I spent 2.5 years with someone like this. I started smoking cigarettes again, chronically biting my nails, stopped working out, constant headaches, my hair was falling out. I just did not look or feel good anymore. I lost my motivation for everything. I am three months out now and I quit smoking, my nails are growing and my hair is growing back, I’m back at the gym and I have my motivation back again.
Thank you. I am only about a month - 6 weeks removed from the BPD I was with. I have worked out my entire life and I am 54 yrs old. It was my best hobby. Meathead gyms were my safe space. Lol! A month after I met this person, I was walking on egg shells, started drinking ( secretly) again, was using and smoking weed, ( for those who do, I'm sorry it never was my thing!) And I was getting calls from my gym mates. ( " where you at? Ain't seen ya, worried about ya." ) I dropped the the weed a week before the breakup. The drinking and getting back in the gym has been a bit harder. Reading your comment gives me hope.
That's also me! I started smoking again because of the stress. At the time I thought it was work, but actually it the anxiety of her, that I couldn't carry her like I was. It's really weird when you leave that type of relationship, your eyes just open up.
Going through a divorce now with a borderline. I feel bad for her. I begged her to stay and offered her anything I could to fix it. Ultimately she had already started moving on with other guys she told me. I was hurt for the first two weeks. I reached out to try to get closure or understanding and then she told me how I was so controlling, manipulative, immature, selfish, uncaring, ect. After that text I realized that she just was so unhinged at that point and realized that there isn’t anything anyone could have done to help her or save the marriage. I realized that either she or myself was actually not mentally well, and I think through therapy and talking with family and friends it’s safe to say I am a pretty stable person. After accepting the fact that she was gone and there was nothing I could do and the fact that everything became clear with the marriage and that I was innocent and she had been honestly abusing me for the past few years, I realized that I’m happier being alone now than I have been in years with her. I’ve been enjoying guitar and gym again. I’m not dreading every single day when I wake up. And the biggest difference is I don’t have extreme anxiety anymore that had been gradually getting worse over the last few years. I still care for her and hope she gets better mentally because there is a version of her that I adore, but I’ve been so much happier without her. Even family and friends have pointed out how they feel like they have me back and even more importantly I feel like I have me back again.
I'm sorry for your loss and how your marriage ended. I appreciate your comment for telling people you got some help and love yourself again. Thanks Matt and good luck with future relationships.
.. hey Rocker! ..breathe out a long exhale then go out and get yourself your dream guitar AND that amp! you've earned it! Play John Waite (back on my feet again) sooo loud it burns your neighbor's lawn! You'll never stop smiling...
Hi David, great video. I particularly identified with the anger and rage part since my BPD was male. Terrifying! Only absolutely no contact helps you find yourself again.
hello ralph, thank you very much for your support and understanding. A big difference between female and male victims of BPD is that as a woman you have to fear not only for your mental health but also for your physical wellbeing. As a woman, you are always weaker than any man. The impact of fear of life is often forgotten in the discussion about victims of male BPD.
I can relate to this a lot. I feel for my ex, but the situation seems completely hopeless. You just can't have a stable relationship with a borderline. There's always a new crisis or problem. Always walking on eggshells. For what?
Indeed. It's like trying to rescue somebody from drowning but they trying to pull you under water. Lose lose situation. I knew i loved her, but that doesnt make things better by it self. Had to detach. Mental toll for both of us.
I know all about this. The name calling. Gaslit ALL the time. Everything you listed here sadly I lived it. And I got blamed for it all it is ALL my fault. Mind twisting. Crazy making. So toxic. 😢
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA-SPOT ON!!! RUN! BEEN THERE & DONE THAT ALWAYS CHECK THE MEDICINE CABINET BEFORE DATING.........IF YOUR NAME IS "AMBER HEARD" OR YOUR A CLUSTER B-RUN!
Quiet bpd is the absolute worst, let the silent treatments and how negative they generally are be the factors that you have to consider. They can't healthily communicate and they block you out from being able to progress in the relationship. They still have the same core issues as other borderlines though. They can still lie, cheat, and confuse the hell out of you towards the end, space taking, all that kind of confusion. AJ mahari did a 1 hour video on discouraged borderlines recently, I'd highly recommend watching it.
@@davidraduziner8732 I hope it helps, that video literally was my final send off video for my ex, I watched like 500 of AJ's videos before that and this was her most recent one, she's done about 7-8 on quiet borderlines though before.
Hey DeMars, great to see you still put so much efforts into these videos. After years of being free from such a relationship, I cannot emphasize more with that these relationships can kill. Not even only because of the stress but also because you give yourself and your lifestyle up for them. You workout less or eat less healthy. Losing friends because of smear campaigns or isolating can further increase that negative spiral. I still have issues with forgiving myself for ignoring the very obvious lovebombing and the gradual emotional abuse, but I should feel very relieved that despite the emotional damage and smear campaigns, I kept most of my friends and reputation long term, which I never expected during the unbearable breakup phase. I still feel that this isnt the end. I still do not feel completely safe on the streets. I dont know if its justified or paranoia. When I bump into her, you can feel her eyes burning through you. The disgust is clear. It feels like she wants to win, whatever that means to her, but is never satisfied.
Thanks for the video, I can really relate to how you deliver these. I have experienced all these and then some. Sometimes you start to think you're going crazy and it's exhausting.
@@daviddemarsI would love to, but it would be a LONG post. Its been a hard road and your videos have helped tremendously. I hope to provide some points for you or the community that might help others. I was so confused for so long and beating my head on a wall.
@@hurricaneaquatics same brother. Little over a few weeks of no contact and kicked her out feeling better and better every day. I was starting to go crazy. Had insane headaches and brain fog. It’s slowly going away. I actually went to my dr and told him that I’m having problems at home controlling my emotions/temper and started taking Prozac. Then I started to go even more crazy. Stopped taking that and kicked her out was the best two things I ever did. Still have my dog and cat to keep me company thankfully
So many times hearing “that didn’t happen. You are making that up. You are not the victim here”. And another favorite, the laundry list. I say I feel sad. He says, “how am I failing you? I give everything to you. I give everything to you, and you A, B, C, D, E, F, G”. How about the insane jealousy? “I can tell you want attention from that guy, or that guy, or that guy. You need attention from men. I have to be jealous because YOU don’t meet my needs when I want them met”….and my favorite, “your boyfriend from work, your boyfriend at the grocery store, your boyfriend on that gaming app, your boyfriend in another state”….”remember I have to be jealous because you won’t have physical intimacy with me after I brought out the laundry list of your faults, and called you horrible names. It’s proof you don’t love me” I have to leave you because YOU don’t love me……YOU don’t love me the WAY I love you. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? For years I thought it was my fault. I was doing something to cause all of this. I own my side of the street, now. I enabled the behavior by defending myself, trying to prove it wasn’t true, changing where I went, with who, when. It dropped to zero. I didn’t go anywhere or do anything because I had to prove I wasn’t what he said I was. It didn’t work. 🤔
Im.sorry Elizabeth and yes its familiar. I hear this everyday and nobody can love aa borderline enough because they cannot love themselves. They must be priority over everything and you can never reassure them enough. A never ending hole that must be filled with more attention than you have time for. Most common... "You don't meet my needs" "You don't make me priority"
Hi Elizabeth, I can so much relate to your experiance and this is one of my stories: because an acquaintance had said something thoughtless to him, back home my BPD-Ex tore my dress off my body in a rage, blocked my escape route, screamed at me for hours and called me terrible names. When he was finished he said he wanted to have sex with me while watching porn. When I said no, he said I wasn't interested in intimacy, that I was frigid and didn't love him. A BPD destroys your body, spirit and soul and you become your own worst enemy until you find the strength to leave and stay away.
Thank you. I broke it off with my alcoholic BPD girlfriend 2 weeks ago. And although she beat me, gaslighted me, public humiliation, and finally cheating (because she swore I was so she did it preemptively). I’ve never been in any type of relationship, or even knew that BPD existed. After 7 months I got a front row seat. Of course I financed the whole thing. SO, why do I still want her back. Am I crazy? Is that what codependency is? This is all new to me.
@@daviddemars Thank you. I know better now. Unfortunately I got emotionally attached quick. But what is weird, I felt I was the one pushing things fast. I wanted to save her. She wanted saving. Then BOOM! Out of nowhere there was wild trips, addiction’s, super highs and lows, violence and blood, police, all kind of crap. I’m luck I suppose because her mom and dad had to come get her and her things, and took custody of her (30’s woman) to try to get her off alcohol first. Anyway, I don’t see any chance of her having the nerve to try and find me. But if she ever did, what the hell would I do? If only I could follow my own advice. It’s a struggle
I disagree with the paying for dates thing. I had a girlfriend and she wasn't working, had a kid, no support etc. I picked up all the tabs and it didn't bother me. She would give little gifts when she could, like a pair of socks or a scented soap. This she managed to do on hardly any income. To me they were the best presents that I'd ever received as I knew they were incredibly sincere.
These people are adult toddlers. They will literally drain the life force out of you. You will be mentally driven insane. Physically you wil be destroyed. Your health will decline, but your anxiety and depression will increase.
Everything you talked about is so spot on the "you don't prioritize me" you put everything above me. I felt guilty for having any sort of life outside of her. I'm a musician and practice ONCE a week with my band and made to feel guilty for it. Seemed like anything in my life outside of her was a competition. Thank god I'm out of that relationship
This was a fantastic video you did, and I found myself, as the ex-spouse of a person I highly suspect has Borderline Personality Disorder, listening to your listing of traits and practices of how a Borderline emotionally abuses someone and going "yep." "yep." "yep." "oh yep." From gaslighting, to projection, to emotional blackmail, to withholding intimacy, to believing in their own fantasies instead of reality, my ex-partner had it all. It's been three years since they left me for another person -- interestingly enough, someone from their past they never got over, and who has clear cases of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so there's a match made in Hell. In the end, I think my ex-spouse of nine years and ex-partner of more than thirteen did me a huge favor by leaving because while the trauma bonding and heartbreak is enough for me to never wish on anyone, I can see myself regaining my former confident self, self esteem, identity, and adventurousness. Knowing they are most likely doing the same things to their new partner gives me some satisfaction, I was the one who won in the end. Thank you for the analysis.
Thanks for the feedback and its great to see you are turning a tragic experience into a life learning lesson to love yourself. You have witnessed this person's full capacity and they are not capable of changing the ride for anyone so you know exactly how awful every relationship they will have will be.
This couldn't be more spot on! It was the most insane 5 months I've experienced with someone. It wasn't even very frequently spending time together, and it was complete chaos.
You hit the nail on the head. Everything you said made me wonder if you were looking over my shoulder every time my ex did her crazy shit. Yeah I said ‘crazy shit’ because it is crazy shit. Period.
Being with one of these has almost destroyed my life and almost killed me , it's very difficult because they won't leave you and won't let you leave it's hard to get away from them, they've got every brilliant manipulative and demonic tactic in the book. It's tragic beyond anything I can describe. 25 years and a potential good relationship and family that I could have had, gone. Thank you for the excellent job you're doing it's so precisely describing and defining this disorder. Thank you and God bless you
I told him my feelings and about him hanging out with people I don't like bc of the way they acted towards me. He then messages me about their event ( I kind of think he did that on purpose). I told him he's allowed to like them, but that I'm out (this isn't the only reason I'm leaving. Like I commented in the other video, he was intense). People have advised me to not go back.
Decided he definitely loves routine. Probably why he works so much doesn't like doing anything else even if you need to, it will be done as fast as possible
Hi David, my experience with my borderline was absolutely magical at first that’s why it’s so addicting the sudden discard and then the bomb and then the discard and the bomb and the discard it is absolutely psychologically damaging. I hope I recover quickly. I found your work after a friend said the word borderline and started researching, you 100% know what you’re talking about thank you God bless
The triggering is real. The perceived victim hood of ANYONE looking in their general direction. Literally find ing something wrong in EVERY. SINGLE. SITUTATION. These people are exshauting and energy sucking. BPD OR NOT try and remember to treat people the way you want to be treated. It's beyond strange that they are completely aware.
My sister is BPD and schizotypal. It's devastating the effect her untreated mental illnesses and abuse have had on my brother-in-law. He used to have a contagious laugh and smile. He's a shell of the man he used to be, and I no longer have any way to contact him due to her isolation tactics. I worry for him all the time and have tried to reach out and give him resources about working with job and family services so he and the kids can start having a REAL life. Not one ruled by my sister's sadistic wants and control. But unfortunately, I don't believe he is ever going to.
the one thing you mentioned is the "i don't remember". discarded me 10+ times everytime i took her back always the same. "I don't even remember saying that" meanwhile i had clear, photo videos and texts of her going shit wild telling me to kill myself and i don't deserve to live or she was going to cheat. But she only remembers me asking her to stop that and leave me alone. But i'm the abusive one
When they’ve stopped being psychotic do realise we Aren’t bad ? Involving law enforcement oddly Enough seems to quell the behaviour . The toll is huge .
David, could you please make a video on how men with bpd lovebomb women into their world? There is no content on this I can find & believe me I have searched. Mine arrived with the quote 'I don't bring problems, only solutions', began fixing things in my house that needed doing and insisted on cooking (later to find out he didn't like what I served him during argument). They seem to rely on being the panacea to single women's lives, then invade them spectacularily. Many Thanks
Hello everyone. Fantastic video. You have just described with pin point accuracy my last 3 years in a relationship with my ex girlfriend. She even wanted me to give up on my son, accusing me of not prioritising her. Constant comparisons with other men. We went to over 15 couples therapy, all therapists telling her she had issues that needed solving and that she lived in fantasy land regarding her complaints and demands. It was never her problem, the whole world was against her. This relationship almost killed my sanity. I wish i had seen this video before meeting her. I would have taken your advice and RUUUUUUUUUN
David, this video nails it perfectly. I have been in a relationship with a BPD for seven years now and i am finally learning about all of these behaviors. In the past when I question it, she always told me every woman acts like this. It has just gotten to the point that I was beginning to question my own sanity. I started looking into the behaviors to try to figure out what was going on. Thanks so much for posting. I greatly appreciate it and will continue to watch your videos as well as seek out a therapist in my local area.
After more than 5 years, he kicked me out and blocked me. He threatened me. I don't know anything about his dog that I was taking care since day 1. I thought I was going crazy, I even stopped drinking 2 years ago because I couldn't handle the reality of this relationship and I was heavily drinking for a few months. My hair was falling off due the extreme stress. Week 3 of no contact. I know he is not okay as he is a weed addict and he hasn't showered or anything (typical behaviour on him), because I had a letter for him and his mother went to the house and she was kicked out again (he did it many times, I couldn't understand). I'm full with anxiety, I want to throw up. I don't know how to move on with my life without worrying about him. He is probably the person that hurted me so much in my entire life.
I'm without words to say how your channel in the last few hrs has opened even more of my own stuff & the ex. Please keep making videos! I'm in 12steps program CR Celebrate Recovery & with Jesus & 12steps I'm still here.,,
Lol-- Dave-- SOOO many gems in this video. I cannot say ‘it is ONE’- but, many. The forgetful memory, the gaslighting, the projection, etc. always curious for the BPD’s watching your videos-- what is the reasoning ‘why’ they do what they do? -- I know- it is a rhetorical question. Keep up the great works my friend.
The last time she called the police was the worst, hands down. Saturday morning plans are to chil-lax at the camper together. However, I was dressed "in good shorts and T-shirt" so I was to change my clothes. l refused, which caused her to file assault charges. I was arrested and spent 4 days in jail. This was considered a "separation" so having sex with an old flame was not considered cheating. 😳😳😳
About 6 month in, we were at my place for few days, then she went to hers (we live 30 mins apart). It was weekend and i told her as she was leaving, its nice that she's goes to her own place for a while, i have a day or two to focus and do some stuff alone too here on my place (chill etc), she still started to call me the same night that "i want to come back to your place tonight"...i told her, nope, we agreed that we have our own time also, right? She kept messaging and calling me like 20+ times, i replied few times but after that it escalated to her cutting her self in the arms and i calling the cops for possible suicide attempt. Normal night right? 😞
Dear David ❤ Such a good an informative video. They disorder person will also threaten I will k..l myself and it's your fault. I said go a head and walked the f away . Night mare for human being 😢
He got mad at me because i would not go into the store with him. I wanted to stay into the car and charge my phone because i had to do a zoom call for work. It was all so strange. He cursed me out
Wow. I feel had for you that you were hurt by borderline but you also still are in the process of healing; its very evident in your speech. Very evident. Get better. You seem to be intelligent and articulate but very wounded yourself. This is a forum for victims and talking us great but healing is the whole point.
You probably sound like an overdramatic ass to anyone who isn't/ hasn't lived through this..Truth is your describing my f'ing life. I'm getting therapy to manage the stress, confusion and emotion dump, I am going through.
My ex finally came back, I've been sending her your videos to help as she has reached out to me. Now I have a system to that she remains in treatment as the sole terms and conditions for her if she wants to maintain constant contact with me. No negotiations, so far it's working, and I am also in contact with her therapist, only on the grounds of if she skips or discontinues treatment, so I will know what I should do for me. My girl is the discouraged quiet type. Thanks so much my friend, your helped 😇😏
I know nothing about you, but if you think that you are winning with a BPD, You're in cognitive dissonance. Enjoy, the sex is off the chain. It's just not worth it-in the long run.
I had the quiet one. dated 5 years, then she monkey branched etc, 5 years off, then she re-contacted me again, tried to date again, that lasted 1.5 years but it made me realise she was no better, and she did the same toxic stuff again in repeat. I'm a person that usually dont want to "quit things" but in this scenario, i'm seeing no point continuing to pursuit. It's a lose lose situation in most cases. Wish you better luck !
How dumb am i. At round 6 he said we should go to therapy. I figured he was dismissive avoidant. 7 more months of bliss then the switch flipped. "I don't recall saying we should get therapy" right. Even in text. Threatened to end himself too.
It's killing us as well, the borderline. And I'm not manipulating intentionally. For myself it really is what I perceive is happening to me. I hope I'm not parentifying my boyfriend but I'm unhealed so chances are I am. Lord help me because I feel like a small child and I'm nearly 50.
My current boyfriend accuses me of damn near all of this. I hope I don't push him away and lose him. I truly love him. But I don't want to make him hate me.
Since you mentioned borderlines and opinions, I will tell you how they form their opinions. They repeat someone else like a parrot. And they will tell you they believe the same thing just to keep you. You should do a whole video on it.
I agree totally with financial issues there is a odd behaviour the way the spend, but I think there is a generation divide when you said about the woman paying for the meal, and its nice the man would pay, it was very natural, not exploiting anyone this is where we have times now where there is no difference male female its all very sanitised, my know sadly ex partner who passes away, always made me feel safe, cared for, loved and his thoughts were if we are rich we are both rich ,if poor we are both poor, no exploration intended just love and caring for someone, sadly that's going now in place of this idea, that any kindness is weak .
If there's one piece of advice in this video you should really listen to its this: _You CAN'T fix them or get them to change, no matter what you say or do._ Amything you try is never good enough for them. I wasted 13 years of my life with a BPD/covert narcissist woman. Had I known these things years ago, it could have saved me a lot of anguish and emotional damage.
Sucks, my borderline person treats me like gold and does everything possible to make me happy, until something in her life sets her off, then she ghosts and hides, resulting in a silent treatment that might last for days, or weeks. It's rough.
And that is why you need to find the strength to walk away from her, my friend. I am speaking from personal experience. It won't be easy, but you have to understand that she will never change without treatment. You can't keep going through seven bad days just to have two good days.
Crazy how people misunderstand this disorder. People with BPD are not trying to be manipulative, nor abuse you. They have a huge fear of abandonment and it’s incredibly hard for them to trust someone when they go on their extreme lows. They hurt deeply and need reassurance all the time. The self-aware borderliners know the toll they put on other people and they constantly blame themselves, and they also realize they can’t be with anyone because nobody would want them, which is already a fear of theirs. These people have experienced neglect in their childhood and are deeply suffering. You can’t say they are “red flags” when they can’t control their emotions because of this disorder, when it’s not a matter of willpower. “Red flags” are those who are able to control their emotions and still do such things. It would be better to educate people on this disorder instead of putting even more stigma on it. From your videos it shows you know a lot about disorders, but don’t truly understand them.
When she looked you in the eye and lied convincingly to your face, are you going to excuse that behavior? She knew what she was doing and she was afraid to tell you because then you’d leave her abandonment. So the fear of abandonment does that make it right for her to cheat on you and financially exploit you?
@@peacendukwe i’m sorry, but it’s clear you are not informed at all on this matter. They don’t know they are lying, or if they are lying. They feel a desperation inside them at perceived or real abandonment. They feel intensely, and what they feel is not a lie. They don’t know that what they’re doing is a problem, it’s like they are drugged in the moment. Even the most self aware borderline won’t be able to tell when they have an episode, because their feelings deceive them. Nobody needs to be stigmatized in general, if you want them to go to therapy, why not help them instead of making their world worse unnecessarily, When they haven’t asked to have Borderline personality disorder in the first place?
Think about how this behavior affects the mate when the bpd person is twice your weight and a foot and a half taller. I did the math on my mate. In order for someone to be the same percentage larger than my mate is to me. He would be looking at a person 8 ft tall and 600 lbs. That person would be in his face yelling swearing and calling him names. It's ugly.. he is all the things you have described here, except the sex part. I quit having sex with him when the verbal abuse started.
Oh man, so many gold nuggets here, thanks ! I remember, i was like WTF because she got angry / sad because i finally got a steady job while we were living together and struggling money wise and she was unemployed , she told me "I dont want you to work"...whaaat? Can't make this shit up 🤣
But I have seen , in him a distinct dislike, or odd different attitude when ive had a special day, like mothers day, when they visit and give ne gifts cards ect, he doesnt even mention the gifts there and one usually a normal reaction is to mention the gifts you got, and comments , say that's nice" not totally blanks
Firstly I want to say thank you🎉🎉 you help me alot with your videos peace of mind❤❤, my wife got bpd she changed alot but still uses silent treatment when ever I break a promise like told her won't smoke again but she keeps poking wen things are OK like lots criticising and that sometimes stress me out so go out for a smoke and she finds out and gets triggered so it's my fault with 🚬, what's the best way to deal with silent treatment
I wonder about the ex one. I have stayed friends with an ex for a decade after the relationship ended. I told my new romantic partner that at the outset of the relationship.
As per my own experience with my BF spending time with his ex? It would have worked out okay had HE included ME in catching up with her. But NEITHER of them seemed too interested to have me "tag along". Looking back now THAT should have been a red flag right there.. If there is NOTHING to hide, why be so discrete? Do you include your GF in on your friendship with your ex? Does she come along too when you meet up? Once GF see;s how healthy your friendship is and gets to know ex GF, then I know I would have been LOTS more cool with it all and TRUSTED them hanging out on their own on occasions.. I was informed by our "couples" counsellor, that after dark meet ups on your own with EX is STILL dating mode.
@@rosiemcking72 Yes, you are so right that transparency and inclusion is key. My gf made that point as well, so I learned to always be clear, and she was invited to hang out with us on numerous occasions. My ex's partner was as well. I was actually hoping everyone would click as friends and that there would be meetups that didn't include me. That didn't happen, but everyone became comfortable with everyone else over time. For me, it was a point of honor. Friendship is for life. I was friends with my ex for years after we broke up, and she was friendzoned in my eyes - and dating someone else (a woman!). Also I had been basically adopted into her family. Also, there was the fact that my ex doesn't have many friends. Considering all of that, I didn't feel right about breaking that off. And especially not because I was told I had to by a screaming person. I just dug in my heels.
You really think I care right now with how you feel, I'm tired of telling you things and you still do what you want. At this point I'm tired of trying with you.
I have BPD and am disappointed at the content of this video. It promotes dangerous stereotypes of a complex, wide-ranging condition. The comments are condescending and mocking in tone, including laughing. There is no consideration of the reasons why a person reacts in the way that they do and no empathy; instead, there is condemnation and undermining of a serious condition. This is not a useful or meaningful discussion of the condition, it is an attack on people who deserve better than this misinformation
@@jiaheung4628 I'm sure they are but stand by my comment - this video contains information that promotes unfair and dangerous stereotypes. It contains content that not rooted in fact, it relies on experience and speculation. Lise Leblanc has much better videos on how to cope and Sam Vaknin has forgotten more about BPD than this clown will ever know
My hope is that you realize the damage you might have done to those who have loved you and have tried to help you so it can put you on the path to your own treatment and healing.
I’m not trying to be negative but it seems like you really hate people that are borderline. I’m separated from my BPD husband and yes he was abusive verbally and emotionally, but he’s absolutely suffering. He’s inpatient now and is getting help but damn, you’re vicious. These are people too.
I'd say it's because of the way they behave is why he's vicious. They might have a personality disorder, but they still know the difference between right and wrong. Regardless, it's unfair to the other person to have to endure their abuse. You can still pity them, but condemn their behavior.
from south africa Hi David Are people who have been abused, similar to people with BPD? Emotional abuse is way worse than physical abuse, because emotional abuse turns yourself against you and you don't know what is wrong because it has always been like that. If you don't think you have stress, open your mouth and your jaw will make a clicking noise wich means it's under tension but you just don't notice that you are so tence all the time. Is it possible to out talk people like this? If you can talk well maby then you would be able to think fast enough not to get hurt ever. Other people pretend to be relaxed all the time. They are hiding something. They don't deserve to be happy.
I spent 2.5 years with someone like this. I started smoking cigarettes again, chronically biting my nails, stopped working out, constant headaches, my hair was falling out. I just did not look or feel good anymore. I lost my motivation for everything. I am three months out now and I quit smoking, my nails are growing and my hair is growing back, I’m back at the gym and I have my motivation back again.
Thank you. I am only about a month - 6 weeks removed from the BPD I was with. I have worked out my entire life and I am 54 yrs old. It was my best hobby. Meathead gyms were my safe space. Lol! A month after I met this person, I was walking on egg shells, started drinking ( secretly) again, was using and smoking weed, ( for those who do, I'm sorry it never was my thing!) And I was getting calls from my gym mates. ( " where you at? Ain't seen ya, worried about ya." ) I dropped the the weed a week before the breakup. The drinking and getting back in the gym has been a bit harder. Reading your comment gives me hope.
I am glad you are okay now never date someone like that again.
That's also me! I started smoking again because of the stress. At the time I thought it was work, but actually it the anxiety of her, that I couldn't carry her like I was. It's really weird when you leave that type of relationship, your eyes just open up.
When you tell them that something they do bothers you, so they do even more. Acting the whole time like you're just overreacting 🤬
This template-style behaviour is real, this guy knows his stuff.
Scary acurate right?
Going through a divorce now with a borderline. I feel bad for her. I begged her to stay and offered her anything I could to fix it. Ultimately she had already started moving on with other guys she told me. I was hurt for the first two weeks. I reached out to try to get closure or understanding and then she told me how I was so controlling, manipulative, immature, selfish, uncaring, ect. After that text I realized that she just was so unhinged at that point and realized that there isn’t anything anyone could have done to help her or save the marriage. I realized that either she or myself was actually not mentally well, and I think through therapy and talking with family and friends it’s safe to say I am a pretty stable person. After accepting the fact that she was gone and there was nothing I could do and the fact that everything became clear with the marriage and that I was innocent and she had been honestly abusing me for the past few years, I realized that I’m happier being alone now than I have been in years with her. I’ve been enjoying guitar and gym again. I’m not dreading every single day when I wake up. And the biggest difference is I don’t have extreme anxiety anymore that had been gradually getting worse over the last few years. I still care for her and hope she gets better mentally because there is a version of her that I adore, but I’ve been so much happier without her. Even family and friends have pointed out how they feel like they have me back and even more importantly I feel like I have me back again.
I'm sorry for your loss and how your marriage ended. I appreciate your comment for telling people you got some help and love yourself again. Thanks Matt and good luck with future relationships.
You just wrote down the last nine months of my life.
.. hey Rocker! ..breathe out a long exhale then go out and get yourself your dream guitar AND that amp! you've earned it! Play John Waite (back on my feet again) sooo loud it burns your neighbor's lawn! You'll never stop smiling...
Hi David, great video. I particularly identified with the anger and rage part since my BPD was male. Terrifying! Only absolutely no contact helps you find yourself again.
Hi Alexandra! The male borderline rage is so dangerous and stressful. Good for you to find peace.
Bpd male can be particularly dangerous. Take care of your self.
hello ralph, thank you very much for your support and understanding. A big difference between female and male victims of BPD is that as a woman you have to fear not only for your mental health but also for your physical wellbeing. As a woman, you are always weaker than any man. The impact of fear of life is often forgotten in the discussion about victims of male BPD.
@@alexandraclemente-ue8qbabsolutely felt that, mine was super strong
I can relate to this a lot. I feel for my ex, but the situation seems completely hopeless. You just can't have a stable relationship with a borderline. There's always a new crisis or problem. Always walking on eggshells. For what?
Indeed. It's like trying to rescue somebody from drowning but they trying to pull you under water. Lose lose situation. I knew i loved her, but that doesnt make things better by it self. Had to detach. Mental toll for both of us.
I know all about this. The name calling. Gaslit ALL the time. Everything you listed here sadly I lived it.
And I got blamed for it all it is ALL my fault. Mind twisting. Crazy making. So toxic. 😢
I'm really sorry. Heal and learn everything you can about yourself from this experience.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA-SPOT ON!!! RUN! BEEN THERE & DONE THAT ALWAYS CHECK THE MEDICINE CABINET BEFORE DATING.........IF YOUR NAME IS "AMBER HEARD" OR YOUR A CLUSTER B-RUN!
i have been strugling with a quiet one...those make the worst damage, you cant really be sure if your the crazy one or they..heh
Quiet bpd is the absolute worst, let the silent treatments and how negative they generally are be the factors that you have to consider. They can't healthily communicate and they block you out from being able to progress in the relationship. They still have the same core issues as other borderlines though. They can still lie, cheat, and confuse the hell out of you towards the end, space taking, all that kind of confusion. AJ mahari did a 1 hour video on discouraged borderlines recently, I'd highly recommend watching it.
@@joshy2joshy THX SIR ALL THE BEST
@@davidraduziner8732 I hope it helps, that video literally was my final send off video for my ex, I watched like 500 of AJ's videos before that and this was her most recent one, she's done about 7-8 on quiet borderlines though before.
5:54 exact 7:00>> silent treatment is mental abuse, FullStop.
Hey DeMars, great to see you still put so much efforts into these videos. After years of being free from such a relationship, I cannot emphasize more with that these relationships can kill.
Not even only because of the stress but also because you give yourself and your lifestyle up for them. You workout less or eat less healthy. Losing friends because of smear campaigns or isolating can further increase that negative spiral.
I still have issues with forgiving myself for ignoring the very obvious lovebombing and the gradual emotional abuse, but I should feel very relieved that despite the emotional damage and smear campaigns, I kept most of my friends and reputation long term, which I never expected during the unbearable breakup phase.
I still feel that this isnt the end. I still do not feel completely safe on the streets. I dont know if its justified or paranoia. When I bump into her, you can feel her eyes burning through you. The disgust is clear. It feels like she wants to win, whatever that means to her, but is never satisfied.
Thank you and I'm really sorry you are feeling this way. Talking to someone and telling our story is usually what is needed to heal.
Your brain does feel like confetti! Great thumbnail! Thanks, David! Ohio here!😎❤️
Hey Rory, thank you! Crazy making does make you feel crazy, I think the thumbnail is suitable too.
Thanks for the video, I can really relate to how you deliver these. I have experienced all these and then some. Sometimes you start to think you're going crazy and it's exhausting.
I'm so sorry, tell your story.
@@daviddemarsI would love to, but it would be a LONG post. Its been a hard road and your videos have helped tremendously. I hope to provide some points for you or the community that might help others. I was so confused for so long and beating my head on a wall.
@@hurricaneaquatics same brother. Little over a few weeks of no contact and kicked her out feeling better and better every day. I was starting to go crazy. Had insane headaches and brain fog. It’s slowly going away. I actually went to my dr and told him that I’m having problems at home controlling my emotions/temper and started taking Prozac. Then I started to go even more crazy. Stopped taking that and kicked her out was the best two things I ever did. Still have my dog and cat to keep me company thankfully
You are exactly right 💯
People do these sometimes when they dont have healthier skills. Ive done a few myself and been on receiving end often. Hurt people hurt people
So many times hearing “that didn’t happen. You are making that up. You are not the victim here”. And another favorite, the laundry list. I say I feel sad. He says, “how am I failing you? I give everything to you. I give everything to you, and you A, B, C, D, E, F, G”. How about the insane jealousy? “I can tell you want attention from that guy, or that guy, or that guy. You need attention from men. I have to be jealous because YOU don’t meet my needs when I want them met”….and my favorite, “your boyfriend from work, your boyfriend at the grocery store, your boyfriend on that gaming app, your boyfriend in another state”….”remember I have to be jealous because you won’t have physical intimacy with me after I brought out the laundry list of your faults, and called you horrible names. It’s proof you don’t love me” I have to leave you because YOU don’t love me……YOU don’t love me the WAY I love you. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? For years I thought it was my fault. I was doing something to cause all of this. I own my side of the street, now. I enabled the behavior by defending myself, trying to prove it wasn’t true, changing where I went, with who, when. It dropped to zero. I didn’t go anywhere or do anything because I had to prove I wasn’t what he said I was. It didn’t work. 🤔
Im.sorry Elizabeth and yes its familiar. I hear this everyday and nobody can love aa borderline enough because they cannot love themselves. They must be priority over everything and you can never reassure them enough. A never ending hole that must be filled with more attention than you have time for.
Most common...
"You don't meet my needs"
"You don't make me priority"
Hi Elizabeth, I can so much relate to your experiance and this is one of my stories: because an acquaintance had said something thoughtless to him, back home my BPD-Ex tore my dress off my body in a rage, blocked my escape route, screamed at me for hours and called me terrible names. When he was finished he said he wanted to have sex with me while watching porn. When I said no, he said I wasn't interested in intimacy, that I was frigid and didn't love him. A BPD destroys your body, spirit and soul and you become your own worst enemy until you find the strength to leave and stay away.
I love that you point out hypocrisy with sarcastic humor. It offers perspective yet takes the edge off the cutting pain. Thank you.
i am so a mess i been sober 21 years and hanging around this person got me to the point i tried to end me for the 1st time in those 21 years.
DO NOT allow them to take you down.. CANCEL this relationship IMMEDIATELY and RUN!!!!
Seems like good company
Sadly the same for me
The last 11 years of my life were described in 24 minutes. Let the healing begin alone
Thank you. I broke it off with my alcoholic BPD girlfriend 2 weeks ago. And although she beat me, gaslighted me, public humiliation, and finally cheating (because she swore I was so she did it preemptively). I’ve never been in any type of relationship, or even knew that BPD existed. After 7 months I got a front row seat. Of course I financed the whole thing. SO, why do I still want her back. Am I crazy? Is that what codependency is? This is all new to me.
I'm sorry. Yes, you are describing an addiction. There is help with this.
@@daviddemars Thank you. I know better now. Unfortunately I got emotionally attached quick. But what is weird, I felt I was the one pushing things fast. I wanted to save her. She wanted saving. Then BOOM! Out of nowhere there was wild trips, addiction’s, super highs and lows, violence and blood, police, all kind of crap. I’m luck I suppose because her mom and dad had to come get her and her things, and took custody of her (30’s woman) to try to get her off alcohol first. Anyway, I don’t see any chance of her having the nerve to try and find me. But if she ever did, what the hell would I do? If only I could follow my own advice. It’s a struggle
@@daviddemarsquick question; do.the border line talk to them self or express their thoughts out loud with out been aware of it
Yes, codependency
You were very lucky yeah@@heavysighs
I disagree with the paying for dates thing. I had a girlfriend and she wasn't working, had a kid, no support etc. I picked up all the tabs and it didn't bother me. She would give little gifts when she could, like a pair of socks or a scented soap. This she managed to do on hardly any income. To me they were the best presents that I'd ever received as I knew they were incredibly sincere.
I’m recovering 🙏🏽
One day at a time. I have not been in contact in 2-3 months, i can already feel my self again 👍
I doubt it
These people are adult toddlers. They will literally drain the life force out of you.
You will be mentally driven insane. Physically you wil be destroyed. Your health will decline, but your anxiety and depression will increase.
@@sneakerhead567🤡
❤🙏🏾
Everything you talked about is so spot on the "you don't prioritize me" you put everything above me. I felt guilty for having any sort of life outside of her. I'm a musician and practice ONCE a week with my band and made to feel guilty for it. Seemed like anything in my life outside of her was a competition. Thank god I'm out of that relationship
This was a fantastic video you did, and I found myself, as the ex-spouse of a person I highly suspect has Borderline Personality Disorder, listening to your listing of traits and practices of how a Borderline emotionally abuses someone and going "yep." "yep." "yep." "oh yep." From gaslighting, to projection, to emotional blackmail, to withholding intimacy, to believing in their own fantasies instead of reality, my ex-partner had it all. It's been three years since they left me for another person -- interestingly enough, someone from their past they never got over, and who has clear cases of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so there's a match made in Hell.
In the end, I think my ex-spouse of nine years and ex-partner of more than thirteen did me a huge favor by leaving because while the trauma bonding and heartbreak is enough for me to never wish on anyone, I can see myself regaining my former confident self, self esteem, identity, and adventurousness. Knowing they are most likely doing the same things to their new partner gives me some satisfaction, I was the one who won in the end. Thank you for the analysis.
Thanks for the feedback and its great to see you are turning a tragic experience into a life learning lesson to love yourself. You have witnessed this person's full capacity and they are not capable of changing the ride for anyone so you know exactly how awful every relationship they will have will be.
This couldn't be more spot on! It was the most insane 5 months I've experienced with someone. It wasn't even very frequently spending time together, and it was complete chaos.
You hit the nail on the head. Everything you said made me wonder if you were looking over my shoulder every time my ex did her crazy shit. Yeah I said ‘crazy shit’ because it is crazy shit. Period.
Being with one of these has almost destroyed my life and almost killed me , it's very difficult because they won't leave you and won't let you leave it's hard to get away from them, they've got every brilliant manipulative and demonic tactic in the book. It's tragic beyond anything I can describe. 25 years and a potential good relationship and family that I could have had, gone.
Thank you for the excellent job you're doing it's so precisely describing and defining this disorder. Thank you and God bless you
These videos always get me back to good spirits if I start grieving - there is a very good stand-up line to them!
I told him my feelings and about him hanging out with people I don't like bc of the way they acted towards me. He then messages me about their event ( I kind of think he did that on purpose). I told him he's allowed to like them, but that I'm out (this isn't the only reason I'm leaving. Like I commented in the other video, he was intense). People have advised me to not go back.
I hope you have support and are telling your story and healing from it.
@@daviddemars Thanks David. It's hard staying no contact, but ppl told me I need to be serious about it.
@@themonicamezavictim mindset
It’s scary when u start to see it’s on
Purpose WTF IM CRUSHED
Decided he definitely loves routine.
Probably why he works so much doesn't like doing anything else even if you need to, it will be done as fast as possible
Hi David, my experience with my borderline was absolutely magical at first that’s why it’s so addicting the sudden discard and then the bomb and then the discard and the bomb and the discard it is absolutely psychologically damaging. I hope I recover quickly. I found your work after a friend said the word borderline and started researching, you 100% know what you’re talking about thank you God bless
The triggering is real. The perceived victim hood of ANYONE looking in their general direction. Literally find ing something wrong in EVERY. SINGLE. SITUTATION. These people are exshauting and energy sucking. BPD OR NOT try and remember to treat people the way you want to be treated. It's beyond strange that they are completely aware.
My sister is BPD and schizotypal. It's devastating the effect her untreated mental illnesses and abuse have had on my brother-in-law. He used to have a contagious laugh and smile. He's a shell of the man he used to be, and I no longer have any way to contact him due to her isolation tactics.
I worry for him all the time and have tried to reach out and give him resources about working with job and family services so he and the kids can start having a REAL life. Not one ruled by my sister's sadistic wants and control. But unfortunately, I don't believe he is ever going to.
Maybe he will need help when he will try to get free. Then he will need someone who understands. Bc most people don't.
Great video, David! Thank you!
Thank you and good to see you!
Sometimes people pretend to gain control. Not everyone is unstable ...it is usually temporary.
the one thing you mentioned is the "i don't remember". discarded me 10+ times everytime i took her back always the same. "I don't even remember saying that" meanwhile i had clear, photo videos and texts of her going shit wild telling me to kill myself and i don't deserve to live or she was going to cheat. But she only remembers me asking her to stop that and leave me alone. But i'm the abusive one
When they’ve stopped being psychotic do realise we
Aren’t bad ? Involving law enforcement oddly
Enough seems to quell the behaviour . The toll is huge .
Sometimes some cna reflect and take ownership, it depends how much they hate themselves.
David, could you please make a video on how men with bpd lovebomb women into their world? There is no content on this I can find & believe me I have searched. Mine arrived with the quote 'I don't bring problems, only solutions', began fixing things in my house that needed doing and insisted on cooking (later to find out he didn't like what I served him during argument). They seem to rely on being the panacea to single women's lives, then invade them spectacularily. Many Thanks
Hello everyone. Fantastic video. You have just described with pin point accuracy my last 3 years in a relationship with my ex girlfriend.
She even wanted me to give up on my son, accusing me of not prioritising her.
Constant comparisons with other men.
We went to over 15 couples therapy, all therapists telling her she had issues that needed solving and that she lived in fantasy land regarding her complaints and demands.
It was never her problem, the whole world was against her.
This relationship almost killed my sanity.
I wish i had seen this video before meeting her.
I would have taken your advice and RUUUUUUUUUN
David, this video nails it perfectly. I have been in a relationship with a BPD for seven years now and i am finally learning about all of these behaviors. In the past when I question it, she always told me every woman acts like this. It has just gotten to the point that I was beginning to question my own sanity. I started looking into the behaviors to try to figure out what was going on. Thanks so much for posting. I greatly appreciate it and will continue to watch your videos as well as seek out a therapist in my local area.
After more than 5 years, he kicked me out and blocked me. He threatened me. I don't know anything about his dog that I was taking care since day 1. I thought I was going crazy, I even stopped drinking 2 years ago because I couldn't handle the reality of this relationship and I was heavily drinking for a few months. My hair was falling off due the extreme stress. Week 3 of no contact. I know he is not okay as he is a weed addict and he hasn't showered or anything (typical behaviour on him), because I had a letter for him and his mother went to the house and she was kicked out again (he did it many times, I couldn't understand). I'm full with anxiety, I want to throw up. I don't know how to move on with my life without worrying about him. He is probably the person that hurted me so much in my entire life.
Such a brilliant video! Thanks for this gem! He did every single one of these the knobhead. Nicola/UK
I'm without words to say how your channel in the last few hrs has opened even more of my own stuff & the ex. Please keep making videos! I'm in 12steps program CR Celebrate Recovery & with Jesus & 12steps I'm still here.,,
Lol-- Dave-- SOOO many gems in this video. I cannot say ‘it is ONE’- but, many.
The forgetful memory, the gaslighting, the projection, etc.
always curious for the BPD’s watching your videos-- what is the reasoning ‘why’ they do what they do? -- I know- it is a rhetorical question. Keep up the great works my friend.
Okkkayyyy. 😅. Perfect
Thanks !! Always connect to what ur saying
The last time she called the police was the worst, hands down. Saturday morning plans are to chil-lax at the camper together. However, I was dressed "in good shorts and T-shirt" so I was to change my clothes. l refused, which caused her to file assault charges. I was arrested and spent 4 days in jail. This was considered a "separation" so having sex with an old flame was not considered cheating. 😳😳😳
Oh my gosh! Every single thing you mention in this video, my recent ex did to me. To a T!!!!
About 6 month in, we were at my place for few days, then she went to hers (we live 30 mins apart). It was weekend and i told her as she was leaving, its nice that she's goes to her own place for a while, i have a day or two to focus and do some stuff alone too here on my place (chill etc), she still started to call me the same night that "i want to come back to your place tonight"...i told her, nope, we agreed that we have our own time also, right? She kept messaging and calling me like 20+ times, i replied few times but after that it escalated to her cutting her self in the arms and i calling the cops for possible suicide attempt. Normal night right? 😞
Like your not even asking for a narrative but they going to give you theirs no matter what............exhausted
It was helpful how you gave examples, great job. 💯
This sounds so much like my, ex. I thought he was a Narc, so now I'm confused
👍🏻 excellent
Hi!
@@daviddemars hi David keep going with the good work . Your contents are always hitting the nail on its head and getting better by the day
Dear David ❤
Such a good an informative video.
They disorder person will also threaten I will k..l myself and it's your fault.
I said go a head and walked the f away .
Night mare for human being 😢
Everything happened to me. I have seen everything. I'm so hurt.
He got mad at me because i would not go into the store with him. I wanted to stay into the car and charge my phone because i had to do a zoom call for work. It was all so strange. He cursed me out
You are the best David 🙏🏼
Wow. I feel had for you that you were hurt by borderline but you also still are in the process of healing; its very evident in your speech. Very evident. Get better. You seem to be intelligent and articulate but very wounded yourself. This is a forum for victims and talking us great but healing is the whole point.
This video is just amazing thank you so much Dawood (David in arabic)
Amazing David ❤
So true your top
Only thing you left out sir, my DPD wife's go-to for any occasion, "rules for THEE, not for ME"
I learn ao mutch from you. Thank s🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
My goodness your hitting on every specific detail of my awful sister. Truly evil
LOl u R funny.
Everything you've said, I've been through it w/psycho's. I've been single for years now.
Do they forget what they did that's bad purposely or they really have a blockage???????
You probably sound like an overdramatic ass to anyone who isn't/ hasn't lived through this..Truth is your describing my f'ing life. I'm getting therapy to manage the stress, confusion and emotion dump, I am going through.
My ex finally came back, I've been sending her your videos to help as she has reached out to me.
Now I have a system to that she remains in treatment as the sole terms and conditions for her if she wants to maintain constant contact with me.
No negotiations, so far it's working, and I am also in contact with her therapist, only on the grounds of if she skips or discontinues treatment, so I will know what I should do for me.
My girl is the discouraged quiet type.
Thanks so much my friend, your helped 😇😏
I know nothing about you, but if you think that you are winning with a BPD, You're in cognitive dissonance. Enjoy, the sex is off the chain. It's just not worth it-in the long run.
Wow, good luck. Speak your terms and only co tinue when they are agreed upon and know exactly what you will do if broken.
@@daviddemars you bet, you're definitely a wonderful help to us all!😁✊😏
I had the quiet one. dated 5 years, then she monkey branched etc, 5 years off, then she re-contacted me again, tried to date again, that lasted 1.5 years but it made me realise she was no better, and she did the same toxic stuff again in repeat. I'm a person that usually dont want to "quit things" but in this scenario, i'm seeing no point continuing to pursuit. It's a lose lose situation in most cases. Wish you better luck !
@@johtoDavid has videos on this where they suck you back it never lasts and is always worse.
How dumb am i. At round 6 he said we should go to therapy. I figured he was dismissive avoidant. 7 more months of bliss then the switch flipped. "I don't recall saying we should get therapy" right. Even in text. Threatened to end himself too.
It's killing us as well, the borderline. And I'm not manipulating intentionally. For myself it really is what I perceive is happening to me. I hope I'm not parentifying my boyfriend but I'm unhealed so chances are I am. Lord help me because I feel like a small child and I'm nearly 50.
My current boyfriend accuses me of damn near all of this. I hope I don't push him away and lose him. I truly love him. But I don't want to make him hate me.
Easy with the Chris talk man.
Both my ex husband AND my sister
Please talk about how borderlines cheat.
Thanks for this information! I’m learning a lot! And I’m from Ohio by the way lol
Since you mentioned borderlines and opinions, I will tell you how they form their opinions. They repeat someone else like a parrot. And they will tell you they believe the same thing just to keep you. You should do a whole video on it.
I agree totally with financial issues there is a odd behaviour the way the spend, but I think there is a generation divide when you said about the woman paying for the meal, and its nice the man would pay, it was very natural, not exploiting anyone this is where we have times now where there is no difference male female its all very sanitised, my know sadly ex partner who passes away, always made me feel safe, cared for, loved and his thoughts were if we are rich we are both rich ,if poor we are both poor, no exploration intended just love and caring for someone, sadly that's going now in place of this idea, that any kindness is weak .
If there's one piece of advice in this video you should really listen to its this: _You CAN'T fix them or get them to change, no matter what you say or do._ Amything you try is never good enough for them. I wasted 13 years of my life with a BPD/covert narcissist woman. Had I known these things years ago, it could have saved me a lot of anguish and emotional damage.
Sucks, my borderline person treats me like gold and does everything possible to make me happy, until something in her life sets her off, then she ghosts and hides, resulting in a silent treatment that might last for days, or weeks. It's rough.
And that is why you need to find the strength to walk away from her, my friend. I am speaking from personal experience. It won't be easy, but you have to understand that she will never change without treatment. You can't keep going through seven bad days just to have two good days.
💯
My mum and sister have bpd. Both are fkin awful people
Crazy how people misunderstand this disorder. People with BPD are not trying to be manipulative, nor abuse you. They have a huge fear of abandonment and it’s incredibly hard for them to trust someone when they go on their extreme lows. They hurt deeply and need reassurance all the time. The self-aware borderliners know the toll they put on other people and they constantly blame themselves, and they also realize they can’t be with anyone because nobody would want them, which is already a fear of theirs. These people have experienced neglect in their childhood and are deeply suffering. You can’t say they are “red flags” when they can’t control their emotions because of this disorder, when it’s not a matter of willpower. “Red flags” are those who are able to control their emotions and still do such things.
It would be better to educate people on this disorder instead of putting even more stigma on it. From your videos it shows you know a lot about disorders, but don’t truly understand them.
When she looked you in the eye and lied convincingly to your face, are you going to excuse that behavior? She knew what she was doing and she was afraid to tell you because then you’d leave her abandonment. So the fear of abandonment does that make it right for her to cheat on you and financially exploit you?
Screw that they can go to therapy. Stigma.
They are aware of lying to you that they love you they have a problem but would hide it they need to be stigmatized so that they go to therapy.
@@peacendukwe i’m sorry, but it’s clear you are not informed at all on this matter. They don’t know they are lying, or if they are lying. They feel a desperation inside them at perceived or real abandonment. They feel intensely, and what they feel is not a lie. They don’t know that what they’re doing is a problem, it’s like they are drugged in the moment. Even the most self aware borderline won’t be able to tell when they have an episode, because their feelings deceive them.
Nobody needs to be stigmatized in general, if you want them to go to therapy, why not help them instead of making their world worse unnecessarily, When they haven’t asked to have Borderline personality disorder in the first place?
100%
The proof thing...I mean the whole thing, but yeah...the proof crap...lol
🙏Amen
From a borderline: PLEASE remember that not everyone with this diagnosis exhibits all traits. It varies greatly. Never assume 😊
exhibits traits🤣
🤗👍
Hi, CindyC! Ohio got snow overnight! Not much, but it’s there! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!😎❤️
Hello Cindy!
@@rorywright5692 Hope it was pretty. Have a wonderful week. 🤗❤️❄️
@@daviddemars have a great week. 🤗
Think about how this behavior affects the mate when the bpd person is twice your weight and a foot and a half taller. I did the math on my mate. In order for someone to be the same percentage larger than my mate is to me. He would be looking at a person 8 ft tall and 600 lbs. That person would be in his face yelling swearing and calling him names. It's ugly.. he is all the things you have described here, except the sex part. I quit having sex with him when the verbal abuse started.
13:42 LOL!
Oh man, so many gold nuggets here, thanks ! I remember, i was like WTF because she got angry / sad because i finally got a steady job while we were living together and struggling money wise and she was unemployed , she told me "I dont want you to work"...whaaat? Can't make this shit up 🤣
😂
But I have seen , in him a distinct dislike, or odd different attitude when ive had a special day, like mothers day, when they visit and give ne gifts cards ect, he doesnt even mention the gifts there and one usually a normal reaction is to mention the gifts you got, and comments , say that's nice" not totally blanks
Firstly I want to say thank you🎉🎉 you help me alot with your videos peace of mind❤❤, my wife got bpd she changed alot but still uses silent treatment when ever I break a promise like told her won't smoke again but she keeps poking wen things are OK like lots criticising and that sometimes stress me out so go out for a smoke and she finds out and gets triggered so it's my fault with 🚬, what's the best way to deal with silent treatment
I wonder about the ex one. I have stayed friends with an ex for a decade after the relationship ended. I told my new romantic partner that at the outset of the relationship.
As per my own experience with my BF spending time with his ex? It would have worked out okay had HE included ME in catching up with her. But NEITHER of them seemed too interested to have me "tag along". Looking back now THAT should have been a red flag right there.. If there is NOTHING to hide, why be so discrete? Do you include your GF in on your friendship with your ex? Does she come along too when you meet up? Once GF see;s how healthy your friendship is and gets to know ex GF, then I know I would have been LOTS more cool with it all and TRUSTED them hanging out on their own on occasions.. I was informed by our "couples" counsellor, that after dark meet ups on your own with EX is STILL dating mode.
@@rosiemcking72 Yes, you are so right that transparency and inclusion is key. My gf made that point as well, so I learned to always be clear, and she was invited to hang out with us on numerous occasions. My ex's partner was as well. I was actually hoping everyone would click as friends and that there would be meetups that didn't include me. That didn't happen, but everyone became comfortable with everyone else over time. For me, it was a point of honor. Friendship is for life. I was friends with my ex for years after we broke up, and she was friendzoned in my eyes - and dating someone else (a woman!). Also I had been basically adopted into her family. Also, there was the fact that my ex doesn't have many friends. Considering all of that, I didn't feel right about breaking that off. And especially not because I was told I had to by a screaming person. I just dug in my heels.
You really think I care right now with how you feel, I'm tired of telling you things and you still do what you want. At this point I'm tired of trying with you.
Yeah...I don't miss it.
I have BPD and am disappointed at the content of this video. It promotes dangerous stereotypes of a complex, wide-ranging condition. The comments are condescending and mocking in tone, including laughing. There is no consideration of the reasons why a person reacts in the way that they do and no empathy; instead, there is condemnation and undermining of a serious condition. This is not a useful or meaningful discussion of the condition, it is an attack on people who deserve better than this misinformation
His videos are really helpful for those that have suffered at the hands of a BPD partner
@@jiaheung4628 I'm sure they are but stand by my comment - this video contains information that promotes unfair and dangerous stereotypes. It contains content that not rooted in fact, it relies on experience and speculation. Lise Leblanc has much better videos on how to cope and Sam Vaknin has forgotten more about BPD than this clown will ever know
My hope is that you realize the damage you might have done to those who have loved you and have tried to help you so it can put you on the path to your own treatment and healing.
I’m not trying to be negative but it seems like you really hate people that are borderline. I’m separated from my BPD husband and yes he was abusive verbally and emotionally, but he’s absolutely suffering. He’s inpatient now and is getting help but damn, you’re vicious. These are people too.
I'd say it's because of the way they behave is why he's vicious. They might have a personality disorder, but they still know the difference between right and wrong. Regardless, it's unfair to the other person to have to endure their abuse. You can still pity them, but condemn their behavior.
from south africa
Hi David
Are people who have been abused, similar to people with BPD?
Emotional abuse is way worse than physical abuse, because emotional abuse turns yourself against you and you don't know what is wrong because it has always been like that.
If you don't think you have stress, open your mouth and your jaw will make a clicking noise wich means it's under tension but you just don't notice that you are so tence all the time.
Is it possible to out talk people like this? If you can talk well maby then you would be able to think fast enough not to get hurt ever.
Other people pretend to be relaxed all the time. They are hiding something. They don't deserve to be happy.
You have no understanding of Trauma :(