Mars brain, Venus brain: John Gray at TEDxBend
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2014
- An all-time bestselling author of 17 books sold in 45 languages, including Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, John Gray is arguably the world's foremost expert on relationships. Gray's focus is helping men and women understand, respect and appreciate their differences in both personal and professional relationships. He's appeared on Oprah, The Today Show, Good Morning America, The View and Larry King. He's also been profiled in Newsweek, Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People Magazine.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
Imagine that you’re his daughter , every time you get heart broken, he’ll always there to advice you and you can always started again ❤️
Y every time ?
his daughter is lauren gray. she has been dating the same boy - glade truitt - for over 10 years. put a ring on it!
You can find that relief in his books.
His daughter can never get heart broken She's trained ;)
@@hrealthyfoods6032 ooof 10 years dating!!! did they finally get married? can't find that info
I love John Gray but I wouldn't listen to his daughter talk about relationships if she's been dating a guy for 10 years and no marriage.
If they aren't married by now, chances are he will not propose, he's comfortable and getting the whole wife experience for free. This is why you do not give the wife experience to a guy outside marriage.
The only problem here is he says men want women to stay the same as in the beginning. Maybe we would if they would. Men change the way they treat a woman SO MUCH over the course of a relationship... he even said it. Once they get what they want, they can relax. If they want to keep getting what they want, maybe they should keep acting the way they did to get it the first time.
Tell me everything, let's raise this oxytocin level to the roof yeehaw
Right on! I agree.
I completely agree. I've been reflecting a lot lately on my last relationship and the first two years were just great (mostly). The last three years were toxic filled with poor communication, not meeting each other's needs, complacency, loss of passion and arguments. I blame myself for the majority of the breakdown, wishing she was 'like the person I met' but things changed, she changed, and I spiralled into my usual negativity and dragged her down. I am so gutted.
Both change. Couples change. Friends change. When you meet someone for the first time you usually try to make your best appearance. After a while, you get used to someone and more or less little by little take them for granted.
Makes sense, but what I see is very little reciprocation of those early efforts in my friends' relationships. Everything's great for a minute, they're both happy with each other. It seems to consistently drop off after one and a half to two weeks. He's confused and depressed as to why she suddenly has less and less interest, spikes his effort higher than the last two weeks, emotional energy begins to drain, he spirals into apathy and even distrust, which agitates her and the relationship returns to its normal difficult flatline. It's a real awkward thing to draw any conclusion from because it's so variable to perception and anecdote or bias, but I don't see much discussion on women disengaging from reciprocating romance before the subject is quickly derailed. I'm almost certainly displaying this unfairly or analyzing it badly, but it's too common for me to ignore these days.
My thoughts: I personally noticed that when you thank a man, he wants to do more for you. Stress is a killer. People need to learn not to be an extremist. Do not be too far on the left. Do not be too far on the right. Stay in the middle. Have balance. This solves most things in the world. This has to do with everything. Your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, what you eat etc. etc.. The political system can learn alot from this.
Hmmmm some people are WOLVES and the more you reward them they take advantage. I reject this guy's message. Why is he so focused on what women should do? I would rather die alone than spend my life treating a bad man like he is some prize.
@@no_prisoners6474 Now YOU just added something! You said "a bad man". That guy did not say anything about bad men. He was talking about people in general, and their natural bodily chemicals.
Exactly! I noticed the same! I just read this advice in his original book last week, and have been trying it more and my guy is reacting positively!! He smiles and acts proud when i thank him for the little things (if i look him in the eyes and smile while i do it). Just wish i would have known this stuff 20 years ago!! All girl siblings and absent father, i didnt have a clue how men thought...now i do!
@@karync.6707 A.k.a. treat men like children to appease them...
@@sams9181 honestly, yes
His books were instrumental to me and healing from a divorce and understanding my “new” husband. 25 years later I still contribute his books to helping me be the wife and woman that I am today.
Which books of his did you read? I want to be a better wife to my husband. This is the 1st time coming across this video and would like your recommendations pls.
@@victoriadrake5117 the book that was instrumental to me was Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. It is a phenomenal eye opening book.
Can't decide whether he is a top class comedian or top class expert on relationships! Brilliant either way!
Humor is very important to relationships, and he is a good comedian and Ive always known woman really enjoy a good laugh, and laugh releases what chemical in the brain for women?> :P
Bobby LongHorn absolutely! The men I remember best and loved the most in my life made me laugh and smile until my face hurt. I appreciate people that are light enough to make jokes and find humor in daily things.
I'd say both Z !
Both because marriage counseling is a joke.
This guy is the definition of: “happy wife, happy life”
Probably why he is still married! ☺️
@Emile Margrave Oh, how sad!
Some things are universal.
You didn’t listen when he said you can’t make a woman happy 😬
@@openyoureyes3113 can't make her happy but offer his help to her so he can make her happy
I still can't believe we have this level of education for FREE worldwide. This is the best time in history for sure. Thank you Ted for sharing, now I am going to buy all of his books haha!
Keep it up boys and girls, love y'all 😁
1. That makes sense!
2. That's a good idea!
3. You're right!
So accurately correct!
The funny thing... It works on my female brain, too! Only, in a reverse order, the 3rd one has a biggest impact. Makes me wonder, if it is universal. More related to the personality traits than a gender. If you're a "fixer", an "achiever", your satisfaction would be greater if someone else would notice the results of your performance, or even of your fair attempt of achieving A result.
Besides, the upbringing and the way we were reinforced in a "good" ( read "desirable") behaviour, would also play a role in how our brain would respond to these comments. But, that's just splitting ends... The TED talk was highly educational. And made me smile.
@@lilianagreen7812 yeah but society demands that women are right, even when they're wrong (see abortion). When a woman tells a man he's right, he knows she did it freely.
@@RealityCheck6T9 You are absolutely not right!
9:00 "You cannot make a woman happy. You cannot change the weather."
Truer words have never been spoken.
You can't make a man happy either. No one is responsible for another person's happiness.
Read his book for the first time 4 days ago and he is saved my relationship with my boyfriend, so thanking GOD for the wisdom and knowledge that He have to John, well done sir!
Read his books too. He really helps understanding the difference between men and women.
As a woman, he doesn’t. He only explains some men.
which books would you recommend exactly?
@@harmonyilunga1937 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Thank you. I just downloaded it
The book is great. I read it at the beginning of marriage and talked about it with my husband. The book gives a more detailed explanation.
I'm 56, have had low testosterone since age 40. I started treatment 2 years ago and it has changed our lives immensely. Not a problem with the equipment, but the will to use it. My depression is gone. And my career is peeking. The reasons for not starting treatment sooner were all related to its cost. I was so depressed that I just couldn't see spending money on something that just didn't seem important. Now I try to educate my friends about the benefits. And not the cost. Life is priceless. Thanks for sharing your vast experience. And great insight into our relationships, and the difference in our chemistry. Brilliant.
♥️
This makes sense. These are great ideas. He is right!
lol
tell me more... :-)
😂
OMG, I LOVE IT! Laura, keep going with it. You'll have a happy man that will have an incentive to give himself to you in full to make you happy. ;)
He is scientifically proven wrong
Honestly i can say this resonates with me and my relationship with my husband. The emphasis on those little everyday things, for instance whenever i prepare a new recipe and the kids show little appreciation but my husband enjoys the meal, it means so much to me.
Great speaker and good information. I usually turn off Ted Talks before I get to the end, but this one kept me interested. You can't "make" anyone happy. That is up to them. But you can make them miserable. Give someone a positive environment, and if it's in them to be happy, they will be.
I'm currently reading his book. It's phenomenal
Dr. Gray does an excellent job engaging his audience. I found this to be informative and entertaining. Good job TED.
This Dr. is a genius.... I love his efforts with our world ! From Venus here !
I’ve heard John Gray dozens of times over the years but I have to say this is the best talk he’s ever given! I will admit I was never overly impressed with his delivery or his message. That’s said, I am eternally grateful to John because I have a husband that follows his advice to a T! Thank you John! ❤️👏🏻
And this is going straight to my parents and I can't wait for nothing to change. 😂
- i need to listen and relisten to this talk every week :)
get his book
Shauna Cuch cut down on soy, it lowers testosterone
Just a reminder Eric ... :)
omg...me too and I'm not even married. Just a fun reminder of how different men & women's biology is.
@@Hooyo22 plant testosterone is not the same as human testosterone.
Always relevant and refreshing. You can hear and sense him relax as the crowd engages with him; and then his passion just flows effortlessly. Thank you for your research, ideas, commitment, and dedication to teaching and sharing through free and accessible content. ❤️ aw, blessings everyone.
B B Interesting how the hormones work on each gender
It is physically impossible for a woman to say "You're right" to man....because laughter gets in the way
incorrect...when saying you're right...it's usually meant in context of over here next to said relative at photos or thanksgiving😉 joking!.....but really if you want us to say you're right use that problem solving brain and provide undeniable proof if we go " oh really? I didn't know that (in a nice voice not snippy sarcasm btw) that is admitting we didn't know that and guess you're right after all...but mind you tone and inflection is everything good luck!
LOL!
But, it is possible. =D
If you are smart enough to use logic to communicate that you're not attacking her or wanting to do something that would end in pain than she will give up. If you were intending on hurting her than you don't need to be in a relationship.
Got it.
I'll go get a dog and sit down with it.
Good idea!!!
Go for walks they love it
Absolutely. Full support from here. You'll probably be doing women a favor anyway.
@@magicexistsinart9141 Thank you for your support. I hope that some day you don't feel the need to post comments like this to random people on the internet. That day you will be doing a lot of people a favour, most importantly yourself. Until then I am here for you to let out your negativity in a great nonsense exchange that nobody will ever read.
@@konigderwelt2174 lol. That escalated quickly. Interestingly, I thought you were the one with a negative comment. I mean, your comment was basically saying, "it's all too much work, I'll get a dog instead". But hey, its all subjective.
And it seems you missed the memo, otherwise it's a little infantile. The internet is all public. Communicating (or lack thereof) with random people is a given. Not sure what you were getting at with that one. Your initial comment, airing your views, is also made out to a "random person"/stranger.
Hmmmm--I think women find the feeling of not being needed just as depressing. That is one of the most common "automatic negative thoughts" I experience.
I need you to stop talking and to get back to baking those biscuits.
Gabrielle Angel Lilly this was completely sexist. Just another man, manscaping and this is commented by a man.
lockandloadlikehell haha
The difference between men and women may be in the "How" they are needed than in being or not being needed. In general women think of themselves as individuals within the group but men think of themselves as individuals outside the group. This makes men more inclined to the "lone wolf" mentality even though wolves are social animals just as human beings are. You see this behavior reflected all throughout the animal world. Hormones are destiny. As they change we change and as we change they change.
@@katherinekelly6432I agree, but I think the way men and women are raised is a big issue as well. Guys are taught to think that way, just like how us girls are taught to think that way.
Our hormones carry a lot of weight in how different chemicals are released, but our social conditioning is just as important. Nature + Nurture and all that.
This man exudes charisma and had me bursting out laughing. Not only that, the talk was very insightful. Great work.
I tried showing this to my boyfriend a few years ago, but he fell asleep and I randomly thought of part of this video and I am mad at him again.
🤣🤣 sorry but your comment was funny!
The worst thing a man can do is dismiss a woman. It’s so easy to just listen, acknowledge and validate our feelings from our point of view. And don’t ever say, “settle down”. We need to explode once in a while in order to get the frustration out of our systems.
Hello how are you doing lovely post and I wonder why most men do that
@@martenssonwesley9843 I can't speak for most men but for myself it's hard to validate feelings when they don't line up with the facts
Definitely one of the best, if not THE best, TEDx talks I've ever seen. John's presentation is engaging and memorable, mixing facts with anecdotes and humor to increase retention of the principal differences between men's and women's brains that result in our different behaviors. The only thing is, now I want to get my brain scanned, because I've always been puzzled by the behavior of other men, which seemed to me mostly illogical and irrational, so now I'm wondering if my hippocampus may be larger or more active than normal.
he reminds me of an annoying person I know unfortunately who yells at me about stuff I already know
I had the same idea about a brain scan very fascinating
There certainly is quite a range of variation in the physiology among individuals within each gender, but the chemical levels are also a critical component that varies considerably from individual to individual.
Bull. The present ideas of how men think as opposed to how women think is the product of socialization and propaganda, rooted in such religious texts that say women are to be silent in church and if women want to learn anything they are to ask the man.
Bravo William. Well stated. Couldn't agree more.
This is one of the best TED talks on TH-cam.
Love this guy, I remember reading his book Men r Mars and Women are from Venus when I was like 20. 11 years later I need it again hahahahaa
You’re a lovely lady😀
Beyond Mars and Venus is even better
@@borninjordan7448 thank you 🤍
Now that's a talk worth the 24:35 minutes and seconds! First time I listen to Mister John Gray and I'm going to get his audio books! - like today! Loved it! 📚❤️️👏🏼
its like a stand up comedy
Nabila Ayu Mahardika haha!! True. I was crackup😂
I am hollering
@@kelviannaepperson3677 i laughed so hard I cried. 😂
Yes, minus the comedy
Just like how life should be lived
This guy has so so so much more credibility than those commenting and saying nope "He's wrong. Wrong facts." At least, I'm assuming those commenting aren't Dr's in the subject and haven't written 17 books on the subject.
Grey isn't a Dr either, he's relationship counselor and lecturer who writes self help books, that only pop magazines publish.
Leading neuroscientists (actual scientists) say brains are not wired much differently at all, but moulded by experiences and attitudes - and brain plasticity has completely obliterated Grey's hypothesis.
@@freudianslippers6567 That's actually not true, brain plasticity exist but it doesn't eliminate the different trends (trends with overlapping) between men and women because it is
also influenced by hormones.. I recommend to you the book "The big difference" by Simon Baron Cohen
Haley Renfro shut up .
Great comment, Haley! He studied psychology in university. When a person immerses themselves in something they are passionate to learn about, they have credibility.
Haley Renfro He’s not a doctor. He only has a degree from the now defunct Maharishi University. Writing a bunch of books does not make one an expert. A good con-man, yes. Not an expert. Learn how to use Google and PubMed specifically if you want real science instead of pseudoscience.
am I the only one who was when this video randomly opened and when I saw the name of presenter clicked LIKE b4 video even started??? WOW DUDE GOD BLESS U R LIFE AND MARRIAGE SAVER!!!
I got your book 1 year ago.. I read that book according to my time and mood.but now I'm reading your book as No.1 priority .. It is so good and helps me on my relationship
Why do I learn this at 78. They (the partners) are all gone. 🇨🇦❤️😂🍀
Larry McDonald - lol
For your next wife 😉
Lol!!!
This book came out in 1978....read more
I am asking the same but I am not 70!
Hey, I am from Canada too!
He is a true GENIUS in relationships. I heard his Audio many many years ago RE the difference. Through the knowledge gained I was able to forward his info to some people whose relationships were renewed. Thanks to Dr. John Gray.🙏🏽
OMG! John Gray lays it out with humor and fantastic insight! I have shared this with all my friends and family as well as my students. Valuable, usable information.
These kinds of topics need to be part of the curriculum in high schools.
Tell me about it--people need this stuff more than advanced algebra or the minutiae of history!
John gray is a smart and charming speaker. I love watching him talk
Loved , loved ,loved it ..i have 5 kids, work ,and a husband... this guy has a talent for speaking the truth in a funny way .... big thumbs up..👍❤💜❤🧡💛take 25 min to watch it 💚
Sadly, Dr. Gray's long time wife, Bonnie, died in August of 2019. But Dr. Gray found love again! His third marriage is to his tour guide/translator from China - Lin Wang (Viki) on May 4, 2020. She is 31 years younger than him. I would love to hear Dr. Gray talk about their age and cultural differences.
John Gray is a brilliant author and I have enjoyed his books for over 20 years.
"YOU'RE RIGHT!"
wonderful talk - definitely an idea worth sharing
I found his book ‘men are from mars, women are from Venus’ really insightful.
It helps you to see whilst a lot of the traits he talks about for either side are generally very true but it can also be quite the other way round.
I’d recommend it to anyone to read it, particularly taking time to read it with a very reflective and contemplative outlook.
I've been single for years. My stress levels are 0
You're just here for the juice and cookies.. got it.
martin saunters I’ve been 7 yrs single and I agree with you. I get along 100s times better with my xwife. I’ve lost a lot and gained way more in sanity
Me too!
I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t want a companion! But it’s cost is the issue
I am single and don't pay any alimony, I am lucky man
"Being in a marriage where you feel you can't do anything to make your partner happy." That's about the most important line in his presentation.
Its great to have a laugh while learning! I respect you, John Gray. I was reading your material many years ago.
Hello Annette Fluit 👋
Happy New Year hope this year bring joy and happiness to all Americans and all over the world 🌎
We must protect this man at all costs
One of my favorite TED talks now. Just amazing.
The man of my Dreams Still Knows how to make me HAPPY!
I know what you mean! My "dream guy" introduced me to the Hitachi Magic Wand!! Talk about making me happy!?!?!
This is the straightest explanation for gender I’ve ever heard in my life.
You're such a gifted communicator, John. Your understanding is your greatest gift. Thank you!!!
He described the classical middle age couple where he is out working hard all day meanwhile she is at home taking care of the house and kids and feel frustrated. His daughter is right to be financially independent before settle down she will less likely too meet a man that will try to manipulated her.
Another great Video! John Gray is such a great speaker
Loved your books and you are an amazing speaker! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us!!!
1. That makes sense!
2. Good idea!
3. You're right!
MandyJMaddison to me this is vid is so weak 🤣🤣🤣
Love love love this AND John! Been valuing his advise for 30 years, and whether you like it or not ... HE'S RIGHT, dammit! lol And, so is my husband! Wow! Love this! Big thanks to all of you at TEDx Talks. This was great!
I love your speech John Gray. I was laughing!
That was one of the best talks ever! Laughed out loud and got so much from it.
John thank you for every thing you do and have done. You were a huge influence in my life.
One of the best TED presenters I've ever had the pleasure of listening to. So thankful for all the laughs and useful information. Thank you for sharing.
For many years I thought I wanted a typical relationship and then I found one. It was an eye opener. Now I am happily single as opposed to unhappily involved. lol Just too much work for me to maintain a relationship.
John Desousa - That mentally leads desperation and loneliness in old age
@@AbiNomac so we should lose our sanity from 20 to 60 in order to get a 50% chance to not be lonely from 60 to 80?
@@sd-xx8ep wow I actually love you for that question posed to that other guy!! I've had enough of ppl telling me that when my teen kids leave, I'll be lonely and so shd get someone
@@ntwaha732 u seem to be a woman. i was talking from a man point of view. in my experience women need help, i d find someone.
i was in the same boat as you, thought i was missing out on relationships till i got one lol...women are a lot of work
omg.. funniest most informative ted talk ever.. please do more about him ! thank youuuuu
As a (fifty-year-old, single) woman, I found this guy so entertaining AND informative! Great to see the man behind the famous book. Deep belly laughs! He said so many things that *made sense,* he had so many *good ideas,* and on so many issues, he was just *right*! Funny--I had independently come to realize the power of statements like these when expressed by myself toward men! :) Gray could easily cross over to standup comedy.
I had read Dr. Gray's books, but I didn't know how charismatic he was.
SHOULD GET MORE OF THIS
ENTHUSIASTIC AND REALISTIC LOVING TALKED
AWESOME
GRACIAS
This is probably THE BEST talk I've heard, also the funniest one yet 😂😂. May God bless this man. Thank you for sharing this wonderful information with us ❤️
I loved seeing his playful side. He’s definitely both. I love that about my own man. He is so business, then so cleverly hilarious. John Gray is one in a trillion. I’ll have two, please! 🌹🌹
Thanks for the tune-up John : )
Awesome presentation, helps couples understand each other, be tolerant knowing that the way you project something is the result of your own nature
So very funny and insightful. One of the best Ted talks I have heard!
This is absolutely an idea worth sharing!! I'm glad I found this ❤️❤️❤️
I love this man..I just shared this on my Facebook..I read his books years💖ago...which has enabled me to form great friendships with men throo the years..even..could and would words have a great impact on the way men respond to what is asked of them...wonderful man..God bless you John Gray..they should give your book to every high school kid..then maybe relationships would last..
Amazing talk, he could not explain it better!! Scientific studies real experience and the biology behind 👏
This guy is incredible!!! So much value in such short period of time. I will definitely read at least one book from his bibliography. From now on - I am his fan for life. ;)
Beyond Mars and Venus is truly revealing.
Thank you so much John for advising the funny TED talk, it was funny. Great job! Thank you for your service.
One of the most entertaining TED-talks I've ever watched.
I have enjoyed reading his book, well this was the first speech I heard from himself and man he really explains it well
I think every man and woman has to watch this, because we completely forget how to treat a simple problem and make it into such a huge issue
Back to this in five days! Great talk, John!
One of the most entertaining and informative TEDx Talks .....👏👏👍👍
I Luv this dude! You are hilarious Dr. John Gray!
The best TED talk.
Thanks for the info :)
One of the most fun Ted talks yet!
Great talk Dr. Gray, you are so right. I totally agree with you.
He is an expert on how to be a good person ... extremely efficient !
One of the funniest and finest talks ever. Bless him👍
Bonding, nurturing affection and appreciation are the secret ingredients to happiness. Woman are stressed when any one of these are missing.
Men need their egos stroked
short and sweet, and it is huge the message, thank you
sincerely appreciated many thanks and many blessings for sharing knowledge and experience
👌 great subject! Everyone should watch it and UNDERSTAND it. We all need to know how to be happy and have a good relationship ♥️
It comes from both sides. Just listen to understand.
It’s very important.
I agree with the point about noticing the little things that a women does....After all she does those things for you....But as for women saying "you are right","that makes sense", I would rather want my woman to actually listen to me when i say something....and say those things only if she feels that way...
I don't think he ment it in that way (not giving honest answers), but I think he ment that men need encouragement and acknowledgement
It's a joke.
Respect.
He said " find authenticity inside"...you dont say it like a robot. Men's mirror neurons will tell them its bs otherwise.
Great ! And his book was fantabulous ! Thoroughly outspoken!!!!... 🔥
This is the TED talk I enjoyed the most in my life.
This is the most entertaining ted talk i have seen. It's right there with James Veitch.
It's entertaining and scientific... One of the most amazings, if not, the most amazing Ted talk ever.
GOD! this is so true, exactly me and my husband's case! i literally cant sit literally cant forget anything while husband sits and sits and sits lol
I dont get it ? Maybe neither does your husband...
Such a fantastic delivery. Key points stated
It's not everyday I need to repeat a TH-cam video twice. Thank you sir.
Absolutely loved this Ted talk. He is fantastic!!!! I learned so much!