I appreciated the insights. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who do not speak to each other. I am the youngest and am caring for my elderly mom. I can't even call anyone to ask for help. I am on my own. I have heard from an ex sister-in-law, that I was given much more attention and everyone resented me. I am in my 50's now. I feel like it was not my fault. I certainly didn't feel deserving. I felt shamed an blamed. And here we are, older adults, and we can't even get past things. It is so sad and a day doesn't go by that I don't struggle with being hated by my brother and sister. So hearing these insights may help the healing.
I don't know if it's your case but in my highly narcissistic family I don't think that those who got more attention weren't love either. Being the middle child and the scapegoat, the amount of neglect and devaluation is enormous and although the only thing I have never been called by my siblings is "spoiled" they don't want to addmit my mother hates my guts. They don't want to addmit it because that would mean addmitting they scapegoated me too. They had an active role but I understand your point because I have heard the same accusations among them and it's the one most spoiled the one who complain the most. I had to go no contact and none made the effort to contact me by email (I blocked them in my contacts list, WhatsApp, etc) and they could contact me if they wanted to but they don't. My family's dynamics is like cult dynamics. Just the same.
I’m so glad that I found this channel. I am reading Ferns book. Birth order is so interesting to me, and recently I realized that the majority of the relationships I’ve developed have been with a younger sibling. And I’m the youngest. I know being connected with the youngests’ is probably just a coincidence. But it’s something I didn’t realize until my estrangement with my sister. I have been trying to find answers to lots of things. Trying to understand why things had to be this way.
I am 2nd in 5 siblings. And i came from a dysfunctional family, where my father is emotionally distant, but provides. Until the point that he can not provide anymore and doesnt seem to be that bothered with him not being able to provide. For a couple of years, we all live together, but my father is estranged, just always inside his room. They dont talk. My mother found another place and we went with her. I thought burying these feelings and thoughts deep down inside could make all these just go and dissipate. Fast forward years, and I am the one now estranged from siblings. The way I see it, it is because i express my emotions more freely, and to be honest I am easy to be emotional and i openly talk about all those emotions. They excluded me from all events or discussions (we all live in same house that time) So imagine all the anguish I feel from seeing them planning things together and going out. Told my mom about how I felt, and she just said not to mind them. How can I not be affected? I was expecting my mom to talk to them and be the one to put things somehow into place. But all she always says is just dont mind, and dont be affected. I became very very close with my mother, who is the only person I consider my family. Now, my 2 other siblings are jealous of our closeness, and one of them even said i was trying to control her. (me, them and mom still live in the same place together, while 2 others got married and moved out) I am feeling so frustrated right now bcause they dont seem to be aware of the pain they caused me, after excluding me for more than 10 years. I was open to talking with them, but last year, they found a chance and excluded me again. I felt so betrayed and very angry, and felt bullied. I dont want to feel trapped in this situation anymore and praying that I have my own family. Its just that a friend's words have bothered me a lot when she tried and tried to convince me to make peace with them, and I kept on telling this friend that it was my siblings who have kept excluding me..and she then said..."imagine no sibling coming to your funeral in the future..." it bothered me a lot, and honestly felt so helpless....but i guess that is life..... i am just afraid to be alone and lonely (as with everyone else)
Don't mean to cause any hurt but that sounds like siblings rejection and your mother making you co-dependent. We are not born co-dependent, we are trained. Do you know about intermitent reinforcement, gaslighting and conditional love? Check those to see if there were those patterns during your childhood. It might help. Intermitent reinforcement is highly addictive.
I appreciate your talk but I had to read the transcription. In order to listen to him I had to high up the volumen and her voice then souns too loud. I think I have some kind of sounds hypersensibility especially with high pitched sounds. Thanks
My older brother is very Alpha male charismatic and a skilled manipulator. IM convinced he has BPD. We idolised and followed him as younger siblings. Unfortunately our parenting wasn't good and he was "our leader." He got us into all kinds of trouble encouraged crappy attitudes and behaviours. We had fun at times ,but , the tragedies mounted . I came to realise "his way" was VERY bad and "jumped ship". I became a totally different person from him and he didn't take it very well. We are now 58 and 56 and both our resentments remain.
Super! And.. Spot on! I've mentioned in another post that I am the oldest by a year and a half and my brother is estranged from the whole family, changed his first and last name and everything! And that I can tell is not that successful but he's trying. I've done the whole, I must pretend he is dead thing, long ago. But we can watch each other Facebook! I write to him.. and he does not block me, and that's about it! Bitter lol.. And I've a Sister, 6.5 years younger than me, and she has become estranged from me in the last few years, and at this point pretty much only has to exclaim to me that I think I'm so smart! Which I am! Which, yay, older people and making me older and wiser, or whatever.. I loving all of this! Suspense for part 2 and .. My sister! And the immature husband! I think she married my brother, or someone as stubborn. And her kids have inherited my brother's personality, is what it looks like (sometimes, they are 20 and 18). My brother has no kids. I have no kids. My sister has 2, that have been "taken away" that branch sawn off as Fern put it.. And it runs in larger family, sibling fueds and legal battles after parents die without a will. Anyway! Catch ya in Ep 11 : ) Thank you!
Just... wow. Your lack of introspection is astounding. When two thirds of the brood have decided to limit (or eliminate) their contact with you, an introspective person would think "Maybe it's me?" Not you though. Clearly you think very highly of yourself and have assumed it's the other two who are in the wrong.
Eldest of 3 girls. I love my sisters and treat them as sisters. But they do not love me as their big sis nor even treat me like a sis. So be it. I'm done being their big sister. My parents can no longer pick on me over the so-called "responsibility of caring for younger siblings". My sisters couldn't care less if I'm not in their lives anyway it's as if I'm dead. I'm always the one reaching out only to receive one word replies if any.
You shrinks seem so soft. Dude, your voice reminds me of the hippie teacher on Beavis and Butthead. Watch the “Lesbian seagull” clip. The part where he takes a rifle butt to the solar plexus gets me every time. 😂
@@Lyrielonwind I checked out your playlists and they are excellent. You've got great taste in music. You have to realize guys like me have had very tough lives. I've worked with bikers, drug dealers, wife beaters, even paroled m*rderers. I've worked in places where fistfights broke out on the shop floor. But I"m also a sensitive dog trainer, a guitar player, a boat builder, and a fly fisherman. Married 36 years to a great wife who treats me like gold.
@@auuuumbers Your comment is so funny to me. My god people are so soft. There's song you should listen to on Mark Knofler's great album "Ragpicker's Dream" The title is "You Don't Know You're Born". "You don't know about the road and rails, know about the thistles and the thorns, you don't know about the night shift whistle, punchin' the clock to the horn, because ya don't know... ya don't know you're born" Guys like me are the ones who keep the power on and the water drinkable. We run the trackhoes and the cranes, the tractor trailers and the welding rigs. We're the kind of people who lace up the boots when we're sick, hurt, depressed. I've personally known over a dozen guys who'd offed themselves. Number one reason, they felt like nobody gave a damn about them. This is the reality of a man's life. Every day I'm grateful for the life I have. I've spent almost 40 years fishing and hunting, road trips and camping trips, cross country small aircraft flights with my buddies. An absolutely charmed life. But I've got a dark sense of humour for very good reasons. Have a nice day! I have to go run my hunting dog now, then prepare one of my boats for a trip tomorrow.
I appreciated the insights. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister who do not speak to each other. I am the youngest and am caring for my elderly mom. I can't even call anyone to ask for help. I am on my own. I have heard from an ex sister-in-law, that I was given much more attention and everyone resented me. I am in my 50's now. I feel like it was not my fault. I certainly didn't feel deserving. I felt shamed an blamed. And here we are, older adults, and we can't even get past things. It is so sad and a day doesn't go by that I don't struggle with being hated by my brother and sister. So hearing these insights may help the healing.
I don't know if it's your case but in my highly narcissistic family I don't think that those who got more attention weren't love either.
Being the middle child and the scapegoat, the amount of neglect and devaluation is enormous and although the only thing I have never been called by my siblings is "spoiled" they don't want to addmit my mother hates my guts. They don't want to addmit it because that would mean addmitting they scapegoated me too. They had an active role but I understand your point because I have heard the same accusations among them and it's the one most spoiled the one who complain the most.
I had to go no contact and none made the effort to contact me by email (I blocked them in my contacts list, WhatsApp, etc) and they could contact me if they wanted to but they don't.
My family's dynamics is like cult dynamics. Just the same.
I’m so glad that I found this channel. I am reading Ferns book. Birth order is so interesting to me, and recently I realized that the majority of the relationships I’ve developed have been with a younger sibling. And I’m the youngest. I know being connected with the youngests’ is probably just a coincidence. But it’s something I didn’t realize until my estrangement with my sister.
I have been trying to find answers to lots of things. Trying to understand why things had to be this way.
I found out all the answers when I realized my mother is a malignant narcissist and then, all the pieces came together.
Often often the youngest are the ones most neglected emotionally and provide with no guidance to problems in life
Not in my family...I'm the one in the middle.
I am 2nd in 5 siblings. And i came from a dysfunctional family, where my father is emotionally distant, but provides. Until the point that he can not provide anymore and doesnt seem to be that bothered with him not being able to provide. For a couple of years, we all live together, but my father is estranged, just always inside his room. They dont talk. My mother found another place and we went with her. I thought burying these feelings and thoughts deep down inside could make all these just go and dissipate. Fast forward years, and I am the one now estranged from siblings. The way I see it, it is because i express my emotions more freely, and to be honest I am easy to be emotional and i openly talk about all those emotions. They excluded me from all events or discussions (we all live in same house that time) So imagine all the anguish I feel from seeing them planning things together and going out. Told my mom about how I felt, and she just said not to mind them. How can I not be affected? I was expecting my mom to talk to them and be the one to put things somehow into place. But all she always says is just dont mind, and dont be affected. I became very very close with my mother, who is the only person I consider my family. Now, my 2 other siblings are jealous of our closeness, and one of them even said i was trying to control her. (me, them and mom still live in the same place together, while 2 others got married and moved out) I am feeling so frustrated right now bcause they dont seem to be aware of the pain they caused me, after excluding me for more than 10 years. I was open to talking with them, but last year, they found a chance and excluded me again. I felt so betrayed and very angry, and felt bullied. I dont want to feel trapped in this situation anymore and praying that I have my own family. Its just that a friend's words have bothered me a lot when she tried and tried to convince me to make peace with them, and I kept on telling this friend that it was my siblings who have kept excluding me..and she then said..."imagine no sibling coming to your funeral in the future..." it bothered me a lot, and honestly felt so helpless....but i guess that is life..... i am just afraid to be alone and lonely (as with everyone else)
Don't mean to cause any hurt but that sounds like siblings rejection and your mother making you co-dependent.
We are not born co-dependent, we are trained.
Do you know about intermitent reinforcement, gaslighting and conditional love? Check those to see if there were those patterns during your childhood. It might help.
Intermitent reinforcement is highly addictive.
I appreciate the work that you are doing. Thank you.
This is very real but people never talk about it because it's like cleaning out your closet.
My sister has t spoken to me in 28 years o was very close to her SBD it depressed me great
Ly
After what I've been through with my brother, my greatest wish is to never see or hear from him again.
I appreciate your talk but I had to read the transcription. In order to listen to him I had to high up the volumen and her voice then souns too loud.
I think I have some kind of sounds hypersensibility especially with high pitched sounds.
Thanks
My older brother is very Alpha male charismatic and a skilled manipulator. IM convinced he has BPD. We idolised and followed him as younger siblings. Unfortunately our parenting wasn't good and he was "our leader." He got us into all kinds of trouble encouraged crappy attitudes and behaviours. We had fun at times ,but , the tragedies mounted . I came to realise "his way" was VERY bad and "jumped ship". I became a totally different person from him and he didn't take it very well. We are now 58 and 56 and both our resentments remain.
Super! And.. Spot on! I've mentioned in another post that I am the oldest by a year and a half and my brother is estranged from the whole family, changed his first and last name and everything! And that I can tell is not that successful but he's trying. I've done the whole, I must pretend he is dead thing, long ago. But we can watch each other Facebook! I write to him.. and he does not block me, and that's about it! Bitter lol.. And I've a Sister, 6.5 years younger than me, and she has become estranged from me in the last few years, and at this point pretty much only has to exclaim to me that I think I'm so smart! Which I am! Which, yay, older people and making me older and wiser, or whatever.. I loving all of this! Suspense for part 2 and .. My sister! And the immature husband! I think she married my brother, or someone as stubborn. And her kids have inherited my brother's personality, is what it looks like (sometimes, they are 20 and 18). My brother has no kids. I have no kids. My sister has 2, that have been "taken away" that branch sawn off as Fern put it.. And it runs in larger family, sibling fueds and legal battles after parents die without a will. Anyway! Catch ya in Ep 11 : ) Thank you!
Just... wow. Your lack of introspection is astounding. When two thirds of the brood have decided to limit (or eliminate) their contact with you, an introspective person would think "Maybe it's me?" Not you though. Clearly you think very highly of yourself and have assumed it's the other two who are in the wrong.
Eldest of 3 girls. I love my sisters and treat them as sisters. But they do not love me as their big sis nor even treat me like a sis. So be it. I'm done being their big sister. My parents can no longer pick on me over the so-called "responsibility of caring for younger siblings". My sisters couldn't care less if I'm not in their lives anyway it's as if I'm dead. I'm always the one reaching out only to receive one word replies if any.
It’d be nice to differentiate siblings based on time spans between births.
You shrinks seem so soft. Dude, your voice reminds me of the hippie teacher on Beavis and Butthead.
Watch the “Lesbian seagull” clip. The part where he takes a rifle butt to the solar plexus gets me every time. 😂
You seem so rude.
@@Lyrielonwind I checked out your playlists and they are excellent. You've got great taste in music.
You have to realize guys like me have had very tough lives. I've worked with bikers, drug dealers, wife beaters, even paroled m*rderers. I've worked in places where fistfights broke out on the shop floor. But I"m also a sensitive dog trainer, a guitar player, a boat builder, and a fly fisherman. Married 36 years to a great wife who treats me like gold.
@@lesterdiamond6190so that is justification for why you get to abuse people online? …. Got it. 🙄🙄🙄
@@auuuumbers Your comment is so funny to me. My god people are so soft. There's song you should listen to on Mark Knofler's great album "Ragpicker's Dream" The title is "You Don't Know You're Born".
"You don't know about the road and rails, know about the thistles and the thorns,
you don't know about the night shift whistle, punchin' the clock to the horn,
because ya don't know... ya don't know you're born"
Guys like me are the ones who keep the power on and the water drinkable. We run the trackhoes and the cranes, the tractor trailers and the welding rigs. We're the kind of people who lace up the boots when we're sick, hurt, depressed. I've personally known over a dozen guys who'd offed themselves. Number one reason, they felt like nobody gave a damn about them. This is the reality of a man's life. Every day I'm grateful for the life I have. I've spent almost 40 years fishing and hunting, road trips and camping trips, cross country small aircraft flights with my buddies. An absolutely charmed life. But I've got a dark sense of humour for very good reasons. Have a nice day! I have to go run my hunting dog now, then prepare one of my boats for a trip tomorrow.