Just saying, this is one of the nicest comment section on TH-cam. Usually, everyone is respectful, and listen to what others have to say. It gives me a bit of hope. It reminds me of old "discussions forums" on MSN or another forum I'm often participating in about "vintage electronic restauration and repair" where everyone try to be helpful and share what they know. I'm just putting it here.
Hi David. Susan from Minnesota. I recently opened up to some family about my dark past. For them it was how did this happen right in front of our eyes and we didn't see it. For me it was regurgitating trauma. I was hoping for some kind of relief /release.. I know you are big on talk therapy, I totally understand it works for many. Where is the the balance? You are a major blessing.
Thank you, for taking the time to answer my question David. I appreciate all of the information you provide for your viewers who are struggling with PTSD from these toxic relationships. I agree, with what you said and it is my responsibility to heal from this and I will.
Hearing you say it is making me doubt my friend even more!! I got an explanation and then she said "I would love to be on your channel" but I agree, all wayyy too coincidental ! I certainly won't be rushing out to see either of those 2 girls! Lots of people can't accept me now that I'm finally being myself so I don't need them!❤👌
7:20 pay attention to how they make you feel, not how you feel about them. "emotions stay open until you express them" This has to be one of your most helpful videos! Paul in Mexico City.
Thank you again David! 24 min in really starting hit hard for me. It's the trauma bonding that's so hard to break. The good memories are not so hard now to disregard so much as the traumatic things she said and did to demean my most inner self that I allowed her to see. The personal attacks and being made to feel guilt with my most inner life desires, fears, weaknesses, dreams and even family results outside my control is a very deepnlevel of sadness on a next level... I'm doing better, but its a up and down process. The ruminating sucks. Even though i know she is absolutely terrible for me..with not only you David but even a colleague who has BPD telling me to "run for yo mutha-fkn life!!" I'm getting there. Thanks again David.
Yeah it's addictive. David will surely explain it better, but there's a very biological reason why. But I know it's very addictive, and the even in the firsts months you're with that person, it feel right, and you get attached very quickly, and when they let the mask slip, it's already too late, and it's very hard to leave. Wish you the best.
32.05… perfectly said. Accept them for who they are BUT don’t accept them into your life. Vs accepting them into your life while not accepting them for who they are and wanting them to change.
Hi David, thank you for your answer. You have given me an answer I can truly work with. I hoped for an apple, but I received the whole bag of it. I'll take some time to think through what you said, let it sink in, and practise my new responses. Also, plenty of good stuff in other answers too, I've taken notes. Thank you again for answering. I appreciate that very much. I'm on channels like yours and making progress with what people like yourself share with us. Despite my disappointing experience with in person professional help (I felt that they didn't believe me or were simply uninterested, which is damaging when you look for help) and lack of funds, I didn't want to give up on myself. I'm very grateful for channels and blogs like this. I don't think I would've healed as much as I have mentally or physically without access to it. Even GP's (doctors) have no time to listen to you to help you. You need $Thanks button under your videos so people like me can show appreciation for your help. Thank you, David. M from UK.
Yeah, it's crazy when, even if you're the one who pay, like I did because it takes too much time in the public healthcare system, to be told that you're making stuff up. Or a good friend who you open up to, only to be told that they would need proofs, because it can't happens to 1 person. It definitely can and do happens. I don't want any pity or attention, just to be listen to and be taken seriously. It's not because I'm not crying and screaming that I (we) makes stuff up. It's extremely damaging and it feel like these events shouldn't be a concern.
Hi David, Thanks for your thoughtfull answer and for taking the time to read my very long comment last week. That's what I will do. I'll find a professional here and will talk about it. I might write all on a paper than have the professional to read it, because I'm not very good at talking, I'm better at writing. I think the reason why the last time the psychologist didn't believe me is that I didn't express any emotions. (Physically). I just told her my stories like it was some kind of anecdote, but didn't display any kind of emotions. So I will write them instead. Maybe I'll have more luck. I'm not ready to speak about it with my girlfriend, it will be 4 years we're together very soon. And for now, it's the best thing that happened in my life besides my kids obviously. Strangely, I met her at the hospital after I got the transplant. I was buying something at the cafétéria (because hospital food isn't always very good) and since there wasn't any seat left, I sat with her. We spend almost 1 hour talking together until she told me she had to go back to work (she has normal clothes at the time) and I told her: "I'm in the room 3356, I won't go anywhere for few days, so you can find me there if you want to talk more" as some kind of a joke. But to my suprise, she came to my room the next day, this time, in working clothes during her lunch. I never asked her what was her job, but I read her ID card, and it was a bit intimidating. She's a doctor. I thought she might be a technician, a nurse, or anything else but à doctor... really? I think it's the first time in my life I was intimidated by a woman. But it didn't last long. And the rest is history. She's a wonderful person, very mature, thoughtfull, educated, very mentally healthy, and we have a lot of stuff in common, we both love nature, skiing, camping, trekking, music, reading books, that's why we talk a lot together. I've never felt any kind of pressure, never felt rushed either. I can be myself. Finally. We didn't do bedroom stuff until few months, because it could have been dangerous for me, and we weren't officially together until after that. 4 months to wait. It was long but I'm glad we did wait. So we had plenty of time to know each other well before getting more serious, that's how it should be. I think I've never be in an healthy relationship like this since the mother of my kids. She raised my self esteem à lot about my capacity to find someone who don't have any disorders, because despite I've never asked, she told me, freely, that I was the most courageous person she ever met in her life. And since she met a lot of people, it's saying something I guess. (I was only at the hospital for 5 days after the transplant, that was a record time at the time and it still stand to this day. So I have the bragging rights for that 😅) She met me at my worse, (physically) and still found something she like, was interested in, and wanted to know more about who I was. And that alone mean a lot to me. It's nice to have someone who appreciate who you are right away. I do attract people with BPD, but now, I know how to recognise the signs very early on. The point of telling the story above is that yeah, I tend to attract them, but I do attract perfectly fine people too. That's why I don't want to complain too much, I'm not better than anybody else, I'm just more lucky: lucky to be alive and well, lucky to have a wonderful family, and lucky to meet people who I get along well with without difficulty. I'm very greatfull and shouldn't let bad expériences, as bad as they were, taking that away from me. Keep doing these videos. They're very helpful to me and to a lot of people. My real name is Martin, it's my real name, so I won't tell my full name here, it might be easier next time. Thank you again.
NEUROFEEDBACK THERAPY!!! It helped me in so many ways with my PTSD. It helps you train your brain to be outward thinking instead of inward , definitely shiuld look into that with anyone suffering
I never heard about this, but I happens to have a good friend of mine that is a psychiatrist, so next time we talk, I'll surely ask him about it. He can't treat me because I know him for a long time, but he must know that type of therapy. That might be useful.
Hey David. William from Alberta Canada here. You often talk about how you’ve fully healed from past traumas and negative experiences in your life. Could you go into a little more detail about what being healed means to you. What does being healed look like in a persons life? I assume from time to time your mind thinks about people who have caused you past trauma. Does being fully healed mean that you no longer have any negative emotions tied to that person and the trauma they caused? Thanks David. Have a great week!
Imo, these pains we gather along the way. They are just lessons, since pain is unfortunately the best teacher. Especially when you're naive, like me. And through naivity you put trust, into wrong people, you open yourself to the wrong people, you love the wrong people. But all of these, lessons. But not lessons to close yourself to the world, because the world is not defined by the bad people or experiences from our past. Give the world a chance but, don't forget the lessons and choose wisely. 3 AM here, can't sleep so I guess my plans to watch the video in the morning have failed. Will keep on watching tonight 😄
@ Great to see you, El Leonard! Enjoyed Thanksgiving! Especially spending time with family! Went shopping on Friday to some outlet stores! So many people. Reminded me why I don’t usually go the day after Thanksgiving! But I got to go with my daughters family! Enjoy your week! ❤️
@@rorywright5692 Thank you and really good to see you too!! So very glad you had done and had gotten to spend time with your loved ones. It is a busy time and would be a lots of people shopping. I don't blame you. Look after yourself! ❤
Hi Rory, I've read your comment on my very long story last week. Thanks for reading the whole thing and for the answer. I appreciate greatly when someone take the time to read. I hope you're doing good this week! Now I'll go back to work, my break time is over 😅
Gonna start with my name. You've said it completely fine, tho it was better in the previous week ahaha. I do actually love how it sounds when Americans say! It's like "Kos-meen". I think comes from the Greek "Cosmo". You're completely right David regarding my question... Observing the relation as it was. The breakups were used basically to sink in the hooks harder(the times I've experienced the first time in my life panic attacks...). So the manipulations and the full aresenal can be used... I was ignorant of plenty, VERY IGNORANT and also, weak, to not enforce the boundary of keeping the relation as a case closed, each time she broke up(LESSON LEARNED). I saw all the bad signs and my gut was screaming...Yet, I've found my soulmate, right? HA! Anyways, all of that led to me being powerless and afraid, quite afraid. After the self multilation episodes from her and continuous suicide threats...It went worse and worse until yeah, felt inhuman, empty, too drained for anything, just a crackhead wanting the toxicity with no self worth.... Never did drugs, but the withdrawals to me are just like those from smokes, but much worse, yet very similar. Tho, I'm getting better, this week was rather worse than the previous one, but I'm aware, the journey is not linear at all. Had a curious experience, two days ago, the whole night of "sleep", felt like I was awake, waking up continously from dreams, well nightmares kept going until I woke up for good. But the dreams felt, yeah like I was fully awake...Weird as hell... Trying to keep busy with work, reading and working out, to not go insane, I'm not already 😄... Thank you once again David, much appreciated!
Just saying, this is one of the nicest comment section on TH-cam. Usually, everyone is respectful, and listen to what others have to say. It gives me a bit of hope.
It reminds me of old "discussions forums" on MSN or another forum I'm often participating in about "vintage electronic restauration and repair" where everyone try to be helpful and share what they know. I'm just putting it here.
Hi David. Susan from Minnesota. I recently opened up to some family about my dark past. For them it was how did this happen right in front of our eyes and we didn't see it.
For me it was regurgitating trauma. I was hoping for some kind of relief /release.. I know you are big on talk therapy, I totally understand it works for many.
Where is the the balance? You are a major blessing.
Thank you, for taking the time to answer my question David. I appreciate all of the information you provide for your viewers who are struggling with PTSD from these toxic relationships. I agree, with what you said and it is my responsibility to heal from this and I will.
Yes you will Stephanie!
Hearing you say it is making me doubt my friend even more!! I got an explanation and then she said "I would love to be on your channel" but I agree, all wayyy too coincidental ! I certainly won't be rushing out to see either of those 2 girls! Lots of people can't accept me now that I'm finally being myself so I don't need them!❤👌
7:20 pay attention to how they make you feel, not how you feel about them. "emotions stay open until you express them" This has to be one of your most helpful videos! Paul in Mexico City.
Thank you again David! 24 min in really starting hit hard for me. It's the trauma bonding that's so hard to break. The good memories are not so hard now to disregard so much as the traumatic things she said and did to demean my most inner self that I allowed her to see. The personal attacks and being made to feel guilt with my most inner life desires, fears, weaknesses, dreams and even family results outside my control is a very deepnlevel of sadness on a next level... I'm doing better, but its a up and down process. The ruminating sucks. Even though i know she is absolutely terrible for me..with not only you David but even a colleague who has BPD telling me to "run for yo mutha-fkn life!!"
I'm getting there.
Thanks again David.
Yeah it's addictive. David will surely explain it better, but there's a very biological reason why. But I know it's very addictive, and the even in the firsts months you're with that person, it feel right, and you get attached very quickly, and when they let the mask slip, it's already too late, and it's very hard to leave. Wish you the best.
32.05… perfectly said. Accept them for who they are BUT don’t accept them into your life. Vs accepting them into your life while not accepting them for who they are and wanting them to change.
Hi David, thank you for your answer. You have given me an answer I can truly work with. I hoped for an apple, but I received the whole bag of it. I'll take some time to think through what you said, let it sink in, and practise my new responses. Also, plenty of good stuff in other answers too, I've taken notes. Thank you again for answering. I appreciate that very much.
I'm on channels like yours and making progress with what people like yourself share with us. Despite my disappointing experience with in person professional help (I felt that they didn't believe me or were simply uninterested, which is damaging when you look for help) and lack of funds, I didn't want to give up on myself. I'm very grateful for channels and blogs like this. I don't think I would've healed as much as I have mentally or physically without access to it. Even GP's (doctors) have no time to listen to you to help you. You need $Thanks button under your videos so people like me can show appreciation for your help. Thank you, David. M from UK.
Yeah, it's crazy when, even if you're the one who pay, like I did because it takes too much time in the public healthcare system, to be told that you're making stuff up.
Or a good friend who you open up to, only to be told that they would need proofs, because it can't happens to 1 person. It definitely can and do happens. I don't want any pity or attention, just to be listen to and be taken seriously. It's not because I'm not crying and screaming that I (we) makes stuff up. It's extremely damaging and it feel like these events shouldn't be a concern.
Hi David, Thanks for your thoughtfull answer and for taking the time to read my very long comment last week.
That's what I will do. I'll find a professional here and will talk about it.
I might write all on a paper than have the professional to read it, because I'm not very good at talking, I'm better at writing.
I think the reason why the last time the psychologist didn't believe me is that I didn't express any emotions. (Physically). I just told her my stories like it was some kind of anecdote, but didn't display any kind of emotions. So I will write them instead. Maybe I'll have more luck.
I'm not ready to speak about it with my girlfriend, it will be 4 years we're together very soon.
And for now, it's the best thing that happened in my life besides my kids obviously.
Strangely, I met her at the hospital after I got the transplant.
I was buying something at the cafétéria (because hospital food isn't always very good) and since there wasn't any seat left, I sat with her. We spend almost 1 hour talking together until she told me she had to go back to work (she has normal clothes at the time) and I told her:
"I'm in the room 3356, I won't go anywhere for few days, so you can find me there if you want to talk more" as some kind of a joke.
But to my suprise, she came to my room the next day, this time, in working clothes during her lunch.
I never asked her what was her job, but I read her ID card, and it was a bit intimidating.
She's a doctor. I thought she might be a technician, a nurse, or anything else but à doctor... really?
I think it's the first time in my life I was intimidated by a woman. But it didn't last long. And the rest is history.
She's a wonderful person, very mature, thoughtfull, educated, very mentally healthy, and we have a lot of stuff in common, we both love nature, skiing, camping, trekking, music, reading books, that's why we talk a lot together. I've never felt any kind of pressure, never felt rushed either. I can be myself. Finally.
We didn't do bedroom stuff until few months, because it could have been dangerous for me, and we weren't officially together until after that. 4 months to wait. It was long but I'm glad we did wait.
So we had plenty of time to know each other well before getting more serious, that's how it should be.
I think I've never be in an healthy relationship like this since the mother of my kids.
She raised my self esteem à lot about my capacity to find someone who don't have any disorders, because despite I've never asked, she told me, freely, that I was the most courageous person she ever met in her life. And since she met a lot of people, it's saying something I guess.
(I was only at the hospital for 5 days after the transplant, that was a record time at the time and it still stand to this day. So I have the bragging rights for that 😅)
She met me at my worse, (physically) and still found something she like, was interested in, and wanted to know more about who I was.
And that alone mean a lot to me. It's nice to have someone who appreciate who you are right away. I do attract people with BPD, but now, I know how to recognise the signs very early on.
The point of telling the story above is that yeah, I tend to attract them, but I do attract perfectly fine people too.
That's why I don't want to complain too much, I'm not better than anybody else, I'm just more lucky: lucky to be alive and well, lucky to have a wonderful family, and lucky to meet people who I get along well with without difficulty.
I'm very greatfull and shouldn't let bad expériences, as bad as they were, taking that away from me.
Keep doing these videos. They're very helpful to me and to a lot of people.
My real name is Martin, it's my real name, so I won't tell my full name here, it might be easier next time.
Thank you again.
NEUROFEEDBACK THERAPY!!! It helped me in so many ways with my PTSD. It helps you train your brain to be outward thinking instead of inward , definitely shiuld look into that with anyone suffering
I never heard about this, but I happens to have a good friend of mine that is a psychiatrist, so next time we talk, I'll surely ask him about it. He can't treat me because I know him for a long time, but he must know that type of therapy. That might be useful.
Hey David. William from Alberta Canada here.
You often talk about how you’ve fully healed from past traumas and negative experiences in your life. Could you go into a little more detail about what being healed means to you. What does being healed look like in a persons life?
I assume from time to time your mind thinks about people who have caused you past trauma. Does being fully healed mean that you no longer have any negative emotions tied to that person and the trauma they caused?
Thanks David. Have a great week!
Great question, thank you William!
Imo, these pains we gather along the way. They are just lessons, since pain is unfortunately the best teacher. Especially when you're naive, like me. And through naivity you put trust, into wrong people, you open yourself to the wrong people, you love the wrong people. But all of these, lessons. But not lessons to close yourself to the world, because the world is not defined by the bad people or experiences from our past. Give the world a chance but, don't forget the lessons and choose wisely.
3 AM here, can't sleep so I guess my plans to watch the video in the morning have failed. Will keep on watching tonight 😄
I hope you got some sleep. Unhealed trauma causes shame.
Hello, David! Can always count on great Q&A Mondays! Thanks again! 😎❤️
Hello! Rory.
So true!!
Hope that you had a really enjoyable "Thanks Giving" Holiday.
Take care ❤
@ Great to see you, El Leonard! Enjoyed Thanksgiving! Especially spending time with family! Went shopping on Friday to some outlet stores! So many people. Reminded me why I don’t usually go the day after Thanksgiving! But I got to go with my daughters family! Enjoy your week! ❤️
@@rorywright5692 Thank you and really good to see you too!!
So very glad you had done and had gotten to spend time with your loved ones.
It is a busy time and would be a lots of people shopping.
I don't blame you.
Look after yourself!
❤
Hi Rory, I've read your comment on my very long story last week. Thanks for reading the whole thing and for the answer. I appreciate greatly when someone take the time to read. I hope you're doing good this week!
Now I'll go back to work, my break time is over 😅
Gonna start with my name. You've said it completely fine, tho it was better in the previous week ahaha. I do actually love how it sounds when Americans say! It's like "Kos-meen". I think comes from the Greek "Cosmo".
You're completely right David regarding my question... Observing the relation as it was. The breakups were used basically to sink in the hooks harder(the times I've experienced the first time in my life panic attacks...). So the manipulations and the full aresenal can be used...
I was ignorant of plenty, VERY IGNORANT and also, weak, to not enforce the boundary of keeping the relation as a case closed, each time she broke up(LESSON LEARNED). I saw all the bad signs and my gut was screaming...Yet, I've found my soulmate, right? HA! Anyways, all of that led to me being powerless and afraid, quite afraid. After the self multilation episodes from her and continuous suicide threats...It went worse and worse until yeah, felt inhuman, empty, too drained for anything, just a crackhead wanting the toxicity with no self worth....
Never did drugs, but the withdrawals to me are just like those from smokes, but much worse, yet very similar.
Tho, I'm getting better, this week was rather worse than the previous one, but I'm aware, the journey is not linear at all. Had a curious experience, two days ago, the whole night of "sleep", felt like I was awake, waking up continously from dreams, well nightmares kept going until I woke up for good. But the dreams felt, yeah like I was fully awake...Weird as hell...
Trying to keep busy with work, reading and working out, to not go insane, I'm not already 😄...
Thank you once again David, much appreciated!
Thank you Cosmin! Tell your story and have support so you dont do this alone.
Yep I have Hashimoto's too
No one cares about their wishes and delusional things
I think you try to make money with victims and that is disgusting. You want 99$ for 1 hour and you are not even a psychologist.