Went from sharing needles shooting H and fetty and smoking crack in a grimey hotel room in NYC (im native american from Minnesota) to being 3 years clean exactly yesterday. God bless bruh ty for sharing. Ive heard a few recovering alchys on YT tell their daily story and i dont think i could hack it.
When I was 30 I had an accident and became paraplegic. No feeling from the waist down except for pain every day and it just blew every fuse in my mind. I drank and used drugs every chance I got. I lost my girlfriend, job, friends, relationship with my son, and to a point my mind. I remember having people over at my house who were shooting up and I was right there with a bottle in my hand and powder in my nose. One morning I just lost it. I was so sick of the pain and I ran a hot bath, got in and started cutting the veins in my legs open. Things got fuzzy and I felt sleepy. I thought about my son and something changed in me. It was like things got clear in my mind. I said “fuck this shit, I’m not going out like this” and I got out of the tub and into my wheelchair. I called 911 and that was the beginning of my recovery. I spent a few days in a psych ward and then I went home. That was 20 years ago and today things are great.
That was my favourite activity, last rock bottom was 8 days home alone drunk out of my mind every day, the withdrawal was fucked and I really really hope it's my turning point
I had been a binge drinker from the age of 16 till the age of 36 (1998-2018)... my rock bottom happened after my first son was born.. when he was about 6 months old I went out with my mates to get some beers.. my wife called me to come back home several times.. which I finally did... next day my son got very high fever... we almost went to hospital as it was his first.. we couldn't lower the temperature, which we finally did.. that night I thought to myself.. if that happened the night before when I was drunk as sh!T.. I would lose the last crumbs of self respect I had left... I have never drank alfter that night.. and the biggest surprise for me was that the life turned out to be highly better then ever before... getting sober gives you everything alcohol promised you... sorry for my English, I'm from Poland.. big respect to you buddy.. Peace ❤
Congratulations mate. Sometimes life has to really slap us in the face to make a change in our lives, and I'm happy you made the right decision. Dziękuję!
Upon finding myself in yet another emergency room, yellowed skin and severely swollen abdomen, bleeding profusely from my nose, I was asked if I wanted help. Before I could even think otherwise, I finally said "Yes" after many years of avoiding the question altogether.
I’m going thru an exceptionally hard time in my life due to a health issue. Living day to day. Your content has given me so much solace as I sit in the tub and listen. You’ve lived such a life, and I’m truly in support of your sobriety. What an amazingly tough man you are.
Was captivated by this story, thank you for sharing it. I'm in a treatment centre right now, after my rock bottom, destitute & street homeless in London. I had a professional job, a flat, a car, friends, family, now I have nothing except my life. In this respect, I am luckier than some. I lost my soulmate and closest friend five months ago which tore me heart out. Am taking it one day at a time just now. I like your channel, keep posting videos 👍
Hey Stephen! I spent ALL my time in treatment wards watching sobriety videos, that's kinda why I started this one. I'm sorry for your loss, I mean that. It's so easy to say trite shit like "it can only get better from here, onwards and upwards" but I know firthand how absolutely bleak things can get. So I'll just say, we're all in it together.
@_BatCountry Thanks for your support. My addiction feels like a black hole which is constantly trying to suck me in, and every day is a fight against it. Some days I feel like giving up the fight, it's a nightmare existence. I try to trust others when they say "it gets better". I think that "keeping it in the day" and not thinking too far ahead into the future is advice which works for me right now, especially in the safe space of this inpatient unit right now. Thanks for your videos, I can feel your authenticity through them 👍
When I hear and read the stories I realize my case wasn't even that bad. I am the "wine after a day work drinker." It insidiously got out of hand. I really followed Moore's law. 1 glass became 2, became 4 to 1 bottle and after that 2. It went ok-ish for a year or 2 but my hang overs the days after took longer and longer. My wake up call was a client telling me I looked like shit the previous appointment. I knew that was from a hang over but explained it away by telling I had a bad night sleep. But it woke me up: imagine one day my clients can smell it! I also realized I bought my wine at a different store every day as not to "be to obvious." My rookie rock bottom was when I was at a birthday, had a few beers (honestly) but texted my wife asking her to fetch me 2 bottles. I finished them when I got home and had the worst hang over the next day. That day I knew I had to stop before things really get out of control. I didn't seek help. Being stubborn I decided the only thing to make me stop drinking is to stop drinking. I honestly didn't have withdrawal except for maybe a tad uneasy sleep. No cravings and no relapses. 1 near relapse: I thought I had a 0% beer but I felt the alcohol in me. You know exactly what I mean: that muscle memory of your body. That fucking "welcome home!" feeling. When I checked the bottle more closely it turned out to be .5% By then I was sober for 2 years so all my tolerance was gone. The first thought I had was "might as well take a real one now. Doesn't matter anymore." The second thought: "don't you fucking even dare!" I followed that second thought. Well in my 5th year now. Again: reading/ hearing the other stories I realize I was peanuts but I profoundly feel I dodged a bullet. Thank you all for your clarity.
You're an incredible wordsmith, you could travel the world and do lectures, TED talks, I genuinely see it happening for you. You're so intelligent and captivating. Rooting for you!
There are already similar comments but this story should 💯 be written as a novel and then made into a film. This sounds utterly epic. I have some wild drunk cycling stories but wow. If I was not a fellow recovering addict I would not believe it. Just found your channel and subbed. Thanks for sharing brother.
Thanks Blde, and hey, if someone wanted to buy the rights to this story, well I've got rent to pay, you know what I mean? hahahha You raise I good point that I haven't really thought about: I wonder what non-alcoholics make of this story? I think I'll ask about that in a later video. Speaking of which, as another cyclist in recovery, in the video I published yesterday I included a few photos that I should have put in this video to illustrate what I was talking about.
After months of binging. I assaulted a copper over an argument of sleeping outside (not the brightest idea). First they put me in a holding cell for 12 hours until I saw the judge and it was off to jail. I thought this was hell but no. In jail was where my withdrawal really started, realizing I didn't have my medicine anymore: Oh crap! Literally. So they first put me in a 2 person cell, I was the third. neurotic, nausia, trembling, vomiting, crapping, etc (you know the routine) all over the place which started an argument with my cellies. I dont blame them, I was a absolute wreck and unreliable. So the guards came and wizzed me off to solitary. Dude this was true hell, I wished I was dead back then. The guards have no medical knowledge let alone if they knew that alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. I did inform medical personnel but due to lack of staff I had to wait a couple of days. Then I knew this wouldn't be pretty. In this cold concrete cell I had matras, a toilet, a weird waterfountain with bleech water or something and a tin blanket. Must have been 72 hours since my last drink and here I went on the verge of a dt, not fullblown but I sure didn't feel well, hearing shit and I saw shadows moving. Also I had some freaky electrical brain zaps, perhaps mini seasures, dunno. Couldn't get any sleep, tried but huhuh. Also there was a small window with some milky thick glass high up against the wall. Every once in a while I tried to figure out if it was day or night but I couldn't because the lights of the courtyart struck this window so, this was also scary, I lost all sense of time. I lived in a twilightzone black hole, something like that. The normal world had ceased to exist, Crazy... The only time I knew the time more or less was around dinner when the guards brought some food. Funny thing was the button to (if they weren't busy) signal the guards was also broken. Not only I'm going into alcohol withdrawal, nicotine as well. Furthermore I couldn't ring for help. Banging the door or yelling was useless because the cell was all the way in the back and there was a second steel door shut thight in te corridor leading to my cell. After about 2 or 3 days the docter and nurse arrived stating: "Sir you dont look good and act seriously confused". "Well, no shit cherlock!" I replied. Then they gave me an injection with an antipsychotic. I still couldn't sleep, still sick as a dog but I felt a little bit better. Anyway I dont know how long I was in there. 4 or 5 days perhaps. But those were the longest days of my life! After that I could return to general population but I think eventhough the worse was behind me, it took about 3 weeks to fully recover because I had been drinking for so long and heavily. Alcoholism is no joke! It still annoys me when I hear ppl say well you just quit drinking. I mean recovery is one thing but after a certain threshold of consuming alcohol you dont just quit, not without medical supervision. Anyways that was my story.
Oh my god, that thing you say about not having any sense of time, that is brutal. Starring at the window trying to see if it's daytime or nighttime... oof. I know exactly how confusing and lonely that feels. I'm really grateful you shared this, I think a lot of us can relate to it. Out of curiosity, did they prosecute you? I also assaulted a cop and a public defender got it changed to "obstructing an emergency worker" which kept me out of prison.
@@_BatCountry yes, I was prosecuted for unarmed assault but the sentence was turned into probation. Which is kind of a good thing because this is an extra motivation to find help and work on my problem. Not pleasant perhaps but better than drinking or jail. 😉
The funniest thing btw when I left prison sober and they gave my belongings back in my backpack I had a bottle of hard liquor which I thought they'd surely have confiscated, wouldn't mind. Huhm nope gave that back as well eventhough I insisted to keep it. Yeah crazy times...
A week sober after blacking out and totaling my vehicle got a DUI went to jail…just happy to be alive and not hurt here’s to never picking up that first drink again.
@@_BatCountry I'm a week out; too many "near misses" with every facet of my life. Physically, I have fallen a few times in the last year, bruised my face on the edge of my night table and before that I was sitting on a chair at a wine tasting and fell over onto the side of my head, incurring a huge lump to the side of my forehead which I then had scraped down by a plastic surgeon I told the surgeon I hit a branch on my head. I got drunk and yelled at my next door neighbors in the middle of the night until they called the cops to shut me up. I didn't get arrested but how damn embarassing. I called my uncle while drunk and cried on the phone to him and he's 86 I don't remember what I said but he knew I was drunk. On and on I could go. I lied to my hairdresser when I was too hung over (and still drunk) to go to my hair appointment; I told her my father had passed away. That last one was "the final straw" for me; who have I become that I can't even make it to a hair appointment and lying.
Another benefit to watching videos like this if you're an alcoholic, even a recovering one, is that no matter how bad your experience was, there is always someone who had an even worse experience and seeing that reinforces why you decided to stop drinking because you just never want to go there again because it could even be worse.
Well, it certainly never gets *better* Once you've crossed a certain line and become the kind of alcohol I was (and am), then there's no going back to moderation or "healthy" drinking.
@@_BatCountry Yeah, only having one or two drinks is BS. What's the point of drinking? To get drunk. Not going to happen with one or two. I always wonder how some people can have a stock of booze at home and not drink it down as fast as possible.
listening to stories is merely part of it. You'll could stop drinking but still be slowly dying. Get a program, don't listen to those fossilized delusions saying if I just keep listening to these self help vids i'll be sober and happy
I am not an alcoholic but my best friend of many years is a recovering addict and we often talk about her addiction and sobriety journey. I don’t know what prompted TH-cam to recommend your video for me, but I’m so glad it did. I didn’t know this side of TH-cam existed but you are such a fantastic creator and the community in your comments is so beautiful. It’s so great to see people sharing and lifting one another up. Thank you for this.
Your generous heart to hold back on this rock bottom when in the rooms !!! I agree -- your story is so damn mesmerizing that that crummy broken down drab city actually comes alive --- I saw the ship pull out of port ... I must get your book and listen to every Vid now.
Wow, like an alternative script for The Hangover. I've done some crazy dangerous stuff when on a binge, but that is frightening experience. You definitely have a guardian angel looking after you.
In a desperate state of withdrawal, I did my best to appear as a customer and made my way to the Pike Place Brewery restrooms. Sitting on the toilet in a stall, the flooring tile are small, white squares with black grouting. I cooked up my only shot of heroin, set the tin cooker on the wet, tile floor and to my horror, managed to make a jerking motion and kick the tin over. I had to place the cotton in the little grouting canal between the tiles to suck up the heroin with the syringe. There was no choice. Somehow I didn't get any disease. Nearly had my right arm amputated at UofW medical center not long after that. Sober now, but its been brutal. Take care.
Oh shit that brings back memories, I was in a disgusting gas station bathroom and dropped the spoon, i tried to soak back up what i could and i looked to the left and there was literally piss on the floor and shit stains by the toilet, that was my last shot of H until i got a script of oxys in 2 weeks, I was broke. this was 2004 and i called a friend and he had this newer drug called suboxone, they were the orange octagon 16mg sublingual pills. Next day I was going into complete withdrawal and took a half a pill and i felt amazing, i knew right then that pill would save me. It still took another 10 years to stay on the subs but i did and next month i lower to .5 mg and then off, but if i need to go back on i have that option. Ive been on opiates for 27 years, lost many very close friends including the friend who first gave me suboxone. I also drank a LOT of liquor. Been 9 years since i drank. Hope you stay well 🙏
Listen outtosea, it might not feel like it to you, but that is an inspirational story. If you can come back from that and reflect on it, then others can too. I appreciate your comments here, I know I haven't replied to all of them but believe me, I love to see them.
My drinking is nowhere near as bad as it used to be (no more blackouts, no longer everyday, no more calling/texting and going to work under influence, no longer needing a drink to socialize), but everytime I have a few beers it mentally brings me back to those moments where it was at its worst, its such a defeating feeling
I'm glad you feel like you've got a handle on it. Ya know, I don't wanna preach about it, but in the long run it's easier to just walk away from it entirely. Just sayin', ya know.
I'm going through it at the moment. I'm trying to sleep on the 4th consecutive night of withdrawal. The visuals faces are subsiding but there was a disturbing voice (in my head) just as I was dropping off that shook me awake again. It's gonna be another long night. I've taken half a mertazipine to help. Your story of rock bottom has really inspired me to kick this for good.
Hang in there! The worst feelings are over. Day conquered. Victory achieved. No looking back but only to remember the painful insanity and to try not to return.
This tale is dark and fascinating and feels like it could be part of a book or film, and I’m only a third of the way in but I’m coming back to this having watched your video on the DT’s some time back. There are some parallels I can certainly relate to, time misspent in Asia where the creeping addiction started to take root and then some time later denial, confusion and terror. I don’t say this often but I am huge fan of this channel and the delivery. I thoroughly appreciate the use of old school lenses too! Congratulations on your time in recovery. Off to a meeting tonight myself. Thanks for your story. Jim
Good evening . It is September 16th at 10;41 pm. My name is Jane . I am going to be 69 years old in a few weeks. This video showed up on my TH-cam. I am so touched by your story . I look forward to watching your entire collection and sharing your channel with everyone I know .
Randomly got this channel recommended. You are one hell of an interesting dude. Thanks for sharing your experiences. This algorithm didn't fail for once.
I find rock bottom stories interesting, but more than that, really helpful. It reminds you where you could be if you don't keep yourself honest and on a healthy track.
Once again I really resonated with this video and I admire the unflinching honesty whilst also being very interesting and educational. Something that especially resonated with me personally, was when you said how you miss elements of your drinking days, such as walking home from work drinking whiskey....It's not something you hear a lot when people talk about their time in active alcoholism, because it's a taboo to say you actually have fond memories of being an alcoholic, but it really struck a chord with me. The ability to romanticise what was probably not a very good time is another one of alcohol's insidious qualities, and I too often reminisce about my times when I was drinking with a certain fondness. Sometimes I really miss some of my little drinking rituals, such as getting home from work, immediately running a bath and opening a bottle of wine to drink whilst soaking in the tub and reading a book, or the way I would sit outside in my garden with a bottle and think I was being really sophisticated on a sunny afternoon. But those times are gone for good, I can never get them back, and even though in reality they probably weren't that great and I'm looking at these memories through rose-tinted retrospective spectacles, I still find myself really grieving that part of my past sometimes. Thanks again for another great video!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment again Butterfly. And yeah, while we're often told it's dangerous to look back on our drinking days with fondness, I think it's safe to acknowledge there are parts that we miss but ALSO our lives are better without it. Those two things aren't in conflict for me.
@@_BatCountry Yes and I agree with that for myself too. I know that my life is much better now and that those days are long gone. I'm glad you're in a much better place too!
@@CalicoKate13 When I wished I was having a couple of beers I would just go to the gym or go for long walks sometimes even at midnight or later. Sometimes while at work I felt a bit tired But nothing compared to That crappie next day after drinking. This still works for me Today...15 years Now. No more Hydrocodone or Alcohol addiction. If wasn't easy I gave it up cold turkey on my own No doctors. Now I Truely just enjoy the feeling of my body And mind as I feel those endorphins kicking in
Just finished the entire video. Absolutely incredible story. I don't know how you made it through, i dont think i could have. Your experience is a testament to the strength and durability of the human will, in body and mind. Even when things seemed utterly hopeless, you kept going. And you made it. (Sorry for the comment spam by the way, ill try to keep it all in 1 comment next time.)
Thank you for sharing your incredible story. I , too, struggle with alcohol addiction. Not nearly to this level but I know the pain of this horrible drug and what it has done to so many in my family. I don’t have a rock bottom story to share with you. However, I do have an intense fear of this drug and what it can do to people.
Thank you hugely Eden. It sounds like you're on the cusp of walking away and going alcohol-free. There are ways to do it, and although it's hard at the start, it will quickly become the best decision you ever made. Let us know if you need help.
@@_BatCountryI was wondering if it would be okay to chat and ask you for some advice. I’m having some problems and I’m scared. I’m happy to compensate you for your time. Hugs from Eden. 😊
I appreciate the honesty & vulnerability in your videos so much. I've hit rock bottom several times too, been trying to get sober for years & keep falling. This helps.
I absolutely love how your story. The way you put what we deal with in perspective is perfect. Absolutely nuts, just shake your head and slightly life while also wide eyed. What a trip man, deep alcoholism you start to lie to you in your own voice. Starts to get scary can differentiate. Keep moving bud!!
Really enjoy your channel man, you've got such an eloquent way of presenting such what I'd imagine is a difficult thing to talk about. I don't think those of us without AUD tend to fully grasp what a veritable hellscape this can be. Stay sober man
Sorry no rock bottom story but I know I have a problem with booze, have been giving my body,brain reaks for the last 5-6 years. Anywhere from 4/5 days to 3 months break, I’m 58 and have been drinking for 3 decades, just can’t seem to wrap my head around “ NEVER” having another drink bc subconsciously I relate to drinking as having fun? It’s time to get off the crazy train and actually enjoy my time living and being present, ty for your honesty and grateful your still alive to tell your journey to sobriety, god bless 💕and shine on🌞
To be honest, if you're here watching videos like mine, drinking probably isn't that much fun for you anymore. Maybe it's time to consider what's actually fun for you today, set the booze aside, and go do the things that make you feel good :)
Not only that but watch that pancreas , liver situation. Body can’t handle booze like it did before age 50. I have 2 friends in late 50’s with pancreatic cancer from years of drinking
I"m 56 and it's kind of the same for me. Hopefully, you're doing well. I'm one week out right now and not missing it but I realize it might be false confidence
Find your reason to stop drinking. Do you really want to die of liver failure? Do you like feeling like shit all of the time? Do you like the anxiety and depression that comes with bingeing alcohol? The fright that comes with the thought of "never drinking again" goes away. Once you gain control over your life again, you will be happy to choose not to drink because you CONTROL it.
Ive had many rock bottoms, at different times. Having to go to the hospital because i thought i was going to die due to acute alcohol abuse. Waking up to a hideously disgusting bed, carpet, and room which i had practically destroyed with vomit and urine, and then spending the next few days trying to return it all to some kind of livable state. And worst of all, the feeling that i was going completely insane during alcohol withdrawal - i developed complete paranoia and thought that some of my closest friends had been possessed by demons and were mocking me and were going to take me to hell with them. All of these moments made me seriously question what i was doing to my body and my mind. And if its all worth it. But as an alcoholic, i kept going back. I was 6 months sober last year. I just have to keep reminding me of that fact. I can do it again.
@@harrybaker9044 Got tired of feeling like shit. Quit going on 15 years now 🤠💪 all I do now is lifting, biking and hiking 🥾. Gotta admit that I gave up booze for weed. Try Drinking before Lifting it Doesn't work 😁
This is just a great story. The production value with the esoteric lens. Ambient smoke. The golden you-know-what. Seinfeld meets Scorsese. 2nd time watching. It just gets better.
Is that a 50mm f1.8 lens on a film camera at 0:19? I miss those days where people didnt take 10000 pics a year. Also imho film is physical and cannot be corrupted by some error like digital files can be. It is kind of like you cant erase a book on your shelf but digital copies can vanish.
Wow, that was an incredible experience and i was mesmerised!! You are vary eloquent and thank you for sharing. Amazied you are still alive tbh. As u say its not a competition, but my rock bottom was not being allowed to boatd a flight home from a holiday in Cape Verde, as i was obviously too drunk. My poor fiance, had to fly home alone, and the flight was delayed as she had to identity my suitcase, which was very embarrassing for her. Thankfully we are still together. I need these videos to keep me motivated. Thsnk you
I had a rock bottom 2yr dive. Just going on day 4...pray for me 😢. I've lost my woman,kids, family, friends,jobs... I've hurt people, myself and arrested numerous times...my energy is draining and my mind is starting to play tricks on me "the gin"
its a rather long story, my rock bottom, started to drink during the pandemic, lost my home, moved to an off the grid cabin in mendocino , did t work out, was essentially homeless ,still had a truck and cargo trailer full of tools, met a rendom person, got a job on a ranch as an onsite supervisor, in which i lived there in a non working 5th wheel, completely isolated, continued to drink more and more, flipped a side by side used for work, eventually couldnt work from drinking and not eating, running out of booze syaryed dts and was fired, leaving me homeless. its been a long road, 2 years and 4 months sober but still sufferings lifes ramifications from all the yeats spent drinking. im 51 now.
@@gigi9301 you know whays crazy? I had a dog with me the whole time that helped pull me through , she passed when I was sober and somewhat established, her name was Gigi.
@@sethlivingston6427 Awesome! It's my cat's name and I've been sober for only about ten days; I'm very tired but will keep at it and I've heard it can be common to be tired for a while at the beginning. Have a great July 4th!
And thank you so much for doing these videos. It's very brave of you. And it means another to me. From what I read in the comments it means a lot to alot of people too.
Wow man I could have never guessed. Thanks for the content I can’t imagine the gobi desert on a bicycle. I’ve started slowing down to only beer now then cut that out.
My rock bottom happened a handful of years ago. It isn't actually the point when I quit drinking, but now with a handful of sober years looking in hindsight, it was the most painful experience. I had taken a job in Alaska (I'm from the lower 48) in order to try and escape who I was. I lasted less than a week at my new job before I started drinking, and before I knew it, I was drinking hard. Didn't take long to lose my job. I had some money saved up, so I was able to "live" on that for a little while. A few weeks into the binge, my dad walked through the door of my basement suite. He had traveled thousands of miles. What a shock. I didn't even know he knew my address. He said he wasn't sure if he was going to find me alive or dead, and that my mom begged him to come and take me home. That whole experience was incredibly embarrassing and saddening. We drove all the way back down south, and I think I had tears in my eyes the entire trip. But... that wasn't enough. Kept me sober for a while, but a few months later I picked up again. A year (and many bad memories) later, I went to treatment, did it right, stayed there for 6 months and (fortunately) haven't had a drink since. I'll be starting a new job again soon. At the same treatment centre where I got sober. Love the videos, Stu! You've become my favorite recovery guy on TH-cam! Keep doing great work!
I have a handful of rock bottoms from homeless garages in North Hollywood eating spighetti with Ron Jeremy, to stranded and homeless in Peoples Park in Berkeley, CA. I’ve had 5-6 day binge blackouts where I drove over 2-300 miles to end up on people’s front porches not knowing how I got there to psyche wards and ER’s reading later the details of events I do not remember. I am happy to be sober and clean today, I cut off about everyone except my sponsor a 2-3 people in my life as I chase my career and attend methadone clinic. I am happy and blessed.
I could listen to you talk for days. I'm an alcoholic, too. But I haven't hit my true rock bottom yet because no matter how much I lose, I keep drinking. I'm a bit drunk now, working my second job because I've lost my kids and can't afford to support them.
Credit to you for still trying to do the right thing and pay for your kids. I used to be a bad drug addict until I found some purpose in my life and a reason to be sober. I hope you don’t have to hit rock bottom. It’s a horrible place to be.
Awesome beard! I'm 6 months in and suddenly dealing with urges again because I'm hating daily life and my brain is screaming for a quick fix. A lifetime change is on the horizon. But even after 6 months the black dog is always there. Sometimes far and nearly forgotten. Sometimes on the shoulder.
6 months is a big threshold to overcome. 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year are all risky relapse boundaries - in my experience at least. Chin up mate, you're doing great.
For all of the awful consequences an alcoholic faces, equally important are the near misses along the way that when combined with the consequences demonstrate the true reality of alcoholism. That we survive at all is motivation for me to not give up.
Currently struggling with the lack of willpower to not drink whenever it is available. I'm hoping through learning about other people's experiences and what it's like at rock bottom for them, that it can inspire me to permanently stop drinking. I hope everyone seeking sobriety can find it, and that those who need it eventually will want sobriety for themselves
The "not a care in the world" is so relatable and probably the main thing I miss as well. Also, like you I know I could never go back to that, knowing everything else that comes along with dropping all cares
Yeah that's the problem isn't it? you might feel like you don't have a care in the world, but all we're doing is suppressing the stuff we should be caring about.
@_BatCountry absolutely. If anything else my drinking and drug use has given me is the task of rebuilding the things I neglected throughout active addiction. It's a fight somedays , but it's the good fight and I'm beyond grateful I have the chance to be in it 🙏
What I love about this channel is he really talks about the pernicious interplay between daily drinking and the fear of withdrawals- your average drinker does not understand that. Whenever I am trying to get sober, I have I take my blood pressure every hour and when I’m in withdrawals, my blood pressure is 200/120 so that of course the pressure is to “taper off“ but as we all know, all that leads to is more drinking.
Just found the friendly beard 🧔 whilst surfing TH-cam newly sober on a Saturday trying to pass the hours it’s wild how rock bottoms and the beginning of addictions are so similar
I had two major head injuries,o ne when I was 13 and another at 19. I always felt that after the second one, my attitude, demeanor, and alcoholism went down a dark path.
I met a brother and sister from kazakhstan in the US on work visas and they were some of the nicest people ever. Crazy to think that could be the place they’re from
Sober since 11/09/2021 … I’ve had multiple rock bottoms … one thing that I’ve found interesting it that the physical depravity (external consequences) in which I go to doesn’t always correlate with the desire to get sober. For me, it was the emotional/spiritual bottom that finally furnished enough motivation within me to seek help. Interesting enough, the solution must come from within in my experience. Anyways, great video. If you ever happen to travel to New Orleans, LA I’d love to have you share your story at my home group. I believe your story will resonate with a lot of people. Best!
The solution must come from within. Absolute truth. Congrats on your sobriety, long may it continue, and if I'm in town I'd love to swing by. Never been to New Orleans, but I really like what I know about it.
I would usually start my adventures in the town of Lewis Carolls birth, were a statue of the mad hatters tea party resides to this day, i would call it going down the rabbit hole. It has lead me to wild experiences and friends and relations i never would have encountered and i miss those bohemian days. Sober now, safe, but god its dull.
I could listen to this for hours, and I wish I could find more longform tales like yours about catastrophic implosions. Its so oddly reassuring. You are a truly compelling speaker, thanks for helping me through a tough time.
Thanks so much for the compliment. And I have the same feeling about these stories - a bit of me is horrified, but the larger part finds it reassuring. I hope you're doing good today.
Hi - what an extraordinary and powerful tale! I’d like to talk with you about making some kind of film/doc about this journey. I can’t access Insta but could you share the photo of the stitched guy with me? Thx
@@_BatCountry Perhaps, but I have shifted my thoughts to the great times and experiences I've had in sobriety and find it reasures and strengthens my commitment to staying straight. I wish you well.
Exactly this! I’m so glad you said it. This guy has massive issues that he just can’t see and equates them to his alcohol problem. I’ve watched a few and I’m left thinking he has other problems, it’s really uncomfortable.
My reaction within a couple minutes is that he's looking for attention, maybe a cry for help, rather than sharing a horrible experience that he has recovered from with the aim of helping others. The title and production certainly don't help.
I think alcoholism is a poverty, a shortcoming, a drought, a penury, a permanent state of producing blunders. I only hear about the liquid part (quantity, quality, periodicity, shame, descent into hell, impending doom etc), the phisiology, labour, financial and social parts, but rarely do I hear about the most interesting one, which is the psychological/philosophical aspect. Alcoholism makes you not only lie, but think certain things, have certain values and feelings. You've mentioned a parasite of a bug in one of your videos that for me was the ultimate analogy. But we have to remember that we don't go to bed sane and wake up the next day a zombie or a Wernicke Korsakoff's demented carcass. We drink our ways to these havens bit by bit (every time we drink, we're doing so because we want to escape, to forget, to let go of, to obliterate, and that's what we're granted in the end). This is the work of alcoholism, it builds us throughout life, but at such a slow pace, like the frog in the ever slightly warmer water, that we don't know anything about it, until it becomes the whole lot of what and who we are, for good. Believing otherwise is to believe in souls. And if we decide to believe in souls, we can go on drinking, because it affects just the body... But our self is our body, is our cells and organs, there's no thought or feeling that is indifferent to the state of our health. So alcoholism is the foundation of a zombie, through stages of making criminals, liers, immoral adults, lazy and sloppy students, depressed teenagers and traumatized children. Alcohol is an idea that has a life of his own, and perhaps a living creature that stays in families for generations. And this is why being sober for many years may not be enough to prevent one from relapsing, because one should search like there's no tomorrow for everything that has been touched by alcohol, every thought that might have been formed, value that might have been pushed, feeling that might have been instilled and behaviour that might have been influenced by the poisoning of every cell in the body, every tradition in the family, every event, manifestation and pillar of society. It takes a permanently vigilant super well trained ranger to do that. And who qualifies? Everything in this world is set out against it, there's just stuff for making you dumb and weak. A very dangerous period for relapse is between 10 and 16 years of sobriety, because the person is already old and doesn't feel like they have the resources to go through the work all over again, so the suicidal rate for this population is high. I think it's all because the work is not only about not drinking and avoiding places and people etc, the work is cleaning up your mind daily and growing up by reading, studying hard subjects, working out like a pro, reading super difficult philosophy, doing therapy in yourself, journaling, going to traditional therapy if it helps, eating super difficult clean food, studying and reading books on relationships to improve the ones you get, getting sunlight and letting go of caffeine and meditating (it's like becoming more focused then huberman). But this lifestyle is so hard is almost unattainable and this is why I tell you, in my opinion, no one needs a rock bottom. It might be part of your journey but please re-evaluate your journey every single day, and at least try to deal with different perspectives and elaborate on them to gain clarity. It's not because something happened before something else that there is causality. And, worst of all, you're not done yet, always be careful and never commemorate sobriety cause it is to take it for granted. You have to be careful every day and remember you're in a war zone. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, I quit drinking two years ago by accident and loved it so I've decided to keep it. But as I progress in studying it by reading books and watching sober TH-cam, I realise I might be one as well or at least I could have been and for sure the opportunity is always there if I ever give in to my desire for a break from the war zone mentality. Come on, what about Disneyland? Don't you wanna go?
This guy is not lying. I've experienced trauma myself and recovered. He is not making this up. To bat country that shit sucks ass and it gets stuck on replay until you face it, relive it and then redefine it. But you will never be the same.
Glad you're still with us Bat Counry; a liter in three hours has been the end of many frat boys. What I find true about all rock bottoms is that, no matter how extreme the practical circumstances, the truth of them all is that the mental anguish is singular. It doesn't matter SO much what's happening outside your body-- what's happening within it is pure crystalline hell.
@@_BatCountry my rock bottom makes a lot of others feel soft by comparison too. What I tried to teach people when I was in the program was that if you're an alcoholic you don't need to wait until your bottom is as bad as mine-- or yours. If you have a soft bottom, you are so blesssed. Wherever you land, the next bottom is always going to be worse. Hard bottoms make great stories but miserable experiences, and so many don't survive.
To add to my previous comment, ive just reached the part of your video where you are speaking about your head injury. I also had a brain injury, which i acquired in 2018. It affected me deeply, not just my judgement and reasoning, but also my ability to simply enjoy life. I felt empty and no longer gained any satisfaction or fulfilment from things which would previously make me feel good. I had had alcohol issues prior to this, but i feel this was the incident which caused my drinking to spiral completely out of control, to the point that it became the single defining factor of my life. Alcohol made me feel something again, something which the injury had robbed from me.
Yeah exactly that! I was probably always a problem drinker, but I'm certain the head injury is what caused it to spiral out of control. I always ask people with similar experiences to mine if they've had a head injury, and you might be surprised by the amount of people who say yes, but have never made that connection before. "Alcohol made me feel something again, something which the injury had robbed from me." That gave me goosebumps, that is how I felt to a tee, and I've never heard anyone else say it before. It sounds like our journeys have a lot of parallels. Waking up to that disgusting bed, I've been there too. It's so depressing that it's easy to open another bottle than face up to it. Except... it's NOT easier to do that, not in the long run. It's much easier to face it, and to fix it. I enjoy your comments Harry. Perhaps enjoy is the wrong word, but I appreciate them.
I am also a TBI survivor and relate to people who also had a brain injury. What really sucks is we look normal to people because you can't see brain injury unless it is part of the brain responsible for movement, talking etc. I had a frontal lobe injury so my symptoms were all mental and drinking is the only way I can cope. I sure hope you are doing better since you posted this comment two months ago. Stay healthy my friend. 🙏
I came across your channel and I instantly subscribed. You have a talent for storytelling! I’m excited to hear more about how your rock-bottoms and how they were a catalyst to your sobriety. I too like to hear rock bottom stories not to glorify them but to learn from them.
Oh awesome! That's exactly the manner in which I want them to be watched: kind of easy podcasty background stories. Also, excellent game choice. I've been a Devolver Games fan since Miami Hotline.
@@_BatCountry I had no idea Devolver and Croteam merged until reading this lol. Anyway I just linked this video in my sobriety discord. I feel like a hipster finding your videos while they are still this low in views. Only a matter of time before you have a few hundred thousand eh. Good luck on your journey today. Last month was my two year milestone
I’m 83 days sober no alcohol I started drinking in 2006 at the age of 14 when I was in the gang life and I stopped drinking alcohol July 29 2024 I’m 33 it’s not fun anymore I can’t even keep a job it’s sad 😢 I’ve have crashed almost every car I had
I'm very sorry to hear that you went through all of that. My heart goes out to you. Alcohol is amazing isn't it? I've noticed that the world is filled with people who will take advantage of someone when they can't fight back. Including and sometimes especially police. It's scary and upsetting, but true. So that's yet another great reason to be sober. Maybe the best one. Idk.
Three days sober and the shakes won’t stop. I’ve shit and pissed the bed. I’m too weak to sit up or stand. My husband cleans me with gauze help me have a shower sitting down of course. I’m eating but this is my bottom. I love him
I was drinking a liter of vodka a day or more. I usually couldn't eat until I had 5 or 6 shots. I lost a 6 figure job but I didn't care anymore. After losing the job I spent the next 6 months drunk 24/7. All I did was drink, sleep, and sit in my apartment alone. I had burned through my savings and knew I had 2 choices. Get sober and move in with family or become homeless. Thank God I was able to cut back on my drinking for several days and then I quit. Prayer got me through the withdrawal just barely. With Gods help after a week I no longer had any interest in alcohol. I've been sober for over 8 years now!
Wow that was bad! Thanks for that compelling memoir I live on an island in hongkong and there’s a few stray Russians… that trait of theirs to be damaged, fearlesss and i would say unusually intelligent with their capacity for vodka is the most disconcerting and these days they make me shudder! I do my best to give thema wide berth even tho on a small island thats not easy…. 1 year sober this weekend
@@w1lf1ewoo Keep it up man!! My advice is to stay busy. Get a 2nd job if needed or take up night time extreme sports like mountain biking. Stay away from situations that tempt you. I couldn't go into a stores at night that sold alcohol for a long time. I got a 2nd job at night to keep me busy.
Went from sharing needles shooting H and fetty and smoking crack in a grimey hotel room in NYC (im native american from Minnesota) to being 3 years clean exactly yesterday.
God bless bruh ty for sharing.
Ive heard a few recovering alchys on YT tell their daily story and i dont think i could hack it.
When I was 30 I had an accident and became paraplegic. No feeling from the waist down except for pain every day and it just blew every fuse in my mind. I drank and used drugs every chance I got. I lost my girlfriend, job, friends, relationship with my son, and to a point my mind. I remember having people over at my house who were shooting up and I was right there with a bottle in my hand and powder in my nose. One morning I just lost it. I was so sick of the pain and I ran a hot bath, got in and started cutting the veins in my legs open. Things got fuzzy and I felt sleepy. I thought about my son and something changed in me. It was like things got clear in my mind. I said “fuck this shit, I’m not going out like this” and I got out of the tub and into my wheelchair. I called 911 and that was the beginning of my recovery. I spent a few days in a psych ward and then I went home. That was 20 years ago and today things are great.
Crikey, good on you my friend, the reality of that would be a test for the best, and you passed. Keep cracking on and smiling, life is beautiful
talk about a rock bottom! there's hope for us all as your story proves. thanks for sharing
Truly incredibly inspiring story. Thanks for sharing ❤
My rock bottom story sucks ass. Just getting wasted at home alone lmao.
Like I said, it's not a competition and a rock bottom is a rock bottom however it happens.
Thats dark as fuck man
Yeah ditto
@@_BatCountry yes don't make it sound fun and sexy. It's not 🚫
That was my favourite activity, last rock bottom was 8 days home alone drunk out of my mind every day, the withdrawal was fucked and I really really hope it's my turning point
Long story short. I'm 4 days sober now and I need to keep it that way because I know if I take that first drink it al starts again.
Congratulations, you're nearly over the worst of it. Keep us posted on your progress, we can help.
I'm at 7, we're in the same boat. Stay strong king
Keep it up man! I understand what you mean I get the same way after just one, but I’m on day 2!
And how are you 1 month later?
Same here man. I’ve been sober for over two years now. It does get easier. It really does but if you go back it could be the end of you.
I had been a binge drinker from the age of 16 till the age of 36 (1998-2018)... my rock bottom happened after my first son was born.. when he was about 6 months old I went out with my mates to get some beers.. my wife called me to come back home several times.. which I finally did... next day my son got very high fever... we almost went to hospital as it was his first.. we couldn't lower the temperature, which we finally did.. that night I thought to myself.. if that happened the night before when I was drunk as sh!T.. I would lose the last crumbs of self respect I had left... I have never drank alfter that night.. and the biggest surprise for me was that the life turned out to be highly better then ever before... getting sober gives you everything alcohol promised you... sorry for my English, I'm from Poland.. big respect to you buddy.. Peace ❤
Congratulations mate. Sometimes life has to really slap us in the face to make a change in our lives, and I'm happy you made the right decision. Dziękuję!
"getting sober gives you everything alcohol promised you"
That is poetry. Good job staying well!
Upon finding myself in yet another emergency room, yellowed skin and severely swollen abdomen, bleeding profusely from my nose, I was asked if I wanted help. Before I could even think otherwise, I finally said "Yes" after many years of avoiding the question altogether.
Congratulations on making the necessary changes, I hope you're doing well today!
I’m going thru an exceptionally hard time in my life due to a health issue. Living day to day. Your content has given me so much solace as I sit in the tub and listen. You’ve lived such a life, and I’m truly in support of your sobriety. What an amazingly tough man you are.
Was captivated by this story, thank you for sharing it. I'm in a treatment centre right now, after my rock bottom, destitute & street homeless in London. I had a professional job, a flat, a car, friends, family, now I have nothing except my life. In this respect, I am luckier than some. I lost my soulmate and closest friend five months ago which tore me heart out. Am taking it one day at a time just now. I like your channel, keep posting videos 👍
Hey Stephen! I spent ALL my time in treatment wards watching sobriety videos, that's kinda why I started this one. I'm sorry for your loss, I mean that. It's so easy to say trite shit like "it can only get better from here, onwards and upwards" but I know firthand how absolutely bleak things can get. So I'll just say, we're all in it together.
@_BatCountry Thanks for your support. My addiction feels like a black hole which is constantly trying to suck me in, and every day is a fight against it. Some days I feel like giving up the fight, it's a nightmare existence. I try to trust others when they say "it gets better". I think that "keeping it in the day" and not thinking too far ahead into the future is advice which works for me right now, especially in the safe space of this inpatient unit right now. Thanks for your videos, I can feel your authenticity through them 👍
@@StephenLondonUK Incidentally - how long have you been in the treatment centre, how long have you got left there, and how's it going?
I've been here 7 weeks, and have 4 weeks left. It's OK, I'm glad I came. There is a lot of drama between other clients but I keep out of it.
That's a long stint man, you should be proud of yourself. Incidentally, is that you in that BBS recording on your channel? It's really good.
You, sir, are a first class raconteur. I love your use of language, you paint images in my brain. 613 days sober here and thriving.
Well played..
Well done
When I hear and read the stories I realize my case wasn't even that bad. I am the "wine after a day work drinker." It insidiously got out of hand. I really followed Moore's law. 1 glass became 2, became 4 to 1 bottle and after that 2. It went ok-ish for a year or 2 but my hang overs the days after took longer and longer. My wake up call was a client telling me I looked like shit the previous appointment. I knew that was from a hang over but explained it away by telling I had a bad night sleep. But it woke me up: imagine one day my clients can smell it! I also realized I bought my wine at a different store every day as not to "be to obvious." My rookie rock bottom was when I was at a birthday, had a few beers (honestly) but texted my wife asking her to fetch me 2 bottles. I finished them when I got home and had the worst hang over the next day. That day I knew I had to stop before things really get out of control. I didn't seek help. Being stubborn I decided the only thing to make me stop drinking is to stop drinking. I honestly didn't have withdrawal except for maybe a tad uneasy sleep. No cravings and no relapses. 1 near relapse: I thought I had a 0% beer but I felt the alcohol in me. You know exactly what I mean: that muscle memory of your body. That fucking "welcome home!" feeling. When I checked the bottle more closely it turned out to be .5% By then I was sober for 2 years so all my tolerance was gone. The first thought I had was "might as well take a real one now. Doesn't matter anymore." The second thought: "don't you fucking even dare!" I followed that second thought. Well in my 5th year now. Again: reading/ hearing the other stories I realize I was peanuts but I profoundly feel I dodged a bullet.
Thank you all for your clarity.
The owner of my liquor store said he was worried about me. 🙄
0.5% is practically zero. More alcohol in a ripe banana
You're an incredible wordsmith, you could travel the world and do lectures, TED talks, I genuinely see it happening for you. You're so intelligent and captivating. Rooting for you!
You're far too kind, thank you so much for the support!
There are already similar comments but this story should 💯 be written as a novel and then made into a film. This sounds utterly epic. I have some wild drunk cycling stories but wow. If I was not a fellow recovering addict I would not believe it.
Just found your channel and subbed. Thanks for sharing brother.
Thanks Blde, and hey, if someone wanted to buy the rights to this story, well I've got rent to pay, you know what I mean? hahahha
You raise I good point that I haven't really thought about: I wonder what non-alcoholics make of this story? I think I'll ask about that in a later video.
Speaking of which, as another cyclist in recovery, in the video I published yesterday I included a few photos that I should have put in this video to illustrate what I was talking about.
You have lived a crazy life and you are an amazing storyteller. So glad I stumbled upon your channels
Thanks so much, that's very kind!
After months of binging. I assaulted a copper over an argument of sleeping outside (not the brightest idea). First they put me in a holding cell for 12 hours until I saw the judge and it was off to jail. I thought this was hell but no. In jail was where my withdrawal really started, realizing I didn't have my medicine anymore: Oh crap! Literally. So they first put me in a 2 person cell, I was the third. neurotic, nausia, trembling, vomiting, crapping, etc (you know the routine) all over the place which started an argument with my cellies. I dont blame them, I was a absolute wreck and unreliable. So the guards came and wizzed me off to solitary. Dude this was true hell, I wished I was dead back then. The guards have no medical knowledge let alone if they knew that alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. I did inform medical personnel but due to lack of staff I had to wait a couple of days. Then I knew this wouldn't be pretty. In this cold concrete cell I had matras, a toilet, a weird waterfountain with bleech water or something and a tin blanket. Must have been 72 hours since my last drink and here I went on the verge of a dt, not fullblown but I sure didn't feel well, hearing shit and I saw shadows moving. Also I had some freaky electrical brain zaps, perhaps mini seasures, dunno. Couldn't get any sleep, tried but huhuh. Also there was a small window with some milky thick glass high up against the wall. Every once in a while I tried to figure out if it was day or night but I couldn't because the lights of the courtyart struck this window so, this was also scary, I lost all sense of time. I lived in a twilightzone black hole, something like that. The normal world had ceased to exist, Crazy...
The only time I knew the time more or less was around dinner when the guards brought some food. Funny thing was the button to (if they weren't busy) signal the guards was also broken. Not only I'm going into alcohol withdrawal, nicotine as well. Furthermore I couldn't ring for help. Banging the door or yelling was useless because the cell was all the way in the back and there was a second steel door shut thight in te corridor leading to my cell.
After about 2 or 3 days the docter and nurse arrived stating: "Sir you dont look good and act seriously confused". "Well, no shit cherlock!" I replied. Then they gave me an injection with an antipsychotic. I still couldn't sleep, still sick as a dog but I felt a little bit better.
Anyway I dont know how long I was in there. 4 or 5 days perhaps. But those were the longest days of my life! After that I could return to general population but I think eventhough the worse was behind me, it took about 3 weeks to fully recover because I had been drinking for so long and heavily. Alcoholism is no joke!
It still annoys me when I hear ppl say well you just quit drinking. I mean recovery is one thing but after a certain threshold of consuming alcohol you dont just quit, not without medical supervision.
Anyways that was my story.
Oh my god, that thing you say about not having any sense of time, that is brutal. Starring at the window trying to see if it's daytime or nighttime... oof. I know exactly how confusing and lonely that feels.
I'm really grateful you shared this, I think a lot of us can relate to it. Out of curiosity, did they prosecute you? I also assaulted a cop and a public defender got it changed to "obstructing an emergency worker" which kept me out of prison.
@@_BatCountry yes, I was prosecuted for unarmed assault but the sentence was turned into probation. Which is kind of a good thing because this is an extra motivation to find help and work on my problem. Not pleasant perhaps but better than drinking or jail. 😉
The funniest thing btw when I left prison sober and they gave my belongings back in my backpack I had a bottle of hard liquor which I thought they'd surely have confiscated, wouldn't mind. Huhm nope gave that back as well eventhough I insisted to keep it. Yeah crazy times...
@@THLM-jo2yu Oh god, that's like giving a gun back to a murderer :)
Well done for resisting
That sounds like a nightmare! Thanks for sharing.
A week sober after blacking out and totaling my vehicle got a DUI went to jail…just happy to be alive and not hurt here’s to never picking up that first drink again.
One day at a time mate.
@@_BatCountry almost to 2 months now!
As a recovering alcoholic I deeply appreciate this channel. It really makes me feel less alone in my struggle. Thank you, man.
Thanks for the comment brother, stay tuned, there's a lot more coming!
@@_BatCountry I'm a week out; too many "near misses" with every facet of my life. Physically, I have fallen a few times in the last year, bruised my face on the edge of my night table and before that I was sitting on a chair at a wine tasting and fell over onto the side of my head, incurring a huge lump to the side of my forehead which I then had scraped down by a plastic surgeon I told the surgeon I hit a branch on my head. I got drunk and yelled at my next door neighbors in the middle of the night until they called the cops to shut me up. I didn't get arrested but how damn embarassing. I called my uncle while drunk and cried on the phone to him and he's 86 I don't remember what I said but he knew I was drunk. On and on I could go. I lied to my hairdresser when I was too hung over (and still drunk) to go to my hair appointment; I told her my father had passed away. That last one was "the final straw" for me; who have I become that I can't even make it to a hair appointment and lying.
@@giuseppepagliarulo6545 Your not alone Brother it's Hard but worth it. 15 years ago I gave up Alcohol 💪🤠
Another benefit to watching videos like this if you're an alcoholic, even a recovering one, is that no matter how bad your experience was, there is always someone who had an even worse experience and seeing that reinforces why you decided to stop drinking because you just never want to go there again because it could even be worse.
Well, it certainly never gets *better*
Once you've crossed a certain line and become the kind of alcohol I was (and am), then there's no going back to moderation or "healthy" drinking.
@@_BatCountry Yeah, only having one or two drinks is BS. What's the point of drinking? To get drunk. Not going to happen with one or two. I always wonder how some people can have a stock of booze at home and not drink it down as fast as possible.
listening to stories is merely part of it. You'll could stop drinking but still be slowly dying. Get a program, don't listen to those fossilized delusions saying if I just keep listening to these self help vids i'll be sober and happy
I am not an alcoholic but my best friend of many years is a recovering addict and we often talk about her addiction and sobriety journey. I don’t know what prompted TH-cam to recommend your video for me, but I’m so glad it did. I didn’t know this side of TH-cam existed but you are such a fantastic creator and the community in your comments is so beautiful. It’s so great to see people sharing and lifting one another up. Thank you for this.
Your generous heart to hold back on this rock bottom when in the rooms !!! I agree -- your story is so damn mesmerizing that that crummy broken down drab city actually comes alive --- I saw the ship pull out of port ... I must get your book and listen to every Vid now.
My God! I've been thru booze withdrawal and I absolutely cannot imagine how you got thru that in a 110 degree jail cell. Incredible story.
Wow, like an alternative script for The Hangover. I've done some crazy dangerous stuff when on a binge, but that is frightening experience. You definitely have a guardian angel looking after you.
I just wish that guardian angel had sat me down before I even set off and said 'hey maybe don't do this'
In a desperate state of withdrawal, I did my best to appear as a customer and made my way to the Pike Place Brewery restrooms. Sitting on the toilet in a stall, the flooring tile are small, white squares with black grouting. I cooked up my only shot of heroin, set the tin cooker on the wet, tile floor and to my horror, managed to make a jerking motion and kick the tin over. I had to place the cotton in the little grouting canal between the tiles to suck up the heroin with the syringe. There was no choice. Somehow I didn't get any disease. Nearly had my right arm amputated at UofW medical center not long after that. Sober now, but its been brutal. Take care.
Oh shit that brings back memories, I was in a disgusting gas station bathroom and dropped the spoon, i tried to soak back up what i could and i looked to the left and there was literally piss on the floor and shit stains by the toilet, that was my last shot of H until i got a script of oxys in 2 weeks, I was broke. this was 2004 and i called a friend and he had this newer drug called suboxone, they were the orange octagon 16mg sublingual pills. Next day I was going into complete withdrawal and took a half a pill and i felt amazing, i knew right then that pill would save me. It still took another 10 years to stay on the subs but i did and next month i lower to .5 mg and then off, but if i need to go back on i have that option. Ive been on opiates for 27 years, lost many very close friends including the friend who first gave me suboxone. I also drank a LOT of liquor. Been 9 years since i drank. Hope you stay well 🙏
Listen outtosea, it might not feel like it to you, but that is an inspirational story. If you can come back from that and reflect on it, then others can too. I appreciate your comments here, I know I haven't replied to all of them but believe me, I love to see them.
My drinking is nowhere near as bad as it used to be (no more blackouts, no longer everyday, no more calling/texting and going to work under influence, no longer needing a drink to socialize), but everytime I have a few beers it mentally brings me back to those moments where it was at its worst, its such a defeating feeling
I'm glad you feel like you've got a handle on it. Ya know, I don't wanna preach about it, but in the long run it's easier to just walk away from it entirely. Just sayin', ya know.
Your rock bottom story sounds epic. Congrats on your recovery and good storytelling.
I'm going through it at the moment. I'm trying to sleep on the 4th consecutive night of withdrawal. The visuals faces are subsiding but there was a disturbing voice (in my head) just as I was dropping off that shook me awake again. It's gonna be another long night. I've taken half a mertazipine to help. Your story of rock bottom has really inspired me to kick this for good.
Hang in there! The worst feelings are over. Day conquered. Victory achieved. No looking back but only to remember the painful insanity and to try not to return.
Thanks you've really inspired me. I just hope I can some sleep. It's the fear that stops you trying to nod off.@@jjchaos2024
Congratulations for getting out of it, and thanks for the comment. Stick with it, and keep us posted on your progress. You got this.
Stay strong friend! If I did it, literally anyone can. You can for sure!
It's better over here - keep fighting♥️
Not trying to play Dr. but you gotta be careful. I’ve been there. It’s hell. If you can get to ER or a detox you should.
This tale is dark and fascinating and feels like it could be part of a book or film, and I’m only a third of the way in but I’m coming back to this having watched your video on the DT’s some time back. There are some parallels I can certainly relate to, time misspent in Asia where the creeping addiction started to take root and then some time later denial, confusion and terror.
I don’t say this often but I am huge fan of this channel and the delivery. I thoroughly appreciate the use of old school lenses too!
Congratulations on your time in recovery. Off to a meeting tonight myself.
Thanks for your story.
Jim
Thanks Jim, that means a lot! Have a good meeting buddy.
Good evening . It is September 16th at 10;41 pm. My name is Jane . I am going to be 69 years old in a few weeks. This video showed up on my TH-cam. I am so touched by your story . I look forward to watching your entire collection and sharing your channel with everyone I know .
Hello Diamond! I'm glad this video connected with you, and thank you for your coment!
Randomly got this channel recommended. You are one hell of an interesting dude. Thanks for sharing your experiences. This algorithm didn't fail for once.
Welcome aboard! And thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it.
I appreciate how you tackled the romanticisation topic. It’s beautiful and profound, and deadly. Thank you for addressing that.
I find rock bottom stories interesting, but more than that, really helpful. It reminds you where you could be if you don't keep yourself honest and on a healthy track.
Yeah me too. I like to listen to others' stories, even when it gives me a knot in my somach.
Once again I really resonated with this video and I admire the unflinching honesty whilst also being very interesting and educational. Something that especially resonated with me personally, was when you said how you miss elements of your drinking days, such as walking home from work drinking whiskey....It's not something you hear a lot when people talk about their time in active alcoholism, because it's a taboo to say you actually have fond memories of being an alcoholic, but it really struck a chord with me. The ability to romanticise what was probably not a very good time is another one of alcohol's insidious qualities, and I too often reminisce about my times when I was drinking with a certain fondness. Sometimes I really miss some of my little drinking rituals, such as getting home from work, immediately running a bath and opening a bottle of wine to drink whilst soaking in the tub and reading a book, or the way I would sit outside in my garden with a bottle and think I was being really sophisticated on a sunny afternoon. But those times are gone for good, I can never get them back, and even though in reality they probably weren't that great and I'm looking at these memories through rose-tinted retrospective spectacles, I still find myself really grieving that part of my past sometimes. Thanks again for another great video!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment again Butterfly. And yeah, while we're often told it's dangerous to look back on our drinking days with fondness, I think it's safe to acknowledge there are parts that we miss but ALSO our lives are better without it. Those two things aren't in conflict for me.
@@_BatCountry Yes and I agree with that for myself too. I know that my life is much better now and that those days are long gone. I'm glad you're in a much better place too!
@@CalicoKate13 When I wished I was having a couple of beers I would just go to the gym or go for long walks sometimes even at midnight or later. Sometimes while at work I felt a bit tired But nothing compared to That crappie next day after drinking. This still works for me Today...15 years Now. No more Hydrocodone or Alcohol addiction. If wasn't easy I gave it up cold turkey on my own No doctors. Now I Truely just enjoy the feeling of my body And mind as I feel those endorphins kicking in
Just finished the entire video. Absolutely incredible story. I don't know how you made it through, i dont think i could have. Your experience is a testament to the strength and durability of the human will, in body and mind. Even when things seemed utterly hopeless, you kept going. And you made it.
(Sorry for the comment spam by the way, ill try to keep it all in 1 comment next time.)
Thank you for sharing your incredible story. I , too, struggle with alcohol addiction. Not nearly to this level but I know the pain of this horrible drug and what it has done to so many in my family.
I don’t have a rock bottom story to share with you. However, I do have an intense fear of this drug and what it can do to people.
Thank you hugely Eden. It sounds like you're on the cusp of walking away and going alcohol-free. There are ways to do it, and although it's hard at the start, it will quickly become the best decision you ever made. Let us know if you need help.
@@_BatCountry Thank you so very much for replying, for reaching out.
@@_BatCountryI was wondering if it would be okay to chat and ask you for some advice. I’m having some problems and I’m scared. I’m happy to compensate you for your time. Hugs from Eden. 😊
@@eden1588 Hey. My email is stu@batcountry.co :)
I appreciate the honesty & vulnerability in your videos so much. I've hit rock bottom several times too, been trying to get sober for years & keep falling. This helps.
I'm glad it's helping mate.
I found you by accident but Christ im glad I did. I'm noone special but alcohol isnt too fussy who it picks on.
OMG. Outrageous Rock bottom. I believe every word. Wow how you survived that is so impressive.
I kinda survived by accident, I'm not sure how impressive it is. Thanks for watching, and for the comment!
@@_BatCountry when you dance by accident, it may not be choreography, but inertia has your body moving and im certain that counts for something.
I absolutely love how your story. The way you put what we deal with in perspective is perfect. Absolutely nuts, just shake your head and slightly life while also wide eyed. What a trip man, deep alcoholism you start to lie to you in your own voice. Starts to get scary can differentiate. Keep moving bud!!
You’re so cool! Please don’t stop making videos. You’re a great storyteller. I literally fall asleep listening to you.
Thank you! That makes me so happy, that's exactly the vibe I'm aiming for :D
Really enjoy your channel man, you've got such an eloquent way of presenting such what I'd imagine is a difficult thing to talk about. I don't think those of us without AUD tend to fully grasp what a veritable hellscape this can be. Stay sober man
Sorry no rock bottom story but I know I have a problem with booze, have been giving my body,brain reaks for the last 5-6 years. Anywhere from 4/5 days to 3 months break, I’m 58 and have been drinking for 3 decades, just can’t seem to wrap my head around “ NEVER” having another drink bc subconsciously I relate to drinking as having fun? It’s time to get off the crazy train and actually enjoy my time living and being present, ty for your honesty and grateful your still alive to tell your journey to sobriety, god bless 💕and shine on🌞
To be honest, if you're here watching videos like mine, drinking probably isn't that much fun for you anymore. Maybe it's time to consider what's actually fun for you today, set the booze aside, and go do the things that make you feel good :)
Not only that but watch that pancreas , liver situation. Body can’t handle booze like it did before age 50. I have 2 friends in late 50’s with pancreatic cancer from years of drinking
I"m 56 and it's kind of the same for me. Hopefully, you're doing well. I'm one week out right now and not missing it but I realize it might be false confidence
Find your reason to stop drinking. Do you really want to die of liver failure? Do you like feeling like shit all of the time? Do you like the anxiety and depression that comes with bingeing alcohol? The fright that comes with the thought of "never drinking again" goes away. Once you gain control over your life again, you will be happy to choose not to drink because you CONTROL it.
Stumbled upon this, an incredible and sadly relatable story, thank you for sharing, its of great encouragement.
Thank you for watching!
Ive had many rock bottoms, at different times.
Having to go to the hospital because i thought i was going to die due to acute alcohol abuse.
Waking up to a hideously disgusting bed, carpet, and room which i had practically destroyed with vomit and urine, and then spending the next few days trying to return it all to some kind of livable state.
And worst of all, the feeling that i was going completely insane during alcohol withdrawal - i developed complete paranoia and thought that some of my closest friends had been possessed by demons and were mocking me and were going to take me to hell with them.
All of these moments made me seriously question what i was doing to my body and my mind. And if its all worth it. But as an alcoholic, i kept going back. I was 6 months sober last year. I just have to keep reminding me of that fact. I can do it again.
@@harrybaker9044 Got tired of feeling like shit. Quit going on 15 years now 🤠💪 all I do now is lifting, biking and hiking 🥾. Gotta admit that I gave up booze for weed. Try Drinking before Lifting it Doesn't work 😁
Wow indeed! Thank you for sharing. I could listen to you for hours. What an amazing talent youve got. And what a story 😮😮😮
This is just a great story. The production value with the esoteric lens. Ambient smoke. The golden you-know-what. Seinfeld meets Scorsese. 2nd time watching. It just gets better.
Thank you for these videos because I haven’t got much support and this really helps
I'm lad they're connecting with you mate.
Hang in there!
Is that a 50mm f1.8 lens on a film camera at 0:19? I miss those days where people didnt take 10000 pics a year. Also imho film is physical and cannot be corrupted by some error like digital files can be. It is kind of like you cant erase a book on your shelf but digital copies can vanish.
Except film degrades over time and is corruptible by things like fire. Positives and negatives to both
Loving this. I'm struggling with thet diseaese and the honesty + storytelling approach ishas me paying attention.,
This is a truly crazy story man. Glad you are still alive.
I'm glad too buddy, thanks for watching.
Wow, that was an incredible experience and i was mesmerised!! You are vary eloquent and thank you for sharing. Amazied you are still alive tbh. As u say its not a competition, but my rock bottom was not being allowed to boatd a flight home from a holiday in Cape Verde, as i was obviously too drunk. My poor fiance, had to fly home alone, and the flight was delayed as she had to identity my suitcase, which was very embarrassing for her. Thankfully we are still together. I need these videos to keep me motivated. Thsnk you
I had a rock bottom 2yr dive. Just going on day 4...pray for me 😢. I've lost my woman,kids, family, friends,jobs... I've hurt people, myself and arrested numerous times...my energy is draining and my mind is starting to play tricks on me "the gin"
It's all upwards from here. Stay sober, and start building yourself back up. Get after it.
Hold on .Try AA. please it works !
Start with beer, then , wine , then the spirts.
When you go to buy your bottle of spirt i by this time you have already cemented your fate.
@@deangelostrachan7305 I pray for you. Please be strong
The good thing about the abyss of rock bottom; you've got solid footing to push off and swim for the surface.
Amazing story but how does it end? How did you get out of that prison/off the charges?
its a rather long story, my rock bottom, started to drink during the pandemic, lost my home, moved to an off the grid cabin in mendocino , did t work out, was essentially homeless ,still had a truck and cargo trailer full of tools, met a rendom person, got a job on a ranch as an onsite supervisor, in which i lived there in a non working 5th wheel, completely isolated, continued to drink more and more, flipped a side by side used for work, eventually couldnt work from drinking and not eating, running out of booze syaryed dts and was fired, leaving me homeless. its been a long road, 2 years and 4 months sober but still sufferings lifes ramifications from all the yeats spent drinking. im 51 now.
Congrats on your sobriety, after all that happened it would have been easier to stay in the drink. You should be proud.
How are you doing now? I am rooting for you to stay off
@@gigi9301 still sober, working. it's some type of ride, some days are great, some are bleak. forgiving the past is the hardest
@@gigi9301 you know whays crazy? I had a dog with me the whole time that helped pull me through , she passed when I was sober and somewhat established, her name was Gigi.
@@sethlivingston6427 Awesome! It's my cat's name and I've been sober for only about ten days; I'm very tired but will keep at it and I've heard it can be common to be tired for a while at the beginning. Have a great July 4th!
Thank you for sharing these stories. They have helped me and many others.
Thanks so much!
I found your story fascinating! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Holly, I'm happy it connected with you!
And thank you so much for doing these videos. It's very brave of you. And it means another to me. From what I read in the comments it means a lot to alot of people too.
I'm lucky to have such an empathetic audience :)
Wow man I could have never guessed. Thanks for the content I can’t imagine the gobi desert on a bicycle. I’ve started slowing down to only beer now then cut that out.
If you write a book I'll buy it, what an incredible story and you have a rare talent for storytelling that this channel is showing the world.
My rock bottom happened a handful of years ago. It isn't actually the point when I quit drinking, but now with a handful of sober years looking in hindsight, it was the most painful experience. I had taken a job in Alaska (I'm from the lower 48) in order to try and escape who I was. I lasted less than a week at my new job before I started drinking, and before I knew it, I was drinking hard. Didn't take long to lose my job. I had some money saved up, so I was able to "live" on that for a little while. A few weeks into the binge, my dad walked through the door of my basement suite. He had traveled thousands of miles. What a shock. I didn't even know he knew my address. He said he wasn't sure if he was going to find me alive or dead, and that my mom begged him to come and take me home. That whole experience was incredibly embarrassing and saddening. We drove all the way back down south, and I think I had tears in my eyes the entire trip. But... that wasn't enough. Kept me sober for a while, but a few months later I picked up again. A year (and many bad memories) later, I went to treatment, did it right, stayed there for 6 months and (fortunately) haven't had a drink since. I'll be starting a new job again soon. At the same treatment centre where I got sober.
Love the videos, Stu! You've become my favorite recovery guy on TH-cam! Keep doing great work!
incredible and fascinating story thanks for sharing
I have a handful of rock bottoms from homeless garages in North Hollywood eating spighetti with Ron Jeremy, to stranded and homeless in Peoples Park in Berkeley, CA. I’ve had 5-6 day binge blackouts where I drove over 2-300 miles to end up on people’s front porches not knowing how I got there to psyche wards and ER’s reading later the details of events I do not remember. I am happy to be sober and clean today, I cut off about everyone except my sponsor a 2-3 people in my life as I chase my career and attend methadone clinic. I am happy and blessed.
I could listen to you talk for days. I'm an alcoholic, too. But I haven't hit my true rock bottom yet because no matter how much I lose, I keep drinking. I'm a bit drunk now, working my second job because I've lost my kids and can't afford to support them.
You really need to stop searching for the rock bottom mate. You may as well stop now.
Credit to you for still trying to do the right thing and pay for your kids.
I used to be a bad drug addict until I found some purpose in my life and a reason to be sober. I hope you don’t have to hit rock bottom. It’s a horrible place to be.
Awesome beard! I'm 6 months in and suddenly dealing with urges again because I'm hating daily life and my brain is screaming for a quick fix. A lifetime change is on the horizon. But even after 6 months the black dog is always there. Sometimes far and nearly forgotten. Sometimes on the shoulder.
6 months is a big threshold to overcome. 1 month, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year are all risky relapse boundaries - in my experience at least. Chin up mate, you're doing great.
For all of the awful consequences an alcoholic faces, equally important are the near misses along the way that when combined with the consequences demonstrate the true reality of alcoholism. That we survive at all is motivation for me to not give up.
Well said, and thank you for saying it.
Currently struggling with the lack of willpower to not drink whenever it is available. I'm hoping through learning about other people's experiences and what it's like at rock bottom for them, that it can inspire me to permanently stop drinking. I hope everyone seeking sobriety can find it, and that those who need it eventually will want sobriety for themselves
Good luck mate, we're all with you.
The "not a care in the world" is so relatable and probably the main thing I miss as well. Also, like you I know I could never go back to that, knowing everything else that comes along with dropping all cares
Yeah that's the problem isn't it? you might feel like you don't have a care in the world, but all we're doing is suppressing the stuff we should be caring about.
@_BatCountry absolutely. If anything else my drinking and drug use has given me is the task of rebuilding the things I neglected throughout active addiction. It's a fight somedays , but it's the good fight and I'm beyond grateful I have the chance to be in it 🙏
What I love about this channel is he really talks about the pernicious interplay between daily drinking and the fear of withdrawals- your average drinker does not understand that. Whenever I am trying to get sober, I have I take my blood pressure every hour and when I’m in withdrawals, my blood pressure is 200/120 so that of course the pressure is to “taper off“ but as we all know, all that leads to is more drinking.
Yeah, for me, tapering is just more drinking, it doesn't stop. People tell me they did it successfully, but I know it doesn't work for me.
Just found the friendly beard 🧔 whilst surfing TH-cam newly sober on a Saturday trying to pass the hours it’s wild how rock bottoms and the beginning of addictions are so similar
I had two major head injuries,o ne when I was 13 and another at 19. I always felt that after the second one, my attitude, demeanor, and alcoholism went down a dark path.
Yeah same. It can adjust your mood and behaviour even in small ways. But over time, those small ways add up. Thanks for the comment mate.
I met a brother and sister from kazakhstan in the US on work visas and they were some of the nicest people ever. Crazy to think that could be the place they’re from
Sober since 11/09/2021 … I’ve had multiple rock bottoms … one thing that I’ve found interesting it that the physical depravity (external consequences) in which I go to doesn’t always correlate with the desire to get sober. For me, it was the emotional/spiritual bottom that finally furnished enough motivation within me to seek help. Interesting enough, the solution must come from within in my experience. Anyways, great video. If you ever happen to travel to New Orleans, LA I’d love to have you share your story at my home group. I believe your story will resonate with a lot of people. Best!
The solution must come from within. Absolute truth.
Congrats on your sobriety, long may it continue, and if I'm in town I'd love to swing by. Never been to New Orleans, but I really like what I know about it.
@@_BatCountry in my experience, the best drinking cities are the best recovery cities. Kinda weird how that works.
That’s how it starts, “small ways” before the “big ways”
Perfectly said
Thank you mate, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
I would usually start my adventures in the town of Lewis Carolls birth, were a statue of the mad hatters tea party resides to this day, i would call it going down the rabbit hole. It has lead me to wild experiences and friends and relations i never would have encountered and i miss those bohemian days. Sober now, safe, but god its dull.
When did you start coming to terms with your narcissism? I that part of your alcohol story?
I could listen to this for hours, and I wish I could find more longform tales like yours about catastrophic implosions. Its so oddly reassuring. You are a truly compelling speaker, thanks for helping me through a tough time.
Thanks so much for the compliment. And I have the same feeling about these stories - a bit of me is horrified, but the larger part finds it reassuring. I hope you're doing good today.
Mate love what you are doing here - you’re a fantastic storyteller also. Where could I see the photo with the shoelace? I’m extremely curious
Hello mate! Hit the next video on my channel after this one, I put the image in there since so many people asked about it.
Wowza man! I'm SO happy you made it and you're here to share ❤
Absolutely fascinating and gripping!
Incredible Video . Thank you for sharing !
Thanks brother!
H*ll yea a new bat country video! ✌🏻looking forward to it brother.
That was absolutely wild, holy sh”%. You are lucky to be alive my friend.
Thanks mate! And yeah, it came pretty close. I don't take it for granted.
@@_BatCountry Wheewww.
Hi - what an extraordinary and powerful tale! I’d like to talk with you about making some kind of film/doc about this journey. I can’t access Insta but could you share the photo of the stitched guy with me? Thx
My email is in the description buddy :)
i needed to hear this, thank you. Be well.
That's a Crazy story man!! Wow... Share more stories like this one.
I've got a few more like this that I can share. Stay tuned, and thanks for the comment!
Romanticising alcoholic experiences is a very bad idea...
It's a bad idea unless you're very sober, at which point I think it's ok to have fun with your experiences.
@@_BatCountry Perhaps, but I have shifted my thoughts to the great times and experiences I've had in sobriety and find it reasures and strengthens my commitment to staying straight. I wish you well.
@@_BatCountry Not really.
Exactly this! I’m so glad you said it. This guy has massive issues that he just can’t see and equates them to his alcohol problem. I’ve watched a few and I’m left thinking he has other problems, it’s really uncomfortable.
My reaction within a couple minutes is that he's looking for attention, maybe a cry for help, rather than sharing a horrible experience that he has recovered from with the aim of helping others. The title and production certainly don't help.
I think alcoholism is a poverty, a shortcoming, a drought, a penury, a permanent state of producing blunders. I only hear about the liquid part (quantity, quality, periodicity, shame, descent into hell, impending doom etc), the phisiology, labour, financial and social parts, but rarely do I hear about the most interesting one, which is the psychological/philosophical aspect. Alcoholism makes you not only lie, but think certain things, have certain values and feelings. You've mentioned a parasite of a bug in one of your videos that for me was the ultimate analogy. But we have to remember that we don't go to bed sane and wake up the next day a zombie or a Wernicke Korsakoff's demented carcass. We drink our ways to these havens bit by bit (every time we drink, we're doing so because we want to escape, to forget, to let go of, to obliterate, and that's what we're granted in the end). This is the work of alcoholism, it builds us throughout life, but at such a slow pace, like the frog in the ever slightly warmer water, that we don't know anything about it, until it becomes the whole lot of what and who we are, for good. Believing otherwise is to believe in souls. And if we decide to believe in souls, we can go on drinking, because it affects just the body... But our self is our body, is our cells and organs, there's no thought or feeling that is indifferent to the state of our health. So alcoholism is the foundation of a zombie, through stages of making criminals, liers, immoral adults, lazy and sloppy students, depressed teenagers and traumatized children. Alcohol is an idea that has a life of his own, and perhaps a living creature that stays in families for generations. And this is why being sober for many years may not be enough to prevent one from relapsing, because one should search like there's no tomorrow for everything that has been touched by alcohol, every thought that might have been formed, value that might have been pushed, feeling that might have been instilled and behaviour that might have been influenced by the poisoning of every cell in the body, every tradition in the family, every event, manifestation and pillar of society. It takes a permanently vigilant super well trained ranger to do that. And who qualifies? Everything in this world is set out against it, there's just stuff for making you dumb and weak. A very dangerous period for relapse is between 10 and 16 years of sobriety, because the person is already old and doesn't feel like they have the resources to go through the work all over again, so the suicidal rate for this population is high. I think it's all because the work is not only about not drinking and avoiding places and people etc, the work is cleaning up your mind daily and growing up by reading, studying hard subjects, working out like a pro, reading super difficult philosophy, doing therapy in yourself, journaling, going to traditional therapy if it helps, eating super difficult clean food, studying and reading books on relationships to improve the ones you get, getting sunlight and letting go of caffeine and meditating (it's like becoming more focused then huberman). But this lifestyle is so hard is almost unattainable and this is why I tell you, in my opinion, no one needs a rock bottom. It might be part of your journey but please re-evaluate your journey every single day, and at least try to deal with different perspectives and elaborate on them to gain clarity. It's not because something happened before something else that there is causality. And, worst of all, you're not done yet, always be careful and never commemorate sobriety cause it is to take it for granted. You have to be careful every day and remember you're in a war zone. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, I quit drinking two years ago by accident and loved it so I've decided to keep it. But as I progress in studying it by reading books and watching sober TH-cam, I realise I might be one as well or at least I could have been and for sure the opportunity is always there if I ever give in to my desire for a break from the war zone mentality. Come on, what about Disneyland? Don't you wanna go?
This guy is not lying. I've experienced trauma myself and recovered. He is not making this up. To bat country that shit sucks ass and it gets stuck on replay until you face it, relive it and then redefine it. But you will never be the same.
I appreciate your story and sharing. You're a dope dude. Keep it golden pony boy. Also, what's the hoodie bro, it's dope.
Thanks mate! I have no idea where I got that hoodie, probably TK Maxx to be honest :)
Damn u take the cake brother. I'm so proud and inspired by you. ❤❤
Thanks mate. Hope you're doing good today.
@@_BatCountry another sober day is always a good day for me
You're very good at telling your story biking. Very interesting. Thank you.
Thanks for watching!
Glad you're still with us Bat Counry; a liter in three hours has been the end of many frat boys. What I find true about all rock bottoms is that, no matter how extreme the practical circumstances, the truth of them all is that the mental anguish is singular. It doesn't matter SO much what's happening outside your body-- what's happening within it is pure crystalline hell.
Yeah I agree completely, I didn't make that point clear in this one so I'll mention that in the next. Thanks bud, I always appreciate your comments!
@@_BatCountry my rock bottom makes a lot of others feel soft by comparison too. What I tried to teach people when I was in the program was that if you're an alcoholic you don't need to wait until your bottom is as bad as mine-- or yours. If you have a soft bottom, you are so blesssed. Wherever you land, the next bottom is always going to be worse. Hard bottoms make great stories but miserable experiences, and so many don't survive.
To add to my previous comment, ive just reached the part of your video where you are speaking about your head injury. I also had a brain injury, which i acquired in 2018. It affected me deeply, not just my judgement and reasoning, but also my ability to simply enjoy life. I felt empty and no longer gained any satisfaction or fulfilment from things which would previously make me feel good. I had had alcohol issues prior to this, but i feel this was the incident which caused my drinking to spiral completely out of control, to the point that it became the single defining factor of my life. Alcohol made me feel something again, something which the injury had robbed from me.
Yeah exactly that! I was probably always a problem drinker, but I'm certain the head injury is what caused it to spiral out of control. I always ask people with similar experiences to mine if they've had a head injury, and you might be surprised by the amount of people who say yes, but have never made that connection before.
"Alcohol made me feel something again, something which the injury had robbed from me." That gave me goosebumps, that is how I felt to a tee, and I've never heard anyone else say it before.
It sounds like our journeys have a lot of parallels. Waking up to that disgusting bed, I've been there too. It's so depressing that it's easy to open another bottle than face up to it. Except... it's NOT easier to do that, not in the long run. It's much easier to face it, and to fix it.
I enjoy your comments Harry. Perhaps enjoy is the wrong word, but I appreciate them.
I am also a TBI survivor and relate to people who also had a brain injury. What really sucks is we look normal to people because you can't see brain injury unless it is part of the brain responsible for movement, talking etc. I had a frontal lobe injury so my symptoms were all mental and drinking is the only way I can cope. I sure hope you are doing better since you posted this comment two months ago. Stay healthy my friend. 🙏
27:50 goddam it gets worse than this? Fuckin YIKES.
I came across your channel and I instantly subscribed. You have a talent for storytelling! I’m excited to hear more about how your rock-bottoms and how they were a catalyst to your sobriety. I too like to hear rock bottom stories not to glorify them but to learn from them.
Hey, thanks for the subscription, and for the compliments! Stay tuned, I have a LOT of stories like this one :)
I have your vids up in my other monitor while playing talos principle 2. your stories are great and cathartic.
Oh awesome! That's exactly the manner in which I want them to be watched: kind of easy podcasty background stories. Also, excellent game choice. I've been a Devolver Games fan since Miami Hotline.
@@_BatCountry I had no idea Devolver and Croteam merged until reading this lol. Anyway I just linked this video in my sobriety discord. I feel like a hipster finding your videos while they are still this low in views. Only a matter of time before you have a few hundred thousand eh. Good luck on your journey today. Last month was my two year milestone
Whatt a Story, god bless you brother. 🙏
I’m 83 days sober no alcohol I started drinking in 2006 at the age of 14 when I was in the gang life and I stopped drinking alcohol July 29 2024 I’m 33 it’s not fun anymore I can’t even keep a job it’s sad 😢 I’ve have crashed almost every car I had
A rat scurried outside your window at 10:25 … and thank you for sharing this story
I'm very sorry to hear that you went through all of that. My heart goes out to you. Alcohol is amazing isn't it? I've noticed that the world is filled with people who will take advantage of someone when they can't fight back. Including and sometimes especially police. It's scary and upsetting, but true. So that's yet another great reason to be sober. Maybe the best one. Idk.
In a way I'm glad it happened to me and not to someone else. At least I was tough enough to endure it in the long run.
@@_BatCountry You are incredibly tough to survive all that. It's absolutely insane. 😶God bless you.
You really should make a movie about this. I cannot believe what I just heard. Absolutely crazy that you survived all of this you are incredible
Three days sober and the shakes won’t stop. I’ve shit and pissed the bed. I’m too weak to sit up or stand. My husband cleans me with gauze help me have a shower sitting down of course. I’m eating but this is my bottom. I love him
It can happen to the best of us, do seek professional help it will life much easier
I was drinking a liter of vodka a day or more. I usually couldn't eat until I had 5 or 6 shots. I lost a 6 figure job but I didn't care anymore. After losing the job I spent the next 6 months drunk 24/7. All I did was drink, sleep, and sit in my apartment alone. I had burned through my savings and knew I had 2 choices. Get sober and move in with family or become homeless. Thank God I was able to cut back on my drinking for several days and then I quit. Prayer got me through the withdrawal just barely. With Gods help after a week I no longer had any interest in alcohol. I've been sober for over 8 years now!
Well done ! Im just a year sober but 3rd time round :)
Wow that was bad! Thanks for that compelling memoir
I live on an island in hongkong and there’s a few stray Russians… that trait of theirs to be damaged, fearlesss and i would say unusually intelligent with their capacity for vodka is the most disconcerting and these days they make me shudder!
I do my best to give thema wide berth even tho on a small island thats not easy…. 1 year sober this weekend
@@w1lf1ewoo Keep it up man!! My advice is to stay busy. Get a 2nd job if needed or take up night time extreme sports like mountain biking. Stay away from situations that tempt you. I couldn't go into a stores at night that sold alcohol for a long time. I got a 2nd job at night to keep me busy.