Why Forgiving a Narcissist Will Backfire On You
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- In this video I will provide 5 reasons why forgiving a narcissist will not lead to change.
If this video resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe so that others might find help in it as well! I would so greatly appreciate it. 💜
It's my intention that everyone who watches gets at least one important take-away. 🙏
/ @liseleblanc
About Me
Hi! I'm Lise Leblanc. I am a therapist, life coach, and author of 9 self-healing guides. I have over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
For information about private consultations, please visit: liseleblanc.ca/products/coaching
Introduction (0:00)
The Impacts (0:37)
1: They Are Still Hurting You (2:36)
2: It is Their Nature (3:13)
3: They Do Not Feel Bad (4:00)
4: Weaponize Your Forgiveness (5:10)
5: Use It to Reel You Back (5:46)
They Did Not Love You (7:35)
#narcissist, #NPD, #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder, #covertnarcissism, #femalenarcissist
![ทททททททท #27 [หลุยส์ เค โตมายังไง ณ สระบุรี]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/CaKoYw_Xmtg/mqdefault.jpg)
As a divorce lawyer, I have seen the huge swath of destruction narcissists cause. If you get a whiff of narcissistic personality disorder, DO NOT MARRY. RUN. You can thank me later. P.S. - you cannot change or save them. RUN. FAST.
If I only knew 60 years ago what I know now, it would be a different world, and everyone I knew would be richer for it. I've learned SO MUCH and I continue to absorb more.
thank you
I ran fast ….🏃🏽♀️….🏃🏽♀️….🏃🏽♀️….
…sames goes for a Narcissist Mother, run for your life if possible.
Very true. I was lucky that it only lasted a few months. First learned, she took sleeping pills to go to sleep-- the dosage was so high for trazadone. She had been dealing with the recent grief of a father passing. Then I learned she was a recovering alcoholic in her first year. She had abused alcohol to fall asleep and to feel social empowerment. I felt like I couldn't leave or she would relapse. She didn't have empathy. She would always assume I knew what she knew, and would belittle me if I asked for clarification. One day she liked one thing, and another day she would like the opposite.
As someone who grew up in a great family environment, I did not understand cluster B personalities/psycopaths. After 9 months, I've begun to understand the manipulation-- and now set strong boundaries. In the end, she played the victim to her friends and family and demonized me by making up stories that I had never done. Near the end of our relationship, she began insinuating that I had narcissitic tendencies. When I had only been kind to her. When she stated that relationships were all about who had the most control in it-- I finally realized there was no hope. You cannot change their perverse view of the world. They don't live in reality, but rather live in fantasy.
"A relationship with a covert narcissist is like being fed small doses of rat poison every day. You get sick over time. It's subtle and you start to forget what is was like to be healthy." That thought is pure genius, Lise. Thank you for that, you nailed it.
The frog in the pot.
Yes I love that too. Im often told to accept my elderly parents as they are. And I certainly try, just accept them and try to live with minimal contact. But it takes a lot of effort and keeps failing because as you say, one gets poisoned little by little, even when careful, even when expecting it.
×@@TheSiegelayer
The covert narcissist is gonna pay, I'm telling you..
So True. It almost killed me. Thank God I finally got out & had an amazing Christian therapist
It’s not my job to forgive them, it’s my job to survive them. Forgiveness is only for myself, for having been caught in such a dreadful situation.
Damn, that’s spot on.
I can't think of a more perfect statement.
Real talk
Amen❤
Very good advice, and the extra cherry is " never look for closure". You will get NOTHING what so ever from them.
Worse than a narcissist partner, is a narcissist parent. You can be excused it you break off a relationship with a lover, but parents have "immunity" that lovers don't. We're expected to love and respect our parents. It is a horrible experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
@L’esprit de l’escalier it is mental and yes, they do really believe you OWE them.
I'm 21... tried talking to my narcissist parents about the treatment I endured from childhood up until now and they don't see their errors. I'm suicidal and I feel like I am losing my mind.
Hold on to these information and communities. You Will soon be able to run away. They dont accept abuse or mistreatment. Look for kind and Wise People. Be aware.
@@thefutureisbright827 I know how you feel. This is a tough place to be in. Please don't allow them to hurt your feelings. They are emotionally immature and get off on hurting others. Please know that no matter what it's going to be ok. Mines been dead almost 9 years and I still have questions why. Get very angry. That is your boundary. And keep them out of your feelings. Dont let them in again. That's low down and dirty. My mother called me her slave. She was 84 years old. This wave of nonsense is being called out. Please get away from these people in your head. They don't matter. You do.
@@thefutureisbright827 narcissist don't think they have a problem, it's everyone else. You can make it! I'm 60 years old. If you can move out, it'll be a BIG help.
They're never sorry or accountable for their actions
Well why would they? It was ALL your fault anyway! #sarcasm
@@AndrewFosterSheff69 🎯💯
I just scream at them when im fed up, they dont care, they ll get over It Real fast
Not true, narcs can learn through loss, and big boy panties, psych. help. That is your job, to enflick the reason, be strong and do not look back. Ever...
The demonic spirit in them won't allow it.
Also, never show vulnerability or weakness to a narcissist……they will use it against you forever !!
Correct. They are masters at finding your Achilles heel and using it to their advantage.
I'm living proof. My narc ex-wife can't figure out why our only child/son wants nothing to do with her. Naturally it's because I brainwashed him.
You said it.
I am beginning to understand exactly what you mean. Where you are not healed, they love to throw salt. It is a way of projecting their pain on to you.
The one I knew always had questions that were rather prying.
I can tell you from experience that any remorse they seem to exhibit is false and short-lived. Even if they do aplologize, in a day or two they'll twist things again to be all your fault and start attacking you again. Think of the cat: "Sorry I ate your goldfish." Two days later: "I ate the new one but it's your fault for buying another one."
I never even got the remorse, I got 'I never loved you but may have done the wrong thing'. May?
The apology I received went like this: "Sorry. Sorry that you feel that way."
@@grassfireu Yeah, pushing the blame back on you. That's how a narcissist operates. The response I got to "You really hurt me" was "It's your fault for being so sensitive."
All he wanted from me was sex and my body.
Me: You have no idea of the damage your words did to me
Her: I only say what (happens). But you chose to deny it at first and that led to a heated argument.
And I was like, does it warrant the rage and gaslighting?
Even when I acknowledged that what she said I did in the past was true (not cheating).
But she was so falsely convinced and told me to my face 'you have zero capacity to behave otherwise in the present moment regarding a particular situation that happened in the past.
Even when I told her, I am not my past. The fact that I did something you don't like a few times in the past doesn't mean it's now who I am am in the present moment.
Surprisingly, it all revealed her distorted sense of reality which is was furiously projecting on to me.
Seeing through her painful rage in that moment, I felt like this is inhuman or probably demonic.
If you forgive the narcissist and reenter the relationship in any way, they’ll use your willingness to come around as proof to themselves and others that they aren’t the problem. YOU were always the problem and THEY are the ones taking the “high road” and doing the forgiving.
Well said !
This was very well said
Yes and they will even convince others that you forgiving them is evidence that you consent to the constant abuse. It makes no sense if you think about it, but that’s what they do!
OMG...This is so true. Looking for closure forces you to test the ground to see if it's real, that your alianation is final, because they will never let you know. Then and only then they use the situation as their final stand, slyly turning the tables onto you again. These narcs are very insidious but they can be out witted. Then you get your proof...never look back leave them well alone.
Lise is correct. The more I forgave the more I was abused by her. They are grooming you to be abused. They will abuse until you are emotionally bankrupt and then discard you. You will empower them by forgiving them.
Absolutely Joel, mine did the same to me, she was utter pure evil, drained me of everything, money, emotionally, everything…I’m now finally out of it trying to start again….god what a journey…
They look at forgiveness as another chance, you can forgive them & not give them another chance. You can forgive them and not trust them. Trust is earned. They have to work to gain your trust again.
If someone beats you up, would you include them in your healing? Of course not. In principle it is wrong to forgive where it is not wanted nor warranted, that's another reason.
Wow we must learn to forgive it is hard to forgive but it will loose you from them destruction because we will go down with them if you don't forgive them.
So many don't understand the meaning of forgiveness. You forgive them for yourself, not for them. When you forgive, you hand them over to God. I have personally experienced this. Three neighbors persecuted me because I would not allow their kid to cuss (nasty mouth) in my home, I sent him home. The harrassment began and lasted for a full year (it was bad too). Taking it to God, He taught me about forgiveness. "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord." And He did. I wish there was room here for details. God loves you, and Psalms 91 tells about how He will treat your enemies. First, you have to forgive, and don't allow anymore abuse. Walk away from it. (Ps.91:8,9.)
Forgiving a person for intentionally torturing you is not possible for me, but indifference & not giving them a single thought works.
They don't deserve forgiveness.
Yesss!!
Exactly. Indifference, yes. Forgiveness, no.
Aka most corporations. "Welcome to America " 🙄😒
You nailed it. Big issue is you don’t realize you’re dealing with a narcissist until you’re out of the relationship. So it’s hard to act as you should with a narcissist as they gaslight you so much that you lose your identity and cannot act accordingly.
Brainwashed is what I call it, once you have been through this you will spot toxic people a mile away! Good luck in your journey to peace
This is exactly how I felt. Didn’t know it was narcissism until things ended and he kept sabotaging things when talking about working on things. Wish I knew sooner.
@@kamareitman2934 No look positively you have lived with negativity for so long. You are now aware and educated turn your back and have absolutely no contact. It will take time but you will heal. Remember you can heal the narc can’t.
Bingo
I got ALOT MORE than 5...
***NEVER FORGIVE THEM***
FORGIVE yourself for allowing it!!!🖤
💯💯💯
hard to forgive myself for something I willing did without looking.
@@violinist86 ... no. You can't keep beating yourself up over being lied to & emotionally manipulated.... because then THEY CONTINUE TO ABUSE YOU. You have to learn from the experience & give yourself a hug... you're WISER NOW...I consider mine a hard lesson well learned...I won't make that same mistake again...& I dare say you won't either.💞💜
100%..
I cannot forgive somebody who doesn't regret truly the things that were done and continues to to.
Me too! I can relate to this comment. I also can´t.
Why would you? Lol
Forgiveness is For Giving Yourself Freedom. It has Nothing to do with Them. If you hold onto the pain & resentment it will eat you up from the inside & effect all your other relationships. Then the Narc Wins even as you walk away.
Yeah f them
@@melissadavis7234exactly. I ate myself for years, thinking I was the problem, until learned about their nature. Easy to forgive when you understand that she just wasn't aware of the consequences by nature, not on purpose.
I divorced my female covert narcissist/sociopath after 7 years. Even though she already had another man behind the scenes, she tried to talk me out of divorcing her. She insisted that we “start with a clean slate” And after committing numerous forgeries and identity thefts on me, she also suggested that we renew our vows and begin using joint bank account. She wanted to completely wipe me out. I divorced her and she was remarried within 2 months. That marriage only lasted 6-7 months. Narcissists want you to pretend that the horrible shit they do and say to you “doesn’t count” They are truly demons in the form of a human.
First sign that my narc wife was looking to ruin me was when she was upset I didn't add her name to the house I bought before we married, and complained that our money was in separate accounts.
@@vtmegrad98 they don't understand the fact that it's so obvious to see they want money from you. They think they're hiding it by saying stuff like that, like they're the only ones smart enough to come up with a very obvious scam like that.
Wrong , that was me and my life !! Not your’s……. Wait , I think they might of had the same playbook. 😂
They carry demons, no doubt
Forget your personal relationship. These people excel in government ☠️☠️☠️ for us all
To forgive a narcissist is a violation of your boundaries. It’s a step towards danger! Do not reach out, do not be available, you will be hoovered up all over again. Even to forgive them in absentia allows them back into your mind. Boundaries.
Turn and do not look back…
How can you tell if a person is a N?
Married a narcissist and spent 11 years slowly falling into intense depression & questioning my own sanity. By year 11 I didn't care if I lived or died anymore. She cheated on me multiple times, and left me for the guy. After 2 years found out my youngest isn't mine. Now she insists that I was abusive, to the point of sounding like a broken record. Uses that to gain sympathy now, it's pretty incredible. Even though she hit me, punched me, threw things at me, gaslit me, and abused me in multiple other ways... now all the ways she treated me are exactly what she tells everyone I did to her. Blows my mind, it's like she convinced herself of her own lies.
Now that the guy she cheated on me with left her, suddenly the accusations of abuse stopped and she wants to be chatty. Luckily I've learned and there is no way I'm EVER going back to that.
RUN.
Absolutely. I run and never look back
That’s it. What they did, they will accuse you of until it no longer suits them. The discard cycle.
Thanks so much for your insights ! 10 years for me! She decided when we can have intimity or not. Weeks or months... And get violently upser if I look at a woman even she knows that she's abusive. Hopefully since Dr. Phil video, I'm more open about therapists. Your testimony and this woman therapist here laid it down clearly : U R JUST A TOOL FOR A NARCISSIST ! PERIOD !
She is evil to such a hurtful thing last child wasnt yours wow .I agree run I left the one I married malignant narc I'm divorcing he is trying to come back I won't ever take him back there is no way .
❤🩹
Forgiveness is for the offended not the offender. Never reconcile with the narc.
👍🏾
Don't forgive 'em. But do forget 'em if you can.
Correct. Forgive yourself, and NEVER reconcile with those things.
Amen - Forgive, for your own sake, but NEVER Forget … until perhaps they have shown 10 years of DEMONSTRATED CONSISTENT normal behaviour!
And THAT will NEVER happen, since Narcissists are SO thoroughly BROKEN
@@JohnWilson-hc5wq Thank you John for going against the overblown doctrine of forgiveness which has kept people STUCK in this society subconsciously at the very least apparently. PS--AT THESE PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE THEY FORGIVE ARE LYING TO THEMSELVES AND I KNOW IT.. I used to be one of those... THE GENERAL CONSENSUS OF WESTERN SOCIETY IS THAT I MUST FORGIVE OR I'M A BAD PERSON SUPPOSEDLY. I'm just not buying into that anymore
Forgive yourself. Do not forgive the narcissist. Grey rock them or the vicious circle continues FOREVER.
Brilliant comment. I agree 100%.
Yes xx
Best use of words ever recorded in human history. You win the Universe Game.
I was raised by a narc mom. I knew no difference so I did nothing wrong....hence nothing to be forgiven. Tendency to blame the victim. Like saying a woman asked for it by wearing a short dress. Even victims who become aware cannot always safely leave immediately. People should not judge. Anyone who has been targeted by a narc needs support, resources, and knowledge. Forgiveness not required.
Plus one
Forgiveness means walk away permanently
👍👍👍
Too true. It took me 58 years to figure it out. I still have ptsd.
Forgiveness is interpreted as ‘permission to do it again’ to a narcissist. However, if the roles were reversed, you can be sure…the narcissist would NEVER ‘forgive’ you for doing the exact same thing that they felt entitled to ‘get away with’. The only winning when it comes to dealing with these types…to leaving and never speaking to them again., if at all possible.
Exactly, but the narc victims are somehow supposed to be above the narc and forgive
This comment... are you in my head
You forgive them for you...u may not want to tell them that..
Which is fine u forgive for yourself...then grey rock ...forgive yourself and most importantly it pleases God when u don't hold that person accountable... because they r controlled by demon spirits do to being traumatized as childern...but do learn boundaries so they don't catch u in their web again
You can still forgive them while never having anything else to do with them.
You don't even have to tell them, because you're right, that would just make their day.
Forgiveness is about letting go of the bitterness so we can heal; it's a gift we give to ourselves.
Amen.
They see 'forgiveness' another opportunity to re-abuse
Great feedback. My almost ex narcissistic husband was verbally abusive and difficult to live with. He was so destructive in our 33 years of marriage. I could never make him happy. I finally gained the courage to start the divorce process. The house is much more peaceful without him in it.
Forgive and forget them, but not their evil ways.
Years ago, my malignant, evil narcissistic step dad knew I had discarded him and knew he was human trash. He overheard a brutal insult I made about him, and I thought, "what's he going to do? Probably nothing, ha...". Wow, I had no idea the smear campaigns of a narcissistic swine. He went to every family member he could find and made up all kinds of crap about me. Nearly ten years later, some of my flying monkey family still believe his lies. Never forgive a narcissist. Great channel.
You just described my daughter. She has turned my wife's 2 brothers, 2 sisters, and countless niece's and nephews against me and my wife, who has dementia. I truly wish that we would have aborted her. Pure evil.
"Overheard a brutal insult" how is that not the same as a smear campaign?
Why is it OK for you to talk shit about them but when they do it back to you, it's a smear campaign lol.
The apple doesn't fall for from the tree as they say
Why would your mom allow such behavior from a man towards her family - who is not family? She could have kicked him to the curb anytime….
Been there.
Also never insult them, never yell at them, never criticize them. You will not win because they will make it their life missión to bury you in order to protect their ego.. the only thing to do is to gradually hecome less interesting and available to them. Then finally slip fully away.
I divorced my narcissist after sixteen years of marriage. During the final year we were having some argument and I did something which you usually shouldn't do, I brought up something from the past. She immediately yelled "You're supposed to forget about it, you're supposed to forgive and forget." I said 'If you want to be forgiven for something, you have to stop doing it". She actually shut up briefly.
I experienced the same behavior from my ex wife.
Narcissists want you to forgive them for sh*t they are doing while they continue to do the sh*t they are doing.
She was prossessing her next move which is usually a period of great time followed by more disappointing times for them .
They hate the truth.
haha, i experienced the same type of thing, only saw her shut up once, then i was gone (followed by 19 years in court)...Yah bless...doug
I'm crying now. It hurts. I thought i was smarter to be had and abused this way.
How many time together ?
@@spectershore4482 7 months and broken up for over a month still having trouble functioning without a thought of him. It's like I was brainwashed or just hollow. I had forgotten completely who I was.
I'm (still) in a 10 years relationship. Try to escape properly i.e. to avoid any comeback from her side (and mine... sadly!). I'm 40! Where will I find someone trustful at my age !?? Studies are clear : more than 5 guys in a woman life equals 80% of divorce from her side. At my age how can I find a woman with less than 3 guys ? I need to move because the abuse, the lies, the manipulation, the unsatisfaction and the absence of motivation to engage sex, it's too f***ing much!! Can't accept those Russion hills anymore 😮💨😫😤😤
@@vortexofthesoul2812 I feel your pain because I’m going through the same thing. She hurt me so much I feel I can’t function. I feel a void inside of me that I thought was real but it wasn’t. They faked it for their own gain without empathy for hurting us. Please know you’re not alone. There are many whom feel your pain. Please have the comfort to know we are here with you even though you can’t see us.
@@andrewshariff6918 I thank you so much for your reply and your support and encouragement. Sincerely I do. I thought that a Narsasist was simply someone conceited and just full of themselves... well yes that true but a hard core Narsasist is all that and much much deeper and even violent, angry, moody, self centered, I just can not believe I fell for someone like this and stayed 7 months until he said litterally "if you are there when I get back I will beat you like you've never seen anyone beaten before"
Heck yeah I left but he didn't expect is take my things too. So in his twisted mind I abandoned him. I betrayed him, when meanwhile he had me in a 3rd party situation from the get go and someone already lined up before he threatened me I think that was just an easy argument and a way to say leave and put Blame and guilt on me. He had me a bubly social butterfly suddenly silent no voice always questioning my looks my words my body language my cooking and cleaning skills just everything. He also told me about time gaps and things he didn't remember until things happened that proved it true....he had litteral time gaps so he could deal with all the bs in his head. Too much lies drama and self sabatoge. I know now this was my life lesson to get me to my next level spirituality and to get on with my real life's purpose. After this pain fades I will be stronger and wiser. I thank you again.
I needed to hear this. I will never understand them and how they can be so evil and feel no remorse or empathy
They never experimented remorse as a kid. In my case, she was the golden child. Never get a slap from her parents. The untouchable. Smart at school af! The family's trophy! She said she is perfect. In not kidding. She never did something wrong in her mind/world/head or the planet she came from. That's why they can't show empathy because they only experiment it in one way : from her parents, brothers or sister TO her. She never had to do anything because she was the overprotected child. Reproducing these kid diagrams in the adult world i.e. with adult rights, with financial autonomy and with woman "fragile status" : she can be a form of mental serial killer... RUN !
As a professional who has been in the “people business “ for many years, she is absolutely right. Once a narcissist. always a narcissist. This leopard doesn’t it’s spots.
YES, once a narcissist always a narcissist!
Respectfully, I disagree. I know someone close to me that discovered they were a covet narcissist while researching how to deal with their narcissist work partner. As he tells it, the finally blow that shined light on his disorder was that he realized that he loves people as possessions and items to glorify himself. He was horrified, looking back at the years of selfish talk and actions he committed to others (mostly his family). And at this point he had read enough to know that all professional therapists say run away from a narcissist, they can’t be help.
After long contemplation here was his solution. He would repeat constantly to himself “I *might* not be especially unique/awesome/The One”. In saying that he didn’t have to fully give up those ideas, but he was now able to unload the enormous burden those thoughts had on how he presented himself to the world. Now he had room to be un-awesome. Simultaneously he rid himself of any talk or thought that revolved around himself. And there was a lot, practically everything he said had been about him.
Within a month he was a new man. His wife cried with tears of joy when he revealed him self-improvement, ultimately revealing that she had known he was a narcissist for many years and had Grey Stoned him since then, staying in the marriage for the kids. As he tells it, that hurt to hear but for maybe the first time in years he spent that conversation thinking about her and not him, being very careful to not steal her moment.
So yeah, I believe Narcissists can heal. The crucial element is that they must first understand what a rotten, horrible, despicable person, a narcissist is. He must have a sober realization of the distruction he causes and will perpetually cause , and that others are better WITHOUT HIM unless he changes. And then be given the chance to admit that maybe they aren’t special and have some guidance back to recovery
Some of the worst advice I received when my wife left me was an over used cliche, THESE THING ARE NEVER JUST THE FAULT OF ONE PERSON. In fact it was entirely her fault. I wish people would stop saying that. A memorial service will be held for her next month and I have been asked to say a few kind words. They don’t realize that betrayal is one of the most horrible experiences in life. A narcissist betrays so throughly and completely, that it leaves lasting scars. Forgiveness is a gift and you don’t give someone a gift that they have no use for. These are probably the most damaged human beings on earth. In that sense they are worthy of our pity, but as you pity them, do your best to have nothing to do with them.
So true. That solomonic phrase is toxic in itself, it just ignores all the pain you have gone through.
Eddie, so much comes with age-- The realization that every saying, cliche, adage, etc. has loopholes in seemingly wise words. I salute your strength, clarity and in being a survivor.👍
Oh man if I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me as well! They have no idea what they're talking about.
One side can absolutely be 100% to blame. It makes me so angry that people think they have the slightest clue what we've been through. And then they think they have a right to judge and assign blame to the victim.
These people make it much harder to recover and move on.
I heard recently: It takes 2 people to make a good marriage, but only 1 person to wreck it. Completely agree with you-
I felt her change bad people md told her hon, you cmt talk to me
"They do not accept responsibility or consequences for their actions." I need to cross-stitch this onto a pillow.
Go ahead !! 😁😁💪🏾
I won’t outwardly forgive the narcissist who harmed me who is still capable of harming me because I care about myself more. Saying no to them is saying yes to me.
This video needs to be made a million times so all of earth sees it, Lise knows what she is talkin about, 100%
yes !! Not many people can see it though. I mean the sense of not forgiving
That's really funny and I couldn't agree with you more.
Agreed 100%
Lost so much in 33 years of marriage. But worth it. I’ve now found myself. And am running not only from her but also for my health
Narcissist are not looking for your forgiveness, they are looking for REVENGE for denying them their rights to access YOU
They are looking for revenge against you FOR EXISTING.
I have been married to a female narcissist for 10 years. It's been an absolute nightmare. On top of all her, physical, emotional, mental, verbal, financial abuse she would turn it around that it was all me. I stayed in it for our son, but I can't do it anymore. These people are not human. It was like living with an evil demon.
my mother is the most cold calculating offensive liar . you said sociopathic narcissist ... i don’t hear many experts call them both names but it’s almost impossible to classify ppl like them without realizing they are both . they don’t apologize , they don’t accept blame , they gas light you and treat you like shit . they are hard on the outside and empty inside .
I can relate. It sucks! I went NC for 6.5 yrs, got sucked back in by my father.. and now finally I am completely done. So hard to understand why some people have such crappy motives, but that's what it is. And once I fully embraced that about mine, I was able to break free. Sorry you have to deal with that! I hope you can fully live your life and leave her in the dust! ❤️
I'm so sorry for both of you. My parents sure weren't great - but weren't narcissists. 😢
This describes my ex-husband to a T. I went no contact and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I am still in the healing process but I will never go back to that abuse, my heart goes out to anyone who is in a relationship with a narcissist. Take good care of you, sending you all much love and light❤
@my new life I went no contact with my ex and than after 2 months I got really sick and was in the hospital for a week and when I was discharged I didn’t have a ride home so what did I do ?!?! I called my ex , we’ve been divorced for 3 years after a 28 year marriage but all he’s ever done was deny that he done anything wrong, but I still keep letting him back in my life I feel like I can’t ever get completely over him for good how did you finally go no contact with your ex ?
From experience I have learned forgiveness saves me from bitterness. I’d rather walk alone on the road of forgiveness than live in a prison of bitterness. Accepting the truth that I will never have a healthy relationship with my offender (parent) has enabled me to move on and live life without chaos. My offender no longer controls me.
When I read this "never
forgive" thing in the title,
I immediately thought the same .
Exactly!!! Forgiveness shows a great deal of strength and discipline, and keeps you free and healthy inside. I think a lotta damage narcissists cause are due in part to the enabling and manipulating tendencies of the "victim" too. Bad combo!!!
I think it is better to say never forgive a narcissist ,by telling them that you forgive them ,just forgive them from a distance and stay away .thats what I am doing .I kept on forgiving and forgiving without leaving ,I ended up with so many sicknesses .Now I left 4 years ago ,I never said I am sorry to them .I am forgiving them one by one but no going back or chat to them again
My son is not an angel, but then again none of us are. But he is a soft and loving soul and in some parts a bit innocent. I was looking forward that one day he would meet the love of his life, he did and she has done nothing but cause destruction between us. I am 68 and I could see right trough her from the start and I know I'm not the only one. It's like living a nightmare, and he is hurting so much. But then she will kinda apologise and reel him back in again. And they worst part is he a actually got married to her 7 months ago. He lives in Australia and I who brought him up as a single parent live in ireland. Its been nothing but a nightmare and a lot of insomnia for me. He is my only child and it kills me to know what's going on. She pushes all his friends away from him, and doing her damdest to turn him against me
His mother. Please if anyone has or is going exactly the same thing as me. Please text me back. I'm heartbroken.
Yes, because the forgiveness is for YOU not them. @@joinahmukanangana2993
She laughs at my emotions, but when the situation calls for it, she quotes exactly what I said,as if these are her feelings. Thanks for the video, is so helpful knowing that I'm not this awful useless person she tells me on a daily basis
"She laughs at my emotions" !!!😳😳😳 FINALLY!!! I'm not craaazy!! I've seen her smiling when I wad turning my head because I was hurt by her insensitve behavior and of her way of rejecting intimacy for months! So they smile while they witness that they're destroying us... unbelievable !!🥶🥶🥶🥶
6:30 This is so important. Yes, the covert narcissist did bring out the worst in me, especially when I finally rebelled against the abuse, and then she tried to turn the entire dysfunction into my problem. The tough thing was, after so many small doses of poison that I had become gravely ill, I was willing to buy into the idea that it was my problem and entirely forget her behavior. I am still early in my healing, but I have already begun to feel the freedom from this twisted way of thinking.
You will make it. Like i did. Understanding how dangerous these people act, is the key to unshackling oneself from their inane ways.
Going through this and I’m starting to get sick physically and mentally
@@onelove7551 After I divorced my narcissistic wife 23 years ago she relentlessly continued trying to destroy me for 3 or 4 years. And even after 23 years she slanders me to anyone who will listen. I was young and completely naive. Thank god there are now people like Lise now to educate people about narcissistic people.
They think bc your complaining about problems in the relationshiT your the only one w the problem .. they have no problem bc they do what ever they want to ppl .
Go complete no contact
Forgiveness isn't for the nars it is for you.
In my opinion:
And 2 reasons to forgive a narcissist and move on with your life
●Physical and psychological health
●because if you don't forgive everyone, why should God forgive you?
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"
Jesus in Luke 6:37
✝️🙏
I had a friend who is like that, my God she is pure evil, you're telling the truth.I left that demon
I am 56 years old and about 20 I realized my narcissist mother was making me physically ill. I had headaches for a long time then made a connection with when I would talk to her on the phone or deal with her in person. I realized she was making me physically sick. That's when I slowly started controlling how and when we had contact and setting boundaries. She recognized immediately that things had changed which goes to show how much control they have over every aspect of your life that you don't even realize they have. It didn't go over well and she would guilt me and complain about how neglectful I was to my own mother. Yes the same mother that was supposed to be a protector to her child and not selfishly cause her stress or sadness. But there we were. And I realized when I tried to go back to being my old self it would be the same pattern repeated. Everything would be good for a minute then some inevitable conflict would arise. Some issue she would start. Something that would turn into an argument. I realized the way I was trying to be was the right path. Going low contact was my salvation. It lessened my stress and me feeling ill just thinking about her or just at the prospect of talking to her was lessoned. Back then I didn't know about narcissism. There weren't videos online and it wasn't the Hot topic that it is now. I only learned about the narcissistic aspect of my relationship with her about 3 years ago. Things became even clearer. Knowledge is power. You must create boundaries on your terms and do whatever you need to do to help yourself emotionally and physically. You will back slide and fall into old patterns because who doesn't want to love their mother and give in hoping things will be different. But they won't. You will learn to trust yourself and respect and love yourself first. And you will be calm and peaceful about it. You will learn to not go back and forth with them. You will learn the power of ignoring them. You will learn the power of silence. Your heart mind and soul will feel difference. It is worth it.
♥
Agreed! While I actually do forgive my narcissist, for being a narcissist, I will never tell her, and will continue to be a gray rock.
Exactly. They are who they are. Forgiveness is for ourselves and our own healing. BUT it is NEVER about forgetting or letting them back in.
I was with a girl for a couple years who, in retrospect, definitely had at least narcissistic traits. It's been over a year since I was "discarded" and while I can definitely appreciate how that's a good thing, I am still dealing with some psychological after effects of self doubt, confusion, and more. I've never been rattled quite like that. I felt so loved and despised at the same time. I keep thinking I'm over it then I catch myself replaying totally bizarre and tortuous conversations and interactions, or defending myself against my imaginary version of her that's still imprinted in my mind. It was so chaotic, but it is getting better, albeit slowly.
If it helps. Write down all the bad things about her. Like reminders of how to get over her.
Wow.. those are common problems "Everyone" go's through after having a relationship with a psycho. Not worth our time. God bless survivors..
I can relate to having imaginary conversations with these people. They always have you on the defensive.
@@Lioness0109
Lol.. for the most part, I'm good with the older people I had issues with. But, now, there's another issue with the ones I was good with because I'm good with the ones I had issues with. This world has gone Mad! So, I still have imaginary conversations with "All" of them Lol.. Take care all, don't take life to seriously now, if you've been through all this stupidity. God bless
im at the end of the discard now brother shes hoovered a few times and im constantly confused and reliving conversations and arguments that made no sense its brutal this is still going on and very recent it sux
Narcissists deserve no sympathy or mercy whatsoever.
Sharing with a Narcissist is Like Putting Your Hand in a Paper Shredder
The narcissist is just hoovering you back, it's why they act like their abuse is no big deal and want you to go along with it. They need the supply and can't let you go.
Yup and that’s what he said when trying to get back together, “it wasn’t that bad people go through worse” I’ve been happier since going nc although still haunted by memories, but at least I’m not living it in real time anymore 😇✨💖
I wonder which one could be worse, the narcissist or the borderline. Like in college we were told about a borderline personality disorder patient who scheduled a session with her male analyst . . .a friday at 5 P.M, a date!, the analyst back home in dismay realized.
"don't involve them in your healing"... very true.
The sad thing is I grew up with a mother who was a narcissist. I spent decades in therapy and studied psychology in under grad, and in graduate school. Bottom line is that I suffered until she died.
I also have a narcissist mother. I'm 73 and she's a healthy 93. Most of my adult life I went no contact. In my 50s I reconnected. Despite 35 years of psychotherapy her manipulation still worked. I sustained her through the pandemic. Then I got sick and she discarded me. I had failed her. I finally understand she can't be fixed or changed. I have to work on discarding the guilt for my own health. I must protect myself first.
You're not alone. My story similar. I'm OK now, I beat her. She's 97.... can't last forever...I'm waiting for the news. I'm not anxious...just waiting for that final sense of relief. 🎉
@@jeanettecook1088When it happens take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back...you survived!!! As for me I'm going running towards my grave just to get away from my Narc-daughter😂😂😂
@@Jillian15 Sorry to hear that. It's about (ideal) no contact or setting very firm boundaries. 🤔 Very problematic, that. The only people who should be in our lives are those we give permission to, to be there. That includes relatives. 🏞
They live so long because nothing bothers them.
ABSOLUTELY ... On the spot ... It will be how I abused and hurt THEM, and how I should be begging for forgiveness!
The more you forgive a narcissist, the more you will have to, because they will always re-offend. Forgiving them is a way of validating their behavior in their eyes. After all, it must be okay to be a narcissist if people keep forgiving you, right?
No matter who anyone is forgive them that you may move on
Forgiveness isn't for them it is you you
Forgiveness is overrated. A lot is talked about in the bible, yet a vengeful God who punishes in many ways besides eternal pain is depicted.To err is human to forgive devine but they left out to forget is just stupid.They are not making mstakes, their undermining is quite deliberate.
Unfortunately, the English language mixes multiple very different things under the word forgiveness.
It is highly advisable to never ever ever give a narcissist any more chances than (in your understandable naivete) you already have (I.e. don't forgive them).
At the same time, it is crucially important to accept the full reality of what has happened, and let go of any ill will, or it will poison your soul and forever be an anchor weighing down the rest of your life (i.e. forgive them).
Best of luck y'all.
Forgiving yes, but forgive and move on.
Forgiveness is a marvellous weapon. Always forgive and never go back.
Amen
In my opinion:
And 2 reasons to forgive a narcissist and move on with your life
●Physical and psychological health
●because if you don't forgive everyone, why should God forgive you?
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven"
Jesus in Luke 6:37
✝️🙏
Agree forgive and move on
Excellent advice, I cut off a narcissistic 4 months ago, best thing I ever did.
Cut all ties with a narcissist. Forgive them in yr own heart. Be ready to live on yr own. Get help from others. Get into yourself. U are a miracle for good works.
You nail it Lise. Forgiving a narcissist to their face is like music to their ears. "Oh, that means I didn't do anything wrong. In fact I was fully justified in everything I did". They will twist it into a new narrative and if they do it again and you bring it up they'll say something like "I thought you forgave me for that. Why can't you just leave it". It's best to forgive them internally to help you move on with your life and not harbour grudges and hate. That negativity only consumes you.
Game Vids, like the Our Father Prayer, "Forgive those who trespass against us!" Is to God the Father, not the aggressors!
Lise, I didn’t even know what forgiveness really meant until about three months ago. It’s letting go of anger towards someone for a wrong they committed against you; nothing more. It doesn’t require them to be remorseful, or for them to even know that they’re forgiven. I think the takeaway here is that if you ever do forgive a narcissist, do it privately, and don’t go back to them. There’s no need for them to know that you’ve recovered from the harm that they’ve caused.
I agree. I forgave the creep. That's when I was able to move on. I realized that it was never meant to be and that it was for the better.
Rather than calling it forgiveness, I prefer to think of it as letting it go and detaching.
So true
what you've described is not forgiveness. i'm not sure why it's constantly peddled as such in comments. classic toxic positivity.
@@agent1.618 Actually, no. It's the definition of forgiveness. Look it up.
We're commanded to forgive our enemies ! ❤
We are also commanded to love one another but narcs don’t care. Jesus said forgive if they repent. We don’t get automatic forgiveness, do we? Forgiveness requires repentance. Narcs don’t repent.
They're not our enemies! They're demons! 👿
One of the worst is a narcissist hiding herself as a church staff using serving in a ministry to God. They will lay their hands on you to pray for you so as to appear spiritual and superior over you to others.
So true.
My partner prayed over me as a church deacon, then insulted me when I offered constructive criticism when he asked my advice. When I addressed his insult, he defended it. I said goodbye.
100% correct. Behaviors that are part of a healthy relationship; honesty, transparency, accountability and forgiveness end up being weaponized by a narcissist. It is so illogical and destructive to both the relationship and your mental health. It's critical to understand the only thing that will change in this relationship is you.....forgiving ourselves for getting involved with these people is where forgiveness belongs.
This is true, because you really do blame yourself for being so gullible. For me, I did forgive the narcissist and she did change for about 3 months at a time. This went on for 3 agonizing years. It became a cycle that was so predictable it was the only thing that brought me to my senses. There would be love bombing and showing me the girl I fell in love with, followed by devaluation, followed by gas lighting, followed by discard.
Then, she would come back after my heart was broken she would love bomb me, show me the girl I fell in love with, devalue me, gas light me and once again discard me. After about 2 years of this there was the final discard. It was the final discard, because when she started to try the love bombing again I resisted and I could immediately tell that she knew that I knew what she was. It's like she just slithered away after she realized that I wasn't taking the bait again. She realized that I had finally had enough and because I saw who she really was and she knew I saw this, she disappeared. I kid you not, that was 7 years ago and over those 7 years she did try on several occasions to contact me and this was like 5 years after I had last spoken to her. A narcissist will try to come back at some point, because they'll burn a lot of bridges and you'll be their only option. They'll show up randomly and try to show you that girl you fell in love with. It takes practice and a few pieces of your heart broken, but you will come to your senses.
Thank you for the words I so needed to hear. My narc mother is being buried tomorrow and I can not tell you how glad I feel about her being in a box, six feet under. I haven't prayed in years but I prayed it would snow so that I could get out of flying in for her final performance, and it's beginning to snow right now. I don't think I have enough time to completely heal before I die, but as for tomorrow, all I can say is Hallelujah! There is a light when you get to the other side.
Oh how I Envy the blessing of your "NOT'her'$" passing...
You were probably waiting for the "other shoe" to drop in the relationship. I can identify with you so well. I didn't wish my mother dead. I just wanted it to stop.
Even if it didn't snow, don't waste the money for a plane ticket.
It is definitely a relief....I did not attend any funeral services for my covert narcissist mother at all - which upset the rest of my family because as is "normal" in these sick systems, they continued to defend her awful behaviour. From my own experience, you can heal - but it takes a ton of emotional work and I find you have to continue to work on it because there are so many narcissists out there today.
I'm so sorry your mother hurt you in so many ways that it feels like a relief to have her gone. I have an older sister I feel the same way about, but she's still alive. I don't wish harm on her, just wish I never had to deal with her again. Enjoy your well-earned peace at last!
I have a beautiful loving husband of 40 years however I have a boatload of Narc's. Try this on for size: a mother, father, sister, and 3 people from my husband's family.....holy cow! I didn't know what was wrong with them until this subject came up. It was just like the story of the Cinderella slipper, and it all fit perfectly. You don't know until you know. They all lacked the empathy which is the RED FLAG.....RUN!!!!
My mom and my MIL are. Crazy similarities!
You are so right. I left a narc 3 months ago and instead of being elated I feel sad. Regardless of my written list of his wrongdoings against me, I have to keep reminding myself that I'm better off without him, regardless of my current circumstances, which are not ideal.
No contact is the only solution for you to regain your health, sanity, and life! It is a hard pill to swallow once you realize what you are dealing with. Run as fast as you can!
My relationship only lasted 2 years.
8 years have passed and it still torments me.
I think what torments me most is the vivid memory of what *seemed* to be genuine distress which she would use to suck me back in after I had thrown her out because of her violence.
On one occasion, for example, she told me, with tears in her eyes, that she had kidney disease and needed a kidney transplant or she would die.
Despite knowing that she was a serial liar, she had no one else to take care of her and the distress seemed so genuine that I could not bring myself to throw her out.
We put her on a special (expensive) diet to improve her health.
Later I discovered that she was actually pregnant by another dude and wanted the special diet for her baby.
She, of course, tried to convince me that I was the father but I demanded a paternity test.
To this day a part of me still cannot comprehend
(1) that a human being is capable of that level of evil. And with zero remorse.
(2) that I was fooled by it.
It feels kind of like surviving an attack from a well camouflaged predator in nature.
It puts you into a hyper-vigilant state that lasts until you have trained your mind to accurately detect such predation again in the future.
For me, that means striving to attain a very deep understanding of the narcissist so that I will be better able to spot the camouflaged predator in the future without accidentally pushing away non-predators.
For this reason, I am very grateful for these videos.
Deeper understanding = improved ability to identify the camouflaged predator = less stress.
I think it is the use of "the compassion of the prey" as a weapon that is so deeply disturbing.
When we feel deep compassion for the suffering of others, this emotion can compel us to act to help them even when we cognitively know such movement to be unwise. It creates a deep internal conflict.
Have you ever seen the videos of people being hit by cars in China and nobody comes to help them?
It's horrifying to watch until you understand that people who help are often punished for their good deeds by being sued.
IMHO, the growth of narcissism destroys the moral fabric of society in this fashion and pushes us towards civilizational collapse.
My intuition is that most of the rise in antidepressants, fentanyl & suicides in society is NOT a defect in the afflicted at all.
Rather it is the canary in the coalmine.
It is a natural response to the return of predation to the community.
Non-narcissists are wired for connection, cooperation & collaborative innovation to solve the mutual problems of society because this positive-sum game wiring gives rise to the growing prosperity for all which made civilization possible.
But the return of pre-civilizational predators to the community causes everyone's shields to go up whereupon cooperation ceases and society begins to fall apart.
I think the distress that we feel at the return of the predators is something like a feedback mechanism to alert society that the moral constraints against predation established by our ancestors are beginning to collapse.
The correct response to this feedback is to fix the constraints.
But because society perceives this feedback to be a defect in the messenger, it does not get the message.
When we see certain powerful institutions in society pressuring us to "be more compassionate" but we can feel in our bones that those forces seem to be disturbingly similar to the narcissists we know, hyper-vigilance is probably a rational response to the circumstances.
So sorry you went through all that. 💔💔💔 This awareness is helping us & others & hopefully humanity in the long run. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹 Their level of evil is incomprehensible. The “genuine distress” IS GENUINE TO THEM. They live in survival mode, not an actual survival situation but their ‘reality’ does not resemble actuality and have no ability to meet/soothe their own needs. Latching onto a caring person is how they move through life from one kind person to another, leaving a trail of cognitive dissonance & emotional destruction behind.
Totally understand what you’ve been through & I too have been studying narcissism for about 7 years here on TH-cam. There is so much invaluable information available. At long last I’ve been able to process what happened & move through it. (Almost 70 here). One video I return to frequently is “The Empathy Trap” by The Little Shaman as I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) & the tugs on my heart are compounded by my sensing how utterly EMPTY & SOULLESS they are.
Trust your gut instincts; they are NEVER WRONG. I was raised by narcissistic parents & even as a child ‘my tummy’ told me something was very wrong. Still deal with the ANGER of being DUPED. Be kind to yourself & know you are not alone.
@@AlexRyan - WELL SAID!
@@hissyfitz7890 Thanks. I scored high on the HSP test as well. My understanding is that having 2 copies of the short allele for the serotonin transporter is Elaine Aron’s explanation for the trait of “being observant before acting.”
This trait, if untamed, can lead to destructive rumination.
However, when tamed (when self absorption in the narrative has been released and we strive only to see the world the way it actually is), this trait is a super power because it compels us to build far more elaborate predictive models of the world to guide our movements.
The narcissists cannot do this.
For this reason, they are destined to join the Neanderthals.
The sensory motor brain evolved because it enabled beings to respond to sensory experiences with moves in the world that improved the probability of gene survival. Better models = better moves.
They will lose. We will win.
P.S. The narcissists lure us into their web with temptation just like Satan was said to do in the Bible.
The fact that our ancestors, who did not know about brain physiology, genetics or evolutionary biology, created stories about "Satan" 2000 years ago to warn us about the periodic return of the predator to society should be ringing alarm bells for us all.
We know from history that civilization periodically destroys itself & we seem to be repeating the same mistakes by closing our eyes to uncomfortable truths.
Thank you, Lisa. This was both enlightening and healing. Mine was often threatening to leave me or actually leaving me. This happened almost every month or two for 4 years. Her dour demeanor made people always sorry for her. I often felt like a villian. I spent a lot of my energy and time apologising and appeasing. Nothing i could do could stop the strife and contention. It was just hard to make her happy. It became costly, with all the gifts I bought just to get her to smile. I was taking in rat poisoning without knowing it. My mental health suffered and so did my self esteem. I have finally been discarded, and were it not for this video I'd have done all I could, and spend all i could to get her back. Now, I know losing her was my ticket to freedom. God's spirit will always expel ungodly spirits. I am now going to focus on rebuilding myself. Thank you once again.
It's astonishing to see the lengths professionals go to in order to protect us from narcissists. I hope their work manages to rescue some people. Overcoming the intense cognitive dissonance that narcissists create in their victims is a huge challenge for most.
Clear, calm and nuanced. So vital . I know this gets said a lot but people who have detached themselves from narcissists and are trying to unpick things by watching these videos are going through hell at times alongside healing. Videos from professionals with deep knowledge are life savers.
I made the mistake of marrying and having a child with a covert narcissist. To this day after years of divorce, I am still dealing with every single trait explained in these videos. After years of trying forgiveness, reason and every other thing I could grasp onto to try and salvage a good relationship for the sake of our daughter, I have finally come to the conclusion that nothing will change the way the mother of my daughter behaves. Every concession I make is seen as a victory and used as fuel for future conflicts. My daughter is constantly used as a weapon in this never ending battle and herself is becoming a casualty of her mother’s narcissistic behavior. EVERY SINGLE POINT MADE IN THESE VIDEOS IS REAL!! If you are seeing any of the behaviors in these videos manifested in your partner, RUN!!!!! Never look back!!!
I co-parent with one of these covert Jezabelle's, I feel your pain John believe me I do.
@@Luton-Mick thanks for the comment. It actually means a lot. The struggle is real!!!
1000%. 🎉
I, too have found myself in an eerily similar situation. I held on for so many years in the interest of sparing our daughter the trauma. It actually took my daughter (13) begging me to please leave , explaining it was both of ours only chance at a rewarding and peaceful life. We are starting off together with humble beginnings, but the future holds no dread and our self esteem grows by leaps and bounds. Once you realize what you're dealing with, each moment holding on is precious time wasted.
It's sad to see what a narcissist continues to do to my son.... I'm done with her but she will never be able to see the harm she did to me - and continues to do to him... My heart really breaks for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist.
Don't forgive them because there is no there there. You've probably been replaced by many others by now, so save yourself the grief. They suck the life out of you.
Every narcissist I ever knew had even worse relatives, had been abused horribly, and internalized it. Even if you did apologize, and even if they had no intention of exploiting that apology, they will not believe you and will exploit you for it.
It’s a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy because if you’re attached to one, you’re gonna have to abandon them to protect yourself…it’ll only confirm their world view. That people will betray them unless they maintain the upper hand.
Wow . Well said .
I’m 70 and never really knew what a narcissist was till I searched it on TH-cam. It explained to me everything about my sister (who I let live in my house with me) and my coworker (there is only me and her). When I realized all the crappy ways she was rotten to me on purpose I was done with her. She has moved on to her next victim. Coworker is pushing me into retirement, I’m past time for it anyways.
Number one reason to NOT "forgive" a narcissist who has abused you: They now know that you are on to them and they will put on a mask of being nice to draw you back in and lull you back to sleep. Then, they will set you up to make you look like the bad guy so they can save face.
Then go around to all your friends with a narrative in their favor. If a woman beats you then get s restraining order right away and file charges. Taking them back gives them a chance to set you up.
Facto, very very true
They will set you up !!!
Cop calling coc#suc#ers !!! POS !!!!
They are sneaky, conniving, planning, plotting and scheming to cause you harm !!! Their soul is infested with demons, demons so wicked you couldn't ever imagine the degree of evil from which they operate !!!
You don't see it right away, eventually the mask slips, then comes off and the victim is left trauma bonded on every level imaginable !! Some victims suffer from Stockholm Syndrome for decades afterward !!!
Pray for the survivors !!!
The betrayal is brutal !!!
I’m a woman and this is how another woman set me up in the workplace.
Painting herself as the hero and me as the villain when the truth was the opposite.
A narcissist’s hatred of you is so bad.. that you think playing into their narrative is the only way to stay safe
But their overt, covert or hidden hatred of you is the ultimate sign you’re a good human being.. they can’t stand someone they have no leverage against so they need to ‘create’ a fake leverage against you to even the scales
In short they know you can ruin their life with the truth so they try to ruin you with lies before that
This is so true. My ex never once apologised for anything she ever did or said, put all the blame on me. She didn't truly love me, she loved the idea of me loving her, she said all she wanted was to be loved, she wanted me to feed her ego, supply her with constant attention and praise and worry about fulfillng her needs without caring about what I need or my boundaries, they have no empathy, they cant reciprocate love because they don't know how to love anyone but themselves. She never appreciated anything, she's incapable of loving any man, she's moved on to someone else and says he makes her feel good. That's all they want - to feel good, they can't look at themselves and put in the work to improve and grow with someone long term because they're lazy and can't face the fact that they have problems. Her best friend feeds her narcissism telling her she's amazing and perfect which is 1 reason why she can't accept any form of criticism.
This describes my EX perfectly...it is so sad how good people can be taken advantage of by robotic-demon people. Not even humans in my opinion.
Good-hearted people need to be more patient and embrace their "inner-detective."
🎯🎯
How do you know my ex perfectly ?😢
She is definitely telling the truth! Run as fast as you can and NEVER look back!
13 year marriage rollercoaster so far…I watched this and now sitting is disbelief how everything that has been happening to me is precisely described. Shocking wake up call.
It is nice to see comments from other men! I have no doubt that the experts are wrong telling us that there are far more narcissistic males than females! 23 years ago I divorced my narcissistic wife of ten years . she nearly destroyed me it was a nightmare. I was completely naive back then not a clue about what was happening to me. Incredibly even after 23 years she slanders me to anyone who will listen. And blames her miserable, lonely life on me. Married and divorced three times she is single living a very unhappy life
The experts are NOT wrong about that.
There are a lot of narcissists about male and female I’ve had two in a row I’m definitely keeping my guard up from now on the hurt and pain is like no other god bless you all 🙏❤️
💯 Never ever forgive these monsters
On seeing your videos you've shown to me how blind sided I've been to a narcissistic partner for 27 years wow thanks you on waking me up.
Really makes question why would anyone want to have kids? There is a bunch of demons walking around
They will not learn anything for the better because they are "perfect" already. The only thing they will ever learn is to manipulate better ! Any forgiveness is wasted, and even dangerous, on these individuals.
You can forgive them but move on.
i listened to this. You're so right. It's horrible how they prey on you. I'm getting a divorce and she is terrible.. My children I feel so sad for. I feel like she had planned things for years. Well she will be off soon with her money and I'll be happy 🙌
Thank you i agree about not involving them in the forgiveness process, its not about them really, its about you healing and moving on
👍👍👍
This was how my marriage was, at the end I was so exhausted I felt relieved that she was leaving. It's been a few year's now and I'm still exhausted, I had to cut her off completely because she was always reach for something.
Thanks for this: I’ve always pushed back on that conventional wisdom that one “should” forgive; its “good for you” and even, “you can’t find healing without it”. The truth in my experience was that forgiveness was actually expected of me by my narc(s); and the purpose of my forgiveness was really to be a blank cheque for them to reoffend
The real truth for finding healing was to stop being dumb enough to keep forgiving. Like the image of the old Peanuts cartoon about Charlie Brown, and Lucy promising to hold the football for him. He gave her the benefit of the doubt every time, and every time, Lucy pulled the football away and Charlie Brown would fall on his ass
Beautiful analogy.
The type of forgiveness you practised is not what forgiveness is about. Forgive the person for your own peace. Then you stay far away from that person forever. Far away ...
Spot on!They act like jerks, then suddenly start talking like nothing ever happened. You “ forget” the awful hi bs they e ask and done and boom, you get kicked again.,Getting to the point of finally getting out of the cycle and saying enough, is a new day!
I like what you said,"look at the evidence. " Thank you.
Forgiveness is not the same as letting them remain in your life. Forgiveness is for yourself not for them.
In dealing with abuse from a narc the only thing that matters to them is whether you will leave or stay.
interesting
Yeh my husband of 25 yrs just said does that mean we won't have sex anymore? Unbelievable
@@katejones2172
So its ok if you leave as long as you come back for sex.
Truely a narc comment.
@@dw3403 yep
I love the gold fish analogy. It's spot on. I 've heard from others that Narcs keep doing what they do. It's true. They don't stop the bad behavior. Nor do most of them want too. What they want is to get their way every time with no push back and no consequences. Typical toddler behavior. :)
Forgiveness Needs to be Backed by the Understanding the Damage your mistake made and feeling Remorse for it and taking it further a change is made to avoid making it again. A Narc CANNOT and NEVER Will Forgive and Forget it is not in their DNA.
I left him in December 2021 and have been completely NC since then. I have chosen to forgive him because that frees me of carrying anger, bad feeling etc. I still struggle at times but on the whole it is easier than it was. We have NC whatsoever, so I have forgiven him internally. He is desperately trying to contact me under the guise of doing unfinished work at my mum's house (he is a plumber/builder) but I've kept away. I let him deal with my sister. The only way I can heal and move on is by having absolutely NC and personally forgiving him lightens my load. It is a sign of strength not weakness.
The arrogant Narc just can not admit they do anything wrong even if it is glaringly obvious. So do not forgive or forget their actions. They will only keep doing it if you allow them
Some of them will never say they are sorry. In their minds its everyone else. Which means they will continue with their toxic drama.
They are * let's give them another chance!* B.S.
Ugh!
Oh! My body aches 😫 listening to the truth...
Ms. Leblanc scores super high on this content. Targets must toughen up. Narcissists simply aren't normal people. Loved her comment that the narcissist is still likely hurting you. That statement is truer than true! They are hell-bent on destroying you in their abusive emotion house of endless horrors they've tricked you into. They are not genuinely nice people and never will be. Never forgiving is a two-part process: 1) never forgive, and 2) repeat step one.
I forgot my narcissist by staying away from her even if it cost me a lot.
So good to see someone give this advice. It is not often given and I can’t understand why. Narcissists cannot be changed. And neither can psychopaths. The only thing one can do is turn one’s back on them and NEVER look back. Thank you for posting this video.
I cannot forgive them any more. They have lied about me, broken my heart over and over. I cared for them even when I was alone and broken. I cared and worried about them. Robbed me, have been very mean and nasty, cheated me and thought they were the boss and wanted to overtake me and my husband. Blamed me for their wrong doings and denied we ever bailed them out of jail. No more. Two bad eggs produced two bad daughters that we loved, protected and thought the world of. I’m over it and them.