Wow.... I wish I watched this 4 months ago when you posted it. I’m dating someone with abandonment issues and OMG!!! Everything you said is SOOOOOO true!!!!! I’m sitting here crying. I really wish I understood what that really meant and I would have dealt with certain things differently.... this is the very first video I have ever watched about abandonment issues.. thank you so much for the start!! I need to look into this.
Do yourself and the person you are dating a favour. Part ways with that person in a very gentle way. We that have abandonment issues would rather have nobody in our lives than to have someone and risk being abandoned. You have already welcomed the person you are dating into your life. The person really should have declined your invitation to be a part of your social herd. It surprises me the person you mention agreed to an amicable or amorous relationship at all. The terror the person you are dating feels around you is indescribable. Expect your date to try to leave you to avoid being abandoned. This will be when it will be your chance to part ways with the person you are dating. I wonder what possessed the person you are dating to attempt an amicable or amorous relationship again. Your date is actually either reckless or very brave. I successfully deleted everyone from my life the 8th of August 2000 at 18:34 and have never let anybody back into my life. It is 100% impossible for me to ever be used, betrayed, and painfully abandoned again. What more could any recluse want?
@@indridcold8433 Its funny you mention this because we actually did part ways for a couple months (about 4 months) and it really did us some good. I had to make my boundaries clear, but i always gave reasons for why i feel the way i do and don’t compromise on certain things. That was one thing i had to learn with someone who has AI. My motto is “I love you, but you’re not about to drive me crazy” lol, and Im firm on that. So I left. He reached out saying her wanted to try again and it has been sooooo much better this time. He realized he needed to be more open and I cant act on things i dont know. Communication. We’re still working on it always. I mean even the fact that i stopped the communication (which could have been seen as abandonment), but he was still willing to try shows progress in viewing his past abandonments in a more healthy way and that i did something right/differently. Educating myself with videos like this has helped me beyond belief. But no 2 situations are the same. I dont know what you’ve been through… it sounds unforgivable :/. Im sorry.
@@kianathomas851 how are you guys doing these days? I have a friend that has AI. She's working on it. I've known her for about 15 years, and I've watched her in her relationships and how she was. At first I didnt understand it, but as I learned, and got to know her, I'm seeing how it made sense with her insecurities. Her and I have been becoming romantically close, plus, she's going through a few hard times in her life, so I started watching videos and reading So I can try to better understand her so I can be there for her, whether things work out or not. I'm trying my best to be vulnerable with her when it comes to my own fears and insecurities. At the same time, I'm being cautious because of what she's going through. Luckily she recognizes the situation and we have openly talked about this. She's very smart and reads up on her own condition and can talk about it and explain it.
@@joelpocalips we’re doing great 🥳. I honestly can’t remember the last we argued or had a weird moment of insecurity. Communicating is such a gem! You said something interesting, but sooo important about your gf❤️, how she realized that she had AI and is actively trying to work on it. I think thats the key. That’s what my bf was doing as well. To be honest, I had no idea what AI even was until he mentioned it to me, telling me that he suffers from it. Your girl sounds like a fighter ❤️. I wish you both the very best!! ❤️❤️
In a spiritual way it's still our moral responsibility to make sure the other person is okay too. There is no recovery to abandonment. It's not about power or just mental stuff. Humans are still spirits not just transactional persons.
Thank you! I thought I was ready before I entered into this relationship and I got married to my husband. After that I’ve discovered my abandonment issues again. And it makes me feel like I entered into this marriage without being ready. But your words helped me. I will definitely learn more and improve myself because I’m the most responsible person for my own insecurities.
When I was 2 years old my father abandoned me. My mother did when I was 3 years old and I grew up with an abusive grandma. I never hard love when I grew up. Now I’m 24 years old and I have so many issues with my partner because of the way I am and I just realized 2 months ago I have abandonment issues. It’s so hard but I’m trying my best and be more aware of my patterns. This video is very helpful, thank you so much.
Everything makes so much more sense now, it’s been hardly an hour watching videos related to abandonment and this video I relate to so much and understand so much better. Uh its like a relief 😭
Susan, I feel by the minute, by the word, that my life is changing / is going to change thanks to your content, thanks to the way you break down the topic of abandonment. I don't know, where I took it from, that I only would be able to "cure" my abandonment issues once I get to know a partner, who is understanding of mental health issues, who maybe himself went through something, so that he'd be able to see my wounds and hold space for them. I guess, I wasn't ready to take responsibility myself or I just didn't have the knowledge, that working on "relationship related issues", concerning closeness and distance, for example, could be done by myself. It is very empowering to see it this way now, instead of "waiting" for someone to come along, who'd help me heal. I can and I will help myself
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my video. That's very courageous of you to take action and responsibility for your own well-being. Sending you love.
I love this answer and I am so thrilled to find that you’re online! I know you hear this all the time but your book absolutely changed my life. At 31 I hadn’t been in one serious relationship - just flings and disappointment and choosing unavailable men. After doing the work I am now 7 months into my first healthy relationship. Thank you so much!!
Thank you so much for the kind words and for taking the time to comment. Congratulations on your relationship! I'm honored to have been a part of your progress.
I destroyed our marriage. Used to get so angry because I felt undervalued. I felt jealous of the attention she have her friends, her sisters, her teen daughter and her ex. And I would rage. It wasn't until the end I realized it was because of the years of my parents abandoning me. I'm single today but I'm aware of where my feelings come from. Focused on being selfish and taking care of myself and being happy with myself.
FINALLY!!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Susan! Your videos are SO helpful especially when it comes to explaining the abandonment wound to our partners. If you need queries or topic research or keyword content or organic seo or best platforms to post on to reach your audience etc I’ll gladly help you out. All I ask is that you keep posting! 🙌🏽❤️🙏
I was painfully abandoned back in 2000. It is best for me and yourselves not to befriend me, not to take a romantic interest in me, nor even get to know me. I will avoid another painful abandonment at all costs. The only way to assure this is to simply socially isolate myself and have no fiends nor a girlfriend again. In order to attract no attention to keep others away from me, I work nights. I dress very bland, in black, grey, and brown. I rarely speak. But most of all, I wear a fake wedding band the rare times I have to be around others. To repell people pretending to want to be my friend, many times I just fake like I do not know the language they are speaking enough to hold a conversation. Now I am impenetrable. Absolutely nobody can ever abandon me again. It is almost like having a super power.
It’s not really a super power. It’s pretty sick and unhealthy. The protector you have allowed to take hold of your life will hurt other people but never as much as it will hurt you. Unfortunately, what you have done, is to abandon yourself and that’s the worst abandonment of all
@@rjjenkins5601 I do not think my social isolation will hurt anybody. Nobody knows me for me to hurt them by doing a preemptive deletion of that person from my life. You also write as if you are under the impression that I am worth knowing and dating. I believe myself not worth to get to know, nor to date. I would be so apprehensive if I allowed another person into my life. But if I maintain my isolation, there will never be anybody there to push away, nor to hurt me. Everyone wins. Trust me when I write that I am not a person that one would find rewarding to know. Nobody is missing anything of value by me not being in their life.
@@indridcold8433have you read the book the body keeps the score ? Our bodies hold all the truama . We all have a right to unconditional love.. even if riddled with pain.. when we don't face the pain we get sick.. physically as well and mentally and emotionally. I hope one day you can find some self love but know that there are people who will love you right. . It has to come from us first... I understand your defense mechanism, In the long run it won't help.. I wish you well x
Thank you! I loved that you didnt promise to fully blow away the problem after doing this or that... I felt that you aknowledged we are going through pain and it will be difficult, but we can make it easier. Only part that left me in questions is HOW to make myself feel secure?
I’m done being used and abandoned so i stopped giving people chances. I’m no longer easy. I never believe they love me and they prove me right each time after i give them a chance. And she’s wrong. People’s distance a lover’s distance and lack of effort reaffirms my belief that they do not see me as a priority and that they were lying that they loved me and would pursue me and want me around. So when they stone wall me or ghost me or keep their distance and we are not that close i do not believe or have faith in them
It can feel lonely indeed. I have an upcoming online Abandonment Recovery workshop. I hope you can join me: www.tickettailor.com/events/abandonmentrecoveryinc/1215210
Does abandonment issues cause people to always feel like no one ever cared or loves them? I know when someone likes someone else. But no matter what they do I never see they like me and a lot of tie I don't realize they did until days or years after.
I have to disagree that its only our responsbility to feel secure. Sometimes we choose other insecure/avoidant/anxious people who exasparate the problem. They choose silent treatment, they dont communicate, they arent supportive or showing love or reassurance. This is catastrophical for us. Relations are a two way street. It really helps when the other person is secure, at least. When we try to communicate our needs and the other person doesnt respond then what the fuck are we gonna do then???
^ that comment said it well. You do what you can. Which is move on and dont allow yourself to be with someone like that. Im currently 2 weeks out of the worst relationship of my life and i didnt feel reassured or genuinely desired the majority of the year we were together. Until i left i thought it was the other persons fault but in reality i had the power to cut ties the entire time. And chose not to bc I “loved” them.
i think the dysfunction in our family is enormous. actually...neither parent of mine has a 'house'...my dad left to stay in his dad's house in a whole other country. and my mom, brother and sister are renting a 2 bedroom apartment. i just had to leave....i want my own place and i'm 35...how long would i stick around physically before i have a house? it is not dwelling, i just also tried to please my mom by marrying someone from their cultural background and it was hell. i left that marriage. i do not think i am better than anyone... i just want my own house...even if the dysfunction is never resolved. is this narcissistic? i gotta have a place, a stable job, health check-ups for my body. my mom and many people are saying to me that i am trying to 'run away'...it was just overwhelming. and my emotions being abandoned is making me really really sad and angry... its not healthy thinking cycles.
I'll tell you what doesn't work. Removing physical intimacy, kissing and sex. It serves as a constant trigger and undermines any stable relationship when the person who is supposed to love and care for you simply stops all connection because they run home to walls and avoidance.
Hi I have a ? If yr accused of abandonment , and yr to blame for all things that went wrong in their life, when u try to clarify that no, I told u when u were 16 and 2 months that I'm leaving yr father and in 3 days I will come back and hear what you have decided whom to live with. She told me that she had no choice. And then tells me that I abandoned her, when in reality she was left with her father and her older sister. Also she never spoke to me for 8 or 9 years and I called her everyday , sometimes 3 times a day. Anyway, she believes this .
It really depends. It like an electric fire vs. a grease fire. Both will eventually burn your house down, but the source and fuel of the fire is different and so they both require different ways to put the fire out. You can’t put a grease fire out the same way you put out an electric one and vice versa. It’s the same with abandonment issues I’m starting to see. It’s a different kind of issue when you’re trying to be better than everyone vs. being told and treated like you were never enough. Different source, different solution.
Wow. That is one very BOLD assumption, “Mr. Hyde vs Dr. Jekyll”. Would you be a darling and do me a small favor and provide us with the empirical evidence in support of your claim (from an accredited source of course). I look forward to reading it! ;)
@@Misplacedvter I get the sense that OP has been hurt by a narcissist w/ abandonment issues, and he is expressing that hurt through his comment. Admittedly, it feels empowering to respond to hurt with angry vengeance, but this can lead to us making a much bigger target in an effort to punish all of those who we think are similar to the person who hurt us. We overgeneralize in order to make sure that nobody goes unpunished for hurting others the way we've been hurt. I understand this anger and am not criticizing OP, but I suspect that his viewpoint has become biased from being a victim of a narcissist w/ abandonment issues
Wow.... I wish I watched this 4 months ago when you posted it. I’m dating someone with abandonment issues and OMG!!! Everything you said is SOOOOOO true!!!!! I’m sitting here crying. I really wish I understood what that really meant and I would have dealt with certain things differently.... this is the very first video I have ever watched about abandonment issues.. thank you so much for the start!! I need to look into this.
Hi Kiana. Thank you for taking the time to comment. It's never too late. As the saying goes, "The next best time is now."
Do yourself and the person you are dating a favour. Part ways with that person in a very gentle way. We that have abandonment issues would rather have nobody in our lives than to have someone and risk being abandoned. You have already welcomed the person you are dating into your life. The person really should have declined your invitation to be a part of your social herd. It surprises me the person you mention agreed to an amicable or amorous relationship at all. The terror the person you are dating feels around you is indescribable. Expect your date to try to leave you to avoid being abandoned. This will be when it will be your chance to part ways with the person you are dating. I wonder what possessed the person you are dating to attempt an amicable or amorous relationship again. Your date is actually either reckless or very brave. I successfully deleted everyone from my life the 8th of August 2000 at 18:34 and have never let anybody back into my life. It is 100% impossible for me to ever be used, betrayed, and painfully abandoned again. What more could any recluse want?
@@indridcold8433 Its funny you mention this because we actually did part ways for a couple months (about 4 months) and it really did us some good. I had to make my boundaries clear, but i always gave reasons for why i feel the way i do and don’t compromise on certain things. That was one thing i had to learn with someone who has AI. My motto is “I love you, but you’re not about to drive me crazy” lol, and Im firm on that. So I left. He reached out saying her wanted to try again and it has been sooooo much better this time. He realized he needed to be more open and I cant act on things i dont know. Communication. We’re still working on it always. I mean even the fact that i stopped the communication (which could have been seen as abandonment), but he was still willing to try shows progress in viewing his past abandonments in a more healthy way and that i did something right/differently. Educating myself with videos like this has helped me beyond belief. But no 2 situations are the same. I dont know what you’ve been through… it sounds unforgivable :/. Im sorry.
@@kianathomas851 how are you guys doing these days? I have a friend that has AI. She's working on it. I've known her for about 15 years, and I've watched her in her relationships and how she was. At first I didnt understand it, but as I learned, and got to know her, I'm seeing how it made sense with her insecurities. Her and I have been becoming romantically close, plus, she's going through a few hard times in her life, so I started watching videos and reading So I can try to better understand her so I can be there for her, whether things work out or not. I'm trying my best to be vulnerable with her when it comes to my own fears and insecurities. At the same time, I'm being cautious because of what she's going through. Luckily she recognizes the situation and we have openly talked about this. She's very smart and reads up on her own condition and can talk about it and explain it.
@@joelpocalips we’re doing great 🥳. I honestly can’t remember the last we argued or had a weird moment of insecurity. Communicating is such a gem! You said something interesting, but sooo important about your gf❤️, how she realized that she had AI and is actively trying to work on it. I think thats the key. That’s what my bf was doing as well. To be honest, I had no idea what AI even was until he mentioned it to me, telling me that he suffers from it. Your girl sounds like a fighter ❤️. I wish you both the very best!! ❤️❤️
In a spiritual way it's still our moral responsibility to make sure the other person is okay too. There is no recovery to abandonment. It's not about power or just mental stuff. Humans are still spirits not just transactional persons.
Thank you! I thought I was ready before I entered into this relationship and I got married to my husband. After that I’ve discovered my abandonment issues again. And it makes me feel like I entered into this marriage without being ready. But your words helped me. I will definitely learn more and improve myself because I’m the most responsible person for my own insecurities.
When I was 2 years old my father abandoned me. My mother did when I was 3 years old and I grew up with an abusive grandma. I never hard love when I grew up. Now I’m 24 years old and I have so many issues with my partner because of the way I am and I just realized 2 months ago I have abandonment issues. It’s so hard but I’m trying my best and be more aware of my patterns. This video is very helpful, thank you so much.
I wish you all the best. I know it’s not easy to change your entire way of thinking and feeling, that you have done for a lifetime.
Everything makes so much more sense now, it’s been hardly an hour watching videos related to abandonment and this video I relate to so much and understand so much better. Uh its like a relief 😭
Hi hinu
@@aisham6170 hahahahha I got a like and I knew it would be you😂
Susan, I feel by the minute, by the word, that my life is changing / is going to change thanks to your content, thanks to the way you break down the topic of abandonment. I don't know, where I took it from, that I only would be able to "cure" my abandonment issues once I get to know a partner, who is understanding of mental health issues, who maybe himself went through something, so that he'd be able to see my wounds and hold space for them. I guess, I wasn't ready to take responsibility myself or I just didn't have the knowledge, that working on "relationship related issues", concerning closeness and distance, for example, could be done by myself. It is very empowering to see it this way now, instead of "waiting" for someone to come along, who'd help me heal. I can and I will help myself
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my video. That's very courageous of you to take action and responsibility for your own well-being. Sending you love.
I love this answer and I am so thrilled to find that you’re online! I know you hear this all the time but your book absolutely changed my life. At 31 I hadn’t been in one serious relationship - just flings and disappointment and choosing unavailable men. After doing the work I am now 7 months into my first healthy relationship. Thank you so much!!
Thank you so much for the kind words and for taking the time to comment. Congratulations on your relationship! I'm honored to have been a part of your progress.
What's the book called please❤
I destroyed our marriage. Used to get so angry because I felt undervalued. I felt jealous of the attention she have her friends, her sisters, her teen daughter and her ex. And I would rage. It wasn't until the end I realized it was because of the years of my parents abandoning me. I'm single today but I'm aware of where my feelings come from. Focused on being selfish and taking care of myself and being happy with myself.
I'm sooo happy to find you!
Thank you for the video. I finally got a hold of the self sabotage issue. Thank you for helping people heal.
This was such a great and helpful video, thank you
This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Blessings to you !
Thank you! You too!
Dear Susan, thank you for this valuable information and I sure will check out the online resources.
FINALLY!!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Susan! Your videos are SO helpful especially when it comes to explaining the abandonment wound to our partners. If you need queries or topic research or keyword content or organic seo or best platforms to post on to reach your audience etc I’ll gladly help you out. All I ask is that you keep posting! 🙌🏽❤️🙏
Thank you for the kind words and for taking time to comment. I'll keep you in mind.
I was painfully abandoned back in 2000. It is best for me and yourselves not to befriend me, not to take a romantic interest in me, nor even get to know me. I will avoid another painful abandonment at all costs. The only way to assure this is to simply socially isolate myself and have no fiends nor a girlfriend again. In order to attract no attention to keep others away from me, I work nights. I dress very bland, in black, grey, and brown. I rarely speak. But most of all, I wear a fake wedding band the rare times I have to be around others. To repell people pretending to want to be my friend, many times I just fake like I do not know the language they are speaking enough to hold a conversation. Now I am impenetrable. Absolutely nobody can ever abandon me again. It is almost like having a super power.
❤
It’s not really a super power. It’s pretty sick and unhealthy. The protector you have allowed to take hold of your life will hurt other people but never as much as it will hurt you. Unfortunately, what you have done, is to abandon yourself and that’s the worst abandonment of all
@@rjjenkins5601 I do not think my social isolation will hurt anybody. Nobody knows me for me to hurt them by doing a preemptive deletion of that person from my life. You also write as if you are under the impression that I am worth knowing and dating. I believe myself not worth to get to know, nor to date. I would be so apprehensive if I allowed another person into my life. But if I maintain my isolation, there will never be anybody there to push away, nor to hurt me. Everyone wins. Trust me when I write that I am not a person that one would find rewarding to know. Nobody is missing anything of value by me not being in their life.
@@indridcold8433have you read the book the body keeps the score ? Our bodies hold all the truama . We all have a right to unconditional love.. even if riddled with pain.. when we don't face the pain we get sick.. physically as well and mentally and emotionally. I hope one day you can find some self love but know that there are people who will love you right. . It has to come from us first... I understand your defense mechanism, In the long run it won't help.. I wish you well x
There's someone for everyone, wish you the best x
God is kind and heals what we ask if we continue to keep falling into Christ.
I love that the answer is the same for either person, even if both are or neither.... wow
Thank you! I loved that you didnt promise to fully blow away the problem after doing this or that... I felt that you aknowledged we are going through pain and it will be difficult, but we can make it easier.
Only part that left me in questions is HOW to make myself feel secure?
truly integral information, thank you Susan
Wow. Thank you for this information
I’m done being used and abandoned so i stopped giving people chances. I’m no longer easy. I never believe they love me and they prove me right each time after i give them a chance. And she’s wrong. People’s distance a lover’s distance and lack of effort reaffirms my belief that they do not see me as a priority and that they were lying that they loved me and would pursue me and want me around. So when they stone wall me or ghost me or keep their distance and we are not that close i do not believe or have faith in them
Thank you for this amazing video.❤
This is an absolutely fantastic and really helpful video, thank you.
It feels very lonely to be married and love someone with abandonment issues. 24 years here and exhausted.
It can feel lonely indeed. I have an upcoming online Abandonment Recovery workshop. I hope you can join me: www.tickettailor.com/events/abandonmentrecoveryinc/1215210
Does abandonment issues cause people to always feel like no one ever cared or loves them? I know when someone likes someone else. But no matter what they do I never see they like me and a lot of tie I don't realize they did until days or years after.
I never really thought about it before but I really do
THANK YOU
I have to disagree that its only our responsbility to feel secure. Sometimes we choose other insecure/avoidant/anxious people who exasparate the problem. They choose silent treatment, they dont communicate, they arent supportive or showing love or reassurance. This is catastrophical for us. Relations are a two way street. It really helps when the other person is secure, at least. When we try to communicate our needs and the other person doesnt respond then what the fuck are we gonna do then???
Leave them
^ that comment said it well. You do what you can. Which is move on and dont allow yourself to be with someone like that. Im currently 2 weeks out of the worst relationship of my life and i didnt feel reassured or genuinely desired the majority of the year we were together. Until i left i thought it was the other persons fault but in reality i had the power to cut ties the entire time. And chose not to bc I “loved” them.
What an amazing profound video, totally makes complete sense
Thank you for This video
Thank you for being generous with your time to send me a comment. I'm glad I could help.
My bf broke up with me and the reason was very silly
(I expressed a boundary) which made me recognize that this was the reason.
I'm so sorry. Breakup sucks.
I’m going through this now. Best to you.
Wooooooow well explained
i think the dysfunction in our family is enormous. actually...neither parent of mine has a 'house'...my dad left to stay in his dad's house in a whole other country. and my mom, brother and sister are renting a 2 bedroom apartment. i just had to leave....i want my own place and i'm 35...how long would i stick around physically before i have a house? it is not dwelling, i just also tried to please my mom by marrying someone from their cultural background and it was hell. i left that marriage. i do not think i am better than anyone... i just want my own house...even if the dysfunction is never resolved. is this narcissistic? i gotta have a place, a stable job, health check-ups for my body. my mom and many people are saying to me that i am trying to 'run away'...it was just overwhelming. and my emotions being abandoned is making me really really sad and angry... its not healthy thinking cycles.
I'll tell you what doesn't work. Removing physical intimacy, kissing and sex. It serves as a constant trigger and undermines any stable relationship when the person who is supposed to love and care for you simply stops all connection because they run home to walls and avoidance.
Hi I have a ? If yr accused of abandonment , and yr to blame for all things that went wrong in their life, when u try to clarify that no, I told u when u were 16 and 2 months that I'm leaving yr father and in 3 days I will come back and hear what you have decided whom to live with. She told me that she had no choice. And then tells me that I abandoned her, when in reality she was left with her father and her older sister. Also she never spoke to me for 8 or 9 years and I called her everyday , sometimes 3 times a day. Anyway, she believes this .
Hi. Please send me a message at abandonment@erols.com so I can respond properly.
@@healingabandonment thank you
You don't. Just run. We're damaged. Life is too short or something.
Would it feel like a roller coaster??🤣
🤣
what if this man has never had parents his entire life? is a virgin? is afraid of sex? his mom abandoned him.. father never met him..
Please send me an email at abandonment@erols.com so I can respond properly. Thank you!
How do u love someone with abandonment issues ? Easy
U abandoned them
Duh
Mating feeling?? What is that? Like want to have sex?? Can someone please explain?
Yes
Physical attraction
You don’t. You cut it and create distance , enjoy your life. That’s a narcissistic trait
It really depends. It like an electric fire vs. a grease fire. Both will eventually burn your house down, but the source and fuel of the fire is different and so they both require different ways to put the fire out. You can’t put a grease fire out the same way you put out an electric one and vice versa. It’s the same with abandonment issues I’m starting to see. It’s a different kind of issue when you’re trying to be better than everyone vs. being told and treated like you were never enough. Different source, different solution.
@@kianathomas851 100%! It's like having a headache. The reason why you are having it could be for different reasons
Wow. That is one very BOLD assumption, “Mr. Hyde vs Dr. Jekyll”. Would you be a darling and do me a small favor and provide us with the empirical evidence in support of your claim (from an accredited source of course). I look forward to reading it! ;)
That's an oversimplified worldview. Cluster Cs can have these issues too, not only Borderliners and Narcissists.
@@Misplacedvter I get the sense that OP has been hurt by a narcissist w/ abandonment issues, and he is expressing that hurt through his comment. Admittedly, it feels empowering to respond to hurt with angry vengeance, but this can lead to us making a much bigger target in an effort to punish all of those who we think are similar to the person who hurt us. We overgeneralize in order to make sure that nobody goes unpunished for hurting others the way we've been hurt. I understand this anger and am not criticizing OP, but I suspect that his viewpoint has become biased from being a victim of a narcissist w/ abandonment issues