Narcissists tend to know who to abuse - and who to NOT abuse. My ex-husband was well behaved with his boss, his co-workers, and people he perceived to have more power.
My sister knew, and tried to behave better with me, but watching her abuse others was painful. She was always the victim I tried to "help" through her life. Then she pushed it with me and I came here and realized that she was a covert narcissist with thrill seeking personality disorder. She checked ALL the boxes, and now that I know who she is I went no contact. I can't stand the way she treats others, including her own adult children. "I never asked you for anything." Yeah. She only complained, whined quilted and shamed and was so annoying she managed to get exactly what she wanted just to make her shut up and go away. Someone she financially destroyed warned me about her years ago, but I did not fully absorb it. I finally did, and radically accepted who she was. No more. Letting go is like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I have finally have peace. It only took me 5 decades! 🤣
@@joyshipley706 could be, but then again...wouldn't then they see that this is damaging behaviour for them? The problem here is, we offten judge this behaviour with our minds, which work differently so we judge it wrong
I've heard it so many times from my father, whenever I'd point out a behavior he has it's "And what about you?" and when I'd tell him the pain he's caused me "Oh you think I'm not suffering too?" He's 78, now and I have zero hope of him changing, as senility is making his behavior even worse. Just waiting for him to die, at this point. As callous as it may sound. He's not happy, anyway, he drew every relative away except me and he's profoundly lonely.
It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden. It’s tough to watch a loved one struggle and feel trapped in a cycle of pain. Remember to take care of yourself, too.
My mother's around that age, a bit younger and she does not respect people enough to simply hand them something so instead she throws things at ppl. Whether it's her phone, a tv remote, trash etc. At this point I just leave it on the floor 😅 because there no way she thinks ppl should be treated like this. All my life she's been this way. When I was 11 She was mad at someone else and took it out on me by making me walk home from the highway.(4 hour walk) When I finally did get home she behaved as tho it never happened.😅
Thank you Dr. Dan. You are my favorite TH-cam psychologist because you are one of the rare clinicians who seem to give me hope that people with personality disorders can confront their negative core beliefs and improve. This was a much needed reminder that shaming and blaming my narcissistic Ex doesn’t help things and they are vulnerable people too. Thank you.
😮. My mom's a grandiose narcissist and everybody at the table just sits there like waiting for her to wipe food off her face and she never notices it's there. I know it was an analogy but that was wild that you said that. It shows turn level my self-awareness
It so crazy to be able to learn these things for free. Helping out with a like button smash on every video. Thank you, Sir, and greetings from Scandinavia.
My narcissistic ex husband would scam people and I would ask him if he doesn't feel bad and he said he can sleep at night because he actually did them a favor by teaching them a lesson.
@@DrDanielFox My sister financially destroyed her "sugar daddy" that was present in her life as a teen and through her three husbands. He warned me about her after she ruined him. I am NC with her, so I am not telling her what he told me, as he is now deceased. She just demanded and took, and he could never say no. I never told her, but if I did, I can tell you exactly what she would say. "Well, that was his choice." These folks are vicious.
Thank you. I think they have been told. But many don’t care to want to bother about the opinion of people who are affected . Plus humans are great in convincing themselves …..
You make a valid point! It's true that many people tend to ignore the opinions of those directly impacted. It's all about raising awareness and encouraging empathy.
@@DrDanielFox absolutely. let me give an example of a strategy .. there is this person at my work who has decision making power and does not bother about the impact of their personal desire on staff . my strategy has been to share the message with powerful channels and confront this person at the edge of their mottos for "empathy" through those channels (e.g., people they r afraid of them for being judged and confronted for their management). however, this person STILL DOES NOT care and will hate me for putting them in a situation that they have to CHANGE their selfish decision. so I am sure this person will not be encouraged to be empathetic only forced. I am not sure in personal relationships like parents-children/ couples if raising awareness will work ... depends in my opinion on how they r dependant on some things from the other person.
Why would they go to hell if God created them? It's a mental illness and free will is BS. Its like people don't understand how peoples brains work differently and causes them to act that way. Your god is useless creates the good, the bad and then states that we in fact have freewill if that's the case though everyone could be adolf hitler or ghandi. Hell I can be Charles Manson for Halloween.
Probably best explanation ive ever heard of this. Because of my experiences growing up i see some of these behaviors in myself throughout my life. Im 60 now and have begun in the last 3 yrs to become self aware after having a profound awaking only after some intense suffering. I have been doing some shadow work to try to uncover these traits. Its helped me see how they developed in the first place. Im not sure if i wd be described as narcissistic But i wish i cd work with someone like yourself that cd help me navigate this Currently i have been working on deconstructing my ego ,shadow work and have studied differsnt spiritual content such as meditation,yoga Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and have found all of these practices and comtent very helpful. Having someone like yourself could also be very helpful to understanding all of this I plan on watching more of your videos. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on this. Most of the channels i find about this have not explained it as thoughly as you have.
My 2 eldest brothers demonstrate lots of narcissism and my mom fostered it. Boundaries don’t exist with her relative to them. She had been their enabler and would never scold them for any reason at all, even when they took her bank card and spent her money, did drugs at home, started fights with people at our home. She would never raise her voice with them, but the rest of us kids (7 of us altogether)? She would get on her Holier-than-thou righteous-indignation soap box, and the ʻhow dare you betray me’ with us. As I got older I let her have it out of resentment over years of that behavior and never let her raise her voice at me or treat me different from them ever again. Even let the 2 have as well. They felt shame for being called out, not for their behavior. So, I think that adult narcissists have enablers around them, such as their mom or others, who foster their bad behavior.
@@Dani-lc9hq Yes, but she would fluctuate between types and even have moments of self-awareness and correct her behavior. She was actually a very sweet lady, I loved her dearly and was her primary caregiver in her last days. She gave the family house to me in the end and it pissed off my 2 eldest to no end. They felt so entitled. 2nd eldest even physically attached me at our home over the issue, but I stood up to him. He’s rather afraid of me now.
I had to watch it twice… understanding that some of my loved ones are that way and it changes everything… if i have tendencies I want to see them and stop them to protect my own kids and it is so liberating to know that… there is hope to change and to deal better with them ❤️
@@DrDanielFox your work is especially different because you are, one of the few, who talks about hope and the ability to change, having hope about my situation is all i needed today. Thank you 🙏 Ps I have to watch it a third time 🤭
They are liars too! I know a guy who was that way, because his parents accepted his lies so much, that he learned in childhood/adolescence that his lies were successful, and he could get away with anything with his lies!!! He saw nothing wrong with his lies!!
The Narcissist has certain people that they hide these traits from. These traits need to manifest, and they do, just not in your view. So during the relationship building stage they seek knowledge of your habits. They look for opportunities to manifest who they are but don't want you to see. Others can see it. That's why many times you feel like something isn't right with this individual but you just can't seem to put your finger on it. Narcissist have plenty of help manifesting outside of your field of view. Have you ever had somebody unexpectedly show up, that normally wouldn't show up? Does it feel like they are keeping you involved and almost like you are being babysat? Or kept from just showing up unexpectedly to where the narcissist may be?? 🤔 When something just feels off, it is. Pay attention, because you are being manipulated so the narcissist can manifest who they are and what they do outside of your field of view.
Thank you for sharing your insights! It’s always valuable to hear from others who understand the complexities of dealing with narcissistic behavior. Your perspective adds so much to the conversation!
A narcissistic person will have several different demons that are controlling them. One of course is the demon of narcissism, the second one is the demon of jezebel, and the third one's the demon of Ahab. All three of these demons coincide with each other to make things as miserable as they can for the person who's spewing the narcissism. Whether you have the ability to leave the situation or not, you need to start saying this prayer: I call upon the Heavenly fathers from the kingdom of heaven in the name of Jesus Christ to cause Mass confusion to come upon the minds of the narcissistic demons who are controlling this person, to make them null and void and no longer have any ability to cause lack of peace and unhappiness in our house, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Amen❤
I agree. I only dated my ex narc for 4 months and caught on to her lies and likely cheating then devaluing early on. I exposed her and left. She is a psychotherapist and talked openly about exorcism but under the guise of trying to help clients who may have been possessed. She claimed to recently had her faith restored and in her previous life dabbled in borderline occultish stuff. I do believe she was possessed and was trying to get help. I couldn’t deal with it and got out asap. I exposed her. I prayed for her deliverance but I’m done. Thank God I got out when I did.
During a recent breakup, I needed to why, what happened? I got immediate support on Social media and TH-cam. I was introduced to NPD, I had a reason why, a rabbit hole to go down, I filled in the blanks, I believed the EX had NPD. I now, do not care if she does or doesn’t. It's no longer my business what she thinks, feels does or says. I am not qualified to diagnose anyone, nor are half the people on social media. In fact for me to say she’s narcissist makes me the victim and smears her name, two actions of a narcissist. Only 0.50% of the "general population" has NPD. Because someone displays a couple of NPD symptoms, does not make them a narcissist. A person can be manipulative, gaslight, and act with malevolence and not be a narcissist. I’m gonna proceed in life regardless of any diagnoses. If you’re reading this, I hope you get to a place where it doesn’t matter.
I've heard that, for some, it can be a result of ongoing crisis in childhood and rather than accepting the locus of control is not within them, to cope they make themselves the center of it and develop a narrative that both makes them and explains why they are martyrs/perfect victims.
Try this example, The Narc is a chofer in a car with a flat tire and he refuses to stop the car to change it, even though the ride is bumpy as hell and everyone is suffering. He has places to go and people to see, so his agenda is a priority, screw everyone else.
I watched this happen when a mother continually enabled her daughter to fail at jobs by joining her daughter in blaming others for job loss after job loss and letting the daughter live with her. So her daugher moved in with her parents 25 years ago and stopped trying to work 20 years ago. The dad died in 2006. The pretense of the daughter then became that she had to care for her mother which wasn't a bit necessary then. Now the mother is 93, and the daughter is actually managing medical, etc. for the mother - and is resentful that she has to do that. Both mother and daughter over the years have played the 'aint it awful' or 'ain't they awful' game continually. The daughter controls the mother's money and 'shares' it with her own kids enabling them. The other daughter cut the financial apron strings decades ago, detached emotionally through Al-Anon, and is very grateful that she did. I'm not sure that that the above is narcissism, but I suspect it's close.
It’s interesting to see how family dynamics can play such a significant role in shaping behaviors and responsibilities. It sounds like a complex situation with a lot of emotions involved.
I think it will depend where on the NPD spectrum they are, because they have to want to change. Usually they do not want to look at themselves, they find it easier to blame others. A long process... yes, I'll bet it is! Self awareness is necessary, and most narcissists don't have any. Too vulnerable, too wounded, to go inward.
My mother is still the queen of defense mechanisms. To this day I'm either crazy or nuts, or the thing is my fault for how I see or remember or experience things/her.
I'm inclined to think it's due to a combination of things: in one case with which I was all too familiar, it seemed to be a distant abrasive father and a doting mother who told him his entire life that he's heaps of special and cannot ever be wrong. What mattered for me was not the diagnostic criteria but a workable explanation of behaviour to inform my decisions, which amounted to: 1. Problems with identity, particularly a need for a single shared identity extending from them to others, like a small child; 2. Everything being oversimplified to extremes, hence relationships being seen in terms of zero-sum dominance games; and 3. It seems there's an odd inability to hold stable concepts of things and people as they undergo state changes. I'm not sure how that fits with the diagnostic criteria - it seems to fit what I understand about borderlines too - but then maybe the B disorders are just different manifestations of a common underlying theme?
they know they been playing psychological games since day 1! every day was fake even the good times were just for show to keep you right where they want you they literally plan how to upset you, when you figure out they playing with you and you stop reacting to their bs now you dont care about them your accused of cheating its a never ending battle! they start a fire then complain about the smoke like its someone elses fault giving us the illusion that they dont see their own actions that brings us to this situation dont start a fire if you cant handle the heat!
My wife mocked the suggestion that something is wrong with her. The criticism excited her into rage. We are in a divorce without filing so I don’t care wtf she thinks. She accused me of cheating then tried to throw me out, and pay her bills without giving me a divorce. I asked for some proof of this and nothing, not even a suspicious purchase. I told her to pull my phone records, track my phone. Nope she just stuck to gaslighting me, then shifted the blame to something else and even brought up uncontrollably circumstances and 20 years o ago bullshit. She is probably cheating on me or thinking about it. . She is in deep shit because her whole planned failed and divorce numbers fall very well in my favor.
My supposed 'bestie' (she has hundreds, herself) actually and openly admits she WAS jealous of me when we were kids and demonstrated that jealousy by breaking my things, continuously trying hard to make ME jealous etc...... I never realised at the time because I was too busy walking on eggshells at home and had absolutely nothing to be jealous of..... well, guess what..... since another old friend has got in touch, i'm hearing the same belittling passive aggressiveness and feeling just as uncomfortable around them, as a pair, that I did at 5,6,7,8 etc years old........ unfortunately, I now have boundaries so I'm opting out. Taking charge has been very empowering for me as someone suffering with cptsd......and now I feel guilty for being pleased with myself..... well, only a little... 😂
It's true that while there may be some treatment options available, the focus should definitely be on increasing awareness and understanding of the condition.
They know they're doing everything right, but they don't know they're flirting with psychosis and insanity (they're not actually doing everything right). The problem is they also don't possess a core sense of self. All they have is a crying one year old in them, and the regard for that one year old is apparent in how they treat their own children. Egocentrism is also seen in virtually every developmental disorder rooted in abuse, and is not inherently malicious, it's recognizing the lack of-as the name stakes-an ego, and wanting to culminate an ego. At some point we get god smacked by Dunning Krueger, but unlike we see in raw CPTSD, the narcissist worships a righteous idealistic self and becomes very threatened when that is challenged. This hinders ego development indefinitely. With ego comes self differentiation from the outside and others, and an inner voice. Without ego there is, ironically, only *you* trying to see *yourself* 'somewhere out there'. Without ego you regulate your (lack of) self by possessing and controlling others in a shared fantasy. Without ego you are stuck looking for mother that was never there.
It appears to me that narcissists don’t “shed it “ when they grow up, is (at least) that their parents encourage them to be that way, e.g., Their parents tell them “don’t be a sucker”, don’t let people win” , “you are always right” “ people who tell you , you are wrong, are wrong and they are traitors “!!!!
I think they love to wallow and live their victimhood to the utmost. Anything and everything is your fault. They are always the poor, abused child victim. I'm healing, far away. I'm so over the drama, accusations, and blame for things I never knew about. I'm learning to say...kiss my grits!
But how can one socially let them know the truth when you kindly tell them their behaviors are hurtful and they respond that your criticizing them. Nothing is taken in context. They always see it as an attack. Example. Climbing Rainier your roped into the person in front of you and behind you. He could not conceptualize that I was stopping forward movement because the person behind me was stopping.. I could only move as far as the rope allowed between myself and person in front and behind. He thought I was stopping intentionally to hinder progress. Why would I do that? He thought I was a saboteur.. ? That’s how he saw me. No concept that his thoughts about me were not true.
It's definitely challenging when communication breaks down like that. It sounds like you were in a tough situation where context was lost. Clear communication is key, especially in high-stress situations like climbing!
Your opinions and feelings will always be viewed by a Narc as criticism.. because they are a series of automatic defenses to protect themselves from shame..the whole disorder is rooted in shame avoidance.They have zero empathy so don't care about your feelings. I wouldn't ever climb with a Narc for all these reasons and..they are unstable not someone id want help from if my life depended on it.
Some actually do acknowledge it but unlike someone with empathy that does not result in any desire to change... some take pride in it or see it as a strength in some way, seeing empathy as a weakness, and think it serves them. Or they could start to use it as an excuse, well I'm just like that, what do you expect? That's the big difference, they can become self aware but that doesn't mean they are worried about their behaviors and truly want to change.
My guitarist is a narcissist, I think. We argued recently because at one of our gigs he played extremely badly to the point it was embarrassing. He came off stage acting like it had never happened. Even said "I think that went well". When I brought up how many guitar parts were wrong, he totally denied it. He seemed like he genuinely didn't remember messing up. He even said "well I wouldnt change a thing about that gig". When he heard the recording back he realised it sounded awful, but instead of accepting that hed messed up he pretended it was all his equipment's fault (as if he's not responsible for his equipment), claimed it wasnt a big deal to play the wrong guitar parts, said it was just me being too critical, quit the band and then unquit when I didn't react, attacked me verbally ("oh you're so perfect you've never made a mistake, right?") and then tried to claim it was down to depression and having a hard time at work. All of that rather than just acknowledge that he'd made a mess of things. All I was trying to get across to him was that he was struggling because he keeps missing rehearsals and doesnt take the ones we do have very seriously. He takes a lot of Xanax though. I know that can affect motor function and short term memory. Its hard to know what is a personality issue and what is the drugs.
It sounds like a really tough situation. Communication can be difficult, especially when dealing with someone who isn’t willing to acknowledge their mistakes. I hope you can find a way to address these issues constructively moving forward.
@@DrDanielFox unfortunately that proved impossible. I can't work with someone that can mess up badly on stage and be happy with their performance and he sees that as an unreasonable amount of pressure I'm putting on him. To me, it's the musical equivalent of an actor in a play forgetting their lines because they didn't bother to learn them properly. If the actor was still happy with their performance despite forgetting what they were doing, I'd have to ask them to work harder. If they wouldn't do that I'd have to conclude that they're just not cut out for acting. If they claimed that was because I have unrealistic expectations, that would be obviously silly.
Omg!! Its my fault… I was the “Over “ Care taking to make up or rather to make sure, he was looked after, never felt alone or abandoned and I paid attention to his moods etc, as I never had that growing up. I wanted him to Always know how much he was Loved, and that I would always be there to help him, to talk too and be the mother I needed and Never had!! And for the last 14 yrs, since his Dad left, he’s all I have! But look what I’ve done to him 😢😭😭. So how do I help change this… when he’s now 26??
I don’t think he shed it as at 18 yrs old he went to the Penitentiary for 3 yrs… he always had a hard time making friends when he was young and was bullied in school from age 11 when we moved to a new province in Canada.
Certainly! It may be harder for individuals who struggle with a distorted self-image and tend to subconsciously use denial as a coping mechanism may have a harder time seeing that, but what people forget is that this is a *coping mechanism.* It can be managed and improve with deduction. Everyone is capable of self-awareness, no matter who they are or what they have/don't have. As humans, we are all capable of making our own choices and learning to control our reactions. I do not personally have narcissistic personality disorder, but I have met and lived with someone who does. I know that people like this are capable of empathy. A disorder is something you *have,* not *are.* In that case, what you do with it is up to you. A lot of people seem to overlook that.
My question would be how to reconcile this view with opposing views. Vaknin says there is only a cure for the need for supply (Cold Therapy), and nothing else. Ramani never saw anyone recover from it, and Richard Grannon (not really an expert but anyway) refers to a study where narcissists were able to notice their own narcissism / ''are not confused'' . So I am not criticising this video, but would be interested how these opposing views can coexist. In my view, there is a strong but shallow attempt on the part of narcissists to deny their narcissism, which is very different from psychopaths, who are consciously sadistic and evil. But quite interesting to see these different videos, and somewhat reassuring/therapeutic.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s always enlightening to hear different perspectives, and your insights contribute to a deeper discussion on this topic. Do those individuals currently provide treatment? That's an important consideration. I do, so I have current perspectives. I'm not saying they don't just that it's important to get the full picture.
Short circuit brain..to focus on their needs only..my father is a diagnosed NPD he was his narc mothers golden child, my narc older sister is my fathers, my paternal narc grandmother her narc fathers GC..the abuse/trauma happened to the spouses, and remaining children both physically and verbally/emotionally. My sister went to Therapy to save her marriage (her husband was my cousins fiance when she loved bombed, married and became pregnant to, in secret in 3 months)and causing us all to be shunned as a family...he was very dopey, now he has learnt to be like her, gaslighting, spreading rumours, calling police on me with false claims of crimes etc. 150 years of DV and misery.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s important to bring attention to these issues, and your perspective adds valuable insight to the conversation.
Can I have help please. I’ve had problems my whole life being anti social and violent never went to school been in and out of prison bad relationships. I’m 29 year old male and recently diagnosed with bpd but it was a quick diagnosis. But I have no empathy or remorse for anything I’ve done and I don’t understand people emotions at all somebody could cry in front of me and I don’t care they could even tell me there mother just died and I couldn’t care less I’m very anti social and hate everybody I have no desire to talk to anybody and just want the world to leave me alone. Do I have bpd or a different disorder or do I have bpd and something else ? I’ve done some nasty things in my life and feel nothing no empathy no remorse but the doctor said it’s bpd but from watching videos people with bpd have remorse and guilt I feel no guilt or remorse for anyone or anything bad I’ve ever done I’m facing a court case for violence as we speak and i feel like i have to lie to pretend I care when in reality I couldn’t care at all no remorse. I also seen the psychiatrist today and they said I sound pycopaththic but I’m confused with the bdp diagnosis because I have server mood swings but as I said I have no remorse and I only ever feel anger and hatred towards people
It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly tough time, and I encourage you to seek support from a mental health professional who can provide you with the guidance you need. Understanding your feelings and experiences is important, and talking to someone who can help make sense of it all could be really beneficial.
I wish this condition were treatable. It isn't simply because there is no way on God's good earth that the narcissist will ever admit to having issues.
My German grandfather showed me the places where he fought in WW2, and I saw the American flag in France and that was freedom but freedom was not for me. And I started to keep things for me and to lock them up. I was not difficult in that environment to build up some kind of dreamworld. I delveloped BPD later on... Could I have developed NPD? I think no!
In my case, a combination of alternating physical and emotional abuse/neglect and excessive praise for achievements/'bragworthy' characteristics from my parents.
Basically were taught through experiences as a kid that having flaws is a sin, they need to be the best at whatever they’re doing. It’s not only parenting, outside influences also have a great impact on development, that’s y school is mandatory. They should teach this shit to high schoolers
She fluctuates, depends on her mood, if things dt go right or sometimes shes just plain old bored. Itll become extreme when she gets angry. You never know when itll hit or who shell take her anger out on. She wants to be in control at all times n if shes not, watchout
Exactly. My Ex always told me proudly he would be a machine and that he doesn't want to change and has no need to do. He was so malignant. Obesessive as hell as well as a stalker on top.
Literally, I have bpd & my brother is the extreme grandiose narcissist. Mother is covert narcissist. One time after going to trip with my family, in a quite complicated circumstances, my mother suddenly "treated me like her golden child" (which she only does that to my brother). It lasted for couple of hours in the plane until I separated from them. Within that time, I felt like the center was ON me. It's like the entire world is spinning around me. My perception/lens immediately shifted involuntarily because my mum projected like I am a queen. (Even though I shd be having bpd and know well about narcissist & bpd and I am hyper aware) . That was the FIRST ever time I feel like this in my entire life. I even felt like my narcissistic brother became small to me. (basically everyone)I remembered feeling my empathy shrinken😑It was like the care for other people is fading. After that, I feel shocked that how immediate and strong of the effect. This experience allows me to understand why my brother become an extreme narcissist. Before that, I don't even have a clue what it really feels like(I knew my mother liked my brother since childhood and could only see that my brother always asks for my mum's help but I never knew that was an entire different experience ). So basically narcissist living in an over cared environment, is involuntarily to change to become one. Seriously. That was quite scary to me. It felt like an entire different world. That's why they don't shed it. They don't even have a chance to do and it is no where similar to teens. The superiority and lens there are different. To describe, it felt like my mother's over caring projection PUSHED my lens to myself. Basically it did felt like a king or queen. Sometimes I am angry at my narcissistic brother.... but when I imagine he didn't ask for it...I feel soo damn sad. I really hope these never happened, my mother is not a narcissist. It really is very devastating. My self doubt and self gaslighting are really hard to dealt with. I am afraid I might be having narcissistic traits. The feeling of over justifying myself and needing somebody to listen to me feels like narcissistic. For example, my ex was a avoidant attachment style. He used to be always neglecting my needs even though I told him millions times. How do I know my reaction is legit or I have narcissistic bias that make me see him that way. Sorry the comment is so long. I really like the sentence "blaming others is not good either because it takes away any kind of efficacy that you need to change" I get used to blaming my family issues as an acknowledgement of the impact of what they did to me (even though that exist) but it seems it takes away my power to build a better situation.
Son of a narcissist, here. The self doubt and self gaslighting... I don't know if I'd call that narcissism. I have that too, and a need for validation. I'm not going to analyze you and maybe I'm missing the mark, but it's likely more a sign of a wounded ego that's been beat up so much by your narcissistic parents that you don't really know who you are anymore, what's your worth,... A part of you craves a normal relationship that validates what's good in you, which you never get from a narcissistic parent. That probably links to how shocked you were at the effect of that brief moment of being treated like a queen felt. You've been craving that your whole life and for a short while, she gave it to you. So naturally it felt great while it lasted. I think the number one thing to do to detach yourself from a narcissist's influence is to really drill it into your mind that expecting them to have a normal relationship with you is never going to happen. I know Dr. Fox here says they can change, but the likelihood of that is cigarette paper-thin. First and foremost, you have to work on getting rid of the distorted self-image they imprinted on you. And accept that they may never give you the unconditional love you've always craved.
@Lultschful thanks, mate...I got a little chill because it seems no one has ever tried to understand me actively and unconditionally... I cried on "a wounded ego that's been beaten up so much by your narcissistic parents that you don't really know who you are anymore, what's your worth"... I don't know how to articulate because that's hitting my heart... I abandoned myself 15 years ago... I have been no contact with my family the past year, and the hardest was getting rid of the distorted self-image ... I have been working on it and making progress... your words woke me up a little bit more indeed....
I really think this man has no idea about what a narcissistic personality disorder is, hes mistaken it by normal narcissism that everybody has in some level. I feel sorry for this dude thinking that he's treating people with NPD because they would never seek for therapy never.
I think mine knows and she networks with other Narcissists. I have reasons to believe this. Also, she knew exactly what the love bombing was gonna do. She has a lot of “Flying Monkeys” and wanted to make me one.
It's tough dealing with narcissism, especially when they have their own network. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to freeing yourself from their influence. Stay strong!
@ I think there are levels. I think the lady I was involved in has a LOT of power in her little town. Sleeping with married men and women and using it to manipulate people. She works 4 jobs, but spends all that money on her love bombs. She has a ARMY of flying monkeys. Sometimes I wonder if I’m dealing with Narcissism or Psychopathy. I pray every day that she can be helped, but she’s got to want to get help. She has 10 grandkids she is going to influence. I care for her still, but I don’t know if it’s her or the woman she was pretending to be. I think she opened up to me, just a little. Just enough to tell me she didn’t feel good inside. 😞
Who knows creepypasta origins of Jason the toy maker think that he can be changed even tho creator said no way n got no empathy at all? Who think creator aint informed n Jason can actually change if do it right without triggering him? I wish to know the professionals opinion about it. To research all canon from Krisantyl n see if that man can actually change. His just lonely n want to be noticed as his parents neglected him. Atleast Amelia got him to full fill his dreams no matter his parents opinions. His parents really made him into dangerous perfectionists tho.. as creepypastas be yes yes.. but he got reasons n stuff! I really wanna see hope in ppl even if seem like there is no way..
It's fascinating to dive into the complexities of Jason's character! Exploring his background and motivations can definitely shed light on whether change is possible for him. There’s always room for interpretation in storytelling!
@DrDanielFox would u tell me what u think about him, if I explain? I got inspired by channel that has a movie creator n therapist doing some like cinema therapy thing for characters in the movie telling about them. I got ideas, but I'm not professional, n so maybe this creepypasta is really not salvageable, as creator said. I do love to believe other wise, if u want to talk about it! At least this one character.
That’s a blatant lie. There is not one recorded case of a patient with NPD being “cured” Not one. The condition is permanent. Their fate is sealed. You want to give them empathy? Then your fate is sealed as well.
Clinical experience in the Personality Disorders Institute at Weill Cornell Medical College suggests that patients with borderline personality organization and a narcissistic personality disorder have a more serious prognosis than all other personality disorders functioning at the borderline level, and that those who in addition present significant antisocial behavior have an even worse prognosis (Clarkin, Yeomans, and Kernberg 1999; Stone 1990). This negative trend culminates in a group of practically untreatable patients with antisocial personality disorder, who represent the most severe cases of pathological narcissism. There are also patients with severe narcissistic personality disorder, functioning at an overt borderline level with significant antisocial features, but not presenting an antisocial personality disorder proper, who at times respond to treatment, while others do not. These patients are explored here, with a focus on particular psychotherapeutic techniques that have proven helpful, as well as on the limits of these technical approaches. journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/00030651070550020701
It's important to remember that generalizations can oversimplify complex behaviors. Everyone is unique, and it's essential to approach each person as an individual.
@@DrDanielFox excited? that's what i almost always see from you, Dr, Fox, your enthusiasm. But I am used to talking to therapists. I just intimidated a therapist, much younger than myself. that's not unusual for me. Fortunately my Dr. Martina could tell you what a challenging patient I was. Her therapy is still working years later. I decided the new therapist may not be necessary after one session. I was high, but he did me some good anyway. I told him i was half-baked at the beginning. Honesty always works.
cus its old, cus unsure of how to shed it, and its still useful. for abusers. i had a question about the emotion malevolence. why does it narrow. i find mushrooms helps to unnarrow tho why? why do narcissistic ppl wear sun glasses?
i use cannabis for my anxiety. oddly it treats my paranoia now too, but that's a chicken or egg problem. using benzodiazepines simultaneously is contraindicated--use only one or the other.
Narcissists tend to know who to abuse - and who to NOT abuse. My ex-husband was well behaved with his boss, his co-workers, and people he perceived to have more power.
My sister knew, and tried to behave better with me, but watching her abuse others was painful. She was always the victim I tried to "help" through her life. Then she pushed it with me and I came here and realized that she was a covert narcissist with thrill seeking personality disorder. She checked ALL the boxes, and now that I know who she is I went no contact. I can't stand the way she treats others, including her own adult children. "I never asked you for anything." Yeah. She only complained, whined quilted and shamed and was so annoying she managed to get exactly what she wanted just to make her shut up and go away. Someone she financially destroyed warned me about her years ago, but I did not fully absorb it. I finally did, and radically accepted who she was. No more. Letting go is like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. I have finally have peace. It only took me 5 decades! 🤣
@@janberger4057 you got that right
@@BonnieJean4578 I hear you.....🌹
@@BonnieJean4578 wow they really blindside us don’t they, my ex friend is a covert narcissist it took me 7 years to find out, thankfully I did.
@@BonnieJean4578 Congratulations. Your life instantly got way better! My Narc has almost killed me, but I still have a lot of fight left in me.
We shouldn't have to learn about these people, I'm sick of their shit.
The more you know the more you can identify it and protect yourself
Bruh I'm right there with ya
@@jamesrasmussen2663 we all are. They produce mostly shit and we all know digesting their creations will kill you.
@@jamesrasmussen2663 Shit makes people severely ill.
Same
They often know. But not always... The worst ones are not self aware.
I think when their behaviour is pointed out to them inside they probably know but will defend or project it back 🥴
You bring up a great point! Many people do have an inner awareness of their behavior, but it can be tough for them to accept it openly.
@@DrDanielFox which once again goes back to the shame, lack of openly doing self awareness and excuse finding to defend their behaviour 🙂↕️
@@joyshipley706 could be, but then again...wouldn't then they see that this is damaging behaviour for them? The problem here is, we offten judge this behaviour with our minds, which work differently so we judge it wrong
@@mihamim4262 I’m talking from 20 years experience with a husband narcissist so dealing with it first hand 😬
@@mihamim4262They often can see this... But shame is so great they decide to not face it and then lie to themselves.
I've heard it so many times from my father, whenever I'd point out a behavior he has it's "And what about you?" and when I'd tell him the pain he's caused me "Oh you think I'm not suffering too?" He's 78, now and I have zero hope of him changing, as senility is making his behavior even worse. Just waiting for him to die, at this point. As callous as it may sound. He's not happy, anyway, he drew every relative away except me and he's profoundly lonely.
It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden. It’s tough to watch a loved one struggle and feel trapped in a cycle of pain. Remember to take care of yourself, too.
@@DrDanielFox Tryin'. Thank you, Doc :)
ACON here. Your feelings are valid ❤
Totally understand you.
My mother's around that age, a bit younger and she does not respect people enough to simply hand them something so instead she throws things at ppl. Whether it's her phone, a tv remote, trash etc. At this point I just leave it on the floor 😅 because there no way she thinks ppl should be treated like this. All my life she's been this way. When I was 11 She was mad at someone else and took it out on me by making me walk home from the highway.(4 hour walk) When I finally did get home she behaved as tho it never happened.😅
I have narcissistic traits and I am watching videos to remind myself that I can be treated. This helped
According to NPD expert, Dr Ramani, narcissists NEVER change so there’s a bit of food for thought for you. Good luck anyway! 🖖
@@teresa5007 Professor Sam Vaknin says the same thing.
But maybe if you just have some of the traits and not full blown NPD you might benefit from therapy
Many people have NPD traits but are not Narcs.
That you are even doing the introspection clearly suggests you are not one.
This is the best description of the narcissistic behavior that I have ever seen. It describes the full cycle.
Thank you Dr. Dan. You are my favorite TH-cam psychologist because you are one of the rare clinicians who seem to give me hope that people with personality disorders can confront their negative core beliefs and improve. This was a much needed reminder that shaming and blaming my narcissistic Ex doesn’t help things and they are vulnerable people too. Thank you.
@@JemmaMeadowsweet Just make sure your pity isn't stronger than your self respect or care for your well-being and you aren't a master excuse maker.
@@RippleDrop. THERE ARE NO EXCUSES. EVER. NEVER.
😮. My mom's a grandiose narcissist and everybody at the table just sits there like waiting for her to wipe food off her face and she never notices it's there. I know it was an analogy but that was wild that you said that. It shows turn level my self-awareness
Glad the video was helpful. Be well
It so crazy to be able to learn these things for free. Helping out with a like button smash on every video. Thank you, Sir, and greetings from Scandinavia.
Thank you for your support! I’m glad you’re finding value in the videos. Greetings to you in Scandinavia!
Narcissists aren’t in reality and you just can’t expect or hope for them to change.
Really clear breakdown of core elements (in varying degrees, obviously) of narcissism. This video gave me food for thought, thank you 🙏🏾
Glad it was helpful!
My narcissistic ex husband would scam people and I would ask him if he doesn't feel bad and he said he can sleep at night because he actually did them a favor by teaching them a lesson.
Glad the video was helpful for you.
@@DrDanielFox My sister financially destroyed her "sugar daddy" that was present in her life as a teen and through her three husbands. He warned me about her after she ruined him. I am NC with her, so I am not telling her what he told me, as he is now deceased. She just demanded and took, and he could never say no. I never told her, but if I did, I can tell you exactly what she would say. "Well, that was his choice." These folks are vicious.
😂😂😂😂😂 sorry for laughing
@@Handlethisss DESPICABLE.HE'S A NARC, ALL RIGHT! YOU WILL BE DESTROYED IF YOU STAY.
Wow - I can imagine my ex-narc saying that if it dawned on him.
Thank you. I think they have been told. But many don’t care to want to bother about the opinion of people who are affected . Plus humans are great in convincing themselves …..
You make a valid point! It's true that many people tend to ignore the opinions of those directly impacted. It's all about raising awareness and encouraging empathy.
@@DrDanielFox absolutely. let me give an example of a strategy .. there is this person at my work who has decision making power and does not bother about the impact of their personal desire on staff . my strategy has been to share the message with powerful channels and confront this person at the edge of their mottos for "empathy" through those channels (e.g., people they r afraid of them for being judged and confronted for their management). however, this person STILL DOES NOT care and will hate me for putting them in a situation that they have to CHANGE their selfish decision. so I am sure this person will not be encouraged to be empathetic only forced. I am not sure in personal relationships like parents-children/ couples if raising awareness will work ... depends in my opinion on how they r dependant on some things from the other person.
They know they are evil but they do not know they are narcissist.
It will be a cold day in Hell before Coverts will admit it or change.They are Not Worth it. RUN.
Why would they go to hell if God created them? It's a mental illness and free will is BS. Its like people don't understand how peoples brains work differently and causes them to act that way. Your god is useless creates the good, the bad and then states that we in fact have freewill if that's the case though everyone could be adolf hitler or ghandi. Hell I can be Charles Manson for Halloween.
Probably best explanation ive ever heard of this. Because of my experiences growing up i see some of these behaviors in myself throughout my life. Im 60 now and have begun in the last 3 yrs to become self aware after having a profound awaking only after some intense suffering. I have been doing some shadow work to try to uncover these traits. Its helped me see how they developed in the first place. Im not sure if i wd be described as narcissistic But i wish i cd work with someone like yourself that cd help me navigate this
Currently i have been working on deconstructing my ego ,shadow work and have studied differsnt spiritual content such as meditation,yoga Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and have found all of these practices and comtent very helpful. Having someone like yourself could also be very helpful to understanding all of this
I plan on watching more of your videos. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on this. Most of the channels i find about this have not explained it as thoughly as you have.
My 2 eldest brothers demonstrate lots of narcissism and my mom fostered it. Boundaries don’t exist with her relative to them. She had been their enabler and would never scold them for any reason at all, even when they took her bank card and spent her money, did drugs at home, started fights with people at our home. She would never raise her voice with them, but the rest of us kids (7 of us altogether)? She would get on her Holier-than-thou righteous-indignation soap box, and the ʻhow dare you betray me’ with us. As I got older I let her have it out of resentment over years of that behavior and never let her raise her voice at me or treat me different from them ever again. Even let the 2 have as well. They felt shame for being called out, not for their behavior. So, I think that adult narcissists have enablers around them, such as their mom or others, who foster their bad behavior.
I'm curious if your mum has narcissistic traits as well?
@@Dani-lc9hq Yes, but she would fluctuate between types and even have moments of self-awareness and correct her behavior. She was actually a very sweet lady, I loved her dearly and was her primary caregiver in her last days. She gave the family house to me in the end and it pissed off my 2 eldest to no end. They felt so entitled. 2nd eldest even physically attached me at our home over the issue, but I stood up to him. He’s rather afraid of me now.
Proof they're self aware are the lengths they go through to hush and silence the victims!!!
I had to watch it twice… understanding that some of my loved ones are that way and it changes everything… if i have tendencies I want to see them and stop them to protect my own kids and it is so liberating to know that… there is hope to change and to deal better with them ❤️
Thank you for taking the time to watch it twice! It means a lot to know that the message resonated with you.
@@DrDanielFox your work is especially different because you are, one of the few, who talks about hope and the ability to change, having hope about my situation is all i needed today. Thank you 🙏
Ps
I have to watch it a third time 🤭
They are liars too! I know a guy who was that way, because his parents accepted his lies so much, that he learned in childhood/adolescence that his lies were successful, and he could get away with anything with his lies!!! He saw nothing wrong with his lies!!
The Narcissist has certain people that they hide these traits from. These traits need to manifest, and they do, just not in your view. So during the relationship building stage they seek knowledge of your habits. They look for opportunities to manifest who they are but don't want you to see. Others can see it. That's why many times you feel like something isn't right with this individual but you just can't seem to put your finger on it. Narcissist have plenty of help manifesting outside of your field of view. Have you ever had somebody unexpectedly show up, that normally wouldn't show up? Does it feel like they are keeping you involved and almost like you are being babysat? Or kept from just showing up unexpectedly to where the narcissist may be?? 🤔 When something just feels off, it is. Pay attention, because you are being manipulated so the narcissist can manifest who they are and what they do outside of your field of view.
Thank you for sharing your insights! It’s always valuable to hear from others who understand the complexities of dealing with narcissistic behavior. Your perspective adds so much to the conversation!
A narcissistic person will have several different demons that are controlling them. One of course is the demon of narcissism, the second one is the demon of jezebel, and the third one's the demon of Ahab. All three of these demons coincide with each other to make things as miserable as they can for the person who's spewing the narcissism. Whether you have the ability to leave the situation or not, you need to start saying this prayer:
I call upon the Heavenly fathers from the kingdom of heaven in the name of Jesus Christ to cause Mass confusion to come upon the minds of the narcissistic demons who are controlling this person, to make them null and void and no longer have any ability to cause lack of peace and unhappiness in our house, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Amen❤
I agree. I only dated my ex narc for 4 months and caught on to her lies and likely cheating then devaluing early on. I exposed her and left. She is a psychotherapist and talked openly about exorcism but under the guise of trying to help clients who may have been possessed. She claimed to recently had her faith restored and in her previous life dabbled in borderline occultish stuff. I do believe she was possessed and was trying to get help. I couldn’t deal with it and got out asap. I exposed her. I prayed for her deliverance but I’m done. Thank God I got out when I did.
During a recent breakup, I needed to why, what happened? I got immediate support on Social media and TH-cam. I was introduced to NPD, I had a reason why, a rabbit hole to go down, I filled in the blanks, I believed the EX had NPD. I now, do not care if she does or doesn’t. It's no longer my business what she thinks, feels does or says. I am not qualified to diagnose anyone, nor are half the people on social media. In fact for me to say she’s narcissist makes me the victim and smears her name, two actions of a narcissist. Only 0.50% of the "general population" has NPD. Because someone displays a couple of NPD symptoms, does not make them a narcissist. A person can be manipulative, gaslight, and act with malevolence and not be a narcissist. I’m gonna proceed in life regardless of any diagnoses. If you’re reading this, I hope you get to a place where it doesn’t matter.
Your metaphors are hilarious and accurate.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I've heard that, for some, it can be a result of ongoing crisis in childhood and rather than accepting the locus of control is not within them, to cope they make themselves the center of it and develop a narrative that both makes them and explains why they are martyrs/perfect victims.
i have yet to know a single narc that will admit to being a narc, or do they want to fix themselves, ever.
They’re out there. All disorders are on a dimension.
I became so self aware in psychology I grey rocked my self and stop my narcissism, but now I’m currently trying to be perfect like Jesus.
Try this example, The Narc is a chofer in a car with a flat tire and he refuses to stop the car to change it, even though the ride is bumpy as hell and everyone is suffering. He has places to go and people to see, so his agenda is a priority, screw everyone else.
I watched this happen when a mother continually enabled her daughter to fail at jobs by joining her daughter in blaming others for job loss after job loss and letting the daughter live with her. So her daugher moved in with her parents 25 years ago and stopped trying to work 20 years ago. The dad died in 2006. The pretense of the daughter then became that she had to care for her mother which wasn't a bit necessary then. Now the mother is 93, and the daughter is actually managing medical, etc. for the mother - and is resentful that she has to do that. Both mother and daughter over the years have played the 'aint it awful' or 'ain't they awful' game continually. The daughter controls the mother's money and 'shares' it with her own kids enabling them. The other daughter cut the financial apron strings decades ago, detached emotionally through Al-Anon, and is very grateful that she did. I'm not sure that that the above is narcissism, but I suspect it's close.
It’s interesting to see how family dynamics can play such a significant role in shaping behaviors and responsibilities. It sounds like a complex situation with a lot of emotions involved.
Thank you for breaking this down
!
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I think it will depend where on the NPD spectrum they are, because they have to want to change. Usually they do not want to look at themselves, they find it easier to blame others. A long process... yes, I'll bet it is! Self awareness is necessary, and most narcissists don't have any. Too vulnerable, too wounded, to go inward.
My mother is still the queen of defense mechanisms. To this day I'm either crazy or nuts, or the thing is my fault for how I see or remember or experience things/her.
I'm inclined to think it's due to a combination of things: in one case with which I was all too familiar, it seemed to be a distant abrasive father and a doting mother who told him his entire life that he's heaps of special and cannot ever be wrong.
What mattered for me was not the diagnostic criteria but a workable explanation of behaviour to inform my decisions, which amounted to: 1. Problems with identity, particularly a need for a single shared identity extending from them to others, like a small child; 2. Everything being oversimplified to extremes, hence relationships being seen in terms of zero-sum dominance games; and 3. It seems there's an odd inability to hold stable concepts of things and people as they undergo state changes.
I'm not sure how that fits with the diagnostic criteria - it seems to fit what I understand about borderlines too - but then maybe the B disorders are just different manifestations of a common underlying theme?
they know they been playing psychological games since day 1! every day was fake even the good times were just for show to keep you right where they want you they literally plan how to upset you, when you figure out they playing with you and you stop reacting to their bs now you dont care about them your accused of cheating its a never ending battle! they start a fire then complain about the smoke like its someone elses fault giving us the illusion that they dont see their own actions that brings us to this situation dont start a fire if you cant handle the heat!
Thank you for sharing your insights!
My wife mocked the suggestion that something is wrong with her. The criticism excited her into rage. We are in a divorce without filing so I don’t care wtf she thinks. She accused me of cheating then tried to throw me out, and pay her bills without giving me a divorce. I asked for some proof of this and nothing, not even a suspicious purchase. I told her to pull my phone records, track my phone. Nope she just stuck to gaslighting me, then shifted the blame to something else and even brought up uncontrollably circumstances and 20 years o ago bullshit. She is probably cheating on me or thinking about it. . She is in deep shit because her whole planned failed and divorce numbers fall very well in my favor.
My supposed 'bestie' (she has hundreds, herself) actually and openly admits she WAS jealous of me when we were kids and demonstrated that jealousy by breaking my things, continuously trying hard to make ME jealous etc...... I never realised at the time because I was too busy walking on eggshells at home and had absolutely nothing to be jealous of..... well, guess what..... since another old friend has got in touch, i'm hearing the same belittling passive aggressiveness and feeling just as uncomfortable around them, as a pair, that I did at 5,6,7,8 etc years old........ unfortunately, I now have boundaries so I'm opting out. Taking charge has been very empowering for me as someone suffering with cptsd......and now I feel guilty for being pleased with myself..... well, only a little... 😂
Ty for this channel
Treatable? Only a little bit. They could have more awareness but no way they cured.
It's true that while there may be some treatment options available, the focus should definitely be on increasing awareness and understanding of the condition.
Hope you have a nice rest of the day. It's really pleasant seeing you in videos :) Thank you
They know they're doing everything right, but they don't know they're flirting with psychosis and insanity (they're not actually doing everything right).
The problem is they also don't possess a core sense of self. All they have is a crying one year old in them, and the regard for that one year old is apparent in how they treat their own children.
Egocentrism is also seen in virtually every developmental disorder rooted in abuse, and is not inherently malicious, it's recognizing the lack of-as the name stakes-an ego, and wanting to culminate an ego.
At some point we get god smacked by Dunning Krueger, but unlike we see in raw CPTSD, the narcissist worships a righteous idealistic self and becomes very threatened when that is challenged. This hinders ego development indefinitely.
With ego comes self differentiation from the outside and others, and an inner voice.
Without ego there is, ironically, only *you* trying to see *yourself* 'somewhere out there'.
Without ego you regulate your (lack of) self by possessing and controlling others in a shared fantasy.
Without ego you are stuck looking for mother that was never there.
@@DisturbedBurger 💯
I appreciate you!
It appears to me that narcissists don’t “shed it “ when they grow up, is (at least) that their parents encourage them to be that way, e.g., Their parents tell them “don’t be a sucker”, don’t let people win” , “you are always right” “ people who tell you , you are wrong, are wrong and they are traitors “!!!!
Capitulation is a fault I developed , not sure I was always that way though
It's interesting how our experiences shape our behaviors over time. Self-awareness is the first step to making positive changes!
You probably have to really understand the difference between alignment and capitulation when treating patients.
True.
I wish I could do that. I always think it’s my fault even when it isn’t.😂Probably because I’ve had too many narcissists in my life.😂
Good insight. Use this to develop adaptive strategies
And when you dealing with a drug addict narcissist, I really think that doubles their blinders to there narcissistic traits.
After 30 yrs post divorce, I enjoy seeing my narc ex. He knows that I know & my presence makes him uncomfortable. Karma is real.
I think they love to wallow and live their victimhood to the utmost. Anything and everything is your fault. They are always the poor, abused child victim. I'm healing, far away. I'm so over the drama, accusations, and blame for things I never knew about. I'm learning to say...kiss my grits!
It's empowering to hear that you're focusing on your healing journey and setting boundaries. Keep moving forward!
Thank you. Some days are better than others, but I'm blessed every day I wake up above the dirt. Smile.
But how can one socially let them know the truth when you kindly tell them their behaviors are hurtful and they respond that your criticizing them. Nothing is taken in context. They always see it as an attack. Example. Climbing Rainier your roped into the person in front of you and behind you. He could not conceptualize that I was stopping forward movement because the person behind me was stopping.. I could only move as far as the rope allowed between myself and person in front and behind. He thought I was stopping intentionally to hinder progress. Why would I do that? He thought I was a saboteur.. ? That’s how he saw me. No concept that his thoughts about me were not true.
It's definitely challenging when communication breaks down like that. It sounds like you were in a tough situation where context was lost. Clear communication is key, especially in high-stress situations like climbing!
Your opinions and feelings will always be viewed by a Narc as criticism.. because they are a series of automatic defenses to protect themselves from shame..the whole disorder is rooted in shame avoidance.They have zero empathy so don't care about your feelings.
I wouldn't ever climb with a Narc for all these reasons and..they are unstable not someone id want help from if my life depended on it.
I think, ironically, acknowledging your own narcissism would show some ego strength and would be a sign that someone is healing from narcissism.
That's why it's so difficult. That fall from pride will hurt too much for one of these.
Some actually do acknowledge it but unlike someone with empathy that does not result in any desire to change... some take pride in it or see it as a strength in some way, seeing empathy as a weakness, and think it serves them. Or they could start to use it as an excuse, well I'm just like that, what do you expect?
That's the big difference, they can become self aware but that doesn't mean they are worried about their behaviors and truly want to change.
They do not change my friend.
Yeah they never change
The salmon has become part of the head😂😅
They absolutely believe that they are perfect and infallible. Everyone else is considered stupid.
It's interesting how some people can have such a skewed perception of themselves. It's a reminder that we all have room for growth and learning!
Dr fox, are any of your books available in a digital copy?
My guitarist is a narcissist, I think.
We argued recently because at one of our gigs he played extremely badly to the point it was embarrassing. He came off stage acting like it had never happened. Even said "I think that went well". When I brought up how many guitar parts were wrong, he totally denied it. He seemed like he genuinely didn't remember messing up. He even said "well I wouldnt change a thing about that gig". When he heard the recording back he realised it sounded awful, but instead of accepting that hed messed up he pretended it was all his equipment's fault (as if he's not responsible for his equipment), claimed it wasnt a big deal to play the wrong guitar parts, said it was just me being too critical, quit the band and then unquit when I didn't react, attacked me verbally ("oh you're so perfect you've never made a mistake, right?") and then tried to claim it was down to depression and having a hard time at work.
All of that rather than just acknowledge that he'd made a mess of things. All I was trying to get across to him was that he was struggling because he keeps missing rehearsals and doesnt take the ones we do have very seriously.
He takes a lot of Xanax though. I know that can affect motor function and short term memory. Its hard to know what is a personality issue and what is the drugs.
It sounds like a really tough situation. Communication can be difficult, especially when dealing with someone who isn’t willing to acknowledge their mistakes. I hope you can find a way to address these issues constructively moving forward.
@@DrDanielFox unfortunately that proved impossible. I can't work with someone that can mess up badly on stage and be happy with their performance and he sees that as an unreasonable amount of pressure I'm putting on him.
To me, it's the musical equivalent of an actor in a play forgetting their lines because they didn't bother to learn them properly. If the actor was still happy with their performance despite forgetting what they were doing, I'd have to ask them to work harder. If they wouldn't do that I'd have to conclude that they're just not cut out for acting. If they claimed that was because I have unrealistic expectations, that would be obviously silly.
Being aware plus willing to change can better manage ndp.
Omg!! Its my fault… I was the “Over “ Care taking to make up or rather to make sure, he was looked after, never felt alone or abandoned and I paid attention to his moods etc, as I never had that growing up. I wanted him to Always know how much he was Loved, and that I would always be there to help him, to talk too and be the mother I needed and Never had!! And for the last 14 yrs, since his Dad left, he’s all I have! But look what I’ve done to him 😢😭😭. So how do I help change this… when he’s now 26??
Identify your core content and start there.
@@DrDanielFox. What do you mean by that ..
Core content? I’m watching your video again to hopefully understand. How do I tell him he is this way!?
I don’t think he shed it as at 18 yrs old he went to the Penitentiary for 3 yrs… he always had a hard time making friends when he was young and was bullied in school from age 11 when we moved to a new province in Canada.
I mean, some of us pwNPD do.
Certainly! It may be harder for individuals who struggle with a distorted self-image and tend to subconsciously use denial as a coping mechanism may have a harder time seeing that, but what people forget is that this is a *coping mechanism.* It can be managed and improve with deduction. Everyone is capable of self-awareness, no matter who they are or what they have/don't have. As humans, we are all capable of making our own choices and learning to control our reactions. I do not personally have narcissistic personality disorder, but I have met and lived with someone who does. I know that people like this are capable of empathy. A disorder is something you *have,* not *are.* In that case, what you do with it is up to you. A lot of people seem to overlook that.
@@TempestTempos This was a very thoughtful and nuanced response; thank you.
@@Max1power Of course. 😊
Do what lol? That was a really good example though of lack of self-awareness. No one would have any idea what part of the video you're referring to
He's very clearly answering the question posed in the video's title.
What if the protective layer is some kind of a uniform? Very hard to detect what is inside those people.
That’s very true
I am glad you are explaining narcissism.
My question would be how to reconcile this view with opposing views. Vaknin says there is only a cure for the need for supply (Cold Therapy), and nothing else. Ramani never saw anyone recover from it, and Richard Grannon (not really an expert but anyway) refers to a study where narcissists were able to notice their own narcissism / ''are not confused'' .
So I am not criticising this video, but would be interested how these opposing views can coexist.
In my view, there is a strong but shallow attempt on the part of narcissists to deny their narcissism, which is very different from psychopaths, who are consciously sadistic and evil.
But quite interesting to see these different videos, and somewhat reassuring/therapeutic.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s always enlightening to hear different perspectives, and your insights contribute to a deeper discussion on this topic. Do those individuals currently provide treatment? That's an important consideration. I do, so I have current perspectives. I'm not saying they don't just that it's important to get the full picture.
@@DrDanielFox They might pretend to be cured
Short circuit brain..to focus on their needs only..my father is a diagnosed NPD he was his narc mothers golden child, my narc older sister is my fathers, my paternal narc grandmother her narc fathers GC..the abuse/trauma happened to the spouses, and remaining children both physically and verbally/emotionally. My sister went to Therapy to save her marriage (her husband was my cousins fiance when she loved bombed, married and became pregnant to, in secret in 3 months)and causing us all to be shunned as a family...he was very dopey, now he has learnt to be like her, gaslighting, spreading rumours, calling police on me with false claims of crimes etc. 150 years of DV and misery.
I’m curious how you even get someone with NPD to come to treatment? 👀
It's definitely a challenge! Building trust and understanding their perspective can be vital in encouraging someone with NPD to seek help.
There is no impaired insight. There is simply no empathy.
Which means they literally don’t care.
Undistllled selfishness.
There is no cure.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s important to bring attention to these issues, and your perspective adds valuable insight to the conversation.
i always end up alone so something sure going on
Can I have help please. I’ve had problems my whole life being anti social and violent never went to school been in and out of prison bad relationships. I’m 29 year old male and recently diagnosed with bpd but it was a quick diagnosis. But I have no empathy or remorse for anything I’ve done and I don’t understand people emotions at all somebody could cry in front of me and I don’t care they could even tell me there mother just died and I couldn’t care less I’m very anti social and hate everybody I have no desire to talk to anybody and just want the world to leave me alone. Do I have bpd or a different disorder or do I have bpd and something else ? I’ve done some nasty things in my life and feel nothing no empathy no remorse but the doctor said it’s bpd but from watching videos people with bpd have remorse and guilt I feel no guilt or remorse for anyone or anything bad I’ve ever done I’m facing a court case for violence as we speak and i feel like i have to lie to pretend I care when in reality I couldn’t care at all no remorse. I also seen the psychiatrist today and they said I sound pycopaththic but I’m confused with the bdp diagnosis because I have server mood swings but as I said I have no remorse and I only ever feel anger and hatred towards people
It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly tough time, and I encourage you to seek support from a mental health professional who can provide you with the guidance you need. Understanding your feelings and experiences is important, and talking to someone who can help make sense of it all could be really beneficial.
I wish this condition were treatable. It isn't simply because there is no way on God's good earth that the narcissist will ever admit to having issues.
Yes i guess so
My German grandfather showed me the places where he fought in WW2, and I saw the American flag in France and that was freedom but freedom was not for me. And I started to keep things for me and to lock them up. I was not difficult in that environment to build up some kind of dreamworld. I delveloped BPD later on... Could I have developed NPD? I think no!
😢
What if the protective layer is some kind of a uniform?
I worked with one and wondered if she self reflected, I'd suggest not
I just realized a very dear friend is a true narcissist as well as being an alcoholic.
Dam.
No it is not!
It makes me feel better to call Narcissism a disorder and not a style since it’s so destructive!!!!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s important to discuss these issues, and I appreciate your insight.
But what creates narrsasist personalities? Could being to hard on a child, expecting perfection or the flip side of being neglected be the cause?
In my case, a combination of alternating physical and emotional abuse/neglect and excessive praise for achievements/'bragworthy' characteristics from my parents.
Basically were taught through experiences as a kid that having flaws is a sin, they need to be the best at whatever they’re doing. It’s not only parenting, outside influences also have a great impact on development, that’s y school is mandatory. They should teach this shit to high schoolers
Recent research suggests it’s largely genetic
Do They Care?
Great question. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t!
She fluctuates, depends on her mood, if things dt go right or sometimes shes just plain old bored. Itll become extreme when she gets angry. You never know when itll hit or who shell take her anger out on. She wants to be in control at all times n if shes not, watchout
Thank you for sharing your insights! It’s always fascinating to hear how viewers interpret the characters and their complexities.
You're a Narcy! Not meeeeee!!!
Actually I have some Narcy characteristics but I noticed them more after doing ayuwhasqua. It's a process.
Be well and get growing for the better.
I think we are humanizing them too much
Exactly. My Ex always told me proudly he would be a machine and that he doesn't want to change and has no need to do. He was so malignant. Obesessive as hell as well as a stalker on top.
Let's call them out the demons they are
Exactly ❤
@@Daniel-zs1eqYeah they are as they enjoy inflicting pain
Literally, I have bpd & my brother is the extreme grandiose narcissist. Mother is covert narcissist.
One time after going to trip with my family, in a quite complicated circumstances, my mother suddenly "treated me like her golden child" (which she only does that to my brother). It lasted for couple of hours in the plane until I separated from them. Within that time, I felt like the center was ON me. It's like the entire world is spinning around me. My perception/lens immediately shifted involuntarily because my mum projected like I am a queen. (Even though I shd be having bpd and know well about narcissist & bpd and I am hyper aware) . That was the FIRST ever time I feel like this in my entire life. I even felt like my narcissistic brother became small to me. (basically everyone)I remembered feeling my empathy shrinken😑It was like the care for other people is fading.
After that, I feel shocked that how immediate and strong of the effect. This experience allows me to understand why my brother become an extreme narcissist.
Before that, I don't even have a clue what it really feels like(I knew my mother liked my brother since childhood and could only see that my brother always asks for my mum's help but I never knew that was an entire different experience ).
So basically narcissist living in an over cared environment, is involuntarily to change to become one. Seriously. That was quite scary to me. It felt like an entire different world. That's why they don't shed it. They don't even have a chance to do and it is no where similar to teens. The superiority and lens there are different. To describe, it felt like my mother's over caring projection PUSHED my lens to myself. Basically it did felt like a king or queen.
Sometimes I am angry at my narcissistic brother.... but when I imagine he didn't ask for it...I feel soo damn sad. I really hope these never happened, my mother is not a narcissist. It really is very devastating.
My self doubt and self gaslighting are really hard to dealt with. I am afraid I might be having narcissistic traits. The feeling of over justifying myself and needing somebody to listen to me feels like narcissistic. For example, my ex was a avoidant attachment style. He used to be always neglecting my needs even though I told him millions times. How do I know my reaction is legit or I have narcissistic bias that make me see him that way.
Sorry the comment is so long.
I really like the sentence "blaming others is not good either because it takes away any kind of efficacy that you need to change"
I get used to blaming my family issues as an acknowledgement of the impact of what they did to me (even though that exist) but it seems it takes away my power to build a better situation.
Son of a narcissist, here. The self doubt and self gaslighting... I don't know if I'd call that narcissism. I have that too, and a need for validation. I'm not going to analyze you and maybe I'm missing the mark, but it's likely more a sign of a wounded ego that's been beat up so much by your narcissistic parents that you don't really know who you are anymore, what's your worth,... A part of you craves a normal relationship that validates what's good in you, which you never get from a narcissistic parent. That probably links to how shocked you were at the effect of that brief moment of being treated like a queen felt. You've been craving that your whole life and for a short while, she gave it to you. So naturally it felt great while it lasted.
I think the number one thing to do to detach yourself from a narcissist's influence is to really drill it into your mind that expecting them to have a normal relationship with you is never going to happen. I know Dr. Fox here says they can change, but the likelihood of that is cigarette paper-thin. First and foremost, you have to work on getting rid of the distorted self-image they imprinted on you. And accept that they may never give you the unconditional love you've always craved.
@Lultschful thanks, mate...I got a little chill because it seems no one has ever tried to understand me actively and unconditionally... I cried on "a wounded ego that's been beaten up so much by your narcissistic parents that you don't really know who you are anymore, what's your worth"... I don't know how to articulate because that's hitting my heart... I abandoned myself 15 years ago... I have been no contact with my family the past year, and the hardest was getting rid of the distorted self-image ... I have been working on it and making progress... your words woke me up a little bit more indeed....
No, they don't know
Mother is a Narcissist. I got C-Ptsd from her abuse.
I really think this man has no idea about what a narcissistic personality disorder is, hes mistaken it by normal narcissism that everybody has in some level. I feel sorry for this dude thinking that he's treating people with NPD because they would never seek for therapy never.
No, they don't.
Alcoholism starting at fifteen...
Dr. Fox
Please do a video on this comment and its affiliation with Narcissism.
I think mine knows and she networks with other Narcissists. I have reasons to believe this. Also, she knew exactly what the love bombing was gonna do. She has a lot of “Flying Monkeys” and wanted to make me one.
It's tough dealing with narcissism, especially when they have their own network. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to freeing yourself from their influence. Stay strong!
@ I think there are levels. I think the lady I was involved in has a LOT of power in her little town. Sleeping with married men and women and using it to manipulate people. She works 4 jobs, but spends all that money on her love bombs. She has a ARMY of flying monkeys.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m dealing with Narcissism or Psychopathy.
I pray every day that she can be helped, but she’s got to want to get help. She has 10 grandkids she is going to influence. I care for her still, but I don’t know if it’s her or the woman she was pretending to be.
I think she opened up to me, just a little. Just enough to tell me she didn’t feel good inside. 😞
I think i have friend with NPD, but she do acknowledge her flaw, i.e. she said: sorry i am bad at checking DM's
if it a phyical disability how talking going to help.?
This can be challenging but a mental health provider may be able to help regarding perspective. Be well.
Thank you, so interesting
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Who knows creepypasta origins of Jason the toy maker think that he can be changed even tho creator said no way n got no empathy at all? Who think creator aint informed n Jason can actually change if do it right without triggering him? I wish to know the professionals opinion about it. To research all canon from Krisantyl n see if that man can actually change. His just lonely n want to be noticed as his parents neglected him. Atleast Amelia got him to full fill his dreams no matter his parents opinions. His parents really made him into dangerous perfectionists tho.. as creepypastas be yes yes.. but he got reasons n stuff! I really wanna see hope in ppl even if seem like there is no way..
It's fascinating to dive into the complexities of Jason's character! Exploring his background and motivations can definitely shed light on whether change is possible for him. There’s always room for interpretation in storytelling!
@DrDanielFox would u tell me what u think about him, if I explain? I got inspired by channel that has a movie creator n therapist doing some like cinema therapy thing for characters in the movie telling about them. I got ideas, but I'm not professional, n so maybe this creepypasta is really not salvageable, as creator said. I do love to believe other wise, if u want to talk about it! At least this one character.
That’s a blatant lie.
There is not one recorded case of a patient with NPD being “cured”
Not one.
The condition is permanent.
Their fate is sealed.
You want to give them empathy?
Then your fate is sealed as well.
Clinical experience in the Personality Disorders Institute at Weill Cornell Medical College suggests that patients with borderline personality organization and a narcissistic personality disorder have a more serious prognosis than all other personality disorders functioning at the borderline level, and that those who in addition present significant antisocial behavior have an even worse prognosis (Clarkin, Yeomans, and Kernberg 1999; Stone 1990). This negative trend culminates in a group of practically untreatable patients with antisocial personality disorder, who represent the most severe cases of pathological narcissism. There are also patients with severe narcissistic personality disorder, functioning at an overt borderline level with significant antisocial features, but not presenting an antisocial personality disorder proper, who at times respond to treatment, while others do not. These patients are explored here, with a focus on particular psychotherapeutic techniques that have proven helpful, as well as on the limits of these technical approaches. journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/00030651070550020701
Infomercial
spinach on my teeth. Paranoid PD.
Most women are narcissists (now adays)
It's important to remember that generalizations can oversimplify complex behaviors. Everyone is unique, and it's essential to approach each person as an individual.
400
Fox sounds medicated.
Interesting. I'm not
@@DrDanielFox You sounded different than usual.
People have assumed I'm high for similar reasons.
How so? His speech is fine. Articulate. On point.
@@DrDanielFox excited? that's what i almost always see from you, Dr, Fox, your enthusiasm.
But I am used to talking to therapists. I just intimidated a therapist, much younger than myself. that's not unusual for me. Fortunately my Dr. Martina could tell you what a challenging patient I was. Her therapy is still working years later. I decided the new therapist may not be necessary after one session. I was high, but he did me some good anyway. I told him i was half-baked at the beginning. Honesty always works.
My mother is a piece of trash
cus its old, cus unsure of how to shed it, and its still useful. for abusers. i had a question about the emotion malevolence. why does it narrow. i find mushrooms helps to unnarrow tho why? why do narcissistic ppl wear sun glasses?
i use cannabis for my anxiety. oddly it treats my paranoia now too, but that's a chicken or egg problem. using benzodiazepines simultaneously is contraindicated--use only one or the other.
@@djcmission i use cannabis as well tho id like to quit honestly and just do magic mushrooms and sober. and nicotine. tho also would like to quit.