STOP MOTHERING YOUR MAN...it's destroying your relationship!!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ค. 2024
- AWAKEN YOUR FEMININE ENERGY COURSE! 💖💫 ➡️ jillian-guerin.mykajabi.com/a...
Let’s chat about feminine energy in relationships and how to stop mothering your man! Unfortunately, this is a habit that so many women fall into, but it completely destroys your relationships (not to mention your attraction to him lol).
I hope this video is helpful!! ❤️
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CHAPTERS:
0:00 How to Stop Mothering Your Man
1:02 What does “mothering” our partner usually mean?
1:51 Why this destroys relationships
3:24 The difference between nurturing vs mothering
4:39 Where does mothering behavior come from?
7:59 How to stop mothering him, but important note first
8:36 Tip #1
9:10 Tip #2
10:33 Tip #3
16:12 Tip #4
18:42 Tip #5
19:40 Tip #6
20:48 Tip #7
21:31 Tip #8
22:44 Tip #9
23:38 Recap
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You may have saved my relationship with this. My Girlfriend keeps saying that she "doesn't want to mother me". I wasn't sure what she meant. This video just opened my eyes. When I asked what was wrong in our relationship, she gave me a "to-do" list. I didn't understand how that was considered "relationship". Now I get it. She needs to know that I am up to the task, and that knowledge is part of her perspective on the relationship. It affects everything! Jillz, you are on it girl! I'm awake, I get it. And as a thank you I am totally subscribing to your channel! Thank you so much. She is way too amazing of a person to ever lose, I wish you could meet her.
So sweet! I wish you both the best!
I hope it works out great for you two ✨
I am in at this point with my boyfriend but I don't know how to express it. 😕
@@hannahdewinter5515 first you have to change and be aware of your own behaviour. Do you always do a follow up after asking him to do something. If yes. Stop that. Tell him once then shut up and let go. Example: he has to take out the trash but does not? Ask him in a kind manner. If he does not do it, don't shout, don't pester. Leave it be there until it stinks and he realises he has to do it. He will himself see the difference in your attitude. But in the meantime, do not act passive aggressive or withhold love. Just let the natural consequence of his inaction play out.
Become unbothered. Then when he does do the thing, appreciate him, and tell him how it helps you and you feel supported with chores when he takes out the trash. It may sound dumb but focussing on positive and rewarding good behaviour instead of negative ones consistently will help change the dynamic. But it starts with you.
@@Dw3nG6KThis!
Ladies, you can NOT change a damaged man! My ex has Mommy issues and he was psychologically wanting me to replace her so I could take care of him and him do nothing in return. Worst mistake of my life and I will never do that again! ✊🏻 thank you for this Jillz ❤❤
I agree!! And you're so welcome! 🥰
So real for this, no exceptions!
+1 to this! 12 years and a horrible divorce later I realised that he would never ever change. He is about to get remarried and I think the poor woman is at the lovebombing stage and doesn't know what she's getting into
Same. Mine had mommy issues and I felt like I had to do everything when I didn’t want to!!!
@@JillzGuerin can you please make a video on handling mother who are judgemental and controlling 😢
As a 65 yr old woman that spent her entire adult life “mothering” a man that wanted a woman, not a nagging mother. I’m learning and growing by practicing being a better loving partner. I’m not perfect but I’m so much better.
it's very nice to see that women of all ages are finding this video helpful!
i'm only 19, but i was mothering my ex boyfriend who was younger than me and had a very strong attachment to his mom. your comment and this video made me realize that i should always prioritize myself and my feelings, i'm a lover not a mommy!👸🏻🍀
I'm actually so proud of you
Wow I'm so proud of you 💗🌼
wow! so inspiring! thank you!
i'M 44 and same here!
1. Take some time to observe how you’re mothering your man
2. Lean back; focus more on you and less on him
3. Let him do him; let him make mistakes; let him manage his life
4. Let him be his own person; let him do things his own way; he doesn’t have to conform to your way.
5. Be appreciative to what he does do in a romantic way.
6. Stop giving him unsolicited advice or try to solve his problems; give him support instead.
7. Stop saying that he’s your child or like a child.
8. Communicate and agree on each’s responsibilities
9. Put your nurturing energy on other outlets.
Actually, many of these tips work with parenting as well! I am a mother of 3 and if I take a role of a guide rather than controller, it works wonders🙌🏼. With children too you have to lean back at times to show them they are capable, and that way they wont become adult children of the next generation. Thanks for your video Jillz! 🌸
Yessssssssss!!!! My mother was way too controlling and I have so much of her tendencies in My DNA but I am really learning not to do this. I used to beg her to let me make mistakes because I knew I learned more when she stepped back in the small things but she had to micromanage every little thing. It took a lot of work to become a confident adult inspite of her and I'm still working on it
Yes, 100%!!!
I said this to my husband recently, I have noticed from my own observations that the INSTANT I ask him to do something more than once, in his mind I become a nag. So I stopped doing it. If there is a task I would like him to do, I ask once from a place of sincerity, certainty and love. He always does it (provides) and I thank him equally sincerely and lovingly (recieves)
This stuff is gold ladies, changes your entire relationship dynamic
What do you do when you ask nicely and the task doesn't get done? Do you do it yourself?
@@briannacunningham3282do not do it yourself. You’ll end up doing all the work. Men don’t look at things like we do - he won’t feel bad and feel the need to balance it out. Men will see it as the problem has been solved without him, so you didn’t really need him to do it if you could have done it. Just give him time and he will do it on his own. Thank him sincerely then.
@@briannacunningham3282have his best friend do it 🥰
A lot of men just don't do what you ask for. They will leave you to do it. At most, they will only do it (at their own pace) if they are the only capable person doing it. You just managed to get a good man.
@@briannacunningham3282For doing things around the house that I don't really know how to do, but probably could figure out, like fix a toilet, put up a shelf, change a light fixture, build a fun platform for the kids room, etc, my tactic involves beginning to do it myself, in my own enthusiastic but careless way. "Do we have a band saw? Or Where's the level?" is a fine way to remind him about what he said he'd do but fell out of his mind, without nagging. He's a careful perfectionist and often he gets so involved in his own head about what would be the best way that it stresses him out too much to actually do it. But when he sees me starting the job (and he knows I'm somewhat handy but also am not too proud to use a lot of duct tape) it suddenly becomes clear to him exactly what he could do. Almost always he rushes over and offers to finish the job for me. (Or I forget and he finishes it, or I do it myself and have a great time, and have him do the things I'd have been doing for the family if I didn't have this project.
If it's more that there are just a number of things that need to be done, I'll say "The house needs some tending! Suppose we'd better do that today. I'm going to wash the floor. What will you do?" And he'll pick something. He does so much more when I verbally point out the fact that I'm doing something and ask what his plans are. I don't think that's mothering, but it's more guided than I'd prefer. Still, at least I don't have to come up with a chore chart for him. We would both hate that.
I wish there was more male equivalent youtubers that, like Jillz, can help teach men how to treat their feminine woman and be more in touch with their masculinity, further helping maintain healthy and full filling relationships.
i feel like us woman have plenty out there to teach and guide us to be the best feminine version of ourselves, but if there's not the same out there for men we will outweigh them creating an inbalance
both sides must heal their said energies and come together as one in a relationship, ying and yang
Jordan Peterson, Chris Williamson, Hamza, Tom Bilyeu. So many out there for men.
@@UrvashiSaana Jasymine Theodora, she teaches godly feminity
oh thats great i was not aware of any of these youtubers! guess my algorithm is mainly on the feminine energy youtubers side but thanks for letting me know :)
On tip #6; When my partner tells me about something stressful at work for example, I listen and ask "Can I give you my advice, or do you just need to vent?". It never hurts to ask to understand what your partner needs in this moment
Men seek advice from other men. In the relation-ship context he probably just wants your validation. An example. He complains about his boss: You agree with him and insult his boss and chances are that that will brighten up his day and he will laugh.
I recently read “The Surrendered Wife” and it basically breaks down this concept in a very helpful way.
I read the newer version The Empowered Wife and agree that all of this is and more are eye opening on creating a more intimate relationship :)
Such a good book
Me too!
I’m reading this book now and I really like it! It’s definitely helped my marriage so far!
@@RachelRenee41224 same!!
As a woman who is about to get married in a couple months, this video is the exact reminder / slap in the face that I needed. The example about letting him get hit by a car literally made me laugh out loud. Thanks for all you do , girl!!
Omg same. Gotta clarify for the people who will take it all the way there 😂😂
This is how I approach teaching too. I often see teachers get so bent out of shape about kids using their phones in class, not caring about their grades, talking with friends when they should be doing a project, not starting a task immediately. I ALWAYS shrug it off. Like if you choose to not do what you’re supposed to do, the consequences are yours. 🤷🏾♀️ I believe my job as a teacher is to support my students and care for them while also providing learning opportunities for them. What they do with those learning opportunities is up to them.
When I’ve talked about this, some people say “Well how are they going to learn??” They regulate! They figure out I’m not going to spoon feed them, fail a few times, and then eventually they find motivation. I usually only have one or two kids per class that never really get on the train, and it’s usually because something else is going on at home or with their mental health. In which case, I care more about their healing than making sure they learn, so I largely leave those kids alone or help them with outside intervention. Hopefully the way I approach teaching will help me in any future relationship haha
This advice works! I took the tip of just being “lazy” and allowing my man to figure it out. When he relies on me for help with simple tasks. I simply said “not sure”. He took about a hour to get it done but he felt very accomplished and I loved that! I am subscribed:)
Y’all I’m a teen but I love watching these types of videos for when I’m older
It's AMAZING that you have all these resources to gain wisdom for the future!
Letting them make their own mistakes is so important.
My favorite phrase towards my man in my head is “I trust he’ll figure it out”
He needed someone to watch his ferrets on vacation. I didn’t step in to help or offer a solution. Today he said he found a pet baby sitter and I was so relieved. I absolutely did not want that responsibility and I’m glad he didn’t ask me lol
I think my relationship is beyond saving based on this video and thinking of how my boyfriend would react to me letting him miss a flight or something. This video helped me understand how much I’m NOT mothering my boyfriend and how much he’s using weaponized incompetence against me. 😢
yea I am not sure this would work for toxic relatoinships. I wonder.....Asking for myself.
Where was your question tho
I think something she didn't touch upon, as it was not the subject of this video, is his reaction to you leaning back. I think some frustration is normal, being upset on himself too, but if he starts blaming you for the mistakes, it is time to clarify responsibilities. If he still blames you for mistakes in his area of responsibility, then run.
Some people need more help through day to day life than others. It is not always weaponized incompetence. I know great men that provide for their families and are good husbands, brothers, etc. That may forget things or need more daily support. I don't think it's a one size fits all equation.
@@queenkoi that can definitely be the case for some, but that is far from the case with my partner. He won’t do things for me that he thinks are “cheesy”, he won’t do anything for himself that involves taxes, the dmv, banks, etc. he won’t cook for me because we are vegan and he seems to think that means he doesn’t know how to cook vegan food…..it’s still food…. Even if there are directions on the package….he doesn’t do his own laundry. He doesn’t clean up after himself.
Sometimes it’s just a cop out.
“ girls just be lazy” brilliant, thanks for this video a whole perspective I needed to hear. Lots of love to you Jillz xxx
The advice I didn't know I needed. I mean, I'm so focused on how to make his life easier... remind him this, advise him that, getting mad at him for things he forgot doing and the "I told you so" moments. I didn't realize that in the grand scheme of things, these small things don't matter and he WILL figure it out, let him see what happens if he doesn't do these things, let him see them firsthand.
Esther Perel said something in line of "No normal person is attracted to a child. If you form a pseudo parent-child relationship with your partner, you risk losing attraction to them."
That's what happened to me and that quote sticks with me. I lost romantic and sexual attraction to my husband of 8 years.
I decided to end the relationship recently. The biggest obstacle is that he was always financially dependent on me, and so he would effectively "waste my money" when he didn't take responsibility.
I now know that I will only ever date people that can meet me on my level, and that I have to step back and let other people screw up sometimes.
This is an awesome quote and I see how it's true , thank u so much for sharing
Friend of mine, as soon as she had a baby, her husband changed and said ‘now you’re a mother, I see you differently, it’s not sexy’. Fast forward a few year, after divorce, he got married again and did exactly the same thing to the next wife. As soon as she got pregnant and had the baby, he said same stuff. It’s him, obviously. He’s got that Madonna/Wh*re complex thing. Really weird. He’s onto the third wife now, she’s pregnant. She doesn’t know what’s coming, and thinks the two former wives are jealous. 🤷🏻♀️
A lot of men have undiagnosed mother whore complexes. The complex is actually a reason for the demise of so many marriages.
He obviously has no insight into the situation he keeps creating . If you don't find women sexy after birth stop getting them pregnant!
@@Sarahhenderson11 Oh he’s a selfish horrible liar azzwipe, he knows what he’s doing, and knows that the unsuspecting wives never see it coming. He has cheated on them all, and always marries the next one. I expect the latest duped wife thinks they’re special and it will be different, he’s changed, etc. Nope! He clearly has the charm and good guy act down to a tee. Oscar winning act! He needs therapy. He’s in his fifties now, I expect this charade will repeat and go on and on every few years until no one wants him anymore. My friend cringes at the thought of him, but she does have two great grown up kids now, (one is a college teacher, one is a veterinary) She left him, brought them up all by herself, and they can see his BS, and don’t want anything to do with him either.
@@Sarahhenderson11 He prob thinks that is the manliest thing to do.
Wth what is wrong with some men 🤦♀️
I made this mistake. I moved in with my ex, i found myself cleaning up after him after he ate and left dishes in the room. Felt harmless at first. Then it became me cleaning the entire room, every day. And the messes he left inside the bathroom and inside the fridge. Then i started washing his clothes all the time, buying him meds, going to the bank for him... until i realized, wait a minute, he hasn't actually taken me out on a date SINCE we moved in (without my own influence or intervention). And then it occured to me i had to remind him to pay rent 3x in a row, to renew his car registration because it was almost 2 yrs late, and i realized he spent too long talking to his "mom" on the phone every night instead of spending time with me.
I spent almost an entire year caring for a BOY in a mans body. Dont do what i did... it took me a while to finally love and respect myself to walk away. I told myself i will never suffer that kind of embarrassment and heartache again just because i wanted to be "helpful" or "care so much" about a guy. I lived a life of bs and in denial when what i shouldve done was realized a man should be doing all of that by himself AND put effort and love into me. To put it frankly, I couldnt help an apparent loser who offered me nothing but excuses (and chores), and i shouldnt have to.
Im happy to say after just a month of breaking up and moving away from my ex, i met a new man who is the complete opposite. He pours into me every day and i feel so relaxed and at ease with him. I cried the day i realized i made it out of hell to finally find a man who is right for me. Maybe i was lucky or sometimes it is that easy, you just have to have the courage to leave.
You just described a Indian man perfectly 😢
I think the biggest reason why some people try to mother their partners is that they’ve learnt that their partners fuck ups actually affect them. Like when they have a tendency to ask for help from us for their own “forgetfulness”. When we know we could very well save ourselves some troubles, we’d rather mother them or nag them than having to deal with their future fuck ups or reject their request. Because it might make us feel bad or selfish to not provide help to our loved ones.
This is so true even when it comes to your kids. I used to beg my mom to let me make mistakes because I knew it would be good for me. I often felt I couldn't use my own brain cuz she was constantly thinking FOR me
i have friends who remind their bfs to brush their teeth and make doctors appointments for them. ive always wondered if i don’t care enough bc i let my man fend for himself in those aspects. this affirms that i’m doing enough by supporting him when he asks for it and truly needs it, but not mommying him into doing basic adult tasks.
Girl, this is GOLD. I have grown with very masculine mum (no dad) and I've been searching and trying to change it for myself and my relationship literally for 6-7 years now. I've found a lot of informations but never so understandable and relatable! Thank you so much!
Do you know Nicole LePera (The Holistic Psychologist)? I found her content extremely helpful
Thanks for mentioning this. Now I know why I'm like this. And why my mom has such terrible luck with relationships. She just always has to be the bigger tougher angrier person. With myself, my brothers (we're all grown), and all her many boyfriends of the past. I notice myself needing to have absolute control over everything, otherwise I'm a nervous wreck. But I've been trying to remind myself that literally everything won't go the way that I want it to in life and that's normal and that's okay. Trying to be more feminine is so hard 😢
@@christieelizabethvaca2571 I know :( And I am sorry. But this need of control comes from fear and past hurts. Once you start healing (usually just by letting yourself feel all the emotions) it gets a bit easier to let control go and then you can get more femine. Because femine energy needs to feel safe to rise up, otherwise it really is hard. Good luck girl!
Well in my last relationship I was like the mother of him, I was judging him because he wasnt eating enough, smoking, being sloppy and stuff when our relationship over I realized that this was the reason our relationship damaged. I wasnt feeling passionate anymore, I started to see him as a unresponsible child and I was trying to change his bad habits, there is a line between encouraging and managing dont try to change him, you can discuss about it if he wants your idea but never manage him even if he asks for it. See your space and his, dont try to get in his whole life, never see him worthy over you
in the MIDST of watching this video I was presented with an opportunity involving my husband to step back & not immediately go into “fix it” mode. this showed up at the exact time I needed it.
✨divine intervention✨
thank you!!!
This is so true, I did that with my husband and instead of him appreciating it he took it for granted which made me frustrated. That’s why our relationship failed and I turned iced cold. And definitely despite of everything, I don’t regret my decision of walking away.
Right, maybe this is more of a message that if women didn’t marry/get involved romantically with a complete man child, they would never start mothering them in the first place.
I really needed this. Lol triggered. Wow. I’m always in mommy mode and I thought it was a good thing but I see now, it really isn’t and it’s just a trauma response because I felt my needs were never met.
The devouring mother archetype is what many women are doing because it’s predominantly what’s modeled these days
When my guy started acting like a child.. I lost respect for him. It was such a turn off :(
He was so immature. No longer together. Lol
Good for you! Find yourself a man not only mature but also treat you the way you deserve👏👏
@@vertebraefeline6067 I agree.. thank you my friend :)
A video I did not know I needed today. And made me feel soooo good.
I’m a slightly controlling person and so is he.
We’re married. So every time you say deeply committed relationship, yes these tips are applicable to married couples mostly
There’s nothing wrong with either of us but this video brought so much calm and clarity. Thanks a ton ❤
I had a relationship like this which so bad I had to leave. It was my second boyfriend and I never had any kind of mothering dynamic with my first, as he was quite a bit older than me. My second boyfriend was around my age and we became friends at college. He was the class clown type but didn’t immediately show the absolute depths of his childish behaviour. I went for him because my ex had no sense of humour and was very serious. It was an over correction!
6 months in he stopped paying his way because he lost his part time job for goofing around. He didn’t go back to college after the first year. So I stepped in and mothered him. He fully became a man child and his life was drama filled. I applied for his passport, wrote job/ other college applications, paid bills for him and his family. It was like I suddenly had the opposite of the problem with my serious ex too. This guy was loud, no boundaries and so embarrassing to be around. I found myself chastising him like a naughty toddler. Breaking point came when I was no longer even remotely attracted to him, and a family member said we were like mother and son. I could not! I also found out he was on class A drugs, and he would not get or stay sober. Just leave in some cases!
Ugh I'm in this exact situation. 😢 I want to leave but I cant financially. It's gotten so bad that he spend money on drugs instead of Bill's. I have no where to go. I've been applying to better paying jobs so I can afford to live alone. I'm praying one calls. I cant take it anymore. I've literally tried for 6 years to "fix him" and giving him the benefit of the doubt. I have been so naive. I'm mad at myself.
@@ritzismynamo if you don't have a kid together you can always leave. there are sites where you can find people looking for roommates for their apartments. Make sure you're not allowing fear to grapple you and give you excuses not to do something. there is never the perfect moment, and something will always not go according to plan. But if it will make you happier, there are ways. That being said, it is a big leap and understandable to feel stuck.very easy as a stranger to look in and see a solution. I hope you are able to find that job/ roommate
@@ritzismynamo It might be more expensive to stay with a bad partner. You will get through it and find your independence to be better than being with dead weight!
Could you please explain, in another video, how to nurture your man, in a romantic relationship.
I'll try to do this in the future!
This video lowkey changed my life and deserves a gazillion more views... I went through a horrible breakup this year and discovered this video as I was trying to figure out how I could learn from the experience. I am a very organized, driven, and maternal woman and I mothered my boyfriend for much of our relationship, unfortunately I didn't realize what I was doing and he wasn't masculine enough to assert himself or communicate his feelings. Now I better understand myself and know how I can be better in my next relationship, as well as what to look for in a man.
My husband is a very dependable masculine man. He is turned off when I try to take care of him or remind him of things too much. He likes me more when I’m focus more on myself.
Mine too !❤
Lucky ❤
If he wasn't a manchild I wouldn't have needed to mother him. Anyway lesson learned.
Never heard this in a way that’s non-judgemental and constructive. Literally got the closure I needed from a heartbreaking relationship
When my husband tells me about a problem, I ask him “do you need my advice or you want me to listen?”
Isn't that what most of our hearts want?
Thank you so much for this video it’s so relatable I’m strongly nurturing and realised that it’s falling in to mothering my man and probably taking away from his manhood
You just possibly saved my relationship, super grateful for this video.
Beautifully put 🙏🏿👏🏿 .
I definitely have to step back in the reminding him department.
Thank you girl.
Definitely something I can totally admit that I did. We broke things off for different reasons entirely - but I can totally see how my actions pushed him away
« You can not communicate like you are opponents. »
This one I’ve rarely heard so clearly. This is something I’m trying to integrate in the heat of emotions. Beautifully said.
I love this kinda energy, letting the man take charge and making him feel like the man in the relationship. Great video
I mothering both my ex's and I burnt out so bad. The first one was like an obedient baby who knew that I "knew best" which made things slightly easier but I got tired of teaching him and always having to worry about him. The second one was a brat who didn't know how to respect me but also did not know how to function as a human. I tried my best to help him but at the end of the day, he couldn't help himself. At my core, I knew neither of them were capable people (they were both teenagers at the time) so I did my best to help them and love them but I should've walked away in the first place.
I don't have a boyfriend, I don't want a relationship, I just love her content. That's why I'm here.
I just realized my sister needs to hear this since she treats her husband like a child.
I really needed this talk, thank you. I knew all of these things already, I just needed someone outside of my head to say it.
Thank you for your “taking out the trash” story that one is sooo relatable for me rn.
Yesss I learned about being respectful with advice and trusting my Partner to do things his way and it absolutely transformed my relationship🎉 In my experience not splitting chores is the best thing I could decided. When I'm having many exams or other stress he's practically doing everything around the house. I never new how powerful it can be to let someone step into their potential. The only thing I need to do for him to manage everything is being happy and grateful for his support🥰
Hi! Just curious, what responsibilities do you help with then?
@@olivialucero6811 we have a "who has the time first, does the chores first" approach, so when I'm busy studying he does most things. At the same time, it makes him happier to see me exited and joyful then me having done a task. I had holidays the last few weeks while he had to work so I would do more arround our home. But even in that case he does the things I don't enjoy like cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, bringing out the trash and more. When I felt like paintig or reading or resting I did that and he was glad he came home to a happy Girlfriend, instead of me being tired and frustrated. On a daily basis I will usally pick up around the house, cook and do the laundry. The rest depends on my time and energy. Maybe I need to add that we don't have kids so things stay as they are when we leave them haha
Thanks for helping me return to womanhood. What a fun challenge! My favorite part is watching my guy fall back in love with his girl❤🎉I didn't know if I could ever be "her" again....WHAT A RELIEF😊
Currently binge watching your videos at 3am because I just found them 😂 but your advice is SO good!! I’m almost 4 years into marriage and learning all the time!! I feel like you’re talking straight to me ❤️
Thank you❤ this theme is so important. It is hard to understand what happened when you are in a mothering position and have problems in relationship
A LOT of actionable GEMS in this video! I’m trained as a marriage counselor and agree with everything wholeheartedly! Also, The book “The Empowered Wife” by Laura Doyle speaks to this very topic and although I do not agree with all of the book’s suggestions, there are some actionable gems in it as well, very similar to what you are teaching here. Keep up the great work! We all need these skills!
Wow, thank you for this. Ive been unconsciously doing that for a long time, not realizing its been suffocating our relationship. At first it starts as care, but soon it becomes disappointment for the both of us. Lets just trust our men❤
Mothering is really bad, but there are things that need to be done. I let it go and soon there were mag.gots at the kitchen floor. I talked, but there was no way. I changed partner.
It's not about changing anyone but ourselves. Honey, no one can change another. Period.
@@sulusu4812 I was doing my part, I was trying to inspire him to do his. No crime in this. The only changed I needed was to a new life. I won't carry no man.
I couldn't reach him. His lost, as he realised when it was over.
We have to accept people's life choices, no matter what, let go to open new doors if the other doesn't change.
To accept others decision and move on it's difficult, but freeying.
I have just married the love of my life and we started a diet to be healthy (we gained weight when we started living together). I obviously suggested him to stop drinking coke and replace it with tea and water, but he joked saying "I want coke, but I don't want you to get mad", I laughed and answered "I'm not your mom, you can drink it, but I assure you will feel way better with yourself if you eat healthy, besides we will save money". I love him so much, that's why I want him to be free but at the same time I want to take care of him, it's easy when you realize you're in front of a capable human being that can take his own decisions that sometimes needs guidance, but that's it.
This is so sweet!! Get a relationship not only mentally healthy but also growing physically healthy! This is so nice to read, really made my day🥰💕
Congrats ! Don’t worry when he brings up in a week that he is going to stop drinking coke as much to help with the health journey just say wow that is an amazing idea that will work so well! A man can get behind an idea when it’s his own. I wish someone told me to use this in your new marriage it will save so much frustration
He is so sweet,i hope he take care of himself like he he cares for you too
I actually hate how right you are 😆🙌🏼 I needed this so bad.. literally binge watching all your vids I need this I have been stuck in my masculine energy for decades 😢
Wow I don’t usually click videos like this because my husband is very responsible & hard working, BUT so much of what she’s saying hits home.
Just last night I was going over the calendar for July, NOT understanding how he has no idea what’s happening when- it drives me nuts! And he has told me to develop hobbies many times over the 13 years we’ve been together. Thanks for this, I’ll try to implement your tips!
Thanks Jillz, what i needed today, it's kinda hard being a new mom and a mentor, but i learn every Word today☄️☄️☄️
WOW. Never wished I could LOVE a video more than this. Blown away by your wisdoms and eloquence on this topic! Very very helpful!! Life chaning
Life changing advice, wish I would have received it 20 years ago. You’re so young but these were really wise words. I’ve figured this out myself but the relationship damage is done.
I appreciate all the examples of what to do and what NOT to do. I found that even if I was hearing what to do, I didn’t even think of the possibility that I was interpreting it the wrong way. Anyway, great video 💓
Yes! I know this from experience when someone puts their full trust in me I feel the weight of that responsibility and I make a better choice than when someone forces their opinions on me and tells me what to do because then I just get annoyed and rebellious and want to do the opposite, no matter what the best choice is. Giving your man your full trust, if he is a good man, will inspire him to make the best decisions and to love you more
wow. this is a great video. I use to mother my ex often. and i do tend to over care about certain things, not realizing I was stepping into a controlling state out of fear of them messing up.
This goes both ways. Man that gives a flow of instruction and unsolicited advice on the right way is exhausting to me, and I begin to question abilities.
He doesn’t understand why the unsolicited advice isn’t happy making.
I’m not your mom, you aren’t my dad.
❤thank you! Now I finally know what the issue is in my relationship. And how to heal it. Explained in a way I understand and know what to do.
This is really the best and most relatable relationship video I’ve watched in a while and i feel „seen“ although…he’s the one mothering me 😂❤
This is exactly what I needed, I started dating this amazing man, we have been together for less than a year now but he’s the most kind, loving man I’ve met who helps me heal my wounded self everyday (was in a abusive relationship before this for 4 years) but I’ve started noticing how much I mother him and how I try to take control over everything just cause he’s a year younger than me, he constantly tells me “let me do things for you” or “you don’t need to keep spoiling me”. Ive slowly come to realise how much I’m trying to be there for him because his parents aren’t (mom and dad are both physically and mentally abusive to him but he still grew up to be such a kind man and I’m grateful for that) I keep telling him what and how to do things and keep spending money on him, get mad at him if he does not do the smallest things right, as much as I hate to admit it- I’ve gotten so controlling and I guess I’m doing it out of habit from my past relationship where I had to control and beg for the cheating to stop. I feel like a mom more than his woman and it’s all my own actions that made me feel this way. I’ve decided to step back and let him take control from here on and finally start healing my feminine energy starting today.
Hi Jillz, thank you so much for this video, I didn't know that this is what I was doing, but now, it all makes sense - especially when looking at my feminine archetype, the warrior, and the fact that I seem to have been (unconsciously) stuck in my masculine energy. Your own story really resonates with me! I would really appreciate a video on the interplay of the feminine and masculine archetypes, and what critical aspects to bear in mind for the respective pairings.
I just want to say thank you! I do a lot for my kids however I am a firm believer on letting them make their own mistakes. However mine are young now so it's not that hard. However, when it comes to my husband we do everything differently and you named so many things I can relate to. I wished I'd seen you sooner. Keep them coming, you have a new subscriber. For me it is hard sometimes to distinguish between mothering and showing him love and affection. For example earlier on in the marriage he wore his shoes in the house. I hated this. So for this I greeted him at the door, didn't tell him my intentions, sat him down and took his boots and socks off and put them away. For me it was a win win. I had no shoes in the house, and he didn't have to bend down and take them off and most of us know of we are on our feet all day one of the 1st things we want is to take our shoes off. Now some might say this is mothering. But I almost feel it's romantic. I kinda see this same as if he'd wash me in the shower or tub. I love when we wash each other. Some might say it's mothering but for spouses it sensual. Idk you tell me? He seemed to take this really well. Now you did mention some things I do he Def does not take well. Sometimes it is hard for me to know where to draw the line. The reminders I need to stop I guess unless he tells me to remind him. I'm sure I have other things to say but right now that's all I got. I'm going to try to be more aware of how I approach him. The having a hard day at work was a good idea but it is going to be hard not giving my opinion. Should I ask questions about the situation? Thanks so much.
I'm going to give two cents, and take a grain of salt with it- I think the biggest thing is how you *think* of him. Work the hardest on not viewing him maternally, and things like washing each other or doing things for him that he obviously could also do for himself, will become romantic and sweet, instead of maternally patronizing. My husband and I had horrible polarity in our relationship for a while in our dating years because of how I would view him. When I started to view him as a capable man (making note to myself of all the ways he was handling his life and manhood responsibly), our dynamic shifted from maternal/giver and taker, back to the romantic, mutual pursuing, and head over heels partners. It can take so much time and work. But yes, you can change it yourself, he doesn't even need to be brought into it, so to speak. Best wishes, you can do this!
You should write a book! This advice I started using in real life and it helps a lot!!!! You are amazing 🥰
This is the best video ever. It may be obvious for some people but it has to be said for sooo many other people like me!
You are speaking to my soul rn!!! Thank you for posting this
This has become one of my favorite video on TH-cam, thank you Jillz
I needed to hear that sooooo much now!!!!!
Last week was starting to feel like I’m mothering, thank you for this amazing tip!! You are the best!!
We appreciate your videos. Keep up the good work as always
Aw thank you 🥰❤️
Babygirl you always DELIVER !! I love your videos and I love how your energy feels so safe to me. I'm willing to listen ALL DAY. Much love and light to you, keep doing what you do 💕
I love love love this video. And I'd like to add that the problem really isn't about the man or the desire to nurture him. It's all the ways that society and implicit messages in our culture cause us to disown our feminine qualities. You point out that staying in the feminine polarity prevents this dynamic. I'm asking myself how many times I've been told that I'm responsible to do certain things for a man way above and beyond what I should be responsible for. That's really the deeper problem in my opinion. I love this share Thank you so much❤❤❤
My boyfriend of 4 months are having friends visiting from out of the country, him and I don’t have the same standards of cleanliness and I have been pressuring him to let me clean his apartment before they arrive. He has told me no several times but I have kept asking even though this is exactly the type of controlling nature I dislike from my mother. This video has truly arrived at such a perfect time! Such a great video and once again I find God working through the algorithm😊
Super love this thank you so much because sometimes I feel like I am always responsible for everybody around me.
Very important topic! We need more of this type of videos ❤
The trash example you gave is called the "natural consequences" approach, it works for kids too! I would appreciate if you make a dedicated video on that :)
I feel like i need to listen to this daily as a reminder 😅😅😅% thank you so much for this wonderful video.
Same, sameeeee with the 20 mins before packing before thing.
Much needed video. Thank you so much
Thanks for the video! It's super helpful to hear examples from your own life also.
The best tips, as always!! 💗
Aww thanks girl!!! 🥰😘😘
Thanks, that was really helpful. Just the difference of saying "thanks" really helped me to make a mind-shift just now.
Thank you so much for this video!!! That’s exactly what I wanted to hear ❤ thank you Jillz
Fell into this trap so often! This video is directly speaking to me - thanks so much!
Wow, this is actually the best video I have seen. I needed to know these things, as I havent seen many good examples of relationships. Thank You so much for creating videos❤❤❤
I totally did not expect this video to be so helpful. Subscribed
this video is such a reality check for me thank you so much!
Thank you for this video. I am definitely going to apply this. I know when he’s talking I tend to give my opinion & thought but instead I have to remind him that I believe in him & I know he can figure it out but remind him that I’ll be there with him
Thank you for this! Such a great video. I am a type A personality and on the autism spectrum. So, it was so helpful to have clear examples of how to let him be responsible for what he’s responsible for and to “let go” and let him figure it out. It was also to be reminded that he is his own person. I feel like type A personalities need to have permission to let go and that it’s going to be okay if certain things don’t get done, like the trash! Jut happened today. Thank you for explaining without criticizing or condemning.
girl, i needed to hear this. THANK YOU!
Theoretically, it all sounds very good. Julz, thank you for sharing your views, but practically, it's almost impossible. A man who has not been trained properly to be a man by his mother needs to that guidance in different matters of life. It's different with different people.
It can take the following forms.
1. Most commonly, not providing whole heartedly for your wide and kids. He may be partly contributing or may be shaming the family for being dependant on him which is sour for the relationship and makes wives try tk become more independent.
2. Again a common phenomenon, women need protection of her self respect by her husband from anyone who disrespect or let's her down but most men fail to protect her especially when it comes to his own family members like his siblings etc. So she needs to police the behaviour for her survival and is a common point of content in many relationships.
3. Thirdly, although it seems trivial but has a huge cumulative effect. The habit of cluttering. Its hard to keep tracking the remains of dirty laundry, used dishes, DIY tools, paper work from office etc etc on daily basis for years. Many men are neither trained nor like to be mature enough to lice in a livable condition. They feel entitled to mess up the home and expect their wives to clean all thos. The things get even messier with babies coming in the family. If one person is supposed to do all the work of 5 people mess up, you can imagine the frustration. If you try to improve their habits by encouraging them to clean up or asking for help from maids or them to make a routine of clearing, they feel their egos hurt and label it mothering. This should have been taught by mothers so that a happy, clean, smooth living home can be run.
4. It's just realising that to make a happy home, there should be shared goals, and everyone should put effort in the same direction. There must be boundaries set and a routine to stick to. This is setting example for kids. If you need to get advice about the stuff that your kids are at the stage of, then this is not manly. It's just a big size child, unfortunately.
Sometimes , mathering becomes necessary as you need yo take decisions for protecting yourself and kids who depend on you for survival.
I hope mothers take back their role seriously and make this world a better place to live
I agree, my fiancé wasn’t taught basic life skills when he was younger. Now I’m having to make up for a lifetime of knowledge and it’s not easy. Before anybody says anything, I had to teach him to use a fucking sponge in order to wash the dishes. He argued with me about it until my mother AND his mother (who was very shocked) got on to him for it.
17:08 LOL! Gosh so much of this is hilariously helpful.
Also reminded me why Ive been feeling unheard on important things... because maybe theyre getting lost amongst all of the other little things!
Jillz, thank you so much for another great video, this tips are so important. I'm really grateful for your work 💞
You are so welcome! Glad you liked it 💕
I needed this I’m the worst version myself because I make sure his needs are meet, make sure his meals are there and clothing are clean. Yet I’m not the taking care of myself. Thank you 🍓
This is super helpful! And makes me think about this recent popular phrase of “mental load” that women carry and how we can drop some of that load intentionally. However, my question is how do you let go of things that affect shared space? Primary example is cleanliness of a shared bathroom.
I honestly don’t think there is anything any woman can do to make a man care about bathroom cleanliness. I saw the bathroom of a bachelor friend of mine (highly successful and smart guy), and the corners of the bathroom had dust literally an inch thick. It was obvious that the bathroom floor had never once been cleaned in all the years he’d lived alone there. (Some) Men simply do not care if it’s dirty or clean. I think it’s better to just accept the fact of “I want it clean and he doesn’t. So I’ll be the one to clean it, instead of trying to force my own cleanliness standards onto him.” Make him do other tasks, like taking out the trash/recycling and yard work
I had this discussion with my partner when we moved in together, that I expected a higher standard than his bathroom when he lived alone and his rationale was no amount of cleaning is going to make a bathroom a clean place and my rationale was there was so much bacteria so we had to keep it clean. We just saw it in two different ways
Ahh, cleanliness. Love, is it truly that essential (?) Maybe....but other things are more vital such as acceptance, letting go, creative ideas- maybe a second bathroom or sink could be saved up for (?)
Thank you for addressing this topic ❤