Helping or Enabling the Borderline?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ธ.ค. 2024
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Friday, September 25, 2021 9/25/21
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#narcissist #borderline #npd #bpd #ptsd #cptsd #healing #narcabuse #personalitydisorder #psychopathy
I learned to say no. That doesnt mean the bpd person grows from it, it just means they turn to others for help. They will always find somebody.
I always wonder what happens if one somehow can't.....
They always always have lined up
When they get old, and cant use sexual power anymore, then they end up nasty bitter hernits @@JuniorWitter-vz4mh
Extremely helpful reminders about a little thing called Reality!!! Anyone, and I mean Anyone, who is still in or has already survived your relationship with your borderline will find solid ground here. Please be patient with yourself but for the love of God ... Don't go back to your borderline!!! And consider that you might just have a smidge of Codependency! God bless
I tried to be there for her and she destroyed my life, yes pretty much all of it. I'm still hated by all my old friends. RUN! They only care if you're useful to them.
I got so happy being alone and not hearing anybody need me, boy, abandonment!? Do you not wipe your own butt? Hey you spend most your life alone. I don’t think no one has really held your hand. I stopped helping others with their problems. Best thing ever happened
I have nothing against borderlines I wish them well but if your dating a BPD in any form just go no contact.
Yes I really am learning about this ! It’s exhausting !!
You will lose parts of yourself when dating a borderline. You might not get them back. Proceed with caution.
I have been binge watching videos on this topic for the past 12 years and I just stumbled across your videos now??? I love your content and your delivery. Thank you ❤
I even told her sometimes I feel like in turning into you😮😮 AND i was an extension of her. What an experience 😶😶
When my marriage broke up my then wife asked me to come home, at this time I was living in a shared accommodation house. My wife stated she wanted me to pay for the bills and stay with her but still keep paying for the rent at the other house ( cake and eat it) this was obviously enabling bad practice. At this point regretfully I had to walk away.
Hi Trey, thank you for sharing your experience. Do you regret waking away or staying?
@@daviddemars I saw my x wife today with our two year old son I only get to see him for two hours on Saturday's, and I still love her, even though I can't trust her! But it's not a question of do I regret my walking away, I had no choice! But maybe because being with her and my son feels good, maybe there is regrets. But what would of happened if I had stayed? Thanks for asking.
Rory from beautiful balmy Ohio! Yesterday cold rainy, today sunny in the mid 70’s!! I thought acceptance meant you learned to live with it! Not so! You can walk away! Thanks David!
Hi Rory, the weather us all over the place. I alos thought loyalty means stay no matter what. Not true!
@@daviddemars Did you ever hear maybe your expectations are too high! So you lower them and are told when something goes askew maybe your expectations were too low!! All I know is I never knew when the shoe was gonna drop, if it was gonna be high or low, but it would drop!
@@rorywright5692 That is why we go by standards which are never lowered or compromised.
@@daviddemars Can a 17 or 18 year old know what their standards are, or are those formed during a big part of your 20’s?
It is amazing how you describe my past-marriage. Divorced… now … but, most of your videos I watch about BPD-- you have read a page from my diary.
You described how my stbx family treat him. Like a fragile child constantly in need of saving. Never allowing him to grow up, take responsibility for themselves nor deal with the consequences of his action. his family are extremely disordered. Substance abuse, alcoholism, schizophrenia, cluster b disorders, eating disorders you name it. He is forever the victim who is wronged whenever I set boundaries and say no to the abuse. Then I get accused of being controlling, abusive and having a personality disorder and projected upon. It's exhausting
Wow yess simethung similar here. Exhausting can't find a way out yet.
Your videos have freed me from so many insecurities that I had developed from dealing with a close “friend” that has BPD. She checks every box and was really good at being a great friend before things inevitably go bad and the cycle never ends. I would have saved myself so much stress, time, worrying and really bad self talk had I known about this before. Why are these BPD women so damn beautiful tho???
Ive watched all your videos & thank you so much you have helped me understand & recover. Was in a relationship for 4 years with someone with BPD & I have never been so confused in my life. Your videos have literally saved my own mental health
Hello David! What a great video! Lots of useful info! Thank you! I used to live with alcoholic narcissist for 12 years. I was afraid to talk to him regarding my feelings: I had constant thought that he is going to laugh at me, ridicule, gaslight and shame me. He used to do these thins to me even in front of our friends. Awful! Currently 16 months no contact. Thanks again David for all you do for us! 💓
Thank you David . Very good advice for those with borderlines ! I know what I'm talking about and you opened my eyes back when I was stuck. Thank you 🙏
Hey David, David from Kanata (CAn-A-Ta) Canada, thanks for this video, very informative and as always eye opening. I have healed and grown so much since breaking up with my last PD person. Yet there is still so much to heal and grow thank you for your on-going dedication to the people (me included) that are growing and healing. As a community we can grow and heal.
I understand that a healthy relationship goes two ways. That the two people should be putting in the same effort. What would you say about the relationship between a Parent and an adult child (30) with BPD? I have taken a step back from my daughter because I am physically, mentally and financially drained. Her life is always in crisis and she expects me to be on call to pick up the pieces. Or drive her everywhere, or give her money all the time etc.. if she doesn’t get her way she uses emotional blackmail. There is always a looming threat over my head that there will be trouble if I rock the boat. I’m always walking on eggshells around her. Anyway, I realized one day that all her relationships are one sided, and that includes with me. She has never done anything for me as an adult. She is completely self absorbed. I guess I always thought that with your child obviously it’s not going to be balanced when they’re a child but once they grow up should it be? I only ever heard from her when she wanted something.
She's an adult and needs to take care of herself and once there is abuse in a relationship, its over.
Why are people with BPD so alluring? They know how to get to your soul.
8:11
You can make a good compromise in that particular situation, going shopping together for camping stuff.😅
I'm also Steve and this video was made for me even though I am not the original Steve this is for lol🤷🏻♂️ greetings from Metro Detroit! Keep em coming sir cuz my situation with my undiagnosed is only getting worse! I'm hoping she doesn't lie about the marks she put on herself and calling the police. I've already spoken to the fuzz and it's not their first time dealing with her delusions. Everything you have said in your videos has either came true or is coming true I have a 3 1/2 year old son with her since I've been parentified it's near impossible to get rid of her. The more that I push the more the fear of abandonment goes up and the more severe the accusations and paranoia get and I am in fear of losing my freedom because of her lack of diagnosis and extreme level of denial
This is an excellent video. Extremely informative. It’s made me realise the women I was involved with, although is a lovely person, sometimes did cold things based entirely on feeling abandoned. I think she’s an undiagnosed quiet borderline with ptsd and anxiety.
So spot on..Subscribed 🤗
Welcome to the channel!
Spot on. Thank you David.
Good stuff. Highly relatable
Paid for trips, outings, dressed her up head to toe, gave her all the love in the world, every time she came back she seemed to have realized things and made promises that seemed legitimate but 2 months down the road it was always the same thing, she felt engulfed and ran away, usually to the same old narcissist loser until he got her in trouble, then she would come back. So heartbreaking, made me feel like a total idiot simp. I'm drained and have a hard time functioning 3rd time around
Really appreciate this comment - been there man, and you're talking like a decent everyday dude that wanted to be a solid boyfriend. The leaving for narcissist losers is the worst. She left me, got knocked up by this guy 3 weeks later... that's the final nail in the coffin for her, her life is over. She's a single mom of two - soon to be three, with two different baby daddies. I'm beyond lucky I didn't have kids with her. She's gorgeous, but completely self imploded when she left me lol.
The guy she had the kid with now ran away and is furious she won't terminate the pregnancy.
Future faking. That shit is crazy making and rough. All the power to you bro
I found out schizotypal pd can be confused for a borderline. The difference is... they prefer to be alone and away from people. Plus schizotypal doesn't sleep around. No trusting but maybe 1 family member. It happens when abuse is so severe they won't trust one single person out in the open. Ever. It's from having cluster b parents or someone within the family has schizophrenia. It's extremely debilitating. That truly breaks my heart.
Hi Beth, all three are linked together, schizophrenia, schizotypal, and borderline. Major difference is both seek attachment but schizotypal has such odd behavior they push people away without awareness of it.
@@daviddemars - Thank you for clarifying that. :)
@@bethcollier220 Thank you Beth!
Omg this describes my stbx to a T wow 😮
You're confused with schizoid. Shizotyoal wants attachment but unknowingly push people away with odd behaviors.
Are borderline personality disorder those people who live in bed and expect to be served in bed? Like the obese people on my six hundred pound life.
I've always heard them on the ER floor way in the past is being the "frequent flyers". These are the narcissist. They believe that the world owes them something. Theyll try to run the nurses to death. Acting like they fractured an eyelash and it's a fire truck emergency. Got a purse full of pills.. you can hear I'm walking down the hallway shaking. Claiming to be so sick and they're not. This is where the top of the line drugs come into play to shut them up. Haldol and thorazine. Telling obese narcissist they need to lose weight.. they're not they're going to put it to the floor and keep on. Most people don't realize narcissist will reach the maximum weight for the BMI and receive a full medical ride from the government. They get paid for being obese so they can complain to the nurses. It's been a plethora of doctors that will fire these patients. My bedside manner with patients like that is none. Keep a straight face... light straight forward conversation... do your job in and out.
Borderlines more than likely will tend to run to psych. They don't know what's going on... they want help. I would think borderlines would work well in a controlled environment to learn how to live. These would be the ones on the low spectrum. Any of the rest of them and own up to psychopath there's nothing they can do.
Have a great day!
Hi Willa! They could be, I wouldn't know? Don't watch the show and I am sure there is more to it than just BPD?
@@bethcollier220 Hi Beth, you are speaking of Munchausens syndrome, commonly in cluster b disorders, most are histrionic.
@@daviddemars - Thank you. Burn out in nursing is quite common due to this behavior with those things. I walked away from human pharmacy. Jumped into veterinary pharmacy and loved it. Crap pay but a good environment. When a patient is sick...it's for real. Don't get me wrong...I've had to cry by myself many times due to losing patients. However...on the flip side....laughter and nothing but joy also.
@@bethcollier220 You see it too. These are self centered narcissist who feels the world should cater to them. These obese people NEED enablers because all they can do is lay in bed and give orders.
Hi David
Im going to the internship soon but I don’t know how to protect myself emotionally, I don’t know anything. All that I know is how to run away or hide, if people want to they can wipe me out and there is nothing I would be able to do, because I don’t know how to defend myself.
Why cant' I learn to manipulate people into taking care of me the way I've taken care of others who manipulated me?
Why cant I get on this gravy train?
I mean, I understand the theory, but why can't I execute?
I cant sell either, tried several times, took sales training, read books...flopped every time.
Any insights into that?
Manipulation is a learned behavior. If your parents didn’t manipulate then you didn’t learn it. Consider yourself blessed.
Hi David
Hope it is going well with you.
I have these symptoms not sure if they are C-ptsd.
Stomach pain. Difficulty sleeping at night. Out of breath feeling. Pain just below chest. Restlessness. Difficulty sitting still and relax, want to constantly do something. Difficulty to sit still to study. Shame anxiety. Upper shoulders tension. Jaw tension. Ear pain.Dizziness.
Wow man. I just got out of a Narcopath relationship. I feel some of the things you're saying. I definitely don't feel like I did when I got love bombed 2 years ago. 😮😮
David... Ohhh .. :/ I know I mentioned once I was not even sure how our behaviors affect anyone else but us ... That sorta clarified that..
Hi Becca, you are increasing your awareness and I think it comes from accepting it first, being mindful of what you are doing and empathy.
Accurate !
Can narc abuse cause Their victims to end up having BPD? If yes than not all those who suffer are Narcs right ?
Hello, BPD is developed in childhood and many from narcissistic parents. Does that answer your question?
@@daviddemars so if it’s developed in childhood , this may have occurred due to abuse or domestic violence in the house. So when kids witness this , do they than end up with BPD?
I think that’s very possible. I also think that many who are subjected to malignant narcissist can develop PTSD or CPTSD and the latter has many characteristics in common with BPD. no question being subjected to any narcissistic treatment can be highly traumatic and take a long time to recover from.
There's something genetic in bpd. Many were abused when children of course because one of both of their parents had mental deseases or severe personality disorders, which are the same, severe personality disorders are serious mental deseases. Some of them had normal parents and anyway developed bpd or other serious mental condition because the grandmother or grandfather, and more members of the family tree, had schizophrenia, bipolarity, psychopathy or bpd.
@@evav465 looks like research shows there is definitely a hereditary element to it
So apparently even the most skilled therapists with expertise in treating BPD have been unable to get through to some people with BPD.
How can a narcissist step parent turn two beautiful open loving girls into the exact carbon copy of him if only in their lives for 4 years? I know he did it he said to them very early on I'm going to show you how your mother should be treated and I'm going to show you what it's like to have a dad as their father who I was married to for 17 years was in prison for domestic violence against me. Told me he was going to help me raise my daughters they were nine and twelve when he entered their lives by the time he left their lives four years later they are his exact carbon copy. Cold calculating manipulative Liars who claimed he put in their mind to take my life and in a roundabout way they have tried we are estranged right now they tell me they know right from wrong and that they have done wrong and continue to do wrong but they don't stop. They play one against the other keep me divided from everyone else in their life so that I don't tell these people the truth. They continue to lie about me lie to me constantly and are always hurting me in one form or another. They have been abusive to me in every form of abuse including physical. I want to know who is it that I could get them to go with me and speak to to find out if he has done this to them in some way my oldest has been inpatient they say she has bipolar but others looking and say borderline. The youngest has been impatient but she has never told the truth. The truth of the things they did it's just horrific I still suffer nightmares and I lost everything my home my car friends my family almost my life I kept staying I was trauma bonded no doubt but also to my own detriment tried to get them the help that they so desperately need. Is this a lost cause or is there someone out there that can help so I can get my family back together?
Hello Barbara, thank you for sharing your experience! I have 2 daughters, too. I have been living with alcoholic narcissist for 12 years and asked him to leave my house when girls where 7 and 11. Today I am forming a new romantic relationship, but unfortunately my oldest daughter does not trust men. We are going to therapist almost 2 years now. 🌻
I'm sorry. Children are very maluable, be careful who you allow into their lives. Their rela Father has made an impact too.
Hey is there a way that I can contact you personally? I'm going to court against my ex who I believe has BPD... I need your advice on how to approach it. Do you have an email by any chance?
I am about to go to trial over my diagnosed bpd ex wife domestic violence order she put against me. It's all lies. I have put cease and desist notices against her for defamation, she has threaten suicide, put our 2 year old in hospital during an episode. Let me give you this piece of advice. When it comes to court. They don't fight fair, they lie in court and to police and lawyers the same as they lie to you. I lived it for 10 years. Fight fire with fire when it comes to court. Absolutely scorched earth. Get her medical records, get everything. And STOP feeling sorry for them. When you are in court with them, they look so innocent etc. You might even fall for it. Honestly I have researched bpd trying to help my ex for years, seen clinical psychologists purely for the reason to learn more. I know alot about bpd. Alot ! Prepare yourself mentally, prepare for her to lie, use your good against you and everything in between. Fight fire with fire. Otherwise you will lose. Just prepare yourself.
What should I’d if my marriage age is 21 year.leave my husband or help him?!
Hire professional help for just you.
People don’t want to go to work without their spouse? What? Wait a minute, now boredom is borderline? Yall way out there for me. I asked them what the hell is wrong with them. Its not your problem if they are not your spouse. You should not even open yourself up to listen to someone else say that they are going to kill themselves. We all going to die. You don’t do stress
Hard to know what you're saying but who said boredom is BPD? Must have been someone else.
Interesting. What about autism and BPD!
My ex wife is diagnosed BPD and her son ( my Step-son) is autistic. They are enmeshed in a very toxic way. She practically treats him like a mini husband. A common thing I see with single parents. Me on the other hand, Took a 700 page questionnaire all to discover that I have major depressive disorder. My wife told me I was a narcissist so I went and got tested. I'm not. 😂. However, my depression can cause me to want more distance than usual and this triggered her BPD ( fear of abandonment issues). By the time I figured all this out it was to late! She left me and took my step-son and daughter. My ex-wife needs some serious DBT or therapy also.
Long story short to everyone in the comment below. Stop calling people things if your NOT A PROFESSIONAL.