Even more so by his way of looking at people. It's strange that an objective, scientific, impersonal perspective, can be the most intimate and warm approach there is.
After dealing with generalized anxiety and chronic pain for the past 9 years, I have to admit that this man is hitting the nail right on the head by presenting chronic anxiety as childhood coping mechanism. I've learned very late in this process after years of medication, cognitive-behavioural therapy and meditation, that the most relief I've come to feel was when I finally allowed myself to cry when I couldn't contain the suffering anymore. Since then I've discovered that whenever I feel the pain or anxiety creep up, if I can actually get in the proper mindstate and let go, tears will start pouring down, and I observe the pain and anxiety melt away as a result. The child in me is freaking out and needs to feel heard and comforted. Any negative emotion that is repressed and not allowed to be expressed outwards in an healthy manner will turn inward, compress, and start damaging you from the inside until it is finally allowed to come out and be released. I've come to realize you can store these unresolved feelings for years, decades... and when they finally come out, it's as if they were never altered, they are still perfectly intact... or worst, but time has never got them to shrink. Slowly and surely opening up to a therapist was one of the greatest contributing factor, as the therapist's role in this context was to provide my the relationship and care that my parents didn't know how to provide in order to finally heal those childhood, and then lifelong wounds. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Time + conscious and voluntary attention and care will heal all wounds. Time itself has no power, since it is a relative illusion.
@@oliverhardman3513 C. G. Jung has been one, if not the most fascinating person I've ever encountered in this now decade long journey of self discovery... a modern times prophet and deeply misunderstood genius.
I see you and I hear you Maxime. Your words were the perfect closing for this video of Gabor, who has helped me a lot. I agree with all of what you have said, specially the last part, time won’t do anything if you don’t put the work to heal. Thank you ❤️🙏🏻
I’m so glad I didn’t listen to people who told me to let my daughter cry it out and not to pick her up when she wanted to be in arms, or she didn’t want to fall asleep alone in her room, until now she’s 5 and sometimes she asks me to stay with her and read for her until she falls asleep, and I am there. Always to reassure her that I will never deny her from love. I stayed home with her until 2 years old and started nursery step by step during adaptation process, she didn’t cry because she felt safe. It makes me feel, it was the right choice.
Luckily my son didn’t cry at night I was so lucky, but, if he was anxious about say, a school trip away, or something that feared him , he’d sometimes be literally sick ..I always talked it out ( whether rightly or wrongly and possibly a bit stern so as to assure him he had nothing to fear) .. but every night I’d read to him and play a tape recording of a familiar children’s story he liked ... it’s natural for everyone to experience fear, anxiety, dread panic ...it all depends on the assistance at hand to help sooth the concerns at that time .
Wow I never viewed mental health concerns as coping mechanisms before but it makes perfect sense. Anxiety is rooted in a lack of genuine human connection.
One of the things that struck me when I went to Ecuador in the 1980s was that you rarely heard a child crying because they are always in somebody's arms, a big sister or other and not alone in their room or in a pram. Modern people can be so dumb. A crying child is one who needs to be reassured, picked up and held.
My sister said the same of trips countries in Africa. Rarely heard crying babies…this because the child was wrapped on front or on the backs of the mother.
I traveled in China back in 1991 and spent a month there. It was the same. The entire time I was there, I never saw a Chinese baby cry. They were always being held. All families were under the One Child policy so that child got all their attention.
It's not that people are dumb, it's that in the West in general, and in the U.S. particularly, we are unconsciously conditioned by the culture of materialism and consumption to pay more attention to ourselves than each other. The more we are isolated from each other (and our true selves) the more we must turn to consumption and external means of validation as a substitute for happiness. We are conditioned to be consumers and to raise children who will consume even more. The idea that you are not enough serves to perpetuate that unhealthy arrangement while it drives corporate sales and profits.
I definitely didn’t let my kids cry it out, honoured their emotions, hugged, spent hours reading and cuddling, playing. And yet one of my children has severe debilitating anxiety and depression. Though she was bullied at school as a small, red headed, smart kid. My greatest fear before I became a mom was that I would inadvertently screw my kids up. I hope she can one day be free of this as a coping mechanism for the pain she has yet to find a source for
How I wish I had found Dr. Mate 30 years ago, he is so compassionate and insightful. Not like 99% of Doctors who just slap a label on someone, try to drug them and send away, they dont give too hoots.
Ja, leider gibt es zu viele schlechte Ärzte, sie können nur das Erlernte reproduzieren, aber der Transfer auf echte Patienten fällt ihnen schwer. Für die meisten Ärzte existiert die Seele nicht, für sie gibt es nur Körper, die nicht funktionieren. Auf die Diagnose folgen die Medikamente, Menschen werden auf ihre Diagnose reduziert. Das kann ja nicht richtig sein.
@@trinitytwo14992 Google Translate is your friend - "Yes, unfortunately there are too many bad doctors, they can only reproduce what they have learned, but it is difficult for them to transfer it to real patients. For most doctors, the soul does not exist; for them there are only bodies that do not function. The diagnosis is followed by medication, people are reduced to their diagnosis. That can't be right."
Me too, I had the proverbial dysfunctional, highly abusive childhood and some other (to thus day problems that compounded the abuse)- sadly I thought I had found THE PSYCHIATRIST OF EVERY PERSON'S DREAMS, well he sexually, and emotionally, HA HA abused me, transference, beyond that but I was an immature barely out of my teens, child- woman, a hippie, who DIDNT AND STILL DOESNT LIKE OR NEED ETC CONFORMITY, I mention it because the popular image of "hippie chicks" was WE GO. Well we didn't and needless to say not at our shrinks. He just died and I've no closure, am still in therapy with as close to a "Dr. Mate" as you could find, but time ticks on doesn't it and for me most days are likened to Jabberwocky, many addictions dealt with but still sleep alone, suicide ideation I guess and I still think of how painful rug burns are on your tail bone and there is no salve, nope. I don't live to hate but I really despise that slime, he destroyed literally the best years, what should have been of my life. Garbage to him, just a piece of old chewing gum. I did report him to expose him and get his license revoked, now I might be successful, not then, and I know he'd done it before, I know about grooming...read a novel, My Dark Vanessa 2x and am going for third reading, along with The Apology by Eve Ensler. Both books acted as balm but given my age and crappy health (blood work us good but I feel sick in spite of "good grades " sorry, I might delete this, I need to talk and I am a recluse, happily married, ironically. Sadly there are not many Dr. Mate's. Time is money bull sht. Namastem Z I hope you are living or will be living t by e life you desire and deserve. If you ever need a shoulder...
I was admited to the hospital at 4yo for kidney desease. I was in a room where no one could enter for a few weeks. Years later, my father told me that after i came back home, i was changed and never let my mother touch me again. I grew up an adult with a love hate relationship with my mother for a number of reasons. Now, 53, i have uncontrolable anxiety attacks and i even have a psychotic episode about 5 years ago right after my mother threatened to disown me…it lasted two weeks. Parent son relationship deffinately is important for mental health of adults.
He's right . The two people who could have been comforting as a kid were emotionally explosive and sometimes violent , definitely not a source of comfort. Even in my 50s this still effects me now .
I used to have severe anxiety, with some bad panic attacks. Eventually, a doctor discovered I was not absorbing iron well, which led to testing and diagnosis for Celiacs disease. It is definitely worth making sure there isn't a medical issue going on that has nothing to do with psychology.
Yes, thyroid issues can also cause panic attacks. It's one of the first things a dr is meant to check and rule out any physical basis before looking further.
@christina True. When i went to my doctor for anxiety symptoms like feeling cold, increased heart rate etc., my thyroid was the first she checked, i even had a thyroid ultrasound along with routine blood work. When all that was normal she said it was just anxiety and just gave me vitamins
I am 32 years old. As a child (and even as we got older) my brother always made fun of me, and embarrassed me in front of our friends. He used me as a clutch to feel better about himself, to feel superior, because he was my older brother and I looked up to him. He always made me cry, made me feel bad about myself. I grew up insecure and anxious. It took me years to understand that all along, I was the strong one, and he was the weak one. He is the source of my anxiety, and I dont know how to get rid of it even after discovering this :(
thats so very sad and there must be much hurt and a very deep sense of rejection? Its really wonderful youve recognised what happened and can see it for what it was. ........ just a suggestion but after processing that hurt and being compassionate and forgiving toward him and his weakness and also processing those feelings towards yourself and vulnerability as a child.... ..., if you can then visualise that power and strength that he was afraid of (perhaps as a cloud, give it a colour if you like) and see yourself stepping into it and owning it. feel it ground you and allow you to feel a deep sense of peace and calm and practice that feeling of peace often (especially when your brother is around). Own your calm and if anxiety occurs, gather the feeling and visualise it outside your body....breath deep and with every deep breath feel strength and calm return and see the anxiety dissipate.......also bare feet on green grass is healing.
tinytica13 Oh, I do so feel for you. I know this position so well but mine was as sister. I adored her and was treated in that same way.. over time as the years rolled by she was dealt some VERY hefty stuff to deal with. I began to feel anxious about her life and did wonder if all her bad experiences she was faced with were indeed the law of karma. I truly don’t know . I must say recognising so well your experiences helped me. I guess that’s all I wanted to say...I am a huge fan of Gabor Mate and find he often explains some of the things I struggle with. I wish you well..
I have been through such experiences...26 years old here. Sorry to know about that, I think perhaps by understanding where these feelings stem from it gives us a chance to face it whenever it next arises? And I think(?) In therapy it is proven that facing what we fear is a method that can work, I have only lately became more conscious of myself as I was in some serious trauma before that, so there is yet much to learn for a young fart like myself.
"In a society that makes people more isolated all the time, where human social contact is replaced by the rather cold and impersonal world of the internet and when...young people have less opportunity for meaningful employment and belonging and a sense of purpose than their parent used to, there's more genuine threat" [Gabor Mate, 2019] #lockdown2020
Society doesn't isolate people, people make the choice to isolate themselves. Young people, at least those who have access to the internet and therefore access to almost unlimited knowledge can do and become whatever the fuck they want, it has never been easier to live a fulfilling and meaningful life at your own conditions
@@T4ngoman People have to isolate if they have symptoms of covid to avoid further spread of the infection, But there are those who also choose to isolate as you said to avoid catching it. Some could be paranoid due to listening to the media. Some people just don't care about the rules which leads to areas and even countries going into lockdown as the UK prepapres for a possible national lockdown. The educational system and employment sector will not be the same in its current state. It's one thing to learn infinite information online. It's another thing to be hands on in a job for example or in the field of work itself. My teenager cannot do any practical science experiments in high school or participate in martial arts classses the way things are now.
@@samanthab8807 I was not referring to the isolation caused by covid, since Gabor Mates quote was from 2019 when covid didn't exist. I agree with what you said, I don't get what your point was, though.
@@T4ngoman That's fair though I was referring to covid because the original commenter quoted Gabor along with the hashtag lockdown2020. I made my points because that quote is relevant to the present situation.
@@T4ngoman Another "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps" attitude which indicates clearly the lack of understanding of what Mate has just said. Those whose minds are under the control of events of the past DO NOT have the ability - the psychological tools - to "become whatever the fuck they want."
Gabor has been such a large contributor to my healing process. Out of integrating his emotional/body knowledge into my own healing...I found my anxiety and depression literally dissolve. Now I support others to do the same. Gabor is a brilliant contributor to recovering and resolving the roots of suffering!
@@lilianamarquez938 I have extensive experiences, training and facilitation with Mark Wolynn, in Family Constellations. As an addition to that I studied Gabor, mostly his videos.
So my stepson came to me with anxiety issues, he was 24 at the time, he was having panic attacks. Now when your between 18 to 30 your body is still in development, your still growing. Some develop early some late. At its most basic description anxiety is the most primitive form of self defense its a chemical reaction you have when your in danger. If you were walking along and you fell into an open pit and there was a tiger down there with you, anxiety would immediately kick in, its a primal survival function, your anxiety protects you. Now while your still developing your anxiety will randomly go off for no reason or something will trigger it. Now when that happens I want you to access your situation and be awear of your surroundings, its a false alarm, like a fire bell going off in a building where the alarms are being tested, you know there was a planned drill, there is no fire, so calmly just walk towards the exit. I hope this helps someone ❤
I suffered the borderline disorder for over 23 years, with so much anxiety not until I came across psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment actually saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
PS: anyone notice within themselves and among purple generally that internet interactions have begun to carry more meaning for them? I feel like I find more comfort in even a little comment from a random "person" around the world because I'm extremely isolated now. .I'm also able as a substitute teacher to take much comfort in the kind comments or hug or handmade catd from a child I am only going to see once or maybe a few times a year. It's like I've accepted that my community has changed. I hope this pandemic will affect many this way in that our world will become "smaller" with less boundaries. Or that our social circle is expanded in that way. Blessings to all you who are reading this whether isolated physically, mentally or not at all. I don't know you, but I you're in my heart.
100% agree. People are starving for meaningful and open communication, and TH-cam is often a great platform for it no matter how toxic some spaces can become. With anonymity, people might feel more safe to come forward with their stories and personnal feelings.
This is sooo helpful - I grew up when parents were taught ‘just let the kid cry - they’ll get over it’. And that’s exactly the way my general anxiety feels 70 years later, like ‘what if I need help and no one is there to help?…’ It doesn’t even matter that that’s virtually never my experience. It also means that I’m resistant to asking for help because I came to believe that it was weak to do that, that you’re supposed to be able to take care of everything yourself. In fact, I went one further to become codependent and take on everyone else’s needs as well…. It’s so healing just to have someone say, ‘this wasn’t what should happen for children’, just to acknowledge that. It’s huge.
Yes, I was born in the 1940s when Dr. Spock wrote the book on "NOT" to pick up a crying baby. However, I suppose it was better than being thrown against the wall for crying. I had both of these done to me so that an X-ray shows a spine grown somewhat twisted in adulthood.
He is so right. .... We need to totally change how we look at and deal with our children. And not just at home. Schools need to totally be revamped as well. From schedule to curriculum... discipline....all of it. I told my spouse the other day , I think childhood is disappearing. It is morphing into stress/anxiety , standardized test, homework homework and more homework , hardly any recess / free time, and obesity to boot. This pandemic has shown me I was right. We are definitely going to approach our lives differently now. My kids were miserable in school, just being pushed thru. Not truly learning... my youngest ended up with PTSD from the supposed psychologist not handling any of his issues appropriately.As it so happend I pulled my children out just prior to the pandemic. My gut was telling me the whole time this is wrong. It must change.We will be homeschooling from here on out.
Most "anxiety" is produced by stressors in our man-made physical environment, and our "hurry-up" lifestyle causes us to become addicted to our own stress hormones and live "stressed-out" anxious lives. Stress R Us
@@carlosdasilva3993 Yes, I never understood anxiety and thought it was a made up condition. My father passed a year ago and shortly after his passing I developed anxiety. It creeps up often without a warning.
We wouldn't have this anxiety without real-life stressors in our ancestral environment that have become maladaptive in modern society. Agricultural life was pretty stressful too. Get the crop in before it rains - or we will starve.
When I was a child if I cried I would get spanked for ‘waisting my tears’. My partner would scold me and say ‘be tough’.I love my parents but now as an adult I suffer panic attacks, anxiety and stress and I’m still trying to work through it.
Yup I got yelled at during my childhood and verbally abused, as I got older I always responded negative to authority and I became the verbal abused because I thought, it was done to me and I’m fine. My anxiety comes from my dad who is one of the most anxious people I know. It took me 25 years to realize my dad isn’t normal, he can’t sit still unless he’s sleeping. I’ve been called weird my whole life and I realize it’s my anxiety that makes me say and do weird things. Sometimes I don’t know when to shut up and it’s me having a anxiety attack that takes 3 hrs for me to control. My abuse of weed is from my anxiety, and I thought it was normal because everyone around me smokes weed. Anxiety ruined my life and I had no idea, I knew there was something wrong but anxiety seemed so innocent. Sorry for the long post .
My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
I think many of our parents just didn’t know themselves - how to parent. They ‘became’ parents, but they didn’t seem to know + weren’t taught ‘how to be parents’. When I look at things through this lens, I realize that this has probably been going on for generations. I feel hopeful, when I think about our growing awareness around issues like this and from that we can start to develop positive/meaningful lasting solutions. Working to train/educate parents to be effective compassionate parent role models... would be a good place to start.
Fix your biochemistry. When we go through trauma it disrupts one of three things, your methylation, inflammation/ cytokines, or hormones, fix this and you will face all the fears you had as a child. Biochemistry before psychotherapy
Love Anger Anxiety Depression Shame The hierarchy. You'd rather feel anything over shame. You'd rather feel Anger over anxiety, depression and shame. Love above all else.
Does anyone in here have anxiety and have their life on track - bills and rent paid, regular exercise schedule, clean healthy food, meditation or yoga practice, jobs all done without any backlog? I've had childhood abuse, however when I don't sort my life out, my childhood abuse pain comes back. When I sort my shit out and have a pretty much a problem free life, there's no childhood pain or anxiety. It was a big realisation for me - the pain, anxiety didnt' come from the childhood abuse, it came from not having my shit together, and have structures and routines in place so everything that needed to get done got done. It was comforting all those years to blame circumstances and other people, but once I started taking responsibility (thank you therapy) to sort stuff out, and do what needed to get done pretty much all my anxiety disappeared.
One of many cycles in life is a 14 year one which starts at puberty. The change which happens at the end of the twenties, early thirties causes many people to experience higher levels of anxiety.
What he says hit a chord within me that says, he is right. A simple and genious answer for a difficult problem. Need to see more videos wit this wise man.
I felt really uncomfortable listening to this, I didn't want to hear it. That probably means, unconsciously, it must have hit home. When we hear a truth that resonates deep duw', we just "know" sometimes. Thank you Dr Maté 🙏🏽🌟 it's good to know the real truth.
My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
@@hughmann1927 you're correct. I've heard many foods are toxic, especially wheat, which has been genetically modified since the 60's. Apparently causes a lot of anxiety & psychological problems. Also, AVOID caffeine.
I’m 37 and as a child I felt a lot anxieties for ages. Worries, fear, worthlessness, helpless, a lot of moodiness. And it hurts.. it hurts a lot. But that’s not my fault. I wasn’t raised properly. My mom is the one that cause all that. These feelings truly do horribly effect the humans brain . You know what I’m sayin ( It also Cause tears of sadness hurt) those are anxieties I be feeling too. It hurts a lot!
Unlike others here I can't really relate to this as I have had anxiety since I was a little kid but my Mum is one of the most loving, comforting and supportive people I have ever met. I never had any issues as a child, my life didn't become terrible until I was 15 and I was bullied for 5 years during high school.
I see anxiety more as a defence against difficult and sometimes overwhelming feelings. Things that happen jn the present trigger past unprocessed hurts and traumas. Learning how to regulate and process these feelings is one key to reducing anxiety and panic.
Agree. I believe the overwhelming feeling is actually caused by guilt, at least it is for me... So its really a conscience issue. And if its a conscience issue the question is how can we calm our bad conscience? I believe the solution is the blood of Jesus and identifying being righteous in Christ Jesus. Its the only hope of getting out of the infinite loop of anxiety, shame, guilt and panic...The devil is the accuser and condemnation is his greatest weapon. But there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus... God bless you
I'm glad I watched this. I've gotten dirty looks from people when my kids cry and I pick them up or hug them. Some have even commented that I'll spoil them. If it's a tantrum, I don't coddle. If they cry and need me, I'm there.
I saw an old friend do that to her boy for an hour and it put me right off of her, just bloody unnatural. I was so angry with her when I left hers, probably because it had been done to me as an infant, my mum was a childminder and she did this to infants in her care. I hated mum for doing that too. I used to sneak in and pick them up and boom, child comforted and settled.
I'm all for giving children all the attention and compassion we have. But isn't picking up and comforting the child when crying really depends on what the child is crying about? I mean, if the child is misbehaving and you tried listening to him/her and made him/her understand what is expected and unexpected from them and the child still misbehaves, what should I do then? Should I still pick them up? (Trying to learn for my nephew)
Mind is always afraid of unknown and we tend to get anxious about future events/ or meeting people and mind starts to preconcieved ideas of what could go wrong/happened. meditation and awareness of mind mechanism is a very powerful tool( change the narration by telling your mind 'everything would be fine' most of the time things do go great.
Get on magnesium, bio-copper (believe it or not, lamb heart is an easy option that tastes like regular lamb meat), and stop ingesting those metallic iron filings in processed foods (I suspect you likely already did this, but just in case...). Don't underestimate the role of metallic iron filings "fortified" into the food supply beginning in 1941 as a trigger for the NLRP3 "fear sensor" protein within the cell. This "fear" in INTERNAL to the cell Morley Robbins and Dr. Rick Malter cover these effects. ... Morley Robbins - My Theory Of Everything -- th-cam.com/video/Iq94ROB5qEs/w-d-xo.html Understanding Copper Toxicity (same as iron overload): th-cam.com/video/QyV4TgXCGC0/w-d-xo.html The Iron Toxic Calcium Shell (also associated with toxic iron overload in tissues) -- coppertoxic.com/calcium-shell Iron behaving badly: iron as contributor to inflammatory and degenerative diseases -- bmcmedgenomics.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1755-8794-2-2 INORGANIC Metallic Iron Filings in Cereal Video -- th-cam.com/video/HGbwFtmJOi4/w-d-xo.html ** Some will claim beans and spinach have iron in them, so adding iron filings to cereal is no problem. Where is the video pulling metallic iron filings from spinach and beans? They can't do it. The form matters more than the name -- don't be deceived! Organic iron in plants is usable while INORGANIC metallic iron filings are quite toxic and designated as a carcinogen (increasing cancer rates are NOT coming from Mars!). So You've Just Been Told You're Anemic? -- th-cam.com/video/cRy1MKKXWzg/w-d-xo.html Summary of Rogue Iron Accumulation in the Human Body -- veritascontent.blob.core.windows.net/audio/YTC_Archive/ytc010719-MorleyRobbins.mp3 Morley Robbins - Magnesium, Copper and Iron Synergy - August 11, 2020 -- th-cam.com/video/kYEGfE9DUJ4/w-d-xo.html The role of insufficient copper in lipid synthesis and fatty-liver disease -- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5619695/ Symptoms of Copper [Bio-copper) Deficiency (and Iron Overload) -- th-cam.com/video/4kam576p-3Y/w-d-xo.html
His explanation is very good. Regression through clinical hypnosis with a good, experienced therapists brings rapid positive results,...that will last,...because regression aims at the initial cause of the trauma. Simple suggestive hypnosis won’t do. In my view a vast majority of our population suffers from attachment trauma. We need more good trauma-therapists. Great short interview. Thank you ❤️👌
Listening to Gabor Mate and also learning how to heal this from Andrew Kenneth Fretwell's book Emotional Alchemy - The Love & Freedom Hidden Within Painful Feelings helped me a lot with my anxiety. Here is a quote from his book ''Anxiety is always a response to unconscious fear in the body!' Thank you for sharing this!
I’ve been unable to stand the crying of my small children. I was ridiculed by older relatives (with the same background as Dr. Maté) saying I’m spoiling the child and it doesn’t “hurt” them to “cry a little”. Somebody even said it served a purpose for the lungs. I would quickly learn their needs so they didn’t need to start crying for example in the night. They’d start turning and twisting and I knew that was because they were hungry or needed contact. I’m really happy to get it confirmed that this is indeed correct and good. Not that I could do it in any other way.
Same here. I have never felt fully comfortable and something is always missing. There seems to be a void I can only temporarily fill with sex, weed and violent fantasies.
A girl here was attached to her parents until the ripe old age of 26 when she was getting married, yes, I love my husband yet the fear of the unknown was daunting and I cried tears of what the heck on our wedding day. The home I was leaving behind was the most fantastic in terms of love and caring. May God bless my parents and others like them, we do not get to choose our parents unfortunately for those who do/did not have a similar experience.
The more I hear of this as the root of our problems, the more it makes sense. This is also the root of why society is bred in the way it is where the way in which we deal with these negative feelings, is to 'power' through them - bulldoze them essentially. Then, we develop unhealthy relationships, habits, destructive patterns of all sorts that don't benefit us and seem like a mystery.
This is a compassionate lesson and expands my view on other's suffering. I suppose on a personal level this a Good Will Hunting "It's not your fault" moment. It's a short clip, so I am curious about his thoughts on taking responsibility for your personal burdens (specifically anxiety).
as I watch this video, what arises in me, is longing and desire... and an immense and intense ache inside my soul... I pray magical blessings in the lives of myself and my true love (whom I am yet to meet). may him and I, both experience magical transformation and new levels of enlightenment and bliss... and may that lead us to each other, very-very soon! and may you, as well, beloved reader, be blessed, too...
My reaction to a situation now is to do with my childhood. Not the situation. That has lifted a massive rock from my shoulders. Thank you so so much for your wisdom.
*_BUDDA WAS ONLY A HUMAN WHO LIVED, SINNED, AND DIED._* *_JESUS CHRIST IS GOD IN HUMAN FORM WHO LIVED WITHOUT SIN AND DEFEATED DEATH._* *_OPEN YOUR HEART TO THE TRUTH THAT IS JESUS CHRIST._*
I practiced attachment parenting all the way. I am so incredibly thankful that I did and may have saved my children from experiencing the crippling anxiety I live with
My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
@@gilliandowney5225 My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those) Alcohol is dangerous to quit cold turkey if alcoholic! :)
anxiety - not having enough information/ ability in the moment depression - outcome from not having enough information/ ability hypothesis i came up with - both are reactions we have based on our current enviroment and past experiences
I developed GAD and Panic disorder in 2018 after drinking to much water (water intoxication) I had my first panic attack when my electrolytes were out of whack. Ever since my brain is in high alert and I am not the same
Used to think it was Alan Watts, then Christopher hitches, then Jordan Peters Peterson now i see gabor mate is "the one" top most helpful informed and informative tuned in speaker I've ever heard
I like the guy, but I disagree. It's not always our childhood. My anxiety is definitely inherited. Mom was an excellent mother to me and my sister, she was always there for us whenever we needed her, and so was our dad. Both parents were great. And yet, mom inherited anxiety and trouble sleeping from her father (my grandpa). And now I have insomnia too, and anxiety, and I used to have panic attacks years ago (glad I got rid of those). There is nothing in my childhood home that could've caused it. Even in kindergarten, I was an overthinker, I can still remember lying in bed for an afternoon nap (I hated those and never fell asleep, not even once) and going through all kinds of things in my head, thinking about the world, why something is as it is, why people behave the way they do... as a five year-old! My sister can fall asleep any time, anywhere, no problem. So it's definitely genetic, and I believe it plays a bigger role than childhood experiences, unless you went through severe trauma.
Anxiety can also be a genetic predisposition. I was an extremely hands on Mom. Carried my babies..breast fed..calm surroundings..never let them cry..always comforting..yet all suffer from severe anxiety as adults..as did my father. It turns out there is a very serious B deficiency..inherited.
Wolfhound I agree because I never let my child cry and breast fed her until she weaned herself...and she has panic attacks every so often and generalized anxiety- but not overwhelming.
Generally speaking psychologists have a tendency to play down genetic factors. Maybe its because its not their area of expertise so therefore feel threatened by it.
@@msredpoll I'm reading Dr. Mate's book, In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts, and a brief given explanation in it is that genes are primarily activated by environment. I don't think the doctor (and he is a physician, not a psychologist 🙂) is ignoring genetic potential, but his years of specializing in addiction medicine, and hands-on experience in the trenches in Vancouver's Downtown skid row have influenced him to think that environment, especially those that are unstable, deprived, or abusive, are much more influential on us as individuals (including unconsciously and subconsciously).
A serious Vitamin B deficiency would create the ailment, beriberi and most likely not severe anxiety. At the end of the day, it's really unknown what the exact cause is but probably an interplay of both genes AND the environment. One unusual explanation(which seemingly doesn't apply in your case) is that a mother stressed out during her pregnancy secretes excess cortisol which has the effect of creating an enlarged amygdala in her offspring's brain(the amygdala being the brain's source for the fight/flight/response).
You think you did right by your babies, but did you really? You used the word 'extremely', which rings alarm bells. Extremely hands on for a baby is great, but if it continues through childhood, it transcends into suffocatingly overbearing. What was your children's childhood really like? The fact that they ALL suffer severe anxiety as adults means that the dynamic at home was terribly wrong growing up.
I recommended a Jordan Peterson video to a stranger and he recommended listening to this guy; and I'm glad he did this man already seems calm collected and rational.
My mother stayed in bed most of my childhood and I only visited my father every other weekend. My father didn’t really know how to be a dad and would just pawn me off on whatever wife or gf he had at the time while he worked or did anything except spend time with me. My mother has always been severely depressed and I remember having to take care of myself at a very young age-sort of like Matilda only less clever and magical. To this day I wrestle with anxiety and depression and although I prefer not to blame my parents for everything, I can’t help but wonder how differently my life would have been if I could have had slightly better parents.
As I read your account, I felt myself embracing you. A warm long protective platonic hug. I felt your journey ; some resonating my own. You have grit. You are a warrior. Stop n take time to forgive your parents but their journey brought out this amazing You.
God the two comments in reply to your comment are HORRIBLE. The answer is, you would be completely different and you would feel safe in the world and you would not have had to battle insecurity and anxiety all your life. Blame your parents. It's THEIR fault; they were hopeless parents irrespective of the reasons. It wasn't YOUR fault. You deserved GOOD sane, attentive, there for you parents. Psychotherapists don't help; they're arseholes who want your money and tell you that you can't do without them or a good support system of loving people. Horseshit. Who has a good support system of loving people? Not many, if any. YOU can supply what you need though. What bad parenting does is take YOU away from you. But you are there, you can find yourself, rescue all the fragmented pieces of yourself and be fabulous, which you already are, you just don't know. Search, search, search for ways to do this for YOURSELF. That is what you haven't learnt to do, to self soothe, to look after yourself, to trust yourself. I was not just neglected, I was viciously abused, sadistically abused. I know what anxiety is but I love myself now, I nurture myself, I self soothe. It is BEAUTIFUL and the most grounding thing in the world. Watch Teal Swann videos on how to connect with yourself. You can feel stronger and better and safer than you ever believed possible.
@@CityThatCannotBeCaptured The purpose of psychotherapy is to help the individual to understand that they are in fact not at fault and that it is human to be flawed. It is to teach the individual how to self soothe by replacing that voice in their head with one of kindness. It is not about making money or keeping people in therapy forever. This comment is uninformed and harmful. For anyone interested, please continue to explore Dr Mate's work as he himself is an advocate for psychotherapy. Additionally, look into the School of Life videos on TH-cam which explain things in an easily accessible way.
@@Kinjo7 Can you share the links to these videos ? I understand what has caused my issues and I believe that dealing with this issues in the wrong way for over 30+ years has my brain chemistry so messed up . I'm dealing with issues from my Mom saying really hurtful things to me at an young age like "I wish you were never born " or making fun of my appearance . Then turn around in 3 hrs and say she was sorry and I'm a gift from god . The I got molested by 2 teenaged boys when I was 7 . This really messed me up mentally and sexually . Later on I was with a girl from 16 to 27 but she mentally abused me and cheated on me and lied . Now I'm 40 and I want to be on drugs all day or I think of suicide . In the USA mental illness treatment cost so much I would go in serious debt to receive treatment :( . Im lost and hopeless :(
I remember few years back after my wife died, I was left alone with 3 kids. I suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with bipolar. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I need Gabor Mate in my life 🆘 Can’t find a psychologist or a person who can help me with figuring my self and my life out. I have many questions but can’t find answers.
i got alot of my answers lying on the floor meditating while stoned. i'd suppressed memories n emotions. Turned out i had alot of s#it trapped within my spine, sternum n neck. I felt i was growing up in enemy territory. i became v introverted, shy, insecure, slef hating n my posture reflected this by the time i was 6 (ballet teacher would shout at me XD) It was a mix of the stoned meditation and Alexander technique which helped me unlock the physical 'fear-freeze' stuff within my spine, being stoned enabled my brain to 'go there', being stoned meant i was buffered from the emotion at first n thus i had the courage, but i knew to go with the flow n really feel it, make friends with the discomfort. There's also TRE, so id give myself a good shake to help release the tension after id done crying n screaming into pillows XD i also did alot of dancing at home alone for anger release. i also had good support network who knew what i was trying to achieve n i bounced ideas with them from what id learnt. I also did CBT with the NHS n honestly, i wish id done it MUCH sooner instead of trying to do it all myself cos id 'already had talk therapy off n on since 15, nothing new to learn' etc XD i dont think the CBT would have helped me uncover these memories etc. they were trapped in my body, not my mind, but the 2-pronged approach means im now finding myself thinking n interacting differently, in healthier ways. the CBT also helped me to explore my mind n ask the questions i hadnt thought to ask before. Our subconscious knows what we need to know. Ya need to find a way to communicate with it. Some prefer hypnosis. i did that, but i gave myself a block cos the therapist got too excited at the progress n pushed me too fast too soon. Wish id stuck with self-hypnosis XD The language of the sub C is symbolism. NLP can help you to rewire many things as well :) The last thing i know which may help, but i dont recomend it lightly. You need to be mentally stable n do your research. Myself, i did 2 years research online b4 i went to amsterdam n took some hallucinogenic truffles. During my trip i learnt a few lessons. i could chose to let go of the pain i was holding onto. I was in the museum memory part of my mind. So i smashed up all the fancy objects id collected n prized that wernt serving me, only causing pain, collected all n threw out the window. Memory is still there, but the pain those objects represented has gone. There was more, but it's kinda private personal XD lots of healing testimonies online. Set/intention n setting are KEY. again research cos its a powerful tool n used wrongly it can cause great harm
Insecurity and uncertainty are two of the biggest causes of anxiety. How anxious you get, how you deal with it, and how long it lasts will depend on your childhood. *Edit - This can be changed with strategies though. Change of mindset/way of thinking /lifestyle, etc. It's not hopeless.
Look for the minimum you need to have (material stuff, money) ,the strict minimum and secure it. Once it's done, you'll have a physical "reserve" then work on whatever it is needed for you to navigate through life. (Raising your "courage" level can be a good start) Humanity has always gone under uncertainty, that's the only constant we have... The cycle won't end and knowing that can be a first step to your own inner peace.
You only experience anxiety in this culture if you become a slave to it psychologically. It is very difficult to break the cycle but it is possible of course. Clichéd but start looking for answers and don't stop.
There are no quick answers to this, I'm afraid. It's likely, as Gabor Mate says, that you will need help in the process of finding your way forward - finding a good counsellor or psychotherapist could be very beneficial. Other resources could include further reading/online research, yoga, meditation, walking...activities to engage with which would help to calm your anxiety ("fight /flight/freeze") system down. All the very best to you.
Ok. I can see where my anxiety might have originated in many different childhood situations. I’ve been to therapy. Still got the anxiety though. What are the strategies for making it go away?
Just read comments on another video with this man, and a person commented that Albert Ellis had helped him. I looked up Ellis and found several co-authored books with some by readers comments challenging to do exercises, but, I see a take away here for Getting Help, and Mate's trick is thus, go back to your Childhood. It seems a classic psychology pitch many have said.
I’m 34 and I just realized that I have add. Thought loops, anxiety, focus issues, but also something I can’t describe well. I’d be interested in hearing if anyone feels the same- it’s almost like a very intense claustrophobia feeling but in regards to the place I am. I’ve been moving around my entire adult life. I’ll fell fine for a few weeks then I’ll get the claustrophobia anxiety feeling and only feel alright when I’m in transition again. I can’t describe it too well but it’s honestly a worse feeling than any depression or sadness I’ve ever had. Because the feeling is so frantic and pressing like it’s an emergency that I have to leave. My worst fear is being a wanderer for life but I struggle so badly with this. Any insights would be greatly appreciated
I think I have a similar experience. Two things that have helped so far. Try to sit with and enhance the feelings you talk about. To try and feel them deeply. Currently your running from them. Secondly try to identify as Gabor says what do you need? Anxiety is a healthily alarm system it’s just letting you know something is missing or not being dealt with. I would suggest your drive to keep moving is that once the superficial elements of change have settled these deeper issues arrive. Your pattern so far has been to stir up more superficial change to distract. Try to do the opposite. This is all a roundabout way of saying the solution is within us rather than outside. Where you very lonely as a child?
I love all your videos and believe in everything you say. However to address childhood traumas....which I definitely have , late in life I suffer very much and agree that all the things I’ve tried are of no use. However, to ask for help from people who think like you sadly costs so much money I can’t go down that path. So I search all your videos trying to get the self soothing and comfort , And all the answers I crave from a lifetime of depression and anxiety. I want to put you in my pocket and call upon you when things overwhelm me. You are indeed the real deal and a great thinker.
William Ford . Yes totally agree that it helps, however, I had to stop after many years of yoga due to an abdominal hernia op. And other operations. I’m sure meditation helps a lot of people but the thoughts that I know you should just acknowledge them and let them go just torment me and although I’ve given it many tries as well as chanting, it just doesn’t work. I did find helping other people uplifting . But oh dear they do tend to lean heavily on You until you feel like you don’t know where to draw the line. Hey I still have my sense of humour and dear acquaintances like yourself.. so thank you.
Anyone else is REALLY calmed down by his voice?
I LOVE his voice. Totally calms me down.
I nodded out half way through the video.
Yes
Even more so by his way of looking at people. It's strange that an objective, scientific, impersonal perspective, can be the most intimate and warm approach there is.
I wish he did more long form speeches/lectures. I could listen to him for hours.
After dealing with generalized anxiety and chronic pain for the past 9 years, I have to admit that this man is hitting the nail right on the head by presenting chronic anxiety as childhood coping mechanism. I've learned very late in this process after years of medication, cognitive-behavioural therapy and meditation, that the most relief I've come to feel was when I finally allowed myself to cry when I couldn't contain the suffering anymore. Since then I've discovered that whenever I feel the pain or anxiety creep up, if I can actually get in the proper mindstate and let go, tears will start pouring down, and I observe the pain and anxiety melt away as a result. The child in me is freaking out and needs to feel heard and comforted. Any negative emotion that is repressed and not allowed to be expressed outwards in an healthy manner will turn inward, compress, and start damaging you from the inside until it is finally allowed to come out and be released. I've come to realize you can store these unresolved feelings for years, decades... and when they finally come out, it's as if they were never altered, they are still perfectly intact... or worst, but time has never got them to shrink. Slowly and surely opening up to a therapist was one of the greatest contributing factor, as the therapist's role in this context was to provide my the relationship and care that my parents didn't know how to provide in order to finally heal those childhood, and then lifelong wounds.
Time doesn't heal all wounds. Time + conscious and voluntary attention and care will heal all wounds. Time itself has no power, since it is a relative illusion.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate”
@@oliverhardman3513 C. G. Jung has been one, if not the most fascinating person I've ever encountered in this now decade long journey of self discovery... a modern times prophet and deeply misunderstood genius.
I see you and I hear you Maxime. Your words were the perfect closing for this video of Gabor, who has helped me a lot. I agree with all of what you have said, specially the last part, time won’t do anything if you don’t put the work to heal. Thank you ❤️🙏🏻
@@VanessaGonzalez-jb5rr Thank you for that beautiful reply! Much love :)
Great point
“All mental health disorders originate as a coping mechanism” This is a truly self respect boosting statement. It’s also enormously relieving.
I’m so glad I didn’t listen to people who told me to let my daughter cry it out and not to pick her up when she wanted to be in arms, or she didn’t want to fall asleep alone in her room, until now she’s 5 and sometimes she asks me to stay with her and read for her until she falls asleep, and I am there. Always to reassure her that I will never deny her from love. I stayed home with her until 2 years old and started nursery step by step during adaptation process, she didn’t cry because she felt safe. It makes me feel, it was the right choice.
Wow. What a lucky daughter. May she grow up to be well adjusted to life. Complete opposite from my childhood. Bless you.
I think my Mum fell for that idea that you have to let your child cry it out or they will become too needy, absokutely horrendous advice.
thank you so much for doing this
Luckily my son didn’t cry at night I was so lucky, but, if he was anxious about say, a school trip away, or something that feared him , he’d sometimes be literally sick ..I always talked it out ( whether rightly or wrongly and possibly a bit stern so as to assure him he had nothing to fear) .. but every night I’d read to him and play a tape recording of a familiar children’s story he liked ... it’s natural for everyone to experience fear, anxiety, dread panic ...it all depends on the assistance at hand to help sooth the concerns at that time .
@@joseph1845 It’s was the advice given years ago ... seemed hard it’s true . Cruel to be kind was the moto 😳😫😫🤦♀️👎
Wow I never viewed mental health concerns as coping mechanisms before but it makes perfect sense. Anxiety is rooted in a lack of genuine human connection.
welp, that explains my life
One of the things that struck me when I went to Ecuador in the 1980s was that you rarely heard a child crying because they are always in somebody's arms, a big sister or other and not alone in their room or in a pram. Modern people can be so dumb. A crying child is one who needs to be reassured, picked up and held.
My sister said the same of trips countries in Africa. Rarely heard crying babies…this because the child was wrapped on front or on the backs of the mother.
I traveled in China back in 1991 and spent a month there. It was the same. The entire time I was there, I never saw a Chinese baby cry. They were always being held. All families were under the One Child policy so that child got all their attention.
Look at those countries tho…
Parents are taught too ignore the child i said no way that's emotional neglect they need too feel the warmth of the parent the needs need to be met
It's not that people are dumb, it's that in the West in general, and in the U.S. particularly, we are unconsciously conditioned by the culture of materialism and consumption to pay more attention to ourselves than each other. The more we are isolated from each other (and our true selves) the more we must turn to consumption and external means of validation as a substitute for happiness. We are conditioned to be consumers and to raise children who will consume even more. The idea that you are not enough serves to perpetuate that unhealthy arrangement while it drives corporate sales and profits.
this "do not pick up the kids when they are crying" effected and fucked up the whole generations... so true...
This comment triggers me a lot.
This guy is the Al Pacino of self help!
KRAZEEIZATION and what’s Al Pacino the Al Pacino of?
A badass!
Lol!
@@Svengalish0000 clearly Al Pacino is the Gabor Mate of movies.. 😉
Omg yes
Great interviewer too. Asked the question and listened to the response without interrupting.
Yes!! I hate when they constantly cut him off
Yes. Agreed!
Yes, because he doesn't need to play the expert, and wants to learn, and let us learn. An intelligent and philanthropic interviewer.
Yes
I definitely didn’t let my kids cry it out, honoured their emotions, hugged, spent hours reading and cuddling, playing. And yet one of my children has severe debilitating anxiety and depression. Though she was bullied at school as a small, red headed, smart kid. My greatest fear before I became a mom was that I would inadvertently screw my kids up. I hope she can one day be free of this as a coping mechanism for the pain she has yet to find a source for
It only lasts 4 minutes and explains a lifetime of struggle. Brilliant. Thank you ❤
How I wish I had found Dr. Mate 30 years ago, he is so compassionate and insightful. Not like 99% of Doctors who just slap a label on someone, try to drug them and send away, they dont give too hoots.
Ja, leider gibt es zu viele schlechte Ärzte, sie können nur das Erlernte reproduzieren, aber der Transfer auf echte Patienten fällt ihnen schwer. Für die meisten Ärzte existiert die Seele nicht, für sie gibt es nur Körper, die nicht funktionieren. Auf die Diagnose folgen die Medikamente, Menschen werden auf ihre Diagnose reduziert. Das kann ja nicht richtig sein.
Heike Voigt No idea what you said
@@trinitytwo14992 Sorry, tomorrow I will try in englisch. 😊
@@trinitytwo14992 Google Translate is your friend - "Yes, unfortunately there are too many bad doctors, they can only reproduce what they have learned, but it is difficult for them to transfer it to real patients. For most doctors, the soul does not exist; for them there are only bodies that do not function. The diagnosis is followed by medication, people are reduced to their diagnosis. That can't be right."
Me too, I had the proverbial dysfunctional, highly abusive childhood and some other (to thus day problems that compounded the abuse)- sadly I thought I had found THE PSYCHIATRIST OF EVERY PERSON'S DREAMS, well he sexually, and emotionally, HA HA abused me, transference, beyond that but I was an immature barely out of my teens, child- woman, a hippie, who DIDNT AND STILL DOESNT LIKE OR NEED ETC CONFORMITY, I mention it because the popular image of "hippie chicks" was WE GO. Well we didn't and needless to say not at our shrinks. He just died and I've no closure, am still in therapy with as close to a "Dr. Mate" as you could find, but time ticks on doesn't it and for me most days are likened to Jabberwocky, many addictions dealt with but still sleep alone, suicide ideation I guess and I still think of how painful rug burns are on your tail bone and there is no salve, nope. I don't live to hate but I really despise that slime, he destroyed literally the best years, what should have been of my life. Garbage to him, just a piece of old chewing gum. I did report him to expose him and get his license revoked, now I might be successful, not then, and I know he'd done it before, I know about grooming...read a novel, My Dark Vanessa 2x and am going for third reading, along with The Apology by Eve Ensler. Both books acted as balm but given my age and crappy health (blood work us good but I feel sick in spite of "good grades " sorry, I might delete this, I need to talk and I am a recluse, happily married, ironically. Sadly there are not many Dr. Mate's. Time is money bull sht.
Namastem Z I hope you are living or will be living t by e life you desire and deserve. If you ever need a shoulder...
I was admited to the hospital at 4yo for kidney desease. I was in a room where no one could enter for a few weeks. Years later, my father told me that after i came back home, i was changed and never let my mother touch me again. I grew up an adult with a love hate relationship with my mother for a number of reasons. Now, 53, i have uncontrolable anxiety attacks and i even have a psychotic episode about 5 years ago right after my mother threatened to disown me…it lasted two weeks. Parent son relationship deffinately is important for mental health of adults.
this guy needs more recognition BIG TIME
I love this man so much. The truth hurts but also relieves you of added confusion. He is such a generous teacher. Fantastic mind.
He's right . The two people who could have been comforting as a kid were emotionally explosive and sometimes violent , definitely not a source of comfort. Even in my 50s this still effects me now .
Same - emotionally explosive/abusive mother, semi absent father. Still pain at 65, & hvn’t spoken to them in 20 years.
Same
I used to have severe anxiety, with some bad panic attacks. Eventually, a doctor discovered I was not absorbing iron well, which led to testing and diagnosis for Celiacs disease. It is definitely worth making sure there isn't a medical issue going on that has nothing to do with psychology.
did your panic attacks stop?
Good point 👍
Yes, thyroid issues can also cause panic attacks. It's one of the first things a dr is meant to check and rule out any physical basis before looking further.
Yes! Really important point!
@christina
True. When i went to my doctor for anxiety symptoms like feeling cold, increased heart rate etc., my thyroid was the first she checked, i even had a thyroid ultrasound along with routine blood work. When all that was normal she said it was just anxiety and just gave me vitamins
I am 32 years old. As a child (and even as we got older) my brother always made fun of me, and embarrassed me in front of our friends. He used me as a clutch to feel better about himself, to feel superior, because he was my older brother and I looked up to him. He always made me cry, made me feel bad about myself. I grew up insecure and anxious.
It took me years to understand that all along, I was the strong one, and he was the weak one. He is the source of my anxiety, and I dont know how to get rid of it even after discovering this :(
thats so very sad and there must be much hurt and a very deep sense of rejection? Its really wonderful youve recognised what happened and can see it for what it was. ........ just a suggestion but after processing that hurt and being compassionate and forgiving toward him and his weakness and also processing those feelings towards yourself and vulnerability as a child.... ..., if you can then visualise that power and strength that he was afraid of (perhaps as a cloud, give it a colour if you like) and see yourself stepping into it and owning it. feel it ground you and allow you to feel a deep sense of peace and calm and practice that feeling of peace often (especially when your brother is around). Own your calm and if anxiety occurs, gather the feeling and visualise it outside your body....breath deep and with every deep breath feel strength and calm return and see the anxiety dissipate.......also bare feet on green grass is healing.
tinytica13 Oh, I do so feel for you. I know this position so well but mine was as sister. I adored her and was treated in that same way.. over time as the years rolled by she was dealt some VERY hefty stuff to deal with. I began to feel anxious about her life and did wonder if all her bad experiences she was faced with were indeed the law of karma. I truly don’t know . I must say recognising so well your experiences helped me. I guess that’s all I wanted to say...I am a huge fan of Gabor Mate and find he often explains some of the things I struggle with.
I wish you well..
I was the scapegoat of my family and the toxic shame is painful but we can survive.
Follow Dr. Nicole LePera @the.holistic.psychologist on TH-cam and/or instagram. Dr. Caroline Leaf also has excellent practical methods.
I have been through such experiences...26 years old here. Sorry to know about that, I think perhaps by understanding where these feelings stem from it gives us a chance to face it whenever it next arises? And I think(?) In therapy it is proven that facing what we fear is a method that can work, I have only lately became more conscious of myself as I was in some serious trauma before that, so there is yet much to learn for a young fart like myself.
"In a society that makes people more isolated all the time, where human social contact is replaced by the rather cold and impersonal world of the internet and when...young people have less opportunity for meaningful employment and belonging and a sense of purpose than their parent used to, there's more genuine threat" [Gabor Mate, 2019]
#lockdown2020
Society doesn't isolate people, people make the choice to isolate themselves.
Young people, at least those who have access to the internet and therefore access to almost unlimited knowledge can do and become whatever the fuck they want, it has never been easier to live a fulfilling and meaningful life at your own conditions
@@T4ngoman People have to isolate if they have symptoms of covid to avoid further spread of the infection, But there are those who also choose to isolate as you said to avoid catching it. Some could be paranoid due to listening to the media. Some people just don't care about the rules which leads to areas and even countries going into lockdown as the UK prepapres for a possible national lockdown.
The educational system and employment sector will not be the same in its current state. It's one thing to learn infinite information online. It's another thing to be hands on in a job for example or in the field of work itself. My teenager cannot do any practical science experiments in high school or participate in martial arts classses the way things are now.
@@samanthab8807 I was not referring to the isolation caused by covid, since Gabor Mates quote was from 2019 when covid didn't exist. I agree with what you said, I don't get what your point was, though.
@@T4ngoman That's fair though I was referring to covid because the original commenter quoted Gabor along with the hashtag lockdown2020. I made my points because that quote is relevant to the present situation.
@@T4ngoman Another "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps" attitude which indicates clearly the lack of understanding of what Mate has just said. Those whose minds are under the control of events of the past DO NOT have the ability - the psychological tools - to "become whatever the fuck they want."
Gabor has been such a large contributor to my healing process. Out of integrating his emotional/body knowledge into my own healing...I found my anxiety and depression literally dissolve.
Now I support others to do the same.
Gabor is a brilliant contributor to recovering and resolving the roots of suffering!
which resources did you use from him, please?
Did you take specific offering? Or just view his videos ? Thank you
@@lilianamarquez938 I have extensive experiences, training and facilitation with Mark Wolynn, in Family Constellations. As an addition to that I studied Gabor, mostly his videos.
I wanna give this guy a hug
A whole lot of hugs❤❤
So my stepson came to me with anxiety issues, he was 24 at the time, he was having panic attacks. Now when your between 18 to 30 your body is still in development, your still growing. Some develop early some late. At its most basic description anxiety is the most primitive form of self defense its a chemical reaction you have when your in danger. If you were walking along and you fell into an open pit and there was a tiger down there with you, anxiety would immediately kick in, its a primal survival function, your anxiety protects you. Now while your still developing your anxiety will randomly go off for no reason or something will trigger it. Now when that happens I want you to access your situation and be awear of your surroundings, its a false alarm, like a fire bell going off in a building where the alarms are being tested, you know there was a planned drill, there is no fire, so calmly just walk towards the exit. I hope this helps someone ❤
Sure did ❤️
Any exposure to mold? Mold produces mycotoxins and mycotoxins are neurotoxins. Anxiety coming in from out of nowhere is a symptom of mold toxicity.
His voice is gold.
4 perfect minutes of essential knowledge. This is all I wish I had known and understood the last 20 years. 🙏🏼
Such a wonderful caring human being in every sense. His way of speaking is so engaging it causes me to focus intently like a meditation practice.
This is everything to me right now. Dude was in my dream last night, too. Time to get help where I need it.
1000% correct, anxiety is 100% childhood related
Especially if u dont have affectionate parents
I suffered the borderline disorder for over 23 years, with so much anxiety not until I came across psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment actually saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean.
Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode enough to start working on my mental health
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
He's Shane.myco
The shroom experience stands as my most remarkable journey, an awe-inspiring encounter that left an indelible mark of amazement.
He’s on insta?
Yes my mother seems quite proud of the fact that as a child she used to let me cry it out. Thanks mom.
Yep, kids need to exercise their lungs.
PS: anyone notice within themselves and among purple generally that internet interactions have begun to carry more meaning for them? I feel like I find more comfort in even a little comment from a random "person" around the world because I'm extremely isolated now. .I'm also able as a substitute teacher to take much comfort in the kind comments or hug or handmade catd from a child I am only going to see once or maybe a few times a year. It's like I've accepted that my community has changed. I hope this pandemic will affect many this way in that our world will become "smaller" with less boundaries. Or that our social circle is expanded in that way. Blessings to all you who are reading this whether isolated physically, mentally or not at all. I don't know you, but I you're in my heart.
here is your comment veggies, right you are ! Hope this lifts your spirits.
100% agree. People are starving for meaningful and open communication, and TH-cam is often a great platform for it no matter how toxic some spaces can become. With anonymity, people might feel more safe to come forward with their stories and personnal feelings.
This is sooo helpful - I grew up when parents were taught ‘just let the kid cry - they’ll get over it’. And that’s exactly the way my general anxiety feels 70 years later, like ‘what if I need help and no one is there to help?…’ It doesn’t even matter that that’s virtually never my experience. It also means that I’m resistant to asking for help because I came to believe that it was weak to do that, that you’re supposed to be able to take care of everything yourself. In fact, I went one further to become codependent and take on everyone else’s needs as well…. It’s so healing just to have someone say, ‘this wasn’t what should happen for children’, just to acknowledge that. It’s huge.
Yes, I was born in the 1940s when Dr. Spock wrote the book on "NOT" to pick up a crying baby. However, I suppose it was better than being thrown against the wall for crying. I had both of these done to me so that an X-ray shows a spine grown somewhat twisted in adulthood.
He is so right. .... We need to totally change how we look at and deal with our children. And not just at home. Schools need to totally be revamped as well. From schedule to curriculum... discipline....all of it. I told my spouse the other day , I think childhood is disappearing. It is morphing into stress/anxiety , standardized test, homework homework and more homework , hardly any recess / free time, and obesity to boot. This pandemic has shown me I was right. We are definitely going to approach our lives differently now. My kids were miserable in school, just being pushed thru. Not truly learning... my youngest ended up with PTSD from the supposed psychologist not handling any of his issues appropriately.As it so happend I pulled my children out just prior to the pandemic. My gut was telling me the whole time this is wrong. It must change.We will be homeschooling from here on out.
I wish I could personally get help from Dr Gabor Mate. He just knows..
Sadaf Hamidi . Oh yes he sure does.
Ditto
well... the universe can surprise you, tell it what you need not where is your need
His books are a good start.
I think that all the time - he is amazing 🤩
Gabor is such a gift. Excellent question, excellent answer. Thank you for sharing.
Most "anxiety" is produced by stressors in our man-made physical environment, and our "hurry-up" lifestyle causes us to become addicted to our own stress hormones and live "stressed-out" anxious lives. Stress R Us
There are situations, for example, as death of a loved one, that causes anxiety.
That’s not what Gabor teaches
@@carlosdasilva3993 Yes, I never understood anxiety and thought it was a made up condition. My father passed a year ago and shortly after his passing I developed anxiety. It creeps up often without a warning.
We wouldn't have this anxiety without real-life stressors in our ancestral environment that have become maladaptive in modern society.
Agricultural life was pretty stressful too. Get the crop in before it rains - or we will starve.
@@squamish4244 this is correct
When I was a child if I cried I would get spanked for ‘waisting my tears’. My partner would scold me and say ‘be tough’.I love my parents but now as an adult I suffer panic attacks, anxiety and stress and I’m still trying to work through it.
You’re on your way. Good work to face it, to see it, to find a way to break that chain.
Yup I got yelled at during my childhood and verbally abused, as I got older I always responded negative to authority and I became the verbal abused because I thought, it was done to me and I’m fine. My anxiety comes from my dad who is one of the most anxious people I know. It took me 25 years to realize my dad isn’t normal, he can’t sit still unless he’s sleeping. I’ve been called weird my whole life and I realize it’s my anxiety that makes me say and do weird things. Sometimes I don’t know when to shut up and it’s me having a anxiety attack that takes 3 hrs for me to control. My abuse of weed is from my anxiety, and I thought it was normal because everyone around me smokes weed. Anxiety ruined my life and I had no idea, I knew there was something wrong but anxiety seemed so innocent. Sorry for the long post .
My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
I think many of our parents just didn’t know themselves - how to parent. They ‘became’ parents, but they didn’t seem to know + weren’t taught ‘how to be parents’. When I look at things through this lens, I realize that this has probably been going on for generations. I feel hopeful, when I think about our growing awareness around issues like this and from that we can start to develop positive/meaningful lasting solutions. Working to train/educate parents to be effective compassionate parent role models... would be a good place to start.
Fix your biochemistry. When we go through trauma it disrupts one of three things, your methylation, inflammation/ cytokines, or hormones, fix this and you will face all the fears you had as a child. Biochemistry before psychotherapy
Love
Anger
Anxiety
Depression
Shame
The hierarchy. You'd rather feel anything over shame. You'd rather feel Anger over anxiety, depression and shame. Love above all else.
moncorp1 Inc this is a very important comment
Does anyone in here have anxiety and have their life on track - bills and rent paid, regular exercise schedule, clean healthy food, meditation or yoga practice, jobs all done without any backlog?
I've had childhood abuse, however when I don't sort my life out, my childhood abuse pain comes back. When I sort my shit out and have a pretty much a problem free life, there's no childhood pain or anxiety. It was a big realisation for me - the pain, anxiety didnt' come from the childhood abuse, it came from not having my shit together, and have structures and routines in place so everything that needed to get done got done.
It was comforting all those years to blame circumstances and other people, but once I started taking responsibility (thank you therapy) to sort stuff out, and do what needed to get done pretty much all my anxiety disappeared.
His voice is mesmerising. Has the “Barry White’s”voice effect on me 😂..
Thank you.
One of many cycles in life is a 14 year one which starts at puberty. The change which happens at the end of the twenties, early thirties causes many people to experience higher levels of anxiety.
What he says hit a chord within me that says, he is right. A simple and genious answer for a difficult problem. Need to see more videos wit this wise man.
I felt really uncomfortable listening to this, I didn't want to hear it. That probably means, unconsciously, it must have hit home. When we hear a truth that resonates deep duw', we just "know" sometimes. Thank you Dr Maté 🙏🏽🌟 it's good to know the real truth.
My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
@@hughmann1927 you're correct. I've heard many foods are toxic, especially wheat, which has been genetically modified since the 60's. Apparently causes a lot of anxiety & psychological problems. Also, AVOID caffeine.
His voice is one thing that helps us understand and know that what he says is from the heart, not only degrees.?.
I’m 37 and as a child I felt a lot anxieties for ages. Worries, fear, worthlessness, helpless, a lot of moodiness. And it hurts.. it hurts a lot. But that’s not my fault. I wasn’t raised properly. My mom is the one that cause all that. These feelings truly do horribly effect the humans brain . You know what I’m sayin ( It also Cause tears of sadness hurt) those are anxieties I be feeling too. It hurts a lot!
I hear you, and feel your pain. I’ve had a similar experience, so I can relate.
Sending you love, light, and blessings.
Unlike others here I can't really relate to this as I have had anxiety since I was a little kid but my Mum is one of the most loving, comforting and supportive people I have ever met. I never had any issues as a child, my life didn't become terrible until I was 15 and I was bullied for 5 years during high school.
Same, i had litteraly a perfect childhood. But nevertheless i have anxiety. Strange shit.
Same here, I was loved unconditionally, and no childhood traumas, but I have daily anxiety 🤷♀️
I think the anxiety is communicating to you about a need that you need to fill. Maybe you are not even aware of it at the moment.
@@georgemulford2910 Yes but how to even find that out
I see anxiety more as a defence against difficult and sometimes overwhelming feelings. Things that happen jn the present trigger past unprocessed hurts and traumas. Learning how to regulate and process these feelings is one key to reducing anxiety and panic.
Agree. I believe the overwhelming feeling is actually caused by guilt, at least it is for me... So its really a conscience issue. And if its a conscience issue the question is how can we calm our bad conscience? I believe the solution is the blood of Jesus and identifying being righteous in Christ Jesus. Its the only hope of getting out of the infinite loop of anxiety, shame, guilt and panic...The devil is the accuser and condemnation is his greatest weapon. But there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus... God bless you
Ah, the classical "a friend of mine" lol.
Haha. Didn’t even think of that.
im that friend...
“Asking for a friend” ;)
Great interview! Thank you for posting transcripts too. I tend to find it easier to read instead of listening.
I'm glad I watched this. I've gotten dirty looks from people when my kids cry and I pick them up or hug them. Some have even commented that I'll spoil them. If it's a tantrum, I don't coddle. If they cry and need me, I'm there.
That question!.. “how many of us been told not to pick up your crying child or you’ll spoil them ?.. and took that advice 🤦🏻♀️ guilty!
I tried it once. Couldn't keep at it. It's heartbreaking and goes against motherly instincts.
I saw an old friend do that to her boy for an hour and it put me right off of her, just bloody unnatural. I was so angry with her when I left hers, probably because it had been done to me as an infant, my mum was a childminder and she did this to infants in her care. I hated mum for doing that too. I used to sneak in and pick them up and boom, child comforted and settled.
I didn’t but clearly it was used on me.
@Gemma Dann you seem angry, do you need a hug?
I'm all for giving children all the attention and compassion we have. But isn't picking up and comforting the child when crying really depends on what the child is crying about? I mean, if the child is misbehaving and you tried listening to him/her and made him/her understand what is expected and unexpected from them and the child still misbehaves, what should I do then? Should I still pick them up? (Trying to learn for my nephew)
GABOR is a legend and a gift to the world. His work saved me self destruction
John Bradshaw talked about it years ago...similar conclusion.
Haven't heard that name in years,but yes he was a pioneer in all this.
Mind is always afraid of unknown and we tend to get anxious about future events/ or meeting people and mind starts to preconcieved ideas of what could go wrong/happened. meditation and awareness of mind mechanism is a very powerful tool( change the narration by telling your mind 'everything would be fine' most of the time things do go great.
Brilliant, social media has a lot to answer for
Love Gabor. Also, the best thing I ever did for my anxiety was to get off sugar
Get on magnesium, bio-copper (believe it or not, lamb heart is an easy option that tastes like regular lamb meat), and stop ingesting those metallic iron filings in processed foods (I suspect you likely already did this, but just in case...).
Don't underestimate the role of metallic iron filings "fortified" into the food supply beginning in 1941 as a trigger for the NLRP3 "fear sensor" protein within the cell. This "fear" in INTERNAL to the cell Morley Robbins and Dr. Rick Malter cover these effects.
...
Morley Robbins - My Theory Of Everything -- th-cam.com/video/Iq94ROB5qEs/w-d-xo.html
Understanding Copper Toxicity (same as iron overload): th-cam.com/video/QyV4TgXCGC0/w-d-xo.html
The Iron Toxic Calcium Shell (also associated with toxic iron overload in tissues) -- coppertoxic.com/calcium-shell
Iron behaving badly: iron as contributor to inflammatory and degenerative diseases -- bmcmedgenomics.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1755-8794-2-2
INORGANIC Metallic Iron Filings in Cereal Video -- th-cam.com/video/HGbwFtmJOi4/w-d-xo.html
** Some will claim beans and spinach have iron in them, so adding iron filings to cereal is no problem. Where is the video pulling metallic iron filings from spinach and beans? They can't do it. The form matters more than the name -- don't be deceived! Organic iron in plants is usable while INORGANIC metallic iron filings are quite toxic and designated as a carcinogen (increasing cancer rates are NOT coming from Mars!).
So You've Just Been Told You're Anemic? -- th-cam.com/video/cRy1MKKXWzg/w-d-xo.html
Summary of Rogue Iron Accumulation in the Human Body -- veritascontent.blob.core.windows.net/audio/YTC_Archive/ytc010719-MorleyRobbins.mp3
Morley Robbins - Magnesium, Copper and Iron Synergy - August 11, 2020 -- th-cam.com/video/kYEGfE9DUJ4/w-d-xo.html
The role of insufficient copper in lipid synthesis and fatty-liver disease -- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5619695/
Symptoms of Copper [Bio-copper) Deficiency (and Iron Overload) -- th-cam.com/video/4kam576p-3Y/w-d-xo.html
Everyone should be off sugar.
Oh wow! That’s harder than quitting porn my guy (but equally helpful and healing to do).
What a wonderful message this is. Thanks so much for posting!
Yup.
Dr. Mate is very insightful.
His explanation is very good. Regression through clinical hypnosis with a good, experienced therapists brings rapid positive results,...that will last,...because regression aims at the initial cause of the trauma. Simple suggestive hypnosis won’t do.
In my view a vast majority of our population suffers from attachment trauma. We need more good trauma-therapists.
Great short interview. Thank you ❤️👌
Thank You!
Listening to Gabor Mate and also learning how to heal this from Andrew Kenneth Fretwell's book Emotional Alchemy - The Love & Freedom Hidden Within Painful Feelings helped me a lot with my anxiety.
Here is a quote from his book ''Anxiety is always a response to unconscious fear in the body!'
Thank you for sharing this!
I hear a little Robin Williams in his voice, very soothing!
I’ve been unable to stand the crying of my small children. I was ridiculed by older relatives (with the same background as Dr. Maté) saying I’m spoiling the child and it doesn’t “hurt” them to “cry a little”. Somebody even said it served a purpose for the lungs. I would quickly learn their needs so they didn’t need to start crying for example in the night. They’d start turning and twisting and I knew that was because they were hungry or needed contact. I’m really happy to get it confirmed that this is indeed correct and good. Not that I could do it in any other way.
Yes, feeling like there is no safe place to escape for relief since childhood would definitely cause lifetime patterns of anxiety.
Same here. I have never felt fully comfortable and something is always missing. There seems to be a void I can only temporarily fill with sex, weed and violent fantasies.
@@luukv3119 I used to be so much of a yes person. Now I went full scale NO. Still trying to find balance.
A girl here was attached to her parents until the ripe old age of 26 when she was getting married, yes, I love my husband yet the fear of the unknown was daunting and I cried tears of what the heck on our wedding day. The home I was leaving behind was the most fantastic in terms of love and caring. May God bless my parents and others like them, we do not get to choose our parents unfortunately for those who do/did not have a similar experience.
The more I hear of this as the root of our problems, the more it makes sense.
This is also the root of why society is bred in the way it is where the way in which we deal with these negative feelings, is to 'power' through them - bulldoze them essentially.
Then, we develop unhealthy relationships, habits, destructive patterns of all sorts that don't benefit us and seem like a mystery.
I really like this guy Dr. Mate. I will say he is the most exhausted looking human being I have ever seen.... like he's never slept, ever.
This is a compassionate lesson and expands my view on other's suffering. I suppose on a personal level this a Good Will Hunting "It's not your fault" moment.
It's a short clip, so I am curious about his thoughts on taking responsibility for your personal burdens (specifically anxiety).
Couldn't sum up better!💔
Compassionate self inquiry is his whole movement. You can read more about it on his website!
as I watch this video,
what arises in me,
is longing and desire...
and an immense and intense
ache inside my soul...
I pray magical blessings
in the lives of myself
and my true love (whom I am yet to meet).
may him and I, both experience magical transformation
and new levels of enlightenment and bliss...
and may that lead us to each other, very-very soon!
and may you, as well, beloved reader, be blessed, too...
My reaction to a situation now is to do with my childhood. Not the situation. That has lifted a massive rock from my shoulders. Thank you so so much for your wisdom.
Beautiful words Dr Mate. Muchas Gracias 🤙🏼
This man is a re-born Budda he makes total sense.
K W Well,he was born in Buda pest.
*_BUDDA WAS ONLY A HUMAN WHO LIVED, SINNED, AND DIED._*
*_JESUS CHRIST IS GOD IN HUMAN FORM WHO LIVED WITHOUT SIN AND DEFEATED DEATH._*
*_OPEN YOUR HEART TO THE TRUTH THAT IS JESUS CHRIST._*
I practiced attachment parenting all the way. I am so incredibly thankful that I did and may have saved my children from experiencing the crippling anxiety I live with
Quitting alcohol really helped me
Mines worse
My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
@@gilliandowney5225 My anxiety came from negative gut flora! :) It's your body telling you that something is wrong, although I didn't get panic attacks (maybe try lateral eye therapy for those)
Alcohol is dangerous to quit cold turkey if alcoholic! :)
Totally love his voice.
anxiety - not having enough information/ ability in the moment
depression - outcome from not having enough information/ ability
hypothesis i came up with - both are reactions we have based on our current enviroment and past experiences
I developed GAD and Panic disorder in 2018 after drinking to much water (water intoxication) I had my first panic attack when my electrolytes were out of whack. Ever since my brain is in high alert and I am not the same
Thank you dr Mate, beautifully and understandable explaining on attachment and babies needs💓
Used to think it was Alan Watts, then Christopher hitches, then Jordan Peters Peterson now i see gabor mate is "the one" top most helpful informed and informative tuned in speaker I've ever heard
Amazing insight and understanding of our real to life problems and with some solutions.
Badass man. Calming and wise.
I like the guy, but I disagree. It's not always our childhood. My anxiety is definitely inherited. Mom was an excellent mother to me and my sister, she was always there for us whenever we needed her, and so was our dad. Both parents were great. And yet, mom inherited anxiety and trouble sleeping from her father (my grandpa). And now I have insomnia too, and anxiety, and I used to have panic attacks years ago (glad I got rid of those). There is nothing in my childhood home that could've caused it. Even in kindergarten, I was an overthinker, I can still remember lying in bed for an afternoon nap (I hated those and never fell asleep, not even once) and going through all kinds of things in my head, thinking about the world, why something is as it is, why people behave the way they do... as a five year-old! My sister can fall asleep any time, anywhere, no problem. So it's definitely genetic, and I believe it plays a bigger role than childhood experiences, unless you went through severe trauma.
Both my parents were anxious, so yeah, it is genetic, or perhaps epigenetic. Some ppl are anxious without reason.
He is so so good. If you havent watched thia clip on addictions, you need to.
Anxiety can also be a genetic predisposition. I was an extremely hands on Mom. Carried my babies..breast fed..calm surroundings..never let them cry..always comforting..yet all suffer from severe anxiety as adults..as did my father. It turns out there is a very serious B deficiency..inherited.
Wolfhound I agree because I never let my child cry and breast fed her until she weaned herself...and she has panic attacks every so often and generalized anxiety- but not overwhelming.
Generally speaking psychologists have a tendency to play down genetic factors. Maybe its because its not their area of expertise so therefore feel threatened by it.
@@msredpoll I'm reading Dr. Mate's book, In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts, and a brief given explanation in it is that genes are primarily activated by environment. I don't think the doctor (and he is a physician, not a psychologist 🙂) is ignoring genetic potential, but his years of specializing in addiction medicine, and hands-on experience in the trenches in Vancouver's Downtown skid row have influenced him to think that environment, especially those that are unstable, deprived, or abusive, are much more influential on us as individuals (including unconsciously and subconsciously).
A serious Vitamin B deficiency would create the ailment, beriberi and most likely not severe anxiety. At the end of the day, it's really unknown what the exact cause is but probably an interplay of both genes AND the environment. One unusual explanation(which seemingly doesn't apply in your case) is that a mother stressed out during her pregnancy secretes excess cortisol which has the effect of creating an enlarged amygdala in her offspring's brain(the amygdala being the brain's source for the fight/flight/response).
You think you did right by your babies, but did you really? You used the word 'extremely', which rings alarm bells. Extremely hands on for a baby is great, but if it continues through childhood, it transcends into suffocatingly overbearing. What was your children's childhood really like? The fact that they ALL suffer severe anxiety as adults means that the dynamic at home was terribly wrong growing up.
I recommended a Jordan Peterson video to a stranger and he recommended listening to this guy; and I'm glad he did this man already seems calm collected and rational.
My mother stayed in bed most of my childhood and I only visited my father every other weekend. My father didn’t really know how to be a dad and would just pawn me off on whatever wife or gf he had at the time while he worked or did anything except spend time with me. My mother has always been severely depressed and I remember having to take care of myself at a very young age-sort of like Matilda only less clever and magical. To this day I wrestle with anxiety and depression and although I prefer not to blame my parents for everything, I can’t help but wonder how differently my life would have been if I could have had slightly better parents.
As I read your account, I felt myself embracing you. A warm long protective platonic hug. I felt your journey ; some resonating my own. You have grit. You are a warrior. Stop n take time to forgive your parents but their journey brought out this amazing You.
I hope you seek out some help my friend. Psychotherapy works
God the two comments in reply to your comment are HORRIBLE. The answer is, you would be completely different and you would feel safe in the world and you would not have had to battle insecurity and anxiety all your life. Blame your parents. It's THEIR fault; they were hopeless parents irrespective of the reasons. It wasn't YOUR fault. You deserved GOOD sane, attentive, there for you parents. Psychotherapists don't help; they're arseholes who want your money and tell you that you can't do without them or a good support system of loving people. Horseshit. Who has a good support system of loving people? Not many, if any. YOU can supply what you need though. What bad parenting does is take YOU away from you. But you are there, you can find yourself, rescue all the fragmented pieces of yourself and be fabulous, which you already are, you just don't know. Search, search, search for ways to do this for YOURSELF. That is what you haven't learnt to do, to self soothe, to look after yourself, to trust yourself. I was not just neglected, I was viciously abused, sadistically abused. I know what anxiety is but I love myself now, I nurture myself, I self soothe. It is BEAUTIFUL and the most grounding thing in the world. Watch Teal Swann videos on how to connect with yourself. You can feel stronger and better and safer than you ever believed possible.
@@CityThatCannotBeCaptured The purpose of psychotherapy is to help the individual to understand that they are in fact not at fault and that it is human to be flawed. It is to teach the individual how to self soothe by replacing that voice in their head with one of kindness. It is not about making money or keeping people in therapy forever. This comment is uninformed and harmful. For anyone interested, please continue to explore Dr Mate's work as he himself is an advocate for psychotherapy. Additionally, look into the School of Life videos on TH-cam which explain things in an easily accessible way.
@@Kinjo7 Can you share the links to these videos ? I understand what has caused my issues and I believe that dealing with this issues in the wrong way for over 30+ years has my brain chemistry so messed up . I'm dealing with issues from my Mom saying really hurtful things to me at an young age like "I wish you were never born " or making fun of my appearance . Then turn around in 3 hrs and say she was sorry and I'm a gift from god . The I got molested by 2 teenaged boys when I was 7 . This really messed me up mentally and sexually . Later on I was with a girl from 16 to 27 but she mentally abused me and cheated on me and lied . Now I'm 40 and I want to be on drugs all day or I think of suicide . In the USA mental illness treatment cost so much I would go in serious debt to receive treatment :( . Im lost and hopeless :(
I remember few years back after my wife died, I was left alone with 3 kids. I suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with bipolar. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment changed my life for better. I can proudly say i'm totally clean for 6 years and still counting. Always look to nature for solution to tough problems, Shrooms are phenomenal.
I need Gabor Mate in my life 🆘
Can’t find a psychologist or a person who can help me with figuring my self and my life out. I have many questions but can’t find answers.
Thank you.
i got alot of my answers lying on the floor meditating while stoned. i'd suppressed memories n emotions. Turned out i had alot of s#it trapped within my spine, sternum n neck. I felt i was growing up in enemy territory. i became v introverted, shy, insecure, slef hating n my posture reflected this by the time i was 6 (ballet teacher would shout at me XD) It was a mix of the stoned meditation and Alexander technique which helped me unlock the physical 'fear-freeze' stuff within my spine, being stoned enabled my brain to 'go there', being stoned meant i was buffered from the emotion at first n thus i had the courage, but i knew to go with the flow n really feel it, make friends with the discomfort. There's also TRE, so id give myself a good shake to help release the tension after id done crying n screaming into pillows XD i also did alot of dancing at home alone for anger release. i also had good support network who knew what i was trying to achieve n i bounced ideas with them from what id learnt. I also did CBT with the NHS n honestly, i wish id done it MUCH sooner instead of trying to do it all myself cos id 'already had talk therapy off n on since 15, nothing new to learn' etc XD
i dont think the CBT would have helped me uncover these memories etc. they were trapped in my body, not my mind, but the 2-pronged approach means im now finding myself thinking n interacting differently, in healthier ways.
the CBT also helped me to explore my mind n ask the questions i hadnt thought to ask before. Our subconscious knows what we need to know. Ya need to find a way to communicate with it. Some prefer hypnosis. i did that, but i gave myself a block cos the therapist got too excited at the progress n pushed me too fast too soon. Wish id stuck with self-hypnosis XD The language of the sub C is symbolism. NLP can help you to rewire many things as well :)
The last thing i know which may help, but i dont recomend it lightly. You need to be mentally stable n do your research. Myself, i did 2 years research online b4 i went to amsterdam n took some hallucinogenic truffles.
During my trip i learnt a few lessons. i could chose to let go of the pain i was holding onto. I was in the museum memory part of my mind. So i smashed up all the fancy objects id collected n prized that wernt serving me, only causing pain, collected all n threw out the window. Memory is still there, but the pain those objects represented has gone. There was more, but it's kinda private personal XD lots of healing testimonies online. Set/intention n setting are KEY. again research cos its a powerful tool n used wrongly it can cause great harm
In many cases question are more important then answer because good question already include answer. You need to find right questions, good luck
I quit eating plants. Helped alot.
How is it possible not to have anxiety living in this modern capitalist society that nothing feels secure...
heekyung Kim I agree
Insecurity and uncertainty are two of the biggest causes of anxiety. How anxious you get, how you deal with it, and how long it lasts will depend on your childhood.
*Edit - This can be changed with strategies though. Change of mindset/way of thinking /lifestyle, etc. It's not hopeless.
Look for the minimum you need to have (material stuff, money) ,the strict minimum and secure it.
Once it's done, you'll have a physical "reserve" then work on whatever it is needed for you to navigate through life. (Raising your "courage" level can be a good start)
Humanity has always gone under uncertainty, that's the only constant we have... The cycle won't end and knowing that can be a first step to your own inner peace.
You only experience anxiety in this culture if you become a slave to it psychologically. It is very difficult to break the cycle but it is possible of course. Clichéd but start looking for answers and don't stop.
anxiety is natural its just when its overwhelming all the time
Why is Gabor freaking Maté so underrated?
Identifying where it comes from but how to cope or move on from it?
you just answered yourself , in fact identifying it is facing it and be at peace with what causes it and then move on
@@elbezkais5489 hard to be at peace with threats of homelessness!
There are no quick answers to this, I'm afraid. It's likely, as Gabor Mate says, that you will need help in the process of finding your way forward - finding a good counsellor or psychotherapist could be very beneficial. Other resources could include further reading/online research, yoga, meditation, walking...activities to engage with which would help to calm your anxiety ("fight /flight/freeze") system down.
All the very best to you.
@Miguel Pais I wish others would be honest with me, tired of lies and fake excuses!
This man is gift from GOD❤❤ as a former addict he is spot on! Life is such an adventure!
I never once let my son cry alone. It breaks me out in a rash just to imagine it.
Good for you. You're a member of a very small club.
When I hear a baby cry any where I start to cry. G I wonder why?
My Mum did that because she did it with my brother, leaving them to cry for a long time alone, misguided she is
Since taking SSRIs , anxious no more.
Ok. I can see where my anxiety might have originated in many different childhood situations. I’ve been to therapy. Still got the anxiety though. What are the strategies for making it go away?
Just read comments on another video with this man, and a person commented that Albert Ellis had helped him. I looked up Ellis and found several co-authored books with some by readers comments challenging to do exercises, but, I see a take away here for Getting Help, and Mate's trick is thus, go back to your Childhood. It seems a classic psychology pitch many have said.
After years of refusing antidepressants, at 70 I may be more open. How many more years if being miserable sleep deprived and self sabotaging?
What helped me a bit is the book: rewire the anxious brain by Catherine M Pittman..
Thank you 🙏
I’m 34 and I just realized that I have add. Thought loops, anxiety, focus issues, but also something I can’t describe well. I’d be interested in hearing if anyone feels the same- it’s almost like a very intense claustrophobia feeling but in regards to the place I am. I’ve been moving around my entire adult life. I’ll fell fine for a few weeks then I’ll get the claustrophobia anxiety feeling and only feel alright when I’m in transition again. I can’t describe it too well but it’s honestly a worse feeling than any depression or sadness I’ve ever had. Because the feeling is so frantic and pressing like it’s an emergency that I have to leave. My worst fear is being a wanderer for life but I struggle so badly with this. Any insights would be greatly appreciated
👆👆for recommendations and treatment of depression and it's related conditions.
I think I have a similar experience. Two things that have helped so far. Try to sit with and enhance the feelings you talk about. To try and feel them deeply. Currently your running from them. Secondly try to identify as Gabor says what do you need? Anxiety is a healthily alarm system it’s just letting you know something is missing or not being dealt with. I would suggest your drive to keep moving is that once the superficial elements of change have settled these deeper issues arrive. Your pattern so far has been to stir up more superficial change to distract. Try to do the opposite.
This is all a roundabout way of saying the solution is within us rather than outside.
Where you very lonely as a child?
Same here
Brilliant!!!!
I love all your videos and believe in everything you say. However to address childhood traumas....which I definitely have , late in life I suffer very much and agree that all the things I’ve tried are of no use. However, to ask for help from people who think like you sadly costs so much money I can’t go down that path. So I search all your videos trying to get the self soothing and comfort , And all the answers I crave from a lifetime of depression and anxiety. I want to put you in my pocket and call upon you when things overwhelm me. You are indeed the real deal and a great thinker.
Tom Tom agreed! I would say be kind to yourself
Ricky & Peggy-Sue Jones ...Thanks..xx
Yoga helps me, £ 8 a go
William Ford . Yes totally agree that it helps, however, I had to stop after many years of yoga due to an abdominal hernia op. And other operations. I’m sure meditation helps a lot of people but the thoughts that I know you should just acknowledge them and let them go just torment me and although I’ve given it many tries as well as chanting, it just doesn’t work. I did find helping other people uplifting . But oh dear they do tend to lean heavily on You until you feel like you don’t know where to draw the line. Hey I still have my sense of humour and dear acquaintances like yourself.. so thank you.
@@TomTom-df9ph there are modified forms of yoga, such as chair yoga, that can allow you to do some of the movements in modified form
This man s voice is soothing.