The self-parenting course should be under courses but here is the link and use code SPRING20 for 20% off for the month of APRIL. www.stephanielynlifecoaching.com/offers/z4N88LSs/checkout
hey steph plz help me here my Narc Mother tries to give me something she does not want be to be independent even tho am am full adult she wants me to ask her everything. i have been codependent , am now learning to be independent am sure there is nothing good behind it why she does that i have been refusing to take lately and managing my own i could see in her eyes she gets angry and even gets me what i wanted to get .when i started practicing self awareness i asked her to help me something when she did after few days i saw her telling my sis that i cant do anything by myself without her help i was shock , and it looks like it has being happening since childhood and that is how she made me codependent . what do you think what could be the reason she does that?
I'm currently going through this triangular manipulation with my ex husband and his new girlfriend. After watching this video it now makes so much sense. I never knew this triangulation was a thing. Thank you for opening my eyes to this and helping me understand what's really happening so that I can parent myself through these emotions. I'm so grateful for you Stephanie. You have been my "best friend" for the last 3 years. ❤
I am still having trouble understanding the triangulation tactics....such a confusing messed up mess....I would love to see more videos on triangulation
I'm going through that right now with my ex husband whis the narc and my son. I've not seen my grandchildren in a while and neither has my daughter since I started holding my ex accountable for his behavior and abuse that spanned over years. Now he's giving my son the validation he kept from him growing up and my son is believing him and his lies.
Then they try to shame and guilt you for not being “loyal” when you decide you are absolutely done with the BS. No matter you do, they make certain to make you feel like you are “the loser.”
Narcissist's don't change they get worse as they age. Take good care of yourself and your emotional energy, they are like an emotional energy vampire and they won't stop draining you until you are completely bedridden. Once this happens they will have complete power and control over you, make quiet plans to escape from the narcissist while you can. Take care.🕊🏃♀️
At the time we went out she used to almost always bring a third person in the relationship. At that time I took it as "wow she is actually at the center of attention, so charismatic". I just didn't know that I was being manipulated. I understood it like after 6 months of break-up. Thank god that I am now fully equipped not to be played with anymore.
🤔 I dunno... mine controls all our $ and our health insurances are through their union. I'm disabled. That gives the narc 99% power over everything. It'll be 40 years the end of summer. Narc dumped me and left the state and hides to a avoid divorce and alimony. No end to the games and combinations with this one! Ugh!
My ex husband is a clasdic narcissist. He pitted our now 31 yr old son against me and my entire family! No contact at all. This started when he was ab 13. He did everything my therapist said he would. Classic textbook. Im in the dating world. I know the signs now and I RUN!!!!
My situation was with an ex as he ran a smear campaign about me behind my back. His goal was to give me backlash and control me in order to gain power over me and ensure the relationship was a one way street. The ending was for me success in progress and I have learned what I needed to in that relationship & much happier single than I ever was in that relationship. Pin 2 people against each other - manipulate one or both people (grooming or backlash) Knowledge is power 💪🏽 Who can they control the most?
Thank you so much for all the information you give us in all your videos Stephanie. I met a man on Facebook messenger and almost 4 months later he tells me he’s still married but living in the same house in separate bedrooms (which I doubt)! He was hiding everything so well, as narcissists do. Thankfully we only had an emotional long distance relationship and I had only met with him on 3 occasions to eat during the “love bombing” phase. After I learned his truth, I completely blocked him in all respects from being able to contact me. And if he somehow does contact me in the near future, I will continue completely ignoring! Thank you Stephanie.
Husband’s new friend started hanging out at our house while working on our race truck. His wife came too. They and a couple of their kids were at our house 3 to 5 days a week. Me cooking dinner in my own house turned into her cooking dinner out in the shop and my motorhome. I would be brought a plate. I was usually in the house. I had a lot I needed to do in the house as we had just remodeled. At time I would have dinner almost done when my plate would be placed on the counter by my husband or a kid who would then leave. I don’t remember ever being asked to be a part of this or to coordinate and do any of the cooking. She cooked some tasty dishes but I was trying to keep my husband and I at a healthy weight. I had tolerated the weirdness of this woman for several months then after several dinners dumped and attempts to be friends ending in awkwardness, I began to ask questions. How is she cooking all this stuff? Where does she go to the restroom? Does she bring groceries every night? (This is when I found out about the use of my motorhome.) Why does she never pop in the house to say hello or even just use the restroom when all she does when not cooking is play with her phone? I am well respected by my husband’s other race friends, they are my friends too. On race weekends I’m the boss lady. This family began going to the races with us. After a few races, this woman began subtly pitting my husband and I against each other. I could see it and warned him. He didn’t believe me. She had been testing which lead up to bigger wedges. I have cut this woman off…she is not allowed on our property but my husband can’t get away from them. They were going to races where she would pull the silent treatment like a little kid. I eventually refused to go because I felt like she jeopardized the safety of the team, our chances at winning, and it just was not fun with her there.
You think that's bad try living a lifetime in a small town where everybody is all up in your life and ignores everything you are. That's where I'm stuck at right now and these people don't have the intention of bringing any value to my life either.
Hey, Stephanie. Thank you for all you do to help others! I was in a triangulation relationship with a guy who used me to make his ex ( who left him) jealous. He also tried to get us to dislike each other by making up lies about things we never said. Unfortunately for him, it didn't work out well for him. We ended up friends, and he lost both of us. My mother also made a triangulation between she, my Dad, and I. Very sad and unfortunate. It all comes in my opinion from ego, control, and low self-esteem.
I never thought of it that way. My coworker is doing this and I never considered the fact that she was grooming the other person since I was so focused on our conflict.
The narcissist is so fickle-minded that they will triangulate you with anyone and no one is out of bounds. They will even triangulate you with the family pet by treating them better than you, narcissists are sadistic people they like to see others suffer especially their scapegoat. Ignore these hard-hearted people and give them a taste of their own treatment, make them feel insignificant.
They have a tendency to find their way into my life.these people like to pick on people that have nobody to turn to because they know it will hurt and make you feel so stressed out that it's hard to cope with their torment
@@dark7angel456 Yes narcissists like to isolate their targets in any way they can. If you don't have much support behind you at the beginning of the relationship they will make sure you don't have any after that.
My wife is constantly doing this to our 2 kids. Her actions often contribute to them fighting add fires to existing fights. This is one of the reasons I am divorcing her with hope that co-parenting will give me access to them and give them guidance.
This triangulation business was seriously going on in many toxic families throughout childhoods of very many during the 60s through 90s however things seem to have improved since then with family dynamics being more stable because of the toxicity that era went through it certainly was everywhere family, school, neighborhood friends adults did it and children followed suit. So sad we pay for it now as well. All the best to fellow tormented ones. 🕊️❤😊to all.
It was with my friend. She tried to make me jealous of how close she is with her other friend and would try to make us compete with each other. I noticed at that time things I hadnt before : that she is herself in an imaginary competition with all kinds of poeple and I understood right there that she was deeply unhealthy. Fortunately I kept my cool, avoided any drama thrown my way then distanced myself. It was new to me, how I responded clamly to my triggers (comparison, closeness in friendship). Dealing with the realization that my friend is not a good friend and that she is toxic took me a minute on my own though but I'm ok with this fact now.
I have been in 2 relationships with narcissists. My first relationship that lasted for 2 years (16 years ago) I did not understand what was going on with my emotions and myself as the lie’s started to come to light when I got discarded. I recently got discarded once again a month ago with a different narcissist that lasted 1 year and 5 months. Two different people but same traits, the only difference is me. Healing, self love, and self parenting does make a big difference, as of now her actions and smear campaign does not affect me one bit. Yes the discard did hurt but I am a stronger and a wiser person now and learned more about myself from this lesson. Normally I’d be vengeful but I chose to be better.
The stronger I become the more these behaviors escalate in those toxic relationships I’ve been involved with … family-siblings and friendships. A definite pattern always present. It becomes recognizable once you begin examining your own responses and emotions to how these people behave. You could put a different face on each of these difficult personalities, but their behaviors-tactics are SO similar. It took me years of drama, efforting, counseling and study along with a lot of You Tube videos about narcissistic behavior to finally understand these dynamics in my own relationships. After connecting the dots, becomes glaringly obvious. Working on boundaries and healing has helped me deal with these challenges and the inevitable fallout. Definitely less tolerance and prioritizing self protection is important self care. Appreciate sharing of information on this and the validation😊
My ex best friend who is a covert narcissist, would triangulate me using her cat. Instead of telling me that she is made at me like a healthy human being would. She would either stonewall me or give me the silent treatment. She would talk to her cat. She would tell the cat why she is mad at me. I guess her cat is supply. Thanks to you and other channels, I have gained wisdom and knowledge. I have gone no contact since January 2023. Life is substantially better now. 🌈🕊️🦋👍❤️👏🌺☀️
My mother triangulates with my adult daughter. She seems to have all the inner knowledge of my daughter. . I pointed this out to her and she said "it's all in your head." I forced her to say , "I know how you feel ,." She has information about her and assumes I don't know. She loves when my daughter confides i her.
My mom is a narcissistic and has overstepped boundaries with me my entire life. Recently, she has been lying about me to my adult daughter. I couldn't have seen this at a better time. I am yet again, setting up an appointment to speak with a therapist, yet again, to figure out how to deal with this. I am soooo angry. I have so much resentment towards her but can't talk with her because she throws fits and makes my life hell with guilt trips. 😢 I was at the point of just giving up trying to make boundaries, because it doesn't matter with her, but now finding out the horrible lies she is telling my daughter is feeding that fire that has been burning and growing my entire life.. I believe the Self Parenting course you have would help me, and I am very interested. ❤
I have gone through this in two different ways. 1st my whole life with my narcissistic parents & now with my youngest sibling as he married a narcissistic women who has wreaked havoc in the family for 10 years now….my father & mother continues with their triangulation tactics & now has joined in with my narcissistic SIL trying to get my youngest brother against my other sibling & I which they both have successfully done & my other sibling & I have decided to go no contact with my youngest sibling & his wife. We also put up great boundaries with our parents & have made it clear we are sticking to them.
The narcissist I know is always on the side of the other abusers by standing back and remaining silent. His desire to be accepted by the group think who are bullies, he is willing to throw me under the bus and pretend he didn't hear it later when I spoke to him about it. In several cases he was standing right there when it happened but claims later he didn't see it at all.
ThIs happened in two different scenarios to me.. Once with my adult daughter who moved back in and my husband. She had a problem with how the kitchen was arranged and corrected me in front of my husband. My husband loved it that I was being corrected. Later I asked her to tell me later or to text me next time she has a discrepancy. She wasn't doing this on purpose to make me look bad and is aware now. Second scenario is when I went out for drinks with a old friend( girlfriend) who is also in a business we used a few times. I went out with her and my husband for drinks. She was overly smiling and flirty with my husband. He was loving the attention and later I let him know I think she has a crush on him. He stated he was not aware. I never ask her to go out with us anymore. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I am still friends with her but will not included her in certain situations. Possible third scenario is similar to the first one: I have three daughters and my husband tries to side with one of the daughters when he, I, and one of them are in conversation. So it is like 2 and against one. Them against me. It might be something dumb I did or something funny at my expense or something serious I need to improve upon. SO now when my husband talks to one of my daughters I let them talk and I try to excuse myself from the room or change the subject(deflect) so I am not the "odd man out".
Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, I'm re watching your vids, There's many forms of this, Trianulating in a relationship, Trianulating groups to gang up on or to gain power and control of an individual, Also the envy, Jealously, If they are envious they have to do something to try and make you envious of them, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 💚💗💙💛😊🌌🌈💜🕊🦁😃🕆⚖♱🍄✌🦄⚽🐎😘
Usually when something like that happens, where one person is saying the other is a lack in some sense, mean, nasty, abusive, or wrong on some level, you have to sometimes look at the person doing the talking. 💯😎usually you’ll notice, that the accuser seems to have several red flags in place or at the least BEHAVIORS that match what’s being accused. Drama people will attach to narratives so be careful. On the other hand, you won’t get away with snowing yourself either. So if you participate in fighting, arguing, rudeness, disrespect, you bring it upon yourself. It’s our job to be courteous and polite in all cases. Even when we know we’ve been wronged, it’s super important to stay the calm course.” Thanks Stephanie. I like how you provide a lot of detail fleshing out what it looks like.” ☺️🙏💯
Happened in a small work environment but started in a family I’m learning to be more aware an give All my power to me an my choices…. Thanks for sharing Your helping me Live a Better Life !!
My mom, my cousins, bloodline, thrown out old friends, bartenders. They find out as much information as they can in my life then try to turn people against me. They try to take away any happiness i find and never meet my needs. I an neglected and shattered. Some dont know how toxic they are and laugh it off leaving me feeling like a prune
As probably most people, I have the narcissistic ex and I was discarded. His new wife has written not so nice things to me because of what she’s been told. Then I have the added bonus of my narcissistic brother befriending my ex. (My ex had always hated him, but then suddenly they became best friends and love talking about me.) They then tried getting other family members (ie. my father) to join their hate group. The discard happened end of 2019 and to this day, my father keeps asking for me to be the bigger person and reconnect with my brother. (I completely cut my brother off and that was the absolute best decision.)
I just went through 3 and a half months of significant gaslighting A billionaire ex biz partner father And ex gf I am a ‘super’ empath No thrill I rent supernova didn’t know why I was saying I feel I mirror people I revealed them to their friends in instagram Settled the waters Opened many eyes Found out I am a very very highly functioning Autistic savant Level 1 Musical, visualization, synesthesia, patterns and trends spatial ability And 98% ENTP I think you are perfection Your symmetry is hard to. It notice I am us Canadian tech creator I am putting it out there What happens now is not up to me 🙏
My dad did this with my brother and sister. Wanted me to feel less than I was the scapegoat. My dad passed away a few months ago. Low and behold I was cut out of the will. Wasn't a great feeling dealing with those emotions.
Transactional Analysis calls this game, `Triangulation´ `Let´s you and him fight!´ Eric Berne wrote several entertaining insightful books on this subject. `What do you say after you say Hello´, `Games People Play´, `Beyond Games and Scripts´. available in used bookstores for cheap.
I figured this out, I can now pick his moves before he makes them but the other day he got me off guard as we met him in town and he threw the movies on me. Wouldnt let me pay for my ticket then asked me if i was uncomfortable after he paid for it 😔 I clenched and said i was fine. Now he wants to do a day trip with the kids. I said no.
Or when you share an idea or experience, they will always immediately refer to a third person who had similar idea ir experience (but better...I have a feeling they are jealous and don't want you to be your own person let alone have succes or good experience, so they compare you with anyone, third party to take away your 'story' and energy).
If you don’t fit their agenda. They discard you quickly, then they put you in a box labeled, “Boring.” They can just look at you and assume they know your whole life story. The triangulation is insane.
Currently happening. I knew my husband had some passive aggressive traits but his mother went into a full narcotic episode recently opening my eyes to the entire families toxic behavior. As the outsider I became the scape goat. My husband still tries to get reactions out of me all the time and I’ve started grey rocking him. I don’t wanna spend my life as a grey rock but now I’m stuck in this marriage with extremely unhealthy people around me. His parents are elderly and his dad is dying they have put unrealistic demands on us to sell our homes leave our children to move into their home. We offer to sell our homes and create a mutually acceptable situation but mom did NOT want that!! They just wanted to stay in their home. She triangulated and pulled her other son in and he has left his children and come 2000 miles to stay with them like a good boy. Because she told everyone I’m trying to take all her stuff. I went no contact with her and have left the mess to her sons to deal with. My husband plays like he’s on my side but upped his passive aggressive behavior towards me. Now I’m stuck in a family that I have no contact with and a husband I can connect to and have to get rock all the time.
My ex husband did this to me using my teenage daughters. He used money and ridiculing and undermining me to my daughters. Something fely uncomfortable to me and when challenged he would gaslight and call me a psycho. He would never do this in private, but always in front of the girls. Eventually I asked him to leave (my eldest was 21 and had moved into a flat with her pals). I gave him a fortnight to sort something out and he took my youngest (16) with him. My daughters both cut me and my family out of their lives without any explanation, and they would'nt come and talk to me about why they did so and I still don't know. Yet before it started they did talk openly about their concerns. Before he started manipulating them and me, my daughters and I were closer than close, because he had always worked away from home. It nearly broke me. I thought I was the worst person alive. I have tried to reach out but have been met with awfulextremely hurtful replies, so eventually I stopped. Whilst I am a survivor and have learned to live with it. thanks to counselling and good friends. There is a huge hole in my heart. My biggest mistake was being reactive. I know that now. If only Videos such as these were available back then.
Mine is a poly relationship. Me and my husband invited another woman into our lives and now I know she is a narcissist. It's been horrible and she has gotten a two-for deal to torment us. I know she thought I would be gone already with all the bs she has done. I see it all. My hub is still stuck in hoping for a return to the lovebomb stage. I'm just sick.
Guy friend, she would talk about him daily, i brought it up after a week, she said she is just telling me about her day, she would prioritize him, I said it bothered me, she said she wouldn’t ever be with him he is a friend, sucks man. Idk if this is triangulation but it sucks
Sounds like it! Sounds like she’s bringing him up to lake you feel jealous and to possibly try to make you feel “less” or “unworthy” or not as worthy, you get what I’m trying to say. If you’re uncomfortable with something then typically your partner will try to change their behavior, especially in a situation like this.
I love your videos but I'd like to offer you some advice about your sound. Your sound is consistently very soft, so I have to turn you up on my computer speakers pretty loudly in order to hear you. Then, when a commercial comes on, it is excruciatingly loud because of me having to turn your video up so much in order to hear you. If I'm in the other room doing dishes while I'm listening to you, I have to stop what I'm doing and run to the computer to turn it down when a commercial comes on. It's very annoying and I thought I'd let you know. If you can find a way to turn your recording volume up, that would be great! Love your videos though!! -Shannon
I had it with 2 narcissists.... i try to explain things to one ..he gets loud and nasty and the next thing i know ..my ex girlfriend who is a narcissist..automatically takes his side..
you r great I wish to met you and learned this 15 years ago and if there is threating of taking my children because of laws here in arab country's till they reach 16 years without connecting to them
This is absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, You're absolutely beautiful, Pretty in pink, I understand about triangulation, I was talking about this yesterday and today, Then seen your video, Beautiful synchronicity, Narcissists triangulate, Bring 3rd parties involved to gain power and control of others, Can be 3 people or Bring in groups, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😁🐺🧿🧝♀️😘🌈💞👁🛸🌹😊⚘️🌌🌌🐉😀🥰✨️😍😃💙
Have you ever seen a narcissist triangulate a child against a parent? I am the good one, she is bad? It is you and I against her? I felt my daughter and I were competing for who was the wife. Their relationship was weird. Two against the bad one. I was the odd woman out with the daughter controlling the abuse and competing with me while my husband colluded and sanctioned it.
Is discarding in a text and then ignoring all calls and texts manipulation? They dumped and won’t communicate at all. It’s so difficult. Just wondering if this falls into the toxic category since they technically broke things off ?
His new supply tried to jump in the middle cause I refuse to speak to him so he gave her my number I had one conversation with her and it was like he had his puppet speaking for him like yeah no I ended up blocking her also and his mom these people don’t make me feel better it’s like I am in a Weird competition I never wanted to be in 😅 no thank you 😂 great video trust this is not funny but they become so predictable you have to laugh at the insanity
Kinda had enough right now. 😢 narcissistic dominator, drug and alcohol addiction ex seems to defy the odds and get away with being seen as "the nice guy" all the time, whereas I've been hospitalised through injuries, he's confessed to what he's done, yet he still maintains innocence and ger away with (almost, literally) murder! When will courts understand??? Even the police have had enough of it! I hate the law. Just rake this evil pieces of s*** off the street, ffs
Thank you so much for this Stephanie, There's many forms of triangulation, Knowledge is power , You're a beautiful coach, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😃🦄🐉🌹💛💚❤💜💙👁🌈⭐🎨😇🌚🌷👽🕊😘🌝😊😆🖼
My NPD ex used this liberally with the husband she separated from and I. Would tell me things about him to make me dislike him and think he was crazy but then find and make excuses to spend time around him despite how uncomfortable it made me. I can only imagine what she did on his side using me. I really wish I could reach out to him now and discuss this but I'm so afraid of how he will react to me.
Would trying to manipulate through proxy be considered triangulation also? I'll give you an example so my mom and dad have been separated for many years my dad is a narcissist he tries to take over everybody stuff he thinks everything belongs to him even if he put in little to nothing to it... recently my mom was on vacation and I was taking care of her house my dad wanted to do things in her yard and my mom doesn't want him doing anything but we started somewhat working with him I told her I don't think we should be doing anything or getting anything from him cuz he wanted to give us some planter beds because everything comes at a cost he'll use that against you later saying I gave you these planter beds I should be able to come in this yard etc... lately he was calling me telling me hey I have a thought you should talk to your mom about this hey I have another thought you should talk to your mom about this and I knew it was manipulation and I told him why are you trying to pull me in the middle of this is between you and Mom you can go straight to the source if you don't feel brave enough to go to Mom you don't come through me I'm the barrier between you and Mom and I'm not allowing this.... so anyways I don't know what that kind of manipulation is called to try to go through a middleman but I've been hip to his game for a long time and I'm super tired of it... and then I actually told him you don't hold yourself accountable to anything it's always someone else's fault and you bring up stuff from like way back in the past like what about the time you did this 10 years ago and in the next sentence he said I don't do that I hold myself accountable and I said no you don't and then in the next sentence he was like what where were you 15 years ago when I was working on the house no one brought me dinner at night and it was so frustrating to see the hypocrisy and just telling him you just did what I told you you do that you said you don't do... it's breathtaking the audacity and arrogance of this man thinking everything belongs to him trying to take over everyone's stuff and everyone should cater to his every waking need bringing up stuff from the past that we've moved on from but he refuses to do any inner work and then if you call him out on things he thinks he took the higher Road. Absolutely no self awareness.
5 ads in 14 mins too much. It interrupts the value of what is said and takes away and distracts too often from the good of the information. It’s like a rude person that keeps interrupting
You make is something you don't need to control just think for yourself control work control doesn't make you laugh no need control just you walk the person you still need control to make you choose to grow what you say control does not make you make more sickness person for person just walk United in the house take another person is in Indiana let's confuse yourself can I make you right to control practice yourself contra can you make yourself a ride
Where is the link to self parenting? I didn't see it?
The self-parenting course should be under courses but here is the link and use code SPRING20 for 20% off for the month of APRIL.
www.stephanielynlifecoaching.com/offers/z4N88LSs/checkout
hey steph plz help me here my Narc Mother tries to give me something she does not want be to be independent even tho am am full adult she wants me to ask her everything. i have been codependent , am now learning to be independent am sure there is nothing good behind it why she does that i have been refusing to take lately and managing my own i could see in her eyes she gets angry and even gets me what i wanted to get .when i started practicing self awareness i asked her to help me something when she did after few days i saw her telling my sis that i cant do anything by myself without her help i was shock , and it looks like it has being happening since childhood and that is how she made me codependent . what do you think what could be the reason she does that?
@@steffe9051 They like to control other people's lives. Both of my parents are the same.
I'm currently going through this triangular manipulation with my ex husband and his new girlfriend. After watching this video it now makes so much sense. I never knew this triangulation was a thing. Thank you for opening my eyes to this and helping me understand what's really happening so that I can parent myself through these emotions. I'm so grateful for you Stephanie. You have been my "best friend" for the last 3 years. ❤
I am still having trouble understanding the triangulation tactics....such a confusing messed up mess....I would love to see more videos on triangulation
I'm going through that right now with my ex husband whis the narc and my son. I've not seen my grandchildren in a while and neither has my daughter since I started holding my ex accountable for his behavior and abuse that spanned over years. Now he's giving my son the validation he kept from him growing up and my son is believing him and his lies.
I'm so very sorry you've gone through what you have . You don't deserve that.
:) bless u. Stay strong xx
The 😢😢😢😢😢😢ooo😢
Then they try to shame and guilt you for not being “loyal” when you decide you are absolutely done with the BS. No matter you do, they make certain to make you feel like you are “the loser.”
This is so accurate. I suffer a lot in my current marriage. After 17 years of my marriage I feel very ill emotionally and physically exhausted.
Narcissist's don't change they get worse as they age. Take good care of yourself and your emotional energy, they are like an emotional energy vampire and they won't stop draining you until you are completely bedridden. Once this happens they will have complete power and control over you, make quiet plans to escape from the narcissist while you can. Take care.🕊🏃♀️
Leave the marriage if it's making you ill
@@steadypace1262 my family and parents and siblings are like this
At the time we went out she used to almost always bring a third person in the relationship. At that time I took it as "wow she is actually at the center of attention, so charismatic". I just didn't know that I was being manipulated. I understood it like after 6 months of break-up. Thank god that I am now fully equipped not to be played with anymore.
They've got three cards to play, triangulation, silent treatment and gaslighting. That's it.
🤔 I dunno... mine controls all our $ and our health insurances are through their union. I'm disabled. That gives the narc 99% power over everything. It'll be 40 years the end of summer. Narc dumped me and left the state and hides to a avoid divorce and alimony. No end to the games and combinations with this one! Ugh!
😢 Huggs❤
What can you do to make yourself feel happy or content ❤
@@patjones2082 Seek professional advice from social services etc. Stay strong!
The narcissist always has a spare card up their sleeve.🃏
Couldn’t have said it any better!
My ex husband is a clasdic narcissist. He pitted our now 31 yr old son against me and my entire family! No contact at all. This started when he was ab 13. He did everything my therapist said he would. Classic textbook. Im in the dating world. I know the signs now and I RUN!!!!
My story is very similar! Soo sorry! 😢
@@mystrength5640 I'm sorry...❤️
Triangulation Is to try and shame and guilt you into doing even more and mind Fing you to be more loyal to them
Right! So you're always competing and trying harder
It’s gross
These people are so sick
Once you figure this out it’s game over for them
Had a model triangulate me vs another photographer. Always made comments about the differences in our skills. It became annoying
My situation was with an ex as he ran a smear campaign about me behind my back. His goal was to give me backlash and control me in order to gain power over me and ensure the relationship was a one way street. The ending was for me success in progress and I have learned what I needed to in that relationship & much happier single than I ever was in that relationship.
Pin 2 people against each other - manipulate one or both people (grooming or backlash)
Knowledge is power 💪🏽
Who can they control the most?
That's what's happening to me I have a smear campaign going on
Thank you so much for all the information you give us in all your videos Stephanie.
I met a man on Facebook messenger and almost 4 months later he tells me he’s still married but living in the same house in separate bedrooms (which I doubt)! He was hiding everything so well, as narcissists do. Thankfully we only had an emotional long distance relationship and I had only met with him on 3 occasions to eat during the “love bombing” phase. After I learned his truth, I completely blocked him in all respects from being able to contact me. And if he somehow does contact me in the near future, I will continue completely ignoring! Thank you Stephanie.
Husband’s new friend started hanging out at our house while working on our race truck. His wife came too. They and a couple of their kids were at our house 3 to 5 days a week. Me cooking dinner in my own house turned into her cooking dinner out in the shop and my motorhome. I would be brought a plate. I was usually in the house. I had a lot I needed to do in the house as we had just remodeled. At time I would have dinner almost done when my plate would be placed on the counter by my husband or a kid who would then leave. I don’t remember ever being asked to be a part of this or to coordinate and do any of the cooking. She cooked some tasty dishes but I was trying to keep my husband and I at a healthy weight. I had tolerated the weirdness of this woman for several months then after several dinners dumped and attempts to be friends ending in awkwardness, I began to ask questions. How is she cooking all this stuff? Where does she go to the restroom? Does she bring groceries every night? (This is when I found out about the use of my motorhome.) Why does she never pop in the house to say hello or even just use the restroom when all she does when not cooking is play with her phone?
I am well respected by my husband’s other race friends, they are my friends too. On race weekends I’m the boss lady. This family began going to the races with us. After a few races, this woman began subtly pitting my husband and I against each other. I could see it and warned him. He didn’t believe me. She had been testing which lead up to bigger wedges. I have cut this woman off…she is not allowed on our property but my husband can’t get away from them. They were going to races where she would pull the silent treatment like a little kid. I eventually refused to go because I felt like she jeopardized the safety of the team, our chances at winning, and it just was not fun with her there.
You think that's bad try living a lifetime in a small town where everybody is all up in your life and ignores everything you are.
That's where I'm stuck at right now and these people don't have the intention of bringing any value to my life either.
Hey, Stephanie. Thank you for all you do to help others! I was in a triangulation relationship with a guy who used me to make his ex ( who left him) jealous. He also tried to get us to dislike each other by making up lies about things we never said. Unfortunately for him, it didn't work out well for him. We ended up friends, and he lost both of us. My mother also made a triangulation between she, my Dad, and I. Very sad and unfortunate. It all comes in my opinion from ego, control, and low self-esteem.
It’s crazy a f.
Insecure people are tough to deal with. It’s helpful to decide who is worth suffering for.
This happened to me at work! Omg! It's so crazy to see it clearly. Thank you❤
I never thought of it that way. My coworker is doing this and I never considered the fact that she was grooming the other person since I was so focused on our conflict.
The narcissist is so fickle-minded that they will triangulate you with anyone and no one is out of bounds. They will even triangulate you with the family pet by treating them better than you, narcissists are sadistic people they like to see others suffer especially their scapegoat. Ignore these hard-hearted people and give them a taste of their own treatment, make them feel insignificant.
They have a tendency to find their way into my life.these people like to pick on people that have nobody to turn to because they know it will hurt and make you feel so stressed out that it's hard to cope with their torment
@@dark7angel456 Yes narcissists like to isolate their targets in any way they can. If you don't have much support behind you at the beginning of the relationship they will make sure you don't have any after that.
I witnessed the triangulation with my dog. Sadistic indeed
@@timc2493 Yes narc's are jealous people and they want you to feel jealous like them. Sadistic is the word.
@@timc2493 Yes sadistic and cruel, narcissists are cowardly people.
My wife is constantly doing this to our 2 kids. Her actions often contribute to them fighting add fires to existing fights. This is one of the reasons I am divorcing her with hope that co-parenting will give me access to them and give them guidance.
This triangulation business was seriously going on in many toxic families throughout childhoods of very many during the 60s through 90s however things seem to have improved since then with family dynamics being more stable because of the toxicity that era went through it certainly was everywhere family, school, neighborhood friends adults did it and children followed suit. So sad we pay for it now as well. All the best to fellow tormented ones. 🕊️❤😊to all.
I haven’t heard of this tactic/manipulation before. Thanks for the solid presentation!
It was with my friend. She tried to make me jealous of how close she is with her other friend and would try to make us compete with each other. I noticed at that time things I hadnt before : that she is herself in an imaginary competition with all kinds of poeple and I understood right there that she was deeply unhealthy. Fortunately I kept my cool, avoided any drama thrown my way then distanced myself. It was new to me, how I responded clamly to my triggers (comparison, closeness in friendship). Dealing with the realization that my friend is not a good friend and that she is toxic took me a minute on my own though but I'm ok with this fact now.
I have been in 2 relationships with narcissists. My first relationship that lasted for 2 years (16 years ago) I did not understand what was going on with my emotions and myself as the lie’s started to come to light when I got discarded. I recently got discarded once again a month ago with a different narcissist that lasted 1 year and 5 months. Two different people but same traits, the only difference is me. Healing, self love, and self parenting does make a big difference, as of now her actions and smear campaign does not affect me one bit. Yes the discard did hurt but I am a stronger and a wiser person now and learned more about myself from this lesson. Normally I’d be vengeful but I chose to be better.
Thank you I’m going through this with my ex who is currently hanging out with my friends and bad mouthing me all around town
The stronger I become the more these behaviors escalate in those toxic relationships I’ve been involved with … family-siblings and friendships. A definite pattern always present. It becomes recognizable once you begin examining your own responses and emotions to how these people behave. You could put a different face on each of these difficult personalities, but their behaviors-tactics are SO similar. It took me years of drama, efforting, counseling and study along with a lot of You Tube videos about narcissistic behavior to finally understand these dynamics in my own relationships. After connecting the dots, becomes glaringly obvious. Working on boundaries and healing has helped me deal with these challenges and the inevitable fallout. Definitely less tolerance and prioritizing self protection is important self care. Appreciate sharing of information on this and the validation😊
Thanks for explaining this behavior. I recognized this when the narcissist introduced me to his wife. Yes, loves the drama !
I was a target of a few of these types. Even if it wasnt a relationship. I know what they're all about
Just discovred the channel and it s a life changer. Thank you so much
My ex best friend who is a covert narcissist, would triangulate me using her cat. Instead of telling me that she is made at me like a healthy human being would. She would either stonewall me or give me the silent treatment. She would talk to her cat. She would tell the cat why she is mad at me. I guess her cat is supply.
Thanks to you and other channels, I have gained wisdom and knowledge. I have gone no contact since January 2023. Life is substantially better now. 🌈🕊️🦋👍❤️👏🌺☀️
It really messes them up when you catch on right away and refuse to supply. I've never seen a man so frustrated!
My mother triangulates with my adult daughter. She seems to have all the inner knowledge of my daughter. . I pointed this out to her and she said "it's all in your head." I forced her to say , "I know how you feel ,." She has information about her and assumes I don't know. She loves when my daughter confides i her.
My mom is a narcissistic and has overstepped boundaries with me my entire life. Recently, she has been lying about me to my adult daughter. I couldn't have seen this at a better time. I am yet again, setting up an appointment to speak with a therapist, yet again, to figure out how to deal with this. I am soooo angry. I have so much resentment towards her but can't talk with her because she throws fits and makes my life hell with guilt trips. 😢 I was at the point of just giving up trying to make boundaries, because it doesn't matter with her, but now finding out the horrible lies she is telling my daughter is feeding that fire that has been burning and growing my entire life.. I believe the Self Parenting course you have would help me, and I am very interested. ❤
I have gone through this in two different ways. 1st my whole life with my narcissistic parents & now with my youngest sibling as he married a narcissistic women who has wreaked havoc in the family for 10 years now….my father & mother continues with their triangulation tactics & now has joined in with my narcissistic SIL trying to get my youngest brother against my other sibling & I which they both have successfully done & my other sibling & I have decided to go no contact with my youngest sibling & his wife. We also put up great boundaries with our parents & have made it clear we are sticking to them.
The narcissist I know is always on the side of the other abusers by standing back and remaining silent. His desire to be accepted by the group think who are bullies, he is willing to throw me under the bus and pretend he didn't hear it later when I spoke to him about it. In several cases he was standing right there when it happened but claims later he didn't see it at all.
ThIs happened in two different scenarios to me.. Once with my adult daughter who moved back in and my husband. She had a problem with how the kitchen was arranged and corrected me in front of my husband. My husband loved it that I was being corrected. Later I asked her to tell me later or to text me next time she has a discrepancy. She wasn't doing this on purpose to make me look bad and is aware now. Second scenario is when I went out for drinks with a old friend( girlfriend) who is also in a business we used a few times. I went out with her and my husband for drinks. She was overly smiling and flirty with my husband. He was loving the attention and later I let him know I think she has a crush on him. He stated he was not aware. I never ask her to go out with us anymore. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I am still friends with her but will not included her in certain situations.
Possible third scenario is similar to the first one: I have three daughters and my husband tries to side with one of the daughters when he, I, and one of them are in conversation. So it is like 2 and against one. Them against me. It might be something dumb I did or something funny at my expense or something serious I need to improve upon. SO now when my husband talks to one of my daughters I let them talk and I try to excuse myself from the room or change the subject(deflect) so I am not the "odd man out".
Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, I'm re watching your vids, There's many forms of this, Trianulating in a relationship, Trianulating groups to gang up on or to gain power and control of an individual, Also the envy, Jealously, If they are envious they have to do something to try and make you envious of them, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 💚💗💙💛😊🌌🌈💜🕊🦁😃🕆⚖♱🍄✌🦄⚽🐎😘
Usually when something like that happens, where one person is saying the other is a lack in some sense, mean, nasty, abusive, or wrong on some level, you have to sometimes look at the person doing the talking. 💯😎usually you’ll notice, that the accuser seems to have several red flags in place or at the least BEHAVIORS that match what’s being accused. Drama people will attach to narratives so be careful. On the other hand, you won’t get away with snowing yourself either. So if you participate in fighting, arguing, rudeness, disrespect, you bring it upon yourself. It’s our job to be courteous and polite in all cases. Even when we know we’ve been wronged, it’s super important to stay the calm course.” Thanks Stephanie. I like how you provide a lot of detail fleshing out what it looks like.” ☺️🙏💯
Happened in a small work environment but started in a family
I’m learning to be more aware an give All my power to me an my choices….
Thanks for sharing
Your helping me Live a Better Life !!
So spot on & exactly what I experienced ❤😊
Thanks for the video today.
This is me. It was my husband and his friend. Our family friend.
And now it’s our 7 year old and the friend.
Like a bad movie.
My Sunday medicine 😊
Thank you so much for this video!! I’m still healing and learning. Thanks so much!
Nice one ❤ we love you such much
Thx. My sister, brother, and brother in law have isolated me. I was feeling fear because of it. Now I see ❤
This happened to me by my narcissist boyfriend and my daughter, he tried to turn my daughter against me, it was unhealthy and draining
My mom, my cousins, bloodline, thrown out old friends, bartenders.
They find out as much information as they can in my life then try to turn people against me.
They try to take away any happiness i find and never meet my needs. I an neglected and shattered.
Some dont know how toxic they are and laugh it off leaving me feeling like a prune
This happened to me on two different jobs. 😢
@@prettyflytraveler I think certain people a easy target for a narcissist
@@prettyflytraveler me to. Jobs are hard to find for me where there is peaceful people
As probably most people, I have the narcissistic ex and I was discarded. His new wife has written not so nice things to me because of what she’s been told. Then I have the added bonus of my narcissistic brother befriending my ex. (My ex had always hated him, but then suddenly they became best friends and love talking about me.) They then tried getting other family members (ie. my father) to join their hate group. The discard happened end of 2019 and to this day, my father keeps asking for me to be the bigger person and reconnect with my brother. (I completely cut my brother off and that was the absolute best decision.)
I just went through 3 and a half months of significant gaslighting
A billionaire ex biz partner father
And ex gf
I am a ‘super’ empath
No thrill
I rent supernova didn’t know why
I was saying I feel I mirror people
I revealed them to their friends in instagram
Settled the waters
Opened many eyes
Found out I am a very very highly functioning
Autistic savant
Level 1
Musical, visualization, synesthesia, patterns and trends spatial ability
And 98% ENTP
I think you are perfection
Your symmetry is hard to. It notice
I am us Canadian tech creator
I am putting it out there
What happens now is not up to me
🙏
My ex husband is this to a T and I’m eternally mad at him for ever thinking I would accept this.
This describes my narc father and two brothers towards me.
My dad did this with my brother and sister. Wanted me to feel less than I was the scapegoat.
My dad passed away a few months ago. Low and behold I was cut out of the will. Wasn't a great feeling dealing with those emotions.
Transactional Analysis calls this game, `Triangulation´ `Let´s you and him fight!´ Eric Berne wrote several entertaining insightful books on this subject. `What do you say after you say Hello´, `Games People Play´, `Beyond Games and Scripts´. available in used bookstores for cheap.
Proverbs 29:16
When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall.
God bless you. 🤲🏾
I figured this out, I can now pick his moves before he makes them but the other day he got me off guard as we met him in town and he threw the movies on me. Wouldnt let me pay for my ticket then asked me if i was uncomfortable after he paid for it 😔 I clenched and said i was fine. Now he wants to do a day trip with the kids. I said no.
Yep, I got that in friendship!
Me too. Every single one
Or when you share an idea or experience, they will always immediately refer to a third person who had similar idea ir experience (but better...I have a feeling they are jealous and don't want you to be your own person let alone have succes or good experience, so they compare you with anyone, third party to take away your 'story' and energy).
Exactly
Thank You for your videos. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
If you don’t fit their agenda. They discard you quickly, then they put you in a box labeled, “Boring.” They can just look at you and assume they know your whole life story. The triangulation is insane.
Thank you ✍️
Currently happening. I knew my husband had some passive aggressive traits but his mother went into a full narcotic episode recently opening my eyes to the entire families toxic behavior. As the outsider I became the scape goat. My husband still tries to get reactions out of me all the time and I’ve started grey rocking him. I don’t wanna spend my life as a grey rock but now I’m stuck in this marriage with extremely unhealthy people around me. His parents are elderly and his dad is dying they have put unrealistic demands on us to sell our homes leave our children to move into their home. We offer to sell our homes and create a mutually acceptable situation but mom did NOT want that!! They just wanted to stay in their home. She triangulated and pulled her other son in and he has left his children and come 2000 miles to stay with them like a good boy. Because she told everyone I’m trying to take all her stuff. I went no contact with her and have left the mess to her sons to deal with. My husband plays like he’s on my side but upped his passive aggressive behavior towards me. Now I’m stuck in a family that I have no contact with and a husband I can connect to and have to get rock all the time.
My ex husband did this to me using my teenage daughters. He used money and ridiculing and undermining me to my daughters. Something fely uncomfortable to me and when challenged he would gaslight and call me a psycho. He would never do this in private, but always in front of the girls. Eventually I asked him to leave (my eldest was 21 and had moved into a flat with her pals). I gave him a fortnight to sort something out and he took my youngest (16) with him. My daughters both cut me and my family out of their lives without any explanation, and they would'nt come and talk to me about why they did so and I still don't know. Yet before it started they did talk openly about their concerns. Before he started manipulating them and me, my daughters and I were closer than close, because he had always worked away from home.
It nearly broke me. I thought I was the worst person alive. I have tried to reach out but have been met with awfulextremely hurtful replies, so eventually I stopped. Whilst I am a survivor and have learned to live with it. thanks to counselling and good friends. There is a huge hole in my heart. My biggest mistake was being reactive. I know that now. If only Videos such as these were available back then.
Thanku
💛💚🩵💜 xx
I would love to see more videos on triangulation....so confusing....
Mine is a poly relationship. Me and my husband invited another woman into our lives and now I know she is a narcissist. It's been horrible and she has gotten a two-for deal to torment us. I know she thought I would be gone already with all the bs she has done. I see it all. My hub is still stuck in hoping for a return to the lovebomb stage. I'm just sick.
Guy friend, she would talk about him daily, i brought it up after a week, she said she is just telling me about her day, she would prioritize him, I said it bothered me, she said she wouldn’t ever be with him he is a friend, sucks man. Idk if this is triangulation but it sucks
Sounds like it! Sounds like she’s bringing him up to lake you feel jealous and to possibly try to make you feel “less” or “unworthy” or not as worthy, you get what I’m trying to say. If you’re uncomfortable with something then typically your partner will try to change their behavior, especially in a situation like this.
I love your videos but I'd like to offer you some advice about your sound. Your sound is consistently very soft, so I have to turn you up on my computer speakers pretty loudly in order to hear you. Then, when a commercial comes on, it is excruciatingly loud because of me having to turn your video up so much in order to hear you. If I'm in the other room doing dishes while I'm listening to you, I have to stop what I'm doing and run to the computer to turn it down when a commercial comes on. It's very annoying and I thought I'd let you know. If you can find a way to turn your recording volume up, that would be great! Love your videos though!! -Shannon
I had it with 2 narcissists.... i try to explain things to one ..he gets loud and nasty and the next thing i know ..my ex girlfriend who is a narcissist..automatically takes his side..
you r great I wish to met you and learned this 15 years ago and if there is threating of taking my children because of laws here in arab country's till they reach 16 years without connecting to them
My sibling gashlights me and laughs at my weaknesses.he disgusts me. Hell breadcrumb and i fall for it again nd again but i had enough of it.
I have the same sibling bs.
They are not nice people.
Thankfully others can relate to my torment even if I wish it wasnt happening.
This is absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Stephanie, You're absolutely beautiful, Pretty in pink, I understand about triangulation, I was talking about this yesterday and today, Then seen your video, Beautiful synchronicity, Narcissists triangulate, Bring 3rd parties involved to gain power and control of others, Can be 3 people or Bring in groups, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😁🐺🧿🧝♀️😘🌈💞👁🛸🌹😊⚘️🌌🌌🐉😀🥰✨️😍😃💙
I going Thur this right now with my ex . / husband. He got in between my current relationship and it’s getting ugly . 😢
Triangulation is extremely dangerous. The two manipulated people can tear each other apart while the narcissist watches.
I enjoy holding my toxic female narc ex accountable, I’m going to make her pay!!
Move on, otherwise you become like them.
Have you ever seen a narcissist triangulate a child against a parent? I am the good one, she is bad? It is you and I against her? I felt my daughter and I were competing for who was the wife. Their relationship was weird. Two against the bad one. I was the odd woman out with the daughter controlling the abuse and competing with me while my husband colluded and sanctioned it.
Is discarding in a text and then ignoring all calls and texts manipulation? They dumped and won’t communicate at all. It’s so difficult. Just wondering if this falls into the toxic category since they technically broke things off ?
His new supply tried to jump in the middle cause I refuse to speak to him so he gave her my number I had one conversation with her and it was like he had his puppet speaking for him like yeah no I ended up blocking her also and his mom these people don’t make me feel better it’s like I am in a Weird competition I never wanted to be in 😅 no thank you 😂 great video trust this is not funny but they become so predictable you have to laugh at the insanity
Kinda had enough right now. 😢 narcissistic dominator, drug and alcohol addiction ex seems to defy the odds and get away with being seen as "the nice guy" all the time, whereas I've been hospitalised through injuries, he's confessed to what he's done, yet he still maintains innocence and ger away with (almost, literally) murder! When will courts understand??? Even the police have had enough of it! I hate the law. Just rake this evil pieces of s*** off the street, ffs
Thank you so much for this Stephanie, There's many forms of triangulation, Knowledge is power , You're a beautiful coach, Peace, love, Respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe 😃🦄🐉🌹💛💚❤💜💙👁🌈⭐🎨😇🌚🌷👽🕊😘🌝😊😆🖼
my main problem is my sister then my mom😟
My NPD ex used this liberally with the husband she separated from and I. Would tell me things about him to make me dislike him and think he was crazy but then find and make excuses to spend time around him despite how uncomfortable it made me. I can only imagine what she did on his side using me. I really wish I could reach out to him now and discuss this but I'm so afraid of how he will react to me.
Would trying to manipulate through proxy be considered triangulation also? I'll give you an example so my mom and dad have been separated for many years my dad is a narcissist he tries to take over everybody stuff he thinks everything belongs to him even if he put in little to nothing to it... recently my mom was on vacation and I was taking care of her house my dad wanted to do things in her yard and my mom doesn't want him doing anything but we started somewhat working with him I told her I don't think we should be doing anything or getting anything from him cuz he wanted to give us some planter beds because everything comes at a cost he'll use that against you later saying I gave you these planter beds I should be able to come in this yard etc... lately he was calling me telling me hey I have a thought you should talk to your mom about this hey I have another thought you should talk to your mom about this and I knew it was manipulation and I told him why are you trying to pull me in the middle of this is between you and Mom you can go straight to the source if you don't feel brave enough to go to Mom you don't come through me I'm the barrier between you and Mom and I'm not allowing this.... so anyways I don't know what that kind of manipulation is called to try to go through a middleman but I've been hip to his game for a long time and I'm super tired of it... and then I actually told him you don't hold yourself accountable to anything it's always someone else's fault and you bring up stuff from like way back in the past like what about the time you did this 10 years ago and in the next sentence he said I don't do that I hold myself accountable and I said no you don't and then in the next sentence he was like what where were you 15 years ago when I was working on the house no one brought me dinner at night and it was so frustrating to see the hypocrisy and just telling him you just did what I told you you do that you said you don't do... it's breathtaking the audacity and arrogance of this man thinking everything belongs to him trying to take over everyone's stuff and everyone should cater to his every waking need bringing up stuff from the past that we've moved on from but he refuses to do any inner work and then if you call him out on things he thinks he took the higher Road. Absolutely no self awareness.
In the middle of what ????
This Wednesday youtube channel chosen 144 000. RJ Spina interview 👍
Boss and work colleagues
🔥😍🔥😍🔥
👍
Anyone else surrounded by narcissists?
There evil threaten to do things if u dont comply
🔺🖤
5 ads in 14 mins too much. It interrupts the value of what is said and takes away and distracts too often from the good of the information. It’s like a rude person that keeps interrupting
You make is something you don't need to control just think for yourself control work control doesn't make you laugh no need control just you walk the person you still need control to make you choose to grow what you say control does not make you make more sickness person for person just walk United in the house take another person is in Indiana let's confuse yourself can I make you right to control practice yourself contra can you make yourself a ride