@@profitreacts99 The alimony’s until one of them dies. However, if he dies first, he has to set aside a certain amount of money until she dies. The reason why is because he cut her out of a multimillion dollar company and she had a really good lawyer.
@@profitreacts99 If he dies,She’ll probably get all or majority of any life insurance policy money if he didnt remarry and have kids. Whether he dies or not she’ll get was shes owed in alimony.
They had a pregnancy scare and he just proposed out of the blue? They haven't lived together even. I think getting married out of the blue would be stupid and impulsive.
@oshinofalakoju5749 not particularly? I've had friends who got married before living together, and some have divorced because you don't really know a person until you live with them. Some people were cleaner than their partners, some had things they could hide when they lived separately that came out while living together. I'm not saying it can't possibly work. But for me, I've had 2 engagements. Both with men I had NEVER lived with. Both engagements broke off once I lived with them. One expected me to be a stay at home dad to his kid when we had discussed I would have a limited role as a step parent since the other parent was actively involved. So I, personally, would never even agree to another engagement unless I lived with someone before preposal.
The alimony for life is because these women give up 20+ years to stay home and raise kids. They'd be starting over in their 40's or 50's, that's 20 years behind the financial curve. The marriage is a contract to protect the woman from being left destitute. She will be entitle to a part of his retirement too, and it can be modified. Or the person in the marraige that gives up career and financial security to care for the kids and home. 20-30 years of your youth/life that you can't get back, you can't make that up in 5 years. look at the difference if you start saving in your 20' vs in your 50's. You will never catch up. The person giving up their career for the family would get screwed without the alimony.
Yes exactly. The comments saying can’t she just downgrade or get a career it’s like YO you clearly don’t understand what’s she’s been doing for decades.
@@fvancesshe actually could have went to school or invest the extra money because of her ex dies she has nothing, and people live longer than they use to so women who get this need to plan for the future incase they lose it or something happens
lets say she wasnt divorved with kids and was working for a company instead, she got fired and got unemployment. that would only last so long before she got cut off. I'm having trouble seeing why the same shouldn't apply here.
@@DJCooL4 because while she was working for a company, she received an income, she could decide where to apply that income and she had a career, so she could easily find a new job, now, imagine you married in your late teens/early twentys, you got your HS diploma and no work experience, you stayed home to raise your children, what anyone else doing for you would cost money, then 20+ years down the line, you have no real experience in the industry (wathever industry), you're not young enough that people think "oh, she's young, she'll learn, let's give her a first job oportunity", and even if someone gave you a first job oportunity, you would start from the bottom, 20+ years behind others, and even if you had a job previously to being married/having kids "well, you have a 20+ years gap in your curriculum, you're outdated, I can't contract you". She will receive alimony because she "worked" for 20+ years as a nanny + cleaning lady + cooker + anything else that the family needed, didn't receive more than her clothes, a place to live and food, what in any other situation besides a spousal one would be considered "analogous to slavery", so the courts decided the only way for her and the still minor children to not suffer because "until death do us part" wasn't actually until death
She's not an employee working for money, healthcare etc. She is giving up 20+ years of career, financial security, and advancement. Starting over at 40 or 50 with 20 year olds would be a severe detriment. Garanteed hardship and no retirement. Marraige is the guarantee that you won't be left destitute. It makes sense. And this is only until she remarries. It can also be adjusted if she (or he) gets a good paying job )
In the alimony for life story, I know someone who was in this situation. The ex-husband actually hired a guy to date and marry the ex just to get out of paying her. They divorced within a year and she lost everything.
The story about the fiancé wanting to split everything 50/50 - my ex did the same thing to me. Became very resentful that everything wasn’t split exactly evenly even though he was making a lot more than me. I tried to compromise and pay more but he would find new grievances and constantly moved the goal post for things I was doing wrong in his eyes. Well, it turned out he resented me and kept finding nit-picky faults in me because he was cheating with a woman at his job, she was demanding he end things with me, and he didn’t have the courage to have that conversation with me so he was hoping I would break up with him if he just kept being unpleasant. I eventually got the hints, but it would have been much less painful and wasted much less of both of our time if he’d just been honest from the beginning!
The old twitter app is lousy with stories like this😭🤮 like men dont have the courage to leave or end things so they make life hell and actually begin hating (or always hated) theor partners for still trying to be with them. Like just use your words! So much less painful!
He didn’t propose because he’s so in love. He proposed in case there’s an accident. That changes my thoughts on it. It sounded like they were in a sort of no-marriage agreement until then.
S2: She better not give up her insurance and alimony for that. As someone who knows a lot of military wives who had for life who then married the new guy only to be broker during that marriage and divorced in a couple years and now left with nothing I say don’t do it girl. Ask him if he’s willing to sign a contract that if it doesn’t work that he will pay the same as your ex gives your now and your medical costs for life. If he’s not willing to put that in legal writing for you then don’t give up your benefits, and even then if something happens to him your SOL.
Here's an idea- maybe instead of relying on an ex for money- she should rely on herself because she's an able bodied adult capable of working and supporting herself.
the staying for the alimony thing, get informally married and risk live together if love is that important to you but the salary of a DOCTOR vs the salary of a Social Worker is crazy. And also if her kids are older she needs the money more than anything that's like college age that is ExPensive
Yeah, but I’d assume the father would pay for his kids college tuition regardless of whether she gets alimony or not. Alimony isn’t the same as child support
38:16 NTA. In fact, I think you were very smart to propose a lifestyle change. If your fiance knows what you make, and is expecting you to help with the mortgage, then that is a huge red flag! I'm also tempted to say that he just indirectly told you a gold digger as well. He wants you to contribute to the household, he's got to do it according to your budget as well as his, not just his. I think it's safe to say that he doesn't trust you financially, in which case, just go ahead and move on with your life. ...Wait a damn minute! Is he seriously saying that you won't give him the chance to talk to you, after you already asked him what's going on with him financially? He's the one who needs to open up! That's another red flag. You need to get out while you still can. Cuz if he's bottling his feelings up about your finances, sooner or later, that shit is going to explode, and it's not going to be pretty! Update: Holy shit! that was one hell of a plot twist! That is also a bunch more red flags, because now I'm seeing financial irresponsibility on his part. I'm glad he apologized for calling you a gold digger, but that shit should have never left his mouth in the first place. I understand you still want to marry him, but you gon' have to think long and hard about this relationship. I don't think it's worth it.
refusing to discuss it with her, then when she goes and breaks down how everything would need to be approached and how much she could give, him whining that she is bull dozing over him and not letting him speak. You can't have it both ways LOL
He’s an asshole for not explaining things to her, but if he’s working extra hours and things and she’s not working 40 hours on a regular, then I can see why but otherwise it doesn’t make sense, unless someone told him that if they get married and she leaves then you have to pay her alimony or something
32:00 the point of alimony is that a stay at home mother is unable to get a job for 20 years and lacks the skills necessary to get a job and maintain a job after being out of the workforce for two decades. The equipment and technology has changed monumentally and the likelihood of them to be hired due to ageism is low. OP was forced to get out of the work force and won’t be able to live by herself or get health insurance on less than minimum wage. It’s not for the intents of raising kids- it’s just so she can live. That’s why it’s alimony and not child support.
Eh, I personally think alimony and child support is all archaic and should be abolished in favor of a better system/s. There should be 50/50 parental rights from the get go in favor of child support UNLESS other wise needed and alimony I dunno.
Alimony Story: I would keep the alimony if I were the wife but date with the knowledge of her situation known at the outset. Times are hard and expensive. Good Health insurance is like gold when you need it. The wife hadn’t worked in forever and it’s going to be hard and expensive trying to build a career. That’s the downside of staying home which is why she received the alimony. If I were her I would just save aggressively to cover her expenses when/if it ends and also find some passive income.
the last story? fuck no. as soon as i saw the videos from my friend i wouldve texted him and said enjoy tonight, cause youre gonna be single a long time. 😊
It’s actually not true on the alimony front most judges won’t turn around and reverse it because that would be detrimental to her and the child who is still under 18. Because they still have a 16 year old. She earned that income and to lose healthcare most in these comments probably don’t pay their own some people pay $300 a month for insurance.
In the $500 date story, I don’t think the person is an asshole/the villain, but I will say they blocked the guy based on their assumption of his motivations without communicating. Since they admittedly hesitated on the response about the bill, he might’ve noticed, realized they had different expectations and decided “Oh when they bring the bills, I’ll just pay for both, since that’s what they were expecting.”
With the alimony story, even if the bf agreed to keep playing along, she should still definitely try to get back into a job or at least do short-term work from time to time in the things she has certifications for. As a few people mentioned, alimony for life isn't always *_for life_* if things come up, and the last thing you want is to suddenly find yourself with no income, limited skills, and needing to renew your certifications.
Something no one seemed to bring up in the alimony story is the emotional trauma that is a divorce. The OP already had to go through a lot of stress to get into the situation she's in now. For that reason, divorced people tend to be extremely commitment shy because it's not like they went into their first marriage expecting it to fail. Now they're older and wiser and know that if they marry again, there is a good chance it will fail. They don't want to go through that again. And she knows that she's in a pretty good place right now with the alimony arrangement. If she marries this other guy and it doesn't work out, she's going to be both heartbroken and no longer have the alimony/health insurance from the first marriage. So it's understandable that she feels she has a lot more to lose than she does to gain by marrying him. But I do agree that it is unwise to just take for granted that the alimony will always be there. You'd think having gone through a failed marriage would teach her that life has no guarantees. (Maybe that "alimony for life" phrase was the one "guarantee" that gave her the strength to pick up the pieces of her broken life and move on, and she doesn't want to face the possibility that that one guarantee is gone now.)
On the alimony story, I have questions. Do the other kids still live with her? They may be older, but a lot of parents will still house their kid when they are in college. It would also explain why she would want to stay on it. She could be covering college expenses on top of housing and feeding them so they can really focus on school without worrying about working. Or! I just thought of this! I graduated high school at almost 20! The kids could still be in high school despite an older age. Either way, this mom might be reliant on the alimony for those reasons. And if it is for school reasons, I commend the mom for making the choice she did. My parents wasted my college fund on drugs when I was a preteen. Then used the rest to pay for their divorce. And I've never even had the opportunity to go to college cause I had to worry about housing and surviving. Any parent who priotizes an opportunity for the kid at the cost of them is a literal super hero
The lady on alimony why doesn't she just do a long engagement? It could be long enough for the last kid to go to college and for her to figure out a new career.
Getting engaged immediately breaks alimony... Read some stories where people thought just because it wasn't on paper they didn't think their alimony would be stripped away... One lady even tried to hide it for years and got sued and had to start paying HIM
Why do that when she’s getting paid for all the work she did when she was married without having to do anything? Like who would actually want to do that? After that huge gap in her resume she would still have to go to school to get a decent job & be stuck working fast food or something.
Realistically... if you haven't had a job for over 20 pkis years I don't see a job that you would be able to get that would fully support you. You would basically be starting at an complete entry level. I guess you could get your CPR cert and be a nanny.
Girl math is actually a great way to interact with finances. Essentially the Starbucks example is: the money has already been spent so as far as general budget and money goes it's "free". Earning rewards is a way of earning "money" that stuff stacks and you end up getting free things after a while, and tracking that and taking advantage of that can be very helpful. It's helped me afford my meds many times.
And this is why stay at home parents should be paid a livable wage while they are working in the home. Cos it is work! Ppl saying she needs to get a job, learn skills doesn’t take into account all the skills she has. She has skills! It’s just that our society doesn’t value SAH parents. Her being at home saved the family a lot of money. They did a study on how many jobs a SAH parent does like cleaning, curating meals, making the meals, driving,etc. amounts up to $120,000+ per year. SAH parents get paid ZERO. It’s a sacrifice for a person to dedicate themselves to the family. And yeah for her best interest she should save and get a job soon cos that’s how our world works. And we all know how expensive everything is so to be like give it up for a guy…come on, that’s so fucked up. I don’t care if they love each other now. She prolly thought she’d be with her ex husband forever. NTA
@@j8ovanni0 if you took the time to educate yourself you can easily learn from google, it’s based on research they did where I got the $120,000 a year from. I didn’t reach-I read it in a study. Childcare alone is crazy expensive that a lot of couples opt for one to stay home to take care of the kids. A stay at home parent does the amount of work that they should be making a nice amount of money but instead get paid zero. Which not always but typically tends to be women. Not sure why you’re having a hard time understanding.
Nah, that's just the court. It's not her fault since a stay at home mom for three kids is a big job, but yea, having nothing to fall back on as far as a career is dangerous. Her new BF is managing to live just fine so I imagine there's a way to downgrade her way of life and get a simple job to make things work if she wants a relationship.
It's wild that the guy in the first story even calls her an ex. Dude needs to acknowledge that they didn't have anything, otherwise he wasted his time and hasn't learned the lesson he should have. With the alimony, my only question is if she has started any work on her own career ot some form of support. All she did saying what she did is tell her bf that she doesn't believe in him or their relationship.
AYO THE RESTURANT! It's called BAKAN, located in wynwood, FL Been there a few times. They have SO MUCH TEQUILA and the food there is absolutely incredible!
The guy from the 50/50 story gives off the vibe that he or his friends believe that all women are gold diggers and kind of like sam said maybe his friends convinced him she was trying to gold dig him
for the second story, you can't just abandon your kids once they turn 18. it sounds like she has enough money for her kids to go college/start life with no/minimal loans. also, she is many, many years behind in the job market. whatever job she gets will not be enough.
Hold on, that bachelor party story is wild. So they weren't exclusive when they became boyfriend and girlfriend? Growing up I thought I was weird for thinking people cheating at their bachelor's party was strange...
52:57 I actually have something to say about that, because one of my ex-girlfriends used to pop quiz me all the time, and I hated that shit! You are NTA for blocking him, because that was kind of rude. Not to mention, he's staring at your credit card and gaining private information that you were not yet willing to reveal! This dude did not pass the vibe check. Cut that loss and move on with your life.
The alimony story I was thinking similarly to you all. First I start saving, second start working or get some sort of training and get a good job so you aren't dependent on the alimony. But I want to add, it's only been 2 years so I don't think it's crazy that she isn't at this point yet. And I don't think there should be a limit on the number of years in general, it should be on a case-by-case basis.
Girl shipping math makes perfect sense if you’re buying something almost enough to get free shipping. You can either pay for shipping, or pay for a clearance item and get shipping for free. Either way you’re paying roughly the same amount, plus or minus an extra item that you can use.
I’m so glad yall were in my algorithm 2 months ago. So thankful for you guys and this podcast. You guys are so genuine and it’s awesome. I feel like I’m just hangin out with my besties !!!
Ok second story, I agree that she needs to move on at some point but it’s only been 2 years max if I heard right?? I think it would be really smart to save money for a few years at least. Her kids are older but the empty nesting transition can be expensive asf. Moving, uni, and especially any unforeseen rainy days. Not to mention money to contribute to possible weddings in the next decade for their kids. I’m incredibly lucky that my parents help me and without them school and therapy wouldn’t be on the table. But it’s also not obligatory and every situation is different, I just think this is something parents do/should consider. That and I don’t feel like a two year relationship is anlways enough time to make the long- term call, esp if you don’t feel confident about it. Love y’all
The story on J Lo, and the tips is true, Ben is a nice guy, has respect! he was giving everybody $50, did J Lo went back and he wasn’t around, the $50 from them, and gave them $5. I’ll tell you one thing! I wouldn’t giving back shit!
i just did a quick google search for the taco restaurant and it could be rocco's tacos! they have a huge variety of tequila and handmade corn tortillas like she was saying. there are a bunch of locations in florida
I think the person in the first date story sounds like they tried to be up front and that was met with playing games so I don't think it's like unjustified for her to not want to talk to this guy again. Ideally people should be able to just say hey I don't think this will work but if the date made her feel disrespected or unsafe with the mind games, especially grabbing and holding her credit card, I don't think a block is the worst thing in the world.
The canceling the wedding story… so could she blow off men…. Since that’s her last night being single… can she do the Eiffel Tower, since it’s her last night being single… If that’s the case he should’ve been clear! And let her know what was going to happen, without giving too many details, But at the same time, be honest!! And don’t gaslight ur fiancé! He could’ve said, this is guilt free hall, pass night before marriage! Give her a chance, to be OK with that, or shut it down! That way he can’t be like, last night being single, stop tripping! He needs to be honest with himself! Would you be OK i with another man inside of his future wife? On her bachelorette party, if his answer is anything, but yes! Then he needs to take several seats! And stop gaslighting his fiancé! He cheated on her. Period point blank! He’s a gaslighting cheater.
It’s funny how in the rejecting the proposal story, she calls the judicial system archaic cause she can’t move in with her boyfriend or she will lose her alimony, but doesn’t care the fact that the archaic system favors women and gives them tons of leeway all over the place. So like, what are you upset about here? The court literally gave you alimony for life and health insurance.
Finances are one of, if not the top, reason people break up. Finances are an inescapable reality. People need to think about this before dating or getting into a relationship. One of my friends was skeptical when I said I wouldn't marry a guy w/ large amounts of debt, but I wouldn't. I work hard to live debt free. I'm not giving up that security for a guy. 🤷♀️
Them talking about red lobsters biscuits and saying cheesecake isn’t good because they tryna do too much and not have a specialty. They do be tryna do too much, but their specialty is cheesecake guys. It’s in the name 😂😂😂
Why does he even want to marry her when he is busy with anything that can move? If Marrying is such a terrible thing, then don't get married. No one is forcing him.
dude, if you think you need a credit report and an STD panel on someone before getting engaged, you shouldn't even be considering getting engaged. You don't investigate who someone is when you decide to marry them, you decide to marry them because you're already sure who they are.
5:59 story 1 analysis: 🚩#1(7:10 - 7:33) 🚩#2 (7:42) 🚩#3(7:54)! She wants to have her cake and eat it too. 8:34 That was smart, OP. Let her come to you. 8:52 👈🏿And here is the flashing red light before a cliff! ☠️⚠️☣️🚧🚧🚧🛑 NTA!
With free shipping i look at the difference and if im paying just a little more like less than 5 bucks more than paying shipping ill spend that if my bill is geting way bigger than nah
omg why do westerners think love means she has to be broke and dependent on her broke boyfriend? How can he love her if he is expecting her to lose out on money she is entitled to after decades of childcare. the likelihood of this man staying decent and reliable for life, let alone if she is suddenly dependent on him, are low to nil. I really hope she doesn't take any deluded disney story advice, especially as it's probably coming from ppl who resent she isn't suffering like most divorced single parents. the facts folks are acting like she's being materialistic for accepting her income is offensive
Tell me if you didn’t have to work, you would still work. I know that alimony could be revoked, but this was her perception. If this was your perception, wouldn’t you do the same thing?
Do a trial run for a 3 year he as to give you the same amount of money for 3 yrs plus have a prenup agreement he will give you said amount for life if he can’t afford that then you are marring down
Ok so for story three (50/50 finances) what Sam said is correct and incorrect at the same time. I agree with Yvonne (Ivonne?) that your money should go into your account first then you put an agreed upon amount into your savings. But the agreed savings amount should be reflective of you paying the same PERCENTAGE of your incomes toward shared expenses, not the same dollar amount. Sam’s proposed solution for equality would still have one person leaving the majority of their unspent money in the joint account which doesn’t make sense. Quick example of what I think should happen: partner1: makes $6,000 a month, partner2: makes $3,000 a month Monthly expenses: $3,000 a month Partner1: pays $2,000 a month (33% income) Partner2: pays $1,000 a month (33% income) *Mic drop*
I've been cheated on, but I'm still with him. Like you said, it's easier said than done. There were a lot of strife when I first found out, but eventually we decided to make it work with couple's therapy and solid boundaries. We are both very happy, even if strangers don't think so. It can work if both people are willing, but I could just be an atypical case! Of course I'm leaving a lot of stuff out too!
@@carterbell9106 we're in an open relationship so yeah probably! and im not a girl 😄See what i mean when strangers don't think so? You don't know my gender and you're sure as hell don't know my situation! All I can say is that I'm happy and you can take it or leave it
I know someone who has alimony for life and let me just say there’s a damn good reason for it. Courts don’t award alimony for life for no reason. NTA
And if something happens to the man what happens?
@@profitreacts99 The alimony’s until one of them dies. However, if he dies first, he has to set aside a certain amount of money until she dies. The reason why is because he cut her out of a multimillion dollar company and she had a really good lawyer.
@@profitreacts99 If he dies,She’ll probably get all or majority of any life insurance policy money if he didnt remarry and have kids. Whether he dies or not she’ll get was shes owed in alimony.
That's not true.
@@suprememedjai4433 lol
They had a pregnancy scare and he just proposed out of the blue? They haven't lived together even. I think getting married out of the blue would be stupid and impulsive.
AGREED!! Thank you for pointing this out. I was waiting for one of them to mention the odd nature of that proposal. It was very sus out of panic.
Omg! Gives me an ick! I find it so wild when people get married before living together. Doesn't usually end well for my friends 😅
Omg I love the way you think! 💖
@@fandomfreak1210 LOL is this sarcasm?
@oshinofalakoju5749 not particularly? I've had friends who got married before living together, and some have divorced because you don't really know a person until you live with them. Some people were cleaner than their partners, some had things they could hide when they lived separately that came out while living together. I'm not saying it can't possibly work. But for me, I've had 2 engagements. Both with men I had NEVER lived with. Both engagements broke off once I lived with them. One expected me to be a stay at home dad to his kid when we had discussed I would have a limited role as a step parent since the other parent was actively involved. So I, personally, would never even agree to another engagement unless I lived with someone before preposal.
The alimony for life is because these women give up 20+ years to stay home and raise kids. They'd be starting over in their 40's or 50's, that's 20 years behind the financial curve. The marriage is a contract to protect the woman from being left destitute. She will be entitle to a part of his retirement too, and it can be modified. Or the person in the marraige that gives up career and financial security to care for the kids and home. 20-30 years of your youth/life that you can't get back, you can't make that up in 5 years. look at the difference if you start saving in your 20' vs in your 50's. You will never catch up. The person giving up their career for the family would get screwed without the alimony.
Yes exactly. The comments saying can’t she just downgrade or get a career it’s like YO you clearly don’t understand what’s she’s been doing for decades.
@@fvancesshe actually could have went to school or invest the extra money because of her ex dies she has nothing, and people live longer than they use to so women who get this need to plan for the future incase they lose it or something happens
lets say she wasnt divorved with kids and was working for a company instead, she got fired and got unemployment. that would only last so long before she got cut off. I'm having trouble seeing why the same shouldn't apply here.
@@DJCooL4 because while she was working for a company, she received an income, she could decide where to apply that income and she had a career, so she could easily find a new job, now, imagine you married in your late teens/early twentys, you got your HS diploma and no work experience, you stayed home to raise your children, what anyone else doing for you would cost money, then 20+ years down the line, you have no real experience in the industry (wathever industry), you're not young enough that people think "oh, she's young, she'll learn, let's give her a first job oportunity", and even if someone gave you a first job oportunity, you would start from the bottom, 20+ years behind others, and even if you had a job previously to being married/having kids "well, you have a 20+ years gap in your curriculum, you're outdated, I can't contract you". She will receive alimony because she "worked" for 20+ years as a nanny + cleaning lady + cooker + anything else that the family needed, didn't receive more than her clothes, a place to live and food, what in any other situation besides a spousal one would be considered "analogous to slavery", so the courts decided the only way for her and the still minor children to not suffer because "until death do us part" wasn't actually until death
She's not an employee working for money, healthcare etc. She is giving up 20+ years of career, financial security, and advancement. Starting over at 40 or 50 with 20 year olds would be a severe detriment. Garanteed hardship and no retirement. Marraige is the guarantee that you won't be left destitute. It makes sense. And this is only until she remarries. It can also be adjusted if she (or he) gets a good paying job )
first story: bro needs to leave. she 100% used him and still is. as brandon said, STAND UP 😭
For real, though! That girl It's for the streets, and it also sounds like she's got hella issues that she needs to work out.
In the alimony for life story, I know someone who was in this situation. The ex-husband actually hired a guy to date and marry the ex just to get out of paying her. They divorced within a year and she lost everything.
What a grade A douche.
That sounds so yucky.
Sounds like fraud to me
The story about the fiancé wanting to split everything 50/50 - my ex did the same thing to me. Became very resentful that everything wasn’t split exactly evenly even though he was making a lot more than me. I tried to compromise and pay more but he would find new grievances and constantly moved the goal post for things I was doing wrong in his eyes. Well, it turned out he resented me and kept finding nit-picky faults in me because he was cheating with a woman at his job, she was demanding he end things with me, and he didn’t have the courage to have that conversation with me so he was hoping I would break up with him if he just kept being unpleasant. I eventually got the hints, but it would have been much less painful and wasted much less of both of our time if he’d just been honest from the beginning!
The old twitter app is lousy with stories like this😭🤮 like men dont have the courage to leave or end things so they make life hell and actually begin hating (or always hated) theor partners for still trying to be with them. Like just use your words! So much less painful!
He didn’t propose because he’s so in love. He proposed in case there’s an accident. That changes my thoughts on it. It sounded like they were in a sort of no-marriage agreement until then.
S2: She better not give up her insurance and alimony for that. As someone who knows a lot of military wives who had for life who then married the new guy only to be broker during that marriage and divorced in a couple years and now left with nothing I say don’t do it girl. Ask him if he’s willing to sign a contract that if it doesn’t work that he will pay the same as your ex gives your now and your medical costs for life. If he’s not willing to put that in legal writing for you then don’t give up your benefits, and even then if something happens to him your SOL.
Here's an idea- maybe instead of relying on an ex for money- she should rely on herself because she's an able bodied adult capable of working and supporting herself.
@@perfectchemistry8291she did worked for that and earned every penny stay at home taking care of him the kids the home she more than earned it
the staying for the alimony thing, get informally married and risk live together if love is that important to you but the salary of a DOCTOR vs the salary of a Social Worker is crazy. And also if her kids are older she needs the money more than anything that's like college age that is ExPensive
Yeah, but I’d assume the father would pay for his kids college tuition regardless of whether she gets alimony or not. Alimony isn’t the same as child support
38:16 NTA. In fact, I think you were very smart to propose a lifestyle change. If your fiance knows what you make, and is expecting you to help with the mortgage, then that is a huge red flag! I'm also tempted to say that he just indirectly told you a gold digger as well. He wants you to contribute to the household, he's got to do it according to your budget as well as his, not just his. I think it's safe to say that he doesn't trust you financially, in which case, just go ahead and move on with your life.
...Wait a damn minute! Is he seriously saying that you won't give him the chance to talk to you, after you already asked him what's going on with him financially? He's the one who needs to open up! That's another red flag. You need to get out while you still can. Cuz if he's bottling his feelings up about your finances, sooner or later, that shit is going to explode, and it's not going to be pretty!
Update:
Holy shit! that was one hell of a plot twist! That is also a bunch more red flags, because now I'm seeing financial irresponsibility on his part. I'm glad he apologized for calling you a gold digger, but that shit should have never left his mouth in the first place. I understand you still want to marry him, but you gon' have to think long and hard about this relationship. I don't think it's worth it.
This sounds to me like he’s seeking someone who is going to contribute to his lifestyle. So, he’s using her as a foundation
Hes a golddigger.
He was harking on her for not funding _his_ lifestyle when she proved she could do with a lower one.
Can i just say I'm thankful for yall. My baby is 5 weeks old and your episodes keep me company during night feeds. You truly are bringing me comfort
congrats on your baby 😊
Congratulations!! 🎉🎉 Happy parenting?
Congratulations on your baby 🍼
SO the 50/50 bf is the asshole here. He asked for 50/50, but when she broke it down and was like okay, this is what I can afford, He's all pissed off.
refusing to discuss it with her, then when she goes and breaks down how everything would need to be approached and how much she could give, him whining that she is bull dozing over him and not letting him speak. You can't have it both ways LOL
He’s an asshole for not explaining things to her, but if he’s working extra hours and things and she’s not working 40 hours on a regular, then I can see why but otherwise it doesn’t make sense, unless someone told him that if they get married and she leaves then you have to pay her alimony or something
You can just watch the whole thing
32:00 the point of alimony is that a stay at home mother is unable to get a job for 20 years and lacks the skills necessary to get a job and maintain a job after being out of the workforce for two decades. The equipment and technology has changed monumentally and the likelihood of them to be hired due to ageism is low. OP was forced to get out of the work force and won’t be able to live by herself or get health insurance on less than minimum wage. It’s not for the intents of raising kids- it’s just so she can live. That’s why it’s alimony and not child support.
Eh, I personally think alimony and child support is all archaic and should be abolished in favor of a better system/s. There should be 50/50 parental rights from the get go in favor of child support UNLESS other wise needed and alimony I dunno.
My fiance cheated on me and now I don't want to get married am I the a-hole?!?!?!?! WTF
Alimony Story: I would keep the alimony if I were the wife but date with the knowledge of her situation known at the outset. Times are hard and expensive. Good Health insurance is like gold when you need it. The wife hadn’t worked in forever and it’s going to be hard and expensive trying to build a career. That’s the downside of staying home which is why she received the alimony. If I were her I would just save aggressively to cover her expenses when/if it ends and also find some passive income.
the last story? fuck no. as soon as i saw the videos from my friend i wouldve texted him and said enjoy tonight, cause youre gonna be single a long time. 😊
I’m older and good health insurance is hard to come by and not something you should take lightly
It’s actually not true on the alimony front most judges won’t turn around and reverse it because that would be detrimental to her and the child who is still under 18. Because they still have a 16 year old. She earned that income and to lose healthcare most in these comments probably don’t pay their own some people pay $300 a month for insurance.
In the $500 date story, I don’t think the person is an asshole/the villain, but I will say they blocked the guy based on their assumption of his motivations without communicating. Since they admittedly hesitated on the response about the bill, he might’ve noticed, realized they had different expectations and decided “Oh when they bring the bills, I’ll just pay for both, since that’s what they were expecting.”
With the alimony story, even if the bf agreed to keep playing along, she should still definitely try to get back into a job or at least do short-term work from time to time in the things she has certifications for. As a few people mentioned, alimony for life isn't always *_for life_* if things come up, and the last thing you want is to suddenly find yourself with no income, limited skills, and needing to renew your certifications.
Something no one seemed to bring up in the alimony story is the emotional trauma that is a divorce. The OP already had to go through a lot of stress to get into the situation she's in now. For that reason, divorced people tend to be extremely commitment shy because it's not like they went into their first marriage expecting it to fail. Now they're older and wiser and know that if they marry again, there is a good chance it will fail. They don't want to go through that again. And she knows that she's in a pretty good place right now with the alimony arrangement. If she marries this other guy and it doesn't work out, she's going to be both heartbroken and no longer have the alimony/health insurance from the first marriage. So it's understandable that she feels she has a lot more to lose than she does to gain by marrying him. But I do agree that it is unwise to just take for granted that the alimony will always be there. You'd think having gone through a failed marriage would teach her that life has no guarantees. (Maybe that "alimony for life" phrase was the one "guarantee" that gave her the strength to pick up the pieces of her broken life and move on, and she doesn't want to face the possibility that that one guarantee is gone now.)
On the alimony story, I have questions. Do the other kids still live with her? They may be older, but a lot of parents will still house their kid when they are in college. It would also explain why she would want to stay on it. She could be covering college expenses on top of housing and feeding them so they can really focus on school without worrying about working. Or! I just thought of this! I graduated high school at almost 20! The kids could still be in high school despite an older age.
Either way, this mom might be reliant on the alimony for those reasons. And if it is for school reasons, I commend the mom for making the choice she did. My parents wasted my college fund on drugs when I was a preteen. Then used the rest to pay for their divorce. And I've never even had the opportunity to go to college cause I had to worry about housing and surviving. Any parent who priotizes an opportunity for the kid at the cost of them is a literal super hero
The lady on alimony why doesn't she just do a long engagement? It could be long enough for the last kid to go to college and for her to figure out a new career.
Getting engaged immediately breaks alimony... Read some stories where people thought just because it wasn't on paper they didn't think their alimony would be stripped away... One lady even tried to hide it for years and got sued and had to start paying HIM
New careers can take over a decade to do though.
Why do that when she’s getting paid for all the work she did when she was married without having to do anything? Like who would actually want to do that? After that huge gap in her resume she would still have to go to school to get a decent job & be stuck working fast food or something.
Realistically... if you haven't had a job for over 20 pkis years I don't see a job that you would be able to get that would fully support you. You would basically be starting at an complete entry level. I guess you could get your CPR cert and be a nanny.
That was an amazing Keith Lee impression
Girl math is actually a great way to interact with finances. Essentially the Starbucks example is: the money has already been spent so as far as general budget and money goes it's "free". Earning rewards is a way of earning "money" that stuff stacks and you end up getting free things after a while, and tracking that and taking advantage of that can be very helpful. It's helped me afford my meds many times.
And this is why stay at home parents should be paid a livable wage while they are working in the home. Cos it is work!
Ppl saying she needs to get a job, learn skills doesn’t take into account all the skills she has. She has skills! It’s just that our society doesn’t value SAH parents.
Her being at home saved the family a lot of money. They did a study on how many jobs a SAH parent does like cleaning, curating meals, making the meals, driving,etc. amounts up to $120,000+ per year.
SAH parents get paid ZERO.
It’s a sacrifice for a person to dedicate themselves to the family. And yeah for her best interest she should save and get a job soon cos that’s how our world works. And we all know how expensive everything is so to be like give it up for a guy…come on, that’s so fucked up. I don’t care if they love each other now. She prolly thought she’d be with her ex husband forever. NTA
Your arm hurt from that reach? 120k a year okay right.
How in story1 ya'll gave the woman who was using the man more praise then criticism, but let it been a man ya'll would have tore him up.
@@j8ovanni0 if you took the time to educate yourself you can easily learn from google, it’s based on research they did where I got the $120,000 a year from. I didn’t reach-I read it in a study.
Childcare alone is crazy expensive that a lot of couples opt for one to stay home to take care of the kids.
A stay at home parent does the amount of work that they should be making a nice amount of money but instead get paid zero. Which not always but typically tends to be women.
Not sure why you’re having a hard time understanding.
NTA keep that alimoney, you deserve it.
Its seems like for the alimony/health insurance story that the ex-husband set that scenario up so she would be alone and miserable forever.
Nah, that's just the court. It's not her fault since a stay at home mom for three kids is a big job, but yea, having nothing to fall back on as far as a career is dangerous. Her new BF is managing to live just fine so I imagine there's a way to downgrade her way of life and get a simple job to make things work if she wants a relationship.
nope, i know people who have that are are living just fine and happy.
It's wild that the guy in the first story even calls her an ex. Dude needs to acknowledge that they didn't have anything, otherwise he wasted his time and hasn't learned the lesson he should have.
With the alimony, my only question is if she has started any work on her own career ot some form of support. All she did saying what she did is tell her bf that she doesn't believe in him or their relationship.
AYO
THE RESTURANT!
It's called BAKAN, located in wynwood, FL
Been there a few times. They have SO MUCH TEQUILA and the food there is absolutely incredible!
The guy from the 50/50 story gives off the vibe that he or his friends believe that all women are gold diggers and kind of like sam said maybe his friends convinced him she was trying to gold dig him
Lol nvm I commented this before the update at least I was spot on
for the second story, you can't just abandon your kids once they turn 18. it sounds like she has enough money for her kids to go college/start life with no/minimal loans. also, she is many, many years behind in the job market. whatever job she gets will not be enough.
Hold on, that bachelor party story is wild. So they weren't exclusive when they became boyfriend and girlfriend? Growing up I thought I was weird for thinking people cheating at their bachelor's party was strange...
U r not weird at all for thinking that.
Yeah I’ve always found it strange
52:57 I actually have something to say about that, because one of my ex-girlfriends used to pop quiz me all the time, and I hated that shit!
You are NTA for blocking him, because that was kind of rude. Not to mention, he's staring at your credit card and gaining private information that you were not yet willing to reveal! This dude did not pass the vibe check. Cut that loss and move on with your life.
The alimony story I was thinking similarly to you all. First I start saving, second start working or get some sort of training and get a good job so you aren't dependent on the alimony. But I want to add, it's only been 2 years so I don't think it's crazy that she isn't at this point yet. And I don't think there should be a limit on the number of years in general, it should be on a case-by-case basis.
Haven’t watched the episode yet but I’m excited. Love yall guys. ❤. I’m thankful for you guys keeping me motivated while I work.
Girl shipping math makes perfect sense if you’re buying something almost enough to get free shipping. You can either pay for shipping, or pay for a clearance item and get shipping for free. Either way you’re paying roughly the same amount, plus or minus an extra item that you can use.
I’m so glad yall were in my algorithm 2 months ago. So thankful for you guys and this podcast. You guys are so genuine and it’s awesome. I feel like I’m just hangin out with my besties !!!
Ok second story, I agree that she needs to move on at some point but it’s only been 2 years max if I heard right?? I think it would be really smart to save money for a few years at least. Her kids are older but the empty nesting transition can be expensive asf. Moving, uni, and especially any unforeseen rainy days. Not to mention money to contribute to possible weddings in the next decade for their kids. I’m incredibly lucky that my parents help me and without them school and therapy wouldn’t be on the table. But it’s also not obligatory and every situation is different, I just think this is something parents do/should consider. That and I don’t feel like a two year relationship is anlways enough time to make the long- term call, esp if you don’t feel confident about it. Love y’all
I love when Yvonne (sp?) is on!! Her voice is so nice
The story on J Lo, and the tips is true, Ben is a nice guy, has respect! he was giving everybody $50, did J Lo went back and he wasn’t around, the $50 from them, and gave them $5. I’ll tell you one thing! I wouldn’t giving back shit!
She's notoriously cheap and treats support staff terribly.
The restaurant described by the girl who blocked the guy sounds alot like where I work in SF
You go to the Cheesecake Factory for the CHEESECAKE
i just did a quick google search for the taco restaurant and it could be rocco's tacos! they have a huge variety of tequila and handmade corn tortillas like she was saying. there are a bunch of locations in florida
I think the person in the first date story sounds like they tried to be up front and that was met with playing games so I don't think it's like unjustified for her to not want to talk to this guy again. Ideally people should be able to just say hey I don't think this will work but if the date made her feel disrespected or unsafe with the mind games, especially grabbing and holding her credit card, I don't think a block is the worst thing in the world.
I need you guys to post more episodes😭😭😭 I binged watched all of the previous episodes😭
Best Reddit podcast fr🙌
Seriously
That girl who was stringing the dude along wanted her cake and to eat it too. Like wtf is wrong with people 😭
The canceling the wedding story… so could she blow off men…. Since that’s her last night being single… can she do the Eiffel Tower, since it’s her last night being single… If that’s the case he should’ve been clear! And let her know what was going to happen, without giving too many details, But at the same time, be honest!! And don’t gaslight ur fiancé! He could’ve said, this is guilt free hall, pass night before marriage! Give her a chance, to be OK with that, or shut it down! That way he can’t be like, last night being single, stop tripping! He needs to be honest with himself! Would you be OK i with another man inside of his future wife? On her bachelorette party, if his answer is anything, but yes! Then he needs to take several seats! And stop gaslighting his fiancé! He cheated on her. Period point blank! He’s a gaslighting cheater.
Love the podcast as always. Honestly, your rambling and discussion is great! I’d never complain if you just kept talking forever.
It’s funny how in the rejecting the proposal story, she calls the judicial system archaic cause she can’t move in with her boyfriend or she will lose her alimony, but doesn’t care the fact that the archaic system favors women and gives them tons of leeway all over the place. So like, what are you upset about here? The court literally gave you alimony for life and health insurance.
Pro Tip: You can buy the red lobster biscuit mix from the grocery store.
Finances are one of, if not the top, reason people break up. Finances are an inescapable reality. People need to think about this before dating or getting into a relationship. One of my friends was skeptical when I said I wouldn't marry a guy w/ large amounts of debt, but I wouldn't. I work hard to live debt free. I'm not giving up that security for a guy. 🤷♀️
Them talking about red lobsters biscuits and saying cheesecake isn’t good because they tryna do too much and not have a specialty. They do be tryna do too much, but their specialty is cheesecake guys. It’s in the name 😂😂😂
Alimony for life is crazy. Unless it was an abusive situation.
literallly did time travel im just now seeing this the day after thanksgiving lol
You guy should be more educated in alimony and how and why it is like that
39:25 she is absolutely right. If is divided 50/50 then it should go by the lowest income, otherwise it wouldn't be 50/50
51:27 If your turkey is dry, that means it wasn't cooked right or seasoned right.
You can buy the Red Lobster biscuit mix and you add your own cheese and bake em in the oven. they're good
Best intro of the century honestly
The intro was golden 😂
Why does he even want to marry her when he is busy with anything that can move? If Marrying is such a terrible thing, then don't get married. No one is forcing him.
Wait do people not discuss who’s paying before deciding on a place to go to?
Story #3: sounds like he was never able to afford his lifestyle.
1st story--OP 🏃🏃♀️🏃🏃♀️☠️
dude, if you think you need a credit report and an STD panel on someone before getting engaged, you shouldn't even be considering getting engaged. You don't investigate who someone is when you decide to marry them, you decide to marry them because you're already sure who they are.
1st She told you the first time that she was not interested in you. You didn't believe her and kept hanging on. You are playing yourself.
Walmart has like a knock off brand one for less than $20. My husband got me one for anniversary and it is absolutely amazing ❤
I can't believe y'all haven't been to chilis whaaaat
Y'all be killing me with this girl math / boy math BS.
"Most... illogical!"
OMG Sam's a Big Brother fan?! Love that ❤
Restaurant prediction!! I think they went to Nick and Sam’s in Dallas
The fans could be the Snuggiez!!
49:03 yes do it all. Ladies and gentlemen please be safe when it comes to YOUR money.
Cheesecake Factory: You NEED to try the Chicken Bellagio. It’s AMAZING 🤩
For the alimony story, that’s what happened with Eddie Murphy wife Nicole Murphy and Micheal Strahan
The first story kind of Forest Gump, in a sense of the relationship between Forest and Jenny
5:59 story 1 analysis:
🚩#1(7:10 - 7:33)
🚩#2 (7:42)
🚩#3(7:54)!
She wants to have her cake and eat it too.
8:34 That was smart, OP. Let her come to you.
8:52 👈🏿And here is the flashing red light before a cliff! ☠️⚠️☣️🚧🚧🚧🛑 NTA!
the “I can” 48:42 sent me ! cause i said it too
Based off of the information given the place withover 300 tequila shots. Sounds like Tommy's in San Francisco.
When the women is wrong they will either go light on them with there criticism or defend there actions.
With free shipping i look at the difference and if im paying just a little more like less than 5 bucks more than paying shipping ill spend that if my bill is geting way bigger than nah
Someone was caked up! 52:25
omg why do westerners think love means she has to be broke and dependent on her broke boyfriend? How can he love her if he is expecting her to lose out on money she is entitled to after decades of childcare. the likelihood of this man staying decent and reliable for life, let alone if she is suddenly dependent on him, are low to nil. I really hope she doesn't take any deluded disney story advice, especially as it's probably coming from ppl who resent she isn't suffering like most divorced single parents. the facts folks are acting like she's being materialistic for accepting her income is offensive
To me, almost all chain restaurants are bad. Local restaurants usually taste way better.
I’m too early, I can’t create my opinion yet 😂
Tell me if you didn’t have to work, you would still work.
I know that alimony could be revoked, but this was her perception. If this was your perception, wouldn’t you do the same thing?
1:06:29 can yall drop OP’s at? They seem like a catch frfr
What's the update about the last story about the fiance Canceled her wedding
I was ready to hear more of that singing
Chillies chicken strips gave me severe food poisoning one time 🤢
Do a trial run for a 3 year he as to give you the same amount of money for 3 yrs plus have a prenup agreement he will give you said amount for life if he can’t afford that then you are marring down
im finna go feral im so mf excited YEE YEEEEE
SERENADED ON THE INTRO ??????? I'm so happy rn
Sam really likes dark meat... I do too 😏👌🏿 Also I love the sound of *Cushions & Comforters* 🤣 _C&C On The CLP_ 🥰
Ok so for story three (50/50 finances) what Sam said is correct and incorrect at the same time. I agree with Yvonne (Ivonne?) that your money should go into your account first then you put an agreed upon amount into your savings. But the agreed savings amount should be reflective of you paying the same PERCENTAGE of your incomes toward shared expenses, not the same dollar amount. Sam’s proposed solution for equality would still have one person leaving the majority of their unspent money in the joint account which doesn’t make sense. Quick example of what I think should happen:
partner1: makes $6,000 a month,
partner2: makes $3,000 a month
Monthly expenses: $3,000 a month
Partner1: pays $2,000 a month (33% income)
Partner2: pays $1,000 a month (33% income)
*Mic drop*
Ottomans for the win! 2:52
If your turkey white meat is dry you're not making it right.
I've been cheated on, but I'm still with him. Like you said, it's easier said than done. There were a lot of strife when I first found out, but eventually we decided to make it work with couple's therapy and solid boundaries. We are both very happy, even if strangers don't think so. It can work if both people are willing, but I could just be an atypical case! Of course I'm leaving a lot of stuff out too!
He definitely throwing it back on other girls still don't lie to yourself girl
@@carterbell9106 we're in an open relationship so yeah probably! and im not a girl 😄See what i mean when strangers don't think so? You don't know my gender and you're sure as hell don't know my situation! All I can say is that I'm happy and you can take it or leave it