A relationship with an individual who has a narcissistic personality Style will NEVER have balance. Because EVERYTHING must be in favor of THEM! Adding to that lopsided mess - THEY play victor AND victim. Stay Healthy!!
Learn to work around them helps. Stay out of their way unless they are in a good mood. Forget about your own social life. Instead, learn to trade stock and perhaps escape the mess one day. Prayer helps and You Tube sermons are a GOD send.
I'm an empath and i used to forgive people over and over again and I used to be a narcissist magnet. I no longer allow people to test my boundaries and i avoid anyone that I feel doesn't respect me or have my best interest.
It’s strange how the narcissist is so attracted to the giving soul. That’s why they are considered “predatory”. I believe they initially see a symbiotic relationship because the false self fools them also with the love bomb faze. It is symbiotic if we only would play in their eventual evil. Forgiving until we are trapped into a cage with no escape. That’s when the false self shows it’s heartless contempt. Stealing it’s prey’s heart to “energize” evil. The narcissist is envious of love because the narcissist cannot comprehend it but sees it’s great effect. Guard your hearts but fill the world with love & the narcissists receive their own grace.
Is an empath the one that say their sorry when differences don’t go well. The other person throws insults. I realized I don’t get an apology from the insulter. I’m not sure why I think I need to be the one to apologize, to get this apology forgiveness thing truly felt to strive for peace and respect. I feel badly the respect and apology doesn’t come from the other person. I feel bad they can’t see they hurt me by insulting my home. Or the way I cook noodles. The noodles issue was so lame, I realized things aren’t good between us. I am so tired of it all. I get on edge wondering what’s next to come up. So does my husband. Smoothing things over is a constant issue.
I like you Dr, C! Your enthusiastic approach to helping people makes me smile. Have a wonderful holiday next week! I will lean into God, or I should say, He will lean into me giving me a joyful Thanksgiving as well. An old hymn: "Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because He lives all fears are gone. Because I know, I know He holds the ,future and life is worth the living just because He lives." God bless you!
Caught the “tape delay” when I got home, watching the live chat scroll through during the stream. I must say, Team Healthy is a wonder to see in action. Dr. C, you have drawn and influenced a small army of healers. Thank you.
When you have given everything you have in a difficult relationship, to no avail. Common sense tell me it time to withdraw and move on, with no explanation. To linger only sets myself up for further harm. Thanks Dr. C.
Thank you Dr. C for being here and part of the growth trajectory with us all, and for being a guiding north star as we all navigate on our individual paths of Dignity, Civility, and Respect! These questions you addressed from Team Healthy are sooo relatable and valuable. Deeply appreciative. 💝
Because of narcissist I ended up on team healthy and learned the wisdom and self awareness and self examination, and growth that prepared me for probably even a harder future and peace.
I'm a military spouse to a narc. Three years retired now I see her through your revelation of narc. We lived separately for most of our marriage. I was so confused, but no longer. Thank you Dr. ❤
My story is similar to yours. My spouse, who served in the military, and I were separated for a significant portion of her service. We are both retired from service now. I noticed certain signs and forgave her, not fully comprehending the situation I was in. In order to gain a better understanding of what I was dealing with, I began researching and came across the writings and videos of Dr. C, which provided me with valuable insights. Covert narcissism is indeed a real phenomenon. In my opinion, my former spouse exhibits a high level of narcissism. I am grateful for the work of psychologists like Dr. C, as their contributions have helped me regain control of my life. ❤🙏🏽
I love the idea of American Thanksgiving and would like to experience it one day. But I feel sorry for people with dysfunctional families who have to go through Thanksgiving AND Christmas!
As one who experienced many American Thanksgivings that were filled with multi-generational loving family gatherings, I wish that those who’ve never experienced it, could, if even just once. It is something I’ve seen and done in years since childhood, that inviting lonelies to join in, means everything.
Thank you very much dr. C. I'm learning and growing and really appreciate you covering my question. My mother's favourite thing is to make out im a terrible person! No they did not bring thank kind of thinking. They 'helped'and totally altered the look of my house without mentioning it first! Now I'm the ungrateful horrible person because it cost a lot and does do the job but it's not what I wanted. The culmination was that she wasn't going to do that again! Meaning she would withdraw all help. This at the lowest point in my life, thanks Mom, but i just think now, OKAY! Not a problem, im fine. 😊
Hey Dr. C. Great video today. Not only did you answer my question (thank you) but you spoke to other situations that I have experienced in dealing with people with highly narcissistic tendencies. Very good info that is needed especially being that the Holidays are coming up. Team healthy all the way for me❤️
I informed this man that our "let's be partners" experiment had not worked out and he told me that he did not approve of my conclusion XD "Maybe you thought that on your own",, he told me, implying "therefore it is wrong, of course". I am so happy that I am able to laugh about it, thanks SO much to all the help to make me realize where I was.
Dr. C. thank you for all this. I feel so much better after time listening to you, and knowing Gus is somewhere close. Lately it seems to me the world has gone mad, and I want peace inside out. I sit to listen to you and phiou...I breath better, knowing that as long as I keep strong and am my own authority, I can survive this and keep my own sanity intact.
Feelings may remain for life, but if those feelings concern a belief (like worthlessness or hopelessness) then those misbeliefs need to be challenged, because every person has worth, and there is always hope for improving our mindset and lifestyle and always something new to learn and places to see. We all are worth loving whatever mistakes we or others made.
Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, I love learning from you, I've learned lessons and learn from my mistakes, Continuous learning, Self reflection, I'm glad you're on my journey with me, I know what I deserve, Healthy relationships and connections, I don't need validation and approval from others, I self validate and approve, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory power praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Here in British Columbia, Canada, we just had near hurricane force winds and my power was out almost 12 hours. No heat. Most of the coast was out. Lots of trees down. Enjoy your nice weather!
Today’s midweek resonated. I am dealing with a business involved in the contracting area There are several people who have totally messed up and mismanaged a rebuild project following a frozen pipe water leak How far down the narcissism spectrum are they? The subcontractor didn’t install the flooring or insulation properly The company was supposed to get permits but failed to do so saying they don’t obtain those despite saying they would in writing They didn’t paint and didn’t finish the project I have hired a lawyer and the business won’t take responsibility for their mistakes. Just blaming me for the fact they didn’t finish the project despite the business abandoning the project for more than four months The project manager who left the project previously was arrested for failing to following court orders and public intoxication I would like to hear you speak about hiring a business or expert I recognized narcissism early but due to legal issues it has taken a while to sort things There is insurance involved Will the business ever take responsibility?
I've been accused of holding grudges against my brother in law. I refuse to meet with him because with him and my sister it's always been two against one. So I protect myself. It's pure self preservation, yet I am accused of holding a grudge.
Thanks to online info like what you offer and a really compassionate therapist, I have finally left a 31-year marriage with an alcoholic covert narcissist husband. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I know - and my adult kids confirm - that it was a crucial step toward peace. My question (and I’m sure you’ve touched on this): as we go into a more formal, legal end to this, how do I shield myself from the ugly verbal attacks? I know he’s hurting, and I’m trying to handle this in a healthy, sensitive way, but it’s just not pretty. I don’t want to get sucked into the ugliness - I need a mantra!
It is almost as if Thanksgiving was created for narcissists. Everyone is expected to come to the narcissist's home year after year and stay all day and pretend to be happy. If you break away and go elsewhere one year, you are not welcome to return because you are viewed as an untrustworthy traitor outside of their control.
The narcissist finds it powerful to hold grudges. They therefore consider themselves the victor. I wonder if this is from their surrender to their oppressor(s)? Their surrender was from a capitulation to fear. An over correction to abusive behavior. This effect seems to cause the narcissist to be caught in such fear that they cannot forgive their oppressor(s) thereby causing them to believe that they only survive by fighting perceived fire with fire.
1. Sociopaths.. Not sure what the difference between Narcissists and Sociopaths are but I try to focus on the behavior.. It is not good behavior.. 2. Toxic sisters.. I stayed away from family holidays for quite a period of time.. When I came back they were all the same.. Now I stay away again.. 3. Away from the Narcissist.. I do think about getting back in a relationship with harmful people but then I go down that rabbit hole and all the bad stuff comes up.. 4. 30 years after a divorce.. My guess is that is all they know.. 5. Covert - Dependent Personality Disorder.. I would say that all Narcissists are dependent.. They need the supply.. 6. Ex Boyfriend.. I look at others and how fast they move on and then I look at myself and wonder why it takes me so long to move on.. I do look at it as a learning lesson.. I think where I am at with this is that I need to take longer to trust others.. They need to earn my trust.. Not the other way around.. 7. Angry Child of Narcissism.. I can relate to this one.. For me it took that anger for me to remove myself from them.. Now it is trying to learn the lessons of the anger from the past and to learn what my anger says in the present.. If someone tells me something and then does another thing it is a natural human emotion for me to get angry.. Chances are that I will not trust that person again.. There is a difference from being an angry person rather than a person getting angry.. Narcissists are angry people and I am a person that gets angry.. Their motivation is based on anger and my motivation is based on that I do not like getting angry.. 8. But.. They have an ulterior motive.. 9. Ghosts.. What comes to mind is the Hot-Cold personality.. I am used to attracting that type of personality.. I have been aware of this for quite some time.. I think this is still one of my lessons that I am learning.. I think it is more about if they are Hot or show lots of interest for me to put up boundaries and make them earn my trust..
Dr. Have you noticed how sociology might had changed during your career? I have had people call me an empath. I always thought in my life that people had this trait. Now, I know the difference. Is there a psychology test to validate a person is an empath?
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank-you, Dr. Carter. I hear often that this would have happened to anyone. However, hearing this from you feels more gentle and compassionate for those who have been devalued and for those who are trying to decide what to do when finding themselves in a narcissistic relationship. It's never a pretty ending whether you walk away before being devalued or is the unfortunate one who didn't understand what was happening when the mask slipped in the devaluation stage.
As i was listening to your reply to the question about “why do they hold onto their contempt for others?” I am very familiar with John Gottman’s work and understand completely what you are talking about.. and yet, my mind always reverts back to thinking about how one’s contempt for us is also like looking at the reverse perspective of our holding our own boundaries. The primary difference here, though, is that someone who is generally a contemptuous person ultimately has no ability whatsoever to look outside of themselves and face their reaction from another point of view other than their own. They’re caught inside a perpetual loop of their own unresolved and denied pain & suffering. 💔
Hi Dr C thank you for your videos they have helped me understand a lot unfortunately I live next door to a dangerous sociopath/narcissistic close family member who has my house in their name and uses it to torment myself and my kids I can't get away or we'd be homeless We are at breaking point any advice 😢
Dr C can you give me advice on how to think or proceed in life after my son ended his life? He was kind, loyal, empathetic and forgiving. Yet his father covertly and overtly went about destroying his life, reputation, got him arrested when it was his father, made him out to be an abuser, when in fact, he was abused in all ways. It was horrendous what happened to my son. He gained control and custody of my children at 13 months and three years of age. I believe his father had a goal to get my son to end his life. What do you think? How can I carry on? My son and I loved each other yet his father kept us apart using so many tactics.
Hello Dr. Carter. I have a question. Some of the worst narcissists I have had to deal with are people who have decided to become life coaches who specialize in Neuro-linguistic Programming. It appears to me that they were attracted to NLP and coaching because it augments their sense of superiority and grandiosity. Additionally, they seem fascinated by how NLP allows them to more easily control other people. Their Achilles' heel, however is that they don't realize how shallow most of their techniques are and that their assesment of people is too simplistic. Could you talk a little bit about this phenomenon of narcissists being attracted to NLP and coaching and what your thoughts are on this ?
Okay I'm confused again. Towards the end Dr. C talked about no communication. Does this also pertain to their victims? I hear and read so much about the importance of no contact.
Your no contact indeed communicates: I no longer find this relationship to be appropriate. It differs from passive aggressiveness because it is not meant for punishment, but for legitimate self care.
What's the difference between a grudge and the realization that the other person's actions indicate a character that should be avoided from now on? I want no contact because of their behavior. I know they will play mental games and try to draw me into situations that could be harmful to me. They're nasty and vengeful, thinking I tried to hurt them in some way, which isn't true. They're extremely paranoid in their thinking. The rest of my family say I'm holding a grudge. I just feel self protective.
Since marriage we accumulated rental properties, all in my wife's name. ??? Should I see an attorney to gain information on where I stand in a event there is a divorce?
Dr Carter, It makes me very sad to find that a TBI can trigger or exacerbate someone who had tendencies to become a malignant narcissist. I don't know where to go to from here.
Dr C, is it typical for narcissists to get in trouble with the law? This person shows no remorse and doesn’t take responsibility. They argue in court and accuse lawyers/judges of being corrupt. They are their own worst enemy.
I have a question. I’m dealing with a narcissistic husband who gets verbally abusive when questioned especially when dealing with other women. He is not the cheating type but I’m so insecure because he threatens to or threatens to leave me. He literally says he can abuse me because I questioned him and cause drama. He is hatful so I know he could hurt me that way if he felt like it. Because this worry is in my mind I ask simple questions to get reassurance but I only get abuse and that makes him look guilty. Am I in the wrong, If he is faithful, by my insecurities and questions? To him I’m not allowed to be upset with him over anything he says or does.
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY in my situation I am working on leaving and we live in separate houses. The problem is I fear loneliness more then him and that’s a problem
He is not a safe person, whatever he may or may not be doing. I encourage you to find a list of safe vs unsafe behaviours. That once revealed to me that my mother was abusive, not just difficult.
Another question. I deal with a narcissist husband and I am told by others to not enable, set boundaries, or not engage but then I hear that you need to apologize for any wrong no matter how small and that is what I want to do. Isn’t that handing over control to them allowing them to believe they are right and I am wrong? My husband said that I have a problem that I have to work out and when I come to realize that and admit my wrong to him he would try Ana work with me. This is after days of verbal abuse from him because I’m insecure about him and asked a question about it. If he is faithful then I’m in the wrong for worrying about it or asking questions and want to apologize for thinking he’s doing something wrong.
@@Hatbox948 yes. I try not to be accusing in the questions and I know he is not the cheating type but I have always been inquisitive and feel the need to have answers. He can’t handle it. I want to trust him and he demands it, but I can’t fully do that. He says a nag and I try not to be and I hope I’m not. I even looked at the definition of nag and it’s not what I’m doing, but he feels it is.
My partner seems also defined by hate, by accusing me for things I didnt done (talking bad about him behind his back) and then tells me to hate me for this, which makes me feel powerless. It stays very difficult not to engage in this, escpecially with our child on our way. Do you have any advice for me?
@@kaatje1984 If you have children it does make things more difficult because many women stay because of the children. My ex talked bad about me with everyone, even neighbors. I would get the cold shoulder often, yet had done nothing wrong. But, if he thought I discussed him with my sister, he'd go ballistic. It's never an even playing field with them. They always have to be the victim. My advice is run for your life. I stayed over 20 years and it never gets better, only worse.
30 years later - even worse - 50 years later 🤢🤮🤢 - he NEVER matured & still acts like it was yesterday. FWIW: I too am 70 & will be 71 before the end of the year & I’ve NEVER made a MISTAKE either! 💦👖💦
Can the narcassist ever function as a team player. I am in a situation where our group lead had to be away from our Bible studay. I was her assistant but when she went away we both asked a 3 rd person to help. The 3 rd person- narc has tried to take over doing things her way without consulting us. She recently taken to manipulation through a 4 th person to push the way she wants to direct our next study getting the 4 th person to ask the lead if she (4th)😮can teach the first lesson. Frustrating.
If it were me, I would drop out & find better satisfaction on my own. Just ask Jesus what u should do& forget the organized man made stuff. We can put a direct line out to God all by ourself. I ended up leaving a church because felt like I didn't fit in. Nobody or no thing can stop or interfere with my relationship with God ❤
Ok, Dr. C, my siblings literly HATE me. I am 63 years old, have no children and my two siblings DO NOT WANT ANY INTERACTION WITH ME.... 😞 sad... soooo very sad. I am an AF Veteran and an AF civil service DoD employee. My siblings want to destroy me. They do not care.
Sometimes friends can be a loving family instead of family. Maybe sometime u could have a talk with 1 or 2 of your family and ask them why they are so intent on avoiding u, that u are trying to understand & would like to be closer. If they treat u badly is a good sign to just go no contact with them & support yourself with loving friends. I've had to do similar myself. It doz get better ❤❤❤❤
This is information I wish I'd had 20 years ago.
Same omg same
Narcissists are the gift that keeps on taking. 😄
Well said 😂
😂
NOT a gift at all.
A relationship with an individual who has a narcissistic personality Style will NEVER have balance. Because EVERYTHING must be in favor of THEM! Adding to that lopsided mess - THEY play victor AND victim. Stay Healthy!!
Learn to work around them helps. Stay out of their way unless they are in a good mood. Forget about your own social life. Instead, learn to trade stock and perhaps escape the mess one day. Prayer helps and You Tube sermons are a GOD send.
@@lizcuero9065 learning to work around them is not the answer.... PERIOD! The ONLY answer is to COMPLETELY disassociate.... !
My narcissist needs to be in an insane asylum!!
@@lizcuero9065We are on the same trail, may we make it to the Vista. ❤
@@lizcuero9065just The Word itself is the escape to Truth & Wisdom.
i love your videos you are making the wold to a better place sharing your knowledge
I'm an empath and i used to forgive people over and over again and I used to be a narcissist magnet. I no longer allow people to test my boundaries and i avoid anyone that I feel doesn't respect me or have my best interest.
I'm an empath, too, and have dealt with the same issues.
It’s strange how the narcissist is so attracted to the giving soul. That’s why they are considered “predatory”. I believe they initially see a symbiotic relationship because the false self fools them also with the love bomb faze. It is symbiotic if we only would play in their eventual evil. Forgiving until we are trapped into a cage with no escape. That’s when the false self shows it’s heartless contempt. Stealing it’s prey’s heart to “energize” evil. The narcissist is envious of love because the narcissist cannot comprehend it but sees it’s great effect. Guard your hearts but fill the world with love & the narcissists receive their own grace.
Yes indeed
Is an empath the one that say their sorry when differences don’t go well. The other person throws insults.
I realized I don’t get an apology from the insulter. I’m not sure why I think I need to be the one to apologize, to get this apology forgiveness thing truly felt to strive for peace and respect. I feel badly the respect and apology doesn’t come from the other person. I feel bad they can’t see they hurt me by insulting my home.
Or the way I cook noodles. The noodles issue was so lame, I realized things aren’t good between us.
I am so tired of it all. I get on edge wondering what’s next to come up. So does my husband. Smoothing things over is a constant issue.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. I so appreciate your wisdom and emotional support as we process our painful experiences with narcissists.
I like you Dr, C! Your enthusiastic approach to helping people makes me smile.
Have a wonderful holiday next week!
I will lean into God, or I should say, He will lean into me giving me a joyful Thanksgiving as well.
An old hymn:
"Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because He lives all fears are gone. Because I know, I know He holds the ,future and life is worth the living just because He lives."
God bless you!
Dr.C has been a Godsend for so many. Praise our Father for breaking the bonds of the cluster B.
Thank you Dr.C, love you and Gus and Team Healthy ❤️🙏
Excellent show today 😉 go Team Healthy!
Thanks!
Caught the “tape delay” when I got home, watching the live chat scroll through during the stream. I must say, Team Healthy is a wonder to see in action. Dr. C, you have drawn and influenced a small army of healers. Thank you.
Aaron, you're at the top of the list of TeamHealthy healers. I so appreciate your participation...I really do!!
Love sweet Gus!
When you have given everything you have in a difficult relationship, to no avail. Common sense tell me it time to withdraw and move on, with no explanation. To linger only sets myself up for further harm.
Thanks Dr. C.
So true, Elaine.
Boy I'm right there
Dr. C
I'm so grateful for you and your understanding.
Thank you Dr. C for being here and part of the growth trajectory with us all, and for being a guiding north star as we all navigate on our individual paths of Dignity, Civility, and Respect! These questions you addressed from Team Healthy are sooo relatable and valuable. Deeply appreciative. 💝
You are quite welcome!!
Because of narcissist I ended up on team healthy and learned the wisdom and self awareness and self examination, and growth that prepared me for probably even a harder future and peace.
And I'm so glad you're such an integral part of #TeamHealthy, Fred!!
Complete no contact 10 years…. love Peace and Quiet..
Gus is a doll.
He has quite the video presence. I’m so glad that he’s got Dr.C’s back.
I'm a military spouse to a narc. Three years retired now I see her through your revelation of narc. We lived separately for most of our marriage. I was so confused, but no longer. Thank you Dr. ❤
You're quite welcome. Keep learning!
@@SurvivingNarcissismYes
My story is similar to yours. My spouse, who served in the military, and I were separated for a significant portion of her service. We are both retired from service now. I noticed certain signs and forgave her, not fully comprehending the situation I was in. In order to gain a better understanding of what I was dealing with, I began researching and came across the writings and videos of Dr. C, which provided me with valuable insights. Covert narcissism is indeed a real phenomenon. In my opinion, my former spouse exhibits a high level of narcissism. I am grateful for the work of psychologists like Dr. C, as their contributions have helped me regain control of my life. ❤🙏🏽
@NavyChief1999 praise God. Likewise for myself. I'm thankful for the Dr. and other podcasts regarding this topic.
Thanks Dr.C and Gus 🐕
I love the idea of American Thanksgiving and would like to experience it one day. But I feel sorry for people with dysfunctional families who have to go through Thanksgiving AND Christmas!
As one who experienced many American Thanksgivings that were filled with multi-generational loving family gatherings, I wish that those who’ve never experienced it, could, if even just once. It is something I’ve seen and done in years since childhood, that inviting lonelies to join in, means everything.
Hello from Wales UK 🏴
Glad to be with you there in Wales. I had the chance to be in Windsor last June! Beautiful.
Hi from Liverpool 👋
Thank you very much dr. C. I'm learning and growing and really appreciate you covering my question. My mother's favourite thing is to make out im a terrible person! No they did not bring thank kind of thinking. They 'helped'and totally altered the look of my house without mentioning it first! Now I'm the ungrateful horrible person because it cost a lot and does do the job but it's not what I wanted. The culmination was that she wasn't going to do that again! Meaning she would withdraw all help. This at the lowest point in my life, thanks Mom, but i just think now, OKAY! Not a problem, im fine. 😊
Hello Dr. C., Gus and Team Healthy! Very insightful indeed Dr. C, many thanks🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
Hey Dr. C. Great video today. Not only did you answer my question (thank you) but you spoke to other situations that I have experienced in dealing with people with highly narcissistic tendencies. Very good info that is needed especially being that the Holidays are coming up. Team healthy all the way for me❤️
I informed this man that our "let's be partners" experiment had not worked out and he told me that he did not approve of my conclusion XD
"Maybe you thought that on your own",, he told me, implying "therefore it is wrong, of course".
I am so happy that I am able to laugh about it, thanks SO much to all the help to make me realize where I was.
Lesson I learned: Create borders
BUILD THE WALL! ✊🏻 🇺🇲
If they break down the borders walls then (no contact) works great. Good luck 👍
Dr. C. thank you for all this. I feel so much better after time listening to you, and knowing Gus is somewhere close. Lately it seems to me the world has gone mad, and I want peace inside out. I sit to listen to you and phiou...I breath better, knowing that as long as I keep strong and am my own authority, I can survive this and keep my own sanity intact.
Stay strong, Claudia.
Tech Team : btw: thank you 😊: as well: Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D.: btw; thank you 😊- Texas USA 🇺🇸: bless
Happy 😃 Early Holiday to Puppy 🐶 Gus and as well to Dr. Carter, Ph.D., family and friends!
Thanks for mentioning my tech team!!
Feelings may remain for life, but if those feelings concern a belief (like worthlessness or hopelessness) then those misbeliefs need to be challenged, because every person has worth, and there is always hope for improving our mindset and lifestyle and always something new to learn and places to see. We all are worth loving whatever mistakes we or others made.
After overcoming the first one, it gets easier. Hyper sensitive to manipulations and tactics in any new situation
Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, I love learning from you, I've learned lessons and learn from my mistakes, Continuous learning, Self reflection, I'm glad you're on my journey with me, I know what I deserve, Healthy relationships and connections, I don't need validation and approval from others, I self validate and approve, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory power praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Yes I'm on the end I'm learning calm firmness and not inialation ❤️
Hello! Good to see you too! I love beautiful days as well
It's 70 and misty all day here in Lexington, SC.
Here in British Columbia, Canada, we just had near hurricane force winds and my power was out almost 12 hours. No heat. Most of the coast was out. Lots of trees down. Enjoy your nice weather!
I had a relative who married fairly Young any divorced young, and he disliked her the rest of his life just couldn't get over it
be your own person. speak the truth. with tact.. whether they like it or not. have good attorneys to back you up in case a legal dispute arises..
Lawyers who understand narcs!
Wonderful session. Thank you Dr. C.
My narcissist is my brothers 40 year old son he still lives at home!
Sorry.❤
Thank you again, Dr. C. Today's session went by fast!
You're very welcome!
Today’s midweek resonated. I am dealing with a business involved in the contracting area There are several people who have totally messed up and mismanaged a rebuild project following a frozen pipe water leak How far down the narcissism spectrum are they? The subcontractor didn’t install the flooring or insulation properly The company was supposed to get permits but failed to do so saying they don’t obtain those despite saying they would in writing They didn’t paint and didn’t finish the project I have hired a lawyer and the business won’t take responsibility for their mistakes. Just blaming me for the fact they didn’t finish the project despite the business abandoning the project for more than four months The project manager who left the project previously was arrested for failing to following court orders and public intoxication I would like to hear you speak about hiring a business or expert I recognized narcissism early but due to legal issues it has taken a while to sort things There is insurance involved Will the business ever take responsibility?
So good! I learned a lot🤯
Great episode as always, Dr C!! Prepping for colonoscopy.
I've been accused of holding grudges against my brother in law. I refuse to meet with him because with him and my sister it's always been two against one. So I protect myself. It's pure self preservation, yet I am accused of holding a grudge.
Thanks to online info like what you offer and a really compassionate therapist, I have finally left a 31-year marriage with an alcoholic covert narcissist husband. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I know - and my adult kids confirm - that it was a crucial step toward peace. My question (and I’m sure you’ve touched on this): as we go into a more formal, legal end to this, how do I shield myself from the ugly verbal attacks? I know he’s hurting, and I’m trying to handle this in a healthy, sensitive way, but it’s just not pretty. I don’t want to get sucked into the ugliness - I need a mantra!
It is almost as if Thanksgiving was created for narcissists. Everyone is expected to come to the narcissist's home year after year and stay all day and pretend to be happy. If you break away and go elsewhere one year, you are not welcome to return because you are viewed as an untrustworthy traitor outside of their control.
And every other special occasion 😕
Holidays are a miserable time
The narcissist finds it powerful to hold grudges. They therefore consider themselves the victor. I wonder if this is from their surrender to their oppressor(s)? Their surrender was from a capitulation to fear. An over correction to abusive behavior. This effect seems to cause the narcissist to be caught in such fear that they cannot forgive their oppressor(s) thereby causing them to believe that they only survive by fighting perceived fire with fire.
Thanks for the answer!!!
1. Sociopaths.. Not sure what the difference between Narcissists and Sociopaths are but I try to focus on the behavior.. It is not good behavior..
2. Toxic sisters.. I stayed away from family holidays for quite a period of time.. When I came back they were all the same.. Now I stay away again..
3. Away from the Narcissist.. I do think about getting back in a relationship with harmful people but then I go down that rabbit hole and all the bad stuff comes up..
4. 30 years after a divorce.. My guess is that is all they know..
5. Covert - Dependent Personality Disorder.. I would say that all Narcissists are dependent.. They need the supply..
6. Ex Boyfriend.. I look at others and how fast they move on and then I look at myself and wonder why it takes me so long to move on.. I do look at it as a learning lesson.. I think where I am at with this is that I need to take longer to trust others.. They need to earn my trust.. Not the other way around..
7. Angry Child of Narcissism.. I can relate to this one.. For me it took that anger for me to remove myself from them.. Now it is trying to learn the lessons of the anger from the past and to learn what my anger says in the present.. If someone tells me something and then does another thing it is a natural human emotion for me to get angry.. Chances are that I will not trust that person again.. There is a difference from being an angry person rather than a person getting angry.. Narcissists are angry people and I am a person that gets angry.. Their motivation is based on anger and my motivation is based on that I do not like getting angry..
8. But.. They have an ulterior motive..
9. Ghosts.. What comes to mind is the Hot-Cold personality.. I am used to attracting that type of personality.. I have been aware of this for quite some time.. I think this is still one of my lessons that I am learning.. I think it is more about if they are Hot or show lots of interest for me to put up boundaries and make them earn my trust..
Dr. Have you noticed how sociology might had changed during your career? I have had people call me an empath. I always thought in my life that people had this trait. Now, I know the difference. Is there a psychology test to validate a person is an empath?
Yes, I would be interested in that test too. If there is one ❤
Do narcs devalue everyone eventually, is everyone in the narc fog to an extent? That comes into contact with them.
Yes, if you stick around with a narcissist long enough, you will be devalued.
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank-you, Dr. Carter. I hear often that this would have happened to anyone. However, hearing this from you feels more gentle and compassionate for those who have been devalued and for those who are trying to decide what to do when finding themselves in a narcissistic relationship. It's never a pretty ending whether you walk away before being devalued or is the unfortunate one who didn't understand what was happening when the mask slipped in the devaluation stage.
My maltipoo taps 2 times on my knee. It means pay attention to me. Outside.
😅😮😂
What if the narc turns you addicted to them? I'm going the forgiveness route. 7 x 70 times forgive. Right?
You can forgive, wish well and walk away. To be a good Christian, we don't need to be a doormat (in my opinion)
Please listen to:
Gimme More
By:
Britney Spears
Dr.C you just reminded me of that song when you said gimme gimme.
As i was listening to your reply to the question about “why do they hold onto their contempt for others?” I am very familiar with John Gottman’s work and understand completely what you are talking about.. and yet, my mind always reverts back to thinking about how one’s contempt for us is also like looking at the reverse perspective of our holding our own boundaries. The primary difference here, though, is that someone who is generally a contemptuous person ultimately has no ability whatsoever to look outside of themselves and face their reaction from another point of view other than their own. They’re caught inside a perpetual loop of their own unresolved and denied pain & suffering. 💔
You make so much sense.
@@SurvivingNarcissism 😌thank you
Hi Dr C thank you for your videos they have helped me understand a lot unfortunately I live next door to a dangerous sociopath/narcissistic close family member who has my house in their name and uses it to torment myself and my kids I can't get away or we'd be homeless
We are at breaking point any advice 😢
🙏 🙏 🙏
Dr C can you give me advice on how to think or proceed in life after my son ended his life? He was kind, loyal, empathetic and forgiving. Yet his father covertly and overtly went about destroying his life, reputation, got him arrested when it was his father, made him out to be an abuser, when in fact, he was abused in all ways. It was horrendous what happened to my son. He gained control and custody of my children at 13 months and three years of age. I believe his father had a goal to get my son to end his life. What do you think? How can I carry on? My son and I loved each other yet his father kept us apart using so many tactics.
Hello Dr. Carter. I have a question. Some of the worst narcissists I have had to deal with are people who have decided to become life coaches who specialize in Neuro-linguistic Programming. It appears to me that they were attracted to NLP and coaching because it augments their sense of superiority and grandiosity. Additionally, they seem fascinated by how NLP allows them to more easily control other people. Their Achilles' heel, however is that they don't realize how shallow most of their techniques are and that their assesment of people is too simplistic. Could you talk a little bit about this phenomenon of narcissists being attracted to NLP and coaching and what your thoughts are on this ?
My Storm does the same
Okay I'm confused again. Towards the end Dr. C talked about no communication. Does this also pertain to their victims? I hear and read so much about the importance of no contact.
Your no contact indeed communicates: I no longer find this relationship to be appropriate. It differs from passive aggressiveness because it is not meant for punishment, but for legitimate self care.
Silence is indeed golden 😉 Dr C saved my life through gray rock then no contact now for nearly 2 years!
Whew, thank you.
What's the difference between a grudge and the realization that the other person's actions indicate a character that should be avoided from now on? I want no contact because of their behavior. I know they will play mental games and try to draw me into situations that could be harmful to me. They're nasty and vengeful, thinking I tried to hurt them in some way, which isn't true. They're extremely paranoid in their thinking. The rest of my family say I'm holding a grudge. I just feel self protective.
I had to go take care of some dictators 🤣🤣🤣
Since marriage we accumulated rental properties, all in my wife's name. ??? Should I see an attorney to gain information on where I stand in a event there is a divorce?
You need an attorney familiar with narcs in court settings
@caroleminke6116 Thank you
YES! Why were they set up in her name only?
@Hatbox948 trusting our plan from the onset. Never doubted
Dr Carter,
It makes me very sad to find that a TBI can trigger or exacerbate someone who had tendencies to become a malignant narcissist.
I don't know where to go to from here.
Dr C, is it typical for narcissists to get in trouble with the law? This person shows no remorse and doesn’t take responsibility. They argue in court and accuse lawyers/judges of being corrupt. They are their own worst enemy.
I have a question. I’m dealing with a narcissistic husband who gets verbally abusive when questioned especially when dealing with other women. He is not the cheating type but I’m so insecure because he threatens to or threatens to leave me. He literally says he can abuse me because I questioned him and cause drama. He is hatful so I know he could hurt me that way if he felt like it. Because this worry is in my mind I ask simple questions to get reassurance but I only get abuse and that makes him look guilty. Am I in the wrong, If he is faithful, by my insecurities and questions? To him I’m not allowed to be upset with him over anything he says or does.
I am in the exact same situation. It can be so painful and confusing. I am struggling too. I am so sorry for your struggles.
@@FuelUp-b2enone of my business..but why not leave and start a new life..best of luck
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY in my situation I am working on leaving and we live in separate houses. The problem is I fear loneliness more then him and that’s a problem
@@FuelUp-b2e praying for you
He is not a safe person, whatever he may or may not be doing. I encourage you to find a list of safe vs unsafe behaviours. That once revealed to me that my mother was abusive, not just difficult.
Parasitic… Evil and enjoying others pain..do true
Another question. I deal with a narcissist husband and I am told by others to not enable, set boundaries, or not engage but then I hear that you need to apologize for any wrong no matter how small and that is what I want to do. Isn’t that handing over control to them allowing them to believe they are right and I am wrong? My husband said that I have a problem that I have to work out and when I come to realize that and admit my wrong to him he would try Ana work with me. This is after days of verbal abuse from him because I’m insecure about him and asked a question about it. If he is faithful then I’m in the wrong for worrying about it or asking questions and want to apologize for thinking he’s doing something wrong.
You owe him no apology. You're trying to have an adult conversation with him, and he's being childish.
@@Hatbox948 yes. I try not to be accusing in the questions and I know he is not the cheating type but I have always been inquisitive and feel the need to have answers. He can’t handle it. I want to trust him and he demands it, but I can’t fully do that. He says a nag and I try not to be and I hope I’m not. I even looked at the definition of nag and it’s not what I’m doing, but he feels it is.
@1969kellyp You're not nagging. Asking is perfectly normal and within your rights. You're just asking for reassurance.
That's incredibly condescending to you, and it seems to be coming from a misogynistic mindset.
Like Abraham Lincoln said "Better to be alone than in bad company" I would trade him in for a better more harmonious model!❤
On top of all this mess he was a police sergeant for 30 years and it’s humiliating
My partner seems also defined by hate, by accusing me for things I didnt done (talking bad about him behind his back) and then tells me to hate me for this, which makes me feel powerless. It stays very difficult not to engage in this, escpecially with our child on our way. Do you have any advice for me?
Narcissists are very difficult to have conversations with, especially logical ones. They twist everything you say and are very paranoid.
🙏 🙏 🙏
@@kaatje1984 If you have children it does make things more difficult because many women stay because of the children. My ex talked bad about me with everyone, even neighbors. I would get the cold shoulder often, yet had done nothing wrong. But, if he thought I discussed him with my sister, he'd go ballistic. It's never an even playing field with them. They always have to be the victim. My advice is run for your life. I stayed over 20 years and it never gets better, only worse.
30 years later - even worse - 50 years later 🤢🤮🤢 - he NEVER matured & still acts like it was yesterday.
FWIW: I too am 70 & will be 71 before the end of the year & I’ve NEVER made a MISTAKE either! 💦👖💦
Can the narcassist ever function as a team player. I am in a situation where our group lead had to be away from our Bible studay. I was her assistant but when she went away we both asked a 3 rd person to help. The 3 rd person- narc has tried to take over doing things her way without consulting us. She recently taken to manipulation through a 4 th person to push the way she wants to direct our next study getting the 4 th person to ask the lead if she (4th)😮can teach the first lesson. Frustrating.
Sounds like something important should come up at the last minute when the next meeting arrives.
If it were me, I would drop out & find better satisfaction on my own. Just ask Jesus what u should do& forget the organized man made stuff. We can put a direct line out to God all by ourself. I ended up leaving a church because felt like I didn't fit in. Nobody or no thing can stop or interfere with my relationship with God ❤
Ok, Dr. C, my siblings literly HATE me. I am 63 years old, have no children and my two siblings DO NOT WANT ANY INTERACTION WITH ME.... 😞 sad... soooo very sad. I am an AF Veteran and an AF civil service DoD employee. My siblings want to destroy me. They do not care.
Sometimes friends can be a loving family instead of family. Maybe sometime u could have a talk with 1 or 2 of your family and ask them why they are so intent on avoiding u, that u are trying to understand & would like to be closer. If they treat u badly is a good sign to just go no contact with them & support yourself with loving friends. I've had to do similar myself. It doz get better ❤❤❤❤
I learned that if you don't forgive your narc, you become a narcissist too.
Forgive but don’t forget
Forgive them but don't tell them because they'll think it's ok to treat u badly again