I dated a first generation Korean girl for ten years, her mom would make what she called an "American breakfast." It consisted of a bowl of rice with a slice of American cheese a fried egg and two Nathan's hot dogs. And I'll tell you what. That sh*t was absolutely delicious! To this day, 12 years after we broke up, I still make that dish for breakfast from time to time. Rest in peace Mrs. Kim ❤️
@@brainfluidZ Kim is the most common last name in Korea. It's like saying Smith in America. 🤷 It's funny, my ex wanted me to change my last name to hers when we got married, I told her we'd have to compromise and both change it to Gim if she wanted me to change my last name to hers. Keep in mind, K and G are interchangeable in Korean.
Sorry, late to the party. According to the Korean Englishman channel: following the Korean war, the locals had a surplus of American foods leftover at the Army Bases: Spam, BBQ Beans, Hot Dogs, and Plastic Cheese [kraft singles] are what I remember. By taking these foods and adding their own spices and kimchee they made an amazing soup... and other dishes. Like your breakfast.
Actually giving kids ethnic food is a great way to make friends. There was a Korean girl in my kindergarten that showed up to lunch with slices of seaweed and I thought it hilarious to to see someone eat "green tissue paper". I asked to try the edible art supply, and for the rest of the year I was trading any side dish I got to eat that mineral-rich green paper.
Right? I was stationed in Japan and discovered that tasty treat at the restaurants. In my case, the seaweed was dried and minced into “sprinkles.” There would be a shaker on the table similar to the ones for dried Parmesan cheese, but it had seaweed instead. So yummy! 😋
@@lindah3803 I think they're talking about the people laying it into OP in the first story for not just bringing the roommate along at the last minute.
@@akl2k7 Maybe, hopefully he/she will reply to clear it up. When people leave open ended, nondescript comments like this one, I'll ask what? Just to get/understand their train of thought.
@@lindah3803 Agreed. Commenters should at least indicate what story they're talking about if the context doesn't make it clear. Even worse are the ones who give a single word judgement (YTA) without saying what they're talking about.
It's a cultural thing. Military families don't turn people away from the table. 5th generation Military family member, it is routine for a nephew to bring a few colleagues. And it is routine for other families to include my nephews when deployed away from home.
In the first story, the BF should have discussed this well in advanced and discuss it with OP's family too. BF should have properly introduced friend to OP before asking to bring him to her family dinner. Then it would have been OK, but it's not OK to just spring a total stranger to someone's family dinner like that.
@@MrBeevee5 That's amazing! But it's not the case for many others. Asking in advance does no harm whatsoever to families like yours but prevents issues with families that don't like surprises, so it's better for everyone to discuss things like this first as a principle.
@@MrBeevee5 The boyfriend asked OP before even finding out if his roommate could attend, which is just bizarre. Maybe the boyfriend wants to make an art studio for his roommate.
I love how the first story is about a simple argument and we have comments that telling Op that she is an heartless monster that should be dumped, and people that calling the boyfriend a manipulative and abusive creep that needs to be left as soon as possible. Wtf And this is the same sub that gets mad when someone set boundaries with people that ruined his life😂
Personally I think the boyfriend was being unreasonable for trying to bring someone at the last minute. And people who sang that OP is the heartless monster is just using Thanksgiving as a holiday excuse and not thinking about boundaries. But honestly that boyfriend does not seem like a nice guy and I hope OP dumps him. 😞 Man why are all the good women nowadays taken by such idiots?
It's not really about a simple argument. It is about core values and lifestyle choices that could affect them if their relationship progresses forward. I am not saying that he should dump her, I am saying that I wouldn't be surprised if this sparks questions in him as to whether she is right for him that could, ultimately, cause them to part.
I think the b/f was unreasonable. I wish OP hadn't caved, she did nothing wrong. She's now set a bad precident in their relationship. Hope she shows more spine in the future.
This person is still a complete stranger to the family and isn't directly connected to a member of the family. It could be very comfortable for them and really should be cleared with them at least.
Get a spray bottle fill it with water and every time your MIL walks into the bathroom while your in there spray her with it and tell her she’s a bad girl …
Story 3: Can i just say it’s sooo refreshing to read a story where the partner actually fully supports the Op and actually DOESNT try to get them to reconnect with toxic family members. NTA Op, your family sucks. Anytime your brothers say “what you said hurt parents feelings” reply with “them stealing my college fund hurt my feelings and they didn’t seem to care about that”. Cut them out entirely Op, i wish you a happy life with your awesome husband and kids.
This! The reason i fell in love with my husband ,was because he didn't try it too..i had an awful childhood and my mom was terrible .. His mom is and was always wonderful ,and i love her really much.. None of them try to get me to reconnect with my side of the family ,as they know how horrible they are/were to me, growing up..
Story 4: I have a cat, I know if they pee on anything you have to throw that thing away. And yes you do need to get permission before bringing a pet of any kind of someone else's house, especially for a couple of days. She wasn't considerate and wrong for trying to force her cat on you. I love cats and would still be mad if someone did that to me.
Yeah, that was really rude. I love animals, especially cats and I wouldn't pull that. You ALWAYS ask if you're bringing a pet, a friend, etc. To someone else's home. ALWAYS.
Cat dander stays capable of causing allergic reactions for 4-6 months after cats no longer are in the home. Although I lived with cats until I was in my 50s, I am extremely allergic to cat dander, a fact that only came to be clear after I finally addressed my difficulty in breathing normally with an allergist. Now, any contact with cats brings on itching skin, eyes, and nasal blockage in minutes.
It was rude of her and not showing she was a good owner of the cat. I agree with the comment that this was a recently adopted cat, so already traumatized, and needing a quiet place a d what did Shelby do? Take the cat on a trip to another new place among a lot of strange people. She should have left the cat with the room mate. It would have been kinder.
D. Phantom- 2 parts water to 1 part vinegar. I bought a house where the man let wild cats come in and out. They sprayed and peed on the wall and carpet on the lanai. It hit you in the face walking into the house and your eyes watered. I sprayed the mixture and within a week the smell was gone.
Have some Halloween masks and an air horn. Scare the crap out of her a few times and that should do it for nosy nuts. Also, do the same to her and see if she likes it. Disable the lock first. Oh you don't like it? Then don't freaking do it. A taste of their own medicine usually does the trick.
I’m curious to know if there is more than one bathroom in the house? If so MIL needs to get off her high horse and use the guest bath. If not OP should just cowgirl up and lock the door
I'm trying for figure out why MIL feels the need to go into the bathroom when she knows that OP is in there. I can understand walking in once or twice by accident but this seems to be a ritual for MIL to barge into the bathroom when OP is in there.
Thanksgiving OP: "Sorry, MIL, I'll remember to only serve traditional food." *serves deer, shellfish, geese, duck peas, beechnuts, chestnuts, spinach and Indian corn*
It’s nice that op’s bf was thinking of his roommate for thanksgiving but it’s not cool for the plus one of a guest to also invite a guest along. Had this been at op’s home or a friends giving then sure bring the room mate.
First story: NAH. I think it's okay for him to ask if he's close with his roommate and sees him as family and it is totally okay for OP to set boundaries if she doesn't know the roommate well. However, i feel weird about the "I feel like a massive asshole but this is one of the rare events where i've put my foot down in this relationship and refuse to accomodate his wants" comment Op made. I'm not sure if i'm missinterpreting because i've seen so many stories where one partner just bulldozes the other partners decisions and wants but it sounds to me like it's always the boyfriends way. If that's really the case then NTA.
I once rescued a starving kitty from the streets right before Christmas. I had to leave town and didn't want to leave her alone for the holidays so I put her up in a kennel for a couple of days. While not ideal, it was much better than dragging her to a relative's house two hours away and forcing her to get along with strangers who had cats of their own. There's no reason the lady in the story couldn't have done the same.
Cat Story: I have 3 cats and I can't fathom bringing any of them to someone's house for the holidays without asking. That's so incredibly rude. It's not even good for them, cats are easily stressed if they're not used to traveling. If she just adopted the cat he needs time to settle in to his permanent residence, hire a pet sitter if you don't trust your roommates.
When OP said her parents used her college fund to do renovations, I was horrified! OP, you are NTA. You told the TRUTH. And if the truth hurts your parents, that is their problem. Imagine feeling sorry for yourself because it's hard for you to HEAR the abuse you caused on your child. If they think it's hard to hear, they should try living it.
BathroomBarger: What idiots all around! First, who keeps a bathroom door closed when no one's inside? A closed door means *occupied.* Second, you don't "gently persuade" someone to not do it again, you scream your head off at the boundary stomper and escalate each time, up to, including, and surpassing yelling the most vile expletives as you can think of. *Still* failing that, take something heavy and heave it at the offender *and connect.* You get called "childish"? Go for "unhinged" instead. Because otherwise *It Will Never Stop.*
So her boyfriend asked to bring his roommate to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend's parents house where he'll be meeting her parents for the first time ever without informing the roommate of said invitation and got mad when she said no which made her apologize for not doing anything wrong? OP is NTA and her boyfriend is definitely TA
First story. I’m a military mom. Have three kids in the military and they aren’t home. We have a tradition where we ask military to our home for thanksgiving. NTA but I do feel it’s a nice thing to have and host military to your home. They are giving up their lives to take care of us.
Roommate is a stranger. OP doesn’t know him. Some people need to stop acting like just because it’s thanksgiving everyone is a good person and you know everyone like the back of your hands. Also the biggest factor is the boyfriend didn’t even ask the roommate and the roommate couldn’t come so it sounds like the boyfriend made up the roommates situation.
Yup that’s what I was thinking too. It was a weird ask especially since the roommate couldn’t even go because it wasn’t even about the roommate to begin with.
What? 1st: The BF was absolutely right to ask OP 1st about inviting roomy. It's her family,not his. Had the roles been reversed and BF invited both roomy and OP to his family's thanksgiving,that is his choice. OP can decide for herself. By asking OP first,this eliminated the chance of roomy saying yes,he would like to go, then OP saying no(which she did), forcing the BF to resend the invite. This would make things awkward between BF and roomy as well as OP and roomy. 2nd: OP did have the right to say no to her BFs idea. She was focused, this was to be her family's 1st meeting. It never dawned on her to consider her BFs position. He's military,away from his family. The roomy is part of his military family who is also away from his family. It is common for military people to invite a roommate to a holiday at their families home. Even giving short notice. Holidays are SUPPOSED to be a time of sharing. This could have been an opportunity for OP to get to know roomy, her family to get to know both,BF would also catch a break from the family being completely zoned in on him(stressful being interrogated for a day). Growing up,my family never invited anyone other than family to holidays. As an adult, I invited my new downstairs neighbor,who I had never talked to or seen, after their daughter knocked on my door asking to borrow my can opener. I asked her what all they were having. TV dinners and canned peaches. I went with her back to her place to invite them to dinner. To discover that both parents were Mexican(I had already assumed 1of them was), both parents were deaf and didn't speak English(the girl wasn't deaf,did speak English). They did join us. It was awkward at first, everyone had a good time. I sent leftovers home with them and my other friends that showed up. The next day,the girl and Mom showed up. Mom was embarrassed about not having their own dinner available. Also for adding 3 more to the group. I told her not to worry about it. Originally I was supposed to have 5 guest , 2 more people were added on the night before, 2 more had been added on that morning, adding her family was fun for everyone. Besides I always cook enough food for 18 to 20 people. A total of 14 had Thanksgiving dinner at my place. Holidays today are just depressing. To many care only about themselves and what they can get. Sad
If the MIL is "weirded out" by OP doing ballet poses in her own bathroom, she should stop barging in on her. It has to be some sort of power play by the MIL. Who doesn't understand that a closed door means do not disturb? Especially when this has happened a few times before.
I'd recommend OP to get a turning STOP/GO shield for the bathroom door, but I'm pretty sure that won't stop MIL.... Sooooo, OP should dump the BF and get such a shild for the bathroom for future use, re. locked door phobia....
I've heard the bathroom barger story, and I made this comment on another channel, but I still stand by it because I'm petty AF. MIL gave OP pure gold in the way of "she's doing rituals!". I would have horror movie props, random smart ass signs, then Marie Laveau myself up, get some chalk, doodle some loa symbols and ask if she wants to join me in dancing in the virgin blood of the chicken. Lol 😈😁
This comment is gold! Maybe add a voodoo doll that looks like MIL and sit it on the tank lid of the toilet with a couple of black candles on the sides... LMAO
These comments on Thanksgiving dinner, are so extra....OP is not the idiot for only wanting her bf to attend...this is his first time meeting her parents and family, that's kind of a big deal and not the time for roommates to tag along. Good grief, its about timing.
My white as white could be Grandpa would chop up stuff, cook it in scrambled eggs, serve it with catsup and call it "Eggs Michael". We loved that stuff and always looked forward to it when visiting the grandparents. Nowadays I still like omelets and similar dishes, though I no longer put catsup on them. Sometimes I put salsa on them.
Last story: NTA! I would have been asking to try Mexican foods!! Kudos to your husband for having your back and it sounds like to me that you're a great cook!!😋😋😋
I have to admit, this story made me very angry. We would cut up hotdogs all of the time and add into what we were cooking. It wasn't "ethnic" it was a cheap fast meal. I supposed if it was a sausage patty that would be okay? And considering our country is a melting pot, there are all kinds of wonderful foods to eat, what is the traditional foods for Thanksgiving anyway? '
Lol same here! My family is exceptionally white, but last year we wanted to try something outside of the traditional “Christmas staples.” We’re lucky enough to be blessed with good cooks in my house, so we made carne asada for the first time and it was delicious! MIL just didn’t want to admit that Mexican food is objectively better than American food lol
Well, technically hot dogs are sausages and eggs/scrambled eggs and sausage with toast is a very American dish, so MIL needs to save her breath to cool her soup. Besides, she needs to widen her horizons. Does she eat pizza? Spaghetti and meat sauce/meatballs? Anything that wasn't being cooked and eaten by the Native Americans came from somewhere else.
Story 3: Why lie so they can stay in denial, no it's easier just to straight up tell them point blank that you don't want to see them again and for good reason. The holidays are for people that love and care about each other. They didn't care enough about you to not spend your money, so why should you care about their feelings and who cares what your brother think.
She's trying to catch her doing drug's or something. OP needs to set hubby straight. If he doesn't get MIL to stop, then more extreme tactics can be used. A friend of mine had this problem. She used a spray bottle of water on her MIL. Her hubby had A FIT. She told him to get MIL to stop or it will get worse. He didn't. Next was a cow bell. Next was a bicycle horn. Next was a fog horn. Every "next" she told hubby and MIL it will be worse. Finally she put glue on the outside handle. MIL cut the number and length of her visits down. Never even went to the bathroom door again.
Story 2: I'd take my phone in there and record her. Catch her doing it like five times and then show my husband. That would be indisputable proof that she's doing it on purpose.
That's exactly what I thought! Get it multiple times on camera to show husband how rude his mother, aka your GUEST, behaves when she seems to always need to use the bathroom when op uses it and doesn't even feel the need to knock. Or maybe op should give hubby a dose of that medicine? Barging in on him without knocking... Several times... He can't know if it's his wife or mother or wife's best friend... Or return the "favour" when they visit mil in her new home. Barge in on her without knocking...
Story 2 you have a husband problem. This is clearly intentional. Why would you enter the bathroom and not knock? She's family so it's okay? I had body dysmorphia for much of my life and would feel uncomfortable being in various stages of undress
When is a completely closed bathroom door an invitation? Slightly ajar, yes; closed, knock! I refuse to believe that anyone is that stupid, it has to be intentional.
If it’s not healthy for them to have hot dogs are breakfast then it’s never healthy for them to have hot dogs. It being lunch time doesn’t suddenly make a hot dog healthy
Cat story: It is an unwritten rule not to bring a pet without warning - what if anyone is allergic?! And also, that cat is newly adopted and it takes weeks for cats to get used to new homes and the cousin thinks it's a good idea to take the cat with them to stay at an unfamiliar place with a bunch of single people?!
That poor cat is likely freaked out, is surrounded by strange smells and strange people, and had no idea what's going on. I love cats but this is just not fair for both the cat and OP.
Yeah, what I was thinking was: what if the cousin was staying at a hotel? Surely, she'd call ahead and make sure the even allowed cats. And if they didn't and she showed up anyway, she'd be turned away potentially. Why should OP get less consideration than a hotel?
As a cat owner, I would never bring my cats to someone else's home without permission. The cousin was rude for assuming it would be ok. Last story, how disrespectful of MIL. Even if she was planning on making Mexican dishes, who cares, it's something different and new to try. Does she really think school kids all bring one type of ethnic style lunch. The majority of kids could be white, it doesn't mean they are all from the same cultural background.
I cannot think of a Christmas dinner (we don't have an equivalent to Thanksgiving in our country) when we don't have at least one stray at the dinner table., There should always be room for one more.
I agree, I would never say no to another guest for any holiday or special occasion. As for 'protecting' her family, are they small children with attachment issues? Adults are able to process the loss of the presence of a friend or boyfriend in your life should your relationship end in time. How delicate and intimate is your family dynamic?
That’s how I was raised. I was starting to think it was just because my family’s been military in some capacity for generations and then I married military, as well. My kids were even raised the same. I didn’t know there are people in the world that would refuse one more at the dinner table. So glad to know it wasn’t just me and mine, though.
I'm 67 years old and have no living relatives. My heart broke when I heard this story. I'd be sitting alone every holiday if friends and neighbors didn't include me in their celebrations. I was taught to be welcoming and generous. OP is horrible.
@@AFAskygoddess Eh, I wouldn't say she's horrible. This was supposed to be the first meeting between her boyfriend and her parents and he sprung it on her at the last minute. Plus, she barely knew the guy. She's allowed to say no in that situation.
Parents stole inheritance for renovations then put a lien on the home. Even if they never sell it you will be insured to get that money back and I believe with interest. Don’t let them get away with it.
Ngl, whenever I hear someone say they have issues with locking the bathroom door, I wonder if they have never used a public restroom or if they just leave the stalls unlocked.
I think the breakfast you described is fine, but I would recommend Polish sausage over hot dogs. When MIL comes for Thanksgiving dinner add some chorizo to her serving of stuffing
Story one: NAH. She's not wrong for not wanting someone she never met to come with her to her family's dinner, even if he's a close friend of the boyfriend. The boyfriend also isn't wrong for asking and feeling a little disappointed. It's weird how the comments really think this little incident is enough for the boyfriend to "rethink the entire relationship". I think things would've went over better if Op actually met the dude and got to build up a friendship with him through the boyfriend. The boyfriend really should've introduced them first before trying to bring his friend to an important holiday.
Nope, op is nta, and the boyfriend is the idiot. He had no right to ask for a random stranger to join a FAMILY dinner. That’s common sense. Mature adults understand this.
Americans get a lot more than "weird" when it comes to soldiers and vets. Fuck 'em when it comes to official programs for health and housing, etc (or god forbid if they have different politics), but don't you DARE turn a soldier down/away for any reason- even if you don't know them or are uncomfortable or can't afford to give to/help them. It's cruel, heartless, and un-American. You will be judged if anyone finds out.
People keep saying he’s like family. But if they’re dating for 7 months, and he lives with the guy and is family, how come the bf has never made an effort to get them together and bond. All the assumptions people are making to justify their hatred of OP is absurd.
@@drako8343 really tho. I'm guessing it's because he's military and people just expect Op to automatically bend to her boyfriend's will. While they're going so hard for the friend, we don't even know if he'll even feel comfortable with going??? This is an entire family of someone he never officially introduced himself to.
@@Ronin.Samurai ykw, you're right. Ig I didn't want to judge too harshly, but yeah, it was pretty weird for the boyfriend to try to invite a stranger that even his girlfriend isn't familiar with to _her_ family's dinner. Thanksgiving is about giving, yes, but it's also for families to get together. You can give without inviting strangers into your home, lmao.
Story 2: She traumatized? Oh please, tell them both to get over themselves, and none of this would have happened if MIL just use basic manners and knock before entering a bathroom. Also how much you want to bet she get mad at you locking the bathroom door even if you did. This is a power play and I agree with that comment that said you should just flip her off the next time she barges into the bathroom. Also tell your husband that he has two options, tell his mom to stop, or let you handle it the way you been doing it.
I'm a CAT person, you NEVER take your cat or any other pet to someone else's home. I've never even asked someone if I could. I've found, people who loves animals an those who hate them are incompatible and have nothing in common anyway.
I've been alone for many holidays and would have loved to be thought of by someone. You could have at least asked your family if they were comfortable with extending the invitation to someone who was alone and far away from their loved ones. Even if he'd have refused it, it would have eased his loneliness. I would have asked, "So you're fine with your family seeing me in the altogether? You've got some weird kinks," then left the house for good.
You have your own issues if total strangers 'thinking of you' would make you feel less lonely. Those people would not have been happy to have you or the friend from this story there, they would have uncomfortably feigned politeness and been annoyed at the intrusion. Forcing literal strangers to be around you isn't 'not being alone' for the holidays, and in actuality it would have likely made you feel more lonely. This is a really childish, entitled, and selfish worldview, as is whatever the hell that last sentence is trying to say. Dude lives on a base with literally thousands of other people who are also away from home, he won't be alone regardless.
Do either of you realize how many veterans and non-veterans commit suicide over Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years because they're alone/depressed? Sometimes, just a kind word or gesture can help them up. Then again, I kinda doubt that you'll understand that. Empathy goes a long way but worrying about etiquette seems to be all that a good many people care about. Hope you have a good holiday. Peace out.
Sorry 1 hits me hard. My youngest is 19 and in the military and currently based over 4000km away from us here at home. I'm torn because I'd love it if one of his mates invited him to Thanksgiving. I also understand feeling uncomfortable with a stranger at a family event. Personally, I'd have said yes because id want to be included if I were in the roommate's shoes.
I think it’s different if the bf was taking OP to meet his parents and invited his roommate. That would be reasonable. This is idk your family and you don’t know him but bring us both. It’s weird.
Op is waving some red flags. It's about them but Op makes no compromises. even it the update op is only - me me me and it's just about how i feel and want.
@@k70freeman most people telling a story tend to focus on their view point. I can see both sides and understand why she might be uncomfortable. I still think it was nice of the bf to try to include the roommate who didn't have family close by. The biggest red flag I see is the apparent lack of communication between them both to come to a solution.
Story 1: I don't think anyone's in the wrong here, I'm going to give everyone a benefit of the doubt and say there's all good intentions here. They're meeting your boyfriend for the first time and I get not wanting to include another stranger in that especially if you don't let just anyone come in and you do not know this person. On the flip side I think your boyfriend was just trying to be nice, and didn't want his friend alone on Thanksgiving so I don't think he wrong for just asking and while he sounded disappointed it doesn't sound like he was trying to guilt Trip anyone.
but he's not the one who's hosting the thanksgiving. Why did he think it'd be a good idea to bring a total stranger OP doesnt know to a family event where he's going to meet her parents for the first time??
Dunno how other families do it, but in ours the more the merry. Could be a family members friend or coworker or whatever. Dun have to ask the person hosting. Always plenty of food.
However it was last minute and what if OPs parents didn’t cook enough for another person or didn’t have an extra place at the table? He may had good intentions but he was still a jerk about it
As a retired Army officer, I feel pretty sure that the first story isn’t the red flag factory people are making it out to be. I spent MANY holidays away from home and part of the culture is you try to make sure your friends, colleagues, whatever, don’t spend these holidays alone. I took in a lot of strays (hah) for the holidays and I was a stray taken in for a holiday on more than one occasion. The boyfriend’s only mistake (from what I can see) was that he didn’t check with his roommate to be sure he didn’t have plans. I don’t think the doomsayers in the comment section have had been in this position so often, if ever. If they had, maybe they’d recognize the dynamic at play.
Ex navy here. Why didn't the friend sign up for those special programs for families to host service folk for holidays? Those are heavily advertised. Maybe it's because I was enlisted and we had a lot of bilge rats, but this guy sounds like he was trying to score a free meal under the guise of "brotherhood." I've seen too many service opportunists to believe this story.
OP makes a big deal about setting boundaries which everyone respects (mayhap with some arm-twisting, carefully choosing/vetting whom she invites, etc. She's a massive snob.
That's kind of the point. That's military culture. There's no indication that OP's extended family are part of that culture. So it would make absolute sense for BF to host his friend, some sense for BF's family, OP doesn't seem familiar enough with the culture to have expected to accommodate the roommate and if OP doesn't get it then why would their family be expected to understand military culture? In non military cultures it can be seen as rude to ask to bring guests to an event if you're not given a "plus one", it's even ruder for a plus one to ask for a plus one. So it's a culture clash. Not necessarily a red flag but a social faux pas.
For those who don't understand the problem in story 1: the boyfriend is the a-hole because he hasn't even met OP's family yet. He's a stranger. And he wants a family he has never met to be host to ANOTHER stranger. If he wanted to do this with his family, that's fine. But expecting your girlfriend's family to host two strangers, especially one that is a last minute addition, is an AH move. As she said, she doesn't even know his roommate that well. And for those who say their Thanksgiving is open housed, just because YOU are kind and generous doesn't mean other people are. Be kind and generous with purpose. Not everyone needs to be coming into your house.
Those same people also claim that the roommate is like a brother and yet as a brother the bf is living with there’s been no effort for them to get to know OP.
The last story...the breakfast sandwich OP made doesn't sound that different from a fried bologna and egg sandwich with onions and cheese, which I've had for breakfast lunch and supper many times. OP's MIL is a piece of work.
Yeah, that isn't exactly Mexican food but just using and combining the only available foods in the home to make something to eat. This is what Mexican families did when food was limited at times. There are times I would cut up hot dogs and grill them in a pan and then add eggs and heat some flour tortillas to make an impromptu "sausage" and egg breakfast tacos with what was available and quick or even used Spam instead if we had it...lol
@@eduardocruz4341 hell, eggs and mini frankfurts grilled is something a lot of japanese people eat too, often with rice. nothing is cuter than a mini hotdog with half of it cut into so when you fry it the cut parts curl up to turn it into a tiny octopus in my opinion
Reddit people are idiots. This isn't just thanksgiving. This is a meet the parents and family dinner. It's actually extremely rune and very weird that he even asked. This is literally the single dinner where something like this isn't appropriate. This is a serious step in a relationship. And it's not something you should bring a literal stranger to all parties but you to third wheel on and mooch off their food. Most people plan in advance for how much food to make to be sure everyone will be fed. Most without any left to spare. It was really uncalled for even that he had the gall to be mad at her for refusing. I get it. I have family in the military as well as family who a police or first responders. They can't always be with us. Or with their own families. It's fine to feel bad for them on the holidays. But it isnt fine to try to invite them to other peoples homes who do not know and are not expecting to feed another grown adult man. He is TA. Not her. And if he holds a grudge over this and continues to make her feel like crap for it she should dump him. Because it shows exactly where his priorities are. And it's not with her or their relationship. People need to get this through their heads.
As someone who once did attend a friend’s family’s Thanksgiving party at his parents’ house when I was alone that day, 1) I was invited by my friend, 2) I had been to his house (when he lived with his parents) many times and was therefore familiar with his parents. No way would I even be comfortable going to the party if I were the friend of his partner AND had never met his parents.
Story one: our houses in Australia are open house, especially at Christmas. Sometimes friends of family will tag along. They usually fitted in well and a good time was had by all. We don’t do Thanksgiving here
Australian here. My family definitely doesn’t do that especially since the pandemic because we don’t know them, who they’ve been around and don’t know how much they eat.
Bathroom story: Haven't these people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?! The power of Brendon Urie compels you, but seriously if a barrel lock is too much for your trauma would a latch or chain lock be a manageable alternative cause you have to put your foot down on this and reclaim your autonomy, maybe book your voyeuristic MIL therapy too
I agree, I'd just buy a little barrel lock or hook & eye. But I did enjoy OP's stories of having some fun with it. Another thing to do with bargers is stand just inside the door where it barely won't hit you but when they barge in, you are RIGHT THERE just looking them in the face. Yeah it freaks them out. 😂 I am also laughing at OP saying MIL said she was doing "rituals" in there. Oh boy I would come up with some "rituals" NOW. Just thought of another fun idea, take a picture of them every time they barge in!
First story: if I had a roommate who might be alone for Thanksgiving I would totally want them to come with me. I understand Opie not wanting the roommate to come as well. They both have valid reasons for their choices and I’m glad it worked out
But would you invite them to *someone else's* Thanksgiving? Cause that's what BF was trying to do -- drag his buddy to a house full of people who were strangers to HIM, too.
@@thedorkone1516My family is old world and hospitality is in our DNA. We’ve all invited people - people who are strangers to everyone except the one who did the inviting - to share holiday meals with us. If that person mentioned he/she had a roommate who would be alone, we wouldn’t even wait for them to ask if that person could come, too - the immediate response would be, “Well, bring them along, too - there’s always room for one more!” It would be unthinkable and heartless to refuse them a place at our table and leave them to them sit home alone on a holiday like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.
I get why he wanted to invite his buddy. He's going to be all alone that day and they're like family. I also get why OP does not want to invite a stranger. My people would welcome the buddy too. Besides, didn't the tradition/ holiday start with a bunch of strangers?
S1 NTA your bf is a child at 34. How did he make it in the military? If he's not comfortable with you after 1.5 yrs. Question that, however invite him anyway as a show of support for his service. Navy brat here
Hot dogs are just sausages. OP basically described making a sausage omlette with toast. That's a standard American breakfast. OP's MIL is the weird one.
First one: Tough one, but I think NAH, but I do think it would have been worth checking with her family first instead of refusing right off the bat. He's a stranger to her and her family, so I can understand being hesitant to agree to have him there, especially when the boyfriend is also meeting the family for the first time. However, being in the military and stationed so far away from home, the boyfriend and his roommate are probably each others family at the moment, and not only would inviting him have been a nice gesture, it would also mean a chance to meet a part of his family while he meets hers. He's also not pushing, and she's giving him space, so even if they don't work out, they seem to be handling things somewhat maturely (at least in comparison to many other AITA posts). Second: NTA. A closed door to a bedroom or bathroom means 'don't come in', and MIL should know that at her age, and being 'family' doesn't make it OK to barge in. I would sit both hubby and MIL down and tell them, "Husband, you know I have PTSD from being locked in a bathroom so stop suggesting that. If you love me and value our marriage, you WILL back me up here. MIL, here's what's going to happen: I'm not going to be locking the door, but you ARE going to stop barging in when the door is closed. If you don't, you can find somewhere else to stay, because I will not tolerate your blatant disrespect for my boundaries anymore." If that doesn't work and hubby doesn't start having OP's back, I'd kick them both out. Third story: NTA, but I would tell them that if they're that desperate to meet the baby, then they'll give back every cent of the inheritance that they stole from OP, and I'd also tell them not to bother even calling until they do. I'd also tell the brothers that it's the parents' own fault that they're hurting, and that they shouldn't have even touched the money meant for OP's education. Fourth story: NTA, but Shelby sure as hell is. It definitely is an unwritten rule that you don't bring pets without checking that the host is on board with that. Last story: MIL sucks, but it's nice to see that OP's husband has his wife's back. Also, a hotdog omelette with ketchup sounds more American than Mexican, and it also sounds delicious, and it'd have a decent amount of protein, which growing kids need.
I LOVE cats and I would never let someone just bring one to stay. I don't know if they're vaccinated or if they are aggressive and I don't want them hurting the cats who already live with me. I don't think it's relevant that OP hates cats, but it is relevant that it was their house and nobody asked if the cat could stay before it was already there!
I can't imagine saying no to someone who will be alone otherwise. Particularly when you are in the military, military personnel are so supportive of their fellow soldiers and have massive brother/sister mentality.
Wait with camera recording narrating that any moment this thing will burst in the bathroom on me and try and play it off like an accident but of course it's no accident, then when it does I'd cheer to the audience that will see it on social media and say how this is the beast that does this!
Story 1: NTA 100%, boyfriend has the audacity not only to invite someone her parents home (he doesn't even know them) but also to do it at the last moment, and also to sulk and pout afterwards. Also it's weird how he didn't even inform the roommate about it, so it seems he's a manipulative pos that's trying to test his girlfriend's boundaries and see how far he can go. People saying op is the idiot can go suck a big fat c*ck and I'm pretty sure they would react completely differently if it were them. Basically op should dump him and run fast.
No no no your meeting her family you don't bring someone with you for the first time ever meeting the future inlaws this would be a deal breaker for me
I hate ppl that take their pet everywhere with the assumption they will be welcomed. Even when I had a dog I hated my in-laws bringing their one then two chihuahuas over.
NTA OP. I spent 23 years in the Army. I would never ask to bring someone over a day before the Holiday. I also would have not went if I was the room mate. I would invite my mom over to walk in on my husband, heck maybe even my dad. Ooo I'm not Hispanic but grew up eating hotdogs with eggs. Just never made a sandwich out of it.
#1 Nta. I could understand if she knows the roommate and he ask her the day before when he haven't meet the family either. Nta. Shelby should ask first.
No Cats: NTA. When people are pet owners and they take their pets with them to places they forget or chose to ignore that there's a certain level of decorum they need to follow. The most basic courtesy is to call ahead and double check if such a creature is allowed or if there's anyone with any allergies who is going to be present.
I f’love dogs. My husband f’loves dogs. We don’t have any because of physical and financial limitations but f’love when we get to be around them. My eldest has two and she still asks if it’s okay to bring my granddogs over when she visits. She knows the answers yes but out of respect for other’s homes she still asks. Every. Time. NTA
Story 1 : not surprising the bf is 8 years older than op and making those disrespectful requests. Even if the roommate was like a brother, I wouldn't bring my brother the first time I met my so's family. And there wasn't any real reason for him to be mad, he hadn't even asked the roommate so he wouldn't be breaking any kind of promise. And even promising that without asking first would have been extra rude. Glad the roommate turned it down
The roommate's alone on thanksgiving, would you still have the same opinion if he were emotionally depressed? He's literally just trying to be nice to his buddy. It's weird but nothing wrong with just asking, Scrooge.
@@ghostdragon5735yes it is disrespectful. He hasn’t met the family, he has no right to ask to bring a random stranger. On top of that, op and her family do not know his roommate. He’s a random stranger to them
@@sws212no, he had no right to ask. He’s an idiot if he thinks it’s ok to ask for a random stranger to come to a FAMILY dinner. His roommate is not family. That’s just common sense.
@@Ronin.Samurai no it’s not. He asked. She said no. I’m so sorry that you have this thing called no compassion. Hell when I found out my roommate couldn’t go home for thanksgiving, I brought him to my dads. Yes I asked, unlike op, my dad isn’t a dick and told me to bring him.
When I moved out for college my mom was worried that I'll get weird looks if i took homemade meals to campus during my weekend visits. 😭 Dorms didn't allow the public kitchen to be used and one hispanic can handle white washed cafeteria food. I would bring all the leftovers and shared with my roommates who loved the food.
3:16 the only two options this commenter can come up with are 1) he was trying to push her boundaries or 2) he was trying to “score” his friend a free meal and not “he realized that his friend was going to spend Thanksgiving alone and had compassion”. Wow. It’s says a LOT about the person who made the comment that they have no room in their heart or soul to consider this. How sad. I have invited people to Thanksgiving who were alone many many times-in school and afterward.
The first story is more about a difference in family dynamics. I don't think Thanksgiving is the best time to introduce your bf to the family, number one. But in my family, and probably the bf's family, Thanksgiving is sort of a free for all of people coming in and out and the host house just knowing an estimate on how many people will be coming. We all email an Excel spreadsheet for who is bringing what dish and how many to cook for, and the host house always cooks the turkey. Op's house seems far more reserved. But the comment about not bringing a stranger to Thanksgiving says it all. That, in my opinion, is the time you DO bring a stranger to share a meal.
Third story… it was not “hurt words” it was the truth, and more should have been said, you want to see my child, give me the money you stole.. I’ll bet my Turkey they will shut up. Oh… the last story… I’m not Mexican but if MIL doesn’t want to show up for weird “Mexican” food, I volunteer as tribute.😂😂 what a winner..lol.
Wow, it shows how much people truly appreciate the things the military do for their freedoms every day. We miss holidays with our own FAMILIES as well. GUESS none of you ever sat alone in a barracks cause you were either too far away from home, or too low on the seniority list to get holiday leave, and just a skeleton crew left behind. I've been in both situations. My first Christmas while active duty was the hardest and loneliest. My first Thanksgiving was made a lot better by the nurses who worked on our unit. They invited all enlisted who weren't able too go home for the holidays too come over too their home, where they hosted Thanksgiving. We miss our families too, and a meal even with a stranger is better than sitting in your barracks alone, like I did that first Christmas.
This isn't about being military. This is his first introduction to her family. He hasn't even met them yet. To them he is a stranger. This is an important step in a relationship. His girlfriend doesn't even know his roommate. He is a total stranger to her. She knows nothing about him aside from that they are rooming together. It is EXTREMELY inappropriate on his part that he would just assume she would accept him wanting to bring someone she hasn't even met let alone her family to the dinner where he will literally be meeting her family for the first time. People plan thanksgiving and Christmas dinners in advance to be sure they can feed everyone too. That is another issue. How exactly would you expect them to feed another person they were not prepared to feed? What if he has allergies and can't eat what they prepared? What if they aren't financially stable and they couldn't afford much to begin with but tried to splurge a little more to try to welcome their daughters boyfriend? And what if then he shows up with a complete stranger and expected them to be totally okay with feeding him and letting him into their home? They don't know either of them. He is invited simply because he is dating thwir daughter and this is the dinner where they planned to get to know him and their plans for the future. This is where he's meant to make a first impression. I have family in the military as well who we don't see often in NC. I have family back in PA who are police and first responders and we rarely see them on any holidays. And they would never pull the kind of entitled stunt he tried to pull. You don't just invite strangers to someone else's house to eat their food and just expect it to be fine. Especially during a time when meals are planned and prepped weeks in advance. He needed to talk to her and her family far sooner and introduce his friend rather than spring it on her the night before. And even then he has no right whatsoever to be upset when she says no because this is his first night meeting her family and it is extremely inappropriate to try to do something like this at that time. If he worries about what his friend will eat and maybe they have leftovers he could politely ask for something so he feels included and her family might be fine with it. But don't try to turn this into an everyone hates the military thing. This is not that. Whatsoever. And commpents and expectations like that are exactly why some people have such a bad taste in their mouth over military service these days. Just because you fight for your country doesn't mean everyone living there needs to bend over backwards and allow you to do what you please. You can honor and be thankful for servicement and still find this kind of behavior extremely distastful. My grandfather must be rolling in his grave right now over some of these comments. It would be fine if this was his family dinner and they knew he was bringing someone. That is entirely different from this situation where he is going to be a stranger in someone else's home himself and meet them for the first time. This is not appropriate on his part whatsoever. Not is his reaction after. She and her family deserve better.
I understand. My husband invited his barracks to our house on Thanksgiving for anyone that had no place to go. My girlfriend and I cooked all the food and my husband stocked the bar with anything you could want alcohol or non alcoholic drinks. We had about 20 plus people from the barracks plus a few non military. We all had a great time. It warmed our heart to be able to do this small thing for people that give their life for us. Thank you for your service.
My family would jump through hoops to accommodate an extra person for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner who would otherwise be alone. I don't understand this mentality of it being a problem to have 1 extra person. 6 years ago I found out on Tuesday that a fellow cosmetologist was going to be alone for Thanksgiving so I invited her to come to my sister's with me and when I told my sister she told me to tell anyone else who would be alone that they were invited too. Maybe it's because we're Cajun and we're raised to feed everyone who walks into our home, but my family would never be upset about a last minute dinner invite to our home. My sister even feeds workmen that come repair her house. The crew that put on her new roof told her she was the first client to have ever served drinks throughout the day and a full lunch at lunchbreak. I really don't see why it would have been such a big deal to invite the boyfriend's friend.
Probably because the family hasn’t even met the boyfriend yet, would probably feel really awkward to be expected to try hard to get to know your child’s partner who most expect to at some point become family. Then their roommate is just there, who wasn’t no one but the boyfriend really knows.
So a hotdog and egg sandwich is 'unhealthy' but I'm betting MIL thinks sausage and egg is just fine, right? Nutritionally there is likely little to no difference, and that sandwich had vegetables, which most breakfast sandwiches I've seen usually lack.
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I dated a first generation Korean girl for ten years, her mom would make what she called an "American breakfast." It consisted of a bowl of rice with a slice of American cheese a fried egg and two Nathan's hot dogs. And I'll tell you what. That sh*t was absolutely delicious! To this day, 12 years after we broke up, I still make that dish for breakfast from time to time. Rest in peace Mrs. Kim ❤️
That's quite wholesome
ㅜ.ㅜ
Mrs. Kim is literally a Korean character in Gilmore Girls…
@@brainfluidZ Kim is the most common last name in Korea. It's like saying Smith in America. 🤷 It's funny, my ex wanted me to change my last name to hers when we got married, I told her we'd have to compromise and both change it to Gim if she wanted me to change my last name to hers. Keep in mind, K and G are interchangeable in Korean.
Sorry, late to the party. According to the Korean Englishman channel: following the Korean war, the locals had a surplus of American foods leftover at the Army Bases: Spam, BBQ Beans, Hot Dogs, and Plastic Cheese [kraft singles] are what I remember. By taking these foods and adding their own spices and kimchee they made an amazing soup... and other dishes. Like your breakfast.
Actually giving kids ethnic food is a great way to make friends. There was a Korean girl in my kindergarten that showed up to lunch with slices of seaweed and I thought it hilarious to to see someone eat "green tissue paper". I asked to try the edible art supply, and for the rest of the year I was trading any side dish I got to eat that mineral-rich green paper.
Right? I was stationed in Japan and discovered that tasty treat at the restaurants. In my case, the seaweed was dried and minced into “sprinkles.” There would be a shaker on the table similar to the ones for dried Parmesan cheese, but it had seaweed instead. So yummy! 😋
That's nasty
@@candyluna2929 where is your sense of adventure? It’s a salty plant.
must be reeaalll easy to preach generosity when you're not expected to give anything.
What do you mean?
@@lindah3803 I think they're talking about the people laying it into OP in the first story for not just bringing the roommate along at the last minute.
@@akl2k7 Maybe, hopefully he/she will reply to clear it up. When people leave open ended, nondescript comments like this one, I'll ask what? Just to get/understand their train of thought.
@@lindah3803 Agreed. Commenters should at least indicate what story they're talking about if the context doesn't make it clear.
Even worse are the ones who give a single word judgement (YTA) without saying what they're talking about.
It's a cultural thing. Military families don't turn people away from the table. 5th generation Military family member, it is routine for a nephew to bring a few colleagues. And it is routine for other families to include my nephews when deployed away from home.
In the first story, the BF should have discussed this well in advanced and discuss it with OP's family too. BF should have properly introduced friend to OP before asking to bring him to her family dinner. Then it would have been OK, but it's not OK to just spring a total stranger to someone's family dinner like that.
My mom and dad would have laughed at you. Feeding last-minute strangers happened a lot while I was growing up.
@@MrBeevee5 That's amazing! But it's not the case for many others. Asking in advance does no harm whatsoever to families like yours but prevents issues with families that don't like surprises, so it's better for everyone to discuss things like this first as a principle.
@@wwondertwin He did ask, for what it is worth. Turning him down would be considered inconceivable.
@@MrBeevee5 The boyfriend asked OP before even finding out if his roommate could attend, which is just bizarre. Maybe the boyfriend wants to make an art studio for his roommate.
@@johnp.2267 Makes me no nevermind.
I love how the first story is about a simple argument and we have comments that telling Op that she is an heartless monster that should be dumped, and people that calling the boyfriend a manipulative and abusive creep that needs to be left as soon as possible.
Wtf
And this is the same sub that gets mad when someone set boundaries with people that ruined his life😂
Personally I think the boyfriend was being unreasonable for trying to bring someone at the last minute. And people who sang that OP is the heartless monster is just using Thanksgiving as a holiday excuse and not thinking about boundaries. But honestly that boyfriend does not seem like a nice guy and I hope OP dumps him.
😞 Man why are all the good women nowadays taken by such idiots?
😀😃😄😁😆😅🤣😂 yup.
It's not really about a simple argument. It is about core values and lifestyle choices that could affect them if their relationship progresses forward. I am not saying that he should dump her, I am saying that I wouldn't be surprised if this sparks questions in him as to whether she is right for him that could, ultimately, cause them to part.
In the military its the norm to make sure no one is left alone on a holiday. Last minute changes happen constantly. Not sure she's cut out for that.
I think the b/f was unreasonable. I wish OP hadn't caved, she did nothing wrong. She's now set a bad precident in their relationship. Hope she shows more spine in the future.
This person is still a complete stranger to the family and isn't directly connected to a member of the family. It could be very comfortable for them and really should be cleared with them at least.
Yeah, plus the bf was meeting OP's family for the first time so it is wrong on the bf to spring this on op and also on the family.
Get a spray bottle fill it with water and every time your MIL walks into the bathroom while your in there spray her with it and tell her she’s a bad girl …
Also, do the same to her. Or scare the 💩 out of her, that would work.😆
MIL might end up liking that though
Someone in these stories did that to his wife, when she wouldn't stop interrupting his work meetings in his home office!
🤣🤣🤣 Ouch, great idea.
Good one, but make it pepper spray. She'd only do it once.
Story 3: Can i just say it’s sooo refreshing to read a story where the partner actually fully supports the Op and actually DOESNT try to get them to reconnect with toxic family members.
NTA Op, your family sucks. Anytime your brothers say “what you said hurt parents feelings” reply with “them stealing my college fund hurt my feelings and they didn’t seem to care about that”. Cut them out entirely Op, i wish you a happy life with your awesome husband and kids.
This! The reason i fell in love with my husband ,was because he didn't try it too..i had an awful childhood and my mom was terrible .. His mom is and was always wonderful ,and i love her really much.. None of them try to get me to reconnect with my side of the family ,as they know how horrible they are/were to me, growing up..
She sounds wonderful. Just wants simple things, her kids , husband, and a bit of evening TV.
Story 4: I have a cat, I know if they pee on anything you have to throw that thing away. And yes you do need to get permission before bringing a pet of any kind of someone else's house, especially for a couple of days. She wasn't considerate and wrong for trying to force her cat on you. I love cats and would still be mad if someone did that to me.
Yeah, that was really rude. I love animals, especially cats and I wouldn't pull that. You ALWAYS ask if you're bringing a pet, a friend, etc. To someone else's home. ALWAYS.
I think its absolutely insane to think its ok to just turn up at someone's house with a cat (or dog for that matter).
Cat dander stays capable of causing allergic reactions for 4-6 months after cats no longer are in the home. Although I lived with cats until I was in my 50s, I am extremely allergic to cat dander, a fact that only came to be clear after I finally addressed my difficulty in breathing normally with an allergist. Now, any contact with cats brings on itching skin, eyes, and nasal blockage in minutes.
It was rude of her and not showing she was a good owner of the cat. I agree with the comment that this was a recently adopted cat, so already traumatized, and needing a quiet place a d what did Shelby do? Take the cat on a trip to another new place among a lot of strange people. She should have left the cat with the room mate. It would have been kinder.
D. Phantom- 2 parts water to 1 part vinegar. I bought a house where the man let wild cats come in and out. They sprayed and peed on the wall and carpet on the lanai. It hit you in the face walking into the house and your eyes watered. I sprayed the mixture and within a week the smell was gone.
Story 2: I'm laughing so hard visualising those stances in the bathroom 🤣
She needed to bring a jar of nutella into the bathroom and smear it around as she squatted on the toilet.
Have some Halloween masks and an air horn. Scare the crap out of her a few times and that should do it for nosy nuts. Also, do the same to her and see if she likes it. Disable the lock first. Oh you don't like it? Then don't freaking do it. A taste of their own medicine usually does the trick.
@@theuglykwan Lick the Nutela off her hand and then act angrily and embarrassed 😂
It's a ritual.
I’m curious to know if there is more than one bathroom in the house? If so MIL needs to get off her high horse and use the guest bath. If not OP should just cowgirl up and lock the door
I'm trying for figure out why MIL feels the need to go into the bathroom when she knows that OP is in there. I can understand walking in once or twice by accident but this seems to be a ritual for MIL to barge into the bathroom when OP is in there.
Thanksgiving OP: "Sorry, MIL, I'll remember to only serve traditional food."
*serves deer, shellfish, geese, duck peas, beechnuts, chestnuts, spinach and Indian corn*
The turkey will still be there, but I can go for lobster. And don't forget the squash.
It’s nice that op’s bf was thinking of his roommate for thanksgiving but it’s not cool for the plus one of a guest to also invite a guest along. Had this been at op’s home or a friends giving then sure bring the room mate.
First story: NAH. I think it's okay for him to ask if he's close with his roommate and sees him as family and it is totally okay for OP to set boundaries if she doesn't know the roommate well.
However, i feel weird about the "I feel like a massive asshole but this is one of the rare events where i've put my foot down in this relationship and refuse to accomodate his wants" comment Op made. I'm not sure if i'm missinterpreting because i've seen so many stories where one partner just bulldozes the other partners decisions and wants but it sounds to me like it's always the boyfriends way. If that's really the case then NTA.
I once rescued a starving kitty from the streets right before Christmas. I had to leave town and didn't want to leave her alone for the holidays so I put her up in a kennel for a couple of days. While not ideal, it was much better than dragging her to a relative's house two hours away and forcing her to get along with strangers who had cats of their own. There's no reason the lady in the story couldn't have done the same.
Cat Story: I have 3 cats and I can't fathom bringing any of them to someone's house for the holidays without asking. That's so incredibly rude. It's not even good for them, cats are easily stressed if they're not used to traveling. If she just adopted the cat he needs time to settle in to his permanent residence, hire a pet sitter if you don't trust your roommates.
When OP said her parents used her college fund to do renovations, I was horrified! OP, you are NTA. You told the TRUTH. And if the truth hurts your parents, that is their problem. Imagine feeling sorry for yourself because it's hard for you to HEAR the abuse you caused on your child. If they think it's hard to hear, they should try living it.
Guaranteed the brothers are the Golden Children-maybe because they're boys
BathroomBarger: What idiots all around! First, who keeps a bathroom door closed when no one's inside? A closed door means *occupied.* Second, you don't "gently persuade" someone to not do it again, you scream your head off at the boundary stomper and escalate each time, up to, including, and surpassing yelling the most vile expletives as you can think of. *Still* failing that, take something heavy and heave it at the offender *and connect.* You get called "childish"? Go for "unhinged" instead. Because otherwise *It Will Never Stop.*
If they were the executors of her inheritance, her money was misappropriated! She needs an attorney!
So her boyfriend asked to bring his roommate to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend's parents house where he'll be meeting her parents for the first time ever without informing the roommate of said invitation and got mad when she said no which made her apologize for not doing anything wrong? OP is NTA and her boyfriend is definitely TA
Agree. And not sure why folk are talking about them being brothers in arms instead of room mates!! Bf was very rude.
@@zombiechicken7114 because they all want to claim this self righteous moral high ground without acknowledging the reality of the situation.
I assume that he wanted to ask his GF before telling the roommate so that he wouldn’t be disappointed.
First story. I’m a military mom. Have three kids in the military and they aren’t home. We have a tradition where we ask military to our home for thanksgiving. NTA but I do feel it’s a nice thing to have and host military to your home. They are giving up their lives to take care of us.
Roommate is a stranger. OP doesn’t know him. Some people need to stop acting like just because it’s thanksgiving everyone is a good person and you know everyone like the back of your hands. Also the biggest factor is the boyfriend didn’t even ask the roommate and the roommate couldn’t come so it sounds like the boyfriend made up the roommates situation.
I feel like bf doesn't want to be introduced. Know gf will say no to friend, get upset and refuse to go.
Yup that’s what I was thinking too. It was a weird ask especially since the roommate couldn’t even go because it wasn’t even about the roommate to begin with.
What? 1st: The BF was absolutely right to ask OP 1st about inviting roomy. It's her family,not his. Had the roles been reversed and BF invited both roomy and OP to his family's thanksgiving,that is his choice. OP can decide for herself. By asking OP first,this eliminated the chance of roomy saying yes,he would like to go, then OP saying no(which she did), forcing the BF to resend the invite. This would make things awkward between BF and roomy as well as OP and roomy. 2nd: OP did have the right to say no to her BFs idea. She was focused, this was to be her family's 1st meeting. It never dawned on her to consider her BFs position. He's military,away from his family. The roomy is part of his military family who is also away from his family. It is common for military people to invite a roommate to a holiday at their families home. Even giving short notice. Holidays are SUPPOSED to be a time of sharing. This could have been an opportunity for OP to get to know roomy, her family to get to know both,BF would also catch a break from the family being completely zoned in on him(stressful being interrogated for a day). Growing up,my family never invited anyone other than family to holidays. As an adult, I invited my new downstairs neighbor,who I had never talked to or seen, after their daughter knocked on my door asking to borrow my can opener. I asked her what all they were having. TV dinners and canned peaches. I went with her back to her place to invite them to dinner. To discover that both parents were Mexican(I had already assumed 1of them was), both parents were deaf and didn't speak English(the girl wasn't deaf,did speak English). They did join us. It was awkward at first, everyone had a good time. I sent leftovers home with them and my other friends that showed up. The next day,the girl and Mom showed up. Mom was embarrassed about not having their own dinner available. Also for adding 3 more to the group. I told her not to worry about it. Originally I was supposed to have 5 guest , 2 more people were added on the night before, 2 more had been added on that morning, adding her family was fun for everyone. Besides I always cook enough food for 18 to 20 people. A total of 14 had Thanksgiving dinner at my place. Holidays today are just depressing. To many care only about themselves and what they can get. Sad
If the MIL is "weirded out" by OP doing ballet poses in her own bathroom, she should stop barging in on her. It has to be some sort of power play by the MIL. Who doesn't understand that a closed door means do not disturb? Especially when this has happened a few times before.
I'd recommend OP to get a turning STOP/GO shield for the bathroom door, but I'm pretty sure that won't stop MIL....
Sooooo, OP should dump the BF and get such a shild for the bathroom for future use, re. locked door phobia....
Mom and son have a kxnk
I've heard the bathroom barger story, and I made this comment on another channel, but I still stand by it because I'm petty AF. MIL gave OP pure gold in the way of "she's doing rituals!". I would have horror movie props, random smart ass signs, then Marie Laveau myself up, get some chalk, doodle some loa symbols and ask if she wants to join me in dancing in the virgin blood of the chicken. Lol 😈😁
This comment is gold! Maybe add a voodoo doll that looks like MIL and sit it on the tank lid of the toilet with a couple of black candles on the sides... LMAO
@@mandyrobbins1 Oh freaking God YES!!! LOL 🤣
These comments on Thanksgiving dinner, are so extra....OP is not the idiot for only wanting her bf to attend...this is his first time meeting her parents and family, that's kind of a big deal and not the time for roommates to tag along.
Good grief, its about timing.
Who walks into a restroom without knocking if others are in the house?
Story 3: OP “ you can meet my son after you pay back my inheritance you stole from me with interest!”
My white as white could be Grandpa would chop up stuff, cook it in scrambled eggs, serve it with catsup and call it "Eggs Michael". We loved that stuff and always looked forward to it when visiting the grandparents. Nowadays I still like omelets and similar dishes, though I no longer put catsup on them. Sometimes I put salsa on them.
I make omelet with chipotle, salsa sounds good too i think.
Hey! I’m home alone on Thanksgiving BY CHOICE. I’m having a wonderful doggo birthday.
Happy 12th birthday Sprocket! 🎉🥳
Happy birthday Sprocket 🎉🎂🐾🐶
Happy birthday 🎉
Happy Birthday 🎂🐕 Sprocket!
🥳🦴have a wonderfull day you both!
We had chicken AND Turkey. He’s been sleeping while I’m brushing him. Oh, what a wonderful 12th birthday for a dog!
Last story: NTA! I would have been asking to try Mexican foods!! Kudos to your husband for having your back and it sounds like to me that you're a great cook!!😋😋😋
I have to admit, this story made me very angry. We would cut up hotdogs all of the time and add into what we were cooking. It wasn't "ethnic" it was a cheap fast meal. I supposed if it was a sausage patty that would be okay? And considering our country is a melting pot, there are all kinds of wonderful foods to eat, what is the traditional foods for Thanksgiving anyway?
'
How are hot dogs a Mexican food?
Lol same here! My family is exceptionally white, but last year we wanted to try something outside of the traditional “Christmas staples.” We’re lucky enough to be blessed with good cooks in my house, so we made carne asada for the first time and it was delicious! MIL just didn’t want to admit that Mexican food is objectively better than American food lol
We called that poor man food when I was growing up. It’s not really Mexican food just adjacent and it’s the best meals ever
Well, technically hot dogs are sausages and eggs/scrambled eggs and sausage with toast is a very American dish, so MIL needs to save her breath to cool her soup. Besides, she needs to widen her horizons. Does she eat pizza? Spaghetti and meat sauce/meatballs? Anything that wasn't being cooked and eaten by the Native Americans came from somewhere else.
Story 3: Why lie so they can stay in denial, no it's easier just to straight up tell them point blank that you don't want to see them again and for good reason. The holidays are for people that love and care about each other. They didn't care enough about you to not spend your money, so why should you care about their feelings and who cares what your brother think.
Brother was likely the golden child while OP was spare parts for said child. OP has her true family and may they have many wonderful holidays!
They didn't care until there was a grandchild
If they were the executors of her inheritance, it was misappropriated! See an attorney!
"When she squeezes out a dookie" ROFL
Story 4: so Shelby brought her luggage and a pet carrier. Did she even bother to bring a litter box?
Pretty sure she expects OP to take care of that. And the kitty food. I feel bad for kitty.
I bet she brought the basics.
Story 2. That mother in law is getting on my NERVES! Why is she barging in the bathroom literally every time she's in there?? So mad about this.
She's trying to catch her doing drug's or something. OP needs to set hubby straight. If he doesn't get MIL to stop, then more extreme tactics can be used. A friend of mine had this problem. She used a spray bottle of water on her MIL. Her hubby had A FIT. She told him to get MIL to stop or it will get worse. He didn't. Next was a cow bell. Next was a bicycle horn. Next was a fog horn. Every "next" she told hubby and MIL it will be worse. Finally she put glue on the outside handle. MIL cut the number and length of her visits down. Never even went to the bathroom door again.
Story 2: I'd take my phone in there and record her. Catch her doing it like five times and then show my husband. That would be indisputable proof that she's doing it on purpose.
The sad part is that action is required...
That's exactly what I thought!
Get it multiple times on camera to show husband how rude his mother, aka your GUEST, behaves when she seems to always need to use the bathroom when op uses it and doesn't even feel the need to knock.
Or maybe op should give hubby a dose of that medicine? Barging in on him without knocking... Several times... He can't know if it's his wife or mother or wife's best friend...
Or return the "favour" when they visit mil in her new home. Barge in on her without knocking...
Story 2 you have a husband problem. This is clearly intentional. Why would you enter the bathroom and not knock? She's family so it's okay? I had body dysmorphia for much of my life and would feel uncomfortable being in various stages of undress
When is a completely closed bathroom door an invitation? Slightly ajar, yes; closed, knock! I refuse to believe that anyone is that stupid, it has to be intentional.
@@leefi1 even when it's slightly ajar I would knock to know if it's occupied, especially if the light is on.
Story 2 strange posing was too tame. If someone barged in on me in the bathroom I'd have an airhorn ready at the gap
😂🤣😅🤣😂
📯📯🎺🎺🎷🎷📣📣
Story one. Bf hadn't met the family yet himself but wants to bring along another unknown person to the gathering!!!
It's obvious you've never been in the military that makes you an a****** too
If it’s not healthy for them to have hot dogs are breakfast then it’s never healthy for them to have hot dogs. It being lunch time doesn’t suddenly make a hot dog healthy
Cat story: It is an unwritten rule not to bring a pet without warning - what if anyone is allergic?! And also, that cat is newly adopted and it takes weeks for cats to get used to new homes and the cousin thinks it's a good idea to take the cat with them to stay at an unfamiliar place with a bunch of single people?!
Yup, I love cats fiercely but I'm pretty sure you NEVER bring a pet out of the blue without warning.
That poor cat is likely freaked out, is surrounded by strange smells and strange people, and had no idea what's going on. I love cats but this is just not fair for both the cat and OP.
Yeah, what I was thinking was: what if the cousin was staying at a hotel? Surely, she'd call ahead and make sure the even allowed cats. And if they didn't and she showed up anyway, she'd be turned away potentially. Why should OP get less consideration than a hotel?
As a cat owner, I would never bring my cats to someone else's home without permission. The cousin was rude for assuming it would be ok.
Last story, how disrespectful of MIL. Even if she was planning on making Mexican dishes, who cares, it's something different and new to try. Does she really think school kids all bring one type of ethnic style lunch. The majority of kids could be white, it doesn't mean they are all from the same cultural background.
I cannot think of a Christmas dinner (we don't have an equivalent to Thanksgiving in our country) when we don't have at least one stray at the dinner table., There should always be room for one more.
I agree, I would never say no to another guest for any holiday or special occasion. As for 'protecting' her family, are they small children with attachment issues? Adults are able to process the loss of the presence of a friend or boyfriend in your life should your relationship end in time. How delicate and intimate is your family dynamic?
That’s how I was raised. I was starting to think it was just because my family’s been military in some capacity for generations and then I married military, as well. My kids were even raised the same. I didn’t know there are people in the world that would refuse one more at the dinner table. So glad to know it wasn’t just me and mine, though.
I'm 67 years old and have no living relatives. My heart broke when I heard this story.
I'd be sitting alone every holiday if friends and neighbors didn't include me in their celebrations.
I was taught to be welcoming and generous. OP is horrible.
@@AFAskygoddess Eh, I wouldn't say she's horrible. This was supposed to be the first meeting between her boyfriend and her parents and he sprung it on her at the last minute. Plus, she barely knew the guy. She's allowed to say no in that situation.
i love cats. i'm practically a cat stuck in a human body.
wouldn't let someone spring a cat on me either!
And on the flip side, I wouldn't do this to my cat.
Parents stole inheritance for renovations then put a lien on the home. Even if they never sell it you will be insured to get that money back and I believe with interest. Don’t let them get away with it.
If a kid had brought burritos or samosas to school for lunch when I was growing up they would have been my new best friend!!
Ngl, whenever I hear someone say they have issues with locking the bathroom door, I wonder if they have never used a public restroom or if they just leave the stalls unlocked.
We Pilipinos are hospitable, you can bring someone to our party, the more the merrier.
Morning all from down under😊
Good evening from up north 😁
Very jealous y'all are going into summer!
I think the breakfast you described is fine, but I would recommend Polish sausage over hot dogs. When MIL comes for Thanksgiving dinner add some chorizo to her serving of stuffing
Story one: NAH. She's not wrong for not wanting someone she never met to come with her to her family's dinner, even if he's a close friend of the boyfriend. The boyfriend also isn't wrong for asking and feeling a little disappointed. It's weird how the comments really think this little incident is enough for the boyfriend to "rethink the entire relationship". I think things would've went over better if Op actually met the dude and got to build up a friendship with him through the boyfriend. The boyfriend really should've introduced them first before trying to bring his friend to an important holiday.
Nope, op is nta, and the boyfriend is the idiot. He had no right to ask for a random stranger to join a FAMILY dinner. That’s common sense. Mature adults understand this.
Americans get a lot more than "weird" when it comes to soldiers and vets. Fuck 'em when it comes to official programs for health and housing, etc (or god forbid if they have different politics), but don't you DARE turn a soldier down/away for any reason- even if you don't know them or are uncomfortable or can't afford to give to/help them. It's cruel, heartless, and un-American. You will be judged if anyone finds out.
People keep saying he’s like family. But if they’re dating for 7 months, and he lives with the guy and is family, how come the bf has never made an effort to get them together and bond. All the assumptions people are making to justify their hatred of OP is absurd.
@@drako8343 really tho. I'm guessing it's because he's military and people just expect Op to automatically bend to her boyfriend's will. While they're going so hard for the friend, we don't even know if he'll even feel comfortable with going??? This is an entire family of someone he never officially introduced himself to.
@@Ronin.Samurai ykw, you're right. Ig I didn't want to judge too harshly, but yeah, it was pretty weird for the boyfriend to try to invite a stranger that even his girlfriend isn't familiar with to _her_ family's dinner. Thanksgiving is about giving, yes, but it's also for families to get together. You can give without inviting strangers into your home, lmao.
Story 2: She traumatized? Oh please, tell them both to get over themselves, and none of this would have happened if MIL just use basic manners and knock before entering a bathroom. Also how much you want to bet she get mad at you locking the bathroom door even if you did. This is a power play and I agree with that comment that said you should just flip her off the next time she barges into the bathroom. Also tell your husband that he has two options, tell his mom to stop, or let you handle it the way you been doing it.
Do the same to her. They can't complain without admitting they're wrong.
I'm a CAT person, you NEVER take your cat or any other pet to someone else's home. I've never even asked someone if I could. I've found, people who loves animals an those who hate them are incompatible and have nothing in common anyway.
I've been alone for many holidays and would have loved to be thought of by someone. You could have at least asked your family if they were comfortable with extending the invitation to someone who was alone and far away from their loved ones. Even if he'd have refused it, it would have eased his loneliness.
I would have asked, "So you're fine with your family seeing me in the altogether? You've got some weird kinks," then left the house for good.
Holiday or not, it is rude to bring someone over last minute, especially even if you haven’t even met the guy.
You have your own issues if total strangers 'thinking of you' would make you feel less lonely. Those people would not have been happy to have you or the friend from this story there, they would have uncomfortably feigned politeness and been annoyed at the intrusion. Forcing literal strangers to be around you isn't 'not being alone' for the holidays, and in actuality it would have likely made you feel more lonely. This is a really childish, entitled, and selfish worldview, as is whatever the hell that last sentence is trying to say.
Dude lives on a base with literally thousands of other people who are also away from home, he won't be alone regardless.
Do either of you realize how many veterans and non-veterans commit suicide over Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years because they're alone/depressed? Sometimes, just a kind word or gesture can help them up. Then again, I kinda doubt that you'll understand that. Empathy goes a long way but worrying about etiquette seems to be all that a good many people care about. Hope you have a good holiday. Peace out.
Sorry 1 hits me hard. My youngest is 19 and in the military and currently based over 4000km away from us here at home.
I'm torn because I'd love it if one of his mates invited him to Thanksgiving. I also understand feeling uncomfortable with a stranger at a family event.
Personally, I'd have said yes because id want to be included if I were in the roommate's shoes.
I think it’s different if the bf was taking OP to meet his parents and invited his roommate. That would be reasonable. This is idk your family and you don’t know him but bring us both. It’s weird.
@@drako8343 I agree. I'm not saying OP was wrong in her reaction. 😊
Just explaining why I feel differently.
Op is waving some red flags. It's about them but Op makes no compromises. even it the update op is only - me me me and it's just about how i feel and want.
@@k70freeman most people telling a story tend to focus on their view point.
I can see both sides and understand why she might be uncomfortable. I still think it was nice of the bf to try to include the roommate who didn't have family close by.
The biggest red flag I see is the apparent lack of communication between them both to come to a solution.
Story 1: I don't think anyone's in the wrong here, I'm going to give everyone a benefit of the doubt and say there's all good intentions here. They're meeting your boyfriend for the first time and I get not wanting to include another stranger in that especially if you don't let just anyone come in and you do not know this person. On the flip side I think your boyfriend was just trying to be nice, and didn't want his friend alone on Thanksgiving so I don't think he wrong for just asking and while he sounded disappointed it doesn't sound like he was trying to guilt Trip anyone.
but he's not the one who's hosting the thanksgiving. Why did he think it'd be a good idea to bring a total stranger OP doesnt know to a family event where he's going to meet her parents for the first time??
Dunno how other families do it, but in ours the more the merry. Could be a family members friend or coworker or whatever. Dun have to ask the person hosting. Always plenty of food.
However it was last minute and what if OPs parents didn’t cook enough for another person or didn’t have an extra place at the table? He may had good intentions but he was still a jerk about it
@@lorilancaster5917 people always have good intentions at the mercy of others
@@idkhithere6860 Because is compassionate and caring. There's no harm in asking.
His mother SHOULD feel weirded out when she keeps barging in on her daughter in law.
She should be so troubled, she Stops Doing It.
As a retired Army officer, I feel pretty sure that the first story isn’t the red flag factory people are making it out to be. I spent MANY holidays away from home and part of the culture is you try to make sure your friends, colleagues, whatever, don’t spend these holidays alone. I took in a lot of strays (hah) for the holidays and I was a stray taken in for a holiday on more than one occasion. The boyfriend’s only mistake (from what I can see) was that he didn’t check with his roommate to be sure he didn’t have plans. I don’t think the doomsayers in the comment section have had been in this position so often, if ever. If they had, maybe they’d recognize the dynamic at play.
I agree with you. I myself would have agreed to bring the friend for the reasons you have stated.
Ex navy here. Why didn't the friend sign up for those special programs for families to host service folk for holidays? Those are heavily advertised. Maybe it's because I was enlisted and we had a lot of bilge rats, but this guy sounds like he was trying to score a free meal under the guise of "brotherhood." I've seen too many service opportunists to believe this story.
OP makes a big deal about setting boundaries which everyone respects (mayhap with some arm-twisting, carefully choosing/vetting whom she invites, etc. She's a massive snob.
I also wonder if the roommate did know but said he couldn't come because she had already said no so he knew that he wasn't wanted there.
That's kind of the point. That's military culture. There's no indication that OP's extended family are part of that culture. So it would make absolute sense for BF to host his friend, some sense for BF's family, OP doesn't seem familiar enough with the culture to have expected to accommodate the roommate and if OP doesn't get it then why would their family be expected to understand military culture? In non military cultures it can be seen as rude to ask to bring guests to an event if you're not given a "plus one", it's even ruder for a plus one to ask for a plus one. So it's a culture clash. Not necessarily a red flag but a social faux pas.
For those who don't understand the problem in story 1: the boyfriend is the a-hole because he hasn't even met OP's family yet. He's a stranger. And he wants a family he has never met to be host to ANOTHER stranger. If he wanted to do this with his family, that's fine. But expecting your girlfriend's family to host two strangers, especially one that is a last minute addition, is an AH move. As she said, she doesn't even know his roommate that well. And for those who say their Thanksgiving is open housed, just because YOU are kind and generous doesn't mean other people are. Be kind and generous with purpose. Not everyone needs to be coming into your house.
Those same people also claim that the roommate is like a brother and yet as a brother the bf is living with there’s been no effort for them to get to know OP.
@@drako8343 That too.
The last story...the breakfast sandwich OP made doesn't sound that different from a fried bologna and egg sandwich with onions and cheese, which I've had for breakfast lunch and supper many times. OP's MIL is a piece of work.
I don’t care for fried deli meats. But cold cut bologna and the rest of what you said sounds good.
I wonder if they would invite me? I wouldn't mind a Thanksgiving meal with a Mexican twist.
Yeah, that isn't exactly Mexican food but just using and combining the only available foods in the home to make something to eat. This is what Mexican families did when food was limited at times. There are times I would cut up hot dogs and grill them in a pan and then add eggs and heat some flour tortillas to make an impromptu "sausage" and egg breakfast tacos with what was available and quick or even used Spam instead if we had it...lol
@@eduardocruz4341 hell, eggs and mini frankfurts grilled is something a lot of japanese people eat too, often with rice. nothing is cuter than a mini hotdog with half of it cut into so when you fry it the cut parts curl up to turn it into a tiny octopus in my opinion
@@eduardocruz4341 That sounds delicious!
Cat issue story-
NTA. She didn’t ask. That was 100% the cousins fault. They need to get a hotel room that allows animals
Reddit people are idiots. This isn't just thanksgiving. This is a meet the parents and family dinner. It's actually extremely rune and very weird that he even asked. This is literally the single dinner where something like this isn't appropriate. This is a serious step in a relationship. And it's not something you should bring a literal stranger to all parties but you to third wheel on and mooch off their food. Most people plan in advance for how much food to make to be sure everyone will be fed. Most without any left to spare. It was really uncalled for even that he had the gall to be mad at her for refusing. I get it. I have family in the military as well as family who a police or first responders. They can't always be with us. Or with their own families. It's fine to feel bad for them on the holidays. But it isnt fine to try to invite them to other peoples homes who do not know and are not expecting to feed another grown adult man. He is TA. Not her. And if he holds a grudge over this and continues to make her feel like crap for it she should dump him. Because it shows exactly where his priorities are. And it's not with her or their relationship. People need to get this through their heads.
I would not bring a pet to someone's house without permission.
As someone who once did attend a friend’s family’s Thanksgiving party at his parents’ house when I was alone that day, 1) I was invited by my friend, 2) I had been to his house (when he lived with his parents) many times and was therefore familiar with his parents. No way would I even be comfortable going to the party if I were the friend of his partner AND had never met his parents.
MIL- "I keep baring in OP when she's in the bathroom and she is doing rituals!" And OP's hubby thinks OP is wrong? NOPE!
OP is hilarious!
Story one: our houses in Australia are open house, especially at Christmas. Sometimes friends of family will tag along. They usually fitted in well and a good time was had by all. We don’t do Thanksgiving here
Australian here. My family definitely doesn’t do that especially since the pandemic because we don’t know them, who they’ve been around and don’t know how much they eat.
Yeah, but I see op's problem here. She is going to introduce her bf to her family... What do you think they'll think if op shows up with two men?
Huevos con Salchicha HITS.
Bathroom story: Haven't these people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?! The power of Brendon Urie compels you, but seriously if a barrel lock is too much for your trauma would a latch or chain lock be a manageable alternative cause you have to put your foot down on this and reclaim your autonomy, maybe book your voyeuristic MIL therapy too
Or a door wedge.
I agree, I'd just buy a little barrel lock or hook & eye.
But I did enjoy OP's stories of having some fun with it.
Another thing to do with bargers
is stand just inside the door where it barely won't hit you but when they barge in, you are RIGHT THERE just looking them in the face. Yeah it freaks them out. 😂
I am also laughing at OP saying MIL said she was doing "rituals" in there. Oh boy I would come up with some "rituals" NOW.
Just thought of another fun idea, take a picture of them every time they barge in!
No. OP did the right thing. She faced this situation with Poise and Rationality.
Story two- that MIL is a huge, massive creep. That's so incredibly gross and invasive
Wait... so you're not supposed to pee in someone's kitchen sink?
Great, *now* you tell me...
Are you my ex?
😂
Who shows up to someone else's house with a pet without asking first?
"That pet is not welcome. Mine live here."
First story: if I had a roommate who might be alone for Thanksgiving I would totally want them to come with me. I understand Opie not wanting the roommate to come as well. They both have valid reasons for their choices and I’m glad it worked out
But would you invite them to *someone else's* Thanksgiving? Cause that's what BF was trying to do -- drag his buddy to a house full of people who were strangers to HIM, too.
@@thedorkone1516My family is old world and hospitality is in our DNA. We’ve all invited people - people who are strangers to everyone except the one who did the inviting - to share holiday meals with us. If that person mentioned he/she had a roommate who would be alone, we wouldn’t even wait for them to ask if that person could come, too - the immediate response would be, “Well, bring them along, too - there’s always room for one more!” It would be unthinkable and heartless to refuse them a place at our table and leave them to them sit home alone on a holiday like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.
I get why he wanted to invite his buddy. He's going to be all alone that day and they're like family. I also get why OP does not want to invite a stranger.
My people would welcome the buddy too. Besides, didn't the tradition/ holiday start with a bunch of strangers?
S1 NTA your bf is a child at 34. How did he make it in the military? If he's not comfortable with you after 1.5 yrs. Question that, however invite him anyway as a show of support for his service. Navy brat here
Hot dogs are just sausages. OP basically described making a sausage omlette with toast. That's a standard American breakfast. OP's MIL is the weird one.
First one: Tough one, but I think NAH, but I do think it would have been worth checking with her family first instead of refusing right off the bat. He's a stranger to her and her family, so I can understand being hesitant to agree to have him there, especially when the boyfriend is also meeting the family for the first time. However, being in the military and stationed so far away from home, the boyfriend and his roommate are probably each others family at the moment, and not only would inviting him have been a nice gesture, it would also mean a chance to meet a part of his family while he meets hers. He's also not pushing, and she's giving him space, so even if they don't work out, they seem to be handling things somewhat maturely (at least in comparison to many other AITA posts).
Second: NTA. A closed door to a bedroom or bathroom means 'don't come in', and MIL should know that at her age, and being 'family' doesn't make it OK to barge in. I would sit both hubby and MIL down and tell them, "Husband, you know I have PTSD from being locked in a bathroom so stop suggesting that. If you love me and value our marriage, you WILL back me up here. MIL, here's what's going to happen: I'm not going to be locking the door, but you ARE going to stop barging in when the door is closed. If you don't, you can find somewhere else to stay, because I will not tolerate your blatant disrespect for my boundaries anymore." If that doesn't work and hubby doesn't start having OP's back, I'd kick them both out.
Third story: NTA, but I would tell them that if they're that desperate to meet the baby, then they'll give back every cent of the inheritance that they stole from OP, and I'd also tell them not to bother even calling until they do. I'd also tell the brothers that it's the parents' own fault that they're hurting, and that they shouldn't have even touched the money meant for OP's education.
Fourth story: NTA, but Shelby sure as hell is. It definitely is an unwritten rule that you don't bring pets without checking that the host is on board with that.
Last story: MIL sucks, but it's nice to see that OP's husband has his wife's back. Also, a hotdog omelette with ketchup sounds more American than Mexican, and it also sounds delicious, and it'd have a decent amount of protein, which growing kids need.
Mil and bathroom story: OP needs to get a rubber doorstop and use it on the inside of the door. That way, it's secured and not locked.
That food sounds amazing, I'd love to try it
I LOVE cats and I would never let someone just bring one to stay. I don't know if they're vaccinated or if they are aggressive and I don't want them hurting the cats who already live with me. I don't think it's relevant that OP hates cats, but it is relevant that it was their house and nobody asked if the cat could stay before it was already there!
I can't imagine saying no to someone who will be alone otherwise. Particularly when you are in the military, military personnel are so supportive of their fellow soldiers and have massive brother/sister mentality.
Bathroom Snooper: 😂💀 I scrempt!
when your mil barges in , film it and put the perv on fb ignore your husband cuz its only a matter of time for the mommas boy
yeah and film your husband yelling about treating momma so poorly put it on every form of social media
Wait with camera recording narrating that any moment this thing will burst in the bathroom on me and try and play it off like an accident but of course it's no accident, then when it does I'd cheer to the audience that will see it on social media and say how this is the beast that does this!
Story 1: NTA 100%, boyfriend has the audacity not only to invite someone her parents home (he doesn't even know them) but also to do it at the last moment, and also to sulk and pout afterwards. Also it's weird how he didn't even inform the roommate about it, so it seems he's a manipulative pos that's trying to test his girlfriend's boundaries and see how far he can go. People saying op is the idiot can go suck a big fat c*ck and I'm pretty sure they would react completely differently if it were them. Basically op should dump him and run fast.
No no no your meeting her family you don't bring someone with you for the first time ever meeting the future inlaws this would be a deal breaker for me
He's just a boyfriend.
When entering a bathroom when there are others in the house, it is common to knock and ask is the bathroom free.
I hate ppl that take their pet everywhere with the assumption they will be welcomed. Even when I had a dog I hated my in-laws bringing their one then two chihuahuas over.
NTA OP. I spent 23 years in the Army. I would never ask to bring someone over a day before the Holiday. I also would have not went if I was the room mate.
I would invite my mom over to walk in on my husband, heck maybe even my dad.
Ooo I'm not Hispanic but grew up eating hotdogs with eggs. Just never made a sandwich out of it.
My mom says everything she cooks is Mexican food because she IS Mexican 😂
#1 Nta. I could understand if she knows the roommate and he ask her the day before when he haven't meet the family either.
Nta. Shelby should ask first.
A sausage (hotdog) scramble isn't even only "Mexican", it's eaten in Britain and the Caribbean too. Very normal, if filling breakfast.
No Cats: NTA. When people are pet owners and they take their pets with them to places they forget or chose to ignore that there's a certain level of decorum they need to follow.
The most basic courtesy is to call ahead and double check if such a creature is allowed or if there's anyone with any allergies who is going to be present.
Cousin most likely knew OP would say no
I f’love dogs. My husband f’loves dogs. We don’t have any because of physical and financial limitations but f’love when we get to be around them. My eldest has two and she still asks if it’s okay to bring my granddogs over when she visits. She knows the answers yes but out of respect for other’s homes she still asks. Every. Time. NTA
Story 1 : not surprising the bf is 8 years older than op and making those disrespectful requests. Even if the roommate was like a brother, I wouldn't bring my brother the first time I met my so's family. And there wasn't any real reason for him to be mad, he hadn't even asked the roommate so he wouldn't be breaking any kind of promise. And even promising that without asking first would have been extra rude. Glad the roommate turned it down
It wasn’t disrespectful. He asked. She said no. He didn’t want his brother tk alone. It’s not deep
The roommate's alone on thanksgiving, would you still have the same opinion if he were emotionally depressed? He's literally just trying to be nice to his buddy. It's weird but nothing wrong with just asking, Scrooge.
@@ghostdragon5735yes it is disrespectful. He hasn’t met the family, he has no right to ask to bring a random stranger. On top of that, op and her family do not know his roommate. He’s a random stranger to them
@@sws212no, he had no right to ask. He’s an idiot if he thinks it’s ok to ask for a random stranger to come to a FAMILY dinner. His roommate is not family. That’s just common sense.
@@Ronin.Samurai no it’s not. He asked. She said no. I’m so sorry that you have this thing called no compassion. Hell when I found out my roommate couldn’t go home for thanksgiving, I brought him to my dads. Yes I asked, unlike op, my dad isn’t a dick and told me to bring him.
When I moved out for college my mom was worried that I'll get weird looks if i took homemade meals to campus during my weekend visits. 😭 Dorms didn't allow the public kitchen to be used and one hispanic can handle white washed cafeteria food. I would bring all the leftovers and shared with my roommates who loved the food.
3:16 the only two options this commenter can come up with are 1) he was trying to push her boundaries or 2) he was trying to “score” his friend a free meal and not “he realized that his friend was going to spend Thanksgiving alone and had compassion”. Wow. It’s says a LOT about the person who made the comment that they have no room in their heart or soul to consider this. How sad.
I have invited people to Thanksgiving who were alone many many times-in school and afterward.
Story 1: this is a NAH situation because I get OP’s reasoning, and having been former military, I get why boyfriend invited his roommate.
The first story is more about a difference in family dynamics. I don't think Thanksgiving is the best time to introduce your bf to the family, number one. But in my family, and probably the bf's family, Thanksgiving is sort of a free for all of people coming in and out and the host house just knowing an estimate on how many people will be coming. We all email an Excel spreadsheet for who is bringing what dish and how many to cook for, and the host house always cooks the turkey.
Op's house seems far more reserved. But the comment about not bringing a stranger to Thanksgiving says it all. That, in my opinion, is the time you DO bring a stranger to share a meal.
Third story… it was not “hurt words” it was the truth, and more should have been said, you want to see my child, give me the money you stole.. I’ll bet my Turkey they will shut up.
Oh… the last story… I’m not Mexican but if MIL doesn’t want to show up for weird “Mexican” food, I volunteer as tribute.😂😂 what a winner..lol.
Wow, it shows how much people truly appreciate the things the military do for their freedoms every day. We miss holidays with our own FAMILIES as well. GUESS none of you ever sat alone in a barracks cause you were either too far away from home, or too low on the seniority list to get holiday leave, and just a skeleton crew left behind. I've been in both situations. My first Christmas while active duty was the hardest and loneliest. My first Thanksgiving was made a lot better by the nurses who worked on our unit. They invited all enlisted who weren't able too go home for the holidays too come over too their home, where they hosted Thanksgiving.
We miss our families too, and a meal even with a stranger is better than sitting in your barracks alone, like I did that first Christmas.
This isn't about being military. This is his first introduction to her family. He hasn't even met them yet. To them he is a stranger. This is an important step in a relationship. His girlfriend doesn't even know his roommate. He is a total stranger to her. She knows nothing about him aside from that they are rooming together. It is EXTREMELY inappropriate on his part that he would just assume she would accept him wanting to bring someone she hasn't even met let alone her family to the dinner where he will literally be meeting her family for the first time. People plan thanksgiving and Christmas dinners in advance to be sure they can feed everyone too. That is another issue. How exactly would you expect them to feed another person they were not prepared to feed? What if he has allergies and can't eat what they prepared? What if they aren't financially stable and they couldn't afford much to begin with but tried to splurge a little more to try to welcome their daughters boyfriend? And what if then he shows up with a complete stranger and expected them to be totally okay with feeding him and letting him into their home? They don't know either of them. He is invited simply because he is dating thwir daughter and this is the dinner where they planned to get to know him and their plans for the future. This is where he's meant to make a first impression. I have family in the military as well who we don't see often in NC. I have family back in PA who are police and first responders and we rarely see them on any holidays. And they would never pull the kind of entitled stunt he tried to pull. You don't just invite strangers to someone else's house to eat their food and just expect it to be fine. Especially during a time when meals are planned and prepped weeks in advance. He needed to talk to her and her family far sooner and introduce his friend rather than spring it on her the night before. And even then he has no right whatsoever to be upset when she says no because this is his first night meeting her family and it is extremely inappropriate to try to do something like this at that time. If he worries about what his friend will eat and maybe they have leftovers he could politely ask for something so he feels included and her family might be fine with it. But don't try to turn this into an everyone hates the military thing. This is not that. Whatsoever. And commpents and expectations like that are exactly why some people have such a bad taste in their mouth over military service these days. Just because you fight for your country doesn't mean everyone living there needs to bend over backwards and allow you to do what you please. You can honor and be thankful for servicement and still find this kind of behavior extremely distastful. My grandfather must be rolling in his grave right now over some of these comments. It would be fine if this was his family dinner and they knew he was bringing someone. That is entirely different from this situation where he is going to be a stranger in someone else's home himself and meet them for the first time. This is not appropriate on his part whatsoever. Not is his reaction after. She and her family deserve better.
I understand. My husband invited his barracks to our house on Thanksgiving for anyone that had no place to go. My girlfriend and I cooked all the food and my husband stocked the bar with anything you could want alcohol or non alcoholic drinks. We had about 20 plus people from the barracks plus a few non military. We all had a great time. It warmed our heart to be able to do this small thing for people that give their life for us. Thank you for your service.
My family would jump through hoops to accommodate an extra person for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner who would otherwise be alone. I don't understand this mentality of it being a problem to have 1 extra person. 6 years ago I found out on Tuesday that a fellow cosmetologist was going to be alone for Thanksgiving so I invited her to come to my sister's with me and when I told my sister she told me to tell anyone else who would be alone that they were invited too. Maybe it's because we're Cajun and we're raised to feed everyone who walks into our home, but my family would never be upset about a last minute dinner invite to our home. My sister even feeds workmen that come repair her house. The crew that put on her new roof told her she was the first client to have ever served drinks throughout the day and a full lunch at lunchbreak. I really don't see why it would have been such a big deal to invite the boyfriend's friend.
Probably because the family hasn’t even met the boyfriend yet, would probably feel really awkward to be expected to try hard to get to know your child’s partner who most expect to at some point become family. Then their roommate is just there, who wasn’t no one but the boyfriend really knows.
So a hotdog and egg sandwich is 'unhealthy' but I'm betting MIL thinks sausage and egg is just fine, right? Nutritionally there is likely little to no difference, and that sandwich had vegetables, which most breakfast sandwiches I've seen usually lack.