Best advice. What is shared can be an inspiration to others but who really needs it and who will use it against you by twisting and broadcasting it, very difficult to say. But what the monk said is also very good too.
we have to share sometimes cause problems can lead to depression, and severe depression can lead to suicide. We need someone to talk to if we feel so dpwn but to trusted friends and family only.
that's not what they are saying here; this does not mean to never confide to someone within a relationship; but the base principle is 'shut up' whenever you can manage - fill that void with listening to others.
Thanks for this thought-provoking video. More important than arbitrary laws about what *never* to tell is this: Discernment. In other words, developing a wise discrimination over when to tell something, and to whom. These 7 rules may be a helpful beginning, but the work of wisdom is more subtle. Discernment takes a lifetime to master. It is more about "spirit" than "laws."
Sharing with others can be a powerful thing. No you shouldn’t share if you are uncomfortable about everything in your life. But by sharing your experiences and triumphs you can inspire and even give someone else hope. I still love this channel but many should know we will not agree on everything.
This is the first time I was on this channel and I don't agree with most that was said. There are a couple exceptions. I probably won't be back on the channel. The basic advice was to never trust anyone and to be a pretend, non authentic person. That does not jive at all with me.
I felt the same bothersome feeling but i challenge myself to explore the feeling I am feeling and I realize what is being said might actually be true even if it bothers me.
I think ge explains it to people who are not American. To Americans he needs to explain it like "be content with yourself so you don't feel the need to tell everyone too much in order to unload your problem. Be emotionally independent so people will not want to get revenge on you for burdaning them too much." It is good to communicate but not for the purpose of relievinv your own anxiety. When you feel anxious, breath deeply, relax a little and drink water. After we calm ourselves, then speak. It is a hard lesson for me to learn. I have learned what he tries to explain from personal experience.
Never lend money only give it. No resentment can be if a gift is given. Only tell your therapist the problems you are having trouble sorting out. He is right about friends can become enemies. No one really cares about your insecurities and troubles unfortunately and if they do it is short lived. Love yourself and learn to work out your problems with professionals and trust everything that is painful will shift.
I am a Christian. In being raised with Christian teachings, we are to be there for one another in each other's suffering. The Bible says: "Lift up one another's burdens so to fulfill the law of Christ." The Christian way didn't say to be a pretend person and to only tell a counselor of your suffering.
@@28jewelsboogie I didn't say the Christian way was the only way. I was only referring to my experience. And actually, I respect other valid religions. I had been to many Buddhist sessions in past years where we chanted positive intentions for individuals and the world. You have every right to live your life as you believe. I just don't share your beliefs. This was a strange video for me. Most points out of the 7 I disagree with. 2 points I agree with and that is: don't share about one's money situation with most people and the other is to not share one's plans with most others (except trusted people) because some people do have negative intentions and will put out negativity to thwart success.
@@28jewelsboogie I am not against psychology or common sense. You made a "judgment" about that regarding me that was unjust. Common sense isn't going to a psychologist everytime one has a problem to work out. How many times over the years talking to persons in caring relationships helped so much and I helped them also. Also sometimes, there are practical things to work out and people with the right information were very helpful. I believe that some people do benefit from professional counseling in various situations.
I was told by a sage barber when I was young, NEVER to LOAN MONEY UNLESS YOU CAN afford to GIVE IT AWAY, SO IF THEY DON'T RETURN IT, YOU ALREADY CONSIDERED IT A GIFT AND DO NOT REAL SLIGHTED!
Now I understand why so many people whose roots are in the far east come across as cold and unemotional to Americans. I don’t agree with these teachings when it comes to family, close friends and spouses, but this does help me understand something other than what I believe. This IS good advice, though, for dealing with acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, and strangers.
You’re actually very lucky because most people are betrayed, just like the Bible says from those closest to them. Family and friends will betray you first usually quicker than an enemy.
True friends and life partners can be recognized, by having the possiblity of sharing these 7 things without being harmed. How blessed are we when having those life partners and friends.
It's an illussion. Eg: the ladu in the hospital was caressed by her husband and thus, it was a point of perysal to others. When another patients brother hapoened to visit his sister. So, the sister said. 'see that lady has such a loving husband who adores her very much" But then the brother said "ah I know that fellow. He has a girlfriend when he takes the train to work. He basically treats her the same way" So, that's the reason there are words of wisdom saying "not to envy people, you think are better off" because their life is not of the narrow path. 🙏
The less people know about you , the better you are. Keep to yourself your past, your problems, your plans for the future. Never ever talk about your family to your partner. It's the best way to keep them safe and yourself respected. When respect is lost, love doesn't last longer.
ALL IS WELL BECAUSE ALL IS GOoD! 😇 1. You should Never tell anyone about your sorrow or helplessness 2. Never tell anyone about your past mistakes and future plans 3. Never tell anyone about your home affairs. 4. Never tell anyone about your weaknesses and strengths. 5. You should never tell anyone about your income and savings. 6. Never tell anyone about your humiliation. 7. Never tell anyone about your friends and your enemies.
To each his own, in case you disagree, so be it. If someone agrees with the advice, that person found help. There are always a thing which works for one and it does not work for another. Choose what suits you
True, there mightt be negative reasons not to share but if you hold everything inside, you will lose the chance for good people to support you and have people to lean on with your problems. Many people are understanding because they have went through similar things. I'm still going to be honest and share my problems and concerns with others even though there are negative reasons not to do it. I'll take the risk.
If you want sollutiins to your problems Share our problems impersonally..discuss generally,,,...to avoid your identity,,,,Else people will come to know about you,,,,Dnt be a open to book to people surround you,,,
I also agree with the author of this video about being careful about sharing one's future goals with random people we know. People, out of jealousy, can wish failure on you and have bad intentions that puts out negative energy to you. However, most persons probably have some close, personal relationships with some persons who are trustworthy and it could be OK to share future plans with those persons. If one is in a committed relationship or marriage, people are not going to be better partners if they can't share on a personal level with the other.
@@njkauto2394 If I share my future aspirations with a trusted friend who is like minded, it does NOT take away my impetus. I know this from experience. And for example, when I graduated from high school and shared with friends that I planned to attend college, it did not thwart or diminish my plans and achievements in any way.
This is totally opposite of what American culture wants...Your most intimate relationships are a blend of sharing.....learning...growing.....I am blessed to have people in my life who really care about my well being...I hope you do also...We all experience difficulties in life... Leaning on each other is essential!❤
I usually feel happy and encouraged after watching these videos but today I realise that the kinds of cruelty mentioned in this one are even more apparent after the covid pandemic reared its ugly head and destroyed our lives. I have also noticed that a lot of people are still living in fear (and not just the French) by walking around with masks on despite the fact that life has more or less returned to normal and vaccines and the risk of another outbreak are rarely mentioned now. I have heard that the most dangerous animal living on this planet are humans and this video was literally saying that no one can be considered genuine, kind and sincere and yet when I listened to a man pouring out his troubles to me about the employees who work in the company he works for and how lazy and inconsiderate they are, I had no desire to mock him or even discuss what he told me with anyone because in many ways I understood where he was coming from and was relieved in a way that someone else has noticed what I see around me 95% of the time. Are humans truly beyond all hope? Is there no chance of finding someone to confide in without being mocked behind our backs? I understand that revealing family troubles, what you earn every month, revealing your strengths and weaknesses, your future plans and so on is a big mistake but now I just feel even more sorry for those who were and are born in the 21st century and wish it was possible to return to the 20th century where life wasn't quite as intense as it is today 😪💔😭
It's always been like this, just different ways of identifying everything happening around us. Your work sounds challenging, but you are there, and that's what matters. Try to live with gratitude for what is, and the fears of what isn't will disappear. Above all else, take care of yourself, because without you, nothing exists. These are the facts, I wish you good health and happiness 😊
I. Agreed with EVERTHING YOU STATED!!!! This all seems to be orchestrated. ..due to all the corruption. Lies. N distrust..in our GOVT. SOCIAL MEDIA AND RELIGIOUS BLENDING...DRUGS AND ALCOHOL dependence also sexual.deviance...war . Inhumane treatment of animals Technology has turned people into Soul less DRONES ...EVERY GENERATION WILL BECOME LESS SPIRITUALLY AWARE. ......OPEN EYES
Your comment is stated very well, thank you for sharing. Speaking as a Buddhist, I would say that overall, this advice is aimed mostly at "beginners" - in other words, naive people - those who are lacking in experience and/or naturally innocent. As we progress in our ability to discern other people's natures, you can choose who to trust and who to be wary of. Some folks are "tricky" and they're the most deceptive ones, especially if you have a naturally good heart. You could try with small amounts of trust with people that you are getting to know. It's actually easier to regularly reassess whether someone is worthy of your trust - you're not being mean to that person - you don't have to be obvious that you are "testing' them. It's more like thinking critically if you are suspicious of someone's behaviour or attitude. It's important however to to gently reassess situations with people who are close to you, from time to time, as unfortunately there are some very devious people out there! In general, the examples in the video are good advice for being careful in relationships and with wider society. There are definitely occasions where it is good to share a problem, as a problem cannot be tackled until it is identified. Sometimes it takes the perspective of another person to bring insight and helpful advice. You just have to think carefully before choosing who to confide in and how much you want to reveal. Over the years many people have revealed their problems to me, and I have never once had the urge to mock them or use that issue against them. A feeling of compassion arises in me and I want to help the person who is upset. I have found though, that more important than trying to find a definite solution to the problem, is that most people simply "want to be heard". I can see where this a handy loophole for those who wish to take advantage of people who are stressed. If someone is unsure of who to trust, there are books of wisdom and even self-help books that a person could consult first. The wisdom and insights gained from reading can not only help the stressed individual, but could later on help someone else by sharing that useful knowledge. Listening to helpful videos is another way. Life is indeed intense today and it's set to become even worse. You sound like a kind-hearted person from your words. Please don't allow the coldness and harshness of our world cool your warm heart! Just exercise discernment and resist the temptation to use someone's secret against them. My feeling is that actually, there are a lot of people just like you out there in the world, and you are needed more than ever. Blessings to you & yours and to all sentient beings. Blessings upon our Earth as well.
This is why I don't attend any social functions anymore. I rarely attend them. Because most people are gossipy and artificial. I go to Hindu temples, I go to pray, I learn online music classes and language classes, I attend concerts that I like, and I do my own thing.
Pallavis but when you attend social event you do not need to tell your secrets to people or gossip. You can talk about too many topics and have fun. You seems to be a boring person. I usually go to gatherings if there is music and happy people. I like people and never attend any event by myself.
What this tells you is that you really can’t trust people, even the ones closest to you. Dr. Phil wrote a book years ago called Life Code which addresses this issue.
This is such a valuable piece of advice, and I’m so grateful for my son. He’s already practicing what you preach. I did the wrong thing I’m telling my PT about being raped after having my drink spot so of course he tried to do the same thing with his friends I had no idea how hateful a human being he was until the very end.
In other words be content with yourself and possessions to the point you do not need to unload on other people. When I am content and at peace, I don't need to talk too much and I have the ability to listen and be aware of what is happening in the moment. It is why I love meditation. It calms my abundant mouth and unplugs my ears.
one thing ! don:t be involved with negative people ، good friends are the positive ones, you can learn and try to understand your own emotion, physically and spiritually!❤
I understand most comments says the advice is wrong... BUT at the age of 59 i can tell you thats what happened to me. My late husband whom i was married to for 30 years, always brought up the past. I was abused emotionally. Today starting a new chapter, I Decide what and if i need to tell anyone anything. So this comes with experience. and age.
It is really true..We must not confide our secret to others or else the wicked would just make fun of us but I have already done this its a big mistake really I had already found the answer of my darkest moment.Million thanks monk I will never reveal my weaknesses anymore to those whom I thought they are sincere and can be relied but in reverse they are traitor.Thank You Lord.......Never again......
That's why I follow two courses of action faithfully, silence and patience. My life has changed for the better ever since and I always get the last laugh.
This may be sad but lve found its true. Very few people actually want to know anything that intimate about your life. When l went through the loss of my husband l tried sharing how deeply l was hurting but it just made people avoid me. I became more isolated from everyone including my family and friends. I went to a grief class but because lm an empath this made me feel way worse because then it was not only my grief and sadness but everyone else’s l heard about, which was horrible! I never went back. I read books, didn’t help either. I went from being a social person with good relationships to a lonely introvert, all because of doing what l was told to do, share how l felt. I will never do that again. The only One l talk to now about my deep feelings is Jesus. I read Psalms for comfort.
We should know what to share and what not to share with our friends , some friends love the opportunity to drag u down when the time comes so b careful
7things to never tell anyone 1.your sorrow and helplessness 2.past mistakes and future plans 3.home affairs with others 4.weakness and strengths 5.income and savings 6.your humiliation (not to even your life partner) 7.Your friends and enemies
I do share because in the end nothing others do really matters. What matters is my response. Anything others do to deliberately hurt or humiliate me only does two things (1) reveals their true character and (2) strengthens and further builds my character.
@@jeved811: The video only urges you to avoid giving people the chances and tools to hurt and humiliate you. I salute the elevation of your soul and higher order thinking.
You who are reading this, perhaps I will never meet you, but I hope you fulfill everything you propose, that the bad times do not depress you, take a deep breath and continue. I love you even if I don't know anything about you.
I am thank God for keeping “friends“ away from me for the past 10 years I prayed please God don’t bring another friend into my life that’s going to suck me dry, and you know what he hasn’t brought a single person into my life and I am so happy for that. Thank you, and yes I have had not good experiences. I am not Seneca. I am very much at peace and happier than ever. I was the best friend you would ever want, and every single person took it vantage of me but I do have a wonderful, wonderful husband and honestly that’s all I really need and my three children and three cats amen
I can relate to what you said here. Sadly, my husband is the latest to be taking advantage of my honesty, kindness, etc. * The more I deal with people, the more I like animals.*
This seemed good at first but then it sounded like nothing but Fear. Why be afraid to share your thoughts with others, the munk himself is another fellow Human, with a thought process of his vary own*. There are some you can share info with and some you can't. We all must work together not separate in our own little shell.
I guess the best thing is to be suspicious before sharing. Even family can back stab. Think of those cases where a celebrity's wife tells his secrets after a divorce.
What this video said is truth. Sensitive things should remain to yourself only. I use to have some problems with some bad people affected me as a victim but after telling my friends, instead they accused me of not blending in and not getting along with people. Some things like this should remain only to yourself.
Eiiish! I'd better play a fool than hold my problems in the name of secrecy thereby making me so lonely and unable to solve and afraid that people would backbite. We are all human beings and we're imperfect...we just can't stress over the mistakes we do all the time and how foolish we look infront of others.
Sadly, this is assuming that everyone you come in contact with totally lacks love, compassion, honesty, integrity, and is spiritually bankrupt, totally immature, and morally corrupt! We all experience highs and lows in life, and need to be able to share these with people that we love and trust, without fear of jealousy or karmic retaliation.
This sounds like the sort of thing a lot of us neurodivergents-those of us on the autism spectrum, ADHD, etc. struggle with. That kind of social miscuing often gets us accused of lacking empathy. Though what’s actually usually the case is that we feel things too intensely and at points that neurotypicals-people not on the autism spectrum, ADHD, etc. Us ND’s, unfortunately, don’t learn that stuff as kids because we tend to basically struggle socially from birth. Some of us even lack any danger filters at all. Some of us on the autism spectrum, for example, don’t see anything wrong with jumping out onto the street to chase moving vehicle tires. I’ve seen more than one fellow on the autism spectrum who’d come from abuse, one had even just survived a murder attempt several months before I met her. They would actually go around dumping their problems onto anyone who would listen expecting to be pitied and rescued, you know, like the movies. And then were genuinely shocked and frustrated when no one or almost no one would. When, instead, everyone was accusing them of playing victim, being unsafe and, as a result, didn’t want them around. Our constant miscuing can get very dangerous very fast, too. For example, sometimes we think that someone’s acting nice when they actually have an ulterior motive or, worse, something heinous in mind. Then we make ourselves vulnerable to everything from escalated bullying to ending up dead or almost. You’d be surprised to learn that, like the guy you talked about in that video, some of us actually don’t understand the point of being private. About almost literally anything. For example, I have this one safety skills book by an ND author who doesn’t understand why everyone wants to keep things considered private, like their personal finances, such a “big secret” (almost as if she thinks that all forms of money are like some big treasure chest full of such highly valuable gold that’s been discovered only to stay buried as a complete secret for “no reason”) don’t understand that you’re actually setting yourself up to be taken advantage of if you don’t. As you can see, we often get to a point where we understand that something is considered inappropriate. To the point where we now know to hold ourselves back on that particular subject. Even if we often still don’t understand the heart of the why behind it. Like the poor guy in the video, we tend to assume that everyone is more or less like us. You know, 100% and rigidly transparent, honest, thoughtful and genuine. Things like ulterior motives tend to be VERY alien to us. Sounds to me like that was basically the case with the guy in the video as well. However, I have to disagree with you to a greater degree about keeping those things even from your partner. Well, it depends on where you are in the relationship. If it’s just started or you’re having serious problems in the relationship, then yes, I 100% agree that’s not the time to divulge that stuff. However, if you’re very close-bonded, loving, committed and VERY understanding of eachother, then it’s MUCH more permissible and you have every right to expect your partner to support you throughout those things. Another pointer in this that slightly bothers me is that you didn’t mention options of things like couples counseling if it’s your partner you’re having trouble with. You made it sound as if it should be kept from 100% of the human population and that’s not quite the case. I would’ve also liked to have had an idea of the poor guy’s background. Like maybe his parents weren’t successful or their ways were so humiliating to him that he thought that the answer was to strive to be the dead opposite of what they were in every way possible. That’s also often the case with people like him.
Wow! Thank you for sharing your thoughts & experience, your point of view helps others understand. I am thankful to you for sharing your thoughts & find nothing I disagree with in what you said here. As for the monk's 7 bits of advice...good advice IF you want to live alone as a monk all your life! Otherwise, no.
*lacypierce6487* - How *_gullible_* are you? This video's "story" isn't based on a *_real man_* and _real "monk"_ - Buddhist or otherwise. It's a poorly-told, supposedly _moral "fable"_ - a *parable* - with what I regard as "bad advice." Telling people _not to trust _*_anyone_* with *any* aspect of one's life means *never opening up to* and *showing vilnerability* with another about *anything,* for *fear* of it _being used against oneself._ That can lead to *distrust, self-isolation, paranoia* and *chronic depression.* It's _okay_ to share with others, whether a *partner, family member, friend,* *coworker* or even a *stranger* (i.e. casual convo at the checkout, or in a park) - based on _common sense, level of trust, reciprocation_ and _past experiences,_ using one's *innate intelligence* to _assess_ them. Try sharing a small, less important tidbit, and _observe_ the listener's _response,_ then see if the info _gets back to you_ or is _used against you_ (as a test of fidelity). Being able to share with one's *partner, family member, friend* or *coworker* *_develops trust,_* and *_builds a bond_* between people, which can _enrich our lives._ Use one's *best judgement* and sense of *discernment* around *what* to share and *with whom.* Some people are *_more resilient_*_ and _*_trusting,_* while others may have issues and *_be more cautious_* due to their upbringing, family dynamics, one's *"attachment style"* (from childhood), and/or trauma, early on or later. *Neurodivergent* people may _relate differently_ to others than *neurotypical* ones, due to *_increased sensitivity._* There's no _one-size-fits-all_ when it comes to *trusting* and *disclosing to* others. It's an *individual choice.* I suggest seeing a *psychotherapist/social worker,* etc to discuss one's *most painful, complex, disturbing, or troublesome thoughts, feelings, moods* and *experiences* - especially if one is *fearul/anxious, chronically angry, depressed* or has *_thoughts of harming oneself or others_* - and entrusting that professional to have *your best interests* at the forefront of your *_treatment goals._* You can _gain insight_ and _learn ways to manage stress_ and develop *effective communication skills,* by _role-playing _*_challenging conversations_* with them. This is the *first video* I've watched by this channel, and will be *my last,* as I find it *vague, contradictory, poorly written, narrated and captioned,* and the *images and stock clips* are *amateur, repetitive* and *incongruent* with the spoken content. It's a *complete mess,* besides giving "bad advice"!
@@wholeshebang1 You’re the one who’s completely misreading me. I didn’t say that I thought that it was based on a real life case. I don’t think that it was by any means. I was just saying that, even as a fictional character, that guy sounded like a potential representation of us ND’s. I was merely pointing out from both my own experiences as well as others who I’ve met on the autism spectrum that that’s exactly the sort of thing that we tend to have trouble with. I didn’t say it’s limited to us and I wasn’t trying to imply that those scenarios limited to any one situation or person. I know they’re not. I was just throwing in that perspective. Yes, we relate to differently in different ways. Autism shows up uniquely in every one of us. But one thing many of us tend to have in common is thinking in terms of specific to general rather than the opposite (Temple Grandin also says so in at least one of her books). In other words, we tend to think that once a certain solution works for a certain thing that it automatically applies to every other issue or problem like. That was part of what I was seeing in the character in that video. That and a lack of discrimination between stranger, acquaintance, friend and life partner. Not that that didn’t go both ways as that monk poorly advised him to not discriminate who he should keep that stuff from.
Nowadays, true friends is someone you can trust. Fake friends is someone who stabs your back. Be careful on telling about yourself for those someone you know.
I don't tell others, I tell an other. There is only one person I could trust and rely on. No one else. I kinda doubt to myself is it okay telling that one person myself?
He's right. In my experience when I've shared things it has been used to attack me. Whenever I've been upset I found that no one cares. Most people aren't to be trusted and only want to use you. Be careful who you let intp your heart.
Holding your own counsel is the best advice, and silence suggests aloneness, which also suggests the existence of a very strong loner …..we all have choices !
I used to say " never let anyone completely know you ,or they can destroy you". Some of it is still true...but learning to discern who to trust with certain info is most important. Just my opinion.
If you really in your heart feel that you trust someone, share with all your heart. If that persons soul is immature and tells others about you in a negativ manner, forgive with all your soul.
These proscriptions, if followed slavishly, take an extremely negative world view that can cripple the possibility of having good relationships. The word "never" is way too hard and fast. It's more a matter of WHO you tell WHAT, not a "NEVER", which can be extremely dysfunctional.
1. Sorrow n happiness 2. Future plans 3. Home matters with others,family mayters 4. Weakness and strength don't tell 5. About ur income n savings 6. About ur humiliation 7. About ur fans and enemies
SILENCE IS GolDen Keep your mouth shut are you will give energy to the negative and it will grow.... speak into existence for what you want and not what you do not want!!!!
Agreed! I used to not tell people about my problems, etc, but I started doing it because I was sick of not being able to move on from my problems. When I started working at a company and made a groups of so called friends, I thought I could tell them about my problems, but instead they tried using me. As for telling others about my future plans, YES! now I know why whenever I tend to tell others my plans (mostly family like my mom or sister), it always never happens or something occurs that makes me unable to do what I had planned… I’ll try my best to not say anything much anymore lol. Must keep things vague 😂
I totally relate to RubyRose's words, particularly when she wrote 'but instead they tried using me.' I can recound many instances involving exploitation but will limit myself to just one as it's quite dramatic: Whilst I qualified in three professions, my initial one and main one for many years was that of a solicitor (U.K. lawyer). After working immensely hard for many years without a holiday I did what I thought was the sensible thing and took on a business partner. I confessed to him to being exhausted and to badly needing a holiday. I was so pleased when he said "Go!." So I did. When you undertake such work you are entrusted with millions of pounds of others' money - for purchasing homes etc. When I returned from holiday he had taken it all and disappeared never to be found. One cannot insure against such a loss, and the lawyers' professional body only pay compensation to clients essentially after the lawyer has declared bankruptcy and thrown all of his worth into the communal fund. I did, and for three weeks afterwards I was homeless, eating out of dumpsters, and with nine pence (coins jingling in my pocket) to my name. The moral of the story being to always suspect friendship, particularly if you can be used. After several years I got back on my feet and now live modestly alone in a rented apartment. But I'm happy and have learned the life lesson that financial wealth is not true wealth. True wealth comes from a strong soul and positive outlook, and more importantly giving to others within pre-determined limits.
Leave the plans up to God, & He will work everything out for our good, if we but 1st believe. I know the plans I hv for you, & not to harm you, but to gv you a future & a hope."
If you do want to talk about your problems or sorrow with someone you can hire a mental health therapist, they are mandated and required by law to not tell anyone what you say, it’s called confidentiality.
There is undeniable wisdom in these teachings. Unfortunately they can't be applied 100% to real life. The reason for it is that you can't form a bond with anyone if you don't share some things about you, your past or future plans. If you're not sharing, you can't expect to find a life partner (with which you're suppose to share everything) or even have like minded friends. You're not gonna find a partner or friends by avoiding telling basically anything about yourself and just chatting about what your favourite team performed lately or about the weather. There is one principle that I apply for myself, and that is not to give or request loans. Life is so much pain free this way.
I don’t know? If we don’t share our sorrow and pain, then it will remain inside unhealed and serve as a poison burden. For many of us, our own families are downright toxic! By going no contact with them, I have met wonderful people who appreciate my genuine character, whereas my true family only aimed to oppress it. Sharing my story has opened up a new path of healing. A path that has offered me love, compassion, and support. I have had done much hard learning in my life. I have had to face the most heartbreaking realities. Suffered betrayal after betrayal by my sadistic own blood enjoying every minute of it (seeing me in pain). Before going no contact my own blood tried very hard to push me to suicide better that they thought then to risk my exposing them for who they really are behind the fake facade. Yes there are toxic individuals in this world in which applying these 7 rules would serve to benefit one. But only when people are toxic manipulators. But thank God this does not apply to all humans on this planet. There are people who aim to put out your light and there are those who encourage you to shine. The wisdom lies in being able to discern the two apart. Establishing protective barriers against the destructive toxic individuals and surrounding ourselves with those who aim to lift each other up. Learn from our mistakes, and grow our strengths. Never allow anyone to put out our light and to mentor those who seek counsel and higher understanding. We can not resort into losing our hope in humanity. For then we lose hope in ourselves and we stop believing in ourselves? Then what? Hope essential to go forward, we must believe in ourselves before anything is possible. We must exercise our discernment and above all retain our ability to love. If we are unable to trust completely we lose our ability to love. And such an existence would be akin to hell?
Congrats on coming out of all that and getting enlightened out of such a shadowy background. Perhaps you will write up your story even fictionalized one day🙏
You need to know whom you choose to tell your things but I think it is too exaggerated to tell anyone don’t trust anyone or so we need to trust to some friends a good friend or someone that may be help you without being your friend it can be happening in our life
This is insane advice. It teaches you to not trust anyone in the world. It serves to keep you isolated and not share your love in the event that someone possibly will exploit it and cause you pain. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. A real Buddhist monk would not say this. These are not words of wisdom but words of fear. In my own life I have been hurt much by some, but the jewels I have met by sharing what I most deeply value far outweigh the Machiavellians I have encountered.
I agree with you. What kind of relationship will you have with your loved ones, your best friends, your family if you not tell them about yourself and your feelings?
@@simonsimon2888humans need interaction with other human beings..to live by this way only keeps you isolated and lonely trying to manage how others treat you for being a human being...it is then that you gain knowledge of others and treat them accordingly as well..life is not a mystery to be solved it's a journey to be lived ..so live it
The irony is that if the man had followed the Buddhist monk's advice, he would not have told the Buddhist monk. He trusted the Buddhist monk, and the monk did not betray the information the man entrusted to him.
This morning I was literally thinking about how many years ago I made a mistake of telling the boss of my boss that I wanted to start my own business. But I didn't just start talking to him. He came to me asking me questions. Not long after that, I was sabotaged, suspended with pay, then fired.
Fascinating, and challenging to an American. Many here would discuss most if not all of these things with friends and acquaintances , except for income. I see his point though, and it gives some things to think about.
They say that not forgiving someone is like drinking rat poison and hoping it'll kill your enemy, but trusting them is like accepting that drink from them and expecting it not to be poisoned.
Actually if you are in a vulnerable situation in life, I have seen that certain people can be very cruel if they know, as a strategy this can make sense. There are toxic people around, but maybe the best thing is to get rid of such people without prejudice if they do show these colours. And divorce a partner who shows themselves to be like that. That last would be easier said than done of course.
This is wisdom you can't trust anybody with everything, and you can not trust everybody with anything. Anything you say to anyone that is deeply personal or important, they now have ammo to use against you, and they may be able to keep your secrets, but the people they tell probably have big mouths. Your wife is the last person you want to know your deeply personal information. She will tell it to coworkers, and female family, bffs, and each of them will also tell the same people. Yes, I have. Indeed witnessed it all my life in my family with 6 sisters, and I have always worked with primarily women most of my life If their guys knew what I know about them, hey would never be able to look me in the face, much less the eyes. It's human nature. My therapist wants me to journal, but I have trouble getting started. The judge on people's court puts it best and sums up my experience well. She says, Says it and forget it. Write it and regret it." basically, once it is written down, it becomes discovery. Basically, it's tangible evidence. If you say it, it's hearsay and inadmissible.
![[FULL EP.16] เซียนพาลุย "เผือก-ฟรอยด์" กรี๊ดลั่น จนปูหนี | เฮ็ดอย่างเซียนหรั่ง | One Playground](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/FsqUvwS3b-Y/mqdefault.jpg)
I think the right approach is not overdo it. You can share sometimes because you can find new perspectives to your problem but do not overdo it
Best advice. What is shared can be an inspiration to others but who really needs it and who will use it against you by twisting and broadcasting it, very difficult to say. But what the monk said is also very good too.
we have to share sometimes cause problems can lead to depression, and severe depression can lead to suicide. We need someone to talk to if we feel so dpwn but to trusted friends and family only.
We can share, but, let there be deep thinking about what we talk about, and to whom, people are too cruel to be good
that's not what they are saying here; this does not mean to never confide to someone within a relationship; but the base principle is 'shut up' whenever you can manage - fill that void with listening to others.
Thanks for this thought-provoking video. More important than arbitrary laws about what *never* to tell is this: Discernment. In other words, developing a wise discrimination over when to tell something, and to whom. These 7 rules may be a helpful beginning, but the work of wisdom is more subtle. Discernment takes a lifetime to master. It is more about "spirit" than "laws."
I absolutely agree with you, thank goodness someone understands his way of thinking. . ⭐️🧡⭐️
Some are born with inverted intuition
All Very true. I've learned all these the hard way. Thank you
Sharing with others can be a powerful thing. No you shouldn’t share if you are uncomfortable about everything in your life. But by sharing your experiences and triumphs you can inspire and even give someone else hope. I still love this channel but many should know we will not agree on everything.
Well said!
This is the first time I was on this channel and I don't agree with most that was said. There are a couple exceptions. I probably won't be back on the channel. The basic advice was to never trust anyone and to be a pretend, non authentic person. That does not jive at all with me.
Ditto!!!
I felt the same bothersome feeling but i challenge myself to explore the feeling I am feeling and I realize what is being said might actually be true even if it bothers me.
I think ge explains it to people who are not American. To Americans he needs to explain it like "be content with yourself so you don't feel the need to tell everyone too much in order to unload your problem. Be emotionally independent so people will not want to get revenge on you for burdaning them too much."
It is good to communicate but not for the purpose of relievinv your own anxiety. When you feel anxious, breath deeply, relax a little and drink water. After we calm ourselves, then speak.
It is a hard lesson for me to learn. I have learned what he tries to explain from personal experience.
Never lend money only give it. No resentment can be if a gift is given. Only tell your therapist the problems you are having trouble sorting out. He is right about friends can become enemies. No one really cares about your insecurities and troubles unfortunately and if they do it is short lived. Love yourself and learn to work out your problems with professionals and trust everything that is painful will shift.
"Never lend money only give it. No resentment can be if a gift is given." that is great advice
I am a Christian. In being raised with Christian teachings, we are to be there for one another in each other's suffering. The Bible says: "Lift up one another's burdens so to fulfill the law of Christ." The Christian way didn't say to be a pretend person and to only tell a counselor of your suffering.
@@28jewelsboogie I didn't say the Christian way was the only way. I was only referring to my experience. And actually, I respect other valid religions. I had been to many Buddhist sessions in past years where we chanted positive intentions for individuals and the world. You have every right to live your life as you believe. I just don't share your beliefs. This was a strange video for me. Most points out of the 7 I disagree with. 2 points I agree with and that is: don't share about one's money situation with most people and the other is to not share one's plans with most others (except trusted people) because some people do have negative intentions and will put out negativity to thwart success.
@@28jewelsboogie I am not against psychology or common sense. You made a "judgment" about that regarding me that was unjust. Common sense isn't going to a psychologist everytime one has a problem to work out. How many times over the years talking to persons in caring relationships helped so much and I helped them also. Also sometimes, there are practical things to work out and people with the right information were very helpful. I believe that some people do benefit from professional counseling in various situations.
I was told by a sage barber when I was young, NEVER to LOAN MONEY UNLESS YOU CAN afford to GIVE IT AWAY, SO IF THEY DON'T RETURN IT, YOU ALREADY CONSIDERED IT A GIFT AND DO NOT REAL SLIGHTED!
Now I understand why so many people whose roots are in the far east come across as cold and unemotional to Americans. I don’t agree with these teachings when it comes to family, close friends and spouses, but this does help me understand something other than what I believe. This IS good advice, though, for dealing with acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, and strangers.
Now. You see why people seem antisocial...DISTRUST
You’re actually very lucky because most people are betrayed, just like the Bible says from those closest to them. Family and friends will betray you first usually quicker than an enemy.
& why they have MUCH more suicide.
I agree with you.
Move in silence while building loving and trusting relationships ❤🙏🏽
💯
I needed this❤
I think you are wise advising this, while considering the monk! Life be kind to you ..
True friends and life partners can be recognized, by having the possiblity of sharing these 7 things without being harmed. How blessed are we when having those life partners and friends.
Absolutely …
It's an illussion.
Eg: the ladu in the hospital was caressed by her husband and thus, it was a point of perysal to others.
When another patients brother hapoened to visit his sister.
So, the sister said. 'see that lady has such a loving husband who adores her very much"
But then the brother said "ah I know that fellow. He has a girlfriend when he takes the train to work.
He basically treats her the same way"
So, that's the reason there are words of wisdom saying "not to envy people, you think are better off" because their life is not of the narrow path. 🙏
Amen yo that!
@@JE-pq4wp what does this example mean or proof? And why should we not trust in friends only because of one (invented) negative example?
@@jessicawen3632 I agree with you.
This is possibly the best advice I've received in a long time
The less people know about you , the better you are. Keep to yourself your past, your problems, your plans for the future. Never ever talk about your family to your partner. It's the best way to keep them safe and yourself respected. When respect is lost, love doesn't last longer.
But I'd say you share problems.Because if you bottle it in, depression might come in
ALL IS WELL BECAUSE ALL IS GOoD! 😇
1. You should Never tell anyone about your sorrow or helplessness
2. Never tell anyone about your past mistakes and future plans
3. Never tell anyone about your home affairs.
4. Never tell anyone about your weaknesses and strengths.
5. You should never tell anyone about your income and savings.
6. Never tell anyone about your humiliation.
7. Never tell anyone about your friends and your enemies.
Thank you!!!
In other words, lose lips sink ships.
@@patriciahayes2664 YEP! LOL
God helps those who hype themselves 😅
@@willshaughnessy8515 Yes sir
To each his own, in case you disagree, so be it. If someone agrees with the advice, that person found help. There are always a thing which works for one and it does not work for another. Choose what suits you
True, there mightt be negative reasons not to share but if you hold everything inside, you will lose the chance for good people to support you and have people to lean on with your problems. Many people are understanding because they have went through similar things. I'm still going to be honest and share my problems and concerns with others even though there are negative reasons not to do it. I'll take the risk.
If you want sollutiins to your problems Share our problems impersonally..discuss generally,,,...to avoid your identity,,,,Else people will come to know about you,,,,Dnt be a open to book to people surround you,,,
Never lend money unless you're happy to lose it...
I also agree with the author of this video about being careful about sharing one's future goals with random people we know. People, out of jealousy, can wish failure on you and have bad intentions that puts out negative energy to you. However, most persons probably have some close, personal relationships with some persons who are trustworthy and it could be OK to share future plans with those persons. If one is in a committed relationship or marriage, people are not going to be better partners if they can't share on a personal level with the other.
I agrée! Im learning this lesson right now!
Remember, sharing your future aspirations will take away your impetus.
@@njkauto2394 If I share my future aspirations with a trusted friend who is like minded, it does NOT take away my impetus. I know this from experience. And for example, when I graduated from high school and shared with friends that I planned to attend college, it did not thwart or diminish my plans and achievements in any way.
😲😲excellent points to consider and adjust for in the near future. Thank you! Words of Wisdom .👌🏽👌🏽
Speak the truth. Don't live in deception ☺️
This is loving yourself first. Which is right. Private matters should be confident.
This is totally opposite of what American culture wants...Your most intimate relationships are a blend of sharing.....learning...growing.....I am blessed to have people in my life who really care about my well being...I hope you do also...We all
experience difficulties in life...
Leaning on each other is essential!❤
I agree. This is garbage advice!
I usually feel happy and encouraged after watching these videos but today I realise that the kinds of cruelty mentioned in this one are even more apparent after the covid pandemic reared its ugly head and destroyed our lives. I have also noticed that a lot of people are still living in fear (and not just the French) by walking around with masks on despite the fact that life has more or less returned to normal and vaccines and the risk of another outbreak are rarely mentioned now.
I have heard that the most dangerous animal living on this planet are humans and this video was literally saying that no one can be considered genuine, kind and sincere and yet when I listened to a man pouring out his troubles to me about the employees who work in the company he works for and how lazy and inconsiderate they are, I had no desire to mock him or even discuss what he told me with anyone because in many ways I understood where he was coming from and was relieved in a way that someone else has noticed what I see around me 95% of the time. Are humans truly beyond all hope? Is there no chance of finding someone to confide in without being mocked behind our backs? I understand that revealing family troubles, what you earn every month, revealing your strengths and weaknesses, your future plans and so on is a big mistake but now I just feel even more sorry for those who were and are born in the 21st century and wish it was possible to return to the 20th century where life wasn't quite as intense as it is today 😪💔😭
It's always been like this, just different ways of identifying everything happening around us. Your work sounds challenging, but you are there, and that's what matters. Try to live with gratitude for what is, and the fears of what isn't will disappear. Above all else, take care of yourself, because without you, nothing exists. These are the facts, I wish you good health and happiness 😊
I. Agreed with EVERTHING YOU STATED!!!! This all seems to be orchestrated. ..due to all the corruption. Lies. N distrust..in our GOVT. SOCIAL MEDIA AND RELIGIOUS BLENDING...DRUGS AND ALCOHOL dependence also sexual.deviance...war .
Inhumane treatment of animals Technology has turned people into
Soul less DRONES ...EVERY GENERATION WILL BECOME LESS SPIRITUALLY AWARE. ......OPEN EYES
A lot of people wear the mask for personal reasons not related to covid, but covid just gave the excuse to wear one lol
Your comment is stated very well, thank you for sharing. Speaking as a Buddhist, I would say that overall, this advice is aimed mostly at "beginners" - in other words, naive people - those who are lacking in experience and/or naturally innocent. As we progress in our ability to discern other people's natures, you can choose who to trust and who to be wary of. Some folks are "tricky" and they're the most deceptive ones, especially if you have a naturally good heart. You could try with small amounts of trust with people that you are getting to know. It's actually easier to regularly reassess whether someone is worthy of your trust - you're not being mean to that person - you don't have to be obvious that you are "testing' them. It's more like thinking critically if you are suspicious of someone's behaviour or attitude. It's important however to to gently reassess situations with people who are close to you, from time to time, as unfortunately there are some very devious people out there! In general, the examples in the video are good advice for being careful in relationships and with wider society. There are definitely occasions where it is good to share a problem, as a problem cannot be tackled until it is identified. Sometimes it takes the perspective of another person to bring insight and helpful advice. You just have to think carefully before choosing who to confide in and how much you want to reveal.
Over the years many people have revealed their problems to me, and I have never once had the urge to mock them or use that issue against them. A feeling of compassion arises in me and I want to help the person who is upset. I have found though, that more important than trying to find a definite solution to the problem, is that most people simply "want to be heard".
I can see where this a handy loophole for those who wish to take advantage of people who are stressed. If someone is unsure of who to trust, there are books of wisdom and even self-help books that a person could consult first. The wisdom and insights gained from reading can not only help the stressed individual, but could later on help someone else by sharing that useful knowledge. Listening to helpful videos is another way.
Life is indeed intense today and it's set to become even worse. You sound like a kind-hearted person from your words. Please don't allow the coldness and harshness of our world cool your warm heart! Just exercise discernment and resist the temptation to use someone's secret against them. My feeling is that actually, there are a lot of people just like you out there in the world, and you are needed more than ever.
Blessings to you & yours and to all sentient beings.
Blessings upon our Earth as well.
"Nothing to fear but fear itself.. =false evidence appearing real.
This is why I don't attend any social functions anymore. I rarely attend them. Because most people are gossipy and artificial. I go to Hindu temples, I go to pray, I learn online music classes and language classes, I attend concerts that I like, and I do my own thing.
Me too
Pallavis but when you attend social event you do not need to tell your secrets to people or gossip. You can talk about too many topics and have fun. You seems to be a boring person. I usually go to gatherings if there is music and happy people. I like people and never attend any event by myself.
What this tells you is that you really can’t trust people, even the ones closest to you. Dr. Phil wrote a book years ago called Life Code which addresses this issue.
If you want to be a powerful person, be a powerful loner... ✨
Yes, that's so true.
Agreed!!!
❤ I promise u I just told my daughter this yesterday WOW!!! ND Is ✨
Not everyone takes in this way.There are so many good people to help others when we are in need of them.
It's true
That's why I always try to keep it general. Life lessons have taught me to say as little as possible 🛣️🪔🌞
Little is much when God is in it. :)
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." --Mark Twain (not a monk)
Buddhist monks were alive 2500 y ago
Mark Twain - freemason
God Bless Us All 🙏🙌
This is such a valuable piece of advice, and I’m so grateful for my son. He’s already practicing what you preach. I did the wrong thing I’m telling my PT about being raped after having my drink spot so of course he tried to do the same thing with his friends I had no idea how hateful a human being he was until the very end.
God Bless you and stay blessed!
Now you're telling it to everybody😉
Thank you for posting a written list most kind of you. Blessings
@@SpiritWhispers Hetepu Peace
What?
Proofreading needed 🙏
In other words be content with yourself and possessions to the point you do not need to unload on other people. When I am content and at peace, I don't need to talk too much and I have the ability to listen and be aware of what is happening in the moment.
It is why I love meditation. It calms my abundant mouth and unplugs my ears.
"Be content in the state that you are in."
@@KimberlyBorges-h5l yes. And with true contentment, the need for nervous chatter dissipates. When I am nervous, I talk too much.
I needed to hear this one and im very thankful to be justified in my feeling in owing no-one as a WHOLE
one thing !
don:t be involved with
negative people ،
good friends are the
positive ones, you can
learn and try to understand
your own emotion,
physically and spiritually!❤
Amen .
Without the negative, there can be no positive
@@meself349 sharp words bro..🙏
Was and is my problem. But wiser now, I think. Thanks.
I understand most comments says the advice is wrong... BUT at the age of 59 i can tell you thats what happened to me. My late husband whom i was married to for 30 years, always brought up the past. I was abused emotionally. Today starting a new chapter, I Decide what and if i need to tell anyone anything. So this comes with experience. and age.
There is always someone who you can trust.
TRUST NOBODY
Yes, there are always some people that you can trust.
@@elenaefremova7463 yes. I think we all learnt from our bitter experience.
Only if that somebody is Jesus Christ of Nazereth
Nope
It is really true..We must not confide our secret to others or else the wicked would just make fun of us but I have already done this its a big mistake really I had already found the answer of my darkest moment.Million thanks monk I will never reveal my weaknesses anymore to those whom I thought they are sincere and can be relied but in reverse they are traitor.Thank You Lord.......Never again......
That's why I follow two courses of action faithfully, silence and patience. My life has changed for the better ever since and I always get the last laugh.
Silence is golden, & patience is a virtue.
This may be sad but lve found its true. Very few people actually want to know anything that intimate about your life. When l went through the loss of my husband l tried sharing how deeply l was hurting but it just made people avoid me. I became more isolated from everyone including my family and friends. I went to a grief class but because lm an empath this made me feel way worse because then it was not only my grief and sadness but everyone else’s l heard about, which was horrible! I never went back. I read books, didn’t help either. I went from being a social person with good relationships to a lonely introvert, all because of doing what l was told to do, share how l felt. I will never do that again. The only One l talk to now about my deep feelings is Jesus. I read Psalms for comfort.
In the end you help yourself n have faith God....... be kind...its hard to find a trustworthy friend especially nowadays...not even your own brothers
We should know what to share and what not to share with our friends , some friends love the opportunity to drag u down when the time comes so b careful
7things to never tell anyone
1.your sorrow and helplessness
2.past mistakes and future plans
3.home affairs with others
4.weakness and strengths
5.income and savings
6.your humiliation (not to even your life partner)
7.Your friends and enemies
I do share because in the end nothing others do really matters. What matters is my response. Anything others do to deliberately hurt or humiliate me only does two things (1) reveals their true character and (2) strengthens and further builds my character.
Kastapadi type chesav
This story is very helpful.
@@jeved811: The video only urges you to avoid giving people the chances and tools to hurt and humiliate you. I salute the elevation of your soul and higher order thinking.
If you have done already can we rectify it
You who are reading this, perhaps I will never meet you, but I hope you fulfill everything you propose, that the bad times do not depress you, take a deep breath and continue. I love you even if I don't know anything about you.
This channel has changed my life .thanks for such good lesson❤❤❤
Keep blessings 😊
I am thank God for keeping “friends“ away from me for the past 10 years I prayed please God don’t bring another friend into my life that’s going to suck me dry, and you know what he hasn’t brought a single person into my life and I am so happy for that. Thank you, and yes I have had not good experiences. I am not Seneca. I am very much at peace and happier than ever. I was the best friend you would ever want, and every single person took it vantage of me but I do have a wonderful, wonderful husband and honestly that’s all I really need and my three children and three cats amen
I can relate to what you said here. Sadly, my husband is the latest to be taking advantage of my honesty, kindness, etc.
* The more I deal with people, the more I like animals.*
the humiliation part was soo true. i still regret telling it to others.😭😭
This seemed good at first but then it sounded like nothing but Fear. Why be afraid to share your thoughts with others, the munk himself is another fellow Human, with a thought process of his vary own*. There are some you can share info with and some you can't. We all must work together not separate in our own little shell.
I guess the best thing is to be suspicious before sharing. Even family can back stab. Think of those cases where a celebrity's wife tells his secrets after a divorce.
I swear I was gon say the same about that part 😢
If you ALREADY have shared your secrets ... ..
... , how you can make that undone ... , ...? ? ?
So what kind of life is it when you have no one to confide in?
What this video said is truth. Sensitive things should remain to yourself only. I use to have some problems with some bad people affected me as a victim but after telling my friends, instead they accused me of not blending in and not getting along with people. Some things like this should remain only to yourself.
Tears out of my eyes. Great message.
Eiiish! I'd better play a fool than hold my problems in the name of secrecy thereby making me so lonely and unable to solve and afraid that people would backbite. We are all human beings and we're imperfect...we just can't stress over the mistakes we do all the time and how foolish we look infront of others.
Think how foolish you will look when everyone knows your business
@@phoenixrisin2269 damn! You will look foolish but it won't make you one..
That's it.
Sadly, this is assuming that everyone you come in contact with totally lacks love, compassion, honesty, integrity, and is spiritually bankrupt, totally immature, and morally corrupt!
We all experience highs and lows in life, and need to be able to share these with people that we love and trust, without fear of jealousy or karmic retaliation.
My thoughts exactly!!!
You have stated a truth that even this Buddhist advice failed to point out
From this video I learn most important thing of my life and also don't tell your age to anyone .
All this advice directly contradicts the 12 step program
Finally just listen to your conscious. Atleast you will be peaceful and calm.
This sounds like the sort of thing a lot of us neurodivergents-those of us on the autism spectrum, ADHD, etc. struggle with. That kind of social miscuing often gets us accused of lacking empathy. Though what’s actually usually the case is that we feel things too intensely and at points that neurotypicals-people not on the autism spectrum, ADHD, etc.
Us ND’s, unfortunately, don’t learn that stuff as kids because we tend to basically struggle socially from birth. Some of us even lack any danger filters at all. Some of us on the autism spectrum, for example, don’t see anything wrong with jumping out onto the street to chase moving vehicle tires.
I’ve seen more than one fellow on the autism spectrum who’d come from abuse, one had even just survived a murder attempt several months before I met her. They would actually go around dumping their problems onto anyone who would listen expecting to be pitied and rescued, you know, like the movies. And then were genuinely shocked and frustrated when no one or almost no one would. When, instead, everyone was accusing them of playing victim, being unsafe and, as a result, didn’t want them around.
Our constant miscuing can get very dangerous very fast, too. For example, sometimes we think that someone’s acting nice when they actually have an ulterior motive or, worse, something heinous in mind. Then we make ourselves vulnerable to everything from escalated bullying to ending up dead or almost.
You’d be surprised to learn that, like the guy you talked about in that video, some of us actually don’t understand the point of being private. About almost literally anything. For example, I have this one safety skills book by an ND author who doesn’t understand why everyone wants to keep things considered private, like their personal finances, such a “big secret” (almost as if she thinks that all forms of money are like some big treasure chest full of such highly valuable gold that’s been discovered only to stay buried as a complete secret for “no reason”) don’t understand that you’re actually setting yourself up to be taken advantage of if you don’t. As you can see, we often get to a point where we understand that something is considered inappropriate. To the point where we now know to hold ourselves back on that particular subject. Even if we often still don’t understand the heart of the why behind it.
Like the poor guy in the video, we tend to assume that everyone is more or less like us. You know, 100% and rigidly transparent, honest, thoughtful and genuine. Things like ulterior motives tend to be VERY alien to us. Sounds to me like that was basically the case with the guy in the video as well.
However, I have to disagree with you to a greater degree about keeping those things even from your partner. Well, it depends on where you are in the relationship. If it’s just started or you’re having serious problems in the relationship, then yes, I 100% agree that’s not the time to divulge that stuff. However, if you’re very close-bonded, loving, committed and VERY understanding of eachother, then it’s MUCH more permissible and you have every right to expect your partner to support you throughout those things.
Another pointer in this that slightly bothers me is that you didn’t mention options of things like couples counseling if it’s your partner you’re having trouble with. You made it sound as if it should be kept from 100% of the human population and that’s not quite the case.
I would’ve also liked to have had an idea of the poor guy’s background. Like maybe his parents weren’t successful or their ways were so humiliating to him that he thought that the answer was to strive to be the dead opposite of what they were in every way possible. That’s also often the case with people like him.
Wow! Thank you for sharing your thoughts & experience, your point of view helps others understand. I am thankful to you for sharing your thoughts & find nothing I disagree with in what you said here.
As for the monk's 7 bits of advice...good advice IF you want to live alone as a monk all your life! Otherwise, no.
Half the things are stuff they ask at job interviews!
Well stated and thank you for sharing your thoughts! Blessings upon you & yours!
*lacypierce6487* - How *_gullible_* are you? This video's "story" isn't based on a *_real man_* and _real "monk"_ - Buddhist or otherwise. It's a poorly-told, supposedly _moral "fable"_ - a *parable* - with what I regard as "bad advice." Telling people _not to trust _*_anyone_* with *any* aspect of one's life means *never opening up to* and *showing vilnerability* with another about *anything,* for *fear* of it _being used against oneself._ That can lead to *distrust, self-isolation, paranoia* and *chronic depression.*
It's _okay_ to share with others, whether a *partner, family member, friend,* *coworker* or even a *stranger* (i.e. casual convo at the checkout, or in a park) - based on _common sense, level of trust, reciprocation_ and _past experiences,_ using one's *innate intelligence* to _assess_ them. Try sharing a small, less important tidbit, and _observe_ the listener's _response,_ then see if the info _gets back to you_ or is _used against you_ (as a test of fidelity).
Being able to share with one's *partner, family member, friend* or *coworker* *_develops trust,_* and *_builds a bond_* between people, which can _enrich our lives._
Use one's *best judgement* and sense of *discernment* around *what* to share and *with whom.* Some people are *_more resilient_*_ and _*_trusting,_* while others may have issues and *_be more cautious_* due to their upbringing, family dynamics, one's *"attachment style"* (from childhood), and/or trauma, early on or later. *Neurodivergent* people may _relate differently_ to others than *neurotypical* ones, due to *_increased sensitivity._*
There's no _one-size-fits-all_ when it comes to *trusting* and *disclosing to* others. It's an *individual choice.* I suggest seeing a *psychotherapist/social worker,* etc to discuss one's *most painful, complex, disturbing, or troublesome thoughts, feelings, moods* and *experiences* - especially if one is *fearul/anxious, chronically angry, depressed* or has *_thoughts of harming oneself or others_* - and entrusting that professional to have *your best interests* at the forefront of your *_treatment goals._* You can _gain insight_ and _learn ways to manage stress_ and develop *effective communication skills,* by _role-playing _*_challenging conversations_* with them.
This is the *first video* I've watched by this channel, and will be *my last,* as I find it *vague, contradictory, poorly written, narrated and captioned,* and the *images and stock clips* are *amateur, repetitive* and *incongruent* with the spoken content. It's a *complete mess,* besides giving "bad advice"!
@@wholeshebang1
You’re the one who’s completely misreading me.
I didn’t say that I thought that it was based on a real life case. I don’t think that it was by any means. I was just saying that, even as a fictional character, that guy sounded like a potential representation of us ND’s.
I was merely pointing out from both my own experiences as well as others who I’ve met on the autism spectrum that that’s exactly the sort of thing that we tend to have trouble with.
I didn’t say it’s limited to us and I wasn’t trying to imply that those scenarios limited to any one situation or person. I know they’re not.
I was just throwing in that perspective.
Yes, we relate to differently in different ways. Autism shows up uniquely in every one of us. But one thing many of us tend to have in common is thinking in terms of specific to general rather than the opposite (Temple Grandin also says so in at least one of her books). In other words, we tend to think that once a certain solution works for a certain thing that it automatically applies to every other issue or problem like.
That was part of what I was seeing in the character in that video.
That and a lack of discrimination between stranger, acquaintance, friend and life partner. Not that that didn’t go both ways as that monk poorly advised him to not discriminate who he should keep that stuff from.
Nowadays, true friends is someone you can trust. Fake friends is someone who stabs your back. Be careful on telling about yourself for those someone you know.
I don't tell others, I tell an other. There is only one person I could trust and rely on. No one else. I kinda doubt to myself is it okay telling that one person myself?
"No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" and "Familiarity Breeds Contempt" are wise sayings for a reason.
@artistpr5386 you mean" No good deed goes unnoticed".it will be awful to do good deeds and to be punished for that .🥺
If this man was My friend, he could tell me Anything & I would try to understand. Everyone needs at least One confidant they can trust.
He's right. In my experience when I've shared things it has been used to attack me. Whenever I've been upset I found that no one cares. Most people aren't to be trusted and only want to use you. Be careful who you let intp your heart.
Only Jesus can be trusted with your
Holding your own counsel is the best advice, and silence suggests aloneness, which also suggests the existence of a very strong loner …..we all have choices !
I used to say " never let anyone completely know you ,or they can destroy you". Some of it is still true...but learning to discern who to trust with certain info is most important. Just my opinion.
If you really in your heart feel that you trust someone, share with all your heart.
If that persons soul is immature and tells others about you in a negativ manner, forgive with all your soul.
These proscriptions, if followed slavishly, take an extremely negative world view that can cripple the possibility of having good relationships. The word "never" is way too hard and fast. It's more a matter of WHO you tell WHAT, not a "NEVER", which can be extremely dysfunctional.
1. Sorrow n happiness
2. Future plans
3. Home matters with others,family mayters
4. Weakness and strength don't tell
5. About ur income n savings
6. About ur humiliation
7. About ur fans and enemies
Thank you for your WISDOM. I am ever so grateful to know of these 7 things, of: " NOT TO SHARE WITH ANYONE" ☯️🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
SILENCE IS GolDen Keep your mouth shut are you will give energy to the negative and it will grow.... speak into existence for what you want and not what you do not want!!!!
OMG
I ALREADY SHARED EVERYTHING 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
how i wish I’ve seen this Video Before !
I am so guilty of all seven things 😢😢
Sad but so true. Especially about past mistakes and future plans.
More teachings
Namo buddhaya 🕉
One of the Egyptian sages said, "Don't burden your friends with many confidences."
Agreed! I used to not tell people about my problems, etc, but I started doing it because I was sick of not being able to move on from my problems. When I started working at a company and made a groups of so called friends, I thought I could tell them about my problems, but instead they tried using me.
As for telling others about my future plans, YES! now I know why whenever I tend to tell others my plans (mostly family like my mom or sister), it always never happens or something occurs that makes me unable to do what I had planned…
I’ll try my best to not say anything much anymore lol. Must keep things vague 😂
I totally relate to RubyRose's words, particularly when she wrote 'but instead they tried using me.' I can recound many instances involving exploitation but will limit myself to just one as it's quite dramatic:
Whilst I qualified in three professions, my initial one and main one for many years was that of a solicitor (U.K. lawyer). After working immensely hard for many years without a holiday I did what I thought was the sensible thing and took on a business partner. I confessed to him to being exhausted and to badly needing a holiday. I was so pleased when he said "Go!." So I did.
When you undertake such work you are entrusted with millions of pounds of others' money - for purchasing homes etc. When I returned from holiday he had taken it all and disappeared never to be found.
One cannot insure against such a loss, and the lawyers' professional body only pay compensation to clients essentially after the lawyer has declared bankruptcy and thrown all of his worth into the communal fund. I did, and for three weeks afterwards I was homeless, eating out of dumpsters, and with nine pence (coins jingling in my pocket) to my name.
The moral of the story being to always suspect friendship, particularly if you can be used. After several years I got back on my feet and now live modestly alone in a rented apartment. But I'm happy and have learned the life lesson that financial wealth is not true wealth. True wealth comes from a strong soul and positive outlook, and more importantly giving to others within pre-determined limits.
@@sanderslongdrivel
Leave the plans up to God, & He will work everything out for our good, if we but 1st believe. I know the plans I hv for you, & not to harm you, but to gv you a future & a hope."
Sharing with your therapist is therapeutic and not a risk
😂
First of all, learn to know who your true friends are and stay away from your enemies but pray for them.
Thank you God for wisdom, knowledge and Faithfulness throughout my life time in Jesus name cover us Amen 🙌 🙏
If you do want to talk about your problems or sorrow with someone you can hire a mental health therapist, they are mandated and required by law to not tell anyone what you say, it’s called confidentiality.
I enjoy this channel and have gained much wisdom from it, but I disagree with a few points presented in this particular video.
Yes, really these are most things that we never shared with others 😊
There is undeniable wisdom in these teachings. Unfortunately they can't be applied 100% to real life. The reason for it is that you can't form a bond with anyone if you don't share some things about you, your past or future plans. If you're not sharing, you can't expect to find a life partner (with which you're suppose to share everything) or even have like minded friends. You're not gonna find a partner or friends by avoiding telling basically anything about yourself and just chatting about what your favourite team performed lately or about the weather.
There is one principle that I apply for myself, and that is not to give or request loans. Life is so much pain free this way.
I don’t know? If we don’t share our sorrow and pain, then it will remain inside unhealed and serve as a poison burden. For many of us, our own families are downright toxic! By going no contact with them, I have met wonderful people who appreciate my genuine character, whereas my true family only aimed to oppress it. Sharing my story has opened up a new path of healing. A path that has offered me love, compassion, and support.
I have had done much hard learning in my life. I have had to face the most heartbreaking realities. Suffered betrayal after betrayal by my sadistic own blood enjoying every minute of it (seeing me in pain). Before going no contact my own blood tried very hard to push me to suicide better that they thought then to risk my exposing them for who they really are behind the fake facade.
Yes there are toxic individuals in this world in which applying these 7 rules would serve to benefit one. But only when people are toxic manipulators. But thank God this does not apply to all humans on this planet. There are people who aim to put out your light and there are those who encourage you to shine. The wisdom lies in being able to discern the two apart.
Establishing protective barriers against the destructive toxic individuals and surrounding ourselves with those who aim to lift each other up. Learn from our mistakes, and grow our strengths. Never allow anyone to put out our light and to mentor those who seek counsel and higher understanding. We can not resort into losing our hope in humanity. For then we lose hope in ourselves and we stop believing in ourselves? Then what?
Hope essential to go forward, we must believe in ourselves before anything is possible. We must exercise our discernment and above all retain our ability to love. If we are unable to trust completely we lose our ability to love. And such an existence would be akin to hell?
Congrats on coming out of all that and getting enlightened out of such a shadowy background. Perhaps you will write up your story even fictionalized one day🙏
You need to know whom you choose to tell your things but I think it is too exaggerated to tell anyone don’t trust anyone or so we need to trust to some friends a good friend or someone that may be help you without being your friend it can be happening in our life
This is insane advice. It teaches you to not trust anyone in the world. It serves to keep you isolated and not share your love in the event that someone possibly will exploit it and cause you pain. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. A real Buddhist monk would not say this. These are not words of wisdom but words of fear. In my own life I have been hurt much by some, but the jewels I have met by sharing what I most deeply value far outweigh the Machiavellians I have encountered.
Much like the guy at the end getting tears in his eyes, I also got tears. But mainly because the advice was horrible.
I agree with you. What kind of relationship will you have with your loved ones, your best friends, your family if you not tell them about yourself and your feelings?
It is better to be 'safe than sorry!' as in this song "Devil In Disguise!"
@@simonsimon2888humans need interaction with other human beings..to live by this way only keeps you isolated and lonely trying to manage how others treat you for being a human being...it is then that you gain knowledge of others and treat them accordingly as well..life is not a mystery to be solved it's a journey to be lived ..so live it
Have you come across this song 'I'm A Rock' "when i touch no one and no one touches me" of SD(Social Distancing) or Standard Deviation.
It is kind of therapy❤it really works😊😊
The irony is that if the man had followed the Buddhist monk's advice, he would not have told the Buddhist monk. He trusted the Buddhist monk, and the monk did not betray the information the man entrusted to him.
Thanks for the invisible possibilities that can happen. Something to think about👏🏾👏🏾👍🏽
Journaling can do wonders. So is self talk ❤
@WOMENANDWEALTH.OFFI...
I agree with you 💯. ❤🎉
Journaling is great.
This morning I was literally thinking about how many years ago I made a mistake of telling the boss of my boss that I wanted to start my own business. But I didn't just start talking to him. He came to me asking me questions. Not long after that, I was sabotaged, suspended with pay, then fired.
I agree with the monk , don't tell anybody your secrets your income and savings and family problems and etc
Sometimes people need to talk to friends to share problems and seek advice.
If you could find someone whom you could trust thru thick & thin, treasure him/her.
Fascinating, and challenging to an American. Many here would discuss most if not all of these things with friends and acquaintances , except for income. I see his point though, and it gives some things to think about.
Understand. Just the world is round🙏✌️❤️
I came here after a long time. It gives me an idea to live a happy life where no dispair is present...
Thank you Sr may God bless you 🙏🙏
One of the best video in this channel ❤
Thank you
This is excellent advice. People are still deluding themselves in believing you can trust others.❤
Uhm.. wydm exactly?
They say that not forgiving someone is like drinking rat poison and hoping it'll kill your enemy, but trusting them is like accepting that drink from them and expecting it not to be poisoned.
The only thought that is coming to mind is “What do you say?”
My parents and my cousin told me the same seven things that the monk said on this video. I took their advice and it made sense to me.
Have a backbone! Never let people tread on you 😢😢😢.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and put God first. Lord l repent of all my sins and i accept christ Jesus as my Lord and savior
Actually if you are in a vulnerable situation in life, I have seen that certain people can be very cruel if they know, as a strategy this can make sense. There are toxic people around, but maybe the best thing is to get rid of such people without prejudice if they do show these colours. And divorce a partner who shows themselves to be like that. That last would be easier said than done of course.
💯 % Right, i’m agree.
Budham Saranam gachhami.
This is wisdom you can't trust anybody with everything, and you can not trust everybody with anything. Anything you say to anyone that is deeply personal or important, they now have ammo to use against you, and they may be able to keep your secrets, but the people they tell probably have big mouths. Your wife is the last person you want to know your deeply personal information. She will tell it to coworkers, and female family, bffs, and each of them will also tell the same people. Yes, I have. Indeed witnessed it all my life in my family with 6 sisters, and I have always worked with primarily women most of my life If their guys knew what I know about them, hey would never be able to look me in the face, much less the eyes. It's human nature. My therapist wants me to journal, but I have trouble getting started. The judge on people's court puts it best and sums up my experience well. She says, Says it and forget it. Write it and regret it." basically, once it is written down, it becomes discovery. Basically, it's tangible evidence. If you say it, it's hearsay and inadmissible.