I'm sitting outside watching this video because there's nowhere for me to study inside. My mom just came to ask me if I'd seen the empty plastic container that the laundry detergent came in. I told her that I'd thrown it away. She promptly went through the trash to find it and brought it back inside... amidst the countless bottles, bowls, baskets, etc. piled high in every corner of the house.
This is a fascinating discussion about a very challenging issue. Dr. Frost approaches the subject with wonder, sensitivity and appreciation for the different ways that we view our possessions and collections.
This segment was a tremendous help in showing me what has happened to me over the last few years since COVID19 Sheltering In. My therapist determined my extreme FEARS associated with this period of time and thereafter. Once facing the individual fears, my home became more normal in sections at a time. The bathrooms and kitchen first, then my back deck out in the fresh air and sunshine. My laundry room was next. My front porch. Removing everything, scrubbing & cleaning and maybe repairing & painting the space. Then review all of the items that had collected in the space, and whether I used them in the last year. But I always wondered WHY my personality had shifted, and you answered this question. Memories. I’m now age 71, and it seems this is what a lot of the clutter is. So I take photos of the precious items that are of no use, and allow myself to regift it or dispose of it to someone else that may need it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! ❤❤❤
They don’t only just see the beauty of things that others don’t see , they also see the beauty in people that others don’t see, and they see them with great compassion.
I fight it all the time... I had to take care of my "family" fulltime from 14.... I was my "mother's" scapegoat and punching bag... I was a parentified child... taking care of her BS deficits and meeting the basic needs of clean clothes, decent meals, cleaning and fixing up a home she just let go to pot... My father was at wits end...I would go search in the freezer for something to cook for dinner..and dig in cabinets and come up with something.. I learned to do the laundry and pick up sh#t and put out clutter and garbage.. My father asked if he would give me $100 a week if I could make everything work.. He was a lightening rod to HER..he had always DONE housework and childcare.but in her view he always did everything wrong..and she got crazier and more violent and abusive to him.. Anyway... I had to make EVERYTHING STRETCH...the family was 7 people..and although $100 was generous... I REALLY GOT STARTED ON THE ROAD TO MAKE GARBAGE INTO USEFUL THINGS... After I could drive I started "dumpster diving" before it had a name..BUT I immediately worked on the things I found and REALLY made a decent house for us... I live alone now...but still have THOSE DESPERATE FEELINGS OF NEEDING TO MAKE SOMETHING USEFUL OUT OF CASTOFFS... I KNOW THE PROBLEM...AND HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING IT... BECAUSE NOW..I AM WORKING THROUGH ALL THE TRAUMA I SOMEHOW SURVIVED.
My older brother has severe hoarding. It started when he was 13 (now in his 50's) with comic books and records and collectables from the 60's. He can't fit in his apartment and brings things to my parents who enable him! He hoards at their home, their summer home etc. I have the complete opposite problem- the littlest bit of clutter makes me feel like I am suffocating.
I'm sorry to say, but this really wasn't of much help, although I really appreciate you sharing your experience. And, I congratulate you for your accomplishments and progress. I was really hoping to find a way to get hands-on help, especially since I'm disabled and really wish to not only work on my hoarding tendencies but to try to reduce my clutter with the (physical) help of someone. Thank you
Hello, I’m working with a professional organizer. I overbuy cleaning supplies such as paper towels, toilet paper and live in a very small space with no storage. The money for the organizer has been extremely worth the time and money as it showed me the number of items i was collecting. The pandemic worsened my anxiety about being without essential items such as food, toilet paper, and paper towels. Now i need to maintain the space and prevent what has happened from occurring in the future. I live in Los Angeles California where the housing costs are astronomical and i can’t afford to buy another place. I would like additional resources such as groups… my problem isn’t that severe as the ones you describe but I would like to learn coping strategies and therapists that specialize in this issue to avoid overbuying in the future.
She asks really poignant questions that get to the heart of the issue. You have my thanks... 🙂 I am watching with my mother in mind, but if I’m being honest, also with myself in mind as well. While I’m not actively hoarding I know I have those tendencies of shopping too much and wanting to hang on to things... I had a revelation a few years ago that I feel so much better when my space is clean and so I’ve become much better organized since then! 💙🙏💙 Can’t help but wonder if my need to clean my moms spaces where it’s gotten bad is partially enabling because it makes it seem like the problem isn’t as bad as it actually is... 🙁💭 I have to sneak things out that I am donating (I only donate things that were mine in childhood) or throwing away (I only throw away trash that is unusable) and I need to throw them in another trash can so she won’t find out, and I’ll be either questioned massively or emotionally blackmailed. I feel anxious when I do it, massively anxious to the point of overwhelm because she acts horrible to me (triangulates w siblings who don’t see the issue so it seems like I’m doing something bad) when I throw out the trash... I’m talking rotting and moldy food, papers that don’t have *direct* sentimental value (receipts, school papers that are strictly informational, etc; of course watching this I’ve gotta understand that they might have some sentimental value), hotel shampoos I’ve found a lot of as well as toothbrushes that aren’t used. I empathize with some of the attachment... I don’t throw away old drawings or things that any of us kids wrote (WELL unless it was me in my rebellious phase haha 😇) but all jokes aside I know I have some of these traits... aesthetic attachment, the tendency to find neat clothes online even though I have plenty right now, and having difficulty at times giving things away even if I don’t use them. I now go out of my way to make sure I have the means to store things before committing to buying them. I used to be lots worse before I began to hone in on my personal style and aesthetic, I find that when I enter a thrift store now I don’t feel very tempted anymore. After years of carefully acquiring, i am genuinely appreciative of what I have. 💗 For me, buying or making furniture that’s compatible with my lifestyle has helped me immensely with organizing... for example, I never fold clothes, I just noticed one day a few years back that I never really fold clothes, that it’s been that way for most of my life, and that I probably never will. So instead of making it all or nothing where I fold my clothes in a drawer or have the notorious piles everywhere, I invested in some drawers that are technically office furniture... they’re really shallow, wide drawers just deep enough to roll my stuff up boy scout style and place each shirt in next to another. I didn’t like stacking things because I would destroy the folding if I wanted something underneath and these drawers are just shallow enough to be only 1 shirt deep. This upped my game so now I’m completely color coded as well, in order from ROYGBIV then neutrals, tailed and greys. Makes dressing in the morning SO much faster! I still fold my pants and they easily become undone but it’s so much better overall than it used to be. I also would do my makeup on the floor and so made myself a vanity on the floor so now everything that used to be in a cardboard box is in some actual furniture 😆 Lately I have been going through this process of finding stuff of mine that is hidden, say at the back of my closet, then taking it out and putting it in the open... New me NEEDS to do something about clutter, esp visible clutter, so it helps encourage me to either try to sell it, or donate it. I call the process of buying things that feel best and donating things that don’t spark joy anymore ‘circulating’ 😉 anyways I’ve nerded out enough, I’ll try and take care of my own crap before getting too bothered by my moms stuff, but I gotta admit, it’s hard to watch. 😔 My bedroom is now my safe haven and I wish everyone could experience that...
thanks for the info - I am trying to help a friend who struggles with hoarding and I am a former hoarder myself. Speaking for myself I was ashamed to be addicted to things. A professional organizer helped me and Debtors Anonymous also. thanks again.
Have a look at Dr Frost's book, "Buried in Treasure" Also check out TH-cam channel; "I Am A Complusive Hoarder" Best wishes & many Blessings to you both!
Between 1.5/6%... That's a very low estimate, imo. Hoarders are much more prevalent nowadays, and mental help and social cohesion have lessened... it is probably closer to 10 now...
You can't fix a hole in your soul with things! Humans have lived with scarcity for most of humanity, so we gather to "survive". Our country has become materialistic through media advertising to buy more and enough is never enough.
I think that interviewer did a wonderful job She asked such smart and incisive follow-up questions. But beware, she's very smart. So, watch yourself. lol
Hoarding is a terrible thing to deal with for people in the business of housing. In one of the cases I've experienced the person was so mentally ill that you could see the curtain go down when the matter of "down sizing" was mentioned. And under the mess are bugs. The property owner has to pay to rehab an apt that was the scene of the hoard and often pays to move the tenant out of the hoard so the hoarder can move to a new place and cause the same problems there.
I lived with a hoarder for over a decade, and left her about a month ago. If I touched anything, immediate fight. If I mention "Stuff", immediate fight. Before I left, I bought Mr. Frosts book "Stuff", and it was excellent. I left it at the house- I hope she read it.
I came searching for a video like this to try to understand what to do about our shop manager in a 40 year position at our comic book and toy store. The hoarding and piles are to the point of obstructing the ability of people to shop now... We are forced to either seek treatment for him or fire him. It is the only thing in this world that he can be employed to do, but we are tired. :(
Yess I love that 🔥 They should do HEXACO inventory on this specific population, I’d be way curious to see if the aesthetic appreciation would be a high score. Personally I score high on this, being an artist and lowkey hoarder (more in the past) this makes total sense to me.
It's so true. I see beauty and potential in everything. I understand his bottle cap story. I really find it hard to get rid of fabric and the potential to use the fabric in unwanted clothes. Trouble is I never actually do anything with them.
Would this be at all helpful to send this to my friend who is dealing with hoarding? I'm thinking, probably not, but I'm trying to help and not getting very far😔.
This gets really hard when the hoarder is ruining their own financial security by ruining bookkeping with the behavior. There is a cost, & if they won’t admit it you have to take action
Hoarders are totally intractable, don’t see an issue and could care less about how others are damaged. The apex narcissist. These people are delusional to think any change is possible
No, they're not all intractable at all, many do see an issue, and absolutely care how it affects others, but certainly when they're being badgered and fights have ensued the defenses can come up and it can certainly seem this way, as he said. They are definitely not all narcissists or narcissistic. Someone who's spent decades working with and researching hoarders and with others who work with and treat them isn't delusional in thinking change can be possible for many of them with the right approach and treatment. Sure, many won't, but many will. You can't lump all hoarders in the one basket of your own experience and judge them all so harshly. It's simply not the case for everyone and that judgemental stance is a huge part of what stops people seeking help until they're deeply entrenched and there's a huge imminent crisis.
![[LIVE] นาทีนี้ต้องพี่ทนาย | ทนายแก้ว vs ทนายไพศาล | #คุยให้เด็กมันฟัง EP.47 (02/11/67)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HmquaO-PL_M/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm sitting outside watching this video because there's nowhere for me to study inside. My mom just came to ask me if I'd seen the empty plastic container that the laundry detergent came in. I told her that I'd thrown it away. She promptly went through the trash to find it and brought it back inside... amidst the countless bottles, bowls, baskets, etc. piled high in every corner of the house.
🌧 Praying for you... And for your mom as well. 🙏💗
@@tessarae9127 How can prayer overcome a psychological disorder? There is no divine intervention for that.
Put into black bags. Drive to a dumpster(grocery,fast food rest.)
Keep it up. If you dont, sooner or later IT WILL GET MUCH MORE
DENSE
⁰000p]⁵00⁰000
I feel You! My father does exactly the same! And my mother can't throw anything . Omg this is such a big problem!
This is a fascinating discussion about a very challenging issue. Dr. Frost approaches the subject with wonder, sensitivity and appreciation for the different ways that we view our possessions and collections.
This segment was a tremendous help in showing me what has happened to me over the last few years since COVID19 Sheltering In. My therapist determined my extreme FEARS associated with this period of time and thereafter. Once facing the individual fears, my home became more normal in sections at a time. The bathrooms and kitchen first, then my back deck out in the fresh air and sunshine. My laundry room was next. My front porch.
Removing everything, scrubbing & cleaning and maybe repairing & painting the space. Then review all of the items that had collected in the space, and whether I used them in the last year.
But I always wondered WHY my personality had shifted, and you answered this question. Memories. I’m now age 71, and it seems this is what a lot of the clutter is. So I take photos of the precious items that are of no use, and allow myself to regift it or dispose of it to someone else that may need it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! ❤❤❤
@ElizabethHolcomb-l7u That’s truly wonderful, congrats for having the courage and determination to give yourself a better life!! 🧡
Skip first 3 minutes ... starts at 3:19.
Thank You!
They don’t only just see the beauty of things that others don’t see , they also see the beauty in people that others don’t see, and they see them with great compassion.
No true. My mother is a hoarder and also a mean, selfish, isolated, judgmental person…
“Broken hearted to the core” people 😢
yup i have depression & anxiety. i also feel like out of sight out of mind. i am alone w a very small circle of friends. u got me doc
I fight it all the time...
I had to take care of my "family" fulltime from 14....
I was my "mother's" scapegoat and punching bag...
I was a parentified child...
taking care of her BS deficits and meeting the basic needs of clean clothes, decent meals, cleaning and fixing up a home she just let go to pot...
My father was at wits end...I would go search in the freezer for something to cook for dinner..and dig in cabinets and come up with something..
I learned to do the laundry and pick up sh#t and put out clutter and garbage..
My father asked if he would give me $100 a week if I could make everything work..
He was a lightening rod to HER..he had always DONE housework and childcare.but in her view he always did everything wrong..and she got crazier and more violent and abusive to him..
Anyway...
I had to make EVERYTHING STRETCH...the family was 7 people..and although $100 was generous...
I REALLY GOT STARTED ON THE ROAD TO MAKE GARBAGE INTO USEFUL THINGS...
After I could drive I started "dumpster diving" before it had a name..BUT I immediately worked on the things I found and REALLY made a decent house for us...
I live alone now...but still have THOSE DESPERATE FEELINGS OF NEEDING TO MAKE SOMETHING USEFUL OUT OF CASTOFFS...
I KNOW THE PROBLEM...AND HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING IT...
BECAUSE NOW..I AM WORKING THROUGH ALL THE TRAUMA I SOMEHOW SURVIVED.
My older brother has severe hoarding. It started when he was 13 (now in his 50's) with comic books and records and collectables from the 60's. He can't fit in his apartment and brings things to my parents who enable him! He hoards at their home, their summer home etc.
I have the complete opposite problem- the littlest bit of clutter makes me feel like I am suffocating.
Docs pretty damn smart, thanks for posting
I'm sorry to say, but this really wasn't of much help, although I really appreciate you sharing your experience. And, I congratulate you for your accomplishments and progress. I was really hoping to find a way to get hands-on help, especially since I'm disabled and really wish to not only work on my hoarding tendencies but to try to reduce my clutter with the (physical) help of
someone. Thank you
Hello, I’m working with a professional organizer. I overbuy cleaning supplies such as paper towels, toilet paper and live in a very small space with no storage. The money for the organizer has been extremely worth the time and money as it showed me the number of items i was collecting. The pandemic worsened my anxiety about being without essential items such as food, toilet paper, and paper towels. Now i need to maintain the space and prevent what has happened from occurring in the future. I live in Los Angeles California where the housing costs are astronomical and i can’t afford to buy another place. I would like additional resources such as groups… my problem isn’t that severe as the ones you describe but I would like to learn coping strategies and therapists that specialize in this issue to avoid overbuying in the future.
I found it interesting that memory is a concern, but the memory of the pile/location of items is very good.
The problem is with “working memory”, processing? Google it. 😀
She asks really poignant questions that get to the heart of the issue. You have my thanks... 🙂 I am watching with my mother in mind, but if I’m being honest, also with myself in mind as well. While I’m not actively hoarding I know I have those tendencies of shopping too much and wanting to hang on to things... I had a revelation a few years ago that I feel so much better when my space is clean and so I’ve become much better organized since then! 💙🙏💙 Can’t help but wonder if my need to clean my moms spaces where it’s gotten bad is partially enabling because it makes it seem like the problem isn’t as bad as it actually is... 🙁💭 I have to sneak things out that I am donating (I only donate things that were mine in childhood) or throwing away (I only throw away trash that is unusable) and I need to throw them in another trash can so she won’t find out, and I’ll be either questioned massively or emotionally blackmailed. I feel anxious when I do it, massively anxious to the point of overwhelm because she acts horrible to me (triangulates w siblings who don’t see the issue so it seems like I’m doing something bad) when I throw out the trash... I’m talking rotting and moldy food, papers that don’t have *direct* sentimental value (receipts, school papers that are strictly informational, etc; of course watching this I’ve gotta understand that they might have some sentimental value), hotel shampoos I’ve found a lot of as well as toothbrushes that aren’t used. I empathize with some of the attachment... I don’t throw away old drawings or things that any of us kids wrote (WELL unless it was me in my rebellious phase haha 😇) but all jokes aside I know I have some of these traits... aesthetic attachment, the tendency to find neat clothes online even though I have plenty right now, and having difficulty at times giving things away even if I don’t use them. I now go out of my way to make sure I have the means to store things before committing to buying them. I used to be lots worse before I began to hone in on my personal style and aesthetic, I find that when I enter a thrift store now I don’t feel very tempted anymore. After years of carefully acquiring, i am genuinely appreciative of what I have. 💗 For me, buying or making furniture that’s compatible with my lifestyle has helped me immensely with organizing... for example, I never fold clothes, I just noticed one day a few years back that I never really fold clothes, that it’s been that way for most of my life, and that I probably never will. So instead of making it all or nothing where I fold my clothes in a drawer or have the notorious piles everywhere, I invested in some drawers that are technically office furniture... they’re really shallow, wide drawers just deep enough to roll my stuff up boy scout style and place each shirt in next to another. I didn’t like stacking things because I would destroy the folding if I wanted something underneath and these drawers are just shallow enough to be only 1 shirt deep. This upped my game so now I’m completely color coded as well, in order from ROYGBIV then neutrals, tailed and greys. Makes dressing in the morning SO much faster! I still fold my pants and they easily become undone but it’s so much better overall than it used to be. I also would do my makeup on the floor and so made myself a vanity on the floor so now everything that used to be in a cardboard box is in some actual furniture 😆 Lately I have been going through this process of finding stuff of mine that is hidden, say at the back of my closet, then taking it out and putting it in the open... New me NEEDS to do something about clutter, esp visible clutter, so it helps encourage me to either try to sell it, or donate it. I call the process of buying things that feel best and donating things that don’t spark joy anymore ‘circulating’ 😉 anyways I’ve nerded out enough, I’ll try and take care of my own crap before getting too bothered by my moms stuff, but I gotta admit, it’s hard to watch. 😔 My bedroom is now my safe haven and I wish everyone could experience that...
Very eye opening about sensory processing issues as well!
I think my moving beyond messiness began with EtOH overuse by spouse… the one thing I controlled. A catch 22, cycling worse as years went by.
thanks for the info - I am trying to help a friend who struggles with hoarding and I am a former hoarder myself. Speaking for myself I was ashamed to be addicted to things. A professional organizer helped me and Debtors Anonymous also. thanks again.
Have a look at Dr Frost's book, "Buried in Treasure"
Also check out TH-cam channel; "I Am A Complusive Hoarder"
Best wishes & many Blessings to you both!
@@dnllmaurer1 ty
Thanks very much for posting this informative video.
I'm so glad to find this.
This gives me so much hope! Very grateful. 🙏🏻
Between 1.5/6%... That's a very low estimate, imo. Hoarders are much more prevalent nowadays, and mental help and social cohesion have lessened... it is probably closer to 10 now...
She asked nice questions
You can't fix a hole in your soul with things!
Humans have lived with scarcity for most of humanity, so we gather to "survive". Our country has become materialistic through media advertising to buy more and enough is never enough.
Wow! This doc is a genius ! Read the book "Buried in Treasures " where he has a contribution.
I think that interviewer did a wonderful job
She asked such smart and incisive follow-up questions.
But beware, she's very smart. So, watch yourself. lol
Hoarding is a terrible thing to deal with for people in the business of housing. In one of the cases I've experienced the person was so mentally ill that you could see the curtain go down when the matter of "down sizing" was mentioned. And under the mess are bugs. The property owner has to pay to rehab an apt that was the scene of the hoard and often pays to move the tenant out of the hoard so the hoarder can move to a new place and cause the same problems there.
I lived with a hoarder for over a decade, and left her about a month ago. If I touched anything, immediate fight. If I mention "Stuff", immediate fight. Before I left, I bought Mr. Frosts book "Stuff", and it was excellent. I left it at the house- I hope she read it.
It’s like living with an alcoholic or drug addict not sure which is worse as they all highly toxic.
People are too much alone, lonely and at my opinion that's the reason why they fall into this hoarding thing and this leads to a psychic disorder.
I came searching for a video like this to try to understand what to do about our shop manager in a 40 year position at our comic book and toy store. The hoarding and piles are to the point of obstructing the ability of people to shop now... We are forced to either seek treatment for him or fire him. It is the only thing in this world that he can be employed to do, but we are tired. :(
brilliant, thank you so much
31:30 Beautifully put
Yess I love that 🔥 They should do HEXACO inventory on this specific population, I’d be way curious to see if the aesthetic appreciation would be a high score. Personally I score high on this, being an artist and lowkey hoarder (more in the past) this makes total sense to me.
It's so true. I see beauty and potential in everything. I understand his bottle cap story. I really find it hard to get rid of fabric and the potential to use the fabric in unwanted clothes. Trouble is I never actually do anything with them.
This video explains to people about hoarders, but this video doesn’t help hoarders at all
Oh yes...Yarn...and Webb’s... a place i have always wanted to visit.. 😊
Would this be at all helpful to send this to my friend who is dealing with hoarding? I'm thinking, probably not, but I'm trying to help and not getting very far😔.
MENTAL HEALTH////ADDICTIONS INDUSTRY//////
After 3minutees you starting?
This gets really hard when the hoarder is ruining their own financial security by ruining bookkeping with the behavior. There is a cost, & if they won’t admit it you have to take action
JAK MOŻNA ROZMAWIAĆ W SPOKOJU, KIEDY HAJTO JEST DALEJ NA WOLNOŚCI??
Omg this is so sad if you have a lot it's bad and if you have less , it's like oh they are so poor🤷when is enough, enough...this is saddddd😢
It is distinct, but 50% of hoarders have comorbid OCD.
Are you sure this guy is not a hoarder? The way he talks about those bottle caps. 😂
Right down to how many pen and pencils you need! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My mother in law has this thing
WORKING ON THESE PROBLEMS FOR DECADES! THE BEAUTY OF THESE BOTTOM CAPS! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Do you realise that hoarders are also related to child loss.
RESEARCH/////PROGRAM ON HOPE/////KEEP MOTIVATED AND CONTINU////WORKING WITH ONE ITEM @A TIME! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hoarders are totally intractable, don’t see an issue and could care less about how others are damaged. The apex narcissist. These people are delusional to think any change is possible
No, they're not all intractable at all, many do see an issue, and absolutely care how it affects others, but certainly when they're being badgered and fights have ensued the defenses can come up and it can certainly seem this way, as he said. They are definitely not all narcissists or narcissistic.
Someone who's spent decades working with and researching hoarders and with others who work with and treat them isn't delusional in thinking change can be possible for many of them with the right approach and treatment. Sure, many won't, but many will. You can't lump all hoarders in the one basket of your own experience and judge them all so harshly.
It's simply not the case for everyone and that judgemental stance is a huge part of what stops people seeking help until they're deeply entrenched and there's a huge imminent crisis.
jd
MENTAL HEALTH////ADDICTIONS INDUSTRY//////