Just the calm understanding systematic kinda energy of the Autism and the messy I can't get this done of ADHD all bundled up into one person, supporting each other but also clashing all at once
I've only recently heard about AuDHD. It seems contradictory, whilst I can see lots of overlaps in some symptoms, they seem to be at opposite ends with others. For example It's common for people with ADHD to be very intuitive of others feelings opposed to an Autistic person struggling to read other people. Doesn't ADHD with autistic traits make more sense? To clarify, I'm not trying to offend, genuinely interested in learning from someone with an AuDHD diagnosis.
My partner has been the “neurotypical” voice in our relationship for years (AuDHD on my end) and just last week he found out that he actually has Autism too. I think my spouse is very much relating to Rich’s comment of ‘I’m in too deep now as the neurotypical partner…’ 😅😂
As soon as Rox said "Rich might be autistic" he started stimming! 😂 He probably didn't even realise he was doing it because it was one of these covert stims but the ankle rocking and finger fiddling repeatedly was definitely a stim! 😁
he is not autistic. He might be a bit anal, but he is not autistic. We need to not expand autism into such a wide net that it hurts people who are actually autistic.
Funny how that works. I had no idea I could be autistic until my kid was getting diagnosed. It’s been three years since my diagnosis and it’s still sinking in.
I am awaiting an autistic diagnosis after being diagnosed with ADHD, after my children have been diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. During the assessment I was thinking "but I thought that was normal because I do that..." that is when the penny dropped
That was how I was diagnosed, 8 ish years ago now. It does sink in eventually, it takes a while to accept and figure out how understanding yourself better helps across life. Just don't forget to cut yourself some slack when you have things going wrong moments, cos thst happens to us all too and its ok ❤
This is how I found out I had ADD. I was with my son during his diagnoses at 13 (ten years ago). As the Dr is asking my son a series of questions, I'm answering them for myself in my head. I turned to the Dr when he was done and said, is it possible for an adult to have ADD as well, because I just answered yes to every question you asked my son.
@@kkaur-w9d there are multiple ways to go about it, and it depends on your health system and what is available in your area. Primary care, pediatrics, psychology, they all can. I ended up going the private pay route with a local clinic that specializes in thorough neuropsychological testing. If I was willing to only be assessed for ADHD and wait longer, I could have done it through my health system.
I think that sounds cool on paper but for them it would probably be like the situation with home remodelers in their house, that is if you're talking a reality TV sorta thing. A talk show in a separate studio situation might be better. Sorry if I misunderstood.
I believe it would be incredibly entertaining, BUT Television does not have the best track record for preserving relationships. They are a precious gem of a couple. A power couple for adhd advocacy. As selfishly as I want to see more of them.
I think what they’re currently doing is their best way to approach this, actual television is a whole different world, it’s fake as hell and wouldn’t work with a show about neurodivergent families.
How do you not judge and just stay curious? My partner, who is probably ADHD also, has a really hard time staying curious and not taking my anger personally.
Not everyone on the spectrum needs a diagnosis and help, it really depends on how much it is an obstacle in your life and how whether you feel validated
Exactly, we need to stop making the net so large that it hinders and hurts those that are actually autistic. While he may have some characteristics of autistic people he clearly not autistic, just a bit anal and british.
ADHD husband of an ADHD wife here. It got real in the weirdest place here for me. It was when you noted her losing her sunglasses and then she reached up to touch the sunglasses to be sure they were there. I thought "That's it! That's why my wife uses sunglasses universally as a hairband accessory. It's so she doesn't lose them." Wow, the most unlikely seeming ADHD features, but there they are more universal than you'd think.
"ADHD people are 4x more likely to have tried to take their own life...I'm in that statistic." Rox got me crying. I'm also part of that statistic. Undiagnosed ADHD, only recently diagnosed makes me feel so seen but also so invisible. How much could I have avoid suffering if I'd only known this? How many nights in tears because someone said something in that "tone" that triggered an RSD episode? How many times did I scream and cry and throw textbooks because my mind couldn't do that math? How many times did I call myself lazy or stupid because I couldn't be like anyone else? How many years spent in this all consuming darkness? Could I avoided spending many years staying in an abusive relationship because I thought that was the most I deserved? Rich and Rox, thank you. You only recently popped into my radar, but I appreciate SO MUCH not only dealing with the late diagnosis, but also all the really bad internal bs that you deal with being undiagnosed that long, it makes me feel so f'ing SEEN and I appreciate it
I called it the first time I saw them. I work with their dynamic all the time and I specialize in detecting the root (under the mask). He is ASD and she is ADHD. And trauma and ADHD (any disorder actually) have the same symptoms because it's all being caused by the same thing. Cell Danger Response is present in the brain and affecting different areas of the brain, whether it's caused by trauma or genetics. This is one of the MOST popular dynamics in relationships. But most of the people I work with are seeking assistance for their ASD partner (usually male) and they assume they are the "NT" wife, when in reality they're FAR from NT. lol. It's really great to watch them on their journey of self discovery because it's not for blaming anyone, it's to help them see the massive mountain they too have been up against. Neurodiverse individuals are the MOST resilient and strong humans I have ever known. My husband and I and all 4 of our children are also all neurodiverse.
I have always known there was something different about my brain. Other people handed me labels that explained enough of it that I accepted them and tried them on, so to speak, for a while, but they never really fit properly. Being ADD was one. And in researching it exhaustively (😏) I realized my husband was. Like, without a doubt. It should have been glaringly obvious. Now, 25 yrs of marriage later, I’m just beginning to understand that I am, very likely, autistic. And our dynamic makes so much sense to me now. He is erratic and spontaneous and I love that about him because I love to explore the world SAFELY (or what feels safe to me) and he accepts me so completely as I am that I do feel utterly safe to do so. But I am methodical, I plan everything out to the last dot, I rehearse, I visualize everything in my head before I begin ( I mean, how did I think I was ADD? LOL) and I have an allergic reaction to anything that is un-pragmatic or illogical. To highlight the point - he has always believed he is a GREAT organizer because people always ask him to help them move as he can fit an entire house into a seemingly far too small truck. But it’s incoherent. I finally stopped him when he was arguing that he is NOT disorganized at all and told him, “No. You are fantastic at SHOVING things into spaces and making it appear orderly, but there is no coherence or logic or actual organization involved whatsoever. It’s a veneer of organization.” Whereas, I will happily spend the rest of my days organizing every object in the universe into its proper categories and devise a comprehensive system for indexing said categories and objects. Anyhow, he’s a genius at handling people and all things social. He knows when all our kids birthdays are, he can enter any room anywhere and instantly charm and form connections with any disparate group of people. He keeps me connected to the world of people. I keep the world of things in order. Oh, and he struggles to do paperwork and such, but between the two of us, he can navigate forms and such. They undo me. I don’t know what they are asking me or why and I CANNOT call people and ask for help because of the stress and also, unless I have a script, I WILL eventually blurt out, “You have to know this is asinine and objectively irrational and unhelpful, right?” whereas he can charm them into helping him out. BUT the essential thing here is that his own neurodivergent brain has sympathy for mine and vice versa. We speak enough of the same language that we just get each other and let one another Be. None of our friends understand us at all. Even our children laugh about how odd we are but somehow it is just magic and I am profoundly grateful that I fell in love with the one human on this planet that is the best possible partner for me and the best friend I could ever have hoped for.
@@northwoodfalls1403I got the label drama queen but meltdowns are not people trying to cause drama, I know this now and have some peace but honestly, the NT response to autism and ADHD has totally crippled me and caused a lot of trauma so yes I did used to have a lot of meltdowns... ND do definitely seem to come together in partnership, I've noticed autistic people and ADHD often atteact. I'm really glad you've found the happiness you deserve
Rox going on a brilliant rant - at least twice - almost unconsciously, is an ADHD power. Our minds draw together many different threads into a brilliant insight - and often we can't remember what we said! My daughter calls and asks me for thoughts and tapes me ! And why cares if that sounds arrogant, it's cool and has the added benefit of being the truth. ADHD is astonishing and useful!!
I cannot express how much I genuinely love Rox and Rich. Sweet, smart, caring, through and through good people who’ve done so much good for the ND community. Thank you so much R+R 💛
To folks talking about late diagnosis of autism/ADHD and the time it takes for it to "sink in": I was diagnosed with both as a small child. I actively avoided learning anything about either because I thought that by living it I knew all I needed to know, until after I burned out severely 4 years ago, in my mid 20s. Since then I've been learning about both and it's allowed me to understand so much more about myself. I'm still on the journey, but I just wanted to let you all know that you're not alone, not so different from some of us diagnosed young. We're all on this journey together!
I‘m a 54 years old female late diagnosed with both. I had tears in my Eyes when I felt the Relief to know where all this trouble comes from when I’ve got Diagnosed. I had also the thought „what if I just knew many years earlier?“ In the end I must say you are right. It is just the way it is and each Person has an own Life to go. I wish you all the best.
21:30 Watching this video made me cry in the best way. I (female neurotypical) broke up with my partner (male who has adhd) about a 2 months ago because he was in denial that he had adhd due to parents and teachers telling him he was just lazy. He refused to do any kind of management of it related to setting reminders, deadlines, going to therapy etc and it tore our relationship apart. He messaged me today telling me he’s booked an appointment with a psychiatrist for next week to get a formal diagnosis and to start taking responsibility. He apologised for not realising sooner that it was impacting his life so severely and that it took losing me to trigger researching it and figuring it out. Hearing what you guys can get through as a couple when you both put in the work to understand has given me hope. Thank you.
As a very late self diagnosed Autist I fully understand wanting to circle around the diagnosis for a while. Keep in mind, the diagnosis doesn't make us a different person. Self diagnosing is helping understand ourself and better using our resources. Official diagnosis has to be thought about carefully. It can be harmful because of where societies and the medical profession are.
I absolutely agree with this, I’m also a late self diagnosed autistic/adhd person (I’m in my 30’s)and I’m afraid to get an official diagnosis yet🥲, especially the autism one, I’m 100% I’m adhd but sometimes I still feel like such an imposter about the autism part and even the whole thing, so I think I’m still not there yet, not ready for a diagnosis. I hope I can get there one day and make a wise desicion about all this.
@@FabiolaRVelaFor me it is not the ultimate goal to get an official diagnosis. I don't think I ever will. I see no gain for myself in that. I am sure by now I am an Autist and pretty sure ADHD too. I want to be my best self. Other neurodivergents help me better than doctors can.
Yes and for some people the validation of the diagnosis is important but if you don't want/need that I definitely would question the benefit. It's different with ADHD as people might want to experiment with medication, so there are potential options that come with a diagnosis.
As a queer, non-binary, audhd person, I can assure you cutting off contact with my parents years ago was immensely good for me. I have no desire or intent to ever rekindle a relationship with them.
I wonder how common it is for audhd adults to go no contact with family as we get older. I am only recently diagnosed in my 30s, but I went no contact with my entire family 10 years ago this month, and it was the single best decision I have EVER made.
I am sad to hear that, from you both, to be in such a position where separation became necessary for your survival. I am also a combo brain, (and possibly a bit dyslexic, because audhd feels too hard to type, so i use combo. ) And at 58, diagnosed as at 38, and adhd at 55, I am still very close to my parents. I love them to bits, and not looking forward to losing them. But they have been amazing to me, with all our struggles. Mum is likely adhd, undiagnosed, and dad's side has autism. I wish your families had learnt to understand and appreciate you, just as you are, they are missing out.
@@Plethorality I appreciate you. I am so happy to hear your family dynamic was less turbulent. My partner's family is amazing, so I married up in that regard. My mother in law is the most amazing person I have ever met, and while I wouldn't say I'm super close to her, I adore her with every fiber of my being and would do genuinely anything for her I could. She raised 4 kids in the 80s and 90s who all grew up to be great people, and even if their childhood wasn't trauma free they are all open about what worked and what didn't. I think that is genuinely the most awe inspiring part of their familial dynamic.
The ability to learn new things goes hand in hand with not being able to remember things like time or keeping small objects from getting lost. Learning new things all the time takes a huge amount of attention and brain space, so “ smaller” problems go by the wayside. And adhd people aren’t just learning new things when they look like they are learning. We are constantly contemplating new ideas and problem solving. So being in the middle of a brain storm sesh about whatever it is, while also pouring a cup of coffee, can easily result in the coffee pot ending up in the cupboard near the mugs instead of back on the machine. ( happened last week and took forever to find it ) it makes perfect logical sense . Lol
I love finding things in unusual places. Now I laugh and joking shout tadahhh as if look what I found. But the French for ADHD is Tadahh or however you spell it so. A play on words is always fun, because it would of been the adhd that lead to time object being where you find it
I also thjnk that the word tadahh came from a. French person who lost something and he shouted tadahhh when he found it. He was an ADHDer. He worked in mental health and so related the incident with his ADHD. It makes sense in my head. Anyways
He can be the ""Late Diagnosed Autistic" Husband", because even men with nontypical presentations of Autism were missed ♡ bless you! I realized I'm Autistic when I had my first baby at 42 and my sensory sensitivities went wild! And I saw it in my little one, and then saw it in me and both my parents, brothers, etc... was surprised to also find out I am ADHD, like my child and many others in my family... we ALL didn't know, highly masked and internalized ableism... and suffered mental and physical health complications, not to mention compounding negative social issues, etc. You are a great team, but you also in unmasking will need support, and there is so much online!!! Including you two, beautiful souls ♡♡♡ thanks for all you do!
Sadly my hubby just never cared to understand so he's asked for a divorce. Fortunately I've had 7 years of therapy to realize that i don't need to apologize for just being who i am. Everyone around me sees how hard i try, except my husband. I'll be better off on the other side of this because he was poison to my soul.
This exact thing happen to me, im 50 we divorced...im better on the other side. Very nice living without judgment. Wish you all the best moving forward😘😘😘
It's hard to thrive in that type of environment. I'm around so many neurodiverse people that being around neurotypicals sort of annoys me. If the ADHD part of me is showing more--I'm not in the picky type of mindset, where exactly the correct words or whatever must be attended to. My Autistic brain can be very picky. And annoying to others. This likely irritates others because one day I'm all loosy-goosey and the next I'm hyperfocused and exacting. Living with that for a neurological could be very tough. That might be why some of our relationships are not the best.
I'm on the post-divorce side of this. Regardless of logistical issues, it's incredible to not live with someone who fundamentally undermines who you are in their own head. Whether they say it or not, you can see it and hear it, the disrespect and disdain for who you are as a person. With my ex-husband, I think he was looking for someone to make up for his weaknesses so he can keep going along feeling ashamed of them and then hiding that away again, rather than admitting he has them, working on them, and, imo, getting an ND diagnosis himself. I would have liked him to make different choices about those things, but he didn't, and I did what I could. I can't tell you what your path is going to look like, but I can tell you that I feel like I can breathe, and I think you will get there, too. ETA: I'll just add that my therapy was part of what precipitated our divorce. He told me he didn't know who I was anymore. You made the right choice, to be true to you.
@@ritarevell7195 unfortunately my husband truly seems like a covert narcissist - I do not say that lightly. When I started pushing back and no longer was the obedient wife who did whatever his will was, and started voicing my beliefs, I was no longer his "supply" so I had to go. I did try though, because that was the way I was raised (my parents were married for 56 years the day my mom passed away). I totally get what you were talking about loosy goosey one day and strict the next - that's definitely me 😂 My relationships with everyone else are fine. I always just lay it all out on the table, and I communicate with people and we work it out, and I am blessed with so many incredible friends and family who support and "get me" - the one and only person who didn't was my husband - and that says everything. That, and our son who is 24 chooses to live with me because he's also ADHD and on the spectrum, so neither of us got treated very nicely, but now we are enjoying life in the house because we can just be who we are without judgement.
I had to leave my partner, she had surprisingly out dated veiws regarding ND, for a mental health care professional. I wasn't perfect, none of us are, she was a mostly decent person. I suppose I expected too much understanding of what I had to deal with. She would be amazed at what I could achieve, and scathing of what I couldn't, the classic ND, uneven skill set. ie glued to the sofa for hours, unable to focus, or get up. Work like a demon for days, weeks on end, pulling all night shifts, etc
I just found this channel and I immediately subscribed when you said "I will continue to keep to my word and promise to never let this podcast be sponsored by Huel". It just made me laugh out loud. And, as an auDHD, I could definitely use some ADHD podcasts in my life.
I love someone with severe ADHD. They were diagnosed in the early 80s and given meds that are not even on the market nowadays due to terrible side effects. They are so traumatized from this, they refuse to go to any doctor/therapist for anything. They have alcoholism, and use alcohol to cope with all their ADHD symptoms. This person is such an amazing human, with so many talents and an amazing, loving heart. It destroys me watching them suffer, but nothing I say or have done has helped. I have Autism and went through addiction myself. I showed ADHD Love to them and they really connected with it. I miss this person so much ❤
Kind of currently going through this myself . Maybe I need to go back to therapy I’m just scared my family will judge me for it. My family doesn’t really believe that mental health is really important. As a teenager I went to therapy around 16 and they told me I need antidepressants and my mom thought she was psycho and we left. I’m currently 24 and feel like everything in my life is shit at the moment . Recovered from Alcohol addiction 10 months ago. Have been doing ok relatively with things in the last 10 months . No alcohol, Exercise, eating better… I also am struggling with ADHD that I’m really sure I have . Growing up I had a speech impairment and also wasn’t able to focus and concentrate and was struggling with a lot of mental health issues . Wish my mom would understand what I was going through . Maybe thinking that therapy would help me even, possible medication down the road.
@@elenaschiff6171Is going to therapy and not telling your family an option? At the end of the day it's your mental health and your business. If it will be safer and healthier for you in the long run to go and not tell them, do whatever is best for you. Getting meds and an AHD diagnosis in my mid 20s probably saved me from dropping out of my degree program. I was struggling so hard. It is one of the best things I've done for myself
Found myself crying here and there. Too many things are relatable and it's such an honour to follow their personal and couple's development. Infinitely grateful to hear these stories, it's healing
Oh god, my wife lately came out as on the autism spectrum. For 20 years she tried keeping together our life and my undiagnosed adhd. Now me having a diagnose and she stopping to bear all the burden of keeping our life together, we finally were like: omg babe.... it might be you are autistic. Relatives are diagnosed autistic too. But we never saw it. Gosh. I feel adhd and asd could be a hellish good combination for relationships hrhrhhrhr. ❤😊😂🎉
I'm AuDhd with trauma and my husband is ADHD and I suspect undiagnosed autism also with trauma we do argue sometimes and it can be toxic, it's tough out there. 🙏🏼@@stampandscrap7494
I have the ADHD and my ex-husband I figured out through other sources actually was autistic, and neither of us have known this. Had I known that he was on the spectrum of autism and my not been able to think differently about the situation. But there were other things that also complicated it. But we remain the best of friends actually doing better as exes and see each other and talk to each other almost daily. We’re pretty old now we won’t be living together again we drive each other crazy. But we always have each other’s back even after six years of divorce. Yes watching this is what made me realize all the things I’ve done all these years and yes, I did experience a lot of trauma very very young in my life. I can see my ex-husband was very calming to me, and still is kind of my rock but also he was unable to express his emotions which made me feel unloved and uncared for. He didn’t like to touch or be touched so that was quite a problem. But this really has shown me, even though I was diagnosed in my 40s and I’m 71 it has caused a lot of problems for me. I did not realize how much.
I’m so happy I’ve got my ADHD diagnosis, even though I’m 53. I feel so understood and that I’ve found my people. Every one of these podcasts makes me feel more relieved that I can now relate rather than mask. And it’s taught me to manage my struggles in a way that I need. I have definitely had a relationship end because my ADHD caused arguments ( pre-diagnosis I) I blamed him for a lot but in reality, I was in total overwhelm most of the time, and I was reacting as a result of that. Had I known we could’ve worked with that we’d probably still be together. This was a very interesting discussion ps. I’m also a metal/ rock fan 😂😂Music is my life. I can relate to Rox so much. I have so many of the same behaviours/ thoughts. I love how she describes the ‘ unwinding’ of long held feelings after diagnosis. ❤️How the hell did it take 50 years for me to be diagnosed 😂😂 Just bought both books!😊
That feeling of resisting something you love (like work) because it's such a commitment when you get into that particular ADHD flow! It's exciting and daunting and even the excitement can be daunting, because all that emotion itself demands energy.
Rox, I think your hair is a gorgeous colour. Whether it's black blue or or magenta. You are a precious human being, worthy of dignity. You are NOT unloved, whether you're having a good day with the ADHD or not. You're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You too Rich. You're both precious. Hugs.
20:00 "I started shouting actually didn't I", " "you raised your voice and I started giggling" I can totally relate to this! For some reason the reactions are often insppropriate to the situation, I often have had a weird reaction of laughing to someone showing anger and rage towards me which is totally not how I'm feeling in the moment, I'm feeling extreme high anxiety yet my odd reaction is to laugh which heightens the confrontation. What the heck is happening in the brain to react in a way that is a different reaction to the one you're experiencing in high stress situations? 23:04 Totally relate to this!
But sometimes, it is just bloory funny, though. Its not always something wrong with our brains, is it? Sometimes is something wrong with theirs! Neurotypicals get upset over ridiculous things! They even start wars because of their own stupid egos... Its not always our brains that are wrong. Non neurotypical is not a euphemism for "always wrong".
I find it fascinating! There are so many things Rox mentions that I've always done and I just thought they were quirks of my personality. Really random things! But then Rox will mention it and I'm like OMG me too!! I just turned 43 and I haven't officially been diagnosed yet, but I am 90% sure I am ADHD.
I do the accent thing too! I only recently realized that the way I model characters from shows or movies is my AuDHD. I think I used media when I was young to figure out my personality and also as a way to mask in society by acting like I thought I was supposed to around other people
Also I’m exactly like Rox .. constantly losing keys and leaving my things at my hairdressing client’s houses .. its exhausting .. I once left my work diary on top of my car and drove away , absolute nightmare , I’ve locked my keys in the car too .. I had a huge cake made for my daughters 21st , picked it up took it to the restaurant then got in the car and popped to the shop , I got back in the car and convinced myself of left the cake on top of the car and had driven away .. had a massive meltdown until I realised I’d already delivered it to the restaurant.. I mean. WTAF WAS THAT 😅😂
It’s a real thing! Locked myself out of the car - once with my sleeping baby in it (I was going to walk a few feet away to get a paper at the paper stand). Ran out of gas multiple times, coffee cup, wallet, on the top of the car. Just the self induced trauma around the vehicle is ridiculous. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😜
🤣🤣🤣 omg! I hope I am laughing WITH you, not at. With you, because I do relate. (hug!) I hope in a few years you can laugh heartily at I, if not now, because, dear one, that story is mightily hilarious. The traumatic feelings were not, for sure (hug hug). My mind goes off track, and I forget the details at the junction where my mind diverged… it’s just going down that isolated track, which is bizarre when you compare what you’re thinking to the real facts (what someone actually said, or what I just did or concluded). It’s because our “working memory” has a smaller capacity to hold different elements at the same time. 😢 So we are in these thought tunnels, moving down the track, further from reality, 😂. It’s just how we are, so find the humor and roll with it! (and make sure your partner learns to roll with it & laugh at it).
I am so grateful for all of you. And I am so grateful to hear Rox rising to deal with the self-hatred associated with ADHD head on. I was late diagnosed and spent so many years feeling broken, pretending to be something I wasn’t, and absolutely burning myself out trying to be perfect to avoid being found out as the failure I thought I was. Being diagnosed and finding meditation, therapy, and people like all of you allowed me to truly accept myself for the first time in my life. Thank you all for the work you do.
Oh my goodness, I can resonate with everything Rox says. I turned 50 this year and lost both my parents too, mum 2012 and dad 2020 and tbh have been trying to process all the trauma that they caused me and my family. I have 3 children and am desperately trying not to imitate the way my parents raised me and my brother. Sadly my brother still hasn’t healed at 46 years old and been out of work for nearly 20 years and refuses to get help. His wife works full time and they have 2 children, 1 which has been diagnosed with ADHD recently. 3 members (including me) in my family were sexually abused as children (me by fathers brother) and then both my daughter and niece were sexually abused by my father. He got a 5 year suspended sentence and my mum didn’t stick by him initially but a few months after it all came out my mum was diagnosed with cancer and over the next few months he manipulated her to shut her bank account and put the money in his so we didn’t get it and told her that what happened wasn’t what it was so she distanced herself from us and sadly died about 8 months later. He was refusing to let me and my brother see her after he removed her from the local hospice and taking her home but we phoned the police and at least got to say goodbye to her. They had been together nearly 40 years and she didn’t know any better and probably didn’t want to believe it. He was always putting us and Mum down-we were never good enough. He was so narcissistic-I’m sure he suffered trauma as a child and never dealt with it so we got the brunt of it. When I was 16 I told my dad what his brother had done to me and he never spoke to me about it except to ask if it was true. I was absolutely devastated to find out that he did it to our children after knowing what his brother had done to me. He even told them that he’d kill us if they ever told anyone just like my uncle did. I am healing and am grateful that you have enabled me to understand why I am the way I am. The shame was relentless. I too have struggled with confidence and self sabotage and believe it or not only just started to realise that my partner of 27 years isn’t going to leave me. Thank you for everything you do. We can only heal by getting all this out and sharing it so people can see they’re not alone. ❤
Rich I hear you … we went out for my daughters 21st and OMG the level of noise in a tiny family run restaurant was INSANE 😮 I could hear alllll the convos and it was just incredibly overwhelming and I was mega overstimulated 👀
This is hitting home hard. Low self-esteem and avoiding confrontation and coming from a home where my dad could be so angry and not speak for two weeks I know myself to tread very carefully in certain situations. Two more boxes I can tick off for a possible ADHD diagnosis (at 62 😏)
Rich and Rox could save our species merely by their extraordinary mode of communication We might pick up ways to show respect, love, common sense, adventure, fun, My second time watching.
I think as a fellow neurodivergent parent of neurodivergent children it is complicated. I agree. All parents mess up. We are all just learning as we go, and I think it’s is a teachable moment for parent and child. We are not perfect. We are human first. We mess up. There is no manual.
Rox… you are so definitely good enough! “A good day” for me starts the same… coffee in bed and scrolling for an hour… if my girls wake up early it throws me off for the whole day. Also, I think there’s so much trauma in being undiagnosed
Also ....while I'm auDHD, my long term partner is autistic ....maybe, maybe a little ADHD. Those things around different ways we do things and 'get there' with things can be quite a dance. So beautiful to see such open communication. A little humour can go such a long way too.
The wear again shelf - I just had an idea - we should get wall hooks! Like a little row of them. Because I don’t want to put the clothes in a drawer or the closet because I wore it but they aren’t dirty enough for the wash. - hooks instead of the floor.
Hahaha this is exactly how I deal with this 'issue'. Different hooks for sleep wear, work wear and lounge wear, I do need a forth one for workout wear 🤔 the key is to stand infront of the hooks when undressing. But hey, sometimes I'm happy with my wear again pile 😂
Adhd here but I don't really lose things. I think my (probable) ASD contributes to having "systems" for things that are the only way I think things should be. It's like the ASD fixed part of the ADHD?
Is the reason that you don't lose things because you always put them in the same place? Do you forget where they are when you accidentally put them somewhere else? It could be rigid, repetitive behaviours compensating for working memory deficits.
i love watching rox and rich and ive learned so much about self-compassion from them. also thank you rox, especially, because you say things that i have literally never heard anyone else experience. things that ive been ashamed of my whole life. your vulnerability is such a gift to other late diagnosis adults.
48:10 Rox is very charismatic on stage!! I just recently watched her band ! Wow! What a Rockstar! One would never know about the ‘Rejection Disphoria’ that she talks about in the his interview!!
I have ADHD and my fiance is neurotypicap, I am newly diagnosed last year and at the beginning of our relationship he used to tell me he didn't think he could stay with me if I couldn't learn to organize myself or pay attention to people and my surroundings, I felt so sad because i knew if I could change that I would but I couldnt and that was me...I tried my best and I think he could see me trying and failing...now he helps me more than anything, just the other day I was looking for an important document, we had just moved house I was just about to go into melt down and he calmly said I scanned it, it's on my computer, and on his desk top was a folder of my documents which where important and couldnt be lost ....it's so romantic
That was incredibly helpful and insightful. You have no idea how much I want get an actual adhd diagnosis now. I resonated with way too much of this talk. Not just with ADHD, but also with autism
I've never heard that being diagnosed can lead to dropping our masks, but now that I have heard it, I totally see that I've done that a little bit. I was diagnosed around 35, and now, at 40, I feel like I'm "more" ADHD than I ever have been. But I guess I've kind of embraced it in the last five years, and it makes me make sense, at least to myself.
I’m also reading Scattered Minds, bloody fantastic!! The book unpacks the mix of genetics and environment that cause ADHD to present - highly recommend. “Environment does not cause ADD any more than genes cause ADD. What happens is that if certain genetic material meets a certain environment, ADD may result. Without that genetic material, no ADD. Without that environment, no ADD.” - Gabor Mate
Regarding trauma, I have a theory! It is a bit like the chicken and the egg, does trauma create ADHD or is it more likely that growing up in a neurodivergent household, with neuro divergent traits, is it this that invites trauma? Undiagnosed or diagnosed neurodivergent parents are more unlikely to be able to control their emotions, may be emotionally unavailable, have fixed beliefs, need perfection, be more likely to self medicate with alcohol or drugs, may be more chaotic, unable to hold down a stable job, therefore live in poverty, have negative self beliefs and model these, impulsive relationships with unsuitable partners, inappropriate blurting / bluntness to those who love us, comorbid mental health disorders. We can talk about the positives of neurodivergence, the quirks and the superpowers, and I love myself for those things and many of us do make amazing parents, but in many cases especially for children of parents who do not understand themselves or the ways their brain functions, it can also be very damaging and traumatic to live in a neurodivergent micro environment. So my theory is that ADHD is ultimately a result of genetics which are passed down, and trauma therefore coexists in the lives of many who have grown up in a neurodivergent household, because the family have ADHD / Autism not because there is a causal link between experiencing trauma and developing ADHD symptoms?!
Every time I see these two, I get very emotional. Seeing how Rich loves Rox gives me hope that there might be someone out there capable of loving me the way he loves her-something I had given up on.... I also have a wear again shelf and I regularly have to toss everything out and wash it, because I am not capable of sticking to the system I have created for myself.
a couple things: Sensory Processing Disorder is often comorbid with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Having meltdowns is not uncommon Stimming can occur during anxiety, boredom (self soothing) Being detailed oriented can be a part of it females & nonbinary people present ADHD & Autism differently someone can be both genetic, congenital, head injuries, seizure disorders can mimic or cause neurodivergence Fragile X, William’s Syndrome, Wilson’s & Prader Willie are the most common genetic causes (Fragile X most common amongst Ashkenazi people) And someone can be a mix. And there’s masking
With any diagnosis, I observe that it helps to know as it opens up new tools and thought processes to improve life and health. The hardest part is getting over any negative self-perceptions, but the freedom it brings balances any real self-perseptions. I say this as someone who is both ADHD and Autistic. Misperceptions of what ADHD and Austism _are_ was the big hurdle to me as I don't fit the 'traditional' views (whatever that means). Also been a manager. Love driving for relaxation.
Honest, the first video I watched on Facebook I was like, I don't think this dudes NT.... I have both so it's like I love in a constant paradox. I'm loud and annoying but I'm shy and hate socialising. I long for company but people overwhelm me lol. The reason I thought you rich must be ND was because you respond so well to the difficulties of ADHD... Most NT generally do not... They see it as the person being difficult not that it's the way they respond to a disorder they never chose. It's been a rollercoaster for me with battling against that. Good on you mate, world needs more of you. Rox... You are fantastic... I empathise with your upbringing too. Please keep on spreading awareness the way you are and keep on being you
Greetings from Maine, USA! New subscriber! Thank you for this podcast! I love these people they have helped me so much. But the truth they bring is healing. They were made for each other, and I believe because this word needs healing and understanding. Rich and Rox are helping with that! They aren't perfect and they don't hide that. Amazing people. 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼
Rich being autistic makes sense and it would explain his grounded kindness and empathy. But it does bring up some feelings of a loss of hope for successful and understanding neurodivergent marriages. I guess Rich being so understanding of things was too good to be true for being representative of neurotypical people. Anyway, what I wanted to say is: Congrats Rich and Rox - it's been an amazing journey and I look forward to the next chapters ❤
I love my favorite smell and the candles. I have jar candle sconces on my wall. My favorite smell is bergamot waters from white barn/bath and body works. I even splurge on their detergent so I can smell like it too.
Loved this! I've known for over 30 years that I have ADHD and have recently realized that my husband of almost 43 years is probably autistic. It's been great. We're perfect for each other! It's a great combination!
I absolutely love these two. I have ADD 😊found out in late 20s and everything clicked. Im still crazy but its my brain. Least i know what is going on. I always thought i was slow. Ive always been super emotional. 👌 RSD. Ive always been called "too sensitive" with all these examples, these two help me with a lot. Love them!!!! ❤️
I loved this me and my partner have never argued or shouted at each other, we’ve been together 18 years, we are both sober and I think this has made a huge difference, pre this relationship I drank and was a nightmare, always fighting and arguing, because of Rox and Rich I discovered at the age of 47 I’m ADHD and have sensory processing disorder and it’s been eye opening and I went through the regression part too, I’m on the other side of that now.
Thank you for being you Rox. I see myself in you when I was in my dark place trying to please everyone and wanting everyone to like me and doing anything for their attention. I have 2 girls, one with adhd (late diagnosis) and one with both autism and adhd. I do believe my husband has autism, and it's been rough. He sees black and white, but starting to see more colors and being more understanding. Thanks again!
Just now bought both books. I am so lucky my mom...undiagnosed Autist...actually did like herself and was quite amazing though struggling. Gave me a positive role model and made Autism feel to be the norm... the others strange.
Promising to do better, doing better for a short while, then failing to continue is beause it's all conscious work, it's all fine so long as nothing major requires my full conscious attention, so it's really, really hard to form any long term habits deliberately.
Have ADHD and I‘m Autistic to. Got the Diagnose with 54 years. So many things in my life were obviously not ok since childhood and later I have got many things diagnosed of wich nothing really fit. Now everything falls into place. It is a relief to know. Now there is a process to understand and accept going on. And yes, beside the relief there is some sadness to.
I hear Rich's hesitance in the ASD diagnosis and his "whole thing" being the neurotypical partner, but that's the whole thing with late diagnosis, is you weren't aware. I think it'd make for fun content to see all of his ASD traits and behaviours finally being discovered.
I just stumbled across this couple now in the beginning of September 2024. Roxie has more hyperactivity than I do but otherwise? Yeah this is a whole lot of cope for me. Just hearing someone else express many of the sensations I experience assuages some of the negativity I direct at myself. I’m 53 and got my diagnosis late in life. I had a feeling though that this was it, especially since I have a half brother who has stronger ADHD traits than I do. Pro tip: Meditation and stoicism has helped me a lot. The meditation is great, especially when I stop avoiding it. I’m not claiming that stoicism is a one size fits all solution but it works for me. Why: It helps to reduce my energy expenditure on the facade. If you have ADHD then you know. You know.
I'm a broken 31 yo person with a sever late diagnosed adhd. I dont know if I ever going to get it over and learn how to deal with it. I fear it could be too late already.
It's never too late. Not saying it's gonna be easy, cause it likely won't, but even just having a name for what you're struggling with can guide you in the right direction to learn how to live with it. Good luck, friend. I may not know you, but even finding yourself on a video like this shows you're moving in a good direction.
I’ve been waiting for this announcement ever since I saw the discussion where you’re both talking about how you visualize things differently. The whole thing was trying to point out how Rox’s hyper-visualization was a neurodivergent trait, meanwhile he’s describing his experience of aphantasia, the opposite end of the mental visualization spectrum, but also a trait of neurodivergence. As an AuDHDer living in a mixed neurodivergent household of people who have both, I knew the stats for aphantasia and how incredibly rare it is to have it and NOT be autistic, and I just thought to myself…I wonder when it’s finally going to dawn on them that this father of an autistic child is himself autistic. 😅 As the parent who’s been there myself, I can empathize and relate. How did everyone else see it but me? I was 40 when I decided to seek formal diagnosis. For me personally, it was very validating and useful. I’m glad to finally know.
As an AuDHD person, hearing Rox and Rich talk to each other is like listening to my ADHD and ASD having a conversation 😂
Just the calm understanding systematic kinda energy of the Autism and the messy I can't get this done of ADHD all bundled up into one person, supporting each other but also clashing all at once
Ahahahahahhahaah omg it is too 😂
Right down to the imposter syndrome for the autism aspect of diagnosis ahahahahha
I've only recently heard about AuDHD. It seems contradictory, whilst I can see lots of overlaps in some symptoms, they seem to be at opposite ends with others. For example It's common for people with ADHD to be very intuitive of others feelings opposed to an Autistic person struggling to read other people. Doesn't ADHD with autistic traits make more sense? To clarify, I'm not trying to offend, genuinely interested in learning from someone with an AuDHD diagnosis.
My God yes
Autistic King & ADHD Queen is the love story we all need
My partner has been the “neurotypical” voice in our relationship for years (AuDHD on my end) and just last week he found out that he actually has Autism too.
I think my spouse is very much relating to Rich’s comment of ‘I’m in too deep now as the neurotypical partner…’ 😅😂
As soon as Rox said "Rich might be autistic" he started stimming! 😂 He probably didn't even realise he was doing it because it was one of these covert stims but the ankle rocking and finger fiddling repeatedly was definitely a stim! 😁
I noticed that too 🥰🥰🥰
Neurotypicals stim too though.
@@DizzyLizzy79 Not anywhere near as much as those with ASD. Those with ASD are renowned for repetitive behaviour.
he is not autistic. He might be a bit anal, but he is not autistic. We need to not expand autism into such a wide net that it hurts people who are actually autistic.
Rox remembering the fight from years ago in vivid and specific detail, but also not being able to remember where her sunglasses are is so real to me
Funny how that works. I had no idea I could be autistic until my kid was getting diagnosed. It’s been three years since my diagnosis and it’s still sinking in.
I am awaiting an autistic diagnosis after being diagnosed with ADHD, after my children have been diagnosed with both ADHD and autism. During the assessment I was thinking "but I thought that was normal because I do that..." that is when the penny dropped
That was how I was diagnosed, 8 ish years ago now. It does sink in eventually, it takes a while to accept and figure out how understanding yourself better helps across life. Just don't forget to cut yourself some slack when you have things going wrong moments, cos thst happens to us all too and its ok ❤
This is how I found out I had ADD. I was with my son during his diagnoses at 13 (ten years ago). As the Dr is asking my son a series of questions, I'm answering them for myself in my head. I turned to the Dr when he was done and said, is it possible for an adult to have ADD as well, because I just answered yes to every question you asked my son.
lol you are not autistic..you are bored and need attention
@@kkaur-w9d there are multiple ways to go about it, and it depends on your health system and what is available in your area. Primary care, pediatrics, psychology, they all can. I ended up going the private pay route with a local clinic that specializes in thorough neuropsychological testing. If I was willing to only be assessed for ADHD and wait longer, I could have done it through my health system.
Rich n Rox need their own TV show.
I think that sounds cool on paper but for them it would probably be like the situation with home remodelers in their house, that is if you're talking a reality TV sorta thing. A talk show in a separate studio situation might be better. Sorry if I misunderstood.
I believe it would be incredibly entertaining, BUT Television does not have the best track record for preserving relationships. They are a precious gem of a couple. A power couple for adhd advocacy. As selfishly as I want to see more of them.
I think what they’re currently doing is their best way to approach this, actual television is a whole different world, it’s fake as hell and wouldn’t work with a show about neurodivergent families.
As a one off, maybe, but as a series, it would be too stressful. I dont think they need that.
How do you not judge and just stay curious? My partner, who is probably ADHD also, has a really hard time staying curious and not taking my anger personally.
"Anything to not have to work, even though I love work" is such a deeply relatable statement >-
Not everyone on the spectrum needs a diagnosis and help, it really depends on how much it is an obstacle in your life and how whether you feel validated
I was looking for a comment like this. I'm not needing anything from anyone who suffers and only trying to understand
Just figuring it has been so freeing. Watching Rich and Rox has been more helpful than therapy.
Exactly, we need to stop making the net so large that it hinders and hurts those that are actually autistic. While he may have some characteristics of autistic people he clearly not autistic, just a bit anal and british.
ADHD husband of an ADHD wife here. It got real in the weirdest place here for me. It was when you noted her losing her sunglasses and then she reached up to touch the sunglasses to be sure they were there. I thought "That's it! That's why my wife uses sunglasses universally as a hairband accessory. It's so she doesn't lose them." Wow, the most unlikely seeming ADHD features, but there they are more universal than you'd think.
"ADHD people are 4x more likely to have tried to take their own life...I'm in that statistic." Rox got me crying. I'm also part of that statistic. Undiagnosed ADHD, only recently diagnosed makes me feel so seen but also so invisible. How much could I have avoid suffering if I'd only known this? How many nights in tears because someone said something in that "tone" that triggered an RSD episode? How many times did I scream and cry and throw textbooks because my mind couldn't do that math? How many times did I call myself lazy or stupid because I couldn't be like anyone else? How many years spent in this all consuming darkness? Could I avoided spending many years staying in an abusive relationship because I thought that was the most I deserved?
Rich and Rox, thank you. You only recently popped into my radar, but I appreciate SO MUCH not only dealing with the late diagnosis, but also all the really bad internal bs that you deal with being undiagnosed that long, it makes me feel so f'ing SEEN and I appreciate it
I called it the first time I saw them. I work with their dynamic all the time and I specialize in detecting the root (under the mask). He is ASD and she is ADHD. And trauma and ADHD (any disorder actually) have the same symptoms because it's all being caused by the same thing. Cell Danger Response is present in the brain and affecting different areas of the brain, whether it's caused by trauma or genetics. This is one of the MOST popular dynamics in relationships. But most of the people I work with are seeking assistance for their ASD partner (usually male) and they assume they are the "NT" wife, when in reality they're FAR from NT. lol. It's really great to watch them on their journey of self discovery because it's not for blaming anyone, it's to help them see the massive mountain they too have been up against. Neurodiverse individuals are the MOST resilient and strong humans I have ever known. My husband and I and all 4 of our children are also all neurodiverse.
I have always known there was something different about my brain. Other people handed me labels that explained enough of it that I accepted them and tried them on, so to speak, for a while, but they never really fit properly. Being ADD was one. And in researching it exhaustively (😏) I realized my husband was. Like, without a doubt. It should have been glaringly obvious. Now, 25 yrs of marriage later, I’m just beginning to understand that I am, very likely, autistic. And our dynamic makes so much sense to me now. He is erratic and spontaneous and I love that about him because I love to explore the world SAFELY (or what feels safe to me) and he accepts me so completely as I am that I do feel utterly safe to do so. But I am methodical, I plan everything out to the last dot, I rehearse, I visualize everything in my head before I begin ( I mean, how did I think I was ADD? LOL) and I have an allergic reaction to anything that is un-pragmatic or illogical. To highlight the point - he has always believed he is a GREAT organizer because people always ask him to help them move as he can fit an entire house into a seemingly far too small truck. But it’s incoherent. I finally stopped him when he was arguing that he is NOT disorganized at all and told him, “No. You are fantastic at SHOVING things into spaces and making it appear orderly, but there is no coherence or logic or actual organization involved whatsoever. It’s a veneer of organization.” Whereas, I will happily spend the rest of my days organizing every object in the universe into its proper categories and devise a comprehensive system for indexing said categories and objects. Anyhow, he’s a genius at handling people and all things social. He knows when all our kids birthdays are, he can enter any room anywhere and instantly charm and form connections with any disparate group of people. He keeps me connected to the world of people. I keep the world of things in order. Oh, and he struggles to do paperwork and such, but between the two of us, he can navigate forms and such. They undo me. I don’t know what they are asking me or why and I CANNOT call people and ask for help because of the stress and also, unless I have a script, I WILL eventually blurt out, “You have to know this is asinine and objectively irrational and unhelpful, right?” whereas he can charm them into helping him out. BUT the essential thing here is that his own neurodivergent brain has sympathy for mine and vice versa. We speak enough of the same language that we just get each other and let one another Be. None of our friends understand us at all. Even our children laugh about how odd we are but somehow it is just magic and I am profoundly grateful that I fell in love with the one human on this planet that is the best possible partner for me and the best friend I could ever have hoped for.
@@northwoodfalls1403I got the label drama queen but meltdowns are not people trying to cause drama, I know this now and have some peace but honestly, the NT response to autism and ADHD has totally crippled me and caused a lot of trauma so yes I did used to have a lot of meltdowns...
ND do definitely seem to come together in partnership, I've noticed autistic people and ADHD often atteact. I'm really glad you've found the happiness you deserve
@@northwoodfalls1403wow, luck you.😊
OMG!! 😭 "Just let it out. I'll pick it up." IS there anything more romantic?! 😍
Rox going on a brilliant rant - at least twice - almost unconsciously, is an ADHD power. Our minds draw together many different threads into a brilliant insight - and often we can't remember what we said!
My daughter calls and asks me for thoughts and tapes me !
And why cares if that sounds arrogant, it's cool and has the added benefit of being the truth. ADHD is astonishing and useful!!
I cannot express how much I genuinely love Rox and Rich. Sweet, smart, caring, through and through good people who’ve done so much good for the ND community. Thank you so much R+R 💛
To folks talking about late diagnosis of autism/ADHD and the time it takes for it to "sink in": I was diagnosed with both as a small child. I actively avoided learning anything about either because I thought that by living it I knew all I needed to know, until after I burned out severely 4 years ago, in my mid 20s. Since then I've been learning about both and it's allowed me to understand so much more about myself. I'm still on the journey, but I just wanted to let you all know that you're not alone, not so different from some of us diagnosed young. We're all on this journey together!
I‘m a 54 years old female late diagnosed with both. I had tears in my Eyes when I felt the Relief to know where all this trouble comes from when I’ve got Diagnosed. I had also the thought „what if I just knew many years earlier?“ In the end I must say you are right. It is just the way it is and each Person has an own Life to go. I wish you all the best.
Thank you for sharing this perspective as it helps with the grief & resentment I feel. 🙏🏼💓🌈
Your words are very reassuring thank you ❤
21:30 Watching this video made me cry in the best way. I (female neurotypical) broke up with my partner (male who has adhd) about a 2 months ago because he was in denial that he had adhd due to parents and teachers telling him he was just lazy. He refused to do any kind of management of it related to setting reminders, deadlines, going to therapy etc and it tore our relationship apart.
He messaged me today telling me he’s booked an appointment with a psychiatrist for next week to get a formal diagnosis and to start taking responsibility. He apologised for not realising sooner that it was impacting his life so severely and that it took losing me to trigger researching it and figuring it out. Hearing what you guys can get through as a couple when you both put in the work to understand has given me hope. Thank you.
As a very late self diagnosed Autist I fully understand wanting to circle around the diagnosis for a while. Keep in mind, the diagnosis doesn't make us a different person.
Self diagnosing is helping understand ourself and better using our resources.
Official diagnosis has to be thought about carefully. It can be harmful because of where societies and the medical profession are.
I absolutely agree with this, I’m also a late self diagnosed autistic/adhd person (I’m in my 30’s)and I’m afraid to get an official diagnosis yet🥲, especially the autism one, I’m 100% I’m adhd but sometimes I still feel like such an imposter about the autism part and even the whole thing, so I think I’m still not there yet, not ready for a diagnosis. I hope I can get there one day and make a wise desicion about all this.
@@FabiolaRVelaFor me it is not the ultimate goal to get an official diagnosis. I don't think I ever will. I see no gain for myself in that. I am sure by now I am an Autist and pretty sure ADHD too. I want to be my best self. Other neurodivergents help me better than doctors can.
Yes and for some people the validation of the diagnosis is important but if you don't want/need that I definitely would question the benefit. It's different with ADHD as people might want to experiment with medication, so there are potential options that come with a diagnosis.
Thank you for voicing that concern
Get an official dx so that you are eligible for disability-related social services and covered by your local anti-discrimination laws. :)
As a queer, non-binary, audhd person, I can assure you cutting off contact with my parents years ago was immensely good for me. I have no desire or intent to ever rekindle a relationship with them.
I wonder how common it is for audhd adults to go no contact with family as we get older. I am only recently diagnosed in my 30s, but I went no contact with my entire family 10 years ago this month, and it was the single best decision I have EVER made.
I am sad to hear that, from you both, to be in such a position where separation became necessary for your survival. I am also a combo brain, (and possibly a bit dyslexic, because audhd feels too hard to type, so i use combo. ) And at 58, diagnosed as at 38, and adhd at 55,
I am still very close to my parents. I love them to bits, and not looking forward to losing them. But they have been amazing to me, with all our struggles. Mum is likely adhd, undiagnosed, and dad's side has autism.
I wish your families had learnt to understand and appreciate you, just as you are, they are missing out.
@@Plethorality I appreciate you. I am so happy to hear your family dynamic was less turbulent. My partner's family is amazing, so I married up in that regard. My mother in law is the most amazing person I have ever met, and while I wouldn't say I'm super close to her, I adore her with every fiber of my being and would do genuinely anything for her I could. She raised 4 kids in the 80s and 90s who all grew up to be great people, and even if their childhood wasn't trauma free they are all open about what worked and what didn't. I think that is genuinely the most awe inspiring part of their familial dynamic.
The ability to learn new things goes hand in hand with not being able to remember things like time or keeping small objects from getting lost. Learning new things all the time takes a huge amount of attention and brain space, so “ smaller” problems go by the wayside. And adhd people aren’t just learning new things when they look like they are learning. We are constantly contemplating new ideas and problem solving. So being in the middle of a brain storm sesh about whatever it is, while also pouring a cup of coffee, can easily result in the coffee pot ending up in the cupboard near the mugs instead of back on the machine. ( happened last week and took forever to find it ) it makes perfect logical sense . Lol
I love finding things in unusual places. Now I laugh and joking shout tadahhh as if look what I found. But the French for ADHD is Tadahh or however you spell it so. A play on words is always fun, because it would of been the adhd that lead to time object being where you find it
I also thjnk that the word tadahh came from a. French person who lost something and he shouted tadahhh when he found it. He was an ADHDer. He worked in mental health and so related the incident with his ADHD. It makes sense in my head. Anyways
Omg I have done that 😂
Ever set a moka pot on fire while thinking very hard? Yep, twice.
I act like siegfried and joy those 2 magicians with the gold curtain, that do bad disappearing tricks,
He can be the ""Late Diagnosed Autistic" Husband", because even men with nontypical presentations of Autism were missed ♡ bless you! I realized I'm Autistic when I had my first baby at 42 and my sensory sensitivities went wild! And I saw it in my little one, and then saw it in me and both my parents, brothers, etc... was surprised to also find out I am ADHD, like my child and many others in my family... we ALL didn't know, highly masked and internalized ableism... and suffered mental and physical health complications, not to mention compounding negative social issues, etc.
You are a great team, but you also in unmasking will need support, and there is so much online!!! Including you two, beautiful souls ♡♡♡ thanks for all you do!
Sadly my hubby just never cared to understand so he's asked for a divorce. Fortunately I've had 7 years of therapy to realize that i don't need to apologize for just being who i am. Everyone around me sees how hard i try, except my husband. I'll be better off on the other side of this because he was poison to my soul.
This exact thing happen to me, im 50 we divorced...im better on the other side. Very nice living without judgment. Wish you all the best moving forward😘😘😘
It's hard to thrive in that type of environment. I'm around so many neurodiverse people that being around neurotypicals sort of annoys me. If the ADHD part of me is showing more--I'm not in the picky type of mindset, where exactly the correct words or whatever must be attended to. My Autistic brain can be very picky. And annoying to others. This likely irritates others because one day I'm all loosy-goosey and the next I'm hyperfocused and exacting. Living with that for a neurological could be very tough. That might be why some of our relationships are not the best.
I'm on the post-divorce side of this. Regardless of logistical issues, it's incredible to not live with someone who fundamentally undermines who you are in their own head. Whether they say it or not, you can see it and hear it, the disrespect and disdain for who you are as a person. With my ex-husband, I think he was looking for someone to make up for his weaknesses so he can keep going along feeling ashamed of them and then hiding that away again, rather than admitting he has them, working on them, and, imo, getting an ND diagnosis himself. I would have liked him to make different choices about those things, but he didn't, and I did what I could. I can't tell you what your path is going to look like, but I can tell you that I feel like I can breathe, and I think you will get there, too.
ETA: I'll just add that my therapy was part of what precipitated our divorce. He told me he didn't know who I was anymore. You made the right choice, to be true to you.
@@ritarevell7195 unfortunately my husband truly seems like a covert narcissist - I do not say that lightly. When I started pushing back and no longer was the obedient wife who did whatever his will was, and started voicing my beliefs, I was no longer his "supply" so I had to go. I did try though, because that was the way I was raised (my parents were married for 56 years the day my mom passed away). I totally get what you were talking about loosy goosey one day and strict the next - that's definitely me 😂
My relationships with everyone else are fine. I always just lay it all out on the table, and I communicate with people and we work it out, and I am blessed with so many incredible friends and family who support and "get me" - the one and only person who didn't was my husband - and that says everything. That, and our son who is 24 chooses to live with me because he's also ADHD and on the spectrum, so neither of us got treated very nicely, but now we are enjoying life in the house because we can just be who we are without judgement.
I had to leave my partner, she had surprisingly out dated veiws regarding ND, for a mental health care professional. I wasn't perfect, none of us are, she was a mostly decent person. I suppose I expected too much understanding of what I had to deal with. She would be amazed at what I could achieve, and scathing of what I couldn't, the classic ND, uneven skill set. ie glued to the sofa for hours, unable to focus, or get up. Work like a demon for days, weeks on end, pulling all night shifts, etc
I just found this channel and I immediately subscribed when you said "I will continue to keep to my word and promise to never let this podcast be sponsored by Huel". It just made me laugh out loud. And, as an auDHD, I could definitely use some ADHD podcasts in my life.
I love someone with severe ADHD. They were diagnosed in the early 80s and given meds that are not even on the market nowadays due to terrible side effects. They are so traumatized from this, they refuse to go to any doctor/therapist for anything. They have alcoholism, and use alcohol to cope with all their ADHD symptoms. This person is such an amazing human, with so many talents and an amazing, loving heart. It destroys me watching them suffer, but nothing I say or have done has helped. I have Autism and went through addiction myself. I showed ADHD Love to them and they really connected with it. I miss this person so much ❤
Kind of currently going through this myself . Maybe I need to go back to therapy I’m just scared my family will judge me for it.
My family doesn’t really believe that mental health is really important. As a teenager I went to therapy around 16 and they told me I need antidepressants and my mom thought she was psycho and we left. I’m currently 24 and feel like everything in my life is shit at the moment . Recovered from Alcohol addiction 10 months ago. Have been doing ok relatively with things in the last 10 months . No alcohol, Exercise, eating better… I also am struggling with ADHD that I’m really sure I have . Growing up I had a speech impairment and also wasn’t able to focus and concentrate and was struggling with a lot of mental health issues . Wish my mom would understand what I was going through . Maybe thinking that therapy would help me even, possible medication down the road.
@@elenaschiff6171Is going to therapy and not telling your family an option? At the end of the day it's your mental health and your business. If it will be safer and healthier for you in the long run to go and not tell them, do whatever is best for you. Getting meds and an AHD diagnosis in my mid 20s probably saved me from dropping out of my degree program. I was struggling so hard. It is one of the best things I've done for myself
Found myself crying here and there. Too many things are relatable and it's such an honour to follow their personal and couple's development. Infinitely grateful to hear these stories, it's healing
Oh god, my wife lately came out as on the autism spectrum. For 20 years she tried keeping together our life and my undiagnosed adhd. Now me having a diagnose and she stopping to bear all the burden of keeping our life together, we finally were like: omg babe.... it might be you are autistic. Relatives are diagnosed autistic too. But we never saw it. Gosh. I feel adhd and asd could be a hellish good combination for relationships hrhrhhrhr. ❤😊😂🎉
It is. We were both not diagnosed. I was adhd, husband has just accepted hes autistic. We never ever row
I'm AuDhd with trauma and my husband is ADHD and I suspect undiagnosed autism also with trauma
we do argue sometimes and it can be toxic, it's tough out there. 🙏🏼@@stampandscrap7494
I have the ADHD and my ex-husband I figured out through other sources actually was autistic, and neither of us have known this. Had I known that he was on the spectrum of autism and my not been able to think differently about the situation. But there were other things that also complicated it. But we remain the best of friends actually doing better as exes and see each other and talk to each other almost daily. We’re pretty old now we won’t be living together again we drive each other crazy. But we always have each other’s back even after six years of divorce. Yes watching this is what made me realize all the things I’ve done all these years and yes, I did experience a lot of trauma very very young in my life. I can see my ex-husband was very calming to me, and still is kind of my rock but also he was unable to express his emotions which made me feel unloved and uncared for. He didn’t like to touch or be touched so that was quite a problem. But this really has shown me, even though I was diagnosed in my 40s and I’m 71 it has caused a lot of problems for me. I did not realize how much.
Without question the most help I've had in understanding my ADHD is from Rich and Rox. I'll be ever grateful ❤
I’m so happy I’ve got my ADHD diagnosis, even though I’m 53. I feel so understood and that I’ve found my people. Every one of these podcasts makes me feel more relieved that I can now relate rather than mask. And it’s taught me to manage my struggles in a way that I need. I have definitely had a relationship end because my ADHD caused arguments ( pre-diagnosis I) I blamed him for a lot but in reality, I was in total overwhelm most of the time, and I was reacting as a result of that. Had I known we could’ve worked with that we’d probably still be together. This was a very interesting discussion ps. I’m also a metal/ rock fan 😂😂Music is my life. I can relate to Rox so much. I have so many of the same behaviours/ thoughts. I love how she describes the ‘ unwinding’ of long held feelings after diagnosis. ❤️How the hell did it take 50 years for me to be diagnosed 😂😂 Just bought both books!😊
That feeling of resisting something you love (like work) because it's such a commitment when you get into that particular ADHD flow! It's exciting and daunting and even the excitement can be daunting, because all that emotion itself demands energy.
Rox, I think your hair is a gorgeous colour. Whether it's black blue or or magenta. You are a precious human being, worthy of dignity. You are NOT unloved, whether you're having a good day with the ADHD or not. You're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You too Rich. You're both precious. Hugs.
20:00 "I started shouting actually didn't I", " "you raised your voice and I started giggling" I can totally relate to this! For some reason the reactions are often insppropriate to the situation, I often have had a weird reaction of laughing to someone showing anger and rage towards me which is totally not how I'm feeling in the moment, I'm feeling extreme high anxiety yet my odd reaction is to laugh which heightens the confrontation. What the heck is happening in the brain to react in a way that is a different reaction to the one you're experiencing in high stress situations? 23:04 Totally relate to this!
But sometimes, it is just bloory funny, though. Its not always something wrong with our brains, is it? Sometimes is something wrong with theirs!
Neurotypicals get upset over ridiculous things! They even start wars because of their own stupid egos...
Its not always our brains that are wrong. Non neurotypical is not a euphemism for "always wrong".
I am enjoying this interview so much. Your partnership, both as a couple and as content providers, is such a delight.
It's so soothing to watch a TH-cam video that doesn't have all of the pauses manically edited out
I find it fascinating! There are so many things Rox mentions that I've always done and I just thought they were quirks of my personality. Really random things! But then Rox will mention it and I'm like OMG me too!! I just turned 43 and I haven't officially been diagnosed yet, but I am 90% sure I am ADHD.
I do the accent thing too! I only recently realized that the way I model characters from shows or movies is my AuDHD. I think I used media when I was young to figure out my personality and also as a way to mask in society by acting like I thought I was supposed to around other people
Also I’m exactly like Rox .. constantly losing keys and leaving my things at my hairdressing client’s houses .. its exhausting .. I once left my work diary on top of my car and drove away , absolute nightmare , I’ve locked my keys in the car too .. I had a huge cake made for my daughters 21st , picked it up took it to the restaurant then got in the car and popped to the shop , I got back in the car and convinced myself of left the cake on top of the car and had driven away .. had a massive meltdown until I realised I’d already delivered it to the restaurant.. I mean. WTAF WAS THAT 😅😂
It’s a real thing! Locked myself out of the car - once with my sleeping baby in it (I was going to walk a few feet away to get a paper at the paper stand). Ran out of gas multiple times, coffee cup, wallet, on the top of the car. Just the self induced trauma around the vehicle is ridiculous. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️😜
🤣🤣🤣 omg! I hope I am laughing WITH you, not at. With you, because I do relate. (hug!) I hope in a few years you can laugh heartily at I, if not now, because, dear one, that story is mightily hilarious. The traumatic feelings were not, for sure (hug hug).
My mind goes off track, and I forget the details at the junction where my mind diverged… it’s just going down that isolated track, which is bizarre when you compare what you’re thinking to the real facts (what someone actually said, or what I just did or concluded).
It’s because our “working memory” has a smaller capacity to hold different elements at the same time. 😢 So we are in these thought tunnels, moving down the track, further from reality, 😂.
It’s just how we are, so find the humor and roll with it! (and make sure your partner learns to roll with it & laugh at it).
I am so grateful for all of you. And I am so grateful to hear Rox rising to deal with the self-hatred associated with ADHD head on. I was late diagnosed and spent so many years feeling broken, pretending to be something I wasn’t, and absolutely burning myself out trying to be perfect to avoid being found out as the failure I thought I was. Being diagnosed and finding meditation, therapy, and people like all of you allowed me to truly accept myself for the first time in my life. Thank you all for the work you do.
Oh my goodness, I can resonate with everything Rox says. I turned 50 this year and lost both my parents too, mum 2012 and dad 2020 and tbh have been trying to process all the trauma that they caused me and my family. I have 3 children and am desperately trying not to imitate the way my parents raised me and my brother. Sadly my brother still hasn’t healed at 46 years old and been out of work for nearly 20 years and refuses to get help. His wife works full time and they have 2 children, 1 which has been diagnosed with ADHD recently. 3 members (including me) in my family were sexually abused as children (me by fathers brother) and then both my daughter and niece were sexually abused by my father. He got a 5 year suspended sentence and my mum didn’t stick by him initially but a few months after it all came out my mum was diagnosed with cancer and over the next few months he manipulated her to shut her bank account and put the money in his so we didn’t get it and told her that what happened wasn’t what it was so she distanced herself from us and sadly died about 8 months later. He was refusing to let me and my brother see her after he removed her from the local hospice and taking her home but we phoned the police and at least got to say goodbye to her. They had been together nearly 40 years and she didn’t know any better and probably didn’t want to believe it. He was always putting us and Mum down-we were never good enough. He was so narcissistic-I’m sure he suffered trauma as a child and never dealt with it so we got the brunt of it. When I was 16 I told my dad what his brother had done to me and he never spoke to me about it except to ask if it was true. I was absolutely devastated to find out that he did it to our children after knowing what his brother had done to me. He even told them that he’d kill us if they ever told anyone just like my uncle did. I am healing and am grateful that you have enabled me to understand why I am the way I am. The shame was relentless. I too have struggled with confidence and self sabotage and believe it or not only just started to realise that my partner of 27 years isn’t going to leave me. Thank you for everything you do. We can only heal by getting all this out and sharing it so people can see they’re not alone. ❤
Rich I hear you … we went out for my daughters 21st and OMG the level of noise in a tiny family run restaurant was INSANE 😮 I could hear alllll the convos and it was just incredibly overwhelming and I was mega overstimulated 👀
This is hitting home hard. Low self-esteem and avoiding confrontation and coming from a home where my dad could be so angry and not speak for two weeks I know myself to tread very carefully in certain situations. Two more boxes I can tick off for a possible ADHD diagnosis (at 62 😏)
Ditto. I can empathise, Being ignored for 3 weeks straight has had such an impact on my mental health since childhood
Rich and Rox could save our species merely by their extraordinary mode of communication
We might pick up ways to show respect, love, common sense, adventure, fun,
My second time watching.
I think as a fellow neurodivergent parent of neurodivergent children it is complicated. I agree. All parents mess up. We are all just learning as we go, and I think it’s is a teachable moment for parent and child. We are not perfect. We are human first. We mess up. There is no manual.
Rox… you are so definitely good enough! “A good day” for me starts the same… coffee in bed and scrolling for an hour… if my girls wake up early it throws me off for the whole day. Also, I think there’s so much trauma in being undiagnosed
These two are good, good people. So great to watch people turn their darkness into gold. ✨
Also ....while I'm auDHD, my long term partner is autistic ....maybe, maybe a little ADHD. Those things around different ways we do things and 'get there' with things can be quite a dance. So beautiful to see such open communication. A little humour can go such a long way too.
The wear again shelf - I just had an idea - we should get wall hooks! Like a little row of them. Because I don’t want to put the clothes in a drawer or the closet because I wore it but they aren’t dirty enough for the wash. - hooks instead of the floor.
Hahaha this is exactly how I deal with this 'issue'. Different hooks for sleep wear, work wear and lounge wear, I do need a forth one for workout wear 🤔 the key is to stand infront of the hooks when undressing. But hey, sometimes I'm happy with my wear again pile 😂
Thoroughly enjoyed this interview, I remembered the last one and this one is an excellent follow up.
Great interviewing Alex.
Rich & Rox 💜
Adhd here but I don't really lose things. I think my (probable) ASD contributes to having "systems" for things that are the only way I think things should be. It's like the ASD fixed part of the ADHD?
Is the reason that you don't lose things because you always put them in the same place? Do you forget where they are when you accidentally put them somewhere else? It could be rigid, repetitive behaviours compensating for working memory deficits.
@@jsonbourne9799Yes, exactly!
Same thing and thought here. I think my autism balances out the ADHD related problems.
...and this is me..
i love watching rox and rich and ive learned so much about self-compassion from them. also thank you rox, especially, because you say things that i have literally never heard anyone else experience. things that ive been ashamed of my whole life. your vulnerability is such a gift to other late diagnosis adults.
I absolutely love this! IDK if my hubby is in the "possibly ASD" category like Rich, but I identify SO MUCH with Rox!
48:10 Rox is very charismatic on stage!! I just recently watched her band ! Wow! What a Rockstar! One would never know about the ‘Rejection Disphoria’ that she talks about in the his interview!!
I have ADHD and my fiance is neurotypicap, I am newly diagnosed last year and at the beginning of our relationship he used to tell me he didn't think he could stay with me if I couldn't learn to organize myself or pay attention to people and my surroundings, I felt so sad because i knew if I could change that I would but I couldnt and that was me...I tried my best and I think he could see me trying and failing...now he helps me more than anything, just the other day I was looking for an important document, we had just moved house I was just about to go into melt down and he calmly said I scanned it, it's on my computer, and on his desk top was a folder of my documents which where important and couldnt be lost ....it's so romantic
That was incredibly helpful and insightful. You have no idea how much I want get an actual adhd diagnosis now. I resonated with way too much of this talk. Not just with ADHD, but also with autism
It's a whirlwind but we've got the creativity to get through it. ❤
What an excellent interview! 😊
I've never heard that being diagnosed can lead to dropping our masks, but now that I have heard it, I totally see that I've done that a little bit. I was diagnosed around 35, and now, at 40, I feel like I'm "more" ADHD than I ever have been. But I guess I've kind of embraced it in the last five years, and it makes me make sense, at least to myself.
Fantastic interview .. Thankyou Alex , Rich and Rox ❤
I’m also reading Scattered Minds, bloody fantastic!! The book unpacks the mix of genetics and environment that cause ADHD to present - highly recommend.
“Environment does not cause ADD any more than genes cause ADD. What happens is that if certain genetic material meets a certain environment, ADD may result. Without that genetic material, no ADD. Without that environment, no ADD.” - Gabor Mate
Yes there are moments when the time blindness really get me
This was such a good discussion. Great collaboration. I relate so much. I think you are all fab.
Absolutely LOVE these two legends !! I’ve got both books and love them ❤
Regarding trauma, I have a theory! It is a bit like the chicken and the egg, does trauma create ADHD or is it more likely that growing up in a neurodivergent household, with neuro divergent traits, is it this that invites trauma? Undiagnosed or diagnosed neurodivergent parents are more unlikely to be able to control their emotions, may be emotionally unavailable, have fixed beliefs, need perfection, be more likely to self medicate with alcohol or drugs, may be more chaotic, unable to hold down a stable job, therefore live in poverty, have negative self beliefs and model these, impulsive relationships with unsuitable partners, inappropriate blurting / bluntness to those who love us, comorbid mental health disorders. We can talk about the positives of neurodivergence, the quirks and the superpowers, and I love myself for those things and many of us do make amazing parents, but in many cases especially for children of parents who do not understand themselves or the ways their brain functions, it can also be very damaging and traumatic to live in a neurodivergent micro environment. So my theory is that ADHD is ultimately a result of genetics which are passed down, and trauma therefore coexists in the lives of many who have grown up in a neurodivergent household, because the family have ADHD / Autism not because there is a causal link between experiencing trauma and developing ADHD symptoms?!
@soulTraveller144 same! I realised even later! Took me until 36 to heal!! 😢
@soulTraveller144 same!
Every time I see these two, I get very emotional. Seeing how Rich loves Rox gives me hope that there might be someone out there capable of loving me the way he loves her-something I had given up on.... I also have a wear again shelf and I regularly have to toss everything out and wash it, because I am not capable of sticking to the system I have created for myself.
a couple things: Sensory Processing Disorder is often comorbid with Autism Spectrum Disorders.
Having meltdowns is not uncommon
Stimming can occur during anxiety, boredom (self soothing)
Being detailed oriented can be a part of it
females & nonbinary people present ADHD & Autism differently
someone can be both
genetic, congenital, head injuries, seizure disorders can mimic or cause neurodivergence
Fragile X, William’s Syndrome, Wilson’s & Prader Willie are the most common genetic causes (Fragile X most common amongst Ashkenazi people)
And someone can be a mix.
And there’s masking
With any diagnosis, I observe that it helps to know as it opens up new tools and thought processes to improve life and health. The hardest part is getting over any negative self-perceptions, but the freedom it brings balances any real self-perseptions. I say this as someone who is both ADHD and Autistic. Misperceptions of what ADHD and Austism _are_ was the big hurdle to me as I don't fit the 'traditional' views (whatever that means). Also been a manager. Love driving for relaxation.
Honest, the first video I watched on Facebook I was like, I don't think this dudes NT....
I have both so it's like I love in a constant paradox. I'm loud and annoying but I'm shy and hate socialising. I long for company but people overwhelm me lol.
The reason I thought you rich must be ND was because you respond so well to the difficulties of ADHD... Most NT generally do not... They see it as the person being difficult not that it's the way they respond to a disorder they never chose. It's been a rollercoaster for me with battling against that. Good on you mate, world needs more of you.
Rox... You are fantastic... I empathise with your upbringing too. Please keep on spreading awareness the way you are and keep on being you
I have a wear again basket! Honestly such a game changer
1:18:47 The simple, "Sorry, I got it wrong" is healing in and of itself. ❤
Greetings from Maine, USA!
New subscriber! Thank you for this podcast!
I love these people they have helped me so much. But the truth they bring is healing. They were made for each other, and I believe because this word needs healing and understanding. Rich and Rox are helping with that! They aren't perfect and they don't hide that. Amazing people. 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼
Putting a theam tune on is a secert game boost! Love it!
I love that you accept and love rox even though you don't understand the self reflection and self awareness impairment lol
I could listen all day. Thanks guys
Rich being autistic makes sense and it would explain his grounded kindness and empathy. But it does bring up some feelings of a loss of hope for successful and understanding neurodivergent marriages.
I guess Rich being so understanding of things was too good to be true for being representative of neurotypical people.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is:
Congrats Rich and Rox - it's been an amazing journey and I look forward to the next chapters ❤
grounded kindness and empathy are not autistic traits.
I love my favorite smell and the candles. I have jar candle sconces on my wall. My favorite smell is bergamot waters from white barn/bath and body works. I even splurge on their detergent so I can smell like it too.
Watching Rick and Rox videos has described me exactly, and I'm thinking of talking to a professional about it. I'm glad I've found their videos
It's definitely up there with the best of these incredible podcasts so far. I love it ❤❤❤
Such a lovely chat with these two, thank you 🤩🤩🤩
Loved this! I've known for over 30 years that I have ADHD and have recently realized that my husband of almost 43 years is probably autistic. It's been great. We're perfect for each other! It's a great combination!
Love rich and Rox so much x
I feel that rich smoothing his hair behind his right ear is his for of stimming x
I absolutely love these two. I have ADD 😊found out in late 20s and everything clicked. Im still crazy but its my brain. Least i know what is going on. I always thought i was slow. Ive always been super emotional. 👌 RSD. Ive always been called "too sensitive" with all these examples, these two help me with a lot. Love them!!!! ❤️
These two are absolutely ADORABLE
I loved this me and my partner have never argued or shouted at each other, we’ve been together 18 years, we are both sober and I think this has made a huge difference, pre this relationship I drank and was a nightmare, always fighting and arguing, because of Rox and Rich I discovered at the age of 47 I’m ADHD and have sensory processing disorder and it’s been eye opening and I went through the regression part too, I’m on the other side of that now.
Thank you for being you Rox. I see myself in you when I was in my dark place trying to please everyone and wanting everyone to like me and doing anything for their attention. I have 2 girls, one with adhd (late diagnosis) and one with both autism and adhd. I do believe my husband has autism, and it's been rough. He sees black and white, but starting to see more colors and being more understanding.
Thanks again!
Brilliant conversation. Thank you all so much! 💜
Just now bought both books.
I am so lucky my mom...undiagnosed Autist...actually did like herself and was quite amazing though struggling. Gave me a positive role model and made Autism feel to be the norm... the others strange.
Promising to do better, doing better for a short while, then failing to continue is beause it's all conscious work, it's all fine so long as nothing major requires my full conscious attention, so it's really, really hard to form any long term habits deliberately.
Have ADHD and I‘m Autistic to. Got the Diagnose with 54 years. So many things in my life were obviously not ok since childhood and later I have got many things diagnosed of wich nothing really fit. Now everything falls into place. It is a relief to know. Now there is a process to understand and accept going on. And yes, beside the relief there is some sadness to.
This was amazing. Could have listened to hours more.
Love them both they share the true life story of what it’s like been Adhd and Autistic & fabulous singer too
I hear Rich's hesitance in the ASD diagnosis and his "whole thing" being the neurotypical partner, but that's the whole thing with late diagnosis, is you weren't aware. I think it'd make for fun content to see all of his ASD traits and behaviours finally being discovered.
I love this couple! Thank you so much for being vulnerable. Their content and How to ADHD led to my diagnosis at 50.
thank you for sharing your experiences. they help me greatly 🙂❤
This is a brilliant interview, thankyou
1:38:21 what to call yourself, Rich - a neurodiversity educator
Thanks for this interview, I needed the cheek moisturizing
I just stumbled across this couple now in the beginning of September 2024. Roxie has more hyperactivity than I do but otherwise? Yeah this is a whole lot of cope for me. Just hearing someone else express many of the sensations I experience assuages some of the negativity I direct at myself.
I’m 53 and got my diagnosis late in life. I had a feeling though that this was it, especially since I have a half brother who has stronger ADHD traits than I do.
Pro tip: Meditation and stoicism has helped me a lot. The meditation is great, especially when I stop avoiding it. I’m not claiming that stoicism is a one size fits all solution but it works for me. Why: It helps to reduce my energy expenditure on the facade. If you have ADHD then you know. You know.
I'm a broken 31 yo person with a sever late diagnosed adhd.
I dont know if I ever going to get it over and learn how to deal with it. I fear it could be too late already.
It's never too late. Not saying it's gonna be easy, cause it likely won't, but even just having a name for what you're struggling with can guide you in the right direction to learn how to live with it.
Good luck, friend. I may not know you, but even finding yourself on a video like this shows you're moving in a good direction.
Lol ... im 53 n only just diagnosed ...how have I not noticed my entire life 😂
@@kelllefae3026 because we are our worst enemy
Love the three of you together. Great watch
I just adore all three of you 🥰❤️
Just discovered this podcast. So helpful.
I’ve been waiting for this announcement ever since I saw the discussion where you’re both talking about how you visualize things differently. The whole thing was trying to point out how Rox’s hyper-visualization was a neurodivergent trait, meanwhile he’s describing his experience of aphantasia, the opposite end of the mental visualization spectrum, but also a trait of neurodivergence. As an AuDHDer living in a mixed neurodivergent household of people who have both, I knew the stats for aphantasia and how incredibly rare it is to have it and NOT be autistic, and I just thought to myself…I wonder when it’s finally going to dawn on them that this father of an autistic child is himself autistic. 😅 As the parent who’s been there myself, I can empathize and relate. How did everyone else see it but me? I was 40 when I decided to seek formal diagnosis. For me personally, it was very validating and useful. I’m glad to finally know.
I love your channel but having ADHD I can’t watch any of the videos without skipping forward all the bloody time!!!!
Do you find the ability to speed up TH-cam videos to 1.5x or 2.0x speed helpful?