If you’re this miserable while you’re only dating, run! Relationships can be SO much better. I met my husband a year and a half ago and it was like finding the safest, warmest place in the world. I waited 43 years for him and every second was worth it. None of the goobers before him can hold a candle.
Girl, never fall for potential. Sounds like this guy has anger issues… I dated a guy like this, I was scared of him and eventually I let him go without notice.
Anyone in a relationship where you go home and feel safe and supported, you are golden. Go home and feel like you are walking into a battlefield, you are screwed. Everyone deserves gold. Everyone. No one deserves to go home to chaos.
No! Don’t ghost someone that is suffering from depression. Ghosted depressive people have a very immediate high suicide rate. Instead, be honest and let them know you are leaving - Because that is the right thing to do - unless you are dealing with a dangerous person.
I think she knows that he is too much work for her but it's hard to admit because she doesn't hate him and wants to love him but he's not a point where he can love properly
I was in this kind of relationship. They can be a beautiful soul and the most loving person, but if you are suffering in this way and they refuse to do the work to change, you have to get out. It was the most painful, yet the most important thing I've ever done. You can't live for potential.
This episode is very relatable. I was in a 2 year relationship and got engaged to a woman under the premise of ‘ROI’ from her. She was a lovely person and I felt she just needed some help/coaxing to be who she was always meant to be…but that’s not enough to sustain a marriage. If someone who you need them to be in order to be happy, walk away. You will waste less time trying to invest in someone who was never meant for you long term.
It's funny how people get together with no expressed boundaries. We do everything together, except state what we like and what we don't. If you can express your boundaries, you can articulate why and how. It means you know yourself.
I definitely did this. Met my husband at 21. Married at 23. I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know about boundaries the first time he yelled and swore and scared me.
Never marry potential. You will still be waiting in a century. Run lady. Do not ignore these red flags. He needs to help himself. You will be miserable and in fact you already sound miserable. Leave him to sort himself out.
Bingo. Women marry a man's potential then gets pissed when he doesn't reach his potential. She knew what kind of a man her bf is, yet she still wants to ignore the red flags.
Don't marry period. But here's the problem: marriage is only desired early on when the promise of potential is there for both people. She hopes he'll make more money and make her dreams come true. He hopes she's stay attractive and love him for who he is. Too much time goes by and you try to marry, the blinders are off and it likely won't happen. She's gotten older and less attractive(cold fact) and more critical of guys and he found he didn't need to keep pushing for promotions or raises because he could live comfortably on where he's at. Now, neither is desirable to the other the way they would have been when they were younger.
If you dont marry potential, you will only ever be an employee. Hired when the money is made. And fired. Learn to recognise genuine potential. IE grow up.
Claire, if you want a project, take up crafting, sewing, baking, painting, or woodworking. Attempting to mold/change a person is not a project anyone should be taking on. Good luck ❤
10 years later and he did not change also with anxiety and depression and not sleeping enough. The last 2 years he was very withdrawn and there was a lack of communication. I finally reached my breaking point. I was drowning with him and he was dragging me into his black hole. It did not matter how hard I loved him and how direct I was about my communication with him. I am in therapy now.
@csx6910 That's what happens when you expect people to change or when you think you can change people. Some marriages are wonderful and then there's some that aren't- married or not such relationship wouldn't work, ever. Marriage is obsolete when you think you can change others to your liking.
You will be better off once you understand male nature in general. Very few men are relationship worthy. Marriage was always about making women accept male deg*eneracy. If it is not this, then it is his addictions (which affect men far more than women- porn, video games, gambling, sports, social media, alcoholism, substance abuse). If it it not addiction, then it is downright abuze and vio*lence- most of the vio*lent crimes are committed by men and most of the victims are other men. Every woman is more likely to die at the hands of the man she is with rather than a stranger. The number one cause of death of pregnant women is murder at the hands of the father of her child. It is not even child birth complications as one would expect. And then there is infidelity (stealing money away from family and spending it on OF girls and side chicks and pros*titues). And then bringing the wife STDs, other women drama and other children drama. It always about locking women who are more capable for a lifetime with these dumb Fs. The good news is women today can escape. Decenter men and centre yourself. You will be fine ❤
@@csx6910There HAS to be good times to hold onto though. If that person is depressed and unresponsive for over 10 years…why bother. People like that will only drag you down with them and you have to save yourself or sink with the ship.
If and when you exit please have someone you can trust with you. He could flip a switch and become dangerous and possessive. I got out of a 27 year marriage with help. It’s because of Gods grace and help that I made it out alive. The man I divorced was physically and emotionally abusive There is a LOT more to my story. I think you’ve only seen a tip of the iceberg with this guy just from what I’ve been through
If she had called me, the call would have been less than 2 minutes: 1. No, he won’t change. Things like this don’t improve when you get married; they become amplified. 2. Of course he has good qualities. Most people do. There were probably people who thought Charles Manson was really funny and charismatic. 3. This is often the behavior of a man who eventually beats his wife. 4. You won’t be married long anyway. 5. This is the whole point of dating. He’s not a match, so cut your losses and walk away. Have a great day! 😘
You shouldn't stay with anyone who has "potential", while thinking it's your responsibility to fix or soothe him. You need to find someone who is already has it together and ready to be a loving and stable partner.
I think it's fine if it's the right kind of potential. Like he might be driving for Lyft while working on his degree and wants to have and provide for a family and wife someday. That's good potential. But he's not there yet. If he's of good character and applying himself towards the future and you like or even love him that's a good choice. If he's treating you poorly, as this guy is, that's crossing a line. Look for someone who has the important stuff right.
I wasted 20 years on a man like this. I would love to have that time back, my 20s and 30s. Break this off, take some time to focus on yourself, and don't fear starting over with someone new. Do it now, not later when this man has sucked the joy of life out of you. Best to you.
Imagine all the suitable men that you turned down to marry that guy on potential. Women need to stop doing this and do what would make them happy from the start.
@@erichchan3 Absolutely -- I turned down some good guys waiting on that one to take some initiative. He never did. Missing out on a better relationship isn't all, though, it's just the immediate consequence that's obvious. Her career, future wealth, friendships, life experiences, confidence, and, most of all, time -- if she continues to play mom to an unstable child of a man, she stands to lose a hell of a lot more than just having a good man in her life. I really hope she'll have the courage and value herself enough to end what is a no-win situation.
People are not projects. U don't get to fix him and make him be what you want. My coworker was married to who she calls a mommas boy and 20 years later she still calls him a spoiled child. Get with someone who takes accountability and has self awareness and wants to be better. Relationships should bring out the best if you're working at it. Not always perfect but imperfectly perfect. Sis don't sell yourself short. It's better to get out now while you're still young
The negative things you rattled off in the first two minutes- are RED FLAGS 🚩. Why do people think they have the power to fix others? Stop 🛑 and look at what is happening- walk no run away. Your not being insensitive your being the grown up in this one sided relationship. Good luck.
It's going to get much worse once your married and with kids. Your not a licensed counselor to help him, you can only direct him were to get help. You are immature and have no self respect because you won't stop someone from mistreated you. If your mental issue makes you mistreat me then you can't be in my life.
I totally agree. Having parents where one is verbally and emotionally abusive and blames his disorder is not healthy. This lady thinks it’s her responsibility to own his emotional well-being. Anyone that would disagree with this doesn’t know that this is unhealthy for both parties.
A long time ago someone (maybe Dr. Laura Schlessinger?) said that men want their woman to never change and women "see potential" so try to change their man. Neither succeeds.
As someone whose anxiety and depression was affecting my relationship, I can tell you that during those moments of grief you still feel pain and guilt for anything you inflict on your partner. I have been mean to mine and hated myself for it but I put in the work to get better in therapy and our whole relationship has changed. We both have some more growing to do but we are both working towards it and that's part of being in a healthy relationship.
Dear girls, please, please, pretty please, don’t ever date potential. Always, always put yourself first. Only date men who serve you NOW. Or be single. Take time to get into relationships. Especially if you are young, date multiple guys and get some idea of what men are like. Have an abundance mindset. And even after getting into a relationship (or relationships), leave at the first sign of trouble. It is not worth it to destroy yourselves.
When someone short and yells you n is an overall a controlling Oscar the grouch...it's time to leave for the sake of your emotional and mental well being. For myself...people in my life get 1 pass cuz we all have bad moments. Do it again...your out. Those are the boundaries this woman has to set to avoid having controlling man children in her life.
The point of dating is to see if the person is compatible. I see no reason to keep someone like her boyfriend around if she has to call into a radio psychologist crying. He's not her husband
Are there ever any updates to previous calls? Some of them I'd like to know how they ended up. Maybe Dr. Delony could possibly do some quarterly update videos and state the titles of the videos in which he is giving updates for.
Why do people date and marry depressed and anxious people when they don't have to? Me, I always ask if there is a known mental disorder, any convictions, debts, etc. before getting serious with someone. I have no compunction asking these questions.
Everyone deals with some degree of mental health challenges. It's not a defect of character. Everyone has suffering and struggle in life. If you have yet, just wait, you will. It comes with living. It's how you handle it and how you treat people through it that makes or breaks things.
As long as this guy's world is clouded with this perception of negative self-image and insecurity, he will never be able to fully accept you as you are. It's great that he's seeing a therapist. But, relationally, if he hasn't been able to check his darkness and change his behavior toward you, he is not a safe man to be around.
Friends have a tendency to say, "Oh, he loves you so much," thinking they're being supportive. They also say that everything will be fine just so that they don't have to deal with your problems. If he's unstable, they won't want to have a bullseye put on them because they told you to break up, so for that reason alone they will not say anything negative about him. You don't want to make your friends afraid to answer when you call because they're afraid they'll be dragged into the middle of volatile relationship problems. A therapist might cost some money, but an objective outsider willing to challenge your perceptions, and provide emotional support, might be the best thing.
Please get out NOW, Claire!! Don't waste one more moment with this man. Why do you want this torture? Life is precious and should not be wasted on all this sadness.
Already have your deal breakers, you can't get angry fast, you can't have mental illness, you can't yell at me, you can't use a negative tone when you talk to me.
He's not the one. Break up now, move on and take care of yourself. And do it swiftly without any negotiaions of any kind such as let'd stay in touch. Go now.
She knows there's so many red flags with this guy yet she still refuses to leave. That's the problem with the majority of women today, they know what's good for them and what's bad for them, but they aren't willing to do it. She already knows he's not husband material yet she still doesn't want to leave him.
People stay in destructive relationships like this because they know the time and history they have and starting over to find someone else is daunting, but sometimes it's what has to happen.
Really best to leave. He has issues and she is a bandaid. He needs to sort it out on his own, else itll just destroy her sense of self and wellbeing. His too. Sometimes leaving is the most loving thing you can do for each other.
Why do so many young women think they have to stay with a boyfriend who acts badly? Dating is to determine IF you are a match. If you don’t feel safe and loved, it’s a red flag… get out of the relationship.
Because we're taught men are just like this. If you want to be with someone this is part of how it goes. Being a good woman means standing by your man when no one else will and seeing the best in him even if he's unhinged. Look at our last president, tantrums and high volatility behavior are acceptable even in the public arena. Men are taught it's a woman's job to make them feel better. If a woman is failing at that or God forbid is upset herself she's not of use to the guy. She's crazy, a wreck, not nurturing, has daddy issues... The list goes on. It's hardly surprising women deal with this, we were never taught not to.
This messes with me because I recently left my girlfriend because she was going through something similar except she was also going through BPD symptoms. She started yelling at me and swearing at me, I justified it because she never treated me like that before she was going through it all. It might have been the right logical decision but it doesn’t make things feel better emotionally 😔
Don't settle for potential. It is or it isn't. He is cold, defensive, negative, suspicious, feels heavy sometimes, what else are you going to wait for before you realize this is not "good" for you? Im glad you are seeking help, before you call it. You already know, it's not good for you.
This conversation made me hold my breathe. She describes my parents’ relationship with a bipolar father (unmedicated) and my mother who has coddled him their entire relationship. He is verbally and emotionally abusive and his excuse is “well you know how I am.” To the caller: if you’ve been okay with the verbally and emotionally abuse thus far, he knows it and it will never change. Please love your self enough to say you deserve better and find a therapist to hold you hand in moving on with your life. You’re better than the “loving the person someone can be.”
likely it's just stories you're telling yourself, we all want to believe someone we are attracted to for whatever reason has potential to be better, but usually is not true. You shouldn't have to ask this imo.
I realize this is a year ago. Hoping you have moved on. You absolutely do not want to put the weight of this person's issues on yourself. After 36 years of marriage and a huge amount of regret, I divorced a man with issues that he would not take responsibility for (unfortunately had pastoral counseling to stay which I wouldn't follow now).
I would agree for you to run! Once you are married it's covenant relationship, for better or worse, God hates divorce. You have enough red flags to not make the decision to battle for the rest of your life with the major issues of your spouse. Be wise, be sober!
Omg …leave and go to therapy to figure out why you’re such a enabler , because if not you will end up with children with this guy 😮! Then call John and cry how he’s horrible and abusive to the poor kids. She hinted at him being jealous, this is going to turn violent if it hasn’t already
Wasting time with this guy. Dump him , you should feel good in a relationship. If the problem is your 2 yr investment imagine a 3 , 5 or 10+ year investment of worsening behavior. Cut your losses
No, this is a guy you don't want to be with! Being nice and caring does not heal him or make him better! Get out asap! Get some therapy to help you get out!
If you only want him as a husband if he changes or gets fixed, then you don't really want him for a husband. You want some fantasy of what you think he can become. Thats not fair to you or him.
Is she marriage material? I also asked this when women complain what do you bring to the table? What makes you high value? The answer if they have any are never anything tangible or are very basic like I have a job and pay my bills.
I just love how you simp for men. Even though the call is about a man… you just have to make a comment negatively towards women. It’s fantastic seeing you be a hypocrite! 😂
@@flashthecorgi2053 It's not negative. I simply ask the questions what makes you so damn special why are you this walk on water prize. They have no answer or it's generic superficial 🐂💩. If the genders were reversed the advice would be reversed. It would be to support and work with the girlfriend. Totally biased advice. I don't simp for men just speak up for them as they are trashed and beaten down by society.
Lol you said what makes you high value? … if they even have ANY they respond with a superficial answer. You are implying right there that women don’t have intrinsic value. so yes, you are simping for the man. This call was about a man yelling and cussing at his GF when he’s depressed and you just had to make a negative comment about a woman! Isn’t that the definition of the simp because that’s what you accuse Delony of doing? Also, what do men say when you ask that question?
If you’re this miserable while you’re only dating, run! Relationships can be SO much better. I met my husband a year and a half ago and it was like finding the safest, warmest place in the world. I waited 43 years for him and every second was worth it. None of the goobers before him can hold a candle.
How did you meet him, if I may ask?
Relationships should have ease … not this type of stress
News flash you were part of the problem in your other relationships before you met the one at 43. Don’t pretend like it was everyone else’s fault.
@dmbgator86 wow, what an ignorant response!
Same!!!
Girl, never fall for potential. Sounds like this guy has anger issues… I dated a guy like this, I was scared of him and eventually I let him go without notice.
Anyone in a relationship where you go home and feel safe and supported, you are golden. Go home and feel like you are walking into a battlefield, you are screwed. Everyone deserves gold. Everyone. No one deserves to go home to chaos.
Gave this same advice to a guy at work. He's stressed at work and instead of being able to go home to peace, his g/f drills into him. Told him to run.
@@csx6910No kidding, especially if they aren’t even married yet! Why even deal with that? Walk away.
Do the people who are chaos deserve gold?
She's about to cry with every word. Get out. Ghost if you have to. But go.
No! Don’t ghost someone that is suffering from depression. Ghosted depressive people have a very immediate high suicide rate.
Instead, be honest and let them know you are leaving - Because that is the right thing to do - unless you are dealing with a dangerous person.
never ghost
Marrying a guy with a couple mental health issues is a lot of work. Get a different boyfriend. Life is already enough work.
I think she knows that he is too much work for her but it's hard to admit because she doesn't hate him and wants to love him but he's not a point where he can love properly
Women love a project
Women always believe they can fix and change a man into what she wants him to be.
He can have potential but unless he really wants to be a better person, there is nothing that another person can do. Learned that the hard way.
I was in this kind of relationship. They can be a beautiful soul and the most loving person, but if you are suffering in this way and they refuse to do the work to change, you have to get out. It was the most painful, yet the most important thing I've ever done. You can't live for potential.
Except beautiful souls and living partners make the choice to Do the Work!
This episode is very relatable. I was in a 2 year relationship and got engaged to a woman under the premise of ‘ROI’ from her. She was a lovely person and I felt she just needed some help/coaxing to be who she was always meant to be…but that’s not enough to sustain a marriage. If someone who you need them to be in order to be happy, walk away. You will waste less time trying to invest in someone who was never meant for you long term.
It's funny how people get together with no expressed boundaries. We do everything together, except state what we like and what we don't. If you can express your boundaries, you can articulate why and how. It means you know yourself.
I definitely did this. Met my husband at 21. Married at 23. I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know about boundaries the first time he yelled and swore and scared me.
Never marry potential. You will still be waiting in a century. Run lady. Do not ignore these red flags. He needs to help himself. You will be miserable and in fact you already sound miserable. Leave him to sort himself out.
I would add don't marry promises.
Bingo.
Women marry a man's potential then gets pissed when he doesn't reach his potential. She knew what kind of a man her bf is, yet she still wants to ignore the red flags.
Don't marry period. But here's the problem: marriage is only desired early on when the promise of potential is there for both people. She hopes he'll make more money and make her dreams come true. He hopes she's stay attractive and love him for who he is.
Too much time goes by and you try to marry, the blinders are off and it likely won't happen. She's gotten older and less attractive(cold fact) and more critical of guys and he found he didn't need to keep pushing for promotions or raises because he could live comfortably on where he's at. Now, neither is desirable to the other the way they would have been when they were younger.
If you dont marry potential, you will only ever be an employee. Hired when the money is made. And fired. Learn to recognise genuine potential. IE grow up.
Claire, if you want a project, take up crafting, sewing, baking, painting, or woodworking. Attempting to mold/change a person is not a project anyone should be taking on. Good luck ❤
10 years later and he did not change also with anxiety and depression and not sleeping enough. The last 2 years he was very withdrawn and there was a lack of communication. I finally reached my breaking point. I was drowning with him and he was dragging me into his black hole. It did not matter how hard I loved him and how direct I was about my communication with him. I am in therapy now.
A great explanation why marriage should be obsolete. No one respects the vows and only want to be there in good times.
@@csx6910 marriage takes 2 to work. If he isn't going to put the effort in, marriage isn't for him. One person can only do so much.
@csx6910 That's what happens when you expect people to change or when you think you can change people. Some marriages are wonderful and then there's some that aren't- married or not such relationship wouldn't work, ever. Marriage is obsolete when you think you can change others to your liking.
You will be better off once you understand male nature in general. Very few men are relationship worthy. Marriage was always about making women accept male deg*eneracy. If it is not this, then it is his addictions (which affect men far more than women- porn, video games, gambling, sports, social media, alcoholism, substance abuse). If it it not addiction, then it is downright abuze and vio*lence- most of the vio*lent crimes are committed by men and most of the victims are other men. Every woman is more likely to die at the hands of the man she is with rather than a stranger. The number one cause of death of pregnant women is murder at the hands of the father of her child. It is not even child birth complications as one would expect. And then there is infidelity (stealing money away from family and spending it on OF girls and side chicks and pros*titues). And then bringing the wife STDs, other women drama and other children drama.
It always about locking women who are more capable for a lifetime with these dumb Fs. The good news is women today can escape. Decenter men and centre yourself. You will be fine ❤
@@csx6910There HAS to be good times to hold onto though. If that person is depressed and unresponsive for over 10 years…why bother. People like that will only drag you down with them and you have to save yourself or sink with the ship.
If and when you exit please have someone you can trust with you.
He could flip a switch and become dangerous and possessive.
I got out of a 27 year marriage with help.
It’s because of Gods grace and help that I made it out alive.
The man I divorced was physically and emotionally abusive
There is a LOT more to my story.
I think you’ve only seen a tip of the iceberg with this guy just from what I’ve been through
If she had called me, the call would have been less than 2 minutes:
1. No, he won’t change. Things like this don’t improve when you get married; they become amplified.
2. Of course he has good qualities. Most people do. There were probably people who thought Charles Manson was really funny and charismatic.
3. This is often the behavior of a man who eventually beats his wife.
4. You won’t be married long anyway.
5. This is the whole point of dating. He’s not a match, so cut your losses and walk away.
Have a great day! 😘
#4.
People now a days need to REALLY understand and practice #5.
#5 is it!!!! I learned too late. I believe purity culture influenced my behavior and I acted like every man I met was my husband.
Dating is a relatively new concept so it's no wonder lots of people aren't doing it correctly. It also comes with a lot of negatives
Let me guess you're single
You shouldn't stay with anyone who has "potential", while thinking it's your responsibility to fix or soothe him. You need to find someone who is already has it together and ready to be a loving and stable partner.
I think it's fine if it's the right kind of potential. Like he might be driving for Lyft while working on his degree and wants to have and provide for a family and wife someday. That's good potential. But he's not there yet. If he's of good character and applying himself towards the future and you like or even love him that's a good choice. If he's treating you poorly, as this guy is, that's crossing a line. Look for someone who has the important stuff right.
Mental health.. this would or will get worse once they are married. Choose wisely!
I wasted 20 years on a man like this. I would love to have that time back, my 20s and 30s. Break this off, take some time to focus on yourself, and don't fear starting over with someone new. Do it now, not later when this man has sucked the joy of life out of you. Best to you.
Imagine all the suitable men that you turned down to marry that guy on potential. Women need to stop doing this and do what would make them happy from the start.
@@erichchan3 Absolutely -- I turned down some good guys waiting on that one to take some initiative. He never did. Missing out on a better relationship isn't all, though, it's just the immediate consequence that's obvious. Her career, future wealth, friendships, life experiences, confidence, and, most of all, time -- if she continues to play mom to an unstable child of a man, she stands to lose a hell of a lot more than just having a good man in her life. I really hope she'll have the courage and value herself enough to end what is a no-win situation.
@@mzblu-cj9fd All of this.
It doesn’t get better once your married, it usually gets worse.
I married "potential" and years later divorced it. He regressed instead of developing!
People are not projects. U don't get to fix him and make him be what you want. My coworker was married to who she calls a mommas boy and 20 years later she still calls him a spoiled child.
Get with someone who takes accountability and has self awareness and wants to be better. Relationships should bring out the best if you're working at it. Not always perfect but imperfectly perfect. Sis don't sell yourself short. It's better to get out now while you're still young
The negative things you rattled off in the first two minutes- are RED FLAGS 🚩. Why do people think they have the power to fix others? Stop 🛑 and look at what is happening- walk no run away. Your not being insensitive your being the grown up in this one sided relationship. Good luck.
It's a sign that she's crying all the time and really afraid to leave! Girl. You are afraid of him and afraid to leave but need to leave!
Girl!! No!! No!! Just don’t. Word from the wise. Protect your heart. You can’t change or heal people. He had his own growing to do. Just don’t.
I feel this caller. Please update us on how you decided to deal with it
It's going to get much worse once your married and with kids. Your not a licensed counselor to help him, you can only direct him were to get help. You are immature and have no self respect because you won't stop someone from mistreated you. If your mental issue makes you mistreat me then you can't be in my life.
She is in an abusive relationship and doesn’t know how to define it. She isn’t aware this is what this is.
That’s a bit extreme.
A lot of the people here come here just to project and make baseless assumptions with little to zero evidence @@rebeccaoprea9917
@@rebeccaoprea9917oh no it’s not an extreme opinion -it’s fact
I totally agree. Having parents where one is verbally and emotionally abusive and blames his disorder is not healthy. This lady thinks it’s her responsibility to own his emotional well-being. Anyone that would disagree with this doesn’t know that this is unhealthy for both parties.
The happiest people are the people who can be happy, either single or in a relationship
A long time ago someone (maybe Dr. Laura Schlessinger?) said that men want their woman to never change and women "see potential" so try to change their man. Neither succeeds.
I got 20 bucks on them getting married and having two to four messed up kids.
No no no. You should not be this miserable, leave now.
As someone whose anxiety and depression was affecting my relationship, I can tell you that during those moments of grief you still feel pain and guilt for anything you inflict on your partner. I have been mean to mine and hated myself for it but I put in the work to get better in therapy and our whole relationship has changed. We both have some more growing to do but we are both working towards it and that's part of being in a healthy relationship.
Dear girls, please, please, pretty please, don’t ever date potential. Always, always put yourself first. Only date men who serve you NOW. Or be single. Take time to get into relationships. Especially if you are young, date multiple guys and get some idea of what men are like. Have an abundance mindset. And even after getting into a relationship (or relationships), leave at the first sign of trouble. It is not worth it to destroy yourselves.
“But I think you know.” Beautiful.
When someone short and yells you n is an overall a controlling Oscar the grouch...it's time to leave for the sake of your emotional and mental well being. For myself...people in my life get 1 pass cuz we all have bad moments. Do it again...your out. Those are the boundaries this woman has to set to avoid having controlling man children in her life.
"I'm not your living xanax" ooohhh that hit hard.
The point of dating is to see if the person is compatible. I see no reason to keep someone like her boyfriend around if she has to call into a radio psychologist crying. He's not her husband
2 minutes in and I'm already crying. I'm 15 years in...and having a rough day.
Leave!!!!
@@flyandshy00 💕
Nope. You have no legal ties to this man, it's a no brainer...Leave.
She's trying to regulate his dis-regulated behavior. He has to take ownership of his actions, behavior, etc. It's no good.
Are there ever any updates to previous calls? Some of them I'd like to know how they ended up. Maybe Dr. Delony could possibly do some quarterly update videos and state the titles of the videos in which he is giving updates for.
Please leave and take care of yourself this is not how a relationship should be.
Why do people date and marry depressed and anxious people when they don't have to? Me, I always ask if there is a known mental disorder, any convictions, debts, etc. before getting serious with someone. I have no compunction asking these questions.
Everyone deals with some degree of mental health challenges. It's not a defect of character. Everyone has suffering and struggle in life. If you have yet, just wait, you will. It comes with living. It's how you handle it and how you treat people through it that makes or breaks things.
As long as this guy's world is clouded with this perception of negative self-image and insecurity, he will never be able to fully accept you as you are. It's great that he's seeing a therapist. But, relationally, if he hasn't been able to check his darkness and change his behavior toward you, he is not a safe man to be around.
Friends have a tendency to say, "Oh, he loves you so much," thinking they're being supportive. They also say that everything will be fine just so that they don't have to deal with your problems. If he's unstable, they won't want to have a bullseye put on them because they told you to break up, so for that reason alone they will not say anything negative about him. You don't want to make your friends afraid to answer when you call because they're afraid they'll be dragged into the middle of volatile relationship problems.
A therapist might cost some money, but an objective outsider willing to challenge your perceptions, and provide emotional support, might be the best thing.
Those are terrible friends, then. A good friend would tell you how it is.
Please get out NOW, Claire!! Don't waste one more moment with this man. Why do you want this torture? Life is precious and should not be wasted on all this sadness.
Already have your deal breakers, you can't get angry fast, you can't have mental illness, you can't yell at me, you can't use a negative tone when you talk to me.
You sound so controlling
@@cptfreeman8966 you sound so s t u p i d
He's not the one. Break up now, move on and take care of yourself. And do it swiftly without any negotiaions of any kind such as let'd stay in touch. Go now.
Marrying potential is a dangerous game.
Be careful about marrying potential
I’m not sure most women have much choice.
Maybe he needs his ass kicked
@@SpeedfreakUK😂
She knows there's so many red flags with this guy yet she still refuses to leave.
That's the problem with the majority of women today, they know what's good for them and what's bad for them, but they aren't willing to do it.
She already knows he's not husband material yet she still doesn't want to leave him.
"Potential"....a term that only women use. Men don't say I marry my wife on potential.
People stay in destructive relationships like this because they know the time and history they have and starting over to find someone else is daunting, but sometimes it's what has to happen.
Really best to leave. He has issues and she is a bandaid. He needs to sort it out on his own, else itll just destroy her sense of self and wellbeing. His too. Sometimes leaving is the most loving thing you can do for each other.
I promise you the yelling and swearing at you is not going to change. Don’t bring kids into it.
Girl, run and don’t look back!
Why do so many young women think they have to stay with a boyfriend who acts badly? Dating is to determine IF you are a match. If you don’t feel safe and loved, it’s a red flag… get out of the relationship.
Because we're taught men are just like this. If you want to be with someone this is part of how it goes. Being a good woman means standing by your man when no one else will and seeing the best in him even if he's unhinged. Look at our last president, tantrums and high volatility behavior are acceptable even in the public arena. Men are taught it's a woman's job to make them feel better. If a woman is failing at that or God forbid is upset herself she's not of use to the guy. She's crazy, a wreck, not nurturing, has daddy issues... The list goes on. It's hardly surprising women deal with this, we were never taught not to.
If you have to ask a stranger then the answer is probably no lol
Great call 📞
This messes with me because I recently left my girlfriend because she was going through something similar except she was also going through BPD symptoms.
She started yelling at me and swearing at me, I justified it because she never treated me like that before she was going through it all.
It might have been the right logical decision but it doesn’t make things feel better emotionally 😔
I have been there. Get out now before its too late.
Don't settle for potential. It is or it isn't. He is cold, defensive, negative, suspicious, feels heavy sometimes, what else are you going to wait for before you realize this is not "good" for you? Im glad you are seeking help, before you call it. You already know, it's not good for you.
Run sweetie, run away from this man….
If you can’t accept him “as is”, then don’t do it.
Pontential. That word alone has killed many marriages.
He is on his BEST behavior. It will only get worse from here. Listen to me when I say this.
“Are you safe?” - dr John
Would love to hear from him.
If you have to ask then he's not.
This one is a lil too relatable 🤣🤣🤣
This conversation made me hold my breathe. She describes my parents’ relationship with a bipolar father (unmedicated) and my mother who has coddled him their entire relationship. He is verbally and emotionally abusive and his excuse is “well you know how I am.” To the caller: if you’ve been okay with the verbally and emotionally abuse thus far, he knows it and it will never change. Please love your self enough to say you deserve better and find a therapist to hold you hand in moving on with your life. You’re better than the “loving the person someone can be.”
Run, your life will be miserable with this guy. I can hear it in her voice. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around your spouse.
It won’t get better
Don't marry potential, you will live in frustration.
That is abuse.
Are they living together? Because if they are she knows that he is beyond her tolerance.
Claire, let's cut this one loose. Forget this guy.
likely it's just stories you're telling yourself, we all want to believe someone we are attracted to for whatever reason has potential to be better, but usually is not true. You shouldn't have to ask this imo.
I realize this is a year ago. Hoping you have moved on. You absolutely do not want to put the weight of this person's issues on yourself. After 36 years of marriage and a huge amount of regret, I divorced a man with issues that he would not take responsibility for (unfortunately had pastoral counseling to stay which I wouldn't follow now).
Three minutes in; you are crying and not happy and very bothered. That’s your answer.
We can't chsnge anymore.
No
"What say you?"
I would agree for you to run! Once you are married it's covenant relationship, for better or worse, God hates divorce.
You have enough red flags to not make the decision to battle for the rest of your life with the major issues of your spouse. Be wise, be sober!
She's in a nightmare and better listen to John.
No…..
❤
Why are people so desperate? Like why? 😢😢😢. The person rubs you the wrong way. RUNNNNNN AWWWWWYYYYYYY!!! Simple! Why take it?
My wife’s bf thinks I have potential 😂
Maybe speak with your father and ask him what his opinion is of your boyfriend, Then speak with your "girlfriends" .
As a wise friend once told me, everyone has potential. 😬
They do, but whether or not they want to put in the effort in bettering themselves is what truly matters.
@@fairlyenjoyable yup. Potential isn’t the reason to choose a mate.
Omg …leave and go to therapy to figure out why you’re such a enabler , because if not you will end up with children with this guy 😮! Then call John and cry how he’s horrible and abusive to the poor kids. She hinted at him being jealous, this is going to turn violent if it hasn’t already
He sounds bipolar.
Wasting time with this guy. Dump him , you should feel good in a relationship. If the problem is your 2 yr investment imagine a 3 , 5 or 10+ year investment of worsening behavior. Cut your losses
No, this is a guy you don't want to be with! Being nice and caring does not heal him or make him better! Get out asap! Get some therapy to help you get out!
If you only want him as a husband if he changes or gets fixed, then you don't really want him for a husband. You want some fantasy of what you think he can become. Thats not fair to you or him.
Sounds bipolar.
@diggernash1 you sound s t u p i d
im sure he finds you super annoying. just find someone else
Is she marriage material? I also asked this when women complain what do you bring to the table? What makes you high value? The answer if they have any are never anything tangible or are very basic like I have a job and pay my bills.
I just love how you simp for men. Even though the call is about a man… you just have to make a comment negatively towards women. It’s fantastic seeing you be a hypocrite! 😂
@@flashthecorgi2053 It's not negative. I simply ask the questions what makes you so damn special why are you this walk on water prize. They have no answer or it's generic superficial 🐂💩.
If the genders were reversed the advice would be reversed. It would be to support and work with the girlfriend. Totally biased advice.
I don't simp for men just speak up for them as they are trashed and beaten down by society.
Lol you said what makes you high value? … if they even have ANY they respond with a superficial answer. You are implying right there that women don’t have intrinsic value. so yes, you are simping for the man. This call was about a man yelling and cussing at his GF when he’s depressed and you just had to make a negative comment about a woman! Isn’t that the definition of the simp because that’s what you accuse Delony of doing? Also, what do men say when you ask that question?
@djpuplex date men then, here's a simple solution for your problems!😂
@@luislima9574 💯