Don't even get me started on doctors who refuse to accept people don't want to have children, the amount of times I've been asked what my partner thinks and how much I'll "change my mind"... ugh
I'm still a virgin and I wanna get a hysterectomy or something.... Least after donating my eggs. I ain't gonna use them so might as well give them to someone who will. Besides donating eggs can give you a fat check and I got student loans to pay 💁🏾♀️💵
This ^ like bruh some people are surviving by living with their parents and adult kids because it’s financially only possible for both the parents and adult kids to get buy
@@dynogamergurl Yeah, I used to think they were selfish for not leaving their parents, but now I see they're working, paying parent's mortages and stuff and stuff cause it's so hard to survive alone. I live in Berlin and the average salary over here is like 2500, and the cost of a rent is like 2000, so hmm, you expect people to have kids? the government pays you +400 for every kid, and I guess it's supposed to make life so fucking comfortable, hah...
@@snifferscribbler9730 i think a lotta places are feeling a similar burdeon and at least this way both the parents and kids get to keep a roof over their heads and help one another. in some parts of the world thats just the norm that all the family members live under the same roof. I think its time to normalize that a bit more in recent times. my parents and i both have disiabilities so what one of us lacks the other can make up for as a unit. imo i think its kinda cold that the norm here is to throw the kiddos out at 18. as long as everyones pitching in theres no reason to leave
@@brownbrownbrown2938 you are probably the kind of person whose opinion nobody asks for. The kind of person who walks into a room and instantly ruins the mood. I'd rather be the kind of person who thinks anyone should be able to jump in a bouncy castle every now and then, thank you very much. Now go try to ruin someone else's day :)
@@brownbrownbrown2938Yes. As long as the bouncy castle can handle that weight, why wouldn't it be ok to have some fun ? I've seen parents jump in castles in the late hours of a party when their children were already off to sleep.
I AM one of the "happiest women who chose not to procreate", and was never aware of any of my friends fearing me or hating me. Maybe behind my back...But, I never regretted my decision, ever. I'm 64 now, not lonely and live a very full life. Trust me women, if you don't have a "calling" to have children, you won't regret it!
Also, a woman choosing not to have children, regardless of her reasons or lack of it, in no way makes her a "selfish brat". Its, her life, her body, her personal choice, no one else's business. A Woman doesnt owe this world or anyone any kid/kids, even if she is the last woman standing on earth.
Bravo! You just took the words right out of my mouth. These judgy folks should go after the "selfish brats" who get drunk, stoned, screw with the government, and losers for men! They are the ones harming those kids. We're not harming anyone. 😊🌻
Yep. The amount of lack of empathy and lack of critical thinking, or any thinking, is astonishing. People have so many unreasonable social demands, for no reason. They die on hills they can't defend on any real level. I am a person. I happen to be a woman. No, that doesn't mean I have to be interested in making a family. Personally I don't even care about that kind of "dream". I don't think I will ever be interested in pursuing a relationship to begin with. I have friends that I love, and I know what true love means in essence. I feel it. However I am completely uninterested in romance and sexual acts. I'm completely uninterested in creating a family environment and staying in it. I'm naturally a person who prefers to spend 90% of my time alone, this is never-changing about myself. I have lived my life alone by choice. I can't be bothered to explain any of this to any person. People are so, so closeminded, and so impatient to understand different perspectives. I'm immediately shut down because I must be repressed in some way, or, you know, there must be something wrong with me psychologically to be different. Like, nah. I'm content in life. Except right now that you're being my armchair psychologists, pretending to know what my experience of life is like. I just don't understand it. I don't understand people.
A woman having children for the wrong reasons imo will always be more selfish than a childless woman. I've met so many women that for the sake of their children didn't have any (rare genetic illnesses), and it was the most selfless thing anyone could do. Calling them selfish is incredibly harmful and wrong. Children are a great responsibility, and not everyone is ready to take on that one. People should only have children if they really want them and are prepared to be responsible.
I get called selfish because I am a single childless woman. I always say, thats exactly why I am a single childless woman. I am too selfish to share my time, love and money with another person. Their faces are priceless 😂
My coworker's are mostly all moms in their 40s and 50s (a couple in their 60s), they've all told me to wait until my 30s to marry and have kids if I want to do that. I don't know why more people can't be like them.
When I hear people say that we'd go extinct or the culture will die if women hold on to such "high standards" for having children I say "Let it die" 🤷🏾♀️
“Would you give up your career if the right man proposed?” “Well if I’d have to choose between marrying a man and giving up my career he’s probably not the right man. The “right man” wouldn’t expect, let alone force as a condition of marriage, such a thing of me in the first place.”
I say the same thing when people ask me "well what if your future husband wants kids??" Then he's not the right man for me and won't be my husband.... the end. It throws them for a loop lmao. 😂
Calling women selfish for not having kids is admitting one thinks women's only purpose is to have children and NOTHING ELSE. It's disgusting. Thank you for this video.
It really is narrow minded. I am a mother but anyone who actually parents well understands choosing to not have kids isn't selfish. Children deserve parents that want them and will raise them well. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do so I absolutely understand not wanting them lol. Best wishes 😊
The biggest reason a lot of women choose to not marry or have children is... men. They dump all or most of the household work and child-rearing on the woman, never mind that she also works f/t, and once her body changes due to having children and aging, they leave her - and the kids - and start over with a younger woman who has no kids. Who the hell wants to be subjected to any of that.
And speaking of the whole “women are bratty and selfish for not having children” rhetoric, if women are not having children because of being “bratty and selfish” why do you want them to be mothers? You really want a “bratty and selfish” person to raise a child? Or are you hoping having a child will turn on a sweet maternal switch? Or let's just admit that these people don't actually care about children.
@Danielle K Because it's not his primary role. I was going to say it's because they're not expected to be fathers, but it takes two to tango and these people are complaining about population issue, not out of genuine care, but because companies won't have more workers, therefore no more money. But back to what I was saying, men aren't expected to raise their children, only to pass on their last name/DNA/sperm.
If a parent tells you you're selfish for being child free, ask them all the reasons they chose to have children. They will be some of the most self-centred, selfish reasons you'll ever hear.
My cousin is a great example of a narcissistic parent. She saw that her brother had one boy and one girl, my cousin already had a baby girl at the time and a few years later, tried again and had another girl (went through IVF and spent thousands of dollars). The shit I've heard coming from her mouth insulting her oldest and favoring the youngest was the most disturbing thing ever. The oldest is confused on who she is and is shamed by her mother for being attracted to other women even though we have family members that are part of the LGBTQ community.
Nobody has a child because they think that a child WANTS to be born … it is ALWAYS about enhancing the life of the parents. If someone makes a different choice on how best to live their life, who are others to judge their decisions. … and it’s not like the world is going to run out of kids anytime soon.
It's always about "I want to continue MY genes 🥰 I want to continue MY legacy 🥰I want someone to take care of ME when I'm old 🥰 I wanna pass down MY surname" ....yet child free people are the "selfish" ones
Even though I am a mother through adoption to three kids, I still get "aren't you sad you're not a mom?" from both strangers and 'friends'. The idea that your worthiness comes from pushing a baby out of your vagina is insane to me. There are tons of different kinds of moms out there who haven't biologically given birth (community members/foster parents), who still get zero respect from these kinds of people who love to tell you how much they "value motherhood".
You are so right. You are changing and developing a healthy life for children who could’ve been passed from person to person with potential abu*e it’s so much harder to be an adoptive mum and comes with so many challenges.
OMG you're adoring me! I really love it when people are adopting children! There are so many children in need to get a home. And while I can understand having their own child is a beautiful thing but I dunno maybe I didn't had a great childhood it's a nice thing to see a patchwork family.
💯 percent correct... female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers, easy bake ovens and taking care of younger offspring...so your 💯 percent correct... while male offspring are programmed to play play play and to sow their seeds all over the world.
I don't think that the parents who get their panties in a twist about childfree people realize they do a TERRIBLE job of selling the experience. They'll criticize your life decisions, but in the same breath, tell you how traumatic their birth was, complain about never getting any sleep, complain about how messy the house is, complain about how disobedient and shitty their kid is.... Like, I'm sorry, why would I want that...???
I think a lot of that is how people tend to coddle their kids nowadays tbh, at least the messy house part. Not having kids do chores as soon as they can is just gonna drag the whole family unit down, and make the kid unprepared for adulthood and unable to be fully functional.
@@damien678 definitely what happened with me and my sibling. mum does everything for us, even if we ask her not to, and then she gets upset and complains she does everything for us. i wish she disciplined us more
Its still better than lying about pregnacy. Literally no one teaches kids about the period after birth when they teach you about regular menstruation. The pregnacy is "blessed" but literally there is a higher chance you will die while being pregnat and AFTER f.e because of post partum heart issues. Everyone should be aware what they are putting themselves into
This is exactly what I was thinking the entire video!!! Parents will tell you stuff like it was the “best day of my life when I had my child”, but then they turn around and talk about how their husband doesn’t listen to them or how their children are horrible monsters from the depths
People always ask “who is going to take care of you and you’re an old invalid?” When I think it’s quite obvious- I’m going to use the $300,000+ it takes to raise a kid to pay people to look after me🤷♀️ and tbh if I stay healthy the way I do now I might not even need it till the very last few years of my life. On top of that- old age is not guaranteed and neither is a thoughtful offspring who accepts the burden of looking after you.
My mother has been leading a healthy lifestyle her entire life, but she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and it’s changed everything. Healthy lifestyles don’t mean you won’t have medical problems in old age.
@@1370802you're a good kid if you look after her. what guarantee does anyone have that the kid another person has is going to love and look after them equally, for reciprocity? none.
@@1370802 That’s a reason for healthcare reform, specifically insurance companies or the government covering long term care. It is not a reason to have a child. Children are not insurance.
I don‘t expect to even get that old so 🤷🏻♀️ also the thought of being a burden to my children does not sound like an argument for having children for me
If America was truly pro-life they'd have public universal daycare that isn't over $1000 a month per kid, a living minimum wage that could cover all expenses needed to support a family and put a roof over their head, and free healthcare. If they were truly pro-life they wouldn't make having a child so god damn expensive and a hardship of total inconvenience.
Look up what Ronald Regan's Secretary of State wrote. He said that they could help the lowering birthrate by providing daycare and funding that exists in some West Eurasian countries but since they couldn't just give it to whïte women, plus it would incentivize/help single mothers, then they shouldn't provide it. 🫠 Racism is a primary reason why in the US it is so expensive with little help for mothers and families.
that is why 'pro lifers' are often called 'anti abortionists' because all they really care about is the unborn fetus and as soon as it is born they don't really care
"America" is a country and land just kinda sits there growing things. Conservative Americans who want women to have babies ALSO want them to be married and to stay at home raising the babies. They want a strong family unit that will raise a good child. It's the other side that pushes for women to go "be independent" by having sex with strangers at a bar and a career. If more women hadn't fallen for the "im as good as a man and I don't want to be a wife and mother but a CEO" trap minimum wage would be higher, and people could afford to be single income families.
What I find the most baffling is the impression that childfree women are "lonely" or will be in old age. Because I have so many mom friends who constantly complain about being left "alone" with their children and missing the company of others or time with their partners. There is also no guarantee that your children can or will want to be around you all the time when you are old. There are so many lonely elders, who sit by the phone and wait for a call from their adult kids who have their own family, want freedom or travel the world. Children are not an insurance against loneliness in old age. Buidling strong and lasting relationships and friendships is what helps against loneliness at any age.
this right here. I remember the moment I realized as a young teen that, while my mom was driving me to school, educational programs, group activities, to slumber parties and days playing with other kids at the park - she never had anyone over to visit, she never went out to see anyone, she never called anyone but her mother or sisters (who lived far away) on the phone. She was just...home alone. all day. every day. With no friends. while my (very unpleasant) dad worked 12 hour days to avoid being around his kids. Years later with kids grown and dad finally out of the picture she's a social butterfly with a wide social net and great close friends - a much happier person.
The damage of regretting having kids is so much higher than the regret of not having kids. I love children (in measured quantities) and no child should grow up unwanted. Edit: I mean the damage done to the CHILD. I don’t give a rat’s ass about myself regretting not having kids, but I really, really, REALLY don’t want to hurt a child. As I said, I love kids, they should be cherished and protected, and I don’t think I can give them that.
@@alexryan43244 No they’re not, one effects only the person who made the decision and the other also effects a child and their development which could lead to a lot of mental health issues down the line. I’m one of those children and trust me it’s not fun.
When i was the prime age for pregnancy, i was broke, had no healthcare, had no decent partner. I never really had to think deeply about if i wanted children. It was simply impossible. We sure aren't pressuring young men to be father material.
Right. And if you have had children under those circumstances, the same people who chastise you now would have blamed you for being "irresponsible" for conceiving children you didn't have the resources to raise. As a woman you can't win.
@@verdancyhime EXACTLY....I refuse to do everything including work a full time job on top of it. Men are so damn lazy and only want to play video games like children.
Sadly, we men do also get socially pressured to have families, from parents asking both to be grandparents and for you to be 'less selfish', to society calling childless men 'pathetic'. We really should change this capitalist society to something more conducive to making child-rearing easy, even when poor.
right??? when you google how many people are childfree the first thing you get is "15-19 year old women are the most likely to be childfree". WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN COUNTING 15 YEAR OLDS AS "CHILDFREE WOMEN", WHAT THE FUCK????
good point. it goes to show how systemic that toxic thought process is that i hadnt actually thought or clearly understood that. and how excluded men are from that concept
I had an extremely neglectful upbringing by my mother who I'm sure society pressed into having children because she never enjoyed being a mother and it showed. Even when I tried my best to be the most agreeable and well-behaved kid I could, she still barely ever spoke or acknowledged my existence. It really doesn't matter what society wants because if a woman's heart just isn't in it (being a mother) the child will always feel it.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. People don't even think through the consequences for the child by forcing people to be parents that just don't want to be. I truly hope that you've been able to find friends and community as found family, and maybe have a better relationship with your mother now. Its reasons like this why I really dislike the pressure put on people to have kids, it should be something people truly want to do, not through force
It's so sad and frustrating that people don't seem to understand this. It's like, "once your child is there you'll love them and never regret anything", but I think there are millions and millions who grew up neglected and traumatized because they were born to parents who didn't really want kids, but felt like they "had to". Even people who wanted maybe one or two, but had more, or who wanted children but had less help and support than they needed, and lost themselves in the process.
I totally get you. My mother was the same. It was incredibly damaging. I'm glad more of us are speaking up about this because to many people, we are invisible.
I actually think childfree women are MUCH less selfish than the average person having kids. Their argument for having kids is "having someone to take care of me when I'm old", "not dying alone", "not being lonely", "giving my life a purpose", "having a mini me", "passing on my genes". Those are inherently incredibly selfish reasons. Opting out of motherhood, despite knowing how horribly you'll get treated by society, the risk of ending up completely alone esp if you never find a partner who wants the same, facing loneliness and the judgement from your immediate environment all by yourself, ending your bloodline despite wondering how it would be to have a "mini me", because ultimately you know you don't want kids and therefore wouldn't be a fit mother is the most SELFLESS thing you can do.
As a mom of 3, I fully support any woman who makes the choice to be child free. If the purpose of the woman's movement is choice, then let's celebrate choice.
We need more women like you and respect you for giving up a part of you for the survival of the spices. And also respecting the choice of staying childfree for women like ourselves.
As a mom of one who has scheduled her tubal removal next month. I support child free sisterhood. Keep the fort sisters don't let society use your womb as a weapon. I have one and I am done. I feel like me and my husband can be good to one child but I doing have mental capacity for the next one. I choose to close it and my husband is planning to get his vasectomy
Currently pregnant mother of one already born child here; I completely agree with you. Having children is a choice, and definitely not one to be taken lightly. People shouldn't feel pressured by society to have children, it should be something you WANT to do. Continue doing what you're happy with, ladies. We all walk different paths and all end up at the same destination anyway.
If men want more babies, maybe be desirable to women instead of being annoying assholes :) Oh but these men don’t actually want babies themselves, they just want to burden women with the task of salvaging their population (like it’s a one person job to get pregnant lol)
That's not really the reason lol, china was hyper patriarchal and yet they've done great in terms of population and civilization, it's a complex issue, but it boils down to industrialization.
Also working hours being so time consuming that one person HAS to stay home and it's usually pushed onto the woman of the house to do so. And so many women have decided they'd rather stay independent with a career.
@butmir China has not done great in terms of population and civilization. Where did you get that from. For one, they had a one child policy for decades due to OVERPOPULATION, and it caused unimaginable pain and suffering to its citizens. Millions of Chinese adoptees, mostly GIRLS, were sent to other countries due to that misogyny. Now, they don't have enough young women to marry all those boys they chose to keep. Secondly, China's birthrate is currently at an all-time low, even though the one child policy, or even the 2 child policy, is no longer in place. They're actually trying to force their women to have children now. They're currently on the verge of economic collapse due to their record low birth rate. Thirdly, they did not "do great" in terms of civilization. They're wealth inequality is staggering. With 1% of the China's population possessing 1/3 of the country's wealth. China sold it's citizens out to other countries corporation's as slave laborers working for slave wages in factories/sweat shops under appalling conditions. And that industrialization has poisoned the air in multiple cities, leaving the masses to breath in toxic air. "High levels of air pollution take a major toll on public health. A study by the Health Effects Institute found that unhealthy levels of PM2. 5 led to roughly 1.42 million premature deaths in China in 2019."
I was one of those kids. My mum was told she couldn’t have kids which was just fine by her. Then I turned up. I paid for that. She wasn’t a bad person and didn’t neglect the basics but, emotionally, she was never present. We both suffered.
You’re on here replying to every comment thinking you’re so right but you have hundreds of women trying to tell you about the reality. Most of us look at parenthood as something exalted and if we know we know we don’t want to make that sacrifice, that’s okay. We are already so overpopulated anyhow.
and maybe just maybe instead of commenting on every comment, maybe consider pushing for a better climate where women will want to reproduce. No one wants to live in misery.
When I was 19yo and I told to my family I wasn't going to have kids my relatives told me "You're gonna change your mind". Now I'm 33, haven't changed my mind at all and they still make a surprised Pikachu face every time this topic comes out again. Still, they are the same that neglected me when I was a child... Like, giving birth doesn't make you magically become a *good parent*
I was 14 when I told my parents not to get attached to the idea of being grandparents and I'm 41 now, still happily child free. (Not one-upping here, just reinforcing the sentiment.) I got all the same stuff: You'll regret it, who will take care of you when you're old, you're selfish. From MIL, I want grand babies (she already had 7). I regret nothing, if I'm selfish so be it. It's just me, my great husband, and our pets. Couldn't be happier.
I'm 19 now and know for sure I don't want children. I've known since I was 11. It's just not for me and I strongly doubt I'll change my mind. I'm already looking into getting sterilized in the next few years because quite frankly pregnancy terrifies me. My extremely religious mother has never believed me when I told her I wanted to be child-free and I'm sure she will throw a massive tantrum when she finds out I actually won't "give" her grandchildren.
I work in the medical field in a small office. One day, my very religious (Russian Muslim) co-worker couldn't not get over that I didn't want to have kids. I was listing him the reasons, the main two being any male child I have will not make it to school age and a pregnancy can kill me due to medical problems. He did not care and kept going off. Finally, my other coworker, a good friend of mine, turned around and yelled at him, "She doesn't want kids. That's the end of it." It shut him up. She turned to me and said, "That's all you have to say, and don't let them walk over you."
Russian citizen here. The pressure to have children in Russia is insane, plus the government wants to prohibit the "child-free ideology", which basically means you won't be able to tell anyone you are child-free.
"women aren't having enough children" there's something to be said about male promiscuity and lack of accountability. There are too many single mothers who's children come from trauma and refuse to procreate. Of course a woman is responsible, so is the man who conveniently removes himself from the picture....
@Venice C I actually agree with you. Most women are lucky enough to choose their mates and many women have low standards (liking bad boys or fixer upers or just putting out too soon). But I do agree with the other commenter, because men and women can change or stop pretending or leave at any time without warning
and also it needs 2 to have sex as well 50-50% the responsibility to use protection if you do not want kids OR if you want kids then be an adult and own up to your decisions
I'm a guy and my former coworkers asked if my gf and I will have kids when we get married. the first thing they all say when I tell them no is "you're selfish" or "that seems selfish" and I asked why. they said it's human nature to want to raise a baby and it goes against nature to deny it. I told them it seems more selfish to not be self aware of the world around them and impulsively have kids without the means to provide a good safe environment for them. and they got mad when I said it's especially selfish to think another you should be running around taking up space 😂
It's mostly other women who criticize me for my choices. I say "mostly" because one person on TH-cam said I was selfish for not having children because other women would have to birth even more babies to keep the human race going strong. I didn't know whether that person was male or female. In my humble opinion, I think they're already too many! Oops...I'll probably be flamed for saying that. It may be that a man would think it none of his business.
When I was 25, my female co-workers (all haggard mothers and wives) smugly told me "YOU'LL change your mind!" When I was 40, those exact same co-workers said "You are so LUCKY."
Wanda Sykes had a bit of stand up where she pointed out some parents will complain about their kids then tell you "they're worth it", but not make eye contact when they say that lol.
I’m always so grateful that my grandmother who was born in 1934 was one of the biggest supporters of women choosing to be child free. She told me a story of one her coworkers who felt pressured into having kids and she told her don’t have kids for anyone but yourself, you’re the one who will be taking care of them and if anyone tells you you’re selfish for not having kids you should come back and say it’s actually more selfish to have kids that you don’t want since kids can always sense when they are wanted and it always affects them to some extent. RIP to my amazing grandmother and a woman ahead of her time.
My great grandmother was exactly the same and so are my grandparents. I was so lucky because I felt like it was going to cause them some hurt after things you hear being said but my whole family were so nonchalant and the consensus was pretty much …yeah? So what lol. Obviously they didn’t say that but my Grandy (my closest person in my life and like a father to me) said to me “darling, follow your heart and your dreams, you can do anything and be anyone as long as you stay as my loving first born beautiful granddaughter” I remember those words so well because for me to raise that with him was the scariest feeling as I knew he would absolutely dote on them. They now have 6 great grandchildren so they aren’t missing out!!
There's two things that we shouldn't forget. 1.- When they say that women have to have children, they mean that they should also be in a heterosexual marriage. Never be a single and/or gay mother. 2.- They never talk about maternal regret. "Oh, you are going to have a miserable and lonely death". Bro, as if women who hate being mothers to the point of wanting to die didn't existed. Edit: For the people crying in the replies "Gay couples shouldn't have children, they're are going to confuse them 😭", besides the fact that i disagree with that statement (as far as I'm aware, children grow up fine so long as they have both emotional and financial support at the same time), that wasn't even what i was talking about. Your point is completely irrelevant with what i was trying to say, because what i meant was to show how conditional the "women must have children" crowd truly is. What's a lesbian woman supposed to do if said crowd insists she has to have children, but don't want her to raise them alone, nor alongside another woman? Is she supposed to be forced to marry a man? If the answer to anyone reading this is "yes", get the hell out of here.
@Angela-vu9tt They really don't, and it's disgusting that they want to claim they corner the market on love just because they pushed out a bunch of kids, meanwhile some of those kids will never speak to their parents once they're able to get out from under their thumbs, or more people are abused and turn to drugs and other stuff to numb the pain because they were born to people who were obligated to have them- as the child of one such person I know. I'm full of anger and hatred towards my mother because she was forced to have me and she resented my existence, and I'm having to go to therapy and re-parent myself because she and my stepdad failed me so miserably. But these types don't care about quality of life, just quantity, and it makes me sick. They live in their own delusional world where all women want kids and/or will magically fall in love with them every single time and be happy with the situation, like a fairy tale.
My mother works at a nursing home. I ask her, “how often do people visit their elderly?” Her response is always, “maybe once a month if their lucky. But typically people don’t visit their relatives very often. It’s rare.” I say this as people always carry on with, “but who will take care of you when you get old?” News flash, I’ll be in a nursing home like you and everyone else. Even if I did have kids they will be busy with their own lives and would see me only occasionally. It’s not like they will be there everyday waiting on me hand and foot.
@@la6136I've had that thought so many times visiting my grandparents they used to live in a really fancy one before pandemic There was so much to do and so many activities and interesting people who hung out together all day D!e alone my ass! 😆😸
My grandma was one of the few who had constant visitors- my family made sure someone saw her every 2-3 days. The nursing home was quite shocked and said we broke all prior visit records. Almost everyone else in the nursing home never saw their families, or only on holidays. Your chances of being my grandma are super low.
Just a reminder to folks (whomever, not specifically OP!) that you can be a volunteer, to visit with folks at retirement homes to offer some respite. If you have a very well-trained pet that can visit for them to pet & admire, or talent/skill with playing an instrument (or maybe the pet knows some fun tricks to entertain cutely!), or just sitting with people and chatting. And there's certainly enrichment via activities like teaching/doing various crafts, chair yoga, dances, gentler activities like chess, go, mahjong, or card games, and the list goes on. I hope folks will at least consider the idea, though I know full well that the world is on fire and we can't afford our basic needs. But just tossing that idea out there. _And_ if you have grandparents or elderly parents, please call them & visit them more, if there's not a wedge there - boundaries are boundaries! Stay safe. And if you have an elderly neighbour, especially of they live alone but even if they have a partner, please show them kindness (unless you have reason not to - mind safety) and engage if they want to chat, if you have the time. Loneliness sucks, and coping with the problems that come with aging. It's nice to have a positive relationship with the people around where you live, work, stay. I've met some really sweet people around here and by family & what not. Really kind, interesting people who remember me when they see me out walking, and they say, "Hello, [𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓴]!" One neighbour drives a big truck & kinda just lightly bips the horn, but he waits til he's past me to do it, not right behind me, so as not to startle me (he never did; just his niceness), and gives a big, friendly wave. And sometimes he stops & opens the window to say hello & ask me how I'm doing, just politely checking in on me. It's sweet how many do, and although there are a very few folks who seem grumpy, not everyone has to like me or want me around, and anyway, I don't know their story, so I just mind their boundaries and haven't had conflict. I'm rambling, sorry. My point is, just do what you can, and be nice to people. (Y'all surely are already. I'm just explaining the obvious, kind of a habit!) Cheers!
Edit: WOW. Just wow. Let me clarify a few things since y'all are speculating so much about a stranger on the internet who made a simple comment on a video.... I am single, not solitary. I'm not a misanthropic hermit living alone in the woods. I am not alone by any stretch of the imagination. Nearly my entire family lives within a 20 minute drive from my home. My siblings have children, and I adore my 3 nephews and my niece. I don't dislike kids. I made a conscious decision not to have any. I have a bunch of very close friends as well. I have a cat because I love cats. I adopted him off the street. I don't have a cat because of some biological "women need to nurture" bullshit. That's just, well, bullshit. I have a fulfilling life. I don't have to have kids or a partner to have a good life. I'm not worried about being a lonely old lady some day in the distant future because I make connections in my community. It ain't that deep. I'm 40, single, child free, and perfectly happy about it. Zero regrets.
Had an upbringing marked by abuse and neglect, so I'm unmaternal A lot of people who become parents are utterly incompetent and abusive. Direct your anger at them, not childless women.
Spot on! People who had/have kids always seem to feel like they did the world a favor by bringing life to this world, yet how those kids were raised is never questioned. We have a lot of broken adults in society due to broken childhoods.
Oooh god, this exactly. My parents are emotionally unstable wrecks, and i’m one too. I like kids, I love to babysit, but I could never raise an emotionally happy person, and I don’t really want to.
This right here. I really wish people would stop worrying about those who don't have kids and don't have them, and worry a bit more about those who don't want kids but DO have them.
The hate we receive for not having kids comes from pure jealousy. Any person who's really happy with their lives as parents wouldn't be mad at someone for choosing not to have kids, the ones who are mad are the misery loves company type.
I had a baby 5 weeks ago and no one talks about the mental and physical trauma of childbirth. I think women have wised up to the reality to having children, I had an emergency c section and I will have physical and mental ramifications from what happened for the rest of my life.. I spoke up about what it's really like to have a child and I've been met with essentially shut up put up, whens the next one? I'm done. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, sleep deprivation is torture and a newborn is no joke. If the average person knew what they were in for, they wouldnt do it.
Thank you for your comment, please don’t stop being honest about motherhood, because people seem to think it’s way easier than it actually is. As someone who was heavily parentified as a teen up until now, tasked with fixing relationships between grown adults as a young child, and given the responsibility of assisting parents with every single thing - I am burnt tf out. I don’t have kids but I think I need a long break and live my life for myself selfishly before I make up my mind about kids. I have time to decide, but women like you give women like me a well needed reality check. Thank you once again
It's so true, becoming a mother requires a lot of changes and there's a lot of unknown. Please keep speaking your truth when you can, and hopefully others will follow. Also hoping that you have a strong support network around you and that you get a chance to rest, congrats on becoming a mom!
Thank you for sharing your story and your honesty. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry that others dismiss your feelings. To bring another human into the world is a huge responsibility and I believe that women need to know the good and the bad in order to decide if it's right for them. Hiding the bad aspects of the experience is dishonest and potentially creates mothers who are resentful and the children suffer because of it.
So sorry to hear how you've suffered, hoping the future looks brighter for you soon. You're so right, rarely do we see media or content or takes that are made by and for women, discussing the harsh realities of childbirthing. Your story reminds me of my Mom and my aunt, who respectively underwent a physically-traumatic life threatening birth (with my sister) and severe suicidal post-natal depression that last years. Both of their harrowing experiences make me sure I never want to risk or go through with a pregnancy, I've had enough health problems and depressions in my life without it.
"who will take care of me when I'm old?" "Me, with the money I saved from not having kids. Me, and the rich community filled with people who CHOSE to be around me, not people who feel burdened by me. Me, and the company I built from the ground up! Me, and the hundreds of kids, that will by then be adults that I've helped during my career. Me and my family, the family that still exists whether you yourself have kids or not. Most people are so wrapped up in their immediate family, they don't have as much time to bond with extended family.
Kids do not owe you ANYTHING. The whole purpose of having them is FOR THEM, not for yourself! I wish people would realize this bare minimum decency by now.
My mother hates her demanding and critical and judgmental mother (my grandmother), who neglected her growing up and hated being a mother herself. Now my mother and me have to care for this woman in old age, and it's a fraught, tense, hostile and empty relationship, because my grandmother was pressured into having kids she didn't want and took it out on my mom all her life. Now my mother is basically waiting impatiently for my grandmother to die and leave her in peace at last, it's an emotional burden and toll on her to give this elder care. It wasn't worth it.
I actually had a male coworker who told me that it was a woman's duty to give her husband a son to carry on his name. When I told him I couldn't have children and my husband and I didn't want kids anyway he replied "have you considered divorcing your husband so that he could marry a girl who could give him a son?" I wish I was joking.
@@mobranch3678 just the same misogynistic crap about not letting *his* name die out, giving *him* his legacy, giving *his* parents grandbabies, etc. I had real issues with the man that ended up going all the way to corporate because of inappropriate jokes and comments.
@@meemurthelemur4811 ..dude sounds disturbed. 😅Remarkable how some people can take themselves seriously. Btw have you hinted wondering if he's on something? (other than the sad stuff in his head that is. Kind concerns are hard to wash off.) Either way it's great you dealt with it! So important to not let people get away with inappropriate behaviour.
@@cp_honey no, he wasn't on anything. He was just an antisemitic pig who didn't like that I'm Jewish and my husband wasn't. After threatening the company with a lawsuit through Equal Employment he ended up getting fired. The company initially tried brushing it off as "well he's a senior citizen, so he came from a 'different time'." He had a lot of "traditional Christian values."
Ppl with kids want you to have them so you can be as miserable as they are. It baffles me that ppl are worried about a uterus that they'll never have access to. Some of us like disposable income and uninterrupted afternoon naps.
"Women aren't having enough children!" they screamed as the world population passes 8 billion But seriously absolutely STELLAR video on this topic. I just discovered your channel and immediately subscribed.
"We love children so much!" *also makes it so that you can barely afford to look after them, the foster system being barely able to work and there's a chance they could get killed in school literally any time*
@Luna P Exactly. I'm very pale, and I love telling the idiots who exhort me to make white babies that I'm Italian and Spanish and there's a solid chance the kid could come out very dark.
And a total of over 100 billion people have existed. It ridiculous people want more. I do not see myself being happy with kids and I never will. And there's already a bunch of women who are willing to make kids but some guys want ALL women to make kids. It's awful and dehumanizing. I hope I can find a doctor who'll tie up my tubes without thinking about an imaginary man.
As a father, I can say that women who choose not to have children are fully empowered to make that choice. Children are a HUGE responsibility, and you sacrifice all that you are to care for them. Too many times, those who are not prepared to have children seem to have them most often.
It is NOT a sacrifice. Nothing should be one. When you are READY to have kids you already have SPARE energy, time, ect. to have them in the first place. This is why it is not a chore. I agree with the rest of your comment. At least 80% of the people i know got kids because they were either grew up in a toxic house hold where they are pressured to have them or that they do not know much about protection. Both are horrible reasons. Kids are never a burden and our bodies are ONLY OURS. NOBODY should do anything to anyone else that they do not wish upon themselves either!(meaning the pressure here)
@Steph D it shouldn't be, but we all know that it is. That is simply the reality. Even if you are 'ready' to have children, you are making sacrifices, however small.
@@cosmicreef5858I don't know where you are from, but sacrificing for your kids to have a better life is a VERY common occurrence. They are people who are entirely dependent on you, that means sacrifices big or small will be necessary. I do agree it should be when you are ready, but from my experience and everything I know, that is rarely the case.
My friend got pregnant while working, is married, and works in Finance in a top-tier equity firm. In her 8 years of employment, she made the firm approx $48M. They fired her. Why? They felt she wasn't as committed since she had her last child. To clarify, all of her performance reviews were "performing above expectations". They gave her a raise and promoted her without training. Gave her 1 poor review AND PUT HER ON A PIP. They then gave her a "voluntary break" offer (this is legal approach that avoids being sued for gender discrimination). This voluntary break from the firm required her to train her replacement to get her severance. So, the child penalty is very, very real. Her husband received no change in the perception of his performance with the birth of children. He has not met his performance goals in 20 years. He's been promoted 3 times. I am not making this up.
Wow, that's heartbreaking and sad! We who live in developing countries had a different notion about Europe. But it seems gender discrimination at work is a worldwide pandemic!
I know someone aswell who got let go because she was pregnant. She works in a different type of industry now. But you see how un woman friendly the world is. Most jobs are still men centric so yeah.
You know what people's reactions to me not wanting children as well as the overturning of Roe v Wade makes me feel like? Less than a person. Childfree men aren't questioned or judged the same way, when they choose not to have children it's just their choice. I'm an individual, with my own thoughts and wants, this is my life, my body. Why on earth is that so hard to understand?
Narcisism is not defined by a woman living free with out oppression or coerced/forced natal slavery. Narcisism is the men trying to say women r not human and these men r actually saying women r selfish for not slaving for men. Men r narcissistic to enslave and oppress women for thousands of years. Us choosing freedom isn't comparable. Also y r men allowed to b narcissists but women r not? That's not equality. Some women r capable of raising kids but choose to raise grown adults instead. It's clearly necessary for women to b world mom's. Meanwhile plenty of women r miserable with kids or alone when they're old even tho they had kids. Trust me when I say men j want a nanny or mammy. That's y they're shaming u. The reason men don't understand women's purpose besides breeding like animals is cuz we hvnt been free for thousands of years. Women's purpose was nvr to breed much. We nvr needed war or replacement or civilization the way men built it off the backs of women and lack of safety for us (r@pe DV femicide) we r supposed to be world leaders world mom's and teach men especially. Predophiles r the reason for the push in high places cuz they rly want us to breed their supply. Kids don't stay young forever. Women only regret it cuz society makes them think they do.. ppl can rly get in ppls head with repetition yk? They always r trying to find ways to continue to oppress women psychological operations and force and abuse.
It's really mentally draining when your value as a human being is solely based on your reproduction Nothing else matters about you unless it positively or negatively affects the womb I really despise this mindset and makes me wish I was born as anything else else but a human woman (like damn why couldn't I be a plant and chill until some sheep decides I was its lunch) While my country vastly differs in laws and culture but the views on reproduction/women is still mostly the same so I really do feel for you
@@Moon1tan I distinctly remember when I was a little girl and people started pointing out the things I wasn't supposed to do or "couldn't" do because I was a girl. At some point people just started making the distinctions between boys and girls like this is what's expected of you because you're female and this is the life you're going to have and these are the things you can't do etc. When it dawned on me what the world was really like it made me so angry, I remember thinking "I'm a person God damn it!" When I told my grandma that I didn't want children she told me I have to, that that's just the way it is. She was very bitter about her life, in her time she really didn't have many choices and she missed out on living the life she wanted. I felt sorry for her so I didn't argue with her. I'm with you on being sheep food, this world is f in stupid!
@Melissa Witt in my experience when I said that to my mom or aunts, its not that they were bitter per se but rather genuinely believed that as a women there's no way for me to function without marriage or children But either way they think I should and there's no changing their minds on the matter And it sucks because marriage isn't exactly a choice for women here, rather an obligation and it can be enforced unfortunately so at this point it's just a matter of time for me unfortunately
One of the arguments I hate the most on this topic is "I want to experience being pregnant", because that's what creates "the bond" with your child. Which to me feels SO insulting to parents who adopt and adopted children as well. Not to mention that being a person who grew up with her biological mother, let me tell you, that "magical bond of love" does not exist...
@@miaferrari958 FACTS. My mom envisioned me to be what she wasn't - a popular, blonde cheerleader. Literally it was that shallow. Spoiler! Not me. And all our "hang outs" involve stupid beauty regiments like getting our nails done. FFS. Take me shooting. Take an interest in my guitar playing. Take an interest in ME as my own HUMAN. WIth my own THOUGHTS and TALENTS.
@@miaferrari958 And it's also not what creates the bond, sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, what creates the bond is actually taking care of the child and oxytocin, nobody needs to be a biological parent to have a bond.
Most of the reasons are selfish, but there are some which are not. For instance the desire to somebody care and attention. After you come with all those amazing ideas about how you can make your child feel loved and respected, it seems sad not to bring that into world. Also if you have a partner which you thing would make a good parent that could be selfless motivation as well: Like ‘OMG I so they would raise such a wonderful person and I totally want to help that come true.’ But yeah, most of the time, it’s the good old one ‘I want such cute bundle too’.
"We're not raising the minimum wage. Ever lol. Get fucked." "Okay i guess i won't have kids then cause i won't be able to afford to feed both of us" "WAIT NO-" like they really still expect women to choose death over just NOT giving birth. It's insane.
Raising the minimum wage, especially at this point, would just make it so that businesses can't afford to hire as many employees, at least not without raising their prices accordingly. It really wouldn't make life more livable for anyone.
You're absolutely right, and unfortunately far too many in our society don't realize that we will either have to alter our economy and find a way to make it more conducive to population growth, or be happy with immigration.
@@nicholauscrawford7903 so businesses should be able to let their employees work three jobs and still struggle? If poor billionaire Jeff Bezos can’t afford to pay a fair wage, he should go out of business.
@@batmansmith7422 Raising the minimum wage would mostly harm small businesses. Unions in big corporations often have their own set of corrupt tendencies, like mandatory membership and gouging via union dues. At some point in the hiring process, workers voluntarily agree to the wages, salary, etc. Negotiating wages is part of the labor market determining the general level of employee wages. No business is ultimately sustainable if they are forced to pay too much over the actual value they're getting from any given employee's work. No one would have work at all if entrepreneurs didn't set out and take the risk and investment to start businesses in the first place.
It's almost like we see how our own mothers were treated by society and their husbands and decided we didn't want that. The only woman more disrespected then a woman whose child free is a mother.
Omg they are treated the worst, and they admit that...if they have husband's, they end up doing all the housework while still giving 50% of the income I saw a mum saying how her kids don't respect her at all I swear it's a thankless job
@@fredahwiwu5219 female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via baby dolls, strollers and easy bake ovens... male offspring are programmed to play play play and sow their seeds all over the world... it's extremely difficult to break the programming.
Not really. A mother gets aid from the government. A childfree single woman gets nothing. Try getting sick without a partner or kid and see how many people come to help you. (HINT: zero.)
@@keplersdream901 that's laughably false Your husband and kids will be the *least* likely and able to help you! That's why strong adults friendships and community are important because your without those people who are actually capable and caring you are screwed
I’m a single mother. I got pregnant at 19. Now that I’m 29 and am trying to date, so many men want kids and I don’t want to have more kids. They don’t understand how traumatizing it is to be a single parent, especially those first couple of years. There’s no way I can go through that again. Also, a lot of my married friends do more work than I do around their homes because their husbands cause so much extra work. I’ve been told by all of married friends that they’re jealous of me doing it on my own. They see that I’m more relaxed, I have more time to workout and eat well, I focus all my attention on my child it’s not split between a husband and a couple of kids.
It isn't. Traumatizing to have kids WITHOUT your consent IS. Also it is disgusting that they claim to want kids but never the ones who did not share some genes with him. WHO CARES? If you can not love a kid for his/her own then you do not deserve ANY.
I don't think they actually want the kids. They want YOU TO HAVE THEIR KIDS. Once you do then they're the same type that will say to another person"you got pregnant" like you did that to yourself and how you trapped them with a baby and they just wish they were free. For many males having kids isn't about raising a child into the best human possible but trapping the woman that had that kid into a life of slavery. Don't get me wrong, there are great loving fathers out there that really do an amazing job being parents. Problem is that anyone rushing to talk "children" as a male in the basic stages of dating is really looking to trap the woman so she can be his mommy too.
I am a 25 year old and I am a birth mother. When I was 20, I placed my son with a beautiful homosexual couple who are upper middle because I knew I could not provide a stable and healthy life at the time. I have never regretted my decision, even though I have been cyber and publicly shamed for “giving away my baby.” It’s better than having one I cannot afford. I believe I did the most selfless option. Because I had time to work on myself in therapy I am a more well rounded person and I know he’ll be proud of me one day. I wish adoption was more common. He is a perfect happy lil boy who has an army of love behind him. #adoptionislove
Exhibit # 23154 as to why it's purely about control, with the woman at home with a husband and child(ren) with these psychotic authoritarian types. Even if you did the textbook "just give it up for adoption!" decision it is still not good enough for some people. Other commenters have said they adopted and have been told that they should have given birth. It's disturbing that we walk among these people, and you'd never know they see you as livestock to breed until they open their mouths.
This just proves time and again it's just about control. People (men in general and women who struggled similarly) want to force women to struggle, to somehow raise a good person with limited resources. And when they bash you they think they're making a service to the world.
@@puddinpants5790 The adoption argument is one that boils my blood when the Ab*rtion topic is discussed. I looked up the stats on how many abortions there were, and if we forced every woman to carry to term, there'd be almost an extra 800,000 babies in the U.S. with the potential for most to be brought up in homes who didn't want/couldn't afford them or be put up for adoption. (There's almost 800,000 LESS abortions today than there was in 1980- imagine that a woman choosing NOT to have a child thru abstinence, birth control, etc. MIGHT have had an impact on that number!!) Plus, adoption itself is GROSSLY expensive. It's easily $12,000-50,000 for adoption fees/costs due to admin costs, background checks, home inspections, etc. I have two adopted cousins I babysat until they were 3 years old, and I remember being 18 and hearing their parents say it was $35,000 to adopt ONE of them. :[
I feel like, if for whatever reason abortion wasn't an option (no judgement here, to each their own) and someone knew they couldn't care for the child and it could end up being taken into care, the very best thing for everyone involved, but especially the child, is adoption. I don't think it's selfish to want to make sure a child has the very best chance at a decent, normal life. It could be different if there were lots of children who never get adopted, which does happen with older children and that kind of demonstrates my point that early intervention is key, or if someone was recklessly getting pregnant because they knew they could just pass the buck, but the reality is that there are far more people out there who desperately want to adopt than there are people giving their children up for adoption. Also, all of those potential adoptive parents have been very carefully vetted to make sure they can offer a child the best, unlike a lot of people who just have children because they can and end up dragging up little criminals or deeply troubled children. I think putting someone else's needs before your own will always be selfless, and that putting a child before yourself is the ultimate expression of that.
Okay so I’m 41, black woman and married to 43 white male. No kids. Living very comfortably. People literally jaw drop when we say don’t want kids. The response is always the same “What? Why not??? But your kids would be so beautiful!!!” Yeah or they could be ugly as sin. We want to pay off our home and retire early. That’s our goal, not to see if we can make a “cute biracial baby”. I wish people could just respect others choices without injecting their rather aggressive opinions.
pressuring people to have kids is already awful but fetishizing children who don’t exist is another layer. ugh. happy for you and your partner knowing what you want and sticking to it!
I am a child free woman, and i respect your choice 100% But biracial kids are 100% the most adorable babies ever, never met an ugly one in my life. 🥰 I want to cuddle one and then after 25 minutes give it back to the parents cause that's enough baby interaction for days😂😂😂
The MEN are furious😂 stay strong ladies. The comments are seething on ig of shaming women for "being alone." Yes, that's the point. What I didn't know is that it's global. I love it.
Almost feels like yall are being childfree not because you care but because you get some satisfaction out of making people mad. Like you like the attention even if it's negative lol
@@LancesArmorStriking just say you don’t like to see women win and feel good about themselves. it’s okay, you’re not the only person who feels that way
@@iamz_mbie "win" so you see this as a game, a contest? Childfree, more like childlike😂 I'm js it's weird that these women who are so unbothered take time out of their day to think about all the men that are FUMING😡😡😡 at how much of a girlboss they are!!! To the point where some are making whole videos about it Someone really content with their choice wouldn't need to do all that. So why do you?
I’m nearly 60 and never wanted kids. The backlash and vitriol I got from my family and society when I was younger was astonishing just for being happily childless. It seems to be less demonized nowadays than it was in the 70’s and 80’s, but it’s still seen as controversial for us women for some reason.
@@marvin2678yet it will never be as egotistical as someone who has to procreate mini versions of themselves because they can't love a being they didn't help biologically reproduce Get over yourself man Why do you care if others are selfish and other people don't want kids? You don't have a say in other people's lives Why are you here? You want nothing productive to add to the conversation Hit the road jack
The idea that the traditional family is a way to provide a sense of comfort to men is so on point. I've seen countless religious messages about how women should take on a traditional housewife roll *for men*. That she should let him lead the family *for men* so that they can feel in control and proud of themselves. It's constantly framed as "women should make a conscious choice to step back and let the man shine" and it baffles me how people can so openly say that women should do this while simultaneously pretending it's "the natural way of things". Clearly it isn't, or we wouldn't have to make so much effort to enforce this dynamic.
My fiancé shines and I love it because he takes care of me and everything else. My life is soft now. I go shopping, do my hobbies and sleep in everyday
Agreed that it isn't natural or there wouldn't be a constant stream of propaganda about the joys of motherhood and marriage. The thing is though, that civilization needs at least a replacement population. That cannot come from immigrants from Guatemala.
@@kareno7848 People fleeing duress are still people. Why can't immigrants fulfill the same needs as citizens in a country? Is that not the whole premise of American history? Is America not supposedly a story of immigrants, as no one but Native Americans are actually from here?
Original sin brought a curse upon all women. It is natural for sinful women today to hate God and His ways because they would rather listen to Satan, who deceived them in the first place... Genesis 3:1 KJV - Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? Genesis 3:16 KJV - Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Another "fun" reaction I tend to get: when I tell people I don't want children, they tell me to reconsider. But when I tell them I am disabled, they agree with me on not having children. Ableism.
every time i think 'i dont want to pass on my epilepsy' i want to punch myself in the jaw because thats eugenics shit, but i dont want my kids to suffer... its not even from any stigma or shame, its about not wanting to put another life through the same neurological hell as i have, or worse :'(
Yeah but that doesn't really explain anything nor get anything done I could see this if you were asked by someone you don't know or will obviously treat it like it's wrong then I don't get why an explanation is unthinkable.
“Who will take care of you when you’re older?! You’ll die alone!!!” Dude…go into any hospice center and ask them where the f**k their kids are now…I’m so sick of this argument. Not a single parent I know of is taken care of by their kids unless those kids DECIDED TO REMAIN CHILDLESS OR ARE OLD ENOUGH TO NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN CHILDREN.
I'm helping take care of my mother right now (dementia) I guarantee that anyone who asks that has never done it, because if they had they would understand how foolish they sound
I am my mom’s primary caregiver. I have children but the ONLY way I can do this is because I don’t work for money outside the house. My husband makes enough so that we can live simply and I can focus on caring for our kids and my mother. Many people do not have this choice.
or the fact that they do NOT owe you ANYTHING YOU have kids FOR THE KIDS! They are NOT you, not a clone of you. They are an INDIVIDUAL with their OWN mind, life, emotions. Even if you treat them well they do not need to take care of you. Personally i would not want my kids to do that since i want them to live their lives! I do not want to be a burden. People need to CHOSE if they want to be there for you or not.
My mother hates her demanding and critical and judgmental mother (my grandmother), who neglected her growing up and hated being a mother herself. Now my mother and me have to care for this woman in old age, and it's a fraught, tense, hostile and empty relationship, because my grandmother was pressured into having kids she didn't want and took it out on my mom all her life. Now my mother is basically waiting impatiently for my grandmother to die and leave her in peace at last, it's an emotional burden and toll on her to give this elder care. It wasn't worth it.
@Soldat Intelectual I mean, perhaps, but a lot of adults without kids still end up helping out with their family and friends' kids, and give inheritances and knowledge to kids they take under their wing. You don't have to be a parent yourself to be an important figure to a kid and a support for them.
@soldatintelectual6544 You don't have to procreate yourself to share resources and pass on the torch. Hell science is pretty sure things like homosexuality in animals and some animals/people being born infertile are natural population controls, and they can pass on MORE resources because they don't have their own offspring competing for what resources there are. It can be safer to commit resources to helping raise a few offspring than it is to keep having offspring and spreading those resources too thin. So maybe get off your high horse and let people live their own lives? I seriously don't understand people like you, why do you care so much what a complete stranger does with their body? You're not gonna help them raise the kid, why do you care so much if they reproduce or not?? Make it make sense.
@Soldat Intelectual What if they are horrible parents? What if their kids get beat and or abused? You only care about children when they are born. You don't care about how they are treated, or even give 2 shits about abuse.
we need more workers to throw into the capitalist meatgrinder, its selfish because youre looking out for whats best for you and yours, what about daddy Bezos who needs souls to steal? hows he going to keep going into space if he runs out of people to exploit? Pls think of daddy Bezos too
As someone who is a little older, I can tell you I have no regrets about never having children. I knew when I was a kid I did not want to have kids, but I had to make it until around age 35 before people really believed me and would not say things like, oh you'll meet someone and get married and want kids. Never understood why so many just could not accept I did not want kids. I didn't bug them about choosing to have kids. But I didn't let it get to me. I remember the 80s and the pressure on women to "have it all" marriage, children, career. So silly, each person has to make their own decisions on what they want out of life, and not everyone wants the same thing...and that's ok. Just one thing I wanted to mention about Roe v Wade - I am an American, and Roe v Wade was a federal law; so that puts the abortion issue back to each state. So you would need to look at the law in each state to see where the abortion law stands.
I'm very glad to hear that, but so frustrating that it took until 35 for people to respect your decision and stop saying those sorts of things! Yeah that "have it all" pressure was bs, it's still so prevalent today, I see it quite a bit with my gen x colleagues internalising it still. Ah, thanks for the clarification, being state by state makes it more challenging to quickly cover. The things I've been seeing getting "rolled back" by certain states has been terrifying, all because of Roe V Wade being repealed
And then you have blatantly anti constitutional laws in Texas where you can sue someone for helping someone in Texas get an abortion even out of state.
People who want/have kids will never truly understand how it feels not to want a kid. I have no warm feelings of longing when I see babies, most of the times I feel nothing, unless the baby is really cute, but even that is more like a puppy type cute feeling instead of the feeling actual mothers must feel towards small human offspring. I am 30 now (I knew I did not want kids around the age 17) and I feel like in the past 5 years I've heard it all - you will regret it, it will be too late, you will be lonely, who will take care of you when you're older, to whom you will leave your property, for whom I are you working and making savings for, it's a womans function to make babies, you were born to do this, women give birth all the time, you will change your mind, you must meet the right man first, it's your purpose in life. Honestly, some of those things are really upsetting to hear; no because they're hurtful but because these people who are supposedly close to me are basically questioning my mental capacity to make that decision.
People refuse to believe that "having it all" means different things to different people. So what if tht means living alone being able to comfortably afford anything u want?? Sounds phenomenal to me, as someone with a womans body
Yup...I'm adopted and def unwanted cause my parents wanted an accessory not an actual human being. A child seen not heard and f all if it develop its own personality.
I doubt Jordan Peterson would call men who don't want to father children either delusional or immature. What is immature and irresponsible is not using contraception and conceiving or fathering children you don't want.
I don't think it is inherently immature. But in my very anecdotal experience the one woman I know well who doesn't want children is incredibly immature. Haha. I know other childfree by choice women on more of an acquaintance basis and they seem to be perfectly capable and respectable people.
The old ways of humanity says that forming a family is a sign of maturity - you're now an adult! A responsable person in charge of your own family! ...Of course that's not how it really works, and at this point, these people are incapable to find proper excuses, so they'll say whatever nonsense just to "prove" their point.
Beach cause that choice comes with a cost and that is not sustainable on large scale dumb 🤡 ass system or society won't survive this and would collapse Mother should be priorities over child less wo men
Pro-life is a subtle way of saying anti-woman. It’s not about the baby, at all. The idea is to control what women (and girls) can do. About half of 15 yr old mothers are with someone 4+ years older. We should be changing what these adult cis men do, not what choices the child can or cannot make after she’s impregnated.
pro life people are always against welfare. its not pro life. its anti abortion. they don't care about starving babies or people going homeless and getting their kids taken away.
@@MysteryExoduswhat’s it about then. Because the children that are here and in need of help being let down time and time again by the system isn’t very pro-life
I'm a mother & I tell young women to really think about making a decision to have kids. Being a mom is very tiresome & yes Fathers typically take the backseat & do what they want. Ladies live YOUR life, not the life people want you to live.
@@jameslight4391 What does that have to do with the price of tea in china? It’s a very simple message of ‘don’t give in to peer pressure’ Why did that even cross your mind?
And they pretend women have no hobbies, no skills etc. how can they when they have ZERO time to do anything, because they are a slave. Child-free and hopefully always will be! I have mad skills, ideas, hobbies, etc. A LOT of women dont have this chance (the right not to marry, the right not to have kids): even if it is allowed for me to choose, it is constantly frowned upon and women-blamed, as you all know too well.
@@katherineclawson3494 They think because a father works it absolves him of any responsibility or having to make any effort in being a parent, as if it's still the 50's and mothers don't often work as well.
As an abstinent woman (not even for religious reasons) becoming pregnant is simply too much of a risk that i am not willing to take in the first place. Sex is pointless to me. And any man who thinks i am "withholding it" can cry their way out the door 😂❤ Ladies, you owe no one NOTHING! Keep your standards high and your mental health even higher. So much love over here.
In Korea, there is an uprising of women who are refusing to date or marry men or have children because men are "hopeless" and "irredeemable". Which, yea lol it's extremely interesting and I'd love to hear you talk about it
once i saw the study that women who are single and childless are the happiest people, my choice was basically solidified. why would i do something that will likely make me miserable? i’m gonna spend my life doing the best things i can for myself & the people i love and i can’t imagine sacrificing that future just to give into societal pressure.
Being childfree is such a foreign concept for some people. Like a woman and a mother are interchangeble. Ive encountered people that just couldnt process the fact that I had my tubes removed because I dont want kids. A female coworker even kept asking what was wrong with my tubes when I repeated that they were perfectly healthy tubes and that was exactly why I wanted them gone. I have no interest in motherhood. I blew her mind!
In which country did you do that?? Because women almost always have difficulty getting the doctors to remove their tubes in the first place cuz they just tell women they're gonna "change their minds"
@TheDolphace I don't know if I've ever heard random women being wished a Happy Mother's Day lol. Maybe in some areas of the US, but none I've been in during Mother's Day! The only time I hear it, is when a family is clearly out celebrating Mother's Day with their mom.
@@Aelffwynn I'm one of those women. Them: "Are you a mother? Happy Mothers day!" Me: "I'm not" Them: "Well you should be!" I just walked off. I was 25 at the time, in the south (Georgia)
@MarjorieStewartBaxter well that's hilarious and unsettling. I'm sorry you have to contend with that. Tbh I've gotten to the point that if a stranger says something weird to me in public I just let it go, but I respect you for saying something. It must be frustrating. We have our problems on the west coast, but we're a bit less obsessed with gender roles. So that helps.
I’m childfree, and I actually had a woman at work confront me about it. She told me I’m going to die all alone, and how do I feel about that. I don’t remember my answer. I think I was just shocked that this woman who barely knew me came at me so hard on something so personal.
And the thing is, even in the best of circumstances, you might still die alone. My mother, who I loved most out of anyone before or since, passed away very suddenly six weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. My father and I were at her bedside the night before she died, but I had food poisoning and had to go home. Less than eight hours after we left, they called and told us to come right away. We were about fifteen minutes too late. I will always feel guilty that my mother died alone. But the fact is that I was vomiting and delirious, and it’s a miracle I was even able to stand up, let alone race upstairs to get to my mother’s room that morning. Life is out of anyone’s control, and certain things are inevitable no matter what you plan.
@@Lahiwe I feel bad liking your post, but really, I just want to tell you that sounds like a horrible experience, but I’m sure your mom knew you loved her in the end. 💜
Motherhood is a thankless job in which the kids can blame you for their failures and Women are TIRED of being BLAMED for not choosing better men for having children with then criticized for how they are raising the children after being left to raise these kids. Women are tired of sharing bills and doing ALL of the household chores when they have to work full time as well ✅
And this is why I’m glad I’m a Muslim woman, because mothers are so honored in Islam to the point that insulting or doing anything against her or hurting her is a great sin that if she becomes displeased with her children, the children might suffer a great hardships in life just because she’s displeased with them, and even worse might face harsh punishments from allah in this life and afterlife. Mother’s pain of giving birth lifts her status up in Islam because she gave birth to a life, and she’s the the person who has the right of companionship over her children, and she comes in the first, second and third places in the right of companionship while the father comes in fourth place, and in Islam there’s a belief that allah made the filial piety of the parents almost as equal to his worship specially the mother, and from young age the kids must obey their mother even if before obeying the father because her rights comes before the father, and once they get old they become responsible for her welfare and wellbeing even if she’s still independent and has her own work and money, what the children have will belong the parents if the parents asked it from their children, and the children have no right to say no to them, and children must continue to do filial piety to their parents even after their death, and not blame for anything because specially we believe in destiny and many things comes in allah’s will. Of course in Islam women have many other rights and rules and duties to fulfill to society, but the greatest she gives and take if she became a mother is getting this high status and position just because she got closer to allah for suffering this painful pain in order to give birth to life, not to mention women doesn’t have to work if they choose to be stay at home wife, paying the bills and buying the house and the food and the clothes for the wife that’s the man’s responsibility in Islam even if the woman have her own money, he doesn’t have a right to take her money without her permission and if he did it will consider stealing. I understand what some western say and come from because they suffer hardships and some don’t get appreciation for what they do specially from their kids, and I blame this mindset in the west where the children have great rights over their parents while we in Islamic countries think the opposite.
@@روزروزي-و6ت umm hate to burst your bubble but being Muslim doesn’t exclude you from being treated poorly. Are you not watching the women in Saudi literally dying trying to escape the repressive orthodox Islamic regime?? And when they try to escape they’re put in “jails” that they’re only released from by the abusers? My current partner is Muslim, I am not, and the way they treat their baby momas and the way their father treated their mother after over 30yrs of marriage was disgraceful…I know what the teachings are of how women are SUPPOSED to be treated in Islam but I can assure you, most Muslim women/mothers are not treated nicely at all…I have had to be extremely vocal & set unwavering boundaries on what is NOT considered healthy and what I will NEVER tolerate regardless if he’s a provider or not. It has been very interesting to watch him “give up” his weird authority that he’s been taught to have over women and unpack how toxic a lot of his religion is against women. It is a luxury for me to be able to say I will not tolerate abuse, misogyny, infidelity, voice my opinion or my right to leave whenever I get ready to…that is not a luxury alot of Muslim women have…
@@babyg7796 you didn’t because I’m Saudi woman myself, I work, I have a degree, i can speak English as you can see, I work in mental healthcare, and we have laws protect abuse victims and domestic violence, and because I work in that field I’m required by Saudi law to report these abuses if I discovered one to the Domestic Violence Reporting Center, I work with psychiatrist she knew about a victim of sexual harassment and didn’t report it because she didn’t know it was required and was fined by the court a bill of 3000 riyals, I’m myself had reported a case like this to the Domestic Violence Reporting Center, as for the women who run is because many of them just want to live free life of sex, one of the girls who run is rahaf she had a relationship after she run and had a baby girl, her partner discovered that she had cheated on him and that baby girl isn’t his child after he did a DNA test, he tried to get that child custody after rahaf ran away and left the baby with him for a time, and even reached out to some Saudis just to expose rahaf’s lies and she actually comes from a very prominent and well known family in Saudi Arabia. As for the parents here in Saudi they can report their children for their bad treatment, some might face harsh punishments, im still living with my parents but once they turn 60 years old I will become legally responsible for them. There are many Muslims don’t follow Islam as it should be but that doesn’t mean the majority doesn’t follow or doesn’t respect women, come to Saudi Arabia yourself and see the women here with your own eyes and then judge.
@@روزروزي-و6ت sunan ibn maja1851 the prophet said i enjoin good treatment of women for they are prisoners with you . In Islam a woman is a prisoner her testimony is equal to half that of a man . She cannot leave the house without her husbands permission .women in Islam societies are respected only when they are slaves to their fathers husbands only then they get respect . I am an exmuslim woman. . I reject this respect if this means I have to become a prisoner to my father and my husband while there is no such restrictions on men .Islam is a cancer to humanity . There is a Hadith by Umar bin al khattab - be careful of whom you give to your daughters in marriage for marriage is a slavery .
Dont worry young lady Blk women have been called all types of names and what we do is keep it moving. Men will always try to guilt women into there silly type of submission. Nope do what makes you happy young lady. At the end of the day if your a mother you are put in a extreme responsible role of the child care giveronly while the man sits back like a king doing way less. If you complain you need help they call you weak unable to be a real women. Ladies do what makes you happy. It basically dam if you do dam if you dont. I am currently happy with women globally standing up for themselves and not being punked into role they arent ready for. Good job women. Stay encouraged. Do you!!
I'm a 33 year old woman, childfree, refuse to get married, slowly building up my own small business AND working a full time job, I travel frequently with my boyfriend, I spoil us both, and I've never been happier. No regrets ever.
Don't get me wrong: the world's so big, so there's room for everybody to live the life as they see more fit! But, there is something in the term childfree that really sounds so bad, empty and fraudolent just like those sugarfree, carbfree, glutenfree, siliconefree, dutyfree... processed products people throw themselves on for the purpose of loosing or maintaining the weight or preventing allergies or clogging pores, pay taxfree, but we know how that goes... Childless makes it sound like some people are at loss for not having kids, but childfree is practicly the opposite and kind of reduces kids to "ingredient" to terminate, but they were never in the picture to begin with, so what's there to terminate!
i have PTSD from giving birth to my kid. they dont tell you about that part. It also made me realize how little patience i have for kids. i told my husband if we ever had another, i would not give them the love they needed simply because i didnt want them in the first place.
I dont know what planet you're on because no one gets more made fun of than Nick Cannon for his 12 (going on 13) children or even Elon Musk who goes about spreading his seed wherever
In my late teens and early twenties, I really wanted children. I was never able to afford them. I've been working all my adult life, and have barely been able to afford to take care of myself. I married early and I knew that having a child would put me in a very dependent position to my husband, who was irresponsible with simple things like doing the chores he committed to doing or paying bills he said he would pay. It turns out he had a terrible drug problem. After we divorced, he died in an alcohol-related accident. I am thankful every day that we did not have children. Now in my late thirties, I try to support my friends who are parents, but I no longer wish to be one. I like to say I loved my kids enough not to have them.
As a 44 YO woman who has not wanted to have kids my whole life; thank you! It's not that I dislike kids; I actually am quite fond of other people's kids. I do not wish to be a parent. I don't have the drive. As an adult survivor of child abuse, I am fearful that my lack of healthy family structure and proper parenting would affect my ability to be a primary parent. It doesn't make sense economically not do I have faith that the world is on an upswing. I feel I would have a lot to answer to by bringing someone into this world on its own. I don't judge people who are parents. That's great!! I hope your family flourishes and your wildest dreams come true! I was married to a man that had a child so I was their step mom for 8 years. Got along with the child great! I continue to have a relationship with them that is mutually beneficially and enjoyable, but I never felt comfortable when people said, "Happy Mother's Day," or try to convince me that I am a parent then follow it up with, "you should have one of your own." Like WTF? I am much happier and a better friend, daughter, partner, etc. being able to define how I live rather than follow some obsolete structures that hurts more than it benefits. Honestly, the unfair division of physical and emotional labor as well as my spouse never being fully present for me is what made the marriage not work out in the long run. I'm no day at the beach either but those are the facts. Hooray for parents! Hooray for people who do not wish to be parents! PS. Those heart shaped sunnies look great on you!
The fact that people can't see a difference between not wanting to be a parent and liking kids is kind of wild, it's very frustrating because the "image" thats been painted for years is that if you like kids, you MUST become a parent, and if you're not a parent, it means there's something seriously wrong with you. I'm glad you also stood your ground on where you wanted to be met in the relationship, good on you
Very hard to guilt or otherwise gaslight childfree women. We already refused the KoolAid and have rationally analyzed the costs/benefits of motherhood as they apply to ourselves.
I hate when you say "Well, I wouldn't be able to afford to take care of the kid the way they deserve" and the older generation will say "Oh, you never have enough money, just have them anyways and you'll figure it out". I grew up in poverty as a child. It's not fun not knowing where you're going to sleep at night. It's not fun eating instant ramen for every meal. It's not fun growing up to have complexes about these things as an adult because your needs weren't reliably met as a child. So it makes my skin crawl when people say 'have kids anyways'.
My ex mom said this to me when I said I didn't want kids just yet. She angrily told me to just have them meanwhile we didn't have a car, our own place, and were being paid $10.25 and $15 an hour. Meanwhile her kids regretted everything in their childhood.
Right! It's a huge struggle raising kids when you're barely affording to live, having to work as much as you can b/c kids cost money, and giving up any upward mobility in your job b/c you may occasionally have to prioritise your kids over your job.
My own mother reacted like this when I told I thought people should have kids they can afford. You're right and she was wrong. It took her a while to accept that I wasn't having kids but fortunately she did come around. Mostly.
I’ve always wanted children, but in the past couple years, I feel less and less comfortable with the idea of bringing a person into this world. There’s so little good left.
Individuals can't change systematic issues. You can teach your child to be as good as you want, but they'll have to suffer through the rotten world while they're hopeless at trying to bring any changes. This is not some mythological prophecy things where you'll give birth to a "hero," it's a myth because that's not how the world works.
I'm sorry but as a loving kid from loving couple that don't have issue growing up, sometimes when I going home from work, exhausted and such...I still wish I never been born. So yeah...I think no child want to be born in this crazy economic unless you're millionaire or something.
Whatever you decide to do-to kid or not to kid--if the decision is from your heart and you’ve given it loads of thought, it will be the right decision. Best of luck to you; I know it’s hard. ❤
@@mickeyg7219 Actually, individuals can influence systemic change. It's like rain. Will one individual raindrop water an entire garden? No, but what about millions of individual rain drops falling together? All change starts small. All change is bottom-up before it becomes top-down. Each and every one of us has an opportunity to make a difference each and every day. Yes it's tough work and of course not everyone can or wants to do it. But it is possible. Someone's kindness or individual works of art or service (even YT videos like this) can inspire many others to also make a difference. The hardest part is letting go of our egos enough to work with each other. Teamwork skills are especially lacking in the U.S.. But even though I say that doesn't mean we should just give up and not try. I'm saying we should be doing the opposite - get up, work on ourselves, and do the best we can no matter how big or small.
One of my aunts is married but they never wanted children, and I remember as a kid hearing my dad comment about how weird it was that my aunt (then his sister-in-law) didn't want kids and how lame it was that she had lots of pets instead. That became ingrained into me and I thought it was weird too, like "aren't all adult women supposed to be moms??" I used to think I wanted 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls, but now I'm grown up and a childfree woman in my mid-20s, and I understand my aunt so much better now. I was never rude or questioned my aunt about her being childfree, but I still feel like I need to apologize for ever thinking she was abnormal.
My mom said things to my sister and as a preteen, I jumped on the bandwagon. I later apologized to her randomly in the laundry room in 9th or 10th grade. I'm glad there are other people who ruminate on their childhood actions as well.
Since you're a fully grown adult without kids what do you do to fill the void left by failing to continue your family line? If it's for your career you've made a terrible mistake.
@@feliznavidad6958 It isn't, maybe the last generation but your whole line being bad is practically impossible, you're just too selfish and or stupid to realise that.
Women: “I’d like to be a stay at home mom” Them: “You can’t live off of one income anymore. Not in today’s economy!” Also them: “She’s a gold digger!!” Women: “okay so I’ll work” Also women: *successful in career* Them: “Ew, so masculine! Get back in the kitchen! Where are all the traditional women? Families are dying!” 🙄
I've had an older woman tell me how there's still time, when I said I'm past 40 already. I hope it'll end when I hit 50. Also, no regrets. At around 30 I was thinking if I change my mind, there's always adoption, but at around 40 I felt even stronger about not having kids. If there was a slight chance in the past of changing my mind, it's now gone 100% and I'm just super glad women over 40 can get an abortion very easily where I live. In the past I was a bit frightened about the possibility, because I was married, and an abortion isn't totally free to access here. Like how to convince 2 doctors your social circumstances prevent having a kid, when you're a happily married adult? Over 40 I'd just need to tell 1 doctor I want an abortion, and that's it. Fortunately contraception is widely available.
I am happily married to a wonderful man and staunchly child free. He is an amazing partner and I couldn't be happier. It's a huge myth that you have to have children to be happy and fulfilled.
Misery loves company, that is exactly what I always say about this. It becomes obvious when they call us selfish for not having children. If having children is so f'ing wonderful, how could it be selfish to deprive myself of that? 😉
51 year old cis white woman here with no kids. Married for 21 years. I don’t speak to my family anymore. I became persona non grata for not providing grandchildren, among other things. Live your life. Also those sunglasses are fire.
I’ve had 3 women who have children passive aggressively shame me or gasp at my choice how I never want to have kids. “You’re going to love being a mom I’m pretty sure you might regret not wanting kids” “They are a little bundle of joy being childless is like having no foundation of marriage” “I can’t believe you never want kids I’m so happy I had my son I just can’t imagine a life without kids” that’s just many things I’ve been told and more. One just posted a recent tik tok on her story how she thought she’d be a house wife but is depressed, works full time, and is also a full time mom after work. Yikes 😟
Too many have kids to fill voids and it never works. The void is still there. They follow what society dictates and since misery loves company, they hate those who choose a different path since they couldn't/wouldn't.
Children are the only way we can immortalise ourselves. A child by us is a continuation of ourselves and our ancestors. So the question arises if you are throwing away what your ancestors have done in order to preserve your family.
I don't want children because I don't think I'll be a good parent. I don't want to simply be okay or good enough. Raising children is hard, you're responsible for the physical, emotional, and mental well-being of another human. I can't even take care of myself.
Also, I’m 72 and still living on the edge of poverty, as I have all my life. How could I have ever given a child (or more than one) a decent life filled with great education and wonderful opportunities? The world doesn’t need more children living in poverty.
Why are people bothered about how women choose to live their lives? How is this affecting them personally? I believe it's jealousy because what else could it be?
They care because at the end of the day they do not see Women as people. When it comes down to it we aren't full human beings with autonomy of our own just incubators to grow their children. They can't stand the fact that we can make life choices for ourselves because that means they are losing control of women.
Wow. This is a part of history I NEVER knew. As a woman, I couldn’t imagine having to give up something that I loved and wanted to do just because someone else wanted me to be a WIFE and MOTHER. It’s NOT fair for people to set the same expectations for everyone else. Why is it so hard for people to accept people want different things?! Same people who shame those who can’t/won’t have children are the SAME ones who won’t support those who DO have and want children!!!! 🙄😒🤷🏾♀️💯 Edit: Wow!! I NEVER have this many likes before. Thanks a million guys!!! 🥰👏🏾💕💯
You’d be contributing to the coming population collapse. What will end up happening is that someone else’s kids will be heavily taxed in order to support you in old age. The tension between individualism and collectivism is a real one and worth considering.
@SkullMan people without kids already pay more taxes than those with kids. So they've already paid their taxes to be taken care of in their old age while also paying directly. Where as people, especially women who dont work, who have kids pay less taxes and will have less saved income to pay for aged care. And no, the children they birthed don't take care of them. They dump them in nursing homes.
@@Mushin367 bro shits already collapsing if people cant even afford to raise kids. also if some women dont want kids society will survive buddy, for every 1 person who dont them theres 3 who do
@@Mushin367 There are too many people for the planet to support already, and population reduction historically leads to improvement to individual quality of life and general cultural improvement (we had the renaissance and the enlightenment because of massive, and I mean massive, population drops upending the status quo and making labor more valuable).
If women aren't having children, that means America can't play up the illusion that everything is peachy and we reign supreme. It's literally for image.
Basically, force women to have kids so they don't have to fix their shit :) There's no way they are going to fix their shit whilst I'm still in my childbearing years so, it's a no for me.
Also it is unattractive af to have children. I don't live in the US but maternal leave in my country is paid by the state and people dislike that. There is also some jobs who offer extra child care and that imo is making it unfair. People who make like 80-100k can have free childcare to boost shifts, but jobs that make 40-60k have to pay money to have their child in kindergarten and they then have less money to live off. All these countries are a mile deep into the shyte hole that now they realise how the birth rate is dropping and somehow women & feminism are the issue while inflation & rent are hurting the people.
If they think not having abortions will force people to have kids, they are in for a rude awakening. We have many ways to prevent pregnancies (not just abortion or even protection). We are the most sex educated generation. If we don’t want kids. We won’t have them. These rulers of ours are done!
I'm horrified. "Anti-Choice" seems to me a group of people who don't approve of people who don't follow the protocol of society. The sheeple do what they're told to do, including giving the Black Sheep a very difficult time. That doesn't phase me. I don't care! But "Pro-Forced Birth"...OMG, that made all of the hairs on the back of my head stood straight up. It made me think of women forcibly raped, then committed into a hospital and strapped to a bed so they can't abort the fetus. Of course, there are other ways of implanting a fetus under anesthesia so she didn't even know that she was pregnant. We have all this new technology now. But in the older days, it would have had to be rape.
I always find it really interesting that it's always the women who genuinely love motherhood and their children, found deep personal fulfillment in it because it's who they are as people and not because society convinced them otherwise, are the same women who will support and respect childless women. It's always women who try to suppress their own bitterness of allowing themselves to succumb to societal pressure and won't allow themselves to contend with the fact that they are unhappy with their choice - constantly complain about everything and take it out on everyone - are the ones being jerks and offended by childless women existing.
There's also women who have tokophobia (the fear of being pregnant). Me being a sex-repulsed asexual woman of prime childbearing age, the overturn of Roe v. Wade threw me into a panic that lasted for several weeks, not because I worried that I would be whoring it up and accidentally get pregnant and then not be able to get rid of it (according to the stupid stereotypes), but because the ONLY way that I am ever going to get pregnant is through rape. So throw "no sexual attraction to anyone + grossed out by sex + childfree + tokophobia + violent reaction to feeling trapped or confined + the psychological trauma of being raped and now being stuck with a constant reminder of what was done to me" into a pot, and that does NOT make for a good environment to raise a child in. Assuming that I would be mentally or physically fit enough to make it through the pregnancy in the first place What if I was to give up my rape-baby in one of those boxes for abandoned babies at the fire station? How would I know that there wouldn't be some militant Pro-Lifer staking out the box and harassing/following the women who dropped their babies off? What if I for some reason couldn't give up the baby and it ended up dead through negligence? Would I be able to live with myself, condemning this innocent baby to a life in the USA's less-than-stellar adoption system? Would I be able to TAKE the psychological torment that I would go through during the pregnancy, or would I commit suicide before my due date (or die in a botched attempt at an illegal abortion)? "Pro-Life" is a misnomer. They don't give a fuck about ThE ChiLdReN *or* about life, despite all their virtue signaling. This has only ever been about controlling women and punishing those women who "step out of line" (also, like, how fucked up psychologically do you have to be to think that using a baby as a form of punishment is in any way morally righteous? "You sinned and I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck about what happens to this tiny helpless infant in your care, the only thing I care about here is making you suffer and feeling good about myself in the process")
Thank you for saying this. I'm not asexual but I also was scared to get pregnant by rape. I've found more peace now that I have an IUD, and my body is not reacting badly. Thank goodness for that.
Another aromantic asexual here. I’d be nervous living in the US because I could only get pregnant by rape and overturning Roe vs Wade and the limits on abortion even as the results of rape being limited. I’m just glad I’m in a country that respects my rights.
Don't even get me started on doctors who refuse to accept people don't want to have children, the amount of times I've been asked what my partner thinks and how much I'll "change my mind"... ugh
I'm still a virgin and I wanna get a hysterectomy or something....
Least after donating my eggs. I ain't gonna use them so might as well give them to someone who will. Besides donating eggs can give you a fat check and I got student loans to pay 💁🏾♀️💵
@@britneybij3997 I'd donate my eggs but I have bad genes lol
@@islandboy4445 I thought of this too. I’m still doing my homework on it! 😏😊💯
@@queeniequeen949 Honestly if you can do it, go for it!
Love your makeup. Honestly everyone shouldn’t have kids.
Government: "have more kids!"
Also governments: *makes it extremely hard to survive financially*
Yeah like have more kids, but don't come to me for support.
This ^ like bruh some people are surviving by living with their parents and adult kids because it’s financially only possible for both the parents and adult kids to get buy
@@dynogamergurl Yeah, I used to think they were selfish for not leaving their parents, but now I see they're working, paying parent's mortages and stuff and stuff cause it's so hard to survive alone. I live in Berlin and the average salary over here is like 2500, and the cost of a rent is like 2000, so hmm, you expect people to have kids? the government pays you +400 for every kid, and I guess it's supposed to make life so fucking comfortable, hah...
That's why goverment "suggest it" it's actually the best bussines of all 😅
@@snifferscribbler9730 i think a lotta places are feeling a similar burdeon and at least this way both the parents and kids get to keep a roof over their heads and help one another. in some parts of the world thats just the norm that all the family members live under the same roof. I think its time to normalize that a bit more in recent times. my parents and i both have disiabilities so what one of us lacks the other can make up for as a unit.
imo i think its kinda cold that the norm here is to throw the kiddos out at 18. as long as everyones pitching in theres no reason to leave
From a purely logical standpoint, I will never understand how it's selfish to put myself before a person *who doesn't exist*
You are probably the same kind of person who also thinks teens and young adults still jumping in a empty bouncy castle sometimes is okay too
@@brownbrownbrown2938 you are probably the kind of person whose opinion nobody asks for. The kind of person who walks into a room and instantly ruins the mood.
I'd rather be the kind of person who thinks anyone should be able to jump in a bouncy castle every now and then, thank you very much.
Now go try to ruin someone else's day :)
@@brownbrownbrown2938Yes. As long as the bouncy castle can handle that weight, why wouldn't it be ok to have some fun ? I've seen parents jump in castles in the late hours of a party when their children were already off to sleep.
@@miaferrari958slay
This!!!
I AM one of the "happiest women who chose not to procreate", and was never aware of any of my friends fearing me or hating me. Maybe behind my back...But, I never regretted my decision, ever. I'm 64 now, not lonely and live a very full life. Trust me women, if you don't have a "calling" to have children, you won't regret it!
I love hearing this so much!
You go girl!
45 years old and same. Menopause is creeping in and I’m relieved. My life is full and I have no regrets.
@Gabbs dy um why would u assume tht? Honestly, with how abortion laws are & how it's hard to get your tubes tied, I just hope I'm infertile
@@gabbsdy8741 she's not the exception. This is more common than you would suspect.
My dad: If you don't have kids, who is going to take care of you when you are older?
Also my dad: *puts his parents in a nursing home*
😂😂😂 lord men
Boy math
Also your Dad : paying for the nursing home while he works to support his immediate family and parents
@@GK-op4oc naw, my grandparents' retirement fund paid for it
@@GK-op4oclol you seriously think the kids pay for it ?? Ur hilarious
Society: "why are women not having children?"
Women: explain why
Society: "ok, we're not gonna fix those things, but have kids anyway"
😂😂😂😂😂👏👏
Yo the part about Japanese politics got me fired up im not gunna lie. the fcking audacity!
1000000000000% accurate af
💯
You don't need to explain anything, you can just not want to have kids
Also, a woman choosing not to have children, regardless of her reasons or lack of it, in no way makes her a "selfish brat". Its, her life, her body, her personal choice, no one else's business. A Woman doesnt owe this world or anyone any kid/kids, even if she is the last woman standing on earth.
Thankyou for saying that 😊
Bravo! You just took the words right out of my mouth. These judgy folks should go after the "selfish brats" who get drunk, stoned, screw with the government, and losers for men! They are the ones harming those kids. We're not harming anyone. 😊🌻
Yep. The amount of lack of empathy and lack of critical thinking, or any thinking, is astonishing. People have so many unreasonable social demands, for no reason. They die on hills they can't defend on any real level. I am a person. I happen to be a woman. No, that doesn't mean I have to be interested in making a family. Personally I don't even care about that kind of "dream". I don't think I will ever be interested in pursuing a relationship to begin with. I have friends that I love, and I know what true love means in essence. I feel it. However I am completely uninterested in romance and sexual acts. I'm completely uninterested in creating a family environment and staying in it. I'm naturally a person who prefers to spend 90% of my time alone, this is never-changing about myself. I have lived my life alone by choice. I can't be bothered to explain any of this to any person. People are so, so closeminded, and so impatient to understand different perspectives. I'm immediately shut down because I must be repressed in some way, or, you know, there must be something wrong with me psychologically to be different. Like, nah. I'm content in life. Except right now that you're being my armchair psychologists, pretending to know what my experience of life is like. I just don't understand it. I don't understand people.
A woman having children for the wrong reasons imo will always be more selfish than a childless woman. I've met so many women that for the sake of their children didn't have any (rare genetic illnesses), and it was the most selfless thing anyone could do. Calling them selfish is incredibly harmful and wrong.
Children are a great responsibility, and not everyone is ready to take on that one. People should only have children if they really want them and are prepared to be responsible.
@@MissMoontree 🎯💟
I get called selfish because I am a single childless woman. I always say, thats exactly why I am a single childless woman. I am too selfish to share my time, love and money with another person. Their faces are priceless 😂
Whahahha i love the idea that you turned the word back to their faces making selfish empowering instead of a negative
Having children is literally a continuation of yourself. So that can definitely fit into that selfish definition, because children are about you
Love this😂❤❤❤
Same lol. I've known for a long time that I'm too selfish to wrap my head around the idea of having to take care of another person
My coworker's are mostly all moms in their 40s and 50s (a couple in their 60s), they've all told me to wait until my 30s to marry and have kids if I want to do that. I don't know why more people can't be like them.
When I hear people say that we'd go extinct or the culture will die if women hold on to such "high standards" for having children I say "Let it die" 🤷🏾♀️
❤❤❤
The audacity to say that while the world is currently overpopulated
@@JustanotherTH-camr771wrong, the Western popluatipk IS dying out
Maybe WE never should have have you the right to Vote
@@marvin2678awww no worries no woman wants to touch you any how
“Would you give up your career if the right man proposed?”
“Well if I’d have to choose between marrying a man and giving up my career he’s probably not the right man. The “right man” wouldn’t expect, let alone force as a condition of marriage, such a thing of me in the first place.”
👏👏👏
I say the same thing when people ask me "well what if your future husband wants kids??" Then he's not the right man for me and won't be my husband.... the end. It throws them for a loop lmao. 😂
Ginormous brain
Why should she give up anything bc a man proposed???🤡
That's why divorce rates are always being initiated by women.
Calling women selfish for not having kids is admitting one thinks women's only purpose is to have children and NOTHING ELSE. It's disgusting. Thank you for this video.
Ah no, that's not fair, I'm sure they think we also exist to make their dinner and tidy their house...
@@NaunetBastet a fair point
It really is narrow minded. I am a mother but anyone who actually parents well understands choosing to not have kids isn't selfish. Children deserve parents that want them and will raise them well. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do so I absolutely understand not wanting them lol. Best wishes 😊
The biggest reason a lot of women choose to not marry or have children is... men. They dump all or most of the household work and child-rearing on the woman, never mind that she also works f/t, and once her body changes due to having children and aging, they leave her - and the kids - and start over with a younger woman who has no kids. Who the hell wants to be subjected to any of that.
And never mention deadbeat FATHERS
And speaking of the whole “women are bratty and selfish for not having children” rhetoric, if women are not having children because of being “bratty and selfish” why do you want them to be mothers? You really want a “bratty and selfish” person to raise a child? Or are you hoping having a child will turn on a sweet maternal switch? Or let's just admit that these people don't actually care about children.
@Danielle K Because it's not his primary role. I was going to say it's because they're not expected to be fathers, but it takes two to tango and these people are complaining about population issue, not out of genuine care, but because companies won't have more workers, therefore no more money. But back to what I was saying, men aren't expected to raise their children, only to pass on their last name/DNA/sperm.
They honestly don't care how the kids turn out as long as they get churned out. They hate everyone but themselves.
@Luna P some of them even hate themselves, but you'd have to go very extreme to get them to admit to that truth@
@@aazhie True
And if that’s the case there’s adoption , foster care , etc … they can literally go help children that need homes….
If a parent tells you you're selfish for being child free, ask them all the reasons they chose to have children. They will be some of the most self-centred, selfish reasons you'll ever hear.
My cousin is a great example of a narcissistic parent. She saw that her brother had one boy and one girl, my cousin already had a baby girl at the time and a few years later, tried again and had another girl (went through IVF and spent thousands of dollars). The shit I've heard coming from her mouth insulting her oldest and favoring the youngest was the most disturbing thing ever. The oldest is confused on who she is and is shamed by her mother for being attracted to other women even though we have family members that are part of the LGBTQ community.
Nobody has a child because they think that a child WANTS to be born … it is ALWAYS about enhancing the life of the parents.
If someone makes a different choice on how best to live their life, who are others to judge their decisions.
… and it’s not like the world is going to run out of kids anytime soon.
exactly!
It's always about "I want to continue MY genes 🥰 I want to continue MY legacy 🥰I want someone to take care of ME when I'm old 🥰 I wanna pass down MY surname"
....yet child free people are the "selfish" ones
Commonly the answer is “I just got pregnant”. Most folks don’t PLAN to have kids when they have them.
Even though I am a mother through adoption to three kids, I still get "aren't you sad you're not a mom?" from both strangers and 'friends'. The idea that your worthiness comes from pushing a baby out of your vagina is insane to me. There are tons of different kinds of moms out there who haven't biologically given birth (community members/foster parents), who still get zero respect from these kinds of people who love to tell you how much they "value motherhood".
Wft? Whats wrong with people?
Thank you for adopting. I find that so admirable and wish it was the norm, honestly.
You are so right. You are changing and developing a healthy life for children who could’ve been passed from person to person with potential abu*e it’s so much harder to be an adoptive mum and comes with so many challenges.
That's infuriating.
OMG you're adoring me! I really love it when people are adopting children! There are so many children in need to get a home. And while I can understand having their own child is a beautiful thing but I dunno maybe I didn't had a great childhood it's a nice thing to see a patchwork family.
A happy childfree woman is harder for society to control. She won't fit into the little box that some men want women to fit in.
This right here she does what she wants at her own pace
Yet capitalism and patriarchy won’t be hurt by them because woman make up 80% of consumers in the marketplace
💯 percent correct... female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers, easy bake ovens and taking care of younger offspring...so your 💯 percent correct... while male offspring are programmed to play play play and to sow their seeds all over the world.
Yup
yes, men want women to have loads of kids to control them while they go and find a mistress
I don't think that the parents who get their panties in a twist about childfree people realize they do a TERRIBLE job of selling the experience. They'll criticize your life decisions, but in the same breath, tell you how traumatic their birth was, complain about never getting any sleep, complain about how messy the house is, complain about how disobedient and shitty their kid is.... Like, I'm sorry, why would I want that...???
I have a child free sister who complains all the time about her life ......a complainer complains
I think a lot of that is how people tend to coddle their kids nowadays tbh, at least the messy house part. Not having kids do chores as soon as they can is just gonna drag the whole family unit down, and make the kid unprepared for adulthood and unable to be fully functional.
@@damien678 definitely what happened with me and my sibling. mum does everything for us, even if we ask her not to, and then she gets upset and complains she does everything for us. i wish she disciplined us more
Its still better than lying about pregnacy. Literally no one teaches kids about the period after birth when they teach you about regular menstruation. The pregnacy is "blessed" but literally there is a higher chance you will die while being pregnat and AFTER f.e because of post partum heart issues. Everyone should be aware what they are putting themselves into
This is exactly what I was thinking the entire video!!! Parents will tell you stuff like it was the “best day of my life when I had my child”, but then they turn around and talk about how their husband doesn’t listen to them or how their children are horrible monsters from the depths
People always ask “who is going to take care of you and you’re an old invalid?” When I think it’s quite obvious- I’m going to use the $300,000+ it takes to raise a kid to pay people to look after me🤷♀️ and tbh if I stay healthy the way I do now I might not even need it till the very last few years of my life. On top of that- old age is not guaranteed and neither is a thoughtful offspring who accepts the burden of looking after you.
Well said 👏👏👏👏
My mother has been leading a healthy lifestyle her entire life, but she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and it’s changed everything. Healthy lifestyles don’t mean you won’t have medical problems in old age.
@@1370802you're a good kid if you look after her. what guarantee does anyone have that the kid another person has is going to love and look after them equally, for reciprocity? none.
@@1370802 That’s a reason for healthcare reform, specifically insurance companies or the government covering long term care. It is not a reason to have a child. Children are not insurance.
I don‘t expect to even get that old so 🤷🏻♀️ also the thought of being a burden to my children does not sound like an argument for having children for me
If America was truly pro-life they'd have public universal daycare that isn't over $1000 a month per kid, a living minimum wage that could cover all expenses needed to support a family and put a roof over their head, and free healthcare. If they were truly pro-life they wouldn't make having a child so god damn expensive and a hardship of total inconvenience.
This!
Look up what Ronald Regan's Secretary of State wrote. He said that they could help the lowering birthrate by providing daycare and funding that exists in some West Eurasian countries but since they couldn't just give it to whïte women, plus it would incentivize/help single mothers, then they shouldn't provide it. 🫠 Racism is a primary reason why in the US it is so expensive with little help for mothers and families.
@@squarebear619 it's racism, late capitalism, and patriarchy held up by Republicans
that is why 'pro lifers' are often called 'anti abortionists' because all they really care about is the unborn fetus and as soon as it is born they don't really care
"America" is a country and land just kinda sits there growing things.
Conservative Americans who want women to have babies ALSO want them to be married and to stay at home raising the babies. They want a strong family unit that will raise a good child.
It's the other side that pushes for women to go "be independent" by having sex with strangers at a bar and a career.
If more women hadn't fallen for the "im as good as a man and I don't want to be a wife and mother but a CEO" trap minimum wage would be higher, and people could afford to be single income families.
What I find the most baffling is the impression that childfree women are "lonely" or will be in old age. Because I have so many mom friends who constantly complain about being left "alone" with their children and missing the company of others or time with their partners. There is also no guarantee that your children can or will want to be around you all the time when you are old. There are so many lonely elders, who sit by the phone and wait for a call from their adult kids who have their own family, want freedom or travel the world. Children are not an insurance against loneliness in old age. Buidling strong and lasting relationships and friendships is what helps against loneliness at any age.
this right here. I remember the moment I realized as a young teen that, while my mom was driving me to school, educational programs, group activities, to slumber parties and days playing with other kids at the park - she never had anyone over to visit, she never went out to see anyone, she never called anyone but her mother or sisters (who lived far away) on the phone. She was just...home alone. all day. every day. With no friends. while my (very unpleasant) dad worked 12 hour days to avoid being around his kids. Years later with kids grown and dad finally out of the picture she's a social butterfly with a wide social net and great close friends - a much happier person.
@@iesika7387 I'm glad your mom has a social life now
Except when you get older your friends start dying lol
Exactly most people throw their parents in a nursing home.
Or having cats, dogs or any fellow earthling. lol
The damage of regretting having kids is so much higher than the regret of not having kids. I love children (in measured quantities) and no child should grow up unwanted.
Edit: I mean the damage done to the CHILD. I don’t give a rat’s ass about myself regretting not having kids, but I really, really, REALLY don’t want to hurt a child. As I said, I love kids, they should be cherished and protected, and I don’t think I can give them that.
No both are almost equal
@@alexryan43244 key word, almost.
@@alexryan43244 No they’re not, one effects only the person who made the decision and the other also effects a child and their development which could lead to a lot of mental health issues down the line. I’m one of those children and trust me it’s not fun.
@@alexryan43244Eh. Maybe to you. I wouldn’t cry too hard about it tho.
@@graynus1442Sorry to hear Homie. Kinda cringe how people just kinda view kids as these perfect little creatures and stuff…
It destroys me that men vilify childfree women while being besties with dead beat dads. 🙃
You need better social circles
fun fact dr sues cheated on his wife so much she did the self termanater and he married his mistress right after
Males are hypocrites don’t let any ruin you
dead beat dads that she chose to procreate with...her body her choice correct??
Besties with grapists and abusers too.
When i was the prime age for pregnancy, i was broke, had no healthcare, had no decent partner. I never really had to think deeply about if i wanted children. It was simply impossible. We sure aren't pressuring young men to be father material.
This. I'm 35 and too old now. I've never met a man I would trust with a grocery list or a joint bank account, let alone a baby.
Right. And if you have had children under those circumstances, the same people who chastise you now would have blamed you for being "irresponsible" for conceiving children you didn't have the resources to raise. As a woman you can't win.
Yes!!!
@@verdancyhime EXACTLY....I refuse to do everything including work a full time job on top of it. Men are so damn lazy and only want to play video games like children.
Sadly, we men do also get socially pressured to have families, from parents asking both to be grandparents and for you to be 'less selfish', to society calling childless men 'pathetic'.
We really should change this capitalist society to something more conducive to making child-rearing easy, even when poor.
I thinks it's funny that there's this new label of "child-free woman". Child-free is the default; being a mother should be an active choice.
Exactly, that’s what I always thought!
Its because for the longest time motherhood has been the default
I like it because it has the word free in it lmao
right??? when you google how many people are childfree the first thing you get is "15-19 year old women are the most likely to be childfree". WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN COUNTING 15 YEAR OLDS AS "CHILDFREE WOMEN", WHAT THE FUCK????
good point. it goes to show how systemic that toxic thought process is that i hadnt actually thought or clearly understood that. and how excluded men are from that concept
I had an extremely neglectful upbringing by my mother who I'm sure society pressed into having children because she never enjoyed being a mother and it showed. Even when I tried my best to be the most agreeable and well-behaved kid I could, she still barely ever spoke or acknowledged my existence. It really doesn't matter what society wants because if a woman's heart just isn't in it (being a mother) the child will always feel it.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. People don't even think through the consequences for the child by forcing people to be parents that just don't want to be. I truly hope that you've been able to find friends and community as found family, and maybe have a better relationship with your mother now. Its reasons like this why I really dislike the pressure put on people to have kids, it should be something people truly want to do, not through force
It's so sad and frustrating that people don't seem to understand this. It's like, "once your child is there you'll love them and never regret anything", but I think there are millions and millions who grew up neglected and traumatized because they were born to parents who didn't really want kids, but felt like they "had to". Even people who wanted maybe one or two, but had more, or who wanted children but had less help and support than they needed, and lost themselves in the process.
I totally get you. My mother was the same. It was incredibly damaging. I'm glad more of us are speaking up about this because to many people, we are invisible.
Always!!! I call it being an unwanted child and now and unwanted adult.
An mother sometimes finds ways to neglect her children if she never wanted them, remember that, it's evil to pressure people to breed
I actually think childfree women are MUCH less selfish than the average person having kids. Their argument for having kids is "having someone to take care of me when I'm old", "not dying alone", "not being lonely", "giving my life a purpose", "having a mini me", "passing on my genes". Those are inherently incredibly selfish reasons. Opting out of motherhood, despite knowing how horribly you'll get treated by society, the risk of ending up completely alone esp if you never find a partner who wants the same, facing loneliness and the judgement from your immediate environment all by yourself, ending your bloodline despite wondering how it would be to have a "mini me", because ultimately you know you don't want kids and therefore wouldn't be a fit mother is the most SELFLESS thing you can do.
Exactly, more people need to realize this.
THANK. YOU!!!!!!!!
That was really well put!
They’re not ready for that conversation.
Agreed.
As a mom of 3, I fully support any woman who makes the choice to be child free. If the purpose of the woman's movement is choice, then let's celebrate choice.
We need more women like you and respect you for giving up a part of you for the survival of the spices. And also respecting the choice of staying childfree for women like ourselves.
As a mom of one who has scheduled her tubal removal next month. I support child free sisterhood. Keep the fort sisters don't let society use your womb as a weapon. I have one and I am done. I feel like me and my husband can be good to one child but I doing have mental capacity for the next one. I choose to close it and my husband is planning to get his vasectomy
Currently pregnant mother of one already born child here; I completely agree with you. Having children is a choice, and definitely not one to be taken lightly. People shouldn't feel pressured by society to have children, it should be something you WANT to do. Continue doing what you're happy with, ladies. We all walk different paths and all end up at the same destination anyway.
What a beautiful, empowering response. Thank you for saying this.
We are in a Christian conservative regressive period at the moment. They don’t really like the concept of choice.
Japan: Why won’t women give birth more!?!?
Also Japan: *disrespects a Woman who tried to speak to them…
I'm glad the women in Japan are starting to stand up for themselves. We women hold so much power!
If men want more babies, maybe be desirable to women instead of being annoying assholes :)
Oh but these men don’t actually want babies themselves, they just want to burden women with the task of salvaging their population (like it’s a one person job to get pregnant lol)
That's not really the reason lol, china was hyper patriarchal and yet they've done great in terms of population and civilization, it's a complex issue, but it boils down to industrialization.
Also working hours being so time consuming that one person HAS to stay home and it's usually pushed onto the woman of the house to do so. And so many women have decided they'd rather stay independent with a career.
@butmir China has not done great in terms of population and civilization. Where did you get that from. For one, they had a one child policy for decades due to OVERPOPULATION, and it caused unimaginable pain and suffering to its citizens. Millions of Chinese adoptees, mostly GIRLS, were sent to other countries due to that misogyny. Now, they don't have enough young women to marry all those boys they chose to keep.
Secondly, China's birthrate is currently at an all-time low, even though the one child policy, or even the 2 child policy, is no longer in place. They're actually trying to force their women to have children now. They're currently on the verge of economic collapse due to their record low birth rate.
Thirdly, they did not "do great" in terms of civilization. They're wealth inequality is staggering. With 1% of the China's population possessing 1/3 of the country's wealth. China sold it's citizens out to other countries corporation's as slave laborers working for slave wages in factories/sweat shops under appalling conditions. And that industrialization has poisoned the air in multiple cities, leaving the masses to breath in toxic air.
"High levels of air pollution take a major toll on public health. A study by the Health Effects Institute found that unhealthy levels of PM2. 5 led to roughly 1.42 million premature deaths in China in 2019."
As an adult woman who was the child of a mother who didn't want to have children, I can 100% tell you that it affects the child, too.
I was one of those kids. My mum was told she couldn’t have kids which was just fine by her. Then I turned up. I paid for that. She wasn’t a bad person and didn’t neglect the basics but, emotionally, she was never present. We both suffered.
The real concern should be absentee fathers, domestic violence, and mass sh00tings, cost of living and climate change.
Nah society collpasing seems Like a pretty Important Point
@@marvin2678We don’t cars!
You’re on here replying to every comment thinking you’re so right but you have hundreds of women trying to tell you about the reality. Most of us look at parenthood as something exalted and if we know we know we don’t want to make that sacrifice, that’s okay. We are already so overpopulated anyhow.
and maybe just maybe instead of commenting on every comment, maybe consider pushing for a better climate where women will want to reproduce. No one wants to live in misery.
all this is Woodrow Wilsons fault
When I was 19yo and I told to my family I wasn't going to have kids my relatives told me "You're gonna change your mind". Now I'm 33, haven't changed my mind at all and they still make a surprised Pikachu face every time this topic comes out again. Still, they are the same that neglected me when I was a child... Like, giving birth doesn't make you magically become a *good parent*
🙌🙌🙌 Omg yes! Me tooo!!
I have slowly convinced my mother that I am never going to give birth. Now I just need to slowly convince her I'm not adopting either 😂
I was 14 when I told my parents not to get attached to the idea of being grandparents and I'm 41 now, still happily child free. (Not one-upping here, just reinforcing the sentiment.) I got all the same stuff: You'll regret it, who will take care of you when you're old, you're selfish. From MIL, I want grand babies (she already had 7).
I regret nothing, if I'm selfish so be it. It's just me, my great husband, and our pets. Couldn't be happier.
I'm 19 now and know for sure I don't want children. I've known since I was 11. It's just not for me and I strongly doubt I'll change my mind. I'm already looking into getting sterilized in the next few years because quite frankly pregnancy terrifies me. My extremely religious mother has never believed me when I told her I wanted to be child-free and I'm sure she will throw a massive tantrum when she finds out I actually won't "give" her grandchildren.
My brother wants 4 children, sooo…
He can fulfill the quota for me 😂
I work in the medical field in a small office. One day, my very religious (Russian Muslim) co-worker couldn't not get over that I didn't want to have kids. I was listing him the reasons, the main two being any male child I have will not make it to school age and a pregnancy can kill me due to medical problems. He did not care and kept going off. Finally, my other coworker, a good friend of mine, turned around and yelled at him, "She doesn't want kids. That's the end of it." It shut him up. She turned to me and said, "That's all you have to say, and don't let them walk over you."
Russian citizen here. The pressure to have children in Russia is insane, plus the government wants to prohibit the "child-free ideology", which basically means you won't be able to tell anyone you are child-free.
Of course… Russia has a shrinking population and they need cannon fodder :(
@@PaleJulia sounds like an absolute nightmare I am so sorry.
What nerve. Like his opinion does not matter
He didn’t hear a word you said, did he? Next thing he’s going to try to argue a sterile person into having bio kids, too.
"women aren't having enough children"
there's something to be said about male promiscuity and lack of accountability. There are too many single mothers who's children come from trauma and refuse to procreate. Of course a woman is responsible, so is the man who conveniently removes himself from the picture....
Thats more on women they are the ones who ultimately decide who they procreate with
@Venice C I actually agree with you. Most women are lucky enough to choose their mates and many women have low standards (liking bad boys or fixer upers or just putting out too soon).
But I do agree with the other commenter, because men and women can change or stop pretending or leave at any time without warning
and also it needs 2 to have sex as well
50-50% the responsibility to use protection if you do not want kids OR if you want kids then be an adult and own up to your decisions
@@venicec3310 sure, not the manipulative men
@@venicec3310sure. Because women can see the future now.
I'm a guy and my former coworkers asked if my gf and I will have kids when we get married. the first thing they all say when I tell them no is "you're selfish" or "that seems selfish" and I asked why. they said it's human nature to want to raise a baby and it goes against nature to deny it. I told them it seems more selfish to not be self aware of the world around them and impulsively have kids without the means to provide a good safe environment for them. and they got mad when I said it's especially selfish to think another you should be running around taking up space 😂
It’s none of their goddamn business.
Why do people think they need to replicate themselves and overpopulate the planet? That is way more selfish imo
It's mostly other women who criticize me for my choices. I say "mostly" because one person on TH-cam said I was selfish for not having children because other women would have to birth even more babies to keep the human race going strong. I didn't know whether that person was male or female.
In my humble opinion, I think they're already too many! Oops...I'll probably be flamed for saying that. It may be that a man would think it none of his business.
Misery loves company. They want to be childless and many regret have kids.
Youre aware of the declining birthrate ?
When I was 25, my female co-workers (all haggard mothers and wives) smugly told me "YOU'LL change your mind!" When I was 40, those exact same co-workers said "You are so LUCKY."
Haggard? Women both child-free and not need to learn how to stop seeing the other as "less than"
This is true. The demands of the job burns us all out, actually. Capitalism beats all women down.
i like how you’re judging people while complains about being judged 😂😂 makes perfect sense!
Wanda Sykes had a bit of stand up where she pointed out some parents will complain about their kids then tell you "they're worth it", but not make eye contact when they say that lol.
@@debbieshuaib8467 it’s descriptive observation and it can be a harsh reality. But otherwise I agree with what you say.
I’m always so grateful that my grandmother who was born in 1934 was one of the biggest supporters of women choosing to be child free. She told me a story of one her coworkers who felt pressured into having kids and she told her don’t have kids for anyone but yourself, you’re the one who will be taking care of them and if anyone tells you you’re selfish for not having kids you should come back and say it’s actually more selfish to have kids that you don’t want since kids can always sense when they are wanted and it always affects them to some extent. RIP to my amazing grandmother and a woman ahead of her time.
My great grandmother was exactly the same and so are my grandparents. I was so lucky because I felt like it was going to cause them some hurt after things you hear being said but my whole family were so nonchalant and the consensus was pretty much …yeah? So what lol. Obviously they didn’t say that but my Grandy (my closest person in my life and like a father to me) said to me “darling, follow your heart and your dreams, you can do anything and be anyone as long as you stay as my loving first born beautiful granddaughter” I remember those words so well because for me to raise that with him was the scariest feeling as I knew he would absolutely dote on them.
They now have 6 great grandchildren so they aren’t missing out!!
Based grandma
Queen
Advice back then: "Don't feel pressured into having kids"
Advice now: "Don't have kids because you'll be miserable" LMAO
Your grandma was amazing! I wish there were more women like her, both then and now.
There's two things that we shouldn't forget.
1.- When they say that women have to have children, they mean that they should also be in a heterosexual marriage. Never be a single and/or gay mother.
2.- They never talk about maternal regret. "Oh, you are going to have a miserable and lonely death". Bro, as if women who hate being mothers to the point of wanting to die didn't existed.
Edit: For the people crying in the replies "Gay couples shouldn't have children, they're are going to confuse them 😭", besides the fact that i disagree with that statement (as far as I'm aware, children grow up fine so long as they have both emotional and financial support at the same time), that wasn't even what i was talking about. Your point is completely irrelevant with what i was trying to say, because what i meant was to show how conditional the "women must have children" crowd truly is. What's a lesbian woman supposed to do if said crowd insists she has to have children, but don't want her to raise them alone, nor alongside another woman? Is she supposed to be forced to marry a man? If the answer to anyone reading this is "yes", get the hell out of here.
Good point!
Very true!
not to leave out the parents that commit when they have multiple kids. apparently the kids life wasn’t good enough.
Gay mothers do badly with children check yourself lol.
@Angela-vu9tt They really don't, and it's disgusting that they want to claim they corner the market on love just because they pushed out a bunch of kids, meanwhile some of those kids will never speak to their parents once they're able to get out from under their thumbs, or more people are abused and turn to drugs and other stuff to numb the pain because they were born to people who were obligated to have them- as the child of one such person I know. I'm full of anger and hatred towards my mother because she was forced to have me and she resented my existence, and I'm having to go to therapy and re-parent myself because she and my stepdad failed me so miserably. But these types don't care about quality of life, just quantity, and it makes me sick. They live in their own delusional world where all women want kids and/or will magically fall in love with them every single time and be happy with the situation, like a fairy tale.
My mother works at a nursing home. I ask her, “how often do people visit their elderly?” Her response is always, “maybe once a month if their lucky. But typically people don’t visit their relatives very often. It’s rare.”
I say this as people always carry on with, “but who will take care of you when you get old?” News flash, I’ll be in a nursing home like you and everyone else. Even if I did have kids they will be busy with their own lives and would see me only occasionally. It’s not like they will be there everyday waiting on me hand and foot.
Exactly. And honestly. I'd rather die alone in a home than be a burden to someone 💁♀️
A nursing home honestly always sounded fun to me. It is like college for old people 😂
@@la6136I've had that thought so many times visiting my grandparents they used to live in a really fancy one before pandemic
There was so much to do and so many activities and interesting people who hung out together all day
D!e alone my ass! 😆😸
My grandma was one of the few who had constant visitors- my family made sure someone saw her every 2-3 days. The nursing home was quite shocked and said we broke all prior visit records.
Almost everyone else in the nursing home never saw their families, or only on holidays. Your chances of being my grandma are super low.
Just a reminder to folks (whomever, not specifically OP!) that you can be a volunteer, to visit with folks at retirement homes to offer some respite. If you have a very well-trained pet that can visit for them to pet & admire, or talent/skill with playing an instrument (or maybe the pet knows some fun tricks to entertain cutely!), or just sitting with people and chatting. And there's certainly enrichment via activities like teaching/doing various crafts, chair yoga, dances, gentler activities like chess, go, mahjong, or card games, and the list goes on. I hope folks will at least consider the idea, though I know full well that the world is on fire and we can't afford our basic needs. But just tossing that idea out there.
_And_ if you have grandparents or elderly parents, please call them & visit them more, if there's not a wedge there - boundaries are boundaries! Stay safe. And if you have an elderly neighbour, especially of they live alone but even if they have a partner, please show them kindness (unless you have reason not to - mind safety) and engage if they want to chat, if you have the time. Loneliness sucks, and coping with the problems that come with aging. It's nice to have a positive relationship with the people around where you live, work, stay. I've met some really sweet people around here and by family & what not. Really kind, interesting people who remember me when they see me out walking, and they say, "Hello, [𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓴]!" One neighbour drives a big truck & kinda just lightly bips the horn, but he waits til he's past me to do it, not right behind me, so as not to startle me (he never did; just his niceness), and gives a big, friendly wave. And sometimes he stops & opens the window to say hello & ask me how I'm doing, just politely checking in on me. It's sweet how many do, and although there are a very few folks who seem grumpy, not everyone has to like me or want me around, and anyway, I don't know their story, so I just mind their boundaries and haven't had conflict.
I'm rambling, sorry. My point is, just do what you can, and be nice to people. (Y'all surely are already. I'm just explaining the obvious, kind of a habit!)
Cheers!
Edit: WOW. Just wow.
Let me clarify a few things since y'all are speculating so much about a stranger on the internet who made a simple comment on a video.... I am single, not solitary. I'm not a misanthropic hermit living alone in the woods. I am not alone by any stretch of the imagination. Nearly my entire family lives within a 20 minute drive from my home. My siblings have children, and I adore my 3 nephews and my niece. I don't dislike kids. I made a conscious decision not to have any.
I have a bunch of very close friends as well.
I have a cat because I love cats. I adopted him off the street. I don't have a cat because of some biological "women need to nurture" bullshit. That's just, well, bullshit.
I have a fulfilling life. I don't have to have kids or a partner to have a good life. I'm not worried about being a lonely old lady some day in the distant future because I make connections in my community.
It ain't that deep.
I'm 40, single, child free, and perfectly happy about it. Zero regrets.
I love to hear it!
I do have an exceptionally spoiled cat, though. 🐈⬛
@@anulydal I'd say that's even better!
Same, sis.
Almost 31 now and I feel the same 😁
Had an upbringing marked by abuse and neglect, so I'm unmaternal A lot of people who become parents are utterly incompetent and abusive. Direct your anger at them, not childless women.
Spot on! People who had/have kids always seem to feel like they did the world a favor by bringing life to this world, yet how those kids were raised is never questioned. We have a lot of broken adults in society due to broken childhoods.
Bingo!
A large lack of emotional intelligence really
I can barely get by, just taking care of myself. There is no way I'm having kids. It would be reckless and unfair for everyone involved.
Oooh god, this exactly.
My parents are emotionally unstable wrecks, and i’m one too.
I like kids, I love to babysit, but I could never raise an emotionally happy person, and I don’t really want to.
We see the horrible results of parental neglect and regret frequently. The default question should be why did you decide to have kids?
Or why do you want kids?
This right here. I really wish people would stop worrying about those who don't have kids and don't have them, and worry a bit more about those who don't want kids but DO have them.
The hate we receive for not having kids comes from pure jealousy. Any person who's really happy with their lives as parents wouldn't be mad at someone for choosing not to have kids, the ones who are mad are the misery loves company type.
Preach! 👏❤️👏❤️👏❤️
Exactly!
Some parents will gang up against ppl who chose not to breed like a pack of hyenas... sometimes their jealousy makes them extremely dangerous.
No youre Just egoistic
@@marvin2678 not as egotistic as a person who literally thinks that the world needs a bunch of little copies of themselves though 🤣
I had a baby 5 weeks ago and no one talks about the mental and physical trauma of childbirth. I think women have wised up to the reality to having children, I had an emergency c section and I will have physical and mental ramifications from what happened for the rest of my life.. I spoke up about what it's really like to have a child and I've been met with essentially shut up put up, whens the next one? I'm done. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, sleep deprivation is torture and a newborn is no joke. If the average person knew what they were in for, they wouldnt do it.
Thank you for your comment, please don’t stop being honest about motherhood, because people seem to think it’s way easier than it actually is. As someone who was heavily parentified as a teen up until now, tasked with fixing relationships between grown adults as a young child, and given the responsibility of assisting parents with every single thing - I am burnt tf out. I don’t have kids but I think I need a long break and live my life for myself selfishly before I make up my mind about kids. I have time to decide, but women like you give women like me a well needed reality check.
Thank you once again
@@Thufferinthuckotash Thanks, if you ever have any questions regarding birth and the reality of being a parent I'm happy to answer them
It's so true, becoming a mother requires a lot of changes and there's a lot of unknown. Please keep speaking your truth when you can, and hopefully others will follow. Also hoping that you have a strong support network around you and that you get a chance to rest, congrats on becoming a mom!
Thank you for sharing your story and your honesty. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry that others dismiss your feelings. To bring another human into the world is a huge responsibility and I believe that women need to know the good and the bad in order to decide if it's right for them. Hiding the bad aspects of the experience is dishonest and potentially creates mothers who are resentful and the children suffer because of it.
So sorry to hear how you've suffered, hoping the future looks brighter for you soon. You're so right, rarely do we see media or content or takes that are made by and for women, discussing the harsh realities of childbirthing. Your story reminds me of my Mom and my aunt, who respectively underwent a physically-traumatic life threatening birth (with my sister) and severe suicidal post-natal depression that last years. Both of their harrowing experiences make me sure I never want to risk or go through with a pregnancy, I've had enough health problems and depressions in my life without it.
"who will take care of me when I'm old?"
"Me, with the money I saved from not having kids. Me, and the rich community filled with people who CHOSE to be around me, not people who feel burdened by me. Me, and the company I built from the ground up! Me, and the hundreds of kids, that will by then be adults that I've helped during my career. Me and my family, the family that still exists whether you yourself have kids or not. Most people are so wrapped up in their immediate family, they don't have as much time to bond with extended family.
Kids do not owe you ANYTHING. The whole purpose of having them is FOR THEM, not for yourself!
I wish people would realize this bare minimum decency by now.
Oof
My mother hates her demanding and critical and judgmental mother (my grandmother), who neglected her growing up and hated being a mother herself. Now my mother and me have to care for this woman in old age, and it's a fraught, tense, hostile and empty relationship, because my grandmother was pressured into having kids she didn't want and took it out on my mom all her life. Now my mother is basically waiting impatiently for my grandmother to die and leave her in peace at last, it's an emotional burden and toll on her to give this elder care. It wasn't worth it.
You're not going to have company when you get older, what are you talking about?
@@Slavkleossays the troll who likes their own comment because they are so desperate for approval and validation 🙄
I actually had a male coworker who told me that it was a woman's duty to give her husband a son to carry on his name. When I told him I couldn't have children and my husband and I didn't want kids anyway he replied "have you considered divorcing your husband so that he could marry a girl who could give him a son?" I wish I was joking.
Did he say why your husband's name needed to be carried on?
@@mobranch3678 just the same misogynistic crap about not letting *his* name die out, giving *him* his legacy, giving *his* parents grandbabies, etc. I had real issues with the man that ended up going all the way to corporate because of inappropriate jokes and comments.
@@meemurthelemur4811 ..dude sounds disturbed. 😅Remarkable how some people can take themselves seriously.
Btw have you hinted wondering if he's on something? (other than the sad stuff in his head that is. Kind concerns are hard to wash off.) Either way it's great you dealt with it! So important to not let people get away with inappropriate behaviour.
@@cp_honey no, he wasn't on anything. He was just an antisemitic pig who didn't like that I'm Jewish and my husband wasn't. After threatening the company with a lawsuit through Equal Employment he ended up getting fired. The company initially tried brushing it off as "well he's a senior citizen, so he came from a 'different time'." He had a lot of "traditional Christian values."
I would have laughed and laughed, then told him the hypo kid would've gotten my name anyway just to piss him off.
Ppl with kids want you to have them so you can be as miserable as they are. It baffles me that ppl are worried about a uterus that they'll never have access to. Some of us like disposable income and uninterrupted afternoon naps.
"Women aren't having enough children!" they screamed as the world population passes 8 billion
But seriously absolutely STELLAR video on this topic. I just discovered your channel and immediately subscribed.
"No, not that color!"
"We love children so much!"
*also makes it so that you can barely afford to look after them, the foster system being barely able to work and there's a chance they could get killed in school literally any time*
@Luna P Exactly. I'm very pale, and I love telling the idiots who exhort me to make white babies that I'm Italian and Spanish and there's a solid chance the kid could come out very dark.
@@luna-p yeah exactly
And a total of over 100 billion people have existed. It ridiculous people want more. I do not see myself being happy with kids and I never will. And there's already a bunch of women who are willing to make kids but some guys want ALL women to make kids. It's awful and dehumanizing. I hope I can find a doctor who'll tie up my tubes without thinking about an imaginary man.
As a father, I can say that women who choose not to have children are fully empowered to make that choice. Children are a HUGE responsibility, and you sacrifice all that you are to care for them. Too many times, those who are not prepared to have children seem to have them most often.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙌🙌🙌 THIS! THANK YOU!
It is NOT a sacrifice. Nothing should be one. When you are READY to have kids you already have SPARE energy, time, ect. to have them in the first place. This is why it is not a chore.
I agree with the rest of your comment.
At least 80% of the people i know got kids because they were either grew up in a toxic house hold where they are pressured to have them or that they do not know much about protection. Both are horrible reasons. Kids are never a burden and our bodies are ONLY OURS. NOBODY should do anything to anyone else that they do not wish upon themselves either!(meaning the pressure here)
@Steph D it shouldn't be, but we all know that it is. That is simply the reality. Even if you are 'ready' to have children, you are making sacrifices, however small.
thank you
@@cosmicreef5858I don't know where you are from, but sacrificing for your kids to have a better life is a VERY common occurrence. They are people who are entirely dependent on you, that means sacrifices big or small will be necessary. I do agree it should be when you are ready, but from my experience and everything I know, that is rarely the case.
My friend got pregnant while working, is married, and works in Finance in a top-tier equity firm. In her 8 years of employment, she made the firm approx $48M. They fired her. Why? They felt she wasn't as committed since she had her last child. To clarify, all of her performance reviews were "performing above expectations". They gave her a raise and promoted her without training. Gave her 1 poor review AND PUT HER ON A PIP. They then gave her a "voluntary break" offer (this is legal approach that avoids being sued for gender discrimination). This voluntary break from the firm required her to train her replacement to get her severance. So, the child penalty is very, very real. Her husband received no change in the perception of his performance with the birth of children.
He has not met his performance goals in 20 years.
He's been promoted 3 times. I am not making this up.
Wow, that's heartbreaking and sad! We who live in developing countries had a different notion about Europe. But it seems gender discrimination at work is a worldwide pandemic!
I know someone aswell who got let go because she was pregnant. She works in a different type of industry now. But you see how un woman friendly the world is. Most jobs are still men centric so yeah.
You know what people's reactions to me not wanting children as well as the overturning of Roe v Wade makes me feel like? Less than a person. Childfree men aren't questioned or judged the same way, when they choose not to have children it's just their choice. I'm an individual, with my own thoughts and wants, this is my life, my body. Why on earth is that so hard to understand?
Narcisism is not defined by a woman living free with out oppression or coerced/forced natal slavery. Narcisism is the men trying to say women r not human and these men r actually saying women r selfish for not slaving for men. Men r narcissistic to enslave and oppress women for thousands of years. Us choosing freedom isn't comparable. Also y r men allowed to b narcissists but women r not? That's not equality. Some women r capable of raising kids but choose to raise grown adults instead. It's clearly necessary for women to b world mom's. Meanwhile plenty of women r miserable with kids or alone when they're old even tho they had kids. Trust me when I say men j want a nanny or mammy. That's y they're shaming u. The reason men don't understand women's purpose besides breeding like animals is cuz we hvnt been free for thousands of years. Women's purpose was nvr to breed much. We nvr needed war or replacement or civilization the way men built it off the backs of women and lack of safety for us (r@pe DV femicide) we r supposed to be world leaders world mom's and teach men especially. Predophiles r the reason for the push in high places cuz they rly want us to breed their supply. Kids don't stay young forever.
Women only regret it cuz society makes them think they do.. ppl can rly get in ppls head with repetition yk? They always r trying to find ways to continue to oppress women psychological operations and force and abuse.
PREAAAAACH!
It's really mentally draining when your value as a human being is solely based on your reproduction
Nothing else matters about you unless it positively or negatively affects the womb
I really despise this mindset and makes me wish I was born as anything else else but a human woman (like damn why couldn't I be a plant and chill until some sheep decides I was its lunch)
While my country vastly differs in laws and culture but the views on reproduction/women is still mostly the same so I really do feel for you
@@Moon1tan I distinctly remember when I was a little girl and people started pointing out the things I wasn't supposed to do or "couldn't" do because I was a girl. At some point people just started making the distinctions between boys and girls like this is what's expected of you because you're female and this is the life you're going to have and these are the things you can't do etc. When it dawned on me what the world was really like it made me so angry, I remember thinking "I'm a person God damn it!" When I told my grandma that I didn't want children she told me I have to, that that's just the way it is. She was very bitter about her life, in her time she really didn't have many choices and she missed out on living the life she wanted. I felt sorry for her so I didn't argue with her. I'm with you on being sheep food, this world is f in stupid!
@Melissa Witt in my experience when I said that to my mom or aunts, its not that they were bitter per se but rather genuinely believed that as a women there's no way for me to function without marriage or children
But either way they think I should and there's no changing their minds on the matter
And it sucks because marriage isn't exactly a choice for women here, rather an obligation and it can be enforced unfortunately so at this point it's just a matter of time for me unfortunately
There is no one reason, not ONE where having kids is "less selfish." It's always, "pass on my genetics," "I want a mini me", blah blah.
One of the arguments I hate the most on this topic is "I want to experience being pregnant", because that's what creates "the bond" with your child. Which to me feels SO insulting to parents who adopt and adopted children as well.
Not to mention that being a person who grew up with her biological mother, let me tell you, that "magical bond of love" does not exist...
@@miaferrari958 FACTS. My mom envisioned me to be what she wasn't - a popular, blonde cheerleader. Literally it was that shallow. Spoiler! Not me. And all our "hang outs" involve stupid beauty regiments like getting our nails done. FFS. Take me shooting. Take an interest in my guitar playing. Take an interest in ME as my own HUMAN. WIth my own THOUGHTS and TALENTS.
@@miaferrari958 And it's also not what creates the bond, sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, what creates the bond is actually taking care of the child and oxytocin, nobody needs to be a biological parent to have a bond.
Most of the reasons are selfish, but there are some which are not. For instance the desire to somebody care and attention. After you come with all those amazing ideas about how you can make your child feel loved and respected, it seems sad not to bring that into world. Also if you have a partner which you thing would make a good parent that could be selfless motivation as well: Like ‘OMG I so they would raise such a wonderful person and I totally want to help that come true.’ But yeah, most of the time, it’s the good old one ‘I want such cute bundle too’.
"We're not raising the minimum wage. Ever lol. Get fucked."
"Okay i guess i won't have kids then cause i won't be able to afford to feed both of us"
"WAIT NO-"
like they really still expect women to choose death over just NOT giving birth. It's insane.
Raising the minimum wage, especially at this point, would just make it so that businesses can't afford to hire as many employees, at least not without raising their prices accordingly. It really wouldn't make life more livable for anyone.
This comment 🤣
You're absolutely right, and unfortunately far too many in our society don't realize that we will either have to alter our economy and find a way to make it more conducive to population growth, or be happy with immigration.
@@nicholauscrawford7903 so businesses should be able to let their employees work three jobs and still struggle? If poor billionaire Jeff Bezos can’t afford to pay a fair wage, he should go out of business.
@@batmansmith7422 Raising the minimum wage would mostly harm small businesses. Unions in big corporations often have their own set of corrupt tendencies, like mandatory membership and gouging via union dues. At some point in the hiring process, workers voluntarily agree to the wages, salary, etc. Negotiating wages is part of the labor market determining the general level of employee wages. No business is ultimately sustainable if they are forced to pay too much over the actual value they're getting from any given employee's work. No one would have work at all if entrepreneurs didn't set out and take the risk and investment to start businesses in the first place.
It's almost like we see how our own mothers were treated by society and their husbands and decided we didn't want that.
The only woman more disrespected then a woman whose child free is a mother.
Omg they are treated the worst, and they admit that...if they have husband's, they end up doing all the housework while still giving 50% of the income
I saw a mum saying how her kids don't respect her at all I swear it's a thankless job
@@fredahwiwu5219 female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via baby dolls, strollers and easy bake ovens... male offspring are programmed to play play play and sow their seeds all over the world... it's extremely difficult to break the programming.
Thats why women Always ACT egoistic and will lead to societies collapse
Not really. A mother gets aid from the government. A childfree single woman gets nothing. Try getting sick without a partner or kid and see how many people come to help you. (HINT: zero.)
@@keplersdream901 that's laughably false
Your husband and kids will be the *least* likely and able to help you!
That's why strong adults friendships and community are important because your without those people who are actually capable and caring you are screwed
I’m a single mother. I got pregnant at 19. Now that I’m 29 and am trying to date, so many men want kids and I don’t want to have more kids. They don’t understand how traumatizing it is to be a single parent, especially those first couple of years. There’s no way I can go through that again.
Also, a lot of my married friends do more work than I do around their homes because their husbands cause so much extra work. I’ve been told by all of married friends that they’re jealous of me doing it on my own. They see that I’m more relaxed, I have more time to workout and eat well, I focus all my attention on my child it’s not split between a husband and a couple of kids.
It isn't. Traumatizing to have kids WITHOUT your consent IS.
Also it is disgusting that they claim to want kids but never the ones who did not share some genes with him. WHO CARES?
If you can not love a kid for his/her own then you do not deserve ANY.
I don't think they actually want the kids. They want YOU TO HAVE THEIR KIDS. Once you do then they're the same type that will say to another person"you got pregnant" like you did that to yourself and how you trapped them with a baby and they just wish they were free. For many males having kids isn't about raising a child into the best human possible but trapping the woman that had that kid into a life of slavery. Don't get me wrong, there are great loving fathers out there that really do an amazing job being parents. Problem is that anyone rushing to talk "children" as a male in the basic stages of dating is really looking to trap the woman so she can be his mommy too.
It's your fault you got pregnant at 19 Katie
@@felixputz5190How is that related? Like she never said it wasn't her fault.
Yup guys are usually messy.
I am a 25 year old and I am a birth mother. When I was 20, I placed my son with a beautiful homosexual couple who are upper middle because I knew I could not provide a stable and healthy life at the time. I have never regretted my decision, even though I have been cyber and publicly shamed for “giving away my baby.” It’s better than having one I cannot afford. I believe I did the most selfless option. Because I had time to work on myself in therapy I am a more well rounded person and I know he’ll be proud of me one day.
I wish adoption was more common. He is a perfect happy lil boy who has an army of love behind him. #adoptionislove
I cannot have kids, I rly hope I'm able to foster or adopt someday.
Exhibit # 23154 as to why it's purely about control, with the woman at home with a husband and child(ren) with these psychotic authoritarian types. Even if you did the textbook "just give it up for adoption!" decision it is still not good enough for some people. Other commenters have said they adopted and have been told that they should have given birth. It's disturbing that we walk among these people, and you'd never know they see you as livestock to breed until they open their mouths.
This just proves time and again it's just about control. People (men in general and women who struggled similarly) want to force women to struggle, to somehow raise a good person with limited resources. And when they bash you they think they're making a service to the world.
@@puddinpants5790 The adoption argument is one that boils my blood when the Ab*rtion topic is discussed. I looked up the stats on how many abortions there were, and if we forced every woman to carry to term, there'd be almost an extra 800,000 babies in the U.S. with the potential for most to be brought up in homes who didn't want/couldn't afford them or be put up for adoption. (There's almost 800,000 LESS abortions today than there was in 1980- imagine that a woman choosing NOT to have a child thru abstinence, birth control, etc. MIGHT have had an impact on that number!!)
Plus, adoption itself is GROSSLY expensive. It's easily $12,000-50,000 for adoption fees/costs due to admin costs, background checks, home inspections, etc. I have two adopted cousins I babysat until they were 3 years old, and I remember being 18 and hearing their parents say it was $35,000 to adopt ONE of them. :[
I feel like, if for whatever reason abortion wasn't an option (no judgement here, to each their own) and someone knew they couldn't care for the child and it could end up being taken into care, the very best thing for everyone involved, but especially the child, is adoption. I don't think it's selfish to want to make sure a child has the very best chance at a decent, normal life. It could be different if there were lots of children who never get adopted, which does happen with older children and that kind of demonstrates my point that early intervention is key, or if someone was recklessly getting pregnant because they knew they could just pass the buck, but the reality is that there are far more people out there who desperately want to adopt than there are people giving their children up for adoption. Also, all of those potential adoptive parents have been very carefully vetted to make sure they can offer a child the best, unlike a lot of people who just have children because they can and end up dragging up little criminals or deeply troubled children. I think putting someone else's needs before your own will always be selfless, and that putting a child before yourself is the ultimate expression of that.
Okay so I’m 41, black woman and married to 43 white male. No kids. Living very comfortably. People literally jaw drop when we say don’t want kids. The response is always the same “What? Why not??? But your kids would be so beautiful!!!” Yeah or they could be ugly as sin. We want to pay off our home and retire early. That’s our goal, not to see if we can make a “cute biracial baby”. I wish people could just respect others choices without injecting their rather aggressive opinions.
pressuring people to have kids is already awful but fetishizing children who don’t exist is another layer. ugh. happy for you and your partner knowing what you want and sticking to it!
I am a child free woman, and i respect your choice 100%
But biracial kids are 100% the most adorable babies ever, never met an ugly one in my life. 🥰
I want to cuddle one and then after 25 minutes give it back to the parents cause that's enough baby interaction for days😂😂😂
@@sparklysapphic2556 thank you! I really appreciate that.
@@bgos4727 OK, they are cute, but I’m not trying to prove it. I love kids but I also love giving them back as well! 😆👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
@@larrenlistens 😂😂😂
The MEN are furious😂 stay strong ladies. The comments are seething on ig of shaming women for "being alone." Yes, that's the point. What I didn't know is that it's global. I love it.
I'm not furious, some women want to have it, some don't.
Almost feels like yall are being childfree not because you care but because you get some satisfaction out of making people mad.
Like you like the attention even if it's negative lol
@@LancesArmorStriking just say you don’t like to see women win and feel good about themselves. it’s okay, you’re not the only person who feels that way
@@iamz_mbie
"win" so you see this as a game, a contest? Childfree, more like childlike😂
I'm js it's weird that these women who are so unbothered take time out of their day to think about all the men that are FUMING😡😡😡 at how much of a girlboss they are!!!
To the point where some are making whole videos about it
Someone really content with their choice wouldn't need to do all that. So why do you?
@@LancesArmorStrikingwomp womp
I’m nearly 60 and never wanted kids. The backlash and vitriol I got from my family and society when I was younger was astonishing just for being happily childless. It seems to be less demonized nowadays than it was in the 70’s and 80’s, but it’s still seen as controversial for us women for some reason.
It's quite sad to know that 40 years later not a lot has changed.
@@lunam.9640good
@@lunam.9640thanks Muslims
Because ITS inherently egoistic
@@marvin2678yet it will never be as egotistical as someone who has to procreate mini versions of themselves because they can't love a being they didn't help biologically reproduce
Get over yourself man
Why do you care if others are selfish and other people don't want kids?
You don't have a say in other people's lives
Why are you here?
You want nothing productive to add to the conversation
Hit the road jack
The idea that the traditional family is a way to provide a sense of comfort to men is so on point. I've seen countless religious messages about how women should take on a traditional housewife roll *for men*. That she should let him lead the family *for men* so that they can feel in control and proud of themselves. It's constantly framed as "women should make a conscious choice to step back and let the man shine" and it baffles me how people can so openly say that women should do this while simultaneously pretending it's "the natural way of things". Clearly it isn't, or we wouldn't have to make so much effort to enforce this dynamic.
Why are women so rebellious yeah ur right it’s unnatural
My fiancé shines and I love it because he takes care of me and everything else. My life is soft now. I go shopping, do my hobbies and sleep in everyday
Agreed that it isn't natural or there wouldn't be a constant stream of propaganda about the joys of motherhood and marriage. The thing is though, that civilization needs at least a replacement population. That cannot come from immigrants from Guatemala.
@@kareno7848 People fleeing duress are still people. Why can't immigrants fulfill the same needs as citizens in a country? Is that not the whole premise of American history? Is America not supposedly a story of immigrants, as no one but Native Americans are actually from here?
Original sin brought a curse upon all women. It is natural for sinful women today to hate God and His ways because they would rather listen to Satan, who deceived them in the first place...
Genesis 3:1 KJV - Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
Genesis 3:16 KJV - Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Another "fun" reaction I tend to get: when I tell people I don't want children, they tell me to reconsider. But when I tell them I am disabled, they agree with me on not having children. Ableism.
My wife gets the same treatment, even with her view on kids being: if she were a dog she would eat the puppies.
Oh god, that’s horrible… I’m so sorry you hear that from people. People can be awful. :(
calling them 'people' is an overstatement
every time i think 'i dont want to pass on my epilepsy' i want to punch myself in the jaw because thats eugenics shit, but i dont want my kids to suffer... its not even from any stigma or shame, its about not wanting to put another life through the same neurological hell as i have, or worse :'(
wow what the fuck, that’s horrible
Reasons why a woman doesn’t have kids:
1. None of your business
2. None of your business
3. None of your business
And
4. None of your business
ITS Our all buisnness
@@marvin2678no it's not you sick weirdo
@@marvin2678No it NOT
5. None of your business
6. None of your business
7. None of business
8. None of your business
Yeah but that doesn't really explain anything nor get anything done I could see this if you were asked by someone you don't know or will obviously treat it like it's wrong then I don't get why an explanation is unthinkable.
“Who will take care of you when you’re older?! You’ll die alone!!!” Dude…go into any hospice center and ask them where the f**k their kids are now…I’m so sick of this argument. Not a single parent I know of is taken care of by their kids unless those kids DECIDED TO REMAIN CHILDLESS OR ARE OLD ENOUGH TO NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN CHILDREN.
I'm helping take care of my mother right now (dementia) I guarantee that anyone who asks that has never done it, because if they had they would understand how foolish they sound
I am my mom’s primary caregiver. I have children but the ONLY way I can do this is because I don’t work for money outside the house. My husband makes enough so that we can live simply and I can focus on caring for our kids and my mother. Many people do not have this choice.
or the fact that they do NOT owe you ANYTHING
YOU have kids FOR THE KIDS! They are NOT you, not a clone of you. They are an INDIVIDUAL with their OWN mind, life, emotions.
Even if you treat them well they do not need to take care of you. Personally i would not want my kids to do that since i want them to live their lives! I do not want to be a burden.
People need to CHOSE if they want to be there for you or not.
Yeah I work in a dementia care home and only a few clients have regular visitors :(
My mother hates her demanding and critical and judgmental mother (my grandmother), who neglected her growing up and hated being a mother herself. Now my mother and me have to care for this woman in old age, and it's a fraught, tense, hostile and empty relationship, because my grandmother was pressured into having kids she didn't want and took it out on my mom all her life. Now my mother is basically waiting impatiently for my grandmother to die and leave her in peace at last, it's an emotional burden and toll on her to give this elder care. It wasn't worth it.
So, can someone explain why surviving on your own instead of drowning under children is selfish?
because our bodies belong to society as a whole and refusing to use them to create more 'society' is offensive ;)
@Soldat Intelectual I mean, perhaps, but a lot of adults without kids still end up helping out with their family and friends' kids, and give inheritances and knowledge to kids they take under their wing. You don't have to be a parent yourself to be an important figure to a kid and a support for them.
@soldatintelectual6544 You don't have to procreate yourself to share resources and pass on the torch. Hell science is pretty sure things like homosexuality in animals and some animals/people being born infertile are natural population controls, and they can pass on MORE resources because they don't have their own offspring competing for what resources there are. It can be safer to commit resources to helping raise a few offspring than it is to keep having offspring and spreading those resources too thin. So maybe get off your high horse and let people live their own lives? I seriously don't understand people like you, why do you care so much what a complete stranger does with their body? You're not gonna help them raise the kid, why do you care so much if they reproduce or not?? Make it make sense.
@Soldat Intelectual What if they are horrible parents? What if their kids get beat and or abused? You only care about children when they are born. You don't care about how they are treated, or even give 2 shits about abuse.
we need more workers to throw into the capitalist meatgrinder, its selfish because youre looking out for whats best for you and yours, what about daddy Bezos who needs souls to steal? hows he going to keep going into space if he runs out of people to exploit? Pls think of daddy Bezos too
As someone who is a little older, I can tell you I have no regrets about never having children. I knew when I was a kid I did not want to have kids, but I had to make it until around age 35 before people really believed me and would not say things like, oh you'll meet someone and get married and want kids. Never understood why so many just could not accept I did not want kids. I didn't bug them about choosing to have kids. But I didn't let it get to me.
I remember the 80s and the pressure on women to "have it all" marriage, children, career. So silly, each person has to make their own decisions on what they want out of life, and not everyone wants the same thing...and that's ok.
Just one thing I wanted to mention about Roe v Wade - I am an American, and Roe v Wade was a federal law; so that puts the abortion issue back to each state. So you would need to look at the law in each state to see where the abortion law stands.
I'm very glad to hear that, but so frustrating that it took until 35 for people to respect your decision and stop saying those sorts of things!
Yeah that "have it all" pressure was bs, it's still so prevalent today, I see it quite a bit with my gen x colleagues internalising it still.
Ah, thanks for the clarification, being state by state makes it more challenging to quickly cover. The things I've been seeing getting "rolled back" by certain states has been terrifying, all because of Roe V Wade being repealed
It's interesting how that kind of pressure is never put on a man.
And then you have blatantly anti constitutional laws in Texas where you can sue someone for helping someone in Texas get an abortion even out of state.
People who want/have kids will never truly understand how it feels not to want a kid. I have no warm feelings of longing when I see babies, most of the times I feel nothing, unless the baby is really cute, but even that is more like a puppy type cute feeling instead of the feeling actual mothers must feel towards small human offspring. I am 30 now (I knew I did not want kids around the age 17) and I feel like in the past 5 years I've heard it all - you will regret it, it will be too late, you will be lonely, who will take care of you when you're older, to whom you will leave your property, for whom I are you working and making savings for, it's a womans function to make babies, you were born to do this, women give birth all the time, you will change your mind, you must meet the right man first, it's your purpose in life. Honestly, some of those things are really upsetting to hear; no because they're hurtful but because these people who are supposedly close to me are basically questioning my mental capacity to make that decision.
People refuse to believe that "having it all" means different things to different people. So what if tht means living alone being able to comfortably afford anything u want?? Sounds phenomenal to me, as someone with a womans body
My dad, a misogynist, mistakenly said to me, I was 26,"You have to have children to prove you are a woman." To him: "No"
Freak him out say you identify as a man…
They always speaking on womanhood like they know something!
And to his sons you have to bang a lot of women to prove you are a man.
hey. hey can i just talk to your dad. enraged woman to man. i just wanna talk to him
Tell you dad "Hey! I'm already a woman at birth did you study biology?"
Children know when they’re not wanted with a whole heart and soul. I don’t wish that on any child, so if a woman knows herself, I believe her.
Exactly. Thank you!
People forget of children's rights and wellbeing in regards to this manner
Yup...I'm adopted and def unwanted cause my parents wanted an accessory not an actual human being. A child seen not heard and f all if it develop its own personality.
What I don't understand is why some people think it's immature to not want children. What's immature about that?
I doubt Jordan Peterson would call men who don't want to father children either delusional or immature. What is immature and irresponsible is not using contraception and conceiving or fathering children you don't want.
Nothing, but they'll claim that because it's what they were told, and on and on.
I don't think it is inherently immature. But in my very anecdotal experience the one woman I know well who doesn't want children is incredibly immature. Haha. I know other childfree by choice women on more of an acquaintance basis and they seem to be perfectly capable and respectable people.
We're taught that our dreams and passions don't matter. We need to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids then die. That's the set path.
The old ways of humanity says that forming a family is a sign of maturity - you're now an adult! A responsable person in charge of your own family!
...Of course that's not how it really works, and at this point, these people are incapable to find proper excuses, so they'll say whatever nonsense just to "prove" their point.
As a woman who has children, I just don't understand the hate that women who choose to be child free attract. It's their CHOICE!! Leave them be!!!
Beach cause that choice comes with a cost and that is not sustainable on large scale dumb 🤡 ass system or society won't survive this and would collapse
Mother should be priorities over child less wo men
Pro-life is a subtle way of saying anti-woman. It’s not about the baby, at all. The idea is to control what women (and girls) can do. About half of 15 yr old mothers are with someone 4+ years older. We should be changing what these adult cis men do, not what choices the child can or cannot make after she’s impregnated.
It is and they’re not even shy to admit it sometimes
@@MysteryExodusloool gaslighting much?
pro life people are always against welfare. its not pro life. its anti abortion. they don't care about starving babies or people going homeless and getting their kids taken away.
@@MysteryExodust IS about controlling women honey boo boo ass b****
@@MysteryExoduswhat’s it about then. Because the children that are here and in need of help being let down time and time again by the system isn’t very pro-life
I'm a mother & I tell young women to really think about making a decision to have kids. Being a mom is very tiresome & yes Fathers typically take the backseat & do what they want. Ladies live YOUR life, not the life people want you to live.
Does the father work?
@@jameslight4391
What does that have to do with the price of tea in china?
It’s a very simple message of ‘don’t give in to peer pressure’
Why did that even cross your mind?
And they pretend women have no hobbies, no skills etc. how can they when they have ZERO time to do anything, because they are a slave.
Child-free and hopefully always will be!
I have mad skills, ideas, hobbies, etc. A LOT of women dont have this chance (the right not to marry, the right not to have kids): even if it is allowed for me to choose, it is constantly frowned upon and women-blamed, as you all know too well.
@@katherineclawson3494 They think because a father works it absolves him of any responsibility or having to make any effort in being a parent, as if it's still the 50's and mothers don't often work as well.
No thanks
As an abstinent woman (not even for religious reasons) becoming pregnant is simply too much of a risk that i am not willing to take in the first place. Sex is pointless to me. And any man who thinks i am "withholding it" can cry their way out the door 😂❤
Ladies, you owe no one NOTHING! Keep your standards high and your mental health even higher. So much love over here.
In Korea, there is an uprising of women who are refusing to date or marry men or have children because men are "hopeless" and "irredeemable". Which, yea lol it's extremely interesting and I'd love to hear you talk about it
I love them and this needs to be a global movement
@@azureavocado5195 Do it, don't date men lol easiest thing ever
OMG that's my kind of rebellion 😊 x
Loooove them
they're so based
once i saw the study that women who are single and childless are the happiest people, my choice was basically solidified. why would i do something that will likely make me miserable? i’m gonna spend my life doing the best things i can for myself & the people i love and i can’t imagine sacrificing that future just to give into societal pressure.
😂😂😂 babes for real and you get to enjoy your life which is yours
Egoistic asf
It's incorrect, the happiest women are those who are married and have children. Look up ACTUAL stats online and not ones from silly feminist articles.
@@sadiewood7302 real, babies are disgusting
Being childfree is such a foreign concept for some people. Like a woman and a mother are interchangeble. Ive encountered people that just couldnt process the fact that I had my tubes removed because I dont want kids. A female coworker even kept asking what was wrong with my tubes when I repeated that they were perfectly healthy tubes and that was exactly why I wanted them gone. I have no interest in motherhood. I blew her mind!
In which country did you do that?? Because women almost always have difficulty getting the doctors to remove their tubes in the first place cuz they just tell women they're gonna "change their minds"
I'm America people will just wish random women happy mothers day.
It's wild.
@TheDolphace I don't know if I've ever heard random women being wished a Happy Mother's Day lol. Maybe in some areas of the US, but none I've been in during Mother's Day! The only time I hear it, is when a family is clearly out celebrating Mother's Day with their mom.
@@Aelffwynn I'm one of those women.
Them: "Are you a mother? Happy Mothers day!"
Me: "I'm not"
Them: "Well you should be!"
I just walked off.
I was 25 at the time, in the south (Georgia)
@MarjorieStewartBaxter well that's hilarious and unsettling. I'm sorry you have to contend with that. Tbh I've gotten to the point that if a stranger says something weird to me in public I just let it go, but I respect you for saying something. It must be frustrating.
We have our problems on the west coast, but we're a bit less obsessed with gender roles. So that helps.
I’m childfree, and I actually had a woman at work confront me about it. She told me I’m going to die all alone, and how do I feel about that. I don’t remember my answer. I think I was just shocked that this woman who barely knew me came at me so hard on something so personal.
And the thing is, even in the best of circumstances, you might still die alone.
My mother, who I loved most out of anyone before or since, passed away very suddenly six weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. My father and I were at her bedside the night before she died, but I had food poisoning and had to go home. Less than eight hours after we left, they called and told us to come right away. We were about fifteen minutes too late.
I will always feel guilty that my mother died alone. But the fact is that I was vomiting and delirious, and it’s a miracle I was even able to stand up, let alone race upstairs to get to my mother’s room that morning.
Life is out of anyone’s control, and certain things are inevitable no matter what you plan.
@@Lahiwe I feel bad liking your post, but really, I just want to tell you that sounds like a horrible experience, but I’m sure your mom knew you loved her in the end. 💜
@@LotusBloom0309 I believe so too 💚
I don't understand it at all
She was almost certainly a mother who hated having had kids and she was jealous that you were free.
Motherhood is a thankless job in which the kids can blame you for their failures and Women are TIRED of being BLAMED for not choosing better men for having children with then criticized for how they are raising the children after being left to raise these kids. Women are tired of sharing bills and doing ALL of the household chores when they have to work full time as well ✅
And this is why I’m glad I’m a Muslim woman, because mothers are so honored in Islam to the point that insulting or doing anything against her or hurting her is a great sin that if she becomes displeased with her children, the children might suffer a great hardships in life just because she’s displeased with them, and even worse might face harsh punishments from allah in this life and afterlife.
Mother’s pain of giving birth lifts her status up in Islam because she gave birth to a life, and she’s the the person who has the right of companionship over her children, and she comes in the first, second and third places in the right of companionship while the father comes in fourth place, and in Islam there’s a belief that allah made the filial piety of the parents almost as equal to his worship specially the mother, and from young age the kids must obey their mother even if before obeying the father because her rights comes before the father, and once they get old they become responsible for her welfare and wellbeing even if she’s still independent and has her own work and money, what the children have will belong the parents if the parents asked it from their children, and the children have no right to say no to them, and children must continue to do filial piety to their parents even after their death, and not blame for anything because specially we believe in destiny and many things comes in allah’s will.
Of course in Islam women have many other rights and rules and duties to fulfill to society, but the greatest she gives and take if she became a mother is getting this high status and position just because she got closer to allah for suffering this painful pain in order to give birth to life, not to mention women doesn’t have to work if they choose to be stay at home wife, paying the bills and buying the house and the food and the clothes for the wife that’s the man’s responsibility in Islam even if the woman have her own money, he doesn’t have a right to take her money without her permission and if he did it will consider stealing.
I understand what some western say and come from because they suffer hardships and some don’t get appreciation for what they do specially from their kids, and I blame this mindset in the west where the children have great rights over their parents while we in Islamic countries think the opposite.
@@روزروزي-و6ت umm hate to burst your bubble but being Muslim doesn’t exclude you from being treated poorly. Are you not watching the women in Saudi literally dying trying to escape the repressive orthodox Islamic regime?? And when they try to escape they’re put in “jails” that they’re only released from by the abusers? My current partner is Muslim, I am not, and the way they treat their baby momas and the way their father treated their mother after over 30yrs of marriage was disgraceful…I know what the teachings are of how women are SUPPOSED to be treated in Islam but I can assure you, most Muslim women/mothers are not treated nicely at all…I have had to be extremely vocal & set unwavering boundaries on what is NOT considered healthy and what I will NEVER tolerate regardless if he’s a provider or not. It has been very interesting to watch him “give up” his weird authority that he’s been taught to have over women and unpack how toxic a lot of his religion is against women. It is a luxury for me to be able to say I will not tolerate abuse, misogyny, infidelity, voice my opinion or my right to leave whenever I get ready to…that is not a luxury alot of Muslim women have…
@@babyg7796 you didn’t because I’m Saudi woman myself, I work, I have a degree, i can speak English as you can see, I work in mental healthcare, and we have laws protect abuse victims and domestic violence, and because I work in that field I’m required by Saudi law to report these abuses if I discovered one to the Domestic Violence Reporting Center, I work with psychiatrist she knew about a victim of sexual harassment and didn’t report it because she didn’t know it was required and was fined by the court a bill of 3000 riyals, I’m myself had reported a case like this to the Domestic Violence Reporting Center, as for the women who run is because many of them just want to live free life of sex, one of the girls who run is rahaf she had a relationship after she run and had a baby girl, her partner discovered that she had cheated on him and that baby girl isn’t his child after he did a DNA test, he tried to get that child custody after rahaf ran away and left the baby with him for a time, and even reached out to some Saudis just to expose rahaf’s lies and she actually comes from a very prominent and well known family in Saudi Arabia.
As for the parents here in Saudi they can report their children for their bad treatment, some might face harsh punishments, im still living with my parents but once they turn 60 years old I will become legally responsible for them.
There are many Muslims don’t follow Islam as it should be but that doesn’t mean the majority doesn’t follow or doesn’t respect women, come to Saudi Arabia yourself and see the women here with your own eyes and then judge.
@@روزروزي-و6ت lol!!!...
@@روزروزي-و6ت sunan ibn maja1851 the prophet said i enjoin good treatment of women for they are prisoners with you . In Islam a woman is a prisoner her testimony is equal to half that of a man . She cannot leave the house without her husbands permission .women in Islam societies are respected only when they are slaves to their fathers husbands only then they get respect . I am an exmuslim woman. . I reject this respect if this means I have to become a prisoner to my father and my husband while there is no such restrictions on men .Islam is a cancer to humanity . There is a Hadith by Umar bin al khattab - be careful of whom you give to your daughters in marriage for marriage is a slavery .
Dont worry young lady Blk women have been called all types of names and what we do is keep it moving. Men will always try to guilt women into there silly type of submission. Nope do what makes you happy young lady. At the end of the day if your a mother you are put in a extreme responsible role of the child care giveronly while the man sits back like a king doing way less. If you complain you need help they call you weak unable to be a real women. Ladies do what makes you happy. It basically dam if you do dam if you dont. I am currently happy with women globally standing up for themselves and not being punked into role they arent ready for. Good job women. Stay encouraged. Do you!!
Yeah they're trying to call us "manly" for having jobs and no kids
It's truly beautiful how black women are waking up to the scam
So true
Agreed!
💙
I'm a 33 year old woman, childfree, refuse to get married, slowly building up my own small business AND working a full time job, I travel frequently with my boyfriend, I spoil us both, and I've never been happier. No regrets ever.
That's incredible!
I'm also a 33 year old woman with a handsome orange tabby. What a cute pic!
I’m 39 not married without kids and single. My life is quite good. I do have money, free time and fun.
Don't get me wrong: the world's so big, so there's room for everybody to live the life as they see more fit! But, there is something in the term childfree that really sounds so bad, empty and fraudolent just like those sugarfree, carbfree, glutenfree, siliconefree, dutyfree... processed products people throw themselves on for the purpose of loosing or maintaining the weight or preventing allergies or clogging pores, pay taxfree, but we know how that goes... Childless makes it sound like some people are at loss for not having kids, but childfree is practicly the opposite and kind of reduces kids to "ingredient" to terminate, but they were never in the picture to begin with, so what's there to terminate!
Don't spoil men 🤦🏽♀️ have women learnt nothing
i have PTSD from giving birth to my kid. they dont tell you about that part. It also made me realize how little patience i have for kids. i told my husband if we ever had another, i would not give them the love they needed simply because i didnt want them in the first place.
Thank you for your honesty and I hope you can find some healing.
it is worth it they say
❤❤
Don't take another one 🙏🏻
Yep you are right if women who had 10 children they totally would be judged while men not so much
Especially if the kids came from multiple partners!
Yeah, and if the kids were from the same person then the man and woman have to also be married to each other
@@GlamourSmashedFace Great point! Very true
I dont know what planet you're on because no one gets more made fun of than Nick Cannon for his 12 (going on 13) children or even Elon Musk who goes about spreading his seed wherever
In my late teens and early twenties, I really wanted children. I was never able to afford them. I've been working all my adult life, and have barely been able to afford to take care of myself. I married early and I knew that having a child would put me in a very dependent position to my husband, who was irresponsible with simple things like doing the chores he committed to doing or paying bills he said he would pay. It turns out he had a terrible drug problem. After we divorced, he died in an alcohol-related accident. I am thankful every day that we did not have children. Now in my late thirties, I try to support my friends who are parents, but I no longer wish to be one. I like to say I loved my kids enough not to have them.
Dude that's honestly so sad I'm sorry. I wish he was a responsible and trustworthy man
"I loved my kids enough not to have them" that is so beautiful ❤ thank you for thinking so deeply about what parenting entails.
your last line is almost poetic...
As a 44 YO woman who has not wanted to have kids my whole life; thank you! It's not that I dislike kids; I actually am quite fond of other people's kids. I do not wish to be a parent. I don't have the drive. As an adult survivor of child abuse, I am fearful that my lack of healthy family structure and proper parenting would affect my ability to be a primary parent. It doesn't make sense economically not do I have faith that the world is on an upswing. I feel I would have a lot to answer to by bringing someone into this world on its own. I don't judge people who are parents. That's great!! I hope your family flourishes and your wildest dreams come true!
I was married to a man that had a child so I was their step mom for 8 years. Got along with the child great! I continue to have a relationship with them that is mutually beneficially and enjoyable, but I never felt comfortable when people said, "Happy Mother's Day," or try to convince me that I am a parent then follow it up with, "you should have one of your own." Like WTF? I am much happier and a better friend, daughter, partner, etc. being able to define how I live rather than follow some obsolete structures that hurts more than it benefits. Honestly, the unfair division of physical and emotional labor as well as my spouse never being fully present for me is what made the marriage not work out in the long run. I'm no day at the beach either but those are the facts.
Hooray for parents!
Hooray for people who do not wish to be parents!
PS. Those heart shaped sunnies look great on you!
The fact that people can't see a difference between not wanting to be a parent and liking kids is kind of wild, it's very frustrating because the "image" thats been painted for years is that if you like kids, you MUST become a parent, and if you're not a parent, it means there's something seriously wrong with you. I'm glad you also stood your ground on where you wanted to be met in the relationship, good on you
I wanna be a part of the village that raises the kid, but not the parent
Very hard to guilt or otherwise gaslight childfree women. We already refused the KoolAid and have rationally analyzed the costs/benefits of motherhood as they apply to ourselves.
😂😂😂 I swear
💯💯💯
I hate when you say "Well, I wouldn't be able to afford to take care of the kid the way they deserve" and the older generation will say "Oh, you never have enough money, just have them anyways and you'll figure it out". I grew up in poverty as a child. It's not fun not knowing where you're going to sleep at night. It's not fun eating instant ramen for every meal. It's not fun growing up to have complexes about these things as an adult because your needs weren't reliably met as a child. So it makes my skin crawl when people say 'have kids anyways'.
My ex mom said this to me when I said I didn't want kids just yet. She angrily told me to just have them meanwhile we didn't have a car, our own place, and were being paid $10.25 and $15 an hour. Meanwhile her kids regretted everything in their childhood.
Right! It's a huge struggle raising kids when you're barely affording to live, having to work as much as you can b/c kids cost money, and giving up any upward mobility in your job b/c you may occasionally have to prioritise your kids over your job.
My own mother reacted like this when I told I thought people should have kids they can afford. You're right and she was wrong. It took her a while to accept that I wasn't having kids but fortunately she did come around. Mostly.
I’ve always wanted children, but in the past couple years, I feel less and less comfortable with the idea of bringing a person into this world. There’s so little good left.
Have a child and teach them to be the good in the world.
Individuals can't change systematic issues. You can teach your child to be as good as you want, but they'll have to suffer through the rotten world while they're hopeless at trying to bring any changes. This is not some mythological prophecy things where you'll give birth to a "hero," it's a myth because that's not how the world works.
I'm sorry but as a loving kid from loving couple that don't have issue growing up, sometimes when I going home from work, exhausted and such...I still wish I never been born. So yeah...I think no child want to be born in this crazy economic unless you're millionaire or something.
Whatever you decide to do-to kid or not to kid--if the decision is from your heart and you’ve given it loads of thought, it will be the right decision. Best of luck to you; I know it’s hard. ❤
@@mickeyg7219 Actually, individuals can influence systemic change. It's like rain. Will one individual raindrop water an entire garden? No, but what about millions of individual rain drops falling together?
All change starts small. All change is bottom-up before it becomes top-down. Each and every one of us has an opportunity to make a difference each and every day. Yes it's tough work and of course not everyone can or wants to do it. But it is possible. Someone's kindness or individual works of art or service (even YT videos like this) can inspire many others to also make a difference.
The hardest part is letting go of our egos enough to work with each other. Teamwork skills are especially lacking in the U.S.. But even though I say that doesn't mean we should just give up and not try. I'm saying we should be doing the opposite - get up, work on ourselves, and do the best we can no matter how big or small.
One of my aunts is married but they never wanted children, and I remember as a kid hearing my dad comment about how weird it was that my aunt (then his sister-in-law) didn't want kids and how lame it was that she had lots of pets instead. That became ingrained into me and I thought it was weird too, like "aren't all adult women supposed to be moms??" I used to think I wanted 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls, but now I'm grown up and a childfree woman in my mid-20s, and I understand my aunt so much better now. I was never rude or questioned my aunt about her being childfree, but I still feel like I need to apologize for ever thinking she was abnormal.
My mom said things to my sister and as a preteen, I jumped on the bandwagon. I later apologized to her randomly in the laundry room in 9th or 10th grade. I'm glad there are other people who ruminate on their childhood actions as well.
Since you're a fully grown adult without kids what do you do to fill the void left by failing to continue your family line? If it's for your career you've made a terrible mistake.
@@Slavkleos What void? My family is terrible. Not continuing the line is a good thing.
@@feliznavidad6958 It isn't, maybe the last generation but your whole line being bad is practically impossible, you're just too selfish and or stupid to realise that.
@@feliznavidad6958 Everyone needs a purpose and for pretty much everyone children is the best way to achieve that. Without it you'll be miserable.
Women: “I’d like to be a stay at home mom”
Them: “You can’t live off of one income anymore. Not in today’s economy!”
Also them: “She’s a gold digger!!”
Women: “okay so I’ll work”
Also women: *successful in career*
Them: “Ew, so masculine! Get back in the kitchen! Where are all the traditional women? Families are dying!”
🙄
Like bro pick a lane and stick to it
@@ameziaarchard8487 they would if they weren’t constantly shamed for their choices 😂
51 and no kids and no regrets, at all. Was rough between age 23-36 but people eventually leave you alone.
I've had an older woman tell me how there's still time, when I said I'm past 40 already. I hope it'll end when I hit 50.
Also, no regrets. At around 30 I was thinking if I change my mind, there's always adoption, but at around 40 I felt even stronger about not having kids. If there was a slight chance in the past of changing my mind, it's now gone 100% and I'm just super glad women over 40 can get an abortion very easily where I live. In the past I was a bit frightened about the possibility, because I was married, and an abortion isn't totally free to access here. Like how to convince 2 doctors your social circumstances prevent having a kid, when you're a happily married adult? Over 40 I'd just need to tell 1 doctor I want an abortion, and that's it. Fortunately contraception is widely available.
@@elainelouve it's the truth. Women in my family gave birth to healthy kids at 42. So be careful. Lot's of women gets pregnant in their 40s.
@@holyempressw8531 The bullshit stinks.
I am happily married to a wonderful man and staunchly child free. He is an amazing partner and I couldn't be happier. It's a huge myth that you have to have children to be happy and fulfilled.
Bravo! 😊🌻
I'm childfree and I feel like misery loves company, keeping up with capitalism, and patriarchy when it comes to these people attacking us.
Capitalism if anything is the reason why women (and men) are able to be free.
Misery loves company, that is exactly what I always say about this. It becomes obvious when they call us selfish for not having children. If having children is so f'ing wonderful, how could it be selfish to deprive myself of that? 😉
Lmao what patriarchy
Move to a communist country less capitalist.. lol 😊
@@Max4Z google it, have a nice day.🤗
51 year old cis white woman here with no kids. Married for 21 years.
I don’t speak to my family anymore. I became persona non grata for not providing grandchildren, among other things.
Live your life. Also those sunglasses are fire.
I know it has been peaceful years after cutting them off
pov when your parents only see you as a baby factory
Honestly, gossiping and playing bridge all day sounds WAY BETTER than having kids😂😂 I really enjoyed your video ❤️❤️
Your parents must of hating raising by your logic. Go apologize to them.
@@antithoughtpolice7497 your reasoning made no sense.
Not wanting kids doesn’t mean you hate your parents… 😒
Yes, I saw some ladies playing bridge in Panera and I was jealous
I’ve had 3 women who have children passive aggressively shame me or gasp at my choice how I never want to have kids. “You’re going to love being a mom I’m pretty sure you might regret not wanting kids” “They are a little bundle of joy being childless is like having no foundation of marriage” “I can’t believe you never want kids I’m so happy I had my son I just can’t imagine a life without kids” that’s just many things I’ve been told and more. One just posted a recent tik tok on her story how she thought she’d be a house wife but is depressed, works full time, and is also a full time mom after work. Yikes 😟
I stopped telling pple I don’t want kids. I just nod when they speak or ignore.
Some people's lives are so empty that they literally have to create new human beings to fill that emptiness... Kinda sad that 🤷♀️ x
Too many have kids to fill voids and it never works. The void is still there. They follow what society dictates and since misery loves company, they hate those who choose a different path since they couldn't/wouldn't.
Children are the only way we can immortalise ourselves. A child by us is a continuation of ourselves and our ancestors.
So the question arises if you are throwing away what your ancestors have done in order to preserve your family.
@@Ednet34 who cares... the ancestors are DEAD!!
Why do ya'll do this!? Its nonsense
I don't want children because I don't think I'll be a good parent. I don't want to simply be okay or good enough. Raising children is hard, you're responsible for the physical, emotional, and mental well-being of another human. I can't even take care of myself.
This comment hit me right in the soul. You just summed up my entire opinion of my own fitness for parenthood.
THIS!!!!
Behold my spirit animal.
Amen, Sister!
Also, I’m 72 and still living on the edge of poverty, as I have all my life. How could I have ever given a child (or more than one) a decent life filled with great education and wonderful opportunities? The world doesn’t need more children living in poverty.
Parenthood is a choice, not an obligation.
Why are people bothered about how women choose to live their lives? How is this affecting them personally? I believe it's jealousy because what else could it be?
They care because at the end of the day they do not see Women as people. When it comes down to it we aren't full human beings with autonomy of our own just incubators to grow their children. They can't stand the fact that we can make life choices for ourselves because that means they are losing control of women.
or just being a sadist
One of both
Wow. This is a part of history I NEVER knew. As a woman, I couldn’t imagine having to give up something that I loved and wanted to do just because someone else wanted me to be a WIFE and MOTHER. It’s NOT fair for people to set the same expectations for everyone else. Why is it so hard for people to accept people want different things?! Same people who shame those who can’t/won’t have children are the SAME ones who won’t support those who DO have and want children!!!! 🙄😒🤷🏾♀️💯
Edit: Wow!! I NEVER have this many likes before. Thanks a million guys!!! 🥰👏🏾💕💯
You’d be contributing to the coming population collapse. What will end up happening is that someone else’s kids will be heavily taxed in order to support you in old age. The tension between individualism and collectivism is a real one and worth considering.
@@Mushin367 go give birth for us then, big strong man
@SkullMan people without kids already pay more taxes than those with kids. So they've already paid their taxes to be taken care of in their old age while also paying directly.
Where as people, especially women who dont work, who have kids pay less taxes and will have less saved income to pay for aged care. And no, the children they birthed don't take care of them. They dump them in nursing homes.
@@Mushin367 bro shits already collapsing if people cant even afford to raise kids.
also if some women dont want kids society will survive buddy, for every 1 person who dont them theres 3 who do
@@Mushin367 There are too many people for the planet to support already, and population reduction historically leads to improvement to individual quality of life and general cultural improvement (we had the renaissance and the enlightenment because of massive, and I mean massive, population drops upending the status quo and making labor more valuable).
If women aren't having children, that means America can't play up the illusion that everything is peachy and we reign supreme. It's literally for image.
Basically, force women to have kids so they don't have to fix their shit :) There's no way they are going to fix their shit whilst I'm still in my childbearing years so, it's a no for me.
Also it is unattractive af to have children. I don't live in the US but maternal leave in my country is paid by the state and people dislike that. There is also some jobs who offer extra child care and that imo is making it unfair. People who make like 80-100k can have free childcare to boost shifts, but jobs that make 40-60k have to pay money to have their child in kindergarten and they then have less money to live off. All these countries are a mile deep into the shyte hole that now they realise how the birth rate is dropping and somehow women & feminism are the issue while inflation & rent are hurting the people.
If they think not having abortions will force people to have kids, they are in for a rude awakening. We have many ways to prevent pregnancies (not just abortion or even protection). We are the most sex educated generation. If we don’t want kids. We won’t have them. These rulers of ours are done!
i’ve always called them “anti-choice” but “pro-forced birth” also works well thank u
Choice knov
I'm horrified. "Anti-Choice" seems to me a group of people who don't approve of people who don't follow the protocol of society. The sheeple do what they're told to do, including giving the Black Sheep a very difficult time. That doesn't phase me. I don't care!
But "Pro-Forced Birth"...OMG, that made all of the hairs on the back of my head stood straight up. It made me think of women forcibly raped, then committed into a hospital and strapped to a bed so they can't abort the fetus. Of course, there are other ways of implanting a fetus under anesthesia so she didn't even know that she was pregnant.
We have all this new technology now. But in the older days, it would have had to be rape.
I always find it really interesting that it's always the women who genuinely love motherhood and their children, found deep personal fulfillment in it because it's who they are as people and not because society convinced them otherwise, are the same women who will support and respect childless women.
It's always women who try to suppress their own bitterness of allowing themselves to succumb to societal pressure and won't allow themselves to contend with the fact that they are unhappy with their choice - constantly complain about everything and take it out on everyone - are the ones being jerks and offended by childless women existing.
This 🤭
There are also women who deeply regretted having kids and flat out say it and advise against it.
There's also women who have tokophobia (the fear of being pregnant). Me being a sex-repulsed asexual woman of prime childbearing age, the overturn of Roe v. Wade threw me into a panic that lasted for several weeks, not because I worried that I would be whoring it up and accidentally get pregnant and then not be able to get rid of it (according to the stupid stereotypes), but because the ONLY way that I am ever going to get pregnant is through rape. So throw "no sexual attraction to anyone + grossed out by sex + childfree + tokophobia + violent reaction to feeling trapped or confined + the psychological trauma of being raped and now being stuck with a constant reminder of what was done to me" into a pot, and that does NOT make for a good environment to raise a child in. Assuming that I would be mentally or physically fit enough to make it through the pregnancy in the first place
What if I was to give up my rape-baby in one of those boxes for abandoned babies at the fire station? How would I know that there wouldn't be some militant Pro-Lifer staking out the box and harassing/following the women who dropped their babies off? What if I for some reason couldn't give up the baby and it ended up dead through negligence? Would I be able to live with myself, condemning this innocent baby to a life in the USA's less-than-stellar adoption system? Would I be able to TAKE the psychological torment that I would go through during the pregnancy, or would I commit suicide before my due date (or die in a botched attempt at an illegal abortion)?
"Pro-Life" is a misnomer. They don't give a fuck about ThE ChiLdReN *or* about life, despite all their virtue signaling. This has only ever been about controlling women and punishing those women who "step out of line" (also, like, how fucked up psychologically do you have to be to think that using a baby as a form of punishment is in any way morally righteous? "You sinned and I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck about what happens to this tiny helpless infant in your care, the only thing I care about here is making you suffer and feeling good about myself in the process")
THIS. i can’t add anything else, you said it all beautifully.
Thank you for saying this. I'm not asexual but I also was scared to get pregnant by rape. I've found more peace now that I have an IUD, and my body is not reacting badly. Thank goodness for that.
Another aromantic asexual here. I’d be nervous living in the US because I could only get pregnant by rape and overturning Roe vs Wade and the limits on abortion even as the results of rape being limited. I’m just glad I’m in a country that respects my rights.
This!! I feel the exact same, couldn’t have said it any better honestly.
I'm aroace and also have tokophobia! Maybe it's related?