Ask yourself what it is--broadly speaking--that attracted you to that special interest in the first place and then try to translate that onto some other topic. I.e., maybe your special interest in dinosaurs really stems from the desire to understand the functioning of biological systems; so, as a result of the trauma you experienced from all the bullying because you're a giant nerd, you decide to translate that interest in biological systems into studying medicine and becoming a doctor.
I'm like that. My brain fog (and ADHD) are so intense in burnout I can't remember a thing and I can't form the complex thoughts or hold information/remember things - so my special interests have become another thing I can no longer engage in with the same vigor or even cognizance. Therefore another thing I love and I'm letting down - another thing I'm neglecting. And the anxiety hamster gets fed again and keeps on running.
personally I just find a new interest. I accept the fact that I am a jack of all trades and king of none. A wise man once said "When you reach the last page, close the book."
@@froodoftheforest this is same for me. it's an incredibly painful cycle because I have nothing meaningful or enjoyable i can do to relax. i am paralysed.
Very difficult to take time out when you're in a job where sick leave is frowned on even if there is a doctor's note. Risk of getting a disciplinary followed by dismissal. Makes life almost impossible.
This. So much this. I dealt with a job like this and only ended up borderline suicidal by the time I quit. And it wouldn't be such a problem if nearly every single job weren't this way. We really need to something about this. I don't know how though. :(
I can’t relate to this exactly but I’m a stay at home mom and we can’t afford daycare…this age she is at is causing severe burnout and I cannot get through the week anymore without help. I feel like a huge failure and completely trapped. It feels “impossible” exactly as you say. I’m so sorry for your struggle.
Yes so I just ended up on disability instead because I can’t handle being self employed and I couldn’t find a job that was flexible enough but still paid enough to live off of .. this life 😣
true but hopefully the family grows up and become more independent and they can all help each other (considering at least some of them might have similar needs!)
@@alchemyofcolorandstyle Yeah. “The family” is the problem… 🙄 No. YOU are the problem. Literally the most important aspect of family is support, communication, and affection. How do you think they cope when they have an autistic family member who ignores them and shuts down on them for days and weeks? Most humans can easily be traumatized by this form of treatment from a supposed loved one
@@alchemyofcolorandstyle No. I am commenting directly to you and your saying the family should “grow up” and be more “independent.” It was a ridiculous thing for you to say.
Interesting topic with many potential facets. Coming to understand my autism late in life, I learned to compensate early on in ways that did help but also were very costly. Always struggling with the sense of not being good enough, I over compensated by putting in intense amounts of effort into my work so that what I accomplished was undeniably excellent. It worked. The works I have achieved over the years have earned me a high degree of respect from my clients and peers and it has given me something tangible to hang my self esteem on. It's also too costly in terms of energy to maintain. I still never feel good enough. After 45 years of over compensation, I can hardly keep up the effort. It's burnout that verges on breakdown.
Listen to yourself. I didn't, because of denial, suppression and myriad other reasons that were too "important" to allow myself to slow down. I burned out in my 50's, with tragic results. Like you, I had worked for decades to become a master of my craft. I've only recently looked into what it means to be autistic. I had suspected I was for most of my life, and had/have several family members on the spectrum. I didn't know that there were ways of accommodating myself that could have avoided or moderated the catastrophic burnout I experienced. I've been educating myself over the last 2 1/2 years, and have recently been taking steps to begin working again. I still don't have a formal diagnosis, but have been as thorough as I could be to self assess. Along the way Paul's videos, along with Samdy Sam, Purple Ella and others have been very helpful... transformative actually. I worked one day last week in another atelier, and slept the entire following day. I allowed myself to feel my feelings and rest, instead of hating myself. Something I NEVER would have considered years ago, but I should have. I think it's tremendously valuable to share your thoughts and feelings. It's a comfort to know that I am not unique. Thanks, and please don't wait until your mind and body decide to force you to slow down or take a break. You've earned it. And... thank you Paul, for everything.
Only 25, but the thought pattern you describe/detail is so familiar! I've always called myself a perfectionist, but that also in turn makes everything take even longer - anyway, wanted to share that I can relate, as being able to relate to your post gave me relief. :)
@@jonmars9559 Remarkably similar from the sounds of it! I'm working on the CPTSD side of it as well. I've had therapists (briefly) who attributed everything to trauma, but the deeper I dug the more I recognized the ASD from earliest memories. I think ASD made me susceptible (or vulnerable), especially when I was younger. I've found that Buddhism (Buddhist study of how our minds work) and Gabor Mate (also on TH-cam) have helped immensely. But I still can't quite separate one from the other. I find that certain situations trigger both a trauma AND autistic response. Or... I respond to trauma triggers autistically. If that makes any sense. I know that feeling of being dragged through life utterly bewildered, but understanding has lessened that. I'm still learning to identify when something is "off", and take steps to prevent free-fall. Good luck on your journey as well!
@@dlesliejones It seems like we are of a similar generation with similar circumstances. You've got to do what you've got to do to survive. I grew up initially in Southern California and the schools there were a free for all. Put an ASD kid in that situation, someone sensitive, self isolating and without the innate ability to make friends and trauma is sure to follow. It felt like I was being thrown into a cage with roaming packs of wild animals on the hunt for easy prey. Until I learned to fight back, there was never a moments peace and school faculty were almost as bad as the bullies. Home life was not much better. Fast forward to adult life and trauma is essentially integral with the ASD. Paul did an excellent video on autism and trauma and how they overlap. I think it is hard not to be traumatized on some level when growing up Aspie. The Crappy Childhood Fairy offers some exercises that seem to help take some of the charge out of CPTSD triggers. Other kinds of "disorders" can pile on us Aspies as well. At least today these things are better understood and diagnosed earlier. I get a kick out of kids claiming they were late diagnosed in their late teens. I guess it's all relative.
I am in Autistic burnout right now. It's a pretty intense one. It's not my first one. What you say is so important. We have to be able to say no and not just postpone things but basically take them off our plates and gradually and carefully reintroduce the things that help us. Because even the things that help us can knock us back down if we do too much
I'm 2 years in to burnout, I quit my last job 2 weeks ago after spending the time saving every cent I could to be able to stop. I have zero safety net and zero abilities right now. My brain couldn't get around how to make a sandwich yesterday so I just went without food until 8pm when why body screamed so loud I couldn't ignore it anymore. Waiting for some family stress to quieten so I hopefully will stop the exhausted buzzing in my nervous system will quieten and I can get through this thing. I just have to eat enough good food (when I can remember - ADHD and a zillion other things), sleep and requiring nothing of myself until I have enough energy to start doing the restorative things. This burnout thing is a Sisyphean feat. And we're supposed to live in an NT world as adults with zero support. Edit: If you are experiencing burnout and would like to share, please do so below, just reading all your stories makes me feel way less alone and like my tribe is out there, fighting with me. Thanks guys.
I'm on my third year of burn out. (Six if you count when I started to feel it coming) I leave the house only when absolutely necessary, shower once a month, have stopped doing laundry, and have been subsisting on animal crackers and Ensure for the past month and a half. Every time I complete a task in one day (such as paying one bill online or making one phone call), I need another 4 days to work up the energy to do another task. I marvel at the things I used to do. I have no idea how I was ever able to accomplish anything. A load of clean dishes is cause for a fucking celebration. I wonder when I'll become human again. Yes, burn out is real. I'm beginning to wonder if mine is permanent. This guy says 2 weeks. I say hmphf!
Yes this 😞 me to I’m sorry I’m almost a year into what I now know is a burn out. 2 of my 3 kids start school in a few weeks I am devastated they won’t be home with me any longer but I am hoping to use that time with only one little to recharge a bit during the day.
As a health worker with ASD I've had to come to peace with having to reschedule clients from time to time. I have built into my schedule a week off every 6, and then two weeks every 12 to be able to pace myself. When I relax on that mechanism, burnout is a real thing. But this way I can give myself what I need and be at my best to serve my clients 💖 win win.
@@natalyahatchman2952 ya gotta work it for your own sanity! My son also has special needs. It's not easy but we are strong and resilient at the very least! How are you doing with covid stressors Natalya?
@Grey Muldoon you can absolutely do it! It took a lot of self healing and inner work to understand myself , along with developing a great comprehensive toolkit of management strategies, but it is worth it! I teach these things to others now too. 😌
I was furloughed in March 2020. It took awhile for me to adjust to that. My dog died 3 weeks later. It took me awhile to adjust to that. > A year later, I began to realize I’ve been on auto run - my entire life ! > I’m not going back to that madness ., I’m going to enjoy my life from now on. But first, I will relax & pay attention to doing stuff bc it energizes me 💁🏻♀️💚✨
I've found that I need to figure out what I wanted to invest my energy in to, and sometimes I'm blind to my own exhaustion. I'll go without eating or drinking, because I'm so focused on work. Take time for yourself, and learn how to use your energy more wisely.
Setting alarms on your phone as a reminder to eat or drink could help. I have very poor interoception and hardly ever notice when I'm hungry or need to drink - especially when I'm super focused on something for literally hours, so that helps me but I need a second alarm for a few minutes after the first one because otherwise I have already forgotten about what I'm supposed to be doing...
Just learned im autistic over the past few weeks. I've owned 3 businesses. Each business I start then sell after 3 years. Never understood the timing, but it was becoming a pattern. My most recent business was the largest endeavor though, and it required 6 years to make it profitable enough to sell. The final year, I was really getting depressed and had zero motivation. Looking back now, my masks were falling away when dealing with people. I was being more honest about what I expected, how I felt, and less patient with dealing with people and partaking in small talk. I was becoming lazy and by extension supremely guilty. The sale went through early this year, about 6 months ago. I'm essentially retired now and have the time to work on my physical and mental health. Lo and behold, I am in the middle of an autistic burnout. It never made sense to me before that I could become so useless after a lifetime of overachieving and workaholism. These videos are incredibly helpful in helping me understand why I've felt so much different from everyone else my whole life.
@@davydejong2788 yeah I am. I got on LDN a few months ago. Forgot to take it 3 days in a row without realizing and I went right back to overstimulated and anxious. This stuff really seems to help me. Also, I got into a health food/gut microbiome/calisthenics/running kick for about 6 months. I slowed down now, but I am feeling more like myself. It's great to understand why I think differently than everyone else I meet. Also allows me more patience with myself; I've stopped a few meltdowns already by recognizing the patterns and seemingly runaway emotions. So yes, definitely better. And I've had a few spurts of super motivation again. But they come and go still, so I'm trying to accept and properly utilize the "lazy" parts in between.
Damn man this really resonates with me. I’ve also started a multiple companies and I’m going through similar cycles. I’m on one now. Three years after starting this company and I’m feeling very overwhelmed. Feeling fatigued. But I have to push on because I’m in the middle of the race, you know?
My husband is about to turn 50 years old. He is this absolute treasure of a human being but he has been in burnout for 4 years at least. This is what lead him to do a number of assessments and begin following your channel. He hasn't been able to get an official diagnosis but we know we is Autistic. He is an engineer and works full-time, right now he is the breadwinner for the family as I am caring for our 5 kids full-time. At this point, we know his lifestyle needs to completely change because his quality of life is so low. He wants to connect with his family and can't due to burnout. We are in the process of determining what is needed for a real reset for him. We very much appreciate your videos as they have given us both such great understanding and insight. Thanks!
We had a similar issue in my family. I also can’t work at all because I’m disabled. My husband had to leave his really good paying job for one that was less stressful for him. Now we’re living on a teacher’s salary with a family of six. We have to be more careful with finances, but he’s doing so much better.
@@julienfroidevaux1143 I am pretty sure if every partner I had wrote about their experiences with me, folks would wonder why anyone would want to be with me too. My husband being autistic isn't the "problem" because he has to deal with a non-asd world 24/7 and no one is saying "man, who would ever want to marry a neurotypical". The issue is, we are programmed to look at the way he interacts and say "You're wrong, change." The burden to change is placed soley on the autistic's shoulders to bear and after 40+ years of trying to adjust, burnout happens. Before I met my husband, I thought I loved people - then, I watched how he loves others everyday without us realizing it. He strives to understand others and is patient when they misjudge him. He continues to step back into relationship with a world of people that have hurt him over a lifetime because he knows they just lack understanding. I am a better person because I married an autistic.
@@sllozier Well I'm happy it's working out , when I keep reading online how horrible we are it makes me stay well away from the opposite sex . Even though in theory I kinda off like the idea ....
This felt more like a guide on avoiding full burnout than actually recovering from it apart from the last section or 2, it was definitely relatable though
I think I’ve been going through cycles of burnout throughout 34 years and just blaming myself for being immature and self centered, like some unhelpful family members have tended to tell me I am.. I just keep going through your videos this week and it’s really helping me see from a new, much healthier perspective. There was always a feeling that I was chasing that said there’s something I really need to learn to explain this difficult pattern of burnout in my life ever since a young kid.
I think what's sad is that there are a great deal of people suffering from burnout as the result of autism, but don't have the financial means or resources to allow themselves the necessary time to recover. Fortunately, some do have the means to take a break, but for those who don't, the absence of recovery continues a cycle of helplessness and frustration that ultimately culminates in recurring burnout, severe meltdown, or worse. Thanks for the insight.
Right there with you. As he mentioned doing the things which give energy, I found myself drawing an immediate blank trying to think of any. Then suddenly I realized the video had ended a while ago and I hadn't even noticed. Gonna hafta watch it again.
I'm sitting here reflecting on what burn out means to me. One and a half years since my breakdown, and then more recently an adult diagnos. The biggest problem for me, aside from the physical health problems (which seem to be getting better) and economic difficulties (which are getting worse by the day), is that I am just now beginning to realise that it's all gone. My dream job is over, the financial security is gone, that little house in the countryside will never be. That's my reality and it makes me so very sad. 50 years I've been fooling myself that I'll amount to something and it's only just now I'm realising I've run out of time.
Been there. It can get better but the processing issues in our brains are always lurking, waiting for the stress to achieve critical mass so it can strike again. Money and technology are often beyond our control so they can create mega stress.
Yes I can really relate, and I'm sorry for you. I'm 61, totally burnt out, living on disability benefits. I won't work again. I can't do what is expected of me any more.
Thank you I’ve been in a major burnout for several months due to things in my life currently I cannot rest as much as I need. This burnout actually led to finally figuring out why I’ve struggled my whole life with a stack of Mis diagnosis’. Now we know I’ve been going through a intense autistic burnout so it’s actually a blessing I’ve been fighting with doctors and therapist for years that they weren’t seeing what was actually wrong. The meds the therapies nothing worked and all my issues remained. I have to find out what gives me energy that’s my goal now.
I was incredibly burnt out and then did a full month internship which took 3000 times the spoons I had. I don’t know how I managed it but it put me so deep into burnout. It’s now been several months since with a week or two off here and there and I feel sure I will never recover. I am beyond miserable and there’s no end in sight.
@@Deadsea_1993 Thanks for asking! I'm doing pretty well now! I'm a teacher so the rhythm of having the summers to reset has been great. And the school I'm teaching at has a lot of neurodivergent students and teachers which helps a lot!
I literally need this right now. I can feel the energy need increasing for each subsequent conversation I have with someone. I want to just turn off my brain but I can't stop concentrating and it's exhausting
I am just figuring out that I am on the autistic spectrum and I am in burnout for a while, but couldn't find the right words. Finding your video is the first time in a while that I feel like something applies to my struggles and I just cried bc maybe I am not "broken", maybe I just work different. Thank you so much for your honesty!
I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but I stumbled across your channel, and I can relate to every one of your video's. I had a normal childhood but once I hit my teenage years I turned into a commpletely different person and always felt something deep inside was very different than other people, always felt like some kind of alien or something. Im 26 now and learned to cope... well fake is a better word and pretend to act normal its a mental drain everyday, it doesn;t help I had a stroke when I was 20 just adds to everything. I haven't had energy in 10 years
Omg, thank you. I pushed myself beyond burn out until my PTSD kicked in with a side of debilitating depression. It's been several weeks and I'm still not "recovered". You've given me permission to take the time I need to truly recover. I've been forced to "semi"work and it makes recovery time longer.
This has been my life for as long as I remember. Having only received my formal autism diagnosis recently I can now see for the first time that what I need to let go of is my attachment to what I think I 'should' be able to do and how I think I 'should' be able to function. I have lumpy energy, I've a monotropic mindset, I have poor insight into myself. I need support from others to help me know when to give me a break, I need a somantic councillor for now until I learn how to read my own body better and I need to accept that this part of my autism is the dis in my ability, especially if poorly managed. I'm working on that 😊
I've been out for half a year now. I've been learning about my limits. Still can't shake my inner critic... even though I'm exhausted most of the day. I haven't found things that give me energy, everything just costs me.
Thank you sincerely, I was completely losing it, not understanding what was happening me and why all my efforts in compensating leads me to even more suffering and exhaustion. This really helped get a different point of view
This hit every one of my intrusive thoughts and guilt. For the first time in the 4 years that I've been dealing with this, i feel actually understood. Thank you for making this video
I can relate to this a lot considering I've spent most of this year recovering from burnout. I still dread having to cancel appointments and always feel a degree of guilt for doing so yet I know that sometimes it's necessary in order to prioritise self care and rest. Thankfully most professionals are very understanding and shouldn't have a problem with you needing to reschedule appointments. I've been learning to do what's best for me and not feel bad about needing to take a break.
Hi Michael, sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing, I really hope you are doing better. I’m also having similar struggles when I’m usually very good, even better than most at my job. It sucks. I’m on month 5. Initially I took 2 week thinking that’s all I’d need. Then it turned into short term disability for a month, then 2 months, then 3. Eventually I ended up needing to quit bc the disability ppl were so difficult to deal with. Anyway, just nice to talk to someone openly who’s going thru similar things and perhaps I’m feeling eager to share my struggles openly too.
I've been "off" everything since November last year and recovering. Interestingly only now that I've had the time to take a step back have a realised that I might be autistic. I'm hoping to learn enough before I get back into work that I can avoid year-long burnouts in the future and take care of me in a more sustainable (in terms of my own energy and wellbeing) way. THis video was really helpful, I wrote a couple of notes down to think about it more later, thank you!
Hi Hannah, thank you for sharing your experience with autistic burnout. So sorry to hear you suffered for so long. I went through a similar thing starting last Nov as well. Eventually had to quit my job when the disability from my work stopped wanting to extend. It also led me to finally seriously consider I do have autism. Just wanted to share since I was also excited to finally find people with similar struggles as so often it is isolating, although Im sorry you faced this hardship too. You are not alone ❤️
Hi Paul, it's good you took time off, apparently youtubers often have trouble justifying taking breaks to themselves, but I really don't think anyone in this community would want you to create content when you're exhausted. The thing you said about finding it harder to deal with lights and noises when you're burnt out - I've noticed that in myself, too! Everything that takes energy away from me - conversations, light and sound, lack of sleep - it all runs on the same battery.
For me when low on energy, it feels like everything is even more expensive than usual. It's like always when I'm going to do something, I have to pay mental energy taxes to my senses (+ masking) instead of automatic contribution from a reserve. In the past there was a period of time when it was easy to focus only on that main "something" to do without distractions, but that reserve always deplete after some time, +/- a couple of years.
I understand you well. I am sorry you go through burnout. Sometimes estimula drains me without me noticing. Maybe you are pushing yourself too hard. Be gentle with yourself ♥️ we tend to think we should accomplish this and that commitment without realizing it is not good for our health. I am 65yo I can only do one or two errands during the day to come back to my bedroom and rest. That if I want to function tomorrow. Sometimes I take 1/2 hour breaks no lights flat in the bed listening to soft music to regulate myself. A pain in the back is the sign that I went too far. When the pain goes away means I am regulated and may get up and keep going. You are young, I hope you find your own way to recover on an everyday basis so burn out is under “control” ha! I need to do it to avoid melt down and shut down. I don’t want to be in burn out the rest of my life. It’s been a while. A whole life with out care and diagnose really deteriorated my health on every sense. I learned to let go and release the need to have control of the situation. Your health and your emotions are more important than anything else. Take care, much love. Namaste 🙏🏼
I understand what you mean. I’ve been there soooo many time. School time feels this way cause you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel until the semester is over.
As someone who thrives off of creative tasks (writing, drawing, editing, reading, etc.), I tend to be very work-minded and therefore I have a harder time giving myself a break when I need one. During the days when I have no choice but to rest, I get easily bored because there’s no excitement where I live, especially during the pandemic. Today, though, I found a small bit of joy in socializing on Twitter and going for an evening walk to the convenience store for a bottle of Diet Coke and a Hungry Man TV dinner. The music I was listening to during my walk also put some pep in my step whether it was “A Certain Shade of Green” by Incubus, “Savin’ Me” by Nickelback, or “The Leader of the Broken Hearts” by Papa Roach. My big takeaway: if I’m doing something different from what I’m normally doing, then different is good. Even something as small as journaling out in the living room instead of in my bedroom was different.
2024. I've recently recognised that I am autistic - at 68! Between 2005-2015 ish I was so anxious/depressed/burnt out female, I was totally incompacitated. I was suicidal throughout and only because I had animals/pets did I survive. My beloved children were grown up and 'didn't need me any more', my much loved teaching job was too much for me and I had to give it up. I blamed menopause and other horrible things that were happening in my life. I now realise I'd been masking all my life. Thanks to Paul and his explanations of autism, autistic behaviour, etc, I took the 'test' and scored 39. I am far kinder to myself these days and if I have to be alone for several days doing nothing, so be it.
I found out I am Autistic a month ago. I wasn't far away from a full break down I think... I have been out of action for almost a month and still feel so far away from the me I used to be. Not sure who that even was. I am trying to be patient with myself. I am 38 and I guess I have 38 years worth of unraveling to do. Thank you for your show. It has been very helpful. I have been highly anxious, stressed, mentally exhausted and my brain can't do more that 1 thing at a time...if even 1 thing. My emotions are all over the place. Hoping to exit the fog soon.
Very interesting video. I have occasional episodes of anxiety, sweating and cramps, which are panic attacks caused by misunderstanding what people mean. Further in the past I have had two or three week periods of feeling like I was dragging my mind behind me and when night and day merged, and these were perhaps burnouts. I think that my panic attacks are fueled by a single event or person, whereas the meltdowns have been caused by taking in too much social information and chasing others' expectations. All of these things last a week or so, but I seem to remember them for years.
Thank you. This is something I have been neglecting my whole life. Thus, I’ve never stood my ground- and have let my surroundings dictate me to power through.
Listening to this made me recognize my own mood patterns recently, and in past situations. Sooo busy and stressed that I’m hair-trigger from exploding and feeling exhausted all the time, then I get a small relief and immediately feel better and energized as if the still-heavy workload was nothing. And then one thing happens and suddenly I’m exhausted again. Burnout is way too real a thing.
Thank you for making this. I’m in burnout right now, my first one since discovering my autism. It’s nice having a name and an explanation for these cycles of hyperproductivity and crashing. Now I feel like I can better learn to pace my energy so that my burnouts don’t hit as hard.
As someone with adhd going through a massive burnout and dealing with lots of stress and being very overwhelmed this video has helped me find great peace in the moment I am very grateful for this video and channel thanks so much 🙏 😊
Very helpful video, thank you! I am in my mid-30s and trying to decide on the pros and cons of getting an ASD dx--I have always known I have lots of quirks but it wasn't until I watched ur videos that I realized, like a slap in the face, that I most certainly have ASD.
Thank you so much for sharing, I don't currently have the spoons to share much insight, but I found this reassuring while feeling like I'm in chronic burn out. ✨
I have had such massive burn-outs in life that I think I am finally done not listening to what my body and brain are telling me! Hopefully I'll never get in that deep of a hole again. I do what's right for me now, no self-judgement, no shame. We have to live at the right pace for ourselves, it's just not worth the fall-out to push way past our limits. When we advocate for ourselves and expect our needs to be respected it allows others to do the same, it can be a true act of generosity.
Great video, it's condensed alot of learning and reading I've done to understand why I've lost jobs in the past. You used a phrase I think it was transition period, the time between things or moving from one thing to another. It explained why weekly meetings (at an unknown time, on different days because we have to be flexible) just didn't work for me at work. I ended up loosing that job because I had a panic attack after the meeting every week and I never felt settle by the next week. So when they said I had to improve my behavior but wouldn't say what (they meant stop having panic attacks) the panic rose and just didn't disapate. I feel utterly unemployable as a result. But this video has just made it easier to explain to others. I might be able to figure out how to explain it better in future. So thankyou
I'm glad you took the time. I know I need time off, but short of passing out or ending up in the hospital, I can't afford to tell my temp agency or client no. It's causing health problems, and I may have no choice but to say no, maybe even as soon as this week. I only have enough money to live on for a few weeks if that happens, and family can maybe help for a month, but it's hard to find work around here, especially work I can physically do. Hadn't expected telecommuting to take this much of a toll.
Wow there are a lot of experiences here. My sincerest thanks to everyone who share these and my sincerest thanks to Paul for helping to establish this community.
I recover by reading in my bible as much as a can because it makes my so much joyful... in Psalm 119 I realized how I could pray to God... Its so meaningful to know my real identity in Christ... I love to take time with my creator to realize my purpose in this specific time
Glad it works for you. Being forced into christianity from a very young age, those post usually make me gag. Keep up with what makes you happy, just don't expect it to work for everyone :)
I know what you mean. It's about focusing on what is important in life. Not worrying that you are letting people down etc. but trusting in God to strengthen you for what's important and trusting God to take care of everything that is not your burden to bear. I find peace in the storm because I know my failings are forgiven and he loves me so faithfully. Jesus said "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." He knows us!
Thank you for encouraging that a- it’s okay and b- it’s also okay to remove the element in your life that is not helpful. In the middle of my own burnout, which your videos and honesty, from both povs, has helped me get through this difficult part. Not to dump but in my case, that thing, was a person. Who i married very young and it has taken me far too long to realize it’s okay to say no. I needed this this message today, along with many other videos of yours. Despite what I had been drilled in to believing- I’m am not simply “wrong.” Thank you.
Paul, i am so proud of you...Because you are learning to be modest (accept that you are only human and have limitations just like neurotypicals like me)...I know it is hard...I totally relate to your experience...Enjoy your time off without the guilt...Your health is of utmost importance ☺
I’m so lucky to have found your vids . I have exactly the same symptoms dealing with burnt out episodes ! Been dealing with these bouts of feeling totally wipe out a good part of my life... With the need of long periods of rest until I’m able to recuperate again....however it’s an on going condition ! Best to you. 🙏🏼 Bob.
Those are very informative tips and info!! i just found out the word 'autistic burnout' which explained perfectly to what happen to me last year and this year. This lockdown really trigger my autistic trait.
Hi Paul - as one of your patreon supporters, PLEASE take the time off you need to keep yourself healthy! We love your videos and are happy to have them on your schedule when you're able and there's no reason to push yourself beyond your healthy limits. I can't speak for others but your past videos have already helped me so much that I would be happy to keep supporting you even if you didn't make another video for a couple of years if you needed to take that much time off. Do what you need to do m8, its all good!
Being conscious during our pandemic and global warming, regardless of being autistic, should be an upheaval to call for a 'time out' and reappraisal. I have found my autism to be my compass to read our culture and when it has lost a sense of balance and proportionality.
Paul, I want to thank you for your incredible video because I've been looking into Adult Autism in myself for about 4 or 5 months now, and suddenly this video has put the entire last 3 months into perspective for me. I have just recently resigned from a position at a large financial company having needed to take 3 weeks of time off for my "mental health", and have just this Friday officially left the company having asked my doctor to sign me off of my notice period. The company was merging with two large entities and about to merge with a smaller one at the time of my leaving, however the size of my support team did not scale with the demand. As the work became more strenuous, my team REDUCED in size to half its original number, leaving every one of us stressed, overworked and at the razor's edge every day. I raised concerns of undiagnosed autism to my manager and was met with zero functional change whatsoever. For me it started by also waking up at 4AM and realising that I did not have the energy to face the day. Alongside the exhaustion was the utter, crippling feeling of absolute defeat, that I was part of some larger machine that if not stopped would crumple me to bits - I felt like if I left my bed that day, I would die. I called my manager to take a mental health day and told him I hoped I would feel good enough to go back to work the next day, however the next day I felt no different. I called, I apologised and said maybe tomorrow. This happened every day for 5 days, and on the following Monday I told him that I was going to call the doctor and get myself signed off of work, it had reached that bad of a state. My doctor signed me off for two weeks, and as I did not need to now continuously report my sickness to my manager on a daily basis my recuperation began in earnest. However as you also said, after those two weeks had ended and I returned to work my manager just gave me all of the unfinished work that I had left behind at the beginning of my time off. I quickly burnt out again almost immediately and a month later handed in my resignation. I thought that I was just not cut out for this job, but hearing this same sort of struggle coming from someone so prolific in the community it has encouraged me to double down on making sure that my health is accounted for. I'm more aware of my needs and I can use that to keep myself out of the red for as long as possible, and not need to feel guilty if I do need to take larger periods of time off. I'll also know not to waste that time off feeling like I shouldn't be enjoying it as I'm "off sick" and instead filling it with restorative activities that allow me to come back feeling refreshed and cared for again. Thank you for all that you do!
Realizing that I have non diagnosed autism recently. Has been such an eye opener for me learning about all the experiences I've had for my life fit into this. Burn out is a big one for me. Just had the opportunity to change my schedule to take off 2 of the busiest days of my work week. And I'm so glad I've done so.
I appreciate your analogy of "it doesn't matter how low the cost is if you don't have the money." I feel I can extend the metaphor -- we can use caffeine or stimulants (legal or not) to give ourselves a line of credit, so to speak -- but we still have to pay the bill, and now with interest.
Wow, you just described exactly what I go through when I burnout!! I always feel so guilty when I have to cancel things or take time off work. Fortunately I'm in a job supporting young adults with SEN and my manager is so understanding and knowledgeable. She's great with asking me if I'm okay and helping me understand when I need time. I work part time with extra hours if I want them so I can reduce my hours down to my contracted hours when I'm starting to feel I'm on the way to a burnout. It's amazing how much that helps to reduce the pressure, increase my energy and prevent many burnouts. It's not easy to know when I'm heading for a burnout but it's great to have people around me who recognize the signs.
Good on you Paul for taking a break 🙂 Honestly, hard relate to pretty much every point you said. The 'I always need longer than what I optimistically need' + 'an afternoon / day / or even 4 days won't do it' especially - I'm soooo bad for trying to have the shortest possible break I think I "should" have and then having to let ppl down a second time because it's done absolute jack for me. Thank you for making videos about your experience with this - the people around me don't get it at all, and while it sucks, there's a certain kind of pressure that's relieved by seeing your experiences in someone else. Cheers mate and hope you start to rebound soon.
It is a really hard reality to accept. Just went through this and this makes me feel much better. I've been out for nearly a month 😕 I also over promise all the time! 😭 wow I'm glad I decided to listen to someone with autism versus reading an article.
When I was working, I could only work 4 days a week. I didn't know WHY, I just knew that was optimal for ME. People tried to fight back, bosses wanted more. I told them, "do you want a burned out employee? Or do you want 4 days of an excellent employee?" I didn't mean to me rude or mean, I just knew I had a limit. Now, I understand I'm likely an aspie
@Tom Gibson congrats on your studies. Yes I identify as high functioning ASD. I am a holistic health coach in my own biz. The classic medical environment didn't suit me!
I am not diagnosed, but looking at patterns of experience and behavior in my life over the past several years (I'm nearly 40), I have gradually moved from thinking "something is off" to "something must be wrong with me" to "I really don't function like most other people" to, more recently as I've been looking at documentation and listening to the experiences of persons like yourself, "I think I must be in this same category / have this neurological difference". I have watched a lot of your videos now and relate so much to your experiences, though in a few areas I think my difficulties may not be quite as pronounced. I pulled this video up because what has driven me more recently to try to figure out whether I am 'definitively' autistic is my experience of burnout and the inability to escape. I have a wife (likely also on the spectrum if either of us were to be examined) and three young homeschooling children, a very demanding full-time job (though I do work from home now) and additional work in church leadership (a church I helped to plant in a rural area almost 11 years ago, still a going and growing concern) which also involves me in responsibilities to a wider local community of families. What is so frustrating about this is that to an outside (let's say NT) observer, apart from some medical issues in the family that require frequent attention, I have an enviable life... but as needs multiply, the family's needs for attention grows, my wife's need for support grows, the church grows, and I keep needing to achieve more at work / change work situations to earn enough to provide for all these things, nothing ever stops, people rarely seem satisfied with whatever amount I am giving, and my energy is depleted in faster and faster cycles... and there is no 'off'. Earlier in life I didn't know I likely had a 'condition', or how I would be affected by these things, and - don't misunderstand - I am grateful for the family and community and wouldn't trade any of it, but I have been getting burned out persistently for months now, if not longer, and found very little I could do about it. People in my life have noticed things were wrong, I have been losing the ability to cope, or 'mask', if that's what's going on... I took my first 'vacation' actually away from work in probably 10, maybe 15 years, about a month ago (long story as to why it's been so long - I've only been at the present job for close to a year). The work 'vacation' was for a week, and I had two Sundays away from the church meetings and responsibilities, one of them during the vacation (I've rarely missed more than one consecutively in a decade). Everyone I knew was telling me how I needed to get away, how good and healthy it was going to be to get a break, and I could also tell that they were all optimistic that I was going to come back from my first real week off in over a decade - still with all the family responsibilities, and with wife and children hoping to get a lot more of me than usual - 'ready to go', ready to take on the new year, ramp back up my responsibilities and commitments, help start new initiatives, etc. About four or five days into the work vacation, I noticed that I began to almost feel a little 'normal' again. Like I haven't felt in a long, long time. But that quickly evaporated and it was only a couple days more until everything cranked back into gear, and I feel now like there was no break at all. Which of course sounds ungrateful to those who stepped in for me while I was out. I have told people that I feel like I would need at least a month or two off - including time away from the family - to repair whatever deficit it is that I've accumulated, and generally people laugh. I am now living in a constant state of either burnout, near-burnout, and occasional crash, and I have to keep trying to hide it whenever I am around any other people, but I think I have cut out from my life nearly everything that _can_ be cut out / stopped / reneged and I don't see the needs or asks decreasing anytime soon. I would love to know if people in a similar boat - if there are any - have strategies for handling this kind of long-term continual burnout that don't end in nervous breakdowns or worse when one has work and family responsibilities that simply cannot be put off or ignored, not for more than a day or so at best, without _other_ dire consequences. Thanks Paul, for all the video content you've put out over the past few years.
I have ADHD and I think I'm aspy also (newly realized in my 40s.) My adhd meds work wonders until I'm burnt out on an aspy level. I was really frustrated by this until I started learning about aspy qualities from my mom (which she sees in my dad) and I realized I had similar challenges. You can't expect a battery to recharge just because you add stimulants. Eventually, you will just be physically ruined by forcing yourself beyond your limits at that particular time. The balance and avoidance of burnout takes precedence (and close monitoring) because that's the best way to be at your best and have adhd medication be effective without running you ragged in time.
One of the biggest mistakes I make is allowing my sense of obligation to overtake my sense of self-preservation. I start my day and there's an abundance of signs that I'm burning out and headed towards a meltdown. Downplaying the signs always leads to the same outcome but I still do it all the time. I just can’t seem to accept how limited it makes me feel. My ability to cope was so much stronger as a teenager. Now I need at least a day off between each workday to maintain my sanity. Makes me feel like a flake. It sucks when all it takes is series of off-putting events in the morning. The drive-through gives me the wrong order, my coffee tastes bad, the boss changed the morning meeting spot last minute after I've already arrived. By now I'm shaking and muttering to myself like a lunatic, somehow thinking I can still power through the day. It's hard to see myself as anything but a burden.
Boy, can I relate. I feel the same for a few weeks now and your video gave me a boost. Take as long a break as you need. We're happy to see you happy. Plus the thicker beard looks nice 😉
I took off a whole year after my military service in 2011 before going back into college. I didn't work anywhere, I just focused on myself and played video games. Eventually I built up some study habits and decided to get back into college. I hard charged through college, getting both my BS and MS in ECE, and landed a job. I was already burned out in 2018 going into the job, but I kept pushing myself. I thought taking a day or 2 off here and there would satisfy me. I thought maybe taking weeks off at a time would help. I thought dropping to part time and going for my PhD would help. I thought quitting my job and just focusing on the PhD would help. I decided to just take a break and took a semester off, and I'm now at the end of my break and I still feel burnt out. I still think I need the whole year off. I don't have an answer to this, but I think we do need long periods of rest to restore energy. At least in my case, that's so.
I've experienced this cycle of burnout my entire life but didn't know the reason for it until I was diagnosed 2+ years ago. I'm 54 now. Getting the diagnosis is a blessing; but lately I can't shake the feeling of being defeated by it all. I spent my whole life trying to break through this invisible wall inside myself. Once through I imagined an inner existence of peace; that was my driving goal in life and kept me going through all the challenges. But the diagnosis took that away from me. I can manage and understand my neurology, but I can't run away from who I am and I find this fact, even though it's an obvious one, devastating. I had created an image of self that was false but it kept that goal alive, but now that's gone I don't know who I am anymore. I've accepted my diagnosis and I continue to process it and understand. I am making forward progress but im not sure where that leaves me. I tried to distance myself from who I am because the world was telling me I didn't fit, it didn't want me so I created my own version of self that I could block out reality; in my mind I fit in more than I actually did. But now I can't escape who I am and I don't know how accept and love the person I am. I've always felt lost in relation to the world around me, but now I feel lost within; it's exhausting. I can't see how to be at peace with not being at peace with the world around me. I feel overwhelmed by it on top of everything else. I've spent the past two weeks doing the bare minimum, self-medicating and I have to jump back in before things get out of hand. I've always tried to break this cycle but I guess there is no way to do that. I just have to manage it better, be more diligent in my day to day and take note of what enriches me and what drains me. But am I alone in being daunted by this task? It's all a whirlwind most of the time.
Thank you, Paul. Using up those spoons pretty quickly, eh? I’m 63 yr old American female who retired in spring of 2020 due to a combination of longstanding ASD burnout, and also a case of Covid that outlasted the medical leave my workplace would allow. I still feel burned out, and unfortunately, sense that I won’t improve soon. I rest, and do things that I think are therapeutic for me. I’m glad not to be working.
I relate to this a lot, especially the part where you said that it is difficult to trust how much time you actually need off because its difficult to understand your current and future state. Ive been in burnout for about 1.5 years now.. its actually how I discovered that I'm Autistic (I pushed myself too much- especially with constant socializing that involved masking) I find that the more I accept the state I'm in.. (even if its very challenging, like only being able to eat safe foods, becoming non-verbal, and not being able to leave bed), the sooner I will actually reduce my overwhelm and recharge enough to be able to function just a bit more. My interests (Studying + Practicing Herbalism and Gardening and then also knitting) really help to give me more energy and put me in a better state. But, I also get stuck in a hyperfixation loop sometimes.. I could be up until 4am studying or spend 5 hours straight knitting.. so I'm trying to figure out ways to cut myself off so I can take care of my basic needs while still enjoying my interests. (Suggestions welcome for anyone reading :p) A piece of advice that is helping me a lot at this time too is that there is a reason the burnout is happening. Its been helpful for me to take note of what has drained my energy.. During this 1.5 years, I realized that I can no longer work jobs I'm not interested in or has bad communication; I really prefer to be around others who I trust and dont mind me unmasking around them; and I really have to leave the city.. its too overwhelming for me (I figured this out while living in a rural area- I returned to the city for school but have since decided to not go to school and move back to the rural area- yay)
Hi Paul, thanks for this video. It made me think. YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION NOT TO NEED PERMISSION for a break! The other day I did a psychological research survey and found that I felt the need to justify my actions ... After describing my day at the start of the survey. But then it asked me if I felt that other people needed to justify their actions and I suddenly realised that I never put that pressure on other people. I just trust them. Jordan Peterson's greatest advice is to look after yourself as if you matter ... As well as you would nurture a best friend. Write that on a poster and stick it on the wall so you read it again and again until it sinks in. Best wishes!
Thank you for taking a break. The more you take care of yourself, the more you can help us. And thank you for being a good example. I've experienced an unexpected tragic loss this week. And I did exactly the same thing as you. I thought "I'll take off Thursday, but having my routine will help me feel better. So I'll go back to work Friday." I decided to take today off too. Because I thought the same thing you did, that four days is certainly enough. I was having trouble considering taking off more. But after I saw this, I know that I need to really think about what are my needs and how can I meet them.
3 years long mistery solved. I tried switching companies, switching tasks to new areas, going to the office, staying at home, playing games, not playing games. Nothing, absolutely nothing works. I just sit in front of the computer working unable to do anything meaningful. This is burnout. This was caused by procrastination. But where this comes from? How do I make myself productive again. Well, tough luck - nothing works. No therapy, no relationship fixes... Now I get it. No easy fix, but there are some. I always wondered why I feel so refreshed after motrocycle trips. And now I know - this is because it's too dangerous to think about anything but the road while riding a bike. And the bicycle is so demanding in terms of processing - hands working independently of the feet, palms do one thing, fingers do other and the wind is pressing my chest and the humming noise of exhaust.. I am really in heven when I ride. Bikes are fun, alone activity and roads are regulated by simple rules. I need to ride a morcycle more. Or at least a noisy, hard to drive car. Like overpowered american muscle with manual transmision. Yeah!!!
I am so pleased I have found your channel, it’s almost upsetting how much I can relate to you. I’ve been working for over 19 years and it’s been agonising i am antisocial but I mask so much to make myself look “normal” at work. Its been drilled into me over the years that’s it’s anxiety but I’ve always known it’s been more than that, even as a child I didn’t feel right and something was wrong I just hope I can find ways of improving my quality of life I’m sick of feeling mentally drained after work and not wanting to do anything else but stim at home in my bedroom. Going to the gym is the same I thought that would help but I’m just masking there aswel pretending to be the normal person although that helps bleed off some of the anxiety that comes with the constant pretending
Thank you so much for this video. This is so helpful for me to hear someone else feeling the same way. And you are very good at coming up with strategies and then explaining them to others. Also, I really like your videos when you are sitting down at your desk. Being close to the camera, in that format, feels like I'm listening to a friend or a counsellor. Thank you for this extremely helpful content.
Thank you for sharing! I’m going through very bad Burnout right now. My anxiety is so in testified I couldn’t go to work anymore. Taking 3 weeks off to recuperate a little.
When I get to that point, especially with work (which I dislike intensely; looking for a mid-life career change), I start taking "mental health" days off. Usually it's just a half-day in the morning, so I can get some extra sleep. My wife and I just celebrated our 28th anniversary, so I took a 4-day weekend, Friday thru Monday off. It worked great. We went away for a night, I relaxed, got some writing done, and just overall cleared my head and didn't push. I got enough little stuff done around the house to feel useful. I understand the variation on time off needed. Usually I just need a half a day or a day, but sometimes it takes multiples to really clear out the junk (stress and anxiety) to really reset yourself properly.
I burned out hard back in May. It was a hard time for me and I was going through a lot. One of the things I was dealing with was a recent ASD diagnosis. Your videos have been incredibly helpful to me, and I'm really glad you took the time for yourself. You're out here helping people, you deserve a break to recharge your batteries. 😁
This video was exceptionally well done. Your points are clear, articulate, knowledgable and incredibly helpful to use in my own burnout period. It resonated with me so much that there's not much left I can add from my own burnout experiences. Thank you, Paul. I actually wonder if this would help NTs too, because it's such sound advice even for general mental health and self care as well. Again, bravo. This is fantastically put together.
Holy moley this came with perfect timing. I've been experiencing such burnout that I'm getting a symptom of stress I haven't had in several years, where I get shortness of breath from stress. It's not a physical thing - if I get in a flow state, it's just fine. I can also go jogging and endure just fine. But, my brain gets itself into a feedback loop when I'm under severe stress, and this happens. Thanks for the further suggestion above my own thoughts that I need a week or two to decompress. Anybody have any week vacation recommendations in the US? Last year I road-tripped to the middle of the desert. I might do that again, just because I know what that place entails, the route to take, and what to expect.
Palm Springs, CA is nice. Quite a quiet place, you can go wandering Joshua Tree National Park for hours. There’s also a beautiful mountain you can take a cable car to San Jacinto mountain and walk around on top, just stare at the views. We stayed in a hotel that was just a small cabin type room, separated from everyone. It was great. I think it was called Sparrows Lodge. They even had watercolour pencils at the community desk so you could just sit and draw. Or, you could sit and hang out with people, they were totally cool with either. There was a tiny bar at the desk so you could get a drink then go sit outside your cabin and relax. Awesome 👍🏼
Love this video Paul!! I resonate strongly. Does anyone feel like they wouldn’t be so burned out if the modern world wasnt so fast paced? I seem to want to operate at a much slower speed, hence the overwhelm/burnout. Burnout for me feels very similar...I just want everything to stop and it’s like everything is just too much. I want no noise, no being contacted by anyone, no work, no appointments- just me resting in peaceful solitude until my batteries recharge. You’ve given me food for thought. I’ve written about energy management before but there really is no point living a life which requires immense energy output, as we just haven’t got it to give! I find screens and tech very depleting.
I had burnout coming and going for months earlier this year, leading into massive 1.5 month long burnout throughout may. It was really hard, I couldnt figure out what was wrong with me. It was the mask I was wearing as someone who didn't know they were autistic. The next hurdle is social obligations with NTs like preparing myself for christmas which always burns me out. As for recovery, I think its a matter of full release for a while. It's not physical inaction you're after, it's mental freedom. If you are constantly worrying about the time you need to take and feeling guilty then it's going to prolong it. For me this often is reflected by my eating habits and when I'm feeling really bad I'll tend to let myself eat out more guilt free. I just try to also workout a bit more as well so that I feel like I've earned it. If thats not possible then no sweat.
I went murderously hard, like WAY harder than I should, for years, until I got laid off last year. I took a 40% pay cut to draw unemployment, but the time off has opened my eyes to a few things. I haven't left my house in I don't know how long besides absolutely essential trips. And it's been a boon for my mental well-being
Thank you! I am trying to figure out how to recover from burnout and this was helpful, and I think will be helpful to explain to my family (we're all learning what it means for me to be autistic).
I realized I did my best my junior year of highschool, because I had a loving on the spectrum boyfriend who I never fought with and we just shared special interests together and I took every Wednesday of school off. 5 days just felt like too much for me and there were never tests on Wednesdays, it was a superfluous day. That schedule allowed me to thrive and get perfect grades that one year. It was also a zero tolerance bullying school and I took some classes that were special interests (like world religions). How do I as an adult figure out a schedule for myself? I'm a mom of a toddler and I'm a widow with very little family help, no friends, and I had to give up my career as a flight attendant. I used to travel by myself to Hawaii to recover from burnout, no talking to anyone, sit on beach and eat sushi rolls. Idk how to change my life to better my predicament, it's just too much. I want to sell my house because I can't keep up with it but the amount of readying to sell has buried me in burnout. I can't take a break as a parent, especially at this age. I need physical affection, idk. I need one person to care about me in this world. I can't find things that give me energy anymore. I'm just sinking deeper.
I have hit burnout just from life being a little overwhelming. The best advice is to completely give in to total rest (whatever form that is) as you will do a self a favour in the long run. Even though that is simply said than done!!!!!!
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I’d like to know what an autistic person can do when they burned out so bad even their special interests become triggers of anxiety
Ask yourself what it is--broadly speaking--that attracted you to that special interest in the first place and then try to translate that onto some other topic. I.e., maybe your special interest in dinosaurs really stems from the desire to understand the functioning of biological systems; so, as a result of the trauma you experienced from all the bullying because you're a giant nerd, you decide to translate that interest in biological systems into studying medicine and becoming a doctor.
I'm like that. My brain fog (and ADHD) are so intense in burnout I can't remember a thing and I can't form the complex thoughts or hold information/remember things - so my special interests have become another thing I can no longer engage in with the same vigor or even cognizance. Therefore another thing I love and I'm letting down - another thing I'm neglecting. And the anxiety hamster gets fed again and keeps on running.
personally I just find a new interest. I accept the fact that I am a jack of all trades and king of none. A wise man once said "When you reach the last page, close the book."
I take an ssri, personally
@@froodoftheforest this is same for me. it's an incredibly painful cycle because I have nothing meaningful or enjoyable i can do to relax. i am paralysed.
Very difficult to take time out when you're in a job where sick leave is frowned on even if there is a doctor's note. Risk of getting a disciplinary followed by dismissal. Makes life almost impossible.
This. So much this. I dealt with a job like this and only ended up borderline suicidal by the time I quit.
And it wouldn't be such a problem if nearly every single job weren't this way.
We really need to something about this. I don't know how though. :(
try meditation. a calm mind will lessen your suffering until your external circumstances change, and they WILL one day. hugs.
This
I can’t relate to this exactly but I’m a stay at home mom and we can’t afford daycare…this age she is at is causing severe burnout and I cannot get through the week anymore without help. I feel like a huge failure and completely trapped. It feels “impossible” exactly as you say. I’m so sorry for your struggle.
Yes so I just ended up on disability instead because I can’t handle being self employed and I couldn’t find a job that was flexible enough but still paid enough to live off of .. this life 😣
gets more complicated with a family and home where you still have to attend to those things even if you are "off"
true but hopefully the family grows up and become more independent and they can all help each other (considering at least some of them might have similar needs!)
Right
@@alchemyofcolorandstyle Yeah. “The family” is the problem… 🙄 No. YOU are the problem. Literally the most important aspect of family is support, communication, and affection. How do you think they cope when they have an autistic family member who ignores them and shuts down on them for days and weeks? Most humans can easily be traumatized by this form of treatment from a supposed loved one
@@keller109 your comment makes no sense in relation to mine, maybe you were wishing to respond to another user?
@@alchemyofcolorandstyle No. I am commenting directly to you and your saying the family should “grow up” and be more “independent.” It was a ridiculous thing for you to say.
Interesting topic with many potential facets. Coming to understand my autism late in life, I learned to compensate early on in ways that did help but also were very costly. Always struggling with the sense of not being good enough, I over compensated by putting in intense amounts of effort into my work so that what I accomplished was undeniably excellent. It worked. The works I have achieved over the years have earned me a high degree of respect from my clients and peers and it has given me something tangible to hang my self esteem on. It's also too costly in terms of energy to maintain. I still never feel good enough. After 45 years of over compensation, I can hardly keep up the effort. It's burnout that verges on breakdown.
Listen to yourself. I didn't, because of denial, suppression and myriad other reasons that were too "important" to allow myself to slow down. I burned out in my 50's, with tragic results. Like you, I had worked for decades to become a master of my craft. I've only recently looked into what it means to be autistic. I had suspected I was for most of my life, and had/have several family members on the spectrum. I didn't know that there were ways of accommodating myself that could have avoided or moderated the catastrophic burnout I experienced. I've been educating myself over the last 2 1/2 years, and have recently been taking steps to begin working again. I still don't have a formal diagnosis, but have been as thorough as I could be to self assess. Along the way Paul's videos, along with Samdy Sam, Purple Ella and others have been very helpful... transformative actually. I worked one day last week in another atelier, and slept the entire following day. I allowed myself to feel my feelings and rest, instead of hating myself. Something I NEVER would have considered years ago, but I should have. I think it's tremendously valuable to share your thoughts and feelings. It's a comfort to know that I am not unique. Thanks, and please don't wait until your mind and body decide to force you to slow down or take a break. You've earned it. And... thank you Paul, for everything.
Only 25, but the thought pattern you describe/detail is so familiar!
I've always called myself a perfectionist, but that also in turn makes everything take even longer - anyway, wanted to share that I can relate, as being able to relate to your post gave me relief. :)
I am exactly the same.
41 here and got my level 2 diagnosis last year
@@jonmars9559 Remarkably similar from the sounds of it! I'm working on the CPTSD side of it as well. I've had therapists (briefly) who attributed everything to trauma, but the deeper I dug the more I recognized the ASD from earliest memories. I think ASD made me susceptible (or vulnerable), especially when I was younger. I've found that Buddhism (Buddhist study of how our minds work) and Gabor Mate (also on TH-cam) have helped immensely. But I still can't quite separate one from the other. I find that certain situations trigger both a trauma AND autistic response. Or... I respond to trauma triggers autistically. If that makes any sense. I know that feeling of being dragged through life utterly bewildered, but understanding has lessened that. I'm still learning to identify when something is "off", and take steps to prevent free-fall. Good luck on your journey as well!
@@dlesliejones It seems like we are of a similar generation with similar circumstances. You've got to do what you've got to do to survive. I grew up initially in Southern California and the schools there were a free for all. Put an ASD kid in that situation, someone sensitive, self isolating and without the innate ability to make friends and trauma is sure to follow. It felt like I was being thrown into a cage with roaming packs of wild animals on the hunt for easy prey. Until I learned to fight back, there was never a moments peace and school faculty were almost as bad as the bullies. Home life was not much better.
Fast forward to adult life and trauma is essentially integral with the ASD. Paul did an excellent video on autism and trauma and how they overlap. I think it is hard not to be traumatized on some level when growing up Aspie. The Crappy Childhood Fairy offers some exercises that seem to help take some of the charge out of CPTSD triggers. Other kinds of "disorders" can pile on us Aspies as well. At least today these things are better understood and diagnosed earlier. I get a kick out of kids claiming they were late diagnosed in their late teens. I guess it's all relative.
I am in Autistic burnout right now. It's a pretty intense one. It's not my first one. What you say is so important. We have to be able to say no and not just postpone things but basically take them off our plates and gradually and carefully reintroduce the things that help us. Because even the things that help us can knock us back down if we do too much
I'm 2 years in to burnout, I quit my last job 2 weeks ago after spending the time saving every cent I could to be able to stop. I have zero safety net and zero abilities right now. My brain couldn't get around how to make a sandwich yesterday so I just went without food until 8pm when why body screamed so loud I couldn't ignore it anymore. Waiting for some family stress to quieten so I hopefully will stop the exhausted buzzing in my nervous system will quieten and I can get through this thing. I just have to eat enough good food (when I can remember - ADHD and a zillion other things), sleep and requiring nothing of myself until I have enough energy to start doing the restorative things. This burnout thing is a Sisyphean feat. And we're supposed to live in an NT world as adults with zero support.
Edit: If you are experiencing burnout and would like to share, please do so below, just reading all your stories makes me feel way less alone and like my tribe is out there, fighting with me. Thanks guys.
I'm on my third year of burn out. (Six if you count when I started to feel it coming) I leave the house only when absolutely necessary, shower once a month, have stopped doing laundry, and have been subsisting on animal crackers and Ensure for the past month and a half.
Every time I complete a task in one day (such as paying one bill online or making one phone call), I need another 4 days to work up the energy to do another task. I marvel at the things I used to do. I have no idea how I was ever able to accomplish anything. A load of clean dishes is cause for a fucking celebration. I wonder when I'll become human again.
Yes, burn out is real. I'm beginning to wonder if mine is permanent. This guy says 2 weeks. I say hmphf!
Good luck on your healing journey! Did the same... saved a lot and took six months off. I come back to work monday. I think I am ready. Wish me luck!
Yes this 😞 me to I’m sorry I’m almost a year into what I now know is a burn out. 2 of my 3 kids start school in a few weeks I am devastated they won’t be home with me any longer but I am hoping to use that time with only one little to recharge a bit during the day.
@@jennifer9047 That sounds heavy, Jennifer. . I know you're trying all you can. I see you. You are amazing.
@@daviddoorbell2909 I hope your time off has replenished your spirit, David. I'll have my fingers crossed for you on Monday!
As a health worker with ASD I've had to come to peace with having to reschedule clients from time to time. I have built into my schedule a week off every 6, and then two weeks every 12 to be able to pace myself. When I relax on that mechanism, burnout is a real thing. But this way I can give myself what I need and be at my best to serve my clients 💖 win win.
I feel that Paul. 💯
@@myholisticnurse7914 ❤️💜 💚 💛 💙 🧡
Amen. I’m a NICU nurse who is autistic and I have an autistic son also.
My leave is important and I have found day shift doesn’t work for me.
@@natalyahatchman2952 ya gotta work it for your own sanity! My son also has special needs. It's not easy but we are strong and resilient at the very least! How are you doing with covid stressors Natalya?
@Grey Muldoon you can absolutely do it! It took a lot of self healing and inner work to understand myself , along with developing a great comprehensive toolkit of management strategies, but it is worth it! I teach these things to others now too. 😌
I was furloughed in March 2020.
It took awhile for me to adjust to that.
My dog died 3 weeks later.
It took me awhile to adjust to that.
> A year later, I began to realize I’ve been on auto run - my entire life !
> I’m not going back to that madness ., I’m going to enjoy my life from now on. But first, I will relax & pay attention to doing stuff bc it energizes me 💁🏻♀️💚✨
I've found that I need to figure out what I wanted to invest my energy in to, and sometimes I'm blind to my own exhaustion. I'll go without eating or drinking, because I'm so focused on work. Take time for yourself, and learn how to use your energy more wisely.
Setting alarms on your phone as a reminder to eat or drink could help. I have very poor interoception and hardly ever notice when I'm hungry or need to drink - especially when I'm super focused on something for literally hours, so that helps me but I need a second alarm for a few minutes after the first one because otherwise I have already forgotten about what I'm supposed to be doing...
Just learned im autistic over the past few weeks. I've owned 3 businesses. Each business I start then sell after 3 years. Never understood the timing, but it was becoming a pattern. My most recent business was the largest endeavor though, and it required 6 years to make it profitable enough to sell. The final year, I was really getting depressed and had zero motivation. Looking back now, my masks were falling away when dealing with people. I was being more honest about what I expected, how I felt, and less patient with dealing with people and partaking in small talk. I was becoming lazy and by extension supremely guilty. The sale went through early this year, about 6 months ago. I'm essentially retired now and have the time to work on my physical and mental health. Lo and behold, I am in the middle of an autistic burnout. It never made sense to me before that I could become so useless after a lifetime of overachieving and workaholism. These videos are incredibly helpful in helping me understand why I've felt so much different from everyone else my whole life.
Are you doing better now?
@@davydejong2788 yeah I am. I got on LDN a few months ago. Forgot to take it 3 days in a row without realizing and I went right back to overstimulated and anxious. This stuff really seems to help me. Also, I got into a health food/gut microbiome/calisthenics/running kick for about 6 months. I slowed down now, but I am feeling more like myself. It's great to understand why I think differently than everyone else I meet. Also allows me more patience with myself; I've stopped a few meltdowns already by recognizing the patterns and seemingly runaway emotions. So yes, definitely better. And I've had a few spurts of super motivation again. But they come and go still, so I'm trying to accept and properly utilize the "lazy" parts in between.
Damn man this really resonates with me. I’ve also started a multiple companies and I’m going through similar cycles. I’m on one now. Three years after starting this company and I’m feeling very overwhelmed. Feeling fatigued. But I have to push on because I’m in the middle of the race, you know?
My husband is about to turn 50 years old. He is this absolute treasure of a human being but he has been in burnout for 4 years at least. This is what lead him to do a number of assessments and begin following your channel. He hasn't been able to get an official diagnosis but we know we is Autistic. He is an engineer and works full-time, right now he is the breadwinner for the family as I am caring for our 5 kids full-time. At this point, we know his lifestyle needs to completely change because his quality of life is so low. He wants to connect with his family and can't due to burnout. We are in the process of determining what is needed for a real reset for him. We very much appreciate your videos as they have given us both such great understanding and insight. Thanks!
We had a similar issue in my family. I also can’t work at all because I’m disabled. My husband had to leave his really good paying job for one that was less stressful for him. Now we’re living on a teacher’s salary with a family of six. We have to be more careful with finances, but he’s doing so much better.
Can't imagine a women would want to be with a asd man.
All I seem to read on the www. Is we are pretty terrible things .
@@julienfroidevaux1143 I am pretty sure if every partner I had wrote about their experiences with me, folks would wonder why anyone would want to be with me too. My husband being autistic isn't the "problem" because he has to deal with a non-asd world 24/7 and no one is saying "man, who would ever want to marry a neurotypical". The issue is, we are programmed to look at the way he interacts and say "You're wrong, change." The burden to change is placed soley on the autistic's shoulders to bear and after 40+ years of trying to adjust, burnout happens.
Before I met my husband, I thought I loved people - then, I watched how he loves others everyday without us realizing it. He strives to understand others and is patient when they misjudge him. He continues to step back into relationship with a world of people that have hurt him over a lifetime because he knows they just lack understanding. I am a better person because I married an autistic.
@@sllozier Well I'm happy it's working out , when I keep reading online how horrible we are it makes me stay well away from the opposite sex .
Even though in theory I kinda off like the idea ....
@@sllozier I agree let people be .
This felt more like a guide on avoiding full burnout than actually recovering from it apart from the last section or 2, it was definitely relatable though
I think I’ve been going through cycles of burnout throughout 34 years and just blaming myself for being immature and self centered, like some unhelpful family members have tended to tell me I am.. I just keep going through your videos this week and it’s really helping me see from a new, much healthier perspective. There was always a feeling that I was chasing that said there’s something I really need to learn to explain this difficult pattern of burnout in my life ever since a young kid.
I had a meltdown back in February and I’ve been pretty terrible since… this should be timely.
what happened
Isn’t it awful? 😣 I feel like I have permanently lost abilities 🙄
I think what's sad is that there are a great deal of people suffering from burnout as the result of autism, but don't have the financial means or resources to allow themselves the necessary time to recover. Fortunately, some do have the means to take a break, but for those who don't, the absence of recovery continues a cycle of helplessness and frustration that ultimately culminates in recurring burnout, severe meltdown, or worse. Thanks for the insight.
Trying to figure out what gives me energy in of itself is exhausting so yeah this is very hard.
Right there with you. As he mentioned doing the things which give energy, I found myself drawing an immediate blank trying to think of any. Then suddenly I realized the video had ended a while ago and I hadn't even noticed. Gonna hafta watch it again.
I'm sitting here reflecting on what burn out means to me. One and a half years since my breakdown, and then more recently an adult diagnos. The biggest problem for me, aside from the physical health problems (which seem to be getting better) and economic difficulties (which are getting worse by the day), is that I am just now beginning to realise that it's all gone. My dream job is over, the financial security is gone, that little house in the countryside will never be. That's my reality and it makes me so very sad. 50 years I've been fooling myself that I'll amount to something and it's only just now I'm realising I've run out of time.
Am felingt about the same.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate so much.
Been there. It can get better but the processing issues in our brains are always lurking, waiting for the stress to achieve critical mass so it can strike again. Money and technology are often beyond our control so they can create mega stress.
Yes I can really relate, and I'm sorry for you. I'm 61, totally burnt out, living on disability benefits. I won't work again. I can't do what is expected of me any more.
Thank you I’ve been in a major burnout for several months due to things in my life currently I cannot rest as much as I need. This burnout actually led to finally figuring out why I’ve struggled my whole life with a stack of Mis diagnosis’. Now we know I’ve been going through a intense autistic burnout so it’s actually a blessing I’ve been fighting with doctors and therapist for years that they weren’t seeing what was actually wrong. The meds the therapies nothing worked and all my issues remained. I have to find out what gives me energy that’s my goal now.
Many doctors I’ve interacted with just don’t seem to understand.
@@KamranKhan-ob2oq same
I was incredibly burnt out and then did a full month internship which took 3000 times the spoons I had. I don’t know how I managed it but it put me so deep into burnout. It’s now been several months since with a week or two off here and there and I feel sure I will never recover. I am beyond miserable and there’s no end in sight.
How are you doing now ?
@@Deadsea_1993 Thanks for asking! I'm doing pretty well now! I'm a teacher so the rhythm of having the summers to reset has been great. And the school I'm teaching at has a lot of neurodivergent students and teachers which helps a lot!
I literally need this right now.
I can feel the energy need increasing for each subsequent conversation I have with someone. I want to just turn off my brain but I can't stop concentrating and it's exhausting
It is good that you recognize when you need this time. Rest is essential
I am just figuring out that I am on the autistic spectrum and I am in burnout for a while, but couldn't find the right words. Finding your video is the first time in a while that I feel like something applies to my struggles and I just cried bc maybe I am not "broken", maybe I just work different. Thank you so much for your honesty!
Thank you. I'm in the middle of a burnout, and I needed to hear all of this.
I haven't been diagnosed with anything, but I stumbled across your channel, and I can relate to every one of your video's. I had a normal childhood but once I hit my teenage years I turned into a commpletely different person and always felt something deep inside was very different than other people, always felt like some kind of alien or something. Im 26 now and learned to cope... well fake is a better word and pretend to act normal its a mental drain everyday, it doesn;t help I had a stroke when I was 20 just adds to everything. I haven't had energy in 10 years
Omg, thank you. I pushed myself beyond burn out until my PTSD kicked in with a side of debilitating depression. It's been several weeks and I'm still not "recovered". You've given me permission to take the time I need to truly recover. I've been forced to "semi"work and it makes recovery time longer.
This has been my life for as long as I remember. Having only received my formal autism diagnosis recently I can now see for the first time that what I need to let go of is my attachment to what I think I 'should' be able to do and how I think I 'should' be able to function. I have lumpy energy, I've a monotropic mindset, I have poor insight into myself. I need support from others to help me know when to give me a break, I need a somantic councillor for now until I learn how to read my own body better and I need to accept that this part of my autism is the dis in my ability, especially if poorly managed. I'm working on that 😊
I've been out for half a year now. I've been learning about my limits. Still can't shake my inner critic... even though I'm exhausted most of the day. I haven't found things that give me energy, everything just costs me.
Thank you sincerely, I was completely losing it, not understanding what was happening me and why all my efforts in compensating leads me to even more suffering and exhaustion.
This really helped get a different point of view
This hit every one of my intrusive thoughts and guilt. For the first time in the 4 years that I've been dealing with this, i feel actually understood. Thank you for making this video
I can relate to this a lot considering I've spent most of this year recovering from burnout. I still dread having to cancel appointments and always feel a degree of guilt for doing so yet I know that sometimes it's necessary in order to prioritise self care and rest. Thankfully most professionals are very understanding and shouldn't have a problem with you needing to reschedule appointments. I've been learning to do what's best for me and not feel bad about needing to take a break.
Hi Michael, sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing, I really hope you are doing better. I’m also having similar struggles when I’m usually very good, even better than most at my job. It sucks. I’m on month 5. Initially I took 2 week thinking that’s all I’d need. Then it turned into short term disability for a month, then 2 months, then 3. Eventually I ended up needing to quit bc the disability ppl were so difficult to deal with. Anyway, just nice to talk to someone openly who’s going thru similar things and perhaps I’m feeling eager to share my struggles openly too.
I've been "off" everything since November last year and recovering. Interestingly only now that I've had the time to take a step back have a realised that I might be autistic. I'm hoping to learn enough before I get back into work that I can avoid year-long burnouts in the future and take care of me in a more sustainable (in terms of my own energy and wellbeing) way. THis video was really helpful, I wrote a couple of notes down to think about it more later, thank you!
Hi Hannah, thank you for sharing your experience with autistic burnout. So sorry to hear you suffered for so long. I went through a similar thing starting last Nov as well. Eventually had to quit my job when the disability from my work stopped wanting to extend. It also led me to finally seriously consider I do have autism. Just wanted to share since I was also excited to finally find people with similar struggles as so often it is isolating, although Im sorry you faced this hardship too. You are not alone ❤️
Hi Paul, it's good you took time off, apparently youtubers often have trouble justifying taking breaks to themselves, but I really don't think anyone in this community would want you to create content when you're exhausted. The thing you said about finding it harder to deal with lights and noises when you're burnt out - I've noticed that in myself, too! Everything that takes energy away from me - conversations, light and sound, lack of sleep - it all runs on the same battery.
I know. It doesn't help that I am typing this at 1:19 A.M.!
For me when low on energy, it feels like everything is even more expensive than usual. It's like always when I'm going to do something, I have to pay mental energy taxes to my senses (+ masking) instead of automatic contribution from a reserve. In the past there was a period of time when it was easy to focus only on that main "something" to do without distractions, but that reserve always deplete after some time, +/- a couple of years.
I understand you well. I am sorry you go through burnout. Sometimes estimula drains me without me noticing. Maybe you are pushing yourself too hard. Be gentle with yourself ♥️ we tend to think we should accomplish this and that commitment without realizing it is not good for our health. I am 65yo I can only do one or two errands during the day to come back to my bedroom and rest. That if I want to function tomorrow. Sometimes I take 1/2 hour breaks no lights flat in the bed listening to soft music to regulate myself. A pain in the back is the sign that I went too far. When the pain goes away means I am regulated and may get up and keep going. You are young, I hope you find your own way to recover on an everyday basis so burn out is under “control” ha! I need to do it to avoid melt down and shut down. I don’t want to be in burn out the rest of my life. It’s been a while. A whole life with out care and diagnose really deteriorated my health on every sense. I learned to let go and release the need to have control of the situation. Your health and your emotions are more important than anything else. Take care, much love. Namaste 🙏🏼
I understand what you mean. I’ve been there soooo many time. School time feels this way cause you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel until the semester is over.
As someone who thrives off of creative tasks (writing, drawing, editing, reading, etc.), I tend to be very work-minded and therefore I have a harder time giving myself a break when I need one. During the days when I have no choice but to rest, I get easily bored because there’s no excitement where I live, especially during the pandemic. Today, though, I found a small bit of joy in socializing on Twitter and going for an evening walk to the convenience store for a bottle of Diet Coke and a Hungry Man TV dinner. The music I was listening to during my walk also put some pep in my step whether it was “A Certain Shade of Green” by Incubus, “Savin’ Me” by Nickelback, or “The Leader of the Broken Hearts” by Papa Roach. My big takeaway: if I’m doing something different from what I’m normally doing, then different is good. Even something as small as journaling out in the living room instead of in my bedroom was different.
2024. I've recently recognised that I am autistic - at 68! Between 2005-2015 ish I was so anxious/depressed/burnt out female, I was totally incompacitated. I was suicidal throughout and only because I had animals/pets did I survive. My beloved children were grown up and 'didn't need me any more', my much loved teaching job was too much for me and I had to give it up. I blamed menopause and other horrible things that were happening in my life. I now realise I'd been masking all my life. Thanks to Paul and his explanations of autism, autistic behaviour, etc, I took the 'test' and scored 39. I am far kinder to myself these days and if I have to be alone for several days doing nothing, so be it.
I found out I am Autistic a month ago. I wasn't far away from a full break down I think... I have been out of action for almost a month and still feel so far away from the me I used to be. Not sure who that even was. I am trying to be patient with myself. I am 38 and I guess I have 38 years worth of unraveling to do. Thank you for your show. It has been very helpful.
I have been highly anxious, stressed, mentally exhausted and my brain can't do more that 1 thing at a time...if even 1 thing. My emotions are all over the place. Hoping to exit the fog soon.
Dude this is spot on!!!! 😭🙏🙌 I recently was diagnosed at 30 yrs old & I'm so grateful for your videos!! ♥️
Very interesting video. I have occasional episodes of anxiety, sweating and cramps, which are panic attacks caused by misunderstanding what people mean. Further in the past I have had two or three week periods of feeling like I was dragging my mind behind me and when night and day merged, and these were perhaps burnouts. I think that my panic attacks are fueled by a single event or person, whereas the meltdowns have been caused by taking in too much social information and chasing others' expectations. All of these things last a week or so, but I seem to remember them for years.
Thank you. This is something I have been neglecting my whole life. Thus, I’ve never stood my ground- and have let my surroundings dictate me to power through.
Listening to this made me recognize my own mood patterns recently, and in past situations. Sooo busy and stressed that I’m hair-trigger from exploding and feeling exhausted all the time, then I get a small relief and immediately feel better and energized as if the still-heavy workload was nothing. And then one thing happens and suddenly I’m exhausted again. Burnout is way too real a thing.
Thank you for making this. I’m in burnout right now, my first one since discovering my autism. It’s nice having a name and an explanation for these cycles of hyperproductivity and crashing. Now I feel like I can better learn to pace my energy so that my burnouts don’t hit as hard.
As someone with adhd going through a massive burnout and dealing with lots of stress and being very overwhelmed this video has helped me find great peace in the moment I am very grateful for this video and channel thanks so much 🙏 😊
Very helpful video, thank you! I am in my mid-30s and trying to decide on the pros and cons of getting an ASD dx--I have always known I have lots of quirks but it wasn't until I watched ur videos that I realized, like a slap in the face, that I most certainly have ASD.
Thank you so much for sharing, I don't currently have the spoons to share much insight, but I found this reassuring while feeling like I'm in chronic burn out. ✨
I have had such massive burn-outs in life that I think I am finally done not listening to what my body and brain are telling me! Hopefully I'll never get in that deep of a hole again. I do what's right for me now, no self-judgement, no shame. We have to live at the right pace for ourselves, it's just not worth the fall-out to push way past our limits. When we advocate for ourselves and expect our needs to be respected it allows others to do the same, it can be a true act of generosity.
Great video, it's condensed alot of learning and reading I've done to understand why I've lost jobs in the past.
You used a phrase I think it was transition period, the time between things or moving from one thing to another.
It explained why weekly meetings (at an unknown time, on different days because we have to be flexible) just didn't work for me at work. I ended up loosing that job because I had a panic attack after the meeting every week and I never felt settle by the next week. So when they said I had to improve my behavior but wouldn't say what (they meant stop having panic attacks) the panic rose and just didn't disapate.
I feel utterly unemployable as a result. But this video has just made it easier to explain to others.
I might be able to figure out how to explain it better in future.
So thankyou
the fact we have the same diagnosis doesn't make it even an inch less bizarre how much i relate with the stuff you describe
I'm glad you took the time. I know I need time off, but short of passing out or ending up in the hospital, I can't afford to tell my temp agency or client no. It's causing health problems, and I may have no choice but to say no, maybe even as soon as this week. I only have enough money to live on for a few weeks if that happens, and family can maybe help for a month, but it's hard to find work around here, especially work I can physically do. Hadn't expected telecommuting to take this much of a toll.
Wow there are a lot of experiences here. My sincerest thanks to everyone who share these and my sincerest thanks to Paul for helping to establish this community.
I recover by reading in my bible as much as a can because it makes my so much joyful... in Psalm 119 I realized how I could pray to God...
Its so meaningful to know my real identity in Christ... I love to take time with my creator to realize my purpose in this specific time
Glad it works for you.
Being forced into christianity from a very young age, those post usually make me gag.
Keep up with what makes you happy, just don't expect it to work for everyone :)
@@muurrarium9460 here there are 2 links for you:
th-cam.com/video/1SMR-OzlvQQ/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/F6wpu3jXzA8/w-d-xo.html
I know what you mean. It's about focusing on what is important in life. Not worrying that you are letting people down etc. but trusting in God to strengthen you for what's important and trusting God to take care of everything that is not your burden to bear. I find peace in the storm because I know my failings are forgiven and he loves me so faithfully. Jesus said "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." He knows us!
@@mwundisclosed ain't nobody watching all that shit lol
Very topical for me at the moment, I’m looking forward too this.
Thank you for encouraging that a- it’s okay and b- it’s also okay to remove the element in your life that is not helpful.
In the middle of my own burnout, which your videos and honesty, from both povs, has helped me get through this difficult part.
Not to dump but in my case, that thing, was a person. Who i married very young and it has taken me far too long to realize it’s okay to say no.
I needed this this message today, along with many other videos of yours.
Despite what I had been drilled in to believing- I’m am not simply “wrong.” Thank you.
Paul, i am so proud of you...Because you are learning to be modest (accept that you are only human and have limitations just like neurotypicals like me)...I know it is hard...I totally relate to your experience...Enjoy your time off without the guilt...Your health is of utmost importance ☺
I’m so lucky to have found your vids .
I have exactly the same symptoms dealing with burnt out episodes !
Been dealing with these bouts of feeling totally wipe out a good part of my life...
With the need of long periods of rest until I’m able to recuperate again....however it’s an on going condition !
Best to you. 🙏🏼 Bob.
Those are very informative tips and info!! i just found out the word 'autistic burnout' which explained perfectly to what happen to me last year and this year. This lockdown really trigger my autistic trait.
Hi Paul - as one of your patreon supporters, PLEASE take the time off you need to keep yourself healthy! We love your videos and are happy to have them on your schedule when you're able and there's no reason to push yourself beyond your healthy limits. I can't speak for others but your past videos have already helped me so much that I would be happy to keep supporting you even if you didn't make another video for a couple of years if you needed to take that much time off. Do what you need to do m8, its all good!
Being conscious during our pandemic and global warming, regardless of being autistic, should be an upheaval to call for a 'time out' and reappraisal.
I have found my autism to be my compass to read our culture and when it has lost a sense of balance and proportionality.
Paul, I want to thank you for your incredible video because I've been looking into Adult Autism in myself for about 4 or 5 months now, and suddenly this video has put the entire last 3 months into perspective for me. I have just recently resigned from a position at a large financial company having needed to take 3 weeks of time off for my "mental health", and have just this Friday officially left the company having asked my doctor to sign me off of my notice period.
The company was merging with two large entities and about to merge with a smaller one at the time of my leaving, however the size of my support team did not scale with the demand. As the work became more strenuous, my team REDUCED in size to half its original number, leaving every one of us stressed, overworked and at the razor's edge every day. I raised concerns of undiagnosed autism to my manager and was met with zero functional change whatsoever.
For me it started by also waking up at 4AM and realising that I did not have the energy to face the day. Alongside the exhaustion was the utter, crippling feeling of absolute defeat, that I was part of some larger machine that if not stopped would crumple me to bits - I felt like if I left my bed that day, I would die. I called my manager to take a mental health day and told him I hoped I would feel good enough to go back to work the next day, however the next day I felt no different. I called, I apologised and said maybe tomorrow. This happened every day for 5 days, and on the following Monday I told him that I was going to call the doctor and get myself signed off of work, it had reached that bad of a state.
My doctor signed me off for two weeks, and as I did not need to now continuously report my sickness to my manager on a daily basis my recuperation began in earnest. However as you also said, after those two weeks had ended and I returned to work my manager just gave me all of the unfinished work that I had left behind at the beginning of my time off. I quickly burnt out again almost immediately and a month later handed in my resignation.
I thought that I was just not cut out for this job, but hearing this same sort of struggle coming from someone so prolific in the community it has encouraged me to double down on making sure that my health is accounted for. I'm more aware of my needs and I can use that to keep myself out of the red for as long as possible, and not need to feel guilty if I do need to take larger periods of time off. I'll also know not to waste that time off feeling like I shouldn't be enjoying it as I'm "off sick" and instead filling it with restorative activities that allow me to come back feeling refreshed and cared for again.
Thank you for all that you do!
Realizing that I have non diagnosed autism recently. Has been such an eye opener for me learning about all the experiences I've had for my life fit into this. Burn out is a big one for me. Just had the opportunity to change my schedule to take off 2 of the busiest days of my work week. And I'm so glad I've done so.
Haven’t been diagnosed yet but the signs fit me perfectly. I’m in Highschool and this is such a nightmare.
I appreciate your analogy of "it doesn't matter how low the cost is if you don't have the money." I feel I can extend the metaphor -- we can use caffeine or stimulants (legal or not) to give ourselves a line of credit, so to speak -- but we still have to pay the bill, and now with interest.
Wow, you just described exactly what I go through when I burnout!!
I always feel so guilty when I have to cancel things or take time off work. Fortunately I'm in a job supporting young adults with SEN and my manager is so understanding and knowledgeable. She's great with asking me if I'm okay and helping me understand when I need time.
I work part time with extra hours if I want them so I can reduce my hours down to my contracted hours when I'm starting to feel I'm on the way to a burnout. It's amazing how much that helps to reduce the pressure, increase my energy and prevent many burnouts.
It's not easy to know when I'm heading for a burnout but it's great to have people around me who recognize the signs.
Good on you Paul for taking a break 🙂 Honestly, hard relate to pretty much every point you said. The 'I always need longer than what I optimistically need' + 'an afternoon / day / or even 4 days won't do it' especially - I'm soooo bad for trying to have the shortest possible break I think I "should" have and then having to let ppl down a second time because it's done absolute jack for me. Thank you for making videos about your experience with this - the people around me don't get it at all, and while it sucks, there's a certain kind of pressure that's relieved by seeing your experiences in someone else. Cheers mate and hope you start to rebound soon.
“Need to reduce commitment”. Really helpful thank you 😊
It is a really hard reality to accept. Just went through this and this makes me feel much better. I've been out for nearly a month 😕 I also over promise all the time! 😭 wow I'm glad I decided to listen to someone with autism versus reading an article.
When I was working, I could only work 4 days a week. I didn't know WHY, I just knew that was optimal for ME.
People tried to fight back, bosses wanted more.
I told them, "do you want a burned out employee? Or do you want 4 days of an excellent employee?"
I didn't mean to me rude or mean, I just knew I had a limit. Now, I understand I'm likely an aspie
Great analogy... if I don't have the 20c (energy) it doesn't matter how low the cost.
@Tom Gibson congrats on your studies. Yes I identify as high functioning ASD. I am a holistic health coach in my own biz. The classic medical environment didn't suit me!
I am not diagnosed, but looking at patterns of experience and behavior in my life over the past several years (I'm nearly 40), I have gradually moved from thinking "something is off" to "something must be wrong with me" to "I really don't function like most other people" to, more recently as I've been looking at documentation and listening to the experiences of persons like yourself, "I think I must be in this same category / have this neurological difference".
I have watched a lot of your videos now and relate so much to your experiences, though in a few areas I think my difficulties may not be quite as pronounced. I pulled this video up because what has driven me more recently to try to figure out whether I am 'definitively' autistic is my experience of burnout and the inability to escape. I have a wife (likely also on the spectrum if either of us were to be examined) and three young homeschooling children, a very demanding full-time job (though I do work from home now) and additional work in church leadership (a church I helped to plant in a rural area almost 11 years ago, still a going and growing concern) which also involves me in responsibilities to a wider local community of families.
What is so frustrating about this is that to an outside (let's say NT) observer, apart from some medical issues in the family that require frequent attention, I have an enviable life... but as needs multiply, the family's needs for attention grows, my wife's need for support grows, the church grows, and I keep needing to achieve more at work / change work situations to earn enough to provide for all these things, nothing ever stops, people rarely seem satisfied with whatever amount I am giving, and my energy is depleted in faster and faster cycles... and there is no 'off'.
Earlier in life I didn't know I likely had a 'condition', or how I would be affected by these things, and - don't misunderstand - I am grateful for the family and community and wouldn't trade any of it, but I have been getting burned out persistently for months now, if not longer, and found very little I could do about it. People in my life have noticed things were wrong, I have been losing the ability to cope, or 'mask', if that's what's going on... I took my first 'vacation' actually away from work in probably 10, maybe 15 years, about a month ago (long story as to why it's been so long - I've only been at the present job for close to a year). The work 'vacation' was for a week, and I had two Sundays away from the church meetings and responsibilities, one of them during the vacation (I've rarely missed more than one consecutively in a decade). Everyone I knew was telling me how I needed to get away, how good and healthy it was going to be to get a break, and I could also tell that they were all optimistic that I was going to come back from my first real week off in over a decade - still with all the family responsibilities, and with wife and children hoping to get a lot more of me than usual - 'ready to go', ready to take on the new year, ramp back up my responsibilities and commitments, help start new initiatives, etc.
About four or five days into the work vacation, I noticed that I began to almost feel a little 'normal' again. Like I haven't felt in a long, long time. But that quickly evaporated and it was only a couple days more until everything cranked back into gear, and I feel now like there was no break at all. Which of course sounds ungrateful to those who stepped in for me while I was out. I have told people that I feel like I would need at least a month or two off - including time away from the family - to repair whatever deficit it is that I've accumulated, and generally people laugh. I am now living in a constant state of either burnout, near-burnout, and occasional crash, and I have to keep trying to hide it whenever I am around any other people, but I think I have cut out from my life nearly everything that _can_ be cut out / stopped / reneged and I don't see the needs or asks decreasing anytime soon.
I would love to know if people in a similar boat - if there are any - have strategies for handling this kind of long-term continual burnout that don't end in nervous breakdowns or worse when one has work and family responsibilities that simply cannot be put off or ignored, not for more than a day or so at best, without _other_ dire consequences.
Thanks Paul, for all the video content you've put out over the past few years.
I have ADHD and I think I'm aspy also (newly realized in my 40s.) My adhd meds work wonders until I'm burnt out on an aspy level. I was really frustrated by this until I started learning about aspy qualities from my mom (which she sees in my dad) and I realized I had similar challenges. You can't expect a battery to recharge just because you add stimulants. Eventually, you will just be physically ruined by forcing yourself beyond your limits at that particular time. The balance and avoidance of burnout takes precedence (and close monitoring) because that's the best way to be at your best and have adhd medication be effective without running you ragged in time.
One of the biggest mistakes I make is allowing my sense of obligation to overtake my sense of self-preservation. I start my day and there's an abundance of signs that I'm burning out and headed towards a meltdown. Downplaying the signs always leads to the same outcome but I still do it all the time. I just can’t seem to accept how limited it makes me feel. My ability to cope was so much stronger as a teenager. Now I need at least a day off between each workday to maintain my sanity. Makes me feel like a flake.
It sucks when all it takes is series of off-putting events in the morning. The drive-through gives me the wrong order, my coffee tastes bad, the boss changed the morning meeting spot last minute after I've already arrived. By now I'm shaking and muttering to myself like a lunatic, somehow thinking I can still power through the day. It's hard to see myself as anything but a burden.
Boy, can I relate. I feel the same for a few weeks now and your video gave me a boost. Take as long a break as you need. We're happy to see you happy. Plus the thicker beard looks nice 😉
I took off a whole year after my military service in 2011 before going back into college. I didn't work anywhere, I just focused on myself and played video games. Eventually I built up some study habits and decided to get back into college. I hard charged through college, getting both my BS and MS in ECE, and landed a job. I was already burned out in 2018 going into the job, but I kept pushing myself. I thought taking a day or 2 off here and there would satisfy me. I thought maybe taking weeks off at a time would help. I thought dropping to part time and going for my PhD would help. I thought quitting my job and just focusing on the PhD would help. I decided to just take a break and took a semester off, and I'm now at the end of my break and I still feel burnt out. I still think I need the whole year off. I don't have an answer to this, but I think we do need long periods of rest to restore energy. At least in my case, that's so.
I've experienced this cycle of burnout my entire life but didn't know the reason for it until I was diagnosed 2+ years ago. I'm 54 now.
Getting the diagnosis is a blessing; but lately I can't shake the feeling of being defeated by it all. I spent my whole life trying to break through this invisible wall inside myself. Once through I imagined an inner existence of peace; that was my driving goal in life and kept me going through all the challenges. But the diagnosis took that away from me. I can manage and understand my neurology, but I can't run away from who I am and I find this fact, even though it's an obvious one, devastating.
I had created an image of self that was false but it kept that goal alive, but now that's gone I don't know who I am anymore. I've accepted my diagnosis and I continue to process it and understand. I am making forward progress but im not sure where that leaves me.
I tried to distance myself from who I am because the world was telling me I didn't fit, it didn't want me so I created my own version of self that I could block out reality; in my mind I fit in more than I actually did. But now I can't escape who I am and I don't know how accept and love the person I am. I've always felt lost in relation to the world around me, but now I feel lost within; it's exhausting. I can't see how to be at peace with not being at peace with the world around me. I feel overwhelmed by it on top of everything else.
I've spent the past two weeks doing the bare minimum, self-medicating and I have to jump back in before things get out of hand. I've always tried to break this cycle but I guess there is no way to do that. I just have to manage it better, be more diligent in my day to day and take note of what enriches me and what drains me. But am I alone in being daunted by this task? It's all a whirlwind most of the time.
Great to see you back, Paul. This was a really helpful video for me. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Paul. Using up those spoons pretty quickly, eh?
I’m 63 yr old American female who retired in spring of 2020 due to a combination of longstanding ASD burnout, and also a case of Covid that outlasted the medical leave my workplace would allow. I still feel burned out, and unfortunately, sense that I won’t improve soon. I rest, and do things that I think are therapeutic for me. I’m glad not to be working.
There have been a lot of special allowances made due to covid. Surely you are deserving of one
Who just recovered from burnout and just got this video recommended? O Great YT IA!
I relate to this a lot, especially the part where you said that it is difficult to trust how much time you actually need off because its difficult to understand your current and future state.
Ive been in burnout for about 1.5 years now.. its actually how I discovered that I'm Autistic (I pushed myself too much- especially with constant socializing that involved masking)
I find that the more I accept the state I'm in.. (even if its very challenging, like only being able to eat safe foods, becoming non-verbal, and not being able to leave bed), the sooner I will actually reduce my overwhelm and recharge enough to be able to function just a bit more.
My interests (Studying + Practicing Herbalism and Gardening and then also knitting) really help to give me more energy and put me in a better state. But, I also get stuck in a hyperfixation loop sometimes.. I could be up until 4am studying or spend 5 hours straight knitting.. so I'm trying to figure out ways to cut myself off so I can take care of my basic needs while still enjoying my interests. (Suggestions welcome for anyone reading :p)
A piece of advice that is helping me a lot at this time too is that there is a reason the burnout is happening. Its been helpful for me to take note of what has drained my energy.. During this 1.5 years, I realized that I can no longer work jobs I'm not interested in or has bad communication; I really prefer to be around others who I trust and dont mind me unmasking around them; and I really have to leave the city.. its too overwhelming for me (I figured this out while living in a rural area- I returned to the city for school but have since decided to not go to school and move back to the rural area- yay)
Hi Paul, thanks for this video. It made me think. YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION NOT TO NEED PERMISSION for a break! The other day I did a psychological research survey and found that I felt the need to justify my actions ... After describing my day at the start of the survey. But then it asked me if I felt that other people needed to justify their actions and I suddenly realised that I never put that pressure on other people. I just trust them. Jordan Peterson's greatest advice is to look after yourself as if you matter ... As well as you would nurture a best friend. Write that on a poster and stick it on the wall so you read it again and again until it sinks in. Best wishes!
Thank you for taking a break. The more you take care of yourself, the more you can help us. And thank you for being a good example. I've experienced an unexpected tragic loss this week. And I did exactly the same thing as you. I thought "I'll take off Thursday, but having my routine will help me feel better. So I'll go back to work Friday." I decided to take today off too. Because I thought the same thing you did, that four days is certainly enough. I was having trouble considering taking off more. But after I saw this, I know that I need to really think about what are my needs and how can I meet them.
3 years long mistery solved. I tried switching companies, switching tasks to new areas, going to the office, staying at home, playing games, not playing games. Nothing, absolutely nothing works. I just sit in front of the computer working unable to do anything meaningful. This is burnout. This was caused by procrastination. But where this comes from? How do I make myself productive again. Well, tough luck - nothing works. No therapy, no relationship fixes... Now I get it. No easy fix, but there are some.
I always wondered why I feel so refreshed after motrocycle trips. And now I know - this is because it's too dangerous to think about anything but the road while riding a bike. And the bicycle is so demanding in terms of processing - hands working independently of the feet, palms do one thing, fingers do other and the wind is pressing my chest and the humming noise of exhaust.. I am really in heven when I ride. Bikes are fun, alone activity and roads are regulated by simple rules.
I need to ride a morcycle more. Or at least a noisy, hard to drive car. Like overpowered american muscle with manual transmision. Yeah!!!
I am so pleased I have found your channel, it’s almost upsetting how much I can relate to you. I’ve been working for over 19 years and it’s been agonising i am antisocial but I mask so much to make myself look “normal” at work. Its been drilled into me over the years that’s it’s anxiety but I’ve always known it’s been more than that, even as a child I didn’t feel right and something was wrong I just hope I can find ways of improving my quality of life I’m sick of feeling mentally drained after work and not wanting to do anything else but stim at home in my bedroom.
Going to the gym is the same I thought that would help but I’m just masking there aswel pretending to be the normal person although that helps bleed off some of the anxiety that comes with the constant pretending
Thank you so much for this video. This is so helpful for me to hear someone else feeling the same way. And you are very good at coming up with strategies and then explaining them to others.
Also, I really like your videos when you are sitting down at your desk. Being close to the camera, in that format, feels like I'm listening to a friend or a counsellor. Thank you for this extremely helpful content.
Thank you for sharing! I’m going through very bad Burnout right now. My anxiety is so in testified I couldn’t go to work anymore. Taking 3 weeks off to recuperate a little.
When I get to that point, especially with work (which I dislike intensely; looking for a mid-life career change), I start taking "mental health" days off. Usually it's just a half-day in the morning, so I can get some extra sleep.
My wife and I just celebrated our 28th anniversary, so I took a 4-day weekend, Friday thru Monday off. It worked great. We went away for a night, I relaxed, got some writing done, and just overall cleared my head and didn't push. I got enough little stuff done around the house to feel useful. I understand the variation on time off needed. Usually I just need a half a day or a day, but sometimes it takes multiples to really clear out the junk (stress and anxiety) to really reset yourself properly.
I burned out hard back in May. It was a hard time for me and I was going through a lot. One of the things I was dealing with was a recent ASD diagnosis.
Your videos have been incredibly helpful to me, and I'm really glad you took the time for yourself. You're out here helping people, you deserve a break to recharge your batteries. 😁
Thank you so much for sharing this and explaining what has been happening, to me, for so many years!
This is something to consider
I took off from high school until Labor Day because I didn't want to burn out
This video was exceptionally well done. Your points are clear, articulate, knowledgable and incredibly helpful to use in my own burnout period. It resonated with me so much that there's not much left I can add from my own burnout experiences. Thank you, Paul. I actually wonder if this would help NTs too, because it's such sound advice even for general mental health and self care as well. Again, bravo. This is fantastically put together.
Holy moley this came with perfect timing. I've been experiencing such burnout that I'm getting a symptom of stress I haven't had in several years, where I get shortness of breath from stress. It's not a physical thing - if I get in a flow state, it's just fine. I can also go jogging and endure just fine. But, my brain gets itself into a feedback loop when I'm under severe stress, and this happens.
Thanks for the further suggestion above my own thoughts that I need a week or two to decompress.
Anybody have any week vacation recommendations in the US? Last year I road-tripped to the middle of the desert. I might do that again, just because I know what that place entails, the route to take, and what to expect.
Palm Springs, CA is nice. Quite a quiet place, you can go wandering Joshua Tree National Park for hours. There’s also a beautiful mountain you can take a cable car to San Jacinto mountain and walk around on top, just stare at the views. We stayed in a hotel that was just a small cabin type room, separated from everyone. It was great. I think it was called Sparrows Lodge. They even had watercolour pencils at the community desk so you could just sit and draw. Or, you could sit and hang out with people, they were totally cool with either. There was a tiny bar at the desk so you could get a drink then go sit outside your cabin and relax. Awesome 👍🏼
Love this video Paul!! I resonate strongly.
Does anyone feel like they wouldn’t be so burned out if the modern world wasnt so fast paced? I seem to want to operate at a much slower speed, hence the overwhelm/burnout.
Burnout for me feels very similar...I just want everything to stop and it’s like everything is just too much. I want no noise, no being contacted by anyone, no work, no appointments- just me resting in peaceful solitude until my batteries recharge.
You’ve given me food for thought. I’ve written about energy management before but there really is no point living a life which requires immense energy output, as we just haven’t got it to give! I find screens and tech very depleting.
I had burnout coming and going for months earlier this year, leading into massive 1.5 month long burnout throughout may. It was really hard, I couldnt figure out what was wrong with me. It was the mask I was wearing as someone who didn't know they were autistic. The next hurdle is social obligations with NTs like preparing myself for christmas which always burns me out.
As for recovery, I think its a matter of full release for a while. It's not physical inaction you're after, it's mental freedom. If you are constantly worrying about the time you need to take and feeling guilty then it's going to prolong it. For me this often is reflected by my eating habits and when I'm feeling really bad I'll tend to let myself eat out more guilt free. I just try to also workout a bit more as well so that I feel like I've earned it. If thats not possible then no sweat.
Thank you for sharing. I am amazed that you can describe exactly how I am feeling when I am unable to describe it myself.
Helpful to hear all these. Thanks Paul 🙏🏻 ❤
I went murderously hard, like WAY harder than I should, for years, until I got laid off last year. I took a 40% pay cut to draw unemployment, but the time off has opened my eyes to a few things. I haven't left my house in I don't know how long besides absolutely essential trips. And it's been a boon for my mental well-being
Thank you! I am trying to figure out how to recover from burnout and this was helpful, and I think will be helpful to explain to my family (we're all learning what it means for me to be autistic).
This is how I feel!! And it feels nice to hear other people feel this way.
I realized I did my best my junior year of highschool, because I had a loving on the spectrum boyfriend who I never fought with and we just shared special interests together and I took every Wednesday of school off. 5 days just felt like too much for me and there were never tests on Wednesdays, it was a superfluous day. That schedule allowed me to thrive and get perfect grades that one year. It was also a zero tolerance bullying school and I took some classes that were special interests (like world religions).
How do I as an adult figure out a schedule for myself? I'm a mom of a toddler and I'm a widow with very little family help, no friends, and I had to give up my career as a flight attendant. I used to travel by myself to Hawaii to recover from burnout, no talking to anyone, sit on beach and eat sushi rolls.
Idk how to change my life to better my predicament, it's just too much. I want to sell my house because I can't keep up with it but the amount of readying to sell has buried me in burnout. I can't take a break as a parent, especially at this age. I need physical affection, idk. I need one person to care about me in this world. I can't find things that give me energy anymore. I'm just sinking deeper.
I have hit burnout just from life being a little overwhelming. The best advice is to completely give in to total rest (whatever form that is) as you will do a self a favour in the long run. Even though that is simply said than done!!!!!!
Paul is like god to me because he nails everything he says and applies perfectly to me