NANI!? The guy doesn't want his girlfriend to speak Japanese cause it'll make others feel bad? The fact that he typed that out and still didn't think he was wrong is astounding
Excuse me? Why is someone an idiot for trying to get financial aid for a child to get into a private school? The commenter who stated that is the real AH.
And even then, do as Aretha taught us and THINK. Think long and hard about every possibility. The good and the bad. Especially the bad. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. It’s not love, it’s business.
Story 2, I think both parents want the best for their children exclusively, to the detriment of the other members of the family. What a terrible job at blending families.
Communication or in this case a lack of communication is why this situation is happening. Before they purchased this house they should have had a conversation about the kid's rooms. I understand both have valid points on why their child should get the en suite.
Story 2 has this couple ever spoken to each other? They've been together for 6 years and are having conversations like this?? The bedroom is tricky. The oldest usually does get the biggest room but if he'll go to college soon the daughter will then need to change rooms. As far as the furniture, the sons is old and it would be good for him to get an upgrade. But that doesn't mean BF needs to pay.
I think neither kid should get new furniture right after the move, maybe 1 piece at a time each. I'm torn with the room itself though. It makes sense for a girl to get more privacy that comes with the ensuite but I also think the eldest gets dibs. I wonder if the son even wants the ensuite, or if the mother is hyping it up? Either way, if the room has to be given to one or the other, the one who gets the ensuite can wait for new furniture, with the smaller room getting a decor upgrade as a compromise of sorts.
@@kaziered I also thought this was the obvious compromise. The one with the better room doesn't get the furniture upgrade. Then the kids can weigh in on whether they want new furniture or a bathroom. I'm also confused as to why they don't just turn the web suite into the office, that way dad can work more efficiently and there is literally nothing for the kids to be jealous of. This is the stupidest argument I ever had but in the end it doesn't matter because they are going to break up anyway. You can't bring two families together while still thinking of them as two families
Old school solution I guess, but on moving in "OK kids, Pick a room! Oh you both want the same one? OK, here's a quarter, flip it. Winner get to keep the quarter, loser gets the room!"
@@benlutz1974 my mom did this and it ended with my oldest sister having a huge room (like master bedroom size) and me and my other sis sharing a tiny room that could only fit 2 beds if they were bunk beds. I dislike this idea and think Kaz's solution is the best
@@kaziered why should the oldest get dibs the boyfriend already owned a home with 3 bedrooms and sold it to save his girlfriend from the streets since ops parents wouldnt even let op and her son move in with them. now if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accommodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
Story 3 imagine having a partner and ILs that speak a certain language for a DECADE and not learning the language. Couldn't be me. I'd speak Japanese to the parents then dump OP after this meeting
I wanted to learn Russian ,as a teenager ,as I had many Russian friends ,and met my husband ,who is Russian/Ukrainian ,and now i know the language ,and our kids speak my language ,swedish&finnish,and russian. It was hard learning ,but worth it..we've been together for 20yrs now.. Our oldest speaks english as well now.. In our school ,we have to learn English ,as a second language ,and if you're Swedish-Finnish, you learn both languages in school ..i don't understand how you can be together with someone ,and not know the basics of their language even..that's absolutely bizarre . But,some people aren't inclined to learn other languages ,it has nothing to do with wanting to learn or not, just some people don't have it easy learning .. Still, if you're married/together with someone from a different culture ,wouldn't you want to understand them and their culture ?
Exactly. Zero talk before hand, different finances and ONLY being bf and gf. Why not wait few more years until kids are legally adults... This is why currently "me me me" individualism is crap for relationships
@@duckeh1952 because OP couldnt wait until the kids were gone, op needed to sell the house to pay off her debt, op asked if she and her son could move in with her parents and they said no so the boyfriend sold his 3 bedroom home so that op and her son wouldnt be homeless and if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accommodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
OP in the Barb story is NTA. This doesn't sound like a learning disability or anything as she could have done things to remain in the school but refused. That's just entitled. If she can't take responsibility now, when? She talks about college, but she'll never make it in college. Professors DGAF. If you don't come to class, you don't do your work. You're an adult and that's a you problem. This needs to be a lesson for Barb
OMG, was OP high when he told his girlfriend not to speak Japanese in front of his family because he didn’t want to risk her becoming more popular than a family member who doesn’t speak Japanese?!!! Oh, girl you need to run and don’t look back!😢
Step dad photo story: NTA problem wasn't that OP was excluding the stepson. It was that the brother's mom wanted a picture of them. But the Step Brothers DAD didn't. What the exclusion was IS him not getting to send a picture to his dad but it's because his dad is not involved. She was taking her anger at the bio Dad out on the step dad because the step dad was there.
Story 3: YTA. Hun, you are simultaneously trying to police her behavior to control how people see her AS WELL as telling her your relationship isn’t to be taken seriously. If Japanese is so important to your Parents maybe they should pick some up, your GF isn’t there to make anyone feel bad.
Story 2: I understand that both parents clearly are trying to advocate for their own children. It is however, childish on both of their parts assuming that they each can make decisions without discussing it with the other person or making a compromise. I agree with the commenter that suggested that the kids get the two smaller rooms and the room with the en suite is the office/guest room. Since the boyfriend is paying more then its only fair that his daughter gets to use the en suite bathroom as her own, unless its supposed to be a shared bathroom. While OP might want to buy her son new furniture, maybe slowly replacing his current furniture will work better instead of pushing to buy all new furniture in one go. Since for the the furniture issue it's a matter of what she wants vs what she can afford. She however, should not expect her boyfriend to hold off buying new furniture for his daughter when he has the means to do so. Another alternative to the furniture issue would be to take the offer of getting the hand me down furniture, giving it a little TLC to fix it up a little, after all he might only really use it for 3 - 4 yrs. In the meantime, save money that would have gone to the new furniture for the son to be given when he goes off to college so he can use it for apartment/dorm essentials.
Story 4 Your daughter is lazy and entitled and she failed for the reason she didn't work hard and now refuses to take a test , don't punish your son's you are not wrong and she's learnt that not bothering to do projects cost her dearly that life
And I doubt she "forgot" to turn in projects, since I'm pretty sure any teacher would be talking about the project, giving a heads up on timelines *repeatedly* . She just said to hell with it, and now there are consequences.
Story 1 you are not a good wife. Philip defended himself and voiced his professional opinion. Now you have to make a formal reservation with your spouse? That's not a defacto situation? Haha. Just horrible
@@sammieg8641 I agree I can't believe everyone is defending the husband he called them idiots because they were discussing natural remedies you don't have to agree with natural remedies but there is no excuse for calling someone an idiot.
To be fair there are alot of natural remedies that are actually proven to work, but most doctors these days aren't familiar with because they're taught to recommend pharmaceutical remedies only.
@@smokedchedda1421 I agree and regardless if they work or not regardless if you agree with them or not he had no right to call them idiots, that is completely uncalled for.
It depends on what is going on with the child. If the child has temperature that’s over 100 degrees, essential oils aren’t going to do anything or help anything that’s going on. The only realistic thing they’ll do is make a child with a high fever smell nicer. The husband may have an ego, since he is a pediatrician. However, OP mom and her sister are not exactly the brightest. You’re beliefs are your beliefs, but that mean you’re child have to pay for them. Honestly OP husband was showing some restraint by only calling them ignorant. Any other person would have probably laughed and said much worse.
As a middle child, the whole “oldest kid gets the biggest room” thing is bullshit. My older sister will always be older so my younger sister and I should always be a second class citizens? Also the idea that they will shuffle rooms when the boy goes to college is nonsense. I’m 10+ years out of college and our bedrooms all still look the same as when we left high school.
First story: OP's father decided to disrespect his daughter's husbands profession, thinking that a practicing pediatrician can cancel appointments at his whim so he can see his grandchild when the boys mother is sick and can't bring him? First AH. OP's mom and sister decided to discuss 'natural medicine' in front of a practicing doctor like he isn't expected to try to get them to do better for the patient, even if it isn't his patient? +2 AHs. But then he calls them ignorant in the course of it, so: + one more AH. Then OP's parents decide to not invite him to a Holiday Dinner, although he's been in the family for 4 years, so layer another set of AHs on them: we're up to 6 in this story so far, some of them doubled. But to top it all off, OP pulls the AH move of going along with her parents, who seem to be the bigger AHs here. So, for my money, the only non AH in the story is Billy, the kid. Poor Billy. He's surrounded by AHs.
The medical doctor wasn’t wrong. The mother in law and sister in law ARE ignorant. If the nephew’s condition is serious and could turn critical, the doctor is a mandatory reporter and has a legal obligation to report it to authorities. You only need to do a short internet search to find parents prosecuted for failing to take a critically sick child to medical services, religious deference be damned.
Thank you - I heard that and just couldn't believe my ears. How is there even an 'argument' about 'keeping him away from his Grandson'? You can't argue facts... Or apparently you can. I'd say Philip should leave now before he gets in any deeper.
@@diamondjim7560 actually how did you fail to understand the story to have made such mistakes, as to which child the mil and sil were discussing? How many pediatricians fail to diagnose malnutrition in their patients and the underlying metabolic problems that are causing them? Doctors are known to make careless mistakes when they believe they know more about a patients body, by only looking at the outside and refuse to do any testing to learn about the problems that are on the inside.
@@mouse2482 damn son, are you expecting an uneducated rando to perform better then trained medical doctor specialized in childrens care? "How many pediatricians fail to diagnose malnutrition in their patients and the underlying metabolic problems that are causing them?" - do you have any stats? any single hard number? any resemblance of data on the issue? as far as i can find, it is only a topic of contention in the usage of the term as it is being used for patients with chronic kidney diseases while it is defined solely as improper diet. following that, isn't any diagnosis of malnutrition an automatic "you've done bad" for any adult responsible for the child or in close proximity. like, lets say, a grandmother. malnutrition comes from long term neglect of basic nutrition so any adult could prevent it very easily. that last sentence looks like a fair bit of projection. do you have weight issues? how about bad skin? droopy eyes, bald patches, capillary problems... any of surface symptoms or indicators of systemic neglect or improper care? because i would bet you do and doctors are telling you to go outside and stop with cheetos. can we get "20% of stroke by the age of 50" award to you? how about you get your car fixed with a divining rod next time it craps out? maybe some essential oils in the air filter will do the trick? we are all just biological machines. go to the damn mechanic, fool, and not your astrologist.
@@sakatababa you are so funny and I need to ask whether you studied science, medical or otherwise while in school before or after college. What skills did your family teach you at home, since we have the opportunity to learn from family members that are willing to teach us useful skills that they had acquired prior to our birth? What do you know about genetics and the impact that they have on your own health? How well is your body able to absorb the nutrients from the food you eat and has any doctor shown you your lab results to fully discuss them, or simply told you that you are healthy. Honestly I'm tired of dealing with doctors that are incapable of reading lab results, as well as I can and lying to me about the abnormal readings. Maybe reading comprehension isn't something you require in the medical personnel that you pay to provide health services. Or that they are psychologically capable of socially interacting with others without having mental meltdowns, when others are discussing subjects in ways they are uncomfortable with.
private school story: The YTA comment, talk about growing up rich. If you can't afford private school without a discount, then you can't afford private school. People get scholarships all the time to private schools. People will even send their kids to a religious private school, even if they aren't that religion, to give their children a good start in life.
Ehhhh.... If he is gonna leave cause she is gone for a few hours that is odd. Should she never see her family and be isolated from them just because they all don't get along. My husband's family do not like me... I don't stop him from visiting them on any occasion but it doesn't bother me.
@Y’vaan I don't think we can get that clearly. What kind of natural remedy and for what? That wasn't explained. Not all things require meds so I'd want to know which thing. Just because they disagree doesn't mean he has been undermined. He is a doctor but NOT niece's doctor. So perhaps everyone could have the discussion more calmly. Again if they don't get along should the result be that she does not see them at all?
Story 4: NTA. She did this to herself. And an important part about maturing is understanding the consequences of your mistakes. You can’t afford it, she has public school options, and if she works hard she can still get into a good college.
Story 2: So the bf paid for 85% of the house, and you felt that YOUR child should get the bigger room, and new furniture (funded fully by your bf) and him NOT doin that “shows how he really views your son…?” Hey quick question: what new stuff did you get his daughter? Oh? Nothing, well that shows how you really view his daughter. YTA Op, if son is moving out in 2 years then he can tough it out in the smaller room (which is bigger than his old room) till then.
@@shaarinya6932 different spheres I guess. It also helps that TH-cam isn't the same as reddit so we're not bound by the same rules. I don't need to farm "karma" to make a comment on here or even make a post which helps with not making the entire TH-cam comments one big circle jerk. Also helps that people can make comments that disagree with another person's and it doesn't end in an account deletion or some shit
Private School: "She has friends there." SO WHAT? You don't go to private school to make friends. If you do those are some very expensive friends. And I would think you'd invested enough for at least one to remind you not to "forget" something so important. Are these friends the reason she's doing so poorly, or is she not a great student to begin with?
Final Story: NTA. Being asked to stay out of one picture isn’t abandoning him. As lovely as her Son is I don’t think your kids Mom wants a picture with him, and I don’t think he’s that eager to show off to some random woman ether.
"The discount has a condition, you cannot take the final exam at the end of the year." This is one of the most incomprehensible things I've ever heard. Who would even conceive of such a stupid rule?
First OPs family, are their desires for "Natural Healing" going to include some Marvin Gaye Action? You know "Sexual Healing" lol (look up the song) 🤣🤣
Why would OP’s ex partner want a picture of his new partner’s child? She requested a picture of HER children. Not having the stepson in the picture doesn’t mean that OP doesn’t care about his partner’s kid. If the child has a problem with his absent father, then OP’s partner needs to get him into therapy 😢
Story 2: the OP is an idiot because she cannot afford furniture or the house. His daughter gets what she wants because he can afford it while Ethan's mom cannot If he pays 85% of the house, he picks the room for the kids. She can pay evenly or accept the smaller room quietly
I don't understand how anyone can go house shopping without discussing practical hypotheticals for each one. Like don't you talk to each other? "Oh this would be great for this kid/that office?" So weird!
Last story: the wife is the ah. When my sister sends me pictures of my nieces with their father on vacation I would be confused if their father sent pictures with his stepdaughter included. I print those pictures off to frame and I wouldn't want to have to keep explaining whose kid that is in the picture everytime I have company.
Japanese Story: OP lost it when he said he forbids her. And then 😂 and then she asks if she has to pretend notto understand, and he didn't take the hint 😂
Story 1: YTA. Your entire family is going to have plenty of company, the man you married will be left alone. And I’ll point out that your family sounded like they were starting a lot of that. The best I can give them is that “Natural remedies” are a hobby of theirs that he didn’t have to crap all over, but even then an argument about Tyme doesn’t typically escalate to “You’re banned from my house”.
@@michaelplunkett8059 this is what I was thinking. It may be true that they were being ignorant, and as a Dr he should have practice being diplomatic and know how to encourage people toward the right medicine and not call them names which will only result in the child not getting the medicine or adequate care. Even if you’re really tired of people being ignorant, and especially so if it’s a person you care about or need to have continued family relationships. It might feel self satisfying but it has consequences. His consequences found him unwelcome and he really shouldn’t be surprised. And if the family is really dysfunctional and toxic well they should be discussing going low contact. But tbh he doesn’t sound so great to me.
Denying a child real medical care is probably not something a DOCTOR is going to take lightly. In fact if it was something serious, he has a duty to report the neglect.
@@julianne089 … Just curious but why? Why doesn’t he sound like a great person? We’ve only heard two things against him. One he was too busy working to bring a grandchild to see grandparents, and it can’t have been for very long because it was only because OP was sick. The other, yeah it may have been a bit rude but he wasn’t wrong. Essential oils tend to drive people with medical training nuts. So that’s it. One time he was busy and one time he may have been a little rude or he may have just pointed out facts and they took it as him being rude. So family banned him and OP left her husband of four months behind on their first Christmas together… it’s beginning to look a lot like divorce.
@@julianne089 My thoughts also. If the husband is anything like a lot of medics I've encountered, he's full of himself and keen to prove how smart he is at the expense of others. Being correct does not automatically entitle one to be rude to others. It's likely to be counter-productive, if anything, because people are far more likely to listen to something if they are told in a reasonable manner. He sounds pompous and arrogant - just the sort of person you don't want at a family Christmas celebration. He can cover the Christmas shift at the hospital and earn himself a bit of extra money if he doesn't want to be on his poor little own
if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accomodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
Barb made bad choices. The WORST thing you can do as a parent is make your entire family suffer for her choices. She forgot to turn in 2 projects and forgot to take her test? Yea.... she clearly needs to learn that her actions have consequences. It sucks but it is what it is.
Did OP's husband really call his MIL and SIL ignorant in their own house? I know ignorant means "not knowing," but it's not often used that way and he should have been aware of that. If he didn't agree with what they were doing, he could have just said "take your child to the doctor and see what they say."
I am so on Philips side. He should not pick fights with idiots that poison their kids? Why did OP marry him, if she does not like him? To the other stories; I might have been reading to much reddit, but why oh why can't people stop having kids, seperate, get someone new and try to blend without communicating and best of all have some more kids and probably seperate and so on? Stop having kids willy nilly! And if you have some, put them first before new partners.
Story 2: YTA. 1) Anything you can say about your Son deserving the room applies just as well to her. 2) Your BF is paying for 80% of the entire house so yes he does have more of a say. 3) Of course he’s going to care about his own child more then yours! Heck the mere fact that he’s older means he’s more likely to understand. And 4) I sincerely believe it’s a good idea for the girl to get her own bathroom, for (Feminine Hygiene) reasons. Honestly it sounds more like you just want to get your way and not have a discussion about this.
Both parents and children need to compromise. Son should get the bigger room as he is going to college soon then the daughter can move into. It's a shit situation for everyone.
@@LivRogers-tw6oe WRONG if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accomodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets, Also in a reply when asked if Lu would get the room with the ensuite when her son goes to college, she said no because he would still come home for summer
Story 3 I'm honestly like WTF OP, cause you're going to screw up you're relationship with a gf that learned how to speak Japanese off her own back at 14 long before she met you, rather than letting her be herself in how she gets to know your family cause you want her to make herself look like and idiot cause BIL and SIL who've been in the family longer have never bothered to learn the language cause "it'll make them feel bad"?? Remind me again who are you dating?? BIL, SIL or your gf!! My ex who is French and I'd never claim to be fluent speaking, we were together for nearly 4yrs and in that time we actually bonded over her giving me the basics so I could have some conversations or at least get the gist of what was going on when I spent time with her friends or family. If they've married into the family already and can't be bothered why are you honestly even thinking about how this affects them!!! Good luck if she doesn't dump you
I will say I am the absolute favorite friend of child in foreign land because I can speak said friend's native language and in turn thier parents native language.
The kind of people who have no other choice. op said in a reply that she asked her parents if she and her son could move in, the parents said no. so the way i see it is if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell their house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accommodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
@@carolmk3114 did you just not read my reply or what they had to she had 0 options, seriously go to the post I can post the link if you can't find it op is highly entitled and again if you are being saved from homelessness due to debts that you have incurred you don't get to make demands. And other peoples standard should not have to go down after having their life uprooted to save you again he owned a home with 3 bedrooms already one for him one for his daughter which had an ensuite(private bathroom) and an office, so the upgrade is only one whole room and that room is for the ops kid. So it's not like the boyfriend was desperate to leave his home or anything he had plenty of space for him and his. If you still don't get it well I guess you can't fix stupid.
Some commenters are super annoying. "If you can't afford private school without a discount, then you can't afford private school." That is the point of the entire story. Lol Without the discount, then CANNOT afford the private school. If the child works hard to get a discount, why wouldn't a parent send their child to a superior school? What does this person want from OP? "Sorry, kids. Even though you received a scholarship and a discount, you can't go to the better school because your sister was too lazy to show up." Yea.... great lesson for the kids. 👍
Thats a very good point, I have extreme anxiety and had to go to the doctor the other day to get it checked, now he also gave me some medication to control it for now as well. BUT I would NEVER discuss with him about home remedies or herbal medication DUH!!! He is a medical professional, I respect his opinion and if necessary I will definitely take what he recommends. However I also have a chemist near me with excellent natural therapy recommendations and gave me an excellent subsitute to try if i wanted to go the natural way and avoid long term side affects. My point is "Choose your battles wisely" you dont have to agree with each other and you can agree to disagree but your husband is your partner and he is the first person you fight with, talk with and resolve things with, NOT your family........
Her husband needs to be less arrogant regarding his "job". He did not need to call her family ignorant because they choose natural medicine. Yes, there is an alternative medicine world out there. Both sides should be respectful to each other.
The SILs and BILs could've learned the language, punishing the girlfriend for understanding it and willing to communicate in it because of a bunch of people who never bothered to learn is stupid. TEN YEARS. TEN YEARS and she never bothered to learn? The SIL can stew in her discomfort.
Story about the bedroom debacle: I think a good compromise would be to sit the two kids down and offer whomever gets the big bedroom has to keep the old furniture and the one who chooses the smaller bedroom gets new furniture and let the two kids decide from there. That way the one who gets the smaller bedroom still gets a perk and letting the kids decide prevents any perceived favoritism from the parents. The parents can also split the money from selling one bedroom set to get both kids new decorations for both of their rooms like fun lights, artwork, and/or paint for the walls.
Yea there's only one issue with that op can't afford new furniture she was expecting the boyfriend to buy it. I went to the op to check it out when given a suggestion to have them both in the smaller room op said that wouldn't work because one has a better view and the rooms aren't the same size. Op is the asshole she just wants everything better for her son
@@dramuckus I meant both parents can chip in for new furniture for the kid that chooses the smaller room. But if she’s not willing to compromise at all and wants her husband to foot the bill entirely for her son’s new furniture AND give him the bigger room then yes I do agree with you.
I think maybe the kid with the discount should be screened for adhd since it can cause executive disfunction. It can make it damn hard to turn in work.
Story with the scholarship: NTA! parents didn’t do anything wrong in my opinion. This sounds like a very US situation, it I may be wrong. Plenty of people send their kids to private schools with scholarship or discounts even if they can’t afford it because private schools tend to be much better than the average public school either in robust curriculum or teacher to student ratios, etc. The daughters job was to meet the requirements to keep her discount and do her assignments. This was made known to her and reasonable expectations. The parents hired tutors for daughter, so I doubt they put her in the worst public school ever- they probably searched for a strong public school which competed with private schools in their area. They exist in the US they’re just more competitive and less common than average to sub-par public schools
Story 2: Wow, there is no consensus! Overall the situation is tough. I do like the commentor's suggestion that the kids get the small bedrooms and the office is the room with the en suite. If Ethan's furniture is worn out, then he should get new furniture but I do think it's pretty shitty to give him Lu's hand-me-downs. That said, OP should be responsible for paying for Ethan's furniture.
Nta in school story. You can't afford school without a discount you can't afford school? 😆 By that definition most people can't afford food as all foods are supported by subsidies.
@@datedjr1 Exactly! Because I'm American and I understand that not all countries are equal when it comes to education and their economies and/or standard of living
Last story:That was a power play! In her little mind she wants the ex to know that in their relationship her child is just as important as his with her. . The fact that the child they have together was not included in the pic is a tell.
Second story. 1 kid gets the new room the other gets the new furniture, maybe something special to add to having the smaller room. That would make them all feel better. As it is, both parents are thinking of their own kid and OO's comment about her husband not caring about HER soon 3 is ridiculously as he can say the same about OP and big daughter. For some reason by OP's post, I think she's gonna be that stepmother every kid fears.
yea i had a look at the post op wasnt even going to pay for the new furniture she expected the boyfriend to pay for it thats why he said he would buy his daughter the new furniture and the son could have his daughters old stuff
@@dramuckus I'm baffled as to why these details weren't discussed before the decision to sell homes/buy a house together went forward. I have a feeling OP was keeping these topics sidelined until it was too late and she could strongarm her boyfriend, not husband, into providing essentially free room and board (15% is laughable if both of them are on the title), catering to *her* son because he's older, and paying for new furniture (and probably most other things). The bf is probably too deep now to get out, so the only good thing is that he works from home so he can protect his daughter, because it's very likely OP is going to get really nasty toward them both.
@@remembertobreathe66 read between the lines she was in in debt, and could barely even afford a studio apartment. I she only paid 15% of the house and can’t even afford furniture. She is overreaching financially, just to compete with the boyfriend. And when she can’t get her way, is demanding it for the boyfriend, to help her out even more.
Story 1: Phillip divorce her. They can choose the guest list but your wife is choosing to go. Dating single mom's is objectively a losing proposition for the guy because you will get all the responsibilities of the actual father and prior husband with none of the authority and coming in last.
Story 1: he gave advice that was not asked of him. And he gave it by calling them stupid? A doctor would never speak to a patient that way so why is it ok for him to do it with family?! These YTA need to get a grip and ask if they would like to be spoken to in this manner by anyone… the answer is no… Also for the oils.. I went to the Mayo Clinic one of the top research clinics in the US and they study the effects of natural remedies such as oils and stuff… some have proven to help with arthritis instead of pushing pain medication which is highly addictive. So perhaps if the husband wasn’t so condescending… his in-laws wouldn’t have responded in such a way
Perhaps the in-laws are idiotic knuckle dragging troglodytes... it's not outside the realm of possibilities. If somebody is being stupid, it's not rude to call them stupid and while some alternative medicines are effective that doesn't mean all of them are. In fact many alternative medicines don't actually contain enough of the effective ingredients to actually be effective.
I wonder if the narrator is suggesting the wife should go no contact with her family because they don't get along with her husband and I wonder if the grandson will be alienated from grandparents?
No. The man with the gold makes the rules which means the boyfriend decided Lu gets the en suite and new furniture because he is paying for it. OP has no money so Ethan gets what OP can afford
Last story - I know women hate taking responsibility for choosing crappy partners, but OP's wife is the one who had a child with a horrible man. She is clearly jealous that OP's ex-wife is INVOLVED while her ex is a loser. The ex-wife asking for a photo of HER children is totally reasonable. I also love that OP and his ex get along so well for the children's sake. As long as OP explains to the step-son the photo is for their mother, this shouldn't be an issue. OP's wife is projecting. Just because she chose a horrible partner doesn't mean she gets to take it out on every other parent.
Story 2 ESH they both worked on an assumption that would have benefited their own child and continue to work around the focus of their own child. I do admit I think that Op is the bigger AH between the two.
In the last story, I think the wife isn’t upset that her new husband took a picture of just his 2 older children while excluding her older child (and not upset that the child they share isn’t in the pic). But upset that he took a picture (could have been any picture) FOR the ex-wife. Period…nothing any deeper than that.
I can just see the resentment brewing between the two parents because they’re only thinking of their own kid. If they go through with the bigger room and smaller room for their children it will brew resentment especially if on top of that the son gets hand me downs too. They’re not treating this as a blended family and it shouldn’t matter how much one person brings in they should be looking at this in a way to maintain fairness. The two small rooms should go to each child and then get them a few new furniture. If the sons’ furniture is really bad then he should get bigger priority. It doesn’t sound like his daughter’s furniture is badly damaged or old but it’s more of a shopping spree sort of idea for her mental health for the move.
in the reply some one suggested the kids get smaller room and the room with the ensuite be the office but the op rejected that idea because the rooms were different sizes and one had a better view. op is the asshole. and in regards to the furniture in the replys op admitted that she couldnt afford the furniture and that is why the boyfriend suggested that he get his daughter the new furniture and the son have the daughters old furniture so she was expecting the boyfriend to buy her son new furniture
also do you think that its fair for the daughter who had a room with an ensuite to lower her standard of living just to save someone from living on the streets
Story 1. Some natural remedies do work but I'm the type of person who does both. I do go to the doctor for serious things but for minor things I use natural remedies((it's part of my religion)) op is not the AH but idk I think her husband and family are very sensitive
NANI!? The guy doesn't want his girlfriend to speak Japanese cause it'll make others feel bad? The fact that he typed that out and still didn't think he was wrong is astounding
Even the person reading it can barely keep a straight face when reading it at 9:50 forwards.
Yeah, that was just weird.
Excuse me? Why is someone an idiot for trying to get financial aid for a child to get into a private school? The commenter who stated that is the real AH.
So, the SIL who's been in the family for 10 years doesn't care about learning Japanese, but they should still prefer her?
@@lisawhereisthecultjam Ummm…I think you mistakenly typed this in the wrong thread. This is about the bf who didn’t want his gf to speak Japanese.
I'm laughing my butt off listening to the narrator trying so hard to not laugh during the Japanese story. LMAO🤣🤣
I live for the narrator cracking up
Likewise 😂
Don't buy property with someone who you are not married to.
And even then, do as Aretha taught us and THINK. Think long and hard about every possibility. The good and the bad. Especially the bad. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. It’s not love, it’s business.
Never ever buy anything with someone you're not married to...WITHOUT a legal and binding contract that covers all the possibilities.
Never co-sign.
And don't buy a property with someone who's pretty broke.
Story 2, I think both parents want the best for their children exclusively, to the detriment of the other members of the family. What a terrible job at blending families.
agreed
Communication or in this case a lack of communication is why this situation is happening. Before they purchased this house they should have had a conversation about the kid's rooms. I understand both have valid points on why their child should get the en suite.
I bet the kids don’t give a damn
He's paying 85% of the house note. He gets to decide. Especially since they're not even married.
Has anybody asked the kids?
Scholarship/discount story: NTA that's not favoritism. That's her suffering the consequences of her actions...
Story 2 has this couple ever spoken to each other? They've been together for 6 years and are having conversations like this?? The bedroom is tricky. The oldest usually does get the biggest room but if he'll go to college soon the daughter will then need to change rooms. As far as the furniture, the sons is old and it would be good for him to get an upgrade. But that doesn't mean BF needs to pay.
I think neither kid should get new furniture right after the move, maybe 1 piece at a time each. I'm torn with the room itself though. It makes sense for a girl to get more privacy that comes with the ensuite but I also think the eldest gets dibs. I wonder if the son even wants the ensuite, or if the mother is hyping it up? Either way, if the room has to be given to one or the other, the one who gets the ensuite can wait for new furniture, with the smaller room getting a decor upgrade as a compromise of sorts.
@@kaziered I also thought this was the obvious compromise. The one with the better room doesn't get the furniture upgrade. Then the kids can weigh in on whether they want new furniture or a bathroom.
I'm also confused as to why they don't just turn the web suite into the office, that way dad can work more efficiently and there is literally nothing for the kids to be jealous of. This is the stupidest argument I ever had but in the end it doesn't matter because they are going to break up anyway. You can't bring two families together while still thinking of them as two families
Old school solution I guess, but on moving in "OK kids, Pick a room! Oh you both want the same one? OK, here's a quarter, flip it. Winner get to keep the quarter, loser gets the room!"
@@benlutz1974 my mom did this and it ended with my oldest sister having a huge room (like master bedroom size) and me and my other sis sharing a tiny room that could only fit 2 beds if they were bunk beds. I dislike this idea and think Kaz's solution is the best
@@kaziered why should the oldest get dibs the boyfriend already owned a home with 3 bedrooms and sold it to save his girlfriend from the streets since ops parents wouldnt even let op and her son move in with them. now if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accommodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
Yta. Why should she hide she can speak your language. You want her to become a liar.
Story 3 imagine having a partner and ILs that speak a certain language for a DECADE and not learning the language. Couldn't be me. I'd speak Japanese to the parents then dump OP after this meeting
SHE got "weird" and went home?
No fr I started learning Spanish when dating my ex to communicate, because we already shared MY language so I should be able to share HERS
I wanted to learn Russian ,as a teenager ,as I had many Russian friends ,and met my husband ,who is Russian/Ukrainian ,and now i know the language ,and our kids speak my language ,swedish&finnish,and russian. It was hard learning ,but worth it..we've been together for 20yrs now.. Our oldest speaks english as well now.. In our school ,we have to learn English ,as a second language ,and if you're Swedish-Finnish, you learn both languages in school ..i don't understand how you can be together with someone ,and not know the basics of their language even..that's absolutely bizarre . But,some people aren't inclined to learn other languages ,it has nothing to do with wanting to learn or not, just some people don't have it easy learning .. Still, if you're married/together with someone from a different culture ,wouldn't you want to understand them and their culture ?
They shouldn't buy a house together.
Exactly. Zero talk before hand, different finances and ONLY being bf and gf. Why not wait few more years until kids are legally adults...
This is why currently "me me me" individualism is crap for relationships
@@duckeh1952 because OP couldnt wait until the kids were gone, op needed to sell the house to pay off her debt, op asked if she and her son could move in with her parents and they said no so the boyfriend sold his 3 bedroom home so that op and her son wouldnt be homeless and if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accommodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
Just in time! Lord knows I needed the distraction of other ppl's drama 🤣
Same lmao
It’s like soap opera LARPing. 😂
OP in the Barb story is NTA. This doesn't sound like a learning disability or anything as she could have done things to remain in the school but refused. That's just entitled. If she can't take responsibility now, when? She talks about college, but she'll never make it in college. Professors DGAF. If you don't come to class, you don't do your work. You're an adult and that's a you problem. This needs to be a lesson for Barb
I will always side with doctors when it comes to ignorant people prescribing quack remedies instead of real life saving meds.
I wouldn't dis my husband like that.
OMG, was OP high when he told his girlfriend not to speak Japanese in front of his family because he didn’t want to risk her becoming more popular than a family member who doesn’t speak Japanese?!!! Oh, girl you need to run and don’t look back!😢
Story 3: You forbid her for speaking Japanese..... Excuse me. And this SIL has been with the brother for 10 years and never learned any Japanese??
Nta. Barbara screwed herself over.
Step dad photo story: NTA problem wasn't that OP was excluding the stepson. It was that the brother's mom wanted a picture of them. But the Step Brothers DAD didn't. What the exclusion was IS him not getting to send a picture to his dad but it's because his dad is not involved. She was taking her anger at the bio Dad out on the step dad because the step dad was there.
Oh that's a good point
Teacher here. FORGOT to hand in projects or assignments ????? This is a joke - would have been reminded by teacher.
The one about not speaking a language they know totally cracks me up! 😅
Story 3: YTA. Hun, you are simultaneously trying to police her behavior to control how people see her AS WELL as telling her your relationship isn’t to be taken seriously. If Japanese is so important to your Parents maybe they should pick some up, your GF isn’t there to make anyone feel bad.
Story 2: I understand that both parents clearly are trying to advocate for their own children. It is however, childish on both of their parts assuming that they each can make decisions without discussing it with the other person or making a compromise.
I agree with the commenter that suggested that the kids get the two smaller rooms and the room with the en suite is the office/guest room. Since the boyfriend is paying more then its only fair that his daughter gets to use the en suite bathroom as her own, unless its supposed to be a shared bathroom.
While OP might want to buy her son new furniture, maybe slowly replacing his current furniture will work better instead of pushing to buy all new furniture in one go. Since for the the furniture issue it's a matter of what she wants vs what she can afford. She however, should not expect her boyfriend to hold off buying new furniture for his daughter when he has the means to do so.
Another alternative to the furniture issue would be to take the offer of getting the hand me down furniture, giving it a little TLC to fix it up a little, after all he might only really use it for 3 - 4 yrs. In the meantime, save money that would have gone to the new furniture for the son to be given when he goes off to college so he can use it for apartment/dorm essentials.
Story 4
Your daughter is lazy and entitled and she failed for the reason she didn't work hard and now refuses to take a test , don't punish your son's you are not wrong and she's learnt that not bothering to do projects cost her dearly that life
And I doubt she "forgot" to turn in projects, since I'm pretty sure any teacher would be talking about the project, giving a heads up on timelines *repeatedly* . She just said to hell with it, and now there are consequences.
Story 1 you are not a good wife. Philip defended himself and voiced his professional opinion. Now you have to make a formal reservation with your spouse? That's not a defacto situation? Haha. Just horrible
He gave advice that wasn’t given… he had no right to talk down to them in that manner… he is pompous and needs some humble pie
@@sammieg8641 I agree I can't believe everyone is defending the husband he called them idiots because they were discussing natural remedies you don't have to agree with natural remedies but there is no excuse for calling someone an idiot.
To be fair there are alot of natural remedies that are actually proven to work, but most doctors these days aren't familiar with because they're taught to recommend pharmaceutical remedies only.
@@smokedchedda1421 I agree and regardless if they work or not regardless if you agree with them or not he had no right to call them idiots, that is completely uncalled for.
It depends on what is going on with the child. If the child has temperature that’s over 100 degrees, essential oils aren’t going to do anything or help anything that’s going on. The only realistic thing they’ll do is make a child with a high fever smell nicer. The husband may have an ego, since he is a pediatrician. However, OP mom and her sister are not exactly the brightest. You’re beliefs are your beliefs, but that mean you’re child have to pay for them. Honestly OP husband was showing some restraint by only calling them ignorant. Any other person would have probably laughed and said much worse.
As a middle child, the whole “oldest kid gets the biggest room” thing is bullshit. My older sister will always be older so my younger sister and I should always be a second class citizens? Also the idea that they will shuffle rooms when the boy goes to college is nonsense. I’m 10+ years out of college and our bedrooms all still look the same as when we left high school.
13:19 This commentator really suggested, "OP, if you want your kids to go to private school you should try being less poor."
Story 2: I was ESH but after that last comment put everything in black and white it changed to YTA
First story: OP's father decided to disrespect his daughter's husbands profession, thinking that a practicing pediatrician can cancel appointments at his whim so he can see his grandchild when the boys mother is sick and can't bring him? First AH. OP's mom and sister decided to discuss 'natural medicine' in front of a practicing doctor like he isn't expected to try to get them to do better for the patient, even if it isn't his patient? +2 AHs. But then he calls them ignorant in the course of it, so: + one more AH. Then OP's parents decide to not invite him to a Holiday Dinner, although he's been in the family for 4 years, so layer another set of AHs on them: we're up to 6 in this story so far, some of them doubled. But to top it all off, OP pulls the AH move of going along with her parents, who seem to be the bigger AHs here. So, for my money, the only non AH in the story is Billy, the kid. Poor Billy. He's surrounded by AHs.
The medical doctor wasn’t wrong. The mother in law and sister in law ARE ignorant. If the nephew’s condition is serious and could turn critical, the doctor is a mandatory reporter and has a legal obligation to report it to authorities. You only need to do a short internet search to find parents prosecuted for failing to take a critically sick child to medical services, religious deference be damned.
Thank you - I heard that and just couldn't believe my ears. How is there even an 'argument' about 'keeping him away from his Grandson'? You can't argue facts... Or apparently you can. I'd say Philip should leave now before he gets in any deeper.
@@diamondjim7560 actually how did you fail to understand the story to have made such mistakes, as to which child the mil and sil were discussing? How many pediatricians fail to diagnose malnutrition in their patients and the underlying metabolic problems that are causing them? Doctors are known to make careless mistakes when they believe they know more about a patients body, by only looking at the outside and refuse to do any testing to learn about the problems that are on the inside.
@@mouse2482 damn son, are you expecting an uneducated rando to perform better then trained medical doctor specialized in childrens care?
"How many pediatricians fail to diagnose malnutrition in their patients and the underlying metabolic problems that are causing them?" - do you have any stats? any single hard number? any resemblance of data on the issue? as far as i can find, it is only a topic of contention in the usage of the term as it is being used for patients with chronic kidney diseases while it is defined solely as improper diet. following that, isn't any diagnosis of malnutrition an automatic "you've done bad" for any adult responsible for the child or in close proximity. like, lets say, a grandmother. malnutrition comes from long term neglect of basic nutrition so any adult could prevent it very easily.
that last sentence looks like a fair bit of projection. do you have weight issues? how about bad skin? droopy eyes, bald patches, capillary problems... any of surface symptoms or indicators of systemic neglect or improper care? because i would bet you do and doctors are telling you to go outside and stop with cheetos.
can we get "20% of stroke by the age of 50" award to you?
how about you get your car fixed with a divining rod next time it craps out? maybe some essential oils in the air filter will do the trick?
we are all just biological machines. go to the damn mechanic, fool, and not your astrologist.
@@sakatababa you are so funny and I need to ask whether you studied science, medical or otherwise while in school before or after college. What skills did your family teach you at home, since we have the opportunity to learn from family members that are willing to teach us useful skills that they had acquired prior to our birth?
What do you know about genetics and the impact that they have on your own health? How well is your body able to absorb the nutrients from the food you eat and has any doctor shown you your lab results to fully discuss them, or simply told you that you are healthy.
Honestly I'm tired of dealing with doctors that are incapable of reading lab results, as well as I can and lying to me about the abnormal readings. Maybe reading comprehension isn't something you require in the medical personnel that you pay to provide health services. Or that they are psychologically capable of socially interacting with others without having mental meltdowns, when others are discussing subjects in ways they are uncomfortable with.
That new girlfriend in the last story needs therapy, if she’s getting jealous all for OP having a good coparenting relationship with his ex.
private school story: The YTA comment, talk about growing up rich. If you can't afford private school without a discount, then you can't afford private school. People get scholarships all the time to private schools. People will even send their kids to a religious private school, even if they aren't that religion, to give their children a good start in life.
Story 1: not only is she going to lose her husband, her son will probably be pissed she chased a good father figure out of his life
Ehhhh.... If he is gonna leave cause she is gone for a few hours that is odd. Should she never see her family and be isolated from them just because they all don't get along. My husband's family do not like me... I don't stop him from visiting them on any occasion but it doesn't bother me.
jeez i no wonder why OP Son hates her because she is an doormat and horrible person to deal with
@Y’vaan and Billy and his cousin deserve lot a better with an stupid and doormats mothers and stupid and horrible grandparents
@Y’vaan I don't think we can get that clearly. What kind of natural remedy and for what? That wasn't explained. Not all things require meds so I'd want to know which thing. Just because they disagree doesn't mean he has been undermined. He is a doctor but NOT niece's doctor. So perhaps everyone could have the discussion more calmly. Again if they don't get along should the result be that she does not see them at all?
@Y’vaan bruh..the son isnt bologically his so he cant have any custody.
I've heard the first story before, it will always be a YTA IMHO lmao.
Last comment: Nailed it!
Story 4: NTA. She did this to herself. And an important part about maturing is understanding the consequences of your mistakes. You can’t afford it, she has public school options, and if she works hard she can still get into a good college.
Story 2: So the bf paid for 85% of the house, and you felt that YOUR child should get the bigger room, and new furniture (funded fully by your bf) and him NOT doin that “shows how he really views your son…?”
Hey quick question: what new stuff did you get his daughter?
Oh? Nothing, well that shows how you really view his daughter.
YTA Op, if son is moving out in 2 years then he can tough it out in the smaller room (which is bigger than his old room) till then.
@@shaarinya6932 I mean, most of the comments have been pretty sane IMHO but this one was definitely something that should be pointed out lol
@@shaarinya6932 different spheres I guess. It also helps that TH-cam isn't the same as reddit so we're not bound by the same rules. I don't need to farm "karma" to make a comment on here or even make a post which helps with not making the entire TH-cam comments one big circle jerk. Also helps that people can make comments that disagree with another person's and it doesn't end in an account deletion or some shit
Private School: "She has friends there." SO WHAT? You don't go to private school to make friends. If you do those are some very expensive friends. And I would think you'd invested enough for at least one to remind you not to "forget" something so important. Are these friends the reason she's doing so poorly, or is she not a great student to begin with?
Is there any updates to the first story? I feel so bad for that husband
Nta. Sounds like his daughter has grown up entitled and spoiled. You need to dump this guy.
The term is crow. You tell him to eat crow. The "craw" is the gullet of a bird or insect or a slang for throat.
First story: Do you know what they call natural medicines that work? Medicine. The rest is just a nice bowl of soup and some potpourri.
Final Story: NTA. Being asked to stay out of one picture isn’t abandoning him. As lovely as her Son is I don’t think your kids Mom wants a picture with him, and I don’t think he’s that eager to show off to some random woman ether.
"The discount has a condition, you cannot take the final exam at the end of the year."
This is one of the most incomprehensible things I've ever heard. Who would even conceive of such a stupid rule?
First OPs family, are their desires for "Natural Healing" going to include some Marvin Gaye Action? You know "Sexual Healing" lol
(look up the song) 🤣🤣
Why would OP’s ex partner want a picture of his new partner’s child? She requested a picture of HER children. Not having the stepson in the picture doesn’t mean that OP doesn’t care about his partner’s kid. If the child has a problem with his absent father, then OP’s partner needs to get him into therapy 😢
Story 2: the OP is an idiot because she cannot afford furniture or the house. His daughter gets what she wants because he can afford it while Ethan's mom cannot
If he pays 85% of the house, he picks the room for the kids. She can pay evenly or accept the smaller room quietly
I don't understand how anyone can go house shopping without discussing practical hypotheticals for each one.
Like don't you talk to each other? "Oh this would be great for this kid/that office?"
So weird!
Last story: the wife is the ah. When my sister sends me pictures of my nieces with their father on vacation I would be confused if their father sent pictures with his stepdaughter included. I print those pictures off to frame and I wouldn't want to have to keep explaining whose kid that is in the picture everytime I have company.
Japanese Story: OP lost it when he said he forbids her. And then 😂 and then she asks if she has to pretend notto understand, and he didn't take the hint 😂
Story 1: YTA. Your entire family is going to have plenty of company, the man you married will be left alone. And I’ll point out that your family sounded like they were starting a lot of that. The best I can give them is that “Natural remedies” are a hobby of theirs that he didn’t have to crap all over, but even then an argument about Tyme doesn’t typically escalate to “You’re banned from my house”.
i bet it OP and her sister will ended up been alone themselves with billy and his cousin abandoned them and parents been dead in future
@@michaelplunkett8059 this is what I was thinking. It may be true that they were being ignorant, and as a Dr he should have practice being diplomatic and know how to encourage people toward the right medicine and not call them names which will only result in the child not getting the medicine or adequate care. Even if you’re really tired of people being ignorant, and especially so if it’s a person you care about or need to have continued family relationships. It might feel self satisfying but it has consequences. His consequences found him unwelcome and he really shouldn’t be surprised. And if the family is really dysfunctional and toxic well they should be discussing going low contact. But tbh he doesn’t sound so great to me.
Denying a child real medical care is probably not something a DOCTOR is going to take lightly. In fact if it was something serious, he has a duty to report the neglect.
@@julianne089 … Just curious but why? Why doesn’t he sound like a great person? We’ve only heard two things against him. One he was too busy working to bring a grandchild to see grandparents, and it can’t have been for very long because it was only because OP was sick. The other, yeah it may have been a bit rude but he wasn’t wrong. Essential oils tend to drive people with medical training nuts.
So that’s it. One time he was busy and one time he may have been a little rude or he may have just pointed out facts and they took it as him being rude.
So family banned him and OP left her husband of four months behind on their first Christmas together… it’s beginning to look a lot like divorce.
@@julianne089 My thoughts also. If the husband is anything like a lot of medics I've encountered, he's full of himself and keen to prove how smart he is at the expense of others. Being correct does not automatically entitle one to be rude to others. It's likely to be counter-productive, if anything, because people are far more likely to listen to something if they are told in a reasonable manner. He sounds pompous and arrogant - just the sort of person you don't want at a family Christmas celebration. He can cover the Christmas shift at the hospital and earn himself a bit of extra money if he doesn't want to be on his poor little own
Story 2: the daughter needs the en sute. Girls have more need for the private bath. With that being said, The son should get the new furniture...fair!
Nta. Your wife is insane. Your ex doesnt always need her kid ik a pic of her kids.
If I'm paying for 85% of my house plus believe my child is getting the larger room. If I can pay 85% I can pay 100% no problem.
if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accomodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
OP with the husband: my girl does the same and her father always try to pick a fight with me.
Barb made bad choices. The WORST thing you can do as a parent is make your entire family suffer for her choices. She forgot to turn in 2 projects and forgot to take her test? Yea.... she clearly needs to learn that her actions have consequences. It sucks but it is what it is.
0:00 - 4:00 story 1
4:00 -8:20 story 2
8:20 - 10:59 story 3
Did OP's husband really call his MIL and SIL ignorant in their own house? I know ignorant means "not knowing," but it's not often used that way and he should have been aware of that. If he didn't agree with what they were doing, he could have just said "take your child to the doctor and see what they say."
I am so on Philips side. He should not pick fights with idiots that poison their kids? Why did OP marry him, if she does not like him?
To the other stories; I might have been reading to much reddit, but why oh why can't people stop having kids, seperate, get someone new and try to blend without communicating and best of all have some more kids and probably seperate and so on? Stop having kids willy nilly! And if you have some, put them first before new partners.
Story 2: YTA. 1) Anything you can say about your Son deserving the room applies just as well to her. 2) Your BF is paying for 80% of the entire house so yes he does have more of a say. 3) Of course he’s going to care about his own child more then yours! Heck the mere fact that he’s older means he’s more likely to understand. And 4) I sincerely believe it’s a good idea for the girl to get her own bathroom, for (Feminine Hygiene) reasons. Honestly it sounds more like you just want to get your way and not have a discussion about this.
Both parents and children need to compromise. Son should get the bigger room as he is going to college soon then the daughter can move into. It's a shit situation for everyone.
@@LivRogers-tw6oe WRONG if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell there house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accomodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets,
Also in a reply when asked if Lu would get the room with the ensuite when her son goes to college, she said no because he would still come home for summer
@@LivRogers-tw6oe the boyfriend is paying so he decides. If OP or Ethan don't like it, they can make their own arrangements
Last story: the last comment was spot on!
He is not a wonderful man!!! He's controlling and patronising.
Story 3 I'm honestly like WTF OP, cause you're going to screw up you're relationship with a gf that learned how to speak Japanese off her own back at 14 long before she met you, rather than letting her be herself in how she gets to know your family cause you want her to make herself look like and idiot cause BIL and SIL who've been in the family longer have never bothered to learn the language cause "it'll make them feel bad"??
Remind me again who are you dating?? BIL, SIL or your gf!!
My ex who is French and I'd never claim to be fluent speaking, we were together for nearly 4yrs and in that time we actually bonded over her giving me the basics so I could have some conversations or at least get the gist of what was going on when I spent time with her friends or family.
If they've married into the family already and can't be bothered why are you honestly even thinking about how this affects them!!!
Good luck if she doesn't dump you
XOXOXO it’s Freaky Friday let the games begin ❤❤❤
Story 2: Pretty sure OP uses oldest gets bigger room because it benefits her son and if it would be reversed she'd say it's different.
If lou has to lower her quality of life to welcome op and Ethan, she’ll resent them both.
I will say I am the absolute favorite friend of child in foreign land because I can speak said friend's native language and in turn thier parents native language.
Story 2 is all kind of messes, they better separate.
Who buys a house where the rooms for the children are not similar? Any child getting a bigger will make the other children hurt or resentful.
The kind of people who have no other choice. op said in a reply that she asked her parents if she and her son could move in, the parents said no. so the way i see it is if i owned a 3 bedroom home and my daughter had a room with an ensuite and my girlfriend and her son had to sell their house to pay off HER debt and i uprooted both my life and my daughters to buy a house with only one room more than the home i already own i would expect that my daughter and i would not have to downgrade our standard of living to accommodate people who would otherwise be living on the streets
@@dramuckus this was a four bedroom with two bedrooms with a private bathroom, there were options especially because they shopped for it together.
@@carolmk3114 did you just not read my reply or what they had to she had 0 options, seriously go to the post I can post the link if you can't find it op is highly entitled and again if you are being saved from homelessness due to debts that you have incurred you don't get to make demands. And other peoples standard should not have to go down after having their life uprooted to save you again he owned a home with 3 bedrooms already one for him one for his daughter which had an ensuite(private bathroom) and an office, so the upgrade is only one whole room and that room is for the ops kid. So it's not like the boyfriend was desperate to leave his home or anything he had plenty of space for him and his. If you still don't get it well I guess you can't fix stupid.
Siblings significant others had 10 yrs, TEN, to learn even a bit of Japanese. That alone should make their partners feel uncomfortable.
Some commenters are super annoying. "If you can't afford private school without a discount, then you can't afford private school." That is the point of the entire story. Lol Without the discount, then CANNOT afford the private school. If the child works hard to get a discount, why wouldn't a parent send their child to a superior school? What does this person want from OP? "Sorry, kids. Even though you received a scholarship and a discount, you can't go to the better school because your sister was too lazy to show up." Yea.... great lesson for the kids. 👍
If the pediatrician didn't say anything and the kid had a bad outcome the MIL and SIL would say why didn't he say anything
Lopsided: Ya'll crazy. I give it 90 days and both Lu and Ethan are sleeping in the same room. Time to invest in birth control.
Thats a very good point, I have extreme anxiety and had to go to the doctor the other day to get it checked, now he also gave me some medication to control it for now as well. BUT I would NEVER discuss with him about home remedies or herbal medication DUH!!! He is a medical professional, I respect his opinion and if necessary I will definitely take what he recommends. However I also have a chemist near me with excellent natural therapy recommendations and gave me an excellent subsitute to try if i wanted to go the natural way and avoid long term side affects. My point is "Choose your battles wisely" you dont have to agree with each other and you can agree to disagree but your husband is your partner and he is the first person you fight with, talk with and resolve things with, NOT your family........
Her husband needs to be less arrogant regarding his "job". He did not need to call her family ignorant because they choose natural medicine. Yes, there is an alternative medicine world out there. Both sides should be respectful to each other.
The SILs and BILs could've learned the language, punishing the girlfriend for understanding it and willing to communicate in it because of a bunch of people who never bothered to learn is stupid.
TEN YEARS. TEN YEARS and she never bothered to learn? The SIL can stew in her discomfort.
Story about the bedroom debacle: I think a good compromise would be to sit the two kids down and offer whomever gets the big bedroom has to keep the old furniture and the one who chooses the smaller bedroom gets new furniture and let the two kids decide from there. That way the one who gets the smaller bedroom still gets a perk and letting the kids decide prevents any perceived favoritism from the parents. The parents can also split the money from selling one bedroom set to get both kids new decorations for both of their rooms like fun lights, artwork, and/or paint for the walls.
Yea there's only one issue with that op can't afford new furniture she was expecting the boyfriend to buy it. I went to the op to check it out when given a suggestion to have them both in the smaller room op said that wouldn't work because one has a better view and the rooms aren't the same size. Op is the asshole she just wants everything better for her son
@@dramuckus I meant both parents can chip in for new furniture for the kid that chooses the smaller room. But if she’s not willing to compromise at all and wants her husband to foot the bill entirely for her son’s new furniture AND give him the bigger room then yes I do agree with you.
Wait. They got a discount for around 1 1/2 kids and have 3 kids in the school did they not manage to save any of the excess from that?
Woman from the last story needs to chill the f out before she chases off this man, too.
You can't leave your husband on Christmas.
I think maybe the kid with the discount should be screened for adhd since it can cause executive disfunction. It can make it damn hard to turn in work.
The first one, the wife doesn't have her husband's back
Story with the scholarship: NTA! parents didn’t do anything wrong in my opinion. This sounds like a very US situation, it I may be wrong. Plenty of people send their kids to private schools with scholarship or discounts even if they can’t afford it because private schools tend to be much better than the average public school either in robust curriculum or teacher to student ratios, etc. The daughters job was to meet the requirements to keep her discount and do her assignments. This was made known to her and reasonable expectations. The parents hired tutors for daughter, so I doubt they put her in the worst public school ever- they probably searched for a strong public school which competed with private schools in their area. They exist in the US they’re just more competitive and less common than average to sub-par public schools
#1. You are choosing someone over your mate. Doesn’t matter who they are, you abandoned your man. It’s a deal breaker for your relationship.
Oh Phillip, first of all don't date a single mother, you better than that.
Story 2: Wow, there is no consensus! Overall the situation is tough. I do like the commentor's suggestion that the kids get the small bedrooms and the office is the room with the en suite. If Ethan's furniture is worn out, then he should get new furniture but I do think it's pretty shitty to give him Lu's hand-me-downs. That said, OP should be responsible for paying for Ethan's furniture.
Nta in school story. You can't afford school without a discount you can't afford school? 😆 By that definition most people can't afford food as all foods are supported by subsidies.
“If you can’t afford private school without a discount you can’t afford private school” . . . What?
And if that country's public schools are crap, then the family is screwed!
Some Redditors are just classist POS!!!
@@SnowyWolborg anybody can be spoiled don’t blame it on Americans
@@datedjr1 Exactly! Because I'm American and I understand that not all countries are equal when it comes to education and their economies and/or standard of living
Thats awful, make yr child take an exam to win money off,???what the heck???
First story: YTA for leaving your husband alone and Christmas and taking his child away from him on Christmas. How dare you
Last story:That was a power play! In her little mind she wants the ex to know that in their relationship her child is just as important as his with her. . The fact that the child they have together was not included in the pic is a tell.
Second story. 1 kid gets the new room the other gets the new furniture, maybe something special to add to having the smaller room. That would make them all feel better. As it is, both parents are thinking of their own kid and OO's comment about her husband not caring about HER soon 3 is ridiculously as he can say the same about OP and big daughter. For some reason by OP's post, I think she's gonna be that stepmother every kid fears.
yea i had a look at the post op wasnt even going to pay for the new furniture she expected the boyfriend to pay for it thats why he said he would buy his daughter the new furniture and the son could have his daughters old stuff
@@dramuckus I'm baffled as to why these details weren't discussed before the decision to sell homes/buy a house together went forward. I have a feeling OP was keeping these topics sidelined until it was too late and she could strongarm her boyfriend, not husband, into providing essentially free room and board (15% is laughable if both of them are on the title), catering to *her* son because he's older, and paying for new furniture (and probably most other things). The bf is probably too deep now to get out, so the only good thing is that he works from home so he can protect his daughter, because it's very likely OP is going to get really nasty toward them both.
The boyfriend is paying so he gets his kid what he wants with his money. The girlfriend can accept as she cannot afford anything different
@@remembertobreathe66 read between the lines she was in in debt, and could barely even afford a studio apartment. I she only paid 15% of the house and can’t even afford furniture. She is overreaching financially, just to compete with the boyfriend. And when she can’t get her way, is demanding it for the boyfriend, to help her out even more.
For the Japanese story, she doesn’t have to lie about speaking Japanese. Just speak English more so no one feels excluded from conversations.
Story 1: Phillip divorce her. They can choose the guest list but your wife is choosing to go. Dating single mom's is objectively a losing proposition for the guy because you will get all the responsibilities of the actual father and prior husband with none of the authority and coming in last.
Story 1: he gave advice that was not asked of him. And he gave it by calling them stupid? A doctor would never speak to a patient that way so why is it ok for him to do it with family?! These YTA need to get a grip and ask if they would like to be spoken to in this manner by anyone… the answer is no…
Also for the oils.. I went to the Mayo Clinic one of the top research clinics in the US and they study the effects of natural remedies such as oils and stuff… some have proven to help with arthritis instead of pushing pain medication which is highly addictive.
So perhaps if the husband wasn’t so condescending… his in-laws wouldn’t have responded in such a way
Perhaps the in-laws are idiotic knuckle dragging troglodytes... it's not outside the realm of possibilities.
If somebody is being stupid, it's not rude to call them stupid and while some alternative medicines are effective that doesn't mean all of them are. In fact many alternative medicines don't actually contain enough of the effective ingredients to actually be effective.
It would be different they were using oils to deal with cancer or something crazy like that but it was something simple the insult was unnecessary.
I wonder if the narrator is suggesting the wife should go no contact with her family because they don't get along with her husband and I wonder if the grandson will be alienated from grandparents?
Story 2: One gets New furniture and the other gets the bigger Room. Let the Kids decide.
No. The man with the gold makes the rules which means the boyfriend decided Lu gets the en suite and new furniture because he is paying for it. OP has no money so Ethan gets what OP can afford
Last story - I know women hate taking responsibility for choosing crappy partners, but OP's wife is the one who had a child with a horrible man. She is clearly jealous that OP's ex-wife is INVOLVED while her ex is a loser. The ex-wife asking for a photo of HER children is totally reasonable. I also love that OP and his ex get along so well for the children's sake. As long as OP explains to the step-son the photo is for their mother, this shouldn't be an issue. OP's wife is projecting. Just because she chose a horrible partner doesn't mean she gets to take it out on every other parent.
Story 2 ESH they both worked on an assumption that would have benefited their own child and continue to work around the focus of their own child. I do admit I think that Op is the bigger AH between the two.
In the last story, I think the wife isn’t upset that her new husband took a picture of just his 2 older children while excluding her older child (and not upset that the child they share isn’t in the pic). But upset that he took a picture (could have been any picture) FOR the ex-wife. Period…nothing any deeper than that.
I can just see the resentment brewing between the two parents because they’re only thinking of their own kid. If they go through with the bigger room and smaller room for their children it will brew resentment especially if on top of that the son gets hand me downs too. They’re not treating this as a blended family and it shouldn’t matter how much one person brings in they should be looking at this in a way to maintain fairness. The two small rooms should go to each child and then get them a few new furniture. If the sons’ furniture is really bad then he should get bigger priority. It doesn’t sound like his daughter’s furniture is badly damaged or old but it’s more of a shopping spree sort of idea for her mental health for the move.
in the reply some one suggested the kids get smaller room and the room with the ensuite be the office but the op rejected that idea because the rooms were different sizes and one had a better view. op is the asshole. and in regards to the furniture in the replys op admitted that she couldnt afford the furniture and that is why the boyfriend suggested that he get his daughter the new furniture and the son have the daughters old furniture so she was expecting the boyfriend to buy her son new furniture
also do you think that its fair for the daughter who had a room with an ensuite to lower her standard of living just to save someone from living on the streets
good god. the educational discount story: these ppl take "life is a game" to a WHOLE new level
Story 1. Some natural remedies do work but I'm the type of person who does both. I do go to the doctor for serious things but for minor things I use natural remedies((it's part of my religion)) op is not the AH but idk I think her husband and family are very sensitive