The Truth Behind Your Fear Of Public Speaking | Mel Robbins
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2018
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There's a ton of research that estimates 75% of people share the phobia known as glossophobia; more commonly known as the fear of public speaking.
As one of the busiest public speakers in the world, I have learned that when someone says they're afraid of being in front of people and telling their truth, there's usually something much deeper going on.
Not everyone is dealing with the same story you'll see in this video, but when I pulled a woman up on stage with me whose biggest fear is standing up in front of a crowded room, you'll learn that it isn't the speaking that's holding her back.
Watch this entire video, because what starts as a conquering someone's biggest fear ends with learning how to reframe and label our pasts so they no longer have power over our dreams.
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Frankly, the saying ‘who are you to judge me’ has applied to my public speaking. Fear is rooted in being judged while you’re speaking. As you age, you come to quickly realize that most people are in no position to judge! They’re no one to be giving advice either. Your crowd is full of people with addictions, failed relationships, bad attitudes, dysfunctional and abusive relationships. Turns out, they may not be as smart as you are either. You may be the subject matter expert on the subject you’re speaking about. They may just like you and your sense of wit if you inject humor into your speech. They may be thinking about what to pick up from the store for dinner tonight. We’re all human here. Show your sense of humor, be casual when you speak. Audience members, give the speaker a break, be positive, and realize you have issues you could be harshly judged for too so keep your judgements to yourself.
"Who are you to judge me" and " I am a piece of shit, so I have something to say" are my take home note from the video and this comment. Thanks.
Thanks for the advice .
Yup!
Thank you!! That comment helped me to realize its true and ground myself.
So true
I became quiet in fear of being ridiculed when i was a kid... Because i was ridiculed many times... This is so emotional... But thanks to myself and Mel + plus other youtube gurus, I'm on the path of a healthy mentality 🙏
Same. Having a speech impediment and a class full of bullies is not a combination I would wish for even my worst enemy.
I desire so much to speak in what can I do. Help🌚
Negetive self talk is what holds the genius in us back
This made me cry 💗
Only who pass through this know how means to overcome this fear
I suffer from glossophobia. Presentations and other public speaking events rock me to the core. Walking up to the podium, my legs feel like a ton of bricks. My body and voice shake and tremble. I'm sweating profusely, the only thing I can hear is my heart beat. One time my sight left me, I just stood there in front of the crowd until it came back. I was so embarrassed and humiliated. I cried myself to sleep.
Hey, sorry to hear this, are you still struggling in this area? Do you want some tips?
@@leighannesvoice i do struggle with this as well
Honestly my issue is the sweating and voice trembling otherwise I would be fine but how do you go on when your face is covered in sweat and voice is trembling?
This is so heartbreaking, I relate to this
I’m so sorry. I can relate
I love that girl with the microphone. Got me to cry instantly when she stood up.
Wow, did this hit home for me! Moved to tears, but this 10 minute wake up call is just what I needed to hear. I too, get panic attack level nervous in front of people, out of fear of not being seen as good enough or smart enough. Going back to when I was little, we moved somewhere where I did not speak or understand the language, so I retreated and spent time alone while all the other kids whispered and laughed at me as they stared at me. I’m pretty sure this helped form the current fear I have of other people looking at me or of being the center of attention, and being completely paralyzed in front of a crowd and not being able to find the words, because in my mind I am 6 years old all over again on the playground surrounded by ridicule and prying eyes. I guess I need to remind myself I am not 6 years old anymore, this is not the playground, I am too smart enough to say something, 5-4-3-2-1 and just do the damn thing! Thank you Mel! ❤️😊
I needed to hear this. I’m about to embark in a new journey in my professional life that involves public speaking. English is my second language and this factor makes it even more challenging for me. I used to love public speaking (in my language-Spanish) and really want to regain my confidence.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
I just subscribed to the channel.
No words to express how much deep information this video has.... awesome!
This was right on the spot! I have the same exact problem. I stop myself from speaking up in fear of not being good enough or smart enough. Being the youngest in the family my siblings used to quiet me or make me feel like I was small and stupid. So without knowing it I got quiet and it has always bothered me to be the quiet one in a group of people but I just can't find my words and when I try I just stumble on them. I remember being ten and thinking I had a problem because I wasn't able to speak in public. Every presentation in school was a nightmare, I could dread it for weeks, just knowing I had to stand in front of the whole class with all eyes on me. I'm almost 30 years now and I still find it difficult to speak at family dinners. When someone ask me a question trying to include me, I just feel awkward and give them a short answer. I can relate so bad to this video and I love how effortless you make your point. Your videos has helped me on a path of personal growth.
I was also like you...and can relate very well...but I have come a long way from there...and you can too
@@vini202710 how did you overcome it?
Same here. I'm 35
This post resonated with me so deeply!
wow, i had to check if it wasn’t me who wrote this post. I have absolutely the same past and same problems. i am nearly 30 years old and want to get rid of it for good.
I have a huge problem with speaking in public places. Whenever i have to speak in class, I can feel my heartbeats go crazy and can hear my voice and body shaking. Or when i have to do a presentation, my face gets completely red and I feel like i will fall and I completely forget what I want to say. I don't have the courage to say what I want whenever in class or in a group of friends. And I can't change. I have tried lots of times and the only thing I can do is just cry my self every night...
It's incredible how we can sabotage our self psychologically
I was also told the same with my elder sister who use to abuse me and also she use to beat me and tell me to not look at her face...... so right now am 25 years and am suffering all of them. I believe i can overcome them.
This is absolutely life changing! If you can explain human reactions like that, everything is possible.
I am actually crying because you hit the nail on the head. I had a very abusive mother and feel I am just starting to deal with it at 55.
Love you Mel! This resonates so much to me! My mom was forever telling me to not look so boyish/butch. I’m female but masculine and tried to change myself my whole life. Now at 44 I’m finally letting go and being myself and i still hear her daily. Words are more painful than anything!
This is so good. I always get that feeling in my stomach right before I go live.
Amazing!!! I love how there was also a healing component added to your walk through with your guest. Problem solving/fear releasing doesn't get deeper than that! 😀
I love this! I still fear public speaking up to now. It’ll probably be a while until I’m comfortable. I realized that my thoughts of people possibly judging me is mostly just judging themselves. Now I make it a point every time as much as I still struggle to speak in front of a group is to always volunteer myself to go first and get it over with. That way any judgement towards me that I feel will be very minimal compared to every other person of waits their turn.
Im about to do a speech right now and my heart rate is to the roof, and i gotta go. Great video.
I love it so much! I’ve been raised in a toxic environment as well and my opinion, wants and needs were always neglected. Now a days I face a lot of problems with myself like lack of self steam and public speaking as well. This video is a life saver! Thank you Mel! ❤
This video helped me with something that was not public speaking. It helped me learn more about myself. So Thank You, Mel Robbins.
So brave. Love this bravery and vulnerability. Thank you for sharing. Changing lives.
Loved this!! I can really relate. Thanks Mel & that brave lady with you.
As a very young child I was raised with the understanding that children were meant to be seen, not heard. If I talked back or spoke up on anything my dad didn't agree with or like, I was yelled at or punished. As I got older, this changed. There was more conversation and I was given some freedom to speak but even then I knew there was a line and I didn't dare cross it. As an adult, that also changed. We had very open conversations, in fact they were welcomed and invited. We even talked about childhood, my dad's parenting style, and how it impacted me. He was extremely empathetic and very loving. Fast forward to 44 years old, my current role not only requires me to speak publicly but also lead large groups. It's been very challenging. Now that I understand root cause, how do I break the patterns of childhood?
I needed this and will watch it continuously to keep my motivation up! Thank you Mel!!!
Absolutely amazing Mel. Love the way you explain it in simple words. Thank you.
I love how she said to make fun of yourself it’s called taking your power back that’s a great tactic!
No video has ever made me bawl my eyes but this one. It really hits home.
Thank you Mel for these videos! I really appreciate you taking the time for us!
Of course!! Thank YOU!!
I so needed this. Thank you from my heart
Well that explains my fear of public speaking! This was very helpful!
Thank you Mel for speaking out your "personal Pep talks", they have been helping me (along with my coach) to get out of my head and get into the game. I was married for 20 years and have now been divorced for 7. It was an unhealthy marriage and yes it took some time for me to realize that and get away. He words were not nice and I have been working on getting out of my head the things he would say to me that were not true, but hearing them over and over for years made it believable (at the time), to be honest it was when my son came to me one day and said to me "dad needs to apologize to you for what he said" that was when I said I am done and asked for a divorce. Best words for me to hear from my son. Now the blessing of getting out of my head and getting out of my way so that I can build my business and become a great speaker, a great leader for my team. Your "personal pep talks" are very helpful! Thank you for being YOU!! HUGS!!
Proud of you for the steps you are taking! xo
Free therapy! Wow I don’t know whether to cry because I’m fully acknowledging what held me back or jump up and down because I can and will free myself of those Patterns. We’re all Good enough to make a difference in this world 🌎
I have a presentation in a very big auditorium tomorrow and i am already nervous today and watching these king of videos to calm myself😁
Loved this! Thanks so much for the upload. I'm okay at public speaking but this video also helped in recognising some subconcious issues i have. Thanks!
Loved that I could be there in person to watch this happen! What a great time in VEGAS!!!
Mel, you are like a mentor to me! God bless you..
I love Mel, she gave me the courage to go on stage to do stand up. The five second rule! I took her course, I’m preparing to be a public speaker! I know it’s my gift!
well done you and I know you will be fabulous
Thank you so much, thus was first time watching you, and this made me cry. I've had the same fear and you helped to understand my nervousness. Thank you so much!! I thank God for appointing me to this video.
Mel is mega helpful and I love the 5 second rule. I have some speaking tips that help me too if you would like me to share.
Thank you for making this video, you are so helpful and so is this video. I am so afraid of even standing in front of so many people how much more if I speak.
You're the best Mel. This is so helpful.
have been afraid of public speaking as long as I can remember. I have dropped out of school and lost a lot of opportunities because I was too afraid to speak. I'm scared to talk to authority or speak in front of people because my mind goes blank. My heart beats so fast and my mouth goes dry. Then after that I get very very depressed and think of suicide because I felt like a failure. I don't want this to control my life. I did toast masters today and it was so hard. Very hard for me but I forced myself to. I know the fear is irrational but it impacts my life and my body and my mind . After toast masters I got depressed for reasons I don't know. I'm going to go again. It's like I'm walking into the danger to overcome it. I see potential to present. I see hope to give a speech some day. I'm so so so scared but I have to .
Love you Mel! Keep doing what you're doing💗
One of the best lessons from POY Spring 2018! I loved this!
Thank you, Mel. This was oh so helpful ❤️
You are amazing, I am new to your channel, this is all I need. I am so much saved
Mel robins the great woman, doing great job, i m muslim from kashmir, but appreciate your work
This woman, Wendy - she's so awesome, really. Thank you, Mel - I you help people open themselves 💕
Thank you!
This is so valuable, thank you! 🤍🌹🙏
Thank you. That explains so much. I wish i could attend one of your seminars one day. Much love from India.
Thank you, Mel !!!
This was one of the best motivational and inspiring videos on youtube. Thank you for everything you do, the analysis was mind-blowing. Never thought about social media commenting like that. It really explains a lot of the hate talk also. Love your work and thank you for the love you're giving. Now 1 2 3 4 5 off I go to study 😘
Thanks for your comment! Happy you got so much out of the video.
Oh! My God! Thank you Ms Robin
Oh wow! I felt released through this, so much better
When she talked about the (you can't find words) and she said a phrase, I used mine
I didn't know it could work with me too!
I feel (I'm not good enough)
And I remembered after couple of moments and questioning myself, that i used it to avoid doing things that i do not wanna do! I hated when i was forced to do things i don't like or want
This is amazing 💛!
This changed my perspective, thank you. 🙏🏿
Yes I love Mel and I have a few more tips if you need them.
Thank you madam, I love this, I fear talking in group and find a way to overcome it
I don't know why but when I am reciting my lines in a play I don't fear that much as much as I do when I have to speak in centre of the class. And also when I have a Mike that improves my confidence. Actually when I have achieved something in ur life it gradually improves ur confidence level.
That was so touching when she started to cry from relief
Thank you so much Mel!
My own shyness has become out of hand .So that's why I said to my self today I must start looking for ways to help myself
Awesome energy!
Thanks Mel! You are 'beyond words' helpful! We are listening! :)
Very helpful thank you so much
I just wanted to say thank you just half an hour ago I watched your videos and finally got my ass to study for my board exam! And now I saw your notification💖
shazde kochooloo good going! keep it up!
osalinas6 thank you
I hope the exam goes well!
Thanks for the advice have a amazing day ❤
Thank you for this Video it help me alot.
Thank you Mel
Love you 😗
Wauw, indeed. When i wanted to speak out i got hit or humiliated by the people who shouted loved me 🤷♂️… no judgment, my parents had to go to the same nonsense. Its a generational problem!
It is a leftover from the bad old days of parenting, when life was hard, and you were supposed to be seen but not heard.
Perfection! Get that side eye a lot! ❤️
Thank you for all your words of wisdom Mel! I listen to your yourtubes everyday before I walk out the door to work and you really help!
She is amazing
This is great!
Very interrrresting!
i love you Mel!!!!
Well she figured it out that's amazing
Precies wat ik nodig had, dank je! :D
Love that woman!
Thanks!! ❤️🚀
Wendy is amazing!
You both are! Thank you for the upload, I love your vids :)
Love it!
great answer
Mel you are awesome really thanx for all of your advices 😊😛👍
extremely helpful..unlike other youtube stuff ..plz do more videos on thks topic
It’s the fear of the people and making mistakes. I think it takes practice not to be a perfectionist
Really this works , I have some more than things that pulls me going for a speech in front of a crowd. I can’t speak in front of the crowd I forgot all the things What I wanted to speak.
Great sharing ❤
Great ma'am
The exact things happen to me. The fear is my greatest weakness.
Excellent
I’ve always known my fear of public speaking stemmed from being relentlessly ridiculed as a young kid in school. By grade 2, anytime I raised my hand and answered a question, my peers would make fun of me and say I “sound like a girl” (I’m gay). It kept happening and by the middle of 2nd grade, I completely stopped volunteering to talk in class, I had no friends because I was too scared to speak to anyone in fear they’d keep making fun of how I talk. It breaks my heart to think back to those moments of helplessness and what hurts the most is knowing just how much those short moments in my childhood took from me, even as a full-grown adult. I know nobody will judge me now and I have so many ideas to share through speaking, but that little, bullied child still lives inside of me and makes me pull away. I am working on fixing this.
Beautifully written such ingenious reflection in that I feel you have such great talent!
I had an incident where I was of of city at state level debate and literally blowed up my answers because I was stressed due my team and the teachers I went with. I was a new admission in that school and barely had any freind, the only freind I had was crush of my team mate who literally spoke so rudely to me all the time we were in that competition. I was not a new speaker, I had spoken up tens of times before, even I'm front of a bigger crowd, but her words "you will make us loose the competition" my teacher who was supposed to encourage me said things like "speaking to boys won't get u trophy, don't make me loose face"
All these things were so into my 16 year old mind that I ended my speech early and left the podium as I couldn't breathe.
And that is how I m scared of podiums , I can speak without a podium but the moment I m behind it, my heart beats fastes,my breath shortens, vision blurs tingling sensation occurs and I might probably fall soon is all I can think of....
I am trying to cope with this and get over my trauma..I have decided to speak in front of that podium more and more to overcome that fear.......
Every time I have to go to a work meeting or course, my heart pounds like mad and I blush if anyone asks me a question, how can I conquer this😢
the guest did great, i wouldve fainted
I can relate to this my dad always beat me never spent time with me mom did the same and I had to always please them and I wasn't allowed to have friends literally I was a good kid beaten abused for no reason I am almost 40 now and since I been adults I have been struggling with anxiety and depression I take meds to even be able to get up.
Lovely!
Great .....
THANK YOU🤩🤩😍😍♥️♥️♥️
Ummmahhhhhhhhhh what u r delivering !!!!!!! Saluteee u
Me thingking that in My field of work everytime need talking infront a lot of people i feel depressed 😭. Public speaking is more scary than death.But i overcome this fear.
Okay, I’m 4 years late and here is my problem.
I’ve always liked to socialise and have had Zero issues in doing so. I like to meet different people and have the habit of reading people very well. A lot of my my skills are from micro expressions and picking up others energy. Yes I’m a empath. However…
However, in a large group when speaking about something/leaning new I have massive issues speaking out. I start to not talk properly and not pronounce my words really clearly and my voice changes tone. Why? I absolutely have no idea whatsoever why this happens. I get so annoyed but I have zero issues in leadership and taking charge just the Words coming out of my mouth isn’t clear and I get so frustrated.
LOL this is so true. That theory is SO TRUE. Growing up, I was constantly asked “why do you behave like a girl?” and told to “stop acting like a girl”, with the connotation that it wasn’t right, for me as a boy, to behave like a girl. I guess unconsciously, my brain began to do everything it could to not be seen by people. I avoided public situations, which includes public speaking opportunities, so that I wouldn’t be in the full glare of people, so that people wouldn’t see me and notice that I was ‘not normal’; so that i wouldn’t give people the slightest chance to ask me that dreaded question again: “why do you act like a girl”.
Now looking in hindsight while watching this video, I’ve realised that as I began working to masculinise myself so as to be accepted as seen as a normal boy, I was simultaneously shrinking myself. And that has cost me my boldness. I hate public spaces. Although I love people and I love to talk to people, going out with even a small group of friends scares me. I dread the thought of speaking in front of a small group of people, talk less of a large gathering. And what’s worse, I am climbing the rungs of a career that requires me to speak in public.
I hope that soon, I can get the help needed to wear off those psychological shackles of my childhood, and begin to see myself as worthy of standing before people. Because we all are.