Dating Advice To Be Better Than Most Men
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2024
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Advice for dating online: Don't.
Don't date at all
Video isn’t about online dating
@@tuckerbugeaterAgreed, while watching this I was just thinking, or just don’t waist the effort, money and time. I would rather put my effort, time and love toward God instead.
Don't be resentful, don't be bitter - be better.
Lol as an ugly dude living at home online dating is fine, you just need to be sociable
I’m 5’7, balding, slightly overweight. I’ve never struggled to pull, and my girlfriend is stunningly out of my league.
In my option: be interested, not interesting. Be funny and relaxed, but also make people feel safe. If you’re in a social setting, identify who the shy or quiet people are and make an effort to big them up. Make them feel included and valid: that’s the behavior that correlates to leadership and strength.
I studied social skills and dating for years, and you've fucking nailed it in one paragraph.
Solid advice. Especially the “be interested and not interesting.”
@@anthonypillarella I’d love some resources if you’ve got time
Well.... It's the HOW you do it. Otherwise you're just a friendly spirit
I think being an average dude is an advantage in that regard… as a very tall individual I’ve found that people are intimidated and having an at all reserved personality is a detriment, even tho, being very extroverted doesn’t do you any favors either, the expectations are that you are some pro athlete or something, but god forbid they find out you’re just a regular tall dude with back problems they shame you, men and women. I’ve seen countless average dudes pull and they are 100% held to a different standard than a dude with rare genetics.
"The bar is set unbelievably low [for men]."
The problem is the bar is not set by most men; it's set by the men that women see. And those are two very different groups.
well REALITY and the REAL world agree with chris GO OUTSIDE
You see men of ALL shapes and sizes with women.
Im addition most men are OBESE if us american men drops that weight most of the problems go away
Women(like myself) just want thoughtful effort 😭. Be honest, respectful, and kind. But actually try(ask us out directly, get over fear of rejection or commitment). Shoot your shot more frequently and probably aim lower if you’re continuously unsuccessful. Be clean and have control over your life(finances and health). Learn to be less misogynistic and heal from your past trauma. I promise women aren’t that picky, we are so desperate to be loved some of us will stay with partners who become abusive partners because they used to make us feel loved and atleast then we are picked. But most guys are simply not making an effort(or are doing so in unsocialized ways like hitting on women in places they want to be left alone and didn’t signal interest to you).
@@feelsrestricted8322
Bit more internet advice telling folks to aim lower.
Do not listen to aim lower.
I’m gonna bet she’s single.
@feelsrestricted8322 this is only true in theory
@feelsrestricted8322 A woman who's mostly been around deeply unhealthy guys will have the bar set by them. A woman who's grown up around decent, fit, respectful guys will have the bar set by them. Men you never see simply don't factor into the bar, for better or worse. That's the only point: talking about the bar based on the average American man is as ridiculous as talking about the bar based on the average man globally. This is just true for humans in general, not simply women with men. You're too quick to employ shame, insinuations, accusations of misogyny.
There certainly is a large disconnect between internet opinions and the real world away from the digital social screen.
This^
People do go outside its also the reason the number of freinds am average man has a dropped dramatically
One gives you advice you want to hear. The other gives you advice you need to hear.
@@michaelanthony4750 Its worse than that one side simply tells you what you want to hear even if its wrong and will lead you down the wrong path.
@@xMckingwillnah, the reason is the self imposed and extreme individualistic and workaholics American society.
Look at other more community oriented societies and such problems don't exist.
Since the end of WWII Americans have put so much emphasis on "pulling by your own boobstraps" in every facet of their lives that self isolation, the atomization of society and fear and paranoia of the 'other' are the only logical result as we are seeing.
The way your cities are designed doesn't help, a society where everybody is isolated inside their suburban home and then isolated inside their cars 99% of the time doesn't lend to the creation of social Networks of friendship.
Americans by their own choice are self isolating to a maladaptive degree due their own beliefs.
This guy is so right. People spend too many time online hearing about how they have to be and it just fucks with us. I got tricked into believing all that shit but it's not the real world.
This is what we need to remind young men. The internet is not the real world and thinking it is will make you angry and bitter. Step away from your phone, go to the gym and get a hobby outside. You'll meet people and realise it's all going to be alright. You got this.
Also the most important thing: chase something you love. Find a hobby or creative project or passion, and get out and go to classes and meet people. Maybe the first person you see you don't fall in love with, but maybe a friend of theirs will be. Be patient and develop a healthy relationship w yourself. Rest will come
Develop yourself more!!! ❤🥂 all arenas!
What a breath of fresh air. 100%
If you fall in love with someone you had to attract with a veneer, they'll only ever love the image you created. It sounds corny, but you deserve to be appreciated. Work towards goals that make YOU happy. Be a fun/interesting/whatever you desire person for yourself. When you find someone, they'll like you for you. Put your best foot forward, but you don't have to try so hard for other people's sake in order to be successful.
hygiene, don't forget about that is the most important, take care of yourself, nice hair cut, groomed beard, skin care.
Exactly, most guys don’t actually look bad at all 🤷🏻♀️ They usually just aren’t putting any effort in… If you have a haircut, you’re styled, and you’re in shape, you’re already ahead of most men if you ask me
Exactly sir! If you get a regular haircut, shower, brush your teeth and floss, your already ahead of the game. Don’t forget deodorant and a little cologne.
Try to be part of building a social context where everybody has a chance to show they can be relaxed, happy, considerate, and caring, then in addition be as fit and well-groomed as possible for your age-group, and you will find a mate. But you need to admit that this would be important for you. Don't signal that you could not care less. Do care, be open about it and you will even be helped.
Accurate.
Well said
Rubbish
@@jameselder3476 Patriarch! 😁 Not wishing young men to find their happiness, huh?😆
well, it was me during high school and college. got me fked up.
I think this is true if the woman meets you in person organically. But if she is swiping, you must be in the top 10% of everything.
I've had women that are objectively below average reject me online, but above average be interested offline. But meeting people offline can be very difficult, especially when so many people are focused online.
But the playing field is mostly men on them things. Men seem to be creating their own mess in general
@DB-od5bxbe a fisherman and cast a net, not a hunter. Lesson one.
Finding people in like-minded activity groups is always nice
Omg the 6s who think they are 12s
That's my experience pretty much like 4 5s act like 9 10s online lol
This kind of advice is so funny for me. I have been going to the gym for over 1,5 year. I started to dress better and developed new hobbies. Guess what? Nothing has changed. Some people are just doomed.
Strive to do hard things, and from this discipline comes confidence. Confidence is the key.
I was a husky middle school nerd picked last for all sports. In 8th grade I decided to make changes in my life. My sport team won state in HS. I am fit, ran a marathon, I’m a physician, married nearly 20yr w 2 kids. I don’t come from $. My parents didn’t graduate college. I’m no genius. I just worked hard and had good discipline.
My discovery was that phenotype matters. You stick to your diaspora and more women naturally relate to you. Germanic women usually don't treat me favorably but latins usually do. The traits that are favorable depznd on the culture and ethnic group. Hard to relate to for usaers and mixed folks.
This is actually a very good point. Everyone has a type. Meaning, there's a specific "type" of woman that finds your phenotype attractive. Almost universally if a woman likes you, even if she's unattractive to you, find someone with her phenotype that is attractive to you and she'll likely give you a chance. A very underrated technique of choosing women.
It would be interesting to see some sort of research behind this phenomenon. If it’s a reliable thing.
Good thought. I am for sure not the prettiest flower in the bush but I can be outgoing and witty. Me personally, I do not have a type at all. All the women that were genuinely interested in me/i had lasting relationships with were natural blonds. I think there might be some truth here...
Having goals, hobbies and being consistent is very attractive.
I'm a 6 in looks. I wear dress slacks, a pressed white shirt and a jacket to work every day. I made 194K last year. I lift 3 days a week (down from 5 days) and run 5 days a week. I'm 5'11 - 185 and I can report that a woman at the gym smiled at me once in 2011. If you aren't conventionally attractive, don't drink, don't consume main stream entertainment, concerts, movies, professional sports, TV, you're going to have a significantly smaller pool that you appeal to.
it's hard to believe someone with your status can be single
@@LetAnarchyRuleWho knows what he is like in person. I know a guy who is similar if you describe him, good as friend or might be ok for casual sex if you like that, but he is quite irresponsible to have anything serious with, plus he usually try to ask for dates girls who close to Victoria's secret angel level of beauty. Of course he fail.
@@eg568 maybe you are right. but his these lines "If you aren't conventionally attractive, don't drink, don't consume main stream entertainment, concerts, movies, professional sports, TV, you're going to have a significantly smaller pool that you appeal to." i think there is truth init. It happened to me when i moved to a new city because of job and i felt disconnected for the same reason and i am young so it's more hard for me. I thought older men got it figured out but after looking at some comments it seems even harder for them to intellectually connect with people.but i don't discourage your words too. it's hard to know who is what kind of a person in real life.
@@LetAnarchyRule Like duh... Pretty privilege is real. It hits both men and women. Men hit the wall because of age too. It just happens 5, maybe 10 years later on average.
I just answered on your "can't believe someone with you status is single". It's easy believable. Status isn't everything. It could give you some advantages, but can't guarantee you anything especially if something serious like honesty, respect to women or anger control is missing.
It will be a smaller pool of people that you meet. Not that you’ll be unappealing to. Sounds like you’d be hugely appealing to another introvert. We are all elusive though. Also the non drinker is extremely appealing to religious women.
Oh, so I just need to suddenly become charismatic and funny. Gotcha.
I stay well groomed, i exercise every single day and am super fit, i try to be the best version of myself and be a genlteman that im proud of, i have money.
Im still single.
But llease for the love of god stop asking us to try or do this or do that. Ive been through enough heartbreak and yet I still hold out hope.
Its like telling a depressed person to just snap out of it. 😂
Please stop commenting as if it's so easy. Please?
May I ask old you are?
Really good advice!
Sincerity and humour can go very far fellas!
He's so real about the gym. In the finess world benching 225lbs or doing 10 decent successive pullups are seen as normal and basic, even though so few people in the general population can do it.
It's a small pond
For weightlifting, yes 225 and 10 pull-ups would be intermediate. But there are other athletic types, like cycling and rock-climbing that could be in monster shape for their sports but not have the universal sex appeal as a gym-goer.
What if you can’t bench 225 but you can do 10 pull-ups?
Maximize your looks. Physique. Dress sense & social skills.
Profit.
The end.
Bar is not low wtf are you talking about. If were being generous, only about half of the bottom 80% have the possibility to move into the top 20% - and that is if everything goes to plan. It still takes years, and you need to do 4 things at once. Thats not a low bar by any metric.
My problem is I like to much solitude. Many women check me out but for some reason I prefer to be alone and do deep dive into introspection and study the wisest people works throughout history, meditation sport, study current world issue n human behaviors and do art. I have to be a mental support for many people in my family. And sometimes I feel exhausted. I feel like a outcast in this modern age, and I learn to embrace solitude when involved in entertainment such as music which is full of ego driven activities sex drugs and rock n roll. I don’t mind even appreciate the idea of romance but honestly I don’t really how to found and perhaps know the kind of person that would suit me and vice versa. Perhaps Im lying to myself it feels like I could easily found someone sometimes I dunno
❤Lovely
Nerd
@@gsquared2394 thank you for your feedback
I'm in the same lifeboat as you, whatever "it" was in my teenage and earlier 20s that made me look at women is no longer there, not sure why but it's just not in me anymore.
There’s no escaping the effort. Finding a lady will require efforts. There’s no “easily find someone”, because you’ll have to carve out time and energy in your life to do it. I prefer to focus on what I enjoy, spending my time doing what gives me fulfillment and I’m not looking to trade that for finding a woman. If one finds me and wants to join in with some of my activities, that will be great, but I’m not switching gears to find her.
Saving this. Love being reminded how you jump your value a bit just by trying as so many don't or give up before they start
50% being less intelligent than average is NOT a crazy number! There is also the other half that are more intelligent. This is the definition of average!
(If you go by gauss distribution of intellifence of course)
People don't think like that. If 50% is thought of as below, then it could be only 20% is thought of as above. Think about it yourself. Many people you know you think of as average intelligence.
Actually, if you look closer at the TH-cam short, the attractiveness statement was a rating or opinion and the intelligence statement was just a factual statement.
That’s not how averages work at all
@@glitchinthematrix555 It should also not be seen as average, its called natural distribution/bell curve. It also a little bit untrue for men and women, because the biggest idiots are men, the most intelligent humans are men, the difference if you are under 80, it does not matter if you lose more points. The difference between 130 IQ and 145 on the other hand can be live changing, while the difference between 90 and 75, is not really there, because those people are considered a burden so or otherwise.
Cold approach - practice with absolutely everyone coworkers friends acquaintances etc. Learn how to make someone laugh within 20 seconds of meeting them
What's sad is that a lot of men underrate their attractiveness. I regularly see couples where the guy is either better or much better looking than the woman.
I will keep a 6/10 if she will love me 😢
@@agentnukaz1715😂😂😂😂
Lol
Sometimes, this is a power play on the man's part. I've seen women do it as well. Sometimes, it can be from insecurities, but it also can be that some people actually value other aspects of folks more than looks.
Hot women don't unanimously have loving personalities. In fact it's more often quite the opposite.
Wow, I hit all those benchmarks and still single. Though I did hear recently a gay man asked someone I know if I was single... Might be time to give up on women just to get a sliver of affection. That's what I get for wearing Prada cologne.
I'm not obsessed over relationships and women anymore. I don't have sex and I don't try to build relationships.
My goal is to open my heart, one day at a time. I quit self-help maybe 7 years ago. It's not for me. It's too disconnected from life and unnecessarily confusing.
I also naturally stay away from most women who are traumatized. I can smell trauma cuz I'm a master in it. I just stay from it and work on my peace and that's success for me. That's good enough.
I tduly appreciate your advice and encouragement sir! " But really? Just try a bit! Would that it were true! $300 on a wardrobe? in the 1970s maybe What? thats insane? What decent clothes can you buy for $300?
Exactly. £300 can't buy you a decent wardrobe. More like £3000. Good clothes are expensive.
What's a guru?
Just focus on yourself.
Well, cats outta the bag. Thanks Chris 😂
If you pass the basic looks test what you say can help in person. If you do not pass the basic looks test, no bueno
Well said brother. Stats don't matter to the individual. Just do the things and become better than yesterday
This is about as useful as "just be yourself bro"
The bar is not low. Right off the bat they want you to be over 6’ tall so that’s around 14%. If you are under that then they already think that they are settling. That’s before you looked at anything else. 85% of men or disqualified or backup plans.
You’ve just proved his point. That’s all nonsense that you see on the internet, not real life.
Don't use dating apps. Women can rarely spot the difference between a 5'10 guy and a 6'0 in real life, especially if they themselves are quite short, which a lot of women are.
Its really all about the vibe. Energy never lies
Can’t fix being short tho
Haha mad, Ive been loosing weight for 10 years on and off. I lost roughly 190 kg, got to 145 kg and started building muscle last January. Ive been going to the gym 4 days a week for the last year and have put on 25 kgs of muscle. Im at 170 kg, im smaller , fitter and healthier than ive ever been but still look like a big dude. Mad to think im in the top percentile of fitness. I like the way you think Chris. :)
Kilograms? Are those numbers accurate?
@@Justheory11b yup, stopped weighing myself at 15 after the 150 kg weight limit in a conventional scale could no longer measure my weight. Next time I got accurately weighed was in a vets when I was 24 at 280 kg, after 9 months of radical diet changes and regular exercise regiments had already began. Estimated my peak of obesity was somewhere north of 300 kg. Ballpark I'd say 330 kg cause I could leg press 330 kg for reps. Before the lockdown I never trained legs much on account of my knees being all kinds of messed up. ACL tears, cracked cartilage and arthritis to list a few issues
@@golemofgaming156Damn bro, u different. These are crazy weights to be considering. How tall are you?
@@user-go2xi7zq5q 6'2. Broad as a door too. Big shoulders and hips. Lotta scaffolding to put on the weight.
That's great! Nice work bro!
I think this is probably the best advice to be successful I have ever heard. And it applies to everything. Just try a little bit, you'll be fine!
I was trying to glean some sarcasm from your comment... but you're serious, aren't you? You're not trolling.
@@melissachartres3219Are you trolling? It's a logical principal. You only EVER need to apply minimal effort in life. Let me explain:
If you put minimal effort, it will compound itself. For isntance...
I start by running a mile. By adding minimal effort, I end up pushing myself to 1.1. miles.
Eventually, that takes no effort. So to maintain minimal effort, I increase it to 1.2 miles.
Then that becomes effortless, so I increase to 1.3.
If you're consistent and follow this metric in all things, you never need to exert tremendous effort. Because minimal effort will compound itself - eventually leading to something exemplary.
It has absolute logical precedence.
@@melissachartres3219 No, not trolling. Doing a little bit is better than doing nothing and more than the average person is doing. And it also might develop into a lot more.
@@phillystevesteak6982 Thanks for the reply. We'll agree to disagree. My philosophy is SO different from the one you espouse. For some people- it takes HERCULEAN effort just to accomplish the simplest of task and effect a tiny bit of change. Chaos and disorder are VERY easy to get... order and utility are difficult. It seems to me that you've likely had a good life and can't even wrap your head around the possibility that others struggle immensely for the tiniest of rewards. You likely enjoy good health, good education, rule of law, potable water, nutritive safe food, and honest friends/relatives. If that's the case- good for you, I say. I'm not jealous... but I REALLY don't think you're ever going to understand what it's like to be in the shoes of someone in miserable condition.
@@melissachartres3219 you've made a lot of unfounded assumptions on me. I can't take you seriously. My philosophy isn't right or wrong. If you believe it, you can make it true. If you don't, things become herculean.
But I'm going to have to end this conversation for the simple fact that you speculate without evidence. Basically, you're unreasonable
I'm about to turn 30 in May I will also be 3 years sober of alcohol too in May this year. I work out 6 days a week and take nothing but cold showers. I look younger now than I did at 25 when I was drinking and not being healthy.
This is what the internet needs - a reality check, to balance out the escalating standards and abstractions, which make the entire prospect of dating seem like a completely pointless and futile waste of time. You know how when you are sick, you know that the internet will basically convince you that you have 6 weeks to live - well it’s the same with dating when you are single.
But will getting to 6 or 7 matter to any of the women who say they're a 10?
Just try. Good advice
Lmao 6 or 7 - just shower bro haha
Nah. Most of that shit is subjective. Workout 3 days a week and be fit will get you to upper 20%. That's just the numbers. People dress shit now days. Looking like a hood banger is what's in for some stupid reason.
How to get ahead? Read a damn book. Grow your brain which will grow your finances. Hit the gym. And go talk to women in person.
Be 20% arrogant because if your doing the above things your better than 95% of women.
Legit. I've done all this, and it worked like magic.
CHARACTER.
CHARACTER.
CHARACTER.
Your character (how you represent yourself and participate in the world around you), and its subsequent reputation, is the ONLY thing that will save you.
Be honest, courageous, disciplined, responsible, and so on. With GOOD character, you will be of more value to people’s lives than 99% of all people regardless of tax bracket or appearances.
Hey my brothers? I hope everything is well. what chris said was absolutely right, try to invest on ur self to improve then everything will come to you
Im not succesfull at dating.
But if you want my advice for i guess life satisfaction on the probably the long term, then get to know yourself and learn some things.
I has brought me joy.
But i guess you could call me successful at dating. Having learned from past relationships and not trying to date just anyone for one specific superficial factor.
Taking rejection better and not pursuing too long.
I guess that counts even if im not seeing anyone rn.
The bigger problem is men finding a reason to try a little bit harder. Lots of women aren't worth the headache and neither are a lot of careers. It's a messed up system.
How about for yourself? You should be the reason to try a little harder. He’s saying work out and put some care into your wardrobe/appearance… it’s pretty simple, only a problem if you make it so.
1 year of solid effort puts you at 8, make it 5 hit 9
Thank you..I agree
Can't cope time to
I’ve got a lot going for me but can’t seem to approach a girl, even as friends
its not about the actual amount of money or looks or what you do... women anyway will look for the best. if all men will do better than anyway women will choose the best of those.
the problem is nowadays women are entitled to have the best of the best, and can make life of an average man - miserable. because she think its his fault - that he is not the best of the best, and doesn't risk everything to became such. if he risks and loose she leaves - its a trap.
Not to mention there's struggles even after getting a girl so don't just think simple stay ready to face the dust it's unavoidable, to get better success you'll have to learn to barely fail and avoid completely failing at all cost
Don’t obsess over the online profile. Go for the gut feeling, that X factor when you spend time w the person. After a few months, they should be like your best friend and communication should feel easy. If not - then y’all may not be a good fit.
Only focussing on online dating isn’t it. Speaking to real people both will increase your confidence and expose you to more people. Dating Gurus seem obscured to me. There isn’t a secret because every person is different. Just making yourself a more attractive catch should be a given anyway and really lean it what strengths you do have, expose yourself enough to people you want to date and start talking. My partner of 10 years was my best friend for 6 months then we got together. There wasn’t any secret Rizz we just vibed off each other.
Everyone can be at least a 7/10 and the things you listed is what allowes that to happen
I mean, getting better is literally the best thing you can do for yourself, dating or not.
Good point
Just .9 * .4 is 0.36 which is 3.6% of men.
"Just try a bit" Honestly, that's sound advice. The Internet has really got people f*cked up. It's actually quite sad.
This is why I like this dude
Please... I check all those boxes but I'm 5'8". Not even the little petite woman want a man under 6'0"
I only know two guys that short but both are married with kids. You can do it for sure.
@@duncan18663 Hey Duncan. Thanks for the support. I was married for over 30 years and have four kids. It just seems that now that we live in a dating app world, organic meets are way down (which I'm better with) and superficial judgement is way up. Girls are even putting in their bios, "if under 6' swipe left".
They can't tell the difference in real life though. Especially since a lot of women are under 5'6. Using dating apps is a bad idea.
Really? Maybe because I'm in Texas but I run into short kings with women all the time. They're not hurting for attention. I guess location matters.
@@dahliaherrod4301 I don't think its location. I believe its the dating culture and associated apps. When I'm out and about, doing my thing... i.e. social activities, I meet girls that like me. Most are already taken, unfortunately. Where the problem lies, is in the filters of apps which a woman applies. The shorter you are (under 6') it's less likely women will see you in the apps. As, I said above, I'm no slouch. I have my own home and keep it clean. I pay my bills. I have a good career. I'm intelligent, etc. Why do you suppose that after 6 months and numerous profile changes from woman's suggestions and NOT ONE SINGLE HIT/MATCH. All the while, most woman are sitting on so many choices for matches, they can't comprehend why I can't get one single match after six months. The only thing I can attribute it to, is my height.
You're not competing against the average man. You're competing against that one night stand that rocked her world, that rich guy who flew her out for a weekend, her friends idea of what you look like, etc.
No, that is absolutely not true. Men compete with a woman's solitude. Make her life easier, not harder. Don't treat her like your mother. Clean dishes and do laundry without being asked.
How many women do you think have been flown somewhere? Lol. Those women ARE out of your league
@@kittylover2508 Never forget that a man is nothing more than an object who has to "add value" not another human being who should be loved for who they are such as yourself.
@@V.Hansen. Id guess perhaps 20% If were talking about women over 25. how many do you think?
This is true, which is another reason to date younger. Also you should remain and virgin and only date women who are also waiting until marriage. A woman who isn't a virgin before marriage has a negative marriage value as the liklyhood for divorce is 10 times higher.
Honestly, this gave me a confidence boost.
I have a great physique , can act charismatic , finished law university, am calm and i care about my looks a lot, and my experience with women is pure hell, i can get a girl but it wont last long until it turns into madness
Maybe the reason your relationships don’t last, is you. Not the women.
@welshed everytime I hear this I always ask if woman never change
Learn either how to pick sane women, or be a sane partner. Or both.
I'm with you DarkOne. I dont have a law degree, but I have 2 bachelor's, work out 3 times a week, and always get complimented on my wardrobe by women. I can get, and have had several "mothers" (month+ long monogamous relationships), but they end short enough. When you are a man in DC or the US big or cities you have to literally check all the boxes, and do them twice to keep a woman.
😂😂😂😂😂
At the gym I always read a page of a book inbetweeen sets too
This is legit best advice
I am very career successful, high net worth, a hobby bodybuilder and nude art model. I refuse to approach a woman who I do not otherwise know so as not to get caught in their game of rejection.
Did you edit out every breath you took for a while one minute video? That seems like a lot of work. Then again going to the gym three times a week seems like a lot of work. I did get a new perspective that going to the gym is easier than we realize. Thank you.
Remember the source. None of it is bad information, but the dude is literally a model. Your results will likely vary... significantly.
Still, it's good advice.
As a woman here’s my observations:
I have also noticed a lot of guys I personally want to date are too passive/low self esteem so they don’t even ask out women they like(in a direct way with clear intention, and is also kind/respectful). They place too much of their self esteem on a handful of hot women and fear rejection(both real and imagined) that they give up. I advice would be to aim lower and shoot your shot more frequently across the board.
Additionally so many guys are so focused on “the grind” that they aren’t making space for women in their life. Physically(like having a clean home), emotionally, or time-wise. A lot of guys would rather watch endless podcasts and play video games than arrange dates with women or do hobbies that women do(volunteering, dancing, choir, etc). If they do find a girl that likes them through school or work, they can’t keep her because they aren’t honest with her, they make her chase too much, and give her too much emotional distance so she feels unhappy and unfulfilled. That or they’re misogynistic and intolerable to be around. They also have expectations that women are more promiscuous than we actually are, so many guys feel offended and withdraw if we don’t sleep with you within the first few weeks/months of knowing you. A lot of guys are so afraid of commitment that they drive away women who want to commit. My advice would be to have the courage to actually develop an emotionally vulnerable relationship with women including have honest conversations about what’s bugging you and actually listen to your partner during these discussions.
While individual women don’t find most men attractive, across the board, most men are found to be quite attractive by atleast some women. In other words you don’t have to be a “top 20%” guy to find a woman who finds you to be very hot. A lot of guys also underestimate the power of effort. For most women, consistent thoughtful effort is much more attractive than looks because most women are looking for longterm partners. We find consistent thoughtful effort to be very attractive 🥵. We want to feel beautiful, but also useful, smart, respected too. Most women consider themselves to be ugly because of messaging in our society, so don’t worry about feeling too ugly for most women, what matters is if she thinks you’re attractive and if you can make her feel attractive too(and valued for something more than her looks). Lots of woman would rather be single than deal with a guy who treats her badly so make sure you are adding to her life in ways she wants.
sane comment thank you for being reality based
Thanks for this. I do well with attracting girls. But I probably do a lot of the distancing. I guess it’s because we’ve learnt that a lot of women don’t really respond well to emotionally vulnerable guys despite what they say.
"Shoot your Shot" seems to be the theme in these threads
@@user-go2xi7zq5q i think many men’s idea of emotional vulnerability is to be an uncontrollable cry baby at the smallest thing but what women are looking for is a guy who is emotionally strong and expressive(he shares his joys, hopes, dreams, just as much as his struggles, anxieties or sadnesses). The ideal guys is able to control his anger in a way that lets his partner feel safe and makes him safe to be a father. He shares how much the woman in his life means to him with her and others. He hugs and kisses her everyday, and will do acts of service she values to demonstrate to her that he cares. Emotional safety for a woman means that she needs to feel safe AND well informed about the inner workings of her man. Then we also feel more secure if we can help him because that makes us less replaceable(since guys primarily chose women for their beauty, which superficially fades with age).
I agree with all of your first paragraph. Many men are aiming way too high, and stop after one or two rejections. If you aren't very experienced, you need to get experience by lowering your expectations and aiming lower.
I agree with most of your second paragraph. Not enough men have hobbies outside of work and video games. Many are stuck in a similar routine theyve had all their lives, and havent branched out beyond tht. This is a problem because if you are too scared to try a new hobby, tht ofcourse will translate to meeting new people and trying to get women. Get new hobbies and become competent in them, and ur confidence will go up naturally.
Tht being said, the part i hesitate to agree with is men being too emotionally unavailable. Ofcourse in some cases this is true, but the men you are describing (aiming too high, dont have hobbies, play video games, etc) are usually wayyyy too emotionally available to the women they eventually get. Some men need to be more silent and stoic.
I would also add tht the men who arent emotionally available are doing so most likely because they have been burned by being too emotionally available too quickly. We understand tht we shouldn't be completely cool all the time, and tht we need to eventually be more open, but it is a very delicate line to walk. If we are too emotionally available too quickly, its viewed as weak and unattractive, and women lose interest. We also know tht some women will exploit our vulnerability we show in future arguments, which also harms or ends the relationship.
Ill emphasize tht i dont necessarily disagree with you, but its a very thin line and im not sure we would be on the same page as far as how emotionally available men should be to women.
I agree with most of your final paragraph, except maybe "most women feel ugly because of societal standards" for several reasons.
1) Most women are attractive to most men. They might feel ugly compared to their friends or the magazines or the instagram thots, but at the end of the day they know tht most men in their lives find them somewhat attractive, so i dont think its a relevant point here.
2) Some women blame societal beauty standards instead of their own personal choices or genetics. Some women are fat and/or ugly. Society doesnt deem tht fat people are unattractive, nature does. Pretending tht pushing "plus sized acceptance" is gonna make fat women more attractive is nonsense. Society isnt to blame, their own diet is to blame.
Tht being said, some women are in fact just ugly. They got smacked with the ugly stick and are very limited on what they can do to improve tht. It sucks, but again thts not sociey's fault. There are probably somethings tht are the fault of society, but people are better off focusing on what they can do individually to look and be better, and tht goes for men and women.
damn chris, thank you for boosting my ego lool. needed that
Honestly the Internet is the worst of humanity. The better thing is to be in person. I feel like.
The internet is just humanity... and humanity is much more terrible than the average person is willing to see. It's just humans being EXACTLY who they really are... behind the electronic veil that IS the web. A drunk man's words- are a sober man's thoughts.
Would love to see you approach men
@@StillAwesome21 I used to back in the day. If I liked someone I'd let them know. I'm married now though.
@@jennapowell2278 see how successful women approaching men is? Thanks for being an example.
Probably best advice I've heard. Gj
Face, height, race. It's mostly genetics 🧬, not about effort
Face - yes and no. You can greatly improve up your face by nose breathing instead of mouth breathing.
Height - this is mostly depending on how diverse food you have been eating during early childhood, childhood and puberty. But even in adulthood you can add yourself up to even 5 cm if you make proper physical exercises and stand tall.
Race - agree, you can't change that, but people like people of all colors - if only they are attractive 😊
@@nalianalianalia Factually wrong statements about height. Height is mostly genetic. But children on a crappy western diet tend to be taller. Obese children are on average taller. Overnourishment is a bad thing and it affects both your weight and height.
@@yourdailydoseofreality3219 There was a study lasting forty years with a span of researched objects of our hundred (400) years across all races in the world. For instance, they took registered records of measurements taken from recruits in seventeenth century and compared it with their diet. They were measuring correlation between height and diet. They identified over thirty genes responsible for height, and over one hundred nutrients that impact these genes.
The general result is: the more diverse food intake is in very early childhood, then about 5-7 years of age, then around 10-13 years of age, the more those genes get activated, grow and as a consequence height increases.
Recently average height in the US not only slowed down but mostly decreased. This is attributed mainly to the very monotonous diet of children and teenagers based on fast food and sweets.
As a quick comparison: I have read somewhere that average height of an American recruit at age 19 decreased to barely 168 cm. Whilst average height of such a young male in the Netherlands is 186, Germany 185, Poland and Austria 182, Serbia 186 etc. Generally much higher than in the US.
Think of it also that way: if your family feeds you with diverse food they care for your health much more than a family living on fast food and ready-to-eat trash.
@@nalianalianalia I’m not sure what you are responding to. Nothing in your post validates your claim that height is MOSTLY based on diet. Again, it’s MOSTLY determined by genes. Any biologist knows this. And you seem to be arguing based on the false assumptions that taller height is a good thing. Taller height increases your risk of a myriad of diseases and reduces lifespan. And the western diet has been consistently linked with height, weight and chronic disease.
You contradicted yourself now. You said that western diet is consistently linked with height, weight etc. And before that you said that height is NOT depending on diet 😂😂😂😂
@yourdailydoseofreality3219
>Treating 7/10 like it’s average
Not you too, Chris…
Right? A 7 is a top ~20% guy. Far from average.
@@TheHamburgler123 I blame the grading system in America, where 65% is just passing.
Don't date online. Make friends. Meet people.
The gym comment is true. If u dont start out overweight like me or others. But i did go from a blob to muscularity decently quick.
Me, female, had a wide variety of men; tall, short, bald, long hair, etc. After the last desaster I swore to myself I won't kiss another smoker, and stay away from possesive/jaleous guys. I've been single for almost 20 years now...
And what is your advice?
Gotta save this 📥... If he has advice on where to find thinking women, as in philosophy (outside the Uni) drop the link 👇🏾
This is brilliant. Completely true.
Finally someone said it!!!
Well said, thanks mate.
Lol!!! This is so true!!!
im fit and have money still ive been single for 31 years. Beacuse i havent been confident enough. Also i kinda never meet anyone.
Yeah listening to social media is wrong.
Love this
Okay here’s my experience
I was successful
Athletic
And kind
Yes I am average looking guy but my ex cheated me with a middle age bald ugly smoker
Womens can do insane things no matter how you look or how much your earn they just go by their desires
Idk man. I just want to be a good man. I just want to be a tough and good human being.
Noble. Generous. Kind. Compassionate. Empathetic. Intelligent. Tough(mentally). Strong(mentally). Ethically sound and wise. Mentally stable. Critical Thinker. Rational. Fair. Balanced. And Honest.
And none of those things matter to a woman at first glance anymore.
Its. How many zeros do you have? And how many zeros do you eat and work out?
I dont want to be the top %. I just want to be part of the GOOD percent. I want to be a good person. And get a good woman.
$300 won't get you a wardrobe. Mist it'll get you is 1 pair of shoes, 2 shirts and 1 pants/shirts if you can find ant good deals.
Not true at all. Simple classic plain clothes that all match with each other to give variety, can be had very cheaply.
Eat healthy, read and learn, go to bed early, exercise regularly, be well groomed and decently dressed, have a couple hobbies or something to make you interesting, and suddenly you’re a 6-8 on a scale of 1-10
This has me weirdly emotional
Is divorce nota positive thing on the dating market? At least compared to married 😅
The unrealistic expectations people feel are placed on them probably come from having unrealistic expectations for the partner they want. If you want a partner who puts tons of effort in their appearance (fitness, fashion, makeup, hair, etc.) but you’re putting very little effort in yourself then it’s pretty obvious why you’d be disappointed. I think a lot of people would be shocked at how attractive they truly are if they focused inwards rather than outwards for approval. Ask yourself what makes someone else attractive to you and try to apply the fundamentals of that back on yourself. Ultimately, become your own definition of the best version of yourself, build confidence, and you will attract people who share your values.
no it doesn't, the most hopeless people typically want the least. Those who feel like there are lots of expectations for themselves typically expect less from others and those with high expectations of others typically don't apply those same standards to themselves.
A little effort goes a long way.