AITA For Breaking Up With My GF After She Rejected My Proposal TWICE & I Wasn't At My Dad's Wedding
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
- Patreon: www.patreon.com/user?u=802099...
0:00 Madi Messes Up Intro with YVONNE
1:00 Our Horrible Nickname Ideas
1:56 AITA For Telling My Husband and His Family Not To Call Me a Nickname
3:47 Response
6:40 Vondessimo Origin Story
7:33 Sam is Attracted to Rabbit/Bunnys?!
9:09 Back to Response
11:00 Top Comment
12:10 AITA For Letting People Know Through Social Media Why I Wasn't At My Dad's Wedding
14:36 Response
20:53 AITA For Telling My Brother's GF About Him Having a Vasecatomy
23:52 Response
30:08 Top Comment
31:57 Sam + Doctor's Love Life
33:39 WIBTA If I Don't Change My Son's Naming, It May Cause Him To Lose Inheritance
36:55 Response
41:40 Top Comment
44:48 AITA For Breaking Up With My Girlfriend After She Rejected My Proposal TWICE
48:23 Response
56:45 AITA For Making My Son Cook For His Sister Even If It Means Cooking At Midnight and Waking Him Up
59:06 Response
1:03:44 Top Comment
1:04:07 AITA For Defending My Wife After She Purposely Dumped Coffee On a Kid
1:08:18 Response
1:14:24Top Comment
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That vasectomy story happened to someone I know. Except no one told her and she spent so much money trying to get pregnant for years until she got too old and she gave up. Then while cleaning she found the vasectomy paper work. she lost it on him, filed for divorce and left him. He continues to reach out to her to get back together years after the divorce. His excuse? He figured she would try to get pregnant for a while and eventually give up and they can have the happy child free life he wanted with her.... I don't know how he's still alive smh. The most selfish sociopath out there.
Omg! She should sue him for emotional distress and put him on the streets! Could she adopt even is she was too old to conceive? What a heartbreaking story…
Oh please. This is par for the course when it comes to women. They lie and cover up to get pregnant while the man explicitly said he didn’t want to. This is just the reverse and if men have to suck it up, women can too.
Omg what a piece of 💩. He could've found a child free women to spend his life with.
This is truly heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine how she felt when she realized. I hope she is happy and thriving now.
Plz tell me she was able to have children? This is devastating to say the least 😱
There’s a big difference between choosing a nickname and not wanting to be called something. It’s not about OP choosing her nickname, it’s about her husband and in-laws doing something they know hurts her and not caring. They’re causing her harm for literally no reason
And it’s not fair to say she ran away from the problem bc she addressed it immediately and he didn’t listen. She set this boundary YEARS ago and he acknowledged that it hurt her and pretty much said he didn’t care. You can’t fix the problem when the person hurting you doesn’t care that they’re hurting you.
Exactly! She set a boundary and is following through with it. Husband & his family are the a-hole.
Exactly. She set this boundary for YEARS.
Yeah them going on about how this was a communication issue really annoyed me, 'cause did any of them actually listen to the story??
Yeah I don’t get these takes
Thank you. This.
i think it's lowkey abusive to tell a woman you'll try to have a baby w her while having a vasectomy. When they're "trying" to conceive and can't she's going to take the full "blame" on herself bc in society infertility is almost always seen as a women's issue. Then if they were to adopt without addressing infertility trauma, that can put a severe burden on the adopted child as well.
It’s 100% abusive. It’s a manipulation tactic, autonomy to decide is based on being honest and forthcoming about pertinent information. Lying about ones wants and/ or abilities to trick someone into staying with them instead of letting them know they need to make a choice about their willingness or lack thereof to compromise on their goal(s) is controlling and abusive behavior. Being willing to continue the lie at the cost of someone else’s mental and/ or physical wellness is a continuation and escalation of the abuse. Not being willing/ able to allow someone to walk away is a problem, it turns people into threats and they put it on others to keep them “safe”. “You might think about leaving me if I’m honest so I lie. My lie is uncovered and you left me therefore I was right to lie and people are bad for having autonomy to not want me in their life”. It’s never their fault, they never do anything wrong, no one ever gets hurt but them. Chronic victims.
It's sexual assault to trick someone into having sex with you under false conditions knowing they wouldn't do it if you were honest.
It’s not low key, it’s just straight abusive
High key 1000% abusive. Doesn't get much more manipulative than that. Manipulating a issue that could be a deal breaker because that's a deep desire is horrendous
She gets to tell people "don't call me that", and nobody gets to tell her how she can or can't feel about her mom being gone.
Amen 100% correct.
real!! grief is incredibly complex and generally doesn’t go away completely . she set a boundary multiple times and they disrespected that
100%
And she said he hesitated before saying it, so he knew he shouldn’t say it but did it anyway
Exactly, and the family's response wasn't an apology, it was "our feelings are more important than yours and you are wrong for feeling the way you do."
17:30 When I was planning my wedding, we were planning on a ‘childless wedding’ and by that we meant no one under 13 (unless immediate family). Your own daughter not being invited is INSANEEEEE
In my aunt and uncles wedding they had a semi childless wedding. Kids were all in another room eating, we got pizza, hotdogs and more fun kids food, while the adults were a floor up having fancy food. The youngest kids were all sent to bed, home to sitters etc before dinner, they got the be part of the church and the gathering befor3 dinner. The older kids 10+ got to have dinner and then had to leave before people started drinking heavily. They had worked out good systems for grouping kids together and getting them to a 2nd parent or grandparents or baby sitters. Personally really liked this system
@@redqueeen2950this is the smartest thing i heard tbh. i hear people complain about child care but like the best option is to drop the kids off in a nearby area with a bunch of babysitters. i've done it! i was like 15 and there was a woman helping me just for the night.
@@redqueeen2950 that’s really smart, I like that.
Exactly. I'm staunchly childfree, but a 17 year old is hardly a child in the same way that an 8 year old is
i want a childfree wedding for anyone under 14, except my cousins, my own kids if i have any or neices and nephews, for both sides, my partner could also pick certain kids if they want and wed have a system in place and hire someone to watch them when the adults are busy
F all that sibling confidentiality! If my sibling is doing wrong by their partners, I'm going to let their partner know. Nobody deserves to be lied to nor strung along. I love my siblings and would lay down my life for them, but I'm also going to call them on their BS!
Legit if it’s wrong it’s wrong no matter who’s doing it! Family or not!
The worst part of the nickname story is her husband saying she should be “over” her mother’s death by now. Cruel for no reason!
Exactly like I lost my mom when I was 10 and it’s been over a decade and if someone said that to me I would lost my mind.
What gets me is planning a kid free wedding where you have to be 18 and then not planning it and scheduling for AFTER OP was 18 so that she could’ve made it. 🙃
She should have posted the screenshots of dad and step momster harassing her.
I think it's ridiculous that they wouldn't have made an exception for the stepdaughter.
I think they did it on purpose. They called her immature and said *THAT'S* why they didn't want her there...but clearly being 18 2 days later doesn't suddenly completely change you. Sounds like they just didn't like her.
If any of my siblings were leading on their partner by saying they wanted to have bio kids, and i knew they took steps to prevent that, i would 100% tell their partners. Its horrible and controlling to lead their partners on like that for the rest of their life.
Plus, didn't he say he didn't want any kids, which is why he got the vasectomy? How long do you think he would push off adopting by convincing his girlfriend to keep on trying for bio kids?
Also like he was so proud of having it, how would op know to keep it hush. He definitely had something not great planned.
Until he ran through all her fertile years. What a horrible thing to make someone live a lie and steal their hopes and dreams.
It’s not just a nickname when they know it’s hurting her. They could so easily call her anything else but they’re choosing to use a nickname that she’s told them not to use explicitly and why.
Fr, the fact the dude kept doing it on purpose after she said no is a serious show of how little he respects her feelings
I think he wants to use the nickname and is being tricky getting his family to do it like it's their idea.
@@RainyCloud143it's so nasty that she's fine with everything else but he must go for the one thing she said no to. Massive red flags. He's supposed to be the closest one to her, but he's acting like a stranger that doesn't know better. At that point he would be a stranger and that would be it for me. Obviously can't respect me as I am.
For the second story, there is a surprisingly high amount of stories of people trying to get married without their partner’s children present to make it seem like there’s no “baggage”. It’s ridiculous
Regarding the "child-free" wedding - I've seen stories like this before and to me considering how out-of-left-field it was, it feels less like they don't want kids at the wedding and more like they're trying to erase any evidence of the groom's previous marriage so they can "start fresh" - since her not being at the wedding also means she won't be in the wedding photos. Major asshole move all around.
Exactly what I was thinking. Not to mention a childless wedding means actual children. Teenagers are not children. Especially someone turning 18 in 2 days.
Childless weddings are to stop tantrums, screaming, crying, running around, creating messes and all around baby-toddler esque behaviors. Most teens above 13 are completely fine unless you've seriously dropped the parenting ball and created a terrible soon to be adult child.
Definitely seems more like they're trying to separate family members, specifically his children.
A wedding is a union of 2 people and if they come with kids, then it should include them too. I think it was selfish of the dad and stepmom. I agree they were trying to erase her from their new life together. This is a major red flag. It means that the stepmom was only nice to the daughter to get to the altar, and now, the dad is blinded by his love for his new wife. The fact that they never took her emotions into consideration was very apathetic. This will affect the daughter and her relationship with her dad and stepmom moving forward all because they had to be fair in having a "child-free" wedding.
Ne because i would have called grandma so quckily like. Time to hear the news and i'd be like. Grandma did you hear what dad is doign?
Honestly 'Comforter' Kinda slaps
Comforter definitely slaps
i love comforters too
right!!
Here for it
and strangely, i like ottoman too 💀
story 1. it's a boundary thing. like you can't control what people say or do but if they continue to do it after one or two times then they don't really care about you or why it matters to you. it's less about the name and how silly they think you're being and more about respecting a pretty clear and easy boundary you've set. if they're ok with crossing that line then i'm sure they'll have no problem crossing other boundaries in the future.
Story 4: as a poor i'm inclined to say go for the money too for the reasons you guys said. i would just caution a lawyer or someone to go over the terms of how that money is going to be acquired because with that amount of money i know those grandparents and that family will have certain expectations for the son to meet. if he turns out queer, wants to persue career that's not approved by them, or wants to date/marry someone they don't approve of, or hell they might coerce him to ditch his mother entirely in order to get that money. i can 1000% imagine that they're just using her as a means to an end to have a "legitimate" grandson. all i'm saying is that amount of money doesn't come without strings attached, especially if they're throwing out words like heir.
Story 1: You CAN decide what name you will answer to 👀🤷♀️ Does he have empathy? He doesn't need to understand. He needs to respect her feelings and grief on the greatest loss in her life enough not to take joy in ignoring her pain. He is an absolute asshole. Why call your wife a name that breaks her heart and removes the special feelings 💔 attached to a name her mom had for her. 👀
yeah I'm not a nickname person, i only have 2 names i don't cringe at being called, Kai and "Sissy" by my family. it would hurt so much for someone to just ignore that and call me a silly nickname or my full first name, and I don't even have trauma associated with it, that's horrible...
I think as fans we should all be called “cousins” to make it super confusing
Yo wait- I like that!!
@@comfortlevelpodcast comfort level cousins kinda rocks.
we are all cousins here
This, this is the winner
yes
In relation to the girl who called out her dad on social media, I feel like if you're gonna make a child free rule and enforce it to that level than you damn sure better feel strongly enough or have the confidence to be willing to admit it and stand your ground against any backlash!
Had i been the daugher i'd be on the phone with grandma so quick
Imagine suddenly disinviting your child to your wedding where she was extremely supportive and prepared in advance, and then calling the kid “immature”. That level of AHness is insane.
My abusive ex used to call me 'buddy' or 'man' when he was being aggressive or condescending in an argument, and we dated for 9 years so I heard it a lot.
I CANNOT have /any/body say it to me in a way that is anything but a pleasant manner. Obviously, these are very common things to call a person (especially as a Canadian), but it still will trigger me a bit if it is said. My partner, if they're a bit worked up, might be like 'come on man!' to me, and it riles me even though I know it is not coming from a place of genuine manipulative anger. SO, all that being said, I think story 1 she is NTA because you have no idea how deep trauma goes. And OP isn't going off on her partner about saying it, she has complex feelings over it. I feel the same.
Telling someone to get over their moms death is absolutely insane
I was so annoyed how off the point they got for the first story.
The husband knew from the beginning not to call her that. He has been avoiding it for YEARS and then suddenly he switched up. OP literally said how he always hesitated before he said it, knowing it would hurt her. "This is a communication problem" did you even listen to the story? What?
Their take on this was so wrong I had to fast forward it was getting annoying.
I also have to speed this up 2x lol.
@@noworriesxox low key abuse encouragement. Saying it's the wronged parties fault for not communicating an obvious boundary even with evidence they know they're wrong?;
It is a communication issue...she literally had to have not said anything at first and is now saying something probably not even being direct she's just storming out and wondering why? Lol that's so weird like why isn't she saying it clearly ? It's weird af like get upset at hum why is she leaving 😅 Its obvious she NEVER communicated it and definitely never seriously...it's so obvious. That's why she's on Reddit. It's such a non issue that idk why it's in the episode
@@eclecticraeenShe literally had told him not to call her that. If you think that’s not communicating you’re brain dead.
Throwing coffee at the kid was both hilarious and a missed opportunity to say “Bug!” I’m a parent, if your kids are wilding out and your not correcting them that’s when the village gets to step in.
When I hear stuff like not disinviting the daughter from the wedding because the bride/wife/stepmother wants it to be child free, what I REALLY hear is I don't want any reminders of your past life here on MY wedding day. It's just one step in inching the kids out of the father's life
14:46 so...her ADULT parent & step-parent who got married, and wouldn't let her attend because she was a CHILD, are upset with her for being immature??? Make that make sense, please.
For the vasectomy one, the way the conversation went OP was not intentionally outing her brother. She was going woth conversation and since brother and gf talked about kids and family, it would be safe to assume gf knew.
Adults generally should have self control but if you push someone to their limit.... they're still human. That party was never going to end well because the "better" solution was kicking people out or "she's not allowed back to our home" the parents were still going to be mad and not discipline the child correctly. And the kids demanding an apology and swearing at an adult, but not apologizing or being fake when she did the same thing is shitty and a poor reflection on the parents. I would bet money an adult has said to her "Do you have something to fucking say for yourself".
i feel bad for the coffee kid bc she's a little shit, but bc it seems she's not being parented. It seems to me like she's acting out because she wants to be acknowledged by the adults and negative attention is still attention. The child who isn't loved by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth.
Not having kids doesn't means you don't need to show any compassion towards children. However sitting and letting a kid disrespect you is not "being an example" for a child. I don't think the wife needs to apologize unless she's actually remorseful and I don't think the husband being on the side of the wife is an issue.
Story 4. No one is questioning that the grandparents will only leave their only grandchild an inheritance if they have the same last name?
I was talking to my bf about it and he kinda made a valid point to me that sometimes last names hold a lot of weight to them. Being that this story is anonymous, we dk who this child’s grand parents are. It could be a thing where there is legacy behind having their name and they want to ensure that it continues when they are gone. I don’t think it’s weird or scandalous being that the host said they were taking care of the child, AND the mother as well. They really didn’t have to at all being that the baby wasn’t their responsibility but their son’s.
In that last situation, a talk should’ve been had with the brother and girlfriend along the lines of “if you can’t keep your kid(s) under control, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” The relationship is going to be strained anyway if you’re throwing stuff at the kid.
100% and early on! Several times knocking over coffee ...keeps hitting people with fly swatters. Oh hell no
The inheritance is wild.
Money is not everything and I think it's fair to let the kid decide when he's ready for it. The inheritance being dependent on the kid's last name is kind of scandalous because was the grandparents never intending on putting her kid in favor of future hypothetical kids??? What if they don't give him anything?
Also I seriously doubt that they won't give the kid money. I think they are bluffing, who else would be their primary heir?
I was talking to my bf about it and he kinda made a valid point to me that sometimes last names hold a lot of weight to them. Being that this story is anonymous, we dk who this child’s grand parents are. It could be a thing where there is legacy behind having their name and they want to ensure that it continues when they are gone. I don’t think it’s weird or scandalous being that the host said they were taking care of the child, AND the mother as well. They really didn’t have to at all being that the baby wasn’t their responsibility but their son’s
I was a trust fund baby who’s mom gave up my trust when she wanted bio dad to wave parental rights and changed my name. I’m definitely a little salty. She had the same reasoning as OP. I wish she could have just let me make the choice as an adult but no use crying over spilt milk.😅
The vasectomy story makes me remember about The Haunting of Hill House, one of the main characters did that to his wife. He had a vasectomy and didn't tell his wife, they were going to doctors and talking about timing the times they had sex and it was horrible to watch knowing he had a vasectomy and just didn't tell her. I understand he was afraid of "passing the family illness forward" but going to doctors and going to a point of saying you are putting down on the calendar every time you have sex is disgusting on the man's part.
I used to be of the opinion that walking away or leaving for the night was not the healthiest thing to do, but after realizing that some people have delayed reactions to things, and sometimes people need to sit in solitude to figure out how they feel, it can be very beneficial. It sounds like they had a conversation and throughout the conversation, she just said I'm gonna go to my sister's. I think that is a judgment call. Everybody for themselves need to decide.
Spevially when it seems her husband did not get her point and thought her setting very clear boundaries for yeears was silly, it's normal to want some time apart to think and to deal with the hurt.
It's one of the healthiest things to do in fact. Walking away instead of blowing up is great for communication as long as you'll be ready to have the conversation later after the stronger emotions have passed.
People have kept me from walking away or mocked me for it which just led to more fighting and resentment. *THAT'S* not healthy.
In anger management they'll tell you to take time and walk away. You can't cool down if you're still directly on the flame.
I’m always not a fan of people calling op the asshole in the inheritance story. I get that it could change the son’s life, which is why it should be an offer for him in the future. However for now, it’s really f-ed up how controlling the grandparents are. So they won’t love and care for their grandchild unless they get their way on something so big? They don’t sound like great people, especially considering they didn’t want the son until their son passed away, and they realized they’re stuck with only him. Op shouldn’t change the son’s name, as it’s probably going to be one of many requirements. And in general, it feels icky. Like they’re buying him.
I agree but i also feel like she was bought when she accepted money from them for her schooling. Nothing is free and they are expecting her to do favors for them like this one for accepting money and gifts
with the inheritance story if the grandparents love there grandson as much as they say the do what not put him in will to begin with. why is changing the last name the thing keeping them from adding him. lot of blame is going on the mom when the grandparents are the ones making the ultimatum. in my opinion if the son never died and father another child they would point all there attention to them since they would have the family name. to me it seems like the GP are more of the AH than the mother.
Why is no one talking about how douchey the Grandparents are?! They are trying to manipulate the mother into doing what they want, if she doesnt, they punish their Grandchild for it?
Geeez, my Nan would never. Her and my Mum fought (as Mothers and Daughters do sometimes) but she absolutely never would have withheld anything from me and my Brother, especially something so lifechanging, just to get my mum to bend to her will.
I find it oddly sick.
Also for me american law is so weird. Where i live you can't just take someone off their will and if the parent dies before the grandparent the children take the place of the parent so he would be getting 100 percent or close to it anyways
I was talking to my bf about it and he kinda made a valid point to me that sometimes last names hold a lot of weight to them. Being that this story is anonymous, we dk who this child’s grand parents are. It could be a thing where there is legacy behind having their name and they want to ensure that it continues when they are gone. I don’t think it’s weird or scandalous being that the host said they were taking care of the child, AND the mother as well. They really didn’t have to at all being that the baby wasn’t their responsibility but their son’s
@@queenlaila6450 that kinda just furthers my point though...
They are willing to withhold from their grandchild unless they get what they want.
The legacy of a name and keeping up appearances is more important to them.
I get that they bent over backwards to help the mother and grandchild. But don't you think it's awful that suddenly the help they gave is conditional? Kinda like 'we did this for you so you have to do this'
I just find it sick 🤷
It is a power play for sure. Also, I don’t think not accepting the money would “ruin” the kid’s life. I sounds like the OP has an average middle class life (even if she had financial help from the grandparents).
It is generational, might need to be recognized /have the last name to be given this money
Nobody is obligated to deal with someone else’s misbehaved children 🤷🏾♀️ if you can’t control or discipline them, don’t make anyone else deal with it.
I'm really annoyed about the last name story. Those grandparents are SICK. They would ONLY provide for the grandson IF he had THEIR name. And ONLY because their son died, so they had no other chances. If they ACTUALLY loved him, he would be the heir, NO STRINGS ATTACHED, NO QUESTION, because he literally IS their only heir!!!!! I'm disgusted.
I was talking to my bf about it and he kinda made a valid point to me that sometimes last names hold a lot of weight to them. Being that this story is anonymous, we dk who this child’s grand parents are. It could be a thing where there is legacy behind having their name and they want to ensure that it continues when they are gone. I don’t think it’s weird or scandalous being that the host said they were taking care of the child, AND the mother as well. They really didn’t have to at all being that the baby wasn’t their responsibility but their son’s
@@queenlaila6450unless they are in line to inherit the throne to a monarchy, nah, that’s bs. Nowadays there are tons of ways to demonstrate lineage continuity. This is purely an ego power move by the family, as they see OP as a skank and don’t want to officially recognize their bastard grandchild in society while he is carrying a different name for appearances.
What are you talking about? The mother already admitted that the grandparents have done things for their grandson. They also helped the mother even though she's not even their daughter in law.
Lmao this inheritance story is making me think of princess diaries 😂😂😂 TAKE THE NAME!
My god this is frustrating!!! Ughhh how are you guys not understanding that it’s not the fact of the nickname. Her mom who died called her that, it’s probably sensitive and causes her to be reminded of her grief, she has a right to ask people not to call her that, if they don’t stop then there is something wrong with them and don’t care about her feelings
Sam, as your mom, I had every right to wake you up to clean your dishes!
For the story about the name change I have a different perspective. One of my parents changed their last name after divorcing the other and as a child that felt like by making that choice that parent didn’t want to be associated with me. I was also five at the time, kids actually can notice a lot and the kid could be aware and feel that abandonment when the only parent he knows has the son’s last name changed to something different than hers. I say wait at least a few years to mention it to this child before changing it. From the child’s point of view he will NOT understand why he should have a different name than his mother just for money. I see the perspective you have, but I have a very specific experience that makes me concerned for the child either way…
i hear u, but i feel like (i noticed this with myself) that my parents actions made more sense as i aged. also, if she notices her child seems upset, she could take that chance to assure him that her love for him isn't changed. this is just a way to honor all the people that love him. but you're perspective was nice too because yeah loo we forgot to think of how that kid might feel. they are lil human beings as well!
I agree, as a child my parents divorced and there was abuse from one parent . Even at 5 years old i was aware of this and what that parent would do (emotional, phsyical abuse, stealing lying etc) As a child I did not want to be associated with that parent and didnt want my last name. My other parent was my main care taker along with that family and i wanted their family name. I went as far as writting my name differently on my school work. You dont know how the child will feel about having a name associated with his father that was never involved. Yes grand parents are great but is that enough to make the child chose their last name? Only they can decide that.
My one thing about the proposal situation - it sounds like they didn't talk about goals between the first and second proposal. While OP was blindsided regarding the first rejection, I didn't understand what made him think SHE was ready to be proposed to this time around. Neither OP (or us the audience) seem to understand what the issue is. Had they discussed goals maybe they would have understood that there was still a hold up, even a mental one. They could have taken steps to address this and check in on their partner's well being before putting himself through that emotional pain again. My partner and I talked at length about wanting to get married including the timeline for our lives as a whole, long before I was proposed to. I feel like sometimes ppl act like just because someone didnt propose on a jumbotron that they are 100% respectful of their partners feelings. Honestly, four years isn't that long, but I understand that ppl start wanting to feel settled with their 30s approaching.
All that said, unless there is a mental block in some way, idk what this woman needed to work on that a long engagement couldn't also deal with. She obviously has hurt him very deeply and should have been more upfront as well about the issue if she wasn't stringing him along. I would've given an ESH. (Primarily from lack of communication but also like what is her deal?)
I think u did not wait until the end of the story (like i did not read half of ur comment) . When he rejected at the first proposal he asks why and she says she's not ready and guy think reasonable bc he took a year before first one. But he says shortly before the first proposal he mentioned about marriage to his gf and she gives green flags."she's into it and couldn't see herself anyone else but with him" so yeah he was quite sure she was gonna say yes and that's why he was angry and break up with her after second rejection bc she did not give him any reason to not to be married.
@@mrsalbedo7216I don't see myself with anyone else either, because I am emotionally drained. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to get married either, because well, I am emotionally drained. We have no idea what their relationship is like, but it's clear that there's a lack in communication.
And honestly, her reply being "fine, I'll marry you, just don't leave" is.. weird, to say the least. I would guess they would be better off not getting married at all, but she's not the asshole for not wanting to get married right now.
@@NynNahh I think she's asshole, because when he proposed first time even tho he asked she did not give any understandable reason but he accepted that she's not ready.but the second one she should've give something to OP bc he's thinking his relationship is great,she loves him, there's no reason for her to reject him second time but why isn't she marry him? İf she's not ready for wedding and stuff they could become engaged for a really long time(I know people who are engaged for 5 years).she doesn't even want them she just wants to date him (even tho she says she will marry him someday?)they are not student,their parents wants them to marry,their friends supports them,and I don't think work career would stop them marry each other.OP prob thought like this too. And he thought if it's like this,she either hides something really big and would damage their relationship big time or she just doesn't wanna marry him but doesn't wanna be alone also.(or maybe she has cancer 🤔 she's gonna die soon so he will not have a dead wife)
@@mrsalbedo7216 yeah, but so what? I mean, not all relationships need to become a marriage. A piece of paper legally binding you can be a dealbreaker, and it's not something that stops you from doing anything. Living together, or living separately. Sharing finances or not. How much you love someone doesn't depend on a piece of paper, so I don't get why he has such a fixation for getting married. We don't have to follow the Script ™️ of being born, growing up, getting married, having kids and dying. Isn't their relationship good as it is? He tried once and got a negative answer, why push it so soon (honestly, 1 year is nothing if you're working on something big)?
As a cis woman, and childfree, in a relationship with a man, I'd take way longer than a year to be sure ("ready") to accept a proposal. It is a piece of paper that doesn't change much of your practical life, but it has the potential to ruin your life if things go sour. 🤷🏻♀️
@@mrsalbedo7216 hey if you read my whole comment you would know I listened to the whole story. I do think it is very weird that she rejected him twice, but I also know that this story is only from his perspective. My point was, I don't understand why he thought she was ready the second time. As I said, his first proposal he was totally blindsided but I didn't hear about any communication WITH HER about if she was NOW ready to get engaged. Do I think it's very suspicious? Yes. I said as much in my comment. Do I think it's also poor judgement to put yourself out there to get hurt all over again without proper communication? Also yes. Without ever knowing WHY she wasn't ready how can we really judge her or OPs actions. Even if OP in the end was completely right in dumping her. It's very easy to sympathize with someone in his position, but part of the process of these posts is to try and theorize what the whole story is. From my perspective, it sounds like communication dropped off between the two proposals. I hope you made it to the end this time.
I’ve had a boyfriend butcher my name as a form of a nickname and it ALWAYS pissed me off. It went on for years until I broke up with him and my next bf called me the exact nickname! Not cute, not quirky and it never fails to give me the ick.
Vasectomy story: Only professionals are held to HIPAA. Also, mark walked in and shouted out his vasectomy out at dinner, so like how'd you think she wouldn't ask when she wants kids? lol
Dad's name story: Changing his name when he's not attached to it would be easier. Even at 18, he'd have grown used to his name. She should change his name. Regardless of what happened, she laid with him and had a kid. Op probably has her dad's name. So she's choosing to respect her own father rather than the grandparents who stepped up where her boyfriend failed. She's only doing it to spite the dad who is literally already dead.
I'd have threw the coffee & said "Bug, missed it."
Doctors cannot give out medical information without the person consent, even if it's the spouse. So a doctor can very well know that a husband has had a vasectomy surgery and that the wife is trying for a baby. But because of their oath, he can not inform the wife that it is pointless. I heard these scenarios are quite common. It's actually sad
Yes I’ve heard doctors have actually been soooo upset because the partner would come in with an std and theycc bc any say anything to the partner. Or even seeing a husband come in with a pregnant mistress and then a few days later come in with the wife who is also pregnant
I feel like when one patient puts another at phyisical or mental imminent risk, it should no longer have to be a secret. Imagine being a doctor and seeing a couple where one has an STD and is hiding it. Potentially putting their spouse's life at risk. Disgusting.
Last name story: In the end, when the kid gets legal, he can decide for himself too.
Might be too late by then. 🤷🏽♀️
The nickname, my dad (who has since passed away) had a nickname for me. My ex husband on social media called me by that nickname. I pm"d him and asked him not to do that again. Nicknames stick when they are used. I really don't want to have my special name out there. Thankfully he respected that and nobody glombed on to it. Just my opinion. But, I feel like if she left the house there's more to it.
She can tell people not to call her certain things. Honestly, some nicknames can have traumatic memories with it too and it can bring back a lot of memories you would rather not remember. If someone simply cannot respect that and thinks you need to get over it, thats messed up!!! Other people dont get to decide what bothers you or decide that something shouldn’t bother you.
The wife has this boundary for YEARS… like its not that hard to respect the boundary of someone you love
We are the ottoman empire now
Nooo! That’s too clever! Sam can’t see this genius! - Madi
i've been binging these for the past couple days, you guys are such a vibe
Story 1: I feel like nicknames also change with maturity. People who grew up with me can use nicknames but people I've recently met using a nickname is different, like you don't know me and you're barely a friend. Im also very formal with family so its a straight no to the nicknames
My nickname has been Bean since I was 4. Now 20 years later it’s basically become my second name, and I even use it a lot for usernames and what not. Majority of my family still calls me by my regular name. My mom sometimes says “Zoe Jean Jelly Bean” she’s joking, but out of everyone my dad exclusively calls me Bean instead of Zoe. He only calls me Zoe when I haven’t responded to Bean first. He’s still alive, but it’s a nickname I associate with him. I can’t know how I’d feel other people calling it once he passed, but I know how she feels because I don’t like other people who aren’t family or super close friends calling me by that nickname.
If he and his family knew it hurt her, and she already set that boundary, they should respect it.
i found this podcast a couple days ago and Ive been binge watching them all
yall are awesome
thank u i was running out of bedtime stories
i freaking love this podcast!! ive binged the entire page and i check for new episodes everyday, you guys are great. the stories get better and better with each episode. also is five stories in one episode a record? lol loveeeee these pls keep posting
so glad to see you guys blowing up ❤️ you’ve become my fav channel
she's in the right for the first story. if someone consistently violates your boundaries, space is sometimes the only way for you to meet your own needs. i would not stand for my partner to respond in that way, there is a lack of sensitivity that is probably present in other facets of them. i have complete respect for my partner and he would not have to ask me twice to stop, and it's out of the question that i would minimize his reasoning. i simply wouldn't and vice verse
With the inheritance story, she is not the asshole for not changing his last name for money. I saw someone in the comments giving the mom shit for going after the father for money/child support, so how is changing his last name not doing the same exact thing? If that happened to me, I'd be pissed if my mother changed my last name without me being old enough to have a proper say in that decision. I agree, the grandparents were there, but at the end of the day, the father was not. Also, if his grandparents truly loved their grandchild, they would not hold back on inheritance because he doesn't have the same last name as their shitty son, who they literally had to step in for. His death does not absolve him for essentially abandoning his only son. Those grandparents are going to hold it over her head forever.
OTTOMANS ASSEMBLE! (Playing off Transformers 😂)
I like you guys. You have the same vibe as the friend group I had in HS of goofy awkward misfits. I’m glad you popped up on my feed and are gaining popularity 🥰
Some families do not like boundaries and it shows. No one in that family stopped and thought about how it makes her feel and they’re all telling her it’s not a big deal. Wow.
Am I the only one thinking that 4 years isn't THAT long of a relationship for a lot of people? Mind you I married my husband a year into our relationship in almost 8 years ago. But I feel like he should have just sat her down after the first proposal and had an honest heart to heart about what ready means to her instead of waiting 1 year and trying again. Someone can be 100% down with marriage and still know that that's not something they want within the next 5 years. Like having kids. Me and my husband both knew we wanted to have a child but waited 6 years to actually start trying because that's when we were ready.
While I totally understand him being really upset, but why didn't he have a conversation right after the first failed proposal and ask about her plans for the future?
No, you're not the only one. Four years really isn't that long and besides I don't think there's a time limit for when a relationship has to turn into an engagement. I completely agree with you that he shouldn't have just proposed again after a year. It doesn't matter how much time has passed when they haven't truly communicated about what marriage and being ready for it meant to each of them.
This like I love my boyfriend but we talked and we personally wouldn't even think about being engaged not married just engaged within the first 2 years. And don't want kids for the next 5 years. And if some of our goals aren't done by 5 year mark then we will push it back. And we shared the reasons and worries behind these things.
Four years is way too long to stay with someone who doesn't have the same goals as you. Like, it seems like a waste of time if your goal is marriage. If you're not serious thats fine! If you wanna be able to walk away whenever thats also fine. But he made it clear he was marriage minded, she just has to say no if she's not interested at all.
@@mimilapinit sounds like she is marriage minded though, she just wants to be completely sure. 4 years isn’t that long, and relationships change over time.
We don’t know enough about their relationship dynamics to judge this situation properly, everyones situation is different.
Also, she might be someone who doesn’t believe in divorce, and if she is she would definitely want to make sure she’s certain. People can say marriage is just a piece of paper, but if you don’t want to ever get divorced then it really is for life, so you have to be completely sure who you’re having your life with.
He should have found out in more detail what would help her know she was ready, because there’s going to be more to it than ‘I’m just not ready yet’. He needs to find out the reason she’s not ready yet, and work out whether they might still be able to one day, or whether they might not be completely compatible.
@mimilands3019 just because you don't want to get married after 4 years doesn't make it not serious. I know people who have been in serious relationships for literally double that time and then got married. My sister in law and her now husband were together for 8 years and then got married. They waited for her to finish her degree and he was in a good spot work wise. One of my friends from HS got together with her Bf during our graduation trip in 2015 and they are living together still but are not married yet. They are both in Uni and probably want to wait until after.
For some people 4 years is a lot for others it's not. But personally I would view someone, who considered not wanting to marry after 4 years as "wasting time" as a mayor red flag. If you think a piece of paper is the only thing that would keep a partner from walking and the only thing that proves the relationship is serious, then that is just weird imo.
Also I married my husband of 7 years a year into our relationship and just recently had our first child. It worked for us, but it would be weird of me to assume it would work for everybody. Plenty of people wait longer than 4 years for various reasons.
The proposal story, i dont think hes TA but I do think he's an idiot. Like Sam said, don't propose if you dont know the answer. She might not want a long engagement and isn't ready to be married in a year. Yes, she can want to marry him but not be ready to be engaged yet.
Except you never truly know the answer. He also said that they talked about marriage prior to the proposals and that she doesn’t see herself with anyone else. And there’s truly nothing holding them back from marrying. It’s not his fault she didn’t properly explain herself. Tbh I think she cheated on him.
New fan! I love the stories and everyone on the pod ♥️
What? A childless wedding usually addresses actual children. Like babies and toddlers specifically. Anything above 13 should be considered teenager and thus if you were a good parent they should be mature enough to not scream, run around willy nilly, make a mess or throw a tantrum.
A 17 year old turning 18 is not a child. Sounds to me that wife of his is trying to push his other kids out and he's just going along with it.
Duvet? Since people are asking for guidance there's a great pun in th making.
"Do you know Duvet?" 😅
Story 1: the husband sounds like someone who’s never experienced significant loss. There is not time limit on grief.
I’m with the wife in the coffee story. I warned you to get your child and you didn’t. I’m tired of talking. Should she throw coffee? No. I would’ve told them and their child to leave but I don’t feel bad about the coffee either. 😂
The inheritance thing... I would change the name in a heartbeat. We as parents have the obligation of providing the best life possible. If an opportunity presented itself like this, I would take it. But then again, my parents packed up and moved across the globe for us to have a better life.
Exactly! All she has to do is make sure that her son would be allowed to change his name in the future if he wanted to!
It’s weird she’s even hesitant over it because of her dead ex. She said it’s dumb that they’d deny her son inheritance because of a name, but she’s considering doing the same thing.
Are we missing the point where the grandparents basically called her kid illegitimate? The grandparents sound like they were playing nice while they waited for their son to have their real grandchildren. Now that can no longer happen they are looking to legitimize her kid. It might start as something as simple as the last name, but I would not be surprised if the grandparents dangled her sons inheritance over her head and later her son’s head to have power over them till the day they die.
@@WhyAllTheGoodNamesTakenso what.. it’s for the kids future then once it’s secured she can do whatever she wants.
18 isn’t even old enough to drink so why couldn’t she be at the wedding at 17? Wtf were they gonna do at the wedding, have an orgy?
when Sam said “I don’t think doctors trust people” I’m in medical school and that’s one thing the teaching always emphasises 😭 don’t trust patients, trust the investigations and the science
in the inheritance story the mom would be the AH considering she had no issue taking money from the kid's father's family to not only pay for her son's expenses but also to support herself through college. it is hypocritcal of her to reject her son's inheritance on behalf of him because his father wasn't there for him when she had no problem accepting the money from his paternal family to help her get through college.
I dont think its really hypocritical because the circumstances are different. When they gave her money, it sounds like there was no strings attached they just wanted to make sure her and her child were good. The inheritance comes with strings attached. The child can only get the money if she agrees to change the name.
If she starts to let the grandparents hold money over her head then where will it stop. I would probably change the last name but can see why she wouldn't.
I don't think she is the AH. Outside looking in, it's easy for us to calculate the money is worth more than the moral ambiguity of it all. Like she said, she's not poor or hurting for money. She understands it's a lot of money and came up with a compromise of sorts. That's not a totally malicious person she's a single mother with a deceased AH baby daddy. Sorrows prayers
@@lyles0073I would even consider hyphening the name as a compromise.
@@lyles0073a single mother who now has the option of giving her child every things with a secured future or take nothing and have a not so secure future. She may not be hurting for money now but you never know what will happen.
the way Yvonne sang herself in 🤣🤣 ts was so cute
For the inheritance one, I say make bank off the situation. Like I understand the emotional side of oh the dad didn’t do anything, but I feel like it would be a sweet comback to take the inheritance (which was supposed to be for the dad) and use it for her child. He was a dead beat (literally) so make the best of what’s being offered.
If the father's parents value their grandson's name enough to change it to their own, then it's worth keeping. If they write their grandson out of their will over a name, then they'd use their money as leverage to raise the child how THEY want, and not the mother. I'd turn the money down to cut off the power they'd have if they came to be funding everything. Money isn't the only thing that matters, and it doesn't sound like it did the father of the child any favors
The step mother didnt want you there or in the pictures.(🤬🤬🤬) This says alot about your dad because he allowed it. It sounds like they came up with the rule to exclude you, without just flat out saying that she didn't want you there. This way it's not their fault, it's a rule.... this is just sad cuz it's a glimpse of what's to come and her true feelings about you 😔😔😔
The comment about the mom woth really strong hands made me think of the "man hamds" episode of Seinfeld.
My father's name has a VERY common nickname, like, most people will automatically call him the shortened version once they know his name. He doesn't mind that. But, there is another version of that nickname that is normally used by close friends or family. He HATES it and for good reason. He has horrible memories tied to that nickname, and I've known since I was a little kid to NEVER call him or refer to him as that. I remember my brother called him the "forbidden nickname" when he was mad at our dad and I can still see the pain that washed over my dad's face. He is not an emotional person by any means, so seeing an expression other than neutral, slightly playful, or angry was very unsettling. So I do believe everyone should have a say on their nickname, especially if it's because of personal reasons.
You're never the asshole for telling people the truth about experiences you've had. Noone is allowed to abuse you in private. If someone is experiencing negative repercussions because you told the truth, its their fault and they shouldn't try to silence you. They don't want to face consequences for whatever they did and they want you to keep it to yourself. That's abuse.
Idunno. If my brother was hiding that big of a secret from his wife i’d totally tell her
Love the show,
I feel like youve over thought this set. 4 cameras with no wide shots, makes it feel like this is over zoom or a cnn segment. A couch with some close ups and a wide would make this feel more personable.
The story about changing the last name…I think they can compromise to hyphenate it. Just cause the dad didn’t want to be involved, the grandparents have. I get now their family name can’t be continued, that’s important to some. The son can decide later in life if he wants to drop it, carry it to his kids, etc.
I have wanted a nickname my whole life, but somehow no one has ever come up with a good one that has stuck. 😅😭
Sameee 😭
They can challenge the inheritance in court and get some of the money after they die without changing the name. He’s the only next of kin so he’s entitled to it legally (maybe not all of it but a large portion).
Yeah exactly what I was thinking! Why change the name, he's still the legal heir...
@@M8ssmalicianot necessarily. If she declines they can leave it to a charity or some cousin. Legally they can leave it to who ever they want.
I just knew them from tiktok & now here i am. Love them.
3 times out of”you don’t have respect for yourself “😂😭
I feel like “comforters”, “cozies” or “cousins” for the fans would be fun lol 😂
I was like damm until they said she was twelve😂😂☠️
With the nickname story, she clearly has a boundary and it's not being respected. Everyone knows this boundary and is crossing it constantly and gaslighting her now for having it
Honestly, it is incredibly disrespectful to call someone something they have soecifically ask you not too. Sure you don't get to choose your nickname, bit you CAN veto it because boundaries should be respected. It just sounds like no one on her hubby's side actually respects her. And to say removing one self from a hurtful situation when you are in emotional distress, is running away, that's just damn disingenuous. Emotional distress IS pain, that's like saying someone leaving a room after being slapped is running from the problem. You don't fet to tell people that harm reduction is counter productive because you are more comfortable with confrontation than them. Speaking as someone who rather deal with it immediately and have learned that no, it's not always the right way to go about it. Give ppl their damn space to think without trying to imply they are damn cowards, because saying someone is running for no reason is calling them a coward.
The kid that was not allowed to the wedding should go no contact
About the girl who didn't want to get married:
I think there should have been a conversation about her reasoning. Maybe marriage in general is not for her or she sees problems in the relationship. I thinks its weird that marriage is such a given in america. Why is it so important? It doesn't do anything for the relationship besides binding people legally that should just want stay together for the themselves and the relationship instead. It could be hard voicing that marriage in general is not for you in a country that is so obsessed with it.
Literally why did he not sit her down and ask her what ready for her intails? It's so odd to me that he just waited a year without asking when she would want to be engaged. Maybe that's something she doesn't see herself doing for another 2-3 years. Maybe she doesn't want a long engagement , but doesn't want to plan a wedding right away. Maybe she wants to be in a different job/position before making that leap. Had he just communicated after the 1st proposal this probably wouldn't have happened
I’ve heard the story before, and the OP did add further information, that the GF did want to get married and always talked about getting married soon etc.
I believe the post is still up, and is most likely quite easy to find searching the title.
I’d do it myself, but don’t have time rn.
but it says in the post that they ALREADY talked about marriage before the first proposal, and she was interested in getting married. like, they had the conversation, if marriage wasn't for her she should have said something then, or after the first proposal, or the second. and he DID ask what her reasoning was, and she just gave really vague answers. at that point, the lack of communication is on HER.
@@chrussublah4264The post said that they already talked about this. She said she wanted to get married and there was nothing holding her back. Men are really simple, they hear that and they would already imagine life with kids. How about she stop leading into false hopes?
@@wolf-gh2dzjust because they talked about it happening in the future doesn’t mean they were ready for it.
We don’t know enough about what their relationship was actually like to judge this situation properly.
Me and my ex used to talk about marriage and kids all the time in the future, but neither of us were quite ready, although knew it was what we wanted. Now we’re not even together anymore, because the relationship did change over time, maybe that’s why she wants to be sure (for perspective I was with my ex for 8 years, this wasn’t some short-term relationship).
No we dont get to choose our nicknames however if someone gives you a nickname and you dont like it you have every single right to be like do not call me that. Especially in this case.
The snuggles 😂😂😂😂
1:09:27 last story: NTA this is the most epic example of the find out portion of f*ck around and find out.
There should be a notification that pops up saying “Message Not Sent: Do not propose over text”
44:48 It's been 4 years, and you're still not sure? NTA. I would have bounced too, because at that point, I would feel like I was being jerked around.
ETA: And now she got your family blasting you? Fuck that.
Comforters is such a cute name for your audience!
Spare change under the couch cushions!
This man said “Zuckerberg” LMAO. The ottoman’s love you Sam!