so fucking true, and i see everyone ive known achieve these great things and i know i should be happy for them but i just feel anger. why couldnt i be like them? i see no way out. ive made choices i cant take back and i just dont see the point in anything anymore. it all seems so small. i couldve been something much greater than i am now.
@@someone62 Get out of your own way friend. Just because you "see" people achieving things, doesn't mean their lives are perfect. Most people only display their achievements and not their failures/regrets/wishes. Everybody has skeletons in their closet. Focus on you, its never too late to accomplish the things you want until its too late. Life is short, just go for it, one day at a time. You can still be great. Their is no definition of greatness, you need to define that for yourself. One mans definition of "great" may no align with yours. You've got it, keep pushing.
You know...sometimes it's not too late. Even if you start a family and have responsiblities. Try your best to not forget about your passion. Find a special place just for you to release. I have a special highschool track field that I bonded over with my fatherly figure. I sometimes go there when I wish to seek some guidance or to release. I hope this message helps you in someway.
Silent Hill is the only horror series I know of where the "monsters" are not supernatural in the usual sense, but actually just manifestations of your own guilt and trauma
To anybody who's reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life.
I wish I had found your comment and this video earlier.. I am now single again because I was a fucking douchebag to the most precious human I've ever met. I kicked her off for no good reason at all for the last time cause I was overwhelmed by my anxiety and traumatic fear of rejection.. She is such a good person and I fucking hate myself for being so broken that I can't maintain a stable relationship.Glad I could at least be the reason she NOW is going to be better. Hope she's gonna be as happy as I wished she was with me (which apparently is not possible). Guys, don't be jerks to whoever you love whoever loves you, treat them with respect and be greatful for whatever you have. And sorry for taking your time with my crying here.. I didn't talk to anyone else
Fr it ruins me, it ruined my past and now my future, i keep Holding myself back because of fear and doubts, sometimes i like to think what i would have been, if i didn’t overthink and trying to predict my whole life, and instead just Living i it..
It’s currently 3:30am, I have insomnia. For some reason I’ve been feeling really depressed lately… I know my boyfriend will be proposing before the end of the year, maybe even before the end of the month. I know I’ll say yes and I know we’ll be happy to start our lives together and start creating a family. Family is a big issue for me. I have it but not really, I was neglected by my parents growing up and my only hope was my grandpa. He died when I was 12, I’m 24 now. Regarding family, I feel at home with my boyfriends family. He has 2 older sisters and a great mom and dad… I guess I feel jealous that I’m only now figuring out what it feels like and what it looks like to be a family. In some ways, I’m scared and in others I’m excited for the future. I just can’t help but feel that part of my heart that didn’t know it was possible for me. I’m sometimes angry and sad that I experienced all I’ve experienced in my life so far. I’ve been a victim of many, even by my parents. Told I’m unlovable and too hard to love anyways. Told I should end it. Told I’m lazy and that I won’t do much in life. Told I don’t deserve better. I guess this video/audio and my insomnia are helping me realize that I do deserve better. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to live. I deserve time to feel my feelings. I deserve the family I have made in my best friend, my boyfriend, and my boyfriends family. I know this is long and I’m glad if even 1 person reads this and relates. Please know you deserve the world and look for even the little joys in your life.
It’s normal to have that type of problems but i’m sure about this 100% , ur life will change soon as u start family with ur boyfriend, remember, it can be the same as now but i can guarantee that u will finally find true peace and comfronting love, i hope u will give a birth to a beatuiful child bcs thats the moment ur life will go 180 degrees, i wish u all the best in the future
You deserve the future you've earned. And you've earned the future you've worked towards. And sometimes, you work towards the future by just surviving the present until it can become the past. You are loved.
@@shikharashish7616 it's just that I feel like I wasted my life, like I've ran out of time because I'm a broken mess and no matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough.
@@phirewuffie6779 the thing is.. i was exactly at the same place few months ago. and it might feel like you've run out of time and its over but its not.
Your timeline is unique, everything you do you do it for yourself. Life is with you until the very last second. Holding onto you until you learn to love life. Expect nothing. Just try to enjoy your moment. Your inner peace will help you please dont give up, we are proud of you no matter what :3
Just came back from a late night run and this was playing on my Xbox after I left TH-cam on. Entering my room late at night and hearing this is to my mind like ice water is to the throat after a long run. Wishing everyone reading this happiness and peace.
Something about PS1 graphics have a very "handcrafted" charm to them. Like they look like papercraft dioramas that were made with dedication instead of skill.
Lets say that with the tech they had back in the day, they did the best they could do - its not like it could have been any better. Although I agree with you: those textures are imprinted in memory.
They look better and are more memorable than 90% of the slop that comes out today. These graphics had aura, they had something hand crafted and cozy about them.
It seems that even within the horror this man lives, he stops for a moment to realise that despite that, the silent snowy night is indeed beautiful. One can even imagine him grateful for the situation he is in.
Anyone else just been contemplating existence and what it means to exist lately? Not suicidal or wishing for death or anything, just thinking about our consciousness and if we truly are just random or created by design
I feel this. I'm Christian myself, but even I contemplate sometimes. Am I right about God existing? What if I'm not, what happens then? I believe in him and that he does exist, but it's hard not to question. I just have to give him my trust I guess.
idk why i'm doing this,you're not gonna believe me. hhhh Basically we aren't humans,we're eternal energies having a human experiece.We're learning how to love essentially.Don't worry man,you're just experiencing this life as you should.You've done this before,you can do it again.
yeah, kinda? I think I'm of the belief that existing only matters if you decide to believe that it matters. I can't imagine we'll ever get true answers to these huge questions we love to ask, so really the options are to find meaning in the search or find meaning in your own answers
@@Toaster_Man they call it faith for a reason, whether or not there is a God is probably not information we're ever gonna have. It's all about where you find your own meaning. I'm not personally religious, but I think I understand the philosophy behind God pretty well and it isn't hard to see him if you're looking for him. There is certainly a lot of beauty and love in the world. From what I understand, questioning his existence isn't anything abnormal or unchristian. It's just human.
I clicked on this video bc it seemed chill. I turned 25 today. In November I’ll be 2 years clean from heroin. These comments made me drool out my eyes a lil bit haha. Much love to all
gracias por trasmitir algo tan lindo, tu también eres una buena persona, afuera hay personas que te aman por como eres, personas que con solo tu presencia sienten que su día mejoró. vive lento, ama fuertemente y se amable. saludos❤
im just wandering around.a complete sense of hopelessness is what im used to feel now with a spray of sadness. nights like these are extremely gut wrenching because you do a play by play cast of your whole life to find out where you took the wrong turn only to find out that you never saw the right one. In the end we notice that the burden of life seems endless but in reality its short lived the suffering will eventually stop and so will you. People will carry on with there lives as if you never existed and in a few generations no one will even remember your name. So i ask myself the question why don’t we just start living. but the answer is hard to find. Sadness, emptiness, loneliness will eventually turn into a normal state of being and i must say it is the blanket over my body keeping me warm it became home and even tho its horrible it gives solitude. Thanks
*"Sadness, emptiness, loneliness will eventually turn into a normal state of being and i must say it is the blanket over my body keeping me warm."* ~This really hits hard. I heard something similar few years ago. Something like: *It is easier to be miserable because that takes no effort.* and so if you are looking for answer: just turn it inside out: *It is harder to be happy because that actually takes effort.* Thanks for reminding me. @nieky6000
Same bro except I know exactly where I took the wrong turn and the warning signs leading up to it haunt me over and over while sometimes remembering new ones that I had forgotten. Trying to be strong and pushing thru a really tough time in my life, I ended up neglecting and pushing away a once in a lifetime woman that repeatedly proved how committed she was to me and shared the same exact values, desires, and goals in life. She had to painfully watch me become a shell of myself, cold, disconnected and emotionless with no explanation or reassurance of why I changed while she thought I was checking out of the relationship and no longer cared. I couldn’t see past my internal battle and difficult period to appreciate who I had by my side trying everything and anything she could to get through to me while watching the relationship fade left to wonder from her perspective why I had changed. It’s been 2 years and I’ve had a couple short relationships since then hoping I could feel a sliver of how I felt about her but I’ve only felt a constant regret and anger at myself. Everything surrounding my life is significantly better but without her none of it matters and I can’t forgive myself. I had to watch the pain it caused her and how much effort she put in to save the relationship but I was so caught up in my struggles I only realized far too late and those are the flashbacks that haven’t stopped haunting me. She’s tried to reach out a few times since but no matter how much I want to see her again it would completely destroy me and I can’t live with causing her any more pain. She deserves someone who matches the amount of effort she puts in and will never put her thru what I did. Other than the few texts/calls I have ignored, I haven’t seen or heard anything about her but I would give anything for her to have moved on happy as can be with someone that treats her as good as she deserves
This used to scare me when I was a child now that I reached adulthood, this comforts me now. make me feel less shitty, at least there is a town that welcomes me, understands me.
if no one's cheered you up today, I hope you see this, I hope you've had a good day, know that there are those that care for you. Take care of yourself! Keep going and do your best, like you've been doing for your whole life. In the end that's all we can do, and so, don't beat yourself up, what's better than your best? Don't think about what could be or what has been, work on the now! The present's called that for a reason. Again, I hope you've had a great day, and take care of yourself!
@@ZimplityEditzDepression is an epidemic nowadays, most people experience it in some form, and from very young ages. If somebody's struggling with what they believe is depression, it either is that, or it will develop into real depression later on.
Theres always something that attracts me to these kinds of music , i think it describes how i feel. Empty and feeling like everything is not real and is a dream
I have been dealing with depression for almost three years at this point, but everything got worse since I turned eighteen, it's like something snapped me back to reality and realized I'm no longer a kid, an innocent soul but legally an adult. I hate it, since I was a child, I never expected to be grown, never wished that I got older, have a job or anything related to adulting, my only wish was to be a kid for the rest of my life. I have made the decision not to live more than a year, probably until next year since I will be still a teen, I'm terrified of being older and I'm completely sure that I never want to experience it, I still feel like a child trapped in a body that keeps growing, I feel lost and scared that life keeps expecting something from me while I can't even get up from bed. I'm tired, and what hurts me the most is leaving my family, when they have only been so understanding and loving towards me, and I start to tear up when I slowly get aware of how worried they are, wondering why I can't even speak properly or get out of bed, it hurts, and my only wish is for them to be happy.
One day after another, one step at a time. These problems won't go away unless you work towards them. No one will ever have all the answers. All we can do is try and be persistent. Don't be too hard on yourself. It'll all work out in the end. And if it isn't, than it's not the end. Keep your head held high. You're doing fine. Remember breath, it's for the living. Take advantage of it.
this year i've overdosed 4 times. i'm not sure why. sure im suicidal but my life used to be so much worse, im doing a lot better now. i have friends and im surrounded by goodness and love. after my last attempt i want to live. seeing so many people worried about me being hospitalized made me realize how truly loved i am and how worth it is to live. i know it sound corny, but i hope you dont need to attempt 4 times to realize youre loved. stay true to your heart and do whats good. you are here and you are loved. take care.
i know it can be hard and that sometimes you feel like you can’t find the end of the pain, but trust me, everything will be fine. someone over there is caring about you, you’re never alone. i love you.
i lost my father 11 years ago from a heart attack, i was 7 and in a first grade, that tragedy hit me so hard especially me being a girls dad that my life ends with him that day and it changed me as a person. i got into such deep spiral of depression for many years, not only bcs of losing him but bcs of the abuse i endure, sexually, mentally, and physically. also bcs of the financial problem it cause my family to be in. in 2019 my mother fell ill, she got diabetes, stroke, and high blood pressure. mainly bcs of her lifestyle, she worked in a factory for us to live. i love my mother so much, once she fell ill she resigned and became a stay at home mom while i was 14 and have to take care of her and have to go to school and do chores. i do have a brother but he is no help. all the time she got into the hospital i stayed with her 24/7. ny brother graduates 2 years after my mom fell ill, he got no job for 3 years, me and my mom tried to understand him but he has no help inhelping me taking care of mom. i have such a caregiver burnout all the time that it turned me into an angry person, even to my mom, i felt massive guilt. on August 17th this year, she fell sick again after almost 2 years with no sickness or health dropping. she fell on the bathroom and it caused bleeding and probably concussion 10 days before she was sent to the hospital. she stayed there for 6 days, and then back to the hospital again in the 31st of august. she fell into a coma for a whole day and was placed in a hcu. turned out her gangren or diabetic wound got worst on her toe thumb that it has to be amputated. we stayed there for 12 days. we got sent home. at that moment i was frustrated cs i never got full deep sleep since she fell ill cs she won't stay still, ik it's probably her nerves but im still frustrated and no one really helped me, im stuck in the role of being the daughter in a patriarchy family and neighborhood. on the 16th of September we went for a routine checkups and to change her band aids, she won't listen to me and won't stay still when the band aids was changed, im struggling to hold her and to pick her up, yet the nurse refuse to help and just stare at me while im struggling, thankfully my cousin was a male nurse there. he helped me. and then on the 18th she got sent to the hospital again cs she almost had a seizure. her blood sugar is low. idk im inexperienced in this, i thought diabetes just meant u couldn't eat sugar no more. so i didn't give her sugar a lot but i sure did give her just a little amount of special sugar the hospital gave me to put with her hot tea. but it's no help, she stayed in the hospital again for the 3rd time. we got put in the same room as before and even the nurses and doctors recognized us. but i was kinda confused to why we stayed here less than 6 days. it was only for 5 days, but i told the nurses that my mom still fell ill and that i don't think sending her home was a good idea cs she'd probably gonna be sent here again, i just wanna make sure she's well when she was sent home. that was in the afternoon. around 5pm my aunt came as usual to visit us, at this time my mom's breathinh worsen and she started making sound whenever she exhaled, she already got an oxygen but she's stubborn and kept taking it off, even pulling her infuse and it resulted in her getting injected over and over again cs she did it multiple times, she's bruised up all over, i felt bad. then around 9:30pm she started to move a lot along with her struggle breathing, so i called the nurse and he gave my mom the biggest oxygen with the biggest pressure there is for her. and turned out her blood sugar is low again and he gave my mom this meds 5 mini bottles to stabilize her but it didn't work, and he said that the saturation of oxygen in her brain is very low, it was supposed to 90+ but hers was far below it so he told me i just gotta pray and whistle in her ears like a prayers and chantings to calm her and guide her. and i was crying at this point, he told me to call my family to be on her side. so i did, she was still unstable by this point but got a little better and was able to sleep for a short period of time and when she was awake she frantically tryna hug everyone there like my older brother, my aunt and me, she tried to hug us and so we hugged her whenever she tried to. in the morning i went to shower and go get food in around 6am. then around 8am my mom's breathing started to lower and stopped for a bit too long in between breathing. so i frantically called the nurses and they got there and gave my mom the monitor for her heart rate or line. turned out there was almost no pulse, there is but it's not going super high, and i was frantic guiding her with prayer and religioous chants in her ears i couldn't even have the time to say i love you to her, just prayers. and the nurse perform a cpr on her but it's no work, then he dropped the news that my mom was pronounced dead on the 20th of September at 8:27am. i cried so hard but i gotta get up bcs i was grown. i don't wanna act too much, fearing i would be judged. when we got home there's no tears in our eyes bcs we couldn't even cry. even at the funeral. but deep down i personally felt my life is over, im thinking how am i gonna live like this? knowing my routine as her main caregiver was ended. despite all the caregiver burnout and anger i had, i don't wanna grieve, not again. but here i am typing this living my reality as a 19yo with no parent and no job, i couldn't even get up in the morning to cook and do chores like i used to when my mom was alive. ik my brother go through the same thing i did, but idk why i have no motivations at all. my aunt become more controlling, and ppl around me started to distance from us even wwhen there's a prayer for my mom each evening like how it is in my culture, only a little amount of ppl came and i felt crushed in my heart. i love my mom so much. and i also love my dad a lot. i couldn't believe my life would end with them and i couldn't believe that i lost both my parents before the age of 20. when i have a spouse, how am i gonna tell my future in laws that i don't have parent or grandparents anymore. are they gonna accept me? would they look at me like i was a broken home kid? would they feared that it would be the same fate to our marriage or live? why my life is full of grieve? why do i have to live like this? is it even possible for me to be happy like ever? we would never know but wondering abt it make me realize that i could never know how am i without or before grieve. grieve would probably the reason i met my future spouse and im trying to take the good side of it, im trying to be grateful. bcs at the end of the day this is my destiny, i can't do anything about it now. just gotta live through and with it the rest of my life. even if i don't even know if i ever gonna find happiness, ik my mom most probably never had a happiness, she lost her mom at 40days old and her dad won't take care of her, she only have a junior high education, and she lost her husband when we were little, she worked hard for us. but im trying to stay alive to make all her dream and hopes come true, i wanna be happy for her. despite me being mean to her bcs of my frustration and her praying i would failed in my dreams, i'd never stopped trying(hopefully not). why am i even alive? im already dead for so long and even more after all that anyway.
You're a hero in our eyes Just remember your mama is always withyou she most be proud Just live your live be with someone Be happy that's what you parents would have wanted
living in this world is not always easy, my heart goes out to you. bad things happen to good people too much. love and be loved, that's all you really need in the end. grief just means your love was deep and true.
I don't really know what to say to you after all that you’ve been through. You are truly a great warrior. I think it might help if you wrote your story on Kindle or any website it could help you earn some money to build your future and inspire a lot of people especially young people and teenagers who have faced struggles in their lives. You could even build a community for people to share their stories. May God bless your soul
@@marymo-x2j hi, thank you so much for the reply. im still trying my best everyday to wake up and starts my day early, it's hard for me to continue life but well im not the only one with this problem and if i gave up ppl will call me weak. also what is kindle? and maybe im gonna try that out, that seems interesting. i wrote my main comment solely bcs i was feeling this video and just randomly felt like to vent for the first time after ny mom died, for so long i couldn't tell everyone about it bcs idk where to start, and idk how ppl would react. also thank you so much for the reply once again, i hope you have a great day❤
damn thats some good ambience...just good enough to make everything stop, even just for a little while....like those moments of perfection you dont want to end
Maybe i have been dealing with depression for this year, man this is the worst depression that i ever felt since pandemic, i felt that maybe some of my friends, my classmates, and even my relatives hating on me but maybe that's a hoax because of my intrusive thoughts that i have been dealing, stress in activities in school, trust issue even to my friends and to my crush, family problem since pandemic, but as a grown man, i will keep fighting to my depression as long as i can beat this shit. Whoever read this, man playing video games just like silent hill is the best option if you have any mental problem or even if you have a problem.God bless you to all❤
to whoever reads this, i hope you become successful in life and that youre in a good place, reach out if you need help, keeping to yourself is the worst. stay strong friends
man, games back then was something else, nowadays I didn't even bother to look at new game trailers. Maybe I'm too old for games but it just feel games nowadays are generic and nothing really stand out anymore.
Sometimes i ask myself. How did we get here?, how you are this person?... When i see about silent hill and the games, i was atracted by the way that everything happend on that place, i wish i could go and... See the monster what are on my mind and finally beat them, it's so relaxing that darkness, feels like the only one thing it's you, and nothing to worry more about you...
About to think that I have to break up with my current girlfriend and listening to this at 0:30 am makes me really sad and thinking about all the things we went through and how it all turned out now. I promised her to love her even after this life and she made me the guy I am now but she did alot of stuff to me that makes me mentally unstable. She often see's the problem in me and makes a mountain out of a molehill. I really don't know any further now. I will met her tommorow evening or on saturday. It's very difficult guys. I will go hit the gym after work tommorow and after that im driving off a good hour to her place and try to talk about all this with her and im very afraid of the outcome. I don't feel ready for this but sometimes things have to be the way they have to be. Good luck for you all, that you find love and peace in your relationsship. I really hope, that this turns out another way.
Good luck mate. Been there too last year, you just feel so awful and afflicted. Just gotta take this first hardest step, and end what has to be ended. It'll still be a weight on your mind, but its with this step that it begins to weight less and less over time. I hope it works all right for you, thats a really awful situation that I do not wish for anybody to go through.
Pain will end whether you like it or not. If there isn't an afterlife, there isn't a time to feel sad after death either... You can't feel remorse, guilt, sadness, dissappoint, grief. None of that, when you are dead you are dead. Take comfort in that despairing thought
i'm currently active duty in the air force and couple days ago my mental health dropped drastically and i've already went to counseling, some of the stuff i had to deal with was a lot from my personal life to my work life, i just went through a rough break up with a girl i wanted to be with and work has me stressing a lot and overworked, without me getting the rest i need and not enough nutrients i need. i love horror games and i have a physical silent hill 2 on my ps2 and i have been playing that to escape and pass time, same with cry of fear, and ready or not on my pc, and elden ring on my ps5, and listening to this puts my mind at ease, i've been escaping reality with video games and the gym a lot more than i have in high school, but right now this is helping me out with my slow progress on getting my mental health back up.
I have been reading some of the comments, of all the life experiences this evokes. It stirs a great deal within myself. What if....should of could've would've. Why am in such a stasis. Dealing with failure or success. Questioning one's purpose in this life we live.There is so much I could say that has already been said or will be said. I wish the best for all of you that have found your way here, such as I have. I can impart this advice. The only one that is holding you back is yourself. Be the best you that you can be. The only competition is the one in yourself. Be strong and be safe, all of you. We are not alone in this life. We all found this for a reason and that's not to be alone. Thank you.
I have a question. Is it a ‘good’ thing to be successful but not happy? Because no matter what I do. I just can’t do both. When I do ease up and take it easy, everything goes to shit. It’s like it doesn’t have a middle ground. And when it does… then I’m doing something evil to keep it that way. It’s like… I can’t be good and successful at the same time. It’s impossible. And I constantly have the need to balance my emotion. To trap my happiness so I won’t feel bad for letting everyone down. Because happiness means failure in this game of life. In this society. And I don’t have the guts to be shameless.
Every feeling we think is all our own. I sympathize in the aspect of that balance. While good/bad within success lies an answer. Sometimes, I wonder....just wonder about wandering. We all make decisions whether carefully with thought, or blind with carelessness. I have made a lot of those within my lifetime. I have tomorrow is all I hope for myself. All of us that are here today. Having the potential is what keeps me here, all the while just wondering. One thing I know for myself is that with age comes the understanding is mercy is not weakness. In my darkest of days I cling to that glowing shard of light in the horizon of my life. I chase it to know I am alive and know that it keeps me going. I wish a better tomorrow for you, my friend.
I have no control over the way I’ve been feeling lately, I’m just sort of hiding behind this fake smile I have while I’m out in public. I enjoy the interactions I make when other people it’s the best part of my day like seriously it is, I enjoy getting advice from older people with more life experience but when I’m alone I just overthink so much and I don’t know how to handle or control my feelings for others. I also crave affection from other person but I don’t know if they have the same crave I have for them.
I just want to make a difference in this world and all I hear from people is that I will and that whatever I do is going to make a impact in someway for this world but every time I hear that I never fully acknowledge it. I don’t know what I want to do with my life I’m 20 years old and I feel like I’ve made this happen to myself, I am not happy as the person I am right now I want to change and I want to make change in my life but I just don’t know how to
why cant i be better for others and myself.why do i always ruin everything when im trying to fix things, it seems like everything and everyone is against me. ive been struggling with mdd and bpd for such of a long time the idea of me being mentally stable is foreign. everything i did was never intentional i was out of control. all i ever wanted is to feel something other than this feeling to please others all i ever wanted is equally returned love.
Ive had this pop up a few times on my recommended and never clicked it because I was so fuckn scared id just crumble and give in- like, this vibe and sound would be the thing that tips me, yanno? but funnily enough, it helped rather than break. I feel like a teeny bit of my burden has been actually lifted. such a gentle, soothing, touch of a track. makes me feel kinda warm
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, if it’s the need to vent and spit out all my raging thoughts into somewhere so out of my or anyone’s touch, as is the internet, or if it is the need to do something with this aching sadness and shame. These days i’ve been feeling out of place, even if I always have been, I’ve been feeling uninspired and incapable of putting my thoughts and feelings into words, which is ironical, because they don’t need to be translated into being, but I guess it’s my way of trying to have control over something in my life. And I don’t even success at that. Nights like these remind of me of every other night of my life, because either I hide or not, I’ve been feeling this dreadful and tiring emptiness for more than I can remember. I tend to distract myself to not think about it, but it’s always there, in the back of my mind. I say that I’m used to it, that it’s become part of me, or that it may be just be me itself, but I fear. I fear that I may have never a normal life, when this specific problems pass, and life continues to something new, I won’t be able to move on and be happy. My mind is so corrupted that I don’t think that even if I got a lot of my wishes to come true I’d be happy. My brain is so oddly filled with guilt and pure sadness that I don’t know if I’ll ever come into terms with it, and get past it. Meanwhile, I have to continue physically living, bargaining in an existence where I’m not even in, because my mind is somewhere else, always. Out of this world, in my own, when I can’t be fully free either from the torments of my imagination that betrays me constantly. And, right now, I don’t have a happy message to tell like some other comments, or a happy ending to share. This is it. On the flesh, right now, as if it meant anything. But I wish i’ll have one. I wish I’ll a happy, or at least peaceful ending. A message to give that can be so meaningless as needed to at least be heard by any soul who may be reading out of a simply mental cry for help or a need to relate. But I can say something, happy, useful or not. And that is, if you’re having trouble, with anything, ever, you’ve got to put you first, and do whatever feels right to you. But take your time thinking about this. People can say life is short but it’ll always be the longest thing we’ll experience. I don’t think anyone’s reading this, and I don’t need anyone to do so, I just guess I needed to write it out for, literally, nothing. But I just did. If you are reading this: thanks for your time
you will get your happy ending. one day. i know sometimes it feels like it might never occur, trust me ive felt very similar to you in the past and still sometimes do but one day we will get what we desire. you will heal one day, no matter how far. sending you love.
Because we’re born to practice death by sleeping and that’s why we call it “eternal rest” and the dark infinite void scares me more than anything in the world.
Silent hill is an adult game with a complicated story.Everybody can explain the game with a different point of view. I love it. It isn't a game for everybody.
So much sadness here. Some lost. Some broken. However none remain completely destroyed, there is still time to repair yourself. To rise above of Oceans current. Ascend to the sky, and become the mighty Phoenix.
I always think : there’s not enough sad music in the world. Idk if this music is sad, but it at least welcomes and acknowledges sadness. Just found this channel and I’m all the richer for it. I hope you’ll continue cause we need it
I wish you to realize what a great person you are, just think about how far you've got, after everything that you went through.. And it's ok to feel that way, even if your main problem is not liking the way you are right now, that's just your first steps into becoming even more beautiful.. I know you will, and I trust you with my whole spirit.. And I wish I could give you a warm tight hug, even If we all know it will not solve anything, I believe we both need one atm.. Just keep on remembering that you are great and you are loved, and always needed! God is good!
Never would have pegged Silent Hill for a space of healing, youve got a great community here man. Battling divorce myself, managed to keep the house and kids but whole experience has been draining and while I mourn losing her and the relationship, the biggest struggle is of losing myself. Boys go to bed and I sit downstairs and weep, she wasn't a bad wife and it wasnt a bad marriage, just troubled and needlessly difficult. Hope she finds happiness, but I'm scared for my boys mental health and am so deflated. Not a young man anymore, dont have the time or energy to start new relationships, each day just stings
I love how on something as simple as a youtube video in some of the comments you find a sense of positivity and I wanna share mine: May your gales swing to your change, May your tribulations come and go, May your heart always be of light, May your mind disassociate to somewhere safe like the concept of this video, Never give up Hope, Even in the face of The Void, For stars still shine bright in the middle of it all. Much love. 🩵👌
Some years ago I lost contact with my best friend and recently I start think about her and how I wasn't a real good friend, I can't stop think how my life could be if I had stayed in touch
Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I started to put you together in your mother, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart as holy. I chose you to speak to the nations for Me. Romans 8:38-39 -
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Beautiful piece right here 💜 these tones and sounds is what i will also miss about being alive. Such beautiful soothing tunes to let loose let go and forget 🕊️
Doing a vent here, read if you want:) . . . . So, in my country (idk in others), the school year is divided by two semesters, two tests on each. If you have a +90 grade on the first test on the second semester, you're exempted (idk if that's the word, I used the translator for that) from doing the final exam. You also need to have +90 on your first semester grade. I've always accomplished those requirements and by this time of the year, I've been chilling in my phone with my room, reading or basically just doing nothing and enjoying the free week. But this year, my quinceañera collided with the first exam week of the semester. I ended up getting home at 12 AM because I stayed in my grandma's house opening gifts and then we went back to my house. This was a Saturday. The whole week I was busy with party stuff, but maybe I'm lying to myself and making that up just to try and justify myself from being lazy and not studying. Regardless of anything, I could barerly study on. Sunday. I got confident since the first exam was science (and I was doing pretty well). But at the time I did the exam, I was super tired still and could barerly not fall asleep. Same situation with the second test, math. I ended up getting a 76 on science and a 71 in math (I counted the points I had on the math test and actually, the teacher gave me an extra point. If it weren't for that, I would've gotten a 68, and the minimum grade here is 65 so.. Yeah). I'm the type of person who's academically excellent. Perfect grades, perfect behavior, never skipping class... You get it. And even if it sounds dumb or stupid, I think this was something like "a reality check" for me. You know how people say that in one point in your life, you get an experience that pops your bubble? I think this was mine. For someone who's been used to get perfect grades (+90 always), this was hard to accept. This happened too in my first year of middle school. I got a 64 in science, but thanks to a work the teacher gave me, it went up to a 74 (Correct the exam. Sometimes teachers let students do that and they give them extra points in the test for it. Not a full grade but like 5 points more). I was angry and sad. Angry at myself and sad because I never got a grade like that before. I remember calling my dad, telling him the grade. He didn't screamed at me or anything, but I could tell he was... Disappointed? Worried? I don't know. By some reason, I expected a punishment. Some screaming, taking my phone away, anything. So, since I didn't received any of that, I slapped myself. Kind of stupid to do, but I felt like I deserved it. I also pinched my arm several times until it was all red. Now that I realize it, I was only 12 at that. With all of that, I guess you can understand by now how much my grades matter to me. My parents are extremely intelligent, and my mom was the same (if not better) as me in terms of school. When I get a bad grade, I feel like I'm failing them. Like I'm failing myself. Like all the effort I've done was for nothing. My math teacher for the first time since I'm in school placed a board with all of the exempted students in all her groups. And I felt like I deserved to be there, even if I actually didn't. I remember staring at my group (9-2) and not seeing my name. Why I wasn't there? I deserved to be there. The whole year I made an extra effort, all for it to vanish in one test. How did I let it happen? Why didn't I asked the teacher another chance? An opportunity to prove her I deserved to be there too? With science is kind of the same. I remember walking up to my teachers desk and give her my notebook so she could sign my work. She said "It's a shame you didn't got exempted. What happened?". I didn't replied. What was I supposed to reply? "Yes, what a shame that I'm such a stupid student that I couldn't get at least a grade above 85 on this easy test."? Because both tests were easy. The topics that were in them were super easy, specially on science. That's also why I'm mad. Because it was so easy, and I still failed. I never fail, but I just did. Anyway, at this point you can also assume that this feeling of being an overachiever is something that's been building up for years now, and not something from this year specifically. I made myself have this standard of what I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to accomplish. But it hasn't been just me, it has been family, teachers. But it's my fault I let it get into me. I should've just been grateful, but understand that if I failed, it was ok. I actually understand it, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's just that I didn't wanted to accept the fact that I finally failed. I talked to my school counselor about what I put here. Not my parents nor my friends. Not my parents because they already have a lot on them, and not on my friends because of that same reason and because I don't want them to see me as weak. She told me that I only felt as a failure because of the grades, because of two small fails. She told me that I got exempted in every other subject, and that I should be focusing on that and not in those two bad grades. But it's not only about the grades, it's about the only thing I feel like I'm useful. The only thing I feel I was good at. I've been tired, more than usual. I've stayed up really late, and I've been sleeping most of the time in not in school. This is a simple way of explaining how I feel, but there's more. There's an "empty" feeling in me that's been going around for some time now, way before these tests. I know it may sound stupid, and I do acknowledge that there's people who are going through way worse than me, but I've even thought about.. Disappearing. I won't say the exact thing because I don't feel comfortable with it. I accept and acknowledge that I'm not in a good mental state, and I accept that I need help. I just don't know how to word it without people getting mad. I told a friend between lines what I'm telling you now, and she said "If I find out you've been thinking about doing that, I'm gonna get mad at you". She says she's got mad when someone of the friend group gets sad or upset because they're usually always happy and bubbly. But why does she get mad? It doesn't have anything to do with her, and while I know she's going through her own stuff, she's not the one who's in the other person place, she's not the one in my place to be angry at anything. I guess that's why I'm scared to confess these feelings. I don't want people to get mad or worried. I'm too scared to do that, but I can't not think about what if one day, I stop being scared? I'm scared the day I'll stop being scared comes. Because that'll be the day I lost myself. I may be over reacting, and as I said, I know there's people who are going through worse who have more "understandable reasons" for feeling that way, for wanting to do that. At first, I thought it was about the grade, but now I realize it's far beyond the grade. Anyway, too much talking. Don't feel bad about me, please. As I said, this is just a vent I felt like I had to make. Did it helped me feeling a bit better? Kinda. Not enough but it's better than nothing. If you read this whole thing, I guess I have to say thank you. Please don't get mad at me, nor worried. If you have any advice or just want to share an experience, you can totally do that. I hope one day I'll be able to feel better, and if you're going through those same thoughts, I'll hope one day you'll be able to feel better too. I hope that one day, we can be able to look back at these moment and realize that we went so far from this dark moment. Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now or I'm gonna still be writing by the time the video ends, lol. Again, thanks for reading. Love you all, strangers on the internet
I'm doing fine, honestly. I hadn't been fine for a while, but I kept working at it and it's finally begun to pay off. I do still get hit by a certain feeling though, and it's a hard one to describe. When it hits, words come up in my head: "I guess I'll just live until I die." I don't know where it came from, but I that sentence finds its way back to me every so often. It's nice to feel like I exist.
That slight organ sound playing in the background... it's so beautiful. I think this is one of my favourite SH ambiences now! It's so beautiful!! Great job
Gazing into this video made me think of how much life seems empty and dark while being depressed since 2019 I tried everything and I still do but everything at some point just become pointless
I don’t deserve this feeling. Like, nothing bad happened to me. Nobody hurt me. If it feels like they hurted me, because it’s my fault. I know that they’re good people. Even if they hurt me, I know they didn’t do it on purpose. So it’s my fault. It was my fault. No particular incident happened to me. Everybody in my life is a good person. But… When I cried because I thought I messed up my midterm exam, my mom said she’s absolutely fine with the result. I know she really meant it. She always said that the point that I tried. I kept crying, and my mom just kept giving me advice. I wasn’t happy with that. My mom is always giving advice. I know, it’s because she loves me so much, and she is just a person in that way. There’s nothing wrong with her. But I wanted to hear ‘It’s okay.’, well she didn’t say that. She kept saying ‘Don’t cry’, ‘You can do better next time’, ‘At least you tried, then that’s enough.’ yeah thanks mom, but that’s not what I want. Then I said, "Mom, I really appreciate your advice, but I want to hear ‘It’s okay’. Then she seemed pretty surprised. She's a little awkward when it comes to emotionally consoling. So she just awkwardly kept saying the same things, and I said the same thing two times more. Well it seemed like she didn't care about what I said, so I cried, ‘I just want to hear ‘it’s okay’! Guess I asked you too much.’ and ran to my room and locked my door. She quickly followed me, saying ‘Oh I’m sorry, I’m just not good at saying those things… I’m sorry it’s okay…it’s okay..’ and I even cried harder, feeling bad saying ‘NO I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m sorry mom I’m sorry mom I’m okay I’m fine’. Yeah and that was all. After that, I was okay. I knew she was just not good at that. I was REALLY fine. Like a few weeks? Later, I got into a little fight with my mom. I guess I was overreacting, then my mom said ‘I mean, when you cried after the exam, it seemed your grade was totally fine. But you want me to tell you that it was okay.’(sorry I translated the words into English, I can't see the atmosphere of that time) yeah it may sound like it's nothing, but it hurted me a lot. It still does. I sounded like she was just tired of that situation. And not interested in my words. Still makes me feel so bad. It wasn’t her fault. It was my fault. She may hurted me with those words, but still, I bothered her with my stupid tears and reasons. Sorry, mom. If I can remember other events, I’ll write about them.
The monsters we face, are the ones we create ourselves. Many horrors are locked in my head facing a deep loneliness everyday having no one to speak, to listen to them laugh or see them smile. Here I am wishing for a relief, awake late in the night behind my desk thinking I'd love to be the cause of a smile. Silent hill is my place trapped forever wondering helping those I find leave, staying behind until someone might do the same for me.
Alright, Imma be honest. Life is not looking good right now, my dad's an alcoholic as5h0le, my crush silently rejected me, my brother beats me up and I'm studying for I job I don't even like. I keep writing in my diary, as a method of venting, but honestly, I'm feeling empty, or lost because I don't have any current objective, I'm just living in autopilot or in a time where I didn't see myself at. I'm just confused, I know things will get better eventually, but I just wanted to vent for a bit. Good luck ladies and gentlemen, wish you the best
@@MehranNazari-j1b will do, thanks for the advice. Currently I'm doing journalism and documenting my day by day. But I'll do my best to find something to do that I like, I promise
@@fernandom.varela1109 nice to hear that Idk about ur life but being alone is make things worse having friends that can share happy moments is good dont take it too hard i mean it sometimes im thinking why im alive what is my purpose and what will i do for the future but falling down for these things wont make it better sometimes we need to chill out btw i dont want to judge or advice u Hope u be happy❤️
There's nothing left for me. I can't go to school on my own. My only option is the military. Instead of joining my peers on our journey through adolescence, I'm watching them move on while I'm forced to wait due to the actions-or should I say inactions of my parents. I'm told I can get the help and resources I need, but every time I reach out, no one wants to help. Yet, when I don't reach out, I'm viewed as lazy or that I don't care enough. It's an endless cycle. When will it end? I really hope I can get enlisted and escape this moment in time and finally move on.
Stolen when I tried to sell it to people I didn't know in city.. not sure why i said that here its like I feel best at night. I wish or hope to meet a girlfriend someday or a chick that likes me once i become the best version of myself, that way I hope to loose my interest entirely of snorting fentanyl.
Hey all, just finally got here. Wanting to let yall know that you’re loved, you’re needed, and help will always be around if you reach out to people. Sometimes that in and of itself can be the scariest part, but we’re here. We hear you. And you’ll always be welcome as a friend whenever you stop by here. Keep your chin up, it won’t be much longer till you make it out of this dark time you’re in. Trust me.
My parents are getting divorced. Not really a big deal for me ngl, i know it's for the best but change is so scary. Me,my mom and my brother moved out quickly from our childhood house, left our cat, changed schools and town. Our life changed really fast and I still haven't processed that. It hurts me to see how life can be difficult sometimes, but, i know it will be alright.
I’m starting to be okay with being by myself but you know what, I am still grateful and happy that I have people that is in this period of my life right now. Just when I had thought years ago when I was at the darkest stage of my life, I would not live past the age of 14, yet here I am now. I thought I wouldn’t be saved. I only get to experience the things I want once. I only get to be with the people I love once. And so, I will live. You and I will always find the things that will make us feel alive, even just a little, even just sometimes.
i was ready for this to be an exhaustive video essay lmao
Same lol.
next video from the same author recommended: "Will i ever find you?"
for real was hearin CJ in my head "ahh shit here we go again"
you are writer and producer
Lmao I thought the same .
I'm constantly mourning the person I could've been. Life keeps reminding me of it over and over.
keep focusing on who you could have been and five years from now you'll do the same, it's a hard realization but nothing changes if you don't let it
it’s never too late to be the person you want to be
so fucking true, and i see everyone ive known achieve these great things and i know i should be happy for them but i just feel anger. why couldnt i be like them? i see no way out. ive made choices i cant take back and i just dont see the point in anything anymore. it all seems so small. i couldve been something much greater than i am now.
@@someone62 Get out of your own way friend. Just because you "see" people achieving things, doesn't mean their lives are perfect. Most people only display their achievements and not their failures/regrets/wishes. Everybody has skeletons in their closet.
Focus on you, its never too late to accomplish the things you want until its too late. Life is short, just go for it, one day at a time. You can still be great. Their is no definition of greatness, you need to define that for yourself. One mans definition of "great" may no align with yours. You've got it, keep pushing.
You know...sometimes it's not too late. Even if you start a family and have responsiblities. Try your best to not forget about your passion. Find a special place just for you to release. I have a special highschool track field that I bonded over with my fatherly figure. I sometimes go there when I wish to seek some guidance or to release. I hope this message helps you in someway.
Silent Hill is the only horror series I know of where the "monsters" are not supernatural in the usual sense, but actually just manifestations of your own guilt and trauma
They’re both. The cult behind the town is responsible for a lot of the problems.
@@wowzzz402 It's kind of like HP lovecraft's books, it explains it so far then the rest is beyond your understanding as a human.
Haunting of hill house is like that as well
Cry of fear is a great game that has the same elements.
@@wowzzz402 I know, I mean they're not supernatural in the sense of being generic zombies, vampires, etc.
the hill truly was silent
silence is peaceful
be careful, these residents are getting evil
The Wood was truly.... Dark
These comments are turning into bizzare adventures
We should spend the night in the woods after that
To anybody who's reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life.
hope they do the same for u too. much love to the community here.
Thank you.
Thank you, you as well friend! 🥲
Appreciate it
I wish I had found your comment and this video earlier.. I am now single again because I was a fucking douchebag to the most precious human I've ever met. I kicked her off for no good reason at all for the last time cause I was overwhelmed by my anxiety and traumatic fear of rejection.. She is such a good person and I fucking hate myself for being so broken that I can't maintain a stable relationship.Glad I could at least be the reason she NOW is going to be better. Hope she's gonna be as happy as I wished she was with me (which apparently is not possible). Guys, don't be jerks to whoever you love whoever loves you, treat them with respect and be greatful for whatever you have. And sorry for taking your time with my crying here.. I didn't talk to anyone else
I was here for 1 hour just reading comments... there are so many good people here... I will definitely be back soon
Overthinking is a messed up demon inside.
It's the worst; destroys you without you even knowing
@@808Stone yeah like a drug
Freaky ahh demon why is it inside
Fr it ruins me, it ruined my past and now my future, i keep Holding myself back because of fear and doubts, sometimes i like to think what i would have been, if i didn’t overthink and trying to predict my whole life, and instead just Living i it..
@@scathach3376You made me go from depressed to laughing thanks lol
It’s currently 3:30am, I have insomnia. For some reason I’ve been feeling really depressed lately…
I know my boyfriend will be proposing before the end of the year, maybe even before the end of the month. I know I’ll say yes and I know we’ll be happy to start our lives together and start creating a family.
Family is a big issue for me. I have it but not really, I was neglected by my parents growing up and my only hope was my grandpa. He died when I was 12, I’m 24 now.
Regarding family, I feel at home with my boyfriends family. He has 2 older sisters and a great mom and dad…
I guess I feel jealous that I’m only now figuring out what it feels like and what it looks like to be a family.
In some ways, I’m scared and in others I’m excited for the future. I just can’t help but feel that part of my heart that didn’t know it was possible for me.
I’m sometimes angry and sad that I experienced all I’ve experienced in my life so far. I’ve been a victim of many, even by my parents. Told I’m unlovable and too hard to love anyways. Told I should end it. Told I’m lazy and that I won’t do much in life. Told I don’t deserve better.
I guess this video/audio and my insomnia are helping me realize that I do deserve better. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to live. I deserve time to feel my feelings. I deserve the family I have made in my best friend, my boyfriend, and my boyfriends family.
I know this is long and I’m glad if even 1 person reads this and relates. Please know you deserve the world and look for even the little joys in your life.
Pls never end it for yourself for your husband and most importantly for life itself you got this
Everything will be okay be patient.
It’s normal to have that type of problems but i’m sure about this 100% , ur life will change soon as u start family with ur boyfriend, remember, it can be the same as now but i can guarantee that u will finally find true peace and comfronting love, i hope u will give a birth to a beatuiful child bcs thats the moment ur life will go 180 degrees, i wish u all the best in the future
u got this, keep fighting ml, you are truely loved by god and me
You deserve the future you've earned.
And you've earned the future you've worked towards.
And sometimes, you work towards the future by just surviving the present until it can become the past.
You are loved.
I feel broken beyond repair. All my dreams are long dead and the best I can do now is to sit alone and grieve for the life I never had.
tell me what had happened? i am willing to listen.
@@shikharashish7616 it's just that I feel like I wasted my life, like I've ran out of time because I'm a broken mess and no matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough.
@@phirewuffie6779 the thing is.. i was exactly at the same place few months ago. and it might feel like you've run out of time and its over but its not.
You took the words right out of my mouth. It’s exactly how I feel too
Your timeline is unique, everything you do you do it for yourself. Life is with you until the very last second. Holding onto you until you learn to love life. Expect nothing. Just try to enjoy your moment. Your inner peace will help you please dont give up, we are proud of you no matter what :3
If Silent Hill had save room music, this would be it.
It does
❤@@hajfjhxcj
So true
Is there any chance to play silent hill anywhere in 2024? 😅
@@ALIENIGHTMARE video game digital distribution service like steam etc or emulators
Just came back from a late night run and this was playing on my Xbox after I left TH-cam on. Entering my room late at night and hearing this is to my mind like ice water is to the throat after a long run. Wishing everyone reading this happiness and peace.
Something about PS1 graphics have a very "handcrafted" charm to them. Like they look like papercraft dioramas that were made with dedication instead of skill.
I've always felt the same way, there's nothing in this world like such old ps1-2 graphics/music to fill me with such indescribable Nostalgia
omg i felt that but never had the words to express it!
Lets say that with the tech they had back in the day, they did the best they could do - its not like it could have been any better. Although I agree with you: those textures are imprinted in memory.
this is a bot that copies other comments fuck you lol cringe
They look better and are more memorable than 90% of the slop that comes out today. These graphics had aura, they had something hand crafted and cozy about them.
It seems that even within the horror this man lives, he stops for a moment to realise that despite that, the silent snowy night is indeed beautiful.
One can even imagine him grateful for the situation he is in.
One must imagine sisyphus happy...
@@appl3sconfirmed453 Never lmao
it is nice to see people with same kind of feelings, let us all heal together soon.
Anyone else just been contemplating existence and what it means to exist lately? Not suicidal or wishing for death or anything, just thinking about our consciousness and if we truly are just random or created by design
I feel this. I'm Christian myself, but even I contemplate sometimes. Am I right about God existing? What if I'm not, what happens then? I believe in him and that he does exist, but it's hard not to question. I just have to give him my trust I guess.
idk why i'm doing this,you're not gonna believe me.
hhhh
Basically we aren't humans,we're eternal energies having a human experiece.We're learning how to love essentially.Don't worry man,you're just experiencing this life as you should.You've done this before,you can do it again.
@@Toaster_Man fr im not really religous but is there really a after life? its so confusin sincec you dont know if there is one.
yeah, kinda? I think I'm of the belief that existing only matters if you decide to believe that it matters. I can't imagine we'll ever get true answers to these huge questions we love to ask, so really the options are to find meaning in the search or find meaning in your own answers
@@Toaster_Man they call it faith for a reason, whether or not there is a God is probably not information we're ever gonna have. It's all about where you find your own meaning.
I'm not personally religious, but I think I understand the philosophy behind God pretty well and it isn't hard to see him if you're looking for him. There is certainly a lot of beauty and love in the world. From what I understand, questioning his existence isn't anything abnormal or unchristian. It's just human.
I clicked on this video bc it seemed chill. I turned 25 today. In November I’ll be 2 years clean from heroin. These comments made me drool out my eyes a lil bit haha. Much love to all
happy late birthday. im proud of you. keep going. sending love
You ara a good person. Do not think about this so much. Just be okay in your own mind and be nice to others. You are a unique person. Do not forget...
gracias por trasmitir algo tan lindo, tu también eres una buena persona, afuera hay personas que te aman por como eres, personas que con solo tu presencia sienten que su día mejoró.
vive lento, ama fuertemente y se amable.
saludos❤
im just wandering around.a complete sense of hopelessness is what im used to feel now with a spray of sadness. nights like these are extremely gut wrenching because you do a play by play cast of your whole life to find out where you took the wrong turn only to find out that you never saw the right one. In the end we notice that the burden of life seems endless but in reality its short lived the suffering will eventually stop and so will you. People will carry on with there lives as if you never existed and in a few generations no one will even remember your name. So i ask myself the question why don’t we just start living. but the answer is hard to find. Sadness, emptiness, loneliness will eventually turn into a normal state of being and i must say it is the blanket over my body keeping me warm it became home and even tho its horrible it gives solitude.
Thanks
*"Sadness, emptiness, loneliness will eventually turn into a normal state of being and i must say it is the blanket over my body keeping me warm."*
~This really hits hard.
I heard something similar few years ago. Something like:
*It is easier to be miserable because that takes no effort.*
and so if you are looking for answer: just turn it inside out:
*It is harder to be happy because that actually takes effort.*
Thanks for reminding me. @nieky6000
Damn if I feel you. I hope you will do better for real
i feel you and i send you love
Same bro except I know exactly where I took the wrong turn and the warning signs leading up to it haunt me over and over while sometimes remembering new ones that I had forgotten.
Trying to be strong and pushing thru a really tough time in my life, I ended up neglecting and pushing away a once in a lifetime woman that repeatedly proved how committed she was to me and shared the same exact values, desires, and goals in life. She had to painfully watch me become a shell of myself, cold, disconnected and emotionless with no explanation or reassurance of why I changed while she thought I was checking out of the relationship and no longer cared. I couldn’t see past my internal battle and difficult period to appreciate who I had by my side trying everything and anything she could to get through to me while watching the relationship fade left to wonder from her perspective why I had changed.
It’s been 2 years and I’ve had a couple short relationships since then hoping I could feel a sliver of how I felt about her but I’ve only felt a constant regret and anger at myself. Everything surrounding my life is significantly better but without her none of it matters and I can’t forgive myself. I had to watch the pain it caused her and how much effort she put in to save the relationship but I was so caught up in my struggles I only realized far too late and those are the flashbacks that haven’t stopped haunting me. She’s tried to reach out a few times since but no matter how much I want to see her again it would completely destroy me and I can’t live with causing her any more pain. She deserves someone who matches the amount of effort she puts in and will never put her thru what I did. Other than the few texts/calls I have ignored, I haven’t seen or heard anything about her but I would give anything for her to have moved on happy as can be with someone that treats her as good as she deserves
This used to scare me when I was a child now that I reached adulthood, this comforts me now. make me feel less shitty, at least there is a town that welcomes me, understands me.
I probably listen lot around December. It’s peaceful music.
00:01 hey man, thanks for cheering up. yea i mean no one cheering me up lately. i appreciated that
if no one's cheered you up today, I hope you see this, I hope you've had a good day, know that there are those that care for you. Take care of yourself! Keep going and do your best, like you've been doing for your whole life. In the end that's all we can do, and so, don't beat yourself up, what's better than your best? Don't think about what could be or what has been, work on the now! The present's called that for a reason. Again, I hope you've had a great day, and take care of yourself!
@@feredox6655 i wish you the best my friend, you're a good guy
STAY HARD
I hope you're fine ✨
Depression never felt this good.
depression is the new adhd.
everyone wants to have it so bad lmao
@@TakehisaYuji fr. Like Depression and Sad is different. People these days thinking they have depression meanwhile in reality they are not.
@@ZimplityEditzDepression is an epidemic nowadays, most people experience it in some form, and from very young ages. If somebody's struggling with what they believe is depression, it either is that, or it will develop into real depression later on.
@@alegend2411True... Some people can not separate depression from being sad or lonely for a while. It is not the same.
bullshit
we tend to often neglect or let the moments that sound as peaceful as this pass us by, if only they lasted longer
Theres always something that attracts me to these kinds of music , i think it describes how i feel. Empty and feeling like everything is not real and is a dream
It really does feel comforting here. I feel safe here.
@@Shanksz repent and accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, congrats you are now a Christian!
I needed to come to silent hill again... I'm meeting someone here
Since it is in the past YOU CAME, right?
I have been dealing with depression for almost three years at this point, but everything got worse since I turned eighteen, it's like something snapped me back to reality and realized I'm no longer a kid, an innocent soul but legally an adult. I hate it, since I was a child, I never expected to be grown, never wished that I got older, have a job or anything related to adulting, my only wish was to be a kid for the rest of my life.
I have made the decision not to live more than a year, probably until next year since I will be still a teen, I'm terrified of being older and I'm completely sure that I never want to experience it, I still feel like a child trapped in a body that keeps growing, I feel lost and scared that life keeps expecting something from me while I can't even get up from bed.
I'm tired, and what hurts me the most is leaving my family, when they have only been so understanding and loving towards me, and I start to tear up when I slowly get aware of how worried they are, wondering why I can't even speak properly or get out of bed, it hurts, and my only wish is for them to be happy.
One day after another, one step at a time. These problems won't go away unless you work towards them. No one will ever have all the answers. All we can do is try and be persistent. Don't be too hard on yourself. It'll all work out in the end. And if it isn't, than it's not the end. Keep your head held high. You're doing fine. Remember breath, it's for the living. Take advantage of it.
In the same boat rn
this year i've overdosed 4 times. i'm not sure why. sure im suicidal but my life used to be so much worse, im doing a lot better now. i have friends and im surrounded by goodness and love. after my last attempt i want to live. seeing so many people worried about me being hospitalized made me realize how truly loved i am and how worth it is to live. i know it sound corny, but i hope you dont need to attempt 4 times to realize youre loved. stay true to your heart and do whats good. you are here and you are loved. take care.
i know it can be hard and that sometimes you feel like you can’t find the end of the pain, but trust me, everything will be fine. someone over there is caring about you, you’re never alone. i love you.
i lost my father 11 years ago from a heart attack, i was 7 and in a first grade, that tragedy hit me so hard especially me being a girls dad that my life ends with him that day and it changed me as a person. i got into such deep spiral of depression for many years, not only bcs of losing him but bcs of the abuse i endure, sexually, mentally, and physically. also bcs of the financial problem it cause my family to be in. in 2019 my mother fell ill, she got diabetes, stroke, and high blood pressure. mainly bcs of her lifestyle, she worked in a factory for us to live. i love my mother so much, once she fell ill she resigned and became a stay at home mom while i was 14 and have to take care of her and have to go to school and do chores. i do have a brother but he is no help. all the time she got into the hospital i stayed with her 24/7. ny brother graduates 2 years after my mom fell ill, he got no job for 3 years, me and my mom tried to understand him but he has no help inhelping me taking care of mom. i have such a caregiver burnout all the time that it turned me into an angry person, even to my mom, i felt massive guilt. on August 17th this year, she fell sick again after almost 2 years with no sickness or health dropping. she fell on the bathroom and it caused bleeding and probably concussion 10 days before she was sent to the hospital. she stayed there for 6 days, and then back to the hospital again in the 31st of august. she fell into a coma for a whole day and was placed in a hcu. turned out her gangren or diabetic wound got worst on her toe thumb that it has to be amputated. we stayed there for 12 days. we got sent home. at that moment i was frustrated cs i never got full deep sleep since she fell ill cs she won't stay still, ik it's probably her nerves but im still frustrated and no one really helped me, im stuck in the role of being the daughter in a patriarchy family and neighborhood. on the 16th of September we went for a routine checkups and to change her band aids, she won't listen to me and won't stay still when the band aids was changed, im struggling to hold her and to pick her up, yet the nurse refuse to help and just stare at me while im struggling, thankfully my cousin was a male nurse there. he helped me. and then on the 18th she got sent to the hospital again cs she almost had a seizure. her blood sugar is low. idk im inexperienced in this, i thought diabetes just meant u couldn't eat sugar no more. so i didn't give her sugar a lot but i sure did give her just a little amount of special sugar the hospital gave me to put with her hot tea. but it's no help, she stayed in the hospital again for the 3rd time. we got put in the same room as before and even the nurses and doctors recognized us. but i was kinda confused to why we stayed here less than 6 days. it was only for 5 days, but i told the nurses that my mom still fell ill and that i don't think sending her home was a good idea cs she'd probably gonna be sent here again, i just wanna make sure she's well when she was sent home. that was in the afternoon. around 5pm my aunt came as usual to visit us, at this time my mom's breathinh worsen and she started making sound whenever she exhaled, she already got an oxygen but she's stubborn and kept taking it off, even pulling her infuse and it resulted in her getting injected over and over again cs she did it multiple times, she's bruised up all over, i felt bad. then around 9:30pm she started to move a lot along with her struggle breathing, so i called the nurse and he gave my mom the biggest oxygen with the biggest pressure there is for her. and turned out her blood sugar is low again and he gave my mom this meds 5 mini bottles to stabilize her but it didn't work, and he said that the saturation of oxygen in her brain is very low, it was supposed to 90+ but hers was far below it so he told me i just gotta pray and whistle in her ears like a prayers and chantings to calm her and guide her. and i was crying at this point, he told me to call my family to be on her side. so i did, she was still unstable by this point but got a little better and was able to sleep for a short period of time and when she was awake she frantically tryna hug everyone there like my older brother, my aunt and me, she tried to hug us and so we hugged her whenever she tried to. in the morning i went to shower and go get food in around 6am. then around 8am my mom's breathing started to lower and stopped for a bit too long in between breathing. so i frantically called the nurses and they got there and gave my mom the monitor for her heart rate or line. turned out there was almost no pulse, there is but it's not going super high, and i was frantic guiding her with prayer and religioous chants in her ears i couldn't even have the time to say i love you to her, just prayers. and the nurse perform a cpr on her but it's no work, then he dropped the news that my mom was pronounced dead on the 20th of September at 8:27am. i cried so hard but i gotta get up bcs i was grown. i don't wanna act too much, fearing i would be judged. when we got home there's no tears in our eyes bcs we couldn't even cry. even at the funeral. but deep down i personally felt my life is over, im thinking how am i gonna live like this? knowing my routine as her main caregiver was ended. despite all the caregiver burnout and anger i had, i don't wanna grieve, not again. but here i am typing this living my reality as a 19yo with no parent and no job, i couldn't even get up in the morning to cook and do chores like i used to when my mom was alive. ik my brother go through the same thing i did, but idk why i have no motivations at all. my aunt become more controlling, and ppl around me started to distance from us even wwhen there's a prayer for my mom each evening like how it is in my culture, only a little amount of ppl came and i felt crushed in my heart. i love my mom so much. and i also love my dad a lot. i couldn't believe my life would end with them and i couldn't believe that i lost both my parents before the age of 20. when i have a spouse, how am i gonna tell my future in laws that i don't have parent or grandparents anymore. are they gonna accept me? would they look at me like i was a broken home kid? would they feared that it would be the same fate to our marriage or live? why my life is full of grieve? why do i have to live like this? is it even possible for me to be happy like ever? we would never know but wondering abt it make me realize that i could never know how am i without or before grieve. grieve would probably the reason i met my future spouse and im trying to take the good side of it, im trying to be grateful. bcs at the end of the day this is my destiny, i can't do anything about it now. just gotta live through and with it the rest of my life. even if i don't even know if i ever gonna find happiness, ik my mom most probably never had a happiness, she lost her mom at 40days old and her dad won't take care of her, she only have a junior high education, and she lost her husband when we were little, she worked hard for us. but im trying to stay alive to make all her dream and hopes come true, i wanna be happy for her. despite me being mean to her bcs of my frustration and her praying i would failed in my dreams, i'd never stopped trying(hopefully not).
why am i even alive? im already dead for so long and even more after all that anyway.
Things will be okay, hold on to life 🤍
You're a hero in our eyes
Just remember your mama is always withyou she most be proud
Just live your live be with someone
Be happy that's what you parents would have wanted
living in this world is not always easy, my heart goes out to you. bad things happen to good people too much. love and be loved, that's all you really need in the end. grief just means your love was deep and true.
I don't really know what to say to you after all that you’ve been through. You are truly a great warrior. I think it might help if you wrote your story on Kindle or any website it could help you earn some money to build your future and inspire a lot of people especially young people and teenagers who have faced struggles in their lives. You could even build a community for people to share their stories. May God bless your soul
@@marymo-x2j hi, thank you so much for the reply. im still trying my best everyday to wake up and starts my day early, it's hard for me to continue life but well im not the only one with this problem and if i gave up ppl will call me weak.
also what is kindle? and maybe im gonna try that out, that seems interesting. i wrote my main comment solely bcs i was feeling this video and just randomly felt like to vent for the first time after ny mom died, for so long i couldn't tell everyone about it bcs idk where to start, and idk how ppl would react. also thank you so much for the reply once again, i hope you have a great day❤
Love u guys. If anybody wants a friend im here
Greetings from Brazil
I'm lonely :(
@@suitofscabs you want to talk, man?
its ok
Good
damn thats some good ambience...just good enough to make everything stop, even just for a little while....like those moments of perfection you dont want to end
Maybe i have been dealing with depression for this year, man this is the worst depression that i ever felt since pandemic, i felt that maybe some of my friends, my classmates, and even my relatives hating on me but maybe that's a hoax because of my intrusive thoughts that i have been dealing, stress in activities in school, trust issue even to my friends and to my crush, family problem since pandemic, but as a grown man, i will keep fighting to my depression as long as i can beat this shit. Whoever read this, man playing video games just like silent hill is the best option if you have any mental problem or even if you have a problem.God bless you to all❤
to whoever reads this, i hope you become successful in life and that youre in a good place, reach out if you need help, keeping to yourself is the worst. stay strong friends
man, games back then was something else, nowadays I didn't even bother to look at new game trailers. Maybe I'm too old for games but it just feel games nowadays are generic and nothing really stand out anymore.
Sometimes i ask myself. How did we get here?, how you are this person?... When i see about silent hill and the games, i was atracted by the way that everything happend on that place, i wish i could go and... See the monster what are on my mind and finally beat them, it's so relaxing that darkness, feels like the only one thing it's you, and nothing to worry more about you...
we making it off the hill w this one (fire emoji)
Heh heh
About to think that I have to break up with my current girlfriend and listening to this at 0:30 am makes me really sad and thinking about all the things we went through and how it all turned out now. I promised her to love her even after this life and she made me the guy I am now but she did alot of stuff to me that makes me mentally unstable. She often see's the problem in me and makes a mountain out of a molehill. I really don't know any further now. I will met her tommorow evening or on saturday. It's very difficult guys. I will go hit the gym after work tommorow and after that im driving off a good hour to her place and try to talk about all this with her and im very afraid of the outcome. I don't feel ready for this but sometimes things have to be the way they have to be. Good luck for you all, that you find love and peace in your relationsship. I really hope, that this turns out another way.
Best of lucks and I hope it turns out the best for you bro
@@Ghost10RSN Thank you mate.
hey, good luck!
remember to drink tons of water and take one step at a time! :)
Good luck mate. Been there too last year, you just feel so awful and afflicted. Just gotta take this first hardest step, and end what has to be ended. It'll still be a weight on your mind, but its with this step that it begins to weight less and less over time.
I hope it works all right for you, thats a really awful situation that I do not wish for anybody to go through.
u did it?
Only this time, he does not look around in fear of the monsters, but he does so to appreciate the calming scenery.
In one hour it'll be my birthday I wish I have the strength to be a better man.
Happy birthday. Cheers to another trip around the sun. Proud of ya. Take it one step at a time, one day after another.
one day the suffering will end....
In death
@@aburrito4973is life
But today is not that day
Time is bondage my friend. Pain is constant
Pain will end whether you like it or not. If there isn't an afterlife, there isn't a time to feel sad after death either... You can't feel remorse, guilt, sadness, dissappoint, grief. None of that, when you are dead you are dead. Take comfort in that despairing thought
I'm not sure why, but this puts my mind at complete silence and focus.
Thanks for quieting my mind for a few moments.
Silent Hill and this playlist makes me feel in peace even though my soul, heart and mind are broken.
i still can't find my peace, but at least now i can rest. Thank you
i'm currently active duty in the air force and couple days ago my mental health dropped drastically and i've already went to counseling, some of the stuff i had to deal with was a lot from my personal life to my work life, i just went through a rough break up with a girl i wanted to be with and work has me stressing a lot and overworked, without me getting the rest i need and not enough nutrients i need.
i love horror games and i have a physical silent hill 2 on my ps2 and i have been playing that to escape and pass time, same with cry of fear, and ready or not on my pc, and elden ring on my ps5, and listening to this puts my mind at ease, i've been escaping reality with video games and the gym a lot more than i have in high school, but right now this is helping me out with my slow progress on getting my mental health back up.
ayye im ad in the af too. hope you feel better man
I have been reading some of the comments, of all the life experiences this evokes. It stirs a great deal within myself. What if....should of could've would've. Why am in such a stasis. Dealing with failure or success. Questioning one's purpose in this life we live.There is so much I could say that has already been said or will be said. I wish the best for all of you that have found your way here, such as I have. I can impart this advice. The only one that is holding you back is yourself. Be the best you that you can be. The only competition is the one in yourself. Be strong and be safe, all of you. We are not alone in this life. We all found this for a reason and that's not to be alone. Thank you.
I have a question. Is it a ‘good’ thing to be successful but not happy? Because no matter what I do. I just can’t do both. When I do ease up and take it easy, everything goes to shit. It’s like it doesn’t have a middle ground. And when it does… then I’m doing something evil to keep it that way. It’s like… I can’t be good and successful at the same time. It’s impossible. And I constantly have the need to balance my emotion. To trap my happiness so I won’t feel bad for letting everyone down. Because happiness means failure in this game of life. In this society. And I don’t have the guts to be shameless.
Every feeling we think is all our own. I sympathize in the aspect of that balance. While good/bad within success lies an answer. Sometimes, I wonder....just wonder about wandering. We all make decisions whether carefully with thought, or blind with carelessness. I have made a lot of those within my lifetime. I have tomorrow is all I hope for myself. All of us that are here today. Having the potential is what keeps me here, all the while just wondering. One thing I know for myself is that with age comes the understanding is mercy is not weakness. In my darkest of days I cling to that glowing shard of light in the horizon of my life. I chase it to know I am alive and know that it keeps me going. I wish a better tomorrow for you, my friend.
Time heals all wounds, and I need an eternity.
Thank you
I have no control over the way I’ve been feeling lately, I’m just sort of hiding behind this fake smile I have while I’m out in public. I enjoy the interactions I make when other people it’s the best part of my day like seriously it is, I enjoy getting advice from older people with more life experience but when I’m alone I just overthink so much and I don’t know how to handle or control my feelings for others. I also crave affection from other person but I don’t know if they have the same crave I have for them.
I just want to make a difference in this world and all I hear from people is that I will and that whatever I do is going to make a impact in someway for this world but every time I hear that I never fully acknowledge it. I don’t know what I want to do with my life I’m 20 years old and I feel like I’ve made this happen to myself, I am not happy as the person I am right now I want to change and I want to make change in my life but I just don’t know how to
this is my vibe after catching a cold......just a cold
this ambient is something else man
way better than the other "silent hill inspired" stuff
makes the brain calm
why cant i be better for others and myself.why do i always ruin everything when im trying to fix things, it seems like everything and everyone is against me. ive been struggling with mdd and bpd for such of a long time the idea of me being mentally stable is foreign. everything i did was never intentional i was out of control. all i ever wanted is to feel something other than this feeling to please others all i ever wanted is equally returned love.
Ive had this pop up a few times on my recommended and never clicked it because I was so fuckn scared id just crumble and give in- like, this vibe and sound would be the thing that tips me, yanno? but funnily enough, it helped rather than break. I feel like a teeny bit of my burden has been actually lifted. such a gentle, soothing, touch of a track. makes me feel kinda warm
とても綺麗です。大好き。Love from Japan.
i don't know what that says ?
oh nvm i translated it thanks
I don’t even know why I’m writing this, if it’s the need to vent and spit out all my raging thoughts into somewhere so out of my or anyone’s touch, as is the internet, or if it is the need to do something with this aching sadness and shame. These days i’ve been feeling out of place, even if I always have been, I’ve been feeling uninspired and incapable of putting my thoughts and feelings into words, which is ironical, because they don’t need to be translated into being, but I guess it’s my way of trying to have control over something in my life. And I don’t even success at that. Nights like these remind of me of every other night of my life, because either I hide or not, I’ve been feeling this dreadful and tiring emptiness for more than I can remember. I tend to distract myself to not think about it, but it’s always there, in the back of my mind. I say that I’m used to it, that it’s become part of me, or that it may be just be me itself, but I fear. I fear that I may have never a normal life, when this specific problems pass, and life continues to something new, I won’t be able to move on and be happy. My mind is so corrupted that I don’t think that even if I got a lot of my wishes to come true I’d be happy. My brain is so oddly filled with guilt and pure sadness that I don’t know if I’ll ever come into terms with it, and get past it. Meanwhile, I have to continue physically living, bargaining in an existence where I’m not even in, because my mind is somewhere else, always. Out of this world, in my own, when I can’t be fully free either from the torments of my imagination that betrays me constantly. And, right now, I don’t have a happy message to tell like some other comments, or a happy ending to share. This is it. On the flesh, right now, as if it meant anything. But I wish i’ll have one. I wish I’ll a happy, or at least peaceful ending. A message to give that can be so meaningless as needed to at least be heard by any soul who may be reading out of a simply mental cry for help or a need to relate. But I can say something, happy, useful or not. And that is, if you’re having trouble, with anything, ever, you’ve got to put you first, and do whatever feels right to you. But take your time thinking about this. People can say life is short but it’ll always be the longest thing we’ll experience.
I don’t think anyone’s reading this, and I don’t need anyone to do so, I just guess I needed to write it out for, literally, nothing. But I just did. If you are reading this: thanks for your time
You're not alone.
you will get your happy ending. one day. i know sometimes it feels like it might never occur, trust me ive felt very similar to you in the past and still sometimes do but one day we will get what we desire. you will heal one day, no matter how far. sending you love.
Because we’re born to practice death by sleeping and that’s why we call it “eternal rest” and the dark infinite void scares me more than anything in the world.
Silent hill is an adult game with a complicated story.Everybody can explain the game with a different point of view. I love it. It isn't a game for everybody.
What is it about?
So much sadness here. Some lost. Some broken. However none remain completely destroyed, there is still time to repair yourself. To rise above of Oceans current. Ascend to the sky, and become the mighty Phoenix.
“I’m just here and you are here we’ll get through this together”
I always think : there’s not enough sad music in the world. Idk if this music is sad, but it at least welcomes and acknowledges sadness. Just found this channel and I’m all the richer for it. I hope you’ll continue cause we need it
I wish you to realize what a great person you are, just think about how far you've got, after everything that you went through.. And it's ok to feel that way, even if your main problem is not liking the way you are right now, that's just your first steps into becoming even more beautiful.. I know you will, and I trust you with my whole spirit.. And I wish I could give you a warm tight hug, even If we all know it will not solve anything, I believe we both need one atm.. Just keep on remembering that you are great and you are loved, and always needed! God is good!
Never would have pegged Silent Hill for a space of healing, youve got a great community here man.
Battling divorce myself, managed to keep the house and kids but whole experience has been draining and while I mourn losing her and the relationship, the biggest struggle is of losing myself. Boys go to bed and I sit downstairs and weep, she wasn't a bad wife and it wasnt a bad marriage, just troubled and needlessly difficult.
Hope she finds happiness, but I'm scared for my boys mental health and am so deflated. Not a young man anymore, dont have the time or energy to start new relationships, each day just stings
the world has come so far to the point where i cant keep up anymore, i feel like im slowly perishing, and sooner i will perish.
hey
I love how on something as simple as a youtube video in some of the comments you find a sense of positivity and I wanna share mine:
May your gales swing to your change,
May your tribulations come and go,
May your heart always be of light,
May your mind disassociate to somewhere safe like the concept of this video,
Never give up Hope,
Even in the face of The Void,
For stars still shine bright in the middle of it all.
Much love.
🩵👌
I wanted to say thank you Departure, you are appreciated.
i've already listened to it entirely, your songs are what I was looking for to read manga, keep up the good work!
haven't seen a second of the vid yet but the title.. I could've not describe it better myself. It always comes back
i totaled my car today. and my only therapy is behind the wheel. i’ve lost myself
Some years ago I lost contact with my best friend and recently I start think about her and how I wasn't a real good friend, I can't stop think how my life could be if I had stayed in touch
Reach out, who knows
My eyes are so tired , I can’t cry I can’t show emotion -
It’ll be okay. We’ve all been there.
One step at a time.
@@departureskiesyes I’m waiting!! It’s been 8 years I’m still waiting
I couldn’t relate more to something but this and I hope we both get past it
Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I started to put you together in your mother, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart as holy. I chose you to speak to the nations for Me.
Romans 8:38-39 -
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Everyone who is listening it and read my comment,i wish you everything that you want and luck in your life
Beautiful piece right here 💜 these tones and sounds is what i will also miss about being alive. Such beautiful soothing tunes to let loose let go and forget 🕊️
don’t kill yourself
True demons i bear while listening to this of the late night hours of a day
Doing a vent here, read if you want:)
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So, in my country (idk in others), the school year is divided by two semesters, two tests on each. If you have a +90 grade on the first test on the second semester, you're exempted (idk if that's the word, I used the translator for that) from doing the final exam. You also need to have +90 on your first semester grade. I've always accomplished those requirements and by this time of the year, I've been chilling in my phone with my room, reading or basically just doing nothing and enjoying the free week. But this year, my quinceañera collided with the first exam week of the semester. I ended up getting home at 12 AM because I stayed in my grandma's house opening gifts and then we went back to my house. This was a Saturday. The whole week I was busy with party stuff, but maybe I'm lying to myself and making that up just to try and justify myself from being lazy and not studying. Regardless of anything, I could barerly study on. Sunday. I got confident since the first exam was science (and I was doing pretty well). But at the time I did the exam, I was super tired still and could barerly not fall asleep. Same situation with the second test, math. I ended up getting a 76 on science and a 71 in math (I counted the points I had on the math test and actually, the teacher gave me an extra point. If it weren't for that, I would've gotten a 68, and the minimum grade here is 65 so.. Yeah).
I'm the type of person who's academically excellent. Perfect grades, perfect behavior, never skipping class... You get it. And even if it sounds dumb or stupid, I think this was something like "a reality check" for me. You know how people say that in one point in your life, you get an experience that pops your bubble? I think this was mine. For someone who's been used to get perfect grades (+90 always), this was hard to accept. This happened too in my first year of middle school. I got a 64 in science, but thanks to a work the teacher gave me, it went up to a 74 (Correct the exam. Sometimes teachers let students do that and they give them extra points in the test for it. Not a full grade but like 5 points more). I was angry and sad. Angry at myself and sad because I never got a grade like that before. I remember calling my dad, telling him the grade. He didn't screamed at me or anything, but I could tell he was... Disappointed? Worried? I don't know. By some reason, I expected a punishment. Some screaming, taking my phone away, anything. So, since I didn't received any of that, I slapped myself. Kind of stupid to do, but I felt like I deserved it. I also pinched my arm several times until it was all red. Now that I realize it, I was only 12 at that.
With all of that, I guess you can understand by now how much my grades matter to me. My parents are extremely intelligent, and my mom was the same (if not better) as me in terms of school. When I get a bad grade, I feel like I'm failing them. Like I'm failing myself. Like all the effort I've done was for nothing.
My math teacher for the first time since I'm in school placed a board with all of the exempted students in all her groups. And I felt like I deserved to be there, even if I actually didn't. I remember staring at my group (9-2) and not seeing my name. Why I wasn't there? I deserved to be there. The whole year I made an extra effort, all for it to vanish in one test. How did I let it happen? Why didn't I asked the teacher another chance? An opportunity to prove her I deserved to be there too?
With science is kind of the same. I remember walking up to my teachers desk and give her my notebook so she could sign my work. She said "It's a shame you didn't got exempted. What happened?". I didn't replied. What was I supposed to reply? "Yes, what a shame that I'm such a stupid student that I couldn't get at least a grade above 85 on this easy test."? Because both tests were easy. The topics that were in them were super easy, specially on science. That's also why I'm mad. Because it was so easy, and I still failed. I never fail, but I just did.
Anyway, at this point you can also assume that this feeling of being an overachiever is something that's been building up for years now, and not something from this year specifically.
I made myself have this standard of what I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to accomplish. But it hasn't been just me, it has been family, teachers. But it's my fault I let it get into me. I should've just been grateful, but understand that if I failed, it was ok. I actually understand it, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's just that I didn't wanted to accept the fact that I finally failed.
I talked to my school counselor about what I put here. Not my parents nor my friends. Not my parents because they already have a lot on them, and not on my friends because of that same reason and because I don't want them to see me as weak.
She told me that I only felt as a failure because of the grades, because of two small fails. She told me that I got exempted in every other subject, and that I should be focusing on that and not in those two bad grades. But it's not only about the grades, it's about the only thing I feel like I'm useful. The only thing I feel I was good at.
I've been tired, more than usual. I've stayed up really late, and I've been sleeping most of the time in not in school. This is a simple way of explaining how I feel, but there's more. There's an "empty" feeling in me that's been going around for some time now, way before these tests.
I know it may sound stupid, and I do acknowledge that there's people who are going through way worse than me, but I've even thought about.. Disappearing. I won't say the exact thing because I don't feel comfortable with it. I accept and acknowledge that I'm not in a good mental state, and I accept that I need help. I just don't know how to word it without people getting mad. I told a friend between lines what I'm telling you now, and she said "If I find out you've been thinking about doing that, I'm gonna get mad at you". She says she's got mad when someone of the friend group gets sad or upset because they're usually always happy and bubbly. But why does she get mad? It doesn't have anything to do with her, and while I know she's going through her own stuff, she's not the one who's in the other person place, she's not the one in my place to be angry at anything.
I guess that's why I'm scared to confess these feelings. I don't want people to get mad or worried. I'm too scared to do that, but I can't not think about what if one day, I stop being scared? I'm scared the day I'll stop being scared comes. Because that'll be the day I lost myself.
I may be over reacting, and as I said, I know there's people who are going through worse who have more "understandable reasons" for feeling that way, for wanting to do that.
At first, I thought it was about the grade, but now I realize it's far beyond the grade.
Anyway, too much talking. Don't feel bad about me, please. As I said, this is just a vent I felt like I had to make. Did it helped me feeling a bit better? Kinda. Not enough but it's better than nothing. If you read this whole thing, I guess I have to say thank you. Please don't get mad at me, nor worried. If you have any advice or just want to share an experience, you can totally do that.
I hope one day I'll be able to feel better, and if you're going through those same thoughts, I'll hope one day you'll be able to feel better too. I hope that one day, we can be able to look back at these moment and realize that we went so far from this dark moment.
Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now or I'm gonna still be writing by the time the video ends, lol.
Again, thanks for reading.
Love you all, strangers on the internet
You still got more marks than me , congratulations
I'm doing fine, honestly. I hadn't been fine for a while, but I kept working at it and it's finally begun to pay off. I do still get hit by a certain feeling though, and it's a hard one to describe. When it hits, words come up in my head: "I guess I'll just live until I die." I don't know where it came from, but I that sentence finds its way back to me every so often. It's nice to feel like I exist.
That slight organ sound playing in the background... it's so beautiful. I think this is one of my favourite SH ambiences now! It's so beautiful!! Great job
Great understanding of the vibe. A really relaxing listen
Gazing into this video made me think of how much life seems empty and dark while being depressed since 2019
I tried everything and I still do but everything at some point just become pointless
I don’t deserve this feeling. Like, nothing bad happened to me. Nobody hurt me. If it feels like they hurted me, because it’s my fault. I know that they’re good people. Even if they hurt me, I know they didn’t do it on purpose. So it’s my fault. It was my fault. No particular incident happened to me. Everybody in my life is a good person.
But…
When I cried because I thought I messed up my midterm exam, my mom said she’s absolutely fine with the result. I know she really meant it. She always said that the point that I tried. I kept crying, and my mom just kept giving me advice. I wasn’t happy with that. My mom is always giving advice. I know, it’s because she loves me so much, and she is just a person in that way. There’s nothing wrong with her. But I wanted to hear ‘It’s okay.’, well she didn’t say that. She kept saying ‘Don’t cry’, ‘You can do better next time’, ‘At least you tried, then that’s enough.’ yeah thanks mom, but that’s not what I want. Then I said, "Mom, I really appreciate your advice, but I want to hear ‘It’s okay’. Then she seemed pretty surprised. She's a little awkward when it comes to emotionally consoling. So she just awkwardly kept saying the same things, and I said the same thing two times more. Well it seemed like she didn't care about what I said, so I cried, ‘I just want to hear ‘it’s okay’! Guess I asked you too much.’ and ran to my room and locked my door. She quickly followed me, saying ‘Oh I’m sorry, I’m just not good at saying those things… I’m sorry it’s okay…it’s okay..’ and I even cried harder, feeling bad saying ‘NO I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m sorry mom I’m sorry mom I’m okay I’m fine’. Yeah and that was all. After that, I was okay. I knew she was just not good at that. I was REALLY fine. Like a few weeks? Later, I got into a little fight with my mom. I guess I was overreacting, then my mom said ‘I mean, when you cried after the exam, it seemed your grade was totally fine. But you want me to tell you that it was okay.’(sorry I translated the words into English, I can't see the atmosphere of that time) yeah it may sound like it's nothing, but it hurted me a lot. It still does. I sounded like she was just tired of that situation. And not interested in my words. Still makes me feel so bad. It wasn’t her fault. It was my fault. She may hurted me with those words, but still, I bothered her with my stupid tears and reasons. Sorry, mom. If I can remember other events, I’ll write about them.
Calm atmosphere that’s what I need.
i just want to feel some warm peace
When you love someone you can't unlove it that quickly, and when someone really loves you even if it isn't reciprocated, that person will let you go
The monsters we face, are the ones we create ourselves. Many horrors are locked in my head facing a deep loneliness everyday having no one to speak, to listen to them laugh or see them smile. Here I am wishing for a relief, awake late in the night behind my desk thinking I'd love to be the cause of a smile. Silent hill is my place trapped forever wondering helping those I find leave, staying behind until someone might do the same for me.
it's so eerie yet so comforting - thanks for making this
this video actually found me
thx for making it ❤
Alright, Imma be honest. Life is not looking good right now, my dad's an alcoholic as5h0le, my crush silently rejected me, my brother beats me up and I'm studying for I job I don't even like.
I keep writing in my diary, as a method of venting, but honestly, I'm feeling empty, or lost because I don't have any current objective, I'm just living in autopilot or in a time where I didn't see myself at.
I'm just confused, I know things will get better eventually, but I just wanted to vent for a bit. Good luck ladies and gentlemen, wish you the best
It will be okay.
thank you for sharing how you’re feeling. one step at a time!
It will pass man the good and the bad, aye we in this together
Find something that u like to do and do it and try to be better at that this usually make ppl feel better
@@MehranNazari-j1b will do, thanks for the advice. Currently I'm doing journalism and documenting my day by day. But I'll do my best to find something to do that I like, I promise
@@fernandom.varela1109 nice to hear that
Idk about ur life but being alone is make things worse having friends that can share happy moments is good dont take it too hard i mean it sometimes im thinking why im alive what is my purpose and what will i do for the future but falling down for these things wont make it better sometimes we need to chill out btw i dont want to judge or advice u
Hope u be happy❤️
There's nothing left for me. I can't go to school on my own. My only option is the military. Instead of joining my peers on our journey through adolescence, I'm watching them move on while I'm forced to wait due to the actions-or should I say inactions of my parents. I'm told I can get the help and resources I need, but every time I reach out, no one wants to help. Yet, when I don't reach out, I'm viewed as lazy or that I don't care enough. It's an endless cycle. When will it end? I really hope I can get enlisted and escape this moment in time and finally move on.
A man is a responsibility 👍
hope things get better for you
I have no idea why I feel sad and empty when life seems to be going fine.
May you find love and peace in your life
This might be your best yet, or at least, my favorite, and thats a hard choice cause they're all good!!!
U know Halo were best when Made by Bungie.
I want to upgrade my Xbox I had a Xbox One before but no chords for it then it gotten stolen.
Stolen when I tried to sell it to people I didn't know in city.. not sure why i said that here its like I feel best at night. I wish or hope to meet a girlfriend someday or a chick that likes me once i become the best version of myself, that way I hope to loose my interest entirely of snorting fentanyl.
Halo wars pfp goes hard 🔥🔥🔥🔥
@@fewpew5787 thanks king , doom classic pfp goes hard too 💯💯
bro we feel like this because were listening to this !
Hey all, just finally got here. Wanting to let yall know that you’re loved, you’re needed, and help will always be around if you reach out to people. Sometimes that in and of itself can be the scariest part, but we’re here. We hear you. And you’ll always be welcome as a friend whenever you stop by here. Keep your chin up, it won’t be much longer till you make it out of this dark time you’re in. Trust me.
My parents are getting divorced. Not really a big deal for me ngl, i know it's for the best but change is so scary. Me,my mom and my brother moved out quickly from our childhood house, left our cat, changed schools and town. Our life changed really fast and I still haven't processed that. It hurts me to see how life can be difficult sometimes, but, i know it will be alright.
💢Why would you leave your cat alone at the old home⁉️💢
Beat first Silent Hill in 2021, 22 years after came out, life-changing expierence. Masterpiece of horror games.
I’m starting to be okay with being by myself but you know what, I am still grateful and happy that I have people that is in this period of my life right now. Just when I had thought years ago when I was at the darkest stage of my life, I would not live past the age of 14, yet here I am now. I thought I wouldn’t be saved. I only get to experience the things I want once. I only get to be with the people I love once. And so, I will live.
You and I will always find the things that will make us feel alive, even just a little, even just sometimes.
Strange how this piece of media found me when i needed this, i welcome this experience.
This brings me so much peace
Its going to be okay.You've survived everything else. You'll survive this too
"If you're going through hell... keep going."