What Can Cause Autistic Burnout

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd
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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (TH-camr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.
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Related: autism, autism diagnosis, Orion Kelly, orionkelly, thatautisticguy, tiktok videos, autistic, autism in adults, autism in women, autism in men, autism spectrum condition, asd, autism spectrum disorder, aspergers, aspergers syndrome, autism in boys, autism in girls, dsm, dsm5, autistic adults, autistic kids, autism mom, autism parent, autism family, autism speaks, autism awareness, autism acceptance, autism at work, am I autistic, adult autism test, autism disclosure, autism therapy, autism prevention, autism meltdown, autistic burnout, autistic behavior, autism symptoms, autism traits, autistic signs, what autism feels like, love on the spectrum, stimming, echolalia, anxiety

[@crystalkirlia4553]

Got fired from my job on Monday for being autistic. Honestly, I've never felt better. That place was intentionally triggering me so my coworkers could just laugh at me. I was a joke, and now I'm just me. It feels so much better now.

[@siouxzyable]

Orion, I’d love to see content about the signs of Autistic burn out in children. Thank you so much for all your videos and I’m looking forward to reading your book!

[@BrainError]

Exactly this. I've only been diagnosed with ADHD and it's much the same as in I get burned out for almost the same reasons. I used to drink to cope in social situations, but that was dangerous and I went t-total 8 years ago. Much better for my mental health, but I don't socialise much anymore as it's too exhausting. I only chill with other NDs on occasion as we get each other.

[@srldwg]

I am glad that you have found people that you can be around that understand you, your nedds and csn be yourself around.
I am sorry that you went through such a difficult time.😢
I can relate, I did too. 47 years old and just diagnosed as autisic.
I empathize that you have stuggled with having ADHD.

[@BrainError]

@@srldwg thank you so much for your lovely reply. I'm 40 and only diagnosed 2 years ago after a lifetime of being pawned off with depression diagnosis only. There's a strong suspicion I'm AuDHD, but I don't have the energy right now to jump all the hoops to get an ASD assessment.
I'm sorry you've struggled too 💜 For me it really helped getting a diagnosis and finding my people, even if it was decades overdue. Understanding myself and why the world in general doesn't gel with me. I always thought I was broken, but I am not. I'm just a different model with a different manual to most, so to speak ☺️
We may be playing the game (life) on hard mode, but we have each other at least!

[@jimwilliams3816]

Whoops. Except for the very last bit about bullying, pretty much everything else on this list amounted to a description of my life leading up to a spectacular crash. The only missing piece is one you just covered last week, that being grief. No wonder I’ve been such a mess.

[@srldwg]

Grief is a big one. You are certainly right.
I was bullied all the way into adulthood.
Not diagnosed until recently at age 47.
Grew up in the 80's while attending public school for my whole education with no support. Made fun of, bullied, made to feel like a "freak" who was broken.
I had many friends throughout all of my schooling, but the social interactions drained the living crap out of me.
Had several boyfriend's too while trying to balance school, friends, extracurricular activities, family...I was so burned out.
I was miserable, and beat myself up because I wanted to be left alone.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@@srldwg I know what you mean, in some similar ways. I grew up in the 60s-70s, though I spent much of the time in alternative schools where we were all considered freaks by the "regular kids," who I was able to avoid much of the time. So I was bullied some as a child, though I think I was lucky compared to many people on the spectrum. My worst moment was a class birthday party for me, where the group pulled a stunt designed to let me know just how annoying they found me and my special interest at the time.
I don't know how to judge adulthood. I've had a lot of uncomfortable interactions, but since I've always managed to avoid alpha male groups (groups in general most of the time), traditional bullying hasn't been obvious to me, though I'm lonely now.
I get the impression that women on the spectrum hear a lot of "why aren't you talking more? smiling more? How rude!" judgment in social groups. It seems like women get judged VERY harshly for not being "nice enough." Men are kind of expected to be self-centered, selfish assh*les, and I never wanted to be like that, but as per this thread, autism can make a person look that way to others...and potentially themselves. I believe I aspired to be a high-masking autistic woman (I took a quiz and tested that way, LOL), which is what I now think my mother was. But I'm an autistic guy with social and connectivity issues who talks too much about what interests me.
So I've ended up feeling broken too, but it's been mostly self-hate. I still feel like autistic women -- and also women in general -- have it way worse off than me.

[@JuliaJames-zx5xy]

@@jimwilliams3816 Stop the self-hate. You are not broken either. (I'm broken, definitely.) You are not responsible for the neuro differences you have. Learn to accept & love them. They are what makes you a very unique individual. "Normal" is only an idea in someone's mind. And "normal" can vary from person to person, just like the word "perfect". We're all humans & we are all different. Please accept yourself because you are so truly unique. "Unique" is a very nice, positive word, just like "love".=)

[@jimwilliams3816]

@@JuliaJames-zx5xy Heyyy, how come you get to be broken and I don't? (Being funny, or trying.) I'm definitely not caught up on normal. It's the frustration of not being able to control my behavior, which has been a lifelong frustration. I understand why now, at least. If I can get myself together enough that I'm not stressing my wife out -- and I have done so pretty good, as PDAers can -- I can live with the rest.
(I'm betting you're not broken, either.)

[@JuliaJames-zx5xy]

@@jimwilliams3816 Everyone is broken (I think). Most won't recognize, realize & admit they are broken in one way or another. There's only that illusional idea of "perfect" & "normal" (I was taught). It's going to take a lot of super glue to get me back to functioning reasonably.
Orion has at least 1 show with his wife in it. She's quite an amazing lady & they really help out on the spouses' perspective (I think). Your wife might find it interesting if she hasn't seen it already. Orion covers so many issues for so many people. Grateful he's here (& when his wife &/or son pops in). =)

[@mariabrown6890]

Thank you.i believe I'm an autistic old lady undiagnosed. But is it possible to overcome some of your issues when autistic? I know that I have overcome some of mine, and I no longer do some of the things I obsessively did before

[@jimwilliams3816]

I’m in my 60s, and recently diagnosed. My impression has been that while my behaviors are heavily influenced by my autism and ADHD, some are learned rather than being hard wired into me. The trick seems to be learning who I am, how my brain/body work, and then figuring out what I need to do and not do to be as healthy as possible, and to be able to tweak things in problem areas that are somewhat flexible. It’s not easy to do, but like you, I’ve had some success.

[@mariabrown6890]

@@jimwilliams3816 thank you

[@michelebriere9569]

Word, brudda.

[@turtleanton6539]

Pretty much everything 😅😅

[@justinacarothers2699]

Family functions not close enough to home to get away and relax or recharge for me at the moment

[@JuliaJames-zx5xy]

You've pinpointed what I've been feeling for a very long time......burnout. And burnout definitely from so many things you have mentioned that are still occuring in my life. Thank you Orion. =)

[@ranc1977]

Now imagine seeking genuine help for this burnout and survival mode - and CBT explains you that you are abnormal, that you have "cognitive distortions" and that you must invest heavily in correcting and fighting sick abnormal thoughts which are hallucination and that you do not belong to normal people until you become perfectionist and without flaws and without any thinking errors.

[@williamedwards8183]

Was an ICU nurse worked nights. Few family. Few doctors, skeleton staff. Protocols for every situation. Trying to anticipate what was gonna happen and preventing it was a skill I learned fast. A sense, intuition, a rhythm. Looking at a person first. Watching breathing. Color. Skin. Touch warmth or coolness. Expressions. Then machines, numbers, labs. A symphony of data. The a noisy co-worker, blaring music, talking on his/her phone. Never looking their assigned patients until a beep told them.
Wrecked.

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

I am starting to think that when I explain this to people, I should say something like, "Hey, you know how YOU sometimes get overwhelmed when I go on and on and on explaining things in great detail? Well imagine having that all day long, whenever you are with somebody," Because we are wired so differently from neurotypical people, I feel like we overwhelm each other with our differences in thinking and perception about what's going on. But of course, this doesn't help when they are so often trying to convince me that we aren't that different (that I should just be able to get over my autistic traits I guess (which leads me to asking them if they don't think that autism exists, since they are invalidating pretty much all of our autistic traits)).

[@ranc1977]

I get to start thinking something in align with what you said.
It is mind-blowing -
that instead of expecting the world to recognize our neurodivergent thinking, that we actually become captain of our own ship and make some life changes - where instead of overcompensation and trying to fit in, that we follow our interest at heart which we would no longer hide or keep in closet or be afraid of someone's criticism, mocking and put downs for our true likes.
Socially anxious will feel as if they must expose in order to be okay approved and validated by others. Once such person starts to understand that people who expect perfectionism are narcissists and people who expect social norms to be fulfilled are neurotypicals - the whole world starts to change.
IT is like lighting a LED light in a very dark room where we got bumped and bruised a lot, and there we were attacked for not being able to go anywhere around without bumping into someone and making them angry as if we do that on purpose.
Now with the awareness of masking and overcompensation and realization that other people have bias and limited awareness, lack of empathy - allows us to cut toxic people out instead of serving them and being afraid of what they think of us for not being part of herd mentality.

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

@@ranc1977 It's not that I am afraid of what people think, I just get overwhelmed by trying to read their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and vague sentences. I feel like it's the equivalent of how they feel with the information overload that I give THEM, when I explain things in great detail. And the reason why I explain things in great detail is because they keep asking more and more questions about my preferences and why I can't handle some things (which only tells me that they REALLY don't understand my autistic traits, even though they often say that they are just like me (if they are just like me, then why all of the neverending questions?)). And I also get mentally burned out having to explain myself so much, instead of just having a casual and relaxed conversation with somebody and just letting me BE without picking at me, and asking me the same questions that I have answered at least 10 times before. And because I just found out that 2 years ago that I am autistic, my family doesn't want to believe it (but yet, they will agree that I have social anxiety, ADHD, OCD, sensory issues, generalized anxiety, and depression (in other words, Autism!). And my step-mother just recently added emotional PTSD to my list, of which I will agree with (which is also common in autism. It's almost like they are so hard against Autism that they don't want to even consider that I might have it, and they won't educate themselves about it (which frustrates me even more). So I just started telling them, "That's alright if you don't believe that I have Autism, it doesn't matter anymore. But at least I gave you something that you can research (an explanation) for whenever you have questions about my thinking and what I can and can't handle)." I don't have the energy to try and convince them anymore. One of the only people who don't overwhelm and mentally exhaust me is my bestie (because I am pretty sure that she is autistic too). I can say something, and she doesn't have 5 or 10 questions about why I see something a certain way; she just gets me. And that way it can be a relaxed conversation where I don't feel like I have to be constantly talking and explaining; I like it when I can just sit back and listen to other people talk as well (without them picking at me).

[@ranc1977]

@@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy "I just get overwhelmed by trying to read their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and vague sentences."
I love how you describe autism.
Social anxiety is all that - plus there is a motor of toxic shame and trauma (exposure to long term narcissistic abuse AKA ACoA/ACE) which is producing these obsessive inability to process human interaction.
This is where autism and social anxiety overlap - since the end result is the same - we appear as if we are avoiding invisible land minds and we appear aloof to the third party, as if we are pretending or as if we are oversensitive and it is hard for others to understand what we are doing.

[@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy]

@@ranc1977 Oh, I know. It's like, no wonder we have social anxiety; when we think that we are saying something right, but it ends up getting interpreted quite differently than how I perceived it. And if a person gets picked apart, because they weren't able to figure out vague sentences, then what's going to make us want to interact? When I was a teenager, I quite literally didn't know what the phrase, "Read between the lines" meant. I was like, "Well what in the fudge is that?!! And how am I supposed to read between the lines on a piece of paper if there's nothing written in between the lines? Is it just imaginary?!!" 😶😶‍🌫️
Lol!

[@ranc1977]

​@@ArtsyMegz_On_Etsy Yep!
This way social anxiety is aligned with autism.
With one difference:
socially anxious are traumatized into social anxiety.
There is exposure to long term narcissistic abuse which is causing these questions:
"when we think that we are saying something right, but it ends up getting interpreted quite differently"
Socially anxious person will be afraid of anger of another person.
Autistic person will not have this emotional connection.
Socially anxious person will feel ashamed and will feel as he is the worst person in the world because some stranger is angry.
Autistic person will not have this belief.
Socially anxious person will feel responsible for other people mood swings and anger and hysteria and drama.
Autistic person will simply have hard time process it all -
whereas socially anxious person will feel both responsible and contaminated for being in situation and ambient with angry and hostile person, as if socially anxious person triggered emotions in other angry person PLUS socially anxious person will believe that he can somehow cure and fix other people's mood swings and hysteria and complaints and their criticism - through people pleasing and fawning and making oneself small and not going outside and not getting involved in society - due to fear of other people's wrath.
PLUS there is fear of expressing OWN hysteria and anger and negative emotions.
Autistic person will not have these - autistic person will simply be stuck in processing what the hell is going on.
The same way as socially anxious person would too -
along with feeling contaminated and responsible - socially anxious person will also be stuck in trying to process and trying to understand what is happening.
The only difference is this toxic shame and feeling responsible for other people emotions and problems that socially anxious person will believe it their own responsibility - due to exposure to long term narcissistic abuse (ACoA).
Anyone struggling with social anxiety/Quiet BPD/Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria:
IFS Model helps with this-.

[@pykkalo]

Balancing expectations in a relationship is what’s burning me out. My husband has a disability and expects me to do everything around the house & yard by myself. (He is physically capable of doing a lot, but doesn’t). The demands never end and he gets angry when I don’t comply immediately.

[@sianifairy9070]

That's so stressful! I hope you can get supports for counseling & boundary setting asap. This happens in my marriage as well, & and untangling my needs / expectations from partner is so, so big a thing in itself.

[@Folklores.Fairie.Soirée]

I’m in a autistic burnout and it is horrible. I had a lot going on with family issues and with my sensory problems(which are highly sensitive to the point I can only were one top and two pairs of skirts.)one day I just crashed down and I can’t even sleep in my bed because the sheets feel wrong,can’t go outside because no foot wear is comfortable. I can’t even shower at this point and I need help. I have a billion specialist but they tell me the same things. If you’ve read to the end well done. Sorry for rambling I needed to share it all and this place felt safe

[@madamenordica]

Like teaching in a school that's like a bad violent circus for a year? Yep. Like that.

[@summitstreams]

Political campaign manager here. Can confirm. These will definitely cause burnout… 😅

[@JuliaJames-zx5xy]

I'm definitely experiencing burnout from politics right now....from the outside. I definitely feel for you because there can be just as many politics going on within from the people you're supposed to be managing in addition to the politics for who or the party you're working for. You have my sympathy.

[@JUPITER11119]

Misunderstandings and conflicts...it's heartbreaking for me when my brain is so fried that I can't even communicate in an email what upset me so much, and end up avoiding my partner for long periods while I burn out my brain trying to articulate my feelings in writing, because the person conversations made it worse...

[@ThisIsF-dUp]

Extreme difficulty but success in finishing school and the same with finding employment. (Oh boy that was socially so hard!) Okay, now on with my life. But I didn't have the skill or ability to navigate an unsympathetic boss who did not like my personality and was canned. Somehow it seems unfair.

[@emilyhays6458]

100 % me.

[@mejaymusic]

👍🏻

[@carolinesafara4011]

Currently everything you described is occuring in my life 😢

[@in_the_2106]

Yup, all of them. But people constantly try to undiagnose my autism cuz I'm "doing it for attention" so I feel like maybe I'm just a useless, lazy weirdo.

[@cesarfernandezlopez5063]

I just discovered watching this video that everyone is austistic😂😂😂