How to Heal an Abandonment Wound with Susan Anderson
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ค. 2024
- In this interview I talk with Susan Anderson, author of 4 books including The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, The Abandonment Recovery Workbook, Taming Your Outer Child and Black Swan - the Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery. (All on Amazon)
You can find her work here: www.abandonment.net/ and here: www.abandonment.net/contact.frame
I have written a summary of Inner-Child work and the description of inner, outer and adult self here: risingwoman.com/inner-child-w...
Order my bestselling book, Becoming The One: courses.risingwoman.com/btobook
For my online programs: risingwoman.com/programs/
Follow me on Instagram: / sheleanaaiyana
Go to risingwoman.com/ for meditations, articles, book recommendations and more.
#consciousrelationships #healing #innerwork
Abandonment Wound = Self Sabotage = Procrastination (outward manifestation)
The failure to engage in Self Care is a form of Self Abandonment
If you refuse to take care of yourself it is self abandonment.
This is eye opening. I look around at my surroundings and I see it. I have to start doing things…and complete them.
This is very true.
holy shit.. eye opener for sure
Wow just realizing that now after feeling so much pain that I’m not going to abandon myself, I learn to love myself because the guy was there for me in many ways but I couldn’t also receive because any little sign for me was a rejection
I know I'm in trouble when I stop brushing my teeth.
The pain feels like dying😶 because as a little kid we felt/knew like if our caregivers don't do their job, we'll die!!! That's at least how i feel. It's not sadness, it's grief and pain. Like some little part of us died and we are still not able to cope
Yes. That is exactly how it feels.
Im sorry you had to endure this. You’re a good person
It's like your heart is literally being crushed
Feeling this so much right now …it’s so painful
Yes. And it keeps on replaying itself in my adulthood.
I have this inherent sense of being abandoned, I don’t belong anywhere and there’s horrible internal conflict whilst all this is happening at the deep core. I’ve accepted this fate yet I know this is wrong but I don’t know how to come out it.
"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Many toxic families, especially in the upper middle class identify strongly with the belief that they are a good family when that is in fact not the case. I discovered only in my mid thirties that my family is totally disfunctional and we are putting on this facade what a great family we are. There was no space whatsoever on reflection. I ended up estranging myself from them. The point is I am trying to making: don't buy into the 'we are a good family' narrative.
Ugh true
So hard to accept. Im learning to love them from a distance
I have a friend who told me, “you shouldn’t dislike your parents. They’re still your parents.” .. I’m not gonna sit here & lie about my experience! I’m sick of it.
@@camillemanly3800 yea no. I have friends who dont even like their parent(s). Its one thing to have unconditional love like yea thats your mom but just because they’re your parent doesn’t mean you need to like them or their personality, thats just bullshit. I still do believe in having basic common respect if you’re in their household or what not and you’ve got past your anger but yea. I feel sympathy for those who went through bullshit from their parents, im one too. If you feel like your self esteem got damaged or you’re suffering through bullshit childhood trauma they put you through, Healing your emotional self by Beverely Engel is a good book to clear that up and live a more satisfying richer life
I have been rejected from my family who are toxic and a lot of them have a drinking problem. I’m the older grandmother that they use for gifts,etc. I have helped all of them money wise and emotionally. I just feel sad but actually that’s better than what I used to be. I have had years of extreme depression and anxiety. I’ve done a lot of work on myself ( therapy and 12 step meetings) it still hurts. It helps to read the comments.
Holy shit! The first woman explaining my procrastination and why I never do stuff! And the thing with asymmetrical relationships is true! In all my friendships- like she said, I gave gifts and stuff on their birthday, but when it's my birthday they always have an excuse! Wow😳
Sameee
Yup😢
@@xhen12 Hello dear , how are you? I am Malcom i decided to say hi when i came across your profile, you have an adorable one if i must confess🌹hope my message doesn't offend you
Omggg same same! This year no one of the friends even called on my birthday.. I have plenty of projects in my mind, like a me inside that know that is here to do some interesting things but I can not find the motivation I feel desorientaded
@@Starstorm111 start with very small, micro projects. Like sweeping off your front porch, or something that’s very small that will make a difference without overwhelming you. Little things that you do to improve your home and life, little bit by little bit, will make a huge difference overtime.
I got the double whammy! One parent is an alcoholic, the other is a malignant narcissist. My entire life has been affected by constantly be abandoned & neglected.
Same
I like that you call it abandonment wound instead of "issue". For me, it's trauma and it's so hard trying to heal from it.
Just came across this beautiful conversation and got so many answers. Like you mentioned, a lot of people don't even know why they act differently and simply think they've gone crazy. TH-cam can be a good place sometimes. Kudos to you guys. :)
Im only 20 minutes in and this is better than any therapy Ive had so far. I feel recognized on many levels. I came from a loving family and have the worst anxious attachment/abandonment wounds.
When I was little, alone and sad, I actually took a sharpie and wrote "ABANDONED" in clumsy letters on the chest of my favourite toy, a large rubber duck. And more than 30 years later it took watching this eye-opener to make me confident I have a clear path.
Being a bit savvy on programming, I used to think everyone gets the mental equivalent of rootkits (non-self thoughts seemingly coming from the legitimate self), I used to imagine my fears as medieval criminals on their way to the executioner, being mocked by the crowd (my actual self).
I just might go further by finding my lost, scared, scarred and sad inner child, and provide the love, understanding and confidence he has never known.
Lots of love n hugs .. you are loved!
24:56 self-love is taking good care of you overall so much so that you trust yourself more and feel more confident vs self-indulging and perfectionism. Delayed gratification vs. instant gratification.
27:50 face fears or else they grow. Trauma responses don’t mean you’re not ready.
37:30 asymmetrical friendships & giving vs. manipulating in order to receive love
38:03 “giving” to friends vs. giving to self
thank u so much
thanks 😊
I wish I would of found this video 2 years ago 😢
Thank you!
Most people grow up left with some or more empty spots in their hearts. The best thing is to learn self love, fill your own inner well and it will overflow and come back to you. It takes a lot of reflection, self honesty and awareness. The awareness will come when you allow it, take the time to go within, check in with your feelings. Many people need help to heal the wounds of life, we are all seeing with our own perceptions and we are the only ones who can allow ourselves to truly be healed. Acknowledge when you need help to get to those voids if you see repeating patterns and know that it is your right to review, feel and heal! Great talk! Thank you both.
I had so many breakthrough epiphanies while watching this. I needed it so much. Answers to long-held questions about "what's wrong with me." I'm happy to go with this knowledge and know how to begin to heal!
Yes!!!!! Same here
Thank you so much. I am finally starting to do the work I’ve been putting off for years... it’s very clear that I have an abandonment wound.
Po8p0il00jpl
Me too. I really hope your inner work is helping.
Shalina (?), you are a terrific interviewer. Great questions and follow-ups, no interruptions or awkward interjections. Brilliant. A very interesting topic with new insights. Thank you.
I have read, recommended, and given away this book many times, since about 2002. Next to the Bible, this book really helped me heal more than any other. READ IT, you probably will have a hard time putting it down.
Fear doesn't dissipate - it incubates!!! WOW
Hello dear , how are you? I am Malcom i decided to say hi when i came across your profile, you have an adorable one if i must confess🌹hope my message doesn't offend you
I saw this clip on IG. Came here in full anxiety- feeling so much pressure- like I was in the edge of sanity- ( I’m going through a divorce) I literally felt the tension in my body dissipate as she explained what loving yourself really looks like. This was sooo good! And very much on time. I was hoping to take a trip to the bookstore as an outing to get these books. Thank you - thank you 🙏🏼 GREAT INFORMATION
🙏🏻
First time listening
I really needed to hear this
Abandonment feeling’s paralyze me with fear. I hope too see more videos ❤
Excellent point about the difference between self-nurturing and self-indulgence. Self nurturing whispers "I can trust myself." :)
This was an absolutely eye-opening interview and I am so very grateful to you ladies!! Thank you so much!!
Thank you for sharing this conversation. I am struggling to overcome sudden abandonment and divorce after 26 years of marriage. Coping is becoming harder as time progresses. I am realizing that I must address it now.
Wow. I didn’t know impactful this was until I found myself referencing so many of the gems from this interview. One of them being that relationships can be a way to strengthen your relationship with yourself. Perfection is a myth. Love that ✨🙏🏾 thank you for this conversation.
I had an alcoholic mother. Also, my ex-husband had an affair and left me and my 3 young children during breast cancer. This is so helpful, and I plan to read your books! TY!
This interview was absolutely amazing for me. I feel like every single little thing that ive been so confused about and trying desperately to heal but not knowing even where to start were answered easily and im feeling so confident about moving forward. Thank you for introducing me to this beautiful author 💖
“I can now enjoy you & what you are offering & go take care of myself” I love this. 🙌🏻
Life changing. So glad to have been connected to your both. Thank you.
Wow! I completely resignated with this podcast! Thank-You! ♥️😎♥️
Thank you so much, I m discovering all these new concepts and going through a divorce and it s helping me so deeply. iI can only be grateful, all my love
This makes so much sense and feels so validating. I’ve had so much abandonment in my life and due to the BPD label placed on me at 15 I’ve felt like the entire therapy world has blamed me for being traumatized and forgotten about.
Thank you for teaching me about this pain. I could not understand why the love of my life starts to freak out all of a sudden and it's a fear and I was thinking it was insecurities not realizing it was abandonment and how raw that can feel. Please let us know how we can support a partner who is going through this.
Be reassuring not critical
Thank you, thank you! I never knew what was wrong with me... now i can see clearly! its a quite painful process and so many negative emotions and repressed memories come up...but Its worth it❤️🌙
I needed this so badly today and boom! There was your post on IG which led me to this interview. I’ve struggled with abandonment all my life beginning with childhood wounding which included moving all the time, my mother running away with me and ADHD, which, one of the 3 primary defining characteristics happens to be Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I caused my fiancé to end our relationship just over a year ago and frustratingly, I just haven’t been able to really get in deep and make any meaningful progress with what is now acutely activated abandonment. Thank you so much for your post today. This is the first time I’ve felt there may be an effective way to heal those wounds. I’ve done so much therapy but nothing’s really cracked the surface. This gives me hope! I’m going to devour SA’s books and start writing my letters to little me tonight!
I'm so sorry for the pain and heartache you endured as a small child, and I hope you know how loved you are. So happy you are here doing this work now. I am so excited for you to have stumbled upon Susan Anderson's work - and so grateful you're following along with us. Stay tuned as we will be creating more programs centered around this on Rising Woman. Lots of love to you, Sheleana
Rising Woman Thank you and I’m looking forward to it!!
Let me say how proud of you I am that you’re doing the work and instead of giving up when something didn’t work, you keep pressing forward and seeking. ( if you seek you will find Matthew7:7) your message Resonates with me as my Husband also has ADHD and suffers with a severe case of Rejection sensitivity. However, he refuses to address it and as a result , our marriage is in a grave state. . I’m praying very hard that the Lord will have content such as this cross his path like it has crossed mine. But also convict his heart to desire to begin seeking answers. All the best to you Sis! Don’t give up!! I agree this content was very helpful and offers a ton of hope💜
Yes!! Write a letter to little me! I love that. It’s getting in touch with our inner child.
Yes.go girl
The point about self-honesty and integrity in regards to our underlying motivations is such an important one - Jesus wasn't wrong when he said that it's the truth that sets you free, even if it can also be very painful. You really have to want the truth more than you want to avoid discomfort or pain, and so many people just prefer comfortable delusion.
And the woman at the well who had given up on marriage bc of bad relationships told everyone “He told me everything about myself”
Thank you! This is gold.
Brilliant! I wish you do a similar show for men as well. Even though most of this applies to all of us There are so many men who need to be seen, held and acknowledged for their abandoned self. Would do us men a whole lot of good.
Do you know of ManTalks? I think his name is Connor Beaton... ?
Thankyou 🙏🏻
Tysm🙏🏻
This truly was incredible and spoke to me so deeply. ❤️🙏🏽. Thank you.
This was excellent - you guys hit the nail on the head with what I believe is my deepest issue. Definitely going deeper! Xx
Love this author- Definitely checking out her inner child & outer child healing books too- I love audibles, that's where i first found her. Hopefully I can find them on there. Thanks for this podcast. I too suffered through a lot of childhood trauma-
Learning true self- love's assisted me, its still a work in progress, as am I-
I'm still not great with love relationships-
Maybe someday-
More healing to do.
Such clear and wise words, thank you so much - I feel like you offered me a structure to reparent myself and it even seems very doable instead of overwhelming as it felt before! The inner and outer child makes total sense, this will help me grow the practice a lot ❤️ I am grateful to have found this interview and your work :)
Thank you so so much. That was very helpful. Wonderful this exists
I got so much from listening to this talk. Thank you so much to you both.
We grow through each other! I love this 😍
Hello dear , how are you? I am Malcom i decided to say hi when i came across your profile, you have an adorable one if i must confess🌹hope my message doesn't offend you
I love this interview! Thank you so very much for your beautiful work, both of you are such precious and unique gems!!!
Thanks for this!
"you don't have to be perfect to have a good life" priceless!!!! thank you!
Such a brilliant chat. Thank you so much for this healing. 🙏❤️
You are so welcome! Thanks for being here :) Shay
I'm so glad I found this talk. I'm going to get theses books. I love Rising Woman, you're a great interviewer! Thank you.
I LOVED THIS. SO MUCH INSIGHT THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I am so happy you enjoyed it, you are very welcome! - Shay
I'm so glad I found this interview, it was so insightful and illuminating, thank you for sharing 🙏 Described my way of being in words I didn't have, I'm excited to have found the possible (root) issue and start solving it!
Wow! Thank you both so much. Truly, coming across this is a total life changer. Peace.
Thank you for making this accesible. Watching this in 2022. Part of my new year resolutions to work on my inner child and abandonment. :)
Just thank you so much for the light work your doing. I have recieved this and it has landed deeply! I'm so grateful 🤲🙏🙏
OMG 😱 finally !!!!!! I realize what’s wrong with me and why I get anxiety and panic attacks 😢thank you 🙏🏼
Wow thank so much for the wonderful interview!!!! Really resonated and confirms why I’m feeling this way! Great reminder on small change is where it’s at and the importance of re-parenting/tending to the inner child 💕😘
This is so therapeutic. Thank you.
This was so helpful and enlightening ♥️🙏🏻 Thankyou
So insightful thank you Shay✨🕊🤗
This is such a good talk. Thank you
This is absolutely life-changing you actually saved me!
This is lovely to read
Healing the child within by Bradshaw. That’s where I learned about healing the inner child.
Did you improve?
I hope it gets easier and more automatic to self check in and not self abandon, it feels like so much self doubt and questioning everything you can't even trust yourself
Hello dear , how are you? I am Malcom i decided to say hi when i came across your profile, you have an adorable one if i must confess🌹hope my message doesn't offend you
Such a good interview! Thank you! I finally understood my procrastination tendencies.
Loved it! Thank you both!
Life changing x
I feel you both are talking directly to me. How intense and open eyes it was for me to watch this video. I can’t wait to read your book and the book mentioned in this video. Thank you so much for sharing and caring
Wow this was an interview I needed to see. Thanks
I have an insane amount of deep abandonment wounds and now late 20s i am trying to find true healthy relationships but the rejection kills me and i manage to experience a lot of it. not really when i meet someone in person but when its about to organize to meet again it feels like i cant live with that distance and just Belief of it happening naturally idk. but its almost killing me literally, i hope so much i will find love and just some happiness and security its so fking bad
Interview was pretty good and i am gonna read her books she really seems to know what shes talkin about thank you
Wow, that you so much for this beautiful, powerful conversation!
Thank you so much for this
I love this video. Thank you
I really valued this conversation and received a lot from it. I have purchased the workbook and am looking forward to using it
Thank you so much to both of you ladies!!! This was amazing interview.
Hello dear , how are you? I am Malcom i decided to say hi when i came across your profile, you have an adorable one if i must confess🌹
Thank you, thank you, God bless you both 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I finally found what's wrong with me.... my heart recognized this, just felt a worm sensation and told me this is.... this is what I am trying to say to you with all the madness I gave you in order to understand what I need. Now I see. You literally saved my life 🙏🙏🙏🙏 I am crying....it's amazing how we people save each other how we care for each other and that we support each other in every dark corner ot the journey. It's so beutiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Amazing. I've always felt so grateful for having both of my parents together, specially when I hear other people's life stories on how their parents got divorced or one abandoned them, but I learned that there are more situations that can cause the abandonment wound. I didn't know what trigger my self-sabotage and my on and off relationship. I can finally understand a little more and I realized I have an abandonment wound that I need to heal. I will definitely be working on my inner child dialogue as well. Thank you si much for this interview. Sending so much love to you!!!
I'm so happy to hear you had a realization during this interview. It's true, we often disregard our experiences or compare them to others, but when we're small and can't differentiate, there are a lot of little fractures that can leave an imprint on us as adults. So excited for you to begin the inner-child dialogue process. Lots of love to you, Shay
Thank you for this interview. Thank you Susan I have your book. 🙏🏼😇
Thank you, thank you for this.... It's so good yet I'm sad, I'm relieved for this understanding and explanation.
Thank you 🙏🏽
Phantastic
Powerful conversation ❤ thank you! 🙏🏻
This has really helped me today. I'm in the thick of being triggered by abandonment right now and this has shed a lot of light on everything.
top notch!
I have the book - am starting it TODAY!! Using 'in relationship' as a teacher rather than running from it: what happens when your ex partner is emotional abusive and a covert narcissist?? I have no doubt I did the right thing in leaving!
Lori Abramson only you know when it’s right to stay and when it’s right to leave. It sounds like you made the healthiest choice for you. Sending love. 💕 Shay
I love the self-abandonment concept- I thought about that before when I have some goals...and I tend to not go throughw/them.
most of what I do for others is rooted in a desire to be loved by them - great interview, thanks for sharing this wisdom
Thank you. I've struggled with this. So helpful for your self help lady
Thank you so much for this video. I just discovered you on IG. Most importantly for validating my not understanding why I have never understood why I struggle with my relationship with rejection and abandonment even though I grew up with two parents that loved me. It feels so good to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way and that my rejection and abandonment could be because of a multitude of subtle past incidences.
Pure gold. This ties into the adoptee experience closely. Sheleana is the rare person I’d look forward to meeting because of her depth and emotional intelligence.
I don’t know maybe someday our noisy aggressive culture will notice that the soft spoken (and many times wounded) are usually the ones with the greatest inner strength.
Susan Anderson is a veritable genius, authentic, in this ambit of understanding abandonment in
the context of our human make-up and just as important, in the circumstances of living. She has
that insight that clarifies and so we can grasp complexity in self consciousness, or so I think.
This helped a lot! ♥️
Brilliant! I just bought her book :)
Which one did u get x x
Love this woman, and her work. Her book is incredible therapy.
Thank you for this video and books:) helps me a lot with what is going on in my life right now :))
Amazing video!!
Thank you so much for sharing this and for for sharing the part about coming from idyllic family which I did not. That we all deal with abandonment wounds irregardless. That it's not a overreaction.
Thank you for posting this conversation. Came across it while looking for more info on Susan Anderson and abandonment. Apart from all the wisom you guys shared .. I had to laugh when Susan mentions going to the gym .. for me the hardest thing about going to the gym is getting out of the house .. once youre there you just train and its good for us all. Blessings to you guys.
I’m 54 years young and have had relationship issues and just was told it has to do with Abandonment issues from my father, as a child my father wasn’t in my life other than buying me things but when it came to knowing me as his daughter he knew nothing about me. I went to his home to stay overnight 4 different times and every time before it got dark I always asked to go home, because he never even tried to get to know me or about what was happening in my life at all.
I am sobbing since the first few minutes lmao thank you so much this was so helpful
I also read Black Swan - it was fantastic. Designed a tattoo around it!!
I am and I'm having a hard time understanding what the black swan is telling "Amanda". Who is the black swan and I don't understand what he's telling her to do.