Surprisingly, no, I wasn't a theatre kid, but this $8 green screen i found sure brings that out in me 😅 Resources are in the description if you need them, this is another heavy topic and as much as i try to inject some levity into things to help us all get through it, this is a serious topic. Also, I'm sure there will be angry comments popping up, if people are being mean to YOU, i will delete them, I'll be trying to keep on top of that. I expect there will be folks who don't watch the whole video who have a knee jerk reaction to me even talking about this and my best advice is to just leave them be
Hey. As a trans person, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t promote Rachel Oates. She has a history of some pretty bad behavior toward the trans community generally, and some specific trans people. Please watch the videos about this on the channel Essence of Thought (with an open mind.) I know it sucks to hear a creator you like has done things like this, but when trans people are saying things like this, I hope you think it’s important enough to listen.
A lot of people are overly hung up on gender roles. We can ALL be kind, romantic, strong, independent, career-driven, family-oriented, nurturing. None of those aren't gender-specific qualities; they're the qualities of a well-rounded, mature, mentally-healthy adult.
100% agree, the issue is that the people who are taught it's their responsibility to be the "nice, caring, nurturers" are girls and boys are discouraged from that as those are labeled as feminine qualities (Using binary terms here as that's sadly still how people are taught this messaging)
@@BryonyClaire I totally get what you mean. I wasn't raised that way, but I know a lot of (most?) people are. That kind of thinking is a cage and makes everyone miserable. 😟
Thats the goal but not the reality. Saying we should all be nice when women, most specifically, women of color, are the most targeted in hate crimes, death in pregnancy, and overall desperity of wealth. Tell that to men who set up this system, not a woman who is burdened in this system.
@@BryonyClaireI guess I'm an example of an exception, I was raised amab but now I'm trying to deconstruct that shit (had a trans epiphany at 18 then did something I regret immensely) and I'm trying to deconstruct my very strict and sheltered upbringing so I can improve my relationships with the women in my life, it's a slow process but a sure one. Having the ability to say no to your own parents when they try to control you is a virtue, so is teaching young people proper emotional intelligence, something I've realised too late that I'm quite capable of, but was repressed instead of nurtured growing up, which definitely didn't ruin my relationships and contribute towards a destructive downward spiral. I hope I can set an example for the younger people in my family so they don't end up like I did. (Yes I am trying atm to seek a therapist, how could you tell😂)
I thought this was just common sense? An accusation of assault is more than just "You hurt this person and you need to acknowledge your mistake and make amends". We have neither pity nor sympathy for assaulters. We see them more as rabid animals than as human beings. We're terrified of them.
The thing that gets me about this is that the same version of Tana that people find most unlikeable --- the immature, out there, controversial, childish teen version of Tana, is the one a 25 yr old Cody was so eager to get his hands on and slobbering over on camera. The people that hate Tana so much that they're bashing her for coming out with this aren't even thinking about that other extra layer that makes his actions doubly creepy and inappropriate.
YES! It's the whole hindsight issue, she's his age (when it happened) now and she can look back with a more mature lens and can rightfully question "wtf was that? I would never even consider this" and its THAT exact moment where we (who went through that stuff) can see it so clearly for what it was. Yet because we realise it later on in life, past our so called "use by date" (because these types of guys like to focus on v young girls), we get called bitter and resentful. It's like...no...we're at the same level of maturity as the person doing the bad stuff now and can call it for what it was.
You can't definitively know Tana's or Cody's thoughts and motivations, as these are personal and private. Unless they've explicitly stated their intentions, attributing specific reasons to their actions is purely speculative. Additionally, assuming why people criticize Tana without direct insight into their minds is equally speculative. To understand the situation accurately, it's crucial to rely on verifiable facts and avoid making assumptions about people's inner thoughts and motivations.
I didn't even think of this but yes exactly!! I've been looking at it through the lens of Tana now, and ive still been on Tanas side but this added layer makes it so much worse for me. I forgot how childish and immature she was when she first started on youtube. And she was close friends with all these older men (like remember her closeness with Shane Dawson). Being 18 now, I understand that there was a huge disparity in maturity and life experience between her and these men she was associating with
Unfortunately I've had encounters with men who genuinely understood patriarchy, cared about feminism 'out there' but didn't feel it applied to them and behaved in deeply misogynistic ways. They walk amongst us!
Well, like how many of us feel, they don’t think too much about it until it directly affects them. And in that case, when they suddenly don’t feel they’re taken care of any Ore like they are expecting they immediately lash out to “put the woman in her place: lower and subservient to them” but they will also likely never fully realize this
@@KatieLHall-fy1hw It's difficult not to be suspicious. But I guess it made me aware that anyone is capable of leaning into any power they have over others, no matter their values. If someone tells you about themself (and it seems to contradict their apparent feminist stance), believe them. And to believe patterns, not apologies. ❤️🔥
@@dontnoable well, I think most try to do their best, provided they aren’t shamed into continuing to give another chance or shamed for making the decision to leave or do a drastic change. It’s a difficult world out there and while it is always best when we help each other, we are all, too, just trying to survive. None of us get out alive in the end
There is a flipside to this critique: if you get harsh with it, especially with young boys, they will flock to the arms of right-wing politics, because they will validate their feelings and give them answers when the Left (tm) don't, no matter how wrong those answers are. That's one path for right-wing radicalization
My abuser was a "feminist" He still abused me. He still sexually assaulted me, multiple times. Everyone around me viewed him as a lovely, politically correct guy. Perceptions of others is just that, perception. Someone may 'seem' incapable of certain behaviours, that doesn't mean they are. Your view on someone, your personal experience with someone, should NOT prevent you from believing victims.
They just want to hurt us. They want us vulnerable so they can control us. My abuser was a bonefide third wave feminist who engaged in direct action and went to prison for it. Still, though, one of her main manipulation tactics was to explain to me that I wasn't a man in her eyes if i didn't do x or y. It had nothing to do with her preferences. I'm autistic, I was young; just lost both parents when we met; she would say that because appearing to be 'manly' was something i thought i had to live up to. It was only 'important' because it worked on me. Again, everyone around me was happy that the most awkward and least worldly amongst them had found someone (and so close to tragedy). I lie to them all and say we just didn't want to try a long-distance relationship. In reality, i wanted to get away. All of my friends and family loved her... and everyone i know is used to explaining why or how i have misunderstood something. They will want to defend her at first. So here we are all these years later. I miss her. I still hate myself for not living up to her standards. My brain cannot accept a reality where i spent most of my 20s being abused and manipulated and stripped of my ability to assert agency by a simulacrum. I feel i could live another 1000 years and I'd spend it all swinging between trying to justify why i deserved it and resenting a world where it is on me to dig myself out of this victimhood hole. Anyway yeah, this kind of just turned into venting; my point was that abusers will say absolutely anything; its not important what is true, only that the incentive is to control you. That is *it.* You arent a person to them, you are a puzzle to solve.
I 100% agree with you. I was a test subject to my abuser, to them I was no more than a toy and I've spent the past 5 years of my very short life (only 20 y/o) trying to reconstruct myself and feel at home in my own body again.
Picked up my stuff and left two years ago from a dude who’s been called out for multiple SA’s and was in his late 20s-30s while I was 19-mid 20s during our relationship. GUESS WHO STILL HAS FRIENDS? HIM. People love a fun man waaaaay more than a traumatized woman.
Trauma has its own ways of tying people down. The important thing is having people who truly understand and care, rather than the shallow company and association that will leave when things become "inconvenient" for them. Keep moving, you've done well enough so far. No matter how terribly you might see your progress now, it's still better than standing still and drowning
It's awful that it happened to you but as we've seen on multiple accounts of hags making fake accusations, this isn't a gendered issue. A manipulative snake will turn weak people agaisnt their victim.
I'm so sorry for what happened, if you're looking for friends who also get it there are online and in person congregations of abuse survivors, you might enjoy their company
My ex was a fake feminist, he made bring feminist his entire personality and when he took advantage of my friend when she was drunk and unconscious nobody belived her because they said he was "feminist" and would never do that.
40 years ago: "he's a pastor/boy scout leader/devout family man, he'd never do that." It's the same people. They've simply adjusted their protective cover to one that works today.
@@frustrateduser9933As a woman who responded to being sexually harassed by her twin sons' pervy Cub Scout pack leader by teasing him for dying the grey in his red beard with a cheap red demi-perm that turned it hot pink, I can affirm that women not only know exactly what's going on, but they don't care who's at fault because a woman who might distract a perv will obviously distract their innocent sons and must immediately cease existing because it's her fault they might have a problem. My successful self-defense from his attempt to make me a victim makes me a sexual being in their eyes which means that I'm the real threat to their innocent children, not a pervert as a role model. 🙄 At least the perve who's modeling adult male behavior for their sons is straight, right?
I am at an age now where some people I know are becoming fathers or considering children. I often find that their own poor treatment of women in their lives can be reflected in how protective they are of their daughters. Someone I worked with "joked" that he would scare off any man in his daughter's future. It was kinda pitched as this "we know what men are like", when it was actually "we know what I am like".
Boy moms are pretty much the same with their sons. So I can't really tell that the boys are really that much in a disposition, since I see their entitlement tendecies when they become men with females. Depends on the situation.
I find it interesting that dads will say to their daughter's boyfriend "I have a .45 and a shovel, you won't be missed" even if the boy has no intention beyond a hand hold or a peck on the cheek. And while the date is happening, the dad will go over QuickBooks to figure out how to pay for four years at a college where the sexual assault rate rivals that of a war torn third world nation.
@@missstranger7697 genuinely *please* stop using the terms "men" and "females" in the same sentence, it's creepy as hell. it costs zero dollars not to dehumanize women. Also boy moms are still coming at it from a misogynistic angle because they don't think any women are "good enough for their sweet boys', it's misogyny all the way down.
Reads Bell Hooks and does dishes > Doesn’t read Bell Hooks but Does dishes > >doesn’t read Bell Hooks doesn’t do dishes > Reads Bell Hooks but still doesn’t do dishes > reads Jordan Peterson and complains that their partner doesn’t smile while doing the dishes because they’re a dragon of chaos.
@@STElevation my ex read Jordan Peterson, cooked dinner AND did the dishes, and laundry, and tidying. but then he falsely accused me of stealing 120,000 dollars from him from his storage unit that i neither had the key or elevator code to, plunging me into an 8 month long su*cidal depression which i'm still trying to emerge from. i should have run like hell when I saw the JBP book.
"it's just a joke" when they only joke about women and black people, like why don't they clown other men? "the humor's not the same coming from denial"
The biggest thing that ever hit me as someone who called themselves a feminist as a guy was something to the effect of, and i forget where I heard this, “If your knowledge of feminism and feminist talking points starts and ends at ‘abortion rights and sex work is real work’ then your care is only extending to the ways in which you can still use women as a sexual commodity” and ive been using that as a bench mark ever since. This isnt to say that someone whose knowledge is only this is (un)intentionally malicious and may just need to be educated more, and its the openness to and internalizing of going beyond that that matters.
well yeah there are basically atleast two types of sexisms, one is wanting every women to be puritanical housemades, and the other is wanting every women to be sexualised bimbos, so basically in my opinion the biggest problem with sexism is that it's just contradictionary, when one half of the sociaty expects from you one thing while the other half expects from you a totally different thing, both of these expectations won't be achieved. seems like this contradictionary nature of sexism wasn't a problem before the industrial revolution/capitalism, because in the past the gender norms were strict, while now we are in some kind of middle state between strict gender roles and gender roles being vanished, at the same time being surrounded by the consumerism, ads, opportunism and other bad things, idk. the present society is just chaotic, in a bad way, but at the same time not bad enough to have a real change. that's why extreme left and extreme right have to unite against centrist liberalism in the name of accelerationist societal civil war. only then, after it ends, we might have a healthy society.
@@jeanivanjohnson its the same problem just in new clothes. patriarchy, neopatriarchy. new things with changing genders is supposed to make them strict again. and, while wanting a woman to be a nymph, men also want them to be a maid, servant, they just don't say it out loud. work all day but do the chores anyway
I've been thinking of the movie Promising Young Woman in light of the Cody Ko revelations. I feel that film perfectly captures just how sinister these types of men are. How they partake in R culture and will casually ruin the lives of young women, and then simply carry on with their own. They get married, have kids, and pat each other on the back for being such "good guys". They are horribly misogynistic but lack the self reflection to really recognise this part of themselves, so they minimise and excuse the harm they and their buddies cause (I.e. "it was one mistake, we can't let this ruin his reputation"). Meanwhile, who knows how many traumatised women have been left in their wake.
Yes, I've also been thinking about it, partly because of the "good guy" that turns out to still be misogynistic, but also bc of the parallel of the rapist friend from college days and attending each other's weddings. I guess the movie just takes inspiration from very common experiences in american society, but it's still a weird feeling to see the two situations side by side.
Great moment in that movie is when she spares Alfred Molina’s character simply because he’s actually genuinely apologetic and regrets what he did. All of the other men were incapable of doing even the bare minimum of being sorry!
Right and even if it’s “one mistake” it would be more accurate to say it’s one crime that they were not held accountable for. These men hardly ever are held accountable for this and they can move on with their lives. The poor victims are traumatized from the experience and can have a difficult time moving on with their lives. Maybe they are less trusting of men or they become uncomfortable around sex. There can be a lot of personal work that the victims have to do. Meanwhile the criminals get off Scott free and they keep their friends. They don’t even have the consequence of losing their friends at the very least
The fact that the audience was laughing when Trevor was trying to make a point also says a lot about the general attitude towards physical intimacy and guys need for touch not necesarily including sex
That's a good point, many of these men were taught that the only way they can tenderly hug or even touch someone is in an intimate setting which then leads to this.
People laugh for all sorts of reasons. People laugh at funerals. Laughter is often a camouflage for feelings of discomfort. I saw a podcast with three "progressive" men. One of them admitted to being sexually abused by his babysitter. The other men laughed. It wasn't because it was funny (obvs), but because that sudden declaration left them feeling rattled and laughter was a way of "saving face" and not looking vulnerable.
They dont need touch. Women are really in the delusional world. Men don't appreciate physical touch from a woman for the sake of the touch itself they only enjoy because if feels like a starter for sexual arousal even if it doesn't turn into a sexual act, it's like an appetizer. Otherwise they could go hug other men, hug their pets, etc. The expression 'never felt the touch of a woman' isn't referring to simple caring basic physical touch
Married w/ a daughter… part time socialist, part-time feminist… full time Black Dad… I’ll admit I have blind spots, I think that’s the first part of being any -IST… I just hope to leave this world in a place where my daughter can expect to be treated fairly and given the same opportunities as the next person.
Victims become imperfect victims due to surviving grooming, lies, gaslighting and trauma, and coming out of it with low self esteem, no idea where their boundaries should be, and shame and depression and anxiety leading to self sabotage self ham and sometiomes self medication because drugs and alcohol are great for distraction, derealisation, numbing, etc
the greenest flag my bf ever gave me was early in our friendship, I was talking about feminist topics and his face turned really serious, then he said "I don't know if I can call myself a feminist, bc I've never had to go through all the troubles you guys talk about. I want to help, but I know I don't have the experiences you have had" That amount of empathy and respect floored me. Too many men try to step over women voices in the persuit of being seen as "feminist", the real ones support women voices, not speak over them
I used to say all the time "I have bad taste in men" but your comment about how abusive men tend to be manipulative resonated with me. I reflected on how I was a child in high school when I met my boyfriends while these guys were adults.. I realize that a lot of the horrific things I've been through were because I was a naive & easy target for manipulative ppl. & yet I was always blamed & shamed for what I had to go through. Now that I'm in my 30's & call ppl out on their BS, I'm not such an easy target anymore. I think shitty ppl are less attracted to me. I think it's so important to empower women rather than blame them, & encourage them to question other people's intentions rather than teach them to be "good girls" & try to please others..
Exactly!! We are the key to our relationships! Women should stop victim blaming each other and start being supportive, so our lives become better and eventually find a boyfriend/partner that will treat us and our children with respect! The world is already hard on us and bullying only makes it worse.
It's important to remember too that you're just far more likely to run into a toxic person than you are one who isn't. That's not because of how many toxic people there are but just the simple fact that toxic people are willing to take in anyone who is willing to deal with their toxicity where others are going to be more careful about who they pick and choose and less likely to go after you. All this to say it's not anyone's fault that they run into toxic people like that, it's just they have to do like you did and learn to shut them out.
The problem is that feminism is so easily performed, and people eat it right up and praise the performer for it. A lot of women are also feminists only when it's convenient for them. I've seen it called "Schrödinger's Feminist". Like Cody Ko fans calling Tana a liar or saying she asked for it.
100% I hate this kind of performance. Feminism is a life long commitment to not just equality but abolishing the systems that thrive in inequality, practising intersectionality not just in theory but in practice.
@@RachelRichards Yes! Remember when men were doing I believe women posts? All good and well and I guess good that the conversation was happening. But it felt like the responses were sometimes to try celebrate good men™️ if they wrote these posts and it didn't feel great 👍
If women stop being feminist because they love/admire a guy and they want to defend him from women, like with Cody Ko or Johnny Depp, I don’t see that as “convenient for them” in the slightest. They’re just hypnotized by the hot guy and falling in line. It seems like THAT would be the thing for feminist women to overcome? Being hypnotized by hot guys and to follow their own judgement?
@@Diogenes-96 This def plays a part, but it really also is convenience/protecting your own standing and safety in patriarchy. I've seen women stick up for unattractive men when it would be better for their social capital to do so.
The study about what men want in their daughters is sooooo accurate to my experience. I’ve been told from every member in my family to be independent and focus on my school.
That's good advice, especially for younger people. Though, I don't think I really understood the video's commentary of that particular poll/study. Perhaps I'm dense?! lol
@@Naptosis yeah essentially men want XYZ from women they’re attracted to and ABC from their daughters. Which is interesting cause why don’t you want the woman you’re attracted to to be smart, independent etc. It’s like complaining about new age women not wanting to get married and have kids whilst raising your daughter to also not want that
Last year there was a really big drama on Polish yt called “Pandora gate” because it turned out that lots of popular polish youtubers where terrible gro*mers and misogynists and one of them was really loud and universally loved feminist. Everyone was shocked when it came out 🦋📚
Omg yes, Gargamel was the first guy I had in mind for this topic, it was so messed up especially since I watched almost every stream and picked up absolutely no red flags, scary as fuck
yeah... yeah. he probably found all these misogynistic men he criticized on his channel because he was looking for their advice. and then he turned against them only because their advice on picking up women by being confident and muscular didn't work out for him lol. he was also the first one to go on a borderline violent rant against people who played the Harry Potter game even thought he was using slurs against trans people behind the scenes. makes me wonder if male influencers have any morals or beliefs at all, or is it all just a method to gain fans, especially female fans.
As a straight guy, I feel a small but very important pitfall that tends to catch a lot of other guys is that a lot if guys assume that progressivism and leftist has a defined end-point where you can relax and say "I'm leftist enough" and are not willing to learn farther. Most guys see learning and growing as a person as a burden and not as an opportunity to discover more about the world around you. It's like working out; once you hit your target weight, you cant just say "I'm fit enough" and go back to unhealthy habits, it's constant work both physically to sustain a good look, but also mentally in understanding why you are working out in the first place.
I don't see how that first part of the sentence is relevant here but alright. No, nobody does this. The men this video is about are aware they're terrible, they're hiding it on purpose. The venus flytrap isn't suddenly going to change its ways because you gave a lecture about how it should improve lol
@@anitaremenarova6662 my point is that leftist men tend to forget to regularly check their own inherent biases as they see the label of leftist as enough but not taking the time to deal with entitlement that was fed to them as a child. Yes the main point of the video is that manipulative men have found new ways to be manipulative, and another important point to take is that we as men need to do and be better, for ourselves and the ppl around us
I feel a similar thing happens sometimes with men’s mental health activists regardless of gender. They see breaking down the boundaries men face as enough to combat gender roles and frequently swing right back to violent misogyny even if unintentionally. I’ve seen this with at least 2 different TH-camrs and it freaks me out.
@@anitaremenarova6662the callout is coming from inside the house. ive read some of your comments on this channel and i believe you comment with deliberately malicious intent and you choose to utterly ignore nuance to stroke your own ego.
A couple of years ago I was speaking a lot to this self-proclaimed feminist guy and I remember when Spain passed the law about "period being a reason for women to call in sick and get a paid leave" he went completely nuts with arguments like "it is not equality anymore, it is more rights for women because men don't have periods" and a classic "if a man feels constipated, can he call in sick too?" BRUH 💀💀💀
Constipations and periods are not the same thing. I’ve experienced both and neither are fun. Periods are worse bc it’s more pain in general. Also your emotions are insane and can keep you from focusing and can make being professional so much more difficult
i mean when noel and cody couldn't even confidently hate andrew tate on their podcast despite them 'seemingly' being feminism positive ,it should've been obvious to everyone.
THISSSS. I stopped watching them/unsubscribed precisely that moment..! Their silence they gave to a "bro" criminal when their voice mattered a lot...gave me the ick so bad
I stopped watching Cody Ko after he referred to disabled people as "vegetables" and didn't apologize despite numerous people kindly explaining why it was so offensive. After that this doesn't feel as big of a surprise, thought I was very disappointed then since I had held him in much higher regard.
Noel also insulted service dog handlers on a TMG episode, in response to them pointing out that he outright admitted he was impersonating one in a restaurant
...ffs, wait when did he say that? I watched a lot of his content from 5 years ago so whether I missed it or it's in the newer stuff. When tf did he say that? I have to see this myself because what the actual hell is wrong with him
@stitches768 I tried to google it but couldn't find what video that was - must've been at least two years ago. It was a collab with someone but that doesnt narrow it down a lot. I participated in the discussion in the comments and there were many people calling him out but those comments didn't get a ton of up votes, so most people probably didn’t see them. I'm not on reddit or anything so I don't know if there was any discussion elsewhere. Issues regarding disabled people seldom get the attention they deserve since most people's lives are untouched by them, I think what happened here is he (or his team) did notice the comments but decided it was better to say nothing than draw more attention to it by apologizing :/
He also has a weird insecure frat boy energy towards celibate people or virgins. Making content cringing to sexual predators but then shaming abstinent men is so strange to me
that stat about earning the respect of other men meaning more than earning the respect of women immediately made me think of how "I have a boyfriend" is (often) a good way to shut down a man hitting on a woman that is not interested. EVEN WHEN SHE'S SAID SHE'S NOT INTERESTED ALREADY. because to that guy, this fictional man deserves their respect more than the woman right in front of him.
Lol that doesn't even always work anymore either.😂 they will often just say something crazy like: "he doesnt have to know" or "i can be bf #2." men are so savage and self centered sometimes, they hardly care about other men, unless it's their friend maybe. It's all competition.
what's sad is that on your 'good male youtuber recs' slide, it has kurtis connor, who has a best friend who treated a woman like shit, and when she came forward with it, kurtis just said 'he's my friend, i'm not gonna dump him over this' and kept him out of his videos after that, but still remains friends to this day. it truly is just saying the right things that their audience wants to hear, but then at minimum facilitating the environments that allow this stuff to happen because of bro code.
i know men who I consider feminists, but they don't ever say that they're feminists. i know they agree with feminist beliefs because of their actions/behaviour.
i don’t consider anyone who won’t call themselves a feminist to be a feminist. it isn’t a dirty word. a fake feminist is a red flag but a man who refuses to call himself a feminist is also a red flag.
@@asmrtpop2676 That's not what they mean. It's not that they're refusing to call themselves a feminist, it's just that they don't feel like they need to sign-post that fact when they can signal it through their actions. For example, if someone asked them "Would you call yourself a feminist?" they'd probably respond "Yes, I'd say I am a feminist." but they wouldn't just drop "By the way, I'm a feminist" right in the middle of a conversation.
My boyfriend is like this and probably the only man ive met who does this. He has shown me hes a feminist through is behavior and attitudes. He never had to announce to me that he was feminist, or anti racist, or pro LGBT, etc, he showed me. Every man ive encountered who announced their feminism boldy has shown me such radical misogyny that they think they can just get away with.
I’m a cis white gay guy and something I’ve noticed a lot is that cis white gay men are shockingly bad at understanding intersectionality. Like, I’ve met so many of us who never tried to unlearn misogyny, transphobia, or racism because they think being gay makes them immune from being a bigot, even accidentally.
@@bluester7177 Lesbians not wanting to be pressured into sex with biological males is not biphobia or transphobia it’s called being gay. Straight men pretending to be bi or trans to access women as if they’re public facilities shouldn’t be supported.
I once dated a guy who pretended to be liberal. He did the right things and said the right things in the dating phase. He even had some minor flaws, so he wasn't too perfect to be believable. Once I was trapped, he flipped the script. He kept calling himself liberal but was anti-feminist. He was super conservative and red-pilly, he wanted to vote for Trump in 2016. He kept leaving jobs when I was ready to leave so I'd be fiscally trapped. I chose to be homeless in another state to leave him. To this day, to our mutual, he acts like he was the victim because, oh, how sad it is for him, his girlfriend chose to be homeless and run away than stay with him.
How do you even spin your girlfriend wanted to be homeless to make yourself the victim. If I heard a story of someone choosing to be homeless then I would immediately question how bad that person must have been. Being homeless is such a difficult thing to deal with. If someone had a good home with a good person then I would see no reason why they would leave that home for a situation that would be worse if that was the case. The only logical explanation to me with that situation is that the person who drove someone to be homeless is an awful person.
@@MsBhappy I think what they meant with that sentence is that the way a man treats a woman reflects back on the woman who is being mistreated, rather than the man who is doing the mistreating. Like was said in the video, women will say amongst each other that they have 'bad taste in men', as if it is their fault, rather than the fault of the men that mistreated them in their relationship. So in your case it would mean that the women your ex is/was friends with would blame /you/ for the way he treated you, if they ever found out, rather than him. Of course I don't know if that's what actually happened to you, but that was the point I'm pretty sure OP was making. I hope this made sense. And I'm sorry that happened to you!
I honestly have to agree with this comment, because I learned this through experience. When girls/women treat each other and themselves properly, men have a positive outlook on them and treat them right. However if they are horrible with each other, then guys unfortunately will only see us as a doormat to get stepped on. I even had one guy commenting "You get treated the way you represent yourself to the world". How true that was. But that also applies to men not just women.
I think what you said about the women blaming other women victims hit close to home. When I was younger one of my close friends was in a relationship with an abusive guy, and instead of sympathizing with her, our circle asked ourselves why she wouldn’t just leave. It really is eye opening realizing that it isn’t her fault. She was being hurt, she never wanted that and it only became obvious when it was too late. Thankfully she did get out, and now she’s in a happy healthy relationship, but now I have the insight to not ever blame a close friend for a man’s wrong doings. thank you so much!!
Oh my god thank you!!! I’ve been running into so many brocialists and fake feminists (in so many different fonts) lately and every time it completely emotionally destroys me. They are celebrated in left-leaning circles (especially by other “feminist” men) and then they treat women in their lives terribly , use all their brain power to justify their male friends’ actions and think of themselves so highly. Knowing people are talking about this and have already named it is so comforting.
I don't watch Kurtis Connor ever since it was revealed how he brought a bigoted friend (Dean) on tour with him, knowing how he treated people. He only ever made a reddit post apologizing iirc. Small in the grand scheme of things but it threw me off
It's not just that he did it though for me, it's that he did it and also tries reaaally hard to make himself out to be feminist. For example in one video pretending to cry, than saying "Oh it's not that, I was just thinking of the wage gap" when it was totally irrelevant to anything happening in the video. Just name dropping issues to get brownie points, and then turning around and platforming people like Dean.
Not small in the grand scheme of things, don't gaslight yourself. You are who you keep company with. If Kurtis Connor thinks racism, misogyny, and abuse are acceptable it's because he engages in all three on the regular himself.
A youtuber I like, Hoots, said in a podcast once: "Male feminists are on thin ice with me, because it is absolutely conditional for them", and that basically sums it up for me.
@@BryonyClaire Of course it's conditional. You treat me like garbage, I'm out. That's normal human interaction. You don't hang around groups or causes that treat you like a liability. In all honesty, I have better things to do than try to convince an entire gender of paranoid and traumatized individuals that I'm not their enemy.
My dad is so like this. He says he's a feminist and believes that women should be able to work like....ok... But then he thinks men should be the head of the household EXCEPT whenever he's around me and my husband and then he makes jokes about how I'm "the real one in charge" and how he's glad that HIS daughter "wears the pants." That's not even how our relationship works. 😑
Right?? I’m an amazing driver and I’m in stem, but somehow I’m an exception. You can show them 99 women and 1 men, all interested in the same topic. The 99 women will always be the exception.
@@OriginalGoddess Classic self-centeredness, these men don’t recognize societal issues are issues until they’re somehow directly involved. It’s those dudes who preface their support for women’s rights with “as a man with a daughter/sister” (it’s a whole other can of worms that these dudes don’t seem to care about their mothers). Okay, so you admit you wouldn’t care without a daughter or sister then. 🤦🏻♀️
It's the same as people who call themselves "nice guys" and then complain about how they still don't get women, because they simply don't act the way they portray themselves... Saying you're a feminist is one thing. But I doubt that many people who call themselves that have ever actually consciously done something in their personal life for gender equality
@@SartorialisticSavage65women are getting their basic rights stripped away in the US right now. All across the globe we are assaulted and killed in hate crimes, systemically ridiculed and infantilised all while still having to do an disproportionate amount of unpaid and emotional labour. But yes, please tell me more about how men (the people who invented and are upholding the patriarchy) are really the oppressed group 😢
@@SartorialisticSavage65the patriarchy isn’t a club its a mindset upheld by many men that things should not change socially or societally for men nor women
@@SartorialisticSavage65 no one consciously thinks of themselves that way obviously, its just systems and ideas in society that people (mostly men) believe in, hold both sexes down. also the elite is a problem but just like in the video men who say this only care about class struggles because it affects them directly, but do not listen to womens issues because they deem them as less important.
smth i keep noticing the more radical i get is how men tend to crumble under the slightest scrutiny. like they can point to guys like andrew tate and matt walsh and whoever and say BAD but any time theyre confronted with a more nuanced, maybe not mainstream conversation the mask gets torn off & you see they arent actually progressive beyond a surface level/parrot the most common feminist rhetoric instead of yk being an actual feminist. i keep seeing it w male youtubers where everyone is like "omg i never expected that he'd say that" when he's never given his opinion beyond "telling women to go back to the kitchen is bad" which is such an obvious statement but men still get points for it cuz the bar is in hell
Yeah we need to for example completely replace any sort of praise for men doing things that we would typically lament they don’t with “k good you have met expectations no trophy for participating” Like fr men getting or wanting praise for “not doing bad things” or “agreeing with basic human rights” is just social participation trophies, a concept so often hated lol
the current progressive movement is a pretty sick one. That most people pretend to hold certain opinions for profit shouldn't come as a surprise to you.😂
Good people don’t go out of their way to tell you they’re good. Only bad people constantly try to convince and prove to you they’re good. That’s really what this comes down to.
I agree with the going out of their way part. But i do thi k it's a bit weird how i've seen a lot of people (women?) here who are like "if he calls himself a feminist, that's a red flag" cause i proudly do say that when asked. I don't hold back with my beliefs when asked about them and part of that is being a feminist. For me it's a bigger red flag if people tiptoe around political descriptions of themselves and constantly have to dogwhistle. Rightwingers do that cause deep down they know how horrible and inhumane their worldview is.
@@ngotemna8875 I think the difference is: "when asked". Men who unilaterally proclaim their feminism are sus. The main point is looking at their actions, not just hearing their words.
I can definitely tell with my dad that he values more strong qualities in his daughter than in his wife. He’s always pushed me to do my best in school and to develop my career. And he’s a great dad. But the way he talks about women is often a tad strange, like he said that women can use their feminine charms to achieve and they don’t need brute strength. I agreed about the brute strength but I added…”or their intellect…” and he stammered and said “yeah, totally. That too.”
Oh gosh my dad is definitely the same - he always pushed me to be ambitious and do well in school and career (encouraged me to go to law school because he said I’d be a great lawyer), but when my mom has said she wants to go back to school to get her masters or PHD, he’s totally against it. He hasn’t said those kind of things about feminine charms, but his discrepancy between how he treats me versus how he treats my mom, who he wants to keep as a stay at home mom who does things for him, really disturbs me.
@@anitaremenarova6662 What was good advice? Saying women can just charm their way into wherever? Denying his wife the chance to further her education? I disagree.
i think women should stop caring or being afraid to hurt men's feelings when we talk about feminism and our literal rights... call me misandric but im sick of prioritizing their feelings over being honest when they won't care a bit about my feelings when would want to call me some crazy things
Its that new breed of feminist dude that runs around saying he understands the patriarchy, is very very vocal and supportive of womens rights to do sex work (which is great but in reality its a selfish support of sex work for their own benefit), and those guys that toot about how much they support womens rights to explore their bodies and sexuality, but in reality thats also a front for them to pressure women and act like if they dont wanna be poly with them then they arent "for womens freedoms" and are a prude. To be honest, its kind of really twisted how that brand of man knows just what to say to manipulate women under the guise of "female rights and liberation" 😭😭 stay safe out there yall❤
I could see, though, that there might be more of them now, since feminism isn't nearly as dirty a word now as it was back then. People who called themselves feminists 20 years ago were far more left leaning. It's great that feminism is more popular, but it does create a lot of cover for this type of man
@cedaremberr definitely not entirely new but with the boom of social media, its certainly allowed for characters like this to learn from one another, so to speak. And equally, we now have a name for people like them through discussing them and more people wizening up to this type of manipulation through online communities. Just like with narcissism.
@@RayMonaWhat are you talking about? This has been going on since the 1930s in Germany. Reassignment surgery was invented because they had too many male "workers" and not enough female ones.
The fact Cody didn't say anything and let everything fall on his newly mother,Kelsey just tells me everything. You chose yourself ,over your child and wife before admitting your own actions, says so much. Feels like Ned from the try guys all over again. I hope Kelsey chooses herself and her child over Cody, because he choose himself before you and you are worth so much more.
As much as I'd like to "give grace" to her, didn't she know at some point? And wasn't she perfectly fine with a certain person who committed a horrible crime in a similar vein being at her wedding? This wasn't her actions and I'm not one to blame any women that happened to be in close connection to a man as a way of dividing the "responsibility" so a man doesn't have to "hold it all", but I'm not too sure her being a woman is excuse enough. At the very least the child is likely affected by all of this, as this issue could follow them into their adult life and even contribute to abuse of women.
@@Vesperad0 True! There are tons of women who defend their husbands against murder and r*pe allegations. There are tons of women (even those who identify as feminist) who will turn a blind eye to any form of toxic behaviour from partners as long as it isn't aimed at THEM. Sarah Ferguson defended and stayed with Prince Andrew, for example. Females apathetic to male toxicity and the plight of other women is all too common. We don't know Kelsey's side of the story, of course, so I we aren't 100% sure at this point in time. But definitely we have to consider the possibility she's toxic as well.
Something that helped me re-contextualize the "is he a feminist/am i a feminist" problem is this quote I read (i do not know who said this) that basically said there are no feminists because feminism isn't an identity. There is only feminist action. Once you make it an identity people just put it on pins or they put it in their bios or something and they stop/never start working for change. In reality there are actions that progress feminism/society as a whole and there are actions that do not. It's been an incredibly helpful resource because it combines "show don't tell" and "faith without works is dead." Essentially leaving no room for people being "good" or "bad" feminists. People are people the question we should be asking is "was this ACTION feminist?" and no it wasn't. I remember one specific example the writer gave was someone that wrote into her saying "I'm a feminist but I'm getting married and I'm taking my husband's last name, am I a bad feminist?" The author replied (from what I remember) that there are no "feminists" the question is: is the action of taking your husband's last name feminist? No. But it's a personal choice. It does not make you "bad." Completely conforming to ideological rules to keep from "being" bad/problematic/part of the problem isn't productive it's just reinventing the idea of sin for a new religion
This sounds like my ex husband I thought he was so progressive. But when we got married. He wanted me to be his maid. I thought he was different because he was raised by a single mother lol
@lif6737 yup and she babied him so much. He literally said left me because I couldn't take care of him as well as his mother all because I told him I am not going to work and do everything for him 🙄 Good riddance
@lif6737 i was with a guy for FIVE YEARS and he told me, affectionately, that was like his girlfriend AND his mom. blerrrrgh. and another time, that sex with me couldn't be "as romantic as porn." god damn my poor self-esteem.
I don’t trust that Kurtis Conner is a good role model for guys. He’s way too buddy buddy with people that did black face and he tips off a ton of fake feminist red flags for me personally. I’ve never really understood why people all worship the ground he walks on.
Some are talking about a list of "not good" ones. Can you give a time stamp please If you happen to see it?😅 Would like to know what they did and If i should unsub.
@@lavendermayo9670 it took him a GOOD while to talk about his friend Dean who had made racist and mysogynistic "edgy jokes" in the past. Kurtis continued to bring him on tours and give him a platform
I hate how many male “feminists” try to use feminism for their own advantage. This friend of mine invited me on a date (didn’t know it was a date, I’m aroace and question why can’t people be strait forward about these) and later asked to sleep with me. When I realized my mistake and said no, he said we could be noncommittal fwb and talked about how feminist it was that I could get laid anytime I want. I never saw him again
@@magicalgirl4 he had this whole controversy with his friend, Dean. I reckon you read about it on Reddit. But basically after that whole thing, I personally no longer support Kurtis
The thing that has bothered me about the concept of "good guys", is the fact that they benefit from the existence of the bad guys as much as the abüsive bad guys themselves do. The benefit the bad guys get: they get what they want by force. The benefit the "good guy" gets: they have the evil antagonist to fight against to shine as the hero of the day in the eyes of the women. They get a very convincing disquise, and the women they do get thanks to their heroic acts against the bad guys, is even more convincing, possibly making the women more blind for their manipulation and abüse. Sometimes I feel like are any of them really good in the end of the day. I know some genuinely are, and I hate this cännibalistic food chain of men that makes me so paranoid towards all of them - even the truly good ones.
Just look out for the performative ones and you'll be fine. If you can tell a guy's politics before him even having to speak that's a red flag regardless of where he leans.
@@anitaremenarova6662 lol that's like saying people should know less about each other's politics... silly . identity is political and it becomes obvious who's chasing clout vs. who's doing real work in the field.
I mean that's part and parcel of the patriarchal society: Good men benefit indirectly from restricting women's opportunities. This is something a lot of anti-feminist forces use to recruit young, disenfranchised men, directing their attention away from the rich and powerful and towards women who they come to see as a threat to their livelihood and future. Still, I do think there is some level of bias that naturally arises from living as a woman in a misogynistic world. Many men are good (but flawed), many men think we still haven't done enough for gender equality (and identify sexual harassment as the leading problem), many of the young men I meet (as a man doing volonteer work with men) are very concerned about their partner's, mother's, and sisters' well-being. That said, I absolutely understand why you would feel paranoid, given the society we live in. I hope you get to meet a lot more kind, honest, and good men to calm those anxieties.
@@anitaremenarova6662 Okay but what about centrist or apolitical assholes? Or straight up right wing ones? It's not like any of those options is automatically safe and a green flag so it really doesn't help.
Wilbur soot was a guy that deeply upsetted me because i used to look up to him, but like you said in the video, alot of men pretend to be a "feminist" and all but in private they're misogynistic abusers
26:06: "The fear of the accusation is stronger than the sympathy of the victim" I had to check myself on this. I get into these back and forths all the time with guys who say it's worse for men in dating than women because "If a man approaches the wrong woman she could a false claim that could ruin his life." I never once thought that these men are saying they're more afraid of a woman falsely accusing them of SA than.. actual SA happening.
I once asked an ex-boyfriend of mine if he's afraid that someone might falsely accuse him of SA and he was like "LOL, no, why would anyone do that?" I didn't expect such a simple answer but I also understand what he means. He approaches physical intimacy slowly and carefully & apparently he is not active in those bubbles in which men make each other paranoid about this.
@@achillesa5894 A man is 2x more likely to SA a woman, said woman reporting to the cops and the man never getting charged or even arrested than a man getting falsely accused of SAing a woman. It's not even a legit concern. It's a deflection brought up to keep men from being charged for SA. "Well we don't wanna charge him because you could be lying and it would ruin his career". We're more concerned about men losing their jobs than stopping rapists.
I feel the same way, guys are too afraid to approach women because they're terrified of being labeled as sex creeps and SAers. Meanwhile the actual SA continues unchecked, victims still aren't believed, and perpetrators are still covered up for. I think a big part of it is that people seem to think SA is specifically when a _creep_ forces himself on a woman. And when it's a nice guy, she's making a big deal over nothing, she was asking for it, there's no reason to ruin his life, etc. as though it were merely a sexual indiscretion. An SA accusation seems to be an accusation of being a particular kind of person, and not one of engaging in a particular act of wrongdoing. I'm not sure whether we should challenge that preconception, or just roll with it.
@@turbovirgin_ I like that idea and I think we should. I think a lot of us men will downplay stuff either we do or we know others do because "I'm/there not like that". Its the whole thing where ppl think R only happens in dark alleys by dudes wearing masks. When like 90% of all Rs, they knew each other and and alot of them are in some kind of relationship. We have to change our thinking on this as a whole. Because there actually guys who are like the's ski mask in an alley dudes, but no one says anything beacuse no one would be they're "like that"
This video resonated with me. TW: grape - Last year, my then-boyfriend "graped" me via coercion under the influence. He was a communist, but new to it - he grew up under right-wing beliefs and mormanism. I pointed out a few times where he would say/do grape culture things. For example, he would say "I just can't control myself around you" a lot and I told him that's a lie, he can, and that statement is based in grape culture. Once during sex, he accidentally slid in the back door, I said oww, he stopped for like a second and kept going, and I had to tell him that wasn't okay and I didn't consent to it. He looked incredibly ashamed so I figured he didn't realize what he did was wrong. There was another time where I didn't want to have sex and he kept teasing me, which was fine, but when he pinned me to the stairs and said "what if I just f*ck you right now" and I replied "then that would be grape and wouldn't be okay," he giggled in response and held me down for a few extra seconds. It was offputting but I figured he was just nervous in hearing that and didn't know how to respond. Because he was communist and self-proclaimed feminist, I figured he had been doing the work and would never actually grape me intentionally. Then one day I fucked with the power dynamic and he responded with grape. I'm disabled, and he was around 350-400 pounds, so I'm guessing that one reason he dated me was to feel like he was more powerful. But I drove us to a waterfall one day and he wasn't physically able to get to it like I was. He was pissed off. His eyes were different. You know the whole "his eyes turned black" thing? They didn't physically turn black but that was the vibe. It was already like that on the drive there, but it was way worse when he realized I could do what he couldn't do, as a disabled cane user. I drove us back and I was in a ton of pain from my disability so I smoked a bowl (legally) and came back to cuddle. He coerced me into it and I was too high and in pain to do anything about it. I was shocked throughout the whole thing, because my brain just didn't want to accept the severity of the situation. I remember thinking while it was happening, "I'm gonna have a stern talk with him after this, this isn't okay." But after it happened, he said "I just can't control myself around you" again, and I realized the gravity of it all, that "a stern talking to" is not the appropriate response. He made me kiss him as a form of reassurance that what he had done to me was somehow okay and he got in the shower and stayed in there for a long time. I told him I was gonna get a nap. I almost recorded him but I was terrified of what he would do if he found out I was trying to record a confession. So I slowly got my things together while he was in the shower, and continued to do so as nonchalantly as possible so he wouldn't know I was planning to escape the situation. He asked me why I didn't take a nap and I just responded "I changed my mind" and thankfully he didn't press further and I continued to slowly gather everything. He only realized I was leaving once I opened the door. He wasn't dressed yet so it gave me time to get down the stairs to the car, but he chased after me once he got dressed and he leaned against the car so if I moved he would fall, just as some last ditch effort to make me want to stay. I left, had to drive home high (which was scary but I didn't know what else to do, I was in shock, and also saw the prettiest sunset I've seen in years on the drive home which was so fucking surreal btw, imagine seeing the prettiest sky on the worst day of your life) and I broke up with him over text and called a friend to go with me to get a grape kit done. Lesson learned thought - don't date anyone who hasn't truly unpacked their patriarchal upbringing just because they say they believe in womens rights and are leftists. I don't have the evidence I need to convict, like 99% of survivors. I asked him if he'd be interested in transformative justice program so both of us can heal from this in a way that doesn't rely on the criminal justice system, and he never responded. Leftists grape. Communists grape. And the majority of them are planned in advance, and a majority of them will grape again. Also I hate having to use a freakin fruit to communicate my point but this vid is important and I don't want it to get suppressed.
one thing I will note is that those were literally the only warning signs. He didn't make misogynistic jokes, he validated women's hardships, he never had anyyyyyy warning signs except the ones above, strictly related to sex. Which was wild. I didn't expect that. I always thought grapists would be more overt in their humor and everyday lingo, but no, they can be really sneaky. One in 16 men (on college campuses) are grapists according to a 2002 Lisak study. That's around 2 in a class of 30. I've had plenty of classes that size where none of the men acted in overtly misogynistic ways with creepy jokes and such. They know how to hide their shit.
I read that whole thing and I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I just have to ask: 350-400LBS? HOLY SHIT. How do you even physically... do it? At that weight I'm surprised his thing isn't buried under several layers of his own belly fat like an Egyptian tomb in the sand. That aside, I think the core issue is dishonesty. These types of men are willing to lie about their character in a desperate attempt to get sex. Ironically they'd probably do better if they were honest, because any sign of weasely behavior is a big red flag.
I remember reading a quote from a woman behind the lines of the Spanish revolution "men are only socialist from the waist up" I'm sorry you went through that How are you now?
Stories like this make my blood boil cus it’s so utterly disgusting how people could do this. I’m so sorry this happened to you. God I hate our justice system cus you should be able to get justice
(TW for sa) I’m getting over it slowly but the amount of shear shame I felt after being sa’d by my (ex)partner was indescribable, before him I was strong and independent and capable; I was dealing with some intense trauma already and he knew that, and I trusted him. And he took advantage of that thinking I would just go along with it and let it continue. I left him but for weeks after the fact I questioned if it was my fault somehow, if I had missed something or made him think that was okay.. it was never anything I did. It was always just him pretending to be a decent person so he could sleep with me.
Was so important to me, as it helped me put the last year of recovering from being thrown out of my own apartment the day me and ex was supposed to move together. Full control of economy etc etc too. It's taken me an entire year to have stable housing and access to basic needs being met consistently because I couldn't work or go to school. It's.... it's next level
My ex-boyfriend self-identified as a “male feminist” and he s.a me multiple times. He would be very outspoken for women’s rights and then turn around and hurt me. I think he thought he was exempt from following the rules of consent bc in his head he was already a “good guy”. But it really sucked breaking up with him and then watching him preach about consent and feminism when he caused my a lot of pain and discomfort when we were together.
I always thought I had a good radar for spotting fake feminists and red flags in men, but I was floored recently when I learned about SA accusations with Neil Gaiman - a prominent writer who's had such a big influence in publishing, pop culture and media in general. He's active on tumblr and often gives good advice to young writers like myself and I genuinely admired him and thought he's one of the ''good guys''.
Same here, I really enjoyed Sandman (Netflix) and then watched some interviews with the cast (including Gaiman). He seemed quite charismatic and charming. Well, he's fooled many!!!
If this was 5-6 years ago I’m for certain most of these commentary male TH-camrs would be jumping on “let’s all dunk feminism and buzzfeed” train because it monetizable and got millions of view
TW: I experienced one of these guys before, never again. I was 19 f, he was 21 m. I thought he was cool because he was everything my conservative family hates, self-proclaimed socialist feminist (🚩). After talking for a few days I went to his dorm to watch movies and cuddle (not the smartest move on my part, but I was trying to be a different "cooler" person). Things escalated into kissing, then I had to put my boundaries there. But he wouldn't stop talking about things I wasn't into. He said I'd better go, so I did. I messaged him a couple days later, asking how he was. Then he said he would SA me if we were ever behind closed doors again. I immediately blocked him, didn't take screenshots because I was scared (another mistake). Later, I told my left-leaning friends about it. They sounded like they understood. But in the next few days, they approached the guy and asked him about the message. Of course he said I was making it up and that nothing happened, then accused me of falsely accusing SA. A few nights later, my friends got drunk (I was sober), then started verbally attacking me, calling me a b*tch and a liar. I told them to go home and that we could talk about it in the morning. They wouldn't stop, so I left and blocked them. That was not a good period of my life, and shortly after I did a complete 180° and got indoctrinated into a Christian (lowkey) cult! But I'm long out of that now, transferred schools, and have an awesome boyfriend.
@@afinch1608 I am so sorry this was done to you. I am so glad you managed to get out of this situation (and the following one). I think some of the worst pain and isolation can come from the men (and other genders) closing ranks with the man if he is deemed to be 'one of the good ones' or somehow useful. Women don't destroy social justice movements with grape allegations to so called valuable men to the movement, these men do by graping. Good luck to your future!
One of the worst things is that our society has convinced us is the idea that innocuous situations are our fault, and that SA is a unique danger. You going to a friend’s place to watch a movie and cuddle is perfectly normal, much like someone going camping. The idea that someone who got attacked in the woods by a bear should qualify their statements with “yeah I went to camp (risky behavior I know)” is insane, but it’s so normalized when it comes yo SA as a form of victim blaming and it makes me so sick that we have to preface all these perfectly normal actions like we’re walking around abandoned buildings or intentionally going bear hunting, instead of just doing… basic socializing. Like we don’t go treating camping like it’s insanely dangerous and ughh I hate it. No hate toward you, I’m with you, this was a great example of this video’s topic, I just couldn’t keep this comment in. I’m happy you’re in a better place now!!!
@@allyli1718 You're absolutely right. I've kind of pushed down these memories for a couple years, and was in the hindsight is 20/20 mindset while writing this. Thanks for your input!
23:01 is so true though. Especially when so often you see on the internet if it comes out a man did something awful to his girlfriend or wife its always "she picked him" "she chose him" "but she picked him so its her fault she should have known"
The scary thing is - I don't think you can compile a list of male TH-camrs who are "safe" or a "good influence", because not too long ago, Cody probably would have been on that list.
To be fair, Cody's conduct has been on the internet this whole time. It's just that Tana Mongeau's fans and his fans don't really cross over so the collab video where he's all excited about her being "a teen" wasn't common knowledge. To compile a list of safe male TH-camrs, a background check on each of them would be mandatory. Cody Ko being a frat boy who stayed friends with a predator wouldn't have made the cut. Not to disagree with you saying men who would pass the background check aren't guaranteed to be safe men forever, because I do agree.
I think it's fair to say this is true of all influencers, not just men and not just TH-camrs. You don't know them and you don't know who they are or what they do when they are not on camera. Enjoy their content, but be aware they may be completely different people from who you believe them to be.
My biggest fear as a white trans man is ‘losing’ my memories of being treated as a woman, especially now that I pass, and accidentally unlearning my feminism, so thank you for your videos and your recommendations.
Dude, the fact you're afraid of not understanding how a woman feels - when most men are scared to look at the world from a woman's perspective for many reasons (feeling emasculated, having to face how predatory men can be towards women etc.) - tells me you're gonna be just fine.
I imagine it must be tempting to go with the flow, so to speak. A small part of me understands white men not wanting to give up their privilege. Perhaps it's more difficult to give up when it's a new status? Good luck; stay safe out there.
I obviously can't speak for your own personal experience but I can see a positive outlook in you being conscious about this fact; I wish you the best of luck
The fathers looking for different traits in younger vs older daughters and wives makes a lot of sense now. My dad seemed very satisfied that I had his stubborn loud bulldozing personality until some point in my development when he flipped and it suddenly became a personal affront to him.
Ah yes, the brocialist...the man who is perfectly described in that one White Town song everybody knows: "So much for your highbrow Marxist ways, you used me up and then you threw me away".
In my last semester, I did a project on domestic work and one of the objects of my research was the division of domestic activities between couples. The data are from Brazil, but I imagine they are repeated in others countries: I wasn't so surprised to discover that even in marriages in which both parties are highly educated, women continue to bear most of the effort. If you've been in an academic setting, you know how all men are all women's rights this and that. But they don't apply their awareness to their relationships. Being aware of a society's problems is very different from wanting to give up your privileges to solve this problems.
What privileges are you claiming that they aren't giving up to solve problems? There will always be gender roles to some degree in society. That doesn't have to be a bad thing.
@@MsBhappy "What privileges are you claiming that they aren't giving up to solve problems?" not having to do housework. There are many but that's the one we are expicitly discussing. "There will always be gender roles to some degree in society." Ok Nostradamus? "That doesn't have to be a bad thing." Lol ok Nostradumbass.
Either they give up their active role in oppression or they give up their marriage. Thank god I’ve been seeing more women leaving, they deserve better.
it's always a man who will kind of sympathise with women's struggles but you can't speak about it too much! or else they'll feel bad, like they're being attacked. the insecurity. or when they want YOU specifically to educate on certain issues. there's no end to it.
@@k-onlegacy I am entirely disinterested in your mistrust and suspicion. Either you accept my stated intentions as true, or you don't. If you don't, then I will stay away. But I will not beg for your trust, nor will I jump through hoops to prove that I am trustworthy. I am under no obligation to prove myself to anyone.
@@calebh373 Well if you're truly honest & integral then you would show it through your actions! You don't owe women (I mean other people) basic acts of decency. Help us or don't, it's your choice. Either it will be your problem or it won't that other women naturally mistrust you.
love without respect isn't love at all. these men who say they can't be "men" because of women's behavior, women being independent & working towards equality, are telling on themselves. if they can only stand tall by putting someone (or many people) below them to prop up their ego, it shows that they don't have anything within them that actually holds them up, a figurative moral spine is missing. a moral spine takes work & time, & more work for the rest of your life. flexibility when learning you've done harm even when that wasn't your intention is vital to growth. measured forgiveness is also important. a lot of people end up being isolated after doing something (or many somethings) wrong, & it makes sense. you are not obligated to be everyone's healer. but, the intention of the person should be taken into account. it's nuanced, not something we can plug into a math equation. isolation can lead to festering with the truly heinous who's intention is genuine harm, but we also cannot be held responsible for someone else entirely, we cannot say, "it's HER fault he's like that!" i do believe it is other men's responsibility to help other men the most at the stage. i don't think patriarchy should be fought by only women, good men need to take responsibility for this issue that benefits them, otherwise, they aren't that good like they play themselves off to be. apathy is violence, benefitting from this system while doing nothing actionable to change it so everyone can live better is also violence.
Yesssssss, I don't like the word "love" bc I have had plenty of people that love me and I know they love me. Do things that have hurt me, that have breached my consent, that have continuously disrespected my boundaries, that don't even know basic facts about me yet they say they know what's best for me. I'm done with the word "love" bc I have learned that although someone may truly love you, it does not guarantee they will respect you.
Patriarchy is literally just the authority of a father. Even if a heterosexual couple is 100% equal in terms of authority, the patriarch is still there because if they have children then the father has a legal authority over the child.
Saying "It's hard to be a man when women have careers" reveals that these men see the status of "man" not as a gender identity or even a biological sex, they see it as intrinsically tied up in dominance over women.
@@thatoneperson8154 that's not what i'm saying at all & i'm sorry you feel that way. people who have harmed me who also say they love me just used the phrase to continue harm, subconsciously or not. but thst wasn't actually love, ya know? just as someone claiming to be xyz religion but then constantly scams their community to have a lavish lifestyle under the guise that they're ordained by whatever god to have it all. i'm sorry the idea of love has been used against you, & i hope you will get to experience the real, collaborative, & deep love that is out there looking for you too.
@@harpsdesire4200 your comments come from a deeply-wounded place that ends up with you reacting in a way to help protect you, i mean this so respectively as someone who has experienced this, but it's an overreaction. we do not need female separatism, but i understand why in the face of patriarchy & misogyny & misogynoir & everything, it feels like there can be no other option. there is nothing inherent within either sexes that means we cannot live in a beautiful world together, there are just enough awful people in power that need things to be like this for them to make a buck. but it will not be like this forever. separatism will only make it last longer, it does not repair anything but i get why you feel that way.
I think such guys like the feel of breaking a woman. If she is strong, independend, funny, love-living , he starts to slowly ause her by bit, 'drinking' her energy, health etc, and at the end of the day finally suppress her
Trevor Noah was told that by his mom. His mother said about that kind of man, "He's like an exotic bird collector. He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage."
@@calebh373 ? That's why they said "such guys", are you such a guy or why do you disagree? All of this is literally what an abuser will do to you, drain you of your energy, wreck your self-esteem and mental wellbeing, influence you to change your character to the point where you don't recognise yourself anymore.
Tragically, my father is an extreme example of this. He, alongside my mother taught me feminist values growing up, and he passionately supported womens rights. But recently it came out that he for years veiwed CP. It really shook me to my core to learn. I still have a relationship with him, though it will be never be the same. He lives contrary to his values.
This is why conservative men are better. Not only will they treat you like a real, biological woman, but they won’t lie and pretend that they see you as an equal. They’re honest AND manly AND they take care of you. No downsides.
@@BigOwl51 you are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I won't be defending myself here. All I will say is this: my father will have to answer for his crimes, in this life and the next. I will not take responsibility for them. I was a child myself when he was doing this
@@BigOwl51 imagine blaming a child for their parents behavior. people are allowed to have relationships with their parents even if you don’t understand it or approve of it.
I have taken online to, when I reply to men who say, "female" using women and "males" - they always have something to say about that, they dislike it LOL
Women have slighted me in the past, but I don't make myself feel better about it by treating women I interact with worse. You shouldn't do the same with men.
@@snkybrki I wouldn't address a random man that way, only one doing the action noted. It is always appropriate to match someone's energy, if they give no respect, they deserve none. If you always act the doormat and never match energy people will treat you like one. So if someone is mocking and dehumanizing you, you are entitled to match that energy. And if you don't, you're welcoming them to contiue to treat you AND others the same.
@@kiterafrey Just realized I misread your original comment- didn't internalize the "when I see people do it" part. My bad. That said, I don't think it's a good idea to go tit for tat on the internet, in any general manner. 3rd parties (those who you aren't specifically addressing) will see you and what they associate with you worse for it. Those you're addressing will too, of course, but they'd also feel what you felt- which is the point of tit for tat. Throwing an idea or behavior back at someone isn't inherently a bad idea, though. Framing it in a "what you just did is like me doing this" way helps to avoid souring 3rd parties without reason. Unless you don't care about all that, and just want to make yourself feel better. In which case, do whatever tf you want, just don't complain about others doing the same.
As a straight man, a person of colour who had a confusing upbringing, I made so many mistakes in my adolescence, the person I was is unrecognisable to me now, but I am really glad I didn’t grow up during this era, I fear I would have not had the chance to grow and learn from my mistakes. I’m really glad you made a point to talk about people making mistakes and learning.
Thank you for showcasing Amber as an example of the imperfect victim. She was consistently dehumanized and I’m still so sick and disgusted from that trial and the cultural response.
@@rosesweetcharlotte Deep had a history of violent behaviour, use of hard drugs, breaking the law, and much more before the allegations even surfaced. The court documents that were released post-trial also shine a MUCH different light on what happened.
I didn’t watch the trial it seemed toxic. I called it a charisma contest between the two and Johnny Deep had more Rizz. I liked hearing her take on it.
yeah I've met these type of dudes a lot when I was in university. Going to the student's feminist rally, raising awareness of SA on campus and such, but gets outed as an abusive manipulator once they graduated. Sad thing is, many young impressionable women falls victim to these type of dudes. Just fresh out of highschool, went to university, trying to fit in, suddenly a senior years older than you made a move on you, he's this feminist blah blah blah who will "protect" you from the "bad influence" from the campus, and 6 months in you're trapped in an abusive relationship.
It’s why when guys often call another guy a pick me, it’s because we know his angle! But women will call us haters, until the man does what he does. For example Derrick Jaxn 😭
At this point in my life I hardly know any genuinely nice and supportive men. It's not that I don't accept that men are people with flaws and that's okay, nuh-uh. But most of those I know disappoint me time and time again with misogynist, encroaching or downright abusive behavior. Even the men I love most disappoint me with their fragile egos and learned helplessness and lack of self-reflection. It makes me really sad. No doubt there's others out there - but I don't know them.
@@konpulsiv No, simply hang out in places that attract mostly progressive people by default but aren't inherently political. Drama clubs, counter-culture concerts etc.
I used to have friend like this. He pretended to be so open minded, so supportive of everyone in our group. Feminist, lgbt+ support, all about science and being modern and progressive. The Nice Guy. But there was a small signs. He didn't really support our little silly gay jokes, never really joined them or laught. Always was a bit offended then we didn't praised him for being so good (as all of us were by default). And he told me stuff like "you are so smart, girls in my city not like that at all, you know?" The day then he exploded with rage he told us everything about bad women, about how weak of a nation we are and some slurs of course...
I think I would've laughed at that out burst. How am I supposed to take a person like that seriously? A psychopath can never mask their true self forever.
@@CATmetchu months before that he actually send me cringe voice message (5 minutes long), and then gaslight me that he don't really think like that, he has insomnia and he's still depressed after my "no" (year ago), and he still wanna be friends, and how bad of a person I'll be if i ruin this friendship just because of one mistake. He was so good with everyone else, so i forgiven him, but deep down knew this rage was honest and still there. Kinda waited for that burst to happen in front of everyone, because he was really good with them
I mean the fact that an innocent man's life will be ruined and his reputation will be shattered even AFTER he is proven to be innocent, you are not going to win any man over with feminism. You would think we would be thinking more critically after the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard, but no. So yeah, men are rightfully afraid of being accused. If you are an average man or especially a man of status, it's best we avoid or become indifferent when some women become scornful. I don't expect you to understand a man's perspective, but why the hell should men still side with feminism when innocent men got bombarded with misandrist statements by the ones who claim to fight for "equality"?
The thing with the argument of “oh she was 17 which is BASICALLY of age” is that it’s a slippery slope of us accepting and normalising that to then go on to say “oh she was 16 which is BASICALLY 17” and then where does it end? This is something i see in many debates (particularly moral/legal ones) of the “exception” but if we give an exception to something enough times it becomes the standard and the new, more extreme exception is made
Don't say that... its super defeatist and will get us no closer to building a progressive future...I do think some men really are trust worthy. I can usually tell by how they go about speaking on women's issues/being an ally. They are often one to recognize when they are talking out of their scope of experience or knowledge and defer to a women to explain a concept better. FD does this often that's why I respect him.
Frederich Engels originally wanted more included in the Communist Manifesto about the unique struggles of the female working class, pointing out how they were also uniquely oppressed for their reproductive capabilities. Karl Marx disagreed with him and had most of his writings about sexism removed. Marx himself relied heavily on the labor of his wife to fuel his career overall, as many male writers of those days could barely maintain a career without the help of their wives and often stole their ideas/plagiarized their writings (Tolstoy, Fitzgerald, etc.) while forcing them to essentially be their domestic slaves. Karl Marx also relied on his wife Sophia’s money to bail him out of jail and pay his debts. She regularly wrote him about feeling unloved by him, how she felt that the Communist movement ignored women/was a boy’s club. Sophia was the one who had to edit his unreadable writings and made it into what we now know as The Communist Manifesto. She was an active participant in the movement, was the one mostly funding Marx, let him put their family in harm’s way, and gave her entire life for his movement, but she was never given credit by him. Reminds me of a phrase: “Men are only communists from the waist up.”
I matched with this one older white dude on a dating app (he was like 32, I’m black and was 22 at the time) and I was so sure I had a good radar for these types. He seemed so cool, but that quickly changed. He offered to drop me off for my college class, which I thought was sweet, but that turned into me being LATE for class, because he wouldn’t let me out of his truck without a make out session. He pushed me into being intimate a few times, but not ~aggressively~ so I was fooled into thinking it was just teasing or flirting or something. Then after we had sex for the first time, he quickly dropped off from messaging me. Also the sex was bad and rushed because he wanted it like immediately in a parking lot at night-ahem, anyways. Also he bought a whip for sex which made me feel a lil uncomfy cause of race play requests I’ve gotten in the past.
As someone else said, yikes. I'll be entering college soon, so I think I read this at the right time. I'll try to avoid dating men so much older than me, and avoid entrusting him to get me somewhere on time until I have known him for awhile. My mom never told my dad where she lived or let him pick her up until she had known him for months. I thought it was paranoid when I was younger, but now I understand perfectly.
As someone else said, yikes. I'll be entering college soon, so I think I read this at the right time. I'll try to avoid dating men so much older than me, and avoid entrusting him to get me somewhere on time until I have known him for awhile. My mom never told my dad where she lived or let him pick her up until she had known him for months. I thought it was paranoid when I was younger, but now I understand perfectly.
@Tail_sez No, you won't try to avoid it. You will avoid it. They are not better than your peers, they are not more mature than your peers if they're trying to date you. You're not "mature for your age" either. It's very easy to avoid it. 30+ year olds are not your dating options. You will regret it. Date someone on your level and minimize the potential problems. Just, please. Every generation makes this same mistake because there's a never ending supply of these dudes convincing you that it's not weird. Trust me, it's weird.
@@Maialeen Yeah, what I meant by 'try' is that sometimes even when people do all the right things, they can be tricked into doing something unsafe or let their guard down. For example, my mom, a paragon of caution and privacy, once accidentally revealed the school she worked at to a man she had just met, and he was waiting for her at the front entrance with...an apple. Maybe he was trying to be cute or something, but it scared the crap out of my mom, and she was luckily able to walk back on her interest in going out with him, and convince the principal to chase him off if he showed up again. If he had been a more obsessive type, and/or the principal less understanding, he might have stalked her over a minor slip up.
I identified as a feminist when I was like 23 bc I thought it was the right thing to do. But I grew up and realized it was more important to Do things that supported gender equity (etc) than to Talk About How Good I Am.
I’ve unfortunately witnessed so many men I loved and considered friends fall into this category. They only kept me around because they had they idealized a future ,an impossible future,with me (one that I wasn’t even aware of) They start mistaking basic kindness/friendship as flirtation and get angry with rejection or “competition”. It’s such a pattern that I’m weary of making friends with men even if they are “feminists”. In fact I’m even more weary of fake woke men who think reading one Bell Hooks book makes them experts on feminism.
Being someone who's technically straight, sometimes I'm almost glad I'm also far enough along the aromantic and asexual spectrums that my attraction is once in a blue moon and just as minute. I've unfortunately had my share of fake feminist men. The worst kind isn't the people who's just faking it so they can fit in, it's the people who actually believe they don't have anything to work on and refuses to realize how hypocritical they are. Everybody has unlearning to do and I have no authority to fault someone else for having internalized beliefs, but there's a difference between working to undo those beliefs and allowing the beliefs to fester into harmful actions and ideology.
Same here. I was just thinking about Miss PunnyPennie's brilliant poem on yt 'Am I flirting with you?' and thinking how it feels like we need strong movements to address so much of this.
About the study 18:34. With my friend group we have talked about it a lot. The thing is that it's kinda hard to be a male in left and feminist spaces because there's the constant narrative that men are the problem, and they (we) are at fault of basically everything. And of course, it's understandable. But as the narrative keeps being "woman and lgbtq+ people against man" and not "people against patriarchy", a lot of men keeps reading and hearing about how bad they are and how they should be rejected in general. Somo of us are constantly trying to actualize, deconstruct and reflect; and when you are insert in spaces with that narrative it's very easy to feel guilt for being a man, feel less and that you have the moral obligation to remove yourself from those spaces. I am very lucky to have a large group of lgbtq+ and feminists who are close friends and can talk with me thru this process and give me acceptance and a safe place and reaffirm that i'm not part of the people they refer when they talk trash about MEN. But if i didn't have this supporting wonderful people in my life, i can see how alluring and tempting it could be to join the dark side. The thing is everybody needs and deserves acceptance, a safe place and a sense of belonging. So when the discourse is that men are trash, those men feel like they don't belong with that crowd. And that's when the Ben Shapiros of the world pray upon them just by saying "Hey, you are valid. You are accepted. You have a safe place here. You are not a monster". And from that to the indoctrination of ideologies is just some time and easy steps. So yeah, i'm not surprised by the results of that study. And i really think this is the kind of beast we can only kill with kindness.
I didnt notice your English being bad, but its my only language and I still struggle with getting stuff right, especially grammar. AND I'm firmly in the camp that being bilingual is both impressive & cool. Its actually one of my biggest red flags when it comes to other people, oh you're belittling someone for learning another language? Okay I know to stay away from you and your judgement. I actually was going to reply to say that I thought this was a well thought out comment, that I appreciated you sharing your experience as a man. Especially touching on the way that a lot of leftist spaces cater to women and lgtbqia when men are equally victims of the patriarchy. And while that isnt a viable excuse for men to do terrible things, lets not forget being a shithead is inclusive of all genders it is not a strictly male activity, and it further damages society by pretending that isnt true.
I get it, but at the same time you have to understand that it's REALLY, REALLY TIRING. WOMEN ARE REALLY TIRED AT THIS POINT. A lot of things are catered to men, even the medical community. I don't fault women for having what you call "men are the problem" narrative in feminist spaces. "Everybody needs and deserves acceptance, a safe place and a sense of belonging". And feminist spaces are the only thing we have in a world that only catered to men for centuries. Don't tell me we have to use that space, too, to cater to their hurt feelings. It's very contradictory of their cause, if it was a genuine one. Men wanting to fight for feminism, so women in feminist spaces needed to "just smile and be polite like a good girl" in order to cater to them. You've got to be kidding me. Don't take our freedom to vent out, too.
I get it, but at the same time you have to understand that it's REALLY, REALLY TIRING. WOMEN ARE REALLY TIRED AT THIS POINT. A lot of things are catered to men, even the fkn medical community. I don't fault women for having what you called "men are the problem" narrative in feminist spaces. I don't even remember the last time i saw a woman's comment section or played a game online where we don't get labeled h03s, where all of our actions are nitpicked as doing it to seduce men and get validation from men, how we lack self-respect and are used-up holes, or how the comment would be FILLED with "disgusting" and "she needs to shave" when they get a glimpse of body hair. Hard to be a male in feminist spaces? Imagine being a female in patriarchal and misogynistic society. I can't stress this enough, BUT WE'RE REALLY, REALLY TIRED. "Everybody needs and deserves acceptance, a safe place and a sense of belonging". And feminist spaces are the only thing we have in a world that only catered to men for centuries. We created our own little version of that "accepting, safe place" in a society that didn't do that for us. Don't tell me we have to use that space, too, to cater to their hurt feelings. It's very contradictory of their cause, if it was a genuine one. Men wanting to fight for feminism, so women in feminist spaces needed to "just smile and be polite like a good girl" in order to cater to them. You've got to be kidding me. Don't take our freedom to vent out, too.
I get what you're saying, I really do, and I think there definitely is validity to the points you've made; however, I feel like the same could be said of "non-white" spaces and there is no temptation within me to demonize people who aren't white or to ignore what is happening to these other communities of people just because the spaces aren't for me and they(rightfully) generalize their lived experiences and call out the systemic issues they butt up against on a daily basis. I don't feel defensive about these ideas because I agree with the general sentiments they are expressing and I personally also find "white supremacists" scary. I, too, am an outsider looking into these spaces and I try to listen and learn. It can be particularly alienating at times because, as a busy adult, I don't have many friends, therefore my support system, by default, usually ends up being my immediate family members who also happen to be white. While my family, for the most part, are definitely not overtly racist, there are many conversations I have had with them over the years where I am am the one attempting to explain the more nefarious systemic issues that exist(which we are almost brainwashed into ignoring/not noticing); I am also not the most well spoken individual so these complicated conversations can be quite frustrating(though I do think we've all made a lot of progress and done a lot of learning collectively). Given my situation as it is, the importance of developing my own emotional maturity and critical thinking skills has become extremely apparent to me. I'm also not sure where I would be in my personal development if I did not have both, access to the internet as a resource providing me with a diverse range of viewpoints, and the ability to seek out unbiased sources of factual information combined with the understanding that I have to contextualize said information in a way that does not ignore the humanity and the lived experiences of the people it regards. I have to think critically about the systems we exist under, I have to reflect and understand when the blanket narrative around whiteness applies to me(e.g. structural issues) and when it does not(e.g. being overtly racist). I understand why I might have to go a little further to prove myself trustworthy in these spaces(if I am able/want to participate in them) and I understand why I have to have a little more tact in these spaces and the discourse surrounding these topics. This is a lifelong learning/unlearning process, it's exhausting, it's hard work and it's much easier to be lazy and selfish. I have to keep dropping my ego and defensiveness whenever they rear their ugly heads and I have to keep learning and growing as a person. With all that said, even if I was specifically being targeted and I was being "berated for being white/cisgender/straight/whatever" as an individual, there is no situation that would make me turn against a group of people in this way because my character, my morality and my critical thinking skills regarding the situation wouldn't allow it. My opinion wouldn't magically change because I feel touchy about the way something is being phrased, or even if I was truly being discriminated against as an individual because of other people's perceptions of whatever privileged/non-marginalized group I am a part of. While I understand that the generalizations I'm lumped into don't always apply to me, I see how they can be useful when pointing out the benefactors of systemic oppression as well as how they can be useful to get people to think and reflect on the imbalances within said systems. There is also no way that I would automatically jump to generalizing people who are already marginalized just because some people within that group have hurt my feelings(rightfully or wrongfully). I might feel a little more isolated because there is one less place that I "fit in," but I wouldn't lash out at random groups and start associating with terrible people as a result.* My defensiveness would never cause such an overreaction; there would be no, "You know what, maybe all those Nazis were right because you're being mean to me. I will now be friends with these terrible people." I could see a world in which one could be sucked into certain ideologies slowly, but there should come a point where, a person's morality and sense of self should kick in. At some point along the spectrum of ideas, they should notice that their values don't align with the people they have been following and they should self-reflect. "This isn't right. This doesn't serve my needs or align with how I want to grow as a human being. I need to deconstruct and find a new baseline." Though not to this extreme, I regularly reevaluate who I am supporting/getting information from. In any case, it is our own responsibility to navigate our way out of these situations and decide what we find to be acceptable behaviour as human beings. If they can't or don't want to do this and they are somehow sucked into these ideologies and get stuck there, I think they are dangerous people and we should be weary of them. If they are so far gone that they agree with a lot of these deeply misogynistic influencers, is that not indicative of their character? I also believe most people would never be violent towards others who have offended them as I have noticed happens when men are asked to reflect on men as a general group of people. It's always "warped statistics for thee and none for me." When the types of men question are presented with a generalized critique or even a stereotype of the male sex, it disproportionately turns into actual violence towards the groups of people calling them out compared to when it is the other way around. When women are presented with a generalized critique or stereotype of the female sex it often it goes overlooked, or maybe it is met with defensiveness, criticism and the context is given for why women might be that way and in the extreme cases we create "movements/groups" on the internet discussing the struggles we face within our patriarchal systems. This typically creates more community, discourse and education which results in boundaries being placed to protect ourselves and, by extension, more accountability when said boundaries have been crossed; this creation of boundaries then also gets criticized because the men who the boundaries are protecting against don't like having said boundaries in place. Boundaries are somehow viewed as an attack against them rather than the protective measure they obviously are. On the other hand, when these types of men start flocking to the Andrew Tates of world because they feel isolated/unfairly criticized/that their sense of "manliness" is "being attacked," there is a lot of black and white thinking, dehumanizing and violent rhetoric surrounding the discourse and it almost always results in an* increase in harassment, death threats, rape threats, and most importantly real world violence and crimes being committed against women/anyone who is not a straight/cis man. While I do think it would be best for everyone involved to keep these types of men away from the Andrew Tates of the world, I have trouble accepting the implication that the responsibility somehow falls to the groups of people being hurt and marginalized to be kinder and more careful of offending the group of people who are already harming them. Maybe the men who can't understand why they are being generalized as a group and turn to violent/terrible people for solace are just bad people? Maybe that's why it's so easy to accept what all these dude/bros are saying to them? Why should the people they are negatively affecting soften the blow in order to bring them into the fold? Why should they be trusted if they can so easily switch to being terrible to other people the moment their egos aren't being stroked in the exact right way? I have trouble accepting this narrative for that reason alone. Historically, it has always been marginalized groups of people themselves who develop the labels and language within conversations about their oppression and it should continue be that way for obviously reasons. */end diatribe* I hope that what I've said at least makes sense because I was having trouble articulating what I meant at certain points. lol *TL/DR:* I do understand your point and I do agree that it is in everyone's best interest to prevent these types of men from taking drastic actions just because they feel isolated; however, I do question their character if they are so easily swayed and I don't necessarily buy into the idea that policing the way marginalized groups of people discuss their trauma and oppression is the way to do this. The solution must come from a different source.
I get what you're saying and I accept the premisse, but the solution everytime there is a comment like this, which is often, is never that maybe men should create this spaces for themselves and it seems to never be that they support each other and teach each other, it seems always to be welcome elsewhere in places where other people put in the work, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be welcomed in this places, but a space which was made with a specific community in mind will never be as safe to you than it is to them, I'm a mixed race person with white privilege, poc spaces are not catered to my experiences and sometimes they are going to be unconfortable to me, because they will force me to see biases I don't even know I have and they will share experiences that sometimes will make people like me the villain, or they will generalise because they are hurt and that doesn't make these spaces less necessary. I may be wrong and I don't want to offend anyone but it feels like a type of entitlement, to want to feel safe and confortable in spaces made with an specific demographic in mind without actually using critical thinking to confront that sometimes you do have some bad behaviours or that something is not about you, even when it's a generalizing statement.
This isn’t just a feminism issue, it’s also an intersectional (race, political, gender, environmental, LGBTQ+, etc.) issue as well. So many companies, organizations, artists, creators, and celebrities claim that that they believe in progressive values for the sake of brownie points/popularity but when it’s time to actually implement those values into their own lives and businesses , they do the exact opposite. This is especially rife throughout different communities like the TERFs, ‘progressive’ celebrities associating themselves with problematic individuals/companies/organizations , ‘nice guys’, liberal politicians being lobbied by conservative led organizations/corporations, and liberal Zionists. In the words of MLK Jr. , “Injustice anywhere is a threat to Justice everywhere”.
@mfuentes4961 agree! And I've spoken about this before how I'm an intersectional feminist, hence my labeling of feminism is as such (I've got a whole video all about it). It's all wokefishing bs so many sadly do, it's a broader topic hence me focusing on the fake male feminist facade for this video, rainbow washing has been well covered by many amazing creators so I didn't want to step on their toes but I totally agree 😊
Yeah, it's all about social acceptance. Right now the socially acceptable thing is Progressive politics and you're a Nazi if you disagree, 30 years ago it was the Religious Right and you'd be a Satan Worshipper if you disagreed (good times), 60 years ago it was McCarthyism and you'd be a Commie if you disagreed. I could keep going but this is just normal human behaviour, we will exaggerate and lie to gain the social acceptance of those around us, especially when you'll be villainized for disagreeing and especially especially if there is a tangible personal benefit in doing so e.g. Selling Rainbows to Gay People in June. Just gotta wait for something else to become the new popular position and then you'll find less people lying about being a Progressive because it won't as socially advantageous to do so.
@@BryonyClaireI'm really confused why Zionism would be included on that list. You're classifying Jews as problematic. It's really weird seeing antisemitism coming from progressives.
Man I just noticed he made a video on the Cody Ko situation and so I can’t completely feel a suspicious feeling as much as I used to but one influencer that like… I don’t know what it is maybe because it’s the same vibes as Kurtis Conner who turned out to have a bad friend but: Film Cooper strikes me as weird. He hasn’t done anything bad from what I’ve heard of or seen but you never know what skeletons can be in someone’s closet.
@@nanomiai've seen how he spoke about fat people, and how he hated the mormon girl model with lucky blue smith, not because she was promoting staying at home while she's super rich and working on her influencer career, but because he thought she was annoyingly perfect. This dude also said "this outfit is Martha P Johnson inspired" on tiktok and people clocked him for trying to look "queer and woke". Film cooper can make correct videos but i wouldn't bet on this horse on the long term.
100%. My main problem with him is that he seems *very* aggressive in his delivery, which tipped me off and a secondary "issue": He obviously thinks he is very hot and any guy thinking of himself like that and uploading a bunch of thirstraps is just...a red flag. You just know those guys talk to "fans" in the DMs.
@@m00nrac00nHe made an entire video dedicated to joining the bandwagon where right wingers hated this one guy for talking about Nazi dogwhistles. He didn't even criticize the guy, just said he was embarrassing and "going too far" and that people use those so-called dogwhistles innocently all the time. And like.... Yeah. That's why they're called dogwhistles. That's the point. If it was something blatant like paying tribal people to hold up a sign that says "god hates jews" then it wouldn't be a goddamn dog whistle, would it? That kind of "stop educating, you're going too far" talk is always the reddest of red flags. Any leftist who didn't agree with the guy's delivery would just message him privately or not interact with him at all. Publicly making a hate video on him is WILD for someone without ulterior motives.
I haven't seen other videos of yours, but I appreciate you giving enthusiastic shout-outs to other creators, and citing your sources. It's refreshing. 🦋📚
it’s kind of similar to the whole “i’m a nice guy!” thing. like, if you’re genuinely a nice guy, people will be able to see that and you won’t need to convince them!
@@letsalllovelein Genuinely a guy may be able to say this to his woman and get away with it but genuinely reading this made me briefly flash red lol. As a foundational pillar of philosophy it's about defending a thesis statement and advancing the field further. Actions do speak quite a bit louder than words you are correct. Consistent ethics and mutual respect will maybe get you passing two of the first year philosophy courses if you actually do understand the terms wholly. u are correct. Consistent ethics and mutual respect will maybe get you passing two of the first year philosophy courses if you actually do understand the terms wholly. The majority of feminists I know are actually doctorate holding men, it's why I would never change my field to feminism till I have done equal work.
I haven't watched the video yet, but I see some comments about Kurtis Connor being recommended and like, no. He's one of Them. He stood by his terrible friends last I checked.
Had a friend who said all the right things, said he respected boundaries and was a safe person, but he wouldn't stop touching me when I told him I didn't like it (I don't need to qualify this, but he knew I was touch averse autistic with sxual trauma and not interested in men) I thought he was safeish because he was engaged, but the engagement fell apart and tried to sleep with me. I cut him off and he stalked me. A family member of his that I worked with told me he had been violent with women in the past (would have been great information sooner) he moved away, but I'm still hurt and anxious.
![[MHWI] helpin :)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YmEiFra22rg/mqdefault.jpg)
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
Surprisingly, no, I wasn't a theatre kid, but this $8 green screen i found sure brings that out in me 😅
Resources are in the description if you need them, this is another heavy topic and as much as i try to inject some levity into things to help us all get through it, this is a serious topic.
Also, I'm sure there will be angry comments popping up, if people are being mean to YOU, i will delete them, I'll be trying to keep on top of that. I expect there will be folks who don't watch the whole video who have a knee jerk reaction to me even talking about this and my best advice is to just leave them be
Your costumes are fantastic and I love the lash facial hair ❤❤❤❤🎉
@@stephaniecork3632 I had way too much fun in male drag
I cannot leave them be lol 😂
Hey. As a trans person, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t promote Rachel Oates. She has a history of some pretty bad behavior toward the trans community generally, and some specific trans people. Please watch the videos about this on the channel Essence of Thought (with an open mind.) I know it sucks to hear a creator you like has done things like this, but when trans people are saying things like this, I hope you think it’s important enough to listen.
@eagletscosplaycloset3793 oh no, that's really bad to hear, I had no idea, I'll look into this thanks for letting me know
A lot of people are overly hung up on gender roles. We can ALL be kind, romantic, strong, independent, career-driven, family-oriented, nurturing. None of those aren't gender-specific qualities; they're the qualities of a well-rounded, mature, mentally-healthy adult.
100% agree, the issue is that the people who are taught it's their responsibility to be the "nice, caring, nurturers" are girls and boys are discouraged from that as those are labeled as feminine qualities
(Using binary terms here as that's sadly still how people are taught this messaging)
@@BryonyClaire I totally get what you mean. I wasn't raised that way, but I know a lot of (most?) people are. That kind of thinking is a cage and makes everyone miserable. 😟
Thats the goal but not the reality. Saying we should all be nice when women, most specifically, women of color, are the most targeted in hate crimes, death in pregnancy, and overall desperity of wealth. Tell that to men who set up this system, not a woman who is burdened in this system.
@@makealae I 100% agree with you. My comment was not aimed at any particular person/group though. I was just expressing my thoughts on this topic.
@@BryonyClaireI guess I'm an example of an exception, I was raised amab but now I'm trying to deconstruct that shit (had a trans epiphany at 18 then did something I regret immensely) and I'm trying to deconstruct my very strict and sheltered upbringing so I can improve my relationships with the women in my life, it's a slow process but a sure one.
Having the ability to say no to your own parents when they try to control you is a virtue, so is teaching young people proper emotional intelligence, something I've realised too late that I'm quite capable of, but was repressed instead of nurtured growing up, which definitely didn't ruin my relationships and contribute towards a destructive downward spiral.
I hope I can set an example for the younger people in my family so they don't end up like I did.
(Yes I am trying atm to seek a therapist, how could you tell😂)
"The age of consent is not a target for you to hit." - Angelika Oles.
omg i used to watch her love angelika oles
@VVillleOkey troll
Fr everyone that be like "but it was legal" already lose the argument cuz wtf do u mean by that ? It still doesn't mean it's normal to hit
And prison is just a room @VVillle
Guys! Guys! Instead of wasting your time engaging in spam trolls. Just report them! Spam report!! Another tip from your friend
"The fear of the accusation is stronger than the sympathy for the victim" is such a strong line. I'mma be munching on that one for a while now
Yh when you've got the mental age of a 12 year old
@@wokecommunist3095 who hurt you?
@@iamz_mbie I grew out of fearing accusations years ago. Thank you for your concern :)
Wow, same here. It's astounizingly sad how true this phrase is.
I thought this was just common sense? An accusation of assault is more than just "You hurt this person and you need to acknowledge your mistake and make amends". We have neither pity nor sympathy for assaulters. We see them more as rabid animals than as human beings. We're terrified of them.
The thing that gets me about this is that the same version of Tana that people find most unlikeable --- the immature, out there, controversial, childish teen version of Tana, is the one a 25 yr old Cody was so eager to get his hands on and slobbering over on camera. The people that hate Tana so much that they're bashing her for coming out with this aren't even thinking about that other extra layer that makes his actions doubly creepy and inappropriate.
YES! It's the whole hindsight issue, she's his age (when it happened) now and she can look back with a more mature lens and can rightfully question "wtf was that? I would never even consider this" and its THAT exact moment where we (who went through that stuff) can see it so clearly for what it was. Yet because we realise it later on in life, past our so called "use by date" (because these types of guys like to focus on v young girls), we get called bitter and resentful. It's like...no...we're at the same level of maturity as the person doing the bad stuff now and can call it for what it was.
Very much appreciate this, didn’t see this connection but it opens so much for me. Thank you!
But you don't actually know that you're just saying that you do realize that right?
You can't definitively know Tana's or Cody's thoughts and motivations, as these are personal and private. Unless they've explicitly stated their intentions, attributing specific reasons to their actions is purely speculative. Additionally, assuming why people criticize Tana without direct insight into their minds is equally speculative. To understand the situation accurately, it's crucial to rely on verifiable facts and avoid making assumptions about people's inner thoughts and motivations.
I didn't even think of this but yes exactly!! I've been looking at it through the lens of Tana now, and ive still been on Tanas side but this added layer makes it so much worse for me. I forgot how childish and immature she was when she first started on youtube. And she was close friends with all these older men (like remember her closeness with Shane Dawson). Being 18 now, I understand that there was a huge disparity in maturity and life experience between her and these men she was associating with
Unfortunately I've had encounters with men who genuinely understood patriarchy, cared about feminism 'out there' but didn't feel it applied to them and behaved in deeply misogynistic ways. They walk amongst us!
One of the GOOD ONES™️
Well, like how many of us feel, they don’t think too much about it until it directly affects them. And in that case, when they suddenly don’t feel they’re taken care of any
Ore like they are expecting they immediately lash out to “put the woman in her place: lower and subservient to them” but they will also likely never fully realize this
@@KatieLHall-fy1hw It's difficult not to be suspicious. But I guess it made me aware that anyone is capable of leaning into any power they have over others, no matter their values. If someone tells you about themself (and it seems to contradict their apparent feminist stance), believe them. And to believe patterns, not apologies. ❤️🔥
@@dontnoable well, I think most try to do their best, provided they aren’t shamed into continuing to give another chance or shamed for making the decision to leave or do a drastic change. It’s a difficult world out there and while it is always best when we help each other, we are all, too, just trying to survive. None of us get out alive in the end
There is a flipside to this critique: if you get harsh with it, especially with young boys, they will flock to the arms of right-wing politics, because they will validate their feelings and give them answers when the Left (tm) don't, no matter how wrong those answers are. That's one path for right-wing radicalization
My abuser was a "feminist" He still abused me. He still sexually assaulted me, multiple times. Everyone around me viewed him as a lovely, politically correct guy. Perceptions of others is just that, perception. Someone may 'seem' incapable of certain behaviours, that doesn't mean they are. Your view on someone, your personal experience with someone, should NOT prevent you from believing victims.
They just want to hurt us. They want us vulnerable so they can control us. My abuser was a bonefide third wave feminist who engaged in direct action and went to prison for it.
Still, though, one of her main manipulation tactics was to explain to me that I wasn't a man in her eyes if i didn't do x or y. It had nothing to do with her preferences. I'm autistic, I was young; just lost both parents when we met; she would say that because appearing to be 'manly' was something i thought i had to live up to. It was only 'important' because it worked on me. Again, everyone around me was happy that the most awkward and least worldly amongst them had found someone (and so close to tragedy). I lie to them all and say we just didn't want to try a long-distance relationship. In reality, i wanted to get away. All of my friends and family loved her... and everyone i know is used to explaining why or how i have misunderstood something. They will want to defend her at first.
So here we are all these years later. I miss her. I still hate myself for not living up to her standards. My brain cannot accept a reality where i spent most of my 20s being abused and manipulated and stripped of my ability to assert agency by a simulacrum. I feel i could live another 1000 years and I'd spend it all swinging between trying to justify why i deserved it and resenting a world where it is on me to dig myself out of this victimhood hole.
Anyway yeah, this kind of just turned into venting; my point was that abusers will say absolutely anything; its not important what is true, only that the incentive is to control you. That is *it.* You arent a person to them, you are a puzzle to solve.
I 100% agree with you. I was a test subject to my abuser, to them I was no more than a toy and I've spent the past 5 years of my very short life (only 20 y/o) trying to reconstruct myself and feel at home in my own body again.
ive been in this situation too. im really sorry you went through that. i feel like i can sniff this inauthenticity out now thankfully, so never again.
My rapist quite literally used the excuse “BUT I ALWAYS MAKE YOU ORGASM FIRST, WHY WOULD YOU _EVER_ SAY NO?”
Picked up my stuff and left two years ago from a dude who’s been called out for multiple SA’s and was in his late 20s-30s while I was 19-mid 20s during our relationship. GUESS WHO STILL HAS FRIENDS? HIM.
People love a fun man waaaaay more than a traumatized woman.
Trauma has its own ways of tying people down. The important thing is having people who truly understand and care, rather than the shallow company and association that will leave when things become "inconvenient" for them. Keep moving, you've done well enough so far. No matter how terribly you might see your progress now, it's still better than standing still and drowning
It's awful that it happened to you but as we've seen on multiple accounts of hags making fake accusations, this isn't a gendered issue. A manipulative snake will turn weak people agaisnt their victim.
Damn, this one hits hard
"People love a fun man way more than a traumatized woman". Ouch. This hits waayy too close to home, but also... what a neat way to summarize it...
I'm so sorry for what happened, if you're looking for friends who also get it there are online and in person congregations of abuse survivors, you might enjoy their company
My ex was a fake feminist, he made bring feminist his entire personality and when he took advantage of my friend when she was drunk and unconscious nobody belived her because they said he was "feminist" and would never do that.
40 years ago: "he's a pastor/boy scout leader/devout family man, he'd never do that." It's the same people. They've simply adjusted their protective cover to one that works today.
@@frustrateduser9933THIS
@@frustrateduser9933As a woman who responded to being sexually harassed by her twin sons' pervy Cub Scout pack leader by teasing him for dying the grey in his red beard with a cheap red demi-perm that turned it hot pink, I can affirm that women not only know exactly what's going on, but they don't care who's at fault because a woman who might distract a perv will obviously distract their innocent sons and must immediately cease existing because it's her fault they might have a problem. My successful self-defense from his attempt to make me a victim makes me a sexual being in their eyes which means that I'm the real threat to their innocent children, not a pervert as a role model. 🙄
At least the perve who's modeling adult male behavior for their sons is straight, right?
Men like that warn women like her against men like me. Yes, women are easily fooled so they should stop acting like they can pick and choose.
based
I am at an age now where some people I know are becoming fathers or considering children. I often find that their own poor treatment of women in their lives can be reflected in how protective they are of their daughters. Someone I worked with "joked" that he would scare off any man in his daughter's future. It was kinda pitched as this "we know what men are like", when it was actually "we know what I am like".
Boy moms are pretty much the same with their sons. So I can't really tell that the boys are really that much in a disposition, since I see their entitlement tendecies when they become men with females.
Depends on the situation.
I find it interesting that dads will say to their daughter's boyfriend "I have a .45 and a shovel, you won't be missed" even if the boy has no intention beyond a hand hold or a peck on the cheek.
And while the date is happening, the dad will go over QuickBooks to figure out how to pay for four years at a college where the sexual assault rate rivals that of a war torn third world nation.
Yuuuuuuup. Tho it’s fair to say “I know what men are like” wether that’s what they’re like or not
@@missstranger7697 genuinely *please* stop using the terms "men" and "females" in the same sentence, it's creepy as hell. it costs zero dollars not to dehumanize women. Also boy moms are still coming at it from a misogynistic angle because they don't think any women are "good enough for their sweet boys', it's misogyny all the way down.
Thats so bizarre, never wouldve put that together
the quintessential question: “your boyfriend may read bell hooks but does he wash the dishes?”
Love it
Hahahaha, so true
Reads Bell Hooks and does dishes > Doesn’t read Bell Hooks but Does dishes > >doesn’t read Bell Hooks doesn’t do dishes > Reads Bell Hooks but still doesn’t do dishes > reads Jordan Peterson and complains that their partner doesn’t smile while doing the dishes because they’re a dragon of chaos.
@@STElevation my ex read Jordan Peterson, cooked dinner AND did the dishes, and laundry, and tidying. but then he falsely accused me of stealing 120,000 dollars from him from his storage unit that i neither had the key or elevator code to, plunging me into an 8 month long su*cidal depression which i'm still trying to emerge from. i should have run like hell when I saw the JBP book.
@@goldensloth7 I didn’t even think of that combination. I think it’s firmly at the bottom of the list. Glad to hear you’re out of that.
Ah yes, the "ironic" jokes that are sexist, racist, etc.
@aslfdjalskjflkajs134 i know right, like...it's only ironic when you're not using it as a veil for your real thoughts, bro!
"it's just a joke" when they only joke about women and black people, like why don't they clown other men?
"the humor's not the same coming from denial"
@@user-sg4ov7ng4h"well we do, a good 5-10% of the time!"
@@user-sg4ov7ng4hWomen already got the jokes about men covered. I’m just being smart joking about women
Sometimes humor is dogwhistling or a manner of hiding in plain sight. Jimmy Saville cracked jokes about abusing, for instance.
The biggest thing that ever hit me as someone who called themselves a feminist as a guy was something to the effect of, and i forget where I heard this, “If your knowledge of feminism and feminist talking points starts and ends at ‘abortion rights and sex work is real work’ then your care is only extending to the ways in which you can still use women as a sexual commodity” and ive been using that as a bench mark ever since. This isnt to say that someone whose knowledge is only this is (un)intentionally malicious and may just need to be educated more, and its the openness to and internalizing of going beyond that that matters.
SO TRUE
well yeah there are basically atleast two types of sexisms, one is wanting every women to be puritanical housemades, and the other is wanting every women to be sexualised bimbos, so basically in my opinion the biggest problem with sexism is that it's just contradictionary, when one half of the sociaty expects from you one thing while the other half expects from you a totally different thing, both of these expectations won't be achieved. seems like this contradictionary nature of sexism wasn't a problem before the industrial revolution/capitalism, because in the past the gender norms were strict, while now we are in some kind of middle state between strict gender roles and gender roles being vanished, at the same time being surrounded by the consumerism, ads, opportunism and other bad things, idk. the present society is just chaotic, in a bad way, but at the same time not bad enough to have a real change. that's why extreme left and extreme right have to unite against centrist liberalism in the name of accelerationist societal civil war. only then, after it ends, we might have a healthy society.
@@jeanivanjohnson its the same problem just in new clothes. patriarchy, neopatriarchy. new things with changing genders is supposed to make them strict again. and, while wanting a woman to be a nymph, men also want them to be a maid, servant, they just don't say it out loud. work all day but do the chores anyway
Purity spiral and pinch of No True Scotsman, delicious.
@@bannedmann4469 Not reading or comprehending the last sentence of my comment, delicious.
I've been thinking of the movie Promising Young Woman in light of the Cody Ko revelations.
I feel that film perfectly captures just how sinister these types of men are. How they partake in R culture and will casually ruin the lives of young women, and then simply carry on with their own. They get married, have kids, and pat each other on the back for being such "good guys".
They are horribly misogynistic but lack the self reflection to really recognise this part of themselves, so they minimise and excuse the harm they and their buddies cause (I.e. "it was one mistake, we can't let this ruin his reputation"). Meanwhile, who knows how many traumatised women have been left in their wake.
Yes, I've also been thinking about it, partly because of the "good guy" that turns out to still be misogynistic, but also bc of the parallel of the rapist friend from college days and attending each other's weddings.
I guess the movie just takes inspiration from very common experiences in american society, but it's still a weird feeling to see the two situations side by side.
That’s such a good movie that everyone needs to see I swear
Great moment in that movie is when she spares Alfred Molina’s character simply because he’s actually genuinely apologetic and regrets what he did. All of the other men were incapable of doing even the bare minimum of being sorry!
Right and even if it’s “one mistake” it would be more accurate to say it’s one crime that they were not held accountable for. These men hardly ever are held accountable for this and they can move on with their lives. The poor victims are traumatized from the experience and can have a difficult time moving on with their lives. Maybe they are less trusting of men or they become uncomfortable around sex. There can be a lot of personal work that the victims have to do. Meanwhile the criminals get off Scott free and they keep their friends. They don’t even have the consequence of losing their friends at the very least
i immediately thought of bo burnham's character from that
The fact that the audience was laughing when Trevor was trying to make a point also says a lot about the general attitude towards physical intimacy and guys need for touch not necesarily including sex
That's a good point, many of these men were taught that the only way they can tenderly hug or even touch someone is in an intimate setting which then leads to this.
People laugh for all sorts of reasons. People laugh at funerals. Laughter is often a camouflage for feelings of discomfort.
I saw a podcast with three "progressive" men. One of them admitted to being sexually abused by his babysitter. The other men laughed. It wasn't because it was funny (obvs), but because that sudden declaration left them feeling rattled and laughter was a way of "saving face" and not looking vulnerable.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 true!
They dont need touch. Women are really in the delusional world. Men don't appreciate physical touch from a woman for the sake of the touch itself they only enjoy because if feels like a starter for sexual arousal even if it doesn't turn into a sexual act, it's like an appetizer.
Otherwise they could go hug other men, hug their pets, etc. The expression 'never felt the touch of a woman' isn't referring to simple caring basic physical touch
Maybe it was because Trevor Noah is a comedian and the audience had not expected the change in tone.
Married w/ a daughter… part time socialist, part-time feminist… full time Black Dad… I’ll admit I have blind spots, I think that’s the first part of being any -IST… I just hope to leave this world in a place where my daughter can expect to be treated fairly and given the same opportunities as the next person.
you sound like a great dad
adopt me
@@minecraftnerd2175 never saw this… Thank you! I’m present and trying… I think that’s most of it. only 4 years in.. so wish me luck.
@@CTEagleCeltic Luck.
Victims become imperfect victims due to surviving grooming, lies, gaslighting and trauma, and coming out of it with low self esteem, no idea where their boundaries should be, and shame and depression and anxiety leading to self sabotage self ham and sometiomes self medication because drugs and alcohol are great for distraction, derealisation, numbing, etc
This is well explained! Very relatable point
You just explained my journey as an imperfect victim. Couldn't have explained this better, thank you so much
its-a me, mario!
exactly. oof.
And drug and alcohol don't shame nor gaslight
the greenest flag my bf ever gave me was early in our friendship, I was talking about feminist topics and his face turned really serious, then he said "I don't know if I can call myself a feminist, bc I've never had to go through all the troubles you guys talk about. I want to help, but I know I don't have the experiences you have had"
That amount of empathy and respect floored me. Too many men try to step over women voices in the persuit of being seen as "feminist", the real ones support women voices, not speak over them
Dang, that's a big green flag. Not only his intent, but his ability to admit he doesn't know/needs help.
Yea… ok dude, what a “green” flag
😭
@@savvy76 you got a good one
@@fyoutube2294 how is that not a green flag? you sound bitter
I used to go to feminist forums, and I could easily see the men that wanted to learn and those that had an agenda.
How 👀
I used to say all the time "I have bad taste in men" but your comment about how abusive men tend to be manipulative resonated with me. I reflected on how I was a child in high school when I met my boyfriends while these guys were adults.. I realize that a lot of the horrific things I've been through were because I was a naive & easy target for manipulative ppl. & yet I was always blamed & shamed for what I had to go through. Now that I'm in my 30's & call ppl out on their BS, I'm not such an easy target anymore. I think shitty ppl are less attracted to me. I think it's so important to empower women rather than blame them, & encourage them to question other people's intentions rather than teach them to be "good girls" & try to please others..
lord, i wish
Exactly!! We are the key to our relationships! Women should stop victim blaming each other and start being supportive, so our lives become better and eventually find a boyfriend/partner that will treat us and our children with respect! The world is already hard on us and bullying only makes it worse.
It's important to remember too that you're just far more likely to run into a toxic person than you are one who isn't. That's not because of how many toxic people there are but just the simple fact that toxic people are willing to take in anyone who is willing to deal with their toxicity where others are going to be more careful about who they pick and choose and less likely to go after you. All this to say it's not anyone's fault that they run into toxic people like that, it's just they have to do like you did and learn to shut them out.
The problem is that feminism is so easily performed, and people eat it right up and praise the performer for it. A lot of women are also feminists only when it's convenient for them. I've seen it called "Schrödinger's Feminist". Like Cody Ko fans calling Tana a liar or saying she asked for it.
100% I hate this kind of performance. Feminism is a life long commitment to not just equality but abolishing the systems that thrive in inequality, practising intersectionality not just in theory but in practice.
@@RachelRichards Yes! Remember when men were doing I believe women posts? All good and well and I guess good that the conversation was happening. But it felt like the responses were sometimes to try celebrate good men™️ if they wrote these posts and it didn't feel great 👍
@VVillleapparently you enough to be upset 💀
If women stop being feminist because they love/admire a guy and they want to defend him from women, like with Cody Ko or Johnny Depp, I don’t see that as “convenient for them” in the slightest. They’re just hypnotized by the hot guy and falling in line. It seems like THAT would be the thing for feminist women to overcome? Being hypnotized by hot guys and to follow their own judgement?
@@Diogenes-96 This def plays a part, but it really also is convenience/protecting your own standing and safety in patriarchy. I've seen women stick up for unattractive men when it would be better for their social capital to do so.
The study about what men want in their daughters is sooooo accurate to my experience. I’ve been told from every member in my family to be independent and focus on my school.
That's good advice, especially for younger people. Though, I don't think I really understood the video's commentary of that particular poll/study. Perhaps I'm dense?! lol
@@Naptosis She thinks it's problematic that men treat their daughters differently than the person who they are most attracted to.
@@Naptosis yeah essentially men want XYZ from women they’re attracted to and ABC from their daughters. Which is interesting cause why don’t you want the woman you’re attracted to to be smart, independent etc.
It’s like complaining about new age women not wanting to get married and have kids whilst raising your daughter to also not want that
@@missstranger7697 what do you mean by this?
@@missstranger7697its not the 1950s anymore so no
Last year there was a really big drama on Polish yt called “Pandora gate” because it turned out that lots of popular polish youtubers where terrible gro*mers and misogynists and one of them was really loud and universally loved feminist. Everyone was shocked when it came out 🦋📚
Omg yes, Gargamel was the first guy I had in mind for this topic, it was so messed up especially since I watched almost every stream and picked up absolutely no red flags, scary as fuck
@@Korasami6354same, i was shocked when i found out. his case really reminds me of Cody Ko
Gargamel & Gonciarz 🤢🤢🤢
At the same time, the dude who started calling out some of the people for being gr**mers is a disgusting creep himself (wardega) 🤢
yeah... yeah. he probably found all these misogynistic men he criticized on his channel because he was looking for their advice. and then he turned against them only because their advice on picking up women by being confident and muscular didn't work out for him lol. he was also the first one to go on a borderline violent rant against people who played the Harry Potter game even thought he was using slurs against trans people behind the scenes. makes me wonder if male influencers have any morals or beliefs at all, or is it all just a method to gain fans, especially female fans.
As a straight guy, I feel a small but very important pitfall that tends to catch a lot of other guys is that a lot if guys assume that progressivism and leftist has a defined end-point where you can relax and say "I'm leftist enough" and are not willing to learn farther. Most guys see learning and growing as a person as a burden and not as an opportunity to discover more about the world around you. It's like working out; once you hit your target weight, you cant just say "I'm fit enough" and go back to unhealthy habits, it's constant work both physically to sustain a good look, but also mentally in understanding why you are working out in the first place.
I don't see how that first part of the sentence is relevant here but alright. No, nobody does this. The men this video is about are aware they're terrible, they're hiding it on purpose. The venus flytrap isn't suddenly going to change its ways because you gave a lecture about how it should improve lol
@@anitaremenarova6662 my point is that leftist men tend to forget to regularly check their own inherent biases as they see the label of leftist as enough but not taking the time to deal with entitlement that was fed to them as a child. Yes the main point of the video is that manipulative men have found new ways to be manipulative, and another important point to take is that we as men need to do and be better, for ourselves and the ppl around us
I feel a similar thing happens sometimes with men’s mental health activists regardless of gender. They see breaking down the boundaries men face as enough to combat gender roles and frequently swing right back to violent misogyny even if unintentionally. I’ve seen this with at least 2 different TH-camrs and it freaks me out.
@@lwazithesyne4675 i think you made some really thoughtful points here and i liked hearing this perspective!
@@anitaremenarova6662the callout is coming from inside the house. ive read some of your comments on this channel and i believe you comment with deliberately malicious intent and you choose to utterly ignore nuance to stroke your own ego.
A couple of years ago I was speaking a lot to this self-proclaimed feminist guy and I remember when Spain passed the law about "period being a reason for women to call in sick and get a paid leave" he went completely nuts with arguments like "it is not equality anymore, it is more rights for women because men don't have periods" and a classic "if a man feels constipated, can he call in sick too?"
BRUH 💀💀💀
how is getting time off work for periods different from using PTO?
Constipations and periods are not the same thing. I’ve experienced both and neither are fun. Periods are worse bc it’s more pain in general. Also your emotions are insane and can keep you from focusing and can make being professional so much more difficult
@@maem7462sounds like a design flaw
maybe he needs a reminder that men can call in sick for scrotum cancer, even though women don't get that particular health issue either...
Youre a design flaw. @@leftenantthunder
i mean when noel and cody couldn't even confidently hate andrew tate on their podcast despite them 'seemingly' being feminism positive ,it should've been obvious to everyone.
That's the whole thing. You seem to be assuming this lot are intelligent enough to discern the obvious
THISSSS. I stopped watching them/unsubscribed precisely that moment..! Their silence they gave to a "bro" criminal when their voice mattered a lot...gave me the ick so bad
They were also nicer to the "cringe" guys they reacted to
Bro's so pathetic he couldn't hate a fucking sex trafficker.
I stopped watching Cody Ko after he referred to disabled people as "vegetables" and didn't apologize despite numerous people kindly explaining why it was so offensive. After that this doesn't feel as big of a surprise, thought I was very disappointed then since I had held him in much higher regard.
Noel also insulted service dog handlers on a TMG episode, in response to them pointing out that he outright admitted he was impersonating one in a restaurant
yeah i stopped watching about 2 years ago. he something really gross and it was too much. he's always been a frat bro anyway.
...ffs, wait when did he say that? I watched a lot of his content from 5 years ago so whether I missed it or it's in the newer stuff. When tf did he say that? I have to see this myself because what the actual hell is wrong with him
@stitches768 I tried to google it but couldn't find what video that was - must've been at least two years ago. It was a collab with someone but that doesnt narrow it down a lot. I participated in the discussion in the comments and there were many people calling him out but those comments didn't get a ton of up votes, so most people probably didn’t see them. I'm not on reddit or anything so I don't know if there was any discussion elsewhere. Issues regarding disabled people seldom get the attention they deserve since most people's lives are untouched by them, I think what happened here is he (or his team) did notice the comments but decided it was better to say nothing than draw more attention to it by apologizing :/
He also has a weird insecure frat boy energy towards celibate people or virgins. Making content cringing to sexual predators but then shaming abstinent men is so strange to me
that stat about earning the respect of other men meaning more than earning the respect of women immediately made me think of how "I have a boyfriend" is (often) a good way to shut down a man hitting on a woman that is not interested. EVEN WHEN SHE'S SAID SHE'S NOT INTERESTED ALREADY. because to that guy, this fictional man deserves their respect more than the woman right in front of him.
Lol that doesn't even always work anymore either.😂 they will often just say something crazy like: "he doesnt have to know" or "i can be bf #2." men are so savage and self centered sometimes, they hardly care about other men, unless it's their friend maybe. It's all competition.
what's sad is that on your 'good male youtuber recs' slide, it has kurtis connor, who has a best friend who treated a woman like shit, and when she came forward with it, kurtis just said 'he's my friend, i'm not gonna dump him over this' and kept him out of his videos after that, but still remains friends to this day. it truly is just saying the right things that their audience wants to hear, but then at minimum facilitating the environments that allow this stuff to happen because of bro code.
Oh my god I had 0 idea about this
Waitttt can you say more? What was his name? I didn’t know about this
Dean
No offense but Kurtis is the biggest performative feminist ever
Who's Kurtis's best friend? To see if I watch him and look into that.
i know men who I consider feminists, but they don't ever say that they're feminists. i know they agree with feminist beliefs because of their actions/behaviour.
@VVillletroll
i don’t consider anyone who won’t call themselves a feminist to be a feminist. it isn’t a dirty word. a fake feminist is a red flag but a man who refuses to call himself a feminist is also a red flag.
@@asmrtpop2676 That's not what they mean. It's not that they're refusing to call themselves a feminist, it's just that they don't feel like they need to sign-post that fact when they can signal it through their actions. For example, if someone asked them "Would you call yourself a feminist?" they'd probably respond "Yes, I'd say I am a feminist." but they wouldn't just drop "By the way, I'm a feminist" right in the middle of a conversation.
My boyfriend is like this and probably the only man ive met who does this. He has shown me hes a feminist through is behavior and attitudes. He never had to announce to me that he was feminist, or anti racist, or pro LGBT, etc, he showed me.
Every man ive encountered who announced their feminism boldy has shown me such radical misogyny that they think they can just get away with.
@@asmrtpop2676 they don't refuse, they just don't boast about it
I’m a cis white gay guy and something I’ve noticed a lot is that cis white gay men are shockingly bad at understanding intersectionality. Like, I’ve met so many of us who never tried to unlearn misogyny, transphobia, or racism because they think being gay makes them immune from being a bigot, even accidentally.
That seems to be true of other groups too, white Lgbtqia+ people with poc people, and so many lesbians with biphobia and transphobia.
@@bluester7177 Lesbians not wanting to be pressured into sex with biological males is not biphobia or transphobia it’s called being gay. Straight men pretending to be bi or trans to access women as if they’re public facilities shouldn’t be supported.
@@bluester7177poc people
Why bother? Everyone's going to automatically assume you're a bigot anyway. Might as well live up to the expectations.
as a trans drag king, PREACH
I once dated a guy who pretended to be liberal. He did the right things and said the right things in the dating phase. He even had some minor flaws, so he wasn't too perfect to be believable. Once I was trapped, he flipped the script. He kept calling himself liberal but was anti-feminist. He was super conservative and red-pilly, he wanted to vote for Trump in 2016. He kept leaving jobs when I was ready to leave so I'd be fiscally trapped. I chose to be homeless in another state to leave him. To this day, to our mutual, he acts like he was the victim because, oh, how sad it is for him, his girlfriend chose to be homeless and run away than stay with him.
I'm really sorry, what an awful person he is 🫤 hope you're doing okay now, falling for a manipulator is always hard
How do you even spin your girlfriend wanted to be homeless to make yourself the victim. If I heard a story of someone choosing to be homeless then I would immediately question how bad that person must have been. Being homeless is such a difficult thing to deal with. If someone had a good home with a good person then I would see no reason why they would leave that home for a situation that would be worse if that was the case. The only logical explanation to me with that situation is that the person who drove someone to be homeless is an awful person.
Skill issue btw
@@quadgod77 We all roll a Nat 1 on deception checks at some point 🤣
This was my mom's ex bf. He pretended to be decent and then when she moved in he started SAing her and making misogynistic comments toward me.
"The way a man treats you in a relationship is social status among women." 100% true!! 🦋🦋🦋
Nope. One of my exes had mostly female friends but treated me terribly.
@@MsBhappy I think what they meant with that sentence is that the way a man treats a woman reflects back on the woman who is being mistreated, rather than the man who is doing the mistreating. Like was said in the video, women will say amongst each other that they have 'bad taste in men', as if it is their fault, rather than the fault of the men that mistreated them in their relationship. So in your case it would mean that the women your ex is/was friends with would blame /you/ for the way he treated you, if they ever found out, rather than him. Of course I don't know if that's what actually happened to you, but that was the point I'm pretty sure OP was making. I hope this made sense. And I'm sorry that happened to you!
I honestly have to agree with this comment, because I learned this through experience.
When girls/women treat each other and themselves properly, men have a positive outlook on them and treat them right.
However if they are horrible with each other, then guys unfortunately will only see us as a doormat to get stepped on.
I even had one guy commenting
"You get treated the way you represent yourself to the world".
How true that was. But that also applies to men not just women.
i don’t understand that
I think what you said about the women blaming other women victims hit close to home. When I was younger one of my close friends was in a relationship with an abusive guy, and instead of sympathizing with her, our circle asked ourselves why she wouldn’t just leave. It really is eye opening realizing that it isn’t her fault. She was being hurt, she never wanted that and it only became obvious when it was too late. Thankfully she did get out, and now she’s in a happy healthy relationship, but now I have the insight to not ever blame a close friend for a man’s wrong doings. thank you so much!!
You articulated this so well.❤ I am glad you were able to see the problem through!
Oh my god thank you!!! I’ve been running into so many brocialists and fake feminists (in so many different fonts) lately and every time it completely emotionally destroys me. They are celebrated in left-leaning circles (especially by other “feminist” men) and then they treat women in their lives terribly , use all their brain power to justify their male friends’ actions and think of themselves so highly. Knowing people are talking about this and have already named it is so comforting.
Maybe they weren't "leftists/progressives" from the beginning? Ever thought of that? Maybe they just wanted to f*ck you and then got bored?
I don't watch Kurtis Connor ever since it was revealed how he brought a bigoted friend (Dean) on tour with him, knowing how he treated people. He only ever made a reddit post apologizing iirc. Small in the grand scheme of things but it threw me off
Not that small. Think Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson.
It's not just that he did it though for me, it's that he did it and also tries reaaally hard to make himself out to be feminist.
For example in one video pretending to cry, than saying "Oh it's not that, I was just thinking of the wage gap" when it was totally irrelevant to anything happening in the video. Just name dropping issues to get brownie points, and then turning around and platforming people like Dean.
Not small in the grand scheme of things, don't gaslight yourself. You are who you keep company with. If Kurtis Connor thinks racism, misogyny, and abuse are acceptable it's because he engages in all three on the regular himself.
yeah how did everyone just forget about that?
A youtuber I like, Hoots, said in a podcast once: "Male feminists are on thin ice with me, because it is absolutely conditional for them", and that basically sums it up for me.
Ah! I love Hoots! Agree
@@BryonyClaire Of course it's conditional. You treat me like garbage, I'm out. That's normal human interaction. You don't hang around groups or causes that treat you like a liability. In all honesty, I have better things to do than try to convince an entire gender of paranoid and traumatized individuals that I'm not their enemy.
My dad is so like this. He says he's a feminist and believes that women should be able to work like....ok... But then he thinks men should be the head of the household EXCEPT whenever he's around me and my husband and then he makes jokes about how I'm "the real one in charge" and how he's glad that HIS daughter "wears the pants." That's not even how our relationship works. 😑
Right?? I’m an amazing driver and I’m in stem, but somehow I’m an exception.
You can show them 99 women and 1 men, all interested in the same topic. The 99 women will always be the exception.
@@OriginalGoddess Classic self-centeredness, these men don’t recognize societal issues are issues until they’re somehow directly involved. It’s those dudes who preface their support for women’s rights with “as a man with a daughter/sister” (it’s a whole other can of worms that these dudes don’t seem to care about their mothers). Okay, so you admit you wouldn’t care without a daughter or sister then. 🤦🏻♀️
“Women should be able to work” Super progressive of him
Your husbands a very lucky man. I wish like hell either one of my last two women would’ve gotten jobs smdh
Are you my long lost sister? This sounds like my dad.
It's the same as people who call themselves "nice guys" and then complain about how they still don't get women, because they simply don't act the way they portray themselves...
Saying you're a feminist is one thing. But I doubt that many people who call themselves that have ever actually consciously done something in their personal life for gender equality
They seem to be "nice guys" with a specialisation in subterfuge
@@SartorialisticSavage65women are getting their basic rights stripped away in the US right now. All across the globe we are assaulted and killed in hate crimes, systemically ridiculed and infantilised all while still having to do an disproportionate amount of unpaid and emotional labour. But yes, please tell me more about how men (the people who invented and are upholding the patriarchy) are really the oppressed group 😢
@@SartorialisticSavage65Roe V Wade
@@SartorialisticSavage65the patriarchy isn’t a club its a mindset upheld by many men that things should not change socially or societally for men nor women
@@SartorialisticSavage65 no one consciously thinks of themselves that way obviously, its just systems and ideas in society that people (mostly men) believe in, hold both sexes down. also the elite is a problem but just like in the video men who say this only care about class struggles because it affects them directly, but do not listen to womens issues because they deem them as less important.
smth i keep noticing the more radical i get is how men tend to crumble under the slightest scrutiny. like they can point to guys like andrew tate and matt walsh and whoever and say BAD but any time theyre confronted with a more nuanced, maybe not mainstream conversation the mask gets torn off & you see they arent actually progressive beyond a surface level/parrot the most common feminist rhetoric instead of yk being an actual feminist. i keep seeing it w male youtubers where everyone is like "omg i never expected that he'd say that" when he's never given his opinion beyond "telling women to go back to the kitchen is bad" which is such an obvious statement but men still get points for it cuz the bar is in hell
exactly
Feminism is contrary to male nature; we are different and not equal. It's just that simple.
You hit the nail on the head
Yeah we need to for example completely replace any sort of praise for men doing things that we would typically lament they don’t with “k good you have met expectations no trophy for participating”
Like fr men getting or wanting praise for “not doing bad things” or “agreeing with basic human rights” is just social participation trophies, a concept so often hated lol
the current progressive movement is a pretty sick one. That most people pretend to hold certain opinions for profit shouldn't come as a surprise to you.😂
Good people don’t go out of their way to tell you they’re good. Only bad people constantly try to convince and prove to you they’re good. That’s really what this comes down to.
The Gentleman Doth Protest Too Much.
I agree with the going out of their way part.
But i do thi k it's a bit weird how i've seen a lot of people (women?) here who are like "if he calls himself a feminist, that's a red flag" cause i proudly do say that when asked.
I don't hold back with my beliefs when asked about them and part of that is being a feminist.
For me it's a bigger red flag if people tiptoe around political descriptions of themselves and constantly have to dogwhistle.
Rightwingers do that cause deep down they know how horrible and inhumane their worldview is.
@@ngotemna8875 I think the difference is: "when asked". Men who unilaterally proclaim their feminism are sus. The main point is looking at their actions, not just hearing their words.
@@ngotemna8875 why is dogwhistling a problem?
Yup! Applies to all Feminists really.
I can definitely tell with my dad that he values more strong qualities in his daughter than in his wife. He’s always pushed me to do my best in school and to develop my career. And he’s a great dad. But the way he talks about women is often a tad strange, like he said that women can use their feminine charms to achieve and they don’t need brute strength. I agreed about the brute strength but I added…”or their intellect…” and he stammered and said “yeah, totally. That too.”
Oh gosh my dad is definitely the same - he always pushed me to be ambitious and do well in school and career (encouraged me to go to law school because he said I’d be a great lawyer), but when my mom has said she wants to go back to school to get her masters or PHD, he’s totally against it. He hasn’t said those kind of things about feminine charms, but his discrepancy between how he treats me versus how he treats my mom, who he wants to keep as a stay at home mom who does things for him, really disturbs me.
His heart is in the right place, that was good advice especially if he had to get everything in his life through strength.
@@anitaremenarova6662 Idk. Sounds like the typical "women have it easier" speech.
@@anitaremenarova6662There’s no way he got through life with brute strength. Barely any jobs these days require you to be physically strong
@@anitaremenarova6662 What was good advice? Saying women can just charm their way into wherever? Denying his wife the chance to further her education? I disagree.
i think women should stop caring or being afraid to hurt men's feelings when we talk about feminism and our literal rights... call me misandric but im sick of prioritizing their feelings over being honest when they won't care a bit about my feelings when would want to call me some crazy things
Its that new breed of feminist dude that runs around saying he understands the patriarchy, is very very vocal and supportive of womens rights to do sex work (which is great but in reality its a selfish support of sex work for their own benefit), and those guys that toot about how much they support womens rights to explore their bodies and sexuality, but in reality thats also a front for them to pressure women and act like if they dont wanna be poly with them then they arent "for womens freedoms" and are a prude. To be honest, its kind of really twisted how that brand of man knows just what to say to manipulate women under the guise of "female rights and liberation" 😭😭 stay safe out there yall❤
Evil is infinitely adaptable
Definitely not new. This was an old trope when I was first moving into leftist circles 20 years ago.
I could see, though, that there might be more of them now, since feminism isn't nearly as dirty a word now as it was back then. People who called themselves feminists 20 years ago were far more left leaning. It's great that feminism is more popular, but it does create a lot of cover for this type of man
@cedaremberr definitely not entirely new but with the boom of social media, its certainly allowed for characters like this to learn from one another, so to speak. And equally, we now have a name for people like them through discussing them and more people wizening up to this type of manipulation through online communities. Just like with narcissism.
@@RayMonaWhat are you talking about? This has been going on since the 1930s in Germany. Reassignment surgery was invented because they had too many male "workers" and not enough female ones.
The fact Cody didn't say anything and let everything fall on his newly mother,Kelsey just tells me everything. You chose yourself ,over your child and wife before admitting your own actions, says so much. Feels like Ned from the try guys all over again. I hope Kelsey chooses herself and her child over Cody, because he choose himself before you and you are worth so much more.
What kelsey said in response to this? She released a statement?
As much as I'd like to "give grace" to her, didn't she know at some point? And wasn't she perfectly fine with a certain person who committed a horrible crime in a similar vein being at her wedding? This wasn't her actions and I'm not one to blame any women that happened to be in close connection to a man as a way of dividing the "responsibility" so a man doesn't have to "hold it all", but I'm not too sure her being a woman is excuse enough. At the very least the child is likely affected by all of this, as this issue could follow them into their adult life and even contribute to abuse of women.
@@Vesperad0 True! There are tons of women who defend their husbands against murder and r*pe allegations. There are tons of women (even those who identify as feminist) who will turn a blind eye to any form of toxic behaviour from partners as long as it isn't aimed at THEM. Sarah Ferguson defended and stayed with Prince Andrew, for example. Females apathetic to male toxicity and the plight of other women is all too common. We don't know Kelsey's side of the story, of course, so I we aren't 100% sure at this point in time. But definitely we have to consider the possibility she's toxic as well.
I am heavily side eyeing Kelsey as well because she held a vape for 16 year old Emma Chamberlain to hit with Cody just WEIRD
what happened with Ned????
Something that helped me re-contextualize the "is he a feminist/am i a feminist" problem is this quote I read (i do not know who said this) that basically said there are no feminists because feminism isn't an identity. There is only feminist action. Once you make it an identity people just put it on pins or they put it in their bios or something and they stop/never start working for change. In reality there are actions that progress feminism/society as a whole and there are actions that do not. It's been an incredibly helpful resource because it combines "show don't tell" and "faith without works is dead." Essentially leaving no room for people being "good" or "bad" feminists. People are people the question we should be asking is "was this ACTION feminist?" and no it wasn't. I remember one specific example the writer gave was someone that wrote into her saying "I'm a feminist but I'm getting married and I'm taking my husband's last name, am I a bad feminist?" The author replied (from what I remember) that there are no "feminists" the question is: is the action of taking your husband's last name feminist? No. But it's a personal choice. It does not make you "bad." Completely conforming to ideological rules to keep from "being" bad/problematic/part of the problem isn't productive it's just reinventing the idea of sin for a new religion
Very interesting point!
This sounds like my ex husband
I thought he was so progressive. But when we got married. He wanted me to be his maid. I thought he was different because he was raised by a single mother lol
@lif6737 yup and she babied him so much. He literally said left me because I couldn't take care of him as well as his mother all because I told him I am not going to work and do everything for him 🙄
Good riddance
@lif6737 i was with a guy for FIVE YEARS and he told me, affectionately, that was like his girlfriend AND his mom. blerrrrgh. and another time, that sex with me couldn't be "as romantic as porn." god damn my poor self-esteem.
@@goldensloth7freud fan I guess
You won’t believe me. Progressive far left all the way back to conservative right based. That character arc, it exists.
@@ToxiCistyinteger overflow
I don’t trust that Kurtis Conner is a good role model for guys. He’s way too buddy buddy with people that did black face and he tips off a ton of fake feminist red flags for me personally. I’ve never really understood why people all worship the ground he walks on.
Can you elaborate on the fake feminist red flags? I've only seen a few of his video, I don't really watch him because the humor isn't my favorite.
Some are talking about a list of "not good" ones. Can you give a time stamp please If you happen to see it?😅
Would like to know what they did and If i should unsub.
@@lexa2310 12:38 in the video
@@desertels5119 Thank you❤️
@@lavendermayo9670 it took him a GOOD while to talk about his friend Dean who had made racist and mysogynistic "edgy jokes" in the past. Kurtis continued to bring him on tours and give him a platform
As a Native American woman, Ty for bringing up indegnuous rights :)
So the “why did you stay” conversation kind of needs to die.
We should change it to “I’m so glad you got out”
"kind of"???
You mean "kinda", right?
@@standowner6979 kinda is short for kind of
@@avery8359#thatsthejoke
no shot you thought the abbreviation was the og word hahaha @@standowner6979
I hate how many male “feminists” try to use feminism for their own advantage. This friend of mine invited me on a date (didn’t know it was a date, I’m aroace and question why can’t people be strait forward about these) and later asked to sleep with me. When I realized my mistake and said no, he said we could be noncommittal fwb and talked about how feminist it was that I could get laid anytime I want. I never saw him again
How did Kurtis Conner of all people make the “good” list 😂. Dude literally is the prototype of “fake-feminist”.
She isn't taking her own advice, typical woman lmfao
Noah Samsen too
@@orangeairsoft7292 omg ya'll making me so happy acknowledging this. I'd like to add Hasan Piker to the list
How? He seems so chill
@@magicalgirl4 he had this whole controversy with his friend, Dean. I reckon you read about it on Reddit. But basically after that whole thing, I personally no longer support Kurtis
The thing that has bothered me about the concept of "good guys", is the fact that they benefit from the existence of the bad guys as much as the abüsive bad guys themselves do.
The benefit the bad guys get: they get what they want by force.
The benefit the "good guy" gets: they have the evil antagonist to fight against to shine as the hero of the day in the eyes of the women. They get a very convincing disquise, and the women they do get thanks to their heroic acts against the bad guys, is even more convincing, possibly making the women more blind for their manipulation and abüse.
Sometimes I feel like are any of them really good in the end of the day. I know some genuinely are, and I hate this cännibalistic food chain of men that makes me so paranoid towards all of them - even the truly good ones.
Just look out for the performative ones and you'll be fine. If you can tell a guy's politics before him even having to speak that's a red flag regardless of where he leans.
@@anitaremenarova6662 lol that's like saying people should know less about each other's politics... silly . identity is political and it becomes obvious who's chasing clout vs. who's doing real work in the field.
I mean that's part and parcel of the patriarchal society: Good men benefit indirectly from restricting women's opportunities. This is something a lot of anti-feminist forces use to recruit young, disenfranchised men, directing their attention away from the rich and powerful and towards women who they come to see as a threat to their livelihood and future.
Still, I do think there is some level of bias that naturally arises from living as a woman in a misogynistic world. Many men are good (but flawed), many men think we still haven't done enough for gender equality (and identify sexual harassment as the leading problem), many of the young men I meet (as a man doing volonteer work with men) are very concerned about their partner's, mother's, and sisters' well-being.
That said, I absolutely understand why you would feel paranoid, given the society we live in. I hope you get to meet a lot more kind, honest, and good men to calm those anxieties.
@@Ramberta That is not what I said whatsoever, learn reading comprehension.
@@anitaremenarova6662 Okay but what about centrist or apolitical assholes? Or straight up right wing ones? It's not like any of those options is automatically safe and a green flag so it really doesn't help.
Wilbur soot was a guy that deeply upsetted me because i used to look up to him, but like you said in the video, alot of men pretend to be a "feminist" and all but in private they're misogynistic abusers
Omg it was so sweet of you to make a video entirely about my ex!! Hope he sees this
😂😂😂😂
26:06: "The fear of the accusation is stronger than the sympathy of the victim"
I had to check myself on this. I get into these back and forths all the time with guys who say it's worse for men in dating than women because "If a man approaches the wrong woman she could a false claim that could ruin his life." I never once thought that these men are saying they're more afraid of a woman falsely accusing them of SA than.. actual SA happening.
I once asked an ex-boyfriend of mine if he's afraid that someone might falsely accuse him of SA and he was like "LOL, no, why would anyone do that?" I didn't expect such a simple answer but I also understand what he means. He approaches physical intimacy slowly and carefully & apparently he is not active in those bubbles in which men make each other paranoid about this.
Women definitely have it worse but it's still a legitimate concern for men, both can be true at the same time
@@achillesa5894 A man is 2x more likely to SA a woman, said woman reporting to the cops and the man never getting charged or even arrested than a man getting falsely accused of SAing a woman. It's not even a legit concern. It's a deflection brought up to keep men from being charged for SA. "Well we don't wanna charge him because you could be lying and it would ruin his career". We're more concerned about men losing their jobs than stopping rapists.
I feel the same way, guys are too afraid to approach women because they're terrified of being labeled as sex creeps and SAers. Meanwhile the actual SA continues unchecked, victims still aren't believed, and perpetrators are still covered up for.
I think a big part of it is that people seem to think SA is specifically when a _creep_ forces himself on a woman. And when it's a nice guy, she's making a big deal over nothing, she was asking for it, there's no reason to ruin his life, etc. as though it were merely a sexual indiscretion.
An SA accusation seems to be an accusation of being a particular kind of person, and not one of engaging in a particular act of wrongdoing. I'm not sure whether we should challenge that preconception, or just roll with it.
@@turbovirgin_ I like that idea and I think we should. I think a lot of us men will downplay stuff either we do or we know others do because "I'm/there not like that". Its the whole thing where ppl think R only happens in dark alleys by dudes wearing masks. When like 90% of all Rs, they knew each other and and alot of them are in some kind of relationship.
We have to change our thinking on this as a whole. Because there actually guys who are like the's ski mask in an alley dudes, but no one says anything beacuse no one would be they're "like that"
This video resonated with me. TW: grape - Last year, my then-boyfriend "graped" me via coercion under the influence. He was a communist, but new to it - he grew up under right-wing beliefs and mormanism. I pointed out a few times where he would say/do grape culture things. For example, he would say "I just can't control myself around you" a lot and I told him that's a lie, he can, and that statement is based in grape culture. Once during sex, he accidentally slid in the back door, I said oww, he stopped for like a second and kept going, and I had to tell him that wasn't okay and I didn't consent to it. He looked incredibly ashamed so I figured he didn't realize what he did was wrong. There was another time where I didn't want to have sex and he kept teasing me, which was fine, but when he pinned me to the stairs and said "what if I just f*ck you right now" and I replied "then that would be grape and wouldn't be okay," he giggled in response and held me down for a few extra seconds. It was offputting but I figured he was just nervous in hearing that and didn't know how to respond. Because he was communist and self-proclaimed feminist, I figured he had been doing the work and would never actually grape me intentionally. Then one day I fucked with the power dynamic and he responded with grape. I'm disabled, and he was around 350-400 pounds, so I'm guessing that one reason he dated me was to feel like he was more powerful. But I drove us to a waterfall one day and he wasn't physically able to get to it like I was. He was pissed off. His eyes were different. You know the whole "his eyes turned black" thing? They didn't physically turn black but that was the vibe. It was already like that on the drive there, but it was way worse when he realized I could do what he couldn't do, as a disabled cane user. I drove us back and I was in a ton of pain from my disability so I smoked a bowl (legally) and came back to cuddle. He coerced me into it and I was too high and in pain to do anything about it. I was shocked throughout the whole thing, because my brain just didn't want to accept the severity of the situation. I remember thinking while it was happening, "I'm gonna have a stern talk with him after this, this isn't okay." But after it happened, he said "I just can't control myself around you" again, and I realized the gravity of it all, that "a stern talking to" is not the appropriate response. He made me kiss him as a form of reassurance that what he had done to me was somehow okay and he got in the shower and stayed in there for a long time. I told him I was gonna get a nap. I almost recorded him but I was terrified of what he would do if he found out I was trying to record a confession. So I slowly got my things together while he was in the shower, and continued to do so as nonchalantly as possible so he wouldn't know I was planning to escape the situation. He asked me why I didn't take a nap and I just responded "I changed my mind" and thankfully he didn't press further and I continued to slowly gather everything. He only realized I was leaving once I opened the door. He wasn't dressed yet so it gave me time to get down the stairs to the car, but he chased after me once he got dressed and he leaned against the car so if I moved he would fall, just as some last ditch effort to make me want to stay. I left, had to drive home high (which was scary but I didn't know what else to do, I was in shock, and also saw the prettiest sunset I've seen in years on the drive home which was so fucking surreal btw, imagine seeing the prettiest sky on the worst day of your life) and I broke up with him over text and called a friend to go with me to get a grape kit done. Lesson learned thought - don't date anyone who hasn't truly unpacked their patriarchal upbringing just because they say they believe in womens rights and are leftists. I don't have the evidence I need to convict, like 99% of survivors. I asked him if he'd be interested in transformative justice program so both of us can heal from this in a way that doesn't rely on the criminal justice system, and he never responded. Leftists grape. Communists grape. And the majority of them are planned in advance, and a majority of them will grape again. Also I hate having to use a freakin fruit to communicate my point but this vid is important and I don't want it to get suppressed.
one thing I will note is that those were literally the only warning signs. He didn't make misogynistic jokes, he validated women's hardships, he never had anyyyyyy warning signs except the ones above, strictly related to sex. Which was wild. I didn't expect that. I always thought grapists would be more overt in their humor and everyday lingo, but no, they can be really sneaky. One in 16 men (on college campuses) are grapists according to a 2002 Lisak study. That's around 2 in a class of 30. I've had plenty of classes that size where none of the men acted in overtly misogynistic ways with creepy jokes and such. They know how to hide their shit.
Sorry you had to go through that, glad you were able to get away. Hope you have the time and support needed to heal
I read that whole thing and I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I just have to ask: 350-400LBS? HOLY SHIT. How do you even physically... do it?
At that weight I'm surprised his thing isn't buried under several layers of his own belly fat like an Egyptian tomb in the sand.
That aside, I think the core issue is dishonesty. These types of men are willing to lie about their character in a desperate attempt to get sex.
Ironically they'd probably do better if they were honest, because any sign of weasely behavior is a big red flag.
I remember reading a quote from a woman behind the lines of the Spanish revolution
"men are only socialist from the waist up"
I'm sorry you went through that
How are you now?
Stories like this make my blood boil cus it’s so utterly disgusting how people could do this. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
God I hate our justice system cus you should be able to get justice
(TW for sa)
I’m getting over it slowly but the amount of shear shame I felt after being sa’d by my (ex)partner was indescribable, before him I was strong and independent and capable; I was dealing with some intense trauma already and he knew that, and I trusted him. And he took advantage of that thinking I would just go along with it and let it continue. I left him but for weeks after the fact I questioned if it was my fault somehow, if I had missed something or made him think that was okay.. it was never anything I did. It was always just him pretending to be a decent person so he could sleep with me.
i'm so sorry. i hope you're healing ❤
Thank you for discussing how disabled folks sometimes cannot at all leave an abusive relationship!
Wow, nice to hear! Its really disheartening when other women turn around and go 'and if you DON'T leave, you don't deserve my help!'
Was so important to me, as it helped me put the last year of recovering from being thrown out of my own apartment the day me and ex was supposed to move together. Full control of economy etc etc too. It's taken me an entire year to have stable housing and access to basic needs being met consistently because I couldn't work or go to school. It's.... it's next level
My ex-boyfriend self-identified as a “male feminist” and he s.a me multiple times. He would be very outspoken for women’s rights and then turn around and hurt me. I think he thought he was exempt from following the rules of consent bc in his head he was already a “good guy”. But it really sucked breaking up with him and then watching him preach about consent and feminism when he caused my a lot of pain and discomfort when we were together.
I always thought I had a good radar for spotting fake feminists and red flags in men, but I was floored recently when I learned about SA accusations with Neil Gaiman - a prominent writer who's had such a big influence in publishing, pop culture and media in general. He's active on tumblr and often gives good advice to young writers like myself and I genuinely admired him and thought he's one of the ''good guys''.
Same here, I really enjoyed Sandman (Netflix) and then watched some interviews with the cast (including Gaiman). He seemed quite charismatic and charming. Well, he's fooled many!!!
They likely care more about the optics than the cause
If this was 5-6 years ago I’m for certain most of these commentary male TH-camrs would be jumping on “let’s all dunk feminism and buzzfeed” train because it monetizable and got millions of view
Oh yeah, it's all performative.
They care more about optics than the actual human women in their lives which is just disgusting
@@VivekPatel-ze6jy But more common than not.
TW:
I experienced one of these guys before, never again. I was 19 f, he was 21 m. I thought he was cool because he was everything my conservative family hates, self-proclaimed socialist feminist (🚩).
After talking for a few days I went to his dorm to watch movies and cuddle (not the smartest move on my part, but I was trying to be a different "cooler" person). Things escalated into kissing, then I had to put my boundaries there. But he wouldn't stop talking about things I wasn't into. He said I'd better go, so I did.
I messaged him a couple days later, asking how he was. Then he said he would SA me if we were ever behind closed doors again. I immediately blocked him, didn't take screenshots because I was scared (another mistake).
Later, I told my left-leaning friends about it. They sounded like they understood. But in the next few days, they approached the guy and asked him about the message. Of course he said I was making it up and that nothing happened, then accused me of falsely accusing SA.
A few nights later, my friends got drunk (I was sober), then started verbally attacking me, calling me a b*tch and a liar. I told them to go home and that we could talk about it in the morning. They wouldn't stop, so I left and blocked them.
That was not a good period of my life, and shortly after I did a complete 180° and got indoctrinated into a Christian (lowkey) cult! But I'm long out of that now, transferred schools, and have an awesome boyfriend.
@@afinch1608 I am so sorry this was done to you. I am so glad you managed to get out of this situation (and the following one). I think some of the worst pain and isolation can come from the men (and other genders) closing ranks with the man if he is deemed to be 'one of the good ones' or somehow useful. Women don't destroy social justice movements with grape allegations to so called valuable men to the movement, these men do by graping.
Good luck to your future!
I’m happy you found someone deserving of your time in the end. Hope you have peace ❤️
One of the worst things is that our society has convinced us is the idea that innocuous situations are our fault, and that SA is a unique danger. You going to a friend’s place to watch a movie and cuddle is perfectly normal, much like someone going camping. The idea that someone who got attacked in the woods by a bear should qualify their statements with “yeah I went to camp (risky behavior I know)” is insane, but it’s so normalized when it comes yo SA as a form of victim blaming and it makes me so sick that we have to preface all these perfectly normal actions like we’re walking around abandoned buildings or intentionally going bear hunting, instead of just doing… basic socializing. Like we don’t go treating camping like it’s insanely dangerous and ughh I hate it. No hate toward you, I’m with you, this was a great example of this video’s topic, I just couldn’t keep this comment in. I’m happy you’re in a better place now!!!
@@allyli1718 You're absolutely right. I've kind of pushed down these memories for a couple years, and was in the hindsight is 20/20 mindset while writing this. Thanks for your input!
It's scary to know that men like him exist.
23:01 is so true though. Especially when so often you see on the internet if it comes out a man did something awful to his girlfriend or wife its always "she picked him" "she chose him" "but she picked him so its her fault she should have known"
The scary thing is - I don't think you can compile a list of male TH-camrs who are "safe" or a "good influence", because not too long ago, Cody probably would have been on that list.
Yeah, I've already mentioned that many on that list have proven skeletons in their closets waiting to go mainstream.
To be fair, Cody's conduct has been on the internet this whole time. It's just that Tana Mongeau's fans and his fans don't really cross over so the collab video where he's all excited about her being "a teen" wasn't common knowledge.
To compile a list of safe male TH-camrs, a background check on each of them would be mandatory. Cody Ko being a frat boy who stayed friends with a predator wouldn't have made the cut.
Not to disagree with you saying men who would pass the background check aren't guaranteed to be safe men forever, because I do agree.
There are plenty of good male youtubers.
Daniel Mackler is a safe TH-camr.
I think it's fair to say this is true of all influencers, not just men and not just TH-camrs. You don't know them and you don't know who they are or what they do when they are not on camera. Enjoy their content, but be aware they may be completely different people from who you believe them to be.
My biggest fear as a white trans man is ‘losing’ my memories of being treated as a woman, especially now that I pass, and accidentally unlearning my feminism, so thank you for your videos and your recommendations.
Dude, the fact you're afraid of not understanding how a woman feels - when most men are scared to look at the world from a woman's perspective for many reasons (feeling emasculated, having to face how predatory men can be towards women etc.) - tells me you're gonna be just fine.
I imagine it must be tempting to go with the flow, so to speak. A small part of me understands white men not wanting to give up their privilege. Perhaps it's more difficult to give up when it's a new status? Good luck; stay safe out there.
I obviously can't speak for your own personal experience but I can see a positive outlook in you being conscious about this fact; I wish you the best of luck
I really don't think it works that way
@@ichangedmyusername oh believe me it happens. everyone is affected by sexism and misogyny
The fathers looking for different traits in younger vs older daughters and wives makes a lot of sense now.
My dad seemed very satisfied that I had his stubborn loud bulldozing personality until some point in my development when he flipped and it suddenly became a personal affront to him.
Are you the eldest by any chance? Cause it sounds oddly familiar... 😂
Ah yes, the brocialist...the man who is perfectly described in that one White Town song everybody knows: "So much for your highbrow Marxist ways, you used me up and then you threw me away".
Ok I've never heard that song and immediately need to look it up. Kinda gutted as it would've been perfect for this video!
oh my god I still unironically love this song, thank you so much for commenting this.
@@Ramberta
It is unironically one of the best songs ever made, after all😉
@@BryonyClaireThe song is called Your Woman.
Jyoti Mishra saw what was going on in 1997, and he said it, and I’ve yet to find a more eloquent song on the subject than Your Woman.
In my last semester, I did a project on domestic work and one of the objects of my research was the division of domestic activities between couples. The data are from Brazil, but I imagine they are repeated in others countries: I wasn't so surprised to discover that even in marriages in which both parties are highly educated, women continue to bear most of the effort. If you've been in an academic setting, you know how all men are all women's rights this and that. But they don't apply their awareness to their relationships.
Being aware of a society's problems is very different from wanting to give up your privileges to solve this problems.
What privileges are you claiming that they aren't giving up to solve problems? There will always be gender roles to some degree in society. That doesn't have to be a bad thing.
@@MsBhappy "What privileges are you claiming that they aren't giving up to solve problems?" not having to do housework. There are many but that's the one we are expicitly discussing.
"There will always be gender roles to some degree in society." Ok Nostradamus?
"That doesn't have to be a bad thing." Lol ok Nostradumbass.
We know, that is like feminism 101
@@SakuraEvangeline you think the internet knows feminism 101? girl...
Either they give up their active role in oppression or they give up their marriage. Thank god I’ve been seeing more women leaving, they deserve better.
it's always a man who will kind of sympathise with women's struggles but you can't speak about it too much! or else they'll feel bad, like they're being attacked. the insecurity. or when they want YOU specifically to educate on certain issues. there's no end to it.
I don't have the patience to hang around in spaces where my honesty and integrity are questioned at every given opportunity.
@@calebh373 I say we trust them less as time goes on.
@@k-onlegacy I am entirely disinterested in your mistrust and suspicion. Either you accept my stated intentions as true, or you don't. If you don't, then I will stay away. But I will not beg for your trust, nor will I jump through hoops to prove that I am trustworthy. I am under no obligation to prove myself to anyone.
@@calebh373 Well if you're truly honest & integral then you would show it through your actions! You don't owe women (I mean other people) basic acts of decency. Help us or don't, it's your choice. Either it will be your problem or it won't that other women naturally mistrust you.
love without respect isn't love at all.
these men who say they can't be "men" because of women's behavior, women being independent & working towards equality, are telling on themselves. if they can only stand tall by putting someone (or many people) below them to prop up their ego, it shows that they don't have anything within them that actually holds them up, a figurative moral spine is missing.
a moral spine takes work & time, & more work for the rest of your life. flexibility when learning you've done harm even when that wasn't your intention is vital to growth.
measured forgiveness is also important. a lot of people end up being isolated after doing something (or many somethings) wrong, & it makes sense. you are not obligated to be everyone's healer. but, the intention of the person should be taken into account. it's nuanced, not something we can plug into a math equation.
isolation can lead to festering with the truly heinous who's intention is genuine harm, but we also cannot be held responsible for someone else entirely, we cannot say, "it's HER fault he's like that!" i do believe it is other men's responsibility to help other men the most at the stage.
i don't think patriarchy should be fought by only women, good men need to take responsibility for this issue that benefits them, otherwise, they aren't that good like they play themselves off to be. apathy is violence, benefitting from this system while doing nothing actionable to change it so everyone can live better is also violence.
Yesssssss, I don't like the word "love" bc I have had plenty of people that love me and I know they love me. Do things that have hurt me, that have breached my consent, that have continuously disrespected my boundaries, that don't even know basic facts about me yet they say they know what's best for me.
I'm done with the word "love" bc I have learned that although someone may truly love you, it does not guarantee they will respect you.
Patriarchy is literally just the authority of a father. Even if a heterosexual couple is 100% equal in terms of authority, the patriarch is still there because if they have children then the father has a legal authority over the child.
Saying "It's hard to be a man when women have careers" reveals that these men see the status of "man" not as a gender identity or even a biological sex, they see it as intrinsically tied up in dominance over women.
@@thatoneperson8154 that's not what i'm saying at all & i'm sorry you feel that way. people who have harmed me who also say they love me just used the phrase to continue harm, subconsciously or not. but thst wasn't actually love, ya know?
just as someone claiming to be xyz religion but then constantly scams their community to have a lavish lifestyle under the guise that they're ordained by whatever god to have it all.
i'm sorry the idea of love has been used against you, & i hope you will get to experience the real, collaborative, & deep love that is out there looking for you too.
@@harpsdesire4200 your comments come from a deeply-wounded place that ends up with you reacting in a way to help protect you, i mean this so respectively as someone who has experienced this, but it's an overreaction.
we do not need female separatism, but i understand why in the face of patriarchy & misogyny & misogynoir & everything, it feels like there can be no other option. there is nothing inherent within either sexes that means we cannot live in a beautiful world together, there are just enough awful people in power that need things to be like this for them to make a buck. but it will not be like this forever. separatism will only make it last longer, it does not repair anything but i get why you feel that way.
I think such guys like the feel of breaking a woman. If she is strong, independend, funny, love-living , he starts to slowly ause her by bit, 'drinking' her energy, health etc, and at the end of the day finally suppress her
Basically a “challenge “? 🤢🤮😢
That doesn't sound like fun at all. What are you even talking about?
Trevor Noah was told that by his mom. His mother said about that kind of man, "He's like an exotic bird collector. He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage."
@@calebh373 ? That's why they said "such guys", are you such a guy or why do you disagree? All of this is literally what an abuser will do to you, drain you of your energy, wreck your self-esteem and mental wellbeing, influence you to change your character to the point where you don't recognise yourself anymore.
@emma_maze you're lashing out. He asked a question. Can you please not project on this person so much?
That's very interesting. I never undrestood how my father never let my mother get a job but was very eager for me to start working.
📚🦋🦋
Tragically, my father is an extreme example of this. He, alongside my mother taught me feminist values growing up, and he passionately supported womens rights. But recently it came out that he for years veiwed CP. It really shook me to my core to learn. I still have a relationship with him, though it will be never be the same. He lives contrary to his values.
Most men would still watch porn of their children's (often even teenagers) age even once they are old
This is why conservative men are better. Not only will they treat you like a real, biological woman, but they won’t lie and pretend that they see you as an equal. They’re honest AND manly AND they take care of you. No downsides.
You still have a relationship with him? So you’re an ally to a predator. Meaning you’re exactly like him.
@@BigOwl51 you are certainly entitled to your opinion, and I won't be defending myself here. All I will say is this: my father will have to answer for his crimes, in this life and the next. I will not take responsibility for them. I was a child myself when he was doing this
@@BigOwl51 imagine blaming a child for their parents behavior. people are allowed to have relationships with their parents even if you don’t understand it or approve of it.
I have taken online to, when I reply to men who say, "female" using women and "males" - they always have something to say about that, they dislike it LOL
Women have slighted me in the past, but I don't make myself feel better about it by treating women I interact with worse. You shouldn't do the same with men.
@@snkybrki I wouldn't address a random man that way, only one doing the action noted. It is always appropriate to match someone's energy, if they give no respect, they deserve none. If you always act the doormat and never match energy people will treat you like one.
So if someone is mocking and dehumanizing you, you are entitled to match that energy. And if you don't, you're welcoming them to contiue to treat you AND others the same.
@@kiterafrey Just realized I misread your original comment- didn't internalize the "when I see people do it" part. My bad.
That said, I don't think it's a good idea to go tit for tat on the internet, in any general manner. 3rd parties (those who you aren't specifically addressing) will see you and what they associate with you worse for it. Those you're addressing will too, of course, but they'd also feel what you felt- which is the point of tit for tat.
Throwing an idea or behavior back at someone isn't inherently a bad idea, though. Framing it in a "what you just did is like me doing this" way helps to avoid souring 3rd parties without reason.
Unless you don't care about all that, and just want to make yourself feel better. In which case, do whatever tf you want, just don't complain about others doing the same.
just wait till they start using the term "femoid" combination of "female" and "humanoid" cos you know, to an incel women are a different species.
Women calling men males in response to being called "female" is funny lmao
As a straight man, a person of colour who had a confusing upbringing, I made so many mistakes in my adolescence, the person I was is unrecognisable to me now, but I am really glad I didn’t grow up during this era, I fear I would have not had the chance to grow and learn from my mistakes. I’m really glad you made a point to talk about people making mistakes and learning.
Thank you for showcasing Amber as an example of the imperfect victim. She was consistently dehumanized and I’m still so sick and disgusted from that trial and the cultural response.
I hated it. Neither of them are great people, but Depp is an abusive drunk
When was this mentioned?? I can’t believe I missed it
@@emmy8961 It was mostly on the deeper movie and acting subs. The movie subreddit does not care for Depp
@@rosesweetcharlotte Deep had a history of violent behaviour, use of hard drugs, breaking the law, and much more before the allegations even surfaced. The court documents that were released post-trial also shine a MUCH different light on what happened.
I didn’t watch the trial it seemed toxic. I called it a charisma contest between the two and Johnny Deep had more Rizz. I liked hearing her take on it.
yeah I've met these type of dudes a lot when I was in university. Going to the student's feminist rally, raising awareness of SA on campus and such, but gets outed as an abusive manipulator once they graduated. Sad thing is, many young impressionable women falls victim to these type of dudes. Just fresh out of highschool, went to university, trying to fit in, suddenly a senior years older than you made a move on you, he's this feminist blah blah blah who will "protect" you from the "bad influence" from the campus, and 6 months in you're trapped in an abusive relationship.
It’s why when guys often call another guy a pick me, it’s because we know his angle! But women will call us haters, until the man does what he does. For example Derrick Jaxn 😭
At this point in my life I hardly know any genuinely nice and supportive men. It's not that I don't accept that men are people with flaws and that's okay, nuh-uh.
But most of those I know disappoint me time and time again with misogynist, encroaching or downright abusive behavior. Even the men I love most disappoint me with their fragile egos and learned helplessness and lack of self-reflection. It makes me really sad. No doubt there's others out there - but I don't know them.
Honestly.
You should try looking in different circles, anything advertised as progressive will attract performative men.
@@anitaremenarova6662 And then what, hang out with men who are not progressive? No thank you 🙈
@@konpulsiv No, simply hang out in places that attract mostly progressive people by default but aren't inherently political. Drama clubs, counter-culture concerts etc.
De-center men and choose yourself
I used to have friend like this. He pretended to be so open minded, so supportive of everyone in our group. Feminist, lgbt+ support, all about science and being modern and progressive. The Nice Guy.
But there was a small signs.
He didn't really support our little silly gay jokes, never really joined them or laught. Always was a bit offended then we didn't praised him for being so good (as all of us were by default). And he told me stuff like "you are so smart, girls in my city not like that at all, you know?"
The day then he exploded with rage he told us everything about bad women, about how weak of a nation we are and some slurs of course...
sorry what is a "silly gay joke"
@@the-postal-dude being a bit (?) flirty (clearly jokingly) with each other. Something like that
I think I would've laughed at that out burst. How am I supposed to take a person like that seriously? A psychopath can never mask their true self forever.
@@CATmetchu months before that he actually send me cringe voice message (5 minutes long), and then gaslight me that he don't really think like that, he has insomnia and he's still depressed after my "no" (year ago), and he still wanna be friends, and how bad of a person I'll be if i ruin this friendship just because of one mistake. He was so good with everyone else, so i forgiven him, but deep down knew this rage was honest and still there. Kinda waited for that burst to happen in front of everyone, because he was really good with them
@@endlesshaze5647 Oh that's too bad, boohoo 😢 I'd have a good chuckle after that.
“the fear for the accusation is stronger than the sympathy for the victim”
holy fuck, that’s such a good way of putting it and really says a lot.
I mean the fact that an innocent man's life will be ruined and his reputation will be shattered even AFTER he is proven to be innocent, you are not going to win any man over with feminism. You would think we would be thinking more critically after the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard, but no. So yeah, men are rightfully afraid of being accused. If you are an average man or especially a man of status, it's best we avoid or become indifferent when some women become scornful. I don't expect you to understand a man's perspective, but why the hell should men still side with feminism when innocent men got bombarded with misandrist statements by the ones who claim to fight for "equality"?
Extremely frustrating to see that Kurtis Conner among many others haven’t said a word
The thing with the argument of “oh she was 17 which is BASICALLY of age” is that it’s a slippery slope of us accepting and normalising that to then go on to say “oh she was 16 which is BASICALLY 17” and then where does it end?
This is something i see in many debates (particularly moral/legal ones) of the “exception” but if we give an exception to something enough times it becomes the standard and the new, more extreme exception is made
i’ve been trying to find a way to word this for ages and you’ve done it perfectly 🙏
I’m sick and tired of people defending grown ass men dating 18-21 years olds because “they are of legal age.”
Yes. It's 18 cause you have to draw the line somewhere. However, LEGAL doesn't mean MORAL.
@@Maialeen 18 and 19 are still teens tho
18 should not be the legal age, it's more trouble than it's worth. They should update it to 20, worldwide, since teenhood ends there.
I've been saying this for years!! I'm glad everybody is waking up. They will never be on our side.
Don't say that... its super defeatist and will get us no closer to building a progressive future...I do think some men really are trust worthy. I can usually tell by how they go about speaking on women's issues/being an ally. They are often one to recognize when they are talking out of their scope of experience or knowledge and defer to a women to explain a concept better. FD does this often that's why I respect him.
Frederich Engels originally wanted more included in the Communist Manifesto about the unique struggles of the female working class, pointing out how they were also uniquely oppressed for their reproductive capabilities. Karl Marx disagreed with him and had most of his writings about sexism removed. Marx himself relied heavily on the labor of his wife to fuel his career overall, as many male writers of those days could barely maintain a career without the help of their wives and often stole their ideas/plagiarized their writings (Tolstoy, Fitzgerald, etc.) while forcing them to essentially be their domestic slaves. Karl Marx also relied on his wife Sophia’s money to bail him out of jail and pay his debts. She regularly wrote him about feeling unloved by him, how she felt that the Communist movement ignored women/was a boy’s club. Sophia was the one who had to edit his unreadable writings and made it into what we now know as The Communist Manifesto. She was an active participant in the movement, was the one mostly funding Marx, let him put their family in harm’s way, and gave her entire life for his movement, but she was never given credit by him. Reminds me of a phrase: “Men are only communists from the waist up.”
Who is Sophia? 😂
@@christiandaugherty6339 if you used your brain, the context of this paragraph would indicate to you that she was marx’s wife.
Imagine being an unironic communist in 2024
@@christiandaugherty6339 who do you think?
@@harpsdesire4200 imagine being an unironic boot licker in 2024
I matched with this one older white dude on a dating app (he was like 32, I’m black and was 22 at the time) and I was so sure I had a good radar for these types. He seemed so cool, but that quickly changed. He offered to drop me off for my college class, which I thought was sweet, but that turned into me being LATE for class, because he wouldn’t let me out of his truck without a make out session. He pushed me into being intimate a few times, but not ~aggressively~ so I was fooled into thinking it was just teasing or flirting or something. Then after we had sex for the first time, he quickly dropped off from messaging me. Also the sex was bad and rushed because he wanted it like immediately in a parking lot at night-ahem, anyways. Also he bought a whip for sex which made me feel a lil uncomfy cause of race play requests I’ve gotten in the past.
YIKES
As someone else said, yikes. I'll be entering college soon, so I think I read this at the right time. I'll try to avoid dating men so much older than me, and avoid entrusting him to get me somewhere on time until I have known him for awhile.
My mom never told my dad where she lived or let him pick her up until she had known him for months. I thought it was paranoid when I was younger, but now I understand perfectly.
As someone else said, yikes. I'll be entering college soon, so I think I read this at the right time. I'll try to avoid dating men so much older than me, and avoid entrusting him to get me somewhere on time until I have known him for awhile.
My mom never told my dad where she lived or let him pick her up until she had known him for months. I thought it was paranoid when I was younger, but now I understand perfectly.
@Tail_sez No, you won't try to avoid it. You will avoid it. They are not better than your peers, they are not more mature than your peers if they're trying to date you. You're not "mature for your age" either. It's very easy to avoid it. 30+ year olds are not your dating options. You will regret it. Date someone on your level and minimize the potential problems. Just, please. Every generation makes this same mistake because there's a never ending supply of these dudes convincing you that it's not weird. Trust me, it's weird.
@@Maialeen Yeah, what I meant by 'try' is that sometimes even when people do all the right things, they can be tricked into doing something unsafe or let their guard down.
For example, my mom, a paragon of caution and privacy, once accidentally revealed the school she worked at to a man she had just met, and he was waiting for her at the front entrance with...an apple. Maybe he was trying to be cute or something, but it scared the crap out of my mom, and she was luckily able to walk back on her interest in going out with him, and convince the principal to chase him off if he showed up again. If he had been a more obsessive type, and/or the principal less understanding, he might have stalked her over a minor slip up.
I identified as a feminist when I was like 23 bc I thought it was the right thing to do. But I grew up and realized it was more important to Do things that supported gender equity (etc) than to Talk About How Good I Am.
I’ve unfortunately witnessed so many men I loved and considered friends fall into this category. They only kept me around because they had they idealized a future ,an impossible future,with me (one that I wasn’t even aware of)
They start mistaking basic kindness/friendship as flirtation and get angry with rejection or “competition”. It’s such a pattern that I’m weary of making friends with men even if they are “feminists”. In fact I’m even more weary of fake woke men who think reading one Bell Hooks book makes them experts on feminism.
Don't. Decentre altogether.
Remember, a person who manipulates others has a lifetimes worth of experience. Don't feel bad for getting caught up in there b.s.
Being someone who's technically straight, sometimes I'm almost glad I'm also far enough along the aromantic and asexual spectrums that my attraction is once in a blue moon and just as minute. I've unfortunately had my share of fake feminist men. The worst kind isn't the people who's just faking it so they can fit in, it's the people who actually believe they don't have anything to work on and refuses to realize how hypocritical they are. Everybody has unlearning to do and I have no authority to fault someone else for having internalized beliefs, but there's a difference between working to undo those beliefs and allowing the beliefs to fester into harmful actions and ideology.
Oh. THESE guys...
I am just so afraid of this all getting worse.
Same here. I was just thinking about Miss PunnyPennie's brilliant poem on yt 'Am I flirting with you?' and thinking how it feels like we need strong movements to address so much of this.
About the study 18:34. With my friend group we have talked about it a lot. The thing is that it's kinda hard to be a male in left and feminist spaces because there's the constant narrative that men are the problem, and they (we) are at fault of basically everything. And of course, it's understandable. But as the narrative keeps being "woman and lgbtq+ people against man" and not "people against patriarchy", a lot of men keeps reading and hearing about how bad they are and how they should be rejected in general. Somo of us are constantly trying to actualize, deconstruct and reflect; and when you are insert in spaces with that narrative it's very easy to feel guilt for being a man, feel less and that you have the moral obligation to remove yourself from those spaces. I am very lucky to have a large group of lgbtq+ and feminists who are close friends and can talk with me thru this process and give me acceptance and a safe place and reaffirm that i'm not part of the people they refer when they talk trash about MEN. But if i didn't have this supporting wonderful people in my life, i can see how alluring and tempting it could be to join the dark side.
The thing is everybody needs and deserves acceptance, a safe place and a sense of belonging. So when the discourse is that men are trash, those men feel like they don't belong with that crowd. And that's when the Ben Shapiros of the world pray upon them just by saying "Hey, you are valid. You are accepted. You have a safe place here. You are not a monster". And from that to the indoctrination of ideologies is just some time and easy steps.
So yeah, i'm not surprised by the results of that study.
And i really think this is the kind of beast we can only kill with kindness.
I didnt notice your English being bad, but its my only language and I still struggle with getting stuff right, especially grammar. AND
I'm firmly in the camp that being bilingual is both impressive & cool.
Its actually one of my biggest red flags when it comes to other people, oh you're belittling someone for learning another language? Okay I know to stay away from you and your judgement.
I actually was going to reply to say that I thought this was a well thought out comment, that I appreciated you sharing your experience as a man.
Especially touching on the way that a lot of leftist spaces cater to women and lgtbqia when men are equally victims of the patriarchy. And while that isnt a viable excuse for men to do terrible things,
lets not forget being a shithead is inclusive of all genders it is not a strictly male activity, and it further damages society by pretending that isnt true.
I get it, but at the same time you have to understand that it's REALLY, REALLY TIRING. WOMEN ARE REALLY TIRED AT THIS POINT. A lot of things are catered to men, even the medical community. I don't fault women for having what you call "men are the problem" narrative in feminist spaces.
"Everybody needs and deserves acceptance, a safe place and a sense of belonging". And feminist spaces are the only thing we have in a world that only catered to men for centuries. Don't tell me we have to use that space, too, to cater to their hurt feelings. It's very contradictory of their cause, if it was a genuine one. Men wanting to fight for feminism, so women in feminist spaces needed to "just smile and be polite like a good girl" in order to cater to them. You've got to be kidding me.
Don't take our freedom to vent out, too.
I get it, but at the same time you have to understand that it's REALLY, REALLY TIRING. WOMEN ARE REALLY TIRED AT THIS POINT. A lot of things are catered to men, even the fkn medical community. I don't fault women for having what you called "men are the problem" narrative in feminist spaces. I don't even remember the last time i saw a woman's comment section or played a game online where we don't get labeled h03s, where all of our actions are nitpicked as doing it to seduce men and get validation from men, how we lack self-respect and are used-up holes, or how the comment would be FILLED with "disgusting" and "she needs to shave" when they get a glimpse of body hair. Hard to be a male in feminist spaces? Imagine being a female in patriarchal and misogynistic society. I can't stress this enough, BUT WE'RE REALLY, REALLY TIRED.
"Everybody needs and deserves acceptance, a safe place and a sense of belonging". And feminist spaces are the only thing we have in a world that only catered to men for centuries. We created our own little version of that "accepting, safe place" in a society that didn't do that for us. Don't tell me we have to use that space, too, to cater to their hurt feelings. It's very contradictory of their cause, if it was a genuine one. Men wanting to fight for feminism, so women in feminist spaces needed to "just smile and be polite like a good girl" in order to cater to them. You've got to be kidding me.
Don't take our freedom to vent out, too.
I get what you're saying, I really do, and I think there definitely is validity to the points you've made; however, I feel like the same could be said of "non-white" spaces and there is no temptation within me to demonize people who aren't white or to ignore what is happening to these other communities of people just because the spaces aren't for me and they(rightfully) generalize their lived experiences and call out the systemic issues they butt up against on a daily basis. I don't feel defensive about these ideas because I agree with the general sentiments they are expressing and I personally also find "white supremacists" scary. I, too, am an outsider looking into these spaces and I try to listen and learn.
It can be particularly alienating at times because, as a busy adult, I don't have many friends, therefore my support system, by default, usually ends up being my immediate family members who also happen to be white. While my family, for the most part, are definitely not overtly racist, there are many conversations I have had with them over the years where I am am the one attempting to explain the more nefarious systemic issues that exist(which we are almost brainwashed into ignoring/not noticing); I am also not the most well spoken individual so these complicated conversations can be quite frustrating(though I do think we've all made a lot of progress and done a lot of learning collectively). Given my situation as it is, the importance of developing my own emotional maturity and critical thinking skills has become extremely apparent to me. I'm also not sure where I would be in my personal development if I did not have both, access to the internet as a resource providing me with a diverse range of viewpoints, and the ability to seek out unbiased sources of factual information combined with the understanding that I have to contextualize said information in a way that does not ignore the humanity and the lived experiences of the people it regards. I have to think critically about the systems we exist under, I have to reflect and understand when the blanket narrative around whiteness applies to me(e.g. structural issues) and when it does not(e.g. being overtly racist). I understand why I might have to go a little further to prove myself trustworthy in these spaces(if I am able/want to participate in them) and I understand why I have to have a little more tact in these spaces and the discourse surrounding these topics. This is a lifelong learning/unlearning process, it's exhausting, it's hard work and it's much easier to be lazy and selfish. I have to keep dropping my ego and defensiveness whenever they rear their ugly heads and I have to keep learning and growing as a person.
With all that said, even if I was specifically being targeted and I was being "berated for being white/cisgender/straight/whatever" as an individual, there is no situation that would make me turn against a group of people in this way because my character, my morality and my critical thinking skills regarding the situation wouldn't allow it. My opinion wouldn't magically change because I feel touchy about the way something is being phrased, or even if I was truly being discriminated against as an individual because of other people's perceptions of whatever privileged/non-marginalized group I am a part of. While I understand that the generalizations I'm lumped into don't always apply to me, I see how they can be useful when pointing out the benefactors of systemic oppression as well as how they can be useful to get people to think and reflect on the imbalances within said systems. There is also no way that I would automatically jump to generalizing people who are already marginalized just because some people within that group have hurt my feelings(rightfully or wrongfully). I might feel a little more isolated because there is one less place that I "fit in," but I wouldn't lash out at random groups and start associating with terrible people as a result.* My defensiveness would never cause such an overreaction; there would be no, "You know what, maybe all those Nazis were right because you're being mean to me. I will now be friends with these terrible people." I could see a world in which one could be sucked into certain ideologies slowly, but there should come a point where, a person's morality and sense of self should kick in. At some point along the spectrum of ideas, they should notice that their values don't align with the people they have been following and they should self-reflect. "This isn't right. This doesn't serve my needs or align with how I want to grow as a human being. I need to deconstruct and find a new baseline." Though not to this extreme, I regularly reevaluate who I am supporting/getting information from. In any case, it is our own responsibility to navigate our way out of these situations and decide what we find to be acceptable behaviour as human beings. If they can't or don't want to do this and they are somehow sucked into these ideologies and get stuck there, I think they are dangerous people and we should be weary of them. If they are so far gone that they agree with a lot of these deeply misogynistic influencers, is that not indicative of their character?
I also believe most people would never be violent towards others who have offended them as I have noticed happens when men are asked to reflect on men as a general group of people. It's always "warped statistics for thee and none for me." When the types of men question are presented with a generalized critique or even a stereotype of the male sex, it disproportionately turns into actual violence towards the groups of people calling them out compared to when it is the other way around. When women are presented with a generalized critique or stereotype of the female sex it often it goes overlooked, or maybe it is met with defensiveness, criticism and the context is given for why women might be that way and in the extreme cases we create "movements/groups" on the internet discussing the struggles we face within our patriarchal systems. This typically creates more community, discourse and education which results in boundaries being placed to protect ourselves and, by extension, more accountability when said boundaries have been crossed; this creation of boundaries then also gets criticized because the men who the boundaries are protecting against don't like having said boundaries in place. Boundaries are somehow viewed as an attack against them rather than the protective measure they obviously are. On the other hand, when these types of men start flocking to the Andrew Tates of world because they feel isolated/unfairly criticized/that their sense of "manliness" is "being attacked," there is a lot of black and white thinking, dehumanizing and violent rhetoric surrounding the discourse and it almost always results in an* increase in harassment, death threats, rape threats, and most importantly real world violence and crimes being committed against women/anyone who is not a straight/cis man.
While I do think it would be best for everyone involved to keep these types of men away from the Andrew Tates of the world, I have trouble accepting the implication that the responsibility somehow falls to the groups of people being hurt and marginalized to be kinder and more careful of offending the group of people who are already harming them. Maybe the men who can't understand why they are being generalized as a group and turn to violent/terrible people for solace are just bad people? Maybe that's why it's so easy to accept what all these dude/bros are saying to them? Why should the people they are negatively affecting soften the blow in order to bring them into the fold? Why should they be trusted if they can so easily switch to being terrible to other people the moment their egos aren't being stroked in the exact right way? I have trouble accepting this narrative for that reason alone. Historically, it has always been marginalized groups of people themselves who develop the labels and language within conversations about their oppression and it should continue be that way for obviously reasons.
*/end diatribe* I hope that what I've said at least makes sense because I was having trouble articulating what I meant at certain points. lol
*TL/DR:* I do understand your point and I do agree that it is in everyone's best interest to prevent these types of men from taking drastic actions just because they feel isolated; however, I do question their character if they are so easily swayed and I don't necessarily buy into the idea that policing the way marginalized groups of people discuss their trauma and oppression is the way to do this. The solution must come from a different source.
I get what you're saying and I accept the premisse, but the solution everytime there is a comment like this, which is often, is never that maybe men should create this spaces for themselves and it seems to never be that they support each other and teach each other, it seems always to be welcome elsewhere in places where other people put in the work, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be welcomed in this places, but a space which was made with a specific community in mind will never be as safe to you than it is to them, I'm a mixed race person with white privilege, poc spaces are not catered to my experiences and sometimes they are going to be unconfortable to me, because they will force me to see biases I don't even know I have and they will share experiences that sometimes will make people like me the villain, or they will generalise because they are hurt and that doesn't make these spaces less necessary.
I may be wrong and I don't want to offend anyone but it feels like a type of entitlement, to want to feel safe and confortable in spaces made with an specific demographic in mind without actually using critical thinking to confront that sometimes you do have some bad behaviours or that something is not about you, even when it's a generalizing statement.
This isn’t just a feminism issue, it’s also an intersectional (race, political, gender, environmental, LGBTQ+, etc.) issue as well. So many companies, organizations, artists, creators, and celebrities claim that that they believe in progressive values for the sake of brownie points/popularity but when it’s time to actually implement those values into their own lives and businesses , they do the exact opposite. This is especially rife throughout different communities like the TERFs, ‘progressive’ celebrities associating themselves with problematic individuals/companies/organizations , ‘nice guys’, liberal politicians being lobbied by conservative led organizations/corporations, and liberal Zionists. In the words of MLK Jr. , “Injustice anywhere is a threat to Justice everywhere”.
@mfuentes4961 agree! And I've spoken about this before how I'm an intersectional feminist, hence my labeling of feminism is as such (I've got a whole video all about it). It's all wokefishing bs so many sadly do, it's a broader topic hence me focusing on the fake male feminist facade for this video, rainbow washing has been well covered by many amazing creators so I didn't want to step on their toes but I totally agree 😊
Yeah, it's all about social acceptance. Right now the socially acceptable thing is Progressive politics and you're a Nazi if you disagree, 30 years ago it was the Religious Right and you'd be a Satan Worshipper if you disagreed (good times), 60 years ago it was McCarthyism and you'd be a Commie if you disagreed. I could keep going but this is just normal human behaviour, we will exaggerate and lie to gain the social acceptance of those around us, especially when you'll be villainized for disagreeing and especially especially if there is a tangible personal benefit in doing so e.g. Selling Rainbows to Gay People in June. Just gotta wait for something else to become the new popular position and then you'll find less people lying about being a Progressive because it won't as socially advantageous to do so.
HEAVYYYY ON THIS as someone who is within many of discussions being a black women, a bisexual women, and a feminist.
The fake care is RIDICULOUS
Liberal zionist?? What does that even mean? Y'all can't go one second not shitting on Jews.
@@BryonyClaireI'm really confused why Zionism would be included on that list. You're classifying Jews as problematic. It's really weird seeing antisemitism coming from progressives.
Man I just noticed he made a video on the Cody Ko situation and so I can’t completely feel a suspicious feeling as much as I used to but one influencer that like… I don’t know what it is maybe because it’s the same vibes as Kurtis Conner who turned out to have a bad friend but: Film Cooper strikes me as weird. He hasn’t done anything bad from what I’ve heard of or seen but you never know what skeletons can be in someone’s closet.
girl same I even stopped watching him he strikes me as a panderer Idk I have a suspicion about him also his threads my god he's unhinged there
@@nanomiai've seen how he spoke about fat people, and how he hated the mormon girl model with lucky blue smith, not because she was promoting staying at home while she's super rich and working on her influencer career, but because he thought she was annoyingly perfect. This dude also said "this outfit is Martha P Johnson inspired" on tiktok and people clocked him for trying to look "queer and woke". Film cooper can make correct videos but i wouldn't bet on this horse on the long term.
100%. My main problem with him is that he seems *very* aggressive in his delivery, which tipped me off and a secondary "issue": He obviously thinks he is very hot and any guy thinking of himself like that and uploading a bunch of thirstraps is just...a red flag. You just know those guys talk to "fans" in the DMs.
film cooper is a quintessential pick me man
@@m00nrac00nHe made an entire video dedicated to joining the bandwagon where right wingers hated this one guy for talking about Nazi dogwhistles.
He didn't even criticize the guy, just said he was embarrassing and "going too far" and that people use those so-called dogwhistles innocently all the time. And like.... Yeah. That's why they're called dogwhistles. That's the point.
If it was something blatant like paying tribal people to hold up a sign that says "god hates jews" then it wouldn't be a goddamn dog whistle, would it?
That kind of "stop educating, you're going too far" talk is always the reddest of red flags. Any leftist who didn't agree with the guy's delivery would just message him privately or not interact with him at all.
Publicly making a hate video on him is WILD for someone without ulterior motives.
I haven't seen other videos of yours, but I appreciate you giving enthusiastic shout-outs to other creators, and citing your sources. It's refreshing. 🦋📚
Whenever a guy proclaims himself a feminist, that's a big red flag for me.
@@MrPatrick1980 fr. if a man actually has feminist values it will be evident through his actions. he won’t have to tell you that he is one
it’s kind of similar to the whole “i’m a nice guy!” thing. like, if you’re genuinely a nice guy, people will be able to see that and you won’t need to convince them!
Right! Actions speak louder than words. Feminism is more than a mere label. It's about consistent ethics and mutual respect.
@@letsalllovelein Genuinely a guy may be able to say this to his woman and get away with it but genuinely reading this made me briefly flash red lol. As a foundational pillar of philosophy it's about defending a thesis statement and advancing the field further. Actions do speak quite a bit louder than words you are correct. Consistent ethics and mutual respect will maybe get you passing two of the first year philosophy courses if you actually do understand the terms wholly. u are correct. Consistent ethics and mutual respect will maybe get you passing two of the first year philosophy courses if you actually do understand the terms wholly. The majority of feminists I know are actually doctorate holding men, it's why I would never change my field to feminism till I have done equal work.
@@coolchameleon21 Agree, actions do speak louder than words.
I haven't watched the video yet, but I see some comments about Kurtis Connor being recommended and like, no. He's one of Them. He stood by his terrible friends last I checked.
Had a friend who said all the right things, said he respected boundaries and was a safe person, but he wouldn't stop touching me when I told him I didn't like it (I don't need to qualify this, but he knew I was touch averse autistic with sxual trauma and not interested in men) I thought he was safeish because he was engaged, but the engagement fell apart and tried to sleep with me. I cut him off and he stalked me. A family member of his that I worked with told me he had been violent with women in the past (would have been great information sooner) he moved away, but I'm still hurt and anxious.