I am a western woman, Christian. I am here by the will of God I found this video. I recently married a Muslim husband and I am trying to understand the teachings of Islam. The panelists are men of honor, thanks God for your wisdom. Thank you for this channel and videos. Thank you, thank you. In the name of God I will allow my husband to shepherd with love and direction 🙏
Salam Muslim woman here 💜 your message is beautiful 💜 wish for you the best marriage with God always by your side, in your hearts in your mind 💜 My sister, I'm sure if he follows Islam he will surely make u a happy and cared for wife. God bless your marriage.
Muslims have many different cultures as we all have different ethnicities, nationalities, etc. There is no “Muslim culture”. There is ISLAM which is the religion of Muslims. Muslims of different backgrounds bring varying cultures and traditional expectations to their relationships.
Oh wow! Congratulations!!! That is so beautiful! May God bless you both many times over! I am also a western woman and I married my husband in large party because if his love of God! When I found myself struggling in my marriage a friend gave me the book The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. I devoured it! That was 6 years ago. Now my marriage is back to be playful and passionate, even with three kids and 10 years together! The simple skills I learned in the Empowered Wife really work! -your friend, just sharing my excitement for you and my passion for amazing marriages and happy wives❤️❤️❤️❤️
So to put it down.. how I understood it all 1 have a good knowledge about marriage in islam, your duties as a wife and what to aspect from your husband. 2 know what our mother's in islam did 3 get to know your husband, his needs his wants. How to calm him down, how to give him a home when he gives you a house. 4 understand and keep in mind that you are human and not perfect and so is your husband. There is no such thing as a perfect person. 5 keep akhira in mind every step of the way 6 know yourself, work on yourself so you can bring your best self to the table everyday. 7 Learn communicating in a good way. 8 make conscious decisions to make it work. 9 if you feel like something is missing, look at what he already gives you, provides for you. If the ting you are missing is a necessity look at "from where comes this need" "how necessary is it to fill this need" and "is this an Islamic based need" 10 when in struggle keep in mind, why you are together, what your goals are, why you are here. 11 keep building the legacy, keep growing together
I understand that men want peace at home because they work hard to provide for their homes. But that shouldn't make you lazy. You need to get involved in your children's lives and help your wife if you see that she is burn out. Love is mutual aid. The wife's mood depends a lot on the behavior of the husband, so make her laugh if you see that she is tired, get involved in her life too, ask her if she has had time for her today, if not, suggest that you go for a walk with the children for 20 minutes. Life is not a fairy tale in which you open the door to your home and see an houri appear smiling at you.
Im not usually one to reply alot. But i wanted Br Muaawiyah to clarify more on what he meant by, not arguing about things when the man gets home. Is he referring to petty things or actual concerns. I was hoping he would mention that, the man should also ask to see how the wifes days went to. Its only because I've been seeing alot of posts about the sunnah of returning home and how we should interact with our spouses. I have to add, Br Saidu approach to alot of things makes me proud. Its just the way he words things.
Oh, Sister Laetitia, that sounds so hard! To feel exhausted and like you are not appreciated. I can relate. I used to feel unappreciated and lonely in my marriage until a sister gave me the book The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. Now my husband goes out of his way to cook and help and he so involved with our kids! He also took over paying all the bills because it was a huge burden for me! My marriage is playful and passionate now, all thanks to the some skills I learned in her book!
A Man can "choose" to help his wife, but it cannot be a requirement. We deal with demons, goblins, dragons, and the hypocrisy, racism, discimination, decimation and nonsense of the Dunya all day long without a minutes peace, there are days I cannot even finish my 1st cup of coffee in 12 hours...yet, a Man does not speak to his wife about this, he must just come home and sleep...so that he can do it again the next day - Bills don't pay themselves, and children do not buy themselves homes, and cars, no do women pay for their own clothes without question; somebody has to pay the piper -that is the Husbands job under Allah (swt), and that is unequivocal and without variation - so be patient...I know this firsthand, I take very good care of my children, their Western mothers (1 of them) was incompetent, I took him from her at 13 - he is now 23 with an honors degree in IT, and of course, I am still paying for his entire life -he is my Son.
The prophet (pbuh) helped in the home, had time to listens to his wives and be playful and funny with them. He was a joy around kids. So he didn’t expect his wives to just be pleasant and do all the things in the house and live lonely and never speak up…. Just because he is providing for the house. So the sunnah is yes men make the living and women make the living better. But she will not be able to put a smile on her face and be the most pleasant person if she alone in parenting and doing everything in the house. Women are human too and need a support system to be happy.
That support system can come from other women in the family or friends or neighbors. Expecting that of men is a bit too much and it doesn’t bring peace to the marriage or home. Yes some men are proactive in helping and that’s great but expecting and commanding men to do so is disastrous to the marriage.
Truly brother Takuma is saying what every women wants .. the other brothers come on (I am the leader so respect me, I want to rest so prepare everything for me). They are not seeing how their approaches are very troublesome and that is ego/culture rather than Islam
That was powerful! Especially when the counselor mentioned about his sexual abuse ( may Allah SWT make it easy for him). That was a brave step, especially coming from a man!
The different insights and perspective are much appreciated, but throughout both the women's and men's discussion, I noticed that it was taken for granted that the husband would be working and providing while the wife would take care of the home in sentences like "when the husband comes home to the wife..." But in so many couples today, both are working and having to navigate a more "modern" take on the gender roles. So it would be nice to hear more about expectations for when the wife for example also works and is building a career outside the home.
Bro Takuma dropping true gems! I love all of his points. It definitely takes both parties to bring their A game to make the marriage happy and successful!
May Allah continue to bless our sisters, Na'ima Roberts, Aisha Lemu, Banani and others in their categories. Keep up doing the great work. Remain focus. Don't ever be distracted by the hardliners. Don't even respond to their criticism. Your dawah is productive and fruitful. May subuanou wata'ala increase you in Iman and amal solihan
With all respect I’m a single parent (ex husband was a cheat) & I am the breadwinner and homemaker now. I know the pressure of providing & “breaking my back” but I still come home & create a “home” for my kid. It can be done, I don’t need a slave to fan me and feed me grapes when I walk in & I can deal with my child’s tantrums, help him with homework clean him up, feed him and put him to bed - because I show compassion & I appreciate the humanness. Everyone is human and compassion goes a long way. Maybe the brothers need to not believe themselves to be the only ones “breaking their backs” and higher than women, have realistic expectations & navigate the humanness and fallibility of people in the home as well as out there in the world, this is not jannah. Raising kids and running a home is just as back breaking, this is why the wife has rights to be provided for she’s already doing the lions share - so make yourself attentive & supportive when you get home too. It’s not just about making sure the husband is ok cos he’s breadwinning.
A wife taking care of the husband when he gets home means nothing complicated. Men want sex, food and respect. This is a very simplistic way to word it, I know. But that really sums it up. I honestly don't think the generality or principality of it is that difficult to 'get'. Any other specifications of what a man wants depends on the man's personality and culture and what not. To give you an example of myself; When I get home from work, I want to sit down/rest eat a warm meal, spend time with the kids and do my thing. I don't need to focus on the stuff home, period. And no I'm not saying this in an argumentative or frustrated tone. I'm just being real with you. Does this mean I would never help my wife? Of course not. Out of love I would like to help her. 'Help her'...., meaning it's not really my responsibility, I've already done my responsibility. I shouldn't be "guilt-tripped" for not helping with cleaning the house after being 9 hours or more outside, because of work. That's just selfish from the side of the wife. I already work everyday to provide and I don't want to be a slave working 24/7, at the jobsite and than at home helping my wife. I'm a human, not a robot. I want to live life, I want to have fun and have a rest. I want to experience life and not be like cattle. That's the very same reason I think it's practically much better for women to not work or work part-time. Maybe I'm still a bit selfish myself, but I believe taking care of the home is not that difficult as how my grandmother in my country of origin had to take care of it. We have technology like washing/drying machine and dishwashers to take care of the clothing and dishes. Vacuum cleaners to tremendously help cleaning the floor. etc... you get the drill. The only things that will really make you tired at home are the kids, cooking and a lack of appreciation from your husband. Which is why I think "making your wife feel appreciated at home" is more than 90% of helping her at home. And yes I mean that, because I've seen that in my life and others'. Many housewives nowadays are even bored at home, because they have 'too much extra time'. Which I think is a perfect opportunity to indulge in certain activities, like hobbies or acquiring knowledge or art, etc... But that depends on you.
Exactly, I remember working 12 hours on the trot as a nurse early on in the pandemic. Came home..mopped the floor then read my son a bed time story. Inwardly feeling like death, but carrying on for the sake of my family
@@ColonelFluffles I see your point brother. Thanks for speaking plainly. If helping out in the home is not so difficult, why can’t you do 1 or 2 things regularly? It is sunnah (but not fard), it shows your wife that you care (if that’s her live language), and sets an amazing example for your children that taking care of the house is the responsibility of every single person who lives in that house. It’s good you understand that working full time and then caring for the home full time is too much work for the average person. Please kindly tell your fellow brothers.
I don't share the same exact vision of marriage as all these men, but MashAllah these men all seem like intelligent, self-aware and eloquent men, so it was a nice discussion. I think the struggle in most marriages is that many men don't communicate this way (and many women too). I understand that this advice is directed to women, so the focus is on that, but there is very little women can do when their partners are not willing to also work on their issues. there is some good advice here, but it inevitably ends up feeling one-sided when the 'other side' is not addressed. It's all very well to understand what men want, but can you be the man that deserves that from a woman? That's what was lacking in this whole series, it seems heavily directed at women somehow trying to fix the issues by herself and hoping for a best outcome. I understand when there are issues, someone has to start the process of healing, but then there has to be a conversation for brothers to understand they need to communicate, they need to mature and they need to REALLY be self-aware of how their ego hurts their marriage. Brother Saidu was the most balanced in that way, MashAllah, so that was appreciated.
This is my favorite panel. We need more men to hear from in the subject of marriage. When it comes to what men want from women, it makes more sense to heart it from men themselves....Jak sister Naima. 🙂
Brother Mu'aawiyah, you really hit the nail. We all want peace in our relationships. GIVE more instead of take! I really recommend the book "Reclaim your heart". If you extract all Love from Al-Wadud and just love for His sake, you will find it easy to control your nafs, to lift up each other, to make each other smile and feel good, to sacrifice and to let go of all negativity. Because you know for WHOM you are sacrificing and working for! Sabr and tawakkul in every test and situation. And everything will fall into place. May Allah grand us ease in our marriages and make us strong Believers! Amin 🌱🤲🏿
Thank you so much for this conversation! I am not a muslim, but everything what I've heard is so relevant to me. And I relate myself to what Saidu Takuma said, that respect should be earned first. It is both sided process. When you carry the marriage relationship burden yourself only and not get a support from your partner, it is really very hard to live under one roof. Even if you have a strong faith and trust in God. Because at the end of the day we all are human beings. We need understanding and warmth. I do not need millions, luxury or something, I need that my husband to listen to me, carefully, with attention, without interruption, and looking me in the eye instead of the Facebook feed, that he shows somehow that I am important to him, that I exist. But even if after expressing this wish multiple times, things doesn't change, how should I supposed to give a respect to him then. Should I beg this from him. I just become a person who robotically does my house chores. Because a moment comes when you feel a burnout and no motivation to go through another one crisis, since you see that you are the only one who cares. And that is even more painful, because kids see how it all happens. This is my personal experience and perspective. Perhaps it is not necessarily right. But this is how I feel and felt years back. Thank you once again. I wished that all men and women heard this conversation. And such videos are very much needed these days.
Are you sure you're doing your part right bcoz sometimes people often forget to analyse their own behaviour their own mistakes and only focus on the other person's faults and family members and friends also give terrible advice which makes the situation even worse and then there's our ego which is hard to let go that comes in the way May ALLAH Almighty make it easy for you and your family
@@coolerthetyrant7923 yes, I think at some point of time I tried to do everything what I could, even consciously knowing that there is no flame inside at all. Maybe that was the reason for a failure, this lie to myself, running form the reality, desperate effort to create anything from nothing, something that has no life already. Probably I made mistakes too, I accept my limitations and flaws too. No one is perfect. Thank you, God bless.
@@juratele my father destroy his marriage life bcoz of the constant influence of his mother and sisters but still my mother ya ALLAH Almighty grant her Jannatul Firdous she stick to it till the end she was financially indipendent and a practicing Muslimah and house Mom as well she could have end it but she stick to it for the sake of her children and my father is all alone now bcoz he listened to his mother and sisters advice and hold on to his ego and arrogance he was always surrounded by people who give him terrible suggestions regarding his marriage life he Never analyse his own behaviour and alway thought he was right bcoz of his arrogance and ego and always think that my mom is at fault he always compare his marriage life with others if he has someone that give him the right advice and he used his own brain analyse his own behaviour rather than constantly listening to his mother and sisters he might have a great married life
What about those husbands who come home, but then constantly is looking at his phone, reading message after message without acknowledging his wife waiting for him at the door? My husband never looks away from his phone even after calling him to eat, he even takes it into the bathroom. He tells me , “ well, I cant just give all my attention to you, I have other people to tend too”.
May Allah SWT make easy for you. But please don’t let him see how you feel about the phone thing. He may think you are controlling. Care take of yourself and just relate while his busy on his phone.
Sabr. This really is a big addiction today. Spouse is there physically but not actually there. But does he do this always? Are there any days where he doesn't? If there are, then show him how happy you are on the days when you have his attention and maybe he will clock on that its having an impact. Show him that there is a positive difference in the vibe when he doesn't do it and he'll start to do it less. Times where he does do it, don't nag him, find something to do yourself while he does that, otherwise he might paint this image of you in his mind where you're naggy and controlling, and who knows maybe to him personally it really is too much, everyone's different. Hopefully that isn't really the case and you are being reasonable. Also keep in mind that if he is the one working maybe he doesn't get to go on his phone very much during the day and his only free time really is when he's with you because he's either at work or at home with you so be patient with him. And inshaAllah he'll find a balance where you can both be content. And be careful not to undermine the importance of what he may be doing on his phone if he is really doing some important stuff that needs to be done. That could be hurtful and annoying.
ماشاء الله تبارك الرحمن This was outstanding mashaAllah ,very beneficial ,encouraging,let me try these discussions to be shared to my Somali community inshaAllah to assist breaking marriages n families ,ofcourse in my mother tongue to pass these wonderful workable advices, I thank u all speakers here ,brother Said n sister Naima n Maryam Lemu wil try to reach out to u and invite u here one time coz we really need such marriage councillors ,am Filsan at Nairobi, kenya,
Waalaikumsalaam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaatuh JazaakAllahukhair for the platform. I hoped to have heard especially from Brother Takuma speak on levels of respect diminishing (where it used to be very high) due to some sisters experience with the way her husband's practice of polygyny has altered her life and marriage...in cases where disrespect was definitely earned subhaanAllah.
Wow! What a bold thing to confess my eyes became teary when he said but if she might go through that kind of abuse here is alot of anger😢 it truely messed my marriages My x husband was abused it pakistan through not one but 2 men and i was abbused by my own grandfather It messed us both up this is so important to help grow each others spiritualy and the focus in marriage should be Allah
I know that many of the Muslim men and women during this 4 day conference are perhaps young but, I would like to hear more about marriage after death of a spouse and the living spouse would like to get married again or older women (past childbearing years) who wish to be married, how does marriage happen for them?
All panelists made some valid points. It's important to acknowledge that human beings are not a monolith and brothers are all looking for different qualities. With that said...Brother Said seems to be the only balanced brother on this panel. His perspective is refreshing and I can see why Maryam said she considered a cowife
assalamualaikum I need this thank brother please speak more on been a good husband I just got married two months ago and it like we can't set horse but may Allah make this marriage last
I sacrificed my career,my education, never looked at any other man ,never even judged him with the way he looked but he totally neglected me ,married me for a UK visa and to take care of his mum then when she passed away he beat me and left me .he never even bought a jug of milk during our 8 year stay .I never nagged him for anything .I raised my kids now I'm 45 realised I don't know how to make a relationship or even talk to a man yet I am single ..so lonely. Our marriage was arranged and he told me from day one he didn't choose me so didn't want me...sad thing is he doesn't even want me to marry anyone else ... He beat me for now no reasin during our 8 years and told me when he left me when I finish with you no man will want you and you won't want anorther man. Even though our marriage was a marriage of convienence on his side .he should have treated me humanly but I hate being a female as the only experience with a man I had was with him and that had made me so fearful of men..
May Allah accept all your efforts that you have done for your husband and reward you abundantly for your patience and perseverance. May Allah make your life easy and protect you from any form of harm.
Do yourself a favour and get a divorce from this shambles. Also lots of therapy to process the hideous injustice done to you. Then MOVE ON! Youre only in your 40s, the rest of your life awaits and Im sure you have so much value to bring to the table. Never EVER settle for any space that doesnt value you again. Wishing you healing and so much love, inshaAllah.
Allah make it easy for you sister and help you recover from this horrific experience. One of my friends was told by her ex that no man would want her and her 4 kids but only a month after her iddah she met an amazing brother and gor remarried. May Allah preserve them and jeeo their marriage strong ameen. So no one knows what Allah has in store for you especially not someone so toxic. Cleanse your heart and mind and work on yourself and your kids. You are stronger than you think. Keep building your relationship with Allah and He will provide from ways you never imagine. Dont give up.
Allah make it easy for you sister and help you recover from this horrific experience. One of my friends was told by her ex that no man would want her and her 4 kids but only a month after her iddah she met an amazing brother and gor remarried. May Allah preserve them and jeeo their marriage strong ameen. So no one knows what Allah has in store for you especially not someone so toxic. Cleanse your heart and mind and work on yourself and your kids. You are stronger than you think. Keep building your relationship with Allah and He will provide from ways you never imagine. Dont give up.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with us! I appreciate that! @Mua'aawiyah Tucker: I genuily want to ask you: Where will we end with that mindset of 'no one deserves anything' / 'What are you willing to do to get what you want?' I discussed that with my husband. We are married about ten years now and we to the following conclusion: We both think that, this mindset will sooner or later lead to one or both of you to give up or feel stuck. And who says that this is true anyways? Allah says for example and his prophet salAllahu alaihi wa sallam, that we should treat each other well. Do we deserve that? What have we done to get that? It doenst matter because Allah and his messenger salAllahu alaihi wa sallam said that we should do it. And guess what? If one starts acting kind, the heart of the other will warm up and things will get easier to handle. Even if the other person didnt do anything to deserve it. Allah gives us so many countless blessings we really dont deserve at all. So dont you think we can have a bit Ihsaan with each other without asking what will you do to get it?
As much as almost everyone disagrees with bro.Nasir's approach,this is the reality of most men in most culture irrespective of level of deen.its easy for people to give advice that sound so soothing and even backing it up with sunnah and hadith and the likes,but in reality,so many men are not ready to do those things they preach.they are not ready to put in the work.we are humans,and the moment we start to realise that our imperfections are what makes us human,the better for us.i'm about tired of men quoting from the book in the face of people but do not practice what they preach.you expect to get what you don't give,pls make it make sense.
Also everyone applauding bro.said takuma,remember that every marriage is different in dynamics.he makes it seem as if marriage is so perfect and all. Your wife can't be in the mood to look good for you everyday when you return home from work because she probably has toddlers to deal with as well as chores and life.hope you would appreciate when she does it be ok when she doesn't.
@@fatimamarah5779 It's the mindset. In a very basic understanding the wife should have the intention to look good everyday. That's the advice you as a woman need to focus on. The advice men need to focus on is to appreciate his wife and not expect too much, because like you said, she has children and what not making it difficult. but that's for the man to focus. This is the basic understanding. It's very principal and not to be taken to a literal and shallow interpretation.
The host had good intention, but sometimes words needs to be chosen wisely. Brother had a very good technique to solve the problem by waiting 3 day . In this manner the women and the men have time to think in a better way. I would also say to brother when giving suggestions as to men can decide who will come to their home. In pakistan there is hindustani cultural influence. And many men don’t allow their wives to meet their own families. Which is such. A bad thing because they take away their support system. Both side in-laws are a support system for families unless they interfere in marriage. Unfortunately, pakistan has adapted to joint family of hindustani culture, infact in Islam , if men marries second wife , he has to provide a separate home to second wife. Also , Muslims cannot live on two boats when they are coming to western countries , you cannot lie to govt . In western countries you can only be married to one person at a time. But it is true that Muslims didn’t modify their home life and many many times people are following cultural values.. All of us need to understand that we are role models for our coming generations. And if we don’t adapt by the times and don’t follow our religious values correctly, a time will come when younger generation will start thinking of marriage as a burden. The best thing is for both men and women that they get their worldly and religious education, both of them get a job, then find someone that will compliment their personalities. One should never jump to marriage. When you buy a car or home , you do see several one of them. Meet with them and their families which one meet your needs. Same thing for choosing husband or wife. Have less children . In western countries it takes tremendous energy both physically , financially and emotionally to raise families that are healthy. Make time for entertainment. Going to parks, join book club , have some hobbies, museums and masjid. Quality of children is very important than quantity of children. Two children who are worldly and religiously wise are much better than having 5 sons who becomes a burden on you and on the world. Parents are role models for children. Also in many countries men leave their wives and children in one country and go to other countries to earn money. Guess what if young children don’t see how mother and fathers live together or how a father earns money? How he lives. How these children will learn family values, if they see their fathers only once or twice a year. In pakistan a whole generation is destroyed because fathers were like ATM machines and they were not available for wife and children physically and emotionally. By the time they retired , and came back home , families asked why you came back.
as-salamu alaikum my family I'd have to say now Allah subhana wa ta'ala I thank all of you sometime a program this program the wish my brain with a goal of you they give me a confidence turn on my own thank you so much
I did not respect my husband at all. Because he married me on the guise of teaching me islam. Turned out I was wife number 3. No issues with that, but he refused to provide for me. His justification was that as a dai’ee, he had already fulfilled his duties and if I were to ask him to provide for me, I was greedy and materialistic. I had to be the breadwinner, be in the rat race, give him money, come home tired and not be allowed to be tired. Was the ATM, cook, maid and chauffeur. Every time I objected he threatened either talaq or cursing me. He demanded my respect and submission which I gave at the beginning but they evaporated over time even though I was outwardly respectful. Oh boy. And funnily enough, wife number one doesn’t need to work because he provides for her fully. How do I respect such a despicable creature who has made a travesty of Islam in private while preaching it to crowds in public? He was also emotionally and psychologically abusive. I divorced him after 8 years of this nonsense - he’s not a man. What angers me is that he’s out in public teaching people about Islamic marriages.
So sorry to hear about your situation. I'm glad you got out. May Allah accept your efforts and grant you the highest reward and Jannah. A man who has more than one wife must provide equally to all his wives. Its not just a fulfilment of desires but finances, safety and security. As well as duty as a father to ensure he raises his kids equally and not giving special treatment.
You did not respect your husband and you divorce him? I guess (maybe) you have a boyfriend now and fornicating around, becoming a public property, it’s okay for you? If your man don’t build home why don’t you respect him and build your home? Most of you live the life of the westerners and it’s really bad.
@@majidkhan89 Only thing that needs to be equal is time. If one wife has two children and the other has one, he will give more money to the one with two children.
Oh ok! Wonderfully insightful discussion nonetheless, Masha Allah. I loved hearing all the different perspectives, gave us a lot to take away. May Allah swt reward us all ❤
What a man really wants is honesty, love, care, attention. That is the same what a woman wants. These are basic things that all humans want from the people they love. You can't put men in one bracket and women in another. Of course in terms of duties, Allah has given us instructions in the Quran on what the husband and wife need to do in a marriage.
Saidu is a woman’s champion and rarely fails to take the opportunity to bash the men. This discussion was about what men want, not what he thinks that men should do. His constant bashing of cultural norms that conflict with feminist ideology is a typical feminist strategy. Islam actually recognizes culture that doesn’t clearly oppose the religion. There’s even a legal maxim in the Sharee3ah that states العادة محكمة which basically means customs are binding. He mentioned there’s no evidence to suggest the woman must cook, this is an area of difference amongst the classical scholars, but even those that agree, like Shaykhul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, still say that if it is culturally expected of her to do so, it becomes obligatory upon her, and she is sinful if she refuses. Sisters, I know most of you like what he says and it makes you feel good and feeds the feminist baggage you might carry because of western liberal influence, but please realize, most men don’t think like him. Becoming ‘empowered’ is only going to make getting or staying married more difficult. Men want woman that treat marriage the same way western women treat their jobs and careers. Punctual, always looking their best, obedient to the boss, respectful, feminine, and always upskilling. In return, men will love you, try their best to keep you happy and treat you with kindness, respect and overlook some of your faults. (Before some woman replies with her lifestory) There are exceptions to most rules. Life isn’t perfect and isn’t suppose to be. Misfortunes happen and upon us is to be patient and hope in Allah’s reward. May Allah grant us all success.
BIS MI Allah may we learn from the Men and the women learn from Quran and the Sunnah After love of Our Creator and his last Guildance to Humanity and Marriage being considered half of faith and knowing S-60 and going in realizing what we both men and women perhaps is dealing with
Brother Saidu has the most balanced view. brother muawiya however , is giving extremely generalized non specific un-suitable advice for marriage , sorry but this advice is devoid of responsibility for men and lacks deeper understanding of relationship issues and women's psyche.
This discussion wasn’t suppose to be about advising men, it was about what men want. Saidu didn’t stick to the topic very well in my opinion. The things that Muawiya discussed are on point and 99% of men would agree that those things are the attributes men want in their spouses.
@@أحمدمحمد-ب4غ1ه Those 99% of the men probably belong to the masses & communities who struggle a lot for survival means , possibly not well educated either. hence while that advice maybe suitable for some communities, it cannot cater to the broader needs of all communities. It seems a bit conceited of believing men to only think through narrow basic criterion of selection when more than half of our population who is going through youth may have many medical health problems and yet some Islamic speakers come on shows and project their bookish information as applicable facts. More men are infertile today then women (it has been the case earlier too but men never tend to find out or admit to it,), yet most these speakers speak of men as a dominant determinant of social criterion of marriage when women also really actually need to look out for healthy men and just be very selective too. More women in their thirties bracket of age enjoy better health, fertility and personalities than many younger girls who've been raised on junk food or other social evils that has compromised their health and affected their immunity. More teens are into drugs and haram these days, than their elderly passed generation of women, all these things affect health and fertility but this won't ever be discussed, with the huge number sof mental , emotional disorders suffered by teens these days. All they say is marry young, thats the only criterion with another list of idealistic standards, good luck settling in with that. More men want slim tall fair looking women (most slim skinny girls are not very healthy, following the modern ideals of fashion magazines and eating poorly to look good to some, isn't a standard of great health and beauty but most men ask for that). So just because, men WANT something based on a very superficial criterion usually used to select animals or food items for consumption, does not apply so easily on human beings. Most marriages today are lacking in deeper good relationship and intimacy , what are the reasons ? why more marriages are breaking now? superficial criterions of selection only fulfill superficial desires, thats it. And our physical desires do not completely cater to our emotional and spiritual energies.
@@Jorjina.hayatt those 99% represent what most men are after, highly educated or not and irrespective of the community the belong to. they are universal wants/needs. also men are not more infertile today than women are nor are women in their thirties in better health or more fertile than younger ones. yes marry the younger ones because they're better in all fronts. stop trying to shame men for wanting what they want and making up false claims about fertility and health of younger and older women
@@cooljool1 Lol talks another man who thinks with what's between his legs than what's between his ears, listen up, if you want your 'desires' to dictate your life , you will do whatever you want without any responsibility for consequences, islam is for those who understand that pursuing vain desires leads to nothing much, just low quality men looking for the next woman after finding one because they lack high ambitions in life and consider gathering women as some form of validation and acheivement. You can go do as you please, don't try to elevate yourself as pious for having and pursuing 'sexual desires'.
@@Jorjina.hayatt I don't think you understand Islam and once again you're simply projecting your own poor status onto men. You made a bunch of false claims you can't back up and you insuinated that only low quality men look for those supposedly low quality desires. Not true as all men do that irrespective of their income or status or conditions and many brothers succeed at it. the evidence is against you here You need to clean the shit between your ears. It will help you stop making false statements about men and women as a group and Islam as a religion Then again maybe you're one of those low quality poorly educated men who don't realize how dumb they sound when they write the garbage you just wrote 🤣
So pride put aside my desire to work in this was my own happy ness and person relation was base on Quran Women have right s so don't let pride keep you on edge of bed or your garment from harsh or nice nasty wages will be paid in full in hereafter
Respect? The greetings each Day giving right reguardless of mood as I was told if you looking for me to make you happy married wrong man ( COULD HAVE BEEN A SOCK TURN TO BE A BLESSING ( help with this new way of life not able to just find some other amusement
Looking down disrespect are Insha Allah words to decide we ask forgiveness if it was is or in future keep striving to be our best and hated yet permissible can happened just tell self have I did all that makes me worry of another ? And most times women the Kula ( asking out Satan right there wating
Assalamualaikum sister Naima I do not know your station in life atm and if you're married or not. However irrespective of that, this is not an Islamic approach to engage publicly with non mahram men as commendable as your wearing of the niqaab is Allahumma baarik and as platonic as the message is. At the end of the day we need to ask ourselves if Allah will be pleased with us with such work, let alone our mahram relatives if they have gheerah for us. I remind myself and everyone that dawah or any islamic work not done right according to the parameters set in the sunnah will not be accepted in the sight of Allah. Let the brothers engage with the brothers on this matter and let sisters engage with sisters. I have watched a couple of other videos but this one really stunned me. No islamic message is so life saving and so indispensable that it gets a pass on mahram boundaries especially when one is setting an example to the community of Muslims out there who will internalise and emulate the speaker and his her message. No one wants to earn a bad deed after hard work. Insha Allah I hope you and your team can reassess and you can consult with scholars so that your channel can be benefit.
Brother Nasir - you're exactly right - the mans contributions need to be acknowledged. I am in complete agreement with you. I however, disagree that a Man needs to do more than pay the bills, provide. He does not then entertain his wife at home through touching, feeling, or admiration beyond the fact, that he is providing adequately for his wife and children. I then agree with you that the wife, knows who her husband is, and needs to respect that from the jump. You also forget one vital fact; Men can stay single forever, I am a very successful single Muslim Man, unless a Niquabi brings chastity, respect, traditionalism, and children, then I can enjoy the Dunya as a Man, and live my Deen and be a good Muslim in business without any trouble or having to be a dancing monkey for a woman that I provide for,..we call that SIMPING, in Las Vegas, and that's a deal breaker. Muslim Men, have huge responsibilities at the offset, and for life, they should not also be burdened with having to entertain, adore, and admire somebody who is their to support him, and teach his children how to live under Islam joyfully.
@@valenciasaintilus9573 Go for it - see how that works for you. A woman needs family, children, and support of a good man to have a truly fulfilling life. Without it, she's without a purpose, like a colorless peacock among other colorless peackocks (single women)...a man, get "meaning" from a woman that gives him children because without his tireless work, they will literally starve and live on the street, so he will not come home unless he has made cash to provide ( I know firsthand, I have 2 kids)...a heavy load straightens a mans back. A woman on the other hand becomes much more beautiful, purposeful and happy under the protective cloak of a Man of Islam, who follows the teachings of Allah (swt), and will never tire from providing for his woman and his children even beyond the grave. I don't make the rules, they're made by the Universe and its only creator, Allah (swt).
@@SativaSeanLasVegas Oh so you have kids you’re single father and you have a strain of weed as your channel name Yet you want a chaste niqabi and nothing else will do. Typical man. And no women do not have to be married and have kids to be fulfilled in fact I have felt the most grounded and Content with my life when I didn’t have a man in it. The saying “ single life is peaceful life” exists for a reason. Does Islam say that Women cannot be fulfilled without children and husband? Or do Muslim say that? Because usually there is a difference. Also no being loving and caring towards your wife is not being a Simp that is not what being a Simp means being a Simp is being loving and affectionate and putting a lot of effort in for someone that doesn’t care about you or feel the same way toward you and yet you keep going after them that’s a Simp not a loving husband. The fact that you think being loving towards your wife needs are being a Simp means you are not ready for marriage.
@@SativaSeanLasVegas The only negative experience I’ve had with being single is the societal pressure from people like you telling me that I’m not enough without a man in my life. I told myself I want to get married but then I think I don’t want a man to touch me sexually, I don’t want to live with a man 24 seven I only want to see him for a few days I said that out loud and I realized It doesn’t seem like I want to be married at all because that is not what marriage is. It was fear and shame that was driving me to get married not an actual desire for married life and the fear and shame came from people like you telling me that I was lesser than or not enough without a husband.
@@each1teach1 There's something called gheerah (protective jealousy) which I think you seriously lack. This freemixing is not allowed. The voice of the woman is not awrah but she is commanded to not be loose or sweet in her speech which unfortunately is the case in this video. Home is the best place for women to be and not engage in "fruitful" discussions with men.
May Allah bless you, sis, for the reminder. Unfortunately, this is my platform and this is where the conversation is taking place. I hope the community will benefit from the open, honest communication between brothers and sisters. may Allah accept our efforts.
@@sanahdayo Allah knows best and Actions are judge by intentions. I believe with my little knowledge I stand to be corrected and Allah forgive me if I am wrong, the purpose of this conference is not for Sister Naima and the rest of us sisters to engage in "fruitful" discussion with men, but to use technology Allah has blessed us with to listen to the perspective of men and help us fulfill our responsibilities in marriage (which is half of our Deen if we succeed). If you listened throughout you will realize sister Naima barely speaks until she has to. Sister Sana Allah bless you for the reminder. I would also like to remind myself and you that we should remind each other gently. Sister Naima Allah bless you and the efforts to help sisters and forgive you for your shortcomings. You have a naturally beautiful voice and pay attention to it when making your videos especially when discussing with men. Allah forgive us all and grant us Jannah...Aameen
@@NaimaBRobertTV wa iyaaki. Benefitting should be the intention but engaging with men isn't appreciated when men are available in this world Alhumdulilah.
I am a western woman, Christian.
I am here by the will of God I found this video.
I recently married a Muslim husband and I am trying to understand the teachings of Islam.
The panelists are men of honor, thanks God for your wisdom.
Thank you for this channel and videos.
Thank you, thank you.
In the name of God I will allow my husband to shepherd with love and direction 🙏
Salam Muslim woman here 💜 your message is beautiful 💜 wish for you the best marriage with God always by your side, in your hearts in your mind 💜
My sister, I'm sure if he follows Islam he will surely make u a happy and cared for wife.
God bless your marriage.
Muslims have many different cultures as we all have different ethnicities, nationalities, etc. There is no “Muslim culture”. There is ISLAM which is the religion of Muslims. Muslims of different backgrounds bring varying cultures and traditional expectations to their relationships.
@@bekindtoothers766 Thank you sister, your message is kind and warm to my heart, God bless your life and family.
Ma shaa Allah sister
May Allah continue to guide n protect us all
Oh wow! Congratulations!!! That is so beautiful! May God bless you both many times over! I am also a western woman and I married my husband in large party because if his love of God! When I found myself struggling in my marriage a friend gave me the book The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. I devoured it! That was 6 years ago. Now my marriage is back to be playful and passionate, even with three kids and 10 years together! The simple skills I learned in the Empowered Wife really work! -your friend, just sharing my excitement for you and my passion for amazing marriages and happy wives❤️❤️❤️❤️
So to put it down.. how I understood it all
1 have a good knowledge about marriage in islam, your duties as a wife and what to aspect from your husband.
2 know what our mother's in islam did
3 get to know your husband, his needs his wants. How to calm him down, how to give him a home when he gives you a house.
4 understand and keep in mind that you are human and not perfect and so is your husband. There is no such thing as a perfect person.
5 keep akhira in mind every step of the way
6 know yourself, work on yourself so you can bring your best self to the table everyday.
7 Learn communicating in a good way.
8 make conscious decisions to make it work.
9 if you feel like something is missing, look at what he already gives you, provides for you. If the ting you are missing is a necessity look at "from where comes this need" "how necessary is it to fill this need" and "is this an Islamic based need"
10 when in struggle keep in mind, why you are together, what your goals are, why you are here.
11 keep building the legacy, keep growing together
I understand that men want peace at home because they work hard to provide for their homes. But that shouldn't make you lazy. You need to get involved in your children's lives and help your wife if you see that she is burn out. Love is mutual aid. The wife's mood depends a lot on the behavior of the husband, so make her laugh if you see that she is tired, get involved in her life too, ask her if she has had time for her today, if not, suggest that you go for a walk with the children for 20 minutes. Life is not a fairy tale in which you open the door to your home and see an houri appear smiling at you.
Im not usually one to reply alot. But i wanted Br Muaawiyah to clarify more on what he meant by, not arguing about things when the man gets home. Is he referring to petty things or actual concerns. I was hoping he would mention that, the man should also ask to see how the wifes days went to. Its only because I've been seeing alot of posts about the sunnah of returning home and how we should interact with our spouses.
I have to add, Br Saidu approach to alot of things makes me proud. Its just the way he words things.
I wish men really listen and learn from what Br Saidu says wellahi so many marriages would have saved as the result would have much better society.
Oh, Sister Laetitia, that sounds so hard! To feel exhausted and like you are not appreciated. I can relate. I used to feel unappreciated and lonely in my marriage until a sister gave me the book The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle. Now my husband goes out of his way to cook and help and he so involved with our kids! He also took over paying all the bills because it was a huge burden for me! My marriage is playful and passionate now, all thanks to the some skills I learned in her book!
A Man can "choose" to help his wife, but it cannot be a requirement. We deal with demons, goblins, dragons, and the hypocrisy, racism, discimination, decimation and nonsense of the Dunya all day long without a minutes peace, there are days I cannot even finish my 1st cup of coffee in 12 hours...yet, a Man does not speak to his wife about this, he must just come home and sleep...so that he can do it again the next day - Bills don't pay themselves, and children do not buy themselves homes, and cars, no do women pay for their own clothes without question; somebody has to pay the piper -that is the Husbands job under Allah (swt), and that is unequivocal and without variation - so be patient...I know this firsthand, I take very good care of my children, their Western mothers (1 of them) was incompetent, I took him from her at 13 - he is now 23 with an honors degree in IT, and of course, I am still paying for his entire life -he is my Son.
My future wife must be a Niquabi, and strong Deen so my next 2 kids are raised under Islam so that I can die peacefully :)
The prophet (pbuh) helped in the home, had time to listens to his wives and be playful and funny with them. He was a joy around kids. So he didn’t expect his wives to just be pleasant and do all the things in the house and live lonely and never speak up…. Just because he is providing for the house. So the sunnah is yes men make the living and women make the living better. But she will not be able to put a smile on her face and be the most pleasant person if she alone in parenting and doing everything in the house. Women are human too and need a support system to be happy.
That support system can come from other women in the family or friends or neighbors. Expecting that of men is a bit too much and it doesn’t bring peace to the marriage or home. Yes some men are proactive in helping and that’s great but expecting and commanding men to do so is disastrous to the marriage.
Bro Takuma....you are one of a kind is today's modern world. Allah reward you endlessly in both worlds.
Bro Takuma is very Wise Mashallah....JZK for your perspective and your understanding of the delivery in this forum...
He is very knowledgeable and wise ma shaa Allah
Brother Sauida is breaking down the roles of husband and wife beatifully, yes.
Brother Takuma is a wise man mashaAllah he understands what’s required in marriage
When said takuma is speaking the others zone out and it speaks volumes. He has massive wisdom.
Truly brother Takuma is saying what every women wants .. the other brothers come on (I am the leader so respect me, I want to rest so prepare everything for me). They are not seeing how their approaches are very troublesome and that is ego/culture rather than Islam
That was powerful! Especially when the counselor mentioned about his sexual abuse ( may Allah SWT make it easy for him). That was a brave step, especially coming from a man!
The different insights and perspective are much appreciated, but throughout both the women's and men's discussion, I noticed that it was taken for granted that the husband would be working and providing while the wife would take care of the home in sentences like "when the husband comes home to the wife..." But in so many couples today, both are working and having to navigate a more "modern" take on the gender roles. So it would be nice to hear more about expectations for when the wife for example also works and is building a career outside the home.
you're not supposed to have a career outside the house. you leave it at the door
Bro Takuma Gems are just dropping
Bro Takuma dropping true gems! I love all of his points. It definitely takes both parties to bring their A game to make the marriage happy and successful!
May Allah continue to bless our sisters, Na'ima Roberts, Aisha Lemu, Banani and others in their categories. Keep up doing the great work. Remain focus. Don't ever be distracted by the hardliners. Don't even respond to their criticism. Your dawah is productive and fruitful. May subuanou wata'ala increase you in Iman and amal solihan
With all respect I’m a single parent (ex husband was a cheat) & I am the breadwinner and homemaker now. I know the pressure of providing & “breaking my back” but I still come home & create a “home” for my kid. It can be done, I don’t need a slave to fan me and feed me grapes when I walk in & I can deal with my child’s tantrums, help him with homework clean him up, feed him and put him to bed - because I show compassion & I appreciate the humanness. Everyone is human and compassion goes a long way. Maybe the brothers need to not believe themselves to be the only ones “breaking their backs” and higher than women, have realistic expectations & navigate the humanness and fallibility of people in the home as well as out there in the world, this is not jannah. Raising kids and running a home is just as back breaking, this is why the wife has rights to be provided for she’s already doing the lions share - so make yourself attentive & supportive when you get home too. It’s not just about making sure the husband is ok cos he’s breadwinning.
A wife taking care of the husband when he gets home means nothing complicated. Men want sex, food and respect. This is a very simplistic way to word it, I know. But that really sums it up. I honestly don't think the generality or principality of it is that difficult to 'get'. Any other specifications of what a man wants depends on the man's personality and culture and what not.
To give you an example of myself; When I get home from work, I want to sit down/rest eat a warm meal, spend time with the kids and do my thing. I don't need to focus on the stuff home, period. And no I'm not saying this in an argumentative or frustrated tone. I'm just being real with you.
Does this mean I would never help my wife? Of course not. Out of love I would like to help her. 'Help her'...., meaning it's not really my responsibility, I've already done my responsibility. I shouldn't be "guilt-tripped" for not helping with cleaning the house after being 9 hours or more outside, because of work. That's just selfish from the side of the wife. I already work everyday to provide and I don't want to be a slave working 24/7, at the jobsite and than at home helping my wife. I'm a human, not a robot. I want to live life, I want to have fun and have a rest. I want to experience life and not be like cattle.
That's the very same reason I think it's practically much better for women to not work or work part-time. Maybe I'm still a bit selfish myself, but I believe taking care of the home is not that difficult as how my grandmother in my country of origin had to take care of it. We have technology like washing/drying machine and dishwashers to take care of the clothing and dishes. Vacuum cleaners to tremendously help cleaning the floor. etc... you get the drill. The only things that will really make you tired at home are the kids, cooking and a lack of appreciation from your husband. Which is why I think "making your wife feel appreciated at home" is more than 90% of helping her at home. And yes I mean that, because I've seen that in my life and others'.
Many housewives nowadays are even bored at home, because they have 'too much extra time'. Which I think is a perfect opportunity to indulge in certain activities, like hobbies or acquiring knowledge or art, etc... But that depends on you.
And Allah knows best.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Exactly, I remember working 12 hours on the trot as a nurse early on in the pandemic. Came home..mopped the floor then read my son a bed time story. Inwardly feeling like death, but carrying on for the sake of my family
@@ColonelFluffles I see your point brother. Thanks for speaking plainly. If helping out in the home is not so difficult, why can’t you do 1 or 2 things regularly? It is sunnah (but not fard), it shows your wife that you care (if that’s her live language), and sets an amazing example for your children that taking care of the house is the responsibility of every single person who lives in that house. It’s good you understand that working full time and then caring for the home full time is too much work for the average person. Please kindly tell your fellow brothers.
I don't share the same exact vision of marriage as all these men, but MashAllah these men all seem like intelligent, self-aware and eloquent men, so it was a nice discussion. I think the struggle in most marriages is that many men don't communicate this way (and many women too). I understand that this advice is directed to women, so the focus is on that, but there is very little women can do when their partners are not willing to also work on their issues. there is some good advice here, but it inevitably ends up feeling one-sided when the 'other side' is not addressed. It's all very well to understand what men want, but can you be the man that deserves that from a woman? That's what was lacking in this whole series, it seems heavily directed at women somehow trying to fix the issues by herself and hoping for a best outcome. I understand when there are issues, someone has to start the process of healing, but then there has to be a conversation for brothers to understand they need to communicate, they need to mature and they need to REALLY be self-aware of how their ego hurts their marriage. Brother Saidu was the most balanced in that way, MashAllah, so that was appreciated.
Their sessions are coming up, insh Allah!
This is my favorite panel. We need more men to hear from in the subject of marriage. When it comes to what men want from women, it makes more sense to heart it from men themselves....Jak sister Naima. 🙂
Brother Mu'aawiyah, you really hit the nail. We all want peace in our relationships. GIVE more instead of take! I really recommend the book "Reclaim your heart". If you extract all Love from Al-Wadud and just love for His sake, you will find it easy to control your nafs, to lift up each other, to make each other smile and feel good, to sacrifice and to let go of all negativity. Because you know for WHOM you are sacrificing and working for! Sabr and tawakkul in every test and situation. And everything will fall into place. May Allah grand us ease in our marriages and make us strong Believers! Amin 🌱🤲🏿
Brother Muawiya spittin' facts!!!
Thank you so much for this conversation! I am not a muslim, but everything what I've heard is so relevant to me. And I relate myself to what Saidu Takuma said, that respect should be earned first. It is both sided process. When you carry the marriage relationship burden yourself only and not get a support from your partner, it is really very hard to live under one roof. Even if you have a strong faith and trust in God. Because at the end of the day we all are human beings. We need understanding and warmth. I do not need millions, luxury or something, I need that my husband to listen to me, carefully, with attention, without interruption, and looking me in the eye instead of the Facebook feed, that he shows somehow that I am important to him, that I exist. But even if after expressing this wish multiple times, things doesn't change, how should I supposed to give a respect to him then. Should I beg this from him. I just become a person who robotically does my house chores. Because a moment comes when you feel a burnout and no motivation to go through another one crisis, since you see that you are the only one who cares. And that is even more painful, because kids see how it all happens.
This is my personal experience and perspective. Perhaps it is not necessarily right. But this is how I feel and felt years back.
Thank you once again. I wished that all men and women heard this conversation.
And such videos are very much needed these days.
Are you sure you're doing your part right bcoz sometimes people often forget to analyse their own behaviour their own mistakes and only focus on the other person's faults and family members and friends also give terrible advice which makes the situation even worse and then there's our ego which is hard to let go that comes in the way
May ALLAH Almighty make it easy for you and your family
@@coolerthetyrant7923 yes, I think at some point of time I tried to do everything what I could, even consciously knowing that there is no flame inside at all. Maybe that was the reason for a failure, this lie to myself, running form the reality, desperate effort to create anything from nothing, something that has no life already. Probably I made mistakes too, I accept my limitations and flaws too. No one is perfect. Thank you, God bless.
@@juratele my father destroy his marriage life bcoz of the constant influence of his mother and sisters but still my mother ya ALLAH Almighty grant her Jannatul Firdous she stick to it till the end she was financially indipendent and a practicing Muslimah and house Mom as well she could have end it but she stick to it for the sake of her children and my father is all alone now bcoz he listened to his mother and sisters advice and hold on to his ego and arrogance he was always surrounded by people who give him terrible suggestions regarding his marriage life he Never analyse his own behaviour and alway thought he was right bcoz of his arrogance and ego and always think that my mom is at fault he always compare his marriage life with others if he has someone that give him the right advice and he used his own brain analyse his own behaviour rather than constantly listening to his mother and sisters he might have a great married life
Brother Mu’aawiya on the topic of building a legacy, I agree in regards to we are building a kingdom in Jannah!
Br. Saidu is so learned, wise, and humble mA.
In marriage women are always to make the greatest sacrifices.
Said Takuma my ALLAH bless and blees you and your wife mariam
It would have been nice to hear more from Br Muhammad Malik.
Really wonderful discussions. Very enlightening, Maasha Allah. Jazaakumullahu khayran for the efforts!
Thank you so much brothers and sister Naima!
What about those husbands who come home, but then constantly is looking at his phone, reading message after message without acknowledging his wife waiting for him at the door? My husband never looks away from his phone even after calling him to eat, he even takes it into the bathroom. He tells me , “ well, I cant just give all my attention to you, I have other people to tend too”.
may Allah make it easy for you
May Allah SWT make easy for you.
But please don’t let him see how you feel about the phone thing. He may think you are controlling. Care take of yourself and just relate while his busy on his phone.
Exception to the rule doesn't make the rule. Most are not like that.
Sabr. This really is a big addiction today. Spouse is there physically but not actually there. But does he do this always? Are there any days where he doesn't? If there are, then show him how happy you are on the days when you have his attention and maybe he will clock on that its having an impact. Show him that there is a positive difference in the vibe when he doesn't do it and he'll start to do it less. Times where he does do it, don't nag him, find something to do yourself while he does that, otherwise he might paint this image of you in his mind where you're naggy and controlling, and who knows maybe to him personally it really is too much, everyone's different. Hopefully that isn't really the case and you are being reasonable. Also keep in mind that if he is the one working maybe he doesn't get to go on his phone very much during the day and his only free time really is when he's with you because he's either at work or at home with you so be patient with him. And inshaAllah he'll find a balance where you can both be content. And be careful not to undermine the importance of what he may be doing on his phone if he is really doing some important stuff that needs to be done. That could be hurtful and annoying.
@@paradise7193 He does this each and everyday for years. We now eat separately, he with his smart phone late in evening & I alone much earlier.
None of us "deserve" powerful!
ماشاء الله تبارك الرحمن
This was outstanding mashaAllah ,very beneficial ,encouraging,let me try these discussions to be shared to my Somali community inshaAllah to assist breaking marriages n families ,ofcourse in my mother tongue to pass these wonderful workable advices, I thank u all speakers here ,brother Said n sister Naima n Maryam Lemu wil try to reach out to u and invite u here one time coz we really need such marriage councillors ,am Filsan at Nairobi, kenya,
Brother Takuma- beautiful advice mashallah, brother Muawaiyah excellent advice too. Jazakallah will definitely take you're advice on board.
Waalaikumsalaam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaatuh JazaakAllahukhair for the platform. I hoped to have heard especially from Brother Takuma speak on levels of respect diminishing (where it used to be very high) due to some sisters experience with the way her husband's practice of polygyny has altered her life and marriage...in cases where disrespect was definitely earned subhaanAllah.
Ma sha ALLAH! To have such a husband as these fine and principled brothers represent....
What we needed but didn't deserve. Jazakallah Khayran to everyone but specially Na'ima ❤️
Brother Takuma, in it for life is the reason why I am should never marry unless the woman is worthy. Great insights from your life.
Wow! What a bold thing to confess my eyes became teary when he said but if she might go through that kind of abuse here is alot of anger😢 it truely messed my marriages
My x husband was abused it pakistan through not one but 2 men and i was abbused by my own grandfather
It messed us both up this is so important to help grow each others spiritualy and the focus in marriage should be Allah
I know that many of the Muslim men and women during this 4 day conference are perhaps young but, I would like to hear more about marriage after death of a spouse and the living spouse would like to get married again or older women (past childbearing years) who wish to be married, how does marriage happen for them?
Great videos, it's appreciated to see from a husbands perspective.
Masha Allah.. I enjoyed this conference. so much nuggets per segment.
As in Days of ignorance eyes open the fear of Allah beginning of Wisdom
MashaAllah! May Allah Bless All of You!
All panelists made some valid points. It's important to acknowledge that human beings are not a monolith and brothers are all looking for different qualities. With that said...Brother Said seems to be the only balanced brother on this panel. His perspective is refreshing and I can see why Maryam said she considered a cowife
assalamualaikum I need this thank brother please speak more on been a good husband I just got married two months ago and it like we can't set horse but may Allah make this marriage last
Excellent. Thank you all.
I sacrificed my career,my education, never looked at any other man ,never even judged him with the way he looked but he totally neglected me ,married me for a UK visa and to take care of his mum then when she passed away he beat me and left me .he never even bought a jug of milk during our 8 year stay .I never nagged him for anything .I raised my kids now I'm 45 realised I don't know how to make a relationship or even talk to a man yet I am single ..so lonely.
Our marriage was arranged and he told me from day one he didn't choose me so didn't want me...sad thing is he doesn't even want me to marry anyone else ...
He beat me for now no reasin during our 8 years and told me when he left me when I finish with you no man will want you and you won't want anorther man.
Even though our marriage was a marriage of convienence on his side .he should have treated me humanly but I hate being a female as the only experience with a man I had was with him and that had made me so fearful of men..
Sorry to hear that. May Allah heal and protect you.
May Allah accept all your efforts that you have done for your husband and reward you abundantly for your patience and perseverance.
May Allah make your life easy and protect you from any form of harm.
Do yourself a favour and get a divorce from this shambles. Also lots of therapy to process the hideous injustice done to you. Then MOVE ON! Youre only in your 40s, the rest of your life awaits and Im sure you have so much value to bring to the table. Never EVER settle for any space that doesnt value you again.
Wishing you healing and so much love, inshaAllah.
Allah make it easy for you sister and help you recover from this horrific experience. One of my friends was told by her ex that no man would want her and her 4 kids but only a month after her iddah she met an amazing brother and gor remarried. May Allah preserve them and jeeo their marriage strong ameen. So no one knows what Allah has in store for you especially not someone so toxic. Cleanse your heart and mind and work on yourself and your kids. You are stronger than you think. Keep building your relationship with Allah and He will provide from ways you never imagine. Dont give up.
Allah make it easy for you sister and help you recover from this horrific experience. One of my friends was told by her ex that no man would want her and her 4 kids but only a month after her iddah she met an amazing brother and gor remarried. May Allah preserve them and jeeo their marriage strong ameen. So no one knows what Allah has in store for you especially not someone so toxic. Cleanse your heart and mind and work on yourself and your kids. You are stronger than you think. Keep building your relationship with Allah and He will provide from ways you never imagine. Dont give up.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with us! I appreciate that!
@Mua'aawiyah Tucker: I genuily want to ask you: Where will we end with that mindset of 'no one deserves anything' / 'What are you willing to do to get what you want?' I discussed that with my husband. We are married about ten years now and we to the following conclusion: We both think that, this mindset will sooner or later lead to one or both of you to give up or feel stuck. And who says that this is true anyways? Allah says for example and his prophet salAllahu alaihi wa sallam, that we should treat each other well. Do we deserve that? What have we done to get that? It doenst matter because Allah and his messenger salAllahu alaihi wa sallam said that we should do it. And guess what? If one starts acting kind, the heart of the other will warm up and things will get easier to handle. Even if the other person didnt do anything to deserve it. Allah gives us so many countless blessings we really dont deserve at all. So dont you think we can have a bit Ihsaan with each other without asking what will you do to get it?
As much as almost everyone disagrees with bro.Nasir's approach,this is the reality of most men in most culture irrespective of level of deen.its easy for people to give advice that sound so soothing and even backing it up with sunnah and hadith and the likes,but in reality,so many men are not ready to do those things they preach.they are not ready to put in the work.we are humans,and the moment we start to realise that our imperfections are what makes us human,the better for us.i'm about tired of men quoting from the book in the face of people but do not practice what they preach.you expect to get what you don't give,pls make it make sense.
Also everyone applauding bro.said takuma,remember that every marriage is different in dynamics.he makes it seem as if marriage is so perfect and all. Your wife can't be in the mood to look good for you everyday when you return home from work because she probably has toddlers to deal with as well as chores and life.hope you would appreciate when she does it be ok when she doesn't.
@@fatimamarah5779 It's the mindset. In a very basic understanding the wife should have the intention to look good everyday. That's the advice you as a woman need to focus on. The advice men need to focus on is to appreciate his wife and not expect too much, because like you said, she has children and what not making it difficult. but that's for the man to focus. This is the basic understanding. It's very principal and not to be taken to a literal and shallow interpretation.
@@fatimamarah5779 excuses. no reason not to put in the work
The host had good intention, but sometimes words needs to be chosen wisely. Brother had a very good technique to solve the problem by waiting 3 day . In this manner the women and the men have time to think in a better way. I would also say to brother when giving suggestions as to men can decide who will come to their home. In pakistan there is hindustani cultural influence. And many men don’t allow their wives to meet their own families. Which is such. A bad thing because they take away their support system. Both side in-laws are a support system for families unless they interfere in marriage. Unfortunately, pakistan has adapted to joint family of hindustani culture, infact in Islam , if men marries second wife , he has to provide a separate home to second wife. Also , Muslims cannot live on two boats when they are coming to western countries , you cannot lie to govt . In western countries you can only be married to one person at a time. But it is true that Muslims didn’t modify their home life and many many times people are following cultural values.. All of us need to understand that we are role models for our coming generations. And if we don’t adapt by the times and don’t follow our religious values correctly, a time will come when younger generation will start thinking of marriage as a burden. The best thing is for both men and women that they get their worldly and religious education, both of them get a job, then find someone that will compliment their personalities. One should never jump to marriage. When you buy a car or home , you do see several one of them. Meet with them and their families which one meet your needs. Same thing for choosing husband or wife. Have less children . In western countries it takes tremendous energy both physically , financially and emotionally to raise families that are healthy. Make time for entertainment. Going to parks, join book club , have some hobbies, museums and masjid. Quality of children is very important than quantity of children. Two children who are worldly and religiously wise are much better than having 5 sons who becomes a burden on you and on the world. Parents are role models for children. Also in many countries men leave their wives and children in one country and go to other countries to earn money. Guess what if young children don’t see how mother and fathers live together or how a father earns money? How he lives. How these children will learn family values, if they see their fathers only once or twice a year. In pakistan a whole generation is destroyed because fathers were like ATM machines and they were not available for wife and children physically and emotionally. By the time they retired , and came back home , families asked why you came back.
as-salamu alaikum my family I'd have to say now Allah subhana wa ta'ala I thank all of you sometime a program this program the wish my brain with a goal of you they give me a confidence turn on my own thank you so much
What do husbands need or want in their marriage when they are an older couple?
I did not respect my husband at all. Because he married me on the guise of teaching me islam. Turned out I was wife number 3. No issues with that, but he refused to provide for me. His justification was that as a dai’ee, he had already fulfilled his duties and if I were to ask him to provide for me, I was greedy and materialistic. I had to be the breadwinner, be in the rat race, give him money, come home tired and not be allowed to be tired. Was the ATM, cook, maid and chauffeur. Every time I objected he threatened either talaq or cursing me. He demanded my respect and submission which I gave at the beginning but they evaporated over time even though I was outwardly respectful. Oh boy. And funnily enough, wife number one doesn’t need to work because he provides for her fully. How do I respect such a despicable creature who has made a travesty of Islam in private while preaching it to crowds in public? He was also emotionally and psychologically abusive. I divorced him after 8 years of this nonsense - he’s not a man. What angers me is that he’s out in public teaching people about Islamic marriages.
So sorry to hear about your situation. I'm glad you got out. May Allah accept your efforts and grant you the highest reward and Jannah.
A man who has more than one wife must provide equally to all his wives. Its not just a fulfilment of desires but finances, safety and security. As well as duty as a father to ensure he raises his kids equally and not giving special treatment.
Ehhhhh banaage
You did not respect your husband and you divorce him? I guess (maybe) you have a boyfriend now and fornicating around, becoming a public property, it’s okay for you? If your man don’t build home why don’t you respect him and build your home? Most of you live the life of the westerners and it’s really bad.
@@majidkhan89 Only thing that needs to be equal is time. If one wife has two children and the other has one, he will give more money to the one with two children.
@@tya9021 yes agreed. He would need to adjust accordingly as his family grows
Can't help but notice the female version of this was over 4 hours, while the male segment is only an hour and a half 😂
Actually, the 4 hour stream was 4 different talks and 3 different speakers - this video PLUS the Part 1 are all just one panel discussion 😂
Oh ok!
Wonderfully insightful discussion nonetheless, Masha Allah. I loved hearing all the different perspectives, gave us a lot to take away. May Allah swt reward us all ❤
No disrespect but this brother’s wife can teach women who desire to be a wife how to meet the needs of her husband to be or present husband.
What a man really wants is honesty, love, care, attention.
That is the same what a woman wants.
These are basic things that all humans want from the people they love.
You can't put men in one bracket and women in another.
Of course in terms of duties, Allah has given us instructions in the Quran on what the husband and wife need to do in a marriage.
Jazaakumullah khairaa
Would have been nice to hear from Muhammad Malik more.
Man's hit the news today!! Never heard of the brother before this show the other day.
Saidu is a woman’s champion and rarely fails to take the opportunity to bash the men. This discussion was about what men want, not what he thinks that men should do.
His constant bashing of cultural norms that conflict with feminist ideology is a typical feminist strategy. Islam actually recognizes culture that doesn’t clearly oppose the religion. There’s even a legal maxim in the Sharee3ah that states العادة محكمة which basically means customs are binding. He mentioned there’s no evidence to suggest the woman must cook, this is an area of difference amongst the classical scholars, but even those that agree, like Shaykhul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, still say that if it is culturally expected of her to do so, it becomes obligatory upon her, and she is sinful if she refuses.
Sisters, I know most of you like what he says and it makes you feel good and feeds the feminist baggage you might carry because of western liberal influence, but please realize, most men don’t think like him. Becoming ‘empowered’ is only going to make getting or staying married more difficult.
Men want woman that treat marriage the same way western women treat their jobs and careers. Punctual, always looking their best, obedient to the boss, respectful, feminine, and always upskilling.
In return, men will love you, try their best to keep you happy and treat you with kindness, respect and overlook some of your faults. (Before some woman replies with her lifestory) There are exceptions to most rules. Life isn’t perfect and isn’t suppose to be. Misfortunes happen and upon us is to be patient and hope in Allah’s reward.
May Allah grant us all success.
How can I reach Muawwiah?
excellent
Who cares what the men want ....
We care about what everyone want.
Is brother Malik married now?
BIS MI Allah may we learn from the Men and the women learn from Quran and the Sunnah After love of Our Creator and his last Guildance to Humanity and Marriage being considered half of faith and knowing S-60 and going in realizing what we both men and women perhaps is dealing with
Brother Saidu has the most balanced view. brother muawiya however , is giving extremely generalized non specific un-suitable advice for marriage , sorry but this advice is devoid of responsibility for men and lacks deeper understanding of relationship issues and women's psyche.
This discussion wasn’t suppose to be about advising men, it was about what men want. Saidu didn’t stick to the topic very well in my opinion. The things that Muawiya discussed are on point and 99% of men would agree that those things are the attributes men want in their spouses.
@@أحمدمحمد-ب4غ1ه Those 99% of the men probably belong to the masses & communities who struggle a lot for survival means , possibly not well educated either. hence while that advice maybe suitable for some communities, it cannot cater to the broader needs of all communities. It seems a bit conceited of believing men to only think through narrow basic criterion of selection when more than half of our population who is going through youth may have many medical health problems and yet some Islamic speakers come on shows and project their bookish information as applicable facts.
More men are infertile today then women (it has been the case earlier too but men never tend to find out or admit to it,), yet most these speakers speak of men as a dominant determinant of social criterion of marriage when women also really actually need to look out for healthy men and just be very selective too.
More women in their thirties bracket of age enjoy better health, fertility and personalities than many younger girls who've been raised on junk food or other social evils that has compromised their health and affected their immunity. More teens are into drugs and haram these days, than their elderly passed generation of women, all these things affect health and fertility but this won't ever be discussed, with the huge number sof mental , emotional disorders suffered by teens these days. All they say is marry young, thats the only criterion with another list of idealistic standards, good luck settling in with that.
More men want slim tall fair looking women (most slim skinny girls are not very healthy, following the modern ideals of fashion magazines and eating poorly to look good to some, isn't a standard of great health and beauty but most men ask for that). So just because, men WANT something based on a very superficial criterion usually used to select animals or food items for consumption, does not apply so easily on human beings. Most marriages today are lacking in deeper good relationship and intimacy , what are the reasons ? why more marriages are breaking now? superficial criterions of selection only fulfill superficial desires, thats it. And our physical desires do not completely cater to our emotional and spiritual energies.
@@Jorjina.hayatt those 99% represent what most men are after, highly educated or not and irrespective of the community the belong to. they are universal wants/needs. also men are not more infertile today than women are nor are women in their thirties in better health or more fertile than younger ones. yes marry the younger ones because they're better in all fronts.
stop trying to shame men for wanting what they want and making up false claims about fertility and health of younger and older women
@@cooljool1 Lol talks another man who thinks with what's between his legs than what's between his ears, listen up, if you want your 'desires' to dictate your life , you will do whatever you want without any responsibility for consequences, islam is for those who understand that pursuing vain desires leads to nothing much, just low quality men looking for the next woman after finding one because they lack high ambitions in life and consider gathering women as some form of validation and acheivement. You can go do as you please, don't try to elevate yourself as pious for having and pursuing 'sexual desires'.
@@Jorjina.hayatt I don't think you understand Islam and once again you're simply projecting your own poor status onto men.
You made a bunch of false claims you can't back up and you insuinated that only low quality men look for those supposedly low quality desires. Not true as all men do that irrespective of their income or status or conditions and many brothers succeed at it. the evidence is against you here
You need to clean the shit between your ears. It will help you stop making false statements about men and women as a group and Islam as a religion
Then again maybe you're one of those low quality poorly educated men who don't realize how dumb they sound when they write the garbage you just wrote 🤣
So pride put aside my desire to work in this was my own happy ness and person relation was base on Quran Women have right s so don't let pride keep you on edge of bed or your garment from harsh or nice nasty wages will be paid in full in hereafter
Respect? The greetings each Day giving right reguardless of mood as I was told if you looking for me to make you happy married wrong man ( COULD HAVE BEEN A SOCK TURN TO BE A BLESSING ( help with this new way of life not able to just find some other amusement
Salam, where can I find the in-depth discussions sister Naima mentioned? JazakaAllahukhairan
Watch the Secrets of Successful Wives playlist here: th-cam.com/play/PLT-FZavH0HSE-D9-9rliKTqpsfWOwIAjW.html
Looking down disrespect are Insha Allah words to decide we ask forgiveness if it was is or in future keep striving to be our best and hated yet permissible can happened just tell self have I did all that makes me worry of another ? And most times women the Kula ( asking out Satan right there wating
The goal is to have the best in the hereafter teach the Next Generation from pubity about Quran on Marriage Mother sister obligations community unity
Assalamualaikum sister Naima I do not know your station in life atm and if you're married or not. However irrespective of that, this is not an Islamic approach to engage publicly with non mahram men as commendable as your wearing of the niqaab is Allahumma baarik and as platonic as the message is. At the end of the day we need to ask ourselves if Allah will be pleased with us with such work, let alone our mahram relatives if they have gheerah for us. I remind myself and everyone that dawah or any islamic work not done right according to the parameters set in the sunnah will not be accepted in the sight of Allah. Let the brothers engage with the brothers on this matter and let sisters engage with sisters. I have watched a couple of other videos but this one really stunned me. No islamic message is so life saving and so indispensable that it gets a pass on mahram boundaries especially when one is setting an example to the community of Muslims out there who will internalise and emulate the speaker and his her message. No one wants to earn a bad deed after hard work. Insha Allah I hope you and your team can reassess and you can consult with scholars so that your channel can be benefit.
Don’t make the halal haram. And shame on anyone who tries. They were perfectly fine.
Brother Nasir - you're exactly right - the mans contributions need to be acknowledged. I am in complete agreement with you. I however, disagree that a Man needs to do more than pay the bills, provide. He does not then entertain his wife at home through touching, feeling, or admiration beyond the fact, that he is providing adequately for his wife and children. I then agree with you that the wife, knows who her husband is, and needs to respect that from the jump. You also forget one vital fact; Men can stay single forever, I am a very successful single Muslim Man, unless a Niquabi brings chastity, respect, traditionalism, and children, then I can enjoy the Dunya as a Man, and live my Deen and be a good Muslim in business without any trouble or having to be a dancing monkey for a woman that I provide for,..we call that SIMPING, in Las Vegas, and that's a deal breaker. Muslim Men, have huge responsibilities at the offset, and for life, they should not also be burdened with having to entertain, adore, and admire somebody who is their to support him, and teach his children how to live under Islam joyfully.
I can be single and happy as well as a woman in this world
@@valenciasaintilus9573 Go for it - see how that works for you. A woman needs family, children, and support of a good man to have a truly fulfilling life. Without it, she's without a purpose, like a colorless peacock among other colorless peackocks (single women)...a man, get "meaning" from a woman that gives him children because without his tireless work, they will literally starve and live on the street, so he will not come home unless he has made cash to provide ( I know firsthand, I have 2 kids)...a heavy load straightens a mans back. A woman on the other hand becomes much more beautiful, purposeful and happy under the protective cloak of a Man of Islam, who follows the teachings of Allah (swt), and will never tire from providing for his woman and his children even beyond the grave. I don't make the rules, they're made by the Universe and its only creator, Allah (swt).
@@SativaSeanLasVegas Oh so you have kids you’re single father and you have a strain of weed as your channel name Yet you want a chaste niqabi and nothing else will do. Typical man. And no women do not have to be married and have kids to be fulfilled in fact I have felt the most grounded and Content with my life when I didn’t have a man in it. The saying “ single life is peaceful life” exists for a reason. Does Islam say that Women cannot be fulfilled without children and husband? Or do Muslim say that? Because usually there is a difference. Also no being loving and caring towards your wife is not being a Simp that is not what being a Simp means being a Simp is being loving and affectionate and putting a lot of effort in for someone that doesn’t care about you or feel the same way toward you and yet you keep going after them that’s a Simp not a loving husband. The fact that you think being loving towards your wife needs are being a Simp means you are not ready for marriage.
@@SativaSeanLasVegas The only negative experience I’ve had with being single is the societal pressure from people like you telling me that I’m not enough without a man in my life. I told myself I want to get married but then I think I don’t want a man to touch me sexually, I don’t want to live with a man 24 seven I only want to see him for a few days I said that out loud and I realized It doesn’t seem like I want to be married at all because that is not what marriage is. It was fear and shame that was driving me to get married not an actual desire for married life and the fear and shame came from people like you telling me that I was lesser than or not enough without a husband.
@@SativaSeanLasVegas The creator gave me this life how can you tell me it’s not as worthy unless another human being is in it?
I think this isn't right. A female host with need not interview men. Please sister keep this in mind.
Don't be strict to be strict. Only be strict if the deen tells you to. There's no reason for strictness here
@@each1teach1 There's something called gheerah (protective jealousy) which I think you seriously lack.
This freemixing is not allowed. The voice of the woman is not awrah but she is commanded to not be loose or sweet in her speech which unfortunately is the case in this video. Home is the best place for women to be and not engage in "fruitful" discussions with men.
May Allah bless you, sis, for the reminder. Unfortunately, this is my platform and this is where the conversation is taking place. I hope the community will benefit from the open, honest communication between brothers and sisters. may Allah accept our efforts.
@@sanahdayo Allah knows best and Actions are judge by intentions. I believe with my little knowledge I stand to be corrected and Allah forgive me if I am wrong, the purpose of this conference is not for Sister Naima and the rest of us sisters to engage in "fruitful" discussion with men, but to use technology Allah has blessed us with to listen to the perspective of men and help us fulfill our responsibilities in marriage (which is half of our Deen if we succeed). If you listened throughout you will realize sister Naima barely speaks until she has to.
Sister Sana Allah bless you for the reminder. I would also like to remind myself and you that we should remind each other gently.
Sister Naima Allah bless you and the efforts to help sisters and forgive you for your shortcomings. You have a naturally beautiful voice and pay attention to it when making your videos especially when discussing with men.
Allah forgive us all and grant us Jannah...Aameen
@@NaimaBRobertTV wa iyaaki. Benefitting should be the intention but engaging with men isn't appreciated when men are available in this world Alhumdulilah.