Thats not true at all, my and my wife dated for a few months shy of 15 years before we got married. We just felt like marriage wasn't going to change anything for us which is mostly didn't. We aren't Christians so it was really just a legal matter for us.
You talk as if marriage prevents this in any way, shape, or form. No fault divorce means that you can leave whenever you want for any reason or no reason.
Living together for a long time MAY be a sign of lack of commitment, but there’s no evidence that it’s a cause. And getting married in those circumstances doesn’t solve a thing.
Ridiculous. Why would anyone invite the government into what's otherwise a good and solid relationship? Not like a piece of paper in an office somewhere prevents anyone from bailing any time they want to, anyway.
After 2 years of dating its either you know or you dont. Women especially need to have standards and express what they need from a relationship. Its either the other person wants the same thing or they don't.
I agree completely. Piss or get off the pot so to speak. What else do you need to know after even a year. Either the goals for the future and your beliefs are in alignment with each other or they are not. If they are not quit farting around and get out. If they are then quit farting around and get married..
My mom dated my step dad for two years and after she married him he went insane and was abusive to us kids, manipulative, and stole money from people. We had gangsters coming to our house looking for money but he never spent it on us. Our water was always shut off and we wore rags. My mom should have left sooner, but he sleep deprived and brainwashed her for years. So I dated my now husband for 5 1/2 years and I felt safe marrying him after that time. Almost married six years, second baby on the way. Nothing wrong with making sure you aren't with a psycho before giving them children. This isn't her case but you made a blanket statement so I figured my side might change your mind.
A lot of the men I've spoken to seem to be uninterested in marriage because they're worried about their partner taking half or all of everything they own. It makes me sad for the women who are genuinely good and deserving of a union, but their partner is in fear of the possibility of it going wrong. It's understandable, but still disheartening and sad.
I don’t understand the logic of remaining partnered with someone who doesn’t want to get married. They have made their boundary known and the other person is just there hoping that one day the boundary will drop, it’s so unhealthy.
Sometimes it’s the woman. My husband proposed, I said yes and then talked him out of it lol. Just the closer the day came, I realized I didn’t want that. I still would have done it if it’s something that meant a lot to him but it would have been his second time so he was good either way. We still picked the day and exchanged rings and call each other husband and wife, we just skipped the paperwork. It’s not HIM either. I’ve felt this way long before I met him. I’ve actually tried convincing myself that it’s important but I was never able to get there. You shouldn’t need the government’s approval to make a promise and it changes nothing. I would have done it, like I said, not because I was forced but because I can honestly say it just really doesn’t matter to me. We were both good either way but I LIKE waking up every morning knowing we’re both here because we genuinely want to be and choose it every day. One day we might decide to sneak off to the courthouse but, if we do, it will only be because something comes up legally that it makes sense for us to go through the hassle. Everyone is different 🤷🏻♀️
@@Melissa.712not the government, but an oath before god, family/community and something to hold yourself to. You can try to hijack marriage/long-term relationships for whatever goal/ideology you want (sex, friendship, dependency, etc.), but you’re misusing what marriage is for and disconnecting what makes it so selfless/amazing when you use it the correct/intended way. I hope you get this straightened out one day because it is absolutely worth it to go all in with someone who truly/loves appreciates you. - 13 years in/5 children deep
reading The Myth of Normal right now. Im so glad you quoted him bcos that's what was exactly my thoughts in that moment. I'm so happy to be watching your show. can i call I'm from India?
I’m like her somewhat, I am just still single. I am afraid to get married so I won’t feel trapped. I am more secure to be in a relationship knowing that I can leave if things go wrong.
This is true but no marriage also indicates a lack of commitment. Marriage brings stability into relationships. Then that stability can turn into a prison sentence. I’m like you too, btw 😂
@@om617yota8 if a legal document cannot bring stability, then it is very appropriate that we humans need to stop reproducing collectively. Because without stability our offsprings will not be strong.
I'm seriously late but i have to add, relate, and support this woman... For different reasons I haven't married my boyfriend of 14 yrs. I can't express my emotions because my bf cries every time, and the guilt of asking for what I need making him cry infuriates me. It can be about him sometimes, but I really can't trust him in many ways, however I know he wants to marry me like yesterday... So, idk at this point if he will ever grow up enough for me to marry, but has enough kindness and goodness to grow old with. Mind u, I have/had my own business and home 4 yr old son at 28 yrs old and he left his parents home to move in w/ me at 34... I can't retire and have nothing to leave my son as s
Yes tears, nothing i say is gentle enough to prevent sobbing, and apologizing but in the end it never changes. I.E. man up, take the lead, stop stealing from me/us etc... but he's so sorry and cries but doesn't change.... I don't trust him enough to share 50% of what I've worked for, only to have him loose it to immaturity.
I think he feels guilt and shame and he cries if I share my "needs" because they are " normal " &/or few, he knows that I shouldn't have to " remind him" to do life...
People for marriage: you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. People not for marriage: then if there's even any chance of failure, why would I even take a shot? No right or wrong, but you're totally making that one of two choices. Assuming these are healthy people we're talking about.
Well I don't think it's fair for you to demonize someone for having a beautiful child. The fact he has a child means nothing about him as a man... how he is as A DAD and as an individual means more than just the fact he's got a child.
I know there are people who are genuinely not interested in marriage. They want to remain single. That's a legitimate desire backed by the Bible. HOWEVER, I think most people who say they don't want marriage, but their decision is rooted in fear and backed by bad experiences they saw growing up or dealt with themselves. I think that's a terrible reason to say no to marriage. It oftentimes doesn't account for both parties' failures that resulted in divorce or lack of marriage. It also doesn't take into account the successful marriages who implemented consistently good actions and beliefs to have that successful marriage.
Define "successful marriage." I frequently get hit on by married men so with that in mind, what is your definition of success and how does an outsider know if someone else's marriage is successful or not?
@@RepentImmediately oh I don't know. I'm basing this off of that couple's definition of success. If they told me they have a successful marriage I take them at their word.
I make six figures and am ready to move overseas for retirement. Why would I want to get the state and government involved (marriage) in my personal life so they can take my wealth if I get a divorce (over 50 percent chance). Im good on all that.
Why she's asking if she should marry him if HE didn't even propose and disappears, gives her silent treatment to put her in her place so she would put up with his needs and accepts the facts that her needs will not be met. He's a douche, she's under his feet.
Listen to your intuition. Maybe there's a good reason why you did not marry him. Listen to yourself. Get some good therapy first and work on healing your trauma.
Man, this world has really messed up what God intended the design of marriage to look like. It's frightening to think about how each person will have to stand before Him one day & answer for their actions...😞
Oh, for the days of biblical marriage when a father transferred ownership of his young daughter to her new husband to be his fourth wife. And when the husband was legally allowed to have concubines.
“What god intended”? Are you serious? No. Marriage was created by men and man designed it to benefit them. What’s more frightening is people like you who wake up everyday and continue to judge others with your belief when your book clearly states you not to. The worse part is you state it like it’s a fact when you don’t have any evidence outside your book (which everything in your book isn’t evidence to begin with) to support your claim. Hence why it is a belief and it is personal to you.
I respect your belief, but not everyone thinks there is a God. Or thinks of marriage through the lens of a Christian nature. I'm married for myself and my partner. To make it feel like an even deeper sense of stability... not to impress a diety I don't personally believe in.
You don't need to be married it's just a bunch of nonsense a stupid piece of paper doesn't mean you love eachother any less go live your life and forget the nonsense of being obligated in getting married 🙄🙄
Shocking shocking....john: .you are great, you are so brave and stunning. Man bad. He is a CHILD. He is awful. Leave him. *all from 30 seconds of her briefing. It's not right to make assumption that the guy would be saying all that gross stuff. Like that he enjoys the power when she was heavier. Ok to bring it up but he stated it as fact. Also it's not silly. Data shows the severe impact in divorces. Why include the state. Because the state is very likely to decide in her favor.
30 seconds of her briefing… you mean 10 mins in after she said he takes off a lot when she says what she needs. John’s only going off what she is saying. He doesn’t demonize men on purpose. He said 0 negative things about her boyfriend until she mentioned a negative trait about him!
@flashthecorgi2053 it helps to heck these dudes' comment histories before you explain. A lot of them are misogynists and they argue in bad faith. Save your time 😊
@flashthecorgi2053 I am not saying he demonized. I think it's strong to say the guy is a child when, just as you say, he doesn't know the guy. Immature behavior or not helpful, sure. I'd also say people can be awfully disrespectful in their speech and then wonder why someone excused themselves. I appreciate your thought. You don't encapsulate a partner in a few minutes. John was speaking a decent amount
@A.C.-cj2hw oooook. I'm for being unbiased. I don't want to see a man lord over a partner or vice versa. I appreciate your viewpoint as well. I'm trying to remark that the trend line for videos resembling this is that John abruptly says he is a child.
@@snOags I think in some ways if the way she described him is right he resembles a lot of childish behavior. Even the stonewalling part. An adult sits down and has a conversation instead of leaving for a couple days. Again, John said 0 negative things about him UNTIL she mentioned he leaves when she says her needs sometimes!
Why not just stay together why get married and overcomplicate things SMFH life is so easy but people tend to want to make it difficult and complicated.
@@oroville12345of course, we certainly cannot count on a man to do the right thing. Men have a track record of bailing on their responsibilities, particularly that of their children and their wives. Having children is a heavy burden on a woman’s body and therefore requires the devotion and commitment of the father of her children. The legal system has only just begun to hold men accountable and create an actually fair arrangement. The outrage of many men against this newfound fairness is quite telling imo. In fact it is quite a reliable barometer as to a good or high quality man.❤
Is the reason not absurdly obvious in this world we live in today? How about it’s the biggest downside risk a man could ever take while offering zero upside benefits? How about it’s the only contract on earth where one party is incentivized to break it? How about over half of marriages end in divorce, with 80% of divorces being initiated by the woman. What logical, intelligent person would enter into such a contract? I’ll tell you who. Simps, and those who cave to societal pressures, which I am neither.
Why, because she doesn’t conform to societal expectations and sign certain paperwork? How devastating! How will she ever manage to carry on with her life 🤣
It never fails… living together for years and not married means someone always has one foot out the door.
Thats not true at all, my and my wife dated for a few months shy of 15 years before we got married. We just felt like marriage wasn't going to change anything for us which is mostly didn't. We aren't Christians so it was really just a legal matter for us.
You talk as if marriage prevents this in any way, shape, or form. No fault divorce means that you can leave whenever you want for any reason or no reason.
Living together for a long time MAY be a sign of lack of commitment, but there’s no evidence that it’s a cause. And getting married in those circumstances doesn’t solve a thing.
Ridiculous. Why would anyone invite the government into what's otherwise a good and solid relationship? Not like a piece of paper in an office somewhere prevents anyone from bailing any time they want to, anyway.
Living together before marriage drops the success rate of marriage dramatically.
"What if your body's right?" Thank you, Dr John.
This relationship has lasted a lot longer than some marriages???😮
its lasted longer than most marriages
It's toxic because he's using her. She has no needs met.
After 2 years of dating its either you know or you dont. Women especially need to have standards and express what they need from a relationship. Its either the other person wants the same thing or they don't.
I agree completely. Piss or get off the pot so to speak. What else do you need to know after even a year. Either the goals for the future and your beliefs are in alignment with each other or they are not. If they are not quit farting around and get out. If they are then quit farting around and get married..
My mom dated my step dad for two years and after she married him he went insane and was abusive to us kids, manipulative, and stole money from people. We had gangsters coming to our house looking for money but he never spent it on us. Our water was always shut off and we wore rags. My mom should have left sooner, but he sleep deprived and brainwashed her for years. So I dated my now husband for 5 1/2 years and I felt safe marrying him after that time. Almost married six years, second baby on the way. Nothing wrong with making sure you aren't with a psycho before giving them children. This isn't her case but you made a blanket statement so I figured my side might change your mind.
If that's true than why are there so many divorces? They though they knew but they didn't in fact know?
if its not broken then why manipulate it (marriage). Why get the state and government involved in your personal finances/lives.
You can see red flags in the months 2-3. @@taniagarrison6216
I’m not sure if we should get married. But let’s have kids together!…?!?! Never makes any sense.
Yesss!! I would never understand this!
Some people lack a moral compass
@@SnowFoxParty or a common sense compass apparently.
Yup it makes no sense. Lack of morals and common sense lol
Literally has ZERO to do with morals get off your high horses you ppl are weird.
I would never date someone for 15 years. That is ridiculous
Dr John!! Stop putting yourself down!! Quit it. You're awesome and very kind.
It's called INSTINCT ! Trust your feelings
A lot of the men I've spoken to seem to be uninterested in marriage because they're worried about their partner taking half or all of everything they own. It makes me sad for the women who are genuinely good and deserving of a union, but their partner is in fear of the possibility of it going wrong. It's understandable, but still disheartening and sad.
I don’t understand the logic of remaining partnered with someone who doesn’t want to get married. They have made their boundary known and the other person is just there hoping that one day the boundary will drop, it’s so unhealthy.
If a man asks a woman to marry him and she says no he would have left.
Sometimes it’s the woman.
My husband proposed, I said yes and then talked him out of it lol. Just the closer the day came, I realized I didn’t want that. I still would have done it if it’s something that meant a lot to him but it would have been his second time so he was good either way. We still picked the day and exchanged rings and call each other husband and wife, we just skipped the paperwork.
It’s not HIM either. I’ve felt this way long before I met him. I’ve actually tried convincing myself that it’s important but I was never able to get there. You shouldn’t need the government’s approval to make a promise and it changes nothing.
I would have done it, like I said, not because I was forced but because I can honestly say it just really doesn’t matter to me. We were both good either way but I LIKE waking up every morning knowing we’re both here because we genuinely want to be and choose it every day. One day we might decide to sneak off to the courthouse but, if we do, it will only be because something comes up legally that it makes sense for us to go through the hassle. Everyone is different 🤷🏻♀️
Normalize prenuptial agreements!
@@Killerkiki313 Yes! It shouldn’t be considered a negative thing for a partner to request this. It should be expected.
Wouldn’t stay with a man for 15 years who isn’t my husband .
Need the government by your side huh?
@@Melissa.712not the government, but an oath before god, family/community and something to hold yourself to. You can try to hijack marriage/long-term relationships for whatever goal/ideology you want (sex, friendship, dependency, etc.), but you’re misusing what marriage is for and disconnecting what makes it so selfless/amazing when you use it the correct/intended way. I hope you get this straightened out one day because it is absolutely worth it to go all in with someone who truly/loves appreciates you. - 13 years in/5 children deep
Then just get married. No need to involve uncle sam.
Exactly, why bother? Though tbf I understand her reluctance to trust a man, as a sexual abuse survivor myself it is a natural response.
@@Melissa.712of course, it is necessary to have a unbiased arbitrator in the case that either side fails to live up to their obligations.
Hey Dr delony.. just purchased your book on audible.. I hate reading 😂
reading The Myth of Normal right now. Im so glad you quoted him bcos that's what was exactly my thoughts in that moment. I'm so happy to be watching your show. can i call I'm from India?
My aunt and uncle just got married a few weeks ago. They have been together since 1979. They have 3 kids, 8 grand kids and 1 great grand.
How often does that occur? Rarely so what is your point?
lol! Love your story. Good on them and blessings to them. I think that's great!
I’m like her somewhat, I am just still single. I am afraid to get married so I won’t feel trapped. I am more secure to be in a relationship knowing that I can leave if things go wrong.
This is true but no marriage also indicates a lack of commitment. Marriage brings stability into relationships. Then that stability can turn into a prison sentence. I’m like you too, btw 😂
@@Emptytopfloor Half of all marriages end in divorce. Marriage doesn't bring any stability at all.
@@om617yota8 if a legal document cannot bring stability, then it is very appropriate that we humans need to stop reproducing collectively. Because without stability our offsprings will not be strong.
I’m with you 100%. I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years.
Same 😂
I'm seriously late but i have to add, relate, and support this woman... For different reasons I haven't married my boyfriend of 14 yrs. I can't express my emotions because my bf cries every time, and the guilt of asking for what I need making him cry infuriates me. It can be about him sometimes, but I really can't trust him in many ways, however I know he wants to marry me like yesterday... So, idk at this point if he will ever grow up enough for me to marry, but has enough kindness and goodness to grow old with. Mind u, I have/had my own business and home 4 yr old son at 28 yrs old and he left his parents home to move in w/ me at 34... I can't retire and have nothing to leave my son as s
It won't let me edit
Yes tears, nothing i say is gentle enough to prevent sobbing, and apologizing but in the end it never changes. I.E. man up, take the lead, stop stealing from me/us etc... but he's so sorry and cries but doesn't change.... I don't trust him enough to share 50% of what I've worked for, only to have him loose it to immaturity.
@@Nunyabizznizz-ql9fpno wonder why he's crying 😂 don't do it if you can't trust him
I think he feels guilt and shame and he cries if I share my "needs" because they are
" normal " &/or few, he knows that I shouldn't have to " remind him" to do life...
People for marriage: you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
People not for marriage: then if there's even any chance of failure, why would I even take a shot?
No right or wrong, but you're totally making that one of two choices. Assuming these are healthy people we're talking about.
I lost a lot of weight, hadn't seen my sibling for 3 months, her first words were - oh my God do you have aids or something????
She got involved with a guy who already had a kid and didn't expect chaos?
Well I don't think it's fair for you to demonize someone for having a beautiful child. The fact he has a child means nothing about him as a man... how he is as A DAD and as an individual means more than just the fact he's got a child.
@@chelsea7755Life ain't fair. Ask the caller. Doesn't sound so rosey to me.
I know there are people who are genuinely not interested in marriage. They want to remain single. That's a legitimate desire backed by the Bible. HOWEVER, I think most people who say they don't want marriage, but their decision is rooted in fear and backed by bad experiences they saw growing up or dealt with themselves. I think that's a terrible reason to say no to marriage. It oftentimes doesn't account for both parties' failures that resulted in divorce or lack of marriage. It also doesn't take into account the successful marriages who implemented consistently good actions and beliefs to have that successful marriage.
will you cover the cost for divorce and alimony?
Define "successful marriage." I frequently get hit on by married men so with that in mind, what is your definition of success and how does an outsider know if someone else's marriage is successful or not?
@@RepentImmediately oh I don't know. I'm basing this off of that couple's definition of success. If they told me they have a successful marriage I take them at their word.
I make six figures and am ready to move overseas for retirement. Why would I want to get the state and government involved (marriage) in my personal life so they can take my wealth if I get a divorce (over 50 percent chance). Im good on all that.
@@boston312 only marry "IF" you find an untainted woman who makes as much as you.. good luck with that..
Thats a long time, I guess everyone is different
Why she's asking if she should marry him if HE didn't even propose and disappears, gives her silent treatment to put her in her place so she would put up with his needs and accepts the facts that her needs will not be met. He's a douche, she's under his feet.
Over half of American Marriages end in separation, its a failing and dying institution.
It’s just sad to listen to 😢
If she didn’t want to get married she wouldn’t have called the show. She wants to bug is scared.
Listen to your intuition. Maybe there's a good reason why you did not marry him. Listen to yourself. Get some good therapy first and work on healing your trauma.
Why doesn’t he “feel safe” marrying you? 🤪
Man, this world has really messed up what God intended the design of marriage to look like. It's frightening to think about how each person will have to stand before Him one day & answer for their actions...😞
Oh, for the days of biblical marriage when a father transferred ownership of his young daughter to her new husband to be his fourth wife. And when the husband was legally allowed to have concubines.
“What god intended”? Are you serious? No. Marriage was created by men and man designed it to benefit them. What’s more frightening is people like you who wake up everyday and continue to judge others with your belief when your book clearly states you not to. The worse part is you state it like it’s a fact when you don’t have any evidence outside your book (which everything in your book isn’t evidence to begin with) to support your claim. Hence why it is a belief and it is personal to you.
@@tmi4507 100%
I respect your belief, but not everyone thinks there is a God. Or thinks of marriage through the lens of a Christian nature. I'm married for myself and my partner. To make it feel like an even deeper sense of stability... not to impress a diety I don't personally believe in.
Does God seriously care if these two get married? God needs to chill out, not worth sending someone to hell over
You don't need to be married it's just a bunch of nonsense a stupid piece of paper doesn't mean you love eachother any less go live your life and forget the nonsense of being obligated in getting married 🙄🙄
Shocking shocking....john: .you are great, you are so brave and stunning. Man bad. He is a CHILD. He is awful. Leave him.
*all from 30 seconds of her briefing.
It's not right to make assumption that the guy would be saying all that gross stuff. Like that he enjoys the power when she was heavier. Ok to bring it up but he stated it as fact.
Also it's not silly. Data shows the severe impact in divorces. Why include the state. Because the state is very likely to decide in her favor.
30 seconds of her briefing… you mean 10 mins in after she said he takes off a lot when she says what she needs. John’s only going off what she is saying. He doesn’t demonize men on purpose. He said 0 negative things about her boyfriend until she mentioned a negative trait about him!
@flashthecorgi2053 it helps to heck these dudes' comment histories before you explain. A lot of them are misogynists and they argue in bad faith. Save your time 😊
@flashthecorgi2053 I am not saying he demonized. I think it's strong to say the guy is a child when, just as you say, he doesn't know the guy. Immature behavior or not helpful, sure. I'd also say people can be awfully disrespectful in their speech and then wonder why someone excused themselves.
I appreciate your thought. You don't encapsulate a partner in a few minutes. John was speaking a decent amount
@A.C.-cj2hw oooook. I'm for being unbiased. I don't want to see a man lord over a partner or vice versa. I appreciate your viewpoint as well. I'm trying to remark that the trend line for videos resembling this is that John abruptly says he is a child.
@@snOags I think in some ways if the way she described him is right he resembles a lot of childish behavior. Even the stonewalling part. An adult sits down and has a conversation instead of leaving for a couple days. Again, John said 0 negative things about him UNTIL she mentioned he leaves when she says her needs sometimes!
Why not just stay together why get married and overcomplicate things SMFH life is so easy but people tend to want to make it difficult and complicated.
Because women want that title and control once she gets married big daddy government is on her side.
Maybe a silly question but what’s SMFH? Thanks
@louise8752 shake my freaking head or shake my f****** head
@louise8752 another one is so much fn hate
@@oroville12345of course, we certainly cannot count on a man to do the right thing. Men have a track record of bailing on their responsibilities, particularly that of their children and their wives. Having children is a heavy burden on a woman’s body and therefore requires the devotion and commitment of the father of her children. The legal system has only just begun to hold men accountable and create an actually fair arrangement. The outrage of many men against this newfound fairness is quite telling imo. In fact it is quite a reliable barometer as to a good or high quality man.❤
Hats off to the boyfriend for not signing a one sided contract 👏
Stay strong!
He's not even boyfriend material
@@RepentImmediatelyall we hear is her side and it don't sound so good.
A woman that cannot be vulnerable is the most dangerous person on the earth.
A man who can't committ and has sex with tons of women is dangerous as well
@@sobeliever1638 even still, you can't really have sex without being vulnerable.
It’s 2023 you don’t have to get married
Just hit 16 years with my girl and never getting married. Wisdom, gentlemen.
what is your reason?
Is the reason not absurdly obvious in this world we live in today? How about it’s the biggest downside risk a man could ever take while offering zero upside benefits? How about it’s the only contract on earth where one party is incentivized to break it? How about over half of marriages end in divorce, with 80% of divorces being initiated by the woman. What logical, intelligent person would enter into such a contract? I’ll tell you who. Simps, and those who cave to societal pressures, which I am neither.
Poor thing, I feel bad for her
Why, because she doesn’t conform to societal expectations and sign certain paperwork? How devastating! How will she ever manage to carry on with her life 🤣
Cap