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![[FULL STORY] I found out my family is hiding my fiancé's affair with my best friend.](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/g7dmtcXbSUs/mqdefault.jpg)
![[FULL STORY] I found out my family is hiding my fiancé's affair with my best friend.](/img/tr.png)
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NTA she needs to change if she thinks her kids are the problem but she is. She can’t keep going on like this otherwise her kids’ entire lives will be ruined. She needs a reality check and that’s what she got
Totally agree. Perhaps OP can apologise to the Auntie for hurting her feelings, whilst emphasising that NOT apologising for what was said?
@@marciajohnson1825 tbh I don't think that is a good idea. Because the aunt ultimately doesn't care that she hurts her children's social lifes in more than just one way and that includes also not giving a crap about her children's emotions regarding this situation. Her feelings can absolutely not stand above her children's feelings in this case.
If the aunt changes her ways and apologizes to her children in a way that she actually means it, then I think it would be appropriate and okay for OP to apologize as well for the harsh but very much needed words.
@@marciajohnson1825 probably first apologizing about hurting her feelings, and then explaining how that "cool mom" stuff can ruin her kid's relationships.
@@cheesecakepaws I see what you mean. Auntie's behaviour was toe curling. I literally felt the embarrassment she should have felt 🙈
@@I-am-invisible on reflection, she may already be too far down that road to take any accountability. Her response to her sister🙈so🙈embarrassing 🙈
He held up a mirror and she didn’t like what she saw.
The mirror cracked
@@BearSmoothie😂
Neither did the mirror like what it saw 💀
Truth offends people. Speak it anyway.
she
Yup... A dynamic I'm very familiar with.
The parents complain or commiserate about their adult children's behavior behind their backs, but never say anything because "it's not my place" or "I don't want to upset them."
Then the adult sibling decides enough is enough and they'll have to be the bad guy and give them a reality check. But suddenly they're the asshole who needs to apologize for doing what the parents should have done a long time ago.
Tale as old as time.
Sometimes you gotta hit your loved ones with that tough love even if they don’t take it well
I absolute love the way you ended that😂my drink nearly came out of my nostrils 🤣so true though [and that's why it was so funny😂]
Adults that don't want to be adults, yet blame their kids when things don't go the way they thought it would.
Someone needed to tell her
@@R.P.-hw2rqOkay, I get what you're saying, but if the person in question has been given the hints a bunch of times and does not get it after all of it, it's time to be blunt. It no longer matters if their feelings are getting hurt to hear it when their feelings are hurt by not getting it after so long anyway. Also, some people just need to be set straight and then left until they accept the truth, rather than coddled. Those kids need friends. They want friends. Their mom thinks she's helping and isn't. It's been a while and none of the kid's or the other people's hints have gotten through, so it's time to be blunt. I get that some people can get it after the first hint and a lot of people find it hard to be that blunt, but if it needs to be said and you're too weak to say it, don't be a dick to the one that isn't.
I was literally going to comment this lol
@@R.P.-hw2rq being blunt because they’re sick of the aunt blaming her kids for something that’s her fault.
I’ve known many people (including myself) who didn’t realize they were the problem until someone took them to the side and told them. It took my step dad telling me I push people away with my off the wall inappropriate jokes to realize I was self sabotaging myself into not having any friends.
Telling the truth is a kindness. Kate needs to say thank you.
If my mother sang the one margarita song to my teenage friends, I'd be mortified 😂 I bet she was twerking too 🤞🏿💀
Ok, what margarita song? Margaritaville or something?
@@Catherine.Dorian. lol it's so vulgar. "gimme one margarita, Ima open my legs. gimme two margaritas, Ima give you some head. Gimme three margaritas, Ima put it in my puss. Gimme four margaritas, Ima put it in my tush. Gimme five margaritas, Ima have some fun. Gimme 5 margaritas, Ima put it in your bun"
Hell no!
@@Catherine.Dorian. it’s : One Margarita (Margarita Song)
Song by Casa Di, Steve Terrell, and That Chick Angel
@@allisonburger9020just looked it up and oh god
Honestly OPs mom is also a bit of an AH here. She knows what the problem is, but enables her sister by not telling her what the problem is, and therefore sister stands no chance of fixing herself because no one will tell her she is the problem.
A bit? Nah, theyre both equally the AH for different reasons, but she's enabling her sisters behavior for the sake of not hurting her feelings, which is hypocritical considering she knows the problem but is willing to keep her mouth shut at the expense of sister's relationship with her own kids. Now shes also hurting her relationship with OP by making her think she's in the wrong
And her nieces’ mental health.
And her nieces’ mental health.
Teens need a mother not a best friend
Auntie needs to stop trying to be buddies with her children. Nothing wrong with having a laugh with your children, and listening to them when they want to have a heart-to-heart. But parents start looking awkward and clumsy - like we're trying too hard - when we try to be 'one of them' (and no, wearing jeans and trainers doesn't make us look like teenagers either...🙈). So embarrassing to watch😳 🙈
And mom needs friends her own age. My mom tried to be my friend when I was a teenager, I had to tell her to stop complaining to me about her & my dad’s sex life. It was nasty, I straight up had to tell her to go find some adult friends to talk to because that’s wildly inappropriate. She ended up cheating & leaving my dad, but that’s another issue. We don’t talk anymore.
@@BlueRoseFaery Wow. wildly inapropriate indeed
Teens need to , also, realize they aren't adults and not equals.
@@lorireed8046 is that relevant to this convo?
Nta she needed a reality check
Its like my grandma complaining that i don't get out of the house but doesn't let me go anywhere without them. I'm more than old enough to look after myself
Someone had to tell her so that those poor kids could get friends before they left school
Nta people should know the truth especially if it’s something fixable
You was.the perfect person to tell her, if your mother told her Kate would have thought she was too old to understand, but your mother should have agreed and support your talk to Kate.
Tell your mom that the kids are upset and now she gets to know what it’s like
When you dont have the spine to tell someone it is fine. But if someone else has, let them. Ot is not kind to let people libe in delusion.
The fact that teens know the mom is inappropriate but the adult doesn’t
I hate it when parents try to make their kids apologize for telling someone the honest truth. She needed to learn that what she was doing around the kids was inappropriate. Parents shouldn’t be trying to socialize with teenagers that aren’t their own kids.
Truth hurts sometimes and those who won't tell you because you'll get upset or hurt, arent really your friends
In the words of NCIS Agent Gibbs: "Never apologize."
Sounds like it needed to be said. The truth hurts...but the pain can and hopefully will lead to some self reflection and change
If it were me, I'd rather get hurt from a wake-up call, than lose my children for acting in such an embarrassing way.
Same and she’s lucky her family told her and not some rando on the street
Honesty without Compassion(kindness) is Cruelty - Bruce Kasanoff
NTA
if she wasn't taking the hints, then she needed to be told directly before it gets even worse.
She's having a crisis. She wants to be a kid again.
If you have concerns for someone, you tell them the truth
She deserves to know the true so she can change it, if she doesn't then that's on her, but it at least makes her aware and the why of why her kids aren't around their friends anymore
NTA, she needs a wake up call, and tiptoeing around it to not upset her is just gonna make her continue
Never apologe for telling the truth. The moment you do you've permanently damaged your moral compass.
“Someone needs to grow a pair and tell her that her behavior is the problem. Or…would you rather someone call CPS and have THEM intervene on her kids’ behalf? If the prior doesn’t happen, I guarantee you that the latter WILL!”
That would force the issue.
Aside from this story, generally speaking, never tell a person "this is why you don't have friends". You don't know what they've been through and what type of people have been around them.
Agree to disagree, some people need to be told they’re the problem.
Never apologized for saying the truth
NTA. “Apologize to your aunt for telling her the truth!” Yeah, sounds really stupid.
NTA. It seems your mom knew what the issue was, but didn't want to interfere
You could apologize for hurting her feelings, but still express that you're right
Entirely agreed
I think a lot of people have difficulty understanding the difference between admitting that you were incorrect and being sorry that you hurt someone’s feeling, like you can still be sorry for upsetting someone without admitting that you were factually incorrect
@@ashlinday4469 well said, thank you 👍
I don't think OP should apologize at all. The aunt immediately assumed her children didn't have friends because of THEIR behavior. She lacks the ability to reflect or understand where she's wrong. Any apology would be the equivalent of saying "I was out of line and your behavior is just fine".
The aunt is narcissistic. You don't apologize to narcissists because they only hear what they want.
@kumikor3392 Narcisstic is harsh. I think she doesn't mean any harm and only wants to be seen as a fun mom. I think its only right for her to apologize in order to 1.) Not taint a fine relationship with a family member 2.) Get her point across because she probably took thar as an insult instead of adive and 3.) Not cause further problems with her and anyone else.
There this issue where if you don’t say anything and continue with it you end up pushing people away because you don’t feel happy doing something with that person but they don’t know so their confused too.
Nta. She needed to know and take responsibility
My mom is adored by our (me and my siblings’) friends. She doesn’t try to act cool. She’s just herself.
NTA, the truth hurts
OP was just being a tough pill to swallow, but the pill needs to be swallowed. Mom need to grow some spine, and I have no idea if the aunt can even be helped at this point.
Truth hurts, NTA
Someone had to tell her she is ruining her kids lives and his mom should have backed him up
the mom sounds like she’s content to just sit back and not communicate to the aunt that’s she’s the problem.
Perfect. Noone could have said it better.
NTA. People need to hear difficult through this, especially when it's harming their children!
NTA, some people just need to be told really bluntly you’ve asked a question you’ve answered it. If you don’t like the answer that’s not my problem it shows because it affects you
If other parents are worried about how you act around their kids, you are the problem. And that's really dangerous too cuz if she acts too inappropriately they could press charges on her. She needs to stop while shes ahead
So far we only know that the Aunt sang a song . Should that song be allowed out on the radio then? How old are the singers that sang this song? Why are they not inappropriate? Maybe what's really inappropriate is society?
NTA that woman needs a reality check
NTA. She asked what he thought the problem was, if she didn't want honesty she shouldn't have asked. Now she has to do what she can with this information. Either change and apologize to her children, or continue down this path and watch as her kids despise and resent her for the rest of her life.
NTA she had to find out from someone. She might change her ways. Who knows???
NTA. Truth hurts sometimes.
You may be the bad guy, but you are the good cousin.
NTA. She needed to hear that, and it let your cousin know she had an ally.
If you’re wondering I don’t think the margarita song is margaritavill by jimmy buffet I think it’s “one margarita”
It's some rap crap not even the country song one.
NTA.
She was talking crap about her kids and it was unfair. Those kids deserved SOMEONE defending them
NTA, seems like this mum is trying to be cool and isn’t because she still thinks kids are into the same stuff that currently younger ones are. While she just doesn’t understand this age, she shouldn’t be blamed but should still be told the truth. It’s only trying to help her.
Why shouldn’t the aunt be blamed? She’s the reason her kids don’t have friends
@@BearSmoothie yes but she simply just doesn’t understand why, or that she is the problem and what kids like these days. So she simply goes with what she would’ve been entertained by at that age,
@@Callum_WCUE Yes she doesn’t understand what she’s doing is wrong but she still needs to be blamed because it’s her fault
@@Callum_WCUEAuntie needs to stop trying to be buddies with her children. Nothing wrong with having a laugh with your children, and listening to them when they want to have a heart-to-heart. But we start looking awkward and clumsy - like we're trying too hard - when we try to be 'one of them' (and no, wearing jeans and trainers doesn't make us look like teenagers either...🙈). So embarrassing to watch😳 🙈
@@marciajohnson1825 yes, agreed. Was kinda my point
Um no she NEEDED to hear that seriously
No not at all,poor children. Your Mum must tell the Truth. Not putting a blanket over the Problem
Somebody had to tell her
NTA she needed a reality check. It should have came from her kids
NTA - someone had to rip off the bandage.
I think it's a harsh truth that she needed to hear. She's a parent it's not her job to try and be friends with her kids or their friends. There's a limit to what these kids can handle and she's crossed the boundary so many times it's actually affecting their social lives. It may be hard to hear but if she really loves her kids it should make her think about her behaviour and adjust.
Nah your good most people can't handle the truth about their attitude
If my mother came with the apologize for the truth. I would have told her that she lost any respect i had for her.
No! Shes making hernkids friendships about her! She needs to back way off, and somebody needed to tell her!
You are becoming a good man Sir! Tell the truth no matter what!!
Absolutely not the bad guy
NTA you are your cousins’ hero
They all going leave her, and never come over til absolutely have to...her fault..stay out others business. Apologize for telling her, NEVER SAY ANYTHING TO HER AGAIN...
I'm glad I don't have kids to worry about that
she did bring it up...
Dude, this is exactly like my mom! We live in a small town so pretty much everyone knew her and her crazy shit. I've had friends who's parents literally told them "sorry you can't go to her house, we don't like/trust/ want you near her mom" it got so bad my father called her out for the first time (they aren't together)
NTA, someone needed to call her out on her inappropriate behaviour, and that person just so happened to be you, don't apologise for telling the truth.
Those kids will go no contact soon
Someone needed to say it.
No you’re not! It seems she needs a reality check and your giving! Definitely NTA!
Omg no way they mentioned the wet ass pizza mom, that's my favorite Reddit story ever
OP did her a favor. It's either cry now and change or be really hurt when these kids go NC and/or don't invite her to their weddings because she's such an embarassment.
One of my best friend’s mum was like this growing up. It was so embarrassing. Wearing mini skirts and bikini tops to pick us up from school and awkwardly flirting with school staff 🤮
Nta. Someone had to say it at *some* point
NTA kids dont need cool parents, they need parents.. when OP said “margarita song” I thought they meant the Macarena.. then I looked it up 😬 so yea no “cool mum” needs to sit down somewhere and reevaluate herself and her taste in music
I don’t mind my mother singing the one margarita song, perhaps it’s because I’m now in my 20s my mother is in her 60s and I expect my mother understands every single word of that song
Some had to tell her so progress could be made
Actually it's sad that OP was the one that had to speak up. OP's Mum should have spoken up way before OP finally chimed in. I mean, the Mothers are sisters and should be able to point out poor behavior without repercussions. I feel bad for the cousins. What a nightmare to have a Mum like that, I mean real psychological damage nightmare😮.
Nta she need to hear the truth.
I wish family members would be more willing to tell a problematic family member the real issues with them. It would just save everyone a lot of trouble. An another note how bad is your self respect that you feel the need to appeal to teenagers. They are not gonna stay teenagers forever. They are gonna grow up and lose touch with what is popular.
NTA she should understand there are things you should and shouldn’t say to kids. Saying inappropriate stuff to a kid is not ok.
She could've phrased it a whole lot better, maybe the aunt has some kind of problems idk. Aunt definitely needed to heart that and cousins are mean for treating their mom that way, they should've talked to her instead.
This is literally modern meangirls
Your mother already knew she has no right to say anything
Nta somebody had to tell her
you can apologize for hurting her feelings but what you say is still the truth and after she processed what you said, she should be thankful you are opening her eyes to a problem she probably never wanted to cause.
NTA. Auntie is looking to be 16 again. What an oblivious human being. The truth's the truth, and if she doesn't like it, too bad. You owe no one an apology. Were she anywhere near an adult, she'd see the truth.
NOT THE MARGARITA SONG
„I am sorry you are unable to face the truth that you killed your kids‘ social life.“ 😂
Hell no, you absolutely should’ve said something it’s actually sad that an older member of the family didn’t bring it to her attention to begin with. There’s no such thing as a cool drunk mom
NTA but your mom was kinda trying to teach you that sometimes it’s way way way way easier to just let someone figure that sh*t out on their own, and if they’re going to take it that hard, they aren’t going to listen to you anyways. OP will figure that out later in life
💯
The aunt is a mom of two, with kids in middle/highschool. She came over and immediately blamed her own kids because she lacks the ability to be introspective. She would never even guess her behavior was the issue or that her kids social life would be fine without her presence.
Some people can catch a clue; the aunt isn't one of them.
NTA but also not the kindest way to tell her. You could have pulled her aside and had a heart-to-heart with her and let her know what was happening. Actually, one of her kids should have done this before now. She's built up this facade of who she thinks she is and to be told brutally that it's the exact opposite of what she wanted is a lot to process.
NTA for sure