My uncle, who is my grandparent's only birth kid, threatened my aunt that she was going to go back where she came from. My grandmother told my uncle if he ever did that again, they'd send him back where he came from.
She sounds awesome 😎. That is what OP and his wife should have done right away with Rachel. Maybe not threaten her but make it clear that they won’t tolerate her bs and get her help.
that what OP and his wife should be said to their daughter and I have no doubt she be taught by someone to said those things to the son and she going grow up being a horrible person
Last story had an update. The friend and OP had a talk, they're no longer friends, and some of the people who were at the party decided to take the friends side. It doesn't bother op and the friends who decided to stay with op and they're actually happy about it.
@@destinedtogame Dude, he makes these videos way in advance, so he can actually have a life with his family. There's a reason we still get videos even when he's on vacation. Of course he's going to miss an update if it popped up after he's compiled the video.
@@destinedtogamethere's probably a 1-2 month lead time between reading these, sending to an editor, getting it back, reviews and revision, potential sick/vacation time, final reviews and revision, and scheduling/publishing an advance so he can have a life. Of course he's going to miss updates, that's normal. No one would be able to keep up with every change and get it through that entire review process. This is how most industries work-long timelines.
Story 4: Another person covered this, and said that it was a lose-lose situation for OP. Either she comes, and people would notice her pregnancy no matter how much she tried to hide it, and Lia would accuse her of attention seeking, or OP does not come and everyone would look at her like an unsupportive arsehole. Also, there could be other reasons for someone to not drink alcohol. Maybe they're driving and don't want to be DUI, or they're recovering from alcoholism and just want to be there, or some other understandable reason. You don't force people to drink alcohol because you have questions. If OP was boasting, she would've been parading around, feeling her belly and telling everyone "I'm pregnant," but she wasn't. The only reason why people found out is because OP wanted to avoid Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
@Ikajo a couple antibiotics for things like bladder infection can't be mix with alcohol. Makes ya vomit like a volcano 🤢 Even people who like to drink sometimes just don't want one lol
She could have said like a day before that she got sick and she's so sorry she can't make it. If they pried into it more, blame food poisoning or something. White lies have their uses sometimes.
@@Nightingale_time I don't know why making up excuses. I've never needed one. When I say "I don't drink" my friends just go with it and I get soda or whatever.
Story 4: There was a video you did where OP had to shut down her SIL because she was making everything about her and her pregnancy at the wake of OP's sister dead husband and two kids. And the SIL went on and on making comments saying she was pregnant, without out right saying it....This was not that. I understand the sister is grieving, but she needs to get a grip! The world doesn't stop when tragedy happens; well maybe for the person living that tragedy, but outside other people lives go on. OP was being a great sister and can not be blamed for the actions of other "guests" who decided to poke into OP's business and out her for being pregnant. And don't get me started on the mom...I'm getting "Golden Child" and "Scapegoat Child" vibes.
Also, what if OP had stayed away from the party, I bet everybody still would have called her unsupportive because she dared to stay away in her sisters time of need, a typical damned if you do - damned if you don't situation.
@@chastitymarks2185 That’s what I was thinking the whole time!! If she stayed away bc she’s pregnant, everyone would’ve given her so much hate for not being there!! I literally said “damned if you do, damned if you don’t!”
in story 4, i garuntee if she didnt show up she would have gotten just as much flak for "abandoning her sister" or something like that. there was definitely no poistive way to handle that, but going and jsut not drinking was probably the best because if people just accepted her answers at face value she would have been fine
And OP did everything to conceal her pregnancy only for Ash and Lia to bully the news out of her. Screw Ash for narcing on OP to her sister. They should’ve both just let it go
Final story had an update, moocher friend doubled down and tried to turn the friend group against OP ... all but about two other people were sick of moocher and moocher's boyfriend so they all sided with OP, and now pot luck night is a lot less stressful since moocher and the couple of friends who supported her are no longer coming.
i wonder how long it will take before the two friends figure out about what a big mistake they made? cause, it not that big a thing for a group of say 6 people to share the cost of 8 people, but when its just 2 people paying for 4, that burden is suddenly a whole lot more. especially when one of those people who don't pay always makes sure to get the most expensive thing they can.
Story 1: You’re placing 100% of the blame on the father, RSlash, when I don’t think that’s the case. I think he’s trying to nip the shit in the bud, but the mother is definitely the one who’s enabling it. I think the mother is actively allowing the daughter to bully their son and the dad probably can’t sufficiently punish the daughter because the mom is always protecting her, hate to say it, because probably in the mom’s eyes it’s her “real” child. I think this adopted mom is probably similar to a lot of stepmoms.
How on earth is he nipping it? bro GAVE UP on trying to make his daughter NOT treat their son like shit. He's just as fucking spineless as her. He didn't interfere until his daughter embarassed him in public.
THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING! The dad is literally the only sane one of the biological part of the family. He tries to shut it down, but “because it’s my birthday”, the wife says not to “start arguments” when it’s just a flat out case of bullying. He’s being throttled between trying to be a good parents and a wife who will start an argument if he tries to BE A FUCKING PARENT. Just, GOOD GODS! Wife and daughter get 4.5/5, Dad AT MOST gets a 1/5 for not ignoring his wife and shutting that shit down.
Story 4: My mom told me that a lot of women/couples wait until the first trimester is over to tell anyone because the chances of something happening to the fetus apparently are higher in those twelve weeks? Matter of fact my sister lost her child in week 9, she didn't tell us she was pregnant. I don't even want to imagine, now everyone knows that OP is pregnant because she was forced to tell, basically, what if the baby dies now? You just don't force something out of someone like that. If a person says they don't wanna drink they don't wanna drink, it's none of your business why.
Yeah, changes of miscarriage are much higher in the first trimester. Sometimes, they even happen without the mother knowing, just coming off as an especially heavy period. It’s not uncommon to not announce anything until they start showing, with maybe close family getting word earlier.
Higher isn't even the correct category. It's about 2/3 of all pregnancies which end there. No, not 2/3s of the premature terminations. Literally 2/3s of all pregnancies total. Most of them actually end in the first four weeks, thus often times women only notice through more severe bleeding on their normal schedule period, and maybe a slight delay, or even not at all. At four weeks pregnant, as was said in the story, they are still very much in the high risk danger zone and fully justified to keep it low.
I’m sorry but I cannot stand when people pressure women to drink when they’re secretly pregnant. Stop asking women if they’re pregnant and let them tell you. It’s so frustrating
@@angus_ismyname3424 I will never be pregnant and I will also never drink, because I do not like alcohol. Do I need to prove to people I'm not pregnant by drinking even though I do not like it? Although in my case I can just blame my medication. But seriously, why is there so much pressure around drinking alcohol? I prefer coffee and cocoa. That doesn't make me pregnant. And I do not get why they blame OP for trying to hide the pregnancy when saying no should be reason enough to not drink. People are so weird when it comes to alcohol, pregnancy and peer pressure.
Ooooosssh story 1. Definitely placating the daughter. Just rewarding awful behaviour. Story 2. As a vegan and someone who has a restrictive diet, because we choose to have the diet we choose to bring the food rather than putting that hardship on someone else. It’s just common courtesy
Not to mention when you bring your own vegan dishes you're also allowing other people to try something new they'd never think about trying before. That's literally how I got started trying some vegan foods lol. I'm not vegan but started incorporating more foods into my diet and it has been pretty great
I'm not vegan, but it doesn't seem that big a deal to whip one of the boiled potatoes separately, although it is rude to ask since the host has enough to do on that day
"Bla bla youre not my real brother" "Daughter, i am very disappointed, i want you to apologize immediately" "No, i dont want to" Rslash, here is where you get it wrong. He didnt just sit back and do nothing. He canceled her birthday dinner that he was going to pay for. For a narcissist or a teenage girl (these are not mutually exclusive), this is one of the harshest blows he coulda done.
The OP had previously mentioned how they tried to correct her behaviour but she didn't want to reconsider so ghey didn't push. Also, when in the car they just let the comment slide so as to not "ruin the birthday"
I think the point was that her grotesque behavior wasn't something new. The parents weren't shocked by what she said, which suggests she's been vile like that before. The first time mentioned in the story both parents basically just tutted at her so they wouldn't ruin her special day. OP just popping off at the end and canceling the birthday was too little, too late, and all it's going to do is make the princess blame her scapegoat instead of acknowledging her behavior was the problem. I think that's where the score came from. There was no explanation as to _why_ she was being punished so severely so suddenly, so no lessons were learned. OP & SO are failing spectacularly at raising a decent human.
Story 4: NTA, OP was trying her damn hardest to not announce that she was pregnant while also trying to comfort her grieving sister. If anything, Lia's friend is an AH for drawing attention to it in the first place.
@@bibigamer502Yeah, I don’t get this weird mentality that springs up where if you don’t get hammered with everyone else you’re some kind of villain. I get that she ordinarily drinks but why is it that so many people don’t know how to have fun without alcohol?
@BeeWhistler I'm sober and people will start dismissing you or pressuring you at the drop of a hat. It's like. Dude your life choices are yours and you can spend them getting wasted as much as you want, but leave everyone else alone
@@twistysunshine Ikr. Like, I'm not even 21 yet, but I've already decided I'm not gonna drink. I'll happily be the designated driver because of that. No one should be pressuring anyone to drink, regardless if they're pregnant.
Story one: Adopted kid (now adult) giving my two cents worth. My mom used to tell me that being adopted was better because birth parents had to take what they got but my folks CHOSE me. Told the same thing to my kid when we adopted him. LOL!!! Half my friend group was adopted. One of the non adopted friends used to complain that it was so boring being home made. BwaHahahahahaha!!! That mom and daughter BOTH get five out of five butt holes on my personal scale.
This should be the top comment. That kid is old enough to know that's wrong, but also shame on the parents. The mom is awful, and the dad is slightly better than apathetic. My family is full of adoptees, step parents/kids, and everything else! I never realized people could treat them as anything less than a "normal" part of the family until I met my husband's family. They ALWAYS single out the adopted members on his side. It's bizarre.
But isn’t that “being adopted is better” line the same thing the daughter is doing, in reverse? I’m pondering whether she has listened to her parents say something like that to her adopted brother and absorbed the message that SHE is worth less and had to be replaced by someone “better”? I really wish, in that first story, that there was an idea of how old she was when Ethan was adopted and how the entire situation was presented.
i don't think the daughter was ready for the adoption sometimes you have to accept that your house even with the economical resources isn't place for a new child.
Whenever someone pressures me to drink, I always ask them “Are you okay? Do you need help? I have a friend who’s in AA and I can put you in touch with them. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” They always back off and put down both “my drink” and theirs and move on and avoid me the rest of the gathering.
Rslash has been clickbaiting his titles pretty hard in the last couple of weeks. He makes titles of stories that don't even happen the way the title implies.
@@YourPal1Yeah, someone usually does the thing mentioned but it’s a different viewpoint. I dunno why he thinks he needs to spice it up. I bet a lot of us at this point are daily listeners no matter what he reads (except “tifu” because of the second-hand embarrassment).
I’m not sure the father from the first story deserves the same harsh score as the other members, he did at least try to stop the behavior, albeit not sufficiently. The wife definitely is enabling it more though so it’s fair for her
Yeah it sounds like the father is trying to discipline the daughter but the mother has a wet noodle for a spine and refuses to discipline the daughter. If I had to guess, OP left out some heated arguments.
I agree that he should have stepped in earlier, im guessing he didnt because hes outmanned by the wife. Hes the lesser evil in this situation at the bare minimum imo.
If you don't get that baby to use for sleeping when the noises and you're creating a monster my kids could sleep with anything absolutely anything because when they were sleeping when they were infants I had to do my chores I had to vacuum p And things like that so my kids got used to sleeping there's a lot of loudness,I mean they could sleep through a hurricane
I think Rslash was way too harsh on the first OP. Hes not as bad as the wife. Hes atleast punishing the daughter. The wife however is just enabling the behaviour. But yeah, the OP should do more. And rslash is also being harsh on story 3 OP. Firstly, Im pretty sure snoring isnt something you cant control while sleeping so I think its unfair for OP to not sleep in his bed for something he cant control. Also, OP is working to so he isnt being selfish. Its understandable that the wife is frustrated but to call him a f-ing prick is pretty unneccessary. I do think OP should do something that can atleast stop his snoring problem.
I agree. Op is freelance so they make their own hours. But things like video game development are things that take many hours. Yeah he can stop doing the work but then whose to say that he won't fall behind on getting graphic updates, bugs and such fixed in the time they should. As for the snoring there could be alot of things causing it, sleep apnea, an issue with his throat, or he could just snore with 2 of those issues it's fixable. But the wife made the choices she made. She could have went to the couch, she could have slept in the bed, she could have gotten a blow up mattress to leave in the babies room. There was so many more solutions than what she did.
The wife wanted to be histrionic and overdramatic by not grabbing a pillow or a blanket, even when she went to lay on the floor of the crib, which was so irrational. And was just a move to make her overly exhausted husband feel guilty. It looks very manipulative in my eyes.
Sorry RSlash, but the guy who snored wanting just one night's sleep was not being unreasonable unless you are implying that being the only person bringing in a paycheck (and working extra to supplement it) is somehow less deserving than the full-time mother, who at least has the option of grabbing cat naps from time to time. Or was the mother also working? You did not make that clear. Much too harsh on the dad.
reddit stories have shown me that very few people know what “compromise” means. how exactly would story 2’s OP be “compromising” by just giving in completely to her brothers demands?
Probably because reddit story individuals confuse 'compromise' with 'entitlement'. 'Come on, just compromise! Give them what they want and we all end up happy! Well, except for you. Fuck you because you're not as deserving as others.' is basically what they mean.
Story 2: imagine being lazy not bringing anything and being super entitled with what others should make and then you threatened to not come over anymore, like ok i don't see an issue with a ungrateful guest no longer coming.
Guest definitely sucks if you trust OPs description, but I don't know if I do. They seemed really judgy about the financial situation even though it wasn't really relevant.
Story 3: I didn't realize that all of the blankets and pillows were locked in a magical realm that can only be accessed if OP's wife sleeps in the bedroom.
@@Casper.butNot.AGhost Some parents for whatever reason (especially first time parents) are incredibly clingy to their newborns. They have to do EVERYTHING with them. If they eat, so does the baby. If they go to the bathroom, betcha the baby is right outside the door in a baby rocker. Shower? Same deal. A baby belongs in the nursery unless absolutely necessary for a NUMBER of reasons. For one, since they have no immune system, you need to keep their room regulated. Constantly yanking them all over the house and world is going to result in a very sick baby. It isn't until they start to crawl or walk that you should even consider removing them for extended periods of time. It's also a great way to keep harsh viruses and contamination away from them. Because if someone comes over to your house and is sick without realizing it, your baby is going to be immediately introduced to that. Where as if they were in the nursery, they are less likely to be exposed to it. It's basically your newborn's safety bubble. For 2, life outside of the nursery is not safe for your newborn just yet. Imagine you set your newborn in a rocker for a moment and something falls over near them.
Dude is basically working 2 jobs and has the right to sleep in bed it's not his fault he snores It's her that is acting up by not know calling him a prick but also sleeping on the floor Without blankets or pillows
@@Moonloverl8happarently the blankets and pillows were locked away in a magical realm and the only for the wife to get them is if OP sleeps on the couch
Yea I totally disagree with the rating dude is working 2 jobs he can sleep in his own damn bed, and it’s not like the wife couldn’t sleep in the bed too or we least take a pillow and blanket, or just GET A BABY MONITOR dad deserves 0/5
Story 1: while I agree the dad needs to be a bit more forceful with disciplining his daughter, I feel at least he’s trying. Not hard enough but still. The mother on the other hand is showing she doesn’t care, almost as if she agrees with her daughter that their ADOPTED son is not real family. I have a feeling that this saga is not over.
trying isn't good enough when your sons mental health is constantly being beaten down. If the mother is as bad as you say *she is* Then why is op with this person? It just seems he's also enabling in a way.
But lets be honest. You really shouldn't need an excuse in the first place. People should just mind their own business. OP was in a lose/lose/lose situation. If she didn't go then she'd be "unsupportive" If she gave the medication excuse then she'd be called a liar when she would officially announce the pregnancy. And we know what happened with option 3.
Do I even need to say it at this point? Well I'm going to anyways, Rslash is wrong once again. In the first story, what you said about the parents allowing the daughter to bully the son is completely wrong. Did you just forget the line where OP said he and his wife tried many times to get the daughter to stop and she just wouldn't? And then OP turns around and harshly but fairly punishes the daughter by cancelling her birthday? How can you say that, at the very least, OP is allowing his daughter to bully his son? I said it last time and I'll say it again: you need a serious reality check, Rslash.
His titles are also getting more scammy clickbait by the week. Nobody mocked anyone who miscarried. Looks more and more like he's just in it for the money and no longer cares about quality content.
The issue is that her attitude shouldn’t have reached this point in the first place. Yes they tried to curb her attitude in the past, but eventually admitted they “gave up”. That is NOT an option. You don’t stop until the terrible behavior is dealt with. I feel like OP wants to parent his child, and we don’t get enough info to judge the mother, but her side isn’t looking very good either. He does deserve a butthole score, but not nearly as harsh as Rslash said.
I understand that Rslash overlooked a few significant points, but his verdict isn't entirely wrong. This daughter has shamelessly shown appalling behaviour time and time and again with obviously zero fear of consequences as she doesn't stop. Rather than see the error in her ways, she decides do direct her rage at her father. This child needs therapy, stat!! Either something is missing in the story, or OP never really had a deep talk with his daughter about the adoption. There's a significant difference between teasing a sibling and openly harbouring disdain towards them.
Tf are you on? If they can’t get her to stop doing it then they aren’t punishing her enough. Take her phone for a month, cut off her access to screens, make her do all his chores. Just saying “ohhhh darling don’t say thaaat” is not good enough.
"OP said he and his wife tried many times to get the daughter to stop and she just wouldn't" clearly means the behavior was allowed to go on for so long that she truly thinks shes correct and knows she'll get no consequences. And tries as in what? Because cancelling the birthday is a big thing here but ethan is still being abused by her. He's the one being affected by their parenting and letting it go on because "its her birthday" No i agree with rslash. If their punishments aren't working thats on them and they need to go harder. Not let her do this to their son. The dad is just as bad as the mom, if he actually can't do punishment because of the moms pushback {as ive seen in other takes.} Then he needs to get out of this relationship or have a serious talk with her. This is a childs mental health on the line. Trying and giving up isn't enough.
rSlash, I think you really blew it with the first story. The fact that OP followed through and cancelled her birthday party undermines your point completely. What I think is happening is that the wife and daughter are enabling this while OP tries to stop it. He may not be fully handling the issue with the force it needs to be but I think OP has left a lot out of his post about the dynamics fracturing this family. Whether he left things out intentionally, or from embarrassment, I don't know but to give him such a harsh score either reflects your misunderstanding of the situation or your being disingenuous. I think it's the former but if any subsequent information surfaces indicating I'm wrong, I'd be the first to acknowledge that. Anyway, thank you for all your work posting.
They gave up getting her to stop treating him like trash. He thinks canceling the birthday isn't enough. Cuz it isn't. It's just going to get her to treat this poor boy worse afterward. It is both the parents fault here. Along with the daughter.
@JaneDoe1812 I agree it's both their fault, but if we're handing out butthole scores, I don't think the Father deserves a score that bad but who knows ...
@@palindrome1959i think he does. He sees his wife excusing this time and time again most likely and still being with her or not having a talk with her about this? He's enabling his wife who's enabling his daughter. I agree with rslash. Also if it was such an issue their punishments weren't working. Go harder, get therapy to get to the root of the issue
Story 4: honestly i would have told your sister and her best friend to butt out of my business like why is it such a big deal your not drinking and why is she blaming you for being an "attention seeker" when you said nothing about the pregnancy. Look a miscarriage is terrible however it isn't an excuse to act like a jerk.
Wow. Rslash really said the dad wasnt doing anything to stop the daughter after reading the post where the dad was asking if he was the butthole for punishing his daughter for what she was doing...
The father could have done more to prevent the situation from escalating. Perhaps he could have intervened earlier when his daughter started to use disrespectful language towards her brother. As parents, they could have taken steps to address this behaviour and help their children develop a better relationship.
Because really the father didn't do ANYTHING. Grounding her and cancelling her birthday is a start but clearly this has been going on A WHILE and hasn't been dealt with properly. Dad in the first story needs to step up and start defending his son and punishing his daughter more harshly. And EVERYONE needs regular one on one therapy as well as family therapy. Dad is most certainly NOT doing enough, blows my mind someone thinks a one time grounding was dealing with it...
But if you pay attention he DOES punish her. The wife always shuts him down. The wife more than likely cancels their daughter's punishments and blames her husband for being "too harsh" on their daughter.
@@Riounka ok then he should leave her or give her an ultimatium. So his wife shuts him down? It's still his fault. He shouldn't be allowing this to go on no matter what his wife feels. Ethan is suffering here and he's letting it go on because he has no backbone? I still agree with rslash's rating. He is enabling this behavior intentionally or not.
@@Riounka then he's an asshole for adopting a child when his kid and wife clearly weren't ok with it? He needs to have a serious conversation with his wife, get her on the right page and then get the daughter with the program as well. This kid is part of their family and OP is letting his daughter and wife treat his son this way
Last Story - 100% NTA. I had a friend who was a mooch for years, and we all just chalked it up to him being broke. One day, he told me he was taking an impromptu trip to AMSTERDAM, which HE was paying for. He'd been mooching off of us for years while secretly stacking up his savings, so WE basically funded his European vacation. Needless to say, that was the last time we ever spoke.
Story 3 Dude is working two jobs and still helping to care for the baby? It's not exactly his fault that he's tired too. He isn't the only one involved in making the game, so he doesn't exactly get to decide not to work on the game and leave the other developers in the lurch. And exactly why did his wife sleep on the floor NEXT TO THE BED with no pillow or blanket? It's not magically quieter than actually in the bed by a couple of feet difference. Everyone is still in the same room. I thought the score was a bit harsh. He's trying to do everything he can for his family and wound up just as tired as her. She then played the martyr and didn't even take her pillow the foot or two to the floor she didn't have to sleep on.
This is the comment i was looking for. Like i know the wife prefers breast feeding as it tends to be better, but she could always try to pump some milk and store it if its that horrible that she hasnt slept in 2 months and op is already up until 3am so he can just take some of the stored breast milk and fix a bottle? Like in my opinion there’s so many alternatives. Op is working 2 jobs, and it doesnt sound like the wife ever really worked, so he should get to sleep in the bed he most likely paid for on his own.while yes he doesnt HAVE to work on the game development technically he’s already started working so just abandoning it at this point would probably cause some problems, plus op doesn’t say how much he makes annually but i’m sure he could use rhe extra income if the game goes well.
Yea, i would even say he is likely the more exhausted one of the two. Working a 9 to 5 job. Then he helps out at home and taking care of the baby, continuing with game development work till 1 to 2am. I also wouldn't be surprised if he does the grocery shopping etc. Idk how he doesn't burn out with such schedule and responsibility tbh. I mean sure, i am ignorant to how exhausting being a new mom can be, but i find it hard to believe it would be more exhausting than what this guy is going through, unless she also works a 9 to 5 job, which doesn't seem like it. Anyways, if this guy is prevented from getting a good nights sleep by the cranky wife on top of everything he is working on, i think he is gonna collapse sooner or later...
I had to scroll a long way to see if anyone else agreed with my sentiments and here all you fine people are totally agree her sleeping on the floor no pillow no blanket does sound super manipulative plus the poor guy is working 2 jobs he said she takes care of the baby majority so im guessing stay at home mom so NTA let the poor man that works 2 jobs to support his family sleep in his own bed
For the first story...that behavior is definitely coming from the wife. It sounds like she just lets those comments pass without discussion or consequence. Also, 11 is not a big/important birthday in the grand scheme of birthdays.
The wife totally deserves a larger AH score, OP at least attempts to correct the situration but seems to be dominated by his wife's disgusting behavior.
With the moochers in the last story if I was their friend at some point during meals at restaurants I’d turn to the server and openly ask them to make sure we all get individual bills. And I’d keep doing that to make sure they paid for themselves cuz that’s ridiculous
@@ReptillianStrike Clearly the leechy friend struggles with confrontation so the approach suggested would actually be very good. She could hardly argue that, or get the sh1ts and sulk.
8:07 This dude is working almost all the time caring for the child, working a full-time job, and doing a side job to make money for his fiancé and the child. And he's the asshole because he wants to sleep in his own bed? No, he's not the asshole and she's the one who chose to sleep on the floor when there was a couch and he didn't even ask her to leave the bed she chose to leave and do that.
Story 1. At that age this behaviour is coming from somewhere else? The daughter is definately picking up this is OK from another adult & OP's wife is always saying don't make a fuss or start an argument mmmmm I wonder.
4th story: it's damn if she did, damn if she didn't situation. If she went and drank while not showing that she was pregnant, she would hurt the baby. If she didn't drink (which she didn't), they'd suspect she is pregnant. If she didn't go to the party at all, she'd get called all of the names under the sun for "not supporting her sister". Of course, OP is NTA. She couldn't win in any case even if she tried. Her sister, as much as I empathize with her, IS an AH for forcing the truth out of OP and then having a conniption fit over it.
Story 3: rslash, the lack of sleep isnt by choice, he is doing a JOB! Even as a small indie developer with a small team, there are deadlines and goals to meet, which means crunch and long hours sometimes. Yeah he should have move to the couch BUT at the same time you don't need to lay into this guy for doing his job. Edit: man after hearing it again and hearing his reaction, rslash really really overreacted.
Yeah Dabney's bias for women/wives in these stories is getting more and more upfront as he keeps doing this. The wife in Story 3 may have a good reason for being exhausted but so does OP and Dabney is really doing some mental gymnastics to ignore that. Which, sadly, he's doing more and more, even with comments calling him out; the most he does is remove his commentary and in the next video he's right back to it...
i havent seen anyone else talk about this story, is the baby sleeping in the parents room? OP said he found his wife and baby in the nursery, so would OP’s snoring wake up the baby in another room. Also the double standard that its ok for OP to work two jobs and get no sleep on the couch but not the wife. maybe i dont understand the situation because im not a parent
@@Yokai-hv5ztI think there’s two cribs one in the parents room the other in a nursery which the baby should be fine alone in the nursery with a baby monitor and the door cracked open
To be honest, I still think that the guy is a prick because his family should definitely be a priority. Not only is he gone for most of the day at his day job, but he's also out of commission doing the indie game work. The wife is basically doing most of the care for the baby. It isn't exactly fair to the wife or Baby that OP is a loud snorer. And are we forgetting that his wife slept on the FLOOR? No blankets or pillows? So, OP gets to sleep on a comfortable bed, but his wife can't? I still think he's an ahole for that tbh. There should've been some form of compromise.
@@kamis.9302the wife CHOSE that. It’s not like pillows and blankets are glued to the bed and couch, she easily could have taken her own pillow. 2nd. People need money. You can’t call him “a prick for not prioritizing his family” when he’s working 2 jobs to support that family. Also, I agree that there could have been compromise. But OP isn’t the one who’s refusing to talk about it, so that isn’t op’s fault.
The story about op who is pregnant and when she went to her sister's house is that the sister is a complete butthole because op was trying to support her sister and she was also trying not to cause a scene and she was down playing by not drinking an alcohol but they didn't like the idea
Rslash is telling the dad that he should have punished the daughter, but he DID punish the daughter. He probably should have done more, but this doesn't make sense.
It's clear that the father hasn't done enough to fix the daughter's problem prior to the story though, so I think that's why Dabney (Rslash) got so upset. at the end of the day, it's the adopted kid who's hurt by all of it, and since rslash is a dad himself he probably got a bit too agitated by the story tbh
@@aparnarai3708 my mistake, in that case the mother AND father are both assholes anyways. The father still should've done more, and the mother is an irresponsible parent.
As far as the Game Dev guy goes, I think its more of a ETA, or NTA, cause the guy is working a 9-5, then coming home and splitting child care until they both go to sleep, then working functionally another job when everyone else is asleep, I think its unfair to then expect him to sleep on the sofa cause of something he does when hes tired. Cause if he doesnt sleep well, then hes gonna be more tired, and be expected to sleep on the sofa again, until either he snapes or does this anyway. Is the wife justified? I think she is to a degree, cause everytime the kid cries, she'll need to get up and she'll be exhausted, but is it fair to switch whos tired from one to the other, especially to the one whos got to go to work. Dont think so
@@Scottistic Size? Or maybe budget? Idk, I feel there's alot of things that are just happening and not being spoken about and it's causing tension. I just didn't like RSlash's response in insulting OP
@@PyroManifest As a father and husband, I totally agree with rslash here. Sleeping on the couch for one night is such a tiny ask. Sleeping on the couch anytime the wife and baby are in the bed because I snore is a totally reasonable request. Then again, I'm GenX. We're fine sleeping on the floor, or the ground, in the car (weather permitting), wherever. Heck, we'll build a squirrel dree or a snow cave if we need to. Yeah, in OP's place I would be working on saving up for a replacement for that couch that I would be comfortable on- futon, one of those multi-cushion things, whatever. But a blanket and pillow on the floor are fine- AND THE FLOOR IS WHERE OP'S WIFE ENDED UP SLEEPING! WITHOUT A PILLOW OR A BLANKET!
@@ostlandr Thats fine, but ur situation may not be the same as everyone else's. Like u may have no issue sleeping on the couch, but if OP struggles to do so, be it comfort or whatever, then he's going to need to go to work tired, then come home and look after the kids tired, then work his second job tired, and because he's tired, he will snore, and because he snores, he'll then be banished to the couch again. In that case, is he supposed to keep doing that until he passes out or becomes sick. And when that happens, whos brining in the money? Like I can sympathise with the wife not wanting OP to wake up their kid, but why is he the one banished from the room. Why isn't the baby? Like we know it has its own room, so why is OP being kicked out? The fact is snoring means he's working hard to keep a roof over their head and food in their fridge, so to do that only to be told "U can't sleep in ur own bed" just seems unfair to me. Also, no one MADE OPs wife go and sleep on the floor at all, let alone without a blanket or pillow, she chose to do that. I get that she's tired to, but there are ways to get more sleep, like pumping milk so OP can do the midnight feeding and changing so she can sleep, or sleeping whenever the baby sleeps, or whenever OP is looking after the baby
I have a similar story to the sisters party. This is about 2 of my close friends, ill call them friend 1 and friend 2. So friend 1 and her partner were trying for a few years to have a baby but every time she got pregnant, she would unfortunately miscarry. This happened a few times over the span of a few years, and every time it just broke her a little more. During one of these periods, friend 2 got pregnant. Friend 1 has a miscarriage literally 1 week before friend 2's baby shower. Friend 2 offered to cancel but friend 1 refused and still showed up with gifts to support her friend. She smiled the whole day even though we knew she was heart broken. Thats just what caring people do, they put aside their own suffering to make someone else happy. I can now confirm that friend 1 has a beautiful, healthy 2 yearold daughter, and she really is a miracle❤
Rslash doesn't respect indie dev as a 2nd job. Ironic, coming from a TH-camr. The mom's tiredness is also self imposed, as she's the one insistent on strictly breastfeeding. Which is exactly the reason breast pumps exist. Her not grabbing any pillows or blankets sounds like a guilt trip. But, still, you don't come in to where people are already sleeping if you know you're going to disturb them. 2/5 BH for dad, 2/5 BH for mom, 3/5 BH for Rslash for being a white knight instead of offering useful advice.
Also that 2.5 he gave to the dad in that story. He literally gives that score to pedophiles. So working two jobs and being tired is as bad as diddling kids, clearly
Child free 24f here. I see no assholes in this post. Sounds like they're both over worked, tired and not working together to find reasonable solutions. It seems that they may be some resentment building there. Working on a personal interest and making money through it might not be viable right now. But you don't always get to choose when to work as a freelancer, big opportunities don't be falling outta the sky or waiting for your calander to clear up. It does seem that papa rslash is always gonna be pro mum in scenarios like this.
@@destinedtogame Hey, I was just curious on your success with using non-dariy milk in mashed potatoes. My husband and I prefer almond or oat milk for a lot of stuff, but use dairy for cooking. We tried to use almond milk for mac and cheese and other dishes in the past, but every time it gives the meal a bizarre cereal after-taste. Never tried it with potatoes specifically, but I would expect the same results. So, how do you avoid the weird cereal taste when using it for cooking savory stuff? (I assume it would complement sweets well, but we rarely bake).
@destinedtogame exactly. I'm not vegan nor vegetarian but I know enough to know a vegan version of a dish isn't just omitting ingredients. I forgot the name but those chickpea proteins instead of egg, milk/butter substitute. So many options.
Wait so, story 3, she slept on the floor with NO pillows or blankets. How's that OP's fault? Does his tiredness from working two jobs prevent her from grabbing a pillow?
@@wmdkitty She kicked herself out. SHE could have stayed in the room, but she felt his snoring kept the baby awake. Heck, if the couch wasn't so bad, why didn't SHE sleep on it since she was the one with the problem?
Rslash couldn’t have been more wrong about the snoring story if he tried. I exclusively breast fed two babies, and their father also snores. Both babies sleep soundly cuddled up with dad in spite of his loud snoring (so do I), plus we have either some sort of white noise or quiet music playing. Thankfully I can put the down to sleep almost anywhere regardless of the noise level. We even took them to an 8 hour mariachi competition once (we sat in the nose bleed section) and both slept soundly through their naps. If you expose the babies to noise from the very first day, almost nothing will bother them. If you insist on dead silence then you’re setting yourself up for having a difficult time putting your baby to sleep. Plus it’s not hard to ask your partner to change, burp, and settle the baby down after breastfeeding them. OP wasn’t up late just for kicks, the gaming stuff is clearly a side hustle. The mom going to sleep on the nursery floor without a pillow or blanket is clearly so she has ammunition to be angry at OP. That’s completely ridiculous of her, ask your partner for help instead of pouting like a child.
The best way, I think, to shut down "are you not drinking bc you're preg?" questions is say you're on a medication that you can't mix with alcohol. It's true for me, at least. My meds can't be mixed with alcohol, and people accept it.
Story 3 NTA the OP is working 2 jobs on top of parenting duties he’s exhausted. The baby has a crib and instead of being rational and grabbing a blanket and pillow she rather do histrionics so her suffering could be dramatic smh a lot of couples sleep in separate rooms when one is nursing. But to ask your husband to sleep on the couch after working a full time job parenting duties then side job to provide for his family give the man a break ❤
exactly! rslash saying “he’s making a choice to be a game developer”. homie, SHE’s making a choice to not pump so the husband can use a bottle, he can help with feedings overnight - she’s the one refusing. SHE’s making a choice to sleep with the baby vs having the baby in a crib with a monitor on. and SHE made the choice to be dramatic and sleep on a floor with no pillows or blankets, what happened to the couch option?
Exactly. Dabney missed the mark. What a drama queen. Sleeping on the floor without pillows and blankets was her choice lmfao. Her manipulating him like that was foul. I hope this is just post-partum stress and not her actual personality, bc that's absurd.
Story 4: and when everyone calls you a b*tch for not coming out to comfort your sister and ask what could possibly be more important than what will your mom and everyone on your sister's side say? Your sister outage you you didn't say anything about your pregnancy her stupid friend asked you when she should have known not to then your sister cause a scene and try to force you to confessed. Maybe people need to stop acting like it's a sin not to drink at a party and I don't feel like it is more than enough of an answer, screw these people you tried to be there for your sister and keep it to yourself everyone else for sale because they can't handle the idea of someone just doesn't want to take a shot.
I'm an American now living in the Philippines for two years now and it's been extremely difficult to make friends because I don't drink. Been told everything from I'm cheap, to i think I'm better than others, to that I bring down the atmosphere when I won't drink. I try to explain that just one beer, one wine or shot will shoot my blood sugar up over 300 points (I'm diabetic) and I get them saying "just one won't do that". So other than my girlfriend and people I see in passing, I have very little personal interaction here. It is definitely an alcohol culture.
Story 1: I get where you're coming from R/, but I would argue mom is worse than OP, he at least wants to hold her accountable mom keeps making up excuses why they shouldn't punish her for being such a disrespectful little sh*t. And it's because of her OP is doubting himself.
Then he should leave her or have a long talk. Because at this point him trying isn't good enough. He NEEDS to change this behavior. I agree with rslash. Ethans life could be on the line depending on how badly his sisters breaking him down.
As someone with a family history of alcoholism, PLEASE DON’T PRESSURE ANYONE TO DRINK! It’s never harmless. “Just one drink” could do more damage than you’d ever know.
story 1 - op actually TRIED to cancel the party for saying such a vile thing and probably could've stopped this behavior and attitude possibly years earlier if the mom wasn't so enabling and protective. i wonder where the brat got those words from.. second story - OH MY GOD MASHED POTATOES ARE SO EASY AND YUM i know its not my place but maaybe the brother is poor because hes incapable of doing simple tasks(?) third story - idrk how to feel cos i haven't experienced anything in this story but in MY opinion op can't control the snoring and the wife could've brought out pillows and blankets and stuff if she wanted to sleep out there even though i don't think she should. both the baby and snoring are out of their control and its becoming an unnecessary problem. when my aunt had a kid she put a twin sized bed in the babies room for quick access so maybe thats an idea? idk forth story - basically ppl should mind their business and not pressure people to drink or reveal they're pregnant when they're obviously not ready or comfortable to share fifth story - sounds like story two except more entitled. make/bring your own food.
Story 1: Bro the heck?? OP isn’t letting his daughter do anything! He actively punishes her when she mistreats the poor boy. You can’t change a nasty person’s behavior to a person. All you can do is let the victim know you in their corner and try to make the bully realize that you disapprove their actions
Most seem to be wanting to know how the adoption process went and how Rachel took it cause they added that they only had Ethan for a year before this happened. No word if they ever got therapy to help with the process cause for a kid of 10 as she would have been at the time, suddenly having a new sibling introduced into the family not via normal means but the parents actively choosing to adopt a kid who is only a year younger than her. Depending on that it's hard to say if the daughter is just being a brat or if it's just a build up of resentment that happened to spill over in this instance.
Isn't the whole "Drink the alcohol or tell us that you're pregnant literally a thing Ellen did that caused a baby miscarriage? Is Lia trying to get OP to go through the same pain she did?
In the 3rd story, the wife also deserves an BH score for being a drama queen. There was no point for her to sleep on the floor with no pillows and blankets other than being dramatic. She could've easily slept on the couch herself if she just wanted to get away from the snoring. Yeah, ultimately the OP is the cause, but her behavior is also quite toxic.
It's also worth mentioning that her husband is working two jobs AND still taking care of their baby. It's also pretty likely he also does house chores and shopping. So that man is EXHAUSTED.
What’s worse is rslash is just stupid. “What’s Worse OP this is self imposed. You’re doing this.” Ok let’s just not work and not do our job. Later, Where’s the money????? Odd how people some how only have money when they do these job things, it not like there connect or anything. For real, what money does the wife contribute at the moment, from the sounds of it, none. The Wife need to less of AH and remember the husband is work FOR MONEY, which is exchanged for goods, Like Food, diapers, formula and House Payments. It’s not self imposed when you NEED to WORK.
I scrolled so far to find this. The wife could have slept in the couch too. She chose to sleep on the floor, with no blankets, because she was trying to make a point. In actuality, she showed she's petty and manipulative.
Final story: NTA. I have a former friend who was like this. We had been friends since high school, and she was never like this back then. Now (because she has people who will constantly cover her because she ALWAYS seems to lose her wallet) she does this often. I went out to eat with her three times. The first time, she paid for herself. The last two times, I paid for everything which was a bit hard because I wasn’t working at the time and she eats far more than me. FOR THAT AND OTHER REASONS, I REALIZE SHE WAS BEING REALLY MANIPULATIVE SO I CUT HER OFF AND I HAVEN’T SEEN HER SINCE.
Story 4: Ok, let's say OP did exactly that and skipped the party. Everyone, including her sister, would be up her butt for her not showing up in such a hard momment and showing support. If it wasn't an emergency, why would she skip it? Based on the reaction at the party, I'd say they would never be satisfied whichever way. NTA in my book
Story 3. Only thing he is a ahole about is not moving to the couch. Getting on him for staying up late WORKING. And not being able to stop snoring makes rslash a 'fucking prick' as he says. The guy works a full time job and is trying to develop a game. It isnt his hobby, it is a job that i am sure he hopes helps his family in the end. So yes ahole for not moving, not ahole for working and snoring.
Heck, if the wife didn't want to sleep on the couch, a decent air mattress costs only about $50 and doesn't take too long to set up, so she didn't even have to sleep on the floor if they thought about things ahead of time.
Guys, this entire thing is ridiculous. She could’ve moved to the couch, brought a blanket, pillows and called it a night. She decided to sleep on the floor with no blanket or pillow, I think that says enough here. OP is not the butthole imho. Where’s the reasoning for why he’s the bad guy anyways? All my guy did was work to provide for his family and try to sleep in his own bed, which he’s just as entitled to as his wife because they’ve both been working hard all day. Even if she didn’t want to move she could’ve bought earplugs or something to sleep with.
i think rslash should stay away from family stories until he goes on vacay again because his view is kinda "tainted" due to his lovely family btw i love that he has a healthy daughter and wife and hugo but hes rating these pretty emotionally and hes missing the red flags
I'm sorry Dabney, but do you pay attention to the stories you read? The daughter said a mean thing, her dad told her to apologize, and when she didn't he canceled her birthday. That's not letting her get away with it that's punishing her for being a brat. You should learn the difference.
I think he should have done it sooner he said he and his wife gave up on her to stop her for being a horrible sisters (like who gives up on stopping you child from being a bully)
@@baraness24even if OP were the strictest father on the planet, the fact the mother's enabling her would still leave her comfortable acting that way, she'd just avoid doing so when Dad's present
I don't think anyone can accurately judge the situation. We'll never know the full story behind the reddit posts. Dabney, nor us as viewer/readers can possibly know what the parents had done prior to the story to enable/fix the daughter's mindset and behavior. But it is definitely safe to assume not enough was done about the problem, causing the adopted son to be hurt in the end, which is why I think it was pretty justified for Dabney to be a little harsh since at the end of the day, it's an innocent kid who's hurt by all of it.
I disagree with story 3 with the snoring game developer. Rslash majorly over reacted, he only deserved like a small asshole rating. He’s working incredibly hard to provide for his family and also needs to be well rested to continue to work and parent his child (he helps during the day.). I’m pretty sure games have deadlines and require a lot of dedicated work and over time especially independent developers that don’t have as much funding or staffing. It sucks for both of them that they have to pick who gets a good night sleep. It’s a struggle that comes with parenting especially when she’s made the decision she only wants to breast feed. Nothing against that choice but it comes with the downside of feeding being solely on the mother. This is a natural consequence of that-she’s going to sacrifice more sleep than OP. There should be a guest bedroom or better sleeping arrangements set up rather than the couch for situations like this. Bit sucky to banish someone to the couch like a punishment rather than just relocating them to equally good sleeping conditions.
@@BK-ru3byWelcome to the world of Dabney's Mental Gymnastics, he does this kind of crap all the time. He'll cut out parts of the post, deliberately ignore the context given, and take the worst possible interpretation of what a male OP says or does all to make said male OP out to be worse while shielding the wife/female actors from how bad they are.
@@BK-ru3byFunny things is, fake tits for breastfeeding are a thing. Does sounds like she really has tried everything, or they both suck at holding bottles.
@@Luxord5294like the story where the dad punished his daughter after she insulted her brother who was in an accident. He went off on the dad and it was terrible . The comments against him were actively being deleted
Rslash is back on his bs... Father in story 1 is trying, but being undermined by his wife. Rslash treats them all the same. Maybe he does deserve a score, but he's clearly different from the wife at the very least. I'm sure he feels stuck and in the middle of it, solutions are probably harder to think of. But yes, he needs to commit to a course of action soon. Guy in story 3 is just as entitled to sleep in his own bed as his wife. His fiance exiled herself all on her own and it's not like she couldn't have taken at least her pillow with her and grabbed a spare blanket. OP has obligations to his team to work on the game so they can all get paid. It's not like he went into it thinking "oh, this is gonna cause problems later, lol". In hindsight, maybe he would have taken a night off, but that's pure speculation. They just need to find a long term solution because it's not fair for the husband to be stuck on the couch forever. But sure, wanting to sleep in your own bed is dbag behavior...
12:21 The "12 week rule" is the convention that you don't publicly announce your pregnancy until 3 months in, because after that time the chance of miscarriage drops significantly.
story 4 - its really nasty of the sister to take her grief out on someone who accidentally walked into the line of fire out of pure coincidence. the fact that she also weaseled it out of her when op was trying to be tactful is just so… ugh.
Jewish person here. While talking about pregnancies early isn't prohibited, it's very often avoided until you're around 4-5 months in; I think it has to do with the saying that things are more likely to remain blessed when they're away from peering eyes and the possible envy of others.
Story 3 NTA. Dude is working 2 full time jobs and trying to help with the baby and all he wants is to sleep in his bed. Wife could have taken blankets and pillows, but chose not to.
Story 4: Even if OP had opted not to go to the party, I get the feeling the sister would have still raised a stink. It would either be "How dare you not support me by not coming!" or "She might have stayed away because she doesn't want to be near alcohol! She must be pregnant!" I've heard it said that grief brings out the worst in people. I think OP was in a no-win scenario here. The only way the sister would have been satisfied is if OP was never pregnant, which obviously isn't an option.
"Why are you treating me like I'm stealing food!?" Dude jumped to that because that was exactly his plan. He sees OP as a meal ticket. Lay down the law and tell that loser to put on his big boy pants and buy his own food.
Honestly, if things keep up like they are; I don’t think Ethan has much of a future. I can’t see a kid going through all that without at least thinking of ending it all. I don’t see a bright future there.
I hold out hope for the post 15 years down the line that goes "I was adopted and am no contact with my family. My sister was always a bitch to me and my parents enabled her, now she is broke and cannot keep a job, a partner or any friends in her life because she bullies people. She's now broke and they're asking me to help her, so I laughed in their faces"
Story 4 is one of the big reasons why I don't drink. A few others are religion, friend who died in accident in high school, and my own personal health.
Story 4: I feel like there was no winning in that situation for OP, if she didn’t show up to the party because she was working or something she would get flack for putting work above family and the sister wouldn’t feel supported. Everyone is blasting OP for going to her sister’s party while she was pregnant but no one considers what would have happened if OP skipped the party like they say she should have.
@@baraness24so…OP trying everything shy of physical abuse isn’t enough for you? Because OP had said he had tried to stop this BS, but the daughter wouldn’t listen
@@dragonriderabens9761 OP relented in the past, and relented now. And only punished after 'letting it slide' multiple times. They haven't tried counseling or therapy, and every time they try to punish the daughter the mom steps in to stop it. They haven't tried everything short of physical abuse, they've done the bare minimum and given up when that doesn't work.
Story 1: it’s SUPER weird that it seems like OP and his wife adopted a second child without making sure their daughter wouldn’t be an asshole about it. And to your last comment RSlash - there are PLENTY of adoptive parents who should never have been given the opportunity.
Pressuring someone to drink alcohol is hardly any different than pressuring someone for sex. If your partner has a high libido but, one night, decides they aren't in the mood for it, it should be common knowledge to not pressure them any further. It's the same thing with alcohol - if someone chooses not to drink for any reason including NO reason, DON'T PRESSURE THEM ANY FURTHER
Thank you redit is so one sided. I was a sahm and its so easy to take a nap during the day when the baby sleeps. Its really not as hard as people make out. This guy is working 2 jobs getting up early then helping with baby then working till 2 wtf mum the baby can sleep in the crib in its room.
Sure, two jobs. And with that much time taken out of his day, what does he have left to contribute? This mother’s job never ends, especially when she’s breastfeeding, probably every 3-4 hours if their daughter is 2 months old. Imagine having a 168 hour work week. The fiancée asked for one night of reprieve so their baby could get some much-needed sleep in between night feeds after a day of being poked and uncomfortable and sore and cranky. It’s probably tough to stay asleep when both thighs are sore from shots! If OP had his baby’s best interests in mind, he could have slept on the couch for one night. It’s just one night.
Yeah he still should have slept on the couch. He knows the couch is uncomfortable so why doesn’t he have a blow up mattress or something he can use for these nights. He is being an ass to his child and wife. I’m not leaving the mother out of this either. She made the decision to exclusively breastfeed so she needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. She could pump a few extra bottles if she’s able or supplement a few times with formula and then have someone like the father or a trusted friend watch the baby over night or throughout the day so she can get a few decent nights sleep a week. There are solutions here.
Story 4 Sister's Party: When asked why she wouldn't drink, OP could have just said that she would be driving home and didn't want to be intoxicated and couldn't drink and get a taxi because her car would be left there. Boom. Perfectly sound reason to not drink and anyone pushing her to do so after would be the AH for encouraging OP to drive under the influence.
Story 3: OP: “ I’m a hard working loving husband with 2 jobs and a side project to support my family. Trouble is I snore.” Wife: “You’re loud. Go sleep on the couch and be uncomfortable. If you don’t, I’ll throw a temper tantrum and sleep on the floor to show you!” Rslash: “WOMEN GET WHAT WANT!!MAN BAD!! OOGA OOGA! 2.5 BUNGHOLE!”
Pregnant story: "Don't come to the party if you aren't gonna drink" is such a stupid idea. OP most definitely would have either had to lie to her family or would have been interrogated about her reasoning for not coming. Also pressuring people to drink is such an asshole move.
Uhm.... but OP did do something. He cancelled her birthday. Did you just.....forget that..? also, don't blame OP 100%. This is at least 95% the wife's fault.
It's insane to me how people try to pressure others into drinking. Regardless of the circumstances, no means no and they don't have to explain themselves. This is like my biggest pet peeve.
Story 1: YTA. While you did discipline her this once, but it's clear you are not doing enough to punish her for everything she dod and literally insulting her adopted brother and his *DEAD PARENTS*. I would've cancelled her birthday, taken away her electronics, give her a scolding, and grounded her. Honestly, since she embarrassed her adopted brother in public, I would've causes a scene and embarassed her too, since she shown no regard and respect for her adopted brother's feelings. Wake the hell up OP, and please discipline your daughter and apologize to your adopted son, he deserves better. EDIT: Alright, after reading all your comments, it's clear the wife is enabling the behavior and OP did try to discipline her but the wife keeps disagreeing with OP and enabling her daughter's behavior. So the AH-ness falls on the wife, as she did nothing to stop her daughter's blatant disrespect to her adopted brother.
Unfortunately, none of that will work because the wife doesn't agree. It only takes one parent to raise a brat. So long as the wife is okay with the daughter's horrid behavior, the daughter will have a shield against OP'S attempts to correct her.
Honestly I can 100% see her doing this as a petty way to get back at OP; make him feel guilty and try to highlight his selfish decision. A bit dramatic but at the same time I don't blame her at all, hell I'd probably do the same thing if I were ever in that position
@@PyroRoadScout Really? You call him selfish? Are you serious? It seems to me like the guy is the more exhausted one between the two. He is working a 9 to 5 job, then he helps out at home and taking care of the baby, continuing with game development work till 1 to 2am. I also wouldn't be surprised if he does the grocery shopping etc. Idk how he doesn't burn out with such schedule and responsibility tbh. I mean sure, i am ignorant to how exhausting being a new mom can be, but i find it hard to believe it would be more exhausting than what this guy is going through, unless she also works a 9 to 5 job, which doesn't seem like it. Anyways, if this guy is prevented from getting a good nights sleep by the cranky wife on top of everything he is working on, i think he is gonna collapse sooner or later...
Story 3: He's also taking care of baby and working two jobs. Yes one is a side thing sure but he's doing it with the hopes of profit as well. He's just as tired as she is and deserves to also sleep on the bed.
2:00 gotta disagree with Rslash here, but not for the way you think. Seems like the father is the ONLY one actually trying to do some sort of punishment/lesson making here while the WIFE is the one who keeps stopping and belittling his concerns. The only thing OP did wrong is not have enough spine to stand up for his methods and the WIFE is the one who should most all the butthole scores, obviously the sister too. Maybe I am wrong but that's how I feel about that.
He may be trying to do something, but he hasn't done enough. He also admitted he stopped trying to get through to his daughter that his son is family. The wife is the bigger ahole, but the father is one as well albeit to a lesser extent
When did they adopt Ethan? Was it 10 years ago? Was it one year ago? If it was 10 years ago then it sounds like someone in the daughter’s vicinity (maybe not the direct family, though if the parents allow this bullying I wouldn’t be surprised) “othered” Ethan because he was adopted and that’s why the daughter treats him like that. If it was more recently then it sounds like it was a huge adjustment for the daughter and the family REALLY dropped the ball to prepare her for it. maybe she even had to give some stuff up (toys, her room, etc) because “Ethan’s your brother now, you need to share.” Either way, my heart goes out to Ethan everyone in this story needs family and individual therapy NOW!
They edited to say they adopted Ethan one year before the story takes place and don't say anything about if they got therapy or sat down and talked with Rachel before they decided to adopt.
You know, I don't agree with story 3. Exclusively breastfeeding was (presumably) the mother's choice. If she opted to pump, OP could feed the baby at night and she could sleep. I don't think he should get the blame for her not getting a full night's sleep in two months. (Unless he's pushing for it - in which case this is moot.) Also, her sleeping on the floor with nothing - first off can she not get a pillow from the bed? Does she not have throw blankets? Better yet, do you not have a baby monitor? Sleeping with nothing feels like a targeted manipulation. Finally, snoring is a normal thing that isn't controllable. You're telling me that he's never snored in those two months? An infant needs to be exposed to normal sounds during sleep, otherwise you end up with light sleepers that have to struggle to get restful complete sleep. This is pretty mild because the baby had their shots so they're fussy, but I don't think it's fair to demand he leave for something he can't control. I'd say we don't have enough information to make a judgment on it. I think it's probably and ESH, because the wife is being to controlling about the baby, and OP isn't helping enough with said baby. But there isn't enough nuance in the story to determine how weighted it is to either side.
Not to mention that, as others have pointed out, the dude is staying up late as a fucking second job. He's not just watching TH-cam or playing XBox, he's working to earn more money. It's similar to how the wife is "choosing" to breastfeed except that the husband has no choice of when to do his coding because he's doing it in the time he has.
@spencermcclure3465 Maybe, maybe not. I do think if OP is pushing for breastfeeding only then it does make him the AH. But you're right. He is attempting to bring in more income on top of his regular job, and if the wife if solely breast feeding then I doubt she has a job. I really think the couple just needs communication, and maybe some healthier boundaries and divisons between work and tasks.
@kamis.9302 Yes, I've raised a child, and I'm appalled at the lack of consideration on both sides of the parents in that situation, hence the ESH. I would never punish my partner for my decision to make my own life harder.
story 1: OP's daughter didn't pull that out of thin air. SOMEONE (coughcoughmaybeagrandparent cluster of bees to whom she's Golden) has been pouring poison into Rachel's ear. I'm going out on a limb and posit that the culprit is on the wife's side of the family, as the wife seems unwilling to squash this behavior. Not only that, Rachel is exhibiting symptoms of Golden Child Syndrome and possible signs of what could later be diagnosed as a Cluster B Personality disorder - evolving perhaps into a full-blown Cluster of Bees (PLEASE NOTE: "Cluster of Bees" ONLY refers to abusive instances of Cluster B). Wifey sounds like a covert narc herself who got herself a scapegoat for herself and her bio (?) kid by adopting Ethan.
thats still on him. Op is a grown man. He can talk to his wife and say "i'm not gonna let you do this. We're punishing her wether you like it or not" OR divorce. The last punishments were so terrible that she doesn't even fear punishment. She just says it.
he... DID let it continue though. Party should have been cancelled after that FIRST wretched little comment, but obviously that was in private. Once it was in public though, she was publically embarassing the family.THEN he acted. He's lenient, his wife is spineless, and if they can't be more proactive then I hope they're ready to end up the subject of ANOTHER reddit story ten years from now.
@@KadeStringer2.0 if that were the case. why wouldnt op leave her? Because he's just as bad thats why he's enabling the wifes behavior. I completely agree with his judgement either op talks it out with his wife or leaves her. He doesn't even consider doing either in the whole post.
Adopted = legally related.
Exactly
Not to the butthole daughter apparently
Even better relation.
Adoption means they CHOSE the child.
@@geistgrace6452 YEAH-
legaly related =/= blood related
My uncle, who is my grandparent's only birth kid, threatened my aunt that she was going to go back where she came from. My grandmother told my uncle if he ever did that again, they'd send him back where he came from.
You come from the void and you go back when you want to. Your decision
She sounds awesome 😎. That is what OP and his wife should have done right away with Rachel. Maybe not threaten her but make it clear that they won’t tolerate her bs and get her help.
that what OP and his wife should be said to their daughter and I have no doubt she be taught by someone to said those things to the son and she going grow up being a horrible person
@@stoneman8387The ol’ “I brought you into this world; I can take you out” response. Good reminder lol
I think I love your Grandmother. 😊
Last story had an update.
The friend and OP had a talk, they're no longer friends, and some of the people who were at the party decided to take the friends side. It doesn't bother op and the friends who decided to stay with op and they're actually happy about it.
Go figure rSlash missing an update
@@destinedtogameto be fair, he does the videos in advance so the update wouldn't have been done when he was reading the story the first time.
@@destinedtogame
Dude, he makes these videos way in advance, so he can actually have a life with his family. There's a reason we still get videos even when he's on vacation. Of course he's going to miss an update if it popped up after he's compiled the video.
@@YourPal1true and if he tried to include every update, the video would never be able to get through the editor and then published in time.
@@destinedtogamethere's probably a 1-2 month lead time between reading these, sending to an editor, getting it back, reviews and revision, potential sick/vacation time, final reviews and revision, and scheduling/publishing an advance so he can have a life. Of course he's going to miss updates, that's normal. No one would be able to keep up with every change and get it through that entire review process.
This is how most industries work-long timelines.
Story 4: Another person covered this, and said that it was a lose-lose situation for OP. Either she comes, and people would notice her pregnancy no matter how much she tried to hide it, and Lia would accuse her of attention seeking, or OP does not come and everyone would look at her like an unsupportive arsehole.
Also, there could be other reasons for someone to not drink alcohol. Maybe they're driving and don't want to be DUI, or they're recovering from alcoholism and just want to be there, or some other understandable reason. You don't force people to drink alcohol because you have questions.
If OP was boasting, she would've been parading around, feeling her belly and telling everyone "I'm pregnant," but she wasn't. The only reason why people found out is because OP wanted to avoid Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
Several medicines shouldn't be mixed with alcohol. She could have period cramps and needed pain killers
@Ikajo a couple antibiotics for things like bladder infection can't be mix with alcohol. Makes ya vomit like a volcano 🤢
Even people who like to drink sometimes just don't want one lol
I would have 100% planned out a VERY solid excuse before going into that party, but I don't think she's an asshole for going.
She could have said like a day before that she got sick and she's so sorry she can't make it. If they pried into it more, blame food poisoning or something. White lies have their uses sometimes.
@@Nightingale_time I don't know why making up excuses. I've never needed one. When I say "I don't drink" my friends just go with it and I get soda or whatever.
Story 4: There was a video you did where OP had to shut down her SIL because she was making everything about her and her pregnancy at the wake of OP's sister dead husband and two kids. And the SIL went on and on making comments saying she was pregnant, without out right saying it....This was not that. I understand the sister is grieving, but she needs to get a grip! The world doesn't stop when tragedy happens; well maybe for the person living that tragedy, but outside other people lives go on. OP was being a great sister and can not be blamed for the actions of other "guests" who decided to poke into OP's business and out her for being pregnant. And don't get me started on the mom...I'm getting "Golden Child" and "Scapegoat Child" vibes.
Never picked up on that last bit, I 100% agree.
Also, what if OP had stayed away from the party, I bet everybody still would have called her unsupportive because she dared to stay away in her sisters time of need, a typical damned if you do - damned if you don't situation.
@@chastitymarks2185My thoughts exactly!
@@chastitymarks2185 That’s what I was thinking the whole time!! If she stayed away bc she’s pregnant, everyone would’ve given her so much hate for not being there!! I literally said “damned if you do, damned if you don’t!”
in story 4, i garuntee if she didnt show up she would have gotten just as much flak for "abandoning her sister" or something like that. there was definitely no poistive way to handle that, but going and jsut not drinking was probably the best because if people just accepted her answers at face value she would have been fine
Yeah, particularly since, based on her reaction, the mom sounds like an enabler of the sister.
*guarantee
And OP did everything to conceal her pregnancy only for Ash and Lia to bully the news out of her. Screw Ash for narcing on OP to her sister. They should’ve both just let it go
The sister is a total AH. SHE is the one making such a big deal. 🤨
Yeah, I think you called it. There was no way she could win unless she outright lied and claimed to be sick or something.
Final story had an update, moocher friend doubled down and tried to turn the friend group against OP ... all but about two other people were sick of moocher and moocher's boyfriend so they all sided with OP, and now pot luck night is a lot less stressful since moocher and the couple of friends who supported her are no longer coming.
i wonder how long it will take before the two friends figure out about what a big mistake they made? cause, it not that big a thing for a group of say 6 people to share the cost of 8 people, but when its just 2 people paying for 4, that burden is suddenly a whole lot more. especially when one of those people who don't pay always makes sure to get the most expensive thing they can.
I want to know how she tried to turn the friends against OP.
Story 1: You’re placing 100% of the blame on the father, RSlash, when I don’t think that’s the case. I think he’s trying to nip the shit in the bud, but the mother is definitely the one who’s enabling it. I think the mother is actively allowing the daughter to bully their son and the dad probably can’t sufficiently punish the daughter because the mom is always protecting her, hate to say it, because probably in the mom’s eyes it’s her “real” child. I think this adopted mom is probably similar to a lot of stepmoms.
How on earth is he nipping it? bro GAVE UP on trying to make his daughter NOT treat their son like shit. He's just as fucking spineless as her. He didn't interfere until his daughter embarassed him in public.
Exactly. A full 4 score is way too harsh on the dad.
@@RWAsur not even a 4, a 4.5, when he only reserves 5s for the worst people
The wife literally told the husband not to argue over the terrible comments, but he blames the husband?
THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING! The dad is literally the only sane one of the biological part of the family. He tries to shut it down, but “because it’s my birthday”, the wife says not to “start arguments” when it’s just a flat out case of bullying. He’s being throttled between trying to be a good parents and a wife who will start an argument if he tries to BE A FUCKING PARENT. Just, GOOD GODS! Wife and daughter get 4.5/5, Dad AT MOST gets a 1/5 for not ignoring his wife and shutting that shit down.
Story 4: My mom told me that a lot of women/couples wait until the first trimester is over to tell anyone because the chances of something happening to the fetus apparently are higher in those twelve weeks?
Matter of fact my sister lost her child in week 9, she didn't tell us she was pregnant.
I don't even want to imagine, now everyone knows that OP is pregnant because she was forced to tell, basically, what if the baby dies now?
You just don't force something out of someone like that. If a person says they don't wanna drink they don't wanna drink, it's none of your business why.
Yeah, changes of miscarriage are much higher in the first trimester. Sometimes, they even happen without the mother knowing, just coming off as an especially heavy period. It’s not uncommon to not announce anything until they start showing, with maybe close family getting word earlier.
1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriages, 90% of them in the first 12 weeks. That is why most people say nothing until the 12 weeks are up.
Higher isn't even the correct category. It's about 2/3 of all pregnancies which end there. No, not 2/3s of the premature terminations. Literally 2/3s of all pregnancies total. Most of them actually end in the first four weeks, thus often times women only notice through more severe bleeding on their normal schedule period, and maybe a slight delay, or even not at all.
At four weeks pregnant, as was said in the story, they are still very much in the high risk danger zone and fully justified to keep it low.
@@shersmk90 depending on what you count as pregnancy it's even much higher than that ...
I’m sorry but I cannot stand when people pressure women to drink when they’re secretly pregnant. Stop asking women if they’re pregnant and let them tell you. It’s so frustrating
I cannot stand when people pressure anyone to drink. They might just not want to drink, and that's reason enough
@@justaperson4656 agreed!!!! I’m just steaming because I’m pregnant and this constantly happened to me and it makes me so mad lolol
I always thought that whenever someone is pressuring someone to drink, it's a bad sign. Like, there's no good reason to pressure someone to drink.
@@angus_ismyname3424 I will never be pregnant and I will also never drink, because I do not like alcohol. Do I need to prove to people I'm not pregnant by drinking even though I do not like it? Although in my case I can just blame my medication. But seriously, why is there so much pressure around drinking alcohol? I prefer coffee and cocoa. That doesn't make me pregnant. And I do not get why they blame OP for trying to hide the pregnancy when saying no should be reason enough to not drink. People are so weird when it comes to alcohol, pregnancy and peer pressure.
@@justaperson4656 that the reason why i don't drink at all, i don't want to and nobody around me pressure me to do so.
Ooooosssh story 1. Definitely placating the daughter. Just rewarding awful behaviour.
Story 2. As a vegan and someone who has a restrictive diet, because we choose to have the diet we choose to bring the food rather than putting that hardship on someone else. It’s just common courtesy
Not to mention when you bring your own vegan dishes you're also allowing other people to try something new they'd never think about trying before. That's literally how I got started trying some vegan foods lol.
I'm not vegan but started incorporating more foods into my diet and it has been pretty great
@@callanightshade8079love that! The more food the merrier.
Agree but though I’m an omnivore I love vegan food and love the challenge of cooking vegan.
I'm not vegan, but it doesn't seem that big a deal to whip one of the boiled potatoes separately, although it is rude to ask since the host has enough to do on that day
@@gordoncamacho8649 agree.
"Bla bla youre not my real brother"
"Daughter, i am very disappointed, i want you to apologize immediately"
"No, i dont want to"
Rslash, here is where you get it wrong. He didnt just sit back and do nothing. He canceled her birthday dinner that he was going to pay for. For a narcissist or a teenage girl (these are not mutually exclusive), this is one of the harshest blows he coulda done.
Then she's just going to blame the son. OP needs to get her OUTSIDE help. He's not enough
@@wkkowrldyou can't do that the night they're doing the dinner. You need to do that the next day.
@@toastycomfyghosty1891
.. Ok? The point stands.
The OP had previously mentioned how they tried to correct her behaviour but she didn't want to reconsider so ghey didn't push. Also, when in the car they just let the comment slide so as to not "ruin the birthday"
I think the point was that her grotesque behavior wasn't something new. The parents weren't shocked by what she said, which suggests she's been vile like that before. The first time mentioned in the story both parents basically just tutted at her so they wouldn't ruin her special day.
OP just popping off at the end and canceling the birthday was too little, too late, and all it's going to do is make the princess blame her scapegoat instead of acknowledging her behavior was the problem. I think that's where the score came from. There was no explanation as to _why_ she was being punished so severely so suddenly, so no lessons were learned. OP & SO are failing spectacularly at raising a decent human.
Story 4: NTA, OP was trying her damn hardest to not announce that she was pregnant while also trying to comfort her grieving sister. If anything, Lia's friend is an AH for drawing attention to it in the first place.
How else were they going to blame OP for not flatting it around then?
@@bibigamer502Yeah, I don’t get this weird mentality that springs up where if you don’t get hammered with everyone else you’re some kind of villain. I get that she ordinarily drinks but why is it that so many people don’t know how to have fun without alcohol?
@BeeWhistler I'm sober and people will start dismissing you or pressuring you at the drop of a hat. It's like. Dude your life choices are yours and you can spend them getting wasted as much as you want, but leave everyone else alone
@@twistysunshine Ikr. Like, I'm not even 21 yet, but I've already decided I'm not gonna drink. I'll happily be the designated driver because of that. No one should be pressuring anyone to drink, regardless if they're pregnant.
The entire social circle is disgusting with the expectation for her to drink at all.
Story one: Adopted kid (now adult) giving my two cents worth. My mom used to tell me that being adopted was better because birth parents had to take what they got but my folks CHOSE me. Told the same thing to my kid when we adopted him. LOL!!! Half my friend group was adopted. One of the non adopted friends used to complain that it was so boring being home made. BwaHahahahahaha!!! That mom and daughter BOTH get five out of five butt holes on my personal scale.
This should be the top comment. That kid is old enough to know that's wrong, but also shame on the parents. The mom is awful, and the dad is slightly better than apathetic.
My family is full of adoptees, step parents/kids, and everything else! I never realized people could treat them as anything less than a "normal" part of the family until I met my husband's family. They ALWAYS single out the adopted members on his side. It's bizarre.
But isn’t that “being adopted is better” line the same thing the daughter is doing, in reverse? I’m pondering whether she has listened to her parents say something like that to her adopted brother and absorbed the message that SHE is worth less and had to be replaced by someone “better”? I really wish, in that first story, that there was an idea of how old she was when Ethan was adopted and how the entire situation was presented.
5 is reserved for the most serious of issues, like for example spousal abuse. So no.
i don't think the daughter was ready for the adoption sometimes you have to accept that your house even with the economical resources isn't place for a new child.
@@TH-camSupportSucks- And for child abuse, which this situation is if it’s been going on for any length of time.
Whenever someone pressures me to drink, I always ask them “Are you okay? Do you need help? I have a friend who’s in AA and I can put you in touch with them. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
They always back off and put down both “my drink” and theirs and move on and avoid me the rest of the gathering.
I’m a sober alcoholic and I’m definitely gonna try this the next time someone looks at me funny or pressures me into drinking 😂
You forgot a "not" in the title. AITA for NOT mocking a woman who miscarried.
Rslash has been clickbaiting his titles pretty hard in the last couple of weeks. He makes titles of stories that don't even happen the way the title implies.
@@YourPal1Yeah, someone usually does the thing mentioned but it’s a different viewpoint. I dunno why he thinks he needs to spice it up. I bet a lot of us at this point are daily listeners no matter what he reads (except “tifu” because of the second-hand embarrassment).
@@BeeWhistlerold viewers don’t really care. It’s for new views
I’m not sure the father from the first story deserves the same harsh score as the other members, he did at least try to stop the behavior, albeit not sufficiently. The wife definitely is enabling it more though so it’s fair for her
I came to say the same thing
1:23 the girl in the first story definitely deserved whatever punishment she received because what she said was absolutely uncalled for and cruel 1:23
Yeah it sounds like the father is trying to discipline the daughter but the mother has a wet noodle for a spine and refuses to discipline the daughter. If I had to guess, OP left out some heated arguments.
I agree that he should have stepped in earlier, im guessing he didnt because hes outmanned by the wife.
Hes the lesser evil in this situation at the bare minimum imo.
If you don't get that baby to use for sleeping when the noises and you're creating a monster my kids could sleep with anything absolutely anything because when they were sleeping when they were infants I had to do my chores I had to vacuum p
And things like that so my kids got used to sleeping there's a lot of loudness,I mean they could sleep through a hurricane
I think Rslash was way too harsh on the first OP. Hes not as bad as the wife. Hes atleast punishing the daughter. The wife however is just enabling the behaviour. But yeah, the OP should do more.
And rslash is also being harsh on story 3 OP. Firstly, Im pretty sure snoring isnt something you cant control while sleeping so I think its unfair for OP to not sleep in his bed for something he cant control. Also, OP is working to so he isnt being selfish. Its understandable that the wife is frustrated but to call him a f-ing prick is pretty unneccessary. I do think OP should do something that can atleast stop his snoring problem.
I agree. Op is freelance so they make their own hours. But things like video game development are things that take many hours. Yeah he can stop doing the work but then whose to say that he won't fall behind on getting graphic updates, bugs and such fixed in the time they should. As for the snoring there could be alot of things causing it, sleep apnea, an issue with his throat, or he could just snore with 2 of those issues it's fixable. But the wife made the choices she made. She could have went to the couch, she could have slept in the bed, she could have gotten a blow up mattress to leave in the babies room. There was so many more solutions than what she did.
Story 3 is just Dabney's misandry, we're all used to it by now.
The wife wanted to be histrionic and overdramatic by not grabbing a pillow or a blanket, even when she went to lay on the floor of the crib, which was so irrational. And was just a move to make her overly exhausted husband feel guilty. It looks very manipulative in my eyes.
@this_is_a_tiny_town yep everyone in my family snores and we don't kill eachfohee over it
Sorry RSlash, but the guy who snored wanting just one night's sleep was not being unreasonable unless you are implying that being the only person bringing in a paycheck (and working extra to supplement it) is somehow less deserving than the full-time mother, who at least has the option of grabbing cat naps from time to time. Or was the mother also working? You did not make that clear. Much too harsh on the dad.
Yknow, it’s starting to sound like Rslash needs another vacation
💯💯💯
Yep. His take on story 1 is WAY off. These kinds of takes are the reasons why I pretty much stopped listening to his channel.
@PinkMarshmallows And story 3. Come on, cussing out the OP like that? You'd think the guy killed babies or something.
No kidding.
@@PinkMarshmallows same, I just full on stopped the video
reddit stories have shown me that very few people know what “compromise” means. how exactly would story 2’s OP be “compromising” by just giving in completely to her brothers demands?
Probably because reddit story individuals confuse 'compromise' with 'entitlement'. 'Come on, just compromise! Give them what they want and we all end up happy! Well, except for you. Fuck you because you're not as deserving as others.' is basically what they mean.
Story 2: imagine being lazy not bringing anything and being super entitled with what others should make and then you threatened to not come over anymore, like ok i don't see an issue with a ungrateful guest no longer coming.
As the saying goes, “ don’t threaten me with a good time”. Let brother be everyone else’s problem
His "threatening" to not come over again.... is supposed to be a threat? Bwahahaha! 😂
Guest definitely sucks if you trust OPs description, but I don't know if I do. They seemed really judgy about the financial situation even though it wasn't really relevant.
Story 3: I didn't realize that all of the blankets and pillows were locked in a magical realm that can only be accessed if OP's wife sleeps in the bedroom.
Plus, she could've slept in the bedroom anyways, it seems like she wants to make OP feel bad?
@@Casper.butNot.AGhost Some parents for whatever reason (especially first time parents) are incredibly clingy to their newborns. They have to do EVERYTHING with them. If they eat, so does the baby. If they go to the bathroom, betcha the baby is right outside the door in a baby rocker. Shower? Same deal. A baby belongs in the nursery unless absolutely necessary for a NUMBER of reasons. For one, since they have no immune system, you need to keep their room regulated. Constantly yanking them all over the house and world is going to result in a very sick baby. It isn't until they start to crawl or walk that you should even consider removing them for extended periods of time.
It's also a great way to keep harsh viruses and contamination away from them. Because if someone comes over to your house and is sick without realizing it, your baby is going to be immediately introduced to that. Where as if they were in the nursery, they are less likely to be exposed to it. It's basically your newborn's safety bubble.
For 2, life outside of the nursery is not safe for your newborn just yet. Imagine you set your newborn in a rocker for a moment and something falls over near them.
Dude is basically working 2 jobs and has the right to sleep in bed it's not his fault he snores
It's her that is acting up by not know calling him a prick but also sleeping on the floor Without blankets or pillows
@@Moonloverl8happarently the blankets and pillows were locked away in a magical realm and the only for the wife to get them is if OP sleeps on the couch
Yea I totally disagree with the rating dude is working 2 jobs he can sleep in his own damn bed, and it’s not like the wife couldn’t sleep in the bed too or we least take a pillow and blanket, or just GET A BABY MONITOR dad deserves 0/5
Story 1: while I agree the dad needs to be a bit more forceful with disciplining his daughter, I feel at least he’s trying. Not hard enough but still. The mother on the other hand is showing she doesn’t care, almost as if she agrees with her daughter that their ADOPTED son is not real family. I have a feeling that this saga is not over.
trying isn't good enough when your sons mental health is constantly being beaten down. If the mother is as bad as you say *she is* Then why is op with this person? It just seems he's also enabling in a way.
Story 4: The universal excuse for not drinking alcohol is the "medication" excuse.
Preach
Then when it was announced she'd get in trouble for lying
Prenatal vitamins are technically a medication that a doctor will prescribe for a pregnant woman...
But lets be honest. You really shouldn't need an excuse in the first place. People should just mind their own business.
OP was in a lose/lose/lose situation.
If she didn't go then she'd be "unsupportive"
If she gave the medication excuse then she'd be called a liar when she would officially announce the pregnancy.
And we know what happened with option 3.
@BDM276 Yeah, that whole situation is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kind of scenario
at this point the "then why don't YOU DO IT??!" is so iconic I always get excited when I feel one coming!
Do I even need to say it at this point? Well I'm going to anyways, Rslash is wrong once again. In the first story, what you said about the parents allowing the daughter to bully the son is completely wrong. Did you just forget the line where OP said he and his wife tried many times to get the daughter to stop and she just wouldn't? And then OP turns around and harshly but fairly punishes the daughter by cancelling her birthday? How can you say that, at the very least, OP is allowing his daughter to bully his son? I said it last time and I'll say it again: you need a serious reality check, Rslash.
His titles are also getting more scammy clickbait by the week. Nobody mocked anyone who miscarried. Looks more and more like he's just in it for the money and no longer cares about quality content.
The issue is that her attitude shouldn’t have reached this point in the first place. Yes they tried to curb her attitude in the past, but eventually admitted they “gave up”. That is NOT an option. You don’t stop until the terrible behavior is dealt with. I feel like OP wants to parent his child, and we don’t get enough info to judge the mother, but her side isn’t looking very good either. He does deserve a butthole score, but not nearly as harsh as Rslash said.
I understand that Rslash overlooked a few significant points, but his verdict isn't entirely wrong. This daughter has shamelessly shown appalling behaviour time and time and again with obviously zero fear of consequences as she doesn't stop. Rather than see the error in her ways, she decides do direct her rage at her father. This child needs therapy, stat!! Either something is missing in the story, or OP never really had a deep talk with his daughter about the adoption. There's a significant difference between teasing a sibling and openly harbouring disdain towards them.
Tf are you on? If they can’t get her to stop doing it then they aren’t punishing her enough. Take her phone for a month, cut off her access to screens, make her do all his chores. Just saying “ohhhh darling don’t say thaaat” is not good enough.
"OP said he and his wife tried many times to get the daughter to stop and she just wouldn't" clearly means the behavior was allowed to go on for so long that she truly thinks shes correct and knows she'll get no consequences. And tries as in what? Because cancelling the birthday is a big thing here but ethan is still being abused by her. He's the one being affected by their parenting and letting it go on because "its her birthday" No i agree with rslash. If their punishments aren't working thats on them and they need to go harder. Not let her do this to their son. The dad is just as bad as the mom, if he actually can't do punishment because of the moms pushback {as ive seen in other takes.} Then he needs to get out of this relationship or have a serious talk with her. This is a childs mental health on the line. Trying and giving up isn't enough.
rSlash, I think you really blew it with the first story. The fact that OP followed through and cancelled her birthday party undermines your point completely. What I think is happening is that the wife and daughter are enabling this while OP tries to stop it. He may not be fully handling the issue with the force it needs to be but I think OP has left a lot out of his post about the dynamics fracturing this family. Whether he left things out intentionally, or from embarrassment, I don't know but to give him such a harsh score either reflects your misunderstanding of the situation or your being disingenuous. I think it's the former but if any subsequent information surfaces indicating I'm wrong, I'd be the first to acknowledge that. Anyway, thank you for all your work posting.
RSlash showing his biases again smh
They gave up getting her to stop treating him like trash. He thinks canceling the birthday isn't enough. Cuz it isn't. It's just going to get her to treat this poor boy worse afterward. It is both the parents fault here. Along with the daughter.
@JaneDoe1812 I agree it's both their fault, but if we're handing out butthole scores, I don't think the Father deserves a score that bad but who knows ...
@@palindrome1959i think he does. He sees his wife excusing this time and time again most likely and still being with her or not having a talk with her about this? He's enabling his wife who's enabling his daughter. I agree with rslash. Also if it was such an issue their punishments weren't working. Go harder, get therapy to get to the root of the issue
@@bryn1063obviously he's not doing enough but putting the exact same blame level on the wife and daughter and op is crazy
Story 4: honestly i would have told your sister and her best friend to butt out of my business like why is it such a big deal your not drinking and why is she blaming you for being an "attention seeker" when you said nothing about the pregnancy. Look a miscarriage is terrible however it isn't an excuse to act like a jerk.
Exactly. People don’t drink for a lot of reasons and nobody is obligated to give a detailed explanation.
@@Ammanthiel i chose not to drink after I turned 21 and I’m glad I still don’t
Wow. Rslash really said the dad wasnt doing anything to stop the daughter after reading the post where the dad was asking if he was the butthole for punishing his daughter for what she was doing...
The father could have done more to prevent the situation from escalating. Perhaps he could have intervened earlier when his daughter started to use disrespectful language towards her brother. As parents, they could have taken steps to address this behaviour and help their children develop a better relationship.
Because really the father didn't do ANYTHING. Grounding her and cancelling her birthday is a start but clearly this has been going on A WHILE and hasn't been dealt with properly. Dad in the first story needs to step up and start defending his son and punishing his daughter more harshly. And EVERYONE needs regular one on one therapy as well as family therapy. Dad is most certainly NOT doing enough, blows my mind someone thinks a one time grounding was dealing with it...
But if you pay attention he DOES punish her. The wife always shuts him down. The wife more than likely cancels their daughter's punishments and blames her husband for being "too harsh" on their daughter.
@@Riounka ok then he should leave her or give her an ultimatium. So his wife shuts him down? It's still his fault. He shouldn't be allowing this to go on no matter what his wife feels. Ethan is suffering here and he's letting it go on because he has no backbone? I still agree with rslash's rating. He is enabling this behavior intentionally or not.
@@Riounka then he's an asshole for adopting a child when his kid and wife clearly weren't ok with it? He needs to have a serious conversation with his wife, get her on the right page and then get the daughter with the program as well. This kid is part of their family and OP is letting his daughter and wife treat his son this way
Last Story - 100% NTA. I had a friend who was a mooch for years, and we all just chalked it up to him being broke. One day, he told me he was taking an impromptu trip to AMSTERDAM, which HE was paying for. He'd been mooching off of us for years while secretly stacking up his savings, so WE basically funded his European vacation. Needless to say, that was the last time we ever spoke.
Story 3
Dude is working two jobs and still helping to care for the baby? It's not exactly his fault that he's tired too. He isn't the only one involved in making the game, so he doesn't exactly get to decide not to work on the game and leave the other developers in the lurch. And exactly why did his wife sleep on the floor NEXT TO THE BED with no pillow or blanket? It's not magically quieter than actually in the bed by a couple of feet difference. Everyone is still in the same room.
I thought the score was a bit harsh. He's trying to do everything he can for his family and wound up just as tired as her. She then played the martyr and didn't even take her pillow the foot or two to the floor she didn't have to sleep on.
This is the comment i was looking for. Like i know the wife prefers breast feeding as it tends to be better, but she could always try to pump some milk and store it if its that horrible that she hasnt slept in 2 months and op is already up until 3am so he can just take some of the stored breast milk and fix a bottle? Like in my opinion there’s so many alternatives. Op is working 2 jobs, and it doesnt sound like the wife ever really worked, so he should get to sleep in the bed he most likely paid for on his own.while yes he doesnt HAVE to work on the game development technically he’s already started working so just abandoning it at this point would probably cause some problems, plus op doesn’t say how much he makes annually but i’m sure he could use rhe extra income if the game goes well.
He said she was in the nursery so a different room. Question is why isn’t there a place to sleep in there for her. Or him?
Not even a pillow does make this feel pretty manipulative.
Yea, i would even say he is likely the more exhausted one of the two. Working a 9 to 5 job. Then he helps out at home and taking care of the baby, continuing with game development work till 1 to 2am. I also wouldn't be surprised if he does the grocery shopping etc. Idk how he doesn't burn out with such schedule and responsibility tbh.
I mean sure, i am ignorant to how exhausting being a new mom can be, but i find it hard to believe it would be more exhausting than what this guy is going through, unless she also works a 9 to 5 job, which doesn't seem like it. Anyways, if this guy is prevented from getting a good nights sleep by the cranky wife on top of everything he is working on, i think he is gonna collapse sooner or later...
I had to scroll a long way to see if anyone else agreed with my sentiments and here all you fine people are totally agree her sleeping on the floor no pillow no blanket does sound super manipulative plus the poor guy is working 2 jobs he said she takes care of the baby majority so im guessing stay at home mom so NTA let the poor man that works 2 jobs to support his family sleep in his own bed
For the first story...that behavior is definitely coming from the wife. It sounds like she just lets those comments pass without discussion or consequence. Also, 11 is not a big/important birthday in the grand scheme of birthdays.
The wife totally deserves a larger AH score, OP at least attempts to correct the situration but seems to be dominated by his wife's disgusting behavior.
With the moochers in the last story if I was their friend at some point during meals at restaurants I’d turn to the server and openly ask them to make sure we all get individual bills. And I’d keep doing that to make sure they paid for themselves cuz that’s ridiculous
That's so passive aggressive. At least talk to them about it first.
@@ReptillianStrike Clearly the leechy friend struggles with confrontation so the approach suggested would actually be very good. She could hardly argue that, or get the sh1ts and sulk.
rslash needs another vacation, his temper is getting the best of him again
8:07 This dude is working almost all the time caring for the child, working a full-time job, and doing a side job to make money for his fiancé and the child. And he's the asshole because he wants to sleep in his own bed? No, he's not the asshole and she's the one who chose to sleep on the floor when there was a couch and he didn't even ask her to leave the bed she chose to leave and do that.
Story 1. At that age this behaviour is coming from somewhere else? The daughter is definately picking up this is OK from another adult & OP's wife is always saying don't make a fuss or start an argument mmmmm I wonder.
4th story: it's damn if she did, damn if she didn't situation. If she went and drank while not showing that she was pregnant, she would hurt the baby. If she didn't drink (which she didn't), they'd suspect she is pregnant. If she didn't go to the party at all, she'd get called all of the names under the sun for "not supporting her sister". Of course, OP is NTA. She couldn't win in any case even if she tried. Her sister, as much as I empathize with her, IS an AH for forcing the truth out of OP and then having a conniption fit over it.
"Why don't YOU do it?!?!" has just become an rslash stable now :)
I love that line lol
He is the biggest loser with that. He doesn't do anything but read stories wrongly
Do you ? I hate it 😂 it's just soo loud , 😭😂
Story 3: rslash, the lack of sleep isnt by choice, he is doing a JOB! Even as a small indie developer with a small team, there are deadlines and goals to meet, which means crunch and long hours sometimes. Yeah he should have move to the couch BUT at the same time you don't need to lay into this guy for doing his job.
Edit: man after hearing it again and hearing his reaction, rslash really really overreacted.
Yeah Dabney's bias for women/wives in these stories is getting more and more upfront as he keeps doing this. The wife in Story 3 may have a good reason for being exhausted but so does OP and Dabney is really doing some mental gymnastics to ignore that. Which, sadly, he's doing more and more, even with comments calling him out; the most he does is remove his commentary and in the next video he's right back to it...
i havent seen anyone else talk about this story, is the baby sleeping in the parents room? OP said he found his wife and baby in the nursery, so would OP’s snoring wake up the baby in another room. Also the double standard that its ok for OP to work two jobs and get no sleep on the couch but not the wife. maybe i dont understand the situation because im not a parent
@@Yokai-hv5ztI think there’s two cribs one in the parents room the other in a nursery which the baby should be fine alone in the nursery with a baby monitor and the door cracked open
To be honest, I still think that the guy is a prick because his family should definitely be a priority. Not only is he gone for most of the day at his day job, but he's also out of commission doing the indie game work. The wife is basically doing most of the care for the baby. It isn't exactly fair to the wife or Baby that OP is a loud snorer.
And are we forgetting that his wife slept on the FLOOR? No blankets or pillows? So, OP gets to sleep on a comfortable bed, but his wife can't? I still think he's an ahole for that tbh. There should've been some form of compromise.
@@kamis.9302the wife CHOSE that. It’s not like pillows and blankets are glued to the bed and couch, she easily could have taken her own pillow.
2nd. People need money. You can’t call him “a prick for not prioritizing his family” when he’s working 2 jobs to support that family.
Also, I agree that there could have been compromise. But OP isn’t the one who’s refusing to talk about it, so that isn’t op’s fault.
The story about op who is pregnant and when she went to her sister's house is that the sister is a complete butthole because op was trying to support her sister and she was also trying not to cause a scene and she was down playing by not drinking an alcohol but they didn't like the idea
Rslash is telling the dad that he should have punished the daughter, but he DID punish the daughter. He probably should have done more, but this doesn't make sense.
It's clear that the father hasn't done enough to fix the daughter's problem prior to the story though, so I think that's why Dabney (Rslash) got so upset.
at the end of the day, it's the adopted kid who's hurt by all of it, and since rslash is a dad himself he probably got a bit too agitated by the story tbh
@@blaze129I'm a dad too and Dab is a freaking virtue singling moron
Even then, this was a big punishment. Cancelled birthday plans aren’t as small of a deal as he seems to think
@@blaze129cause the mother always stopped him from punishing the daughter
But apparently it's his mistake
@@aparnarai3708 my mistake, in that case the mother AND father are both assholes anyways.
The father still should've done more, and the mother is an irresponsible parent.
As far as the Game Dev guy goes, I think its more of a ETA, or NTA, cause the guy is working a 9-5, then coming home and splitting child care until they both go to sleep, then working functionally another job when everyone else is asleep, I think its unfair to then expect him to sleep on the sofa cause of something he does when hes tired. Cause if he doesnt sleep well, then hes gonna be more tired, and be expected to sleep on the sofa again, until either he snapes or does this anyway. Is the wife justified? I think she is to a degree, cause everytime the kid cries, she'll need to get up and she'll be exhausted, but is it fair to switch whos tired from one to the other, especially to the one whos got to go to work. Dont think so
My opinion is, if this was a known issue. Why isn’t there a place to sleep in the nursery…the baby’s room.
@@Scottistic Size? Or maybe budget? Idk, I feel there's alot of things that are just happening and not being spoken about and it's causing tension. I just didn't like RSlash's response in insulting OP
@@PyroManifest if there’s room to sleep on the floor, there’s room to have even a roll out futon
@@PyroManifest As a father and husband, I totally agree with rslash here. Sleeping on the couch for one night is such a tiny ask. Sleeping on the couch anytime the wife and baby are in the bed because I snore is a totally reasonable request. Then again, I'm GenX. We're fine sleeping on the floor, or the ground, in the car (weather permitting), wherever. Heck, we'll build a squirrel dree or a snow cave if we need to. Yeah, in OP's place I would be working on saving up for a replacement for that couch that I would be comfortable on- futon, one of those multi-cushion things, whatever. But a blanket and pillow on the floor are fine- AND THE FLOOR IS WHERE OP'S WIFE ENDED UP SLEEPING! WITHOUT A PILLOW OR A BLANKET!
@@ostlandr Thats fine, but ur situation may not be the same as everyone else's. Like u may have no issue sleeping on the couch, but if OP struggles to do so, be it comfort or whatever, then he's going to need to go to work tired, then come home and look after the kids tired, then work his second job tired, and because he's tired, he will snore, and because he snores, he'll then be banished to the couch again. In that case, is he supposed to keep doing that until he passes out or becomes sick. And when that happens, whos brining in the money? Like I can sympathise with the wife not wanting OP to wake up their kid, but why is he the one banished from the room. Why isn't the baby? Like we know it has its own room, so why is OP being kicked out? The fact is snoring means he's working hard to keep a roof over their head and food in their fridge, so to do that only to be told "U can't sleep in ur own bed" just seems unfair to me. Also, no one MADE OPs wife go and sleep on the floor at all, let alone without a blanket or pillow, she chose to do that. I get that she's tired to, but there are ways to get more sleep, like pumping milk so OP can do the midnight feeding and changing so she can sleep, or sleeping whenever the baby sleeps, or whenever OP is looking after the baby
I have a similar story to the sisters party. This is about 2 of my close friends, ill call them friend 1 and friend 2.
So friend 1 and her partner were trying for a few years to have a baby but every time she got pregnant, she would unfortunately miscarry. This happened a few times over the span of a few years, and every time it just broke her a little more. During one of these periods, friend 2 got pregnant. Friend 1 has a miscarriage literally 1 week before friend 2's baby shower. Friend 2 offered to cancel but friend 1 refused and still showed up with gifts to support her friend. She smiled the whole day even though we knew she was heart broken. Thats just what caring people do, they put aside their own suffering to make someone else happy. I can now confirm that friend 1 has a beautiful, healthy 2 yearold daughter, and she really is a miracle❤
Rslash doesn't respect indie dev as a 2nd job. Ironic, coming from a TH-camr.
The mom's tiredness is also self imposed, as she's the one insistent on strictly breastfeeding. Which is exactly the reason breast pumps exist.
Her not grabbing any pillows or blankets sounds like a guilt trip.
But, still, you don't come in to where people are already sleeping if you know you're going to disturb them.
2/5 BH for dad, 2/5 BH for mom, 3/5 BH for Rslash for being a white knight instead of offering useful advice.
Also that 2.5 he gave to the dad in that story. He literally gives that score to pedophiles. So working two jobs and being tired is as bad as diddling kids, clearly
💯💯
Child free 24f here. I see no assholes in this post. Sounds like they're both over worked, tired and not working together to find reasonable solutions. It seems that they may be some resentment building there. Working on a personal interest and making money through it might not be viable right now. But you don't always get to choose when to work as a freelancer, big opportunities don't be falling outta the sky or waiting for your calander to clear up.
It does seem that papa rslash is always gonna be pro mum in scenarios like this.
@@countingdowndays
You're nicer than me, but you're exactly right.
I think the story mentions that the baby flat out refuses a bottle.
rSlash gets 5/5 assholes for his disrespectful way of making mashed potatoes
Yes!! There's vegan butter, oat milk, soy milk, so many different ways to make amazing vegan mashed potatoes
@@destinedtogame Hey, I was just curious on your success with using non-dariy milk in mashed potatoes. My husband and I prefer almond or oat milk for a lot of stuff, but use dairy for cooking. We tried to use almond milk for mac and cheese and other dishes in the past, but every time it gives the meal a bizarre cereal after-taste. Never tried it with potatoes specifically, but I would expect the same results. So, how do you avoid the weird cereal taste when using it for cooking savory stuff? (I assume it would complement sweets well, but we rarely bake).
@destinedtogame exactly. I'm not vegan nor vegetarian but I know enough to know a vegan version of a dish isn't just omitting ingredients. I forgot the name but those chickpea proteins instead of egg, milk/butter substitute. So many options.
@@spectilia have you tried soy rice or pea milk?
They might provide a better taste.
@@spectiliachickpea milk. It works similar to how hummus works. It can be savory, sweet, or a base flavor.
Wait so, story 3, she slept on the floor with NO pillows or blankets. How's that OP's fault? Does his tiredness from working two jobs prevent her from grabbing a pillow?
rSlash is making it obvious he's a misandrist at this point. How the hell is OP the butthole here?
Right? Im sure they have spares somewhere. Heck, they could easily get a small air mattress.
Did you miss the part where he kicked her out of bed because precious Mr. Snowflake can't sleep on the couch?
@@wmdkitty Did you miss that's not what happened?
@@wmdkitty She kicked herself out. SHE could have stayed in the room, but she felt his snoring kept the baby awake. Heck, if the couch wasn't so bad, why didn't SHE sleep on it since she was the one with the problem?
Rslash couldn’t have been more wrong about the snoring story if he tried. I exclusively breast fed two babies, and their father also snores. Both babies sleep soundly cuddled up with dad in spite of his loud snoring (so do I), plus we have either some sort of white noise or quiet music playing. Thankfully I can put the down to sleep almost anywhere regardless of the noise level. We even took them to an 8 hour mariachi competition once (we sat in the nose bleed section) and both slept soundly through their naps. If you expose the babies to noise from the very first day, almost nothing will bother them. If you insist on dead silence then you’re setting yourself up for having a difficult time putting your baby to sleep. Plus it’s not hard to ask your partner to change, burp, and settle the baby down after breastfeeding them. OP wasn’t up late just for kicks, the gaming stuff is clearly a side hustle. The mom going to sleep on the nursery floor without a pillow or blanket is clearly so she has ammunition to be angry at OP. That’s completely ridiculous of her, ask your partner for help instead of pouting like a child.
The best way, I think, to shut down "are you not drinking bc you're preg?" questions is say you're on a medication that you can't mix with alcohol. It's true for me, at least. My meds can't be mixed with alcohol, and people accept it.
Story 3 NTA the OP is working 2 jobs on top of parenting duties he’s exhausted. The baby has a crib and instead of being rational and grabbing a blanket and pillow she rather do histrionics so her suffering could be dramatic smh a lot of couples sleep in separate rooms when one is nursing. But to ask your husband to sleep on the couch after working a full time job parenting duties then side job to provide for his family give the man a break ❤
Thank you
Yep
Bro I was thinking the same thing
exactly! rslash saying “he’s making a choice to be a game developer”. homie, SHE’s making a choice to not pump so the husband can use a bottle, he can help with feedings overnight - she’s the one refusing. SHE’s making a choice to sleep with the baby vs having the baby in a crib with a monitor on. and SHE made the choice to be dramatic and sleep on a floor with no pillows or blankets, what happened to the couch option?
Exactly. Dabney missed the mark. What a drama queen. Sleeping on the floor without pillows and blankets was her choice lmfao. Her manipulating him like that was foul. I hope this is just post-partum stress and not her actual personality, bc that's absurd.
Story 4: and when everyone calls you a b*tch for not coming out to comfort your sister and ask what could possibly be more important than what will your mom and everyone on your sister's side say? Your sister outage you you didn't say anything about your pregnancy her stupid friend asked you when she should have known not to then your sister cause a scene and try to force you to confessed. Maybe people need to stop acting like it's a sin not to drink at a party and I don't feel like it is more than enough of an answer, screw these people you tried to be there for your sister and keep it to yourself everyone else for sale because they can't handle the idea of someone just doesn't want to take a shot.
I'm an American now living in the Philippines for two years now and it's been extremely difficult to make friends because I don't drink. Been told everything from I'm cheap, to i think I'm better than others, to that I bring down the atmosphere when I won't drink. I try to explain that just one beer, one wine or shot will shoot my blood sugar up over 300 points (I'm diabetic) and I get them saying "just one won't do that".
So other than my girlfriend and people I see in passing, I have very little personal interaction here. It is definitely an alcohol culture.
Story 1: I get where you're coming from R/, but I would argue mom is worse than OP, he at least wants to hold her accountable mom keeps making up excuses why they shouldn't punish her for being such a disrespectful little sh*t. And it's because of her OP is doubting himself.
Then he should leave her or have a long talk. Because at this point him trying isn't good enough. He NEEDS to change this behavior. I agree with rslash. Ethans life could be on the line depending on how badly his sisters breaking him down.
As someone with a family history of alcoholism, PLEASE DON’T PRESSURE ANYONE TO DRINK!
It’s never harmless. “Just one drink” could do more damage than you’d ever know.
story 1 - op actually TRIED to cancel the party for saying such a vile thing and probably could've stopped this behavior and attitude possibly years earlier if the mom wasn't so enabling and protective. i wonder where the brat got those words from..
second story - OH MY GOD MASHED POTATOES ARE SO EASY AND YUM i know its not my place but maaybe the brother is poor because hes incapable of doing simple tasks(?)
third story - idrk how to feel cos i haven't experienced anything in this story but in MY opinion op can't control the snoring and the wife could've brought out pillows and blankets and stuff if she wanted to sleep out there even though i don't think she should. both the baby and snoring are out of their control and its becoming an unnecessary problem. when my aunt had a kid she put a twin sized bed in the babies room for quick access so maybe thats an idea? idk
forth story - basically ppl should mind their business and not pressure people to drink or reveal they're pregnant when they're obviously not ready or comfortable to share
fifth story - sounds like story two except more entitled. make/bring your own food.
Story 1: Bro the heck?? OP isn’t letting his daughter do anything! He actively punishes her when she mistreats the poor boy. You can’t change a nasty person’s behavior to a person. All you can do is let the victim know you in their corner and try to make the bully realize that you disapprove their actions
From what I could tell about the first story, the website came to a different conclusion: there’s simply not enough details.
ya a pop is what like $2
@@thewavyshopofficial
What are you talking about?
Most seem to be wanting to know how the adoption process went and how Rachel took it cause they added that they only had Ethan for a year before this happened. No word if they ever got therapy to help with the process cause for a kid of 10 as she would have been at the time, suddenly having a new sibling introduced into the family not via normal means but the parents actively choosing to adopt a kid who is only a year younger than her. Depending on that it's hard to say if the daughter is just being a brat or if it's just a build up of resentment that happened to spill over in this instance.
Isn't the whole "Drink the alcohol or tell us that you're pregnant literally a thing Ellen did that caused a baby miscarriage? Is Lia trying to get OP to go through the same pain she did?
Well that’s not true at all about Ellen ….. why spread lies like that ?
@@XxSMPBHxX Because there's literal clips of it. It was Mariah Carey. And yes, she miscarried.
In the 3rd story, the wife also deserves an BH score for being a drama queen. There was no point for her to sleep on the floor with no pillows and blankets other than being dramatic. She could've easily slept on the couch herself if she just wanted to get away from the snoring.
Yeah, ultimately the OP is the cause, but her behavior is also quite toxic.
It's also worth mentioning that her husband is working two jobs AND still taking care of their baby. It's also pretty likely he also does house chores and shopping. So that man is EXHAUSTED.
What’s worse is rslash is just stupid. “What’s Worse OP this is self imposed. You’re doing this.” Ok let’s just not work and not do our job. Later, Where’s the money?????
Odd how people some how only have money when they do these job things, it not like there connect or anything.
For real, what money does the wife contribute at the moment, from the sounds of it, none. The Wife need to less of AH and remember the husband is work FOR MONEY, which is exchanged for goods, Like Food, diapers, formula and House Payments. It’s not self imposed when you NEED to WORK.
I scrolled so far to find this. The wife could have slept in the couch too. She chose to sleep on the floor, with no blankets, because she was trying to make a point. In actuality, she showed she's petty and manipulative.
Final story: NTA. I have a former friend who was like this. We had been friends since high school, and she was never like this back then. Now (because she has people who will constantly cover her because she ALWAYS seems to lose her wallet) she does this often. I went out to eat with her three times. The first time, she paid for herself. The last two times, I paid for everything which was a bit hard because I wasn’t working at the time and she eats far more than me. FOR THAT AND OTHER REASONS, I REALIZE SHE WAS BEING REALLY MANIPULATIVE SO I CUT HER OFF AND I HAVEN’T SEEN HER SINCE.
Story 4:
Ok, let's say OP did exactly that and skipped the party. Everyone, including her sister, would be up her butt for her not showing up in such a hard momment and showing support. If it wasn't an emergency, why would she skip it? Based on the reaction at the party, I'd say they would never be satisfied whichever way. NTA in my book
Story 3. Only thing he is a ahole about is not moving to the couch. Getting on him for staying up late WORKING. And not being able to stop snoring makes rslash a 'fucking prick' as he says. The guy works a full time job and is trying to develop a game. It isnt his hobby, it is a job that i am sure he hopes helps his family in the end. So yes ahole for not moving, not ahole for working and snoring.
Actually op did nothing wrong but you paid attention to nothing on that part for calling him a butthole .
Also the wife can just PUMP MILK EALRIER IN THE DAY instead of just breast feeding in the middle of the night. All of this is just nonsensical.
Heck, if the wife didn't want to sleep on the couch, a decent air mattress costs only about $50 and doesn't take too long to set up, so she didn't even have to sleep on the floor if they thought about things ahead of time.
Guys, this entire thing is ridiculous. She could’ve moved to the couch, brought a blanket, pillows and called it a night. She decided to sleep on the floor with no blanket or pillow, I think that says enough here. OP is not the butthole imho. Where’s the reasoning for why he’s the bad guy anyways? All my guy did was work to provide for his family and try to sleep in his own bed, which he’s just as entitled to as his wife because they’ve both been working hard all day. Even if she didn’t want to move she could’ve bought earplugs or something to sleep with.
i think rslash should stay away from family stories until he goes on vacay again because his view is kinda "tainted" due to his lovely family btw i love that he has a healthy daughter and wife and hugo but hes rating these pretty emotionally and hes missing the red flags
He would have to avoid anything containing someone's daughter, until he gets over his obsession with his own.
I'm sorry Dabney, but do you pay attention to the stories you read? The daughter said a mean thing, her dad told her to apologize, and when she didn't he canceled her birthday. That's not letting her get away with it that's punishing her for being a brat. You should learn the difference.
What about all the situations that led to that moment in the past, or the attitude in the first place? It didn't appear out of no where.
Its too little too late. The fact that she even felt comfortable saying that is proof that they have been letting it slide.
I think he should have done it sooner he said he and his wife gave up on her to stop her for being a horrible sisters (like who gives up on stopping you child from being a bully)
@@baraness24even if OP were the strictest father on the planet, the fact the mother's enabling her would still leave her comfortable acting that way, she'd just avoid doing so when Dad's present
I don't think anyone can accurately judge the situation.
We'll never know the full story behind the reddit posts. Dabney, nor us as viewer/readers can possibly know what the parents had done prior to the story to enable/fix the daughter's mindset and behavior.
But it is definitely safe to assume not enough was done about the problem, causing the adopted son to be hurt in the end, which is why I think it was pretty justified for Dabney to be a little harsh since at the end of the day, it's an innocent kid who's hurt by all of it.
I disagree with story 3 with the snoring game developer. Rslash majorly over reacted, he only deserved like a small asshole rating. He’s working incredibly hard to provide for his family and also needs to be well rested to continue to work and parent his child (he helps during the day.). I’m pretty sure games have deadlines and require a lot of dedicated work and over time especially independent developers that don’t have as much funding or staffing. It sucks for both of them that they have to pick who gets a good night sleep. It’s a struggle that comes with parenting especially when she’s made the decision she only wants to breast feed. Nothing against that choice but it comes with the downside of feeding being solely on the mother. This is a natural consequence of that-she’s going to sacrifice more sleep than OP. There should be a guest bedroom or better sleeping arrangements set up rather than the couch for situations like this. Bit sucky to banish someone to the couch like a punishment rather than just relocating them to equally good sleeping conditions.
Look at the cut-off sentence he didn’t read out loud, breastfeeding is not a choice.
She could pump and store it to put in bottles which then dad could help out but no she makes the decision to breast feed only
@@BK-ru3byWelcome to the world of Dabney's Mental Gymnastics, he does this kind of crap all the time. He'll cut out parts of the post, deliberately ignore the context given, and take the worst possible interpretation of what a male OP says or does all to make said male OP out to be worse while shielding the wife/female actors from how bad they are.
@@BK-ru3byFunny things is, fake tits for breastfeeding are a thing. Does sounds like she really has tried everything, or they both suck at holding bottles.
@@Luxord5294like the story where the dad punished his daughter after she insulted her brother who was in an accident. He went off on the dad and it was terrible . The comments against him were actively being deleted
In the fourth story, showing up or not, OP would still end up in a losing situation. It really sucks.
Rslash is back on his bs...
Father in story 1 is trying, but being undermined by his wife. Rslash treats them all the same. Maybe he does deserve a score, but he's clearly different from the wife at the very least. I'm sure he feels stuck and in the middle of it, solutions are probably harder to think of. But yes, he needs to commit to a course of action soon.
Guy in story 3 is just as entitled to sleep in his own bed as his wife. His fiance exiled herself all on her own and it's not like she couldn't have taken at least her pillow with her and grabbed a spare blanket. OP has obligations to his team to work on the game so they can all get paid. It's not like he went into it thinking "oh, this is gonna cause problems later, lol". In hindsight, maybe he would have taken a night off, but that's pure speculation. They just need to find a long term solution because it's not fair for the husband to be stuck on the couch forever. But sure, wanting to sleep in your own bed is dbag behavior...
12:21 The "12 week rule" is the convention that you don't publicly announce your pregnancy until 3 months in, because after that time the chance of miscarriage drops significantly.
story 4 - its really nasty of the sister to take her grief out on someone who accidentally walked into the line of fire out of pure coincidence. the fact that she also weaseled it out of her when op was trying to be tactful is just so… ugh.
Jewish person here. While talking about pregnancies early isn't prohibited, it's very often avoided until you're around 4-5 months in; I think it has to do with the saying that things are more likely to remain blessed when they're away from peering eyes and the possible envy of others.
Story 3 NTA. Dude is working 2 full time jobs and trying to help with the baby and all he wants is to sleep in his bed. Wife could have taken blankets and pillows, but chose not to.
Story 4: Even if OP had opted not to go to the party, I get the feeling the sister would have still raised a stink. It would either be "How dare you not support me by not coming!" or "She might have stayed away because she doesn't want to be near alcohol! She must be pregnant!"
I've heard it said that grief brings out the worst in people. I think OP was in a no-win scenario here. The only way the sister would have been satisfied is if OP was never pregnant, which obviously isn't an option.
Last story has a few updates, the friend group split and like 3 people stayed friends with the bad friend and like 7 others formed a new group.
"Why are you treating me like I'm stealing food!?"
Dude jumped to that because that was exactly his plan. He sees OP as a meal ticket. Lay down the law and tell that loser to put on his big boy pants and buy his own food.
Honestly, if things keep up like they are; I don’t think Ethan has much of a future. I can’t see a kid going through all that without at least thinking of ending it all. I don’t see a bright future there.
I hold out hope for the post 15 years down the line that goes "I was adopted and am no contact with my family. My sister was always a bitch to me and my parents enabled her, now she is broke and cannot keep a job, a partner or any friends in her life because she bullies people. She's now broke and they're asking me to help her, so I laughed in their faces"
Story 4 is one of the big reasons why I don't drink. A few others are religion, friend who died in accident in high school, and my own personal health.
Story 4: I feel like there was no winning in that situation for OP, if she didn’t show up to the party because she was working or something she would get flack for putting work above family and the sister wouldn’t feel supported. Everyone is blasting OP for going to her sister’s party while she was pregnant but no one considers what would have happened if OP skipped the party like they say she should have.
Agree with the first story, but the daughter gets 5/5.
bullshit. some kids are terrible even with good parenting.
@@GiordanDiodatoBut they don't have good parenting? Their parenting is trash.
@@baraness24so…OP trying everything shy of physical abuse isn’t enough for you?
Because OP had said he had tried to stop this BS, but the daughter wouldn’t listen
@@dragonriderabens9761 OP relented in the past, and relented now. And only punished after 'letting it slide' multiple times. They haven't tried counseling or therapy, and every time they try to punish the daughter the mom steps in to stop it.
They haven't tried everything short of physical abuse, they've done the bare minimum and given up when that doesn't work.
@@slimej2202true I don’t think they even try to punish her for before all the other times
Story 1: it’s SUPER weird that it seems like OP and his wife adopted a second child without making sure their daughter wouldn’t be an asshole about it. And to your last comment RSlash - there are PLENTY of adoptive parents who should never have been given the opportunity.
Story 3: once again a huge bias to women/wives and a willingness to ignore details he doesn’t like
This video hurts to watch rslash misses every once and a while but this video is just one miss after another
Pressuring someone to drink alcohol is hardly any different than pressuring someone for sex. If your partner has a high libido but, one night, decides they aren't in the mood for it, it should be common knowledge to not pressure them any further. It's the same thing with alcohol - if someone chooses not to drink for any reason including NO reason, DON'T PRESSURE THEM ANY FURTHER
Game developer story: the dude is working two jobs, cut him some slack. No one is the AH imo.
I didn’t even notice he was working a second job I was thinking more so he’s working hard just trying to provide with the video game job
Thank you redit is so one sided. I was a sahm and its so easy to take a nap during the day when the baby sleeps. Its really not as hard as people make out.
This guy is working 2 jobs getting up early then helping with baby then working till 2 wtf mum the baby can sleep in the crib in its room.
To be honest, the video game dev work is probably not paying him. Usually, those are passion projects until someone picks it up or they get investors.
Sure, two jobs. And with that much time taken out of his day, what does he have left to contribute? This mother’s job never ends, especially when she’s breastfeeding, probably every 3-4 hours if their daughter is 2 months old. Imagine having a 168 hour work week.
The fiancée asked for one night of reprieve so their baby could get some much-needed sleep in between night feeds after a day of being poked and uncomfortable and sore and cranky. It’s probably tough to stay asleep when both thighs are sore from shots! If OP had his baby’s best interests in mind, he could have slept on the couch for one night. It’s just one night.
Yeah he still should have slept on the couch. He knows the couch is uncomfortable so why doesn’t he have a blow up mattress or something he can use for these nights. He is being an ass to his child and wife. I’m not leaving the mother out of this either. She made the decision to exclusively breastfeed so she needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. She could pump a few extra bottles if she’s able or supplement a few times with formula and then have someone like the father or a trusted friend watch the baby over night or throughout the day so she can get a few decent nights sleep a week. There are solutions here.
Story 4 Sister's Party: When asked why she wouldn't drink, OP could have just said that she would be driving home and didn't want to be intoxicated and couldn't drink and get a taxi because her car would be left there. Boom. Perfectly sound reason to not drink and anyone pushing her to do so after would be the AH for encouraging OP to drive under the influence.
Story 3:
OP: “ I’m a hard working loving husband with 2 jobs and a side project to support my family. Trouble is I snore.”
Wife: “You’re loud. Go sleep on the couch and be uncomfortable. If you don’t, I’ll throw a temper tantrum and sleep on the floor to show you!”
Rslash: “WOMEN GET WHAT WANT!!MAN BAD!! OOGA OOGA! 2.5 BUNGHOLE!”
This exactly
Yeah, calling him an f***ing prick multiple times was way to much, all for the crime of... wanting to sleep in his own bed after working all day
Pregnant story:
"Don't come to the party if you aren't gonna drink" is such a stupid idea. OP most definitely would have either had to lie to her family or would have been interrogated about her reasoning for not coming. Also pressuring people to drink is such an asshole move.
Our society has normalized drinking so much, its seen as wrong not to drink.
Uhm.... but OP did do something. He cancelled her birthday. Did you just.....forget that..?
also, don't blame OP 100%. This is at least 95% the wife's fault.
It's insane to me how people try to pressure others into drinking. Regardless of the circumstances, no means no and they don't have to explain themselves. This is like my biggest pet peeve.
Story 1: YTA. While you did discipline her this once, but it's clear you are not doing enough to punish her for everything she dod and literally insulting her adopted brother and his *DEAD PARENTS*. I would've cancelled her birthday, taken away her electronics, give her a scolding, and grounded her. Honestly, since she embarrassed her adopted brother in public, I would've causes a scene and embarassed her too, since she shown no regard and respect for her adopted brother's feelings. Wake the hell up OP, and please discipline your daughter and apologize to your adopted son, he deserves better.
EDIT: Alright, after reading all your comments, it's clear the wife is enabling the behavior and OP did try to discipline her but the wife keeps disagreeing with OP and enabling her daughter's behavior. So the AH-ness falls on the wife, as she did nothing to stop her daughter's blatant disrespect to her adopted brother.
some kids are just naturally assholes though.
Unfortunately, none of that will work because the wife doesn't agree. It only takes one parent to raise a brat. So long as the wife is okay with the daughter's horrid behavior, the daughter will have a shield against OP'S attempts to correct her.
He is atleast trying to discipline her. The wife is the problem. She's enabling the behaviour.
Nah, OP gets an NTA
Can’t do anything if he’s constantly being overruled by the wife
Shut up
Wife: "please dont start an argument, its the other kids birthday, let her rip on the less important kid"
screw rachel, get rid of your wife.
Not saying the snoring guy isn’t a prick but lady didn’t need to sleep without pillow and blanket she did that part to herself
For real tho. What a goddamn drama queen. I wouldn’t feel bad at all
Honestly I can 100% see her doing this as a petty way to get back at OP; make him feel guilty and try to highlight his selfish decision. A bit dramatic but at the same time I don't blame her at all, hell I'd probably do the same thing if I were ever in that position
Yeah lmfao, how histrionic of her. Dabney missed the mark on that one. Yeah OP was being a *little* selfish, but his wife is a fucking drama queen.
I could see this as her being too tired to do it after putting the baby to sleep
@@PyroRoadScout Really? You call him selfish? Are you serious? It seems to me like the guy is the more exhausted one between the two. He is working a 9 to 5 job, then he helps out at home and taking care of the baby, continuing with game development work till 1 to 2am. I also wouldn't be surprised if he does the grocery shopping etc. Idk how he doesn't burn out with such schedule and responsibility tbh.
I mean sure, i am ignorant to how exhausting being a new mom can be, but i find it hard to believe it would be more exhausting than what this guy is going through, unless she also works a 9 to 5 job, which doesn't seem like it. Anyways, if this guy is prevented from getting a good nights sleep by the cranky wife on top of everything he is working on, i think he is gonna collapse sooner or later...
Story 3: He's also taking care of baby and working two jobs. Yes one is a side thing sure but he's doing it with the hopes of profit as well. He's just as tired as she is and deserves to also sleep on the bed.
2:00 gotta disagree with Rslash here, but not for the way you think. Seems like the father is the ONLY one actually trying to do some sort of punishment/lesson making here while the WIFE is the one who keeps stopping and belittling his concerns. The only thing OP did wrong is not have enough spine to stand up for his methods and the WIFE is the one who should most all the butthole scores, obviously the sister too. Maybe I am wrong but that's how I feel about that.
He may be trying to do something, but he hasn't done enough. He also admitted he stopped trying to get through to his daughter that his son is family. The wife is the bigger ahole, but the father is one as well albeit to a lesser extent
@@2ndchance177 That's why I said most. He's no saint for sure and could have had a backbone, but he's HARDLY the main problem.
Last story: "Are you accusing me of stealing all the food?" Dude, that's exactly what you're doing.
When did they adopt Ethan? Was it 10 years ago? Was it one year ago? If it was 10 years ago then it sounds like someone in the daughter’s vicinity (maybe not the direct family, though if the parents allow this bullying I wouldn’t be surprised) “othered” Ethan because he was adopted and that’s why the daughter treats him like that. If it was more recently then it sounds like it was a huge adjustment for the daughter and the family REALLY dropped the ball to prepare her for it. maybe she even had to give some stuff up (toys, her room, etc) because “Ethan’s your brother now, you need to share.” Either way, my heart goes out to Ethan everyone in this story needs family and individual therapy NOW!
They edited to say they adopted Ethan one year before the story takes place and don't say anything about if they got therapy or sat down and talked with Rachel before they decided to adopt.
Rslash's catch phrase is "Well why don't you do it!!!"
You know, I don't agree with story 3. Exclusively breastfeeding was (presumably) the mother's choice. If she opted to pump, OP could feed the baby at night and she could sleep. I don't think he should get the blame for her not getting a full night's sleep in two months. (Unless he's pushing for it - in which case this is moot.)
Also, her sleeping on the floor with nothing - first off can she not get a pillow from the bed? Does she not have throw blankets? Better yet, do you not have a baby monitor? Sleeping with nothing feels like a targeted manipulation.
Finally, snoring is a normal thing that isn't controllable. You're telling me that he's never snored in those two months? An infant needs to be exposed to normal sounds during sleep, otherwise you end up with light sleepers that have to struggle to get restful complete sleep. This is pretty mild because the baby had their shots so they're fussy, but I don't think it's fair to demand he leave for something he can't control.
I'd say we don't have enough information to make a judgment on it. I think it's probably and ESH, because the wife is being to controlling about the baby, and OP isn't helping enough with said baby. But there isn't enough nuance in the story to determine how weighted it is to either side.
Not to mention that, as others have pointed out, the dude is staying up late as a fucking second job. He's not just watching TH-cam or playing XBox, he's working to earn more money. It's similar to how the wife is "choosing" to breastfeed except that the husband has no choice of when to do his coding because he's doing it in the time he has.
@spencermcclure3465 Maybe, maybe not. I do think if OP is pushing for breastfeeding only then it does make him the AH.
But you're right. He is attempting to bring in more income on top of his regular job, and if the wife if solely breast feeding then I doubt she has a job. I really think the couple just needs communication, and maybe some healthier boundaries and divisons between work and tasks.
Do you have kids? Because I can guarantee you that if you had a newborn baby, you wouldn't think the same way.
@kamis.9302 Yes, I've raised a child, and I'm appalled at the lack of consideration on both sides of the parents in that situation, hence the ESH. I would never punish my partner for my decision to make my own life harder.
story 1: OP's daughter didn't pull that out of thin air. SOMEONE (coughcoughmaybeagrandparent cluster of bees to whom she's Golden) has been pouring poison into Rachel's ear. I'm going out on a limb and posit that the culprit is on the wife's side of the family, as the wife seems unwilling to squash this behavior. Not only that, Rachel is exhibiting symptoms of Golden Child Syndrome and possible signs of what could later be diagnosed as a Cluster B Personality disorder - evolving perhaps into a full-blown Cluster of Bees (PLEASE NOTE: "Cluster of Bees" ONLY refers to abusive instances of Cluster B). Wifey sounds like a covert narc herself who got herself a scapegoat for herself and her bio (?) kid by adopting Ethan.
Canceled: I disagree. OP is the only person saying something against what the daughter says, but he’s undermined by his wife.
thats still on him. Op is a grown man. He can talk to his wife and say "i'm not gonna let you do this. We're punishing her wether you like it or not" OR divorce. The last punishments were so terrible that she doesn't even fear punishment. She just says it.
My favorite r slash videos are when he says “why can’t YOU do it?”
Op in story 1 isn’t at fault . He didn’t let her behavior to continue but the mom did.
he... DID let it continue though. Party should have been cancelled after that FIRST wretched little comment, but obviously that was in private. Once it was in public though, she was publically embarassing the family.THEN he acted. He's lenient, his wife is spineless, and if they can't be more proactive then I hope they're ready to end up the subject of ANOTHER reddit story ten years from now.
@@baraness24his wife was the real problem
@@KadeStringer2.0 if that were the case. why wouldnt op leave her? Because he's just as bad thats why he's enabling the wifes behavior. I completely agree with his judgement either op talks it out with his wife or leaves her. He doesn't even consider doing either in the whole post.
A 1 strike you're out thing isn't exactly the best thing to do with a child
At this point, we need “Then YOU do it” merch because it feels like we can’t go a single Reddit video without hearing it. 😂
Yes! Thats one of my favorite quotes of Rslash! How he says it with sheer annoyance and frustration. Yep! Would be great on Merch 👍🏽