I'm guessing in that last story that John was trying to imply that he would be an available substitute while OP's spouse was away and got mad that she has essentially rejected him. Op better stay tf away from this guy for now on.
100% this is what happened and instead of taking her response as friendly banter, he figured she caught on and rejected him and filed the report to HR before she could
**LAST STORY UPDATE** Update: I just got off my meeting with HR. I was able to convince everyone that it was just a misunderstanding and that I meant I can entertain myself while my husband is away. It's interesting though, John didn't bring up his comment in the HR complaint. I brought that up myself and he got scared and began to say that he meant it that I must be bored in the house all alone with nothing to do. I let him have it. They won't be pursuing a formal investigation because they're chalking it up to a misunderstanding, but they are keeping everything on record in case anything happens again. They are moving John to a different team temporarily and my manager apologized to me for being harsh with earlier. I will not be speaking to or interacting with John going forward. _I am not OP_ - I am DYING with laughter that he hanged himself with the small amount of rope OP gave him, and find it rather curious he just happened to forget mentioning to HR that he started the conversation and brought it up. Hmmmmm, I wonder what he could’ve meant when asking OP that, HMMMMM
The first story has an update. Op’s brother admitted he did it since he was jealous that OP was doing stuff before he did so the proposal was a panic move, so that’s why he stole the ring. He then confessed to his fiancée about it and they broke up two days later. OP told his girlfriend about it and she was equally as shocked and now OP is low contact with his brother
The real kick people don't seem to notice is that not only did he steal the ring and use it to delay op's proposal, it heavily implies that he only proposed to her to beat his brother. If it was just about money and not being able to afford the ring I think the relationship could still be salvageable after blowing off steam and returning the ring. But to find out that one of the happiest days of your life was not only with a stolen ring but only because your boyfriend just wanted beat his brother at something? I would feel too damn gross to ever look at that man again.
Story 4: R/ are you really surprised she doesn't have a backbone? Look at her family, she was abused by her brother and everyone still lets him in as if it's nothing, otherwise she has to go NC with all of them. And now, despite knowing she was uninvited the second they got it, the family is mad at her and not bro. That's a woman who most definitely gets forced into stuff like this so much that it's second nature to cave in. OP needs to keep being her rock, because she clearly never had someone in her corner before, and maybe seeing him defending her, she'll learn to do it on her own.
Thankfully in an update from another site, OP is encouraging Lena to seek therapy and is going no contact with her family at this time with the exception of her other brother and his wife.
The shawl story has an update - the wife is cutting off her toxic family members, and even one of her brother and SIL are taking her side. They all went out to dinner for the night of the wedding and the brother posted a picture to make the abusive brother have a meltdown at the wedding (it worked btw). Definitely would suggest go reading it yourself.
I think Op was the ah for stealing the shawl. Out of curiosity how many hours or days does a gift become someones property? Im guessing 12 to 24 hours.
It was also said the brother did this because he was jealous that OP does things first even though OP’s the younger brother and OP is now LC with the brother
Also the fact the brother wasn’t even going to propose to his girlfriend until OP was going to be the first one engaged. That’s why he didn’t even have a ring to begin with. Sooo glad the fiancée left the brother
Last story: OP updated which she talks about her meeting with HR. She told him that she pleases herself to by eating ice cream from the carton and other things you can do when you have a place to herself. Since John couldn’t verify that OP directly said what he told his manager and HR he got in trouble for wasting their time.
@@j-zk6tfI don’t think she did since it was a casual conversation and she and John did not correspond afterwards. However once OP managed to clear herself and John got in trouble maybe this incident was reported in his record.
Story four: OP provided an update which he is encouraging Lena to get therapy and are going very low or no contact with her family. OP plans on helping Lena fight against her family. Oh! And the wedding reception venue was actually under booked. Lena thought about disassembling the shawl but OP encouraged her to keep it for herself. OP is also looking for a transfer and notified HR about George while he was on his honeymoon
I think OP also mentioned that his wife’s other brother and SIL skipped the wedding and hanged with them. OP is going to give the shawl to the kinder SIL.
@@M0nst3r0711thanks! It’s been a moment since I read the story so I couldn’t recall the updates. May also explain why the info is all over the place in my comments
@Bookdragon3000 also posted something in the update which I forgot. When OP, Lena, BIL, and BIL’s wife went out to dinner during the time of the wedding, the brother posts them together (I think even the shawl makes an appearance) and sends the pic to George. George has a meltdown during the wedding. Sorry if I got your user name wrong but I’m glad you posted that comment
1st story had an update. He told the brother to tell what he did to his gf, brother is now single and isn't talking to anyone. OP proposed and gf said yes. He told GF what happened with the ring and she was pissed. They don't know what to do with the ring, they might sell it.
Honestly if I was ops fiance, I might offer the other girl the ring just as jewellery, assuming finances weren't too tight. I sure as shit wouldn't want the ring given the slimeiness my future BIL had infected it with, but the other girl would be free to have it if she wanted it
Last story: i would not be shocked if john was trying to make a move, and when he didn't get the response he wanted, reported her to HR before she could catch on
OP updated and said she told HR that she pleases herself by being able to eat ice cream and since John can't verify it he was written up for wasting HRs time
@@manchild8365well it doesn’t mean sexuality simply by itself. But the context is “when your husband is gone” which does imply that “you must feel pent up” is sexual. Otherwise, why correlate the two at all?
She led the conversation down that path by talking to a male coworker about her husband being gone and her being all alone in the house. That has some implications. He continued down that path and somehow she's surprised? And yeah, he definitely wasn't happy about being rejected, but also that was a completely inappropriate way to do so. It shouldn't be nornal for female and male coworkers to be having sexual banter with each other like that, especially when they're married. Women are way too open with discussing their sex life these days. Men don't want to hear it.
Last story: Who wants to bet her good friend john was trying to offer a substitute form of relief in the form of himself and was upset she didn't answer how he wanted her to?
The last story made me laugh because i think there's another potential misunderstanding that OP missed. Everywhere i ever worked, when a worker is apart from their family and they get asked in any way if they're horny, it's not actually asking if theyre horny. Theyre being asked if they want to start an affair. One of the most epic comeback to shut it down is, "i know how to masturbate". It lets the person know that they're not even a potential candidate because they'd rather rub one out instead of being touched by them. John isnt upset because of the comment being gross. He's upset because he tried sleeping with his coworker and got shut down in one of the most epic ways possible and OP didnt even notice or try.
Story 2: I feel bad for the kids more then anything, the mom abandoned them and the dad tried to give them away. No matter why she did it the kids will remember it as she left without saying anything.
I sympathize with the mom but she’s essentially becoming a deadbeat to the kids. Leaving them with no money or without talking to them? I understand she doesn’t have the means and she’s tired of living the life she’s in but I still think that abandoning the kids was horrible
@@iridescentsolaceyeah maybe OP should help out just not her brother help out SIL if not with childcare at least financially on the condition that she comes back and takes responsibility for her children.
@@l.tc.5032 would you be this forgiving if a man did the same thing she did? There are plenty of men who leave relationships because their partner is useless. Do they get the same benefit of the doubt and forgiveness you offer this woman?
They're not gonna be dumb kids forever, they'll get older and understand that their mother was being abused and had no money or power to fight fairly against her POS husband. Why is everyone so insensitive to the details of the story, it's like y'all don't recognise abuse until someone gets physically hit.
In response to the first story. I used to sell engagement rings. This is an intimate experience that can help set the tone for the marriage. Each experience is unique to the individual picking the ring. It is a reflection of the person you love. The older brother is a monster for this. He is lucky that OP never filed charges. The brother just tarnished the first ring. It is now unworthy of OP's fiancée.
Definitely. It's just straight up theft lmao They dropped an update; OP proposed and the gf said yes, brother is single, they may sell the original ring as they don't know what to do with it now, so yeah what you said about it being tarnished definitely holds true
First story: tell the brother's fiance. It may seem small, but she deserves to know what she is getting into before marriage. She might be okay with him stealing, or she might not and you could save her from later heartache and legal trouble
@@lancerevell5979 its way more complicated then that yes the brother is wrong but if you read the why it explains an lot and its actualy quite complicated
**FIRST STORY UPDATE** First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can't wait to marry her. Also, my brother's single A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself. She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was. Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later. That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring. Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth. He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he'd spent on the new one. From: ThrowawayNewRing “UPDATE: AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?” _I am not the OP_
Last story. Early in my career I made friends with a girl at one of my work sites and we started down the path of joking about such topics regarding our sex lives, etc. Then alluva sudden, she basically got offended by something that was no different than anything else we had joked about before. I spoke with my mentor who worked with us (and who witnessed and sometimes partook in our conversations) and he told me: 1. Yes, while the topic was unprofessional, it was at the same level of "appropriateness" as any of the other jokes we made to each other 2. She did this A LOT with fellow employees. Started being inappropriate and then get offended about things that were previously seen as not offended. I didn't get into any real trouble but it basically ended that work relationship. Lesson learned: Keep work professional and you won't get accused of being a creep. Do I now come off as stuffy in environments where joking like that is harmless and pervasive? Yeah, but it's not worth damaging my career.
5:46 It's funny that the brother said this when, in fact, OP _did_ try to help him by warning him his wife was unhappy, and his response at that time was that the way he runs his household was none of her business. Now after the wife left, suddenly it's not only OP's business but it's her _responsibility_ to do something about it? Give me a break, he made his bed, now he's got to sleep in it. I just feel sorry for the kids, having a completely useless lunkhead for a father.
A "placeholder" ring is like, a $50-100 ring from JCPenny, something nice, but relatively inexpensive, it is NOT someone else's REAL engagement ring that they expect back. OP was WAYYY too kind to his brother. NTA
Or OR, hear me out, John wasn’t being sexual and she misread him, causing him to be uncomfortable and prompting him to go to hr. She was just trying to get away with some flirting. Apparently they weren’t as close as she thought.
Or he was bantering with her like he would with a male coworker and when she bantered back it dawned on him it's not appropriate to do with a female coworker so he tried to beat her to the punch with HR? Idk just something no one else brought up
@@starquaked Okay, okay, _technically_ possible, but it really sounds to me like he can dish it out but he can't take it. Although, I might be a bit biased since something like this happened to me. Guys like flirting until they don't, then they act like you haven't been mock flirting with them for the last eight years and this is totally coming out of the blue.
The shawl story: it's worth noting that this story actually has an update. I don't remember the specifics, but eventually the wife stopped being mad at him, realized that she was being a doormat, and they kept the shawl so that they could give it to somebody who deserved it. Also, there was some clarification on the kind of abuse. For instance, at one of those work get-togethers the brother got drunk, and spent most of it shouting at his sister in front of everyone. Pretty sure this happened after the shawl incident. And if I remember correctly, he was reported to his boss by OP, and the brother was either transferred or fired. I don't remember
I just read the update, Op told his boss what was happening and OP transferred himself off the team. The brother isn’t facing any consequences at work, but he did have a meltdown at his wedding because another brother chose to support OPs wife rather than attend the wedding.
For the implications story. OP doesn’t sound like she got graphic, she was fine. My read in the situation is that John wanted to test the water, to see if she’d cheat with him. ‘You must be feeling pent up’ also has an implication, it implies he wants to help her release. It doesn’t have to mean that, it could just be playful. What happened next is why I say he’s definitely into OP. When she swatted down his “offer” (in his mind), he felt hurt and did the “nice guy” thing and reported her for sexual harassment, even tho he was the one who took the convo to a sexual nature. He says she’s being dirty? Sounds like projecting, from the scorned incel
100% john was hoping she'd invite him over or become flirty so they could start an affair. He likely took her response as she knew what HE was implying and in a panic, contacted HR first to avoid her "exposing" him.
8:40 There are resources in most first world countries that allow you to continue school while being a single parent, especially if you're a mother. If she's from the US, she can sue for alimony and she can also get divorced without paying anything because they have fee waivers in every court in every single state for just exactly the situation, A wife leaving with no money. She can file for an emergency support order as well where he would either have to pay for an apartment for her and her kids or he would have to leave the marital home and keep paying the rent there while they get divorced. Absolutely has resources and needs to contact the legal aid in her city rather than just disappear.
The first story, as others have said the brother's fiancé found out and broke it off. But also the mom came back, relatively quickly, after thinking about it and said she honestly didn't know what she was thinking when she told OP what she told him. She 100% supports OP in the end! 🙂
The first story has an update! The brothers gf found out he stole the ring and dumped him. OP also told his now fiancée about it and she ended up liking the new ring better anyways!
Story 2: two things can be right at the same time. If she felt like the way was to run away, then your dro must treat her like crap. Even so, she still abandoned her kids without even a note, yet i get her logic, it's completed. As for you OP, tell the family they can go if they feel so strongly about it, and your bro can go f himself. It's pathetic to have 3 kids and not even know the basics of child care, you have your own life, that your lazy bro is trying to take because he doesn't want to even try. At most if you do help offer to go on TH-cam and watch some videos, because we don't know if you know how to take care of kids.
@@kmekosnk840I absolutely agree if the genders were swapped, the wife would have been absolutely blasted by everyone. Like I get that she was feeling trapped, but it sounds like she had a single fight with her husband and immediately just gave up and left. Absolutely horrible. Especially because their pre marriage agreement was a traditional style. It’s ok to change your mind and want something else with your life, but that’s obviously going to take time for the husband, you can’t immediately spring it on him and leave when he’s justifiably concerned
@kmekosnk840 imo it read like the guy was a douchey asshole who pressured her into being a certain way. I wouldn't be surprised if he pressured her into keeping the children. She probably did everything she did to try and make him happy, realized he would never be happy with her, and got out. Didn't sound like she wanted kids in the first place the way that story read. So if he wanted them so bad, he can have em.
@@cinnamaqroll "Didn't sound like she wanted kids in the first place the way that story read" so you literally can't read or even understand basic english? Because it clear as day wrote, and Rslash read out loud, 'she had apparently dreamed of being a homemaker and taking care of children' I advice you go get a refund from your elementary school, since they failed you badly in english.
Second Story: I'm glad rSlash acknowledged the wife's screw up. I do understand her position, as best I can, but she still knowingly left her kids with an abusive (through neglect) man without telling anyone, least of all them. So she needs to find a way to sort it out, or else those kids might end up in foster care and I wouldn't blame them for not forgiving her. Whether or not she knew she was being selfish, she was still being selfish.
@@lrwerewolf abuse isn't just beating someone or verbally attacking them. Neglect is also a pretty known form of abuse, and the fact OP's brother was trying to push his responsabilities to others (first to their parents and them to OP herself, besides seeing like his wife did everything to him and the kids before she up and left) shows he's pretty neglectful with his own kids
the final and 5th story honestly sounds like John was trying to hit on OP. "If you're so pent up, I can help you with that :)" kinda thing. which is really creepy. When OP said "no, i'm not" he got angry and decided to pretend that OP was being inappropriate without cause, to get her in trouble.
Story 4: It blows my mind that everyone is upset that the shawl isn't coming instead of the literal sister of the groom getting kicked out of the wedding the day before the wedding. I feel like the rest of the family is just as bad as George.
*1st Story:* Mentions of updates in other comments aside, the brother's just butthurt that OP made him suffer the consequences of his actions. I'm glad that OP updated to say that his bro got dumped after the latter's now ex-fiance found out about the stolen ring. People deserve to know what kind of person they're actually marrying.
Story 2 is heartbreaking. After my ex wife left and abandoned the kids for some guy out of state, I saw the aftermath that really devastated my kids. Abandonment hit like a wrecking ball. I tried my best to give them extra love and support. And even after years of counseling, they still feel the effects of it. I could only imagine the pain and devastation of those kiddos being basically abandoned by both parents. 😢
**FIRST STORY UPDATE** First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can't wait to marry her. Also, my brother's single A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself. She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was. Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later. That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring. Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth. He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he'd spent on the new one. From: ThrowawayNewRing “UPDATE: AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?” _I am not the OP_
@@KodibearIndigohey there's no need for that kind of attitude, dude. Plus, I guarantee you someone absolutely would and still might if they gloss over that disclaimer. If you don't think that little of people on the Internet you haven't been here long.
First Story, NTA: OP's brother stole OP's ring, used it to propose to his girlfriend, and expects OP to be able to use the same ring to propose to his girlfriend? He is lucky OP didn’t press charges for theft Second Story, NTA: At the end of the day, these kids isn’t OP's responsibility. What this guy wants is to continue being the breadwinner and have someone be the house wife and take care of his kids. This man is a horrible father and clearly a horrible husband since he refused to even compromise with his ex-wife resulting in her vanishing Update: Honestly, while I agree that abandoning her kids was wrong but she didn’t have any other way out of the lifestyle she begun to hate. I mean at least she wanted to make sure her kids were fed and under a roof (although her ex is a terrible father). I have to disagree with the butthole score for SIL, I think 1.5/5 is better because her husband literally wouldn’t compromise on anything so she CAN go back to school and when someone is desperate for something they will do dumb things Third Story, NTA: This is possibly a once in a lifetime moment and Stacy wants OP to miss it? Why couldn’t she bring them to the hospital? I just think there were a lot of other options than just ditching the birth. Fourth Story, NTA: George and his fianceè basically used Lena for the shawl and as soon as they got the shawl they immediately uninvited her. OP is sticking up for his wife. George is an asshole for how he is treating Lena, SIL is an asshole for how he is treating Lena, and honestly Lena's parents are scum because how does one child abuse another and they don’t see that? Fifth Story, NTA: John brings up how "pented up" OP is without her husband and when OP responded jokingly he go and tells HR? I bet if OP was a man (I’m a man saying this) he wouldn’t go complaining to HR. John is a immature man and honestly setup OP for failure
And the updates don't help the brother's case. He didn't even want to propose. He was insecure hus little brother was getting married before him so he came up that stupid plan.
@@Tues48 I think you nailed it there. If you're proposing and you aren't certain enough that you're getting a "yes" to actually buy a ring, then you probably shouldn't be proposing.
Yeah I was hoping someone was more sympathetic for story 2. I think 1.5 is WAY more fair, and that she's well within forgiveness zone, though of course the kids will need a lot of explaining whenever that comes around.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958yeah because her husband was refusing to compromise and take up some how work and childcare so she can go to college. When someone is desperate to get out of something, they would do anything. She is wrong for abandoning her kids like that but desperate times
Story 2: It is CRAZY how many people are making up scenarios to justify the SIL being a deadbeat mom. "Maybe she was being really abused and didn't tell anyone and had to leave to protect herself!" "The husbands was keeping money and resources away from her, clearly!" "She didn't want to be a stay at home mother anymore and it is abuse to not give into her demands for change and have the husband pay for schooling and daycare!" Like, do y'all listen to yourselves? She was happy to be a stay at home wife at first. Yes, people can and do change their minds, that is life. But we in no way know how this conversation went. It could have been very reasonable, it could of been very asinine. All we know is the husband refused for her to go to college, which can mean anything from he refused to pay for a care taker and the wife's classes to out right making threats to prevent her from going. We have not one idea on the conditions of the refusal. The facts still remain that the mother is a deadbeat, who ran away from her responsibilities, and is now hiding from those same responsibilities to avoid paying child support. The husband has piss poor domestic skills and is trying to off load them. Both parents suck in some way or the other. Stop defending the mother, she deserves 4/5 for being a deadbeat who left her kids and is refusing to support them in anyway.
Absolutely. She chose her dream lifestyle. Then she changed her dream. It's ok to change your dream but you can't just walk away from responsibilities you took on, and you can't get mad when your husband doesn't appreciate you wanting to change the whole dynamic of your lives that you both agreed you wanted.
We actually DO know how the conversation went. We simply have to extrapolate from how he treated his sister when she made him aware that he'll lose his wife if he continues the way he did ...
@@mariposa9506 there is a lot of way between "not appreciate the change" and "shutting down your sister, when she tries to tell you that you are about to lose your wife if you continue that way and trying to force your family to take your own responsibilities". That guy was clearly abusive, regardless of whether or not he ever was physical with his wife. She should never had kids with him in the first place. He is the kind of guy who normally remains an incel for good reason ...
Story 1: nta you're not "forcing" your brother to buy another ring your showing him that actions have consequences. Also it's ironic a thief is saying you're being childish
Story 4: If I were to give a gift at a wedding, it would be under the condition that I was invited. I mean, you wouldn't expect a birthday gift from someone you don't invite, so why ask a gift from someone you didn't invite at a wedding?
For George it’s a power play since Lena was the one he primarily abused. He wasn’t counting on OP to have her back seeing as how they thought they were friends. However for those not AHs it’s common sense to be respectful of others
last story sounds like john wanted to get some, he basically hit her with the: ''must be lonely at night eh? want some help?'' and her without missing a beat went ''nah im good by myself'' And he got mad and brought HR into it
For a video that touches on updates, you missed a big one. The engagement ring story ended up with the brother confessing it was a panic move because op was hitting a bunch of milestones before him, and said he was proposing too. He was going to sneak the ring back, but the girlfriend posting a pic ruined that. Op is successfully engaged, and the brothers girlfriend dumped him when she found out. OP's mum also apologised and made the brother confess.
Rslash, as somebody who has been abused by people, it really rubbed me the wrong way when you told Lena she had to grow a backbone. Especially since she was still willing to do stuff for him despite what he’s done! That within itself takes a lot of courage to do. So I would say she pretty much has a backbone. Even if she somehow didn’t do all that stuff, recovering from abuse of any kind takes time and it seems like she was in a state where she was just beginning to discover how to deal with it. If it involves not being around her family, or not wanting to cause any problems with them, so be it.
It's fair that it rubbed you the wrong way, but imo it could be a matter of semantics. I've experienced my fair share, but I joke about my lack of backbone. It's something I got to work on and be aware of. As for Lena, I think doing something for her abuser, albeit kind, only got her into trouble. Thankfully, in the update she gets to regift the shawl and considers therapy
I'm not a native speaker, but if someone told me I must be pent up with my s.o. gone for so long, my mind wouldn't jump to horniness. Personally, I only know pent up as in "pent up emotions", in that case I'd think of missing the person, not having them around to undish my lovydovy stuff on them, or just chat and spend time together. How/why someone would think "horny" straight away, much less give such a lewd and intimate response to a colleague _in_ the work place .. just seems really weird to me - not just unprofessional but also really really weird. If I don't give her the benefit of the doubt, I'd say she was dropping hints, hitting on him and to see if he'd bite.
I'm genuinely surprised that "You must be pent up without your husband" doesn't give you any sexual connotations, but "No, I know how to please myself" does so strongly
Story 4: there's an update, I can't recall everything, but OP's wife does become grateful that he took back the shawl. I wish I could remember the rest but at least it was a somewhat happy ending. ETA: I just remembered that OP's supervisor sent the BIL to another team that desperately needed another member! Lol
*First OP:* OP's brother is lucky OP didn't sue him for theft. OP is NTA. And, because I'm petty, I think OP _still_ should've told his brother's fiancee about the ring after his brother bought him a new one. *Second OP:* Does OP's brother not know how to use Google? He can Google how to do domestic work easy-peasy. If that's too hard, he could hire a live-in nanny. OP shouldn't have to change her life because of her brother's and SIL's decisions. OP is NTA. *Second OP UPDATE:* While I understand why OP's SIL left the family, I agree with rSlash that the way she did it was off. Or maybe I'm dense, idk. She at least could told her kids she had to go away for while, assuming she didn't. *Third OP:* That _is_ messy. OP and his wife had to be there for their daughter's labor. I can only imagine how stressful going into labor is, especially for a teen. I was going to mention how long in advance OP told his ex that he couldn't take the twins, but it's an emergency, so ... 🤷🏿 I'm gonna say OP is NTA. I missed the part that it was an early labor. Yeah, OP is NTA. *Fourth OP:* I would've said OP should've respected his wife's wishes, but Lena showed she's willing to let people disrespect her just to keep the peace. OP is NTA. I hope he can encourage Lena to stand up for herself. *Fifth OP:* John went there first, so he's just as guilty as OP. That said, OP could've not replied to that remark. Controversial opinion, but I'm gonna say ESH. I guess one could argue that John's comment about "pent-up energy" meant something else, but I find it highly unlikely.
Story 1: NTA, Dude STOLE OP's ring, why is he fighting against OP for this? And he calls OP inconsiderate and CHILDISH? Childish for what? For fighting against him and wanting another ring, that HE stole to begin with? This a**hole is lucky she didn't call the cops on him for theft. Why is the mom trying to side with the brother anyway? Sure she's divided, but she is still considering siding with the brother, OP had to threaten her brother or else he wouldn't take him seriously. I'd say let the girlfriend know about it, let her reconsider whether to marry this thief.
Story 2: I feel bad for the kids,they are getting the worst of it , but I can’t be mad at the wife. Even with OP’s POV this seems like a abusive and manipulative marriage, I wish we knew the wife’s age to validate it a bit more. The husband getting married in his late 20’s and I’m betting the wife was in her early 20’s or late teens, upholding “traditional” values, not wanting her to continue her education, and being utterly incapable of caring for your children to the point of wanting to give them to any related woman you can, for the wife to flee, I’ve worked with enough DV survivors to recognize the red flags. She left the kids because they are young enough and her husband is image focused so most likely he wouldn’t do anything to physically harm them especially when OP and his mother are close enough to see the kids regularly. The best case scenario would have been for her to flee with the kids but her marriage was already built on financial inequity so she literally couldn’t any attempts would have gotten her slapped with kidnapping, child endangerment, maybe even child abuse because she didn’t have the money to support them. Divorce is too expensive, much less a custody battle so running away, finishing her education and coming back with a job that she can sustain herself and her children on then fighting is her best bet.
This! This smacks of someone who has been abused for so long that they just need to get away - any way they can. She didn't take the kids because she would be in a worse off position - same work load but no second income. She knew the kids would be financially taken care of by leaving them with their father. I don't agree that the wife is an AH here. The husband was warned about the treatment of his wife and chose to ignore it. FAFO. OP is not the AH for not wanting to take on the role of abused wife - and neither is her mum for trying but being unable to help as much due to health issues. The rest of the family stating OP needs to step up (especially those who say it's because she's a woman) need to put up or shut up and do their part. There is so much we don't know about the wife's sitch before she left but that AH score is a little extreme. At most 1/5. The husband definitely deserves at least a 4/5 for being a controlling abusive AH.
honestly the mom is a deadbeat and she should get 4.5/5 no indication it was abusive and also she just didnt know what she wanted she first thought she wanted to be a SAHM but then ran away
You are making wayyy to many assumptions. The husband is obviously a POS but abandoning your children is inexcusable. There are plenty of resources for abused spouses and children to take advantage of.
The comment I was hoping to find!!! Many people think just because the wife isn't being beat up, that there's no abuse. I would urge people to look up "coercive control". Denying your spouse education or a job and controlling their finances is abuse. Coercive control is abuse. And just because they kept up appearances in front of family doesn't mean that the abuse didn't happen.
@@kmekosnk840 It's hard to know it's an abusive household without reading the update. Here's why it's abusive; -She is entirely financially dependant on him. -She has been denied help for her depression. -She was entirely denied the ability to take on college [which she'd of been able to do alongside raising kids. Yes, it's awkward she decided to switch up her life. Still- it's HER life and he should've supported her or worked to make a conclusion even if he didn't agree because that is a relationship.] -OP also mentioned in the update she was denied any kind of life outside of the home, even though the girls are of age to be able to fend for themselves for a few hours. ^ All mentioned in the update. She was entirely dependant on him- he weaved the relationship so he was entirely in control of her. He was like a dictator. She just wanted to get free, and whilst abandoning the kids is inexcusable there was no better scenario. I'm sure we'd rather have her abandon the kids and come back when she has an education and fighting chance, than bring the kids with her and risk injury to them, jail time or a depressing lifestyle. Reporting to one of the abused spouse resources would've likely sabotaged her ability to build herself up and come back later, because there's only so far those resources can legally help you.
The second story sounds like the husband may have been controlling or somewhat abusive. Depending on the level determines her A hole score. He wouldn't let her go to college. "She had apparently dreamed of being a homemaker and taking care of children" was that what he said or did she really think this way?
Story 2: I feel I'd bump both OP's brother and his wife's score to 4/5. He sounds pretty abusive and sexist, not wanting his wife to have a study, and seeing OP as a perfect person to take care of his kids just because she's a woman; And for his wife: she said she left the kids behind because "at least here they have home and family"... except her husband is incompetent and basically tried to push his responsabilities on everyone else around him. Also, she said she don't have money for a divorce lawyer, but somehow her family and friends can pay for her to vanish and spend time on another state with family? Yeah that alongside her mother panicking when OP said she'd file a missing person report unless she was sure her brother's wife was fine, makes me wonder if there's another reason she simply wanted to vanish and leave her kids behind. Maybe she also felt the kids were 'trapping' her with OP's brother? Who knows, but yeah both deserve a bump in their scores, and OP herself stays with 0/5 since she didn't do anything wrong, if anything I'd bump down to a -1/5 since she went outta her way to resolve the things.
Second story is a lot like what my siblings tried to do when my brother was being deployed and his ex got arrested for a DUI - everyone tried to pressure me into taking in his kids to care for, which would have been like a year+ commitment. I felt bad, but I am the youngest with literally no experience in childcare, so the pressure of responsibility of caring for two small humans on my own (NO ONE was offering to step in and help me, I was going to be utterly alone in this here) was too much for me. They did eventually end up with their maternal grandparents, I think, and I do always feel bad for them, but at the same time it rubbed me the wrong way how they tried shoving the responsibility of childcare onto someone with no child or caretaking experience simply because I was child free and they thought I had "nothing better to do" with my life.
My cat, Chase, will not fall asleep without an Rslash video in the background (although sometimes he settles for other reddit videos, but yours work the best.) Thank you for this great and entertaining content.
Something tells me that OP's brother in story 1 has done other things to take advantage of OP and others. That is a giant betrayal and I would go no contact.
Last story: Anyone else think John was testing the waters about her wanting to mingle while her hubby was away? I gotta say I've rarely seen a man ask if a woman is pent up, unless he was going to follow that up with offers to help, and I think OPs reply that she didn't need help made him feel preemptively shot down, even though she's got a partner, so he got upset.
To sister in law post.... We think op is the ONLY not butthole other than the poor kids... Sil KNEW that her husband was negligent, KNEW that he was not responsible, KNEW that he wouldn't take care of the kids... MIGHT have even known that he'd try to doff the kids off on someone else... Knew that he was not flexible or accepting, KNEW that he wouldn't allow her to live her life so there's no reason... With ALL of the above.... For her to say "at least they'll be with family." Quite the contrary! The FIRST thing the husband tried to do is GET RID OF THEM! So the kids WON'T have family! They'll have a deadbeat dad who doesn't want them and be surrounded by others tho can't take em! She abandoned her children in a place she already knew would not be good for them! They are NOT safe! They are NOT loved! They are NOT WITH FAMILY! A disgusting excuse for a clear and total abandonment where she even got her parents to lie about it... It seems like she's not much different than her husband if she's willing to just leave them to their fate!
I do agree the wife/mom in the 2nd story deserves a 3 but I think the husband/dads needs to be raised. Even MIL panicking about a missing persons report and the mom’s guilt, I think there’s a lot of fear and abuse going on. I just so hope those kids can lean on each other atleast
I feel like giving the mom and the dad the same butthole score is insanity. If anything the dads butthole score should be his own score but add whatever score his wife gets. All her butthole actions are very literally his fault.
Honestly the only change I would make to story 2's verdict is, instead of "you can't just abandon your family" use "you can't just abandon your kids". The husband deserved to be abandoned, the kids did not. Semantics, I know, but honestly using the specific words reallllyyyy matters here.
Unless you read/listen to the updates in the second story its easy to miss that SIL is an abused woman. OP's Brother at the very least is financially abusive to SIL. She is fully dependent on him, and she has been denied the following: Help for her depression, being able to study for college, have any form of life outside the home even if the daughters are at an age where they can be outside the home. Yes she left her daughters behind, only because she didn't want them to suffer with her because she had no stable place to stay on top of food or income. She knew even if her husband is incompetent the grandparents are there to help. OP's Brother hasn't filed anything because he expects her to come crawling back to him because she in his mind has nothing else. Or he will be able to find a woman to replace her and be his live in maid, nanny and bed warmer. I feel if she had a stable place to stay and work to provide, she would have left his ass and taken her little girls with her.
I get all that, I truly do, but it was still not the right thing to do. In the short term, it might feel like she's at least doing the right thing for herself, but the longer she runs, the worse it will get for her. When they finally the divorce, they will use the fact that she ran against her and if there isn't hard evidence of abuse, then he'll get the kids and she likely won't be able to see them. It's not a good situation for any of them, and if you ask me, I think there was more she could have done besides run. She had family she could turn to, but she decided not to ask them for assistance on divorcing him, why is that? Per her own words; it was because she didn't have it in her to fight, and I'm sorry, but that's just not acceptable when you have kids. You have to find that strength, or else they will be the ones suffering too, not just her.
She left her kids with their abuser. Even better, the fact that the kids took up his time probably made it easier for her to disappear. The kids shouldn't forgive her for that
@@geltric4779 In no way am I saying what she did was the right move, it honestly feels like a no win situation. I just wanted to be sure the whole story was out there as the SIL didn't just dip because she didn't want to be a Mom anymore. I hope she gets herself situated as soon as possible as there are resources along with a hopeful support system like her family, and SIL gets her little ones out of there. You have a point that the longer she delays the worse it is going to be. And she might not be able to get the girls from him. Hopefully he's not neglecting them because Mommy or OP won't do it for him.
Placeholder rings are a thing. My dad proposed to my mom with a ring pop, and then they went and picked out a real ring together. However, OP's brother was absolutely in the wrong for taking the ring without permission.
See, that is just cute! Ring pop is cute and very affordable placeholder. Much better than stealing a real ring that was intended for someone else, yikes.
I'm honestly wondering if John just meant she had "pent up" general energy. It isn't exactly an unused term in a non-sexual context. If he was attempting to hook up he'd probably just drop it and not go to hr
Unless he thought she'd go to HR and he wanted to beat her to the punch When pent up is directly paired with husband being gone... there is no other connotation
@@twistysunshine she replied in a way that would suggest she won't go to Hr, and they were just taking about being bored. I could totally see this being a stir crazy/cabin fever thing that she twisted in her head.
Story 2 - There is a solution everyone is missing, CPS. It sounds like the husband is abusive, I think her BH score should be less than the husband's. Story 5 - Sex jokes are amusing, and he started it so not the bh, if there's a HR meeting, he better be in as much trouble.
Having been abandoned by both parents, story 2 really hit home. I found it much easier to forgive my father since he was 19 and probably in no way ready to handle the responsibility, but since my mother knew I had been through that pain already and still subjected me to it a second time, and was much older when she did it, I still have not been able to forgive her. OP should have 100% filed that missing person report.
First story: I spent months looking for the right engagement ring. If my brother had done this, he would be lucky if the bare minimum was exposing him to the family...
3rd story: why couldn't the dad bring his two daughters to the hospital with him? I am sure they would've liked to have met their half-cousin? 4th story: um so the day before the wedding is when OP's wife gets disinvited from the wedding? I'm calling bullshit, there is no way that they only figured out they were overbooked the day before. they deliberately waited until the shawl had been given and then did it.
I mean, what kid wants to sit in a hospital for potentially hours doing nothing? When I was younger, my mom went to the hospital with her sisters when they went into labor, and the one time that fell on a weekend I was supposed to be with her, she and my dad switched weekends.
@@theickster3008and how could OP look after them and help his daughter? OP made the best decision possible. Hopefully can make it up to his kids by taking them somewhere fun next visit and maybe take them a few more days.
@lorilancaster5917 right and that my point exactly. My youngest cousin on my mom's side was born 2 days before my birthday. My aunt went into labor on the Friday my mom was supposed to pick me and my sister up, and my cousin was born sometime that Saturday. So she took the week off and picked my sister and I up early on my birthday, and we spent the week doing fun shit. Luckily I have a summer birthday so we could do that lol.
Story 2, the deadbeat mom SHOULD be paying child support and I hope OP's brother files for divorce based on abandonment, as well as full custody. The deadbeat-enabling maternal grandparents can help her. Also OP's brother needs to step up, watch "Mr. Mom" and learn a lot from a comedy movie from 1983. Unlike rSlash, I think the deadbeat mom is WAY worse than the gormless dad. At least he didn't abandon his kids.
Lenas family sound toxic. Op took the shawl back, and everyone jumped on Lena even though she had nothing to do with it. Good on op, he sounds like an amazing person
Story 2 OP SHOULD file a missing persons report and force her brother´s wife to pay child support. Why? Because if the reverse had been true and the brother had left his wife... You BETTER belive the system would fleece him for everything he had in order for him to pay child support. And since we have equality well its only fitting she gets to pay the same amount of money in child support whether she wants to or not. Its either that or its jail time for her for missing out on child support. All that said OP Brother needs to step up. He is a single dad now so he needs to learn all those skills he didn´t know before hand. Cooking, cleaning changing diapers and EVERYTHING. He wanted to be a father... well that comes with some responsibilities.
when telling the fiancé the truth about his lies regarding their proposal is ''threatening their relationship'' then it clearly means that he's in the wrong, I recommend OP tell her anyway, like why keep this from her? This is a true side about her possibly future spouse that she deserves to know about.
Last story: John was the AH but if you take out everything to do with work, their gender roles, who started it, professionalism, etc - John was inappropriate but wasn't OP's response inappropriate considering she's a married woman? I guess it depends on how her husband feels about it, but, personally, I wouldn't want that to be MY partner's response if someone said that to them. It just seems flirtatious and for that part of it, I would say OP gets a 0.5 AH score, at least IMHO.
OMG, what kind of woman just abandons her children? What a terrible terrible wife and mother. You can't just change your mind about being a wife and mother. She made a commitment, and is apparently too selfish and weak to keep her commitment and love her children. All she has to do is wait a few years until they are old enough, and then if she wants to pursue an education, then she can do it. I have no pity for this woman, and OP is definitely selfish to not even offer to help just a little.
Story 2: A mom abandoned her kids because she regrets her life choices, and it's not 5 AHs? At least 4. Come on. Divorce is understandable here. Not running away.
i feel sorry for the kids in the second story, their mom abandoned them and their dad doesn't want to take care of them, she'll be lucky IF her kids do forgive her whenever she does return, either way, they'll be scarred forever
Abandoning your kids is one of the worst sins in my book. Just slightly above abusing kids. Mother in story 2 should be ashamed, she couldn't handle the Dad but is fine leaving her poor kids with him. Yuck.
Its funny how story two features a line about the kids being the dads responsibility, but OP thinks its totally fine for the mother to abandon her kids.
Story 2: Wow, the update made things worse. OP's brother was literally willing to throw all of his responsibilities at other people as an excuse to do whatever he wanted, and it broke his wife. Yeah, suddenly running away is kind of a bad idea, but hopefully things get better with the wife and her kids. She does not deserve such a lazy husband
And she doesn’t deserve those kids. She’s a 5/5 AH. She walked away from her kids without explanation to them. You don’t screw your kids over like that.
Is the husband really lazy tho? The wife isn't working so he's taking on all the financial burden just like THEY agreed to in the beginning of their relationship... I will say he needs to step up and figure out how to take care of his kids tho. That means looking into daycares if family can't help.
7:09 OP SIL saying she had to abandon her kids but at least they have home and family is a ridiculous excuse because she herself said she was staying with family. So she isn't homeless and starving like she's making OP think. Is she hoping after enough time, everyone will forget about her so she can subtly go off into the sunset without her kids and never having to pay child-support?
On story 2: "Why not just divorce?" "Why not just leave?" "Why not just not be poor?" Sure, she shouldn't have left, but to say she's as bad as her husband is just ... one of your worst takes in a while.
??? She decided to have kids. Your actions have consequences, and you're responsible for your children. You can't just get up and abandon them because you feel trapped, maybe she should have thought about that before she had kids and before she got married. At least the shitty husband didn't leave his kids and continues to financially support them
That last story got me feeling WEIRD. I have no proof or anything but it honestly sounds like John was implying that HE could deal with her "pent-upness" if you catch my drift and got offended that she would rather do it herself rather than invite him into her bed. I know its farfetched and everything but it seems weird that THAT was the first thing he jumped to when OP mentioned she was home alone. Most people would ask about like cooking for one or cleaning or, you know, how it feels not waking up to her husband next to her or whatever, not that she must have been super horny and ready to jump her husband the moment he got home. I dunno how sexually active John is but it seems a little weird that he would comment on how a week away from her husband must mean OP is ready to jump him the moment he gets home. Or maybe he's just one of those people that believe that a woman shouldn't be doing it themselves and/or the woman doesn't need to get the big finish or any pleasure out of the action because its solely for reproducing. I dunno, just a feeling I got. I'm sure I'm 10000000% wrong but it just strikes me as weird that John IMMEDIATELY jumped to that. If someone told me they were home alone while their spouse or whatever was away my first thought would be "I bet there's less washing up to do with just one of you xD" nothing like SEXUAL. I agree tho that OP and John were being inappropriate, but John was being infinitely more inappropriate. You can have a workplace friend without bringing sexual activities into it. Although I can't be too harsh against OP because John did start it. She didn't stroll up to his desk and say it out of the blue, it was a reaction to something John said. Yeah, OP probably shoulda just said something and walked off or skipped past it entirely but she shouldn't HAVE to if John hadn't brought up something like that. "Pent Up" doesn't refer to a lot of things, so one can only assume that he was directly referencing sexual activities even if he now claims he wasn't. I read the update and John failed to mention his comment at all, only referencing OPs comment, so that just proves to me that he was making a sexual comment but didn't like OPs answer to it so he ran off to HR and only gave them half of the story. Glad OP got the justice she deserved in that situation and I hope John's spouse knows about the kinda comments he makes at work. And upon reading some of the comments in that thread, I'm not the only one that thinks John might have been implying that he could "fill in" as it were while OPs husband is away. Apparently the husband has never liked John.
Story 2: Whatever happened between the husband and wife is largely irrelevant to the mother's moral and legal responsibility to help care for the children. She has every right to leave him, she doesn't have the right to simply abandon her kids. She's a deadbeat parent and needs to be held accountable. OP deserves an AH score of at least 0.5 AHs for not only enabling her SIL's bad behavior, but also claiming she doesn't want to get involved and then getting involved.
What are you talking about she wasn’t enabling at all. It was her brother’s fault for throwing his wife away in the first place and it’s also his fault for not knowing how to do that basic stuff.
3.5 is honestly generous for the wife. She litterally abandoned her kids and is dodging child support. She's a text book dead beat now. I understand why she did it and being trapped in tradition roles tends to suck. You are completely at the will of the money maker. I really do synpothyse bit she was in her 20s and made this choice. Then she just dumps her children and goes 'it was the hardest choice I've ever made :(". Ummm ya. You ditched your kids with no one competent to pursue your own dreams. 4/5 for me at least. I could justify more. On the last story I can't give a score. Pent up doesn't have to be sexual. So it really depends how he said it since she interpreted it one way doesn't mean that's how he intended it. The situation is very context specific.
Second story: mom who left her kids is 5/5 AH. She’s trash. She walked away from her kids with no explanation. Kids didn’t know if mommy was dead or alive. She just caused them deep, lifelong emotional harm.
she was trapped in an abusive marriage with a manchild. what was she supposed to do? stay in the marriage until it killed her? take her kids along and have them starve with her because she has no support? divorce isnt an option because she has no money and no ability to make a plan. its a shitty situation
@@ohboy-zi1yf her parents gave her money and were protecting her. She had support. She walked away from her kids without saying goodbye to them. That’s absolutely unforgivable. I have very close knowledge of a Situation where the mom walked, and the children have been messed up for life.
@@leebrown6247 my mom disappeared when I was 4, and never payed a dime of support. This scumbag is doing the same thing. She's running from her responsibilities. Period.
So rslash what was the wife supposed to do in story two then? Because the husband definitely wasn’t supporting her desire to change her life, in fact he was actively oppressing that idea. Was she supposed to just remain in the house for the rest of her life? Because he certainly wouldn’t be giving her money for a divorce.
Wtf do you mean what is she supposed to do? Get divorced like every other single couple with irreconcilable differences and figure out a custody arrangement.
OP is not the butthole at all for taking the shawl back. As someone who also loves to crochet, I can guarantee that making shawl takes time. Especially if you want it to look good. I really hope Lena is finally able to cut George out of her life. Regardless of what he did when they were kids, she shouldn't have to be around him as adults.
Story 2: With the exception of OP, absolutely EVERYONE in this story SUCKS! Brother is easy, he’s a deadbeat child looking for everyone else to resolve his problems. Rslash is 100% right about the SIL. You DONT just run away and abandon your kids. Period. She sucks too. The mother is an enabler and continues to baby her golden child. The entire family is also full of hypocrisy denying to assist in helping raise the kids. However, when OP says no, now it’s “FaMiLy HeLpS fAmIlY.” Give me a break.
8:44 you finish going through the dynamics of the relationship and do not realize you were describing an abusive relationship and still give her a butthole score. The dude baby trapped her then finacially abused her by making her depandent on him.
2nd story, Mom is NTA. She ran from an abusive relationship. Husband was emotionally abusive and holding her hostage. OP said that the mom wanted to go visit family as a vaca, and husband said no.
No she ran from her dream life she built when she changed her mind on her dream but her husband wasn't supported. Yet millions of people divorce when unhappy without ghosting their kids
The woman left her kids how does she not get 5 out of 5...She could have taken them.. I mean, she is the one who changed, not the husband. How is it his fault she changed her mind? She decided she didn't want to live up to what she agreed to and when he didn't give her exactly what she wanted, she abandoned her kids...WTF am I listening to? He should know how to take care of his kids so he deserves a score... but she deserves more.
@@sailorstar3148 That's bullshit, if this was a dude R/slash would call him a loser for abandoning his kids. It' not like there was a threat to her, there is nothing in this story to suggest she couldn't just tell her husband she was leaving with her kids and they could share custody. No, she didn't want to be a mother anymore, she wanted to go to school and work. so she ghosted her family and left them wondering what happened to her.
2nd Story: I can symphatize that the wife was in a difficult position but still, that was very selfish and careless of her to disappear like that. She knew that the dad was neglectful and had a terrible personality but left her children with him. You don't just run away from your responsibilities like that. I feel sorry for the children who have self-centered adults around them. The wife's family also enabled this behavior without stepping up to help? ugh these people trigger me. This reminds of that truly, not all parents deserve to have children but all children deserve loving parents.
I'm guessing in that last story that John was trying to imply that he would be an available substitute while OP's spouse was away and got mad that she has essentially rejected him. Op better stay tf away from this guy for now on.
100% this is what happened and instead of taking her response as friendly banter, he figured she caught on and rejected him and filed the report to HR before she could
yeah! exactly what i thought!
I had the exact same thought.
**LAST STORY UPDATE**
Update: I just got off my meeting with HR. I was able to convince everyone that it was just a misunderstanding and that I meant I can entertain myself while my husband is away. It's interesting though, John didn't bring up his comment in the HR complaint. I brought that up myself and he got scared and began to say that he meant it that I must be bored in the house all alone with nothing to do. I let him have it. They won't be pursuing a formal investigation because they're chalking it up to a misunderstanding, but they are keeping everything on record in case anything happens again. They are moving John to a different team temporarily and my manager apologized to me for being harsh with earlier. I will not be speaking to or interacting with John going forward.
_I am not OP_
- I am DYING with laughter that he hanged himself with the small amount of rope OP gave him, and find it rather curious he just happened to forget mentioning to HR that he started the conversation and brought it up. Hmmmmm, I wonder what he could’ve meant when asking OP that, HMMMMM
Same
The first story has an update. Op’s brother admitted he did it since he was jealous that OP was doing stuff before he did so the proposal was a panic move, so that’s why he stole the ring. He then confessed to his fiancée about it and they broke up two days later. OP told his girlfriend about it and she was equally as shocked and now OP is low contact with his brother
Brother should be thankful OP never reported him for theft
Sounds like it unfolded how it should. OP's brother deserves it.
The real kick people don't seem to notice is that not only did he steal the ring and use it to delay op's proposal, it heavily implies that he only proposed to her to beat his brother. If it was just about money and not being able to afford the ring I think the relationship could still be salvageable after blowing off steam and returning the ring. But to find out that one of the happiest days of your life was not only with a stolen ring but only because your boyfriend just wanted beat his brother at something? I would feel too damn gross to ever look at that man again.
Thank you! Glad she dumped him
Haha, I just read the update and was coming to report back. Great minds!
Story 4: R/ are you really surprised she doesn't have a backbone? Look at her family, she was abused by her brother and everyone still lets him in as if it's nothing, otherwise she has to go NC with all of them. And now, despite knowing she was uninvited the second they got it, the family is mad at her and not bro. That's a woman who most definitely gets forced into stuff like this so much that it's second nature to cave in. OP needs to keep being her rock, because she clearly never had someone in her corner before, and maybe seeing him defending her, she'll learn to do it on her own.
This and story 2 have crap ratings today
Thankfully in an update from another site, OP is encouraging Lena to seek therapy and is going no contact with her family at this time with the exception of her other brother and his wife.
@@lorilancaster5917 and she kept the shawl, but dyed it.
@@hellefur7861I thought she gave it to her other SIL?
@@lorilancaster5917 No, she kept it for herself, but dyed it in another color.
The shawl story has an update - the wife is cutting off her toxic family members, and even one of her brother and SIL are taking her side. They all went out to dinner for the night of the wedding and the brother posted a picture to make the abusive brother have a meltdown at the wedding (it worked btw). Definitely would suggest go reading it yourself.
Lol
good for her.
Where do I go to read it?
I think Op was the ah for stealing the shawl. Out of curiosity how many hours or days does a gift become someones property? Im guessing 12 to 24 hours.
@@Dartkitten Never thought about that before
There is update to first story, brothers gf learned that he stole ring to propose to her and she dumped him.
Good for her
Glad she did this. Shows how she isn’t as horrible as him. Hope she finds someone a billion times better
It was also said the brother did this because he was jealous that OP does things first even though OP’s the younger brother and OP is now LC with the brother
Also the fact the brother wasn’t even going to propose to his girlfriend until OP was going to be the first one engaged. That’s why he didn’t even have a ring to begin with. Sooo glad the fiancée left the brother
nice
Last story: OP updated which she talks about her meeting with HR. She told him that she pleases herself to by eating ice cream from the carton and other things you can do when you have a place to herself. Since John couldn’t verify that OP directly said what he told his manager and HR he got in trouble for wasting their time.
Lol
😈😈😈😈😈😈
Smart move
I would hope she got it documented that dbag John was being lude with her with what he said
@@j-zk6tfI don’t think she did since it was a casual conversation and she and John did not correspond afterwards. However once OP managed to clear herself and John got in trouble maybe this incident was reported in his record.
Story four: OP provided an update which he is encouraging Lena to get therapy and are going very low or no contact with her family. OP plans on helping Lena fight against her family.
Oh! And the wedding reception venue was actually under booked. Lena thought about disassembling the shawl but OP encouraged her to keep it for herself.
OP is also looking for a transfer and notified HR about George while he was on his honeymoon
I think OP also mentioned that his wife’s other brother and SIL skipped the wedding and hanged with them. OP is going to give the shawl to the kinder SIL.
@@M0nst3r0711thanks! It’s been a moment since I read the story so I couldn’t recall the updates. May also explain why the info is all over the place in my comments
@@lorilancaster5917 No problem! It’s actually one of my favorite story this month. :)
@Bookdragon3000 also posted something in the update which I forgot. When OP, Lena, BIL, and BIL’s wife went out to dinner during the time of the wedding, the brother posts them together (I think even the shawl makes an appearance) and sends the pic to George. George has a meltdown during the wedding.
Sorry if I got your user name wrong but I’m glad you posted that comment
@@lorilancaster5917 my god, that is brilliant revenge. get fucked george.
Story 2: OP's family keeps insisting that "family helps family," but I can't help but notice they don't expect OP's brother to help his kids...
This!
R/ did the same attacking the mom too.
Because that’s the woman’s job 🙄
@@alvarogarrido5334Well she is a deadbeat. Sure her husband is useless but maybe separate custody
@@alvarogarrido5334 I mean she did leave just up and out of nowhere and just leave him alone with the kids so for once I agree with R/slash
1st story had an update.
He told the brother to tell what he did to his gf, brother is now single and isn't talking to anyone.
OP proposed and gf said yes. He told GF what happened with the ring and she was pissed. They don't know what to do with the ring, they might sell it.
I'm almost happy that OP's brother is single. If he can steal from his brother, what else can he steal
@@theallstar3784He's a master thief. He can steal the shit out of your ass when it's still corn on your plate.
@@theallstar3784not his gf's heart, apparently.
Honestly if I was ops fiance, I might offer the other girl the ring just as jewellery, assuming finances weren't too tight. I sure as shit wouldn't want the ring given the slimeiness my future BIL had infected it with, but the other girl would be free to have it if she wanted it
Last story: i would not be shocked if john was trying to make a move, and when he didn't get the response he wanted, reported her to HR before she could catch on
OP updated and said she told HR that she pleases herself by being able to eat ice cream and since John can't verify it he was written up for wasting HRs time
But since when does pent up only mean sexually? Or am I just innocent? It has more than one meaning.
@@manchild8365well it doesn’t mean sexuality simply by itself. But the context is “when your husband is gone” which does imply that “you must feel pent up” is sexual. Otherwise, why correlate the two at all?
@@Icezoot the way he responded to me suggests he was offended or unaware of what he said. I figured he could’ve meant cooped up
She led the conversation down that path by talking to a male coworker about her husband being gone and her being all alone in the house. That has some implications. He continued down that path and somehow she's surprised? And yeah, he definitely wasn't happy about being rejected, but also that was a completely inappropriate way to do so. It shouldn't be nornal for female and male coworkers to be having sexual banter with each other like that, especially when they're married. Women are way too open with discussing their sex life these days. Men don't want to hear it.
Last story: Who wants to bet her good friend john was trying to offer a substitute form of relief in the form of himself and was upset she didn't answer how he wanted her to?
That was exactly I what I thought.
And used her indirect rejection as an insult and used HR as punishment?
@@lorilancaster5917 My thinking exactly.
@@lorilancaster5917Which is dumb because John brought up her seggs needs first!
Exactly my thought!
The last story made me laugh because i think there's another potential misunderstanding that OP missed. Everywhere i ever worked, when a worker is apart from their family and they get asked in any way if they're horny, it's not actually asking if theyre horny. Theyre being asked if they want to start an affair. One of the most epic comeback to shut it down is, "i know how to masturbate". It lets the person know that they're not even a potential candidate because they'd rather rub one out instead of being touched by them. John isnt upset because of the comment being gross. He's upset because he tried sleeping with his coworker and got shut down in one of the most epic ways possible and OP didnt even notice or try.
Story 2: I feel bad for the kids more then anything, the mom abandoned them and the dad tried to give them away. No matter why she did it the kids will remember it as she left without saying anything.
I sympathize with the mom but she’s essentially becoming a deadbeat to the kids. Leaving them with no money or without talking to them? I understand she doesn’t have the means and she’s tired of living the life she’s in but I still think that abandoning the kids was horrible
@@iridescentsolaceyeah maybe OP should help out just not her brother help out SIL if not with childcare at least financially on the condition that she comes back and takes responsibility for her children.
@@l.tc.5032 would you be this forgiving if a man did the same thing she did? There are plenty of men who leave relationships because their partner is useless. Do they get the same benefit of the doubt and forgiveness you offer this woman?
I can see some messed up angle of it being the only way out. It seems that she was the SAHM and the brother worked and made all the money.
They're not gonna be dumb kids forever, they'll get older and understand that their mother was being abused and had no money or power to fight fairly against her POS husband. Why is everyone so insensitive to the details of the story, it's like y'all don't recognise abuse until someone gets physically hit.
In response to the first story. I used to sell engagement rings. This is an intimate experience that can help set the tone for the marriage. Each experience is unique to the individual picking the ring. It is a reflection of the person you love. The older brother is a monster for this. He is lucky that OP never filed charges.
The brother just tarnished the first ring. It is now unworthy of OP's fiancée.
Definitely. It's just straight up theft lmao
They dropped an update; OP proposed and the gf said yes, brother is single, they may sell the original ring as they don't know what to do with it now, so yeah what you said about it being tarnished definitely holds true
First story: tell the brother's fiance. It may seem small, but she deserves to know what she is getting into before marriage. She might be okay with him stealing, or she might not and you could save her from later heartache and legal trouble
She did find out and dumped him.
@charlottehardy822 yay happy ending (thank you for finding out)
Theft is a crime! Bro got what he deserved when his fiance dumped him.
@@lancerevell5979 its way more complicated then that yes the brother is wrong but if you read the why it explains an lot and its actualy quite complicated
**FIRST STORY UPDATE**
First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can't wait to marry her.
Also, my brother's single
A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself.
She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was.
Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later.
That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring.
Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth.
He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he'd spent on the new one.
From: ThrowawayNewRing
“UPDATE: AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?”
_I am not the OP_
Last story. Early in my career I made friends with a girl at one of my work sites and we started down the path of joking about such topics regarding our sex lives, etc. Then alluva sudden, she basically got offended by something that was no different than anything else we had joked about before. I spoke with my mentor who worked with us (and who witnessed and sometimes partook in our conversations) and he told me:
1. Yes, while the topic was unprofessional, it was at the same level of "appropriateness" as any of the other jokes we made to each other
2. She did this A LOT with fellow employees. Started being inappropriate and then get offended about things that were previously seen as not offended.
I didn't get into any real trouble but it basically ended that work relationship. Lesson learned: Keep work professional and you won't get accused of being a creep. Do I now come off as stuffy in environments where joking like that is harmless and pervasive? Yeah, but it's not worth damaging my career.
5:46 It's funny that the brother said this when, in fact, OP _did_ try to help him by warning him his wife was unhappy, and his response at that time was that the way he runs his household was none of her business. Now after the wife left, suddenly it's not only OP's business but it's her _responsibility_ to do something about it? Give me a break, he made his bed, now he's got to sleep in it. I just feel sorry for the kids, having a completely useless lunkhead for a father.
Lol yea
r/slash has said this several times but he wasn't willing to say it this time "Weaponized Incompetence"
A "placeholder" ring is like, a $50-100 ring from JCPenny, something nice, but relatively inexpensive, it is NOT someone else's REAL engagement ring that they expect back. OP was WAYYY too kind to his brother. NTA
Last story: John wanted to sleep with her and felt shut down when she said she knew how to please herself when she was alone.
Or OR, hear me out, John wasn’t being sexual and she misread him, causing him to be uncomfortable and prompting him to go to hr. She was just trying to get away with some flirting. Apparently they weren’t as close as she thought.
@@starquaked There's no way to take the phrase "pent up" except sexually.
Or he was bantering with her like he would with a male coworker and when she bantered back it dawned on him it's not appropriate to do with a female coworker so he tried to beat her to the punch with HR? Idk just something no one else brought up
@@Wendy_O._Koopa what if he didn’t even say pent up because she didn’t quote him if I remember correctly
@@starquaked Okay, okay, _technically_ possible, but it really sounds to me like he can dish it out but he can't take it. Although, I might be a bit biased since something like this happened to me. Guys like flirting until they don't, then they act like you haven't been mock flirting with them for the last eight years and this is totally coming out of the blue.
The shawl story: it's worth noting that this story actually has an update. I don't remember the specifics, but eventually the wife stopped being mad at him, realized that she was being a doormat, and they kept the shawl so that they could give it to somebody who deserved it.
Also, there was some clarification on the kind of abuse. For instance, at one of those work get-togethers the brother got drunk, and spent most of it shouting at his sister in front of everyone. Pretty sure this happened after the shawl incident. And if I remember correctly, he was reported to his boss by OP, and the brother was either transferred or fired. I don't remember
I just read the update, Op told his boss what was happening and OP transferred himself off the team. The brother isn’t facing any consequences at work, but he did have a meltdown at his wedding because another brother chose to support OPs wife rather than attend the wedding.
@@Bookdragon3000I read a different update that the brother did get fired.
@@SenaC90I would really love to read that but went to OPs account and I’m not seeing it. Where’s that update at?
@@Bookdragon3000 I’m not sure where it went. That’s so weird. I should have taken a screenshot 😩
@@SenaC90Reddit moderators can be weird sometimes, I blame them 😂 I’ll take your word for it, it’s a very satisfying ending.
For the implications story. OP doesn’t sound like she got graphic, she was fine. My read in the situation is that John wanted to test the water, to see if she’d cheat with him. ‘You must be feeling pent up’ also has an implication, it implies he wants to help her release. It doesn’t have to mean that, it could just be playful. What happened next is why I say he’s definitely into OP. When she swatted down his “offer” (in his mind), he felt hurt and did the “nice guy” thing and reported her for sexual harassment, even tho he was the one who took the convo to a sexual nature. He says she’s being dirty? Sounds like projecting, from the scorned incel
100% john was hoping she'd invite him over or become flirty so they could start an affair. He likely took her response as she knew what HE was implying and in a panic, contacted HR first to avoid her "exposing" him.
8:40 There are resources in most first world countries that allow you to continue school while being a single parent, especially if you're a mother. If she's from the US, she can sue for alimony and she can also get divorced without paying anything because they have fee waivers in every court in every single state for just exactly the situation, A wife leaving with no money. She can file for an emergency support order as well where he would either have to pay for an apartment for her and her kids or he would have to leave the marital home and keep paying the rent there while they get divorced. Absolutely has resources and needs to contact the legal aid in her city rather than just disappear.
The first story, as others have said the brother's fiancé found out and broke it off. But also the mom came back, relatively quickly, after thinking about it and said she honestly didn't know what she was thinking when she told OP what she told him. She 100% supports OP in the end! 🙂
The first story has an update! The brothers gf found out he stole the ring and dumped him. OP also told his now fiancée about it and she ended up liking the new ring better anyways!
Story 2: two things can be right at the same time. If she felt like the way was to run away, then your dro must treat her like crap. Even so, she still abandoned her kids without even a note, yet i get her logic, it's completed. As for you OP, tell the family they can go if they feel so strongly about it, and your bro can go f himself. It's pathetic to have 3 kids and not even know the basics of child care, you have your own life, that your lazy bro is trying to take because he doesn't want to even try. At most if you do help offer to go on TH-cam and watch some videos, because we don't know if you know how to take care of kids.
honestly the mom is a deadbeat and she should get 4.5/5 not really it doesnt mean he treated her like crap she just didnt know what she wanted
@@kmekosnk840I absolutely agree if the genders were swapped, the wife would have been absolutely blasted by everyone. Like I get that she was feeling trapped, but it sounds like she had a single fight with her husband and immediately just gave up and left. Absolutely horrible. Especially because their pre marriage agreement was a traditional style. It’s ok to change your mind and want something else with your life, but that’s obviously going to take time for the husband, you can’t immediately spring it on him and leave when he’s justifiably concerned
@@DarkLobster69 yeah for sure
@kmekosnk840 imo it read like the guy was a douchey asshole who pressured her into being a certain way. I wouldn't be surprised if he pressured her into keeping the children. She probably did everything she did to try and make him happy, realized he would never be happy with her, and got out. Didn't sound like she wanted kids in the first place the way that story read. So if he wanted them so bad, he can have em.
@@cinnamaqroll "Didn't sound like she wanted kids in the first place the way that story read"
so you literally can't read or even understand basic english?
Because it clear as day wrote, and Rslash read out loud, 'she had apparently dreamed of being a homemaker and taking care of children'
I advice you go get a refund from your elementary school, since they failed you badly in english.
Second Story: I'm glad rSlash acknowledged the wife's screw up. I do understand her position, as best I can, but she still knowingly left her kids with an abusive (through neglect) man without telling anyone, least of all them. So she needs to find a way to sort it out, or else those kids might end up in foster care and I wouldn't blame them for not forgiving her. Whether or not she knew she was being selfish, she was still being selfish.
Yep! I thought the 3.5 score was *extremely* generous for such a deadbeat mom.
The story gives no indication the father was abusing the children. Probably some emotional neglect, which isn't great, but not an immediate danger.
@@lrwerewolf abuse isn't just beating someone or verbally attacking them. Neglect is also a pretty known form of abuse, and the fact OP's brother was trying to push his responsabilities to others (first to their parents and them to OP herself, besides seeing like his wife did everything to him and the kids before she up and left) shows he's pretty neglectful with his own kids
honestly the mom is a deadbeat and she should get 4.5/5
@@seekeroftruth6728 exactly
Story 4, are we just ignoring George's enablers who are still blaming Lena. Sounds like her whole family is abusive in one way or another.
the final and 5th story honestly sounds like John was trying to hit on OP. "If you're so pent up, I can help you with that :)" kinda thing. which is really creepy. When OP said "no, i'm not" he got angry and decided to pretend that OP was being inappropriate without cause, to get her in trouble.
Story 4: It blows my mind that everyone is upset that the shawl isn't coming instead of the literal sister of the groom getting kicked out of the wedding the day before the wedding. I feel like the rest of the family is just as bad as George.
They may not have directly abused her like George but what they did was much worse
@@lorilancaster5917Not sure I’d call it worse. But they definitely suck.
*1st Story:* Mentions of updates in other comments aside, the brother's just butthurt that OP made him suffer the consequences of his actions. I'm glad that OP updated to say that his bro got dumped after the latter's now ex-fiance found out about the stolen ring. People deserve to know what kind of person they're actually marrying.
Story 2 is heartbreaking. After my ex wife left and abandoned the kids for some guy out of state, I saw the aftermath that really devastated my kids. Abandonment hit like a wrecking ball. I tried my best to give them extra love and support. And even after years of counseling, they still feel the effects of it. I could only imagine the pain and devastation of those kiddos being basically abandoned by both parents. 😢
First story: I can see using a place holder if your girlfriend is picky, but like a 50$ ring she can keep and causally wear around after
That’s why they have Ring Pops
Before we picked out a ring that my wife wanted, we went with a cheap 25 cent ring from a coin operated machine.
@@TheBoboTheIceMan We did a Harvest Moon blue feather and then went together to pick a ring.
Or even $50
Yeah, it’s not unheard of to have an inexpensive placeholder, but it’s inexpensive to begin with, not because it’s not yours!
**FIRST STORY UPDATE**
First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can't wait to marry her.
Also, my brother's single
A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself.
She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was.
Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later.
That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring.
Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth.
He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he'd spent on the new one.
From: ThrowawayNewRing
“UPDATE: AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?”
_I am not the OP_
Nobody thought you were OP dmbarse
@@KodibearIndigohey there's no need for that kind of attitude, dude. Plus, I guarantee you someone absolutely would and still might if they gloss over that disclaimer. If you don't think that little of people on the Internet you haven't been here long.
Damn
Last story: Hang on, he brought it up, and thought your friendship was at that Level, because brought up sex. Screw that guy.
Correction: DON’T screw that guy, lol. But yeah, he can go screw himself. I mean, she certainly can so…
First Story, NTA: OP's brother stole OP's ring, used it to propose to his girlfriend, and expects OP to be able to use the same ring to propose to his girlfriend? He is lucky OP didn’t press charges for theft
Second Story, NTA: At the end of the day, these kids isn’t OP's responsibility. What this guy wants is to continue being the breadwinner and have someone be the house wife and take care of his kids. This man is a horrible father and clearly a horrible husband since he refused to even compromise with his ex-wife resulting in her vanishing
Update: Honestly, while I agree that abandoning her kids was wrong but she didn’t have any other way out of the lifestyle she begun to hate. I mean at least she wanted to make sure her kids were fed and under a roof (although her ex is a terrible father). I have to disagree with the butthole score for SIL, I think 1.5/5 is better because her husband literally wouldn’t compromise on anything so she CAN go back to school and when someone is desperate for something they will do dumb things
Third Story, NTA: This is possibly a once in a lifetime moment and Stacy wants OP to miss it? Why couldn’t she bring them to the hospital? I just think there were a lot of other options than just ditching the birth.
Fourth Story, NTA: George and his fianceè basically used Lena for the shawl and as soon as they got the shawl they immediately uninvited her. OP is sticking up for his wife. George is an asshole for how he is treating Lena, SIL is an asshole for how he is treating Lena, and honestly Lena's parents are scum because how does one child abuse another and they don’t see that?
Fifth Story, NTA: John brings up how "pented up" OP is without her husband and when OP responded jokingly he go and tells HR? I bet if OP was a man (I’m a man saying this) he wouldn’t go complaining to HR. John is a immature man and honestly setup OP for failure
And the updates don't help the brother's case. He didn't even want to propose. He was insecure hus little brother was getting married before him so he came up that stupid plan.
@@Tues48 I think you nailed it there. If you're proposing and you aren't certain enough that you're getting a "yes" to actually buy a ring, then you probably shouldn't be proposing.
@@Tues48that makes him 10x worse. He did this because he wanted to he first to propose? Yet he calls OP childish lmao
Yeah I was hoping someone was more sympathetic for story 2. I think 1.5 is WAY more fair, and that she's well within forgiveness zone, though of course the kids will need a lot of explaining whenever that comes around.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958yeah because her husband was refusing to compromise and take up some how work and childcare so she can go to college. When someone is desperate to get out of something, they would do anything. She is wrong for abandoning her kids like that but desperate times
Story 2: It is CRAZY how many people are making up scenarios to justify the SIL being a deadbeat mom. "Maybe she was being really abused and didn't tell anyone and had to leave to protect herself!" "The husbands was keeping money and resources away from her, clearly!" "She didn't want to be a stay at home mother anymore and it is abuse to not give into her demands for change and have the husband pay for schooling and daycare!" Like, do y'all listen to yourselves? She was happy to be a stay at home wife at first. Yes, people can and do change their minds, that is life. But we in no way know how this conversation went. It could have been very reasonable, it could of been very asinine. All we know is the husband refused for her to go to college, which can mean anything from he refused to pay for a care taker and the wife's classes to out right making threats to prevent her from going. We have not one idea on the conditions of the refusal.
The facts still remain that the mother is a deadbeat, who ran away from her responsibilities, and is now hiding from those same responsibilities to avoid paying child support. The husband has piss poor domestic skills and is trying to off load them. Both parents suck in some way or the other. Stop defending the mother, she deserves 4/5 for being a deadbeat who left her kids and is refusing to support them in anyway.
Exactly switch the sexes and there would be no defense.
Yes!
Absolutely. She chose her dream lifestyle. Then she changed her dream. It's ok to change your dream but you can't just walk away from responsibilities you took on, and you can't get mad when your husband doesn't appreciate you wanting to change the whole dynamic of your lives that you both agreed you wanted.
We actually DO know how the conversation went. We simply have to extrapolate from how he treated his sister when she made him aware that he'll lose his wife if he continues the way he did ...
@@mariposa9506 there is a lot of way between "not appreciate the change" and "shutting down your sister, when she tries to tell you that you are about to lose your wife if you continue that way and trying to force your family to take your own responsibilities". That guy was clearly abusive, regardless of whether or not he ever was physical with his wife. She should never had kids with him in the first place. He is the kind of guy who normally remains an incel for good reason ...
Story 1: nta you're not "forcing" your brother to buy another ring your showing him that actions have consequences. Also it's ironic a thief is saying you're being childish
Story 4: If I were to give a gift at a wedding, it would be under the condition that I was invited. I mean, you wouldn't expect a birthday gift from someone you don't invite, so why ask a gift from someone you didn't invite at a wedding?
For George it’s a power play since Lena was the one he primarily abused. He wasn’t counting on OP to have her back seeing as how they thought they were friends.
However for those not AHs it’s common sense to be respectful of others
last story sounds like john wanted to get some, he basically hit her with the:
''must be lonely at night eh? want some help?''
and her without missing a beat went
''nah im good by myself''
And he got mad and brought HR into it
For a video that touches on updates, you missed a big one. The engagement ring story ended up with the brother confessing it was a panic move because op was hitting a bunch of milestones before him, and said he was proposing too. He was going to sneak the ring back, but the girlfriend posting a pic ruined that.
Op is successfully engaged, and the brothers girlfriend dumped him when she found out. OP's mum also apologised and made the brother confess.
How could he not think that his girlfriend would post a picture of the ring? Pretty much all women do this!
Rslash, as somebody who has been abused by people, it really rubbed me the wrong way when you told Lena she had to grow a backbone. Especially since she was still willing to do stuff for him despite what he’s done! That within itself takes a lot of courage to do. So I would say she pretty much has a backbone. Even if she somehow didn’t do all that stuff, recovering from abuse of any kind takes time and it seems like she was in a state where she was just beginning to discover how to deal with it. If it involves not being around her family, or not wanting to cause any problems with them, so be it.
It's fair that it rubbed you the wrong way, but imo it could be a matter of semantics. I've experienced my fair share, but I joke about my lack of backbone. It's something I got to work on and be aware of. As for Lena, I think doing something for her abuser, albeit kind, only got her into trouble. Thankfully, in the update she gets to regift the shawl and considers therapy
Too bad that's life. Everyone needs to stand up for themselves or get ran over
I'm not a native speaker, but if someone told me I must be pent up with my s.o. gone for so long, my mind wouldn't jump to horniness. Personally, I only know pent up as in "pent up emotions", in that case I'd think of missing the person, not having them around to undish my lovydovy stuff on them, or just chat and spend time together. How/why someone would think "horny" straight away, much less give such a lewd and intimate response to a colleague _in_ the work place .. just seems really weird to me - not just unprofessional but also really really weird.
If I don't give her the benefit of the doubt, I'd say she was dropping hints, hitting on him and to see if he'd bite.
Yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking when I saw this the first time. Like, I wouldn't think it would go straight to that.
I'm genuinely surprised that "You must be pent up without your husband" doesn't give you any sexual connotations, but "No, I know how to please myself" does so strongly
Story 4: there's an update, I can't recall everything, but OP's wife does become grateful that he took back the shawl. I wish I could remember the rest but at least it was a somewhat happy ending.
ETA: I just remembered that OP's supervisor sent the BIL to another team that desperately needed another member! Lol
*First OP:* OP's brother is lucky OP didn't sue him for theft. OP is NTA. And, because I'm petty, I think OP _still_ should've told his brother's fiancee about the ring after his brother bought him a new one.
*Second OP:* Does OP's brother not know how to use Google? He can Google how to do domestic work easy-peasy. If that's too hard, he could hire a live-in nanny. OP shouldn't have to change her life because of her brother's and SIL's decisions. OP is NTA.
*Second OP UPDATE:* While I understand why OP's SIL left the family, I agree with rSlash that the way she did it was off. Or maybe I'm dense, idk. She at least could told her kids she had to go away for while, assuming she didn't.
*Third OP:* That _is_ messy. OP and his wife had to be there for their daughter's labor. I can only imagine how stressful going into labor is, especially for a teen. I was going to mention how long in advance OP told his ex that he couldn't take the twins, but it's an emergency, so ... 🤷🏿 I'm gonna say OP is NTA.
I missed the part that it was an early labor. Yeah, OP is NTA.
*Fourth OP:* I would've said OP should've respected his wife's wishes, but Lena showed she's willing to let people disrespect her just to keep the peace. OP is NTA. I hope he can encourage Lena to stand up for herself.
*Fifth OP:* John went there first, so he's just as guilty as OP. That said, OP could've not replied to that remark. Controversial opinion, but I'm gonna say ESH. I guess one could argue that John's comment about "pent-up energy" meant something else, but I find it highly unlikely.
Story 1: NTA, Dude STOLE OP's ring, why is he fighting against OP for this? And he calls OP inconsiderate and CHILDISH? Childish for what? For fighting against him and wanting another ring, that HE stole to begin with? This a**hole is lucky she didn't call the cops on him for theft. Why is the mom trying to side with the brother anyway? Sure she's divided, but she is still considering siding with the brother, OP had to threaten her brother or else he wouldn't take him seriously. I'd say let the girlfriend know about it, let her reconsider whether to marry this thief.
Oh the brother's fiancee found out and dumped him
Yeah, surely anybody else would have been arrested because OP would have file a police report. Their mother is obviously favoring the brother.
@@audreym3908 Good riddance to him lol
Story 2: I feel bad for the kids,they are getting the worst of it , but I can’t be mad at the wife. Even with OP’s POV this seems like a abusive and manipulative marriage, I wish we knew the wife’s age to validate it a bit more. The husband getting married in his late 20’s and I’m betting the wife was in her early 20’s or late teens, upholding “traditional” values, not wanting her to continue her education, and being utterly incapable of caring for your children to the point of wanting to give them to any related woman you can, for the wife to flee, I’ve worked with enough DV survivors to recognize the red flags. She left the kids because they are young enough and her husband is image focused so most likely he wouldn’t do anything to physically harm them especially when OP and his mother are close enough to see the kids regularly. The best case scenario would have been for her to flee with the kids but her marriage was already built on financial inequity so she literally couldn’t any attempts would have gotten her slapped with kidnapping, child endangerment, maybe even child abuse because she didn’t have the money to support them. Divorce is too expensive, much less a custody battle so running away, finishing her education and coming back with a job that she can sustain herself and her children on then fighting is her best bet.
This!
This smacks of someone who has been abused for so long that they just need to get away - any way they can.
She didn't take the kids because she would be in a worse off position - same work load but no second income. She knew the kids would be financially taken care of by leaving them with their father.
I don't agree that the wife is an AH here. The husband was warned about the treatment of his wife and chose to ignore it. FAFO.
OP is not the AH for not wanting to take on the role of abused wife - and neither is her mum for trying but being unable to help as much due to health issues. The rest of the family stating OP needs to step up (especially those who say it's because she's a woman) need to put up or shut up and do their part.
There is so much we don't know about the wife's sitch before she left but that AH score is a little extreme. At most 1/5. The husband definitely deserves at least a 4/5 for being a controlling abusive AH.
honestly the mom is a deadbeat and she should get 4.5/5 no indication it was abusive and also she just didnt know what she wanted she first thought she wanted to be a SAHM but then ran away
You are making wayyy to many assumptions. The husband is obviously a POS but abandoning your children is inexcusable. There are plenty of resources for abused spouses and children to take advantage of.
The comment I was hoping to find!!! Many people think just because the wife isn't being beat up, that there's no abuse. I would urge people to look up "coercive control". Denying your spouse education or a job and controlling their finances is abuse. Coercive control is abuse. And just because they kept up appearances in front of family doesn't mean that the abuse didn't happen.
@@kmekosnk840
It's hard to know it's an abusive household without reading the update.
Here's why it's abusive;
-She is entirely financially dependant on him.
-She has been denied help for her depression.
-She was entirely denied the ability to take on college [which she'd of been able to do alongside raising kids. Yes, it's awkward she decided to switch up her life. Still- it's HER life and he should've supported her or worked to make a conclusion even if he didn't agree because that is a relationship.]
-OP also mentioned in the update she was denied any kind of life outside of the home, even though the girls are of age to be able to fend for themselves for a few hours.
^ All mentioned in the update.
She was entirely dependant on him- he weaved the relationship so he was entirely in control of her. He was like a dictator. She just wanted to get free, and whilst abandoning the kids is inexcusable there was no better scenario. I'm sure we'd rather have her abandon the kids and come back when she has an education and fighting chance, than bring the kids with her and risk injury to them, jail time or a depressing lifestyle.
Reporting to one of the abused spouse resources would've likely sabotaged her ability to build herself up and come back later, because there's only so far those resources can legally help you.
Not being good at home: 3.5/5
Literally abandoning your children: 3.5/5
wat
The second story sounds like the husband may have been controlling or somewhat abusive. Depending on the level determines her A hole score.
He wouldn't let her go to college. "She had apparently dreamed of being a homemaker and taking care of children" was that what he said or did she really think this way?
Story 2: I feel I'd bump both OP's brother and his wife's score to 4/5. He sounds pretty abusive and sexist, not wanting his wife to have a study, and seeing OP as a perfect person to take care of his kids just because she's a woman;
And for his wife: she said she left the kids behind because "at least here they have home and family"... except her husband is incompetent and basically tried to push his responsabilities on everyone else around him. Also, she said she don't have money for a divorce lawyer, but somehow her family and friends can pay for her to vanish and spend time on another state with family?
Yeah that alongside her mother panicking when OP said she'd file a missing person report unless she was sure her brother's wife was fine, makes me wonder if there's another reason she simply wanted to vanish and leave her kids behind. Maybe she also felt the kids were 'trapping' her with OP's brother? Who knows, but yeah both deserve a bump in their scores, and OP herself stays with 0/5 since she didn't do anything wrong, if anything I'd bump down to a -1/5 since she went outta her way to resolve the things.
Second story is a lot like what my siblings tried to do when my brother was being deployed and his ex got arrested for a DUI - everyone tried to pressure me into taking in his kids to care for, which would have been like a year+ commitment. I felt bad, but I am the youngest with literally no experience in childcare, so the pressure of responsibility of caring for two small humans on my own (NO ONE was offering to step in and help me, I was going to be utterly alone in this here) was too much for me. They did eventually end up with their maternal grandparents, I think, and I do always feel bad for them, but at the same time it rubbed me the wrong way how they tried shoving the responsibility of childcare onto someone with no child or caretaking experience simply because I was child free and they thought I had "nothing better to do" with my life.
My cat, Chase, will not fall asleep without an Rslash video in the background (although sometimes he settles for other reddit videos, but yours work the best.) Thank you for this great and entertaining content.
Something tells me that OP's brother in story 1 has done other things to take advantage of OP and others. That is a giant betrayal and I would go no contact.
Last story: Anyone else think John was testing the waters about her wanting to mingle while her hubby was away? I gotta say I've rarely seen a man ask if a woman is pent up, unless he was going to follow that up with offers to help, and I think OPs reply that she didn't need help made him feel preemptively shot down, even though she's got a partner, so he got upset.
To sister in law post....
We think op is the ONLY not butthole other than the poor kids...
Sil KNEW that her husband was negligent, KNEW that he was not responsible, KNEW that he wouldn't take care of the kids... MIGHT have even known that he'd try to doff the kids off on someone else...
Knew that he was not flexible or accepting, KNEW that he wouldn't allow her to live her life so there's no reason... With ALL of the above.... For her to say "at least they'll be with family."
Quite the contrary!
The FIRST thing the husband tried to do is GET RID OF THEM!
So the kids WON'T have family!
They'll have a deadbeat dad who doesn't want them and be surrounded by others tho can't take em!
She abandoned her children in a place she already knew would not be good for them!
They are NOT safe!
They are NOT loved!
They are NOT WITH FAMILY!
A disgusting excuse for a clear and total abandonment where she even got her parents to lie about it...
It seems like she's not much different than her husband if she's willing to just leave them to their fate!
I do agree the wife/mom in the 2nd story deserves a 3 but I think the husband/dads needs to be raised. Even MIL panicking about a missing persons report and the mom’s guilt, I think there’s a lot of fear and abuse going on. I just so hope those kids can lean on each other atleast
I feel like giving the mom and the dad the same butthole score is insanity. If anything the dads butthole score should be his own score but add whatever score his wife gets. All her butthole actions are very literally his fault.
Honestly the only change I would make to story 2's verdict is, instead of "you can't just abandon your family" use "you can't just abandon your kids". The husband deserved to be abandoned, the kids did not. Semantics, I know, but honestly using the specific words reallllyyyy matters here.
Unless you read/listen to the updates in the second story its easy to miss that SIL is an abused woman. OP's Brother at the very least is financially abusive to SIL. She is fully dependent on him, and she has been denied the following: Help for her depression, being able to study for college, have any form of life outside the home even if the daughters are at an age where they can be outside the home. Yes she left her daughters behind, only because she didn't want them to suffer with her because she had no stable place to stay on top of food or income. She knew even if her husband is incompetent the grandparents are there to help. OP's Brother hasn't filed anything because he expects her to come crawling back to him because she in his mind has nothing else. Or he will be able to find a woman to replace her and be his live in maid, nanny and bed warmer. I feel if she had a stable place to stay and work to provide, she would have left his ass and taken her little girls with her.
I get all that, I truly do, but it was still not the right thing to do. In the short term, it might feel like she's at least doing the right thing for herself, but the longer she runs, the worse it will get for her. When they finally the divorce, they will use the fact that she ran against her and if there isn't hard evidence of abuse, then he'll get the kids and she likely won't be able to see them. It's not a good situation for any of them, and if you ask me, I think there was more she could have done besides run. She had family she could turn to, but she decided not to ask them for assistance on divorcing him, why is that? Per her own words; it was because she didn't have it in her to fight, and I'm sorry, but that's just not acceptable when you have kids. You have to find that strength, or else they will be the ones suffering too, not just her.
She left her kids with their abuser. Even better, the fact that the kids took up his time probably made it easier for her to disappear. The kids shouldn't forgive her for that
@@geltric4779 In no way am I saying what she did was the right move, it honestly feels like a no win situation. I just wanted to be sure the whole story was out there as the SIL didn't just dip because she didn't want to be a Mom anymore. I hope she gets herself situated as soon as possible as there are resources along with a hopeful support system like her family, and SIL gets her little ones out of there. You have a point that the longer she delays the worse it is going to be. And she might not be able to get the girls from him. Hopefully he's not neglecting them because Mommy or OP won't do it for him.
And none of that is any reason to go into hiding. She could have done everything she did while letting her daughters know where she was.
Placeholder rings are a thing. My dad proposed to my mom with a ring pop, and then they went and picked out a real ring together. However, OP's brother was absolutely in the wrong for taking the ring without permission.
See, that is just cute! Ring pop is cute and very affordable placeholder. Much better than stealing a real ring that was intended for someone else, yikes.
I'm honestly wondering if John just meant she had "pent up" general energy. It isn't exactly an unused term in a non-sexual context. If he was attempting to hook up he'd probably just drop it and not go to hr
Unless he thought she'd go to HR and he wanted to beat her to the punch
When pent up is directly paired with husband being gone... there is no other connotation
@@twistysunshine she replied in a way that would suggest she won't go to Hr, and they were just taking about being bored. I could totally see this being a stir crazy/cabin fever thing that she twisted in her head.
Shes not acting like a doormat rslash. Shes acting like a domestic abuse victim. Its more complex than "toughen up"
Story 2 . Time for OP’s brother to put on his big boy pants and step up.
Story 2 - There is a solution everyone is missing, CPS. It sounds like the husband is abusive, I think her BH score should be less than the husband's.
Story 5 - Sex jokes are amusing, and he started it so not the bh, if there's a HR meeting, he better be in as much trouble.
I’m pretty sure John as just mad that OP didn’t want HIM to play with HER lmao
Having been abandoned by both parents, story 2 really hit home. I found it much easier to forgive my father since he was 19 and probably in no way ready to handle the responsibility, but since my mother knew I had been through that pain already and still subjected me to it a second time, and was much older when she did it, I still have not been able to forgive her. OP should have 100% filed that missing person report.
First story: I spent months looking for the right engagement ring. If my brother had done this, he would be lucky if the bare minimum was exposing him to the family...
3rd story: why couldn't the dad bring his two daughters to the hospital with him? I am sure they would've liked to have met their half-cousin?
4th story: um so the day before the wedding is when OP's wife gets disinvited from the wedding? I'm calling bullshit, there is no way that they only figured out they were overbooked the day before. they deliberately waited until the shawl had been given and then did it.
Would be half niece or nephew not half cousin
I mean, what kid wants to sit in a hospital for potentially hours doing nothing? When I was younger, my mom went to the hospital with her sisters when they went into labor, and the one time that fell on a weekend I was supposed to be with her, she and my dad switched weekends.
@@theickster3008and how could OP look after them and help his daughter? OP made the best decision possible. Hopefully can make it up to his kids by taking them somewhere fun next visit and maybe take them a few more days.
@lorilancaster5917 right and that my point exactly. My youngest cousin on my mom's side was born 2 days before my birthday. My aunt went into labor on the Friday my mom was supposed to pick me and my sister up, and my cousin was born sometime that Saturday. So she took the week off and picked my sister and I up early on my birthday, and we spent the week doing fun shit. Luckily I have a summer birthday so we could do that lol.
Story 2, the deadbeat mom SHOULD be paying child support and I hope OP's brother files for divorce based on abandonment, as well as full custody. The deadbeat-enabling maternal grandparents can help her. Also OP's brother needs to step up, watch "Mr. Mom" and learn a lot from a comedy movie from 1983. Unlike rSlash, I think the deadbeat mom is WAY worse than the gormless dad. At least he didn't abandon his kids.
Let’s all be fr we all know what John wanted but she turned him down and she didn’t even realize John was upset that he couldn’t hit 😂
That last story is what my social anxiety thinks is going to happen anytime I have a social interaction.
Lenas family sound toxic. Op took the shawl back, and everyone jumped on Lena even though she had nothing to do with it. Good on op, he sounds like an amazing person
Story 2 OP SHOULD file a missing persons report and force her brother´s wife to pay child support.
Why?
Because if the reverse had been true and the brother had left his wife...
You BETTER belive the system would fleece him for everything he had in order for him to pay child support.
And since we have equality well its only fitting she gets to pay the same amount of money in child support whether she wants to or not.
Its either that or its jail time for her for missing out on child support.
All that said OP Brother needs to step up.
He is a single dad now so he needs to learn all those skills he didn´t know before hand.
Cooking, cleaning changing diapers and EVERYTHING.
He wanted to be a father... well that comes with some responsibilities.
when telling the fiancé the truth about his lies regarding their proposal is ''threatening their relationship'' then it clearly means that he's in the wrong, I recommend OP tell her anyway, like why keep this from her? This is a true side about her possibly future spouse that she deserves to know about.
Last story: John was the AH but if you take out everything to do with work, their gender roles, who started it, professionalism, etc - John was inappropriate but wasn't OP's response inappropriate considering she's a married woman? I guess it depends on how her husband feels about it, but, personally, I wouldn't want that to be MY partner's response if someone said that to them. It just seems flirtatious and for that part of it, I would say OP gets a 0.5 AH score, at least IMHO.
OMG, what kind of woman just abandons her children? What a terrible terrible wife and mother. You can't just change your mind about being a wife and mother. She made a commitment, and is apparently too selfish and weak to keep her commitment and love her children. All she has to do is wait a few years until they are old enough, and then if she wants to pursue an education, then she can do it. I have no pity for this woman, and OP is definitely selfish to not even offer to help just a little.
Story 2: A mom abandoned her kids because she regrets her life choices, and it's not 5 AHs? At least 4. Come on.
Divorce is understandable here. Not running away.
Story 1 nta I heard this one before. The brother did it to himself. I hop ops wedding boxes off without a hitch.
Yes the updates really show the brother realised he was wrong and lost his girlfriend. Hopefully they can fix their relationship at least a little.
My husband proposed to me with a placeholder ring, but it was one he 3d printed.
I have bad metal allergies, so he wanted me to pick my own ring ❤️
That's so sweet! How long have y'all been together?
i feel sorry for the kids in the second story, their mom abandoned them and their dad doesn't want to take care of them, she'll be lucky IF her kids do forgive her whenever she does return, either way, they'll be scarred forever
For the brother in the first story, 100$ asshole tax, since the cost of the rings otherwise would cancel eachother out, is a pretty cheap one
Abandoning your kids is one of the worst sins in my book. Just slightly above abusing kids. Mother in story 2 should be ashamed, she couldn't handle the Dad but is fine leaving her poor kids with him. Yuck.
The women is simply a deadbeat that doesn't even wanna pay a single cent pf child support.
Its funny how story two features a line about the kids being the dads responsibility, but OP thinks its totally fine for the mother to abandon her kids.
Story 2: Wow, the update made things worse. OP's brother was literally willing to throw all of his responsibilities at other people as an excuse to do whatever he wanted, and it broke his wife. Yeah, suddenly running away is kind of a bad idea, but hopefully things get better with the wife and her kids. She does not deserve such a lazy husband
And she doesn’t deserve those kids. She’s a 5/5 AH. She walked away from her kids without explanation to them. You don’t screw your kids over like that.
@@leebrown6247and you get a 5/5 stupid score! Simple because you only give it to the wife!
@@kevintull3302 the husband gets a score too. But I wasn’t talking about him. At least he didn’t walk away from his kids.
Is the husband really lazy tho? The wife isn't working so he's taking on all the financial burden just like THEY agreed to in the beginning of their relationship... I will say he needs to step up and figure out how to take care of his kids tho. That means looking into daycares if family can't help.
@@Firistateding ding ding
We have a winner.
Story 2: Family helps family as they say "no we wont help" LOL.
7:09 OP SIL saying she had to abandon her kids but at least they have home and family is a ridiculous excuse because she herself said she was staying with family. So she isn't homeless and starving like she's making OP think. Is she hoping after enough time, everyone will forget about her so she can subtly go off into the sunset without her kids and never having to pay child-support?
On story 2: "Why not just divorce?" "Why not just leave?" "Why not just not be poor?"
Sure, she shouldn't have left, but to say she's as bad as her husband is just ... one of your worst takes in a while.
??? She decided to have kids. Your actions have consequences, and you're responsible for your children. You can't just get up and abandon them because you feel trapped, maybe she should have thought about that before she had kids and before she got married. At least the shitty husband didn't leave his kids and continues to financially support them
That last story got me feeling WEIRD. I have no proof or anything but it honestly sounds like John was implying that HE could deal with her "pent-upness" if you catch my drift and got offended that she would rather do it herself rather than invite him into her bed. I know its farfetched and everything but it seems weird that THAT was the first thing he jumped to when OP mentioned she was home alone. Most people would ask about like cooking for one or cleaning or, you know, how it feels not waking up to her husband next to her or whatever, not that she must have been super horny and ready to jump her husband the moment he got home.
I dunno how sexually active John is but it seems a little weird that he would comment on how a week away from her husband must mean OP is ready to jump him the moment he gets home. Or maybe he's just one of those people that believe that a woman shouldn't be doing it themselves and/or the woman doesn't need to get the big finish or any pleasure out of the action because its solely for reproducing.
I dunno, just a feeling I got. I'm sure I'm 10000000% wrong but it just strikes me as weird that John IMMEDIATELY jumped to that. If someone told me they were home alone while their spouse or whatever was away my first thought would be "I bet there's less washing up to do with just one of you xD" nothing like SEXUAL.
I agree tho that OP and John were being inappropriate, but John was being infinitely more inappropriate. You can have a workplace friend without bringing sexual activities into it. Although I can't be too harsh against OP because John did start it. She didn't stroll up to his desk and say it out of the blue, it was a reaction to something John said. Yeah, OP probably shoulda just said something and walked off or skipped past it entirely but she shouldn't HAVE to if John hadn't brought up something like that. "Pent Up" doesn't refer to a lot of things, so one can only assume that he was directly referencing sexual activities even if he now claims he wasn't.
I read the update and John failed to mention his comment at all, only referencing OPs comment, so that just proves to me that he was making a sexual comment but didn't like OPs answer to it so he ran off to HR and only gave them half of the story. Glad OP got the justice she deserved in that situation and I hope John's spouse knows about the kinda comments he makes at work. And upon reading some of the comments in that thread, I'm not the only one that thinks John might have been implying that he could "fill in" as it were while OPs husband is away. Apparently the husband has never liked John.
Story 2: Whatever happened between the husband and wife is largely irrelevant to the mother's moral and legal responsibility to help care for the children. She has every right to leave him, she doesn't have the right to simply abandon her kids. She's a deadbeat parent and needs to be held accountable.
OP deserves an AH score of at least 0.5 AHs for not only enabling her SIL's bad behavior, but also claiming she doesn't want to get involved and then getting involved.
What are you talking about she wasn’t enabling at all. It was her brother’s fault for throwing his wife away in the first place and it’s also his fault for not knowing how to do that basic stuff.
@@sailorstar3148 Yep, the brother is also at fault. That doesn't mean SIL can abandon her kids.
@@ancientsociety79 Yeah, that was….. that was pretty bad
3.5 is honestly generous for the wife. She litterally abandoned her kids and is dodging child support. She's a text book dead beat now.
I understand why she did it and being trapped in tradition roles tends to suck. You are completely at the will of the money maker. I really do synpothyse bit she was in her 20s and made this choice. Then she just dumps her children and goes 'it was the hardest choice I've ever made :(". Ummm ya. You ditched your kids with no one competent to pursue your own dreams. 4/5 for me at least. I could justify more.
On the last story I can't give a score. Pent up doesn't have to be sexual. So it really depends how he said it since she interpreted it one way doesn't mean that's how he intended it. The situation is very context specific.
“Pent up” doesn’t HAVE to be sexual… it could mean stuck in the house or something like that.
Second story: mom who left her kids is 5/5 AH. She’s trash. She walked away from her kids with no explanation. Kids didn’t know if mommy was dead or alive. She just caused them deep, lifelong emotional harm.
Exactly.
she was trapped in an abusive marriage with a manchild. what was she supposed to do? stay in the marriage until it killed her? take her kids along and have them starve with her because she has no support? divorce isnt an option because she has no money and no ability to make a plan. its a shitty situation
@@ohboy-zi1yf her parents gave her money and were protecting her. She had support. She walked away from her kids without saying goodbye to them. That’s absolutely unforgivable. I have very close knowledge of a Situation where the mom walked, and the children have been messed up for life.
@@leebrown6247 my mom disappeared when I was 4, and never payed a dime of support. This scumbag is doing the same thing. She's running from her responsibilities. Period.
@@ohboy-zi1yfshe's not starving though
So rslash what was the wife supposed to do in story two then? Because the husband definitely wasn’t supporting her desire to change her life, in fact he was actively oppressing that idea. Was she supposed to just remain in the house for the rest of her life? Because he certainly wouldn’t be giving her money for a divorce.
Wtf do you mean what is she supposed to do? Get divorced like every other single couple with irreconcilable differences and figure out a custody arrangement.
2nd Story: Why doesn't the wife's family help out with the kids. Those kids are in a sucky situation.
It sounds like they don’t live close by.
OP is not the butthole at all for taking the shawl back. As someone who also loves to crochet, I can guarantee that making shawl takes time. Especially if you want it to look good.
I really hope Lena is finally able to cut George out of her life. Regardless of what he did when they were kids, she shouldn't have to be around him as adults.
Story 2: With the exception of OP, absolutely EVERYONE in this story SUCKS! Brother is easy, he’s a deadbeat child looking for everyone else to resolve his problems. Rslash is 100% right about the SIL. You DONT just run away and abandon your kids. Period. She sucks too. The mother is an enabler and continues to baby her golden child. The entire family is also full of hypocrisy denying to assist in helping raise the kids. However, when OP says no, now it’s “FaMiLy HeLpS fAmIlY.” Give me a break.
Rslash isn’t completely right
8:44 you finish going through the dynamics of the relationship and do not realize you were describing an abusive relationship and still give her a butthole score. The dude baby trapped her then finacially abused her by making her depandent on him.
2nd story, Mom is NTA. She ran from an abusive relationship. Husband was emotionally abusive and holding her hostage. OP said that the mom wanted to go visit family as a vaca, and husband said no.
No she ran from her dream life she built when she changed her mind on her dream but her husband wasn't supported. Yet millions of people divorce when unhappy without ghosting their kids
Let's not over look the fact that the brother was trying to start a marriage with a lie.
The woman left her kids how does she not get 5 out of 5...She could have taken them.. I mean, she is the one who changed, not the husband. How is it his fault she changed her mind? She decided she didn't want to live up to what she agreed to and when he didn't give her exactly what she wanted, she abandoned her kids...WTF am I listening to? He should know how to take care of his kids so he deserves a score... but she deserves more.
Because if she did that it will make her a Karen. Oh look, Karen took the kids.
@@sailorstar3148 That's bullshit, if this was a dude R/slash would call him a loser for abandoning his kids. It' not like there was a threat to her, there is nothing in this story to suggest she couldn't just tell her husband she was leaving with her kids and they could share custody. No, she didn't want to be a mother anymore, she wanted to go to school and work. so she ghosted her family and left them wondering what happened to her.
2nd Story:
I can symphatize that the wife was in a difficult position but still, that was very selfish and careless of her to disappear like that. She knew that the dad was neglectful and had a terrible personality but left her children with him. You don't just run away from your responsibilities like that. I feel sorry for the children who have self-centered adults around them. The wife's family also enabled this behavior without stepping up to help? ugh these people trigger me. This reminds of that truly, not all parents deserve to have children but all children deserve loving parents.