💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I'm finally talking to a therapist to fix these issues. I realize I could never be right for anyone because of these deep rooted issues. I hope everyone reading this overcomes
Tim is a blessing. Don't forget that a trauma informed therapist is better informed about complex trauma than a normal therapist. Sending you LOVE and healing💖💖💖
You are whole and worthy of love just as you are right now. Even if you can't see it or believe it, it is true. Take it from someone who used to be where you are.
This was super hard to watch, but explains more to me than a hundred textbooks! Thank you Tim, I cried the whole way through and know now I can heal from this.
Absolutely! And he isn’t even a psychologist. Or maybe BECAUSE he isn’t a psychologist he just has this special gift and didn’t spoil it with “education”.
It took me so long to identify it. I couldn't understand why I had such a deep fear of abandonment when my parents never left me and always provide my physical needs. Emotional abandonment feels insidious. It's every bit as destructive, but no one validates it like they do overt abuse. I'm glad this is being talked about.
Yes, the constant screen in the faces. Also, after the last few years, children isolated, away from friends, and home life stresses, as so many schools were closed (for waaay too long)… it will take a generation (or a few) to even beGIN to improve. 😞
I had a good childhood upbringing and after 2 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan as a 68W and then a reclass 11B…this man has done more for me than the VA. Thank you.
The jumping to conclusions part can be really difficult when some of those things have actually happened and in your own mind they are real possibilities because they have. It can be very scary to risk being hurt/abandoned again.
Exactly! It's worse when there is actual real evidence. And at that point the only way of getting rid of the feeling is simply getting away from the relationship, which absolutely sucks
This man has changed my life in so many ways in these past two weeks. He’s saved me in so many ways. I would joke that I was an alien tourist that doesn’t understand human interaction. Watching/listening to these made me feel like I’m not crazy for once. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone and that there’s hope for the better with the knowledge and tools here he’s provided and I feel forever grateful.
In reality I didn't feel abandoned, I WAS abandoned 1. by birth mom, 2. abandoned by 2 foster homes(transferred to another home without warning) 3 Adopted and then after 6 years(adopted at 4 and sent to another foster home at 10) Many failed relatonships over the years, failed marriage, kids taken by ex hubby, failed friendships, the list goes on. At 76 years old, I still have to deal with these. issues.
Same here! Abandoned by both parents, then 4 foster homes, 2 boarding schools, including sexual abuse from age 8. Nothing but failed relationships, addiction: a shit life ! Glad it will be over soon, as I’m 70. I just don’t get it why people have to go through all this shit. What’s the use? Why can’t parents love their children?
The thing is you can be a good option to have in someone else's life but never a priority. Followed by your strife to change that, only worsen it. Don't open yourself so much that you are susceptible to rejection. Build a wall and start enjoying your own self, no expectations, no investments.
I felt so exposed watching this. My bio-mom abandoned my 2 brothers and I after the judge awarded her custody. She told him she didn’t want us, just baby #4 and left us with our dad. I was the only one old enough to remember it happening. She only came into my life a handful of times just to try to manipulate and lie to me, then leave again for years on end. She went on to have 4 more kids with her 2nd husband. Now, I don’t even talk to my dad, those 2 brothers, and several other siblings. Protecting mine and my children’s mental health from them is more important, but these videos are showing me I still have a long way to go.
Im so sorry you had to go through that. Im glad you found the strength to go no contact. Too many people stay in dysfunctional family situations their entire life, not understanding what you said about keeping you and your kids mental health balanced. Our kids suffer as much as us by these dysfunctional people
Loving an avoidant is hard. It's a lot of work. And if you do it right, if you invest your time and energy correctly, they abandon you. And it hurts. Whats I've learned is that the avoidant is a true lost cause. Unless they have already started to work on themselves maybe. You can't form a healthy bond with someone who feels threatened by kindness. Often when you fear abandonment. You'll end up with an avoidant.
I never ended up with an avoidant until I married my wife. I guess the loneliness really got to me. And our relationship stripped me of my entire groove. Never been so emasculated
Once again, this nails it and is SO helpful! I’m an adoptee. I’ve had abandonment issues practically my entire life. This was me to a T. I still have work to be done but I’m finally healing in my 40s. Thank you for your trauma work it’s invaluable.
This hits so much. I’ve felt abandonment from knowing that both parents left me with a relative when I was a baby. Even though i don’t remember any memories from being left, my mind suffers abandonment till this day and it shows in my relationships. It doesn’t help that my ex fiancée broke of our engagement and said he didn’t love me anymore. Told me he was not attracted to me at one point because i had gained weight, told me i was pretty on other occasions, told me he couldn’t see a future with me …then on a different occasion told me he knows I’m great but feels he can find better. Told me he didn’t know what love is and can’t love me on a different occasion and that he needs to go explore who he is. I’ve been broken and confused and learning to pick up the pieces. Initially wanted to jump into another relationship just to numb the pain but i didn’t do it because i know i will be creating hurt for someone new. I really want to heal but it’s truly difficult. Fighting for my life each day and trying to actually believe that i have value.
I’m so sorry. But he sounds awful. It sounds like “the trash took itself out”. In a healthy relationship, they will make you feel safe and valued. Love doesn’t hurt. It took me years to realize a healthy relationship is “boring”. There isn’t constant drama. Your person makes you feel safe and valued. They reassure you they aren’t going anywhere.
I was placed on institution for 6 weeks before I was adopted. I believe this is the cause. Now my entire family has abandoned/erased me Because of my poor choices divorced their father and also current global mess -opposite sides. I am trying but I don’t think it will heal my relationship. 💐 to a fellow sufferer
Me too, I'm 54 and I've been in the dark all these years. Trying this way and that to solve the puzzle. I'm so grateful I know what's going on in my head and now I can try to fix it the best I can. I want to be happy 😊
@@AnthonyL0401 I checked your time stamp, but I believe he starts this section with an introduction at the presentation. However, I would have never got th that point if you hadnt stamped yours above, as so many times I give up on his videos after a few minues (I have misophonia, and I cannot stand the sound that he makes with his mouth after every second sentence) So thanks for your timestamp, was useful indeed 🌞
I have decided I am deserving of this time I give to myself. I’m learning & growing now from a 24 yr marriage to someone with an addiction issue. His narcissism became overwhelming at the end. I am actually grateful for surrender & releasing myself to move into my third act of life in a new way I will always wish him the best. I have pride & integrity for the yrs we had. The most pride in me now👍🏻
Mine started at age 21, when my fiance joined the army, we got married, moved 500 miles from home, and he secretly got discharged and packed everything we owned, including my childhood possessions and moved back home. I came home from work to vacant military housing, which of course i could not stay in, so i was homeless a minute till i found a room for rent, met another soldier, married a year later, had 3 kids, lived in 3 states including hawaii, he rarely spoke to me, cheated all the time, met someone else and left me and the children, btw my 1st born is severely autistic. Now I've been divorced 20 years, swore I'd never do it again.😢 just realized the problem today, this video
@09ChargerRT That was an extraordinary thing for your first husband to do: sounds as if he was feeling extreme anger at time: and sought expression in the most hurtful & final way possible: taking what was beloved by you home with him: to *his* parents. Not understandable. And then another military guy after that ... abandoning his woman repeatedly. I hope things are better now 🧡
In my mind, abandoned by both parents when they divorced and then again when they met new partners who didn't want my and my sister as baggage. Then all of my relationships, my first boyfriend I would ask every week, you're going to leave me? And then he would and he'd be back. Still affects me today. An unavailable man about 10 years ago, my parting comment being, you're not there for me. My most recent partner turned to drink (my only boundary) and I felt so abandoned. This is so powerful. At 59, I'm excited for my future now. Thank you so much 🤗 This is invaluable
This one really opened up my eyes. I know I had a ton of deep rooted anxiety, fear, and anger from the abuse I experienced as a child, but never realized how much abandonment affected me.
Important thing to add here - there's an evergrowing number of people in modern society that absolutely thrive in judging others of being unworthy of love, in finding fear of abandonment in others, leeching on it, proving to the suffering person that they are absolutely unworthy and will get abandoned, and in many cases even praising and encouraging bullying such people as "sub-human". So it's not just a past trauma that needs revisiting, it's the constant actualization of it through modern culture that favours bullies who are in big and growing numbers. That's the norm today.
I've never heard anyone speak of my life in great detail as you. I was abandoned at 3 days old. Now at 40 yrs. old, I can feel The Universe speaking me to me daily about what I need to do to heal. My 5 yr old & I are living with her toxic father & have been unable to get away. Now I know the real reason for that (fear of abandonment) My trauma has affected my life, my child's life & other people's lives....Just b/c I never heal from it. Before The World Learders Get Us All Nuked ~ & ~ The Truth Is Proven That Aliens Are Here.....I want to heal the last half of my life so I can know what love/a true human connection could feel like....Then ONLY can I say that I lived my best life.
I just realized where my cptsd started thanks to this video, I was ignored as a child when i was bullied as a child by siblings and other children alike, and even after telling my parents and teachers nothing was ever done. Holding on to that mental point for later examination.
The family dog never chose me either, it just added to the misery for me because I was the one who would walk and play with and feed them the most and yet they always would be in my mother's lap
Recently ive been trying to address this because i want to be a happy person, but ive put a lid on my sadness and coped woth disassociation. Dipping into it recently though has memories coming to me as im trying to sleep. I manage to quiet my mind enough i think ill fall asleep but ive been forced awake by memories sobbing because i can still remember exactly how i felt in many moments that made me feel unloved
I had a therapist tell me 'go back to the person in those memories--that little, scared person--and tell them "you're doing a good job taking care of yourself right now. You make it into the future! And you help yourself Thank you for getting me there, little one".'
I've decided to stay single and mostly on my own. Much easier than trying to deal with all the game players, working on maintaining trust, respect etc. Too much work. I don't have the patience or the energy to invest in a relationship. Being self-sufficient is much healthier.
I have to listen to this video in segments because it’s so heavy and such a reflection of my life. I appreciate all the work put into these videos as I work through my challenges
Thank you for this complication. I did suffer neglect during childhood and as a baby I suspect. I did not pursue attention or tried to cling to others. I was just invisible, as if I did not exist. I am experiencing the devastating effects of abandonment. Specially because at 65yo I was diagnosed with autism. Mourning my inner child has been very painful. I am 66 now. Thank you 🙏🏼
It’s definitely a deep deep pain I know what you mean at 2:35 I still have dreams so often finding myself somewhere and that feeling of loneliness is intense. I can’t describe it but it’s an intense void painful feeling.
I am so very grateful for this teaching! I pray the Lord blesses you as much as it blesses me! I’ve always wanted to understand my actions. I was an addict for 19 years but Jesus had mercy on me and now I’m free! Trauma from our childhood will manifest in adulthood.. thanks again!❤❤
Okay, got me< i am all of these things, I already knew most of this, but no one tells how to fix this. There is no fix for this. Death, rebirth, and hope for the better childhood.
You're describing pretty much my entire life!! 😢 Great way of explaining btw. Easy to understand, direct to the point and simple. I love your videos. They help me so much. I'm grateful that I’ve ran into your content. ❤
Well you've just described my whole life and I'm 56 now and I'm only just learning in the last couple of years how my fear of abandonment has really effected my entire relationships my whole life. I'm working on healing my trauma and just taking small stepping stones to get back to myself. I've abandoned myself for soo many years. It's time to stop and find the peace and happiness, I now believe I deserve. Thank-you for your insights I'm truly grateful 🙏
Have been able to heal significantly from actual childhood abandonment. Being my trusted own best friend and mentor is exactly what it took. Addiction meant i couldnt trust myself. Taken a very very long time. I had to get sober to bring it all together in my mind. Now the chronic pain is focus. Anger still lives in my body. 🙏
TH-cam showed me your account in my timeline. God does work in mysterious ways!!! My life has been a roller coaster since birth in 1962. God bless us all. 🙏🏻✝️
This is exactly what I needed to hear and what I will be meditating on frequently. I've done so much damage to my life and wasted so many opportunities because of this issue, but no more. I am too worthwhile to let this fear control me any longer
Thank you so much for being so real and helping us understand. Tough but awareness gives us choices and opportunities to grow and change. Just really accepting this now in my 60’s and being single for the last 7 years after a long term abusive relationship with a narcissist. Yoga helped me develop awareness of how I was allowing myself to be treated. I’m now teaching yoga and it’s such a blessing to connect with yourself. God bless you Tim!
Tim, I just want to let you know that you doing fantastic work. Thank you so much for all the help and I want you to know that for me it is priceless. All the best from Ireland
Eureka! Having listened for second time.. it dawns on me that there's this impulse/belief that everything is high stakes. Tim listed 33 ways that fear of abandonment can manifest-(33!). What you do/say/don't say/appearance.. can be evaluated by to other and Decided as not acceptable/ followed by abandonment! BAM.. this goes for everyone.. I just have more than others/feel some more deeply than other ppl.. sensitive (somatics). Thank you for the wealth of information in your videos! Hoping for ppl to grow through these retched ..?boxes we are stuck in.
30:04 I have to skip forward sometimes to hear something not so crushing. I really appreciate how you break things down but I need more of a balance of good news too: ❤
My parents caring for one of my daughters told me "she's too timid & insecure " that angered me so much ..that's how I was treated because I didnt perform the way my parents expected. That's so hurtful
💝She is herself and perfect.💞 It is hard I suffer from these slights also when my parents say something about our boy. Logically it doesn't make sense as I hated being their kid so much, so why take to heart their opinions but we just do. But I hold on to things I learn in presentations like these and do my utmost to love our boy as he is. Hopefully we can break this hurtful generational cycle, and our kids will feel good about themselves💖.
I did get abandoned many times the last couple of years and end up in relationships with unsafe people. I am really struggling at the moment. I do still have a few friends that i feel i can be myself with and feel comfortable. Those friends just do not have a lot of time. Feel quite lonely lately.
Thank you and god bless you for this video. I have read dozens of books and watched hours of TH-cam and NOTHING has been as concise, enlightening and relatable as this. I was emotionally abandoned by my parents who later justified it in their death bed with the " reasoning" of.... they did not want a third child and the fact that I was a third girl was just too much for them to handle! I look forward to the healing work but not the time it will take ... the abandonment issues consumed most of my precious life.
My husband and i both have abandonment issues. More me now than him because he had cheated multiple times. I had alot of fear growing up so i was perfect. And so was He. To test me throughput the relationship, he would threaten to leave me if i ever got sick, or gained weight. After my Dad and our first pregnancy failed, I slowly slipped into the grieving process. Shit hit the fan, all the fans. Life as i knew it completely crumbled and i had almost no coping skills. I become very sick and He got more and more distant and mean. It got to the point that after 2 affairs, and alot of verbal and emotional abuse ( feom him) He told me to leave. He broke it off before i could die; thsts how sick i was Now, after a failed attempt at reconciliation from the affair, our 23 yrs together, emds in fighting and tears. And im listening to this video tonight and see how his threatening to leave me caused so much anxiety and fear because I was very codependent. He was too but i think he has had like all of us here, some large abandonment wound and of course the shame that comes with it. Thank you for this information! Its helped me so much tonight
When I started to self reflect 7 years ago and I presented it to my mom, brother and grandpa , they didn’t take responsibility for anything. So I fell back into the dark place…however my soul is dedicated to becoming better, even tho i thrive to be better since my family said i was always a problem
I've always known it was a big issue but l don't have any hope of ever being cured. I do have a good relationship with myself but l feel other people are bound to let me down and are not dependable. Then some have had my back but then they died. I'm old now so l expect others to die... and me next of course. Relationships have been a disaster for me. There's always that deep fear that this person is going to betray me. Like my father did to mt mother. You don't get over that ever
Wow! I’ve always felt abandoned, however I won’t stay in a relationship too long. But I have attached myself quickly, showing someone how “great” I can be for them, not noticing that I should have been more great for myself
I used to* have the capacity to love my partner so deeply, but quickly. The difficult part has been that I shy away or see something bad is going to happen. I had so many people in and out of my life after losing my best friend (my mom) as a kid. I had good friendships and relationships but even to this day, I don’t want to get TOO CLOSE! I’ve noticed this even happens now with women coworkers and practically any woman in my life besides my grandma. I’m terrified to get close to them due to abuse, etc….
Im at @14:21, u are describing me pretty exactly even tho u havent even MET me!! Omgoshh. My entire "personality" this entire time is just my trauma. Im living inside my wounds😢😢
I still have some issues. I am on a journey to heal myself. It is hard but I am optimistic and I've already overcome many obstacles in my life. Thank you Tim for your mission. Yeah , I think you have a mission to help others.
Everything or most things he shared is so hard to watch for me. I have had nice ppl leaving me like for reasons such as having accident but then we had just begun to know them …. And that hurts that these happen to me … I now have this feeling to a therapist because I feel he will leave me too. Thanks for the wonderful videos. Nobody explains these topics like this. Most importantly you have a heart and this comes in your voice and sayings. Thanks from bottom of my heart
OMG - This is my life! Literally painful, all consuming physical ache when I am on my own without a relationship. And I always feel that no one knows or can imagine just how bad it can be for me. I even find myself saying to myself: ‘Why me? Of all the people in the world, why do I have to be alone! Painful, yes! That’s how it’s for me when I am not in a relationship- then of course anyone will do - cos that’s much better than the pain. Oh my! I have work to do!
Man your Shame serie was the definition of perfection and it helped me to finally understand the logic of my inner chikd, and now this video is more than just helpful. Thank you soooooooo much
At beginning, could relate ... accepting crumbs, people pleasing then felt lost: mine is fear of rejection which cones before one begins a longterm relationship. It is avoidant style; and even with potential friends, I avoid those who are healthy (comparatively speaking: actually pretty healthy), spend a lot of time "wooing" friends who've gone (moved on, moved away, for example) or who've so many friends they only have a little time for me ... and gravitate towards "difficult" people: people who may indeed want something from me (accommodation has been one of those things; free help with their work or study has been another)... - Or friends who are toxic. I feel really bad - for a couple of days after hanging out with them: and they still want to be friends: they don't reject me! It takes effort every time for me to let go of them.
It's so important to understand what you're dealing with and this video explains it in such a simple and clear way. Thank you so much Tim Fletcher it means a lot.
I've never seen the leather burning technique you used here. That was really cool! I've always just wet molded my flowers and used small elastic bands to hold them in place while drying. I will have to give this a try!
I've complex trauma. My whole childhood revolved around seeing my father beating my mother, abusing her physically and mentally. My father was always reluctant to treat his children wth love. My mother is also somewhat like him but I don't blame her though because she has been in an abusive marriage for a longgg time so she's mentally unstable as well. I'm trying to recover from the trauma. I've decided not to get married or have babies until I heal myself.
Thank you for this super detailed explanation on the fear of abandonment issue. I am right in the thick of this and will gradually be healed. Happy new year 2024 to all
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
5 minutes into the video and I am already in tears, it’s like someone is saying for the first time what I have kept inside me for 30 years
I'm finally talking to a therapist to fix these issues. I realize I could never be right for anyone because of these deep rooted issues. I hope everyone reading this overcomes
Tim is a blessing. Don't forget that a trauma informed therapist is better informed about complex trauma than a normal therapist. Sending you LOVE and healing💖💖💖
I would say that you need to be a little easier on yourself too tho. If someone truely loves you they will accept you for your flaws as well
May you 💕 also find some JOY and peace
You are whole and worthy of love just as you are right now. Even if you can't see it or believe it, it is true. Take it from someone who used to be where you are.
👍
This is the best talk on abandonment I have ever heard.
This was super hard to watch, but explains more to me than a hundred textbooks! Thank you Tim, I cried the whole way through and know now I can heal from this.
Yes, very helpful but very hard too. So much loss to grieve
I thought I was the only one that cried listening to this
This is my biggest issue. Now looking for ways to work on healing this
Absolute Courage and boldness Karen. ❤
I've been thru that lots of extreme courage to you❤.
Sadly this is so common.Apparently the world is rotten and sick.
Stay strong and take care of yourself.God bless you all.
Hugs.. I was abandoned by both parents..
This fella is truly gifted. Ive read so many books on this topic but he explains so perfectly it finally makes sense.
Absolutely! And he isn’t even a psychologist. Or maybe BECAUSE he isn’t a psychologist he just has this special gift and didn’t spoil it with “education”.
This guy is talking about me personally. He's about to call me by name
And me friend😭
There are many of us 😢
Nah don't worry . Pretty sure he's talking to me. 😂
Right?? Its like he can see right thru the screen thru my body, bones and blood deep into my heart who i am!!😢😢
Me 💯
It took me so long to identify it. I couldn't understand why I had such a deep fear of abandonment when my parents never left me and always provide my physical needs. Emotional abandonment feels insidious. It's every bit as destructive, but no one validates it like they do overt abuse. I'm glad this is being talked about.
Just imagine how many more people will have such trauma in the future with so many parents glued to their smartphones!
Yes, the constant screen in the faces. Also, after the last few years, children isolated, away from friends, and home life stresses, as so many schools were closed (for waaay too long)… it will take a generation (or a few) to even beGIN to improve. 😞
I had a good childhood upbringing and after 2 tours in Iraq and Afghanistan as a 68W and then a reclass 11B…this man has done more for me than the VA. Thank you.
🕊️🦅
I can't believe this is available for free, thanks a ton!
The jumping to conclusions part can be really difficult when some of those things have actually happened and in your own mind they are real possibilities because they have. It can be very scary to risk being hurt/abandoned again.
Exactly! It's worse when there is actual real evidence. And at that point the only way of getting rid of the feeling is simply getting away from the relationship, which absolutely sucks
So so true! That’s the biggest dilemma for me. Some of these things have actually happened, not all in my head 🥺😢😭
The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters
-Niezsche
Spot on
This man has changed my life in so many ways in these past two weeks. He’s saved me in so many ways. I would joke that I was an alien tourist that doesn’t understand human interaction. Watching/listening to these made me feel like I’m not crazy for once. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone and that there’s hope for the better with the knowledge and tools here he’s provided and I feel forever grateful.
In reality I didn't feel abandoned, I WAS abandoned 1. by birth mom, 2. abandoned by 2 foster homes(transferred to another home without warning) 3 Adopted and then after 6 years(adopted at 4 and sent to another foster home at 10) Many failed relatonships over the years, failed marriage, kids taken by ex hubby, failed friendships, the list goes on. At 76 years old, I still have to deal with these. issues.
Same here! Abandoned by both parents, then 4 foster homes, 2 boarding schools, including sexual abuse from age 8. Nothing but failed relationships, addiction: a shit life ! Glad it will be over soon, as I’m 70. I just don’t get it why people have to go through all this shit. What’s the use? Why can’t parents love their children?
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The thing is you can be a good option to have in someone else's life but never a priority. Followed by your strife to change that, only worsen it. Don't open yourself so much that you are susceptible to rejection. Build a wall and start enjoying your own self, no expectations, no investments.
I felt so exposed watching this. My bio-mom abandoned my 2 brothers and I after the judge awarded her custody. She told him she didn’t want us, just baby #4 and left us with our dad. I was the only one old enough to remember it happening. She only came into my life a handful of times just to try to manipulate and lie to me, then leave again for years on end. She went on to have 4 more kids with her 2nd husband. Now, I don’t even talk to my dad, those 2 brothers, and several other siblings.
Protecting mine and my children’s mental health from them is more important, but these videos are showing me I still have a long way to go.
Im so sorry you had to go through that. Im glad you found the strength to go no contact. Too many people stay in dysfunctional family situations their entire life, not understanding what you said about keeping you and your kids mental health balanced. Our kids suffer as much as us by these dysfunctional people
Loving an avoidant is hard. It's a lot of work. And if you do it right, if you invest your time and energy correctly, they abandon you. And it hurts.
Whats I've learned is that the avoidant is a true lost cause. Unless they have already started to work on themselves maybe.
You can't form a healthy bond with someone who feels threatened by kindness.
Often when you fear abandonment. You'll end up with an avoidant.
I never ended up with an avoidant until I married my wife. I guess the loneliness really got to me. And our relationship stripped me of my entire groove. Never been so emasculated
Once again, this nails it and is SO helpful! I’m an adoptee. I’ve had abandonment issues practically my entire life. This was me to a T. I still have work to be done but I’m finally healing in my 40s. Thank you for your trauma work it’s invaluable.
healing in my 40's too. better later than never
@@theGENIUSofART-understood58 , it’s never to late to learn .
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This hits so much. I’ve felt abandonment from knowing that both parents left me with a relative when I was a baby. Even though i don’t remember any memories from being left, my mind suffers abandonment till this day and it shows in my relationships. It doesn’t help that my ex fiancée broke of our engagement and said he didn’t love me anymore. Told me he was not attracted to me at one point because i had gained weight, told me i was pretty on other occasions, told me he couldn’t see a future with me …then on a different occasion told me he knows I’m great but feels he can find better. Told me he didn’t know what love is and can’t love me on a different occasion and that he needs to go explore who he is. I’ve been broken and confused and learning to pick up the pieces. Initially wanted to jump into another relationship just to numb the pain but i didn’t do it because i know i will be creating hurt for someone new. I really want to heal but it’s truly difficult. Fighting for my life each day and trying to actually believe that i have value.
💝You do have great value! Many of us feel this way, love and courage to you!
I’m so sorry. But he sounds awful. It sounds like “the trash took itself out”. In a healthy relationship, they will make you feel safe and valued. Love doesn’t hurt. It took me years to realize a healthy relationship is “boring”. There isn’t constant drama. Your person makes you feel safe and valued. They reassure you they aren’t going anywhere.
I was placed on institution for 6 weeks before I was adopted. I believe this is the cause. Now my entire family has abandoned/erased me Because of my poor choices divorced their father and also current global mess -opposite sides. I am trying but I don’t think it will heal my relationship. 💐 to a fellow sufferer
I am so sorry. People can be so hurtful and I have been too, unfortunately. Love yourself. Find ways to nurture yourself.
Wow😭 every single one…. My mother killed who I might have been… at 60 years old I’m only figuring this out. Thank you.
Big hug! Never to late to make a change and live the rest of your life feeling better.
Me too😢
Me too, I'm 54 and I've been in the dark all these years. Trying this way and that to solve the puzzle. I'm so grateful I know what's going on in my head and now I can try to fix it the best I can. I want to be happy 😊
@@sairaashford2243 🤗
32:00 Ways to connect back to yourself after you had originally abandoned yourself
Better start it here: 30:05
@@de_minekdid i miss the mark? 🙂
@@AnthonyL0401 I checked your time stamp, but I believe he starts this section with an introduction at the presentation.
However, I would have never got th that point if you hadnt stamped yours above, as so many times I give up on his videos after a few minues (I have misophonia, and I cannot stand the sound that he makes with his mouth after every second sentence)
So thanks for your timestamp, was useful indeed 🌞
Thanks I like the list in that slide
I have decided I am deserving of this time I give to myself. I’m learning & growing now from a 24 yr marriage to someone with an addiction issue.
His narcissism became overwhelming at the end. I am actually grateful for surrender & releasing myself to move into my third act of life in a new way
I will always wish him the best.
I have pride & integrity for the yrs we had. The most pride in me now👍🏻
You give me inspiration, thank you for sharing.
I’m proud of you! ❤
@@melissamarconett5307same. I read this word for word. I plan to do the same. ❤
Mine started at age 21, when my fiance joined the army, we got married, moved 500 miles from home, and he secretly got discharged and packed everything we owned, including my childhood possessions and moved back home. I came home from work to vacant military housing, which of course i could not stay in, so i was homeless a minute till i found a room for rent, met another soldier, married a year later, had 3 kids, lived in 3 states including hawaii, he rarely spoke to me, cheated all the time, met someone else and left me and the children, btw my 1st born is severely autistic. Now I've been divorced 20 years, swore I'd never do it again.😢 just realized the problem today, this video
@09ChargerRT
That was an extraordinary thing for your first husband to do: sounds as if he was feeling extreme anger at time: and sought expression in the most hurtful & final way possible: taking what was beloved by you home with him: to *his* parents. Not understandable.
And then another military guy after that ... abandoning his woman repeatedly.
I hope things are better now 🧡
In my mind, abandoned by both parents when they divorced and then again when they met new partners who didn't want my and my sister as baggage. Then all of my relationships, my first boyfriend I would ask every week, you're going to leave me? And then he would and he'd be back. Still affects me today. An unavailable man about 10 years ago, my parting comment being, you're not there for me. My most recent partner turned to drink (my only boundary) and I felt so abandoned. This is so powerful. At 59, I'm excited for my future now. Thank you so much 🤗
This is invaluable
💝
This one really opened up my eyes. I know I had a ton of deep rooted anxiety, fear, and anger from the abuse I experienced as a child, but never realized how much abandonment affected me.
Important thing to add here - there's an evergrowing number of people in modern society that absolutely thrive in judging others of being unworthy of love, in finding fear of abandonment in others, leeching on it, proving to the suffering person that they are absolutely unworthy and will get abandoned, and in many cases even praising and encouraging bullying such people as "sub-human". So it's not just a past trauma that needs revisiting, it's the constant actualization of it through modern culture that favours bullies who are in big and growing numbers. That's the norm today.
I've never heard anyone speak of my life in great detail as you. I was abandoned at 3 days old. Now at 40 yrs. old, I can feel The Universe speaking me to me daily about what I need to do to heal. My 5 yr old & I are living with her toxic father & have been unable to get away. Now I know the real reason for that (fear of abandonment) My trauma has affected my life, my child's life & other people's lives....Just b/c I never heal from it. Before The World Learders Get Us All Nuked ~ & ~ The Truth Is Proven That Aliens Are Here.....I want to heal the last half of my life so I can know what love/a true human connection could feel like....Then ONLY can I say that I lived my best life.
I just realized where my cptsd started thanks to this video, I was ignored as a child when i was bullied as a child by siblings and other children alike, and even after telling my parents and teachers nothing was ever done. Holding on to that mental point for later examination.
It's horrible. Animals really help. When they die all the pain comes back😢 Thank you for the vid ❤
💗They are our angels.
The family dog never chose me either, it just added to the misery for me because I was the one who would walk and play with and feed them the most and yet they always would be in my mother's lap
I'm sorry 《❤》@@seonjamie3059
I would also love to get a pet, but I never had a home lol.
@@Eugenetra7you are ttheire home
So many hurting, so glad God is helping me on this discovery!
Recently ive been trying to address this because i want to be a happy person, but ive put a lid on my sadness and coped woth disassociation. Dipping into it recently though has memories coming to me as im trying to sleep. I manage to quiet my mind enough i think ill fall asleep but ive been forced awake by memories sobbing because i can still remember exactly how i felt in many moments that made me feel unloved
I had a therapist tell me 'go back to the person in those memories--that little, scared person--and tell them "you're doing a good job taking care of yourself right now. You make it into the future! And you help yourself Thank you for getting me there, little one".'
Become your own best friend - the first step to healing. Loved that.
I've decided to stay single and mostly on my own. Much easier than trying to deal with all the game players, working on maintaining trust, respect etc. Too much work. I don't have the patience or the energy to invest in a relationship. Being self-sufficient is much healthier.
It s not healthier. We r wired for connection. But it s easier
He also talks about avoidance… Another symptom of CPTSD.
I have to listen to this video in segments because it’s so heavy and such a reflection of my life. I appreciate all the work put into these videos as I work through my challenges
Thank you for this complication. I did suffer neglect during childhood and as a baby I suspect. I did not pursue attention or tried to cling to others. I was just invisible, as if I did not exist. I am experiencing the devastating effects of abandonment. Specially because at 65yo I was diagnosed with autism. Mourning my inner child has been very painful. I am 66 now. Thank you 🙏🏼
I meant to say compilation
I can relate. Good luck to you.
It’s definitely a deep deep pain I know what you mean at 2:35
I still have dreams so often finding myself somewhere and that feeling of loneliness is intense. I can’t describe it but it’s an intense void painful feeling.
I am so very grateful for this teaching! I pray the Lord blesses you as much as it blesses me! I’ve always wanted to understand my actions. I was an addict for 19 years but Jesus had mercy on me and now I’m free! Trauma from our childhood will manifest in adulthood.. thanks again!❤❤
Okay, got me< i am all of these things, I already knew most of this, but no one tells how to fix this. There is no fix for this. Death, rebirth, and hope for the better childhood.
This spoke to me, being struggling with this but never had the courage you face the reason
You're describing pretty much my entire life!! 😢 Great way of explaining btw. Easy to understand, direct to the point and simple. I love your videos. They help me so much. I'm grateful that I’ve ran into your content. ❤
Well you've just described my whole life and I'm 56 now and I'm only just learning in the last couple of years how my fear of abandonment has really effected my entire relationships my whole life. I'm working on healing my trauma and just taking small stepping stones to get back to myself. I've abandoned myself for soo many years. It's time to stop and find the peace and happiness, I now believe I deserve. Thank-you for your insights I'm truly grateful 🙏
Have been able to heal significantly from actual childhood abandonment. Being my trusted own best friend and mentor is exactly what it took. Addiction meant i couldnt trust myself. Taken a very very long time. I had to get sober to bring it all together in my mind. Now the chronic pain is focus. Anger still lives in my body. 🙏
cptsd has some common traits with narcissism, that's why it's so important to heal.
CPTSD masquerades as narcissism because of the shared traits. I’ve come across this in several other sources
TH-cam showed me your account in my timeline. God does work in mysterious ways!!! My life has been a roller coaster since birth in 1962. God bless us all. 🙏🏻✝️
Thank you so much for this video. Wish I could have watched this 40 years ago.
This is exactly what I needed to hear and what I will be meditating on frequently. I've done so much damage to my life and wasted so many opportunities because of this issue, but no more. I am too worthwhile to let this fear control me any longer
best thing I did giving myself time building relationship with myself, valuing it, becoming present and aware...generating inside peace..
Wow,wow. I can actually put a name to everything I have been going through my whole entire life. It’s amazing how relatable all of these traits are
We're all so broken, Jessica 😢💔
Thank you so much for being so real and helping us understand. Tough but awareness gives us choices and opportunities to grow and change. Just really accepting this now in my 60’s and being single for the last 7 years after a long term abusive relationship with a narcissist. Yoga helped me develop awareness of how I was allowing myself to be treated. I’m now teaching yoga and it’s such a blessing to connect with yourself. God bless you Tim!
Tim, I just want to let you know that you doing fantastic work. Thank you so much for all the help and I want you to know that for me it is priceless. All the best from Ireland
Eureka! Having listened for second time.. it dawns on me that there's this impulse/belief that everything is high stakes. Tim listed 33 ways that fear of abandonment can manifest-(33!). What you do/say/don't say/appearance.. can be evaluated by to other and Decided as not acceptable/ followed by abandonment! BAM.. this goes for everyone.. I just have more than others/feel some more deeply than other ppl.. sensitive (somatics). Thank you for the wealth of information in your videos! Hoping for ppl to grow through these retched ..?boxes we are stuck in.
30:04
I have to skip forward sometimes to hear something not so crushing. I really appreciate how you break things down but I need more of a balance of good news too: ❤
This is so on-the-nose that I almost fell asleep from stress 2/3 of the way through hearing this.
🕊️
My parents caring for one of my daughters told me "she's too timid & insecure " that angered me so much
..that's how I was treated because I didnt perform the way my parents expected. That's so hurtful
Unhealthy parent expectations.
My mom told me the same thing. She wanted me to be more like her.
@@jenjen2868- Outgoing and secure? That's not a bad thing.
💝She is herself and perfect.💞 It is hard I suffer from these slights also when my parents say something about our boy. Logically it doesn't make sense as I hated being their kid so much, so why take to heart their opinions but we just do. But I hold on to things I learn in presentations like these and do my utmost to love our boy as he is. Hopefully we can break this hurtful generational cycle, and our kids will feel good about themselves💖.
Wow, thank you for these, available to every soul wanting healing.
Peace be with you.
I did get abandoned many times the last couple of years and end up in relationships with unsafe people.
I am really struggling at the moment.
I do still have a few friends that i feel i can be myself with and feel comfortable.
Those friends just do not have a lot of time.
Feel quite lonely lately.
My God I've become aware of so much through your workshops all praise to the Almight above
Iknew I would reenact history so I chose not to marry ,have kids, I went for all the help I knew how to find,still learning
Thank you and god bless you for this video. I have read dozens of books and watched hours of TH-cam and NOTHING has been as concise, enlightening and relatable as this. I was emotionally abandoned by my parents who later justified it in their death bed with the
" reasoning" of.... they did not want a third child and the fact that I was a third girl was just too much for them to handle!
I look forward to the healing work but not the time it will take ... the abandonment issues consumed most of my precious life.
Fear of abandonment is ruining my life. Can relate to a lot of this deeply.
Oof this stirred up a lot of anxiety in me so I know this is an issue I have and need to work on. Super glad I found this series
My husband and i both have abandonment issues. More me now than him because he had cheated multiple times. I had alot of fear growing up so i was perfect. And so was He. To test me throughput the relationship, he would threaten to leave me if i ever got sick, or gained weight. After my Dad and our first pregnancy failed, I slowly slipped into the grieving process. Shit hit the fan, all the fans. Life as i knew it completely crumbled and i had almost no coping skills. I become very sick and He got more and more distant and mean. It got to the point that after 2 affairs, and alot of verbal and emotional abuse ( feom him) He told me to leave. He broke it off before i could die; thsts how sick i was
Now, after a failed attempt at reconciliation from the affair, our 23 yrs together, emds in fighting and tears. And im listening to this video tonight and see how his threatening to leave me caused so much anxiety and fear because I was very codependent. He was too but i think he has had like all of us here, some large abandonment wound and of course the shame that comes with it.
Thank you for this information! Its helped me so much tonight
So much to take in. I ticked off most of the boxes here. I guess it's never too late to get the information to heal. Thanks 👍
When I started to self reflect 7 years ago and I presented it to my mom, brother and grandpa , they didn’t take responsibility for anything. So I fell back into the dark place…however my soul is dedicated to becoming better, even tho i thrive to be better since my family said i was always a problem
I've always known it was a big issue but l don't have any hope of ever being cured. I do have a good relationship with myself but l feel other people are bound to let me down and are not dependable. Then some have had my back but then they died. I'm old now so l expect others to die... and me next of course. Relationships have been a disaster for me. There's always that deep fear that this person is going to betray me. Like my father did to mt mother. You don't get over that ever
Being alone means I had to trust myself. And that was scary
Brilliant. Got it. This so resonates with me.
Wow! I’ve always felt abandoned, however I won’t stay in a relationship too long. But I have attached myself quickly, showing someone how “great” I can be for them, not noticing that I should have been more great for myself
I’ve just started to become aware of this channel and segment. Very helpful.
I'm not clingy, I"m aloof. I act as if I'm better than everyone else, but I just don't want to need anyone.
That's going to push people away
@@smokingcrab2290 I'm friendless, been married for 44 years though.
Thank you so much for this video
I used to* have the capacity to love my partner so deeply, but quickly. The difficult part has been that I shy away or see something bad is going to happen. I had so many people in and out of my life after losing my best friend (my mom) as a kid. I had good friendships and relationships but even to this day, I don’t want to get TOO CLOSE!
I’ve noticed this even happens now with women coworkers and practically any woman in my life besides my grandma. I’m terrified to get close to them due to abuse, etc….
I want to show this yo my nephew after hearing about a situation he was in when he last saw his Dad.
Im at @14:21, u are describing me pretty exactly even tho u havent even MET me!! Omgoshh. My entire "personality" this entire time is just my trauma. Im living inside my wounds😢😢
You are not alone. I just noticed my whole life struggles are abandonment fears...
Thanks Tim, appreciate each and every lecture !
It’s crazy how accurate this is about me
I still have some issues. I am on a journey to heal myself. It is hard but I am optimistic and I've already overcome many obstacles in my life. Thank you Tim for your mission. Yeah , I think you have a mission to help others.
Thank you sooo much for these wonderdul videos which help soooo many people♥️
I finally found my mentor!!!!! Godbless you Tim!!!
Just awesome, to the point, analysis of abandonment. Thank you Tim Fletcher!
Wow, 3 out of 3 so far. Can't say how grateful I am about this deep content.
So true ❤ the part of can't connect with themselves.. horrible pain...and everything in this talk.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I'm beginning to understand my past
Everything or most things he shared is so hard to watch for me. I have had nice ppl leaving me like for reasons such as having accident but then we had just begun to know them …. And that hurts that these happen to me … I now have this feeling to a therapist because I feel he will leave me too.
Thanks for the wonderful videos. Nobody explains these topics like this. Most importantly you have a heart and this comes in your voice and sayings. Thanks from bottom of my heart
This couldnt have come at a better time
OMG - This is my life!
Literally painful, all consuming physical ache when I am on my own without a relationship. And I always feel that no one knows or can imagine just how bad it can be for me. I even find myself saying to myself: ‘Why me? Of all the people in the world, why do I have to be alone! Painful, yes! That’s how it’s for me when I am not in a relationship- then of course anyone will do - cos that’s much better than the pain.
Oh my! I have work to do!
Man your Shame serie was the definition of perfection and it helped me to finally understand the logic of my inner chikd, and now this video is more than just helpful. Thank you soooooooo much
I'm finding this so helpful. Much appreciated. Thank you sir
At beginning, could relate ... accepting crumbs, people pleasing then felt lost: mine is fear of rejection which cones before one begins a longterm relationship. It is avoidant style; and even with potential friends, I avoid those who are healthy (comparatively speaking: actually pretty healthy), spend a lot of time "wooing" friends who've gone (moved on, moved away, for example) or who've so many friends they only have a little time for me ... and gravitate towards "difficult" people: people who may indeed want something from me (accommodation has been one of those things; free help with their work or study has been another)...
- Or friends who are toxic. I feel really bad - for a couple of days after hanging out with them: and they still want to be friends: they don't reject me! It takes effort every time for me to let go of them.
It's so important to understand what you're dealing with and this video explains it in such a simple and clear way. Thank you so much Tim Fletcher it means a lot.
I've never seen the leather burning technique you used here. That was really cool! I've always just wet molded my flowers and used small elastic bands to hold them in place while drying. I will have to give this a try!
I've complex trauma. My whole childhood revolved around seeing my father beating my mother, abusing her physically and mentally. My father was always reluctant to treat his children wth love. My mother is also somewhat like him but I don't blame her though because she has been in an abusive marriage for a longgg time so she's mentally unstable as well. I'm trying to recover from the trauma. I've decided not to get married or have babies until I heal myself.
I feel so called out. Every new sentence, I feel like it's more ans more about me.
A lot of things make sense now, big thanks.❤
Thank you for this information. It has been painful also being rejected is a factor
This teaching is everything. God bless u and all u do for the kingdom and for personal freedom.❤
Amazing video Tim, thanks for the lesson, many women i have met have this core wound, so so sad to see :(
Sir you are a great teacher thanks a lot
Thank you for this super detailed explanation on the fear of abandonment issue. I am right in the thick of this and will gradually be healed. Happy new year 2024 to all
Now, I realised why my all relationship are so terrible.
Im greatful i found this.