The dark side of OCD: POCD | An interview.. with myself
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ค. 2021
- Hi guys,
I know this video is quite a weird format, but I really wanted to tell my story and I hope it helps someone out there either to understand OCD better or to know that they are not alone.
As I mentioned in the video here are some types/themes of OCD that I have experienced:
- Sexual orientation OCD
- Religious OCD/scrupulosity
- Body focused OCD
- Just right OCD
- Existential OCD
- Contamination OCD
- Need to know OCD
- Obsessive fixation on a person
- POCD (topic of this video)
- Peripheral vision OCD
- Schizophrenia OCD (fear of seeing things that are not there)
Let me know if you would like me to make a video talking about any of these topics.
Check out his channel if you want to learn more about different types of ocd:
/ @ocdandanxiety
My other channel: / @alinamaria
Instagram: @alinamcirstescu
Mental health insta @neurodivergentmemequeen
Tiktok: @adhdbaddiewithafatty
If you want to support my channel you can donate to me personally at:
paypal.me/alinamc11
Cashapp: $alinacirstescu
See you in my next video
❤️
When you said the ‘you love kids part’ I just burst out crying because Kids are my whole world and I just can’t see them in a normal sense anymore and it makes me so unhappy, especially being alone in my own thoughts
I’m so sorry, honestly it’s possible to recover though. I know it may not feel like it but after ERP therapy pocd is barely there for me, and even if I have a bad day where it flares up I don’t have the guilt anymore and I can let go so much easier. I hope you can heal from it too, because no one deserves to go through this!
@Lxstrqy do u have Reddit
@Lxstrqy What is your Reddit
@black fang what...
@black fang I understand what ur saying and it littelry sounds like ur describing ocd
My POCD has put me in crisis multiple times over the past two months. I seriously considered taking my life today. This is the worst theme I’ve ever had.
You're not alone.
POCD is so debilitating I am sorry to hear that. Please don’t lose hope, just know that it is possible to recover from it and have a happy life❤️
You aren't alone, tried to take my life in May, and then broke under the idea of being a pedophile in June once again and I didn't want to believe the doctors when they told me it was OCD. Still processing the fact that I may not be a pedophile, and this makes me angry, sad, and hopeful all at once. It's absolutely honestly the worse and you don't deserve to feel like you aren't worthy of living. You will make it through and you deserve happiness and kindness and a good life. 💙
@@zipitzizzy2442 how are you doing? any good methods of coping? 💞
@@sheajohnson7037 Shadow work can help a lot, even thought it's not backed up by science, it's more spiritual than anything. Another great option would be Mindfulness meditation.
I got diagnosed with OCD since my teenage, spent my whole life fighting OCD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
Yes very sure of Dr.benfungi. They helped me too to overcome my anxieties and get to the root of much of my "mental Illness" which is all rooted from trauma, abusive relationship and a chaotic childhood and addiction. Shrooms made a huge huge impact to why am totally free today.
Mushrooms are very medicinal. This is why anybody familiar with psilocybin and any other kind of fungi will tell you, "They are alive." They have a very ancient wisdom. To my experience, all mushrooms have always said, "Pay attention to your life. How you think, how you feel, and what will you do with the information that you always knew, but now are seeing in this point of view." This is why mushrooms are so respected in tribal cultures. This mental health treatment works for me too. Half micro doses do the trick for me. At least a few days at a time with lengthy time in between. Never addictive. Thank you for sharing this point!
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
I've been dealing with this for almost 9 months, and it fluctuates in terms of anxiety. Can range to feeling very uncomfortable to having panic attacks. I've always loved and cared about children, but these repulsive sickening thoughts make me terrified to even look at a child at all. Thanks for this video, knowing others understand this pain brings me hope.
Hi, thanks for sharing, this obsession is so so hard to deal with I understand you completely. Yes there definitely is hope and I wish you the best! It’s possible to recover and have a great quality of life!
@@adhdbaddie thank you very much for this video! I really needed it. I also suffer from OCD since I was 8 years old, I have had many types of OCD (fear of getting disease, fear of sexualizing religious figures, fear of wanting to have sex with family members, fear of being gay, and finally, fear of being a pedophile) but this type of ocd is certainly the ugliest and most painful of all. I have had this disorder for about 8 months and for days I did not want to leave the house for fear of meeting children, I had compulsions that occupied me all day, they made me nervous and depressed, I forced myself to imagine horrible scenarios just to be sure to try disgust and not ambiguous feelings. I thought I was the only one with this disorder, I have thought about suicide several times, and I am only 20 years old ... but thank God I discovered this "community" and I already feel much better! thanks again for your video! we hope to get well soon ... :) p.s. I'm italian, sorry for my english!
Recognise that you are the OBSERVER and that thoughts are just thoughts.
this!!! i hope this goes away cause it sucks
@@francescogozzano5281 thought i was the only one but we will get better!!!
It’s good to know there are other young adults struggling with this, especially seeing comments by women - this because I used to think it only affected me and no woman could ever love me anymore after learning the truth about my OCD. Thank you for making this video, it’s a horrible disorder and sadly seems to affect lots of genuinely warm and intelligent people.
I think no man will love me because of my POCD. Same fear but the genders reversed. The last man I tried to date said “It’s who you are, and God forgives you anyway, and I don’t mind.”
First of all: This IS NOT who I am. These are ego-dystonic thoughts, meaning thoughts I DON’T WANT TO HAVE.
I have battled against these thoughts with mental swords and guns, trying to get back to my true identity which respects the rights of all children.
Second of all, my parents’ toxic abusive religion/Islam obsessing over all sexuality is what caused it in the first place, so stop with the religion.
A man I dated years ago and talked to again recently left our relationship at thinking I was a real pedophile. It’s enough to want to jump off a bridge.
Five years of psychiatrists, psychologists, and counsellors assuring me I have an OCD diagnosis, not real pedophilia.
I love kids so much too. It’s heartbreaking someone who gets along with kids can have these horrifying thoughts. It was after I was babysitting too that I had these thoughts.
You are not alone. We are good people who want to respect children.
Be kind to yourselves, fellow survivors of the worst mental health disorder on Earth.
@@fry5544 "It’s enough to want to jump off a bridge." Sorry, but I know how you feel. Today was a bad day for me. I have smashed my head against the wall multiple times. Honestly, still can't believe what I'm dealing with. The minimum groinal I get put me in bad mood. The me from 1 year ago would never believe where I'm at now.
"Be kind to yourselves, fellow survivors of the worst mental health disorder on Earth."
I think I need to be, but I'm not, if my pee goes up for 0,1 centimeter (which I hate) I want to fucking die. But most of the time, actually it shrinks. I hate this. And you're right. It is so hard. But I think If I was kinder, things would be under control by now, but since the mid January, I'm not going kind with myself. It started for me in January of this year (2023).
@@RosfieldConti know it's hard but you are not alone I attempted suicide three times cuz of ocd please be strong ❤
Same, seeing young warm people and women too deal with it makes things easier lol :) I’m 27 and a great charming guy but when around kids i feel weird and make bad impressions on ppl cuz I’m trying so hard to NOT seem creepy or look to long or little lol oh my goddddd:/
POCD is such a torturous feeling, I only recently realised what exactly it was and spoke to a therapist about it after a few weeks of suffering with it. I then started to notice some other “common” things I’ve done for years that aren’t to normal and I just assumed it was part of my personality. It’s much more hellish for me since my parents are literally foster parents and it gets the point where If I can’t convince myself that I won’t do anything I’d most likely kill myself. I interact with children and while I’m with them I know in myself that I wouldn’t ever do anything. It’s when I’m alone or not interacting with anyone or sometimes I’ll be fine and then just have a thought or image and I hate myself so much that I could even have these thoughts. Due do other mental health issues I don’t feel much anymore but even just writing this I’m balling something I’ve not done in years, since I was young my only real dream was to be a father and was my main motivation for living, and at this point I can’t even see a future where that’s remotely possible. Some days my only hopes is that I die and there be no after life so that I atleast get a rest from this waking hell. I’m so physically and mentally tired that I can barely function most days and spend it just trying to distract myself. I’m sorry for this rant I just needed somewhere to say this.
I feel you … I feel the same way. We will get through this and you are not alone. I will pray for you tonight but please try to stay strong. I love you. You got this !
Thats how i feel, if i sexually harmed a child or baby or even seriously injured them, I would kill myself. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
man... youre gonna make me fucking cry. literally same, i dont even know what to do anymore i have always felt like a looser and now i just feel like shit, my mind just spawns thoughts and sometimes i find myself unconciously reviving those thoughts of to proove to myself that i am not a monster and this only makes me feel worse, if there is a god i just want to fucking ask why did he made me and all of people with this to suffer like this, i have to repeat to myself that im not a monster every time i have a strong attack, im from a third world country in wich if i even dare to talk about it id be looked as a threat. I just want it to change, worse of all i have other types of ocd, i fear my family getting cancer and i feel triggered when they talk about it, i cant watch killer documentaries because i get thoughts like what if that is going to happen to my family and i am never going to talk about it to anyone ever
@@verutor4244 Since doing this comment I’ve been on a anti depressant sertraline for a while and I have to say it’s helped. It may just be that my moods not as awful but it is easier. Don’t get me wrong I still have thoughts every day but the good days are starting to increase. Something I found helpful is when I get overwhelmed by it going onto something like redit and searching POCD. Or your given expression of you OCD, read about peoples experiences with it and compare it to your own more than anything else you’ll notice similarities between them and you might start to realise that what you are going through is hellish yes, but the thoughts are something more than you have even if you don’t want to talk to family or friends about it there’s still people you can talk about it with. Something I’ve learnt over the past few months is that you need to stop seeing the thoughts as you. We can’t control our thoughts what we can control is our actions. We obsessive over these what ifs not because we’re inherently bad people but because we’re empathetic and afraid of what will happen to those around us or the potential harm we can do. Think of it in terms of a example I heard, say your OCD is obsessing over a fire burning down your house. Instead of double checking the gas is off electricity is off and so on think if there was a fire what will tell me? I have smoke alarms, can I put out the fire. Get a fire extinguisher 🧯 and so on. It’s hard to get a grip with but I believe and hope that you can get through this. And if there is a god it’s getting one hell of a shouting at when I die.
@@verutor4244 Try doing some of these relaxing techniques they won’t help as much in an actual situation where you have the thoughts but they may help you stop focusing on them after
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i’ve been having POCD for a week now. it’s crippling me in so many ways. i can’t enjoy the things i normally do. i can hardly eat. i can’t fall asleep for hours and i have to listen to a podcast or something to do so. i know for a fact i would NEVER hurt a child. i’m a kind person, i’ve always been a very gentle soul. but there are all these ‘what if’ scenarios constantly going off in my head and creating intense anxiety. i have contemplated suicide on several occasions. i fear that this will not pass and it’ll affect me for life and i won’t be able to live fully. i feel like i’m sinking. i have scheduled a phone consultation with an OCD counselor in a few days, but i’m scared they won’t be well versed in pocd and will label me as something i know i’m not. why me?
I am so sorry you’re struggling with this it’s so hard when your mind is fighting against you making you think you’re a horrible person! Your therapist should know that this is ocd, especially if you explain that the thoughts are intrusive and there is no desire or want for these thoughts! It definitely can get better and I hope your consultation goes well!!!💚
@Jim Newt can we talk
Have you gotten better
Same thing is happening with me
How you doin mate?:((
I relate a lot. I had a manipulative friend called me a pedophile and a child predator and told me that my POCD isn't vaild because they "had ocd", I felt like a monster, I gotten suicidal, I now have scars on my legs, arms and wrists due to that friend. I felt like I lost my hole identity, my whole self. I didn't know who I was. Now I had to change my name due to the trauma, it use to be Aiden, now it's Alex, short for Alexander.
I’m so sorry, that was not a real friend! You are so strong for pushing through because pocd is so torturous and to have someone say things like that is a nightmare when we are mostly looking for reassurance that we are not “this thing”. I hope things have improved for you and I wish you all the best💙
@@adhdbaddie Thank you for the kindness, God bless your beautiful soul.
I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that and for everything you've gone through. I don't know if this is helpful, but two people can have the same diagnosis and have incredibly different experiences. I hope you're feeling better than you did last month since that sounds like it must have been rough.
@@astralcamisado648 Well yeah, I know, but thank you.
You should explain to him what pocd really menas youre not a predator youre normal And valid!
As an OCD therapist, I would like to say that this video explains OCD extremely well. If you are a sufferer please find a therapist experienced in working with Exposure and Response Prevention. The UK charity OCD Action also offers a lot of information and support for sufferers and their families.
Thankyou, yes ERP is amazing, changed my life❤️
can we chat?
@@lassegotz5274 Did you mean chat to me?
Hey do you have an email?? I’m really suffering with ocd and idk if that’s a fair thing to do but I really need help.
You are so, so incredibly brave for making this video. I'm 13 and I struggle from POCD. It's starting to get really horrible, and sometimes I feel like it will never get better. But this video gave me hope. Thank you. ❤
As someone who has suffered with POCD since age 12 and can so clearly remember the very first thought and didn’t understand what it was for 10 whole years, I am so glad you have realised this now. I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you. Hope you get all the support you ever need ❤
i think i have pocd too its horrible too meet childrens and i look at them all the time ' but only girls
Hi x
Im 31 years old.
I've had pocd since 14 years old. It's been horrible But!!!! I am now married and 3 children. God has helped me and with having my children, it has showed me that these thoughts were just thoughts. No reality.
Don't be afraid. Seek god.
Omg you are really really young, im had it when i was 17
please stay strong mine started younger than 13 and ik your struggle veeery much ❤ you can do this and stay strong and seek professional help since you're still young so they don't point you out as a creep when you're older
You are brave for posting this. I suffer from POCD too and its terrifying and disabling. On the surface people cant tell, I am the independent married successful guy who builds computers, shoots guns, loves history, has a beautiful wife but inside my soul feels so destroyed. I will post more but its been hurting for years.
Thank you for your comment, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with this. It’s absolutely soo soul destroying! I really wish you the best and hope you can heal from it one day!
@@adhdbaddie Thank you, to give you some more backstory, my fear of kids started off from a bad relationship I was involved with in 2007 - 2008 it was a woman with a 2 year old, I was 20 just turning 21 and while I had girlfriends online, never dated a woman at that time.
Long story short, the relationship was not good, the woman I was involved with was very controlling and emotionally, mentally and even physically abusive and forceful. She lived with her parents who had a drug issue, she shared a room with her daughter which I was very much uncomfortable with. Before our breakup, multiple anxiety inducing events happened where she was trying to make me more of a "father figure" for her daughter, was constantly checking my phone, she didnt understand or care about my anxiety, it was always about her. When she broke up with me, things didnt end, she harrassed me and my new girlfriend accusing me of the very worst things you can imagine, she also claimed she was pregnant (I never did anything with her), posted my information on neo nazi forums trying to destroy me to the point I was beyond depression, this was the height of the 2008 - 2009 housing crisis and my mother was on the verge of losing her home.
My panic attacks were so bad I didnt really fully recover because of so much paranoia endured and fear my life would be ruined. I was in a crisis center for 72 hours and had a breakdown.
Fast forward, having lost my job at that time, and other events being stranded out of state with people who were taking advantage of my depression, I slowly picked up the peices moving back with my mom, got a job after a year unemployed, I met my current wife overseas, brought her here to the US, we got married, I ended up getting a very nice job, a house, a car, a few years after our marriage I experienced my first serious panic attack when we were flying out of the country, started getting these intrusive flashing thoughts, my first POCD thoughts but this was more than anxiety, it was thoughts I believed were actually happening, and I was terrified. I was at my inlaws home when it happened and they had to assure me nothing had happened, my wife didnt understand it then, we didnt know it was OCD, I just started avoiding people clasping my hands together, I felt like I was possessed and someone was controlling me like pinnochio, the absolute most disturbing terrifying thoughts. When I found out about this condition I found it was a form of OCD and felt relief I wasnt the only one that had this. It has felt like a curse but my wife had been very supportive, I do my best to be a good dad and realize these thoughts are just thoughts and not real, they are not me.
@@PILMAN I am so sorry that you have experienced the pain to this depth. You are incredibly strong.
I find my loved ones who have also had to deal with abuse struggle in a similar way.
Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤
Before i developed this i had HOCD (fear of being gay) even though there’s nothing wrong with that. It lasted for about a week before i got another intrusive thought after watching a disturbing movie. In my mind i’m always thinking “what if?”. It’s getting better, i could now look at a child without feeling anxious or getting the intrusive thoughts. All that’s left now is the guilt like “why did i imagine such things?” and “if my family knew what i was imagining they’d be disgusted of me” But i’m slowly trying to accept that i have OCD and that it will get better one day.
Yes I relate to this a lot, the hocd too. It will get better, wishing you the best!
@@adhdbaddie Thank you, i really appreciate you for replying.
I also developed hcod them pocd, before I had many types of ocd too
@@amalkardaly1652 I’ve also been struggling with false memories associated with the POCD. I obviously don’t wanna share it here but it did make me feel somewhat better with her explaining the false memories. I did feel suicidal and guilty even though I wasn’t sure if it was an intrusive thought or a real memory. I kept telling myself “I know I’d never do something like that” but that image has been replaying over and over everyday for about 2 months.
@@G.Maldo1 I can relate so much.. Especially the intrusive thought of something like that repeating over and over again in my head. It was littraly self torture
Thank you for being brave enough to speak about such a painful and horrifying theme. I wouldn’t wish this theme on my worst enemy. I’ve had pretty much every theme of ocd and this theme is worse than all of them combined. Everyday is a fucking nightmare.
Absolutely agree, i wish so badly that this theme did not exist, i really hope you can heal from this as I know it’s so horrible❤️
@@adhdbaddie thanks girl, I hope the same for you. 💚
I am 19 and I was exposed to sexual abuse at a young age and I developed something similar and I can say it brought my life to a stand still, thanks for sharing your story I hope you are thriving
Thank you so much for this. POCD is absolutely horrific and ridiculous. It happens to the most kind, caring people who love children with all their heart and would never do anything horrible in a million years. Our brains lie. ❤
I have been struggling with POCD for about two weeks... I'd never experienced that type of OCD and it has honestly been one of the worst experiences in my life. I work with children and have done for the past two years and these thoughts had never crossed my mind before. I'm 35 and have a child of my own who is 14. I have started discussing this with my therapist last week but the road seems so long and tortuous to recovery. I've realised that I've suffered from various forms of OCD since being a teen, it just took forms I didn't realise were OCD. Example, I convinced myself when being pregnant with my son that he was not his dad's child and that I was pregnant with a stranger's child and that when I would give birth, everyone would know I was an adultress whore... Obviously it was all bollox and I hadn't cheated on my partner...
Anyway, the POCD is terrible and it started because I became attached to a kid where I work who is also very attached to me. And I started wondering if it was like a crush and therefore that I could view children in that way... After that was a downward spiral of constant feelings of dread, fear, avoiding children, avoiding physical contact with my own child and so forth... I've been off work as a result because I can't face being around the kids. This has never happened in all my life. Until now, kids were kids, nothing more nothing less. No further thought was put into it. And now it's my worst nightmare.
I can't really talk about it because I'm ashamed and I also wonder if my therapist secretly thinks I'm a paedophile and is just waiting to break it to me...
I'm rambling.. Must be the compulsion! Thank you for this video, it helps feeling we aren't alone. ❤
I had exactly the same thoughts. The child I was forced to babysit in a homeless shelter became attached to me, and I became attached to him in a normal way - giving him his sandwich because his Mum forced me to. Then I started to think it was a crush on the child and then on a nightmare journey of suicidal thoughts & hospitalisation there. I still get thoughts that I’m attracted to male adolescents or male children or I was attracted to male adolescents and male children and I was ok with it, but I was never ok with it!!!!! As well. I know that I want to respect all children and for the most part I see children as children and adolescents as young people younger than me. We are not our awful thoughts, we are not our brain, we are the values we hold that we never want to harm children or adolescents in any way. Technically I’m probably reassuring myself by doing this, but it’s been a hard night in this spiral triggered by a few thoughts.
I feel groinals, but it gets better. I know how you feel. It's horrible. We will overcome this. We'll look at it and think it's a nightmare. The problem for me is the groinals. I hate it so much.
@@fry5544 It started for me in January, and I have also thought about suicide multiple times. It is soul crushing. I don't even know if I can work with this. Sometimes, I just wanna disappear.
You need to go on the sex offenders registry 😂
@user-zr5si2rb9p You need to educate yourself on something before you speak. This person is talking about POCD. Which can make you fear that you might be a p3dophile.
How can I tell a therapist about it?
You have no idea how much shame, disgust and embarrassment it implies to be vocal about this problem. I’m disgusted to even try to form a sentence out loud that makes sense about what I have been through without sounding like a crazy person. I’m only 17 and have been suffering from this since I was 14, I can’t take it anymore. I need help, I need so much help but I’m terrified of what getting help means. I’m so scared of sharing this, of talking about it, of dealing with it. I’m terrified and so ashamed, so incredibly ashamed. I just want to be a normal teenager and have boyfriends and stuff, I don’t want to harm anyone ever. My life has changed so much, I have developed an ed and depression. Thought about committing sūïcidê but I’m too much of a coward to go through with it. I’m terrified, and every day that goes by I feel like a piece of my soul is taken away. I’m nothing more than an empty shell of who I was. I have not been me for so long that I can’t even remember who that was. I’m a walking corpse. So sorry for venting, thanks for sharing your story.
UPDATE: I’m going to therapy next week (probably) i hope to have the courage to open up about it completely and not leave anything unsaid, but still, I’m really really scared. Thanks for the replies and thank you so much for sharing your experience, you have no idea how sharing about POCD helps since is a topic THAT NOBODY TALKS ABOUT and a living hell for us who have it. To all struggling, I wish with all my heart you can get the help you need and please believe me that you are not your thoughts or your body sensations, you are what you believe and you are how you feel related to the topic. Everything is going to be fine, but please, you don’t have to fight this alone: millions of people suffer from this, you don’t have to do it alone. Kisses to everyone.
Hi, I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this! I can relate so much to what you’ve said. Mine actually started when I was younger too and prevented me from dating as i felt so disgusting. It depends on where you are from. You must make a referral to a mental health service and speak to a psychiatrist/ psychologist. They will know this is OCD if you explain the intrusive unwanted thoughts! I know it’s so hard to talk about and I never ever thought I would but I genuinely told my therapist my worst and most disgusting thoughts because in the end YOU are suffering, you have ocd and you don’t want these things. They will know that. If you are anxious about it you can bring some resources with you/ show them websites/ let them know that you know this is OCD as you relate to other peoples experience online. Getting help is the best thing you can do! And it’s not your fault for having this! I am so sorry again and I hope you can find help💙
i hope you can find someone you can trust to talk about this with and im glad you have this space to speak. i recently told several friends about my (undiagnosed) ocd/intrusive obsessions and they didn't think anything less of me. they saw i was suffering and they didnt see me as the monster i felt i was
TALK TO ME
I relate too much. Especially "everyday is a living hell" . I hope I get out of this shit
I hate this help
I can’t take this anymore. It started a month ago and the guilt is just too much. I don’t know why this is happening but it’s disturbing as fuck and I want it to stop.
My brain keeps working against me and putting up an uncertainty I cannot bare to live with. I want to die at this point.
That sounds exhausting, I know it must be so horrible but please know that you can get better! There is NOTHING feel guilty for because these thoughts are intrusive, like you just said they are disturbing. You are not a bad person you just struggling and I know it’s really hard but there is help out there and there are other people who feel just like this! You deserve to be here and to enjoy your life!
I've been having this since 2012. You can beat this.
@@jarencoleman3617 can you pass your ig handle! I would like to ask a question
@@katlehomahlae6415 jarenxoxo
I’ve had every form of ocd since a child
they funny thing is, i developed sensorimotor OCD and i looked it up and learnt about it etc to fight it. and while looking it up, i saw that some people have POCD and then it was stuck in my head and I began obsessing over it. i know that i am straight and into grown men, and i actually don’t even like children at all and never liked them. but even tho i KNOW the facts, my brain is still obsessing over it for no reason at all. the brain is so weird ._.
Um sorry to say this but I have mental health ocd and never once had pedophile thoughts if that is happening don’t blame it on ocd a pedophile is a pedophile as long as you don’t touch a child but still you definitely have pedo traits ok
The POCD is exactly like my story. Just had the courage to research it and I was so reliefed I balled my eyes out (I’m not a cryer). It makes sense now.
You have no idea how brave you are for posting this. I dealt with the same shit 2019-2020, would say I’m pretty much over it now. Weed triggered mine for the first time. Even being over the ocd, every time I’ve tried to smoke it since it comes back full force.
@i hate me stopped consuming weed. the OCD lasted for a few months after the last time I used, then it disappeared gradually. Now it's a total thing of the past. If yours isn't substance-related, try to get talking therapy? Just getting these thoughts out to a mental health professional can be so freeing.
it’s comforting to put a face to someone else with pocd…to know that i’m not the only one struggling or who has struggled. because no one really says they have this right out and they damn sure don’t let their faces be seen. thank you
Im so thankful and proud of you for talking about this!
Im struggling with POCD and im just 16 and it's literally horrific. And i have this mixed feeling of relief and scared at the moment, relief because i know what im struggling with but im also really scared for obvious reasons lmao.
And i just wanted to thank you again for talking about this!!!! You gave me a lot of hope and i wanna get better because im experiencing hell rn.
Thanks for your comment, i really hope things start to look up for you! Its deffo possible to recover. For so many years pocd made me so depressed but im honestly doing so so much better. Theres hope💗
Dude I'm 16 too, your not alone. We both will get out of this shit and have good lives .
Same I’m 16 and struggling with the same exact thing 😢
@@333nikkey3 how are you now
@@codester9995 how are you now
This relates so much...I feel like crying, but I can’t and I don’t know why. I have been struggling with POCD since I was 11...yes 11! I’m 19 now. And even before that I’ve been into kids. It hurts man. I feel so guilty. I love kids...but I don’t know how to love them. I want to, but I don’t know how and even then I feel guilty. I even told my mother and she always uses it against me. Such a mistake that was. I’m so dumb. It hurts. I feel like my purpose is to work with children, but now it’s been compromised because of this dang problem and I hate it so much. I really hate it. I never realized how broken I am until my most recent days. I feel like I can get over it, but it’s so hard...
I’m so sorry you’re going through that and that you mum has not been very helpful with it. Just know that having this ocd means absolutely nothing bad about you. And it is so possible to recover, therapy helps a lot in particular! Hope you can heal from this❤️
this shit came in when i was a kid too utterly sucks
I'm crying. Thank you for being strong and talk about this topic
Can't tell you how grateful I am you made this video, thank you so much x
this is such a dark and difficult subject, I really appreciate you making it funny but still informative. Thank you very much
Hi guys just wanted correct myself as I said in the beginning of the video that OCD is an anxiety disorder- it used to be classified as such but it was actually changed a while ago in the DSM5. It is now in its own category now which is Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders (OCRDs). ❤️
Also thankyou for all the support for this video and keep sharing your stories. It has been comforting to see how many people relate. Also apologies if I can’t get round to replying to everyone but I will try to reply to as many as I can ❤️
I'm 25 and I feel like I struggle with this a lot. Just knowing that it is more common than we might think and that people like yourself are willing to share your stories like this helps me and gives me hope. Thank you ❤❤❤
Thank u so much for ur video I was so confused and all but knowing that I’m not the only one enduring this makes me feel so much better :)
i’ve been going through pocd since september this year. it all started cause i was watching a dr phil video about someone around my age (i’m 15) who was actually a P* and i was interested in the whole case and so i started to watch videos that the kids mom made on her channel and i watched a video of her talking about how she knew he was and the early signs and one of them was wanting to be around kids and i’ve always loved kids and i wanted to have my own so bad and to be a foster mom and help them, i would follow moms on instagram so i could see how they would parent and stuff to help me when i’m older and so when i heard the mom say that i freaked out and started to worry if i actually was that even tho i had never had these doubts or anything before seeing that video. like i never had intrusive thoughts about kids. and since when i’m been focused on the “what it’s” the one that’s super loud right now is “what if i actually am attracted to kids” even tho i know i’m not. for a couple days my ocd switched to harm ocd and all subtypes are just as gut wrenching and debilitating but i would rather have almost any other theme than this one it’s so horrible. like i keep wishing i could go back to september and avoid the video cause i know that if i didn’t watch it i wouldn’t be going through this at all. i’ve been so close to taking my own life multiple times. this is really debilitating and i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy:/ but it’s really nice to know i’m not alone with this stuff. thank you for your videos!
Im so sorry it really is so debilitating. Hoping things improve for you, dont lose hope as things CAN definitely get better! ❤️
this!!! my ocd got triggred when watch true crime kid cases or what you watched wish I had a time machine...
You are an absolute star for doing this video. So brave and so well explained. Thank you so much for providing hope for myself and many others. Well done!!
I live in a 3rd world country... I think I have Pure OCD because I've been through all the themes possible... (Harm, going crazy, hypochondriac) but POCD makes me think about suicide every day.
I just wish there's was a magical cure for this thing.
👏
Any physical pain
You are a brave young lady to address what you just did here. Thank you for this
Dealt with pocd for almost a decade. It’s an all day thing but the best cure is the accept the thoughts for what they are. Radical acceptance saved me. The only time I clinch up is when I get a new image in my head.
I can’t even imagine dealing with this for almost ten years. I don’t know how you survived. My therapist just taught me what radical acceptance was, and I have no idea how to achieve it, but seeing that you have (after going through the same thing), it seems possible.
@@annabellelubouski9438 I also have schizoaffective and psychosis. Hell I'm surprised I'm still here. Lol
@@jarencoleman3617 dude, you’re seriously incredible!
@@annabellelubouski9438 I'm a woman but thanks! lol
This discussion means a lot. I have been dealing with this for about a year and its been brutal. Everything from small panic attacks where i get dizzy and my heart races to feeling out of body most days. That constant self talk when an intrusive thought smacks you out of nowhere can be brutal. Its gotten to the point where having feelings of intimacy scare me cause im terrified of a thought popping in out of nowhere. I am going to therapy and im taking meds, but its still a struggle sometimes. My anxiety fluctuates where ill be ok for a time then BOOM! Intrusive thought. During good times i can brush it off and during anxious times it just turns into circle talk. OCD is a fucking monster.
You are so incredibly brave and strong - thank you for sharing your story!
It makes me so sad how little we have progressed as humans. So much harm is going on because of old harmful ideas persisting, people are imprisoning themselves and others. Feeling uneccessary shame and guilt. When there could just be love and caring for eachother.
For me i only had my break down a few days ago. i believe my childhood porn addiction that got worse overtime caused my POCD since from regular porn i went into more taboo stuff like Loli. I talked to my Psychiatrist about this and the diagnosis is Pure Ocd(POCD) with severe porn addiction.
Its pretty cruel since the other types of Pure OCD like Existential OCD, Obsessive fixation on a person and need to know OCD are the themes that were most prominent for me in recent years. However POCD has taken over, i would much rather trade POCD for another theme if i could.
Thank you so much for talking about this, you just saved another life!! 😁😁
Thanks for sharing, so important to have open conversations about this stuff. I’m so glad the video helped in some way. I really hope you can get the right help and start to recover from it 💙
@@adhdbaddie thank you for replying! I wish you only the best in our recovery. And seriously your video has given me a healthy reassurance especially when you mentioned the other themes(need to know, obsessed with a person).
I still have the doubts as all of us do it is the doubting disease after all. But I am able to pull myself out of it and sleep peacefully at night so again. Thank you!
Hey there! listen, your not alone. I started my porn addiction around the age of 10. im older now but my POCD started not too long ago. at some point I even used shota/loli as material when I was a lot younger. I quit porn because now that im older I fear that I may be a pedophile at some point. Sometimes I even have intrusive violent thoughts about if I harmed a kid and checked my groinal response to make sure I dont get erect. this had been tearing me apart for a while and I know I would never hurt a kid. Despite that I try to recognize these as simple thoughts and try my best not to think about it too much. Trust me you are not alone here if you wanna talk reach me at @takeokazuchi on insta or through here or any kind of platform lemme know 🤗
hey akira i have the same POCD type with the escalation of porn
if you want to talk im here
How do you deal with having watched things like that? As someone also struggling
OMGsh! I’m so glad your exist and are talking about this! POCD has caused me years of internal anxiety, distress and caused self harm episodes. I had therapy for it but it all came back as Pure OCD does twice as bad and then went away and well you get the story it came back.
I’ve suffered from sexuality OCD and Harm OCD and anxiety for as long as I can remember growing up! but this type of OCD has been the most frightening of them all.. Thank you for spreading awareness! Therapy is definitely the way to go! I’m so glad you’re getting help and this gives me so much hope 💛
I've yet to start therapy so listening to you and seeing other people share their relatable experiences is awesome. I hope this topic gets talked about more so that no one has to suffer in silence again.
I have pure OCD. The only way I could describe it is life torture
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been struggling with various sub-types, including this one, for four years. OCD can be a truly terrifying disorder capable of producing extreme suicidality. You have greatly and honestly spread information about this horrible condition. From me and many other sufferers of OCD- thank you and stay well :)
From first till last minute - I love this video and can totally relate. Thank you.
I started experiencing POCD about a month and a bit ago and it’s so agonising to go through. I’ve slowly began to develop HOCD as well and it’s just so exhausting. I’d never want to act on them but the thoughts are conjured in a way that feels so real and it’s just awful. It all happened because my friend was talking to me about her POCD and I’ve always been that “therapist” friend and I just innately tried to help her and I ended actually taking on her POCD and I was subconsciously worrying about her and when the thought first came in I was so panicked I didn’t even begin to think that the two events were linked. A lot of the time I just wish I’d never had those conversations I had with her but at the same time I’ve also become more honest with my anxiety and although right now it feels like utter shit I know that with therapy and learning to love myself, I’m going to end up being in control of my mind. You’re very brave for uploading this I know it can’t have been easy, so well done!
Thank you so much for this!!!!
I have had problems with ocd since I was eight, it’s a different kind of ocd that’s not pocd but the thought processes are similar just around different subjects and themes. I wish more people would discuss pocd more because it’s not talked about enough! Thank you for being so brave to share your story 💕
Thanks for your comment! OCD is hard mann, at least we have a community of people that just get us😩. Wish you the best with your journey ❤️
you are freaking amazing and you help sooo many people with your video, I thank you in the name of all of them! :)
I had a false memory form from an Intrusive thought, I had it once before but was able to easily put it off. I am now tormented by it, I thought about it for 3 days straight. 3 whole days. I had felt like I had done it but thought if I did something that horrible. I wouldn't forget it. I hate living like this. It really is debilitating. Thank you for sharing your experience. I really appreciate hearing that someone understood. when you brought up false memory OCD, i started crying. i felt like i was going crazy. thank you so much.
Thank you for this. For the longest time I just thought I was some sort of monster, I was the worst of humanity that I could even conjure thoughts like that. I have been working for a long time on getting better and it is still a struggle. There were times when if I saw a woman and her child in a store I was in, I would leave. I would avoid that situation to the best of my ability so that there was no question to whether I'm going to hurt someones child. I appreciate you coming out and telling your story. It's good to know there are others out there having the same journey.
Thanks for sharing your info. I also suffer from this as well. Before I knew what this REALLY was, I thought of it as my worst nightmare. It all happened ever since I was in college, it took over memories I use to love, not dread over. I use to be so scared of these false memories that suicide seemed like my only way out. I attempted to end my life many times, so much that I forgotten what it was like to live in the present moment. It took me months to finally accept that all I have left to live for was to let today be enough to represent my REAL self, and that all I can do is get comfortable in simply not knowing what my past TRULY is. Basically, to let the dead bury the dead. This event even made me more spiritual than I was before, though it took me some time to not pray for reassurance, but instead pray for simply strengthening my faith, and starting over my mindset. This even got me into numerology as well, which if anybody's interested, I can share you all how it helped me in getting my faith back. Right now I'm recovering one day at a time, but I do need a therapist bad. I just don't see how I can handle this on my own. But I just wanted to say thank you all for this video, lets me know that I'm not alone in this fight. Much love to you all, and please stay strong with me in this endeavor.
Thank you so much for this video. I cannot begin to explain how relatable everything you are saying is. It is an incredible relief, as well as the comments people leave. Sometimes it's quote on quote what i've been thinking for years without ever telling anyone.
Thank you for talking about this it cheered me up, this inner conflict is the worst thing iv yet to experience I wouldn't wish it on the worst of people, I wish more people where understanding of this hurting someone is the last thing I'd want to do, it seems hopeless but I have got better without people like you I don't know where I'd be probably dead tbh, every little helps just for talking about this i will subscribe, thank you! ☆♡
I'm glad this topic is being more talked about, I personally don't have this theme but had something similar (another paraphilia related OCD) a couple years back and this is so validating, I still struggle with other themes but things have been getting better over time, I applaud people like you who put in the work of educating those so they don't have to struggle alone in this, and to those who are struggling: it does get better, I promise you.
This really helped me realize this is my OCD doing all the horrible things to me mentally. When I was in elementary school, I was scared of death. I’d believe if my parents just drove on the interstate each time we were gonna probably die. The thoughts stayed rampant in my head for a while. Then from a period of time, it all went away. In recent years, it’s made a comeback. I was first afraid of going to hell. I was then afraid of the concept of an early death. Now I’m having POCD. I was molested as a child. I believe my thoughts are coming from a place or torment and the fear of the abused becoming the abuser. Which I would never harm a child and have no desire to do so. I wish these thoughts would go away bc Ik it’s not me talking.
I just wanted to say that I stumbled upon this video researching OCD and I have never experienced so much relief in my adult life. I couldn't get over this feeling that I had to die because of my thoughts and that I was undeserving of any good coming my way. You have given me a renewed hope and I cannot thank you enough for your willingness to come out and provide me with information I so desperately needed. I admire your strength and courage and I hope I can learn to cope and treat myself too.
I have been experiencing this for several months now and it made me feel like a hollow shell of my former self. I managed to get counseling help but this apparently isn't very understood where I am from so all it made me do is feel worse at times. You have done me and many others a great service and I will not forget this kindness you have exuded. Thank you!
As someone who thinks they may be struggling with POCD (although I am not diagnosed) to the point where I am at a state of self-reassurance and constantly checking myself for groinal responses, this was helpful thank you very much!
very good video. There is also a lot of scolding yourself when you are alone. When thoughts occur, scolding yourself
Couldn’t agree more ! ❤
Thanks for putting this out. I can relate to a lot you said. Ive had this theme the past 2 months. I like to let the thoughts pass through without questioning them but it's difficult sometimes
Yes it’s so hard to do that. We just have to remember that it is ocd and not our true thoughts. It’s so great that you’re doing that though. Hearing that other people can relate makes me feel relieved honestly!
@@adhdbaddie it's difficult because the thoughts are so disturbing. I found so-ocd much easier. The thoughts are just junk that I wish I could throw away😄. I wish the best in yours and mine recovery
@@seanmcg8717 it’s deffo the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with. I just hate it because you have to go to such ugly places to reassure yourself that you’re not (🥴a bad person). Yeah I would love to just throw them away😂. Wish you the best too, we will get through it.
You have no idea how helpful this video is. It's so relieving to know that other people, and especially other women, are going through this because a lot of my anxiety stemmed from feeling like I'm the only person to ever deal with this and like there's no hope for me. Most of the time I'm able to brush off the thoughts because deep down I know they're not true but every once in a while the "what ifs" prevail and I start spiraling. It's so tiring.
I can relate so much.. scared of being bad or hurting loved ones.. plus the bad therapists and being scared of Google lol... OCD sucks.. I am glad you are getting better! Girl I wish we could be friends.. idk, maybe FaceTime friends? are you from Australia? well thanks for the video, it has helped me a lot. Hope we keep getting better
👏👏👏 thank you so much for making this video and being vulnerable. You are not alone. I'm tired of letting this disorder take over my life.
I wish I could hug you! Thank you for sharing your experience to us, it is really helpful! I used to think that I'd take this burden to grave either because it's damn hard to talk about it.
Wow this is so powerful and eye-opening. I never realized how MANY issues I've had navigating my mind and thoughts throughout my life, that all relate to OCD and multiple of the subtypes. I am apart of the LGBT+ community and have grown up in an extremely cultish religious family. I had this obsessive fear deep down that my sexuality made me a pervert. I didn't wanna be around young boys because I was terrified that I may be a pervert, based on my upbringing and lack of love and support, especially in my sexuality. So thank you so much!
Thanks for sharing, i can relate to what youre saying! I hope things go well for you, you deserve to be happy!
thank you so much for this. i have no idea how much courage you needed to post this. today I told my therapist about these thoughts (I’ve been hiding it for 6 months now) cause I couldn’t handle anymore. then I discovered about POCD and I could relate to every symptom, but it still feels weird like I’m just reassuring myself when deep down I know I’m a P*
but the anxiety has gone down so much just by seeing how many people go through this as well
You're not alone, having to experience this in over 18 years.It's a terrible feeling, it comes with thoughts, feelings, images etc.I'm scared because i do not want these thoughts when i have my future grand kids 😭😭
That’s an amazing step to recovering already! It’s such a horrible thing to deal with and that’s exactly what ocd likes to do, trick you to believe you’re a bad person. It’s absolutely not true! Wishing you all the best💙
Me too! It's to the point I've also convinced myself I'm the p word, but I actually don't want these thoughts and I feel so disgusted
My first time with POCD was when I was 24 or so. I began having images of children and thoughts if I could harm them. It nearly drove me insane and I mean that. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I finally broke down and went to a therapist and this was the first time I heard of OCD or POCD. Little less than 20 years later depending on my stress it’s either containable or wilding out. I will look for evidence from my actions (past and present) to confirm my obsessions. My behavior would be hyper aware of kids around my physical location. Knowing where people are, the placement of my body and hands, being unable to look at kids and images of kids.….at times, I still have trouble believing if it’s POCD but if I’m aware enough, I try to be present, journal but sometimes it’s hard.
I'm not a paedophile and I think it's sick. I love God and I love everybody, of all religions, sexual orientations, skin colour etc. And I'm not going to say that I have some kind of special-hatred towards paedophiles. I don't. I've been noticing how sickening society has started to become, but more and more often when I see older people in public they always act different and anxious around me, as if to even avoid looking at me at all costs. It now clicked into my head that these people are struggling with sexual thoughts, and take my word for it if you want but this is the typical reaction I receive from encountering older people 90% of the time. I think this is a clear sign POCD is more common than we think.
Real pedos deserve the woodchipper. People with POCD and intrusive thoughts deserve help.
Thank you for posting this. Seeing you talk about it makes me emotional. I also know that going through such things will either keep you a victim or make you strong as fuck. I go through pure ocd. Such as pocd and ocd about believing I sold my soul to the devil. It kept me from making my art. It kept me from going into the world and making a name for myself. I was constantly scared every single day that this was true. It felt like torture, especially when I was giving in to these thoughts and letting it affect me emotionally. It was like a bunch of invisible bullies following you around. If you tried to confront them they will fuck you up. (Ocd gets louder). But going through such a thing does make a person very patient and strong. There’s a lot of wisdom behind it and having ocd causes you to understand exactly how the brain works (why it happens).
Absolutely! There was i time when i hated my brain so much but now i realise that its probably made me a nicer person and much more empathetic. Its definitely a test🥴 but its possible to overcome and come out stronger from it all. Thanks for your comment!
Hope you are doing well and hope you can heal from it!
you just helped me tremendously, and your vulnerability is a testament to your character. you are brave. i am not just saying this to say it, but bc this video just changed my life. thank you, u will never understand the positive ripple effect u caused ❤
🥹🥹❤️
I've never resonated with a TH-cam video so much in my life. I suffered with this for 6 years in silence without ever knowing it was OCD. I came so close to the worst self-harm and had depressive and suicidal thoughts constantly, I thought I was sick in the head and truly was a monster living one big lie. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone, like nobody at all, not even my therapist, out of fear that I'd be put on 'the list' or have police pay me a visit. There were even times when I got stoned with friends and we would watch something that happened to have a child in it, and I would descend into complete paranoia and anxiety, which only made the OCD so much worse. Safe to say, it's a humongous relief to know that I was never alone on this, surprisingly not alone, not in the slightest.
Thank you for sharing. This is very brave of you, you shouldn't have to be brave over something like this but it's so taboo that staying silent seems like the best course of action. Here's to everyone suffering with this condition: I hope you can free yourself and finally find the self-love you've always deserved
I definitely relate to this. Thank you for sharing
just saw this now and im so glad i found this. i was so scared and i feel blessed that someone who looks as normal as you AdhdBaddie can share something uncomfortable to talk about. This helps my mental health and from the bottom of my heart thank you. I hope you have a great day and even if its been a few years since you posted thank you for sharing this. I am thankful
🥹🫶🏼
Wow! TH-cam brought me to your video and I cannot describe how gratefull I feel for that! I have been dealing with POCD for about a year and a half now and is still so hard to talk about and to see other people talking about it! Thank you so much for speaking up and sharing a little bit of your storie. I hope you know how amazing you are and also that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Videos like this are very important for the whole community! Wishing you all the best!
🥹🥹 so much love to u🫶🏼
please listen to what your heart says and feels, not just your mind. Heart always speaks the truth. Every thought you get run it through your heart and feeling and see if its true. Doing this really helped me with my depression and negative thoughts.
Yes I loved my daughter but these sick thoughts took over and didn't help anything until I did research I still have sick thoughts but not the heart I cried about pushing my bm when we got into a fight tells you alot
Thank you for putting this out there, I am newly diagnosed after years of not knowing it could even be ocd. It is such a hard thing to deal with, im hoping this therapy works, but this so important to talk about for all of us who struggle, thank you so much. Talking about suicidal ideation bc of it, how taboo it is, all of it, I wish I had the strength to be able to make you a video about it, and I hope you've found peace in life with ocd.
Thankyou, i never thought i would be ok honestly. I thought i would have the guilt& intrusive thoughts & false memory nagging at me for ever but im actually doing so well now. OCD has been BARELY there for about a year now 🥹. I wish you lots of healing and better days! It does get better ❤️
Hi thank you for posting this video. I'm a teacher going on 5 years in a different country. I love my job and my kids they are my world . But recently I have been having thoughts like "omg did I just touch them" was that inappropriate, am I a monster, why am I thinking about my students in that way. I know that I would never hurt them, but at the same time I feel I should hold myself back just in case. Honestly some days I feel like a piece of shit and I feel like I'm deceiving everyone around me. I wish I could be strong like you. I hope to get better and be a better person and teacher in the future.
when you said you were mean to your sister, i understood… i distance myself from my brothers especially one of them .. it was my moms funeral and he needed support but i didn’t want to be anywhere near him so i kept moving when he got close to
me so he went to a tree and i went to the cat and sat, i felt horrible .. but i didn’t want to have thoughts about him at all
Thanks for speaking up !
Rewatching this again as it helps me so much 💚
🥹💗💗
I've been struggling with OCD since... 9? Like you. With POCD, I guess I've been struggling since 17/18, and it has lead me to my worse times ever. Been recovering from this in therapy! Recently I've encountered the term POCD, and it changed everything. So much shame and pain felt clarified, I had a name for it. "It isn't desires, it's symptoms" maybe it's the phrase wich most stayed with me since I've discovered it. Your experience is so enlightening, so much needed right now for me. Thanks for it! Thanks so much.
🥲❤️
I’ve been struggling with it for the last 3 years. I let it fuck up the most important things in my life. I hate myself everyday. I can’t create and maintain relationships with people due to feeling like I’m hiding a terrible secret that makes me underserving of anyone’s love and respect. I avoid almost any younger person due to a consent fear of being a threat, and avoid everyone else, which includes people my age and older, due to feeling like my thoughts are too disgusting for a human being, and anyone deserves way better than me as their friend, colleague, or partner. This crap came into my life so unexpectedly and ruined so much for me (I was the one who allowed it to do that, I shouldn’t just be pretending to be a powerless victim though…)
I don’t feel like I can truly open up to anybody, because you never know who was abused in a horrible way as a child or has a loved one who was - I would hate to make anyone relive their trauma and pain, and would hate to become associated with it in any way in someone’s eyes. Also, lots of my friends have younger siblings they are protective of, and I don’t want to imagine the way said friends would feel about me/look at me considering that fact alone…
What makes it all 100 times more awful, is that I live in a shithole of a country, and that’s quite impossible to find any therapy for such a thing, let alone it being productive and actually helpful. I’m pretty sure no one here heard of the term POCD and what it stands for. I’m convinced people here also believe that only men can cause harm to a child in that way. Hell, in my country government works to equate pedophilia to being LGBT+, and make it pretty much illegal to even discuss any of said topics, which makes me even more paranoid.
I feel like I’m the only female in my whole country having such thoughts in her stupid head. I constantly feel like I’m the danger while constantly feeling like I’m in danger. I’m always between waiting to be punished & feeling like I’ve been punished already. I see myself as a monster and imagine anyone I have ever had some respect for seeing me that way too. I’m afraid of myself, I’m afraid of others. I feel like I’m individually guilty of (or at the very least responsible for…) every case of child abuse in the history of the world. I cannot allow myself to be happy. I won’t be understood & I won’t be forgiven.
There’s no help for me, there’s no hope for me as a person. It’s simply astounding how one can ruin pretty much everything redeeming about themselves in three years…
Sorry for the rant & thanks for the video. Thank you so much for being brave enough to talk about it, it surely is appreciated by me, and I bet it is appreciated by many. Take care.
Thanks for talking bout this. Made me feel seen
Tysm for making this video! I am going through a similar thing and it's causing hell where I can't be happy most of the time and feel like I don't want to live at times because the thoughts seem to try to change me and twist and convince me that I am a terrible disgusting person which deep down I know I am not, but the thoughts are causing me to perform the compulsion rituals, I hit myself and yell at myself for my thought to go away to the point of tears but they keep coming, I tried to tell my mom about ocd itself at first but I am not taken seriously and it causes even more of a hellish dread feeling. I have not told anyone what exact thoughts were killing me because I am scared. I feel tired and drained because it won't leave my head and the compulsions take hours of my time and drive me crazy:(. I am really glad that you overcame it! Hopefully these horrible thoughts will leave me alone soon.
Thank you for these videos. It really helps me
I’m so glad it helped !❤️
@@adhdbaddie You're very welcome
You are very wise and inspirational
Ah that’s sweet, just sharing my story ❤️
@@adhdbaddie you have gone through alot and you r so brave to talk about that issue which most ppl feel scared or embarrassed to talk . Lots of love and respect to you
You can do videos on the list you put up in the videos of the different types of OCD. You can do a video on the components on how anxiety plays a part in OCD using diagram. You could do research on OCD or pure o on how it effects people wanting to self-harm or commit suicide. You could do a video on the different reasons that causes OCD or pure O. There are some profound examples below. I trust you will pick a good subject any way.
These are great thanks for the suggestions!
I've had this 25 years solid. Every second
Thank you for talking about this.
I relate to this so much. I havd ocd and it made me drop out of my dream university. In going back in september though. Hoping to get my life back on track now thag i understand myself more. It's more ironic that j was studying psychology. I don't have pocd but i have ocd about death, suicide and aging.
Smth I was watching I just realized is just horrible and I know I would never EVER hurt any child but the thought of it is literally killing me I’ve been suffering abt this for a few days. I’ve been getting a little better but still really struggle with sleep. I just want to get rid of this feeling and not feel guilty or scared when I see a child.
My first time being diagnosed with OCD and my first theme is POCD.
I was similar to you in that before knowing it was OCD I was suicidal and at my lowest. I have since started therapy but it's rough going and OCD is fighting back with sexual intrusive thoughts, which I didn't have much of before. Mainly I fear hurting others, but the new sexual images are really wearing me down.
I should expect this though as my therapist said it will likely get worse and retaliate before it gets better.
Thanks for your bravery and sharing your experience. We need to know we aren't alone.
These kind of intrusive thoughts are so horrible. I’ve reached the point know where I know that these thoughts are just so against my moral character! What helps me is to label them as ocd when they come up. And to remember that if I accept thought it doesn’t mean I like it, just means I have ocd and I’m doing my best to recover! Thank you for your comment and I wish you the best in therapy! It definitely helps me too hearing about people’s similar experiences🤎
It started with memories of my childhood which were very vague, eg of being in thr doctors office with my dad naked, or older people. Then I had horrible images and thoughts that i just could not let go of since thry were so so horrific to my self, still are painful. Stsrted going to therapy but never disclosed the real reason always making stuff up for my reason to get therapy.. Wasted money and time AND still the intrusive thoughts if many types, harming, myself and family members,kept popping up and eating me alive.. I felt soo much shame and like im a bad person although I was the only one who was suffering, avoiding kids and being scarred of myself and my thoughts constantly.. The only victim of myself was me, since I tortured myself for almost a year now and it has literally hurt my brain, my headaches were severe
Thankyou so much that was really helpful!😍🙏
Great video really informative. I'm a new subscriber watching from London UK.
Dude thank you so so so much for making this. It’s been absolutely destroying me with increasing intensity over the past handful of years. I have almost every type of OCD and these thoughts are unbelievably distressing. I thought these thoughts were just part of my personality, I never really made the connection that they all come from OCD. I really am grateful that you chose to talk about it. I’m gonna watch the other videos you recommended too.
So much respect for you talking about this!! I hope to be as cool as you one day
Ahh it’s a bit nerve wracking but thankyou must be done❤️
Thank You So Much For this Video!!❤️🙏🏽I had this Experience for the first time this year in January, I was freaking out I felt like I had to be locked away in a mental institution. It was terrible. I was sexually abused when I was a little girl, not sure if something triggered me to have this kind of OCD. It’s Sooo Scary in the moment. I’m going to see a psychiatrist this week and I hope they help🙏🏽 Thank You and God Bless You for this Video❤️❤️❤️
Great video..
You have awesome knowledge.😊😊
OCD is really hard. I’ve had it for over 20 years - in my 30s now. The worst parts are the intrusive thoughts, especially when they get violent and circle around in your brain. Also, contamination OCD is very sad to deal with when it affects you interacting with certain people.
Added: My compulsions are also a pain.
i know this might be bad but it feels good that theres people that have lived the same hell as i lived. i got this shit from one day to another some days before i turned 15 and it didnt stop since then. it feels so shitty that you get used to it as if it was something "normal"
Ikr, the cheery on top is that you can't tell anyone irl, the worst thing is a part of me things the only way of making the distress go away is by acting it out
It goes away. I am younger than you and I have had this OCD since my first growth spurt and it went on for years since I was developing and at the same time I was watching Dr. Phil and that triggered a massive new wave of OCD. I feel my chains are broken now.
thank you for this video :) pocd its new for me ... i have bipolar disorder and its crazy for me