The problem was, I didn't know what lies were being told to who, and I had no chance to defend myself. I gave up. It got to a point where I was like "well if they know me, they know what's going on, and everyone else who believes bad things about me can go jump". Good way to tell who your real friends are.
Yeah- they tell me I'm an abuser and have been harassing her, but won't tell me why they believe that. I'm neither of those things, so if they told me why, I could probably disprove it. I think she made fake social media accounts of me and used them to harrass herself.
The key is to remember they are disordered personalities. Just be your authentic self and let people decide what they want. People who know you Don't believe the smear campaign. Those who do, aren't worth your energy.
You said it, the narcissist is putting all their efforts into their Oscar-winning performance to satisfy themselves. While we are putting all our efforts in truth and justice. Go figure, people believe the “performer.” Sounds biblical.
Yeah it really does. But think about it good actors make you believe their performances whereas “bad actors” are obvious even if they are authentic. It is really odd and incredibly frustrating...
DSD that’s so true. Before we become authentically healed, we all try to “act” within their game, and FAIL (literally miserably). But the blessing is it forces us to do the real work inside. Flying monkeys are often bad actors, Sometimes I can see the conflict written all over their faces. If flying monkeys get to the point of doing their own inner work, they will no longer be sidekicks for narcs either. Oh what a beautiful world it would be.
That is such a great point Remain Nameless - and although all of this is so very painful the work it *forces* us to do it critical to being able to truly heal from all of this!
Thank you! I find it so interesting that a total stranger will believe that I am a horrible person because someone else said so. However, that same person would want proof if that same person would have said good things about me. People love to think the worst of others. All ego and insecurity...sad I never interact with co dependents of narcissists. Let them keep their drama. IDC what these kind of people think about anything!
A calm reply like" Oh my, I see you don't have all on the information on this situation/subject", sometimes shifts the conversation. If they ask you to fill them in perhaps add, " I don't want to add to the gossip".
Honestly? You have to Gray Rock the flying monkeys. They are the equivalent of speaking to the actual Narc. It will get back to them. Keep it calm, cool, and neutral. No toxicity AT ALL. I do it all the time.
One of the flying monkeys was complaining to me about the people in his life. I told a short story, hoping that he would be comforted by the fact that I've been through it too. He hung up immediately after my story and ran to tell everyone else. I can't help others without them using my love against me.
@@nyeahgarner2420 Please refrain and be more discerning. I fell into a "Love trap" myself. I met a homeless kid who "fell in love" with me. Now lives with me and plays hot and cold with love. To keep me on a leash. Now i dont know what to do. He is basically paying rent with seducing and telling me he loves me, because he uses passive-aggressive attacks to undermine me. He would say things here and there to keep me upset and on my feet. Then he would kiss me. And back again. So he is basically trying to keep it cool with me in order to keep living here. A person who truly loves you respects you.
Yeah they typically are Kevin. It's tough to purge those people though and its hard to see your "friend group" shrink. It just takes a bit to realize they weren't really your friend group in the first place...
@@DSD ... and let's just say it: that you can't trust anyone. if 80% of 'normal' people or 'friends' who have known you for years and could verify lies easily can be turned against you by simple manipulation/lies it's just realistic to expect that other people will be the same. what i found remarkable is that typically even those to whom this happened before will happily let themselves be manipulated into doubting you. seen thus, all these Cluster B folks really become saints who give you access to a hard to come by essential truth about human nature.
@@DSD Yet, as painful as that it was, it WAS the best thing for me. (20/20 HINDSIGHT). I got to FIND OUT who was NOT on my side all secretly along in the first place. Looking back, things that USED TO seem innocent weren't so innocent after all with those folks.
I'm seeing flying monkeys, as a result from a narcissist Jezebel neighbor. These are clearly the last times ,where lovers of themselves and false accussers are at fever pitch ( + 2 Tim.3:1-3) .Satan is called the accuser of the brethren ( Rev.12:10) .This is where the false ( treacherous; deceitful) Christs ( Rulers; Leaders; Kings; Authorities) and false prophets ( AKA seducing spirits) ; vile ones enter( + Mat.24:-5,11,24; Dan.11:21, to deceive and seduce many into Devil worship worldwide. No doubt Satan has been loosed, as relates in Rev.20. The outcasts of Israel Ps.147:2, described in 1COR.1:26-28 ,will be at the mercy of events. 1 Tim.4:1,2; 2 Tim.4:3,4; 2Pet.2:1-3; Acts 20:29,30 are all happening now!!!! Rev.13:8. Dan.11:32
I truly enjoyed the video. I listened and learned. Also liked the comments. The narcissist in my life was my mother. She died a month ago. The real truth is, you absolutely cannot negotiate with a real narcissist. The flying monkeys ( siblings )are now eating each other alive and causing destruction to themselves and everyone associated with them, except me. Thank goodness I figured this out, by accident, many years ago. Just thought I’d share today. Be well, all!!
My advise is NEVER TALK TO A FLYING MONKEY. I’ve just found out that someone in my family is talking to my ex’s partner. No one else is. I’m letting them get on with it. It’s done to try and wind you up. Narcs and monkeys FEED ON DRAMA. Without it they are dead.
Keeping yourself together when talking to the narcissist and the flying money requires a lot. I thought I could do it, but it is SO hard. If it is not required to keep in touch with them, think about it twice.
@@rheabalduc8896 yeah, ria, I'm not going to learn to be a fake pretend Terminator robot like they are dealing with them forever if I have to at all. No contact... Make me the so-called "bad"guy! I'll just take the so-called L and let you all smear me with lies. (To engage for too long is to only set one's self up for a DARVO smear campaign. Sometimes low contact is not enough.. if you cannot go no contact.. you can have to have less contact than the former low contact you did)
@@qq84 I’d say the opposite only in person in the presence of others . So even if you’re on the phone let it be known your husband or children are in the same room. Then they seem to behave amicably like humans should 😂 Text message for me creates drama . I blocked all texts messages . If they text via regular text which I can’t block ie not Wi-Fi method then I just ignore it. If they ask I say I don’t reply to texts all the time I have too many
The people who will see the narcissist for who they are is will ask you for the full story. Conserve your energy. It is very possible that the person you are sharing this with will bring everything back to the Narcissist. Narcissists are very good at anticipating your responses and coming up with excuses/reasons. Also, staying calm in the face of the triggering lies this person will voice is extremely difficult. He is right in that save this effort for people that really count. But be prepared for the pain if they do not come onside.
When I say conserve your energy, it is because you will be holding a lot more than the narcissist. Usually you are trying to parent, bring your life together, get healthy etc. The narcissist’s entire energy is being focused on being the hero/victim. Chasing after flying monkeys is one way you can lose energy you need for all those other things. Also, I cannot say this enough, it is extremely triggering to hear people you love repeat the narcissist’s stories. If you do do this, make sure you have a support, like a therapy session soon afterward. Also, as survivors of this kind of abuse there can be an addictive discharge from engaging in conflict. Be wary of the ‘need’ to “have your say” . If you get an adrenaline kick out of a carefully crafted response above the dopamine boost from Reconnecting with someone you were scared to lose, that is an indicator that you are engaging with the monkeys for an unhealthy reason, which ultimately serves the narcissist.
No army building. Just be authentic and let the narc expose themselves. I Don't even want people in my circle who put me in a position to "defend myself." Screw that! I Don't "share my story." Let them discern for themselves, or not.
I have a mother in law who has been doing this to me for over 30 years... I finally got the anger to sever ties with her almost two years now. She has encouraged (with delight!), our grown children to abandon us, and she stepped gleefully into our place... I know she has always hated me, but to do this to her own son, is devastating. She shows zero remorse, even though we have laid out to her what actually happened... Instead of trying to heal the rift, she used the opportunity to take sides, and make herself look good, even though she has never done anything to raise our children...
what you said at the end about them focusing more on their performance and the reaction they're getting to that, rather than us getting all tangled up emotionally, really hit home. You've just put it into context that i couldn't figure out before, thank you for that!
I was an emotional punching bag for decades. Slightest triggers always throw me off balance. I observed my Dad and is very very calm, rational and emotionless. But when I was young, he used to get angry. In later years he must have mastered. I have witnessed him to be calm and emotionless to extreme, very extreme abusive situations.
I’ve found the best answer is a caring hand on their arm, and “oh my! Be careful…”. A squeeze and take off! They will sense your caring and you’re not “trying to win.” 😂😂🤣. It works👍👍💕
When you choose self respect and self love these people will fall away from your life BUT if you put your energy into justifying your truth they will continue to badger you.
Only one person that needs to believe you and that’s the judge. Everyone else is really irrelevant. Even the kids. However, always share your knowledge and experience and what you’ve learned from this process, but whether they believe you or not doesn’t matter. I believe the only person who truly believes you is someone who has been through the same abuse and they don’t need any convincing.
So, filling Court Judge's positions with folk who have lived through the mire of a narcissist and all of their shenanigans might be stage one. In order to be able to show understanding you must first have understanding of how to understand...with personal experience thrown in. Every Judge should have this "qualification" and 100% proof of having lived through a discard..."the throwing away of a fellow human being...like a piece of trash".
This is the problem! So it is up to you to go by protocol and deal with the shit your dealt in the must mature manner possible and maybe record all interactions,so you have the insanity recorded.
Great warning that the only person that's even worth discussing this with is someone who's been through exactly what you or I have been through. I had to learn the hard way. But luckily I learned and distant situations say in the smoking area at a bar or something.. not that the people got mad, but I saw that no one's going to get it unless they've been through it
So true! Just like I used to say to others and so much situations that you or I went through, it's just like a scenario on your war vet could talk to a war vet about certain instances. Because no one else would get it! I learned real quickly a long time ago not to share with people who are not in the same situation. I mean I could share a little, but they did not relate back, I got it because I learned that I got sick of hearing people pretend to understand or relate or whatever.. YET it was a waste of time for me
I am glad I found your channel. I admire how you can be so calm and cool. I am a single dad who is going through so much stupid bs in my situation. It is the most exhausting experience.
Thanks so much Ted but just remember it took me years to become this "calm and cool" person that I am now... It really is an exhausting experience BUT it does get better as you learn more and on how to interact and deal with them... Hang in there Ted!
I did have some success with this with my sister. She had fallen for the narcs triangulation. But then someone else came in with the same complaint I had & now Suddenly my sister “believes me.” Amazing, she doesn’t even know this third-party but she’s willing to believe her over me. That’s ok, i’ll take my victories where I can get them. I guess a lesson could be if the person you’re trying to convince is competing with you or jealous of you in anyway or has any reason why they themselves personally would prefer not to see you in a good light, they will conveniently believe the NARC. Mentioning a person saying the same thing may sway them. I think these people are weak and will go along with consensus. For them it’s probably more going along with the crowd than anything else. They’re not really investing any energy into this anyway. Narcs already know this. That’s why they triangulate and tell the victim that “everyone“ sees you as the problem.
Yeah definitely have to take the victories that you can. It is *really* annoying when it takes someone else to validate a story for someone to believe it - especially from family. Triangulation is a real problem and the best way to deal with it is to NOT deal with it!
Thank you for being brave enough to mention the jealous word. I was afraid of saying that myself because I was afraid I would sound arrogant or something. But like many others say and I had to conclude eventually, this is where the root of this toxic behavior comes from. Why? I don't know, haha! They're in the house. They make more money than me, they have other things in life I don't, I can get what they would supposedly be jealous of.. but I guess it's not enough for them.. got to take down the enemy if you're a narcissist like them
I’ve been told that jealousy is my narcissist persons thing with me. I just don’t see it. I have suffered way more in the past, (sibling) than my narc. Everything from physical things to violent crime to children and more. I’ve done nothing to cause this. A few close close friends know and that’s what they said. Like immediately. I’m maybe kinder but we both have equal talent and could be twins. So go figure??
Yet again, you spoke of many examples that are similar, or if not the same as my situation @DSD. The only types I give any time to are the ones who are close and understand me and the situation. The ones that have been / are on the fence, I've provided predictions and examples that have turned out correct and they STILL don't believe what I say, having demonstrated. So that's why I step away, distance myself and disconnect. Save my sanity and health. I leave the chaos for them to play with.
Yeah it is really important to recognize when it’s a lost cause because it’s a waste of time and energy. I personally wasted way too much time trying to convince people of the reality...
Talking to someone that you know is still really tight with your ex is like playing the telephone game. You never know how badly they are going butcher that conversation when the relay back to your ex. You'd do best to limit your conversations with them to politics, the weather, and religion.
@@Jaz31day Exactly! I was about to say the same thing until I saw your comment, but you're right give them nothing because any type of interaction will be reported back to the narcissist and they'll use it to create more lies with to continue the smear campaign against you.
And *do not talk about religion/money/politics* all of that can severely fall on your feet. You always have to assume that they record the conversation, distort it an play it to everyone they know, including your employer to get you fired.
I think something people avoid when it comes to the topic is that while there may be flying monkeys, there’s a good chance there are people who, knowing you and who you are as a person, are looking out for you. They see you hurting and they hurt, too. And under certain circumstances, it can be difficult to discern which is which. And that’s what a toxic partner wants. Confusion, paranoia, mistrust. Don’t gaze long into the abyss. Don’t give it to them. Don’t be naive, but don’t let them destroy your relationships. You probably have people who believe you, who believe in you, who are rooting for you in one way or another.
I stay focused on the dirt the person gossiping is trying to hide about themselves . And have the courage to loose friends that use gossip a a resource. Prey for God to protect all parties .
Thank you for discussing this with us. I was just working on how to approach 3 people next week, individually, for the first time, about the truth of what transpired with a malignant narcissist who has turned everyone in our building - neighbors, property mgmt, the board of directors, and almost all building staff against me, as well as people further away, simply because I gently refused an intimate relationship with her. I have worked hard on figuring out what to tell them, and it's taken a lot of my time. You know what? Your question given to ask ourselves, "is it worth it?" resonated within. No, it is not. What am I doing but prolonging this matter in hope that someone will see the truth, when in fact, they have to want to want to see it first. Not even one of them, including a minister and a recently retired police officer, not one board member or neighbor - those who I thought I knew better and had been generous with in their times of need - ever even bothered to ask my side of the story. I think that is what hurts the most. This is just past the 3rd year of it. I have been highly mistreated without any provocation whatsoever because of the narc's lies and crocodile tears and her many flying monkeys. This is my turning point. I am going to look ahead without hope of former things returning, and instead develop what's left of my own life. There is a verse in The Bible where God says, "Behold, I am doing a new thing." I think I have finally reached the point where I am willing to let Him. All my best and prayers to everyone who has or is going through these vast injustices. Thank you again for sharing your own experiences with us. May God help us all.
So cery well stated. Thank you fir this sound advice. "Behold I will do a new thing, shall ye not know it? Now, it shall soring forth. I will even make a path in the wilderness and ruvers in the desert." God will do a new thing in your life, if you place your trust in him.
Great advice. You were one of the first people I started watching on TH-cam years ago when all these things happened and I see how I tried defending myself to everyone and exhausted myself. I believe I was acting out PTSD. Maybe there is something to that. It’s a blessing these women divorce in most cases. I didn’t deserve to be trapped with a narcissist. Poor kids.
The best thing to do to a narcissist... is change your phone number, take them off your social media. totally ignore them. People, will find out what thede people are in the end.. most people don't stay stupid, about things like this. Eventually, the narcissist will over play their hand!
I changed my number. The narc called me the next day. Without me giving my phone number to anyone. They have to always control it all, by connections. Any type of connections,!!!!!!!!!
@@marylourodriguez9227 That’s a stalker. How could that happen? Surely you gave your number to someone you thought was ok, like work, a family member, school for your kids. That’s most likely what happened. Princess of elimination. If the person continues to harass you you must report and start a journal.
@@suedesignable I did not give my phone number to anyone. It was the very next day I had gotten a new phone and number!. He sent me an ugly text, saying it was someone else but when I called, he answered. He has passed away, 2 months ago from Internal bleeding illness. His flying monkeys still follow me to this day! He was a forensic analyst snd helped PTSD patients in his nonprofit business. All his connections were pd officers etc as you can imagine!!!!! His next of kin just follows in his footsteps. They have me tracked for sure,!!!!
Sorry you went through that. I find in my own situation that silence and distance are golden. You can always create a new network of better friends who understand “family values” and loyalty.
Sadly most flying monkeys are also under the narcs “thumb”. They would rather side with them just to save themselves. They don’t want to be the next victim. Especially happens in a family. Or a work environment with a narc boss. Your best solution is gray rock or total silence. Absolute ZERO reaction.
The way you explained this was extremely clear cut. Thank you very much! It really helped me. I decided I'm just going to try and prove that what my mother is saying about me is wrong through being on my best behavior around her when I'm around any of my family. Basically just make sure I'm always being really nice to her even when I'm mad at her. And let the flying monkeys make up their own minds. I've realized I have to be very careful with energy spent right now because I'm living with her and my sister & my sister is one of her flying monkeys.
This is 3 years ago. But I don’t think this is great advice to yourself. You’re basically saying that you’re going to walk on eggshells around your family and constantly check to see if they see how good you are. This is a perfect recipe for repeated heartbreak. My personal solution has to be to grown and incredibly thick skin and have out-of-this-world boundaries. I don’t care if I come off like an asshole. Interestingly enough people really seem to respect ‘power’ or ‘calm’ or whatever the hell I’m now exuding and they usually get themselves together and behave more respectfully or in a lot of cases they have come to finally ‘see’ the narc. But whatever for that. It’s REALLY important that you learn to not give a damn, and not do ANYTHING in order to impress other people or get a certain outcome. That is truly not loving yourself
The last thing you want to do is call out the narcissist. By talking to their flying monkeys you are doing that. In short both enjoy drama and trouble making on you. Weither you realize that or not. Whatever protests will be deliberately misunderstood.
Shut down coworker narc & flying monkeys. No contact. They're all miserable now without the drama. Only speak when I'm spoken to; I don't even make audible sounds when I greet them if theyve spoken to me 1st. I smile & give them a Ms. Congeniality parade wave.
I love your instructions. Neutral, no undercurrent emotion, specific, calm, etc. Putting our case out there to see what happens. No actual exact expectations!!!
As usual always phenomenal advice. Luckily I haven’t ran into many flying monkeys 🐒 as I haven’t been on Facebook in a year. I work in a different city, and when I’m home 🏠 it’s at night and I’m not venturing out on my hometown as much. I much rather travel and see other cities and areas. I really had to change my entire life and it’s been a growth year. I’m thankful as I don’t have all the drama and toxicity in my life anymore.
That is great PsychedPerspective - getting away from toxicity is AMAZING - I mean it is a difficult purge (at least most of the time) to do it but once you do it really is transformative. I personally HATE having drama in my life and I actively work to minimize it.
DSD so true I felt isolated basically the whole year and at times still feel that way. However, the amount of growth and personal fulfillment has been amazing!
I RAISED a narcs kids,,, and the kids some of them not all,, sided with the Narc,, cussing and dishonoring my REPUTATION,, as a sweet loving kind grandmother,,,, soooo painful 2 me, sad
I have been confronted with narcissistic m.o. and it is a fascinating trip to defend against these pathetic cowards who are acting like a friend in the moment waiting for you to tell them what your buttons are. And because you are a decent person and have quite a blind spot to immaturity pushing your buttons, you have become a Buzz Lightyear doll that says "please stop gaslighting me..."
I had some flying monkeys stalk me online. Much harder to deal with them when you can't meet with them face to face, nor even confirm their identity. It's times like these, that I wish I was off the grid.
I say as little as possible to everybody these days. Sad that it’s come to this, but it’s for my own good. Years ago a friend once told me she lives by the theory “trust everyone until they prove otherwise”… I told her my theory was “trust NOONE until they prove otherwise”… and even then, I say as little as possible… What I find funny/ironic, is some people who get offended sometimes by basic simple small talk. But then if you say nothing to them at all, they get offended. It’s like you’re dang if you do, dang if you don’t… So I “don’t”… It says me time and energy, and a lot of times it saves ensuing drama… As far as the workplace goes, over the years I’ve found it’s best to just stay professional with everybody. I can’t tell you how many people I thought coworkers were their friends, only to be stabbed in the back… I mean these are people who went to each other’s kids birthday parties, hung out together outside work, even went on vacations together, you’d swear they’d be BFF’s for life… but inevitably (and sadly) one would end up stabbing the other one in the back… I’ve seen it happen more times than I care to remember…… It’s terrible, but I swear there are way more narcissists and flying monkeys these days than there was 20, 30 years ago…… Sad…… But we just learn to adjust…… Knowledge is power, as they say…… I’m glad people like you spread the word, it helps tremendously…. Thank You… 👍🏻🤙🏻
For real. I'm the same way now. I move in almost complete silence as you said nowadays. Especially I found too that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't so do I started Dont'ing. The pandemic lockdown time was a REAL eye opener and I got used to being alone. However several users knew I was home and would call to waste time gossiping about this or that nonsense. Pre pandemic I was always traveling and therefore not available. One so called friend finally admitted she was using me to "dump her problems on because I was a good listener and "cheaper than a therapist. All of a sudden the light bulbs flashed and the curtain came down. I cut her off as well as going no contact with several others. I only talk to one sister now and even she cannot be trusted completely. My youngest sisters flying monkeys were cut off as well and blocked on my phone and texts. I don't do facebook, Twitter or the like so they have no reach there. I trust no one. As I've learned that 90% of folks I know and dont know are either users, losers and/or abusers. I keep ALL relationships cool and impersonal now by saying very little if anything and DENYING people access to me unless they prove they are trustworthy and worthy of my gifts and presence and are willing to share some of theirs. And above all else discretion.
I told the FM in my experience that they had overstepped their bounds, and were inappropriate. Now I say nothing to her. I see her in social situations, but I say nothing, absolutely
I think you forgot a type. Waffles. Waffles are on the narc side because they were told something by them. If the victim says something and proves it, they are on the victim side. Same with anyone else. Waffling between.
I stopped making an effort to open people's eyes about it. Ive lost a whole bunch of people, but oh well. Its too tiring to repeat the story again and again, to people who are just interested in the gossip and not really trying to understand or be loyal to me.
I've said for a long time they have a few types of flying monkey's / followers / believers 1) Synchophants who think they're great and are behind them right or wrong 2) People who don't want any of that drama directed at them, so go along to get along 3) The naive
There it is: "Is this person genuinely worth my effort?" In my experience, it just isn't. You've been through what you've been through, why put youself through it again. You're whole life is ahead of you, keep your true friends, go forward and meet others who's values align with yours. Any of the old difficult people that you have to have contact with, arms length, remember your boundaries, your businsss is your business.
in one year i finally figured out that those people that run with her do not matter to me, all that fake shallow friendship is no real loss, I do not want to put my side across because they are not my concern any more,i talk with the people at my work and they appreciate me, my daughter loves me so bollocks to her friends and what they say, I know what went on I was there, it takes my energy to process it all for myself I don't have the energy to put them right,they were not there..22 years of all this everyday, they spend a few hrs a month with her, my daughter hates her THAT says it all for me.its all fake and it will happen again just get to the point where your glad its over,as painful as it is at first, break the addiction pattern or trauma bond ,make new friends reshape your world so YOU fit in to it NOT some illusion Im not 8 years in the break up like some and still have a ways to go but I really do not miss that painful existence one bit. be excellent to yourselves and those you value and it will all come good in the end.
There quite entertaining for me today having a very postive day trying to ignore them and stay positive. I’m receiving a lot of negative attention trying to stomp on my happiness
Saving this video for later, Seeing how many other people are going through the same thing is mine boggling lol thank you for this video by the way and I’m sorry you had to experience what you went through the Black sheep is always the goat in the end
After living through a lifetime of hardcore narcissists, and even having learned tons about it, it is very hard not to be paranoid. They have betrayed us.
It's painful but most people are NOT worth it, and if they want details and reasons they are probably fishing for drama. People with wisdom who know you just wait for it to come out naturally at a calm time. My very painful example during parental alienation is a friend who has been recruited using the child's friendship with their child as an excuse. The ex tells me "see, even your friends don't believe you and think I am great". I am not sure if my "friend" is actually stupid or just willfully blind to capture the reflected glory and bask in his presence. Very discomfiting indeed and a sign of shallowness, but I feel guilty compaining as the child does not have many friends. I refuse to let my "friend's" actions cloud my reality, but still, what kind of friend just doesn't believe you? I have decided to stay kind and keep my distance. A struggle! ;) but ultimately worth it and I have my self-respect. After all, I was taken in but his bull, so how can I be surprised when I see others taken in by the same tactics?
You are so on point. Wow. You're killing me. However, my perspective is never, and I mean never under any circumstances unless it's for a job defend yourself. In the scheme of things, it won't matter bc the narc will turn it around but in the end, perhaps, one day, they'll see the truth. For me, it seemed the more I defended myself, the more crazy I looked.
They brake you down to the point that they are able to turn all of there doings on to you as if your all the things they are cuz you act out of your character
Don't react and don't engage, and block. I do this after i communicate my boundaries and put them in their place. After that, I create a healthier environment away from all their bullshit.
Excellent! The best way to handle these people's "comments" is indeed to respond as calmly and rationally as you can. I don't blame you for getting angry at their rude, presumptive stupidity. Although my "wife" and I never had children (thank God), it is still always the best policy to remain as tranquil and reasonable as the situation allows. You have to treat these people like nitro glycerine...DO NOT shake them up or they will explode! It looks like you're handling the situation very well! Good Luck and stay healthy...
Loves Drama! That helps. The ex is staying with an elderly neighbor and his wife. The wife has visited twice to let me know how lucky they are having him stay and help out. “But she wants to stay friends with both of us, okay?” This really bothers me and I assume she’s scouting for the ex. I believe I should ask her to quit coming by, because the visits are disconcerting.
@@gstrathmore194 : Yes, it makes you wonder. I wish an expert would comment on this. I wonder if, in the “Flying Monkey mental disorder”, if it helps them get the attention from the narc that they crave. The LOL ( Little Old Lady) digs up some dirt, or any information at all. She can run to the narc and feed him info, and feel important to him for a while. Since I wrote that first comment I’ve been doing some healing, and the last time I spoke to the narcs LOL, I didn’t show her any negative feelings. I “warned her” that he would do to her what he did to me, and if SHE ever wanted to talk about it, feel free to come to me. I’d listen. Ha! I haven’t heard from her since. ( It wasn’t an empty warning either. I’m pretty certain my ex is intimate with her son in law. He really is wreaking havoc on a whole new family. ).
@@vicbaker8367 Look up the article, "Handling the Family Meddler" written by Sister Renee Pitelli---- she goes very in-depth on the dynamics at play in those situations.
I am struggling with Flying Monkeys from my ex Cov Narc wife.... What I took most from this video is "Is It Worth It?' This depends on the type of relationship you had, the quality and meaning of the relationships and what benefits the relationship can offer you in the future...
Answer to that is very simple u dont et them do the talking say next to nothing just like u would a narc but listen and observe cos they will mirror the narc and give the game away like a narc does !!!
Really great point CNA and you can then gauge if there is a fault in their story (that you can logically and calmly) address. Plus you’ll know what they are saying and doing...
I was just having a conversation with someone about that - how they are starting to see the narcissistic traits - honestly they are always *_right there_* but we just don't want to see them. But once you really start to see THEN you can start to heal!
DSD thats all part of the illusion in the early stages some people take a long while before they come to the realisation and snap out of it some may be quicker everybody is different however once you come to the realisation etc acceptance stages things become much clearer you deal with things better your more aware you can see things from an outside perspective they cannot gaslight u although they damn well will try thats for sure but the last laugh is on them because everything becomes crystal clear the behavioural pattern is repetitive always the same old they have a one track mind with a narc its like groundhog day same old crap different day but life is what u make it u can play a narc at their own game just never play along with them they will lose every time but this only happens with acceptance the ability to move on past the gaslighting stages look at things differently no remorse or empathy for the narc whatso ever u have to be a narc in a manner of speaking to beat a narc what doesnt kill u sure as hell makes u stronger !!!!!!
This advice is just perfect...but it is so difficult when you are up against a liar,so many people (family) have turned against me they are judging me on everything he says.I just wish they would approach me and just ask me any questions anything at all ,I will tell them the truth..please just ask
Why would you try and defend yourself. Let people make their own minds up and action speaks louder than words.who cares what they think go about your business and their behavior will catch up with them. Pay it no mind all will be revealed don’t stoop to their level. When people show you who they are believe them.
When i exited a family business where my wife was treated poorly there were plenty of negative thing said about me and my wife, I did not put effort into defending us at that time. I took another job and moved to another town. Moving solved most of the problem but it sure did feel good to hear from someone I knew say they didn't believe all the negative things said about me.
It have some flying monkeys that are so Naive that they are just too dumb to understand anything, even if you was real and 💯 honest with them, Specially when they wanna please their Narcissist they will believe everything and anything they say and all of it is pure pressure.
i feel like downloading all the truth i have,all his memories and mine, if he could be a fly on thw wall at the school when i done nothing wrong except become an abusive victim after months of bullying. im super sensitive and that violently disliked for back stabbing pretend person, made me look like a bad mum my son was afraid off. against full parental rights they degraded me by calling social services mentioning a fight to the death trying to stop the total neglect of my son and i, but my son was too scared to stand up for him or me,so i left crying my eyes out, id never hurt anyone but if someone has a knife to your throat metasphorically with your only child to protect from lies. i said share custody but they took all i had with no shame and worse is, i love that man, i hate what he does but after decades hes family through my son, brother,mum, i could kick myself. id never see him without ever. he damn well knows , anything happens im there to listen or help financially. but no sorry though i understand the heightened emotions at that time, id never leave him like a hermit and sad,like he did me, guilt makes him angry so how, how do i stop him hurting himself and everybody who cares about him. we are dealing witha child abuse survivor,humiliarted,degraded and gaslit probably all his childhood, no excuse. he would have been the perfect arty,dramatic,imaginative type for me vas im getting better from prescribed drugs. i have to hold in everything as although id never interrupt babies who need mum and dad, i just wish we could talk and forgive the mistakes we made when we were both torn with losing a huge part of our life. our son fared best. sad thing another woman is involved but theres issues we should clear, thats his choice and id never come between a married with 2 kids couple,despite her doing it to me with a 12 year old. i feel the grief of losing a child often, i remember screaming and crying i just want to love my family,tears rolling down my face,i was inside but the neighbours must have thought i was delerious with grief, i was. police wouldnt help,social services wouldnt help and my son was manipulated to corruption. i just wanted to share custody and be friends. i loved this man like my own family\ best friend and now we can barely be authentic with all the family around..tragic. i just wanted a family who loved each other forever like his mum and dad.
Yes~ i made this mistake with a flying monkey who had been attacked/abused by the narc as well but shes desperate for his validation and staying on his good side! and i underestimated this thinking she would understand but now all of a sudden they're super.close again so i feel like I need to remove myself from all of them! 🙅♀️
I never believe what I hear truly until I’ve gotten to see and discern things myself. I always let God reveal things in due time and it’s always worked. Have the right intent of heart and God will reveal what needs to be revealed.
I waited until I knew the narcissist had discarded them and then made contact. Social media has really changed the game.. anyway, I think, even if subconsciously, people know there is something not right about them.
out of curiosity: do you happen to remember how long that period was? i had a similar plan once. later I saw a remark somewhere, that people with ASPD (sociopaths) can have close relationships only for a year. the weird thing was that the lady in question had done pretty good for almost 18 months. i was on my way to considering this some well deserved miracle when I had an epiphany that almost to the day a year after her arrival a bone chilling mask slip by her occured. i now think that the rest of the time was just setting things up for maximum destruction... with the great love for elaborate detail and grand scheme deception so typical for BPD. normally i would be inclined to distrust such duration predictions (1 year) but i would be interested if there is a hidden cyclic unfolding, similar, for example, in the course of an infection.
I wish I could have seen this video a decade ago, during my divorce. We had one child, so it was a combination of a flying monkey, and what is called the parental alienation syndrome. I decided to literally not react to my ex-wife at all until we got to court, When I demonstrated that she was the parent, least likely to foster a relationship between the child and the other parent. I retained custody. The moral of the story is that in retrospect, simply, ignoring the bad and wrong things being said about me, turned out to be the best possible thing, because our child was not put in the middle of it all, which would’ve been the inevitable outcome if I fought back.
Couple years ago I cut all contact possible with this very popular and charming narc I still work with. I was terrified of the smear campaing and just ignored everything I could. Everyone I tried talking about it at the time took his side. Thought I'd lose my mind for good, considered ending my life. But time went on. Recently one of the flying monkeys I feared the most reached out and showed me sympathy. She didn't said anything about him, and i never talked about him either, but I know she understoods what happened back then. So I just want to say for whoever is in the middle of the hell right now: be strong, move on with your life, and CUT THE NARCISSIST SUPPLY. They don't have the power you think they have, and just like you found out they're full of shit, others can too, sooner or later. If they don't, bad for them. This will pass!
My flying monkeys are my adult daughters so they are of utmost importance. The narc/sociopath died years ago and as the last parent standing everything is my fault. Spiritually I have repented about my enabling but physically I have to take the brunt of their misunderstanding about their childhood. They are ghosting me because they believe that I have serious mental health issues. I went to a psychiatrist and proved my sanity but they think that I somehow tricked a doctor. Now they want me to admit myself as a person who is a threat to myself or others. The problem is that I’m not a threat to myself or others.
nope. i do not care about my reputation. i live my life as i live my life i no longer have guilt, shame or vanity. i have been through sooooooooooooooooooooo much that I no longer care baout anyone else's opions of me or of my lifestyle, I just do not care anymore. I am 100 % honest, faithful, loyal and a high functioning empath. Nothing can hurt me anymore!
Bravo!!! I can completely relate/agree with you. Let me ask you this, do you find it almost funny when someone tries to shame you now to do what they want. Had that recently happen to me and it almost made me laugh.
the problem with narcs and their agents is that they can be nice and play that part really well, so you forget sometimes who they are. you should write down all the nasty things they did and if you go back, read that list and BELIEVE IT, THEY WONT CHANGE.
I laughed when I saw the title, because I found it hysterical how the title would be very strange for those who are ignorant that narcs and flying monkeys exist!
Duane, you gave this to us so calmly...it was comforting. Thank you so much for this, Duane. You know I thought I could hopefully hold onto maybe a few family members after NC with NM, NB and NSIL and of course, begin and maintain a healthier relationship with my daughter. Personally, I don't think my cousins would be supportive of my NB and his N wife if/when they learn he screwed me out of an inheritance...They are intelligent people...my cousins... and they have loved me as I have them. Smear campaigns are pretty obvious in cases like this....Money and possessions to take...in full. At least...I think they are obvious. What happened to THREE SIDES OF EVERY STORY? Even thinking of these FM's has my adrenalin flying.
Just before Easter I met up with a friend (or so I thought) , and during the conversation I I discovered that she was really talking about me but using someone else's name! Don't ask me how I knew this 😔 but it's something that I have noticed before. I used to work with her and another person who I thought was a bit of a NARC, yet everyone else thought that she was amazing, and I couldn't take any more of her biting remarks that people said were just banter, but now I'm aware that FRIEND isn't who I thought she was, so next time she suggests a meeting she will know the answer when I block her number. It's sad to see 🙈 that the monkey 🐒 doesn't even know she's been taken for a ride herself.
Flying monkeys are pathetic. They don't think for themselves and usually believe the first story they hear. I've found that's why people are eager to get their story out first - because they are believed by most without any facts at all
I went to my mother in laws funeral and strangers came up to me and said so you are Evelyn, Anita talked about you frequently with a smile. She hated me because I never responded to her insults and other FM's in her family. I won by ignoring each and every barb
What if the dynamic is a family of origin? Not an x but a parent? I went NC. Honestly, my gut was to go NC with the family members who supported the parent. My gut was correct. I shouldn't have to explain an abusers behavior to someone twice my age. You don't get it by then....time for me to focus on healing. Everyone else deal with the crap and I now have time to get my shit together...now that I'm not babysitting a parent.
The problem was, I didn't know what lies were being told to who, and I had no chance to defend myself. I gave up. It got to a point where I was like "well if they know me, they know what's going on, and everyone else who believes bad things about me can go jump". Good way to tell who your real friends are.
Exactly what I need to do.
Exactly my situation. I agree.
Yeah- they tell me I'm an abuser and have been harassing her, but won't tell me why they believe that. I'm neither of those things, so if they told me why, I could probably disprove it. I think she made fake social media accounts of me and used them to harrass herself.
Facts
The key is to remember they are disordered personalities. Just be your authentic self and let people decide what they want. People who know you Don't believe the smear campaign. Those who do, aren't worth your energy.
Flying monkeys are the extensions of the narcissist. They are like tentacles of an octopus.
Omg exactly right, you've to go no contact with everyone who are involved with the narcissist.
EVERYONE THAT'S INVOLVED! THEY ARE SPINELESS and have LOW SELF ESTEEM....NC ALL OF THEM
So the real name would be Flying Monkeypus. I’ve had it all happen to me so I believe everyone on this site in regards to their experience 🤗
Flying monkeys tend to be very weak-minded, honestly. Engagement almost seems futile
Silent treatment when I try to defend myself.
I simply made my narcissist be responsible for their actions and they went crazy! Now I’m no contact and happy!
That’s great David!
@@DSD thanks for all the information. I can see everything now.
Wish I could do that
Lucky you weren't destroyed,set up,harassed by police calls for standing up for yourself like I was.
Bless up
You said it, the narcissist is putting all their efforts into their Oscar-winning performance to satisfy themselves. While we are putting all our efforts in truth and justice. Go figure, people believe the “performer.” Sounds biblical.
Yeah it really does. But think about it good actors make you believe their performances whereas “bad actors” are obvious even if they are authentic. It is really odd and incredibly frustrating...
DSD So true! I actually had thoughts of giving my ex a copy of the Oscars statue. Should be interesting to watch this video now.
DSD that’s so true. Before we become authentically healed, we all try to “act” within their game, and FAIL (literally miserably). But the blessing is it forces us to do the real work inside. Flying monkeys are often bad actors, Sometimes I can see the conflict written all over their faces. If flying monkeys get to the point of doing their own inner work, they will no longer be sidekicks for narcs either. Oh what a beautiful world it would be.
LOL - More Harmony - that is hilarious!!!
That is such a great point Remain Nameless - and although all of this is so very painful the work it *forces* us to do it critical to being able to truly heal from all of this!
Thank you!
I find it so interesting that a total stranger will believe that I am a horrible person because someone else said so. However, that same person would want proof if that same person would have said good things about me.
People love to think the worst of others. All ego and insecurity...sad
I never interact with co dependents of narcissists. Let them keep their drama. IDC what these kind of people think about anything!
True story - and very well put...🙏
Oh, I Interact but I remain positive and give them nothing.
Linda:
Thank you. You are a dynamite person and you get it.
@@rain3743
Why put yourself through it?
@@gidgethrobowski3860 💞
A calm reply like" Oh my, I see you don't have all on the information on this situation/subject", sometimes shifts the conversation. If they ask you to fill them in perhaps add, " I don't want to add to the gossip".
Love this
Great advice!
Wow. Making notes, making notes.
Accountability is kryptonite to narcissists!
"He's getting wise. We'll have to set better traps." Been there, done that.
Honestly? You have to Gray Rock the flying monkeys. They are the equivalent of speaking to the actual Narc. It will get back to them. Keep it calm, cool, and neutral. No toxicity AT ALL. I do it all the time.
Correct.
One of the flying monkeys was complaining to me about the people in his life. I told a short story, hoping that he would be comforted by the fact that I've been through it too. He hung up immediately after my story and ran to tell everyone else. I can't help others without them using my love against me.
Yeah -- we're getting the hang of this.
@@nyeahgarner2420 Please refrain and be more discerning. I fell into a "Love trap" myself. I met a homeless kid who "fell in love" with me. Now lives with me and plays hot and cold with love. To keep me on a leash. Now i dont know what to do. He is basically paying rent with seducing and telling me he loves me, because he uses passive-aggressive attacks to undermine me. He would say things here and there to keep me upset and on my feet. Then he would kiss me. And back again. So he is basically trying to keep it cool with me in order to keep living here. A person who truly loves you respects you.
😂OmG! Just get to the Point!
I had to block the flying monkeys from having access to me one by one. They were simply beyond reason and under the spell of the narcissist ex.
Yeah they typically are Kevin. It's tough to purge those people though and its hard to see your "friend group" shrink. It just takes a bit to realize they weren't really your friend group in the first place...
@@DSD ... and let's just say it: that you can't trust anyone. if 80% of 'normal' people or 'friends' who have known you for years and could verify lies easily can be turned against you by simple manipulation/lies it's just realistic to expect that other people will be the same. what i found remarkable is that typically even those to whom this happened before will happily let themselves be manipulated into doubting you. seen thus, all these Cluster B folks really become saints who give you access to a hard to come by essential truth about human nature.
@@DSD Yet, as painful as that it was, it WAS the best thing for me. (20/20 HINDSIGHT). I got to FIND OUT who was NOT on my side all secretly along in the first place. Looking back, things that USED TO seem innocent weren't so innocent after all with those folks.
Better block them all at once. Ideally, block everyone who may have contact to the narc.
I'm seeing flying monkeys, as a result from a narcissist Jezebel neighbor.
These are clearly the last times ,where lovers of themselves and false accussers are at fever pitch ( + 2 Tim.3:1-3) .Satan is called the accuser of the brethren ( Rev.12:10) .This is where the false ( treacherous; deceitful) Christs ( Rulers; Leaders; Kings; Authorities) and false prophets ( AKA seducing spirits) ; vile ones enter( + Mat.24:-5,11,24; Dan.11:21, to deceive and seduce many into Devil worship worldwide. No doubt Satan has been loosed, as relates in Rev.20. The outcasts of Israel Ps.147:2, described in 1COR.1:26-28 ,will be at the mercy of events.
1 Tim.4:1,2; 2 Tim.4:3,4; 2Pet.2:1-3; Acts 20:29,30 are all happening now!!!!
Rev.13:8. Dan.11:32
I truly enjoyed the video. I listened and learned. Also liked the comments. The narcissist in my life was my mother. She died a month ago. The real truth is, you absolutely cannot negotiate with a real narcissist. The flying monkeys ( siblings )are now eating each other alive and causing destruction to themselves and everyone associated with them, except me. Thank goodness I figured this out, by accident, many years ago. Just thought I’d share today. Be well, all!!
My advise is NEVER TALK TO A FLYING MONKEY. I’ve just found out that someone in my family is talking to my ex’s partner. No one else is. I’m letting them get on with it. It’s done to try and wind you up. Narcs and monkeys FEED ON DRAMA. Without it they are dead.
That is so true, stay away from their cone of chaos!!!
Keeping yourself together when talking to the narcissist and the flying money requires a lot. I thought I could do it, but it is SO hard. If it is not required to keep in touch with them, think about it twice.
I decided no and walked away.
@@rheabalduc8896 yeah, ria, I'm not going to learn to be a fake pretend Terminator robot like they are dealing with them forever if I have to at all. No contact... Make me the so-called "bad"guy! I'll just take the so-called L and let you all smear me with lies. (To engage for too long is to only set one's self up for a DARVO smear campaign. Sometimes low contact is not enough.. if you cannot go no contact.. you can have to have less contact than the former low contact you did)
Don't talk to them in person, only text, nothing else.
@@qq84 I’d say the opposite only in person in the presence of others . So even if you’re on the phone let it be known your husband or children are in the same room. Then they seem to behave amicably like humans should 😂
Text message for me creates drama . I blocked all texts messages . If they text via regular text which I can’t block ie not Wi-Fi method then I just ignore it. If they ask I say I don’t reply to texts all the time I have too many
@@luluah1198 But you have to remember that they may record every conversation and use it against you, regardless if that's legal in your jurisdiction.
The people who will see the narcissist for who they are is will ask you for the full story. Conserve your energy. It is very possible that the person you are sharing this with will bring everything back to the Narcissist. Narcissists are very good at anticipating your responses and coming up with excuses/reasons. Also, staying calm in the face of the triggering lies this person will voice is extremely difficult. He is right in that save this effort for people that really count. But be prepared for the pain if they do not come onside.
When I say conserve your energy, it is because you will be holding a lot more than the narcissist. Usually you are trying to parent, bring your life together, get healthy etc. The narcissist’s entire energy is being focused on being the hero/victim. Chasing after flying monkeys is one way you can lose energy you need for all those other things. Also, I cannot say this enough, it is extremely triggering to hear people you love repeat the narcissist’s stories. If you do do this, make sure you have a support, like a therapy session soon afterward. Also, as survivors of this kind of abuse there can be an addictive discharge from engaging in conflict. Be wary of the ‘need’ to “have your say” . If you get an adrenaline kick out of a carefully crafted response above the dopamine boost from
Reconnecting with someone you were scared to lose, that is an indicator that you are engaging with the monkeys for an unhealthy reason, which ultimately serves the narcissist.
"The Person whom Loves Drama". You nailed it hard there and I laughed in the sense of complete legitimacy, sadly.
No army building. Just be authentic and let the narc expose themselves. I Don't even want people in my circle who put me in a position to "defend myself." Screw that! I Don't "share my story." Let them discern for themselves, or not.
I have a mother in law who has been doing this to me for over 30 years... I finally got the anger to sever ties with her almost two years now. She has encouraged (with delight!), our grown children to abandon us, and she stepped gleefully into our place... I know she has always hated me, but to do this to her own son, is devastating. She shows zero remorse, even though we have laid out to her what actually happened... Instead of trying to heal the rift, she used the opportunity to take sides, and make herself look good, even though she has never done anything to raise our children...
what you said at the end about them focusing more on their performance and the reaction they're getting to that, rather than us getting all tangled up emotionally, really hit home. You've just put it into context that i couldn't figure out before, thank you for that!
I was an emotional punching bag for decades.
Slightest triggers always throw me off balance.
I observed my Dad and is very very calm, rational and emotionless. But when I was young, he used to get angry. In later years he must have mastered. I have witnessed him to be calm and emotionless to extreme, very extreme abusive situations.
I’ve found the best answer is a caring hand on their arm, and “oh my! Be careful…”. A squeeze and take off! They will sense your caring and you’re not “trying to win.” 😂😂🤣. It works👍👍💕
I have been in an almost 8 yr relationship with a covet narcissist. I am grateful for your videos.
When you choose self respect and self love these people will fall away from your life BUT if you put your energy into justifying your truth they will continue to badger you.
The flying monkeys are some of my family and his new supply
That always is difficult when our own family turn. I hope the ideas in this video will be helpful for you.
@@DSD yes thanks so much you are always a great help and sometimes it what's keep me going 👼👼
Thank you for saying that Karen, I really do try! 👍🏻
I had the same, my heart goes out to you. Stay calm and strong. Best of luck on your healing journey, many stages.
I'm going through the same god bless you ❤️🙏
Only one person that needs to believe you and that’s the judge. Everyone else is really irrelevant. Even the kids. However, always share your knowledge and experience and what you’ve learned from this process, but whether they believe you or not doesn’t matter. I believe the only person who truly believes you is someone who has been through the same abuse and they don’t need any convincing.
So, filling Court Judge's positions with folk who have lived through the mire of a narcissist and all of their shenanigans might be stage one. In order to be able to show understanding you must first have understanding of how to understand...with personal experience thrown in.
Every Judge should have this "qualification" and 100% proof of having lived through a discard..."the throwing away of a fellow human being...like a piece of trash".
Well said!!
This is the problem! So it is up to you to go by protocol and deal with the shit your dealt in the must mature manner possible and maybe record all interactions,so you have the insanity recorded.
Great warning that the only person that's even worth discussing this with is someone who's been through exactly what you or I have been through. I had to learn the hard way. But luckily I learned and distant situations say in the smoking area at a bar or something.. not that the people got mad, but I saw that no one's going to get it unless they've been through it
So true! Just like I used to say to others and so much situations that you or I went through, it's just like a scenario on your war vet could talk to a war vet about certain instances. Because no one else would get it! I learned real quickly a long time ago not to share with people who are not in the same situation. I mean I could share a little, but they did not relate back, I got it because I learned that I got sick of hearing people pretend to understand or relate or whatever.. YET it was a waste of time for me
I am glad I found your channel. I admire how you can be so calm and cool. I am a single dad who is going through so much stupid bs in my situation. It is the most exhausting experience.
Thanks so much Ted but just remember it took me years to become this "calm and cool" person that I am now... It really is an exhausting experience BUT it does get better as you learn more and on how to interact and deal with them... Hang in there Ted!
I did have some success with this with my sister. She had fallen for the narcs triangulation. But then someone else came in with the same complaint I had & now Suddenly my sister “believes me.” Amazing, she doesn’t even know this third-party but she’s willing to believe her over me. That’s ok, i’ll take my victories where I can get them. I guess a lesson could be if the person you’re trying to convince is competing with you or jealous of you in anyway or has any reason why they themselves personally would prefer not to see you in a good light, they will conveniently believe the NARC. Mentioning a person saying the same thing may sway them. I think these people are weak and will go along with consensus. For them it’s probably more going along with the crowd than anything else. They’re not really investing any energy into this anyway. Narcs already know this. That’s why they triangulate and tell the victim that “everyone“ sees you as the problem.
Yeah definitely have to take the victories that you can. It is *really* annoying when it takes someone else to validate a story for someone to believe it - especially from family. Triangulation is a real problem and the best way to deal with it is to NOT deal with it!
Thank you for being brave enough to mention the jealous word. I was afraid of saying that myself because I was afraid I would sound arrogant or something. But like many others say and I had to conclude eventually, this is where the root of this toxic behavior comes from. Why? I don't know, haha! They're in the house. They make more money than me, they have other things in life I don't, I can get what they would supposedly be jealous of.. but I guess it's not enough for them.. got to take down the enemy if you're a narcissist like them
I’ve been told that jealousy is my narcissist persons thing with me. I just don’t see it. I have suffered way more in the past, (sibling) than my narc. Everything from physical things to violent crime to children and more. I’ve done nothing to cause this. A few close close friends know and that’s what they said. Like immediately. I’m maybe kinder but we both have equal talent and could be twins. So go figure??
Yeah, everyone. That's why I said "Like who? Specifically. "
I broke away from a cult. 'What they do in secret,is too shameful to relate.' It's a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black.'🙄
Yet again, you spoke of many examples that are similar, or if not the same as my situation @DSD.
The only types I give any time to are the ones who are close and understand me and the situation.
The ones that have been / are on the fence, I've provided predictions and examples that have turned out correct and they STILL don't believe what I say, having demonstrated. So that's why I step away, distance myself and disconnect. Save my sanity and health. I leave the chaos for them to play with.
Yeah it is really important to recognize when it’s a lost cause because it’s a waste of time and energy. I personally wasted way too much time trying to convince people of the reality...
Talking to someone that you know is still really tight with your ex is like playing the telephone game. You never know how badly they are going butcher that conversation when the relay back to your ex. You'd do best to limit your conversations with them to politics, the weather, and religion.
Or give them nothing
@@Jaz31day
Exactly! I was about to say the same thing until I saw your comment, but you're right give them nothing because any type of interaction will be reported back to the narcissist and they'll use it to create more lies with to continue the smear campaign against you.
And *do not talk about religion/money/politics* all of that can severely fall on your feet. You always have to assume that they record the conversation, distort it an play it to everyone they know, including your employer to get you fired.
I think something people avoid when it comes to the topic is that while there may be flying monkeys, there’s a good chance there are people who, knowing you and who you are as a person, are looking out for you. They see you hurting and they hurt, too. And under certain circumstances, it can be difficult to discern which is which. And that’s what a toxic partner wants. Confusion, paranoia, mistrust. Don’t gaze long into the abyss.
Don’t give it to them. Don’t be naive, but don’t let them destroy your relationships. You probably have people who believe you, who believe in you, who are rooting for you in one way or another.
I promised myself I won’t play with mud anymore,whatever they want to say they can preach and I leave it to karma
I stay focused on the dirt the person gossiping is trying to hide about themselves . And have the courage to loose friends that use gossip a a resource. Prey for God to protect all parties .
Thank you for discussing this with us. I was just working on how to approach 3 people next week, individually, for the first time, about the truth of what transpired with a malignant narcissist who has turned everyone in our building - neighbors, property mgmt, the board of directors, and almost all building staff against me, as well as people further away, simply because I gently refused an intimate relationship with her. I have worked hard on figuring out what to tell them, and it's taken a lot of my time. You know what? Your question given to ask ourselves, "is it worth it?" resonated within. No, it is not. What am I doing but prolonging this matter in hope that someone will see the truth, when in fact, they have to want to want to see it first. Not even one of them, including a minister and a recently retired police officer, not one board member or neighbor - those who I thought I knew better and had been generous with in their times of need - ever even bothered to ask my side of the story. I think that is what hurts the most. This is just past the 3rd year of it. I have been highly mistreated without any provocation whatsoever because of the narc's lies and crocodile tears and her many flying monkeys. This is my turning point. I am going to look ahead without hope of former things returning, and instead develop what's left of my own life. There is a verse in The Bible where God says, "Behold, I am doing a new thing." I think I have finally reached the point where I am willing to let Him. All my best and prayers to everyone who has or is going through these vast injustices. Thank you again for sharing your own experiences with us. May God help us all.
So cery well stated. Thank you fir this sound advice. "Behold I will do a new thing, shall ye not know it? Now, it shall soring forth. I will even make a path in the wilderness and ruvers in the desert." God will do a new thing in your life, if you place your trust in him.
Great advice. You were one of the first people I started watching on TH-cam years ago when all these things happened and I see how I tried defending myself to everyone and exhausted myself. I believe I was acting out PTSD. Maybe there is something to that. It’s a blessing these women divorce in most cases. I didn’t deserve to be trapped with a narcissist. Poor kids.
The best thing to do to a narcissist... is change your phone number, take them off your social media. totally ignore them. People, will find out what thede people are in the end.. most people don't stay stupid, about things like this. Eventually, the narcissist will over play their hand!
I changed my number. The narc called me the next day. Without me giving my phone number to anyone. They have to always control it all, by connections. Any type of connections,!!!!!!!!!
@@marylourodriguez9227 That’s a stalker. How could that happen? Surely you gave your number to someone you thought was ok, like work, a family member, school for your kids. That’s most likely what happened. Princess of elimination. If the person continues to harass you you must report and start a journal.
@@suedesignable I did not give my phone number to anyone. It was the very next day I had gotten a new phone and number!. He sent me an ugly text, saying it was someone else but when I called, he answered. He has passed away, 2 months ago from Internal bleeding illness. His flying monkeys still follow me to this day! He was a forensic analyst snd helped PTSD patients in his nonprofit business. All his connections were pd officers etc as you can imagine!!!!! His next of kin just follows in his footsteps. They have me tracked for sure,!!!!
@@marylourodriguez9227 You probably have a security hole. If not, make a report to internal affairs for giving out information to your stalker.
It’s the long game. Remove them and everyone around them like cancer. It sucks, it’s wrong but we must move on.
My ex really worked on his flying monkeys so well that they became my tormentors in order to defend him
Same here going through this now. Much love to you ❤️🙏
Sorry you went through that. I find in my own situation that silence and distance are golden. You can always create a new network of better friends who understand “family values” and loyalty.
React and fight
Sadly most flying monkeys are also under the narcs “thumb”. They would rather side with them just to save themselves. They don’t want to be the next victim. Especially happens in a family. Or a work environment with a narc boss.
Your best solution is gray rock or total silence. Absolute ZERO reaction.
@@suedesignable yeah he was extremely skilled at manipulating.
The way you explained this was extremely clear cut. Thank you very much! It really helped me. I decided I'm just going to try and prove that what my mother is saying about me is wrong through being on my best behavior around her when I'm around any of my family. Basically just make sure I'm always being really nice to her even when I'm mad at her. And let the flying monkeys make up their own minds. I've realized I have to be very careful with energy spent right now because I'm living with her and my sister & my sister is one of her flying monkeys.
This is 3 years ago. But I don’t think this is great advice to yourself. You’re basically saying that you’re going to walk on eggshells around your family and constantly check to see if they see how good you are. This is a perfect recipe for repeated heartbreak. My personal solution has to be to grown and incredibly thick skin and have out-of-this-world boundaries. I don’t care if I come off like an asshole. Interestingly enough people really seem to respect ‘power’ or ‘calm’ or whatever the hell I’m now exuding and they usually get themselves together and behave more respectfully or in a lot of cases they have come to finally ‘see’ the narc.
But whatever for that. It’s REALLY important that you learn to not give a damn, and not do ANYTHING in order to impress other people or get a certain outcome. That is truly not loving yourself
The last thing you want to do is call out the narcissist. By talking to their flying monkeys you are doing that. In short both enjoy drama and trouble making on you. Weither you realize that or not. Whatever protests will be deliberately misunderstood.
Shut down coworker narc & flying monkeys. No contact. They're all miserable now without the drama. Only speak when I'm spoken to; I don't even make audible sounds when I greet them if theyve spoken to me 1st. I smile & give them a Ms. Congeniality parade wave.
I love your instructions. Neutral, no undercurrent emotion, specific, calm, etc. Putting our case out there to see what happens. No actual exact expectations!!!
Good information I'm sharing this is much people that I could I believe this happens in every family and workplace
Thanks for sharing
Yes, narcissists and their special little dancers ARE mainstream society. This is hard to wake up to, but it's the truth.
As usual always phenomenal advice. Luckily I haven’t ran into many flying monkeys 🐒 as I haven’t been on Facebook in a year.
I work in a different city, and when I’m home 🏠 it’s at night and I’m not venturing out on my hometown as much. I much rather travel and see other cities and areas.
I really had to change my entire life and it’s been a growth year. I’m thankful as I don’t have all the drama and toxicity in my life anymore.
That is great PsychedPerspective - getting away from toxicity is AMAZING - I mean it is a difficult purge (at least most of the time) to do it but once you do it really is transformative. I personally HATE having drama in my life and I actively work to minimize it.
DSD so true I felt isolated basically the whole year and at times still feel that way. However, the amount of growth and personal fulfillment has been amazing!
I RAISED a narcs kids,,, and the kids some of them not all,, sided with the Narc,, cussing and dishonoring my REPUTATION,, as a sweet loving kind grandmother,,,, soooo painful 2 me, sad
I have been confronted with narcissistic m.o. and it is a fascinating trip to defend against these pathetic cowards who are acting like a friend in the moment waiting for you to tell them what your buttons are. And because you are a decent person and have quite a blind spot to immaturity pushing your buttons, you have become a Buzz Lightyear doll that says "please stop gaslighting me..."
I had some flying monkeys stalk me online. Much harder to deal with them when you can't meet with them face to face, nor even confirm their identity. It's times like these, that I wish I was off the grid.
Same thing happening with me
I have no Facebook and nobody can find me lol
I say as little as possible to everybody these days. Sad that it’s come to this, but it’s for my own good. Years ago a friend once told me she lives by the theory “trust everyone until they prove otherwise”… I told her my theory was “trust NOONE until they prove otherwise”… and even then, I say as little as possible…
What I find funny/ironic, is some people who get offended sometimes by basic simple small talk. But then if you say nothing to them at all, they get offended. It’s like you’re dang if you do, dang if you don’t… So I “don’t”… It says me time and energy, and a lot of times it saves ensuing drama…
As far as the workplace goes, over the years I’ve found it’s best to just stay professional with everybody. I can’t tell you how many people I thought coworkers were their friends, only to be stabbed in the back… I mean these are people who went to each other’s kids birthday parties, hung out together outside work, even went on vacations together, you’d swear they’d be BFF’s for life… but inevitably (and sadly) one would end up stabbing the other one in the back… I’ve seen it happen more times than I care to remember……
It’s terrible, but I swear there are way more narcissists and flying monkeys these days than there was 20, 30 years ago…… Sad…… But we just learn to adjust…… Knowledge is power, as they say…… I’m glad people like you spread the word, it helps tremendously…. Thank You… 👍🏻🤙🏻
For real. I'm the same way now. I move in almost complete silence as you said nowadays.
Especially I found too that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't so do I started Dont'ing.
The pandemic lockdown time was a REAL eye opener and I got used to being alone. However several users knew I was home and would call to waste time gossiping about this or that nonsense. Pre pandemic I was always traveling and therefore not available.
One so called friend finally admitted she was using me to "dump her problems on because I was a good listener and "cheaper than a therapist. All of a sudden the light bulbs flashed and the curtain came down. I cut her off as well as going no contact with several others. I only talk to one sister now and even she cannot be trusted completely.
My youngest sisters flying monkeys were cut off as well and blocked on my phone and texts. I don't do facebook, Twitter or the like so they have no reach there.
I trust no one. As I've learned that 90% of folks I know and dont know are either users, losers and/or abusers. I keep ALL relationships cool and impersonal now by saying very little if anything and DENYING people access to me unless they prove they are trustworthy and worthy of my gifts and presence and are willing to share some of theirs. And above all else discretion.
2 Timothy chapter 3 verses 1-5.
If I ever meet a gossip again,I'm going to shun them after telling them exactly WHY
Thank You for this cool & important talk
Thank you for your support P! 👍🏻
@@DSDSome of us have been looking for a conversation about this for years -- thank you for the effort and courage it took to make it
I told the FM in my experience that they had overstepped their bounds, and were inappropriate. Now I say nothing to her. I see her in social situations, but I say nothing, absolutely
I think you forgot a type. Waffles. Waffles are on the narc side because they were told something by them. If the victim says something and proves it, they are on the victim side. Same with anyone else. Waffling between.
I stopped making an effort to open people's eyes about it. Ive lost a whole bunch of people, but oh well. Its too tiring to repeat the story again and again, to people who are just interested in the gossip and not really trying to understand or be loyal to me.
I've said for a long time they have a few types of flying monkey's / followers / believers
1) Synchophants who think they're great and are behind them right or wrong
2) People who don't want any of that drama directed at them, so go along to get along
3) The naive
4.Other narcissists
5. Family members that have that tolerate anything if it's family attitude
There it is: "Is this person genuinely worth my effort?"
In my experience, it just isn't. You've been through what you've been through, why put youself through it again.
You're whole life is ahead of you, keep your true friends, go forward and meet others who's values align with yours.
Any of the old difficult people that you have to have contact with, arms length, remember your boundaries, your businsss is your business.
I don’t talk to them. . .
Easy Peezy !
in one year i finally figured out that those people that run with her do not matter to me, all that fake shallow friendship is no real loss, I do not want to put my side across because they are not my concern any more,i talk with the people at my work and they appreciate me, my daughter loves me so bollocks to her friends and what they say, I know what went on I was there, it takes my energy to process it all for myself I don't have the energy to put them right,they were not there..22 years of all this everyday, they spend a few hrs a month with her, my daughter hates her THAT says it all for me.its all fake and it will happen again just get to the point where your glad its over,as painful as it is at first, break the addiction pattern or trauma bond ,make new friends reshape your world so YOU fit in to it NOT some illusion Im not 8 years in the break up like some and still have a ways to go but I really do not miss that painful existence one bit. be excellent to yourselves and those you value and it will all come good in the end.
There quite entertaining for me today having a very postive day trying to ignore them and stay positive. I’m receiving a lot of negative attention trying to stomp on my happiness
Awesome! Very specific and practical tips. Much appreciated.
Glad it was helpful!
Saving this video for later, Seeing how many other people are going through the same thing is mine boggling lol thank you for this video by the way and I’m sorry you had to experience what you went through the Black sheep is always the goat in the end
I like your perspective!
After living through a lifetime of hardcore narcissists, and even having learned tons about it, it is very hard not to be paranoid. They have betrayed us.
It's painful but most people are NOT worth it, and if they want details and reasons they are probably fishing for drama. People with wisdom who know you just wait for it to come out naturally at a calm time.
My very painful example during parental alienation is a friend who has been recruited using the child's friendship with their child as an excuse. The ex tells me "see, even your friends don't believe you and think I am great". I am not sure if my "friend" is actually stupid or just willfully blind to capture the reflected glory and bask in his presence. Very discomfiting indeed and a sign of shallowness, but I feel guilty compaining as the child does not have many friends.
I refuse to let my "friend's" actions cloud my reality, but still, what kind of friend just doesn't believe you? I have decided to stay kind and keep my distance. A struggle! ;) but ultimately worth it and I have my self-respect. After all, I was taken in but his bull, so how can I be surprised when I see others taken in by the same tactics?
You are so on point. Wow. You're killing me. However, my perspective is never, and I mean never under any circumstances unless it's for a job defend yourself. In the scheme of things, it won't matter bc the narc will turn it around but in the end, perhaps, one day, they'll see the truth. For me, it seemed the more I defended myself, the more crazy I looked.
Wtf!!!!? I'm not going to explain any of my decisions to anyone! Let them believe whatever they want, they don't make your living!!
They brake you down to the point that they are able to turn all of there doings on to you as if your all the things they are cuz you act out of your character
No monkeys in the middle is my motto! I can’t do it
Don't react and don't engage, and block. I do this after i communicate my boundaries and put them in their place. After that, I create a healthier environment away from all their bullshit.
Thank you so much. Greatly put together.
Excellent! The best way to handle these people's "comments" is indeed to respond as calmly and rationally as you can. I don't blame you for getting angry at their rude, presumptive stupidity. Although my "wife" and I never had children (thank God), it is still always the best policy to remain as tranquil and reasonable as the situation allows. You have to treat these people like nitro glycerine...DO NOT shake them up or they will explode!
It looks like you're handling the situation very well! Good Luck and stay healthy...
Loves Drama! That helps. The ex is staying with an elderly neighbor and his wife. The wife has visited twice to let me know how lucky they are having him stay and help out. “But she wants to stay friends with both of us, okay?” This really bothers me and I assume she’s scouting for the ex. I believe I should ask her to quit coming by, because the visits are disconcerting.
@@gstrathmore194 : Yes, it makes you wonder. I wish an expert would comment on this. I wonder if, in the “Flying Monkey mental disorder”, if it helps them get the attention from the narc that they crave. The LOL ( Little Old Lady) digs up some dirt, or any information at all. She can run to the narc and feed him info, and feel important to him for a while.
Since I wrote that first comment I’ve been doing some healing, and the last time I spoke to the narcs LOL, I didn’t show her any negative feelings. I “warned her” that he would do to her what he did to me, and if SHE ever wanted to talk about it, feel free to come to me. I’d listen. Ha! I haven’t heard from her since. ( It wasn’t an empty warning either. I’m pretty certain my ex is intimate with her son in law. He really is wreaking havoc on a whole new family. ).
@@vicbaker8367 Look up the article, "Handling the Family Meddler" written by Sister Renee Pitelli---- she goes very in-depth on the dynamics at play in those situations.
@@rainbowkeys711 : I searched, but couldn’t find this. Can you provide more info?
I am struggling with Flying Monkeys from my ex Cov Narc wife.... What I took most from this video is "Is It Worth It?' This depends on the type of relationship you had, the quality and meaning of the relationships and what benefits the relationship can offer you in the future...
There’s 1 thing you should tell them:
NOTHING
Leave them to their own misery,
Everybody loves another persons drama.
Ignore them
Spot on!
How to talk with a flying monkey? DON'T! JUST DON'T
Answer to that is very simple u dont et them do the talking say next to nothing just like u would a narc but listen and observe cos they will mirror the narc and give the game away like a narc does !!!
Really great point CNA and you can then gauge if there is a fault in their story (that you can logically and calmly) address. Plus you’ll know what they are saying and doing...
DSD absolutely always have to be a step ahead observation is the key the rest will follow !!!!
I was just having a conversation with someone about that - how they are starting to see the narcissistic traits - honestly they are always *_right there_* but we just don't want to see them. But once you really start to see THEN you can start to heal!
DSD thats all part of the illusion in the early stages some people take a long while before they come to the realisation and snap out of it some may be quicker everybody is different however once you come to the realisation etc acceptance stages things become much clearer you deal with things better your more aware you can see things from an outside perspective they cannot gaslight u although they damn well will try thats for sure but the last laugh is on them because everything becomes crystal clear the behavioural pattern is repetitive always the same old they have a one track mind with a narc its like groundhog day same old crap different day but life is what u make it u can play a narc at their own game just never play along with them they will lose every time but this only happens with acceptance the ability to move on past the gaslighting stages look at things differently no remorse or empathy for the narc whatso ever u have to be a narc in a manner of speaking to beat a narc what doesnt kill u sure as hell makes u stronger !!!!!!
DSD but yes absolutely acceptance is the key to moving on
This advice is just perfect...but it is so difficult when you are up against a liar,so many people (family) have turned against me they are judging me on everything he says.I just wish they would approach me and just ask me any questions anything at all ,I will tell them the truth..please just ask
Glad I found this one. Good video @DSD
Thanks Zilla!
Thanks for the good teaching.
The final thoughts are worth a hundred bucks. 💯
Don't. When cornered, talk about the weather and have to an appointment.
Monkeys are narcs in training
No contact.
Unless you enjoy it.
If you think it's worth it, you are getting what you desire.
Best is not to talk to them all.
So true…
My husband used to tell lies to every one I know being the victim and eventually I’m the one to blame . I ended up blocking them all .
Why would you try and defend yourself. Let people make their own minds up and action speaks louder than words.who cares what they think go about your business and their behavior will catch up with them. Pay it no mind all will be revealed don’t stoop to their level. When people show you who they are believe them.
Completely agreed. I think this guy is co-parenting, so it's good advice for that situation. But IN many other ones, WHY BOTHER?!
When i exited a family business where my wife was treated poorly there were plenty of negative thing said about me and my wife, I did not put effort into defending us at that time. I took another job and moved to another town. Moving solved most of the problem but it sure did feel good to hear from someone I knew say they didn't believe all the negative things said about me.
It have some flying monkeys that are so Naive that they are just too dumb to understand anything, even if you was real and 💯 honest with them, Specially when they wanna please their Narcissist they will believe everything and anything they say and all of it is pure pressure.
i feel like downloading all the truth i have,all his memories and mine, if he could be a fly on thw wall at the school when i done nothing wrong except become an abusive victim after months of bullying. im super sensitive and that violently disliked for back stabbing pretend person, made me look like a bad mum my son was afraid off. against full parental rights they degraded me by calling social services mentioning a fight to the death trying to stop the total neglect of my son and i, but my son was too scared to stand up for him or me,so i left crying my eyes out, id never hurt anyone but if someone has a knife to your throat metasphorically with your only child to protect from lies. i said share custody but they took all i had with no shame and worse is, i love that man, i hate what he does but after decades hes family through my son, brother,mum, i could kick myself. id never see him without ever. he damn well knows , anything happens im there to listen or help financially. but no sorry though i understand the heightened emotions at that time, id never leave him like a hermit and sad,like he did me, guilt makes him angry so how, how do i stop him hurting himself and everybody who cares about him. we are dealing witha child abuse survivor,humiliarted,degraded and gaslit probably all his childhood, no excuse. he would have been the perfect arty,dramatic,imaginative type for me vas im getting better from prescribed drugs. i have to hold in everything as although id never interrupt babies who need mum and dad, i just wish we could talk and forgive the mistakes we made when we were both torn with losing a huge part of our life. our son fared best. sad thing another woman is involved but theres issues we should clear, thats his choice and id never come between a married with 2 kids couple,despite her doing it to me with a 12 year old. i feel the grief of losing a child often, i remember screaming and crying i just want to love my family,tears rolling down my face,i was inside but the neighbours must have thought i was delerious with grief, i was. police wouldnt help,social services wouldnt help and my son was manipulated to corruption. i just wanted to share custody and be friends. i loved this man like my own family\ best friend and now we can barely be authentic with all the family around..tragic. i just wanted a family who loved each other forever like his mum and dad.
Ijust tell different lies to everyone just to see what story comes back .... Have fun kids ❤❤❤😊
Yes~ i made this mistake with a flying monkey who had been attacked/abused by the narc as well but shes desperate for his validation and staying on his good side! and i underestimated this thinking she would understand but now all of a sudden they're super.close again so i feel like I need to remove myself from all of them! 🙅♀️
Excellent excellent information Wayne!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad it was helpful! Thank you for your support!
I never believe what I hear truly until I’ve gotten to see and discern things myself. I always let God reveal things in due time and it’s always worked. Have the right intent of heart and God will reveal what needs to be revealed.
You are always fighting this battle from behind
You are totally isolated before you even know it's happened
I don’t talk to them all! Never share anything with these people!!
I waited until I knew the narcissist had discarded them and then made contact. Social media has really changed the game.. anyway, I think, even if subconsciously, people know there is something not right about them.
out of curiosity: do you happen to remember how long that period was? i had a similar plan once. later I saw a remark somewhere, that people with ASPD (sociopaths) can have close relationships only for a year. the weird thing was that the lady in question had done pretty good for almost 18 months. i was on my way to considering this some well deserved miracle when I had an epiphany that almost to the day a year after her arrival a bone chilling mask slip by her occured. i now think that the rest of the time was just setting things up for maximum destruction... with the great love for elaborate detail and grand scheme deception so typical for BPD.
normally i would be inclined to distrust such duration predictions (1 year) but i would be interested if there is a hidden cyclic unfolding, similar, for example, in the course of an infection.
I wish I could have seen this video a decade ago, during my divorce. We had one child, so it was a combination of a flying monkey, and what is called the parental alienation syndrome. I decided to literally not react to my ex-wife at all until we got to court, When I demonstrated that she was the parent, least likely to foster a relationship between the child and the other parent. I retained custody. The moral of the story is that in retrospect, simply, ignoring the bad and wrong things being said about me, turned out to be the best possible thing, because our child was not put in the middle of it all, which would’ve been the inevitable outcome if I fought back.
Couple years ago I cut all contact possible with this very popular and charming narc I still work with. I was terrified of the smear campaing and just ignored everything I could. Everyone I tried talking about it at the time took his side. Thought I'd lose my mind for good, considered ending my life. But time went on.
Recently one of the flying monkeys I feared the most reached out and showed me sympathy. She didn't said anything about him, and i never talked about him either, but I know she understoods what happened back then. So I just want to say for whoever is in the middle of the hell right now: be strong, move on with your life, and CUT THE NARCISSIST SUPPLY. They don't have the power you think they have, and just like you found out they're full of shit, others can too, sooner or later. If they don't, bad for them. This will pass!
My flying monkeys are my adult daughters so they are of utmost importance. The narc/sociopath died years ago and as the last parent standing everything is my fault. Spiritually I have repented about my enabling but physically I have to take the brunt of their misunderstanding about their childhood. They are ghosting me because they believe that I have serious mental health issues. I went to a psychiatrist and proved my sanity but they think that I somehow tricked a doctor. Now they want me to admit myself as a person who is a threat to myself or others. The problem is that I’m not a threat to myself or others.
If you have asset$ be very careful...
@@OuttheMud212 I’m happy to report that our relationship is in a healing cycle and that I’m dirt poor😊
nope. i do not care about my reputation. i live my life as i live my life i no longer have guilt, shame or vanity. i have been through sooooooooooooooooooooo much that I no longer care baout anyone else's opions of me or of my lifestyle, I just do not care anymore. I am 100 % honest, faithful, loyal and a high functioning empath. Nothing can hurt me anymore!
Bravo!!! I can completely relate/agree with you. Let me ask you this, do you find it almost funny when someone tries to shame you now to do what they want. Had that recently happen to me and it almost made me laugh.
the problem with narcs and their agents is that they can be nice and play that part really well, so you forget sometimes who they are. you should write down all the nasty things they did and if you go back, read that list and BELIEVE IT, THEY WONT CHANGE.
Teach me to be calm like you!!
I laughed when I saw the title, because I found it hysterical how the title would be very strange for those who are ignorant that narcs and flying monkeys exist!
Duane, you gave this to us so calmly...it was comforting. Thank you so much for this, Duane. You know I thought I could hopefully hold onto maybe a few family members after NC with NM, NB and NSIL and of course, begin and maintain a healthier relationship with my daughter. Personally, I don't think my cousins would be supportive of my NB and his N wife if/when they learn he screwed me out of an inheritance...They are intelligent people...my cousins... and they have loved me as I have them. Smear campaigns are pretty obvious in cases like this....Money and possessions to take...in full. At least...I think they are obvious. What happened to THREE SIDES OF EVERY STORY? Even thinking of these FM's has my adrenalin flying.
Just before Easter I met up with a friend (or so I thought) , and during the conversation I I discovered that she was really talking about me but using someone else's name! Don't ask me how I knew this 😔 but it's something that I have noticed before. I used to work with her and another person who I thought was a bit of a NARC, yet everyone else thought that she was amazing, and I couldn't take any more of her biting remarks that people said were just banter, but now I'm aware that FRIEND isn't who I thought she was, so next time she suggests a meeting she will know the answer when I block her number. It's sad to see 🙈 that the monkey 🐒 doesn't even know she's been taken for a ride herself.
Flying monkeys are pathetic. They don't think for themselves and usually believe the first story they hear. I've found that's why people are eager to get their story out first - because they are believed by most without any facts at all
I called 2 out a couples of days ago. Ohhh went they furious. Changed my number today. Good feeling.
I went to my mother in laws funeral and strangers came up to me and said so you are Evelyn, Anita talked about you frequently with a smile. She hated me because I never responded to her insults and other FM's in her family. I won by ignoring each and every barb
What if the dynamic is a family of origin? Not an x but a parent? I went NC. Honestly, my gut was to go NC with the family members who supported the parent.
My gut was correct. I shouldn't have to explain an abusers behavior to someone twice my age. You don't get it by then....time for me to focus on healing. Everyone else deal with the crap and I now have time to get my shit together...now that I'm not babysitting a parent.