I am first born and I am a control freak. My brother is 3 years younger than me. My brother has the most delightful human traits on the planet. My behavior toward him was cruel at times. When he turned 21 I returned to Sweden to spend two weeks alone with my Brother at our Parents summer house. I read him a six page letter asking him to forgive me for my actions. He informed me that I was his hero as I left home at 17 to attend University in Australia. He told me that I taught him to ride a horse, swim, how to knit winter scarves for the poor, ride a motorbike & drive a car. He is a love and he is my Beloved Brother. We now talk everyday and I am proud I did not permit pride to overcome my soul.
It’s interesting that his perspective was different than yours. Thank you for sharing. As a first born, I’ve similar experience with my younger siblings.
I was the only child for 17 years. So almost into adulthood I was an only child. I feel my personality is definitely the go with it sort like the middle child. My parents had my sister when I was 17, our mom then passed away just shy of 2 years later. I now have custody of my sister and am essentially her parent
I am the youngest and both of my parents were the oldest. I have always been treated by my family as if I need to be taken care of (I am now 44) and have had to put up serious boundaries in order to get them to understand that they don't need to know everything that is going on. I know it is coming from a place of love, but when I am the only one who is supposed be an open book it's obvious that something else is going on. Great video, thank you for sharing your expertise!
I am a middle child of 3, agree with our outlook. We are very good at compromise. My mother is a middle child of 9 and we’ve always been close. We’re both caregiver types and more nurturing than sibs. I married a youngest with large gap bw he and other sibs so he has mix of youngest and only child. It’s worked for 27 yrs. i think middle children are conditioned to get along with anyone. Great video!
I am a middle child i guess you might think i am exempt from the topical middle child. I am a loner i don't branch out much but i do get along with others. Instead of me not caring about things i care about everything. I am just different. When it comes to the middle child. I am more a leader and a teacher kind of person. I lift people up higher then they are so that they can soar in there goals.
I totally agree with you and would describe myself as the same. I think the assumption that the oldest automatically the leader or even responsible should not be a blanket statement.
Im the oldest and my spouse is a only child. Ive definitely notice I take charge on difficult topics and he just waits for me to make decisions. I also notice that i am more giving and willing to share which i think has to do with my birth order.
My dad was an only child, mom was the youngest and they fought 24/7. I am a first born man and once dated a last born woman; she disappeared as soon as we were having differences. I once dated another first born; we did fine, we are still friends, I hope one day to find her again.
I am the 1st born of 4 and this is soooo true. There is an 11 year age gap between the 3rd and 4th sibling, so for a long time, it really felt like we were Oldest, Middle, Youngest child, but with the arrival of our youngest sibling, that has significantly shifted the way the rest of the kids operate. I really enjoyed this video!
Me and my fiancé are both the oldest and we used to argue everyday but once we got to know each other better and gal into a rhythm we started arguing less and less
my mom and I are the first born, she taught me to be more mature than my real age, like how to be a leader, how to be good at house chores, sometimes it's really pressure, sometimes it's kinda important to me
Children know themselves who they are, and where they want to go, if not suppressed. You have to be able to: horse trainer, trauma psychologist, developmental psychologist, calm, fair, loving stability and patience. Daniel 6:16-22; Epheser 5:21-6:4
Wow! I just had lightbulbs blaze on in my head! First I realized that both my parents are the second to the youngest siblings in their families and I’m the eldest of three and I’m generally the take charge personality, I try to mitigate and fix things until I realize that something can’t be fixed at which point I accept it & let it go or subsequently ignore it until either it goes away or someone else deals with it because I refuse to allow it to destroy my outlook. and the most interesting thing to me is the fact that I’ve always gravitated toward either younger siblings or only children in my dating life.
Hit the nail on the head wit parents "favoring" their child with the same birth order as them!! It manifest itself in negative ways n my family but is very prevalent.
This is very true and helpful information… I m a 1st born daughter of 5 siblings married to youngest of the family. It definitely effects our relationship how we deal with stuff.
I am an only child and I didn't have a lot of cousins around. Also my parents are older, so I feel like I have a good grasp of getting along with older people. However I believe that I didn't really build much of a conflict resolution system for myself growing up as I had no siblings.
Thanky, really interesting! When we are 15 we have to leave the Italian part of Switzerland for the German part. I couldn't understand the language so good and felt alone. I remember, when I phoned crying at home, that my mother (second of two children, also the youngest one) always said: "I don't have time now, I have to tell a good night tale to your younger sister and then I have to call your older sister" That always hurt me and thought I was not loved. One day I told her that. She apologized, explaining how hard the job was and how she was concerned about my older and younger sister, BUT she assured she loved me no less than them. And from there on there were no problems anymore between us. Even if she says sometimes: "I don't have time, your other sister needs..." That is ok, 'cause worked that out. Communication is important, no matter the birth order or the problems you have.
Me and my fiancé are both the oldest ( even tho he didn’t leave with his siblings most of his life but he still talked to them and sees them) so in the beginning we used to argue a lot but once we got into a rhythm of sorts we started arguing less. Also one of best fiends who used to be the baby girl in the family( used to because we aren’t friends anymore).
I'm a the oldest child of my immediate family, and due to circumstance also trend towards introversion. I never liked having to be "responsible" in my early childhood, or being chided that "I was the oldest." It is also complicated by my mother and father being the oldest of their sibling groups. The difference, among other things is that because they were teenage parents, I grew up with my younger aunts and uncles, which offered a LOT of contradiction and confusion when it came to family hierarchy. My parents were immature, I was asked to assume a "leadership" role with no guidance, and we subordinated by other members of the extended family group. It's no wonder that I dont enjoy close relationships with any of my family today. That is saddening, but I dont dwell on it. I would rather focus on things that bring me peace and pleasure. I have some memories that are helpful in doing that. So, while I do not think birth order can be so simplified, I do appreciate your insights and content. 🕊💪🕯
As the middleman child in a blended family, I am also “an eldest” as my parents first kid together. I feel a lot of responsibility uteri an ultimate failure to launch as my elder instincts were suppressed to accommodate two other “oldest” sisters in the family. I’m number 6 of 8 and still 1 of 3 but the latter was never acknowledge or affirmed
Oldest child here. Interesting stuff! My husband is a youngest child but he still loves leading lol. We do butt heads but we’re a great team! But it’s true that I am used to taking care of people and taking charge. I literally taught my little sister to read and do math and a host of other things and looked after her for entire days. Interestingly, I have a strong bond with our dad but he was the youngest. I think he always really treasured me precisely because I was his first child.
I am the eldest daughter out of 5 kids. Always felt like my younger siblings got away with so much more and even now I probably would get a bigger lecture for a smaller mistake. Always felt like I needed to be a role model and avoided drinking and drugs yet was disappointed because my siblings didn’t care they did those things anyway so some things suck about being the eldest but I still love my family I love being around lots of people at home and would feel weird being completely isolated. As for my personality I am a creative silent leader. I don’t speak up at work but at home I do end up being the person to voice what others don’t want to say. If that makes any sense.
I'm the oldest of 6 children there's a 9 year gap from the baby child me and my mother bump heads because she's the oldest of her siblings is alot truth in what you said about the oldest I Love taking care of ppl and I'm a leader too thanks for the enlightenment
My husband and I are both the eldest. However, he grew up as an only child and only had a brother around 9 years old. It's so odd because he doesn't act like I do. He is not a control freak like me. 😅
I don’t actually know what I am. I’m a twin and the “younger” twin by 2 minutes. But my brother was held back in school so I basically grew up as the middle child in school.
Im a mom and I dont think birth order matters. It really depends on the demands or lack of responsibility your caregiver gives you. Since families can be mix, adopted, or foster-care there are too many variables.
I'm the second born so I'm the middle child but I'm also the first girl so my parents would give me a lot more responsibility than my older brother so I feel like I have some characteristics of the oldest child and of the middle child too.
I find this to be so interesting. I am wondering what happens when you have a large age gap due to starting a family again? I have three bio kids who are now adults and when they were all older teens, we started foster care and eventually adopted. The birth mom of our oldest adopted daughter has had a total of 4 kids and we have adopted them all to be sure that the siblings stay together. Does that make the oldest of the four adopted "the oldest" or a middle child due to her older siblings who are adults now?
But what happens if I'm my mum's youngest but my dad's oldest.... My mum gave birth to my brother with his dad and then me with my dad and then my dad had my little sister with my step mum, am I still a middle child? Cause I'm the youngest in my mum's house hold but the oldest biological child to my dad in my dad's household (excluding my two step siblings that have no relation to me by blood)
My parents are both middle children. But they only had two kids. So I don't know. They are still married after 34 years now. Maybe they connected to each other best.
I'm 4 of Six siblings boys to be exact. My Significant other is the Eldest of two children. Our birth order is kinda unique yet weird but I think it has to do with our birth order. I just don't get it all the time. For some reason I can't understand but you're video does make sense to me. I just do get the dynamic of it In my relationship. 🤗🤗
I was born the baby child for about 12 years before "Mom" had two more, which pushed me in the middle. What makes this even more complicated is my brother and I before me were adopted out and lived as the only child, raised by family that didn't really want us. Where does that put me in my birth order? My "moms" were middle children, and I am all alone with no real connection with either side of my family. I act as the leader, provider, and caretaker of others, and have to be flexible. It's been a journey trying to find myself without being excluded.
It would be interesting to know if you have half siblings that you didn't quite grow up with, but have been spending time with outside of the family. I have one older sister and one younger brother. I feel like I've connected more with my older sister is because we know each other better.
I am biologically an only child, but I never got to feel like an only child, largely because both my parents are on the NPD spectrum. Plus, from around age 3 on to age 20, a succession of dysfunctional foster teen girls lived with us. So I was pushed into a Third Parent role. I grew up being responsible for others’ emotions and needs as if it were my purpose in life. Spoiler: it isn’t! This presents the challenge of needing to recognize a tendency to over function for others who aren’t going to get their 🤡selves together if I keep doing it for them.
I am first born and I am a control freak. My brother is 3 years younger than me.
My brother has the most delightful human traits on the planet. My behavior toward him was cruel at times. When he turned 21 I returned to Sweden to spend two weeks alone with my Brother at our Parents summer house.
I read him a six page letter asking him to forgive me for my actions. He informed me that I was his hero as I left home at 17 to attend University in Australia.
He told me that I taught him to ride a horse, swim, how to knit winter scarves for the poor, ride a motorbike & drive a car.
He is a love and he is my Beloved Brother.
We now talk everyday and I am proud I did not permit pride to overcome my soul.
It’s interesting that his perspective was different than yours. Thank you for sharing. As a first born, I’ve similar experience with my younger siblings.
Beautiful
Props!
Im a first born and since my sister came, I had to take care of myself. Not used to looking out for others but made me real independent
I was the only child for 17 years. So almost into adulthood I was an only child. I feel my personality is definitely the go with it sort like the middle child. My parents had my sister when I was 17, our mom then passed away just shy of 2 years later. I now have custody of my sister and am essentially her parent
I am the youngest and both of my parents were the oldest. I have always been treated by my family as if I need to be taken care of (I am now 44) and have had to put up serious boundaries in order to get them to understand that they don't need to know everything that is going on. I know it is coming from a place of love, but when I am the only one who is supposed be an open book it's obvious that something else is going on. Great video, thank you for sharing your expertise!
Depends on the age gap... they should have mentioned that is a major factor!!!!
At 2:55 they mention it along with some other reasons this might not fit everyone.
This information in general can also be helpful when trying to understand your own parents as well. Aside from friends, relationships, and coworkers.
I am a middle child of 3, agree with our outlook. We are very good at compromise. My mother is a middle child of 9 and we’ve always been close. We’re both caregiver types and more nurturing than sibs. I married a youngest with large gap bw he and other sibs so he has mix of youngest and only child. It’s worked for 27 yrs. i think middle children are conditioned to get along with anyone. Great video!
I am a middle child i guess you might think i am exempt from the topical middle child. I am a loner i don't branch out much but i do get along with others. Instead of me not caring about things i care about everything. I am just different. When it comes to the middle child. I am more a leader and a teacher kind of person. I lift people up higher then they are so that they can soar in there goals.
I totally agree with you and would describe myself as the same. I think the assumption that the oldest automatically the leader or even responsible should not be a blanket statement.
Im the oldest and my spouse is a only child. Ive definitely notice I take charge on difficult topics and he just waits for me to make decisions. I also notice that i am more giving and willing to share which i think has to do with my birth order.
My mom's the baby and my dad was to older
My dad was an only child, mom was the youngest and they fought 24/7. I am a first born man and once dated a last born woman; she disappeared as soon as we were having differences. I once dated another first born; we did fine, we are still friends, I hope one day to find her again.
I am the 1st born of 4 and this is soooo true. There is an 11 year age gap between the 3rd and 4th sibling, so for a long time, it really felt like we were Oldest, Middle, Youngest child, but with the arrival of our youngest sibling, that has significantly shifted the way the rest of the kids operate. I really enjoyed this video!
Also 1st of 4, nearly 9 years older than the next one, still miss being an only child.
Me and my fiancé are both the oldest and we used to argue everyday but once we got to know each other better and gal into a rhythm we started arguing less and less
my mom and I are the first born, she taught me to be more mature than my real age, like how to be a leader, how to be good at house chores, sometimes it's really pressure, sometimes it's kinda important to me
Children know themselves who they are, and where they want to go, if not suppressed. You have to be able to: horse trainer, trauma psychologist, developmental psychologist, calm, fair, loving stability and patience. Daniel 6:16-22; Epheser 5:21-6:4
Wow! I just had lightbulbs blaze on in my head! First I realized that both my parents are the second to the youngest siblings in their families and I’m the eldest of three and I’m generally the take charge personality, I try to mitigate and fix things until I realize that something can’t be fixed at which point I accept it & let it go or subsequently ignore it until either it goes away or someone else deals with it because I refuse to allow it to destroy my outlook.
and the most interesting thing to me is the fact that I’ve always gravitated toward either younger siblings or only children in my dating life.
Hit the nail on the head wit parents "favoring" their child with the same birth order as them!! It manifest itself in negative ways n my family but is very prevalent.
This is very true and helpful information… I m a 1st born daughter of 5 siblings married to youngest of the family. It definitely effects our relationship how we deal with stuff.
I am an only child and I didn't have a lot of cousins around. Also my parents are older, so I feel like I have a good grasp of getting along with older people. However I believe that I didn't really build much of a conflict resolution system for myself growing up as I had no siblings.
These videos have helped me to heal and close years of wounds. THANK YOU so much for the great work that you are doing. May you forever be blesses🤗
Thanky, really interesting! When we are 15 we have to leave the Italian part of Switzerland for the German part. I couldn't understand the language so good and felt alone. I remember, when I phoned crying at home, that my mother (second of two children, also the youngest one) always said: "I don't have time now, I have to tell a good night tale to your younger sister and then I have to call your older sister" That always hurt me and thought I was not loved. One day I told her that. She apologized, explaining how hard the job was and how she was concerned about my older and younger sister, BUT she assured she loved me no less than them. And from there on there were no problems anymore between us. Even if she says sometimes: "I don't have time, your other sister needs..." That is ok, 'cause worked that out. Communication is important, no matter the birth order or the problems you have.
Me and my fiancé are both the oldest ( even tho he didn’t leave with his siblings most of his life but he still talked to them and sees them) so in the beginning we used to argue a lot but once we got into a rhythm of sorts we started arguing less. Also one of best fiends who used to be the baby girl in the family( used to because we aren’t friends anymore).
By the way, both of my "moms" are middle children and have a limited education. I am educated, and a motivator, and I still fight to find that bond.
Birth Order speaks volumes about ourselves 😌
I'm a the oldest child of my immediate family, and due to circumstance also trend towards introversion. I never liked having to be "responsible" in my early childhood, or being chided that "I was the oldest." It is also complicated by my mother and father being the oldest of their sibling groups. The difference, among other things is that because they were teenage parents, I grew up with my younger aunts and uncles, which offered a LOT of contradiction and confusion when it came to family hierarchy. My parents were immature, I was asked to assume a "leadership" role with no guidance, and we subordinated by other members of the extended family group. It's no wonder that I dont enjoy close relationships with any of my family today. That is saddening, but I dont dwell on it. I would rather focus on things that bring me peace and pleasure. I have some memories that are helpful in doing that. So, while I do not think birth order can be so simplified, I do appreciate your insights and content.
🕊💪🕯
My mother & I are both first born & we are like best friends. We have a great relationship ❤
Youngest child but I always felt like an only child.
Going along to get along equates to poor boundaries. Middle child.
As the middleman child in a blended family, I am also “an eldest” as my parents first kid together. I feel a lot of responsibility uteri an ultimate failure to launch as my elder instincts were suppressed to accommodate two other “oldest” sisters in the family. I’m number 6 of 8 and still 1 of 3 but the latter was never acknowledge or affirmed
Oldest child here. Interesting stuff! My husband is a youngest child but he still loves leading lol. We do butt heads but we’re a great team! But it’s true that I am used to taking care of people and taking charge. I literally taught my little sister to read and do math and a host of other things and looked after her for entire days. Interestingly, I have a strong bond with our dad but he was the youngest. I think he always really treasured me precisely because I was his first child.
I am the eldest daughter out of 5 kids. Always felt like my younger siblings got away with so much more and even now I probably would get a bigger lecture for a smaller mistake. Always felt like I needed to be a role model and avoided drinking and drugs yet was disappointed because my siblings didn’t care they did those things anyway so some things suck about being the eldest but I still love my family I love being around lots of people at home and would feel weird being completely isolated. As for my personality I am a creative silent leader. I don’t speak up at work but at home I do end up being the person to voice what others don’t want to say. If that makes any sense.
I'm the oldest of 6 children there's a 9 year gap from the baby child me and my mother bump heads because she's the oldest of her siblings is alot truth in what you said about the oldest I Love taking care of ppl and I'm a leader too thanks for the enlightenment
My husband and I are both the eldest. However, he grew up as an only child and only had a brother around 9 years old. It's so odd because he doesn't act like I do. He is not a control freak like me. 😅
I don’t actually know what I am. I’m a twin and the “younger” twin by 2 minutes. But my brother was held back in school so I basically grew up as the middle child in school.
Im a mom and I dont think birth order matters. It really depends on the demands or lack of responsibility your caregiver gives you. Since families can be mix, adopted, or foster-care there are too many variables.
I'm the second born so I'm the middle child but I'm also the first girl so my parents would give me a lot more responsibility than my older brother so I feel like I have some characteristics of the oldest child and of the middle child too.
I find this to be so interesting. I am wondering what happens when you have a large age gap due to starting a family again? I have three bio kids who are now adults and when they were all older teens, we started foster care and eventually adopted. The birth mom of our oldest adopted daughter has had a total of 4 kids and we have adopted them all to be sure that the siblings stay together. Does that make the oldest of the four adopted "the oldest" or a middle child due to her older siblings who are adults now?
Is 3rd out of 4 siblings a middle one?
What would you say about a second born in a family of four with a first born in a family of two ?
But what happens if I'm my mum's youngest but my dad's oldest.... My mum gave birth to my brother with his dad and then me with my dad and then my dad had my little sister with my step mum, am I still a middle child? Cause I'm the youngest in my mum's house hold but the oldest biological child to my dad in my dad's household (excluding my two step siblings that have no relation to me by blood)
My parents are both middle children. But they only had two kids. So I don't know. They are still married after 34 years now. Maybe they connected to each other best.
I'm 4 of Six siblings boys to be exact. My Significant other is the Eldest of two children. Our birth order is kinda unique yet weird but I think it has to do with our birth order. I just don't get it all the time. For some reason I can't understand but you're video does make sense to me. I just do get the dynamic of it In my relationship. 🤗🤗
I was born the baby child for about 12 years before "Mom" had two more, which pushed me in the middle. What makes this even more complicated is my brother and I before me were adopted out and lived as the only child, raised by family that didn't really want us. Where does that put me in my birth order? My "moms" were middle children, and I am all alone with no real connection with either side of my family. I act as the leader, provider, and caretaker of others, and have to be flexible. It's been a journey trying to find myself without being excluded.
It would be interesting to know if you have half siblings that you didn't quite grow up with, but have been spending time with outside of the family. I have one older sister and one younger brother. I feel like I've connected more with my older sister is because we know each other better.
1:07 lol meee I did cocaine three times
Im the baby im little odd and shyi look to my big brothers
Nothing new , Adler
I am biologically an only child, but I never got to feel like an only child, largely because both my parents are on the NPD spectrum.
Plus, from around age 3 on to age 20, a succession of dysfunctional foster teen girls lived with us. So I was pushed into a Third Parent role.
I grew up being responsible for others’ emotions and needs as if it were my purpose in life.
Spoiler: it isn’t!
This presents the challenge of needing to recognize a tendency to over function for others who aren’t going to get their 🤡selves together if I keep doing it for them.
My mum had a miscarriage after I was born so does that mean I’m not the youngest?