Thieves of Hope: Moving Past Your Worst Mistakes | Lara Love Hardin | TEDxSantaCruz
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มี.ค. 2020
- This TEDxSantaCruz talk is part of 22 surrounding our theme of “the Art of Hope.” Defined as the anticipation of something desired happening, hope is ferocious, persistent, necessary; hope is a powerful force for invention, change, and social justice. To hope is to be human.
Our fifth TEDxSantaCruz event was held on December 7, 2019, at the Rio Theatre in Santa Cruz, CA. www.tedxsantacruz.org/
Lara Love Hardin is the COO, Editorial Director, and Senior Collaborative Writer for Idea Architects. She holds an MFA in creative writing from UC Irvine and is a New York Times bestselling writer. Her many lives include backpacking nomad, radio talk show host, pet cemetery owner, and criminal justice advocate. She has also taught creative writing at UC Santa Cruz and UC Irvine and is a published fiction writer. She lives in Santa Cruz, California with her husband, dog, cat, goldfish, and six (yes, six)
children. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
If you fail or screw up you need to forgive yourself and move on & continue pushing forward. There is no time to get stuck up & hold resentment towards yourself. Here is a tip: Forgive yourself cause you DIDN'T KNOW any better. You acted from what you KNOW and what you have been TAUGHT. You are not perfect, but you are for sure LEARNING! I failed the first business that I spent over 2 years building and it took a toll on me. But now I have recovered and started my youtube channel and even though not many watch me I keep pushing. My goal remains the same as 3 years ago, the method is just different. Get back up people and keep at it!
Andreas Rydell - Vlogs & Self Development very wise! As is Lara Love Hardin! I'm a mom of 10. Guilt shows up first thing like breakfast cereal... all too often. Poetry and friends go a long way to buffering that feeling.
Wise Words Indeed! Self-Forgiveness seems to be The Most Difficult kind of Forgiveness especially for women,especially if we have children....
I did a meditation on forgiveness,it was Tough,but manageable,Until I Tried to Forgive myself...That brought on an Asthma attack,and I was Hospitalised!!🤦🏻✨X💞X.
@Andrea - that happens since the thing u have in you wants to get out.
Since I started meditation, I have a little aches and pains here and there. They are disappearing. Consult your doctor and go ahead with the meditation.
@@moonlight0665 Thankyou for your kind reply.
You are right,it got as far as my throat,then, 'stuck' there!
My throat closed up,as did my lungs,and I couldn't breathe to use my inhaler!!
I'm in the UK,and,unfortunately,our GPs are fearful of 'Alternative'practice,so I'm not sure they'd be receptive to the idea!!
I have fibromyalgia and PTSD,and I'm 'choking up' simply typing this!🤦🏻
Anyhow,I Thank You Again for your Lovely reply,and,I will continue to try and forgive myself.x💝x.
@Andrea - do see your GP. And when u get better, go for a lighter meditation.
I had similar problems when I started.
If you have PTSD, continue with the medications and tell yourself that you are happy and healed.
Search for Law of Attraction videos for healing. Believe me it works wonders. Keep at it though.
THAT’S MY STEPMAMA! ❤️
Lol wym?
Who asked??
Seriously
Feel bad for you, really. Horrid woman.
@@sugashakeshakeshake852
Have you realised only darkness comes from you, your heart is not one that’s capable of anything but darkness. I hope you can find a better way than transmitting your thoughts onto others!
*A major key to success is not giving value to the opinions of others.*
Very true
So true!
Triple Amen Brother!!!
Shweta Tiwari 👌👌
Lotus Leila 👏👏
This talk is exactly what I needed today. I have been carrying my shame for a long time and I want to believe that I’m ready to forgive and build a better version of myself.
Me too
Me too. I hope you have made progress in that journey my friend since you wrote this comment
People will generalize others and call them junkies, whores and criminals but it’s tragic when we call ourselves these names. It’s almost as if we live in a dystopia where we forget the humanness of each other.
This is what I've become. I'm 22 years old, I made a mistake when I was 18. That I doubt I'll ever truly get over. Not a minute has gone by since where I haven't thought about it. I spend months at a time laying in bed, my body feels heavy, sweats, shakes, none stop crying, in total devastation, overwhelming pain and suffering.
Everything I hear, say or do relates back to the past. Times where I should be enjoying myself, as soon as I smile it creeps back into my mind and stamps out any hope. When something upsetting happens I focus on the past instead of focusing on the current situation.
They are far too harsh punishments and judgements in the world. The person I am now can see past people for what they've done, realise they are a person, realise that it doesn't define or diminish them. There's laws and then there's morality. A lot of people have to suffer a lifetime over a mistake, a moral choice even. That's seen as wrong by the people in charge. I agree laws keep an order and some laws are a given but they are a lot of laws that just shouldn't be and therefore brand and label a person until the end. People believe everything they are told to believe, act how they see the other sheep act and that because something is written it's the be all end all. Without ever thinking twice, second guessing or researching.
I can easily forgive just about anyone and cast no judgement. Everyone deserves a chance without that mark left on them. It's a crying shame the mass don't seem to feel the same way and things will continue to be how they are.
I think you might possibly have something called real event ocd you should look into it
@@BucketMan. I do unfortunately. I know I shouldn't ramble on TH-cam etc. Just hard not to sometimes haha
@@jaeden2806 huh i got OCD
Brother can we personally talk? Its like your situation is a clone of mine, believe me, I got the same mindset about humanity after my mistake, same age, same age of the mistake, Im probably handling it a little better thats why I think it would be great to talk about it, It could help you. Im on this video because something triggered the mistake, but for real, lets talk, I can really help you
@@j.aravena2158i feel like I can relate to both of you.. I want to do other things but scared the situation will resurface . I was 14 I'm now 25
"Shame is a heavy coat to wear and regret isn't that comfortable either." Such a liberating talk from a walking light of hope and redemption. Bravo.
Was just thinking about... and this popped up. Everything has gone so wrong lately and I feel I'm living a never-ending nightmare. I'm writing this with tears in my eyes but hope in my heart now...
Those tears are cleansing you, you know who you were, that is the past, every day is new, focus on who you want to be, that’s real🙌🏼♥️🙌🏼@ Wilde Hesse
Hey it's been a year, I hope you're doing better now
I hope your life is better now
Trust your days has gotten brighter & brighter🌠
Funny, how we are harder on ourselves than any other person could ever be. The hate, rage, guilt names, belief in who and what a heartless terrible person I must be, that I am, is repeated , looping in my mind all day and night. Yet we hide our secrets, shame, and guilt as if what others would say or do to us could be any worse. I've never been able to forgive myself. But I'm still here and that's something.
that is such a touching comment. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you for sharing
That's cool to easily forgive others for bad behavior so they can do whatever they want and throw tantrums. Forgiving yourself and others makes it okay to justify bad behavior.
I’m so sorry you feel this way. Please don’t ever give up on hope, please keep on living. May God bless y’all prayers out for y’all. We humbly pray and wish all of this in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
this woman is so strong enough to stand up in front of a crowd and actually admit she was wrong but she fixed it all. she has contributed more than an average being existing on earth .
I'm wondering tho... did she ever get her kids back? She doesn't mention them. 😞
Stellar. A candle loses nothing by lighting another.
This video is so powerful. Three years ago, I made the worst mistake of my life. As you describe, I felt that I had 'failed at life'. I have been followed by a shadow of heavy shame every since, I wear it like a cloak. This video has given me hope, that I can forgive myself, and still see myself as a good person, worthy of love and a happy future, instead of losing myself in shame. Thank you!
I’m so sorry you feel this way. May God bless y’all prayers out for y’all. We humbly pray and wish all of this in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
I messed up and did so many mistakes and wrong choices when i was younger and kept that guilt with me for an eternity, from relationships and bad choices.
It all stems from my childhood as well, because my father had insecurities himself, and was a manipulating controlling crybaby, that put down everyone! Born late to older generation of parents it was just awful.
The best advice i can give to anyone is move away and make your own life and become your own independent person. And most of all, forgive yourself. And don't worry about what other ppl will think, because honestly... They don't care.
Good luck.
Incredible .I am filled with shame and guilt about my past ,it consumes me daily because I messed up so many things..
Hey man I’m in a similar situation myself, I’m always here if you wanna talk.
@@Justsurviving201 Hi, I'm going through same thing, can we connect?
@@SantoshYadav-qw3lc sure we can, just tell me how.
Hello guys, I want to be connected with y'all as well because I've been experiencing a lot right now with the same situation. I hope I can learn from y'all
Hello guys, I want to be connected with y'all as well because I've been experiencing a lot right now with the same situation. I hope I can learn from y'all
this helped me deal with a real fuckup i did drunk, it goes against everything i believe and i just feel ashamed that i hurt someone, im just glad i was honest and told them
How’re you doing now and how is your friend?
@@TheDirthound i still feel guilty, but our friendship stayed the same
@@fromhell11112 Allow yourself some grace and forgive yourself.
This talk just touched my guilty and ashamed heart, body and soul. I betrayed the person I love the most and lost him because of that but there is no way I can continue with my life than forgiving and giving myself one more chance to shine out of the shame I’m feeling right now. Beautiful talk.
Yes
Did you betray him knowingly?
I am in the same situation!! This talk and your comment gave me hope.
@@senseleslie6559 so happy to read this. Over a year after that event. I’m not just better but also I can show compassion and unconditional love to myself which can be the most difficult when we are constantly trying to be more present to others than ourselves. Hugs and so much love to you!
@@kimberlykassandra8658 so glad you made it! can I ask how you did it? I've made many mistakes too- big or small- some unknowingly and some despite knowing better. But either way, I feel very guilty
I've been carrying the immense shame of letting someone in my family get hurt because I was too selfishly afraid to stop it. It's a burden that makes itself known every day of my life, and since it's a secret, that's another aspect of the torment.
I keep fantasizing about turning back the clock and doing what I know is right and what I knew to be right at the time, but my selfish fear and cowardice stopped me from doing so.
It's a horrible, terrible, awful feeling to know that you are responsible, even if only partly, for someone's pain and even trauma. It's such a critical strike against any sort of happiness, but then when you try to make things better, your thoughts tell you that you don't deserve it.
Very recently, I've been getting into the philosophy of Buddhism, trying to shed the past, to realize that I can't change the outcome of what happened, so I can finally move on with life, build a better me, and to be of use to others currently in my life and who will eventually enter my life.
I fear uncovering my secret for a few reasons, the biggest one is getting labeled as someone who wanted the outcome that resulted as a consequence of my negligence. I didn't want what happened to happen, but it's a reality, so all I can do is push forward and be better as a person.
If anyone else is going through something similar, feel free to tell me in the replies. You're not alone, and no matter how bad something you've done is, whether it be criminal or something tiny that you've blown out of proportion, as long as you desire change and feel remorse, you're deserving of forgiveness and a second chance at life.
You are much more than your worst, most hideous, most horrific moments.
You have went through so much, and in a way your regret shows your good actions. Sometimes we just cant bring ourself to do such things and thats normal, it may not be good but sometimes we just are scared for ourselves too. I am in shame as well for hurting an ex friend from betraying their trust and spilling a few of their secrets out of worry and naivety. Im still feeling guilty, but i just hope the best for him, and i hope i get to fully move on someday, and learn for the better
Thank you for your kind words to other people going through things, its very difficult and hurtful, especially the fear and pressure from how other people would feel
But your own forgiveness to yourself is also important.
I hear you. How can you stop thinking of the event and live without guilt and shame?
Hi brother, I hear and see you.
Reading your comment made me feel like I am not the only one who has to carry the shame of mistreating and abusing, who I considered a close friend‘s, trust.
I have horribly screwed up to the point I lost people who are very dear to me. Many things I haven’t even realized myself since I was so selfish in my thoughts and actions.
The thought of „what if“ often occurs in my mind but as we all know it is already in the past and we can’t change that. It’s hard accepting what I did and it’s hard to move forward with the knowledge that you broke and mistreated people‘s trust to the extent where they will never forgive you again.
I am mentally at the worst state of my life and therefore I sought the victim role which was not ok since at the end of the day I was the one hurting them. Why would and especially should they feel remorse or pity for someone who screwed up their mental state.
I feel alone and out of energy but I have to embrace and accept what I did and try to move forward.
Thank you for giving me the space to talk.
Two days ago my grandmother is passed away.i never except this. I never treat her better. I always disrespect her and say hurtful words to her. But she always cared about me. She is good grandmother but I am not. I feel very ashamed of my activities. How I behave like that. I never think one day she passed away suddenly and I feel like horrible person. Now I feel how she hurt because of my activities. I don't know how to escape from this guilty. I want to say sorry to her. But she is gone. I love my grandmother now I feel how much I love her. But I never show my love and care to her. Definitely she thinks I am a bad person. But now my guilty kills me. Sorry granny for neglecting you for avoiding you, I know you never hate me but what I did to you is not acceptable. Love u grandmother. I miss you lot
Thank you for this comment. How do I forgive myself? I can’t get rid of the shame and anxiety that lives inside of me because of my mistake.
full of regret and shame right now after having one the worst days of my life yesterday. This kind of helps thank you.
Me too
@@Addicted2SunshineI feel you.. stay strong and we are made to adopt to changes better than we understand. You will be fine.
Inspiring. There is always room for one to discover the best person he or she is. Never judge anyone for a mistake they make.
"Judge not... lest yee be judged..."
"Love never fails..."
"Take the log out of your eye in order for you to see the splinter in your brother's eye..."
This was an inspirational talk from a brave peep... bless your cotton sox girl... Godspeed in all your endeavours - thanks for sharing...
Huge hug from Cape Town...
Absolutely. Labelling is not ok. This is so wholesome. Im glad you got your redemption. I used to be very judgy, until i messed up and needed to be forgiven and not judged myself.
People arent their mistakes and we must give them a chance.
God is our only judge. Praise you for not allowing yourself to be defeated. 🙏🏾😃💫
Well said sister. Everyone who's locked up wants to be forgiven yet oddly enough, they're not to quick to forgive others. Unless society is willing to give someone another chance, they might as well lock 'em up and throw away the key. When I was on parole, I never ran into a fellow convict who actually had a job. I was lucky as I had an employer who stood by me but I was a very rare example.
OMG I have to get this book...... LOVE YOU...YIN & YANG... WE ALL HAVE A SHADOW
If you don't believe what people say about you; you can pretty much achieve anything! Spicy words!👌
This is an inspiration to all parents and all who screw up badly sometimes. So that is all of us brave enough to be honest. You deserve the attention and respect you have received. Thank you
We are all experiencers of amazing grace. Thank you for your story.
Thieves of Hope: Moving Past Your Worst Mistakes...i wish everyone can visualize what she actually meant by Thieves of Hope: Moving Past Your Worst Mistakes. thank you somuch for restoring hope to the hopeless in our communities. i also hope you write a book with the title: Thieves of Hope: Moving Past Your Worst Mistakes. more GRACE Ma
**Me finally falling asleep at 5 am**
My mind : Remember this embarrassing moment from college 7 years ago?
Me : Oh yeah **proceeds to think about how i could have done it better** .
I’m in the same situation. I was going through depression in technical school and my teacher would public shame me in front of others. I would never forget that day.
Hope can always conquer shame, a beautiful, inspiring talk. Thank you.
Thank you for shedding light 💡 to a very big epidemic . You spoke of mine and my families lives . I wish we had a champion !!!!
Thank you for sharing this. Happy to be watching TED again that inspired me to start my own motivational videos.
Spot on......beyond the shame, there is definitely an element of hope. Thanks so much for sharing your story; really inspiring.
this brought me to tears, her story is so powerful and inspirational. It makes me realize that I have to stop beating myself up and move on, fix my mistakes instead of sitting here regretting about the previous, shameful mistakes
Thank you for being so brave. You are our hope.
Seeing this brought tears to my eyes. As if I was in her body when everything was happening to her. So grateful for her to have the courage to share her story. Hopefully, one day, I will have enough courage to share my story with the world too. 🌹
This brought me to tears. Such a beautiful talk and an inspiring story and message.
Woww what an inspiration.. true everyone needs someone who can help them heal not keep on reminding them of their mistakes..Everybody needs a champion who can understand them
Thank you for your story, I will try to react differently, to others misfortune's.
Amen I’m feeling exactly same right this moment thank you for your strength you have given me hope
This just made my day! Thank you very much @Lara Love Hardin. Keep shining !!
So glad you could tell this story
One of the best talks!
Hi Lara-. It was so cool to see you on Ted Talks; one of mt favorite sites! I loved what you had to say; it needed to be said! My hope generator was broken when I got caught up with CPS. Falsely accused, I spent 3 yrs. jumping through hoops to get my daughter back. The scariest thing was that others can make you guilty with just a personal assumption and with no proof take your child - traumatic. Traumatic and hope destroying- that no matter how good you are, how strong you are, others' assumptions can manufacture a different picture and leave you helpless. My life was no longer mine; I didn't exist. And CPS knows how to wrap up a package and put a bow of success on it to perpetuate job security. My daughter was 3 then and has since gotten her Masters and is currently carving her niche. I was able to put it behind me and forgive the source of it all. And am currently active in a project I hope will change the way we handle our elderly in their last days - to die because you are surrounded by strangers all of a sudden because you were "put" in a facility is so wrong. Your physical life is still alive but your spirit and comfort/security has been taken from you by your own family who, you now feel, have written you off leaving you hopeless and lost. Anyway, Kudos to you and thank you .There's probably another book to be written in all these comments!
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏" he saw not just a season of my life"....."everyone needs a champion" ❤
YES, Lara! I'm so happy for you and so inspired by you. ♡
I started to watch this with Dahlia on election day last Tuesday when we worked the voting polls. I couldn't finish watching because I was in tears. Still in tears as I write this now Lara. You are by far the most inspirational and beautiful soul I have ever encountered. And I am so proud, honored, and thankful that you are in my and my children's lives. We all fall, it's how we pick our selves up from the rubble that can truly define who we are. Love you to pieces Lara!
Fantastic Talk!! One of The Most Humane,Intelligent+Understanding TedX Talks Ever!!
Thank You and May You Continue to go from Strength to Strength!!
Namasté.X💞X.
I learnt something from this video. We must also have hope that we can break away and fix our mistakes and try no not just try but commit ourselves from that mistake because we shouldn't just forget the mistake, we must fix it
hats off to her! she's amazing
Great message and presentation and life! 💛🙏
She is so amazing!
I needed to hear this in so many ways being on both sides.guilty but learning to change thank-you.
Beautiful speech! Thank you for sharing your story 🙏🏾
Lara, you are awesome! I am sharing this with my clients in my IOP group tomorrow!
This woman is a true Saint.
Wow she’s extraordinary! Thank you
Thank you so much. You understand. I watched the part about being judged for the rest of your life many times.
This is the best video i have seen that tells about Redemtption even though not speaking of it directly. Immese respect for you Lara! Godspeed!
I so needed this today, thank you💓
This is so true
Thanks Lara Love Hardin ❤
I still carry heavy shame from events that happened five years ago. What have others done that have helped them feel better? Nothing I try helps
Thank you lady
That right there!!! Who’s to say that someone at their worst is who they are forever!!! She ate that!!
Thank you
Thank you.
I am actually crying for the mistake that I just made.. My God...
Same. Hope you feel better
I interviewed with this woman! She really is as impressive as she seems here. And unlike MANY people in Cali, does not put on airs. I wish I had known ted talks was happening at the Rio!! I need someone to believe in me. I believe in me, I just don’t have anyone else who believes in me lol 💚✊🏼
Madicyn Marinaro I believe in you!
Aidan Darlow Thank you! That means a lot 😊🙏🏼 I believe in you too!!
It's more about sells and selling yourself to ppl who see you as a opportunity not as a liability Most people think and see very negatively defensively and highly conservatively So you got to get around ppl who see you as something, something worthy, beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, P.S try to find your inner talents
@@HealingMedicyn I believe in you.. keep doing great work..👍🏻👍🏻 God bless you ❤️
Shubham Lagad Thank you! Excited for what’s to come. Keep up your great work. Bless you 🙏🏼💚
This is the greatest Ted Talk I’ve ever watched.
Thank you!
I love you. This changed me. Thanks 😘
Thanks Sister, love ya!
Beautiful talk! Thank you!!
This gives me hope.....I needed this tonight. Thank you ❤
Beautiful! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I needed that so much! ❤❤
I feel guilty because of what I've done this year. I was in a toxic friend group and my best friend was the most toxic one. There is so much bad thing happened between me, my bff and my ex gf. I did everything that I never thought I would do. I am trying to be a better person after cutting them off. I'll update after I watch the video.
Thank you so much for sharing this 🤍
The best talk ever!
Thanks 👍 for sharing ur story while listening u it's very helpful to people and me too u motivating it's great to hear you....
HOPE 💕
The best speach I have ever heard so much hope thankyou for sharing 🙏
Well said sister !!! Thankyou.
I know this feeling.
I’m a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor. Our system is so very backwards towards those struggling with addiction conditions/mental health issues. It’s my dream someday to work for the Department of Corrections and make a difference in the system and with people incarcerated for substance use. I really, really want to make a difference someday.
Thank you. Inspiring re community services and your writing skills!
On time 👍
I just finished many lives of mama love book and it was a good read that’s what made me come to this video !!!
Have a good life ....enjoy your boys , ...
Wise words
Amazing womam. Go you!
Fabulous!!!
I just showed this video to a friend at work and he knows this lady.. he said she took care of his dog..
Small world!!
Inspirational
Wow, now that is an inspirational and strong woman
AMAZING!!!!!
Woww. I’m so inspired!!
Discover the present moment and you can then become intentional with your actions. Discover living in the present and you can Discover your true self.
"In life there's always a chance for improvement".Muhammad Ali(the champion )