Heal Dysregulation To Bring Calm To Your Emotions and Your Nervous System
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ม.ค. 2024
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There’s a CORE symptom of trauma that most people don’t know about. It’s very strong and can limit your whole life. It’s not only associated with trauma. But it’s almost universal in people who were traumatized as children, and it drives virtually every other trauma symptom. Until you’ve learned to identify and heal it, it’s hard to change the other symptoms. In this video I teach the basics of neurological dysregulation -- what it is, what it feels like, and what you can do to re-regulate your emotions and nervous system.
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I love that we are finally looking at trauma from a neurological stand point. We can really look at healing on a deeper level from this perspective.
which is why most of the advice in this video is unhelpful - these are all just versions of the 'count to 10' thing we learned as kids - course, the real challenge is to be aware that you need to count to 10, which is literally *impossible* to do cos, ta da, it's neurological - you have at best nanoseconds to realize it. And by then it's too late. It's good to have these discussions, sure, but let's not forget our Fairy is making hundreds of thousands of dollars off this - caveat emptor, friends. (this will be deleted shortly, rest assured lol)
@@travisarmour8709The challenge is to notice you're dysregulated. The nanoseconds you are talking about I see as the moment when it's setting off, and this surely escapes your attention easily. I don't agree with you when you say that by then it's too late. This is not always the case. sure, when dysregulation is very strong, one might only become aware of it in hindsight, yet in many situations you still have the capacity to notice it while it's happening and this awareness then helps to remember the actions you can take to get back into sync. It takes practice, and over time it becomes easier to then take the necessary action.
I don't see what should be wrong with the Fairy making money off this, after all she is putting lots of time and effort into it, has expenses and staff to pay. The important thing, to me, is that she is doing a hell of a good job
It's in a way so unfair that the people who experienced trauma and continuous stressful/unsafe situations during childhood, have such a hard task to heal themselves later in adult life! 😊
In a way???? It flipping sucks!!!!
It's completely unfair !
I so agree
@@LoveDancingLoveSinging Yes, it's horrible that we have to live with this for the rest of our our lives because we were mistreated or abused as children.
It does feel extremely unfair, but the more I keep trucking through my healing journey the less I focus on that. The less I focus on that the easier it is to focus on healing. No child deserves that, but life doesn't really deal us what we "deserve." Life offers tools to play around with, and hopefully find a way through onto the next challenge.
I had a brain scan and the person doing it said she'd never seen such dysregulated and chaotic brain waves. She said "How are you even walking around" which really scared me. She also said it was like parts of my brain were hanging out doing their own thing. She'd never seen it before. Later, I was diagnosed with D.I.D. what was formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. I finally was able to get some good help and now we are in the process of integration after many years of brutally hard work. Learning to regulate is vitally important.
Great to hear that you're doing the work and are in good hands. Very cool.
Great content on this channel, eh? I'm working on keeping a regular sleep:wake cycle, to support consistency at work. I want to get back into regular fitness classes, and go two to four evenings a week, again. Some weekend mornings, here & there. Some yoga, too, to 'find some length' in my shoulders and rector muscles, and just be present and grounded for an hour. I like the vibe in class, too. Good balance of calm and activity. Helps me drink lots of water, cook healthy, and fall asleep pretty easily. Timers on lamps have helped, too, mornings & evenings.
I hope this message finds you well, and in good company ❤
With kind regards and telepathic hugs offered, from Canada
@@StankFernatra Thank you for your kindness. Glad you're finding what works for you, it's not easy but worth it.
Same. I heard those exact words in a counseling session in the late 90s and the following psychiatrist, after a 4 hour session, compared my childhood experiences to "being raised in a Bosnian war zone."
Two years later, (just before turning 50) officially diagnosed with CPTSD further complicated by D.I.D. " probably your same diagnosis just slightly different verbiage.
Between my childhood trauma, adult trauma (having no red flags & so many "blackout" periods from the D.ID.) the exhausting process of continually trying to make sense of a world that had so many holes in it. Having no tools to deal with any of this while raising my kids to whom I passed on my trauma altered brain before anyone knew that was thing, and being a disregulated parent, I traumatized my own and now being estranged from most of them for both things I did (and things I did not do, but it was so easy for people I loved & trusted to, behind my back, spin a narrative where I was monster in every story 😢....)
That's a whole truckload packed full of guilt, shame & regret)
This journey of healing has felt like a lifelong game of Chutes & Ladders. Most days it feels like I'll never really "get there".
I am very grateful to Anna for creating this channel and sharing all the information in such a validating way. Every episode leaves me a little less alone in this world and with a hope that one day, just maybe... 'every little thing gonna be alright'.
I’m scared to get a brain scan. My emotions can change on a dime, due to a micro expression someone else expressed. I spiral into hating myself and blaming myself. It feels like I’m going crazy at times, and I don’t know how to explain to those close to me.
Oh my dear, I can relate. I send you love, support, and admiration for all you've done to this point. YOU are a walking miracle, and although your children are estranged from you now there will come a time when they will be able to understand and appreciate your struggles. May you find blessings each day - even the ones with chutes.
Cptsd is not just caused by childhood trauma but also from narcissistic abuse in adulthood
What do you mean by that ?
I know what you mean.
Yup. Thanks mom. Only validation id ever receive as her son was when I had something she could brag about to others. Good grades, excellent athlete. Other than that, I was a burden and she couldn’t be bothered by me. Which then led to me chasing emotionally unavailable women just like her to save with my unconditional love. Now I’m the broken one with cptsd, manic depression, and bipolar disorder. Love should be the answer. But many of us boys never get to experience from our mothers.
It is exactly what she said. @@jamestutanekai5060
@@user-kw3ft2yc9i healing is possible, especially since you'ra aware of your behaviors. Never despair! 🤗
I have to start the videos over so many times because I realize I was gone for a second there. Everything is so exhausting but it’s good to remember it’s not just me
I felt a physical “switch off” when I was 12 and my mother was walking quickly ahead of me in the mall, I asked her why she was going so fast and she turned to me and said she was embarrassed to be seen with me because I was so fat. I actually felt a switch go off in my head. My father was cruel to me as well by humiliating me on several occasions in social situations. I’m now 55 and caregiving for them. Life is very difficult for me, very difficult. Your channel helps.
That sounds incredibly hard. Thank you for sharing this with us, we're all here to support you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
So sorry for your troubles!
Oh my dear! I'm so sorry your parents did that to you! You didn't deserve that. Sending you virtual hugs, ketoqueenyo.
I’m so sorry, I’m so glad you chose to still take care of them. I struggled with my parents’ relationship. I felt like there were only two modes at home: fighting and not fighting. The not fighting phase didn’t have peace, joy, or rest. I know that they had it a lot worse because of the things I know about their parents sadly. I have to forgive because I know they love me and they didn’t realize how that were affecting me; they were only thinking about not getting what they needed from each other.
I’m trying to do my best to teach my children what I never learned, and ask them for forgiveness when I wish my parents had asked me to forgive them for fussing or fighting when I wanted them to be self-aware.
And I have to keep telling myself Jesus / Yeshua is the most wronged person/God who exists and He still wants to forgive us. If He can forgive, I can forgive.
But it’s so hard❤ i pray that you find the strength you need to forgive your parents as you care for them
They don't deserve your caring for them as they never cared for you.
But very good that you are; it's tge Christian thing to do!
Read. . .
Read the Bible. . .
Read the Bible to them or let a Bible audio play!
Meaning preach to them for them to see how inadequate, unfair & abusive they are, and to worry about their souls & fix that for their sakes!
Pray. . .
Put on beautiful healing musicfor yourself!
Don't accept ANY abuse from them!
But utilize the opportunity to preach to them, putting the onus back on them where it belongs!
You have a captive audience, and an opportunity to put things in perspective and them in their place!
- Use it!
Don't be a dunce!
Be wise!
You will feel immediate relief because then THEY will have to deal with THEIR OWN SINFILNESS - NOT YOU!
It's NOT YOURS to deal with!
So return it back to them for THEM to DEAL WITH THEMSELVES & THEIR SIN!
Set boundaries!
Meaning you're not there 24/7 for them.
Tell them you're going to do something, and will be out of commission for the next 2-3 hours, and make sure YOU DON'T RESPOND WITHIN THAT TIME FRAME!
And continue to enlighten yourself on narcissistic abuse so you don't get deceived, gaslit or taken advantage of!
Wishing you the Best!
You DESERVE IT!
And be sure to go to church and take time out for yourself!
Best & God Bless!
+Q-S/
My 'trigger' lives with me. Growing up with an emotionally unavailable mother and a mentallly-ill father; my sister and I were extremely neglected. Now that my mom has moved in with my family (temporarily), I am just starting my healing journey. Her presence has forced me face my own dysfunction and how she contributes to it. Her actions(or lack thereof) have contributed to some severe dysfunction in my extended family as well and I am now raising my (half)sister's children, ages 11, 10, 5, and 3. The oldest girls also have CPTSD and helping them through their healing journey is helping all of us. I want to stop the cycle of abuse and your videos are priceless. I will have to watch this multiple times just to absorb all. ❤️
WoW! good for you for taking on all that responsibility. while on your own healing journey!!!
That's an awful lot to take on. Take good care of yourself.
I hope you get the support cause you need it, just ask for it ❤
I'm so glad you're here. We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Put mom in a home! Trust me , it's not worth it. Abusers are owed zero.
My mom would say to me; "you take days to come back with a response when someone has spoken to you rudely or in an inappropriate manner". And I still have that same issue....It takes me days to process some things and often it's too late or if I must respond immediately, I often say the wrong thing and regret it later.
~Yep, me too, its one reason i like digital communication!~
You don't owe them a response. 💯
@@kristenmarie9248 ~Thats a good point!~Sometimes no response is the best response?!~
I'm the same way. I go into freeze response and need a few days to process it.
Then I think of what I wished I was able to say....
@@sandrathomas2893 ~Yes, im STILL thinking of new things i wish id thought to say to my mother back when i was a kid~
Dealing with trama and habitual burnout, I really thought I was losing my mind. Insomnia, procrastination, forgetfulness, brain farts, no filter for my words, ect ect. I really was beating myself up until I started researching. Understanding "why" I had such symptoms really allowed me to quit condemning myself and get on the road to recovery. I'm still healing but understanding the cause really helps to speed up the recovery process. Thank you so much for all the healing and compassion you share. You are a beam of light and your doing awesome awesome work! Thank you X's a million!! 💛👍🌻
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Running your wrists, specifically ,under warm water really helps bring calmness to nervous system.
When you're able put your feet in a warm salt bath!
Epsom salts?
before watching, I'lll tell you my CPTSD symptom that i think limits my whole life.
... "not being able to communicate in real time. not being able to think of words, say them. not able to receive words and understand them in real time, and respond."
I can't navigate in the world like that. It's basically an issue of Slow and Delayed Processing of information to do with language.
Certain music re-regulates my brain.
Could you tell me which music please? I'm interested to know
It was so incredibly difficult to grow up and to be an adult with CPTSD. So many missed opportunities and so many challenges with the personality behavior and thought patterns that CPTSD created. I often thought how could I be so developmentally challenged and stupid when I was on the honor society. How do I raise my children with no support? With, now absolutely no family and no friends due to isolation, no executive functioning skills, not financially stable even though I have a degree, etc......
At 52 yrs I'm finally beginning to see all the ways we can be affected by CPTSD, and finally beginning the healing after all these years. I'm so very grateful for your videos and your journey, thank you so much for sharing this with all of us🙏
I truly resonate with your experiences and honestly empathize 💜.
I am a 60 yr old mother of one 30 yr old son who has 3 young children of his own. I struggled as a single parent from the time he was about 18 months old. His father flat out refused to pay child support and rarely exercised his visitation rights. I worked very hard at trying to give my son a better childhood than what I experienced; in retrospect, I see so many failures on my part. Intellectually, I know that I honestly did the best job I was able to do with virtually no skills, no support network, never enough money and no healthy parental models. But my heart feels broken nonetheless. My son and I have a tentative relationship at best and I feel a huge void where he and my grandchildren should be.
Please know that you are not stupid. You are working on healing yourself and acquiring the necessary skills and tools to give your children and yourself the quality of life you each deserve. That is huge! A stupid person wouldn't be the least bit inclined toward improving themselves. I believe it takes an intelligent, strong-minded person to look at their past and try to do and Be better - especially those of us who survived childhood trauma and neglect. 💜
When I feel disregulated, my whole body hurts, I have monumental migraines and I also tend to fall down. I get stabs of pain everywhere, like I have a voodoo doll that someone is randomly stabbing. I feel tearful and all the appointments I have with my doctor does no good at all. I call it a flare up. ❤
So do I. I have lived with fibromyalgia for 15 years. My body aches and sears with pain. I believe it is from traumatic childhood and depressed anger that manifesta as this. Once I became aware and began the process of acknowledging and healing my self worth, my flare ups are less intense. My flare ups are also shorter. Working on my emotional dysregulation every day. I'm making progress. I hope you continue also. Positive healing vibes for u ❤
❤ thank you ❤
This woman and her teachings are like prayers being answered for so long❤
My Mom used to scream at me a lot when I was what is called here "dysregulated".
I could not possibly agree more❤
When I'm disregulated, it feels like a runaway train that i can't stop. It builds and builds until i lash out verbally or via writing. I try to pause but it feels like i have no control, knowing that im going to do or say something I regret. Then i feel shame and hide away. It's a cycle I've not managed to break yet, but thanks to Anna, I'm working on it!
Hey me fuckin too. I’m with you on this battle. Right there with you exactly what you described. So much shame in the mornings for me. Learning to keep going without having any downer medication that I feel would really help me right now (klonopin) but can’t get prescribed for years. It sucks man, magnesium helps somewhat, breathing. But man I needa learn to take time to rest, it’s hard to with the state of the world. Sending you love and light ❤
You got this! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@JonLopezOfficial Thank you, and I wish you every success! What a great community this is 🙂
I lashed out just fine but to defense myself esp when dealing with narc person that if I don't respond they think they're right when they're twisted their own words. But then I I might said it in very condescending manner because of the anger of their games and it's just not a great look and they enjoy it. But is it rally helpful to not say anything at all? I mostly silent but sometimes the rage builds up like you said and I feel I need to said something or else my brain is gonna explode.
I wish people working in the current industial disease complex would be required to have some education/understanding of this. It is insane to be traumatized anytime I try to get helped. So frustrating! Thank you for being a sane voice in an increasingly insane world, Anna.
LOL at "industrial disease complex!" Just as bad as the military industrial congressional complex!
I hear you! Yes! All medical providers need to be trauma informed. So many people get substandard care because it's hard to stay present.
I had a horrible childhood but had a horrible trauma 4 years ago right before COVID started. I've never gotten the proper help. A doctor wrote a 17 page letter from Mayo of what happened to me and how I need certain types of help, one dealing with post concussion. I was horribly attacked. Not one doctor in 9 months has got me one referral. I've almost given up in the field of getting any true help. I have a councilor and psych doctor. This letter has disappeared off so many computers I carry a copy and my caseworker finally scanned it in the computer. The letter is almost 10 months old. I horribly disregulate after being attacked and literally held from Friday evening until Tuesday morning before escaping this monster. Why I wonder in 9 months has no one paid attention to a 17 page letter from a neuro doctor, a brain surgeon in his field 44 years worked at Mayo. I don't believe at all this is a cognitive disorder. It's flat out no one ever cared to even get the letter and get me referrals. And they wonder why people give up. I'm at my damn lowest and I have to try to find a new family doctor who will maybe actually read the whole letter. What happen to people who care? I'd be dead if I put my trust in the medical field, yep dead. Thank God I have Him he's the only one who has kept me here. Still out there trying to get help though.
I know I found out most councilors are not even trained in trauma and in Illinois a councilor can supposedly get that training in a one week course lol
Unresolved childhood ptsd followed by a career with nonstop trauma is also not the best thing
I finally realized a couple of years ago that calming my CNS and “being regulated” was the key to the whole game for me.
It’s key.
how did you get regulated and how did you manage to be in that state constantly ? for me it's hard staying like that it just goes away the next minute something a little stressful happens
@@malak0-0: We’ll, first, it occurred to me that being regulated was the key to it all, to healing. Second, note how, when, where and why and if you cannot avoid or eliminate these factors, minimize. Third, I worked for a couple of years with a Somatic Experiencing person, who helped a great deal. Finally, being in a quiet, calm space - home, perhaps a library - somewhere that takes no effort wherein I can simply be. All of these things.
@@pdelaprimm thank you really for this and I really hope you lead an amazing life filled with nothing but safety and happiness!
you gave me hope ❤
@@malak0-0: Don’t give up hope, but know it’s a process one undertakes day-in and day-out. There are many good resources - CCF, excellent books and more, but I have found speaking with others in communities like this of the greatest benefit. I have found excellent books, too, dissecting Developmental Trauma if you care for titles.
💯❤
My trauma is that my father had a massive stroke when I was 8 and then lymphatic cancer when I was 9. He almost died. Imagine that as a near baby. I have struggled with this almost uncontrollable urge to “save” because in my mind then they won’t die. I was not abused. I was traumatized. Got me into one bad marriage and then a truly horrific abusive one. I can’t believe I finally said this.
Dearest dearest Anna.
I havent listened to you in ages! You have been such a help and taught me so much over the past 4 years. Things are going good for me now. Thank you so much! X
Welcome back!
neurological adaptations and compensations from trauma are the reason people can't seam to escape their trauma. the great news is, you can change that biological adaptation. Traditional native medicine dose this, and more recently Somatic Experience therapy, and Polyvagal therapy. Both of the latter are widely available. Thanks for bringing this out to your community as it's vital for healing.
I live in a high crime neighborhood in NYC and if I dont get out of here I will never heal from CPTSD
Begin to visualize your move. One right step leads to the next one. Keep notes on a calendar or tablet. Limit the number of people with whom you share this information. Watch your confidence grow and bring this dream to reality.
When I'm dysregulated I'm prone to have panic attacks, I've been having issues with that lately as I haven't really feel safe in my environment even though it is. By Christmas since everything was so chaotic and I was dysregulated I had a severe panic attack and somehow the stress from everything combined lowered my immune system, that very same night I had a really bad fever and turns out I had a serious virus that made me seriously ill for more than a week, obviously that added up to my previous state and all of this just somehow has made me so incredibly disconnected from everything, my body, my home, my family, my whole environment, I go out and everything feels fake and surreal. I'm really numb, I feel like a robot on autopilot and I don't really know how to come back, the only thing I'm starting to feel is depression. I'm really concerned and I don't really have any kind of support.
I experienced something similar before I completely fell apart - burned out and my healing process began. I had frequent colds with frequent panic attacks. then I ended up in hospital. I sought help from psychiatrist and psychologist. I started therapy.for me it was the end of something dysfunctional and the beginning of something new - journey to myself. it was extremely difficult. don't be hard on yourself, be patient with yourself, slow down if possible. look for change in little things.❤
It brings me so much comfort to know why things have happened the way that they have and how I turned out and what I need to work on. I grew up with adhd and ocd; things my family thought I made up and would make fun of my ticks. I learned how to regulate my ocd as far as no longer practicing rituals but it’s still there in different forms. Parents thinking it was a choice I made to act the way I did or how “it wasn’t so bad” when I tried to explain how my childhood affected me when they didn’t understand how I felt emotionally or mentally - I’ve just felt gaslit & invalidated my entire life and you’ve validated so much of my experience ❤❤ truly thankful for you!!
I'm so glad you're here, thank you for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It's absolutely miraculous to me that this video showed up today. I'm 57, truly really in love for the first time.... Not just settling. I face so much trouble and dysregulation when I'm alone or I don't know what my boyfriend is doing. It is all irrational and trauma-based. Working very hard on my inner child and on self-care. This is so helpful. I'm a forever grateful❤
We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna for your videos! ❤ After years of suffering and living a nightmare I finally understand that emotional dysregulation is a thing and I am not alone. I discovered your channel two months ago. At that time, I was going through the process of healing. But you really helped me realize what's going on inside of me. It was such a relief! Classical therapy looks at the client from a different perspective. And I thank God that I didn't start taking antidepressants, because I was classified as an anxious person after burnout. Deep inside I felt that it was not good for me. However, classical therapy helped me to name certain things and thereby clean the dirt inside of me. After quitting therapy after a few months (no regrets it was the right choice) I am more self aware, conscious and accepting my emotions. Anyone has different experience but for me entrusting my life and my soul to the hands of a therapist and suppressing myself with antidepressants is too risky! Now I believe in myself, I can set my boundaries naturally and l still learn to understand and regulate myself better.
I don't know which class to take. 58 year old female, born again Christian, 41 months sober, bad marriage, on disability with MDD, CPTSD, OCD, PANIC/ANXIETY, PROCRASTINATION. No motivation. Mental breakdown 4 years ago, extreme isolation, low self worth/self esteem/feelings of worthlessness. Sexualy abused, mentally and emotionally abused/tortured, physically abused. In therapy over 10 years straight, started when I was 20. Where should I start? TIA and God bless! 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Keep watching these videos and praying...you have already started! and His Spirit will guide you
I think your videos are a “slice of real”. I’m a counselor and adore your info. Thank you for speaking life.
As a practicing Catholic, I find the Rosary extremely calming and re-regulating.
I always react honestly. If I need to cry I don't seem to mind if I'm at the grocery store, like all my feelings fall out and I don't bother pretending I'm ok.
I've been walking around in pajama bottoms and greasy hair for two years. I'm not trying to pretend I have it all together. My heart is broken 💔.
Why do I have to pretend it's not.
Just a trip in the forest, or going outside at night and looking at the stars is great for re-regulate. For those not living in a big city.
Holy. Crap...Holy. Freaking. Crappy. Childhood. I'm 60. The more of these videos I watch the more spotlights illuminate my entire life experience. It's as if the childhood I endured w/in the abusive, alcoholic family was different from the other seven kids as a result of the dog attack and subsequent injuries, hospitalization, and rabies vaxes on my 2-year-old self. I don't think the rest of my family would ever believe it.
This is huge. I go silent for hours, then cry and grieve a loss of another piece of myself, then try to move on
Thank you, Fairy, for your videos! They help me understand how to support a friend who has cptsd. Spending time with her has been a challenge. Her ptsd is more from traumatic experiences as an adult, including rape and breast cancer. I was her friend before these things happened to her and see the ptsd she now suffers from. She gets dysregulated often. Now, from watching your videos, I get what’s happening inside her. Your description of neurological dysregulation is exactly what she goes through. Glad you mentioned driving a car, because I reflect back on times I should have insisted on driving us to make it easier on her. I also want to mention for anyone in my shoes as a friend to someone with cptsd who’s becoming overwhelmed, trying to offer comfort is tricky. What is meant as a supportive pat on the arm can feel pitying or patronizing. My friend does want to be comforted, but also wants respect and pushes away physical gestures. Her insecurity or fragile ego makes her overcompensate with bossiness and unrelenting criticism, fault finding, and negativity, making it even harder to bear being around her let alone show compassion. These occasions are usually followed a day or two later with some regret and fear of being abandoned on her part. I do feel compassion and believe if I’d had the same extreme experiences, being with people and trying to normal would be tortuous. Thank you for putting into context what is so confusing about cptsd.
I just wanted to give a huge "Thank You!" to you for hanging tough with your friend 🙏💜. I know how much she needs you in her life! I am glad knowing that you knew her before all of the horrible manifestations of CPTSD hit her; I think that's made it more possible for you to stick with her through her difficulties.
I have not been so fortunate with friendships. In addition to CPTSD I also have a rare chronic pain syndrome which has further compromised my nervous systems and has basically left me triggered, to one degree or another, all the time. Sometimes all I need is a nice, genuine, firm Hug. It's tough when there's no one to give it.
You are a special person! 💜
I was once diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Now I think it is more related to abuse & neglect.
Your videos are changing my life. My wife left to her father's house two months ago. I'm American and she is Japanese. We live in Japan and our 25th anniversary is in March.
I'm changing my life by understanding myself. Your words are what I was looking for for so many years.
I was in the Marines for 13 years too. So I'm confident, but my emotions with my wife are difficult. I emotionally abused her sometimes. And I used to throw things or run away because I don't like to argue. Right now, I'm the bad person. I get it now.
I love my wife dearly, but when I talk to her about this new information, she thinks it's an excuse.
But at least she knows that Im serious about changing. I can only control myself.
Thank you for your words and talents to articulate well.
We're on your side! Healing really is possible.
I tend to pass out…a vagal nerve thing!? I often don’t even know that it happened. Even though the trauma was more then 40 years ago, it still occasionally happens.
My go to help is: go to the loo to hideaway for awhile, don’t drive, talk to myself, hug myself, look up and count the ceiling tiles or count something else. Praying helps later, not now as you’ll feel He has abandoned you. Don’t be put off by the fact that God seems to have disappeared, you can feel the spirit after you get back to some sort of normality. If you prefer then think of nature, the world or universe and your link as part of it, but later, not during the crisis.
The counting something is a real winner for me…it’s worth a try, I hope it helps.
Doing the poker face and feeling totally alienated from life and people was something I used to give myself a hard time about, once I could recognise that I was doing that. Now I realise it’s best to be kind to myself about it and actually just kindly watch myself do it and watch the emotions, thoughts go by. Then I can get back to a happier, friendlier frame of mind quicker. Xx
I wish I could communicate this to my dad and mother in law. I can see how much their terrible behavior is related to disregulation but they both refuse any help or therapy.
They also won't stop acting out and hurting us so we must distance ourselves because we can't keep getting hurt. I'm sure they're wandering around telling people we cut them off for no reason. I guess some people just get lost to trauma and refuse to stop creating new trauma.
Thankyou, everything you said within 3 minutes is my condition, I've always wondered why I struggle to be with people, it's like work, a hard job, can't wait to get home alone.
Something that almost invariably works for me is getting a bowl of icy water (add ice cubes), and keep splashing my face. It’s the facial equivalent of one of those ice baths and I was amazed at how well it worked.
This subject was one of the biggest healing factors for me. HUGE.
I wish the criminal justice system would understand trauma symptoms. I feel like there's just this expectation that all humans are acting from some level of reason when that's clearly not the case and so the system applies punitive measures instead of true rehabilitation. In short, we don't prioritize people. We simply lock them away and stigmatize them. It's barbaric.
To actually tell yourself 'I'm getting disregulated' would actually be more helpful than collapsing in a basket of emotions but I still think I would find it difficult. I cry so easily and I'm always wishing to handle things differently.
❤wow. You spoke to my heart deeply as I struggle with C-PTSD. 😢 Thank you for the kind words and wisdom. I will download your PDF. I am currently retired and working full time on my emotional disregulation and just now beginning to heal and see results. It will be a lifetime of work, but the journey is worth it. Keep strong everyone! Being aware of your emotional issues is a big step towards healing and recovery. For me, it is a full time job of being aware and conscious in the present and break the cycle of the past. Blessings and good healing vibes to all that suffer.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I have had what im told is panic attacks starting 35 years ago, I have many of these symptom's during these attacks. I was convinced it was a heart attack.
Have misinterpreted these symptoms for years, thank you Anna
I have come to notice what I call "brain buzz" that lets me know I need to withdraw, rest, and hydrate until it passes. I don't always catch it, though.
I'm spiraling for days/ years when im emo- dysregulate/ isolate, disassociate myself. Its get worse few days before my period but this video inspired me to get therapy 🤪
I'm surprised childhood abuse trigger adhd?!? Explain a lot of myself 🤔
Thank you for the tips. ❤
I encourage therapy, but dont settle. Find the right fit. Id be dead without therapy. Im 65 been dealing with this forever. It's been a very hard challenging year but thanks to therapy i have to say its been the best year ive had inspite of the negative. The good things grow with tending and therapy helps a lot with that. This is a great channel. We all stand together. I stand with you. Best hopes and possibilities to you. ❤
Thank you. Your explanation and tips to control dysregulation are extremely helpful. I have endured decades of suffering, (my therapist labels my parents as psychopaths) no longer blaming myself for the symptoms I now know are from CPTSD. I find that the peace I now have at first brought out my dysregulation, as I was conditioned to constant danger, prompted me to seek help and healing. I would have committed suicide but by the grace of God, as I viewed myself with such loathing. Thank you again for sharing your own painful experiences to help others.
I only know how to be myself. It's the only person I've ever been.
Even when it's not cool or convenient, there I am, all just, myself out there
Any habitual trauma that you cannot control causes this exact problem. Trauma can be caused by phone tapping, chronic harassment. Extreme stress. You are right about all these issues. There is disruption of the ability to function at full level. Can't read, crochet, can't focus. Numbing, yes. You are exactly right. You can calm yourself, but it does not change the dysregulation. The numbing is the most difficult thing. Thank you for very well describing the extremes of stress. I just don't care anymore. Life is worthless, ruined. Mine began years ago due to a spouse with NPD and my emotional abuse.
I had the same view as you in the beginning. it's just calming method. But the brain can change. we can reshape it. I can say from my experience that working with my mind really pays off. unpleasant states become less intese and better manageable after a certain period of time.
I live this way every single day. I’m afraid after 57 years I’m not fixable. I’m the mother of three grown children and a nurse for 30 years and I’ve been dysregulated and impulsive for years. I just want to have joy in my life but therapy has not worked for me. I’m too hard wired in a really messed up way.
I know it can feel discouraging at times, but it certainly isn't too late to heal. We're all sending you support and encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This literally describes everything I experienced when I had a crisis at work, and the cause behind things that happened in the few months leading up to it. Thank you for shedding some light on this hidden reaction and how to heal and work forward from it.
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel like I've spent years of my life in a more or less dysregulated state. I'm really scared that I avoid living my life because of that... Thank you for your work. Your informations are more helpful to me at the moment then what my therapist providing to me ❤
I'm glad the channel has been helpful, we're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
You are a blessing to everyone affected by by the worldwide epidemic of PTSD. Pleas continue to post explanatory videos that include practical tips. Chances are, you are saving lives.
(I’m a retired c-PTSD therapist)
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment! We do hope Anna's content helps people to heal. All the best!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is a gem-class reminder for people with happy childhood to understand and be kind to people who are dealing with childhood trauma.
Thank you !
Thank you so much....this sounds strange but I love you.....for the healing balm you bring ... being real in your humanity so we know we aren't alone...Thank You.
6:14 like getting electric shock 😲
I have been on the carnivore diet for a month now and I can honestly say my anxiety is gone down 90% Other benefits as well. But just want anyone to know here if they suffer from anxiety and depression. This diet has helped a lot of people
I deeply resonate with this video. Thank you so much for creating it. It's reassuring to find someone who truly understands. And the best part is that you told us what to do when going down that path. Thank you.
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Deep breathing helps me the most first, because I've noticed that I hold my breath and breathe shallowly when triggered or stressed. Just yesterday I was triggered and my effect was flat. And I think I know what triggered it. I had a cavity under an old crown, and another cavity on the other side of my mouth. I told the woman who arranges appointments that I didn't want to do both fillings on the same day, because I was having hormone problems. She persisted to push it as if she wasn't taking no for an answer, then she said I wouldn't need two shots but just one to numb so I said okay, but she totally lied so I learned when I got to my appointment. I was angry at being pressured into doing something that I knew I would struggle with, and why did it matter to her anyway as to when I had these procedures done? So when I went in I had a flat effect. When they sat me down and stuck 2 Q-tips of numbing gel in each side, something inside me was fixing to go irate. I realized that I was holding my breath. I began breathing deeply. My thoughts began coming back, sanity began creeping back in and when the dentist came in to administer the shots, I told him there was no way that I could handle two injections at once on both sides. I told him that I have an appointment my endocrinologist to adjust my thyroid med because it was too low and I was having edema in my throat, face and vocal cords and it was already swollen and hard to swallow, one shot would give me enough trouble. He hardily agreed with me and said that it was no problem to break up the appointment. I felt instant relief and I was fine through the procedure. But once they gave me that shot my jaw swelled up and I could barely open my mouth so they had to work very restricted...can you imagine if I'd just let them do what they wanted, without me protecting myself ? I am learning to not be walked on, but I have a problem with going irate and unreasonable, cause my brain goes out the window. I don't want to be crazy, I want to be calm and thoughtful when these things happen. But it's a struggle. Once I feel like someone is pushing me past what I want to do, I withdraw inside and let them do what they want to me even if it means my suffering or I go irate and unreasonable. I would like to be in the middle somewhere. If I could just get my brain to cooperate and my hormones....
Yup almost had a wreck coming home from work. Dropping things, dizzy, weak, angry, rageful,
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
ThankyouthankyouThankyouThankyouAnna!!!! You're so good, I have no words! You're having a huge positive impact on me and I know that impact extends to countless other CPTSD survivors. We've been waiting for you. You're a Godsend. You hit the spot in identifying and addressing the experience like no-one I've ever seen before, and I've been in therapy and on meds for over 40 years. I've done a lot of hard work and have come a very long way, but now, in my late 50's, all of that life-long stress is showing up in my body. I ache all over. Polyvagal Theory, yes, yes, yes!!!! I'm on that road with a great physical therapist and look forward to the possibility of going off my meds someday. Can't wait for your book! Watching from Wichita!!
Other ppl always expecting us to get their emotions but not giving us room for ours it the problem though. Always needing to play the part bit it is not reciprocated it a huge problem. Basic reciprocation and having safe consistent interactions. You can't get this alone.
I'm sure it's because I am in deep. I just don't believe this can be solved. In fact it gets worse with age and after a serious illness it got significantly worse. And with the lack of care in the sick care system. Doctors don't care. They just want to drug you up. I don't need drugs. I need proper health care for my brain. ❤
since the brain is an organ capable of change, it is possible that the dysregulation will also change or be alleviated. over time I see that my experience really changes in things that I thought would never change. it takes patience and persistence. it is difficult but possible.
I recently had an episode of dysregulation, and I remembered your videos mentioning it, so I really took the time to consider what happened and why. I never realized what it was before. I honestly thought that there was something really wrong with me, and that I'd never be a "normal" person. Your videos have helped me much more than any therapy that I have had.
Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for this Anna. Before I knew about neurological dysregulation, I judged myself and felt so helpless. Now that I am addressing the neurological dysregulation, I am progressing much more rapidly in my healing. Thanks for all you do.
INSANELY GOOD INFORMATION. Thankyou so incredibly much! Loved this explanation. ❤
Thank you again perfect timing. I had doone tje first 4 and the others i learned in the hospital but keep forgetti g shen needed. Ill watch this several times today. Thank you so so much !🤗
You were correct with what you said about seizures. I have them and the correct term is called an "aura". It is a precursor to what is about to happen.
I have seizures bc of my CPTSD. My dad mentally, emotionally, and physically abused me. He caused me to have them and it honestly pisses me off. 😩
OMG, these are the things I did badly growing up. As soon as I was not monitored, I felt free...but lashing out was my biggest issue. It still is sometimes. But now that there is a name to it, I can work towards this. Thank you so much.
Thank you!!!! God Bless you for sharing this !!!
Thank you for sharing this to help me understand more about this situation 🙏🏾
You're right about not knowing about it. I did not even hear about it until about a year and a half ago. Just learning this helped and now I know what's going on but it is an ongoing process to heal it. I'm so thankful people like you are addressing it and bringing attention to it. I always labeled this anxiety but knew something else was going on. When I was diagnosed with PTSD, this was the closest diagnosis that made sense. I then identified most with hypervigilance. I've been taking Gabapentin and Clonidine since the PTSD diagnosis and it has helped to tone things down a bit. It's very subtle.
One of the great things about learning these techniques, and the science behind dysregulation is you can start to recognize different things you've been doing to cope, and swap them out for healthier tools or just expand your tool belt to fit all kinds of circumstances. For me personally? I actually try not to do the "tongue to your teeth" thing anymore, because without realizing, I was already doing this to try and regulate my CPTSD, but.. lol I'd get fixated on the little parts of my teeth that aren't all straight, and end up going over them with my tongue again and again until I rubbed it raw 😅 BUT SEE NOW! when I catch myself starting to do it again, not only do I have other things I can try to help. But it's also like a "tell". It reminds me to check in with myself. "Hmmm, I seem to be leaning into old coping habits. Is there something about the scenario I'm in that I can shift? Do I need to take a quick writing break? Is it worth it to continue this conversation or should I redirect?" Good indicator, so grateful I can see it now
Great tips and good explanations!
OMG I've physically FELT that switch flip! Once, I was in the floor crying my heart out being berated by my abuser...I think I simply realized I had ZERO power with this person. My words no weight or emotion to him. I was essentially worthless in that MOMENT... And that's what I adopted... a blankness... That NOTHING can, love, betray, or hurt like that again. I have felt what I call sparks of joy or love subs them and it's like a warm hearth to a freezing person! I soak in every nano moment!!! I want MY GOOD EMOTIONS BACK...But all I can seem to feel is stress,pain,fear,worry, etc...and it's tearing me apart inside...
Ana! You are such an AMAZING and KNOWLEDGEBLE woman ❤❤❤ Thank you so so much for this information. You are saving lives 🙏🏼✨ Thank you from Stockholm.
Exactly what happens to me. Can literally feel my brain lighting up and going crazy in certain regions. I'm grateful that I can identify what is happening though quietly talk myself through it
wow, this is delivered very clearly. You somehow make it solid..through your experience, maybe.
Thank you Anna. You and Patrick Teahan (and Tim Fletcher!) have really helped me change my life and learn so much.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
My dysregulation causes major anxiety and panic! My friends keep telling me to go on antidepressants, but I'm scared to take those kinds of drugs. I work alone and recently moved to a new area and am more alone than ever. This has caused me to get worse. Luckily, I have great friends and am leaving to go stay with one of them for a few weeks which hopefully will help. We are not as humans meant to be alone all the time.
This is so brilliant and helpful. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
BOOK!!! Yes!!! ❤❤🥂🥂Congratulations on not being held back!!
You, Emma McAdams, Mel Robins are my seif help go to trio.....oh Im thankful to God for these vudeos....its like a matter of life and death....really!!!! Ive seen healing & gained some clarity and im more confident about my healing journey from C - ptsd.
You are such a gem, thank you for helping me Anna. I'm Autistic with cptsd, I really appreciate you and your content. Nobody else has taught me some of the concepts you have
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you so much for what you do. YOU are making an incredible difference in the world and I am in awe.
Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much! This helps so much the numbness creeps me out even more this clarity really helps !
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
*Somatic experiencing* is a very good healing modality.
This was a game changer for me. I now can see what I can do and even enjoy making changes. Hallelujah!!! The LORD is good.
Its hard....THANK YOU 💞
Anna, the problem with what you say is that people often mostly in the work place, can't care less to help you keep yourself together. So you can bet they will go chasing us after to be on the point of that triggering discussion cause they need to make a statement over you.
What I mean is that people purport to be MH conscious and welcoming, they are not, cause being self centered and pushed by the work requests they see our disrdgulations only as something disrupting their KPI, and you are fired at the speed of a tunder.
I am working on this. Thank you for sharing❤.
You got this! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you so much 🥲
Healing from this everyday, thank you. Such important information.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna it is hard
Because for me it is hard to find the the love and affection and care I missed and I search for it in more than romantic love but also platonic love.
It is like often others do not understand And if they try to help and their efforts are clumsy because they have no idea or more people just take advantage of you.
It is hard after already been so abused and lonely to be taken advantage of more.
I used to have hope I would find the love and care I need but I start to doubt it when I cannot see it.
And my sensitivities and emotions are so numb as a woman it is like I can no longer even feel like I can love anymore and people are just too self centred and cold anyway to be anything I would need.
I just to be such a sensitive woman and it has faded a bit with illness but I wonder if my heart has just been broken too much that my interior has gone too hard.
I just do not have much hope anything will work for me.
I want to be loved in a way that is meaningful and fulfilling and I get scared I will.never find it
Wonder if it is a common feeling others have?
I wonder whether i feel constantly dysregulated?
Thank you for the helpful, practical tips for self-regulation.
Glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
I’m being honest! any negative or just any behaviors that occur these days, I simply tell myself just wait for 5 minutes nothing has happened you just have dysregulation in your body and your brain has predicted something. Thank you for the work you do🙏
To pause is a great idea. You may also incorporate conscious breathing.
Nika@TeamFairy