My friend gave me a link to this discussion and it really opened my eyes. My mom has always been an extremely high conflict person. I have been married three times and tend to end up in high conflict relationships with friends too. I am pretty sure that I attract these people. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, give way too many chances and am always trying to stay positive. I have major health issues now and don't have the energy to keep doing this. I am starting to stand up for myself, without feeling guilty. Does this make sense to you?
When my youngest kid, still a toddler, sees his 1st snow! The look on his face as he reaches out to let it land on his mittened fingers. I wish I got a better picture of that moment. It was truly beautiful.
There are very few who are comfortable in their own skin and not have ruffled feathers. It’s an unique skill that’s hard to acquire. Thanks, Dr Butterfield, for that ‘finding your feet and grounding’ nugget near the end of video as a subtle way to defusing a potential escalation to a shouting match at its critical point. I will be diligently start practicing that now.
A lot of discussions are about how to protect yourself from high conflict people. But, what if, by watching these you realise you yourself ARE the high conflict person that can't get meaningful relationships to last. You realise it's you who are causing your own alienation and sense of being abandoned. You don't want this anymore. You want to change and be a better person, partner, employee, boss,... How? You don't know what you're doing wrong, as is said in this discussion. You just suddenly realise you must be doing something wrong. But what? This is something I find no talks about.
I am also very interested in learning more about this and finding videos and other resources about this. I think another video on this channel helps to provide some added insight. th-cam.com/video/YIXYlaxJxqU/w-d-xo.html
I had two relationships with this type of HCP person. I tried everything but in the end better off without them. Most find it too hard to change or even accept their issues. If it's a marriage or you see they are attending somewhere for help then maybe show extra patience.
This has really given me meaningful insight to how to deal with my mother in law and I feel better equipped for managing myself in the stressful situations she puts me in. Thank you so much
Most of my encounters with rageful people caused me a lot of grief trying to minimize, cope, Deal with...yada, yada, yada...looking back, 99 Percent of the time, I should have voted with my feet and walked away sooner not later. Rageful people are bullies period and I won’t dignify their behavior by trying to cope. “Wrestling with a pig just gets you muddy.” I am, however, open to civil interaction.
I have experienced high conflict personally with my siblings. My Mother was always in conflict with my Dad. He couldn't please her? I have experienced situations of emotional abuse to the extent of having my sister coming towards me ready to physically fight. Often I do nothing to get abused. It is like she saves all the anger for me. In her paradigm she will use any weapon .. phycological to get what she wants. Mostly guilt from our past home. I can not disagree with her or rationally discuss any issues as she knows everything.
My father has HCP and is an authoritative Narcissist. I just finished a short relationship who has HCP and Narcissist. I am glad that I left Korea and I wonder Korean's men first culture and men are better than women culture added to it when they grow up. My ex-husband is a Covert Narcissist and I find a covert one seems okay( I mean more socially refined for the short term.) for the short term compared to dealing with a Narcissist with HCP personality.
I feel like my wife is HCP as well.. I feel like i’m in a constant cycle of toxicity and all I want is for our relationship to grow and foster.. but it’s really difficult
When you are taking those deep breaths, don't let it be evident to the high conflict person (HCP) (don't make noise, don't show that you are taking a deep breath). Otherwise, the HCP may jump on you for that. Had a bad bully boss and was able to take those deep breaths without him knowing it.
Thank you so much, you're doing The Lord's work here, no doubt about it. Side note, I'm interested to understand what commonly leads to the development of high conflict people.
Thank you so so much, i need it so badly this info to evaluate my relationship, what i like, choose new directions and give the last try on new method to confront conflicts. I believe no one is meant to live that on daily routine, at least if you want something else, some peace, thanks for providing a way to escape from heavy situation full of provocations. I can understand somes believe trouble is a way to feel alive, well i don't work this way and this bring huge frustrations... Every day i hit low into sadness.... I feel it can take me into sickness soon enough if I continue present in the middle of conflicts without at least protect my sanity. Thanks i will stay tuned for more of that
I am so sick of these helpers who assume it's all about marriage or romance. I have a mentally rageful adult child. I am his caretaker. Thanks a million for always leaving us trapped depressed caretakers out."Something is me that needs the conflict?" I want to run away.
Barefoot Prof Dr Les Carter - Surviving Narcissism is a great site where he gives common sense advice on dealing with high conflict individuals in all types of relationships not only romantic.
Mentally rage full adult child. I find it interesting that you are his caretaker... (no offence, they are your child and you love them even when they grow and look like adults) but remaining their caretaker won’t help. Unfortunately it only enables and supports the rewards they get for behaving the way they do. If the relationship is boundary breaking and without mutual respect the consequences should be...
I understand. It is important they are not only evaluated for mental illness, but also blood, urine and fecal panels to determine an underlying health condition. Sadly, unless one is wealthy, residential facilities are prohibitively expensive.
X strikes me as someone with very bad energy. Would that be true? I can't be with someone like this, it's too nerve wracking, when he's so out of whack .It's too hard to relax around someone like that!
Be grateful for the opportunity to strengthen your emotional intelligence, your resolve to not get triggered and dragged into their conflict, and your endurance under pressure. Also, it's a chance to discover your own unconscious behavioral patterns, fears and hidden anger, and what triggers them. Just remember that high-conflict people are mostly angry at themselves and their life circumstances: it's always yours or someone else's fault if they're not happy, never anything to do with themselves.
X terrorized my children and I in many bad ways. I didn't know from one day to the next whether we were going to live or die, that's how truly bad it was. I had to get out for the sake of my children's well being as well as for my sanity and well being. Mama Bear here would do anything to protect her defenceless and young children from CUJOS and his uncivilized behaviors.
STAY ON TOPIC PLEASE. This was Supposed to be about how to handle high conflict people but most of the content was describing the high conflict. NOT how to handle them
How do you deal with people who just hate your values and will stop at nothing to destroy a whole nation because they have to be in control? Making their enemies scapegoats. So many lies, It makes me ill.
My friend gave me a link to this discussion and it really opened my eyes. My mom has always been an extremely high conflict person. I have been married three times and tend to end up in high conflict relationships with friends too. I am pretty sure that I attract these people. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, give way too many chances and am always trying to stay positive. I have major health issues now and don't have the energy to keep doing this. I am starting to stand up for myself, without feeling guilty. Does this make sense to you?
You have NPD inherited from your mom. Treat it. I know, it’s late. It’s still worth it.
I’m in a high conflict marriage. It’s very upsetting.
After introducing themselves I love how they get right to the object of the the discussion . Worth listening to twice .
When my youngest kid, still a toddler, sees his 1st snow! The look on his face as he reaches out to let it land on his mittened fingers. I wish I got a better picture of that moment. It was truly beautiful.
There are very few who are comfortable in their own skin and not have ruffled feathers. It’s an unique skill that’s hard to acquire.
Thanks, Dr Butterfield, for that ‘finding your feet and grounding’ nugget near the end of video as a subtle way to defusing a potential escalation to a shouting match at its critical point. I will be diligently start practicing that now.
It's hard for someone who truly feels like a victim to come to the place of admitting they're the victimizer.
A lot of discussions are about how to protect yourself from high conflict people. But, what if, by watching these you realise you yourself ARE the high conflict person that can't get meaningful relationships to last. You realise it's you who are causing your own alienation and sense of being abandoned. You don't want this anymore. You want to change and be a better person, partner, employee, boss,... How? You don't know what you're doing wrong, as is said in this discussion. You just suddenly realise you must be doing something wrong. But what? This is something I find no talks about.
Try Cognitive Behavior Therapy. Seek counseling and talk this through. No fear.
@@VH-vm6ye hell yeah!🤘
I am also very interested in learning more about this and finding videos and other resources about this. I think another video on this channel helps to provide some added insight. th-cam.com/video/YIXYlaxJxqU/w-d-xo.html
This was eye-opening.
Well spoken. Explains perfectly. Thank you
Thank you for sharing this talk. I was really needing it currently.
I had two relationships with this type of HCP person. I tried everything but in the end better off without them. Most find it too hard to change or even accept their issues. If it's a marriage or you see they are attending somewhere for help then maybe show extra patience.
This has really given me meaningful insight to how to deal with my mother in law and I feel better equipped for managing myself in the stressful situations she puts me in. Thank you so much
Dr. Ramani is also super helpful. Dr. Ramani is a fantastic help in dealing with narcissists, toxic relationships or high conflict
This was very helpful. Thanks!
My father has this issue really badly. It's so bad i can't speak to him, last 4 years. I live in New Zealand and he's in Uk, so its not too bad.
Most of my encounters with rageful people caused me a lot of grief trying to minimize, cope,
Deal with...yada, yada, yada...looking back, 99 Percent of the time, I should have voted with my feet and walked away sooner not later. Rageful people are bullies period and I won’t dignify their behavior by trying to cope. “Wrestling with a pig just gets you muddy.” I am, however, open to civil interaction.
Thats an appropiate amount of distance.
I have experienced high conflict personally with my siblings.
My Mother was always in conflict with my Dad.
He couldn't please her?
I have experienced situations of emotional abuse to the extent of having my sister
coming towards me ready to physically fight.
Often I do nothing to get abused.
It is like she saves all the anger for me.
In her paradigm she will use any weapon .. phycological to get what she wants. Mostly guilt from our past home.
I can not disagree with her or rationally discuss any issues as she knows everything.
My father has HCP and is an authoritative Narcissist. I just finished a short relationship who has HCP and Narcissist.
I am glad that I left Korea and I wonder Korean's men first culture and men are better than women culture added to it when they grow up.
My ex-husband is a Covert Narcissist and I find a covert one seems okay( I mean more socially refined for the short term.) for the short term compared to dealing with a Narcissist with HCP personality.
WoW that was fantastic information!! Thank You both
This is an absolutely wonderful, insightful discussion.
I am deeply appreciative for the upload, thanks a million.
My wife is HCP, it is really tough.
I feel like my wife is HCP as well.. I feel like i’m in a constant cycle of toxicity and all I want is for our relationship to grow and foster.. but it’s really difficult
Same
When you are taking those deep breaths, don't let it be evident to the high conflict person (HCP) (don't make noise, don't show that you are taking a deep breath). Otherwise, the HCP may jump on you for that. Had a bad bully boss and was able to take those deep breaths without him knowing it.
Thank you so much, you're doing The Lord's work here, no doubt about it.
Side note, I'm interested to understand what commonly leads to the development of high conflict people.
It could be BPD. People with Borderline Personality Disorder tend to be high conflict people.
Thank you so so much, i need it so badly this info to evaluate my relationship, what i like, choose new directions and give the last try on new method to confront conflicts. I believe no one is meant to live that on daily routine, at least if you want something else, some peace, thanks for providing a way to escape from heavy situation full of provocations. I can understand somes believe trouble is a way to feel alive, well i don't work this way and this bring huge frustrations... Every day i hit low into sadness.... I feel it can take me into sickness soon enough if I continue present in the middle of conflicts without at least protect my sanity. Thanks i will stay tuned for more of that
How do you know who is the high conflict person. your self or the other person?
Brilliant!
I am so sick of these helpers who assume it's all about marriage or romance. I have a mentally rageful adult child. I am his caretaker. Thanks a million for always leaving us trapped depressed caretakers out."Something is me that needs the conflict?" I want to run away.
Barefoot Prof Dr Les Carter - Surviving Narcissism is a great site where he gives common sense advice on dealing with high conflict individuals in all types of relationships not only romantic.
Mentally rage full adult child. I find it interesting that you are his caretaker... (no offence, they are your child and you love them even when they grow and look like adults) but remaining their caretaker won’t help. Unfortunately it only enables and supports the rewards they get for behaving the way they do. If the relationship is boundary breaking and without mutual respect the consequences should be...
I understand. It is important they are not only evaluated for mental illness, but also blood, urine and fecal panels to determine an underlying health condition. Sadly, unless one is wealthy, residential facilities are prohibitively expensive.
@@RH-wg2gr We dont know the situation. The son could be handicapped and need an adult carer. All I see is someone who needs help.
@@ryanjosephlock yes true. I was more speaking from my experience with an adult child. I should not have presumed my experience is or was the same.
X strikes me as someone with very bad energy. Would that be true? I can't be with someone like this, it's too nerve wracking, when he's so out of whack .It's too hard to relax around someone like that!
How can one practice gratitude for being stuck with high conflict people?
Be grateful for the opportunity to strengthen your emotional intelligence, your resolve to not get triggered and dragged into their conflict, and your endurance under pressure. Also, it's a chance to discover your own unconscious behavioral patterns, fears and hidden anger, and what triggers them. Just remember that high-conflict people are mostly angry at themselves and their life circumstances: it's always yours or someone else's fault if they're not happy, never anything to do with themselves.
@@GnosticGuru difficult to grasp this concept but well worth it. Thanks
@@GnosticGuru That's one was of looking at it . As a challenge . Especially if you need the money .
25 year working in kitchen very high conflict
I've spent the same number of years working with preschool children . High conflict comes with the territory . I'm loving this .
X terrorized my children and I in many bad ways. I didn't know from one day to the next whether we were going to live or die, that's how truly bad it was. I had to get out for the sake of my children's well being as well as for my sanity and well being. Mama Bear here would do anything to protect her defenceless and young children from CUJOS and his uncivilized behaviors.
16:40 Profund
STAY ON TOPIC PLEASE. This was Supposed to be about how to handle high conflict people but most of the content was describing the high conflict. NOT how to handle them
E.A.R.
Initiate a Refractory Period.
How do you deal with people who just hate your values and will stop at nothing to destroy a whole nation because they have to be in control? Making their enemies scapegoats. So many lies, It makes me ill.
This sounds like she’s describing a classic narcissist……