7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won't Change
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ค. 2024
- This video highlights seven key reasons why it is exceedingly difficult for narcissists to change their behavior, even if they want to. You will be provided with insights into how narcissists manipulate reality, evade accountability, and perpetuate destructive relationship patterns. This information will also help you recognize the signs of genuine change versus ongoing manipulation tactics.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on TH-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
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DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
#NPD #covertnarcissist #narcissist #narcissism #narcissistic
1. no self-awareness
2. twisted sense of perception
3. avoid reality, repress memories
4. lack of empathy
5. lack of remorse
6. lack of authenticity
7. will not accept treatment to examine their negative behavior/ideas
This is most women I know especially my Mom.
lie in therapy, but they believe the lies so strongly that the therapist get fooled and think that the victim is such a terrible person (and the victim is the narcissist )
No accountability for their nasty and evil behavior and the harm they cause others. Don’t ever help them out with money. The stench of entitlement is beyond offensive.
8. runs for president while on trial for about 100 crimes - while in denial any of it is happening at all
9. potential fascist dictator that will lead our nation and world to total destruction
Please do a video about mourning the loss of the person whom you thought the narcessist was;; ie.: the mask they wear which you thought was the real, ideal person
Great idea, I will add this topic to my list
I would love to see that video
@@LiseLeblanc Requiem for a Dream
Yes! I need this as well. My covert narc discarded me AGAIN out of the blue after some ghosting (emotional abuse) and I was furious and blocked her. Now a month later my male brain is doing that thing where the past with her was all good, fluffy happy memories and I'm paralyzed with depression and think about her constantly. It's awful even though I know it's not accurate. I'm totally stuck and was making such good progress with self-improvement.
@@LiseLeblanc Yeah this would be a great topic, because even though the narcissist in actuality is impossible to love, a person can still be stuck "in love" with the illusory strawman or straw-woman that they created to lure us. This mourning can last for years, I find!
We have to remember as survivors...we didn't break them.....we can't fix them.....
A liberating thought - thank you!
... they don't want to be fixed!
She became my entire world. I loved her so much. Now I feel empty, and have been trying to fill up this void with new meaning. But it's so hard.
Stay strong I am in the same boat...and that is their whole plan...to take and take . You are a good person and it does and will get better....
I was in your situation. It took 9 months but the fog lifted and the spell broken. You just can’t imagine the clarity you will get if you hold on and take each day at a time.
Stay strong time is the best healer
I been single 9 months . It does get better . I been working on myself for a couple of months now and im doing much much better . New clothes ,new me, new goals . I have lost 30 lbs . It does get easier as time passes .God is good .
They steal your trust in yourself, then they take your spirit...LITERALLY.
This is what makes it so hard to recover...truth will set you free.
Find yourself...then Love yourself. 🧡
Feel like an insane person that I'm going to desperately miss the person I thought she was. Despite the chronic disrespect, abuse, lack of empathy and the affair. Feeling a lot of anger and knowing there are women out there that will truly love me for me does give me hope and make me excited for the future.
Keep working on yourself brother. The right one will find you
How do you know if you have been with one of these people? It’s simple. You will remember the time when you questioned whether they were one. You will dismiss it and give them the benefit of doubt. And after a few times you will realize you were right the first time and look for a Time Machine
Narcissists won't change because there's nothing wrong with them. They're not a narcissist. If anyone's the narcissist it's YOU!
If you have any doubts about this, just ask them.
My ex would say, I'm not a narcissist I'm too empathetic. I said not toward me you arent. 🤔😂
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Yes, "the douche" (ex narc) told me he cared about people and couldn't be a narc. I won't even get into his self centered bs in his job. He was mandated to go to anger management. I was only with him for a year or 11 months and dumped him when I realized he would never support my terrible cancer journey ( 10 1/2 years and I told him BEFORE we dated). No time for these people. They lie to make us feel guilty, which I can't do now. The 11 months of "relationship" made my stomach hurt every day. I truly believe this rebooted my cancer. Dumb me. No more access for him.Trust how you feel. You are good alone. I am ranting a lot tonight. Thanks for indulging me!
@deha5084 I'm glad you are free of such abuse and cruelty. From early on in my relationship I had anxiety, due to the unpredictability, accusations, rage etc etc. I wish I'd listened to my gut. Free now and working on staying free. 👍
I foolishly went back several times bc i fell for her lies. I got burnt every time. Smh. I know...im the fool
Nah. You’re the survivor. Trauma bonded. Identity stolen. Bank account anomalies. Shorty was still married! Still went back several times. Been 4 years.. she still sends out feelers. Stay strong.
@@terrencehamm4662 what do mean "still married"
@@peterjaro7386 When she popped up in my life she said she was widowed. I found out after her staying with me for 45 days that she was married to a LIVING husband. She came back and convinced me that she was not HAPPILY married and "what kind of man lets me go live with another man for 45 days!!!???" Made sense (I'm a jackass). So I took her back again and again, never realizing she never intended to get a divorce. It was all theater and this other man was probably suffering far more than I.... sorry for the long reply.
@@terrencehamm4662 oh ok. You meant ur girl was still married. Gotcha now lol. Sorry about that. I don't get how they live with themselves. It's disgusting
The fool is the liar. You went into this nightmare with an open heart. These monsters capitalize on our beliefs. "The douche" (ex narc) is retired. I didn't know hs was a trust funder for a while. He told me he should " volunteer". He has NEVER volunteered. He told me what he thought I wanted to hear. For once, I was much smarter than "the douche" and don't buy his lines/lies. Thankfully.
Like others have said, this video hits home hard and reminds me how incredibly sad and irreparable things are now with my ex. I think she wants to get better - maybe - but without actually taking any responsibility or offering accountability, how would that be possible? I, too, had to conclude that after 27 years of trying and crying, I just can't help her. Very, very sad. I'm grieving and definitively no-contact. But it really hurts.
Over 20 years she has destroyed me emotionally and financially she has destroyed my self esteem my health my enthusiasm and confidence my relationship with my daughter my relationship with my 2 daughters from my previous marriage and friendship groups she has left a huge trail of destruction but somehow she is the victim in all this, she feels entitled to drain me of all she can but I understand now, I know I can be strong I have to be I will pull myself back up from this mayhem and madness she has created, I know I am not alone, thank you Lise your channel has been a massive support.
Thats sad to hear my dude. Im avoiding my self from they's typ of woman's. The best way to deal with them is holding a mirror in there face. Medusa was distroyed by it to. 🐣
Lise is right { 100%} describing this 7 reasons.
Thanks Lise. My ex narc last hoovered me about a year after I had been no contact. Of course I was burned. Its going on a year again since I’ve been no contact and I wouldn’t doubt if she comes back round again. I have a particularly difficult situation because I have become disabled from ms and have become very limited in my ability to get out and meet new people making it more difficult to just move on with my life. Even still, I know this is what I must do
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re struggling with health challenges on top of this, I wish you all the best
Thank you Lise
Yikes. I can't imagine battling MS while dealing with this. I always think no one has it worse than me, but people do, and still push forward. You're inspiring.
Thanks, Im pretty sure the stress she put me under helped to accelerate my condition. I would feel better and my symptoms would improve a little when I felt “Love”from her but then when she pulled the rug out the stress was intense and any improvements to my health would vanish. It’s definitely better for a persons health to avoid these people. My condition has seemed to stabilize recently so I definitely need to steer clear.
@@LiseLeblancIm in love with a girl with NPD and after breakup after watching these videos i realised i may have NPD myself..i now feel bad as i realise i have done similiar things to my previous partners..i want to change but still fall back to my old ways from time to time when i need something..but earlier i never felt guilt for doing it but now i do..is there a way i can change or do i have to live with this forever?
thank you again . Lise . it’s so sad .. all you said is so true … even after all the abuse i endured i still feel bad for her .. i know deep down she wants to do better but like you said . she refuses to even admit her part .. the no contact plan is the best . it saved me… i know without a doubt i can not help . thank you 🙏🏼
I’m glad you had the courage to go no-contact
@@LiseLeblanc i sure tried everything else 🤷🏼♂️. the bottom line .. you must protect yourself . Some thing I never learned until my late 60s. oh life😲
@heyoldman2003 I experienced exactly the same, friend. Exactly. It's all very sad but deeply hurtful. Now I'm fighting intrusive thoughts and memories about it all.
@@jusbe47 hang on man .. time is the healer … even though it’s been 3 years it still hurts 😞
Some of you, like me, had a narc who wasn't cruel but just hopelessly hurt and hurtful. Don't allow yourself to be sucked back in. I came across this yesterday, from Daniell Koepke:
"Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful - you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself."
Your skillset, experience, insight, and wisdom are unparalleled. And appreciated.
Thank you!
Thanks so much. You have just saved me from slipping backwards.
True. Many times speaking truth ' objectively ' as it is to a narc is futile. They get angry and twist / distort so swiftly and put the blame on others.
For years, I have seen the unpleasant side effect that you can't complain to psychiatrists without being judged as a narcissist.
Serious errors in the medical record, demonstrable errors and a CV adapted to the narrative and you are not allowed to say anything because you confirm the misdiagnosis.
What I'm trying to say is that if you say something because of medical errors, caused by too little time and costs of the health care system, then you will quickly be pushed into this corner.
Your last point seems to be the main criterion when it comes to diagnoses.
Whereby it should first be clarified who actually twisted what.
Anyway, long history..
The fact that the 7 points mentioned by Lise play a role I have not been able to observe in any clinic in the last 10 years.
It's different with therapists who take their time, but they have almost no free appointments and you have to wait over 1 year. In the clinics there is only one conversation a week and it remains at a total of 5-10, compared to the more than 100 at the therapist a joke.
Something is deeply wrong in the system and also in the consciousness of many who work there.
OMG. THANK you for your humor. I needed to hear this tonight. I put up with some nonsense. In one year, I said "no" 2 times. One was the day after we visited a mutual friend who was dying from kidney failure. I work full time and didn't get home until 11:30. "The douche" (my nickname for narc) is retired. He had a 15 yr old hissy fit. I told him if he EVEr did that again, he was gone. He had done it one other time when he took viagra without talking with me first. So, let's forget about these self centered monsters. Oh, and I have had cancer 2 times since I dumped him and he won't leave me alone even though he knows I have cancer (stage 4). These people have No shame, lie like snakes and don't deserve halfway decent people in their lives. Don't try and fix them or use kids as an excuse. Kids don't need to see bad behavior, so you are doing them a favor by escaping, in my humble opinion. Rant over. Thanks Mental. Healness for everything.
Thank you Lise, your videos woke me up last summer. I'm at that place now. Nothing fools me now. ❤
You are so knowledgeable on this topic. Thank you for sharing and explaining this terrible disorder.
So very true and so very hard to break the cycle
9:20 I told my therapist just today.... I see the narcissist for who they are... yet instead of moving on, I want to change HER into the person I once believed her to be... I said, "that's not a HER problem... it's a ME problem. And I need to figure out why."
I’ve said this to myself a million times, “it’s a me problem, not a her problem” and I’m still trying to figure out why I can’t forget about her after 20 years.
She colonized your mind. It is not that you can't forget her. What they do is they infest your brain with a virus. You have to do the work internally. They viruses you with the hooks of guilt, created a false persona and a fantasy world that they made you believe is real. You miss the fantasy....not the person
Cognitively, I know that they cannot change what they are.
It’s not their fault they were born as they are.
But, emotionally, it is still intensely upsetting to watch these demons harming innocents,
It is especially upsetting to see them harming children.
I wish I could protect them all.
The sooner we can find a cure, the better for all of humanity.
Hardly anyone changes
thanks for the post, doc!
You really hit the nail on the head
Thank You for these videos Lise
Almost one year passes, and is still hard. The damage or the link, or both, are strong setled in my mind. Dificult, very dificult it is.
Thanks Lisa I look forward to all your videos!!!
Great video Lisa thank you for sharing🌟😋
My ex checks out on every detail Lise has. Its like she's the case study. It was so bad for me. I am still recovering from half a decade of not even understanding what was going on.
I've heard over 300 videos on narcissism. Whatever it it took to make me feel I know how to spot them.
thank you so much you've been a blessing you really opened my eyes about this
Thank you for this video, it helpt me a lot understand why my friend behave like he does. Thank you very VERY much.
Liked, commented, subbed! I fully support your message and that you have helped me to understand the cluster b personality. Thank you Lise. ❤
Lise, thank you for all the good you do in this world.
Nice take Lise🙂
Thank you Lisa you've been a blessing to me
You are always on point and awesome Lisa !! You helped me “ break free”” forever!!!! Thank you Lisa !!!!
Thank you for this clear description. It is hard stuff to deal with.
Too much about dating, a choice.
Not enough about being born to one, not a choice.
This! Exactly..
I used to be a narcissist.
I never was diagnosed, but I believe I truly was. I think my family is full of narcissists. It is possible for a narcissist to change, but I won't say it is easy. Some people may feel like it is fun being a narcissist. It is fun when you are ignorant of some things. In a general sense, what you do to others will come back to you. If you choose to be evil to people, evil will return to you. I noticed this in the past. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to change. I was receiving so many problems.
I did not change on my own. I had and still have help. Spiritual help. Some people may not believe in Jesus Christ, but he is real. It is your choice if you choose to not believe in him. Some people may not believe in the Bible, but trying to follow the rules really helps me. Can I say I am 100% perfect now? Of course not. I am so much better than the way I was before. I am not even close to the way I was in the past.
When I was a narcissist, I was very unhappy. Back then, I liked being selfish and doing some things that I wanted. Even with that, I could not stay happy. I think a better way to say it, I was numb. If that makes any sense. I truly regret many things I did in the past. I don't know, but maybe I am going through some things in life because of the bad things I did in the past. I don't know, but maybe I am going through some things in life because of some bad things I did in the past. Nothing is a coincidence. Living selfishly may seem like a strength. It truly isn't. You benefit much more when you truly care for others. Yes, it was a long journey for me to change. It took some years. I am still changing actually. Learning to love people even when they do you wrong.
Please make more videos on Narcissism at work. You can break a relationship if the Narcissists is a a family member but is hard if he your boss. I have been recently terminated by a very reputed company who hired a Narcissist and forecefully put upon me since June 2023. I suffered for months, I didn't even know what does Narcissist mean until I encountered one. He followed every step in the Narc cook book, Gaslighting, Lying, Smear Campaign, Flying Monkeys, triangulation. manipulation, lack of empathy, revenge. Its like 100% of whichever video I watch on Narcissism.
The abuse became more when I complained about hum to the higher management and HR people. He smear campaigned actively in last two months to make sure I am the one with the problems. This is really pressing issue and no one is talking about it. There should be a way for companies to know a person is a narcissist before hiring him (through tests) and not hire him if he turned out to be one. I feel it that way because these people are RUINING lives and no one is doing anything about it. All the empaths who suffered are just lamenting on social media, nothing else, and these Narcissist are rewarded with even higher positions to ruin more people. This needs to stop.
The real reason My ex manager abused me was quite a silly one, He hated me because I dressed up well, took care of my body and that I am well built!(He is an ugly, bald really, fat guy with a huge belly). Whenever I am in his cube for 1-1 meetings, His mind is keep on saying that He is inferior, in front of me. I can sense that through looking at him. This is a reverse discrimination!
I am still healing, but I learned lesson of my life. I NEVER realized that in my life that a human could be SO CRUEL and they are just roaming among us.
Fantastic video, Lise. This really hits home after a 28 year marriage. Experience almost all of these daily. Thanks.
I was told by people who know and care about me to stop watching the Narcissist Video's. I see a topic that I want (need) to investigate. I must say Your Video's are always dead on. My wife of 45 years just pushed me past the point of return. I filed for Divorce one year ago. After a physical beating to me by her, shortly after she was escorted away from our home by the Police. I, a year later feel so much better. I don't know if she was poisoning me a little bit at time. Or since she has been gone I am not expecting her to walk in to abuse me verbally. My stress is gone, I miss having a person with me but I do feel better and friends say I look much better. She was my one and only. I used to tell her "I loved her more than Life itself ". "Her reply was no you don't"! I spent so much effort through the years trying so reassure her of that. She has lied telling my kids (in their 40's) telling of my abuse toward her which was totally made up. Also to our Church family (of over 20 years) She has destroyed my character image. There are some very Good Husbands out there that are ruined by Narcissistic Ladies who want, want, want something that can't be obtained. (Still have a deep Love I can't just forget (45 years) but I have to survive).
This touched me. I'm 24 years in and just now finding out that my wife is a covert narcissist. I know that I have to let her go but I'm in denial because of our kids.
Thanks for the video and this is random but I've always thought your hairstyle is beautiful!
I just got out of a marriage, and I think she is trying to contact me. I have answered the calls and told the person that if she is my ex-wife, then stop calling me, and I can hear the phone caller hang up. I am getting counseling to get over my relationships, but I feel this is the last hurdle for me
Dont answer the calls.
Thanks!
I really want to get out of this relationship. I've left her too many times, but she always manages to win me back. But now I feel guilty for leaving her alone.
You're probably trauma-bounded.
That vulnerable little girl schtick she is playing is just a schtick she uses to lure you in and keep you trapped. It's not real. She doesn't care about you. 5 seconds after playing that role, she will cheat on you with another guy and feel zero guilt. They use the best part of us, our compassion, against us as a weapon. They are demons.
Grazie ❤
To see the narc for what they are : yes a great feeling . You think you will miss them forever . Then , one day you realize they are litteral garbage . Soo much so you have a pity towards them instead of an attraction. The mask is off and you can finally see the ugly reality.
Everything we do is for ourselves which comes from fear. Everything we do is out of fear. If everyone truly knew what everyone was thinking then no one would have any friends and relationships would not exist. Trust no one
This is precisely how they think.
Empathy calms fear.
Without empathy they cannot calm their fear.
They have no choice but to manipulate people.
They genuinely cannot understand how caring for the wellbeing of others extinguishes fear because their brain physiology is not capable of this.
It's very sad.
We should cure this.
It's in EVERYONE's best interest that we cure this.
No they don't, I learned that the hard way after 3 discards
Think some change, some don't,
They change for a different act within the same play with different actors that eventually get played.
Preach ❤
There is a saying..."fool me once, shame on you" ..."fool me twice, shame on me". Stop loving their mask...love yourself enough to wait for true love. If you don't wait, you will compromise your standards... shame on you 😮
They are not wired for change. Managing change especially when it involves a loss of control over supply they thought they dominated… is beyond their capacity to do maturely or well. It just is.
Keep expectations realistic.
Thank you Lise!
Narcissists will never change but unfortunately they become parents or even guardians
Remember I told you about this girl at work, initially idealised me and in the same time triangulating me with another, to make me jealous, and this was not okay with me so she so quickly elevated this guy to her primary source and as boyfriend, he also in the same work place, anyway I went no contact with her, but she kept hovering me and I am resisting, she’s with someone what does she want from me?😮
Supply power control but above all, validation. Please, don't
@@wandRng thank you 🙏
From you? Nothing at all! But she took a snapshot of you and is now playing cards with it inside her.
You're already the loser of her game...
Better not play along!
@@sinntax 🙏
Do you have videos on borderlines and how to get over the relationship that ended?
No contact works. It is very hard but it worked for me. Still hurts what they did but not like it used to.
John
He never tried to reengage me. He just discarded me for good.
You are a very lucky person. It is note pleasant experience to be told bs now when you have lived this nightmare previously ( recently). I live in a small place, so it's easy for him to be a jer, and I find it a sign that he thinks all women are too dumb to think he is a liar. The most insulting relationship of my life.
What do you think about Otto Kernberg’s theory that BPD become Narcissist as a way to protect themselves from the symptoms of BPD? TH-cam’s AI algorithm suggested a video about his theory titled: Narcissism is a defense against BPD. Since Daniel Fox has had such good success with treating BPD, perhaps a more aggressive approach is needed here for those with NPD.
thanks Lise
A narcistic Person will take a very serious look at themselves and come to the conclusion that it‘s most defenitely all your fault
I will break free from you. I'm in control of our relationship. And either you are going to follow my lead from here on out or you're going to fall to the ground. Because it's harvest time and the chaff must fall to the ground.
143b 🐢♥️🐰
Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer gave the best description on why narcs won’t change… “People are like Happy Meals with legs.” 🍔 🍟 🥤
I am working on being garlic 🧄
Do you mean someone with NPD or someone activing narccissistic like someone with BPD? It would help to be clear because so many people have narcissistic behavior but do not fall into NPD. I have dealt with BPD woman so does this apply to your term "narcissit? Thanks JOhn
Thats right im out
Regimented breathing saves lives.
❤
Your so pretty
Hello confused whether I am a narcissist,or im in a trama bond. Some of the signs seem to be a mixture of both. I truly hope I am not a narcissist.
❤❤❤
Do some people with narcissism suffer from a toxic form of autism?
If it finished once it will finish again. The hoover is just a stop gap. Remind yourself what youre dealing with, a superb actor and master manipulator. Not a loving partner.
Nope, she nearly killed me the first time, she might change the mask but she still looks the same, she might have a pleasant exterior, but I haven't got a death wish....no thankyou ... no...
why do you keep looking to your left every few seconds?
😂 i bet they are offended by reality its not looking too great at this point 😂😂😂
This is just strange. What about God? I am praying for that Jesus miracle that turns her completely around. 🙏❤❤❤
Apparantly, do not try to change it, the hippocamp of the brain does not work and forget about all the psychological cruel behavour, the child neglected or abused under 2 yrs old by primary caregiver, horrifingly, and does all these things as a matter of asking for help, the brain does not work, properly, and demons caught it to make fun of it under 2 yrs old, like a person who has a really bad injury and shouting and screaming for help, BUT, BUT, two things you should keep in your mind all the time, get in touch with it means you go inside that demons party, unintentionally and escaping frim that party is some how impossible, and they start to play with you with triangulation, donc, set boundaries
as much as much as possible to avoid those flying funny monkeys, ha ha ha,..., and demons party, second, guide it through one MRI stand BUT there is no cure for that gray hippocamp then no empathy would be help and no other cure, hippocamp is off and gray and those demons caught it under 2 yrs old due to lost the trust from its primary caregivers, no love, no involvement with any if this party and forget about all these psychological aspects and move through physical aspect of the problem which there is NO cure for that, you just waste your time for one gray wall which has a really frightening fire behind it, thanks a million.
Lisa is pretty good looking. Actually very good looking.
Not relevant
The problem with malignant narcissists as a manager is you cannot get out even if you want to(When you realize that your manager is a narcissist), unlike in relationships where you have that choice. I know that my manager is a weird guy(self involved, incessant boasting and no care for others) on in the first meeting itself, but it took me some months to know the term 'Narcissist' after researching, but I couldn't do anything until I am terminated after smear campaign and gaslighting. The higher management, Hrs, everyone else thought I am the one with problems with such a "nice" guy. They couldn't see what I see.
Grey rocking didn't work because he would text and call even more. there are no solutions to a narcissist manager at workplace. I hope more people realize that this is a pressing issue of our times.
Get another job
@@GUITARTIME2024 As she said in another video, Its not always easy to change the jobs. In my case, Iw as bound by visa and have no other way to get out except take his abuse/nonsense from September 2023 to March 2023.
Thanks!