was able to even think about being in another relationship I needed to mourn that relationship/trauma. Now I’m in a much better place mentally and physically and in a relationship that is surrounded with positivity. Keep healing 💙
I love his soul 🥺
Thank you thank you for speaking on it. I’m experiencing the exact same thing. I was constantly trying to distract myself (i was going to work 24/7, creating content, and telling myself it was in the name of “healing”) bc i just didn’t wanna to have to feel that. I would cry for two mins “ok i felt it” and i was genuinely confused as to why i was still sad?? Like i cried so what’s the issue?? And it began a level of resentment towards myself/that person, allowed my inner critic to just run wild and even worse believing it bc why couldn’t i just get over or move on like everyone else (or how everyone APPEARED to move on) u know ? And now I’m lost as to where to go from here but i think awareness is the first step. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this bc i felt seen and with these comments i no longer feel like there’s something “wrong w me” i guess I’m human
Keep a journal. Write it down. Journal, journal, journal.
definitely one of those people that try not to feel my emotions because once I’m in it, it gets very very dark. been about 2 and half month post breakup for me and I have no idea what I’m actually feeling. numbing the feels is my go to and I’m not exactly in the space to ‘heal’ just yet.
This definitely resonated w/ me! I remember I was using toxic positivity to "heal myself" then I eventually realized it wasn't working internally! Thanks for the reminder that feeling your real emotions is normal & apologizing to yourself is very beneficial ✨
I just came to the realization that sometimes you will feel worse before you get better. Getting deeper into the shadow will be what aids in transformation.
I love how your so honest about yourself and your telling us how your healing process is going . I love how you tell us things we went through so we can help you . I may not have a partner yet but I am 100000+ sure that sometimes I feel like my mom doesn't listen to me or sometimes she hates me and doesn't want me around . Me at age 6 thinking it was because of me the pain she had of me when i was being born but soon I found out it was because my dad died . Figuring out all of this and middle school had me depressed . I have anxiety and depression but I feel like I am healing now because I have the best people in my life and one of those people if you Tarek I love you Babe - Remember self love , respect is stronger than anything .
I love this man. Life hasn’t been so kind to me latley, & tried taking myself on a date yesterday & it was just unfulfilling. I love how open you are to this.
Idk why I keep playing myself. Lemme gon ahead and subscribe.
“I need space for myself to feel “ love that for us !
Former esthetician here for the hydra boost only get gel if you have oily skin if you have combination/dry try the cream version
Clay/gel=oily skin
Cream=dry skin
thankyou for this!!!!
Thank you for being so transparent ✨☪️
youre the best 🤍 this definitely resonates especially for those of us who are learning how to reparent ourselves while healing from recent/current situations. it's one thing to reflect on past traumas and navigate triggers, and it's a whole diff thing when on top of that you're ALSO navigating the entire experience of new love, heartbreak, major life changes, etc. i completely agree with you in that sharing our experiences sort of normalizes open vulnerability, & also the importance of using self-care tactics in moderation like anything else.
sending love to all of our inner kids who probably really enjoyed the face masks and podcasts and beach picnics etc.
but also how cool is it that laying in bed and listening to what that inner kid has to say is just as, if not more effective... im rambling im sorry but i just enjoy your videos so much and your shares are so special. so proud of you 🤍
We’re strangers, but this was powerful 🥺
When you said I always think I’m fine before I cry I definitely felt that
Wow this sounds like me for so long i've been confused on how to heal from depression and get better so i constantly researched and researched on how to heal but i never put it into fruition and i would always feel shitty and set unrealistic expectations of myself this video made me realize me constantly researching everyday and trying to be better and FIX EVERYThing in my life was just another way of me trying to runaway from my emotions
This is why I love watching him. He teaches me about myself. He has helped me so much
“I think i’m fine… I always think im fine before I cry” 🫡
Yessss I go through this actually a lot ! I want to heal so bad I try to push myself to do what I feel I SHOULD do I try to force happiness on myself and that’s just not realistic. We need to learn that’s it’s okay to feel tired, sad, burnout whatever & when it’s time for your spirit to lift itself. It will
Therapy is so important . I also learned to stop in the middle in therapy
Thank you for sharing this, I resonate with all of this. Allowing myself to feel is so new to me, but so necessary✨
there’s a gift inside of this guy! a beacon of light & hope. ❤️
This reminds me of a topic on Food 4 Thot podcast, feeling the emotions are so essential to our growth rather than just learning to heal from it immediately
ouuu chile we lucky fr we getting a video at this hr
❤❤❤❤
I’m only on the first part of the video but I wanna say I really enjoy your videos you have such a good genuine energy.
friend you been uploading so much lately & im loving it
admire the vulnerability , heavyyyy just makes me feel a lot more comfortable knowing how I feel
I can be the type that after a break up, I allow myself to feel but during/ after I didn't practice self love and self care and be stuck at just feeling. Also wondering how so many people can move on faster than I could. Then I learned they skipped allowing themselves to feel and went straight to self love and care. That's when I became aware my next step, self love/care was hard for me to do because I wasn't taught self love and care as a child. However, I was raised on love so I expected others to do for me what I didn't know I can do for myself. And I was repeating that behavior as an adult. Every step required me to be aware of myself and my feelings, thoughts and who I'm becoming.
You and your channel and progress in life is truly inspiring!!! 😁💪🏽🙏🏽👑
I was just talking to my friend about being sure to fully feel something before solving “the problem” or moving on to the next thing
You're a beautiful beautiful soul.
This was such a lovely video, thank you so much for sharing with us and reassuring me of how I already felt in terms of “healing”; it’s not linear and honestly it’s better for me to cry and feel all those “bad” emotions…it’s apart of healing!
I am a longtime subscriber, but I haven’t seen you in quite a while. I really resonated with what you were saying about the need to process and truly FEEL your feelings. This video speaks volumes about how we should take out time to practice self care. Sending you and everyone ❤️ and 💡.
I’m truly looking forward to the podcast 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I am truly looking forward to the podcast 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Thanks for sharing I needed to hear this I’m raising a black son and I want him to be different and in touch with his emotions. This video help me to see how I can do that. Which is simple just acknowledge his feelings. Thanks 🙏🏾
yes podcast
Soooo sooo glad that you talkeed about the boundary between self love vs. feeling. I would also speak against the showing of only positive content because life sucks at times and I want to see others authentically live life too. Why would I only watch content of someone who is ALWAYS living good when literally that is not typical. Sure we uplift ourselves when we are down but that is not my default, my default is human. Taking the ups with the downs.
I love the break up videos. Keep the courage it’s inspiring.
You’ve been really helpful to me with your transparency, I really appreciate you & your content thank you.
Would love a morning routine. Or a morning talk while u get ready in the morning.
Watching u take care of urself whether ur being transparent about how u feel (which is self care) or u just washing ur face. Is really therapeutic
I feel like I wish I knew you when I had my big break up. Fuck I went through it and I always wanted to talk about it till the point my friends made fun of me!
wow, this is literally sooo true!! thank you for your transparency 🙏🏽
I feel like you truly hit the nail with this. Too often i feel like we tell are selves we are better rather than we will feel better so we dont get embarrassed. I feel as if this just blocks our emotions leads them to eventually blowing up on us.
I absolutely love your videos. There isn't enough people talking about their own past experiences and how they are trying to work through that like you said. I am working on the same thing myself. Trying to love myself enough that I don't need a partner or anyone to make me feel whole. I realized right now that I am extremely lonely and I feel like that's just a breeding ground for desperation. And I have been through a trauma bond before and still trying to get over it even though it's been a few years since that ended. Keep doing what you are doing. I know your videos hit hoke because almost every time I watch one I have to stop and cry cuz you reminded me of something or caused me to have a realization about me and my situation. You are so right there are so many people going through this and it is really refreshing to see someone get on their platform and bare their soul the way you do. Cuz it's extremely hard to do that. Just know you got so much love out here for you and what you do. Keep going! I can't wait till your podcast comes out
I had a breakup end back in January of this year, and immediately I took myself out to eat, I played Lemonade, and would do anything I could to distract myself from it. It wasn’t until that same night, I was about to go into my apartment and realized I left my ID somewhere. I remember screaming and crying in the car, “Why is this happening to me? Why is everything going wrong today?“ (right? WOOW, that’s what I’m saying.) immediately, I wiped my tears and cried myself to sleep. Next day, I tried to ignore it again. Went shopping for some clothes, went out to eat, drove around, and every night I’d just cry, wondering why this person broke up with me so easily after telling me not long ago they loved me. A month later, I’ve finally decided to just allow myself to grieve. It was either go ahead and cry it out now, or keep pushing it down, and watch it explode later on. I played my sad music. I journaled. I vented in my voice memos, and to friends that would listen. I vented it all out. Now, I do feel so much better, and I have found my happiness again. But even better, I became more in tune with my emotions, and it feels so good to just “feel.” Do I still miss that person? A little tiny bit. But now that I have more clarity, I see that I have dodged a bullet. And if I never went through that, I probably would’ve never known myself as well as I do now. I am now open to love again. I know that I won’t carry baggage into my next relationship, and I have an idea of what to do and what not to do. I’ve learned to let people go when they want to leave. I’ve learned to not hold high expectations of my partners as well. Tarek, thank you for these videos. I relate to you so so much.
Wow, so timely. You’re absolutely not alone!
Can't wait for your podcast, I love your insight in things 🙌
i didn't want to hear this but it's what i needed to hear in this exact moment. thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this! TH-cam recommended this video for me on my feed. And this is what I needed to hear tonight before going to bed. I've been trying to bypass my feelings with things to do. Rather then sit with my feelings and recognizes for what it is in that moment. A.k.a I need to go back to consistently Journaling my thoughts and feelings everyday. Thank you again for sharing!
Just know, you are amazing '! Please make more videos your thoughts are just right to be
Thank you for being obedient to that nudge to share right now. Not later, but now. This really helped me a lot as I’m transitioning through what feels like an identity crisis. 😩😂 Love & light 💚
Thank you 🙏🏽 your message most certainly has helped me.
I needed to hear this honestly because I feel like I’m right where you were ..
Positivity can be so nuanced! Thanks for sharing!
I love your transparency, I connected with you on so many things you’ve stated.. alot of our struggles unfortunately come from past traumas as a child. Im so glad I found your channel.. p.s you are so fineee lol , keep being the voice for others, I feel i was here to uplift and inspire those on my platform as well❤️
Thank you for this video. This message just sunk in recently. I was with my narcissistic ex for 5 years. Our relationship ended 3 years ago and I never let myself feel the emotions that came along after that relationship. I’m only now moving ok because I stopped distracting and started listening. I love your videos so much. They always seem to be in line with what I’m going thru in that moment. Xo
I don’t comment a lot, but I’m so glad you’re posting! This is so encouraging & I went through the same thing.
Just.....time......Great that you're taking it "slow". Good thing for you.....me too. 💞
I really needed this today. Thank you for your transparency!
YES TO THE HYDRO BOOST
Love listening to you + your body looks amazing!!
4:30 I feel that way too, I don't know why 🤦🏾♀️ and I'm not even an influencer, public figure etc...
Cant wait for the podcast!! I love every single one of your videos, so motivational and refreshing!!
"i was never given the space to just feel".
I have thought a lot about that (due to your previous videos) and I'm pretty sure a lot of viewers can (our could have been at one time in their past) in the same place. After all, as you say, feeling things is not as encouraged as problem solving.
But it's not only relatability what makes people watch your videos. I think that the insightfullness and capacity to communicate your ideas are also really important.
Once again, I think that me and the users in your comment section can confirm that your content matters and it's helpful ❤. Hope to hear the podcast soon :)
I really love your videos on topics like this. Your stories, mindset, and seeing you grow resonates with what I’ve been feeling and going throughout this past year or so. Thank you for opening up and sharing 💕
so excited for the podcast!!!!🤍
Hurray podcast 🥳🥳🥳🥳
Your always talking that real shit Tarek
I resonated with this video. Tarek, you’ve helped me so much with my healing journey and have given me a new perspective on certain situations. I’m so excited for your podcast!
I know this person (not part of my life anymore) that went so hard for self help books, self help gurus on TH-cam that he only talked about positive stuff, he didn't have a different topic of conversation to the point that we went from best friends to having nothing in common. He would only say hi to share a positive quote, if you had anything that didn't seemed positive he would roll his eyes, if you said something that sounded somewhat negative he would call you out. To me, that's trying to cover and run from "negative" emotions. You couldn't say you were sad, cause you were perpetuating your sadness and etc. Toxic positivity can become dangerous, it can be used to gaslit people, diminish their feelings and for the person that practices positivity to that extent, it becomes a trap, it makes you weak in the face of future traumatic events. How will you be able to manage hardships in life if you constantly want to act like life is perfect? There's no light without darkness. Life is about contrast and understanding that balance.
also sooooo excited for the podcast !!!!! i remember you talking about it on an IG Live during the holidays 🦋🔥🤍
Thank you so much. Vulnerability and transparency goes along way. This video definitely helped me see that I do the same thing, and you motivated me to remember to feel. Sending my love and prayers. Keep glowing and growing. God bless you!
ur videos are always amazing
Looking great as always
Everyone watched that episode of everyone screaming “Love Yourself” at Kat on Season 2 of Euphoria and now everything is toxic positivity
Thank you for the face cleaning tips.
9:43 big facts
thank you for sharing.
sending warm love your way✨
you gave me very much psychological church vibez, im that intrigued
Why do i start smiling just be looking at your vids 💁
Hiya :) small comment/ correction about the terms you used. Trauma bonding is technically about people or victims who bond with their abuser (similar to Stockholm syndrome). What you were talking about is "bonding with my bf over our trauma". Also Codependency is about the psych and sometimes enabling of being a "copilot" to someone's dependency/ addiction/ substance abuse problem. I think what you were trying to say is "we were too dependent on eachother" . I think you've taken those terms from social media and I think are fine as colloquial terms, but just be mindful that it can take away from ppl who are truly trauma bonded or co dependent :) another good example of this is "gaslight" which ppl use now as "they're winding me up or disagreeing with me" where in reality it's a serious manipulation tactic abusers use to make their victims question their reality.
Just something to be mindful of! You can Google or chat to your therapist for more accurate terms if you're interested. :) Much love ❤
Hey :) These terms I used were appropriate for my experience and agree with your explanation here. there’s more to the story I am choosing not to share right now. I had to edit out/around some of my explanations but I just wasn’t ready. Those With this understanding I assumed would put the pieces together without me having to go so deep into my own trauma because it’s so fresh. I took psych and behavioral courses in undergrad so I’m very familiar with them. Not just from social media. But I know someone people do, so I added to pictorials for more context on the terms for people to do their own inquiring if they didn’t know because I know I didn’t explain it well. This was me just opening up while getting ready for bed, not a talk. Didn’t feel the need to be on my Ps and Qs.
@@TarekAli :) totally agree! And sorry didn't seem to make it look like I was taking away from your experience or think that you were uneducated on the topic, totally 100% not my intention! I deffo am not an expert either! Ive just been learning about it recently and found the difference between the "text book" stuff and things you find online weren't aligned so i thought I'd add my 2 cents for either you or other people watching should they also want to learn more.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. I'm a long time watcher and always appreciated your self awareness and willingness to talk about it ☺
aw thanks babe!! and i could feel the love in your message. I felt bad not doing a great job explaining but i knew i wanted to dive more into it in the podcast!! thanks for providing your wisdom and love tho!!!
I'm definitely going through this. Like I'm coming out of a 2.5 year long deep depression and my fiancee and I decided to end our engagement. Though I'm hurt and it's painful I feel that if I sit in those emotions I'll slip back into that depression. I allow myself to feel when those emotions come up, but I don't want to get stuck.
so happy when you upload ❤️
Love you Tarek! I hope to meet you one day. 🤎
You are amazing
thank u :')
What podcasts do you listen to? And so you was your face twice? Isn't that like overdrying though? Do u need to do that if you don't have makeup on?
Yessss 👏👏👏👏👏
You are so beautiful
King