MY STORY| with borderline personality disorder (bpd)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2024
- Hi my lovely humans, this weeks video is very deep and personal to me. Please note I am NOT a professional, this is my sole experience. Everyone deals with mental illnesses differently and they can look completely different on people. I simply wanted to share my story to start to break the stigma and let other people know they are never alone even when it feels like no one is listening.
Please be kind, this was extremely hard for me to share
My dms are always open
Much love, CJ
I went from suicidal and homeless & reckless to an MD degree and new life. Yes it was hard, defeating BPD was NOT easy and took time and learning BUT CAN BE DEFEATED. U can do it
On a similar journey. Any advice or tips?
Howd u fix it
I'm not sure about that!
I like a girl with bpd right now, she is hot and cold towards me. I feel like she is the one, and I worry about her constantly. I worry about what she is going through, I worry about her being used and mistreated by other men, almost to the point where I can’t take it. Part if me knows I could walk away now and avoid a lot of pain, but another part of me wants to be the one to hold her and help her through it. I don’t feel like anyone else will understand and put up with it, she will have her heart broken over and over. I know she likes me, but I think she is worried about getting into a relationship and messing it up. So I’m being patient, and waiting and letting her be in control to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I just found out about bpd from my own therapist when explaining the situation to her, and I’ve been researching it to understand it better since. I don’t know what the future holds, but even if all I can be is a friend to help her through her struggle I would be fine with that. I’m a lonely guy and every second with her brightens my day. I love her, I want her more than anything right now; but I can’t read her mind and I can’t chase her ….. if it hadn’t been for this disorder, she would be with me in my arms right now; my search would be over. But would I even still like her then? Would it still even be her? I love the way she is, but the truth is there is a very strong chance this won’t work and it hurts bad.
Aw you are such a sweet man
I hope you're doing OK.
Hope y’all grew together into better and brighter peuple
As another partner of someone with BPD, do what u can but make sure u don't overwhelm yourself in the process
BPD is one of those conditions that is so intense that they need professional help. Everyone needs support from loved ones, but no one is prepared to be exclusive support for someone with BPD.
They need several close loved ones to lean on, as well as the professional support
We don’t manipulate to get what we want like sociopaths, we don’t even really manipulate. We just do what we think we Need to do just to be accepted and validated.
Thanks for doing what you do.
You really are super brave and should be so proud of yourself for helping to de-stigmatize BPD by explaining your own experience with this condition. The stigma surrounding BPD makes the condition much more challenging to cope with. As a 38yo woman diagnosed in my early 20s with BPD I constantly felt like I had to hide my mental illness from other ppl because I found that the stigma and negative stereo type just added to my shame. I'm so much more honest about it now that I have accepted my mental illness. I explain the scars on my arms as being the visible external wounds of an invisible internal war. X
Thank you for being brave enough to share this! I’m undiagnosed but I recognized I’d had anxiety and this chronic emptiness since I was a kid and not realized it until middle school, just thinking of it as the normal way to feel. I was diagnosed with ADHD which does fit the bill but later in high school I was diagnosed with Dysthymia which barely scratches the surface of what I’ve dealt with most of my life, I once thought I might be bipolar but looking into it I knew it wasn’t a proper fit. BPD explains literally all of what I’ve hated about myself and felt wasn’t true to my nature other than my excessive empathy. Thankfully brains aren’t as rigid as we once thought and neuroplasticity demonstrates that brain structure can change leading to permanent remission of symptoms of certain mental illnesses, BPD is one of those that you can actually recover from and newer research supports this. I hope you overcome all of the facets of your personality that aren’t true to your nature and become free from the constant battle with your mind that I know all too well. I also hope your relationship lasts a lifetime, it sounds as healthy as one that will.
As someone with Autism wanting to learn to support people with BPD, I really really appreciate you having the bravery to give your story. We both have stigmatized disorders and gotta look out for each other! Everytime you speak your truth, you empower others to do the same.
I am so glad you have a girlfriend that supports you and loves you for who you are. I think that is awesome that she is behind you 100%, no matter your label because your label is not who you are. I was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder within the past 6 months. I never knew what was wrong with me and everybody kept telling me that I had bipolar Yes I do have bipolar but I knew there was something else because of how the way I felt with certain things. And if I didn't know any better when you were on that camera telling your story it was just like telling my story. I have gone through so much through my life. So much that it is hard to make videos about it and I do have a couple videos on my channel but I don't go really into full detail about everything because I'm afraid to tell people that I have borderline personality disorder. Because of the stigma and people judging me because they think I'm crazy when really I'm not it's just how my brain works. Thank you for sharing this video because you really helped me. My therapist has wanted me to look more into it and make videos about it but when I get on my videos I start rambling about a bunch of stuff because I have so much on my mind that I want to say and I start going into other things other than my mental health and I can't get my brain on a certain topic and stay there. It took very long time for me to be diagnosed with this disorder along with others. I'm 51 years old and my whole life I thought I was a complete failure because I couldn't make friends It was so hard to make friends and I do have friends but we're not like the hangout type you know we just talk to Facebook and that sort of thing. I'm one of those type of people that would rather sit in my house and be a hermit and not go out. But again thank you for making this video I want to make one of my own and I didn't know where to start and how to start it or anything but I'm trying to put pieces together on how to do it without sounding like a complete fool. You have a good day hun and you are beautiful just the way you are
I’m 47 and I have BPd… it’s hell my entire life has been constant struggle with no support… I was raised by narcissists and now I have so much unhealed trauma… I’m scarred pretty badly…I don’t have any friends to hang out with either., I’ve always been told I’m a lot of fun and have a great personality yet I’m alone …
Thank you for sharing your story 💕 if you’re into reading, a book that helped me is called ‘I hate you, don’t leave me. Understand the borderline personality’ it was good. Or the DBT work book (it’s green) and I do some of that and it helps with skills t maintain emotional regulation how to deal with the emotional disregulation
Nearly every word of this video and every experience you spoke of relates to me so much. Thank you for sharing your story, it truly made me feel less alone in BPD & my experiences. I'm so sorry for everything you've endured, but commend you for your bravery!
First i just wanted to say thank you. I’ve been struggling with mental health my entire life and in the past year got diagnosed with BPD. I have felt so ostracized, crazy, alone, and so misunderstood since then. Hearing your story made me realize that I’m not actually alone in having BPD. Immediately when i started to hear you speak i became emotional because I could already relate more to you than other people. I hope you respond to this comment because i just wanted to tell you how much i thank you for sharing your experience and how you’ve helped people you wouldn’t have ever known you helped. I really needed this, and again, thank you! 💜
You are extremely blessed to have a gf that is so supportive and kind and caring. Thank you for sharing this... You did not ask for any of what has happened to you, and you did not deserve any of it. You are so brave and strong and you are not alone....
As a someone with BPD you have the best change of healing. You have a self and empathy. Well done for doing the work.
Im so proud of you, I was recently diagnosed with bpd. Like you said I felt like I finally was understood I knew something was wrong with me. We will make it through, it’s really hard but we will keep going!!!
I appreciate this so much, and this will also be helpful for my daughter. It’s not easy to find such great examples of young people with BPD who are able share their experience so well… it really is encouraging! Your words of support are helpful because you are speaking from the heart with real-life truths on how BPD feels on the daily. Your words make it feel both REAL and safe. Very admirable.
I hope you will keep this video up forever so I can show her once she is ready (she’s healing atm), but I know this will be so helpful to many others as well!
Thank you so much for sharing. 💗
Hi CJ! It was so brave of you for sharing your mental health story! I truly appreciate you doing this, you’ve got guts! You inspired me to hopefully one day open up about my story of severe obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd), Tourette’s syndrome (TS), and my rare neurological disease
CJ, please try not to doubt yourself; you are a bright light.
I started researching BPD about 10 years ago for a class I was teaching, and because I was still on the hunt for my own answers too. While we have come to the conclusion that I have bipolar and OCD, I had learned a lot about BPD, and now I understand why.
My 15 year old stepdaughter, who I've been close with all her life, has struggled for years. She too has been through all the back and forth diagnoses and meds, all the while I have been advocating for someone to recognize BPD in her, which of course is hard to do with a teenager, for all the reasons you mentioned. We just knew awhile ago. We finally have a counselor who sees it and a psychiatrist who is at least open to it.
I have watched hundreds of videos over the last year and done even more research, and I agree that it is still so often demonized. I wanted her to have something relatable that wouldn't terrify her or make her more depressed, and here you are. I'm blown away. When we finally get a diagnosis, you will be the first place I send her, her mom, and her dad. She is bisexual, which makes most of your story so relatable it's almost crazy. I cannot thank you enough for the way you carry yourself, your vulnerability, and the beauty that just pours out of you. I can't help but cry. You have no idea how much this video means to me. Keep doing what you're doing, because you're doing it right 💜💜💜💜
i have bpd, and didnt know it. at the time, but i made a friend for the first time in my life at 36 years old. Well she also has borderline and did know it, but she didnt disclose it to me. That woman was like my other half. I miss her so much, but OH MY GOD, that relationship BLEW ALL THE WAY UP after one year passed. She started splitting me and switched real quick. It left me in such a strange new kind of pain and almost psychosis and paranoia. I can only imagine the pain that I also caused her. Neither of us wanted to hurt the other one, and I realize that for her to push me away like that, she must have really really cared a lot about me. I miss her so much.
Wow, I am 39 and I am only just allowing "professionals" in. Hate to say it but Weed really helps me, it's illegal where I am still, but out of all the things I've tried it's the only thing that helps! From my own experience it's best not to look back in anger, in fear, in envy or anything else.
I hope life treats you well
So wise for a young lady . You taught me something and I’m much older , thank you🙏♥️
1:27 Thankyou. You’re helping me be better man for those experiencing this disorder
I just want to say, big applaus for bring this excruciating painfull illness som attention.
Up until recently, this has been so unbelivable, stigmatized, and left sooo many families in dreep despair.
We love you and support what you do, and wish you a speedy recovery.
You are not your diagnosis.
You are a human being with a diagnosis, and you can live a normal life without bpd pain. Hugs❤
I believe I may have bpd and you have helped me feel a lot clearer and have helped me understand a lot about myself, thank you for helping my mental health.
Thank you sooo much f/sharing, I too have BPD + BAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder. I am 3 times a divorcee and have been single for over 8 years now. It is a TREMENDOUS struggle.
Happy for your blessings and love fom your girlfriend. Keep on keepin' on!!!
After being sexually molested at 10 years young & innocent, I ended up with the worst diagnosis of BPD 😢. I already suffer from BiPolar 2, OCD, EDNOS, Anxiety Disorder, Panic disorder, BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) because of my Childhood PTSD, Self-harm, etc... From the young age of 5, I've been forced to see a counselor, therapist, Psychiatrist until present. I'm on Psychiatric medication for my BPD & my past & occasionally Self-harm. I totally understand where she's coming from in many ways. I also feel emotions very strongly. Because I have a major fear of people abandoning me, I recently lost my husband, I'm alone now. I'm so afraid to get close to anyone now in fear of losing someone I Loved.
I wish I knew this woman in person. We'd be the best of friends. I have NO ONE I can trust, anymore other than my Therapist & Psychiatrist with all my secrets. All I have now, are my "Babies " aka: my stuffed animals. They're my life. I wish I had a best female friend I could Love, who I could trust like CD Wade. But, I don't. CD, Wade, I understand you & would Never judge you. You're amazing! Thank you so much for doing this video. I think you did a fantastic job on your video. Please make more of them.
It was so comforting to hear your experience, and it was very brave to share :,-)
Awww. Thank you for your story! You inspired me today. It is hard to survive each day fighting with your brain but then there's always hope and light I see although it's kinda dim. No one understands me, even myself. It's hard to go on especially if no one try to understand you. They all think I'm a snob and that my attitude is not acceptable anymore. I always cry trying to tell them to be gently with me and I'm still in the process but they kept giving me a deadline that by this day I should change and it's not helping me because it felt like they think it's just stubborness. I can't magically fix myself up because I'm still in the process and went back to self-harming myself again. It felt like it's just me in this world and they kept telling me to grow up and be matured enough to handle situations. I mean I can, but it's hard. I have a boyfriend who called a counselor or something through phone asking about my disorder and he understood what she was saying yet after a while, he triggered me with something because I told him something about his family that hurt my feelings and he said it's because it's my fault they said that. So I self-harmed myself in front of him and he did nothing but got angrier. It's very suffocating. :(
What a beautiful soul you are. Thank you for getting out of your comfort zone to share your story. It's a huge deal for everyone else struggling to know they are not alone. I don't have bpd but know OF people who have struggled, who have been misdiagnosed, who stopped trying to find the right med combination or right therapist and decided to end their life instead. And it is so painful to know that no one was able to help.
It's not talked about enough. There is still a negative stigma about mental illness in general. I personally like researching and reading and talking about it. I like learning because then I will know how to be a source of comfort for others struggling.
So thank you. I know not everyone is as self aware as you are. And a lot definitely self medicate (alcohol drugs sex self harm etc) instead of attempting to figure out what is REALLY going on. I'm glad you didn't give up on yourself. You've come a long way. It's been a painful journal I'm sure (most journeys are when it's about self healing) but you are finally on the right track.
Thank you again. And thank goodness you have a good support system. Someone who will stick by your side no matter what. ❤
i just got diagnosed as borderline this week!!! thank you for sharing this story!
What an awesome person you are. Thank you for sharing your prospective of BPD. I hope by sharing your story you’ve positively impacted someone else’s.
I just got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder today and it was comforting to know I’m not alone I hope everything is well and have a great day
Thank you so much for your honesty and courage. Newly diagnosed at twice your age and living in a tail spin
You are so brave, CJ. It is so wonderful that you are working to de-stigmatize the disorder because we do get ostracized easily… I too have BPD and I am so scared to talk about it on the internet. Pretty much everything you mentioned is everything I feel. I can relate so much. Sending lots of hugs and much love to you! ❤️
Thank you for putting this out. I started dealing with my mental health struggles 3 years ago… as an adult in my 20s. I still feel like there’s something else going on with me. But I’m still going, living life. I am having trouble feeling my feelings right now and working with my therapist now. It’s a battle but I’m dealing with things. I don’t have BPD… or don’t think I do. Im too scared to bring up someone else with my therapist.
I was just diagnosed with bpd and this was really validating for me. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you so much for sharing something so scary and stigmatized and painful. You are very brave. I cried a little bit when you talked about how your Gf is very supportive of you. I just want to say I love you.
YES! i`m so proud of you for making this video and i totally agree there isnt much about bpd on here. I`m from the UK 22 and still not formally diagnosed but it has been mentioned by a mh team.
Thank you for sharing your experience, as I’ve been recently diagnosed, I’m very thankful for these type of videos. 💙
You are incredibly wise! My favorite part was when you said that if pple are going to shun you for a disorder you developed from trauma then you don’t want them in your life anyways ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hello,sorry to hear of your troubles.Unfortunately some people are happy about you having problems.That means they can control you.Try never to react.No matter what happens,don't react.This worked for me.
Very proud of you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story! Wish you all the best! You’re a beautiful person. Don’t forget that. ❤️
Thank you so much for making this video, i have bpd and your story is very relatable and absolutely heard. I felt like there was someone like me. We appreciate you a lot for posting this, you're so brave.
Also though, I fulllllly relate to the constant misdiagnosis and medication failures. And relationship failures. Even with warnings, and attempts. I’ve had 3 major relationships all fail because I couldn’t fix myself. And each one provided kids, I never intended to harm the children who now have real possibilities of developing similar issues as what I had, and whatever genetically as well. You’re not alone, and the more we put into the world to see, that we are in fact humans.
Thank you for making this video. My boyfriend has bpd and I look to find others to piece together solutions as everyone is different. I subscribed.
I started crying when you said your girlfriend found good things about bpd because I never would of thought
Please keep sharing! I feel so alone in my bpd a lot of the time. You are helping & Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
Two days ago i was diagnosed wish bpd. im still in shocked. i was to planning to start self harming tonight or maybe more. you actually gave me hope on this. Thank you❤
@Orange Juice Gurl Thank you ♥️
know you are loved, the feeling will pass please stay
@@cjwade Thank you so much.i am actually better now🙂💚
Your partner is so supportive. You are so strong. I also have BPD and its really helpful to be real abt it
I’m 18 and in the same situation u were in before, but going back to therapy for the second time and I stumbled across this. ty for sharing dis shi will get better for us
Hi CJ, I can relate to your situation. I have asperger's syndrome and BPD. Its a constant battle. Im 29 now, but I also knew something was wrong with me at a young age. I asked for help when I was 16 but no one listened to me until I started to get in real trouble with drug abuse at age 18 and then its when they thought that going to a psychologist would be a good idea. But it took me 10 years to finally be correctly diagnosed. Ive been diagnosed with multiple different things and they expected me to take my meds, but I refused because I knew that I didnt have what they told me I had. Until now. I havent found the perfect medication yet, only Diazepam (Valium in the US) it helps with my anxiety and my vertigo as well (cause I also have chronic vertigo yey). I still cant handle my mood swings and my rage/frustration and this chronic feeling of emptiness. I have a partner and I feel like Im not being my best self, Im always numb and depressed and anxious, and that makes me feel like I am a burden. That feeds my fear of abandonment, cause i dont understand why someone would want to be with me if I have nothing positive to offer. I mean, its not all bad, Im intelligent, funny, caring, loyal etc, but I dont know, people seem not to value these traits very much, they seem to be more focused on how many times Ive gone outside or how many friends I have blabla... I also struggle with my self-image. I dont know who I am. I literally wake up every morning thinking HOLD ON A SECOND! who was I? oh yea, i mix of this person I saw on the tv and this other person I saw on the street etc. I dont have my own identity. And when I connect with it, it only stays for a couple of days...and then I start to feel chaotic and useless again... //// anyway, Im really happy to hear your girlfriend is sooooo supportive and that she did her research right away to see how she could help. THAT is amazing... 🤍 helps a lot to feel understood, loved and protected from a world that is constantly pointing at us and judging us unfairly.
The list of disorders that people call "monster/toxic/terrible" is neverending. Autism, bipolar, borderline, narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, schizophrenia... The problem is, that the more these conditions are stigmatized, the less people talk about them. You may know someone with these conditions and not even know the person has it because they won't disclose their diagnosis based on the very real fear of being judged. And, because you never get to know they have this disorder, you never get to talk to them about it, never get to learn what the lived experience with these conditions is actually like, and the stigma continues. Coming out about these things can't be easy but it's people like you who are slowly but surely helping to raise awareness and educate the main public. I can only hope that in a generation or two these sorts of conditions will be less stigmatized.
I liked your video very much. Very brave thing to do. I have a kid with a woman who has bpd. It's not that she's a terrible person, it's more how overwhelming her feelings are that it makes us suffer around her. Everyone is supportive but it's nearly impossible and draing to cope with. Unfortunatly in my case, for my mental state, I had to end the relationship.
Thank you thank you for sharing. Recently diagnosed and I am so scared I will spiral. I have to get help to save my family. 😢
I am a clinical social work student and recently learned about BPD and treatments. The bad news - it’s a difficult population to work with because of the symptomatology. The good news is it’s actually one of the few personality disorders that responds well to treatment in the long-term. DBT is supposed to be most helpful. Much love ❤️
The stigma against BPD is insane :(. I don't have BPD but when I asked my psychiatrist about it she claimed a lot of professionals tend to avoid patients with BPD because they think they can't 'handle' them. Mental illness in general is so demonized but I feel like BPD has it the worst.
What an inspiring video. Thank you ! 😊needed this today.
Thank you so much for this! Currently, I’m in a hopeless process of switching through meds. This video really helped me.
I'm bbd and thank u. U go girl. We're not monsters.
I have bpd. It is a humbling realization. It can be overcomed. There is a book called calming the emotional storm. It really works. the tools used are effective.
Thank you. I just bought that book then.
Takes a lot of courage to be so vulnerable! Good for you and stay healthy! My one piece of advice as a 59 y.o. woman, stay out of the dark arts, it's too psychosomatic and not helpful. Be well x
This video was so incredibly brave. Thank you for sharing.
I can't change how I feel, but I can change how I react, how I act.
you are angel, never doubt it. the braveness you have is a miracle. I revere you so much. you are lovable, and the daughter of cosmos(can be called God!), no matter what ....
People who have Borderline Personality Disorder are not monsters, but they often do monstrous things. That’s why it’s so important to get help. Good for you for getting that help.
Humans in general do 'monstrous' things. You saying ppl who have bpd aren't monsters BUT....the usage of that word 'but' immediately cancels your prior statement. You're comment just adds to the unrealistic stereotype and stigma. Words matter.
Same exact life experience 😭😭nobody understands how hard we have it
Thank you for this 💙you just helped me more then you will ever know! You said all of this in a perfectly put way.
Good for you for sharing your story for the good of all. It was very helpful to me. And give that girlfriend of yours a big hug.
I had the exact same experience with feeling fully that something was wrong and nobody listening to me. I just KNEW. I had also received the same diagnoses before, anxiety and depression. I always said I felt emotions so strongly, and nobody ever got it.
Thank you for this very informative video! Greetings from Mexicali Baja California I'm a future physician and it baffles me how people don't take mental health as seriously as they should
Omg you're so pretty
That was really brave.
Thank you for being courageous!
This is a very inspiring and relatable video, thank you sm for sharing :)))
So strong xx
Thank you for posting this
Thank you for helping to break the stigma!! Your story is one that should be heard 🖤 thank you so much for being so brave and sharing this video 🥲
Thank you so much for your support🥰 it’s people like you who make me want to continue telling my story
i love you through and though baby❤️
This was precious ❤️
Very brave. Well done!
💕🖤✨🌙💕 thank you for sharing your story. I believe my sis has bps also but she resists help.
Thank you for this! I’m glad you made this video ♥️
Thank you for sharing 🥹❤️🩹 it was emotional and relatable, I also have bpd, and I'm 35, currently finally in therapy specific for bpd, so hopefully, I will get better. 🩷 you're so lucky to be in a healthy supporting relationship ❤️ I hope you are doing well, and all the best!
It's okay. We all struggle. I'm diagnosed with BPD and self harmed and went from drink to doing drugs. I'm 18 now and have been already thru 4 rehabs and finally clean. I still have my moods almost everyday, I've been on several medications and to this day I'm still trying to find what's right for me. I have been diagnosed in the past with depression and anxiety and paranoia and the reason why is because I didn't know how to explain my moods of what was going on but as I got older it all started to make since. I am still very toxic and I always want to snap at someone. I don't just get angry but I get this physical feeling in my body to where I want to go crazy. My mood swings are from angry to happy OR from angry to sad to depressed to happy. I am still getting through all this chaos but I know it's okay because I know I'm not the only one struggling.
Thank you. I will be making my own story public soon. I don’t know if anyone will care to hear. But I want to share with as many as I can.
I cried watching this.
She is strikinly beatiful
You're a queen 👑
Thank you for making this video ❤️❤️❤️
I'm queer and bpd too.
Thankyou so much for sharing your experience. It means a lot.♥️
of course, I plan on continuing to share my story🤍
Same here… we aren’t alone!!🤗🤗
I have BPD and I found my person 27 years ago. We've been married for 25.
Thank you!❤
My main diagnosis are PTSD, major depression disorder w recurrent episodes, anxiety with recurrent episodes and the last one is borderline personality disorder
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I love your video. Thanks so much, i have it too.... For so many years....
I've been needing to find a video of someone that has this diagnosis... I was just diagnosed with BPD last year in June 2021
❤ thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this.
Thank you honey. Love you.
ive been diagnosed depression and anxiety but i think i have bpd i have all symptoms i have extremely unstable relationships they last maybe 1 month but my therapist said that she thinks that i dont have bpd but i struggle so much i got so angry when she said depression anxiety i wanted to slap her face and even my mom thinks that i dont have it she always say puberty i have like love hate relationships and friendships w people, i know im not depressed because i dont feel like depressed im just empty i dont know and i cant even have a stable friendship its so exhausting and i dont know what should i do. i just feel like bpd is the thing i have, i have all the symptoms like literally all and people say im crazy , monster
wonderful. thank you for sharing
You are so brave! Thank you! I was diagnosed five years ago.’