Dr. Gabor Maté With Dahlia: Best Advice If You Feel Lonely, Depressed, And Think All Hope Is Lost
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- Dr. Gabor Maté joined me on my podcast to talk about The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture. So I asked the world's leading trauma and addictions expert: If you feel so depressed, so lonely, so helpless ... And you don't believe there is any hope, help is too expensive, and you're all alone ... What can you do? Gabor gave the best advice I've heard yet.
To listen to our full conversation on my podcast LIVE AND HELP LIVE:
PART 1: dahliakurtz.su...
PART 2: dahliakurtz.su...
Website: www.dahliakurtz...
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Anyone else feel that every suggestion they get is just futile. I'm so overwhelmed with the pain of loneliness and depression, I just can't bear it. Nobody wants to be around someone so negative.
I feel exactly the same way. Just spent Thanksgiving alone because it was easier that way.
Accept the state that you are in. Do not try to fight your pain, nor to escape your feeling of being depressed. Live it. If no one wants to be around you, don't try to beg for company, accept the idea of being lonely, for now.
@@shineon_7660 I feel for you. Depression and loneliness ( which go together) are so painful especially at this time of year and even moreso when you can't see anything changing.
@@frjohan_ I do try to just accept my condition and situation but the pain I feel I can't take the pain much longer. I'm finding it very difficult to eat or look after myself.
@@justinebourke9449 Thank you. If only it were just this time of year, it might feel more tolerable. I’ve felt this way for more of my life than not, and it sounds like that’s the case for you too. For what it’s worth, I think I understand how you feel.
If you're lonely and depressed it's because you're not getting your relational needs met. All brokenness is solved in relationship and nurture, feeling accepted, loved, like others care. The disconnection is what's causing it. All mental health issues stem from lack of connection most of the time. If you're depressed and reading this, know that I'm there too. And I wish I could help. Because I feel your pain.
The most valuable relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. When we can truly appreciate who and what we are without external validation, then we’re ready for a proper relationship.
Well said, I agree. Sending you hugs. ❤️
I just wanna say I wish you all the best, may life be easier for us all and may we find the connection we are looking for
It all starts with self acceptance first. Accepting what is and the painful emotions that come with that. Processing them and letting them exist until they go.
❤
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporees I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure out everything all at once.
Breathe. You're strong. You got this Take it day by
day.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporees
I feel a sense of solidarity just going through these comments. People say everyone’s depressed but why do we find ourselves alone in it when we look around? Everyone is not depressed and no one understands us. I just don’t know. I keep trying things and I keep coming back here. I don’t wanna be here anymore. I just want to feel love and peace.
My shelter pets have always helped my soul. I rescue them and they rescue me.
Thank you
My dear pets are always with me...when there seems to be no one around😻😻😻They give unconditional love💖💖💖
As long as animals are on this earth, I don’t feel alone
@@madisonvillegas7198 Yes! So true. They are pure gifts of love.
Fur/scale/feather children may only give you a will to live for so long.... Because that's where I'm at.
Animals and environmentalism was my world, and in many ways I still want it to be, but I barely feel any love for them either. 😕
A few years ago, I was unemployed, and people sent me sermons, bible verses, quotes, etc. There was one person that didn't do any of those things. She talked to her boss, got me an interview and a job. The reality is that no one wants to help you. Very few people will move a finger to help you.
So, let me get this straight. Several people tried to comfort you as best they could during your time of distress (even if it didn't work, they cared enough to try), and one person actually gave you practical and meaningful help... But you're still whining about how nobody wants to help you years down the road? A "glass is always empty" view of the world like that leads to a self-fulfilled prophecy of unhappiness. You will always feel deprived if you never learn how to be grateful for what you have.
@@livinginthenow This is very true. They cared enough to help you and one helped you exceptionally. You ultimately have to be willing to help yourself and it sounds like you are lucky to have so many encouraging people in your life, but you have to see that.
Akh read the Quran and may Allah guide you to the truth.
And learn how to suffer the right way.
Because the world isn't all rainbows and flowers, we learn to have the right perspective on how we should view life.
Therapy? Sure, it could help for a while, kinda like a game where you have a mood and hunger bar, you kind of just refill them here and there. But what's the point? What's the point of having some chemical called dopamine to be in our brains that could disappear at some point? What's our purpose in life without a manual?
But with the Quran there is light, not saying that once you become a muslim you will see rainbows and sunshine, but you at least know the way we should view this life, we have a purpose in this life but some don't know what it is yet.
Remember that we are just travelers of this world and we will give it a farewell at some point.
I hope you can find a sheikh thats close to you or I can definitely contact a sheikh to help you talk about your problems and etc.
Actually you were surrounded by incredible helpful people. What a shame you do not notice it.
Someone with sense
The point is to make that little voice who cares about you LOUDER and LOUDER, until it becomes the prominent voice in your life. I destroyed my depression thanks to this mindset, by total perseverance
This is so great! In Pete Walker’s book about CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving he talks about a sad thing that is often overlooked that childhood trauma survivors often miss out on is a sense from their parents that life is a gift. When you’re missing that it’s hard to overcome adversity sometimes. Cultivating that sense of awe, wonder, trust and connection with the world and a feeling that you don’t want to give up even if things get tough, is hard. But you’re right it’s that voice that cares about you, that doesn’t give up, that keeps trying to get through to you and be there for you. Recognise that part of you and it will blossom.
Congratulations.
You made a powerful point. Thanks for pointing it out.
What if you’ve lost that voice? I don’t hear mine anymore
@@hummingbird4934 Sit in a ventilated room with dim lights and close your eyes. Don't control your breath. Don't control anythig. All kinds of thoughts will surface. Don't interfere or influence. Remain watching. Do this for 30 minutes. If you do it right you'll know a faint voice that is witnessing everything. That one, you must make louder. It wants you to be safe and happy.
It's like literally noone cares about me and nobody would care if I died, that's exactly how I feel right now.
Liam is a wonderful name. It means strong willed warrior, protector. 😊
Sending you strength..Life is not easy, I agree. Please try to hold on. Day by day❤
I don't know you, but I care about you and I would be devastated if something happened to you. ❤
@@jamiev7165 Thankyou means a lot
@@liamhurley1987we have same age, how are you? Be my friend
People who find a healthy life long partner, who never cheats, nurtures them and brings out the happiness in them are so lucky.
They're honestly so lucky.😢
I'm 35 years old and since I was 4, uncivilised, negative and just the wrong people keep on invading my life unwelcomingly. I'm just so heartbroken.
I’m so sorry.😢 God bless you.
Me too… I am tired… I don’t know how to break this cycle
So sad ..I wish that I could give all of you a hug.❤..I struggle with depression..I'm thankful for my volunteer job..I take care of animals ..I'm single ..I get lonely..I hug my animals..it doesn't replace a romantic partner by any means..I havent found anyone that Im compatible with..Im really weird..
I’m so lonely. I wish I could experience romantic true love.
@@Cooltink101 I'm sorry. I hope things get better. 🙏
Just the tone of his voice calms me down immediately, than I start focusing on the meaning of his words...He is a true gift 🙏
You should listen to our entire podcast, Veronika. You'll get a lot of his voice - and enlightenment. It's up at dahliakurtz.com
Actually his voice is stressful
@@shahilagh I agree
His voice always finds and addresses the rational place in my head. He’s like the caring uncle I never had that helps me think through negative programming I didn’t know that I had. So much wisdom - and he’s so humble about it.
DITTO! He's a ROCK STAR for SURE!!! 💖💖
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my husband recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Yes he's Dr.alishrooms.Shrooms to me is a natrual healer. I know a guy who has used mushrooms in the same way and they have really helped him. mah dudes have safe trips all.
wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
There's a part of you inside you that cares about you. ❤ Best thing I ever heard from any psych doc ever
I think someone can love and respect themselves and still be depressed seems like victim blaming to assume the depressed person is just not aware of outside influences ruining their life. People are not in control of anything but themselves we have to live in a tragic society sometimes. If you are in a war zone for instance your house is bombed family killed and you are depressed about it self care isn't going to restore things. That's why therapy sounds so cliche. Everyone you love is gone your home is gone things are bleak why scold them for feeling hopeless it's realistic.
@@annalisavajda252 you may find it interesting/helpful to read, “Mans Search for Meaning,” by Viktor Frankl.
of course there is - and she's really angry that no one will help when it's asked for, hell , begged for . The doctor's have quite literally pushed me down through the cracks never to be found.
What am I missing? I didn’t find anything helpful or profound in this statement.
@@BreasailYou’re not alone there! Many humans are self righteous creatures that cannot admit that they ‘do not know’
I suffered depression most of my life and self medicated with alcohol and drugs. Thank goodness I quit the alcohol and drugs but the depression continued. Finally the solution was a lot of 12 step meetings and working the 12 steps and making friends in the fellowship. Isolating and loneliness and negative thoughts really contributed to the depression. I had to break out of the isolation and negative thoughts. Now I have a lot of friends and keep working on being positive. I also do agree that library books and TH-cam are good things to feed your brain with positive energy
I am having such a tough time with the 12 steps 🪜
@@whoami1654 you have a good sponsor who has years of sobriety and has been through the steps? You can go through the steps with your sponsor. And another way is to find a step study group from a 12 step meeting. I’ve done that several times. Between 5 to 10 people meet once a week and do a step each week and discuss it. At the same time you’re working on it and getting support from your sponsor
And I assume now you never look back at your life regretting how good life could have been and the many years wasted?
@@colinkamoda9502 nothing is wasted. I believe it’s all a learning process. I believe that I actually learned a great deal and have grown
Congratulations. The 12 steps are a way out, loosing myself in service ( my problem is between my ears) and it gets better and better.
Class of 2001 🇦🇺🙏🏽
"still seeing it through the eyes of that child . . . " He so calmly, simply and gently says it and there it is as it's always been.
Blessings to all those suffering right now
❤❤❤
So nice of you - blessings to you too.
And to you too. 🙏
Instead of making a stupid comment on the internet, perhaps go out and actually do something helpful instead of keyboard warrioring? 😘
Online groups can be dangerous and often listening to others and their problems can ring you down even more
I disagree, because people naturally become closer through trauma. They gain a human connection through vulnerability.
Wounded Warriors is a great example.
And i would ask you, who's telling *you* that..?
I concur with your sentiment 100%♡
Australia.
Choose wisely
I totally agree with your comment! His suggestions here are useless dribble.
Small steps in the healing direction are better than no steps at all 🙏
Gabor Mate is a world treasure. So happy you were able to meet and speak with him.
He is. You should check out our entire conversation at dahliakurtz.com. And more videos to come!
@@DahliaKurtz Great! I'll head over now
His son is pretty cool too.
@@Will_Moffett I just spoke with his son Daniel. That podcast episode drops Wednesday morning. You should subscribe to my podcast so that you don't miss it: dahliakurtz.com.
I think moreover it's often important to get the focus off the Self. In other words, losing oneself in creative, artistic flow and/or service of others can be hugely beneficial.
Andrew J Cornelius : Absolutely. Well said. The problem with linear thinking is like having a carrot dangling in front of us, always out of reach, with the thought "I'll get to my creative endeavours once X problem is out of the picture/way" Whereas, and parallel to what you have written, if we take action for what matters, in other words - creative projects, health, creating value etc. it is as if we are drawing the future to us, by building a new self - driving 'the carrot'/dream with a big grin on our face. Of course, it requires vision, faith and commitment. Also, if we want a 'holiday from ourself', do something positive for others. As the old saying goes, 'When we light the way for others we light our own way'. Onward and upwards !
Agreed
That’s impossible…and you still use the Self to be useful to others. As long as you breath, you still have a Self…and that’s healthy. Not having a Self is not healthy…it can make you prone to being taken advantaged of and be treated like a doormat.
@@ap3008 I think it's very much possible to shift the focus from oneself to others (or to God). I should say AND to God.
I want to focus on other people, outside, anything apart from myself but I have ocb and schizoid personal type. Sometimes I can't tolerate even myself so can't other people at all. I get bored very quickly of everything and every human being. I also don't have talent about arts (even if I had I know that I would be get bored of it too). What do you suggest in a situation like this?
I really want to be joyful about life and motivated for existing but I just can't.
Can you suggest anything to me? Do I still have a chance? 😕
It's gotten to the point where I stopped trying because it never works out for me and it's easier to just not bother than to keep failing and compounding the disappointment.
I feel your pain.
One thing I've tried to wrap my head around recently in life is that the amount of energy I've expended in the long term 'not doing anything' is higher than the energy I'd use trying to find solutions as 'not doing anything has compound effects over time, as you note. Things accumulate and build on each other in feedback loops of negativity, to the point where the mound of depression grows larger and larger (or hole grows deeper and deeper, whatever metaphor you prefer). In trying to eventually disrupt the feedback loop, that's when I've realize how much energy I put into often making myself miserable. I've 'done nothing', but in 'doing nothing', I find myself worse off than the beginning of depressive periods. This line of doing doesn't compare to the 'energy efficiency' of having spent even marginal amounts of time trying be find solutions, understand the problem, introspect, sit with how I feel-- however incremental the effort or progress. All successes deserve to be acknowledged, regardless of their perceived size. Retraining your mind to knew ways of thinking and is a literal physical restructuring of your brain. It takes time and is a skill to practice and learn, as anything in life. Neuroplasticity is very powerful.
Your best always looks different; you are enough, and remember that the blue sky is always there.
Be well; good luck B^)
Same here, but I keep having anxiety and panic attacks, so it's like my brain and body won't let me give up. Do you ever have anxiety attacks?
Dr Scott Eilers channel might be able to help ❤
Awwwwww
There’s a part of you that was motivated enough to watch this video and make a comment, explore that part of you and make the connection stronger, I wish you well!
Its social support. Social support is everything. Non-judgmental, active listening, validating support. Your nervous system which feels burdened will feel a sense of relief. If its not that "bad" yet, then perhaps going outside and looking at a tree is enough. We must cultivate a culture of active support that lacks judgement. But alas, a portion of humans can, most can't.
A lot of people want that, but can't find it.
@@hgzmatt I agree. Its extremely sad. This is why I mentioned that a culture of active, non-judgmental and non-accusatory listening should be cultivated. There's a time and place for "tough love" or telling others what to do, which almost sounds more like talking down onto the person who just wants to share some pain. Its sad but I think people who are unwilling to deal with their pain cause pain to others. So, those willing to actually be with you and listen are so much fewer to come across.
@@nocando89 I agree. Tough love is not a good mindset. I always try and listen to people in the hope they will return the favour.
Community and relations is vital for us all. Broken relations and a sick culture is unfortunately something we need to figure out how to overcome
@@hgzmattI agree. If you can find someone who will listen, anyone and listen with no judgment, it helps take weight off your shoulders.
All my pain and uncomfortable thoughts point to is that I'm incredibly isolated and need healthier relationships.
No amount of self talk or cold showers or nature walks will fix or change that.
Start a business, think money too.
@@diddy558
I would but it's like I'm residing in a state of mind of kind of wanting to stay in the shadows.
I'm kinda same but I have 2 nice friends so I'm not to bad. I would like a partner as well, maybe that would be nice.
Exactly.
Sooner or later there will be a day, an hour or just a moment when you will feel slightly better before sinking to the bottom again. Use that very moment to try these things.
I have felt so alone since 2010 due to a major work change. I ended up getting severe depression and ended up in hospital with it. I am on meds for it. I have tried to make positive changes in my life, but I am a sensitive person due to growing up with an alcoholic father mental torture. I believe alot of people's problems in adult life are a result of childhood truma. In 2021 January 8th my Mum had cancer but the isolation from covid and not being able to converse with her friends. Mum was 76 she was an amazing mother and my best friend. Unfortunately she took her own life 😢. I miss her so much her hugs her inspiration to drive me forward. I am trying to make more positive changes not easy but please god life will become happier for me thanks for listening 🙏
None of what he said made me feel any less depressed or lonely. Sick of looking back in the past and hearing about the ‘wounded child’. The world is a mess right NOW and it’s a depressing place to live.
@traceycrawford9938: It IS a depressing place to live. I don’t know how anyone can NOT be depressed when you look around at what goes on in this world.
Only you can choose how you want to react to the situation around you. Ask yourself if there is anything you can personally do to change the greedy mess the world appears to be in right now? I guess most people, if honest, will answer “no”. So don’t fret about external stuff you cannot change, focus on how you choose to react to it. Try this, it works and you’ll have more positive energy to start making progress yourself. Good luck.
I would stop watching the world if I were you. It's always been a mess, ya know? The only difference is that now you have a direct feed to watch it be messy, but you don't have to watch it.
@@adamrobertson2905 Yeah, we all need to take a break from it all sometimes.
I agree with you.
The child part hit me hard. It's exactly right (in my case). I still feel like that trauma damaged and misunderstood child and I'm 48 years old. The trauma eas never dealt with and that child is still me (or in me), and he's still trying to deal with the trauma and make sense of it all. I wish I could have been there for him, if that makes any sense.
It is a part of inner child work to do exactly that- close your eyes and imagine your adult self facing your child self. Ask him how he's feeling, tell him he's safe, that you're here to take care of him, that he can tell u what he wants, you're there to listen, to acknowledge. Reparenting the inner child. Keep your childhood photo in front of u, if it helps the process. Maybe even write a letter.
the books “home coming” (john bradshaw) and “self-parenting” (i forget by who but it has a yellow cover) teach you exercises and journal prompts to do exactly what this other commenter is describing - your inner child work. essentially reclaiming and reparenting them.
As a victim of childhood abuse this hit me hard too. Not only do I want to help that child, I want to deal with the person (now dead) who abused me. I was helped in this by being encouraged to imagine my adult self being present when the abuse was taking place. What would I do and say to the abuser, and how would it help the child having someone stand up for them? It was a real turning point for me.
67 next month -- same. Love and blessings to you, friend.
You can be acerp8123. It's called representing yourself. Look into 'The Adult Chair' there is a way to heal those parts
That's his opinion, and it will work for some people and not for others. People handle pain and depression differently. People also have different things that can hinder regaining hope and success. If you're aged, living with chronic pain, have disabilities, can't afford rent, food, doctors and medication, etc., taking a cold shower or going for a walk won't do anything. And asking yourself "Which part of you is telling you that?" is akin to somebody telling you to just think happy thoughts. Then there's also clinical depression which can also have the combination of the above situations thrown in.
I'm so tired of hearing people say that you should do this or that, that you have to do it yourself, no it doesn't work like that, in those states you need help from others when it's serious.
I agree. The problem with this world is lack of love for your neighbor. Jesus said that love would grow cold in the endtimes. My comfort is God’s word. Eg psalm 23, 91 and 103 and 121.
Who is telling you, that it won't work.
You simply don't get his point and want to be the victim.
This whole depression think is way out of hand. And people refuse to take responsibility for their own sake.
A diagnosed depression is different than feeling depressed. And most people are depressed, they don't have depression.
I had severe depression in my 20s. I stopped drinking alcohol, changed my diet and started exercising every day. However, the real change came when I started Buddhist meditation. Now 28 years later I experience blissful states of mind every day. I would particularly recommend the Medicine Buddha mantra and sadhana from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. I know how dreadful it can be but you must have faith that more positive states of mind are possible and achievable. OM MANI PADME HUM...
That’s a false hope. Jesus is coming back very soon. Buddha is not.
Lovely to hear and very inspiring. :) do you have ADHD too? Has meditation helped? :)
Budda doesn't get you into Heaven.
@@SharlaMontgomery He certainly does. But even better than that you can take rebirth into a Pure Land where everything is conducive to spiritual development. Perhaps do some research...?
@@StimParavane my stepmother is japanese and a devout Buddhist so I have researched it.
I have struggled with mental illness and my mental health since I was a kid. Before I even knew what those terms were. After years of depression, anxiety, and even an attempt to take my life, I never thought I would be able to live without SSRIs medications. I clung to them because it was the only thing that made my mind quiet, but it also made me a zombie. Microdosing has given me control of my mental health for the first time, and they essentially gave me my life back.
I’ve been researching on psychedelics and it’s benefits to individuals dealing with Anxiety, Depression, ADHD and from my findings, they really work and I’ve been eager to get some for a while but its been difficult to get my hands on them.
The Trips I've been having really helped me a lot. I’m now able to meditate and I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
I was having this constant, unbearable anxiety due to work stress. Not until I came across a very intelligent mycologist. He saved my life honestly
His name is *DR Adolf Petter*
@ohmakure4716
I feel the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be a part of this community.
I watched this on you tube, took a cold shower and now my depression is cured.
😆 and you're a dangerous virus too plus you replicate. Highly dangerous to them puters.
😁
Before my divorce I was hospitalized with depression...after I divorced I enrolled in a relationship class called BE( Beginning Experience) a non-demonitional counseling program sponsored by the Catholic church..I took 3 years of classes and it was the best thing I ever did for myself..I also began lifting weights and working out at a local fitness club which helped me lose weight and change my diet...I was diagnosed with SADD. (Seasonal affected depression disorder)..I tried taking several different medications but couldn't tolerate the effects...the combination of diet and exercise has keep my depression at bay and allowed me to better cope with the up's and downs of life and changing seasons..
Basically, it's finding "meaning" or "purpose" in your life once again. Feeling needed by someone that you can help with whatever you have is a positive feeling. Helping those who are suffering is a good step towards recovery.
Love Gabor his work with addicts, his level of empathy & his self awareness.
Good luck with your channel Dahlia.
Thank you :)
Everyone has a wounded child in them. Talk to him/ or her everyday. Even hourly. As an adult comfort & protect them, heal them. Mostly love them.
Gabors a legend
Truly. Love him so much
True
this is IFS not Gabor
Indeed
Love him too 💙
I get fed up of people saying to me you need get out more
Exactly.
What a beautiful message. And it's so true. Being good to ourselves in simple ways. For me, it's getting out and going to Starbucks, taking my work with me. That instantly makes me feel better. Like I can breathe.
Hello how’re you doing?
Being around people is such a salvation, esp for those of us who live alone.
You make me smile and bring water to mey eyes, because I can see a way out now. I'm no child, I'm strong, smart, thoughtful, caring and free, and I understand that that part of me that says I can't is just a scary little boy. With this realization, I become enlightened to go on adventures, and get hurt, and go into uncomfortable situations more light-hearted, and not as afraid to pour out my soul in life, because I know I have an entity similar to a caring mother inside of me, that prods me on the shoulder, and says "Look here, you must take care of this!", it's someone that loves me. Can it be a shadow sometimes? Yes it can be a shadow, we all have it, we are not all good or all bad. But as long as we recognise what it is, we lose fear and our soul, our mind, our spirit evolves, we become better people. We must fashion a community between the part of you you think is good and the shadow. Hell, fist bump the shadow, tell him/her you'll come for their hate, to help them, to rescue them, because they were hurt too in their childhood and saw no way out.
And you just made many people smile with this beautiful realization, Vicente :)
I'm now taking medications(for my depressive mood swings) but today I feel lonely. Gotta keep going. :)
You’ve come to the right place, Macey. We’re building a supportive community here. And on my podcast. Welcome!
I hope you feel better soon Macey.. sending lots of love and healing prayers your way ! 🩷🌱
@@yvonneshanson1525 Thank you 😭
How are you doing now?
There's a part of you inside you that cares about you. This touched me deeply, I cried. Thank you
I’ve literally changed my whole outlook through having access to free on line help. I’ve learned so much, I’ve changed my thinking and it’s been the best thing I could have done. An open mind, not shutting yourself off to what’s there makes all the difference
I'm 33 had depression most of my life can never see any real reason to keep on living in such a toxic and corrupt world....
I don't know what the "part" of me is that makes me think that way... my brain i suppose....
Needed this today, been feeling like I’ve been too alone. 💚
If you've been feeling too alone, you're in the right place. Welcome
Me too im alone 24/7.
reading a book and watching videos online just doesn’t cut it
His suggestions are not helpful and his lack of empathy suggests he has no idea about the depth of loneliness and depression.
I've tried everything I possibly can, yet my childhood trauma still causes me hideous nightmares, and nothing has ever worked.. and nobody in the world gives a crap except for me
I don’t know if it helps but I wish you a better time. May you find peace. Take care.
@@azineox9633 thx
Can you afford to read a book from the library? Today I gave a specimen of his book Myth of Normal to a library which I like to go near here, the Ezüsthegyi Library (Hungary, Budapest, Békásmegyer) . Earlier I asked him to sign this book for this library after his lecture on CEU. The ladies in the library were very happy . I recorded the moment of happiness, I hope I can send it to Gabor. They didn't have this book (but it was searched already), now they have a signed copy. And Gabor is an amazing man, very accepting and patient.
When I was in my 20's I went to the library, and got books that did not help. Had I of asked the librarian, I know I would have accessed lots of books to show me that it was not my fault, I am kicking myself because my lack of common sense to think to get help from the librarian, meant I struggled through and got addicted to drugs, and had a lot of unnecessary problems. I stayed with my parents in their abusive home, whereas, if I had asked the librarian for Help to get the right books, I would have save myself a lot of bullying, I would not have made the choices that I went onto me, I would have realised that I do have talent, that the people picking on me are insecure, but instead, I saw myself as inferior to everybody, and it is only in my 50s that I realise that the people who bullied me but also traumatised.
He is really a big help for people ❤️
Childhood pain and trauma is so hard to shake off because being there from such a young age means it is or can easily be the foundations of your life. To get to the foundations means the building has to be dismantled brick by brick. It’s a long process and it’s exhausting and debilitating…….
when i accepted suffering, grief and loss, i now cry a lot but the burden is now lighter, life , as long as you live here will be a pendulum of highs and lows, accept the bad as well as the good...the universe, all in all is perfect, so why waste your life in shutting out the bad
When at my loneliest and lowest, i can’t get out of bed, yet alone make a phone call or look on TH-cam for support.
Some days will be like that. That's ok.
When you do have the energy, are you able to ask a friend to set up a scheduled phone call or maybe ask someone to check in with you at a later time? Or set up an alert somewhere else so you can check on it. Leverage your outside support (including the support that past you set up). You don't have to use it all the time. Again, some moments are like that. But - if you feel like trying something different, that option is there too.
I love this video! Recently i was reading Irvin Yalom and he suggests something simular to some of his clients to replace the " I can't, it won't work for me, its not for me, ect." with " I won't " Doing this makes you think that you're the one holding yourself stuck in one place. You're the one refusing to be happy.
Agreed. And I want to add, I cry most days, and that keeps me out of depression.
*GO WITHOUT SCREENS FOR 24 HRS IT'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE*
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
I started making it a point to get out each day and ask each person I interact with "How's your day going so far?" Responses range from indifferent to shocked, surprised, and everything else. Many people are just waiting for someone to talk to. At the end of the day I jot down each interaction and give a thought to how it went. I've found that a small conversation with someone about their dog can make my day. Watch some videos on how to start conversations and try to have some small interactions each day. I'm pretty socially awkward, but I find myself looking forward to doing this each day.
4 days sober going to yoga tonight. 🧘♂️
At 38 I've been through many, many years of mental health problems. Things seemed better for a while, atleast managable, recently things became too much, i had a breakdown and my wife wants me to leave, the reason this hurts is because i would be leaving my daughter. I'm devastated and feel so very alone right now. I want to have hope but I simply don't.
sometimes listening to these "off the cuff" videos when I am feeling this bad...makes it worse. Like I am not "getting" it or something. There are no easy answers to depression I think.
So true.... im always searching anything to help, but nothing has. Nor psychologist, VA crisis counselors, 988, Pastors etc.
My life was destroyed with tragedy, trauma, deaths and financial loss, and finally my career job.. I cannot accept the consequences.. then, to have gotten horrible stress, anxiety, insomnia and anhedonic depression.... just totally ruins life. I cannot get back what I had,.... ,
Life just be sucking for 6 yrs, walked around neighborhood I lived and grew up and think about how life use to be and all the fun I had growing up playing ball and having fun, that was long ago now i m 57, and how all that is gone, I hope things get better, but man its just feels so blank
You might wanna try tripping on something. I'll refer you to a reliable source. They've got lsd, dmt, mushrooms, ketamine, mdma, edibles and more. They deliver discreetly
@jostrippy
On Instagram
Perfect question, and so calming and patient. We need more like him. Thank you both.
Hello how are you doing?
Stay far away from anyone who brings you down in any way. When you see them coming, avoid them if you can. They'll get the message. I want to.say one more thing. Many women, including myself, have hormonal imbalances. Ive noticed that Health Professionals never asked me about my hormones. Depression and anxiety for women can be addressed with the proper bloodwork. Accupuncture helped me immensely as well.
Best advices I have ever seen ❤
It is all in you! The grief AND the solution!
Find yourself - get to your roots/inner child - heal it and then grow and bloom
I can't tell whether this woman is 25 or 55 years old but she's beautiful. Seems like she has a lovely soul too.
They were exactly the sort of question that leading thinkers ought to be asked.
Who cares what she looks like. That’s not the point of the video. Why do males feel the need to judge the appearance of every woman they see. What do you think of gabors looks? How old does he look? Is he handsome or not?
@@NN-fz4pd I find gabor mate quietly charismatic and savvy. He has wise yet youthful expressions that are very pleasing to the eye. He is a handsome chap, yes!
You going to accuse me of taking it up the bum now?
Do women not compliment the appearance of men?
And it is a character flaw of mine. I'm not very good at adopting various approaches. it makes me nervous and reluctant to say anything. I just say how I feel. If there is some ugly truth behind it then I guess people like you will tell me and help me see my blindness.
There is nothing wrong in what you said. You were right!! She is a beautiful woman and it’s wonderful that you noticed it and complimented her.
Don’t let these internet trolls stop you
You can’t concentrate when you’re in this state
Strength to those alone in the foxhole. Keep fighting & remember those dark voices aren't your friends! 🙏🕊️
love what he says about reading a book about your situation
We ALL go through this. Even those that are surrounded with kids and family feel disconnected sometimes. It’s perfectly normal especially when you’ve been through trauma. Sooth your inner child and clear your subconscious programming, it’s like an everyday thing you need to do ❤. Tonnes or books and TH-cam videos out there as he mentioned. I know because I’m in my mid 40s and overcome depression and dealt with a lot of rejection and being made to feel like the scapegoat, gaslighted, etc. list is endless but my point is don’t let anyone take away your decision to make your life wonderful, go out there and assert yourself rather than waiting for someone to save you.
I asked myself this the other few night ago. If I didn't care about about coming to God or wanting to change why I am I doing it? Man..depression really gets to you and makes you stuck on stupid. It's like being possessed. My anxiety feels so bad and I feel so ashamed about myself I'm scared to go out sometimes.
I know how that feels.
l have to force myself to go out too.
My anxiety can get so bad sometimes l would drive to the gas station and l would just freeze in the car...
I force myself to get out run errands at times it's that horrible.l have no choice but to ignore it most of the time.
Its not us its the world we exist in.
Most of our trauma came from our childhood caretakers who obviously didn't do a good job.
its sad how so many people are suffering in silence
Please look into microdosing with magic mushrooms. Might sound a little strange but there is powerful healing medicine there. Very effective and very good for depression and anxiety especially. You will find peace and love and hopefully be able to help others too. In time to come they will become legal and commonplace I'm sure.
Same here.... its so horrible
The questioning of those voices is essential and can be very difficult without really wanting to. If you can't listen to those voices' needs and they keep calling you will probably continue to suffer.
Yeah, but the part of me that cares about me is dying out and crying for one last help before it perishes, and before I tread on an even more self-destructive path.
I care.
It's takes energy to take care of yourself. It's hard.
Are you able to ask other people (online or in-person, and they can be people who are in your lives momentarily or long-term) for some support so you can anchor yourself?
Are you able to write on pieces of paper the parts of yourself you want to preserve?
Also, maybe that part will die out. That's ok. Some days, strength is hard to come by or to build.
Those parts will return again in new forms. And they'll die again and come back and die again and come back again. If your life has any sort of change in it, that is an opportunity for your emotions and beliefs to change.
Like, you're on the internet right now talking to people - that changes all the time. Or, if you're talking to other people. Or if you're in a changing world. Or you're passing through time and having a chance to process things in different ways and let your brain load.
Like, you're recognizing a self-destructive pattern right now! That's good. What sort of things would you need/want to help pick a healthier path instead?
For example, if you think that a change in routine might help, you could rearrange your space to create a small space where you do something else for a change. Or maybe you'd like some emotional support or maybe just a second person in the room to hold you accountable.
I'm sorry if I'm a bit incoherent. I know that I don't have your full story.
Also, could be a chemical imbalance in your brain too. Seeing a doctor if you can is worth a shot.
I've been feeling miserable ever since I moved to US. I feel i failed at everything i did, no matter how HARD i worked.
It is common people will not find proper help from a therapist. The therapist may not have expertise in this field, personal experience, and a therapist can go into cognitive biases of all kinds. Many forms of victim blaming... I was attacked many times by the therapists in aggressive, passive aggressive way. Many therapists are narcissist, on their own, some are even socialilized psychopaths. I talked to therapists since I was a kid. As randomly quoting the character Dr House from the famous show. "I don't care that they (your abusers) didn't care " A possible attitude from a number of therapists
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my TH-cam channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,960 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
Hi Nathan! Congratulations on your courage and how far you've come. Keep going. You never how you may touch someone and how much of a difference you truly make. Even though you may never be able to quantify those things, I assure you, as long as you keep going you will keep leaving a positive impact. I'm proud of you!
@@DahliaKurtz Whoever you are, I don't know you personally but I can say that you're one of the non-judgmental and open-minded people who is not fixated on tangible or external factors in order to learn from someone like me. Just because someone doesn't have a piece of paper as a credential, doesn't mean that person is not entitled to share personal experiences with the hope & intention to inspire others. Keep up with whatever it is that you're doing to improve mankind or improving your life even to a slight degree each day. This is just one part of a bigger puzzle for creating my TH-cam channel about holistic health. I literally could have died back when I was 14 years old due to major depression but here I am right now replying to you, a TH-camr, who's full of fulfillment and dedication to help others to be a better version of themselves. I ain't better than anyone else but my old self. That's all that really makes this TH-cam thing more meaningful and enjoyable. Thanks so much for your support! I am hoping that you can join me with this endless personal development journey! :)
What I love about Dr. Gabor is, he can totally shut someone up with his calm voice and a gentle but trick question. This man is brilliant.
I saw a bumper sticker, “Give ‘em all fentanyl”… the hatred towards those with certain addictions is amazing to behold!
I used to think this way. I was a lying alcoholic but had such hatred for those on fent outside my 7/11. I’d go into get something to get into my stomach before I vomited from my hangover, but I’d be so indignant of the “addicts” outside of 7/11. Dear Lord!!
He's so comforting. As soon as he talks I cry
Same
Answering questions with questions is a definite no-go for me.
Excercising is the best advice you can give to those people
I love Gabor Mate he is the for real deal. Wow so kind
I believe that loneliness happens because you’re actually lonely for yourself. Instead of looking outwardly to the world for answers, surrender to what actually is happening within you in any given moment.
Be present to yourself because you deserve it. Develop the courage to stop and become still just to listen within on a regular basis, even if it’s just for five minutes, and solutions and ideas will come.
You already have your answers. No one else does.🥰
That’s your perspective on why you are or would be lonely. That’s not everyone’s reality. It’s like trying to tell a billion people who suffer from depression WHY THEY’RE depressed or what will cure them. You cant’.
Just. Don’t. Cause you have no idea what anyone else is going through.
I'm astounded; he puts it so succinctly. I'm in awe. I know what he is saying already, but to hear it in such a way that the convinced one, the self-critical voice, is just the inner child screaming.
you need good people around to feel good.
Not any who care,never there unless sth needed
AA and Alanon are free, and extremely helpful in the healing even if you don’t have a relationship with substance abuse. Find a group. Its often free. With love. 💙
I have so much Love and Gratitude for this man. His books have saved my life. We need to make People first not Greed, Capitalism or Vanity. Healing is needed for Humanity.
Such a hopeful, loving, patient perspective, with easy-going suggestions.
If there are many lives we must live to transcend, Gabor is on his ultimate peak of great Humanity, that is if there are many this is his last one but I don't believe there are. I think he's simply transcendent
I have great respect for Mr. Mate but still... The thing is that too many people are alone and lonely. Some are depressed because they have a chemical imbalance in their brain, even if they have "everything" (supporting family, money...). Medicines and therapy might help them a bit, or not. Others simply survived too much and have no orientation no more, and moreover, no one to turn to, even though they might not be too negative and difficult for the environment. The sadness is too much. How do you cure sadness and lack of connection to other humans, you cannot just go knitting and petting your cat again. Interactions between humans are very superficial and based on being useful or not. If you don't have your own (functional) family, outsiders won't replace it, forget it. So it is the alienation in the first place. Hobbies and pets and exercise help just a little.
No such thing as a chemical imbalance, it's big pharma horseshit.
@@waynemizer4912 It could be... But there was a German goalkeeper he killed himself a couple of years ago - he had supporting family, money, therapy and yet he ended like that. How to explain
@@egyptianhibiscus9203
Mental illness.
It is an inside job. It does not come from anything outside of us. Those things only bring temporary relief.
I was lonely, but now that ive taken a breath snd watched youtube i feel soooooooo much better. THaNkS!
The advice is: “Go out and hang out with lots of friends and family! Put a grin on that ol’ face and be cheery!” That’s deep
Well, after my divorce there was the pandemics, I had no work because I am a tour leader and we couldn't Travel and my friends and family gave me the silent treatment I still don't know why but I am still moving...what doesn't kill makes you stronger. Step by step, day by day.
I have tried all these things… feeling further isolated & more depressed than ever.. reading the books & watching more yt videos, become an addiction in itself… I try but can’t seem to move through this. Single mom to 2 kids. They have no one but me, so I keep pouring from an empty cup, bc without support or village, who do you turn to? How do you find time/resources for yourself white also trying to be their rock? No one to pick up the slack or be the village while I do the work to heal my own trauma. The trauma I’m inadvertently passing on to them bc I feel inextricably stuck in this cycle & being aware of that makes me hate myself more, & the guilt that am supposed to be breaking this cycle! How do I heal & keeP from passing this trauma to my kids when I know I’M THE PROBLEM
That was worth more than all my therapy sessions combined.
A major part of depression is procrastination. We often leave work for as long as we can, chores until it can’t wait anymore, we avoid getting together with friends and/or family because we feel so down. But I propose we are depressed because we procrastinate about ourselves and that the reason for that is the same as any other form of procrastination….we are terrified of failure and rejection. Procrastination of doing this or that is considered a coping mechanism, a way to protect our ego. Isn’t that what we’re really doing to ourselves when depressed and in that deep dark hole? We think the easiest way to not fail is to not try. The easiest way to not feel rejected and judged is to not let ourselves be in social situations. It has become our irrational fear. When we do enjoy ourselves for that rare moment, we see how much better it makes us feel. But we’ve stood so back from the fire that now we fear it. We need to approach depression like an irrational fear. Slow but steady. Am I ready for this yet. Not quite but I feel I’m getting to the point where I will try. Do something, anything. It doesn’t have to be with anyone first. Build up your confidence and see what you enjoy on your own. I know how hard it is to get out of bed so maybe at first, you don’t. Find a game you like, an e-book which thrills you, then maybe join an online support group. Slowly face the fear. Maybe go out where there are people but not anyone you know. Make the smallest of chit-chat. See life buzzing around you. Then when you’re ready, hang out with some friends or family or find an in-person support group. But keep it slow. Make the conscious choice, when you can, to not procrastinate on yourself. Our fear is a learned one and we can unlearn it too.
I procrastinate because I’m a lazy so and so!
His voice is so soothing.
I just don’t want to be anymore! The loneliness is crippling….. I just wish I had the courage to end it tbh!
😢❤❤❤
❤❤❤❤
Please stay. You ARE of value😌😍😒
I feel you, I'm going through it right now. I don't know you, but I care about you. Sending hugs! ❤
Never give up no matter what!
I actually think that loneliness is even more prominent in young men, and often this is the result of women showing virtually zero interest in men who you would look at and see nothing wrong in them, but due to dating apps, we have become more disconnected than ever, and as a result, very few men now make the grade due to unrealistic expectations and a check list of requirements they cannot possibly fulfill.
What a kind genius you are Dr . “ what part of you “ is making these questions? The spiritually enlightened path is sometimes a lonely place , which is more than some can face . Read a book , go for a walk , take a cold shower …..breath slowly with your eyes closed for one minute. Own yourself , be calm and still and savor your life ……every breath is precious, love yourself and love and forgive others and keep moving …..
I've listened to the 2 podcasts and I've followed on TH-cam. I'd like to really get that copy signed by Mister Doctor Gabor Maté. Thanks for the podcasts and for the short videos. Have a marvelous day. 🤗
By follow I mean I've subscribed to your channel on TH-cam.
@@artemiomusica5465 Thanks, Artemio! Your name has been added to the list to pull from a hat!
@@DahliaKurtz thanks a lot
The way the therapist was talking while giving pieces of advice on how to overcome depression made me more depressed!
We assuage the loneliness with such distractions all of which sound good and may be beneficial at times. However, if one digs deeper, the loneliness is a symptom of yearning for God