Let's Talk About ADHD: The TikTok Stars That Changed The Conversation
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- Richard Pink & Roxanne Emery are the husband-and-wife team behind the social media account @ADHD_Love, sharing a fearless, often outrageously funny account of life with ADHD. With viral videos that have been viewed more than 200 million times, their mission is to remove the stigma around ADHD, share strategies to improve communication and find happiness so they can move from frustration to patience, understanding and love. Their book ‘DIRTY LAUNDRY’ published this year, is an unfiltered look into the chaos of life with ADHD, answering the most asked questions and has become an invaluable resource for neuro-divergents and the people who love them.
thank you for watching!
+
in this video
0:00 - trailer
1:07 - the back story into ADHD_Love
3:29 - the hilarious story behind their first video
5:23 - social media’s reaction to their videos
8:05 - the facts behind an ADHD diagnosis
11:06 - Roxanne’s ADHD diagnosis story
20:32 - living with ADHD
26:43 - changing the narrative around ADHD
28:00 - top tips in dealing with stress
36:58 - the funny story behind Roxanne’s business ideas
44:52 - the issues on productivity with ADHD and coping mechanisms
54:48 - budgeting and managing finances
1:05:45 - dating with ADHD
+
Instagram: / gracebeverl. .
Spotify: open.spotify.com/user/gracebev...
Depop: www.depop.com/gracefituk
Management: lauren@intertalentgroup.com
+
PO Box:
I no longer have a PO Box, please email lauren@intertalentgroup.com for enquiries
+
TALA:
Website: www.wearetala.com/?...
Instagram: / wearetala
Facebook: / catego. .
Need help? hello@wearetala.com
SHREDDY:
Website: shreddy.com/pages/supplements...
Need help? Support.shreddy.com
PLANNER:
Website: productivitymethod.com/
Need help? theproductivitymethod.zendesk...
+
*** I use affiliate links! These are links where I get a tiny bit of commission from anything purchased through them (aka. when you click on them and end up buying something) - this doesn't cost any more to the customer. As always, my opinion is always my honest opinion.
SHREDDY and TALA are my own brands, therefore any mention of them - whilst not being a sponsorship - is monetarily endorsed. As usual, sponsorships do not change my opinions nor my honesty, but I will always disclaim to make sure motives are clear 😊
![ADHD TikTok stars Roxanne Emery & Richard Pink [ADHD Love] join Prof. Nancy Doyle | Jeremy Vine On 5](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xhPzbEUAY_s/mqdefault.jpg)
Part of the brnefit of the videos is to see a partner who responds calmly and respectfully to the person with ADHD.
Yes, rich is so sweet and understanding. My fiance I think is somewhat patient with me but I don't think he fully understands me. Been together 7 years though. ❤ I absolutely love Roxanne and rich.
Absolutely. Seeing his kindness heals us all.
Yes! I want my husband to want to understand. I ask him to watch things and he doesn't engage. Maybe this one will be different.
Love their vids.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
So much of this interview spoke to me. When Roxi was sharing her emotional confusion about love issue and Rich responded with "That sounds so scary down there. I hope you're ok." I cried because of his support instead condemnation which is what I've received in my relationships. Very helpful. Thanks.
I don’t usually comment on videos on TH-cam. Im a mental health nurse and this podcast was truly amazing. I absolutely loved how vulnerable they both were discussing their life experiences, and experiences with ADHD. Thank you, this podcast meant a lot to me
My husband still struggles with understanding rejection sensitivity, and my attempts at self preservation and rage as a result. He wonders why I don’t deescalate him when he is upset with me. It’s a little hard to deescalate him when I can’t deescalate myself 🤣 I don’t have a problem apologizing, which is what he is asking, I have a problem with how I was informed about my angering him and the fear that i can’t guarantee I won’t do it again because a good portion of the things that anger him happened because I have adhd and anxiety. Like forgetfulness or clumsiness/carelessness which seems like inconsiderate behavior from his perspective. However, he watches these two on tick Tok and has sent me videos asking if that’s what I go through. So these two have been schooling him and it has helped him become more understanding. He has a huge capacity for empathy but it’s not easy to empathize with neurodivergence if you’re wired “normal” so I’m a huge fan of these two helping him visualize my perspective better.
I relate to this so much! I love Rox and Rich, but I also relate to what you said. I have autism, anxiety and borderline ADHD (some symptoms I really relate to and others not at all). I'm open with my family about what I go through, but sometimes I don't understand it myself, like the rejection sensitivity, forgetfulness and I like to touch everything, but then I'm strangely hurt when someone asks me not to touch anything lol.
I figure the best course of action is to learn as much as I can about myself and my "quirks" and try to handle them in a healthy way.
Keep going! Happy holidays! Take care!
@@alyssaf1285right, and try to remember that it’s not anyone’s responsibility to accommodate you. It’s important not to intrude on ppl, and for them not to intrude on you, but the in between is all favors and feedback. It’s good to look into solution based content as well, like the OP’s issue, I’d maybe look into “techniques for deescalation of arguments” or “adhd rage deescalation” etc
Dear Lord, “if only I could put it into words”, and here you are typing it. Feel the exact same… primarily because the perspective on his part is that I need to have more determination, will power and discipline with myself so I can be “a woman of my word” and I literally don’t have ways to say it’s not me not wanting to, I’m literally exhausted from trying when all he sees is me failing at stuff over and over.
She's really so lucky to have him. Then again, he's even more lucky to have her. True complements. God bless you both.
They are both sooo lovely and radiate warmth
I am in pieces listening to this, my hubby was just like Richard - he was my grounding, my biggest cheerleader, my voice of reason & my stability, but he passed away in January 2023, so. now I am completely lost. My daughter left home 12 years ago & is a mother herself, so I won't burden her with my ADHD struggles without her dad here to guide me, plus she lost her dad the day I lost my soulmate, & although my parents know I'm ADHD they're not the most empathetic about it, they're in their late 70's, so ADHD doesn't really resonate with them (plus I left home 31 years ago so they didn't see just how much work my late hubby did with & for me).
I sometimes feel I need to stop watching this kind of content, because seeing you guys working together so well makes me happy, and breaks my heart in equal measure ... I have no idea how I'm supposed to function as a solo living adult after 49 years, I've never lived completely solo before - I was at home with my parents, then left home, got married & had my daughter, then when that marriage broke up I was living for my daughter until I met my late hubby, then when our daughter left home it was just Hubby & I, now it's just me 💔
I know this isn't the place to offload, but I have no one in my real life to offload to, so I felt compelled to offload to TH-camrs who clearly know what I'm going through as they too went through it ... I am not in debt thanks to the money I have had from my late hubby's pensions (£200,000+) but I am almost out of that money because I have a real online shopping addiction & no voice of reason to mentally put the breaks on for me - Amazon think I run a business because I have spent so much money on that site, but I cannot go to my family because of the shame of having had so much money & blowing it all, so I'm struggling to find where & who I can actually go to get help with this; so soon I will be out of money, but watching this has made me feel like I'm not a bad person, I am allowed to go to someone for help because what I am doing is seemingly not uncommon in ADHDers - although I'm not quite sure who or where to get help at this point.
Don't stop. Keep learning about your particular brand of ADHD, be kind to yourself in the process, and don't put yourself down. We may do things differently than neurotypical people, but if you keep learning about concepts like "embracing the pivot", "task avoidance", "productive procrastination"... it helps. A LOT :) You are not alone, even if now it must be so damn hard to feel that way. The way you'll find your strength by daring to know yourself. And we are so lucky to live in a time that we can do just that.
I haven’t done my taxes for 4yrs and I recently sold a rental property I owned outright. I SWORE I wouldn’t touch the rental property money until I did my taxes (as I worked as a contractor during part of that period, so I’ll owe my taxes then). The main reason for wanting to secure my funds was to renovate my cottage too. Not to make beautiful, just to make functional as absolutely tiny with zero storage, completely wrong furniture for the space (most of which is slightly broken or antiques that need fixing up)… an absolute nightmare of a place if you have ADHD as clutter everywhere/nowhere to put stuff. So, long story short, I didn’t follow my “do taxes first” rule as I’m quite behind its work (ironically doing their taxes)… and I just bought a car - secondhand, but much more expensive/new one than I really needed - I’m doing private ADHD coaching (half by wage per session!), which isn’t really working too well as I’m so stressed about work and $$, I’m renting a home - because I moved out of my cottage so I could renovate/plan - that was over 6mths ago (so I’m paying for my empty cottage plus the rental)… I just agreed to go to Europe at Xmas (I’m in Australia, that will cost me $10k easily with flights). I’m too petrified to even start my taxes + so embarrassed because the last person on the planet to understand ADHD is my accountant (she’s the polar opposite)….. so, I “googled Accountants for people with ADHD Australia” (or something like that)… and do you know what? There’s actually an accounting firm that offers services specifically to neurodivergent clients and understands their challenges and needs (the founder also has ADHD). So perhaps if you Google “help, finance, budgeting debt ADHD” and your country.,. There might be a similar service. That way you can go to them and be completely honest, without shame or having to mask (and make up excuses or little white fibs because you’re so embarrassed). They’ll have a load of clients similar to you (they probably founded the organisation because they’ve been through themselves or a family member). We’re all very similar/share the same challenges. Maybe visit someone like this first to assist you and problem solve, rather than going straight to your family (especially if they won’t be helpful/don’t quite understand your ADHD). Best of luck.
I do Appreciate Roxanne being so open and vulnerable to everyone because I think we need to talk openly. ADHD being a hidden problem and even now I have trouble with family thinking I should be able to do things when I can’t or have trouble with it. I was mid 40s before I was diagnosed. The shame and poor self esteem it can create is incredible. No, we aren’t neurotypical but with some help and understanding we can go far.
First time here Grace but I just want to say that you absolutely made my day when you said that we can't expect someone that is so creatively out of the box to function perfectly *inside* the box at the same time. It makes me SO HAPPY that someone gets this!!! Thank you💫 Beautiful interview.
57 over here, and I have just connected the dots that I might be Neurodivergent. I can't say enough what a relief it was when I realized this could be it, why I never felt understood, was always hyper sensitive and looking to other of how to behave.
Hugs to you! (Sorry so late, just seeing this video!) Recently diagnosed at 55 and it's been life changing.
I LOVE this couple. They are my husband and me. These two have helped us navigate our relationship. And they are totally adorable!
"I didn't know I had ADHD. All my life, I achieved spectacular results. How did I do it? Well, I developed a way of functioning that simplified everyday things to the maximum, for example: I buy the same pants, undershirts, socks, and shoes - 10 pairs of the same ones. My room, where I work, has windows covered, only a desk and a computer. When I have a plan for the next 3 months, I cut off other stimuli, don't meet with friends, switch my phone to Do Not Disturb mode, and order food for delivery."
"I was working on 3 IT projects at once, working 16 hours a day. I earned a lot, especially by the standards of my country, but I also spent compulsively... Now, thanks to my wife, she manages all the money. She controls whether I can buy something or not, which helps me a lot."
I love how rox shared the idea of seeing an idea through to its completion WITHOUT spending money on investment in a business. That was truly an aha! moment for me, and I'll be using that. It never occurred to me that I can still get the dopamine rush without the financial consequences.
33:28 I literally buy new furnishings or move things from one room to another in order to try to get the momentum to tidy a room!
Roxie is sooooo lucky to have a Richard. Richard, you are an angel. And Roxie, you are so endearing.
If that interviewer says “like” once more, I’m going to have a meltdown! 🤦♀️🤣
Rox, you did great ❤
You three are saving lives, with this interview. Thank you.
How lovely that a neurotypical, objectively privileged person has a genuine interest in what life is like for neurodivergent people. She wants so badly to understand and educate and that comes through so clearly. What a lovely young woman. (I already know and follow adhd love, but this is the first I’ve seen of this channel.) With the luck of the draw that she got the start that she did in life, plus her truly authentic and insatiable need to understand things that do not directly benefit her to know, combined with her genuine empathy and compassion for people, this girl is going to live a life worth living and be an absolute treasure in her community. Much like rox and rich are! 3 wonderful and kind souls sitting together being sweeties right here.
Man, y’all have something else entirely going on in the UK.
😖
Great conversation! The struggle is real indeed! I always thought that my brain was normal and that everybody's brain worked like this. I thought I was just lazy and a failure. Now I am diagnosed at 41 😅 and it all falling into place. But my problem is that it doesn't change anything for the people around me. I know now why I get anxiety from some tasks at work. But my manager doesn't care, I always managed in his eyes, so why do I start complaining now? Fudge, I might have to reconsider my career choices... 😂
I just scrolled past a video about how to ask for/get adhd accommodations at work thru the ADA if you’re American, you should look into it!
This is literally healing my soul! ❤ thank you so so much! I feel so seen and heard and validated
Having the flow app but not always remembering to use it. So many useful life hacks from this couple
Seeing your comment reminded me to add the end of my flow. It was 4 days ago! Lol.
🧡🧡🧡🧡 I wasn’t expecting this! I have ADHD and your videos help me stay productive and I’m sure I’m not the only one. So thanks for this video!
Omg the 5 boxes part makes so much sense out of something that I have been doing for a while kinda. So if I want to slow down my mind and bring myself to calm. I will have a TV show on mute, while I am watching TH-cam and playing merge games on my tablet. Then I will have a pad of paper and pen to write down the sudden thoughts. And then I am able to relax and breathe.
Yes when people criticise me for my messyness i feel so sad as my creativity and the ability to bring the room light up is soooo overlooked. As she said- one is not possible without lacking in organization
This is an outstanding podcast. I'm so impressed with all three of you. ADHD is very tough to deal with. I and both my children have ADHD, and it's a daily and a lifelong struggle. Your conversation is so comforting and supportive! Thank you!
Dirty Laundry is an excellent book for anyone to get how ADHD works. Also, really funny and endearing. And practical! Compassion and curiosity just works.
Glad to hear. I ordered it the other day. I think!
I was just diagnosed back in 2020 during the covid chaos. Most dr appointments were over the phone. I was at home while getting my son ready and the nurse asked me if i had adhd i laughed she insisted i get assessment. Drs since have asked me while talking as well. Idk how i made it to my upper 40s before being diagnosed but here i am.
Could listen to them talk all day, diagnosed last year at 39 after another member of the ‘late diagnosis club’ saw adhd in me. Forever grateful.
Congrats. I was 55 when i found out. Asperger's diagnosis at 38. Knowing is so important. This couple are saving lives.
Same! And I agree, @lisasommerlad1337, they really are
I've just been watching you 2 on this interview with a huge smile on my face, because You 2 have helped me to get rid quite a bit of Guilt! You 2 are Lifesavers!!!!😊
So wonderful to see three of my favourite creators in one place! This was a refreshing break from all the negative stuff in the press around ADHD. Thank you ❤
That was an incredible interview. I engaged with every minute of it.
Thank you so much for putting this out there, it‘s very helpful and important to speak up about Neurodivergence!
My partner and I relate so much to them, he's probably on the spectrum while I was diagnosed ADHD as a child and now getting re tested with my child for autism too. I do like that I've had my diagnosis my whole life ( a true miraclesince I'm AFAB and it was the 90s), but it wasnt until after I had my child when I was 25 (over 10 years ago) that I began understanding it more. What I really like about R&R's content is it's showing of a healthy relationship, something I and many others weren't so blessed with in the past, especially with it comes to ND things.
I will end this with sharing my own tampon story (I tend to use reusable pads). I went on a date where I decided to wear a tampon for.... well I completely forgot about it. Even did the deed with it in, idk how, about a week later I was thinking over about my date and remembered I had worn a tampon but didn't remember ever taking it out. It was terribly gross and I freaked out and went to emergency room saying "omg I THINK INHAVE TSS", I didn't thankfully. I have forgotten about it before but neverbthat long and thus why I don't typically wear them 😅
Pretending is how I get through most things I just realized. I was wondering if I was schizophrenic because I've created so many characters in my head to play with myself in order to get things done. I play maid and queen and detective, etc... apparently engaging in urgency, pretending a storm was coming and I had to quickly clean up before the tornado hit.
Which makes no sense rationally...
At least now I know I'm not crazy. I was just being creative.
And planning vacations I'll never take for fun or shopping for fun and just filling my cart on Amazon and then never purchasing those things makes so much more sense now.
Truly love your shorts as it is something simple and punchy that I can send anyone without explaining myself for the 131232nd time ffs :D This conversation would open so many eyes and minds 🙏🧠 TY for all the help provided in such easy way!
You two are such a beautiful couple, and just beautiful humans. Your videos have really helped me stop beating myself up for being a failure, and helped my partner make sense of our life. Thank you 🙏🏻
I don't want to cry for myself but I truly struggle thanks guys xxx
Read ‘Brain Energy’ by Dr. Chris Palmer. Life changing.
I love these two on insta!! I'm glad you made a video with them! Definitely helped me get diagnosed with ADHD last year 🥺
This podcast had me smiling all the way thru.
Recently diagnosed w adhd and really resonate w the part on letting go of perfectionism or letting that stop me trying. I just washed half a load of dishes and the rest are scattered across the bench. Ngl I still feel proud of what I did manage to get done 😅
🤣🤣🤣🤣 LITERALLY did this with my socks two weeks ago ... oh my god, I LITERALLY do the Ted talk thing when I get stuck on a project!
I also do this! Socks are a really big thing that bug me as I've got cold feet too so I'm constantly testing the warmth, thickness, breathablity etc. Despite loving all kinds of cool patterns and colors, I go with plain black because I know I can manage em better!
I do this with loads of stuff. If I like the cut etc, I go and buy 4 pairs. I bought 4 pairs of the same white sandshoe slip on sneaker things. My sister thought I was crazy - the rule in their home is “one of everything”… she couldn’t understand how having 4 pairs of the same shoe made life easier. Even when I explained that it helps me when I temporarily lose one or several … then theres a high chance I’ll be able to find a pair of matching (I tried with 2’s but I’d end up with only 1 or 2 left feet 😂)… it allowed the dogs to steal one… for me to spill stuff on them or get dirty, have a washing rotation (so I can soak at least one pair + keep them for “good” if I want to arrive somewhere with clean shoes… etc etc PLUS they were mega comfortable. My old go to run around shoes stopped getting manufactured and it was a nightmare to find replacements (I have narrow feet and am a half size…. So enclosed shoes are either too small or too big and slip off). Even with my 80 million reasons, she still thought I was complicating my life. So interesting she couldn’t get it. If I kept only one pair they’d be lost or so filthy + stinky in no time. I do the same with jeans. Once I find a good cut, I’ll buy 4 pairs and then I’m right for years…. Saves me going to shop to buy new pair and getting so overwhelmed I leave with no jeans but a load of impulse buys. 4 pairs means don’t have to wash as often too… or if I permanently stain them, I have back up. I used to do some casual work at womens clothing brands… it was the best. I’d watch everyone else try stuff on (so I knew what looked nice) and then I could just pick stuff while at work and get everything for half price or free. I like clothes + wearing nice things but I hate shopping. Too much overwhelm and decision fatigue. Half the time I just buy off the rack, get the wrong size or looks awful, lose the receipt or just forget to return it. So when you’re on a winner so much more cost effective + efficient just to buy 4 😂… unless you have other people trying them on and you get paid to be there.
Yeah that's a good strategy: (Plan that impulsive idea, but then set it to one side for a while deliberately and if you're still serious about investing time and money into it later than go for it).
I totally get that burst of creativity, the planning, gathering and all tha prep work, only to drop the idea before starting. And yes, that part oddly more satisfying than actually starting the project!
I had my ADHD diagnosis just over two months ago and it really answered a lot of questions I'd been asking myself like why I struggled in school.
I got lucky with my adult diagnosis because i had been diagnosed as a kid, had treatment until I was 12 and yhen was rehomed and all treatment stopped until I was 26 so i already knew i had adhd and all it took was talking to my dr about it, and after treating my anxiety and depression as an official "rule out" for those being the cause of my symptoms, he read through the list of symptoms again, realized i still said yes to 90% of them and was like ummmm yeah, i think its safe to say i can start treating you for the adhd.
The iPhone headphones really made me feel less alone .. over the past few months I have lost the right side of 5 pairs of Bluetooth headphones to the point where I decided on wired. I get distracted mid thought and put it in my pocket instead of the case and there goes another earbud.
Sometimes my wife gets very annoyed because I will ask where something is of my sons and she says look. I look and just don’t see it staring me right in the face. Even with diagnosis there is so many challenges when you are in a relationship. I feel shame more than anything and it makes me feel unworthy. The cycle then continues of me purchasing things I don’t need to fill the void and give me something to be happy about until the guilt sets in. It’s a very viscous cycle and this makes me feel less alone❤
This so long, I’m sorry, but I genuinely think this will help you.
With the headphones thing, I don’t know if this works for you but I make rules. Like, for my birthday my husband got me AirPods and I’m terrified of losing them. I have a rule where the only place I can ever put an AirPod is in my ear or in its case. If I’m about to put it anywhere else I say, is this my ear or it’s case? Even if it’s just for a second. With rules in this way, for me, I’ll keep up a streak if I’m thinking of it as such. The trick is to gamify the behavior that leads to the behavior you want, not just the result itself.
The thing about asking your wife where your son’s stuff is, I think it’s important to also remember that women are always forced into the defacto manager of the home and the kids, regardless of her own needs or obligations. Asking her where his things are implies that it’s only her job to keep up with them and know where things are, and that what she was doing before you asked was less important than you taking the time to look for something. It implies that her time has less value than yours does, not that you genuinely need help. Maybe it might help to ask it like “honey where do we keep his trucks again?” And to be asking this as you assist in the ‘putting things away’ parts of the day more, so that you will learn where the things should and would and did go. “Do we keep his coat by the door or in the closet?” as you are putting his coat away bc it was just laying on the floor and that’s your job to pick it up. Any little thing that’s out of place is your job to put away, bc usually the wife is the only one that feels or owns that burden in a home. Kids make this 10000 times worse. For you it may help to exercise this rule of never sitting things down, ONLY putting things away. So, if you’ve used the toothpaste, don’t set it on the counter when you’re done, not even for a second. “Don’t put it down, put it AWAY.” If you see something is in your hand, you can never just put it down, you must get up and go put it away. Be extreme about it. Make it a silly game with your son, where at any time he can come trick you into accepting something (a spatula or his left shoe) and you say awe dang! Now I gotta go put this away! I promise she won’t be annoyed if you’re asking her where _those_ things belong.
Think of your wife (for a moment, not generally) as a beautiful MacBook Pro that you want to try. It’s too full out the box bc patriarchy, so it cant fit a quick extra thing just bc that’s what works for *you* . Not yet, anyway. You have to clear some space in the drive if you want to put another important file on it. She is statistically already doing 80% of the domestic labor physically and mentally so you’ll need to first take that 30% off the top just to make it fair on regular days when you don’t need her help and then you’ll need to relieve another 8% extra preemptively anytime you use up extra space for a task that isn’t her job to do. To be clear: make your household more equitable and she will be thrilled to help you manage your adhd symptoms. She will probably even be thrilled to help you figure out the best way to divvy up the domestic labor in the first place so that it favors your strengths and accommodates your weaknesses. The important thing here is that you first accept and own half of the burdens of home and child -having. That you take ownership of the necessity, and become a part of the team that must face it. It’s not her job to help you if you decide to participate, it’s your job to participate and she can decide if she wants to help you. Seek out the tools for household management for ADHD ppl and really invest in the day to day management of your household.
Sorry this is so long. You can do this, but parenting is really freakin hard and with adhd you’re gonna need outside information and outside help to do it.
@@JacyndaMinor
This is an AMAZING reply!
I really hope many people get the pleasure of reading your thoughtful and informative viewpoint 😊
I just bought enormous Sony headphones… they’re the best. Their battery lasts for 30 or 60hrs and they’re so big it’s very hard not not to see them. They also have a VERY short charging cord, so they sit right at the electrical point charging. I’ve spent so much money the past 12mths on the earbuds. IF I can find the charging cases, they’re either always empty or only have one inside…. Always the same ear. I’ll never buy them again. It doesn’t matter how much they cost, I just put them in special places + never see them again.
I love this video and I really love the narrative from both parties here! It's so positive while also speaking about the challenges, well done. Also the looks Richard and Roxanne give each other when you're telling your narrative Grace is absolutely adorable. Thank you for this video!
lovely talk, very informative and interesting. my partner has adhd and I'm always trying to understand better! but i couldnt help but fixate on how often the host said "like" 😬😬😬 like like like....
The part about school really resonate with me, coz I never finish a middle school, coz I had a terrible relationship with my professors, I remember that situations like when I had a math class, I was really bad at math so naturally professor was really angry with me most of time and there was a moment when like a heaven send me a direct bless and I figured out the thing we were learning and I was so happy I raised my hand for voluntary test, so I went to the blackboard before full class of people, ready like never before and... Professor change the level up and bring a new aspect into formula, so I was completely out, get a D and went to sit down with knowing I just show all I'm really that stupid how they thought... And second time, in chemistry class, different professor, same relationship (Im really bad in science, like math and chemistry, but I was always excellent in history and biology for example) and I, again, accidently know the answer, only with a few others and I was so happy, I raised my hand and almost start jumping how much I want to answer to that question, to show I know. Professor look at me and said "ok, let's try this lunatic over there before he broke the chair under him" and the whole class started laughing and I completely froze, like a can't get a word from my mouth, so he wait a cable seconds and then said "if you thought you can get a credit for raising your hand without knowing the answer, you are terribly wrong, next time I catch you doing that, I will make consequences"... Never... Ever... Tried to get any recognition in class again, a year later a quit just coz I wasn't being able to step in front of those professors and pass the finals exams, not like I can't pass the test, I simply couldn't face them, like walk into class, step before them and try to prove myself... (Sorry for English, not my first language, but I'm trying... 😅)
Loved this episode! ❤ So interesting to hear more about their story, and loads of really fascinating takeaways about neurodivergence and life in general.
I love this video so much. I love the support system that they have together it is so important! I relate to this also, currently waiting to hear back about a diagnosis. Ive been watching their videos for a while and using some of the advice they put out on tic tock it has honestly been super helpful. I also think it is really important to be spreading awhereness the way they do its incredible.
Well, I'm a big fan of ADHD Love, and now they've introduced me to Grace Beverley and I've subscribed here too! Popped over to Grace's TPM website and bought the productivity planner for Notion, which looks pretty cool, and I'm hoping it will help me get some of my chaos in one place at least.
Not owning a credit card is kind of similar what I do as well. Everything that goes over a certain amount of money, need to be spoken about with my husband. Talking about it helps and then I usually have my 2-week-rule for bigger spendings. If I want to buy this thing after 2 weeks, then I know, that I really want it and it's not just a spontaneous decision.
Oh and when the word "subscription" comes up, there is bright yellow alarm going off in my head. Subscriptions can be a trap for spending money constantly without noticing, because you forgot about the subscription xD
And a tip for better eating habits:
If there are no snacks in the house, you won't eat them, but if they're some in the house, you will eat them 😅
Yeah and for snacks/meals that are healthy, often it’s the prep that prevents us from eating well, so I try to do batches and bulk prepping of stuff to make it easy to eat in the moment bc those little moments are the ones that need minimal friction.
And I’m the same with $ stuff, if I buy anything over $10 I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, and anything over $50 I’ve been thinking about for months. It’s proven that you still get that dopamine hit from just shopping without actually paying, and I tend to get the same from comparison shopping. So if it’s over $20 I’m reading about the best one on wirecutter, I’m reading reviews on all the sites, I’m watching vids about how to use it the best way.
And with subs I do a one-out one-in policy where I can only add a new sub if I clear that amount in my current subs first.
@JacyndaMinor Ouuhhh, yess!
I do the "one-out, one-in" thing for subscriptions too 😁
I don't really track them all (my husband does ^^,). I know, that I definitely need Spotify to survive and that we have two subscriptions to streaming services. And we usually don't go over 2-3 streaming subscriptions at the same time 🤔
And for the food prep thing.. I wish I would be more consistent with preparing food for the next few days, but it's not that easy to eat anything at all and to do it consistently, because of the lack of appetite due to the ADHD -medikation 💊😞
What helped me a lot were those prepared packages of salad or cut greens (fresh or frozen) for stir fries. It took away the hurdle to eat greens, because I could just open a bag and had the perfect amount of greens, so that nothing would go bad, but I still got the variety of veggies in it. I know it's a lot of plastic waste, but it's better than overspending and letting things go bad in the fridge all the time 😬🥗
Oh and I used to preserve foods or even whole meals by "canning" it. (I don't know how it's called in English, but in German it's called "Einkochen" or "Einwecken".) You basically cook one gigantic load of food and boil it a second time in glasses to create a vacuum, so the food lasts up to months without refrigeration. It came in handy to just open a mason jar and have my homemade meal ready to eat, when I had no energy or time to cook anything that day 🍲
The "no refrigeration needed" thing was especially important to me, since it can be stored everywhere in the flat and doesn't use up space in the refrigerator or freezer 🤗🫙
I don’t have one because years ago I blew so much budget now I have six separate bank accounts all compartmentalised so that I can budget my life
This video podcast has inspired my brain and spirit. Thank you for all the information for neuro-divergent brains.❤❤❤❤
Such an amazing listen (/watch) thank you so so much for this! ♥️♥️♥️
-from a late diagnosed adhder
43:35 I’ve recently really started to understand the role of dopamine hits especially when it comes to my disappointment when things don’t work out perfectly as I planned. Now having the language “done is better than perfect”🎉🎉
2 weeks ago I did less than perfect planning for a 8 day gig, self employed, that involved my husband. And over and over I was down because I’d not planned perfectly. I still did great but the timing was what I strive for. For the first time I had the language to text my husband that I’d been wanting the dopamine hit of a perfectly executed plan. I was able to celebrate how well I’d done and not have it ruin the day for me. Haha now I want to wake him up and tell him that I now I have language for my struggle. The whole “if it can’t be perfect why bother” and how even though I don’t look like a perfectionist I am too often.
Awesome interview, but I have never heard anyone say "like" as much as Grace. I got quite distracted so think I missed some stuff. ❤
9:10 received diagnosis; the presence of self dx to learn to cope because diagnosis is so expensive & time-consuming.
Self diagnosis isn’t a diagnosis, and it doesn’t come with treatments either
Worlds best collab!
Thank you, I love you both. I think you’re both beautiful inside and out and it shows he is amazing and so is she you guys are my favorite ever and Or helping myself out and I’m sure so many other people God bless both of you I wish you both so much love and joy and happiness. And I hope I can be with somebody that understands.😊❤❤
Thank you for this.
Precisely, how can we expect creatives to be on time? What you said makes sense. We all have priorities so why down a person on one quality they lack?
I like the five boxes metaphor! I always explain my brain as it feels like I have 1.5 attention spans, so it‘s not like I can actually multitask, but while I try and focus on say reading, I am still left with 0.5 attention that desperately wants to be a full attention span 😅
thank you so much for spreading awarness !
I have ADHD and it's so nice and refreshing to hear you talk about it as an OG follower, Grace! Thx for r raising awareness!
Thank you!!! Finally!!! Neurotypical doesn't understand us!!! If you don't have, you don't understand it!!!
Thank you for this great interview, I just discovered them yesterday and was instantly hooked - I laughed, I cried, I reflected. Forgive my ignorance, but what does a diagnosis get you? Is it really necessary?
These 2 are my most favorite couple.😊❤
Loved every bit of this conversation ❤
Absolutely awesome interview. Well done.
I did not expect this and it is so nice to witness more and more conversations around this subject. Thank you! ❤
I loved this open conversation! ❤❤❤
Fina-ffing-ly someone says something about the sweating (yeah it's part of the anxiety, ik) but i've been sweating a lot (that i'm conscious of..) since early puberty with almost everything i do, at work it's..too much most of the time but i soldier on thinking there's something wrong with me (feeds into the anxiety, me trying to calm myself down: result getting more frustrated spiraling, more dysregulated,, and more sweating..fun) Rox i love you, and thanx Rich..
Great story - I think this will help and resonate with so many people. I love their shorts
Very valuable conversation. I love it so much. Thanks for opening up and sharing your experiences with us. ❤
Fantastic video❤❤❤
ADHD my whole life, this is so relatable. ideas that do not go anywhere
Death Partner, i love it!
I love this couple so gorgeous connection
39:56 I always have ideas and need to act on them, but just planning everything out is enough to get it out of my system.
Yes, me too. It’s like I’ve done it… “been there, done that!”… and then I move on. It even happens with travel… if I do too much research, I feel like I’ve already been there. I did a load of travel when I was younger…, And sometimes I can’t remember if I’ve been to a place or just intended on going and researched the crap out of it but it didn’t end up eventuating.
Me my partner and child have ADHD!
I have a freind who freezes her credit card in a block of ice. It doesn't keep her from spending, but it does her her from impulse buying.
This is a classic. I put things in my cart and vow to come back at the end of the week. You get dopamine and only buy things that are worth coming back for.
I’d just put under boiling water or smash with a hammer. What I do now is put things in carts - unless I absolutely need it (eg practical stuff I’ve run out of… like tampons.., to avoid DIY + getting toxic shock syndrome because I’d forgotten to wash my hands or something 😂)… I tell myself that if I REALLY want and need it, I can go back the next day + press “purchase/go to check out” then. In 99.9% of cases I either completely forget to go back, or when I do the dopamine hit “this is awesome” has dissipated and I often wonder what on earth I was thinking….. or, I have so many screens open on my computer that I can’t find the right one and I lose interest after clicking through the first 20 or get so annoyed with all of the open screens, I just CTRL ALT DELETE and shut it all down. It’s honestly the best!!! But it means I quite often forget to buy stuff I need too. The great thing about this too - if you’re buying off a sponsored ad - is IF you regretted not buying, it always reappears later with the whole algorithms thing… so you can buy then, or have another ah ha moment where you look at it with fresh eyes and think “that’s feral” or they have something newer and better for you to add to your cart… and then do the 24hr wait (and never impulse buy it!). Prior to this I went through a stage of doing online auctions/discovering very bizarre things that were a WONDERFUL idea to make life fun (I bought 3 portable gramophones at one stage… I still have them… none of them work because I have to buy a new needle… one step too many apparently….. I bought a music decanter that was shipped from UK to Australia, that had a Japanese couple dancing inside it to “La vie en Rose” 😂)….. 24hr cart….. the best.
Yes, yes!!! I just mentioned that too, I do a 24hr rule… if I said a week and it’s one of those shops that tells you “only two more left” then I’d panic and impulse buy… whereas if I say 24hrs then I don’t have that fear of missing out. 99% of times I never go back. I totally forget or have too many screens open😂. If I froze my credit card, that would make me want to use it more. I chuck it in the microwave or smash it… or i’d take a photo before freezing it + tell myself I’d delete the photo (knowing full well I’d have no intention of deleting it). Throw in cart, “come back later”…. Forget it exists 3 seconds later.
Thanx a lot! I would also be interested in hearing your experiences/opinion about stimulants 💖
33:43 If I don't unpack and finish setting up immediately I receive or get item home, I might as well not hv it as it wont be set up. There is always something else needing doing😢
Everything about this interview was absolutely brilliant.
The good dopamin🙏🏻☺️
It’s a superpower with a cost.
OMGosh! I love you all So Much! 💞💜💞
I have both Asperger’s and combined ADHD and I’m sick of people trying to push me into the workforce when it’s totally detrimental to my mental health I had years of my life stolen from me ending up with CPTSD due to bad expire and haven’t been allowed to be my authentic self I was really late diagnosed
My cousin was the same. Then she did a few courses with a recruitment/training agency (she had a part time job prior, which she hated/would have panic attacks etc, but the company closed down… and paid for this special job seeker training for everyone). I didn’t think it would suit her (I just thought the social aspect of it would stress her out too much), so offered to take her to an all abilities recruitment agency in case they could offer her better support with job seeking. Anyway, she stuck to it, and I’m not sure what they did, but boy did it help here. She really honed in on her strengths and skills, rather than on the previous job description (which was direct customer service, which again, she hated/it made her anxious). She was invited to apply for some really different types of jobs, I more behind the scenes logistics stuff. Anyway, she was offered all three jobs she applied for, which again shocked me… I was so proud of her. I honestly thought she would’ve had panic attacks in the interviews. But because they were jobs that REALLY suited how she’d framed her updated CV, she felt so confident applying, like she was being her authentic self (and the skills that these jobs required came very easy to her). She ended up picked working for a life (elevator if you’re from USA) company because she found them more black and white than the other place. Anyway, she’s ABSOLUTELY thrived in this new workplace. She does computer work and booking in lift services and repair jobs with their technicians. She loves that she has minimal contact with “customers”… the workplace was so impressed with her, they sent her to the other side of the country to train a new staff member at the same role. It’s unbelievable! This is the same person who literally had a panic attack at work (2wks prior to her old workplace closing) that was so bad her bosses thought it might be a heart attack and called an ambulance (and they ambulance thought it might be her heart and took her to emergency)!!! I’m so happy for her, and she’s like a completely different person. She reminds me of what she was like as a little kid (prior to her kind of getting crushed in the world for being very different/not fitting the mould). It also makes me feel sad that she’d been pushed to stay in the wrong job and didn’t believe or know that there were other roles around that suited her strengths and didn’t involve people/direct customer service. So, honestly, if there’s an opportunity to find a similar job seeker training group (obviously not just any organisation, one like my Cousins where you feel really comfortable and like they get you), I’d highly recommend. My cousin even went from minimum wage (in her old job), to a really great salary now. Because she’s so efficient/has that ASD robot accuracy thing going on + fast learning IT stuff (that I definitely don’t have with ADHD), she’s even getting bonuses. Most important thing is she’s really happy, and loves the work (and it sounds like she works with really nice people who appreciate and accept her for who she is). Best of luck. I’m sure you know the best thing you need for yourself… but I also just wanted to share my Cousin’s experience in case it resonated. I think she suffered a lot of PTSD, which her last job exasperated. She’s honestly a completely different person now she’s in the right environment. She barely spoke or interacted at our family gatherings for about 15yrs!(could even be 20yrs)… now she not only joins in but she imitates conversation + has 85million times more energy. Prior she was so flat. Im so happy for her.
I've totally made diy tampons. Omg, I never knew it was a thing.
I’ve definitely made diy pads… and loo paper… but not tampons. Do you use loo paper?? I think I was such I was such a feral child/teenager (always forgetting to wash my hands… rephrase, never crossing my mind to wash my hands UNLESS filthy) that my mum put the fear of God into me with tampons. She told me if I didn’t scrub my hands or if I left the tampon in for longer than 4hrs, I’d die from toxic shock 😵💫😂. I had an incident where I forgot to put a tampon in after removing one, that after 4hrs, when I went to remove it + couldn’t find the string, I started having toxic shock symptoms 😂. I even went to an emergency health centre (I was in Japan and couldn’t speak Japanese well enough for them to understand me… so I mimed it and drew a picture and mimed my symptoms…. And they thought I was pregnant and having a miscarriage! I ended up at the gynaecologists + they screamed at the top of their lungs “no tampon!!!” It was so bizarre because I had zero bleeding the entire time I thought I had a tampon with no string. Perhaps instead of diy tampons we just need to imaginary ones 😂?!
Thank you for this ❤️ one of the same
So Beautifully video 👌👌👌
I cant do brown noise it makes me anxious. I prefer instrumental cafe jazz.
I prefer white noise or Tibetan sound baths
It's really absurd that in England it takes two years to get a diagnosis. What is the reason?
Because I have dual diagnosis of Asperger’s and Combined ADHD I have really low energy
ADHD OVA HERE I CAN READ A ROOM LIKE SHERLOCK HOLMES, NOT EVERYONE CAN SAY THAT.
I've deffo had the fads and ideas just not the energy ...which to some extent has been a blessing 😅
Great content in the podcast.
What I feel that I must say is one thing that I find really distracting and hard to listen to. The thing is that the host says "like" a lot when talking, could be something to try to tone done to increase the listening experience.
Thanl you :)
I didn’t pay attention to it until I read your comment whilst still listening/ watching to the show.
Now I can’t reverse it. So annoying. So thank you and no thanks😂
@@Beleen-gw3vwhaha. I'm so sorry 😭😭. I know thst feeling
Let's hope it's something that can be worked on in the future so we can keep enyoing the content 😊
I was really more bothered by the “no” at the starts of so many sentences. That in particular drives me crazy bc it feels very wrong. Like, (lol, sorry ) you’re agreeing with someone, so why say, “no, yeah, blah blah blah thisnthat” it’s demeaning in a way. Everything you say comes across as if you’re correcting someone who was wrong.
I still think there are many more people to be diagnosed. Ive been referred to the service. Three to four years wait for adults. My children will not benefit from this. I cannot try adhd meds because there is a shortage and I can't deal with the uncertainty on top of struggles with my existing chronic medical conditions.
Has anyone else struggled with bedtime, like inconceivably slept on sofa instead of bed?
I had to create a bedtime ritual that made me really look forward to going to bed. I realized I saw sleep as a loss and I needed to change that. So I started looking into how sleep helps the body and the mind and what all happens when you sleep (in short, your body heals, and your mind does maintenance by sorting through the memories of the day and filing them appropriately. Putting labels on things that you may not know how to feel about right away. Sleep sorts that out for you. It’s why a lack of sleep leads to irritability and catastrophizing)
And then I was able to realize that sleep is a gift that you give yourself.
Then- I created a whole ritual that may not be the most healthy thing but the idea is, the first step is to make sleep something I look forward to. So certain things I love became attached to bedtime, and ONLY bedtime. A specific list of podcasts that I love, a specific treat, I invested in bedding that I love and chose pajamas that are all the same and really comfortable. I make sure my sheets are always soft and clean and I have my skincare by the bed. My bed is kind of a holy place that I keep as such.
So, to recap:
you first have to change the way you _think_ about sleep. I think of it now more like how I would think of eating or drinking or breathing or peeing or pooping. It’s something that the body _must_ do, it helps you, *SLEEP IS A GIFT*
Then you have to overload the benefits you get from _choosing_ to deliberately and purposefully go to bed. (I also changed my thinking around this as well, I started congratulating myself if I chose to go to bed, I announce it the same way I’d announce that I had cleaned the bathroom or finished a project. I attach pride to it) so my benefits are that I make a special drink I love, that I absolutely cannot and will not drink any other time of day (I get a big 40 oz travel mug and fill it with ice, then I put in 97% sprite, 2.7% citrus juice, and .3% grenadine. This is my favorite drink in the world and I can only ever have it if I’m going to bed. So if I’m making my drink, I’m getting ready for bed. I never have it otherwise. Then, what happens is I’ll maybe take a couple sips before I fall asleep but the part I love is when I wake up, I take a drink of it and it’s always ice cold and SO GOOD. I recognize that soda during bedtime isn’t ideal for anyone really but for me I knew it had to be something big to get me to do this and I realized this was it)
I wear soft, comfy sleep shorts and a tank top (almost always made of rayon bc tactile is a big issue for me) and then I get into clean sheets in a made bed with my Mr slothy (sloth stuffed animal I bought for myself with the intention of having a soft, sweet thing to go to bed with. When I make my bed every day I put me slothy away and he only comes out if it’s bedtime, he’s so soft and I look forward to it so much and now it’s to the point that if my husband hands me Mr slothy midday I will become sleepy, same with if one of my sleepy time shows comes on during the day or if I drink sprite) I have an electric blanket and I let my house get super cold at night bc you sleep better if it’s cold in the atmosphere. So I’ll turn on the electric blanket, I turn the fan on, I’ve got on my sleepy shorts, I’ve got my sleepy cup, I’m gathering my sleepy things and finishing dishes for tomorrow, I’ll start my sleepy playlist and the whole time I am genuinely getting psyched about getting in the bed, thinking about how good it will feel on my skin and how warm it will be, and getting excited to cuddle my cats and Mr slothy. By the time I get in the bed it feels like I’ve just won something.
I could go on and on but i think I sort of got my point across here. You have to find genuine delight in going to bed, while removing all friction from the process of getting there, yet making it harder with more friction if you were to sleep on the couch. Going to bed isn’t giving up, it’s a gift I give to myself at the end of every day.
Sorry this is so long
That was a really good response. Thank you and well done@@JacyndaMinor
Thank you for putting so much into helping another human being you don’t know. I have this problem and your response made me well up! It has also given me some fab inspiration to improve on my bedtime routine.
Yes
I’m ok now. But as a kid I used to kind of play musical beds. My sister also joined in (just because I did it). We’d rotate around the house and sleep in different rooms… sometimes on a bed, sometimes on the floor, sometimes on those old school portable beds for guests (whatever they’re called). Thankfully our parents let us do it (they weren’t strict with things like that). I think that’s why I can basically sleep anywhere now. I’m not sure that would be the case if I was made to sleep in my bed. Even now, if I fall asleep on the sofa, or somewhere weird like on a living room rug, I don’t think anything of it (unless I’m uncomfortable or cold…. Or if I’ve left the lights on and too tired to get up). Unsure if that is another strategy… just let yourself fall asleep wherever you fall asleep + try not to judge yourself or make a big deal about it. I even went through a stage in my early 20’s when I must’ve been pretty stressed with uni and life/had a load of things going round in my brain. The best way to get to sleep - again, not a thought out strategy just something i started doing at bedtime… like rotating rooms as a kid - was blasting the Beastie Boys and other similar sort of screaming music. No clue what it was (my flatmates thought I was crazy) but it sent me straight to sleep. It was like going under general anaesthetic. 5,4,3…. Then next thing I’d know it was the morning. I know my mother tries very strict sleep routines + she gets so anxious about the thought of not getting asleep or whether she’ll make up 2hrs later, she barely sleeps a wink/has a major sleep disorder. Aside from her anxiety around sleep, I’m guessing her routine is far too restrictive + doesn’t suit her…. So maybe it’s better to move around + just do whatever the hell your body feels like doing on the night. I was so cold in my apartment once in Japan (it was right before I was due to go home and I accidentally sold my futon and bedding a bit too prematurely), that I tried sleeping in the build in wardrobe (not a walk in wardrobe) and when that didn’t work, I tried my mini car… and passed out in the drivers seat with car running + heater on for a bit. I didn’t realise how lucky I was to have such easy going parents as a kid. Probably saved me from insomnia/strict ideas about what’s acceptable for ‘sleep’ (??)
A lot of the signs map across to Bipolar Disorder.
It's a real struggle
awww